1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,680 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here. 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we, of course break down 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. So, I don't know about you, 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,159 Speaker 1: but it often feels like my twenties. They aren't just 7 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: about like growing and experiencing life. There's almost this implicit 8 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: feeling that they're actually about ticking off a checklist, you know. 9 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 1: Some people call it like the thirty before thirty right, 10 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: moving out of home, graduating university, tick, get a good job, tick, 11 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: find a life partner, solidify like your lifetime friendship group, 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: buy a house, travel, invest etc. Etc. There is this 13 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: very almost omnipresent blueprint given to us by society, by 14 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: our peers, by our parents, by the media about how 15 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: this decade is meant to look. And it's quite linear 16 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 1: and consecutive. It's constantly moving forwards and upwards. But what 17 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: if you are one of those people, one of many 18 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: of us who find themselves completely starting over in their twenties, 19 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: starting from scratch. The carefully laid plans, you know, kind 20 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: of may have crumbled. The future that we'd imagined and 21 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: had been so sure of suddenly doesn't seem that fun 22 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: and enjoyable anymore. Maybe we've realized that we've made a mistake. 23 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 1: We need to leave the relationship, leave the job, leave 24 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: the city we're in, leave the friendship, leave the life 25 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,680 Speaker 1: that we've kind of created so far. That is a 26 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: reality for a lot of us. It is very hard 27 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: to admit to ourselves when and that we do need 28 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: to start over, so hard, in fact, I think that 29 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 1: few of us ever really do. Instead, we endure a life, 30 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: and we endure a reality that doesn't fit us, because 31 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: the prospect of the unknown and of starting over feels 32 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: not only shameful but very scary. However, when we do 33 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: admit it to ourselves that we are ready to start over, 34 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,239 Speaker 1: or when that decision is kind of thrust on us, 35 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 1: I think it can be quite liberating if we take 36 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 1: a different perspective on it. Now. I don't want to 37 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 1: discount that there is going to be fear. There. There 38 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: is going to be confusion, especially since we feel like 39 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:32,359 Speaker 1: we've fallen off the blueprint. We maybe don't have plans anymore, 40 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: We don't have seemingly in our mind an ideal sense 41 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: of the future. But I really want to talk about 42 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: why that is okay, and why this is actually a 43 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: very common experience. And if you're feeling isolated, overwhelmed, maybe 44 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 1: shameful as were ashamed, as we mentioned before, that is 45 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: exactly what I would expect you to be feeling in 46 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: this moment. But it shouldn't discourage you, or shouldn't make 47 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: you feel like you haven't made the right choice, or 48 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: that this is actually going to turn out completely entirely okay. 49 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: We are going to discuss some of the common ways 50 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: that we are forced to start over in our twenties, 51 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: the biggest reasons why we have so much fear towards 52 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 1: this experience, whether that's because of timeline comparison, or the 53 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: fear of the unknown, lots of identity, our attachment to comfort. 54 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: We're going to discuss all of those factors plus, and 55 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: this is the most important part of this episode, how 56 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 1: to shift from that really fear based mindset to an 57 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: opportunity based mindset when you encounter the opportunity to start 58 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: over in your twenties. I also really want to share 59 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: some listener stories. I've been doing that more and more 60 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: because I just feel like, there is so much wisdom 61 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: from the community, and sometimes I think just hearing that 62 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: other people are going through what you are going through 63 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: is the assurance that we all need. And I want 64 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: to remind you just because something about your life isn't 65 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: working out right now doesn't mean that the rest of 66 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: your life is doomed. That is the main philosophy and 67 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: theme that we will be promoting in this episode. So 68 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: I hope that if you are in this position, this 69 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: brings you comfort, knowledge, information, maybe just a sense of calm. 70 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,599 Speaker 1: And without further ado, let's get into the episode What 71 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 1: does it feel like to start over in your twenties? 72 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 1: I want to share a story from a listener actually 73 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: to start us off, and I think this story just 74 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: really captures the I don't know the essence of what 75 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 1: it feels like to start over. Hey, g Emma, I 76 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: want to share my story of starting over in hopes 77 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 1: that it will help someone else feel less like a 78 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 1: failure because they didn't get it right the first time. 79 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: When I was twenty seven, I had my dream job. 80 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: I was making commercials, working my way up to potentially 81 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: being a film director. I had all of these friends, 82 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,839 Speaker 1: a nice flat I was living in London with my 83 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: boyfriend who I'd met at twenty two. We lived together 84 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: and we had a cat, and I thought for sure 85 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: he was going to propose in the next year. Everything 86 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: basically just seemed laid out perfectly in front of me. 87 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: Within the span of two months, I lost my job 88 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 1: when COVID started, my boyfriend broke up with me because 89 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: he caught feelings for one of his co workers, and 90 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: my dad had a stroke, so I moved back home 91 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: to take care of him. Enter my dark days for 92 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: the next year, it felt like my trajectory was permanently 93 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: changed and I was going to be a failure and miserable. 94 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,679 Speaker 1: This was the beginning of the end. I hadn't felt 95 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: this uncertain since I was seventeen, because in the last 96 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: ten years, the next step had always been obvious for me, 97 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: and I guess I took that for granted. Slowly but surely, 98 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: I started to really think, what do I want the 99 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: next ten years of my life to look like? What 100 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 1: is going to make me happy? I started to put 101 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: things into action, and now I can confidently say that 102 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,599 Speaker 1: I am happier than ever. My dad got better, and 103 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: now I live in Italy and I teach yoga. I 104 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 1: got certified two years ago. I run my own business 105 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: as well. I live in my own apartment with my 106 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: two cats now, and I have a beautiful community around me. 107 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: It honestly scares me to think that this life almost 108 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: didn't happen, and that I thought what I had before 109 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: was the peak of happiness, not even close. So this email, 110 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,279 Speaker 1: I got this email before I even announced that I 111 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: was going to do this episode. This person must have 112 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,479 Speaker 1: just known that maybe someone else out there needed to 113 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: hear it, and it honestly left me really emotional, And 114 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: I just want to repeat my favorite part once more 115 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: because it's incredible. This is the part that I love. 116 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: It honestly scares me to think that this life almost 117 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: didn't happen. Now, is that not the most beautiful and 118 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: wise reminder from someone who has lived through and experienced 119 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:08,160 Speaker 1: this thing that we kind of fear everything falling apart. 120 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: That is what happened to her, and she's fine now. 121 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: You know. I just couldn't not include this story because sometimes, 122 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: like I said, just hearing how someone else's circumstances have 123 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: turned out is enough to sue our own doubt In 124 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: a way, I think this story is also incredible because 125 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: it touches on three very unique ways that we may 126 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: be forced to start over in our twenties relationships, career 127 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: and location, but also family and priorities sore actually almost five, 128 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: and each of them feels so uniquely significant. It just 129 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: blows my mind that this person experienced so many different 130 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: you know, so many different ways of life becoming chaotic 131 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: all at once, and she survived. So let's talk about 132 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: the ways in which we might be forced to start over. 133 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: And I'm going to focus on career first, because I 134 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: think when our career intentions and dreams change or our 135 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: path becomes unclear, we can feel very unmoored, usually because 136 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: our identity is somewhat, if not seriously, tied to our 137 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: vocation and what we do for a living, what we're pursuing. 138 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: Especially in our twenties, right, it just feels like work 139 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: is at the center. We are meant to be climbing 140 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: the corporate ladder, working really hard figuring out what we 141 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: want to do. So when we don't feel like we know, 142 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: or we feel like we do know and it's not 143 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 1: working out, it can be very distressing. There are many 144 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: ways that this kind of happens to us. You may 145 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: have been unexpectedly fired or made redundant in the last 146 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: couple of years. You may even get to a stage 147 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: where you realize that you're just faking it. You know 148 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: this isn't what you want anymore, or the industry is 149 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: changing and you just can't get the job. You've pushed 150 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: yourself so hard you're not getting any traction. Sometimes we 151 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,439 Speaker 1: rereach a tipping point in these circumstances where we realize, 152 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: okay to go. It might be time to abandon ship. 153 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: I'm not happy here anymore. It's not working out, and yes, 154 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 1: the future feels unclear, but so does this current timeline 155 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: that I'm on. When you really actually consider it and 156 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: sit with this reality for a lot of people, you 157 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: kind of realize that a lot of us are basically 158 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: forced to put ourselves on a career or a professional 159 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 1: trajectory very early on, at like seventeen or eighteen years old. 160 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,359 Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but seventeen year old Gemma, 161 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 1: she had no idea what she wanted. She thought she knew, 162 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: she thought she was a genius, she thought she had 163 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: it all figured out. Absolutely no way. She was so naive. 164 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: That was a big wake up call when you know, 165 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 1: I started to think, huh, maybe what I dreamt about 166 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: it seventeen or eighteen isn't what twenty four year old 167 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: me actually cares about anymore. And if you're going through 168 00:09:57,679 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: that right now, I really feel for you. But I 169 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: also think it's important to actually periodically reflect on what 170 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:09,319 Speaker 1: you actually want from your professional life and make changes 171 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: where you deem necessary, kind of before it's too late. 172 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: The second biggest dimension area where we feel like we 173 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: could be starting over is our relationships. Now I mean 174 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: both platonic and romantic, but let's really zoom in on 175 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: romantic for a second. So I was talking to my 176 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: friend's Steph the other day about something that's happening in 177 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 1: our and our friendship circle, which is there has been 178 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: a series of long term relationship breakups that have occurred 179 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: amongst our friends, and I am talking like five, seven 180 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: to ten year relationships all coming to an end. It's 181 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: like everyone turns twenty seven, realizes they're closer to thirty 182 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,079 Speaker 1: than ever before, they're satin returns, and they break up. 183 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: So that period between around twenty seven to twenty nine 184 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: is when a lot of us experience our first major 185 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: breakup with a long term partner. Maybe that's someone that 186 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 1: you've fallen in love with in your early twenties and 187 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: now you know you are faced with the idea of 188 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 1: entering thirty with them, you realize that you want to 189 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: enter it with someone else. But it's very common for 190 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: people to reach their late twenties and see a real 191 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: flip in their relationship priorities, and it's not a coincidence. 192 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: It's been suggested by some social psychologist that twenty seven 193 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: to thirty twenty seven to twenty nine is a very 194 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 1: serious and key stage in relationships where you're kind of 195 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: at this age where you either get serious or you 196 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: get out. I think that's how a lot of us feel. 197 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: This is also known by another name. It's called the 198 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,319 Speaker 1: seven year itch. I don't know if you've heard that 199 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 1: name before, but it basically refers to this idea that 200 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 1: at around seven years, a relationship either needs to change 201 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: or or needs to be left behind, and either you 202 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: evolve together or you go your separate ways. This is 203 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: actually one of the main timeline hurdles for a relationship. 204 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 1: It's typically six months, two years, and seven years. Those 205 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: are the times in which people are most likely to 206 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 1: break up. It follows a very similar pattern for a 207 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: lot of us. Even as I'm telling you this, though 208 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: you might be comforted by the science, you might be 209 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: able to say, oh, okay, so this is normal. I 210 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 1: don't think that reduces the fact that it's a very serious, deep, 211 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: profoundly moving loss. No one enters a relationship thinking this 212 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: has an expiry date and at twenty seven I'll break 213 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: up and find someone new. Like typically, we are in 214 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 1: it for the long haul. We're committed to this person. 215 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: So I also think that even if you know deep 216 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 1: down this is what is right, you will find someone 217 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 1: else or you will be okay alone. It doesn't lessen 218 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: the sting, at least in the first three to six months. 219 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: It's definitely, I think, not made any easier by this 220 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: societal stigma around being single and the sense that if 221 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: you're not partnered up, you are not whole. You're either 222 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: in a couple or you're half a person. You must 223 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: be either looking for love or in love. You know, 224 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: how could you possibly be in that middle space of 225 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: just being happy by yourself. Another way that we typically 226 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: start over in our twenties is financially, maybe you've made 227 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: a big purchase, maybe you've lost money, maybe you've gone 228 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: all in on traveling and you've come back with nothing. 229 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: I see this a lot. I actually don't think it's 230 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 1: a bad thing. I think that what is money if 231 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: it's not something that unlocks a better life for you? 232 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: And for some people, money unlocks the security and comfort 233 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: of a home or of long term financial stability. For others, 234 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: it unlocks things like travel, and it unlocks things like 235 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: giving yourself the experiences you maybe always wanted as a child, 236 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:07,839 Speaker 1: or giving yourself kind of that texture to life. So financially, 237 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 1: I think, obviously I'm not going to give you financial advice, 238 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,719 Speaker 1: and you do what is best for you and what 239 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: feels most aligned with your life priorities. But I think 240 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: starting over financially in our twenties is not always this big, dark, 241 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: looming cloud that is promising you failure for the rest 242 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: of your years. Right. I don't think that it's a 243 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: mistake to spend your money, even if it means not 244 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: having as much as people your own age, or feeling 245 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 1: like you don't have as much saved as you know 246 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 1: Tom down the road or Beth up the street. Also 247 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: kind of honest similar not not really, but moving This 248 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: is a time. Our twenties are a time when a 249 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: lot of us want to live in and see new places. 250 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: The amount of friends that I have who have moved 251 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: to London in the last year shocking, shocking. Have this 252 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: joke that like re Australian turns twenty five and moves 253 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: to London, and every person in the UK turns twenty 254 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 1: five and moves to Australia like it honestly feels that way, 255 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: But really it is a time when we're looking for 256 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: a refresh, We're looking for a new environment, we're looking 257 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: for new friends. Adjusting to that though, isn't always going 258 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: to be a fairy tale. We like comfort, we like 259 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 1: what we know, and there will be probably a period 260 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: of disconnect where you don't have the same community or 261 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: knowledge of a city or a space that you did 262 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: when you lived back at home. I have a rule 263 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: for situations like this, though, If you are lucky enough 264 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: to move to a new city or a new country, 265 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: I need you to give it at least six months, 266 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: six months where you cannot decide whether to stay or 267 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 1: to go, because that period of time is typically how 268 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: long it does take to learn a new place to 269 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: solidify some new friendships, to feel comfortable in a new job, 270 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: and to get a sense of home. So if part 271 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 1: of your fresh start in your twenties has been a 272 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 1: significant move and you're struggling, you're thinking, oh my god, 273 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: like fuck, it made it terrible decision. Please keep the 274 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 1: six month rule in mind. One final way that we 275 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: typically see people restarting during this decade is almost like 276 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: a complete overhaul. It's not to do with finances, this 277 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: is not to do with relationships, career. It's everything. It 278 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: is a refresh and a rebirth or most of our 279 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: entire personality, where we decide we need new hobbies, we 280 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: need new beliefs, we need new clothes, new habits. It's 281 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: part of our personal evolution. And I think normally when 282 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 1: we get to that point where we do feel like 283 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: we need to transform ourselves as people, we've definitely reached 284 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: an internal or emotional tipping point where at some stage 285 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 1: you realize that you are no longer happy and you 286 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: will never be happy in this current version of yourself. 287 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 1: So that is definitely another way that we are promised 288 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: a fresh start in our twenty So these are the 289 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: most common core examples I'll also say that at the 290 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 1: time of recording this, you know, there are huge fires 291 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: in LA and many people have had to start over 292 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: because of something completely drastic, dramatic out of their control, 293 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,679 Speaker 1: like a natural disaster, And those experiences for other people 294 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 1: sometimes really put into perspective our own problems. But it 295 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,160 Speaker 1: really does go to show that you can do everything right, 296 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 1: and there can still be factors outside of your control 297 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: that can get to you and that can force a 298 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: fresh start. So when we are either involuntarily or voluntarily 299 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: pushed to restart and start over in our twenties, we 300 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: are likely to encounter some pretty emotional, psychological hard barriers 301 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: or things that make it difficult and that bring about 302 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: doubt and confusion, And I want to talk about all 303 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: of those after this shortbreak. Admitting to yourself and I 304 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,440 Speaker 1: guess to others that you have had to start over 305 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:15,120 Speaker 1: in your twenties in some capacity, it can bring about 306 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 1: a lot of shame and fear, and we associate it 307 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: with feeling like we failed, or feeling like we're disappointing people, 308 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:29,719 Speaker 1: or like you've wasted those early years. Why does it 309 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: feel so weird to admit to ourselves and to others 310 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: that we're starting over. I think the first reason that 311 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 1: this is so hard, and I would say the primary 312 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:45,640 Speaker 1: reason in this generation is timeline comparison. As humans, part 313 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: of our DNA, I guess, part of our blueprint, our 314 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: social blueprint has evolved to compare to look at our 315 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: peers or our friends as a way to see whether 316 00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: we are doing this whole life thing correctly. And if 317 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: the majority of people are where we are, we largely 318 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: assume we're doing okay. If they're at a similar point 319 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,879 Speaker 1: in you know, their life as us, we kind of think, okay, 320 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: no problems, We're fine, We're not going to fall behind, 321 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: no disaster. But if our perception of other people's progress 322 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: and success is that they are much more advanced than us, 323 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: and that is the norm, we are engaging in something 324 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: called upward social comparison, and that can really bring about 325 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: a sense of pressure or shame, doubt, confusion that we 326 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:41,959 Speaker 1: are falling behind. Milestone or life trajectory is probably one 327 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,359 Speaker 1: of the main things that we compare ourselves on in 328 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: our twenties, most likely because there is no guidebook for 329 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 1: how well we should be going. There is no unique 330 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: special way that we should be doing things, so we 331 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: tend to use examples in our environment, like our friends, 332 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: our similarly aged colleagues, people we see online as a 333 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: way to tell us. We don't realize though when we 334 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: do that, either consciously or unconsciously, we don't realize that 335 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 1: we have a real blind spot. We do not have 336 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 1: an accurate sample. We are not seeing the whole picture. 337 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: We are not seeing the areas of these people's lives 338 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 1: where they themselves feel behind. In fact, recent research would 339 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: tell you that when we compare, we are actually most 340 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 1: likely to choose the most accomplished person we know and 341 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 1: treat them as the average, when really they're not. It's 342 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: a cognitive bias that we have. The truth is there 343 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,240 Speaker 1: is no one correct path, but we also tend to 344 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,959 Speaker 1: forget that because social comparison is not rational, it's emotional. 345 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: It is going to make you feel more insecure as 346 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: a way to motivate you in this very human way 347 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,199 Speaker 1: to be like everyone else. Compounding this, I think, is 348 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: this cultural narrative that we all encounter that our twenties 349 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:07,360 Speaker 1: are a make or break time, one where we are 350 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 1: supposed to have it all figured out or at least 351 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: be on our way, and this pressure really feeds into 352 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, making us feel like we are constantly falling short, 353 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,919 Speaker 1: that we don't deserve to be where we are, or 354 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,879 Speaker 1: that even when we are somewhere that we're happy to be, 355 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: we could be further along. The thing is is that 356 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 1: this kind of timeline comparison, and I'm certainly not blaming 357 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 1: you for indulging in it. I definitely do it as well. 358 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:38,399 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just instinctual, but it's actually not making it 359 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: any easier for us to change our lives or to 360 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,399 Speaker 1: move in the direction that we want. So there was 361 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: a twenty twenty two study from the University of Florida 362 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 1: that found that the more frequently we compare ourselves on 363 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: things like timelines, the fewer positive feelings we have about ourselves, 364 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: and the less we feel that we can act to 365 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: change our life or be better do better. So it 366 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: becomes a bit of a trap. You feel shit in 367 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 1: comparison to someone else. That's going to make you feel 368 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: like you have no capability or agency to make your 369 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: life better, so you stay stuck. I think again, what 370 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: exacerbates this and makes it harder is when nobody is 371 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: talking about it, When nobody is willing to say yeah, 372 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: I made a mistake and I'm starting over. Or this 373 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: didn't work out and I'm starting over. So just simply 374 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: telling your story and being open about how your life 375 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: is turning out and how it might not be turning 376 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 1: out as planned. We feel like we are the only 377 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 1: one who is experiencing this, and we feel like we 378 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,639 Speaker 1: are admitting to some failure that brings a lot of 379 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: shame about not just what we are doing, but our 380 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 1: inherent qualities. Right. This is why it can be so painful, 381 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: because we think that admitting to our life plan not 382 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,640 Speaker 1: working out shows that we are someone who wasn't good enough, 383 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: wasn't capable enough, wasn't resilient enough, didn't deserve some success, 384 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,880 Speaker 1: when really that is not the case. Your brain logic 385 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: in this instance is not working in your favor. It's 386 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 1: actually sabotaging our ego and sense of self further almost 387 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: because it would prefer that we be the ones to 388 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 1: tell ourselves that we're a failure, then have someone else 389 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: tell us. So if we go into this and we 390 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 1: have no examples of anyone else experiencing what we're experiencing 391 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,639 Speaker 1: or normalizing it, and then we feel like we have 392 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: to tell people and admit to it. Our brain's going 393 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,120 Speaker 1: to convince us that we are much more horrible, terrible, 394 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 1: much more of a failure than we actually are, almost 395 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,199 Speaker 1: as a way to protect our ego by injuring it 396 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: in the first place. So comparison, I fear of failure. 397 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 1: That's definitely what makes starting over externally scary. But let's 398 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: talk about some of the internal, more personal reasons that 399 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 1: we do tend to struggle in these situations. The first 400 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 1: big one is a fear of the unknown. Truly, any 401 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: fear that you have comes down to this greater fear 402 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,960 Speaker 1: of the unknown. Because if you knew what was going 403 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,680 Speaker 1: to happen, if you knew that the snake wouldn't bite you, 404 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: the plane wouldn't crash, that everything would turn out okay, 405 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,160 Speaker 1: you wouldn't be scared. You wouldn't be scared. So it's 406 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 1: the uncertainty that matters. How many of us have wished 407 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: someone would just be able to concretely say that, for certain, 408 00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: everything will be all right. Oh and you know, by 409 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,640 Speaker 1: the way, in three months, that's when you're gonna find 410 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,159 Speaker 1: the new job, and you're going to meet your soulmate. 411 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: In approximately seventeen months and nine days, and in two 412 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: weeks you'll have one of those days where everything about 413 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:52,640 Speaker 1: this new life makes sense. We all hunger and crave 414 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: that kind of validation that we are on the right path. 415 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: Thing is, no one can tell us that. No one 416 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,119 Speaker 1: is going to be able to give you the answer 417 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: and tell you when it's all going to fall into place. Therefore, 418 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 1: we have to manage this very natural anxiety around the 419 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: unknown by ourselves the best we can. The alternative is 420 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: staying attached to what is comfortable. The stagnant career, the 421 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 1: unhappy relationship, the unfulfilling friendships, the city, the place that 422 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 1: doesn't give you any joy. You could always stay there. 423 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: You could always remain in this nice, comfortable, safe bubble 424 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,679 Speaker 1: because you are too scared of what might happen. I 425 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: just don't think that is a good alternative. And what 426 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: are you going to be more glad that you did 427 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: in a year, in five years, in ten years, are 428 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: you going to be glad that you stayed safe and 429 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: you stayed locked away or are you going to be 430 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,640 Speaker 1: glad that you looked at your life you said I'm 431 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 1: not happy here and you change things. I do also 432 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: want to offer you a different way of framing this, 433 00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:00,160 Speaker 1: which is that life would be utterly and completely boring 434 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 1: if you knew how it was all going to turn out. 435 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: It would honestly be such a drag to know how 436 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: everything was going to unfold, down to the minute details, 437 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: how everything was going to turn out. Honestly, it would 438 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 1: seem very pointless to be living this life with no 439 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 1: anticipation and no surprises. So even if there is not 440 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: a lot of joy in not knowing and not a 441 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 1: lot of joy in the chaos, I do think that 442 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:35,400 Speaker 1: the alternative would be even more horrendous. So let's talk 443 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: about the final reason why I think starting over in 444 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: our twenties is so hard, and that is because of 445 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 1: the loss of identity that we experience when we transition 446 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 1: away from our career choices, or our relationship or the 447 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,320 Speaker 1: places of comfort. A lot of people think that identity 448 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 1: formation takes place in our childhood, and in many ways 449 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 1: that is true, but it all so really gets tested 450 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 1: and solidified in our twenties. Our identity, I'd like to 451 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: think about it as being made up of many buckets, 452 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: from values, to culture, to relationships, korea, hobby is, appearance, beliefs. 453 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 1: We tend to piece our identity together from things that 454 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:24,639 Speaker 1: surround us and attach significance to positions and roles like 455 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: our job title, like who we're dating, like where we live, 456 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:32,920 Speaker 1: our environment. Now, when those things naturally fall away, when 457 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: we are forced to start over, when some spanner is 458 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: thrown into the wheel, we feel very unmoored from the 459 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 1: pillars of who we are. You kind of just left 460 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 1: with a few remnants of your identity when material or 461 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 1: I guess outside things full away. So let me use 462 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: the example of a long term relationship. When a long 463 00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: term relationship ends, often people will struggle rebuilding a full 464 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 1: and complete sense of self because they've really tied themselves 465 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: up in this other person. So they may have neglected 466 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: the things that really do make them unique, like their 467 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 1: interests or their beliefs, or their values. And so you 468 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,320 Speaker 1: really have to work your way back to that place 469 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,120 Speaker 1: of deep self knowledge because you can no longer rely 470 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: on this relationship or this other person to define you. 471 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 1: And that is going to be emotionally painful and stressful 472 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 1: and scary if you didn't think you were going to 473 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,920 Speaker 1: be here. I've seen this happen in so many friends' relationships, 474 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,600 Speaker 1: And to be completely honest with you. I'm sure that 475 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,719 Speaker 1: if me and my boyfriend or my partner broke up 476 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: right now, it would be likely that I would fall 477 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 1: into this same spiral, because naturally, when you care about someone, 478 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 1: when you're imagining a future with them, you sort of 479 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: neglect the parts of you that would allow you to 480 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 1: be fully independent and that would allow your identity to 481 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 1: be fully formed on your own. I don't think that's 482 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: a bad thing at all. I think that it's a 483 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:06,000 Speaker 1: sign of healthy reliance and dependency. It is just an adjustment. Okay, 484 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 1: so far we have really zoned in on explaining the 485 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 1: hard parts of starting over and why our feelings about 486 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: it to emerge. I think it is time that we 487 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: shift to a more future oriented, positive approach and really 488 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: examine how we can use psychology and what we know 489 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: about ourselves as humans to use these unfortunate fresh starts 490 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: to our advantage. So when we come back, I'm going 491 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: to talk advice. I'm going to talk leveraging transitional periods, 492 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,440 Speaker 1: and why the best time to start over is actually 493 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,960 Speaker 1: right now. We'll be back right after this short break, 494 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: so I want to tell you why the best time 495 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 1: I'm for you to start over is right now. As promised. 496 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,840 Speaker 1: If you were going to choose a moment to reinvent 497 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 1: yourself and to lead environments, people in places that don't 498 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: serve you in your twenties, it would be right now. 499 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 1: You will never be as young with as much future 500 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 1: time in front of you as you have in this moment. 501 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 1: You can spend hours, weeks, months ruminating on what could 502 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: have happened. You can reflect and think, if I've just 503 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 1: done this, if I've just done that, But these hypotheticals 504 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 1: are not in the realm of your control. So unfortunate 505 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: as it is, I think it is a lost cause 506 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: to reflect on the past with longing, because it can't 507 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: change anything. But luckily you have been given the gift 508 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,560 Speaker 1: of a new beginning, and your twenties are a great 509 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,719 Speaker 1: time to start over again and again and again. Because 510 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: of just how flexible and adaptable we are, and our 511 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: lives are, and our brains are. It is such a 512 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 1: unique time for reinvention. Although you know our brains continue 513 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:59,080 Speaker 1: to change and develop over our lifetime, our twenties are 514 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: actually the second most formative period for brain development in 515 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: our life, and that works in your favor. It's easier 516 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 1: for you to rewire certain pathways, to form new attachments, 517 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: to learn new skills, to be resilient because we are 518 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: so adaptable, and you can create a whole new neurological 519 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: system based on this new life you're creating. I think 520 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: we all know the saying you can't teach an old 521 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: dog new tricks, and in some ways that's true. The 522 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 1: old you get, the harder it is to give yourself 523 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: the gift of a fresh start. I also want to 524 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: remind you you are still incredibly young, even if you 525 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: are listening to this and you're not in your twenties, 526 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: you're in your early thirties or your early forties. My gosh, 527 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: there are people in their sixties, seventies, eighties who would 528 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 1: look at your life and say, to have the time 529 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 1: you have, if only I had changed at your age, 530 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: if only I had let myself. I think I've said 531 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 1: this quote before, actually, but it's one that really sticks 532 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,960 Speaker 1: with me. It's not necessarily a quote, but it's a 533 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 1: video of Reese Witherspoon, you know, from Legally Blonde, and 534 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,920 Speaker 1: she is being interviewed by someone who is twenty nine, 535 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 1: and the girl tells her how old she is, and 536 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 1: she says, how do you go about getting into film 537 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,640 Speaker 1: when you're a bit older, and Reese asks her how 538 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,880 Speaker 1: old are you? She goes, I'm twenty nine. She goes, 539 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you're just a baby. If you could 540 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 1: see yourself from my perspective, you are so young and 541 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: you have so much time. And that gave me so 542 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:39,520 Speaker 1: much reassurance that really, all these experienced, wonderful people who 543 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 1: a lot of us admire and respect would look at 544 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,120 Speaker 1: where we're at right now and say, this is just 545 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 1: the beginning. If I was going to start over, I'd 546 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: be doing it right now. It's also worth noting that 547 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: I definitely believe that life comes in cycles, so you 548 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: just have to be prepared and open minded. You may 549 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 1: be starting over now, and then you may be starting 550 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,479 Speaker 1: over again at forty at sixty five, but at least 551 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 1: you'll have some experience on how to navigate this transition, 552 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: and you have practice, because change is really the only 553 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: thing that is promised, and if you hide away from it, 554 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 1: eventually it will grab you, and it would be better 555 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: to know how to handle that. So that is some 556 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 1: of my more philosophical advice ramblings around why this isn't 557 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: the disaster that maybe you think it is, although you're 558 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 1: allowed to feel that way. If you're still in the 559 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,959 Speaker 1: morning grieving period for what once was, that's okay. But 560 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: I want to teach you how you can try and 561 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 1: reframe this chapter of your life as hard as and 562 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,080 Speaker 1: confusing as it may have been, and move forward, and 563 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 1: have some tips for you on that as well. Start small. 564 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 1: If you have experienced a setback or a failure and 565 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:55,719 Speaker 1: you're trying to rebuild, start small. Start small by talking 566 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 1: to people in industries that you think you may enjoy. 567 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 1: Start small, or by going on a really low key 568 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 1: date by journaling what you could possibly what kind of 569 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: life you could possibly fall in love with. If you're 570 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:16,240 Speaker 1: trying to restart after a big friendship, breakup or a loss, 571 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: give yourself time to grieve and then slowly get back 572 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: out there. Take baby steps so that every single step 573 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 1: of the way you are being intentional. I think let's 574 00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,839 Speaker 1: use the metaphor of starting with a blank canvas when 575 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: you're painting, right. I don't know many of us who 576 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,000 Speaker 1: would rush to fill every single square inch of that 577 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:41,440 Speaker 1: canvas in minutes, because inherent in that is that we 578 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 1: see an opportunity to create something big and bright, and vibrant. 579 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: You know, we've been given this huge canvas, this huge 580 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: place to put all our feelings, so we want to 581 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: be intentional with what we're putting on there. And the 582 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 1: same goes for rebuilding the area of your life where 583 00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,839 Speaker 1: you may have felt like you had to start over. 584 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 1: I would say, focus on one area that you really 585 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: want to find either stability, abundance, growth, whatever it is, 586 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,800 Speaker 1: and make a bit of a master plan. I have 587 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: really fallen in love with the idea of a master 588 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,759 Speaker 1: plan recently, and basically it's like a map of the 589 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 1: next six months to a year that holds multiple desires 590 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,399 Speaker 1: or dreams or goals for you, and it feels less 591 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 1: specific than a strict singular goal that you're working towards. 592 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 1: It lets you focus on how you want to make 593 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 1: progress in everything in your life, how you want to 594 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,879 Speaker 1: feel my master plan I really like to have you know, 595 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: how am I going to be feeling in two weeks, 596 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:45,120 Speaker 1: in a month, in three months, in six months, What 597 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,279 Speaker 1: do I have to change now to get me there? 598 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,280 Speaker 1: If it is that you want to feel more secure 599 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,400 Speaker 1: in your purpose and what you actually want to do 600 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,839 Speaker 1: in your life, maybe the first three months are going 601 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,040 Speaker 1: to be an explorative chapter for you, where you're just 602 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: trying out different hats, where you are networking, where you 603 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 1: are investigating what could really light your fire. That is great, 604 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,279 Speaker 1: that is still part of the master plan, that is 605 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: still progress forward. I really want to wipe away, get 606 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,200 Speaker 1: rid of this idea that when you start over you 607 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,880 Speaker 1: have to know exactly what you need and what you 608 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: want from the get go. This is a time where 609 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: you can really shake things up. You can change your priorities, 610 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 1: you can reinvent yourself. So when you're putting together a 611 00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 1: master plan, maybe it's like a vision, a visual timeline 612 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,359 Speaker 1: of where you want to be in six months, with 613 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: pictures with words, with different themes. Make sure that you 614 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:50,880 Speaker 1: leave some space also just to explore. Also embrace a 615 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 1: growth versus fixed mindset in this moment, a growth mindset. 616 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,880 Speaker 1: This was first described by the psychologist Carold Work, and 617 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:03,440 Speaker 1: it's this real belief that our abilities, our intelligence, our 618 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:07,480 Speaker 1: talent can be developed over time through effort, through learning, 619 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:11,319 Speaker 1: through perseverance. And this perspective really fosters resilience and it 620 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:18,120 Speaker 1: makes you curious. It makes empty space promising rather than restrictive, 621 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 1: because you know that you can fill it. With things 622 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,800 Speaker 1: that you love and that you are capable of creating 623 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: the life that you want because you are in control, 624 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:31,200 Speaker 1: you have agency. In contrast, a fixed mindset really is 625 00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:34,279 Speaker 1: this belief that the parts about you that you want 626 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:38,040 Speaker 1: to change they're unchangeable. You can't grow, you can't change, 627 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,320 Speaker 1: you're not capable, and that leads to a real fear 628 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 1: of failure and an avoidance of risk, and a tendency 629 00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,680 Speaker 1: to just give up and revert to what is comfortable 630 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:53,880 Speaker 1: when we are faced with the unknown. Psychologically, a growth 631 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 1: mindset is what we are after because it makes you 632 00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,080 Speaker 1: better at responding to fear. It means that you're better 633 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,320 Speaker 1: at problem solving. It means that you are willing to learn. 634 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 1: So when you are starting over in your twenties, what 635 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: I want you to do, and the kind of growth 636 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,279 Speaker 1: mindset that I want you to adopt, is that you're 637 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,680 Speaker 1: going to view setbacks as opportunities for growth. You are 638 00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,640 Speaker 1: going to approach new challenges with curiosity. You're going to think, 639 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,319 Speaker 1: not what do I have to be fearful of here? 640 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 1: But what can I learn even within the fear? And 641 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: I want you to understand that this is a process 642 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,560 Speaker 1: and that you are actually writing a very interesting story. 643 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,240 Speaker 1: You are not writing a story just with a beginning, 644 00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,240 Speaker 1: a middle, and an end. You are writing a story 645 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,719 Speaker 1: with a plot. And I think that that is a 646 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,000 Speaker 1: much better way to think about it, and a much 647 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,000 Speaker 1: better attitude to bring to things, like I'm not looking 648 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 1: for the easiest route. I'm looking for the route with 649 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 1: the most experience and abundance and fucking fun, you know, 650 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: and just cool stories and cool things that I get 651 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:02,240 Speaker 1: to show and tell people about when I'm older. Another 652 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,440 Speaker 1: thing I would really say to do if you've just 653 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,879 Speaker 1: gone through a breakup, if you've just quit a job 654 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: that was toxic, if you're moving somewhere new soon, do 655 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:16,240 Speaker 1: something that represents this new era physically, something that feels 656 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:21,040 Speaker 1: psychologically symbolic. So a new tattoo, a new haircut, a 657 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,279 Speaker 1: wardrobe perge, something or other that is going to make 658 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,200 Speaker 1: you feel like every single part of you is in 659 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,359 Speaker 1: this new version of you, and is in this new 660 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,839 Speaker 1: beginning with you. That old version of you. We respect them, 661 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,120 Speaker 1: we love them. They've taught us so much. It's their 662 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,160 Speaker 1: time to rest. Like it's their time. It's time to 663 00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,759 Speaker 1: say goodbye to them. This new chapter is coming with 664 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 1: a fresh, new look, it's coming with a new attitude, 665 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,400 Speaker 1: and we're going to represent that physically. If comparison is 666 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,520 Speaker 1: also the thing that you are struggling with the most 667 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,880 Speaker 1: in this moment, and I totally understand that, it would 668 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,600 Speaker 1: be right. As I said, it's something that's built into 669 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: our DNA as humans. I want you to make sure 670 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:04,040 Speaker 1: that any comparison statements you're making are not full sentences. 671 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,640 Speaker 1: So let me explain this a little bit further. When 672 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: we have a tendency to compare, we might look at 673 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: someone's life and go, oh, my gosh, she has everything. 674 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:17,360 Speaker 1: Her life is so perfect. I don't have that. But 675 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,600 Speaker 1: I want you to then take that sentence and expand it. 676 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:26,520 Speaker 1: I don't have that, but that doesn't mean I never 677 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:32,960 Speaker 1: will her. Her career looks so successful, and one day 678 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 1: mine will look like that as well. I am so 679 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:41,360 Speaker 1: jealous of her, whatever it is her relationship because mine failed, 680 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,880 Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that every future relationship of mine 681 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: is going to fail. Their success does not inherently mean 682 00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:55,439 Speaker 1: my failure. Not everything has to be a competition. Sometimes 683 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:59,360 Speaker 1: the lives of people that we admire most shows up 684 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,440 Speaker 1: through jealous see and instead of treating them as this 685 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 1: person who we need to be threatened by. We can 686 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,600 Speaker 1: be inspired by them and say, huh, like, doesn't this 687 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,399 Speaker 1: just show me that this is capable, that I could 688 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: do this. I'm sure they've experienced setbacks as well, and 689 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:20,880 Speaker 1: yet here they are finally surround yourself or reflect on 690 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,239 Speaker 1: examples of people who have started over and been successful 691 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 1: in their twenties, and let me say, there's not many 692 00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 1: of them, because most people actually end up starting over 693 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,840 Speaker 1: later in their forties, in their fifties, Like, your twenties 694 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,919 Speaker 1: is still your genesis, it's still your origin story. This 695 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: is still the first timeline you were living. I love 696 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,439 Speaker 1: to give the example actually of my mom. My mom 697 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 1: is one of those people who I love hearing the 698 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,440 Speaker 1: story of how when she was in her twenties, she 699 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 1: was kicked out of her university faculty for such poor grades. 700 00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,319 Speaker 1: She did absolutely terribly and you know, it looks like 701 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,839 Speaker 1: she wasn't going to get a degree, but she went 702 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,240 Speaker 1: and she did other things. She quote unquote found herself, 703 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,320 Speaker 1: and she came back when she was older and wiser, 704 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,640 Speaker 1: and she gave it another go. And a lot of 705 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,719 Speaker 1: people were like, why are you doing that? You know 706 00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: you already failed once why are you trying this economics thing, 707 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,440 Speaker 1: this psychology thing for a second time. She ended up 708 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:20,680 Speaker 1: being the like valedictorian ducks of her class at university, 709 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:24,520 Speaker 1: and she went on to get this incredible grad job. 710 00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,160 Speaker 1: Now she is literally a CEO. And I love to 711 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,799 Speaker 1: look at that story and say, you know, she was 712 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,200 Speaker 1: an immigrant and she I don't know, so I'm getting 713 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: so inspired by my mum's story. But I love to 714 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,120 Speaker 1: look at that story and go, Wow, this is someone 715 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,359 Speaker 1: who I admire, who has made my life possible. And 716 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,120 Speaker 1: she did not have the easiest ride of things. And 717 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,200 Speaker 1: there were so many times where I'm sure she was 718 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,200 Speaker 1: looking at other people thinking I'm never going to be 719 00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,040 Speaker 1: at their level, and yet she still found great success. 720 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 1: Martha Stewart, Oh my god, you have to watch the 721 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,280 Speaker 1: Martha Stewart documentary if you haven't. But she didn't write 722 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,080 Speaker 1: her first cook until she was forty one, and that's 723 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: what she's known for now. Steve Carrell, we love Steve Carrell. 724 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,680 Speaker 1: Michael in the Office. You know, he didn't have his 725 00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,799 Speaker 1: big break until he was in his forties. Same with 726 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:17,560 Speaker 1: Harrison Ford. Most people do not find their greatest successes 727 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,640 Speaker 1: until later in life and they sure don't find themselves 728 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,600 Speaker 1: until later as well. So you have time. I promise 729 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:28,000 Speaker 1: you have so much time. You are so young, and 730 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,719 Speaker 1: the power of your twenties is that all of the 731 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,000 Speaker 1: possibility lays ahead of you. There is so much room 732 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:37,480 Speaker 1: for reinvention and to be able to start over. Also, 733 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,320 Speaker 1: there's less consequences. You know, you don't have kids yet, 734 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,399 Speaker 1: you may not have a mortgage, you don't have other 735 00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:46,120 Speaker 1: huge things to take care of that become more pressing 736 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,240 Speaker 1: the older you get. You have more time in front 737 00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:51,440 Speaker 1: of you than you have behind you. So I really 738 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,360 Speaker 1: want you to remember that when you are stressed or 739 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:59,640 Speaker 1: anxious about feeling like you failed the first time or 740 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,560 Speaker 1: you did get it right, because that again is part 741 00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,879 Speaker 1: of the interesting story you are writing. And I think 742 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:08,000 Speaker 1: that is much more important than being able to say, yeah, 743 00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,160 Speaker 1: I got it all right and did everything perfectly the 744 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: first time, and I never made mistakes. Also means you 745 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,120 Speaker 1: never learned anything. So I hope this episode has provided 746 00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,799 Speaker 1: you with some clarity, maybe just some peace, just a 747 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,880 Speaker 1: sense of like, Okay, it's all going to be okay. 748 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,120 Speaker 1: That is really all I hope for with any of 749 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:28,920 Speaker 1: these podcast episodes is just that you can hear the 750 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,080 Speaker 1: words and the voice of someone else in their twenties 751 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,440 Speaker 1: and go, Okay, it's not just me, because it definitely isn't. 752 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 1: Make sure that if you enjoyed this episode, you share 753 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,600 Speaker 1: it with a friend, you share it on your Instagram 754 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,799 Speaker 1: story anywhere, and if you do, actually tag me. I 755 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,840 Speaker 1: love seeing the different parts of the world where people 756 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,680 Speaker 1: are listening. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of 757 00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,360 Speaker 1: the day is being like, oh my gosh, someone in Kenya, 758 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,480 Speaker 1: someone in Breathels, someone in Bristol. So please feel free 759 00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,560 Speaker 1: to share it over there. Make sure you are following 760 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,400 Speaker 1: along on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and that you have 761 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,480 Speaker 1: left a five star review if you enjoyed this episode. 762 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,560 Speaker 1: Also drop a comment below if you have further thoughts 763 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,759 Speaker 1: about reinvention and starting revere in your twenties. I love 764 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,799 Speaker 1: to keep the conversation going there and I just love 765 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,840 Speaker 1: to hear from you guys. So until next time, stay safe, 766 00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:21,279 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle with yourself, especially if you are 767 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,439 Speaker 1: in these circumstances, and we will talk very very soon.