Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, I feel like I just need to like,
Speaker 1: can we all just like take a deep breath? Yeah?
Speaker 1: One three? That was nice. It's good. Okay. So you
Speaker 1: guys ever have one of those days where this is
Speaker 1: this is my day. I had therapy today and I
Speaker 1: was very excited about therapy. I needed therapy. I was
Speaker 1: running a little late to therapy because I was writing,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh god, I gotta leave.
Speaker 1: I gotta go straight to therapy. So I go to
Speaker 1: therapy and I'm just rushing and I'm like thinking of
Speaker 1: all the things that I'm going to say. Sit in
Speaker 1: her office. She's not coming out to get me. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, this happened to me two weeks ago. Yes,
Speaker 1: go on, and I'm just like, I can't not today.
Speaker 1: I need her to walk out, like I really need
Speaker 1: to talk to her, right, But she's never late. I'm late,
Speaker 1: So like, I clearly have messed up the days. I've
Speaker 1: never done that before where I go into the office
Speaker 1: and then yeah, so I'm sitting there and I'm like,
Speaker 1: my poem was at twelve thirty I jet in at
Speaker 1: twelve thirty one. I'm like, okay, maybe she just like,
Speaker 1: you know, totally, she she knows me, so she's gonna
Speaker 1: come out like twelve. Well it's twelve forty. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is the wrong day. So I text her and
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, Amy, like, I'm in your I'm in
Speaker 1: your waiting room. Um, I'm going to venture to say
Speaker 1: it's the wrong days since you're never late, um, so
Speaker 1: let me know how I screw this up. And if
Speaker 1: it's in an hour, I won't be there because I
Speaker 1: got a podcast, so um. But then I get into
Speaker 1: my car and I just like start crying, you know,
Speaker 1: just because I was like, I really need it, and
Speaker 1: I think it's I think I'm pre menstrual. Have you
Speaker 1: started yet, I mean pre pre Yeah. You looked at
Speaker 1: me Wed it just sounds strange. No, I'm already off.
Speaker 1: We're like not on the same anymore. That's weird. Usually
Speaker 1: we were the same. So I think I just was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. So yeah, I just was like started
Speaker 1: crying and then driving home and now I just feel
Speaker 1: like I'm bummed. I'm sorry. That's okay, Mark, Yeah that's
Speaker 1: a bummer. When I did it, it was an hour
Speaker 1: off so I sat there for an hour. So now
Speaker 1: you're in a weird headspace. Now I'm the worst lot
Speaker 1: of stuff to unload. But now I'm frazzled, which is
Speaker 1: why I needed to take a deep breath. But now
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's one of those things where I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm crying. That's the worst.
Speaker 1: But I'm like crying right now. I know I can
Speaker 1: stop talk about this is why a woman can't be president. No,
Speaker 1: but I'm serious, like, I'm like crying out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: Now is it out of wear or is there something
Speaker 1: we can talk about? I think it's just like a
Speaker 1: lot of things. And then it's like but most most
Speaker 1: likely it's the a lot of things, which I always
Speaker 1: can handle like a boss, but when you add a
Speaker 1: menstrual cycle pre menstrual cycle, it just throws it all
Speaker 1: for a loop. Like I'm about right a bomb Russia
Speaker 1: right now? You know, definitely. So, But to Catherine's point,
Speaker 1: is there anything that we can help you, anything you
Speaker 1: can unload right now? That's not to therapy specific therapy
Speaker 1: specific like what about your week? What's been some stresses
Speaker 1: from the week, um stresses from my week? So I
Speaker 1: think I meant know some of this, so I was
Speaker 1: up for or you know, I got asked to do
Speaker 1: a movie and I'm going to do it. But it's just, um,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of like moving parts, and now that
Speaker 1: I have, you know, my ex involved, it's trying to
Speaker 1: figure that out and and I make the schedule, so
Speaker 1: it just becomes like I think, just like a lot
Speaker 1: of heaviness and pressure and I'm like, well, I don't
Speaker 1: really know what the schedule is gonna look like, and
Speaker 1: like we're not really on great terms, so it's hard.
Speaker 1: And then I think that's like where I'm like freaking out,
Speaker 1: and then I just get into that like spin where
Speaker 1: it just all like like combines in my body. And
Speaker 1: then now I'm here like where I'm crying and having
Speaker 1: a mental breakdown. But I'm fine. But again, I think
Speaker 1: it's just my period. But also, isn't it Is it
Speaker 1: helpful sometimes I don't think of a sign of weakness
Speaker 1: to every once in a while just kind of let
Speaker 1: it all out because it builds up after a while. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with you, and you know, and she even
Speaker 1: says too, She's like, you know, because I'm like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to control it, and I'm trying not to control,
Speaker 1: but like I'm frustrated and I'm mad, and she's like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: well well you know, we'll figure it out. It always
Speaker 1: gets figured out. I think I just put a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure on things, a lot of pressure in yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think right now, you're trying to not control,
Speaker 1: so you think you're not controlling. But if you're not controlling,
Speaker 1: that means it's not going to happen. But then that
Speaker 1: means that you are trying to control, you know. So
Speaker 1: it's just kind of this little mind game that's going on,
Speaker 1: I think for you right now. Yeah, And I told
Speaker 1: Katherine that in the car I go me focusing on
Speaker 1: not controlling is making me control more because I feel
Speaker 1: out of control by not controlling. So no, I'm really controlling.
Speaker 1: And I think maybe it feels a little different because
Speaker 1: you're making the schedule. Now. You would have been making
Speaker 1: the schedule anyways, even if you were married, because let's
Speaker 1: face it, moms do the schedules. They do the dentist appointments,
Speaker 1: they do the doctors, they do the school stuff, they
Speaker 1: do all of that. But I think when you're divorced,
Speaker 1: there's a little bit of a like wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I need you to help me now, Like I need
Speaker 1: you to help figure this out. And granted, I don't
Speaker 1: want him touching the schedule because there's like he doesn't
Speaker 1: like I guess because he doesn't know like what my
Speaker 1: movie schedule or what this or that the other for sure,
Speaker 1: But um, it's when it gets complicated is where I
Speaker 1: get really stressed out. And then I start to go,
Speaker 1: you know, to that that place, and then when I'm
Speaker 1: a week before my period, it's like not great. All right,
Speaker 1: We're going to bring on a girl that's definitely gonna
Speaker 1: lighten up the mood because I love following her on
Speaker 1: TikTok Um. So let's take a break and let's get
Speaker 1: Niki on. Alright, So Nicki mar is a. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let her tell you because she's she's just badass.
Speaker 1: But she's so funny and I kind of have I
Speaker 1: don't kind of have, I have a girl crush on her.
Speaker 1: So let's bring her on and then she can explain
Speaker 1: all the ins and outs if her awesome. She's not
Speaker 1: like almost like two million fellars on TikTok Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was just looking at it Hi guys. Hi, I love
Speaker 1: your so cute. How are you? I'm good? How are
Speaker 1: you doing this? I know? Nice to meet you officially,
Speaker 1: because um, was it someone slid into my dams and
Speaker 1: then I slid into your d m Is that how
Speaker 1: it happened? Yes, yes, I think it was over the holidays.
Speaker 1: That's right about like changing the mindset about the holidays
Speaker 1: with your kids as a single moment. Yeah, um, this
Speaker 1: is my best friend Katherine. By the way, Hey, how
Speaker 1: are you. I've heard lots of you. I love your conversation.
Speaker 1: Was just keeping it real over here. Okay, so can
Speaker 1: you just like tell our wind down listeners who you
Speaker 1: are and just like because I I've you know, obviously
Speaker 1: I've Yes, I found you, that's right over Christmas time,
Speaker 1: But like I don't know like a lot about your
Speaker 1: journey because we always say like, oh, like you get
Speaker 1: part of my life, but then I'm like, well, what's yours?
Speaker 1: And then I'm like I don't want to dig too deep?
Speaker 1: So now we get to dig deep. So tell me, like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're obviously a single mom, but like, start
Speaker 1: from the beginning, go, no one's ever asked me that, Janus,
Speaker 1: So this is like the hot scene. I haven't been
Speaker 1: asked that I've been. And I went from let's see seventeen,
Speaker 1: I left a big, bad, boss, bitch corporate job which
Speaker 1: was I just couldn't which was what they I was with. Yes,
Speaker 1: I was out with Alex Sandanni jewelry company, very fast growing.
Speaker 1: I was like the first six employee, one of the
Speaker 1: first six employees there. So took the whole crazy ride upward,
Speaker 1: and I really thought, Oh my gosh, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be that woman who's got my kids, who's got the nanny,
Speaker 1: who's flying, who's traveling, who's doing all these big bad things.
Speaker 1: And and then I had my daughter and I got
Speaker 1: a big promotion after getting back from eternity leave with her,
Speaker 1: which I thought was unheard of. I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: what what are we doing? I have a baby at
Speaker 1: home and I just got back, and you want me
Speaker 1: to do all this great awesome and then, um, lots
Speaker 1: of different snippets of the motherhood journey, lots of miscarriages. Um,
Speaker 1: this is probably the first time I'm saying this public,
Speaker 1: but my son was a twin So the little boy
Speaker 1: with the glasses that is like all over my social
Speaker 1: he was a twin. I. I delivered a stillborn in
Speaker 1: June of so when I say it out loud, you
Speaker 1: know those moments you say things out loud and you're like, wait,
Speaker 1: did was that me? Was I in my body at
Speaker 1: that time? How did I get through that? But it's
Speaker 1: all ends up a beautiful story because he was a
Speaker 1: year old. I was doing the corporate thing, all these
Speaker 1: big promises from corporate about what they wanted me to be,
Speaker 1: and I just didn't feel like those were my dreams anymore.
Speaker 1: So I did the whole opposite of lean in. I
Speaker 1: was like, I want to lean back, like I want
Speaker 1: to be with my kids. I want to I felt
Speaker 1: weird about dropping them off in the morning and knowing
Speaker 1: someone else was going to pick them up at night
Speaker 1: from preschool and from daycare. Um, So I left corporate,
Speaker 1: started consulting. Everything was fine, everything was great. And then
Speaker 1: September of my husband in and I split up, and
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, this is it start and
Speaker 1: then just want COVID. COVID hit, which ended up being
Speaker 1: really hard but the best blessing. And I don't want
Speaker 1: to sound like eternal optimist, but the fact that everything
Speaker 1: was stripped like at once my career, my marriage, all
Speaker 1: the things that I thought like labeled me. Literally, I
Speaker 1: became my career, I became my life as a wife
Speaker 1: and a mom, and it all got stripped and it
Speaker 1: was the most beautiful, sad, crazy, emotional thing ever. And
Speaker 1: I'm still it's still happening. I'm still going through all
Speaker 1: those changes. So I went from I guess what the
Speaker 1: picture perfect, like what everybody wants is, to what I
Speaker 1: actually wanted was to just I want to be a mom.
Speaker 1: I want to be a mom and I make content
Speaker 1: and I've always been funny and goofy, even in the
Speaker 1: corporate seat. And it happened to be where I lost
Speaker 1: all my clients to Covid and I went on TikTok
Speaker 1: as an alias to just kind of play around with
Speaker 1: the app, and within six once I had over a
Speaker 1: million followers. So I think it was just everybody at
Speaker 1: that moment was looking for like authenticity. Right now, it's overused,
Speaker 1: it's like overplayed that were but authenticity was all I
Speaker 1: could show up as I didn't have a corporate job
Speaker 1: that I was worried about people seeing me and being
Speaker 1: too silly. I didn't have any friends that I knew
Speaker 1: I didn't no one was watching me. There Vicky unplugged
Speaker 1: with like a total alias, and then that's when I
Speaker 1: kind of came into myself and met this online world
Speaker 1: and realized there's other people going through the same stuff,
Speaker 1: and it was this beautiful world of connectivity, especially between
Speaker 1: moms and parents in general. What we were going through
Speaker 1: in the world at the time. Why did you and
Speaker 1: your husband course, I mean, well, let's put it this way.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that I could say, but
Speaker 1: we just were like compatibility and togetherness and communication. It
Speaker 1: just just you know, you look at the love languages
Speaker 1: and all those things. You try to figure it out, right, Hannah,
Speaker 1: Like you're always like, what went with what to get
Speaker 1: to this? And there are so many freaking factors, and
Speaker 1: I could say it's just it fell apart, but then
Speaker 1: I um, I asked for an absolute smack in the
Speaker 1: face sign literally prayed to my grandmother because I was
Speaker 1: going through the hamster wheel of like I'm always complaining,
Speaker 1: I'm always feeling unhappy, I'm always stealing alone. I'm starting
Speaker 1: to sound like a martyr. I do everything for my kids,
Speaker 1: and I'm throwing the birthday party and I'm there for like,
Speaker 1: I started sounding like the squeaky wheel that I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be. And I finally one day I said,
Speaker 1: Grandma's holy please like smack me deliberately in the face.
Speaker 1: And two weeks after that I got an absolute smack
Speaker 1: in the face and it was the answer. And when
Speaker 1: it all went down, I said, if you don't listen
Speaker 1: to this, you're praising nagain, like your batch crazy. So
Speaker 1: that was it, and I yeah, I mean i'd like
Speaker 1: for it to sound like a closed door easy journey.
Speaker 1: It's been a freaking roller coaster ride. And I identify
Speaker 1: so much every podcast when you guys are talking, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, oh my god, I get this me too. Well,
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting. Well, thank you for sharing that. Um,
Speaker 1: the smack in the facing is funny. I was actually
Speaker 1: just writing earlier. You know the amount of times that
Speaker 1: I've said then the last time was my exactly that quote.
Speaker 1: I said, God, just smack me in the face with it,
Speaker 1: literally smack me in the face. Because sometimes I've had
Speaker 1: I had plenty of signs and I prayed for plenty,
Speaker 1: plenty of signs. But that's why I was like the
Speaker 1: this was that really a sign? I need to be
Speaker 1: done done or is that a sign to like keep
Speaker 1: working on it or is that like you know, And
Speaker 1: that's why I was like literally smack me, like yeah,
Speaker 1: million times I was. I was enabling the whole thing
Speaker 1: because you know, you want to believe and I hear
Speaker 1: all this stuff. Now everybody's using labels of everybody's divorcing
Speaker 1: an narcissist right now in the whole world, right everybody's
Speaker 1: divorcing a narcissism and it's always the path. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just a really good person who believes in like
Speaker 1: that everything's going to work out. So I am very
Speaker 1: optimistic by nature. But wholy put an optimist in a
Speaker 1: downward spiral of a divorce and strip away all the
Speaker 1: things that you thought life was supposed to be and
Speaker 1: having kids was supposed to be, and that will send
Speaker 1: you for a real wild ride of like self awakening,
Speaker 1: you know, like rewriting that story. It's really really hard.
Speaker 1: It's easy to say it change your mind. I think
Speaker 1: that's what we connected on was Christmas Day I didn't
Speaker 1: have my kids, and I was like, holy how, I'm
Speaker 1: not okay with this. I don't want to go be
Speaker 1: with anybody, not even my parents. I just want to
Speaker 1: be alone and do nothing and be with my thoughts.
Speaker 1: If you told me that that's what my adulthood was
Speaker 1: going to be, like, I really that's depressing, But what's
Speaker 1: the alternative? So I think we're always playing with those
Speaker 1: like self discovery mode. I can hear that you do
Speaker 1: it too, and and I'm still trying to Ah. It's so.
Speaker 1: I was actually just talking to my boyfriend about this
Speaker 1: last night because I'm like, you know, he's got his
Speaker 1: reasons why his marriage didn't work, and I've got reasons
Speaker 1: why I'm you know, my marriage didn't work. And sometimes
Speaker 1: I get angry about it. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm like, but yeah, and I don't know what's going
Speaker 1: to happen with me and I but like, but we're
Speaker 1: here now, and it's like it could be even great,
Speaker 1: better than anything we ever imagined. And then and then
Speaker 1: my therapist would say to like, well, if the cheating
Speaker 1: and all that stuff didn't happen, like, were you actually happy,
Speaker 1: and like do you think you would have made it work?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't know, Like I would have
Speaker 1: loved the opportunity to try, but I don't know, but
Speaker 1: but I'm like, but I don't think so, Like it's
Speaker 1: just like trying to understand, like it's just marriage is
Speaker 1: just hard in general. But I don't, like, I don't
Speaker 1: know because it's a tough question. Yeah, because like we
Speaker 1: were so different. I I just I don't I'm like
Speaker 1: I always just said to him, like I wish I
Speaker 1: would have been given the opportunity to like not you know,
Speaker 1: because trolling or have these emotions or have that like
Speaker 1: taint our marriage because I don't know how it would
Speaker 1: have looked or have been different, right, And so then
Speaker 1: I get frustrated about that. But at the same time, like,
Speaker 1: but now I'm here and I'm happy and I've got
Speaker 1: two beautiful kids. But then again, I don't like co
Speaker 1: parenting with them. How's your co parenting situation going. It's
Speaker 1: really hard. It's hard. It's so hard. It's like I
Speaker 1: try to be the person that's not like going to
Speaker 1: nitpick the food options that he makes, right, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just don't just shut your mouth. Just control what
Speaker 1: you can control. And then I'm like, can you just
Speaker 1: teching that you know you can't help it, you can't
Speaker 1: help it. I'm not I'm not a Gray Rock person.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to put the stuff that happened to
Speaker 1: me and all of a sudden act different. Um. I
Speaker 1: recently switched divorce attorneys because everybody was telling me, you've
Speaker 1: got to protect yourself, you've got to get this, and
Speaker 1: you've got to get that, and like, I know that,
Speaker 1: but I'm still who I am. So my approach in
Speaker 1: attorneys and the court system shouldn't be anything but me,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it was like I
Speaker 1: was having all these feelings in this anxiety and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why am I feeling so anxious? I'm like, because this
Speaker 1: attorney's approach is not my approach. It wouldn't be my approach.
Speaker 1: There's a way to get from A to Z, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be this way. There's plenty of
Speaker 1: ways to get there. So I don't know if that
Speaker 1: makes sense. But I'm trying to just stay like really true,
Speaker 1: no matter how angry I am or how hurt I feel.
Speaker 1: Is trying to stay true to who I am. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll challenge you on that. I did yesterday and it
Speaker 1: was freaking crazy. Is I started video and I took
Speaker 1: my phone out and I recorded myself talking as if
Speaker 1: I was talking to a judge about who I am
Speaker 1: as a mother, and I said, I can't stand this
Speaker 1: system because here's who I am, Here's who I've always been.
Speaker 1: And I just started like bawling because I was describing
Speaker 1: myself as a mother and it was the most beautiful
Speaker 1: it to hear yourself like talk about yourself from almost
Speaker 1: the third person. It was beautiful. And I shared that
Speaker 1: with a friend and she said, have you ever written
Speaker 1: yourself an apology letter from him? That was? I did that? Who? No,
Speaker 1: I haven't. I'm gonna need to have a whole night
Speaker 1: to myself for that. But it's just, yeah, that letter
Speaker 1: is like one of the greatest things you can do
Speaker 1: with my therapist because you know, you'll probably never get
Speaker 1: the apology. I'll never get the apology that we truly want.
Speaker 1: And so my therapist said, write it in his words.
Speaker 1: And to this day I still reread it sometimes because
Speaker 1: it helps. I don't know, it's just like it's crazy,
Speaker 1: but it definitely helps. Um, what is what do you think?
Speaker 1: For you? Has been like kind of UM, you're saving
Speaker 1: grace to stay positive when it's when it's you know,
Speaker 1: when you're having a tough day where you want to
Speaker 1: get angry because like my thing is now, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't really like I don't I don't want to
Speaker 1: be angry at him anymore. I want to just get
Speaker 1: right with me and be at peace with me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the biggest savior has been me because I was the
Speaker 1: little kid whose parents got divorced. So I think I
Speaker 1: can see things differently because of that. And I now
Speaker 1: have this online community of women who come to me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know anything, but I'll just be
Speaker 1: here for you, you know. Um. But there was a woman,
Speaker 1: she's one that kind of connected us. She sent me
Speaker 1: your stuff and she sent my stuff to you, and
Speaker 1: I was like, um, and she asked me about her
Speaker 1: like mothering her what her daughter was kind of going
Speaker 1: through with their split, and I just put myself in
Speaker 1: the daughter's shoes. And she's like, oh my gosh, I've
Speaker 1: never thought of it like that. I'm always thinking about
Speaker 1: what I can do better, but you just put me
Speaker 1: in the body of my daughter to kind of go
Speaker 1: through what emotion she's feeling. So I was that little kid.
Speaker 1: How old were you when your parents split? Like three? Okay?
Speaker 1: So what did your parents do right? Because my parents
Speaker 1: didn't split to the I was fourteen or thirteen fourteen,
Speaker 1: So what did your parents do at that age that
Speaker 1: you can look back and go like, okay, they did
Speaker 1: that right. What they did right is they completely put
Speaker 1: their hands up and let my grandparents do a ton.
Speaker 1: And those were the days. I mean, I'm forty four,
Speaker 1: so the eighties was when you were growing up. You
Speaker 1: were outside, you were playing with your friends. All the
Speaker 1: things that we talked about now that's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: childhood then it was so different. It was, and I
Speaker 1: feel like grandparents were made to be just grandparents then,
Speaker 1: Like I don't remember my grandparents not ever being available,
Speaker 1: Like their social calendar was like they were home and
Speaker 1: the news was on. So I will say my my
Speaker 1: parents didn't feel they were very young, so I don't
Speaker 1: think they felt that need to let control me as
Speaker 1: a parent. So it was like they let me do
Speaker 1: my thing. I grew up very independent. I was at
Speaker 1: my grandparents, I was at my friend's house. I was
Speaker 1: always like the odd man out. I was hanging out,
Speaker 1: going on ski trips with my friends. FAMI. What about
Speaker 1: like birthdays and stuff like did you celebrate it with
Speaker 1: your mom and dad or did you do have joint
Speaker 1: ones or I mean separate ones. No, it was usually with.
Speaker 1: It was usually with Like my grandparents would host it
Speaker 1: and it would be like one parent or the other. Date.
Speaker 1: When I graduated from college, my mom hosted a um
Speaker 1: college party and all my friends were there. My dad
Speaker 1: came and all my friends that were there, was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, they were in the same room. It
Speaker 1: took me to be one years old. What do you
Speaker 1: think about that? Like? Where where are you at? It?
Speaker 1: Like where it's um and I'll tell you after after
Speaker 1: you tell me yours, but like where you know? What
Speaker 1: what are you going to do when it comes to
Speaker 1: like you know, birthdays and things like that. Well, we
Speaker 1: when we, I would say, like a year after we split,
Speaker 1: he was here a lot. He was here a lot,
Speaker 1: he was at we were in the same place as
Speaker 1: we were having conversations all the time, and I was
Speaker 1: really optimistic that all right, we could we could be
Speaker 1: almost like best friends and we can do this the
Speaker 1: right way. I still, like, deep down want to believe
Speaker 1: that someday all this will go away and we'll be
Speaker 1: able to get there. But um, I had that vision
Speaker 1: of we can do it the way I always wanted
Speaker 1: my parents to be able to. But then you are
Speaker 1: if you're when you're seeing other people and there's just
Speaker 1: anger and resent, there's just stuff there that just doesn't
Speaker 1: allow it right now. Um So yeah, that's I guess
Speaker 1: that's the answers. I would like for it to be
Speaker 1: that way. I don't see why it can't be that way,
Speaker 1: But it takes two people to be that way. I think,
Speaker 1: like when it's fresh to like I know, for me
Speaker 1: right now, like I I always struggle with that. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I feel bad and then you guys are like, I
Speaker 1: mean I can see both sides of it, but when
Speaker 1: you've got significant others, I just don't see how that works. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean not right now. I would say it would
Speaker 1: just be you know, hope, maybe I would love to eventually,
Speaker 1: like down the down the line, like I would. You
Speaker 1: know me, I've always like had that like dream of
Speaker 1: like being you know, close and friends, and but now
Speaker 1: I don't, but he really wants. But then I was like,
Speaker 1: well I feel bad and it's like you know, Pamelin
Speaker 1: was like, don't like this is your weekend and this
Speaker 1: is the weekend that you're going to have her birthday
Speaker 1: out and he can do it on his weekend, and
Speaker 1: it's it's okay, like because when he does come around,
Speaker 1: like I get anxiety again or I get like and
Speaker 1: the kids are going to feel that. So you know,
Speaker 1: maybe when that passes and I don't care anymore about
Speaker 1: an apology, I don't care anymore about what he thinks
Speaker 1: or whatever, then then maybe I would be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: sure I don't care because I won't care. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: but I still care once it's healthy for you go about.
Speaker 1: I mean, my parents were divorced and they did everything
Speaker 1: together and that really annoyed me. That frustrated me, and like,
Speaker 1: be divorced, stop doing everything together, actually get two birthday parties.
Speaker 1: I'm with you, Gatherine. I don't think my kids need
Speaker 1: anything that they don't have right now. Yeah, it's awes
Speaker 1: like we over do this. What they need, what they need,
Speaker 1: what they need. My kids are fine. Sometimes I'll say
Speaker 1: you to my daughter who's seven, I'm like, Leila, does
Speaker 1: it make it like is it weird when you saw
Speaker 1: me sitting kind of next to daddy at gymnastics Because
Speaker 1: she's like, she doesn't care She's almost like, why are
Speaker 1: you bringing this up? You're gonna be overthinking it, Like Nick,
Speaker 1: I didn't really care about them being together. I think
Speaker 1: I just as a kid, felt bad. I didn't want
Speaker 1: anything to be off balance. I didn't want one to
Speaker 1: think I love the other one more than the other.
Speaker 1: It was more like, everything's fine, but I can tell
Speaker 1: when you guys are feeling emotional or annoyed with each other.
Speaker 1: And I wanted to at that age, even like seven
Speaker 1: years old, I wanted to be a fixer already. What
Speaker 1: insrogram are you? Oh my gosh, I tried to do
Speaker 1: it the other day and I didn't. I think because
Speaker 1: I listened to yours. I think I was a seven
Speaker 1: Let's fixer is at seven? I don't know, Actually I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. That's all I know. Seven was
Speaker 1: very controlling. I was like, well, I gotta dig in more.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if I'm to read
Speaker 1: any What is like your biggest lesson that you've learned
Speaker 1: as a single mom um empathy in life? Like I
Speaker 1: feel like I was not to sound cheesy, I feel
Speaker 1: like I was never really passionate about consulting. I was
Speaker 1: never I was always love corporate because it was like family.
Speaker 1: I was an All American D one athletes, so I'm
Speaker 1: a total like competitive, like there's got to be a goal.
Speaker 1: And I think the thing that it's taught me is
Speaker 1: that you can change everything about your life. You it's
Speaker 1: okay to have relationships that don't stay exactly the same forever.
Speaker 1: So it's given me this all three sixty degree of
Speaker 1: like what my friendships look like. Right, if you're a
Speaker 1: woman and you all of a sudden aren't talking to
Speaker 1: certain friends, you tend to like over what did I do?
Speaker 1: What did she do? Why are we not? It's like life,
Speaker 1: It's okay. There's different seasons, and there's different flavors, and
Speaker 1: there's different needs you have. Right now, my needs are
Speaker 1: more met by freaking strangers online who I don't even
Speaker 1: know personally, that I can relate to more than family members.
Speaker 1: And I think if you asked me a year ago,
Speaker 1: if I heard somebody else say that, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: that's weird, that's a little like something's off with her.
Speaker 1: But it's just it's just where I'm at. So I've
Speaker 1: learned that um, picture perfect like really isn't right. Everything changes,
Speaker 1: So I had the picture perfect life. I remember when
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with my first set of twins, so
Speaker 1: that was a very horrific miscarriage. My first pregnancy twenty
Speaker 1: weeks with twins, like horrible. It changed me. I was
Speaker 1: like the alpha, freaking boss bitch female who was funny
Speaker 1: and joyful and all those things. But I didn't feel
Speaker 1: maternal yet right because I was like it was like
Speaker 1: all coming together. And now with miscarriages, with divorce, with
Speaker 1: single motherhood, I'm like, I am the most feminine, gking
Speaker 1: side of myself that I've ever done. I'm most in
Speaker 1: line with feminine and like power. Where do you struggle
Speaker 1: the most? You think, Um, probably just that I feel
Speaker 1: like my kids aren't getting the version of me that
Speaker 1: I thought i'd be for them. I'm still fun and
Speaker 1: I'm still present, but I'm not good at all of
Speaker 1: those other house keeping things. And I'm not saying like housework,
Speaker 1: but I'm not the homework mom and I'm not the
Speaker 1: very organized mom, and I'm I'm trying to be everything
Speaker 1: to them. Where sometimes it's easier to think about you
Speaker 1: have a partner and that's what you do together, and
Speaker 1: you there's a there's a presence in the home. It's
Speaker 1: not just about what they're doing or putting out. There's
Speaker 1: a presence. And I feel like my kids got a
Speaker 1: little bit chipped. We're now like their home with me,
Speaker 1: and that's great, but it's like the picture right since
Speaker 1: my parents diporced every journal that I found growing up,
Speaker 1: Like I sifted through journals and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Everything that I talked about goals wise, was
Speaker 1: like I was gonna get married, and I was going
Speaker 1: to have kids, and I was going to have a husband.
Speaker 1: And so your whole life you're dreaming of that, and
Speaker 1: now that's not there. And yes there's life with somebody
Speaker 1: else again, and there's you know, creating what the new
Speaker 1: modern day like family is. But it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of freaking patients and work too. Okay, I just have
Speaker 1: to take it back because I don't want you to
Speaker 1: think that your kids are getting jipped. Because I think
Speaker 1: of my friend Pamelin, who is the arts and crafts
Speaker 1: freaking guru, like she arts and crafts more than anybody
Speaker 1: that I know. With her kids, I don't. I got
Speaker 1: an arts and crafts sing with Jolie, and it was
Speaker 1: like this bracelet thing, and I threw it away honestly
Speaker 1: because I couldn't even understand the directions to doing it,
Speaker 1: you know. And in my mind, I'm like, well, if
Speaker 1: Pamelin was Jolie's mom, she'd be able to sit here
Speaker 1: and do this with her. But I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, what can I do that's different than Pamelin?
Speaker 1: You know what she can't do. So we went up
Speaker 1: into the music room and we started singing and like,
Speaker 1: so like I never be the arts and crafts mom.
Speaker 1: You might not ever be, you know. And I don't know, Katherine,
Speaker 1: you might not be whatever. Definitely not arts and crafts. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be. And like there are kids aren't
Speaker 1: getting jipped because we're not arts and crafts mom. And
Speaker 1: because you don't, I don't know, cook them homemade meals
Speaker 1: every night or whatever. Like I my kids will never
Speaker 1: get that, mom, because I'm not a great cook. So
Speaker 1: they're going to get the great stuff at Dad's. And
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately I'm trying, but like I'm still just
Speaker 1: good at microwave of chicken nuggets. So like, but I'm doing,
Speaker 1: but like I know my strengths and you know your
Speaker 1: strengths Katherine knows her strengths as mom. That's all they
Speaker 1: need is just like I just want Mom. They just
Speaker 1: want They don't care what you're doing with them. They
Speaker 1: just want to be with you. They're not getting jips,
Speaker 1: so please like I don't want you to even like
Speaker 1: feel that like and or that like take that on. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do know. I do know. It's like it's that
Speaker 1: it's like reframing the story and it's the positive side
Speaker 1: of that is, Oh, I'm totally the fun mom, like
Speaker 1: like go like die your kids here, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like go like do something like fun like
Speaker 1: you're fun, Like they ain't doing that my house. You know,
Speaker 1: hopefully hopefully all the kids are gonna want to be
Speaker 1: here at some point, right Yeah? Yeah, God, are you
Speaker 1: seeing anyone new? I'm seeing somebody for over for like
Speaker 1: a year and a half. Okay, how did you how
Speaker 1: do you continue that? Like how do you let yourself
Speaker 1: love again? I think this will be a really great
Speaker 1: like something for people to hear because when we were
Speaker 1: we were he's got kids, I have kids, you know,
Speaker 1: similar endings in our marriages, and we were talking about
Speaker 1: how good we have it, like if I so when
Speaker 1: we don't have we happen to not have our kids
Speaker 1: on the same weekends. I don't know what the hell
Speaker 1: I would do without my kids on the weekends without him, right,
Speaker 1: because we've created this like side life together and when
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, what are next steps? Like when
Speaker 1: would you do? You hang out with the kids a lot?
Speaker 1: And I looked at him one day and I said,
Speaker 1: do you realize we have like what most people in
Speaker 1: their marriages are looking for, Like why is everybody else's
Speaker 1: version of what we should be? Next matter? Like, let's
Speaker 1: not let that matter. We have our every other weekends
Speaker 1: together and we have like one night a week together,
Speaker 1: and I'm just more comfortable separating that from my time
Speaker 1: with my kids. I just it's just the way. For
Speaker 1: some reason, it works better for me. Their dad lives
Speaker 1: with somebody else, she has kids. My kids go to
Speaker 1: that environment, they're around everybody. That's great, that's fun. But
Speaker 1: for me, I just want that time with my kids.
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody else interpreting my parenting or having
Speaker 1: any say in my parenting, not that he would, and
Speaker 1: then vice versa. So we've got a great thing. And
Speaker 1: I said, this is up to us, Like this is
Speaker 1: our story. It's no one else's Like if we do
Speaker 1: this till all the kids are out of the house,
Speaker 1: then like that's our rules, that's what we're scross. So
Speaker 1: I think it's unique. When I tell people that, they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't have any interest in moving in together eventually,
Speaker 1: not not even on the radar right now that I'm
Speaker 1: happy and it's very romantic and it's very fun, and
Speaker 1: it's a piece of myself that's reminded of who I
Speaker 1: was before kids when I'm with him, you know, like
Speaker 1: going to the vineyard and going to Nantucket and riding
Speaker 1: mopeds and going hiking and going skiing, like those are
Speaker 1: all the things that I was before kids. So I'm
Speaker 1: getting both of my favorite nikkies right now. I've never
Speaker 1: said that, well, it's kind of fun. That's like ready
Speaker 1: for a T shirt. I love it. I wanted to, um,
Speaker 1: how is it like when you, like when your ex
Speaker 1: started being with that other person, because I haven't, like
Speaker 1: really like I had to deal with it like a
Speaker 1: serious relationship that I don't know if I maybe need
Speaker 1: a diagnosis here, but that for some reason the other
Speaker 1: women thing didn't bother me. I don't know. That's you
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna be it's just my kids. I mean
Speaker 1: I think, I think, I think it would be tough. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think, but I don't like my mind. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have them, but just don't have my kids. But
Speaker 1: I want my kids, so I think more that's yet
Speaker 1: more focused on my kids. But again I want them
Speaker 1: to be in a healthy environment. And obviously it's such
Speaker 1: a hypocrite of me because my kids around Ian but
Speaker 1: baby steps it's hard. It is, it's hard. It's baby steps. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot here, there's a lot. This is a whole.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is like seventeen episodes. I seriously, um, Nikki,
Speaker 1: where can our listeners find you? So I am on
Speaker 1: Instagram as NICKI Marie inc and I c K, I
Speaker 1: M A R I n C. And then on TikTok
Speaker 1: Nikki unplugged just by accident, different handles alias and now
Speaker 1: that's an alias. Do you believe that that's what I'm
Speaker 1: doing full time? Now? Yeah? But you know what, that's
Speaker 1: amazing and how fun myself? I'm not in any one,
Speaker 1: I mean really you are though, like you're influencing people
Speaker 1: to like laugh, you influenced me to laugh laugh. You know,
Speaker 1: just take yourself less seriously, um, being more present and
Speaker 1: have fun and be goofy with your kids. Like I
Speaker 1: all the things you just said to me is like
Speaker 1: your kids are getting what they need when you're just
Speaker 1: present and your yourself. That's the biggest thing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: on social media, I'm there. I'm not going anywhere. Well
Speaker 1: good because I need you and I relate to and
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. So thank you for being the O
Speaker 1: G authentic girl. And um yeah, I'll see you on
Speaker 1: the I'll see you on the dark web. Absolutely. Thank you, guys,
Speaker 1: love you. Thank you so much for coming on wine down. Okay, Benny,
Speaker 1: She's so sweet, she is. I love her. I love her.
Speaker 1: Who was calling you? I was looking at it was
Speaker 1: my lawyer. I was looking at her Instagram and her TikTok,
Speaker 1: but I pulled out the TikTok and I was already
Speaker 1: looking at her. She's fun She did that whole like
Speaker 1: thing that I said about going to the best stop,
Speaker 1: but in the car rider line with no brawl and
Speaker 1: like your pajamas. I can appreciate that. I know she's funny.
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it. But now that's good. I like
Speaker 1: I like everything. She said. Alright, guys, well um that's
Speaker 1: about all I got for today, so see you next week.
Speaker 1: Can buy me