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Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I feel like I just need to like,

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Speaker 1: can we all just like take a deep breath? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: One three? That was nice. It's good. Okay. So you

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Speaker 1: guys ever have one of those days where this is

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Speaker 1: this is my day. I had therapy today and I

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Speaker 1: was very excited about therapy. I needed therapy. I was

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Speaker 1: running a little late to therapy because I was writing,

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Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh god, I gotta leave.

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Speaker 1: I gotta go straight to therapy. So I go to

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Speaker 1: therapy and I'm just rushing and I'm like thinking of

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Speaker 1: all the things that I'm going to say. Sit in

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Speaker 1: her office. She's not coming out to get me. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this happened to me two weeks ago. Yes,

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Speaker 1: go on, and I'm just like, I can't not today.

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Speaker 1: I need her to walk out, like I really need

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Speaker 1: to talk to her, right, But she's never late. I'm late,

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Speaker 1: So like, I clearly have messed up the days. I've

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Speaker 1: never done that before where I go into the office

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Speaker 1: and then yeah, so I'm sitting there and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: my poem was at twelve thirty I jet in at

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Speaker 1: twelve thirty one. I'm like, okay, maybe she just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, totally, she she knows me, so she's gonna

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Speaker 1: come out like twelve. Well it's twelve forty. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this is the wrong day. So I text her and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, Amy, like, I'm in your I'm in

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Speaker 1: your waiting room. Um, I'm going to venture to say

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Speaker 1: it's the wrong days since you're never late, um, so

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Speaker 1: let me know how I screw this up. And if

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Speaker 1: it's in an hour, I won't be there because I

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Speaker 1: got a podcast, so um. But then I get into

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Speaker 1: my car and I just like start crying, you know,

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Speaker 1: just because I was like, I really need it, and

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Speaker 1: I think it's I think I'm pre menstrual. Have you

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Speaker 1: started yet, I mean pre pre Yeah. You looked at

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Speaker 1: me Wed it just sounds strange. No, I'm already off.

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Speaker 1: We're like not on the same anymore. That's weird. Usually

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Speaker 1: we were the same. So I think I just was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. So yeah, I just was like started

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Speaker 1: crying and then driving home and now I just feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm bummed. I'm sorry. That's okay, Mark, Yeah that's

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Speaker 1: a bummer. When I did it, it was an hour

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Speaker 1: off so I sat there for an hour. So now

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Speaker 1: you're in a weird headspace. Now I'm the worst lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff to unload. But now I'm frazzled, which is

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Speaker 1: why I needed to take a deep breath. But now

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it's one of those things where I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm crying. That's the worst.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like crying right now. I know I can

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Speaker 1: stop talk about this is why a woman can't be president. No,

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Speaker 1: but I'm serious, like, I'm like crying out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: Now is it out of wear or is there something

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Speaker 1: we can talk about? I think it's just like a

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Speaker 1: lot of things. And then it's like but most most

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Speaker 1: likely it's the a lot of things, which I always

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Speaker 1: can handle like a boss, but when you add a

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Speaker 1: menstrual cycle pre menstrual cycle, it just throws it all

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Speaker 1: for a loop. Like I'm about right a bomb Russia

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Speaker 1: right now? You know, definitely. So, But to Catherine's point,

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Speaker 1: is there anything that we can help you, anything you

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Speaker 1: can unload right now? That's not to therapy specific therapy

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Speaker 1: specific like what about your week? What's been some stresses

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Speaker 1: from the week, um stresses from my week? So I

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Speaker 1: think I meant know some of this, so I was

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Speaker 1: up for or you know, I got asked to do

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Speaker 1: a movie and I'm going to do it. But it's just, um,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot of like moving parts, and now that

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Speaker 1: I have, you know, my ex involved, it's trying to

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Speaker 1: figure that out and and I make the schedule, so

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Speaker 1: it just becomes like I think, just like a lot

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Speaker 1: of heaviness and pressure and I'm like, well, I don't

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Speaker 1: really know what the schedule is gonna look like, and

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Speaker 1: like we're not really on great terms, so it's hard.

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Speaker 1: And then I think that's like where I'm like freaking out,

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Speaker 1: and then I just get into that like spin where

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Speaker 1: it just all like like combines in my body. And

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Speaker 1: then now I'm here like where I'm crying and having

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Speaker 1: a mental breakdown. But I'm fine. But again, I think

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Speaker 1: it's just my period. But also, isn't it Is it

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Speaker 1: helpful sometimes I don't think of a sign of weakness

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Speaker 1: to every once in a while just kind of let

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Speaker 1: it all out because it builds up after a while. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree with you, and you know, and she even

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Speaker 1: says too, She's like, you know, because I'm like I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to control it, and I'm trying not to control,

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Speaker 1: but like I'm frustrated and I'm mad, and she's like, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: well well you know, we'll figure it out. It always

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Speaker 1: gets figured out. I think I just put a lot

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Speaker 1: of pressure on things, a lot of pressure in yourself.

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Speaker 1: And I think right now, you're trying to not control,

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Speaker 1: so you think you're not controlling. But if you're not controlling,

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Speaker 1: that means it's not going to happen. But then that

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Speaker 1: means that you are trying to control, you know. So

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Speaker 1: it's just kind of this little mind game that's going on,

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Speaker 1: I think for you right now. Yeah, And I told

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Speaker 1: Katherine that in the car I go me focusing on

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Speaker 1: not controlling is making me control more because I feel

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Speaker 1: out of control by not controlling. So no, I'm really controlling.

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Speaker 1: And I think maybe it feels a little different because

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Speaker 1: you're making the schedule. Now. You would have been making

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Speaker 1: the schedule anyways, even if you were married, because let's

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Speaker 1: face it, moms do the schedules. They do the dentist appointments,

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Speaker 1: they do the doctors, they do the school stuff, they

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Speaker 1: do all of that. But I think when you're divorced,

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Speaker 1: there's a little bit of a like wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: I need you to help me now, Like I need

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Speaker 1: you to help figure this out. And granted, I don't

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Speaker 1: want him touching the schedule because there's like he doesn't

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Speaker 1: like I guess because he doesn't know like what my

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Speaker 1: movie schedule or what this or that the other for sure,

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Speaker 1: But um, it's when it gets complicated is where I

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Speaker 1: get really stressed out. And then I start to go,

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Speaker 1: you know, to that that place, and then when I'm

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Speaker 1: a week before my period, it's like not great. All right,

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Speaker 1: We're going to bring on a girl that's definitely gonna

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Speaker 1: lighten up the mood because I love following her on

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Speaker 1: TikTok Um. So let's take a break and let's get

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Speaker 1: Niki on. Alright, So Nicki mar is a. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna let her tell you because she's she's just badass.

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Speaker 1: But she's so funny and I kind of have I

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Speaker 1: don't kind of have, I have a girl crush on her.

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Speaker 1: So let's bring her on and then she can explain

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Speaker 1: all the ins and outs if her awesome. She's not

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Speaker 1: like almost like two million fellars on TikTok Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: was just looking at it Hi guys. Hi, I love

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Speaker 1: your so cute. How are you? I'm good? How are

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Speaker 1: you doing this? I know? Nice to meet you officially,

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Speaker 1: because um, was it someone slid into my dams and

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Speaker 1: then I slid into your d m Is that how

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Speaker 1: it happened? Yes, yes, I think it was over the holidays.

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Speaker 1: That's right about like changing the mindset about the holidays

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Speaker 1: with your kids as a single moment. Yeah, um, this

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Speaker 1: is my best friend Katherine. By the way, Hey, how

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Speaker 1: are you. I've heard lots of you. I love your conversation.

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Speaker 1: Was just keeping it real over here. Okay, so can

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Speaker 1: you just like tell our wind down listeners who you

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Speaker 1: are and just like because I I've you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: I've Yes, I found you, that's right over Christmas time,

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Speaker 1: But like I don't know like a lot about your

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Speaker 1: journey because we always say like, oh, like you get

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Speaker 1: part of my life, but then I'm like, well, what's yours?

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Speaker 1: And then I'm like I don't want to dig too deep?

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Speaker 1: So now we get to dig deep. So tell me, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're obviously a single mom, but like, start

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Speaker 1: from the beginning, go, no one's ever asked me that, Janus,

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Speaker 1: So this is like the hot scene. I haven't been

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Speaker 1: asked that I've been. And I went from let's see seventeen,

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Speaker 1: I left a big, bad, boss, bitch corporate job which

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Speaker 1: was I just couldn't which was what they I was with. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was out with Alex Sandanni jewelry company, very fast growing.

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Speaker 1: I was like the first six employee, one of the

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Speaker 1: first six employees there. So took the whole crazy ride upward,

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Speaker 1: and I really thought, Oh my gosh, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be that woman who's got my kids, who's got the nanny,

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Speaker 1: who's flying, who's traveling, who's doing all these big bad things.

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Speaker 1: And and then I had my daughter and I got

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Speaker 1: a big promotion after getting back from eternity leave with her,

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Speaker 1: which I thought was unheard of. I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: what what are we doing? I have a baby at

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Speaker 1: home and I just got back, and you want me

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Speaker 1: to do all this great awesome and then, um, lots

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Speaker 1: of different snippets of the motherhood journey, lots of miscarriages. Um,

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Speaker 1: this is probably the first time I'm saying this public,

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Speaker 1: but my son was a twin So the little boy

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Speaker 1: with the glasses that is like all over my social

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Speaker 1: he was a twin. I. I delivered a stillborn in

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Speaker 1: June of so when I say it out loud, you

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Speaker 1: know those moments you say things out loud and you're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: did was that me? Was I in my body at

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Speaker 1: that time? How did I get through that? But it's

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Speaker 1: all ends up a beautiful story because he was a

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Speaker 1: year old. I was doing the corporate thing, all these

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Speaker 1: big promises from corporate about what they wanted me to be,

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Speaker 1: and I just didn't feel like those were my dreams anymore.

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Speaker 1: So I did the whole opposite of lean in. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I want to lean back, like I want

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Speaker 1: to be with my kids. I want to I felt

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Speaker 1: weird about dropping them off in the morning and knowing

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Speaker 1: someone else was going to pick them up at night

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Speaker 1: from preschool and from daycare. Um, So I left corporate,

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Speaker 1: started consulting. Everything was fine, everything was great. And then

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Speaker 1: September of my husband in and I split up, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, all right, this is it start and

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Speaker 1: then just want COVID. COVID hit, which ended up being

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Speaker 1: really hard but the best blessing. And I don't want

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Speaker 1: to sound like eternal optimist, but the fact that everything

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Speaker 1: was stripped like at once my career, my marriage, all

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Speaker 1: the things that I thought like labeled me. Literally, I

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Speaker 1: became my career, I became my life as a wife

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Speaker 1: and a mom, and it all got stripped and it

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Speaker 1: was the most beautiful, sad, crazy, emotional thing ever. And

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Speaker 1: I'm still it's still happening. I'm still going through all

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Speaker 1: those changes. So I went from I guess what the

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Speaker 1: picture perfect, like what everybody wants is, to what I

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Speaker 1: actually wanted was to just I want to be a mom.

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Speaker 1: I want to be a mom and I make content

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Speaker 1: and I've always been funny and goofy, even in the

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Speaker 1: corporate seat. And it happened to be where I lost

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Speaker 1: all my clients to Covid and I went on TikTok

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Speaker 1: as an alias to just kind of play around with

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Speaker 1: the app, and within six once I had over a

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Speaker 1: million followers. So I think it was just everybody at

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Speaker 1: that moment was looking for like authenticity. Right now, it's overused,

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Speaker 1: it's like overplayed that were but authenticity was all I

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Speaker 1: could show up as I didn't have a corporate job

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Speaker 1: that I was worried about people seeing me and being

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Speaker 1: too silly. I didn't have any friends that I knew

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Speaker 1: I didn't no one was watching me. There Vicky unplugged

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Speaker 1: with like a total alias, and then that's when I

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Speaker 1: kind of came into myself and met this online world

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Speaker 1: and realized there's other people going through the same stuff,

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Speaker 1: and it was this beautiful world of connectivity, especially between

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Speaker 1: moms and parents in general. What we were going through

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Speaker 1: in the world at the time. Why did you and

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Speaker 1: your husband course, I mean, well, let's put it this way.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that I could say, but

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Speaker 1: we just were like compatibility and togetherness and communication. It

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Speaker 1: just just you know, you look at the love languages

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Speaker 1: and all those things. You try to figure it out, right, Hannah,

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Speaker 1: Like you're always like, what went with what to get

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Speaker 1: to this? And there are so many freaking factors, and

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Speaker 1: I could say it's just it fell apart, but then

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Speaker 1: I um, I asked for an absolute smack in the

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Speaker 1: face sign literally prayed to my grandmother because I was

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Speaker 1: going through the hamster wheel of like I'm always complaining,

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Speaker 1: I'm always feeling unhappy, I'm always stealing alone. I'm starting

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Speaker 1: to sound like a martyr. I do everything for my kids,

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Speaker 1: and I'm throwing the birthday party and I'm there for like,

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Speaker 1: I started sounding like the squeaky wheel that I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be. And I finally one day I said,

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Speaker 1: Grandma's holy please like smack me deliberately in the face.

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Speaker 1: And two weeks after that I got an absolute smack

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Speaker 1: in the face and it was the answer. And when

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Speaker 1: it all went down, I said, if you don't listen

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Speaker 1: to this, you're praising nagain, like your batch crazy. So

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Speaker 1: that was it, and I yeah, I mean i'd like

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Speaker 1: for it to sound like a closed door easy journey.

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Speaker 1: It's been a freaking roller coaster ride. And I identify

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Speaker 1: so much every podcast when you guys are talking, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, oh my god, I get this me too. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's it's interesting. Well, thank you for sharing that. Um,

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Speaker 1: the smack in the facing is funny. I was actually

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Speaker 1: just writing earlier. You know the amount of times that

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Speaker 1: I've said then the last time was my exactly that quote.

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Speaker 1: I said, God, just smack me in the face with it,

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Speaker 1: literally smack me in the face. Because sometimes I've had

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Speaker 1: I had plenty of signs and I prayed for plenty,

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Speaker 1: plenty of signs. But that's why I was like the

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Speaker 1: this was that really a sign? I need to be

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Speaker 1: done done or is that a sign to like keep

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Speaker 1: working on it or is that like you know, And

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Speaker 1: that's why I was like literally smack me, like yeah,

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Speaker 1: million times I was. I was enabling the whole thing

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Speaker 1: because you know, you want to believe and I hear

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Speaker 1: all this stuff. Now everybody's using labels of everybody's divorcing

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Speaker 1: an narcissist right now in the whole world, right everybody's

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Speaker 1: divorcing a narcissism and it's always the path. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just a really good person who believes in like

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Speaker 1: that everything's going to work out. So I am very

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Speaker 1: optimistic by nature. But wholy put an optimist in a

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Speaker 1: downward spiral of a divorce and strip away all the

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Speaker 1: things that you thought life was supposed to be and

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Speaker 1: having kids was supposed to be, and that will send

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Speaker 1: you for a real wild ride of like self awakening,

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Speaker 1: you know, like rewriting that story. It's really really hard.

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Speaker 1: It's easy to say it change your mind. I think

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Speaker 1: that's what we connected on was Christmas Day I didn't

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Speaker 1: have my kids, and I was like, holy how, I'm

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Speaker 1: not okay with this. I don't want to go be

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Speaker 1: with anybody, not even my parents. I just want to

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Speaker 1: be alone and do nothing and be with my thoughts.

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Speaker 1: If you told me that that's what my adulthood was

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Speaker 1: going to be, like, I really that's depressing, But what's

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Speaker 1: the alternative? So I think we're always playing with those

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Speaker 1: like self discovery mode. I can hear that you do

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Speaker 1: it too, and and I'm still trying to Ah. It's so.

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Speaker 1: I was actually just talking to my boyfriend about this

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Speaker 1: last night because I'm like, you know, he's got his

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Speaker 1: reasons why his marriage didn't work, and I've got reasons

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Speaker 1: why I'm you know, my marriage didn't work. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: I get angry about it. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, but yeah, and I don't know what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen with me and I but like, but we're

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Speaker 1: here now, and it's like it could be even great,

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Speaker 1: better than anything we ever imagined. And then and then

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Speaker 1: my therapist would say to like, well, if the cheating

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Speaker 1: and all that stuff didn't happen, like, were you actually happy,

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Speaker 1: and like do you think you would have made it work?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't know, Like I would have

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Speaker 1: loved the opportunity to try, but I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: but I'm like, but I don't think so, Like it's

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Speaker 1: just like trying to understand, like it's just marriage is

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Speaker 1: just hard in general. But I don't, like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know because it's a tough question. Yeah, because like we

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Speaker 1: were so different. I I just I don't I'm like

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Speaker 1: I always just said to him, like I wish I

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Speaker 1: would have been given the opportunity to like not you know,

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Speaker 1: because trolling or have these emotions or have that like

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Speaker 1: taint our marriage because I don't know how it would

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Speaker 1: have looked or have been different, right, And so then

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Speaker 1: I get frustrated about that. But at the same time, like,

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Speaker 1: but now I'm here and I'm happy and I've got

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Speaker 1: two beautiful kids. But then again, I don't like co

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Speaker 1: parenting with them. How's your co parenting situation going. It's

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Speaker 1: really hard. It's hard. It's so hard. It's like I

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Speaker 1: try to be the person that's not like going to

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Speaker 1: nitpick the food options that he makes, right, And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I just don't just shut your mouth. Just control what

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Speaker 1: you can control. And then I'm like, can you just

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Speaker 1: teching that you know you can't help it, you can't

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Speaker 1: help it. I'm not I'm not a Gray Rock person.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to put the stuff that happened to

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Speaker 1: me and all of a sudden act different. Um. I

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Speaker 1: recently switched divorce attorneys because everybody was telling me, you've

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Speaker 1: got to protect yourself, you've got to get this, and

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Speaker 1: you've got to get that, and like, I know that,

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Speaker 1: but I'm still who I am. So my approach in

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Speaker 1: attorneys and the court system shouldn't be anything but me,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it was like I

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Speaker 1: was having all these feelings in this anxiety and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: why am I feeling so anxious? I'm like, because this

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Speaker 1: attorney's approach is not my approach. It wouldn't be my approach.

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Speaker 1: There's a way to get from A to Z, and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be this way. There's plenty of

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Speaker 1: ways to get there. So I don't know if that

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Speaker 1: makes sense. But I'm trying to just stay like really true,

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Speaker 1: no matter how angry I am or how hurt I feel.

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Speaker 1: Is trying to stay true to who I am. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'll challenge you on that. I did yesterday and it

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Speaker 1: was freaking crazy. Is I started video and I took

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Speaker 1: my phone out and I recorded myself talking as if

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Speaker 1: I was talking to a judge about who I am

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Speaker 1: as a mother, and I said, I can't stand this

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Speaker 1: system because here's who I am, Here's who I've always been.

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Speaker 1: And I just started like bawling because I was describing

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Speaker 1: myself as a mother and it was the most beautiful

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Speaker 1: it to hear yourself like talk about yourself from almost

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Speaker 1: the third person. It was beautiful. And I shared that

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Speaker 1: with a friend and she said, have you ever written

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Speaker 1: yourself an apology letter from him? That was? I did that? Who? No,

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Speaker 1: I haven't. I'm gonna need to have a whole night

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Speaker 1: to myself for that. But it's just, yeah, that letter

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Speaker 1: is like one of the greatest things you can do

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Speaker 1: with my therapist because you know, you'll probably never get

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Speaker 1: the apology. I'll never get the apology that we truly want.

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Speaker 1: And so my therapist said, write it in his words.

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Speaker 1: And to this day I still reread it sometimes because

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Speaker 1: it helps. I don't know, it's just like it's crazy,

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Speaker 1: but it definitely helps. Um, what is what do you think?

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Speaker 1: For you? Has been like kind of UM, you're saving

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Speaker 1: grace to stay positive when it's when it's you know,

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Speaker 1: when you're having a tough day where you want to

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Speaker 1: get angry because like my thing is now, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't really like I don't I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be angry at him anymore. I want to just get

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Speaker 1: right with me and be at peace with me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the biggest savior has been me because I was the

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Speaker 1: little kid whose parents got divorced. So I think I

359
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 1: can see things differently because of that. And I now

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Speaker 1: have this online community of women who come to me.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know anything, but I'll just be

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Speaker 1: here for you, you know. Um. But there was a woman,

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Speaker 1: she's one that kind of connected us. She sent me

364
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Speaker 1: your stuff and she sent my stuff to you, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, um, and she asked me about her

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Speaker 1: like mothering her what her daughter was kind of going

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Speaker 1: through with their split, and I just put myself in

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Speaker 1: the daughter's shoes. And she's like, oh my gosh, I've

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Speaker 1: never thought of it like that. I'm always thinking about

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Speaker 1: what I can do better, but you just put me

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Speaker 1: in the body of my daughter to kind of go

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Speaker 1: through what emotion she's feeling. So I was that little kid.

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Speaker 1: How old were you when your parents split? Like three? Okay?

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Speaker 1: So what did your parents do right? Because my parents

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Speaker 1: didn't split to the I was fourteen or thirteen fourteen,

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Speaker 1: So what did your parents do at that age that

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Speaker 1: you can look back and go like, okay, they did

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Speaker 1: that right. What they did right is they completely put

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Speaker 1: their hands up and let my grandparents do a ton.

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Speaker 1: And those were the days. I mean, I'm forty four,

381
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: so the eighties was when you were growing up. You

382
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Speaker 1: were outside, you were playing with your friends. All the

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Speaker 1: things that we talked about now that's like, oh my god,

384
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 1: childhood then it was so different. It was, and I

385
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,400
Speaker 1: feel like grandparents were made to be just grandparents then,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't remember my grandparents not ever being available,

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Speaker 1: Like their social calendar was like they were home and

388
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Speaker 1: the news was on. So I will say my my

389
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 1: parents didn't feel they were very young, so I don't

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Speaker 1: think they felt that need to let control me as

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Speaker 1: a parent. So it was like they let me do

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Speaker 1: my thing. I grew up very independent. I was at

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Speaker 1: my grandparents, I was at my friend's house. I was

394
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 1: always like the odd man out. I was hanging out,

395
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Speaker 1: going on ski trips with my friends. FAMI. What about

396
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 1: like birthdays and stuff like did you celebrate it with

397
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Speaker 1: your mom and dad or did you do have joint

398
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: ones or I mean separate ones. No, it was usually with.

399
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 1: It was usually with Like my grandparents would host it

400
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: and it would be like one parent or the other. Date.

401
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: When I graduated from college, my mom hosted a um

402
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: college party and all my friends were there. My dad

403
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 1: came and all my friends that were there, was like,

404
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, they were in the same room. It

405
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 1: took me to be one years old. What do you

406
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,919
Speaker 1: think about that? Like? Where where are you at? It?

407
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: Like where it's um and I'll tell you after after

408
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: you tell me yours, but like where you know? What

409
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 1: what are you going to do when it comes to

410
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 1: like you know, birthdays and things like that. Well, we

411
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: when we, I would say, like a year after we split,

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Speaker 1: he was here a lot. He was here a lot,

413
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,679
Speaker 1: he was at we were in the same place as

414
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Speaker 1: we were having conversations all the time, and I was

415
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 1: really optimistic that all right, we could we could be

416
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 1: almost like best friends and we can do this the

417
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: right way. I still, like, deep down want to believe

418
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: that someday all this will go away and we'll be

419
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: able to get there. But um, I had that vision

420
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Speaker 1: of we can do it the way I always wanted

421
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,719
Speaker 1: my parents to be able to. But then you are

422
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: if you're when you're seeing other people and there's just

423
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 1: anger and resent, there's just stuff there that just doesn't

424
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,400
Speaker 1: allow it right now. Um So yeah, that's I guess

425
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: that's the answers. I would like for it to be

426
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 1: that way. I don't see why it can't be that way,

427
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: But it takes two people to be that way. I think,

428
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: like when it's fresh to like I know, for me

429
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 1: right now, like I I always struggle with that. I'm like, well,

430
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 1: I feel bad and then you guys are like, I

431
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: mean I can see both sides of it, but when

432
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: you've got significant others, I just don't see how that works. Well,

433
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 1: I mean not right now. I would say it would

434
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: just be you know, hope, maybe I would love to eventually,

435
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 1: like down the down the line, like I would. You

436
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 1: know me, I've always like had that like dream of

437
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 1: like being you know, close and friends, and but now

438
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 1: I don't, but he really wants. But then I was like,

439
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: well I feel bad and it's like you know, Pamelin

440
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 1: was like, don't like this is your weekend and this

441
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: is the weekend that you're going to have her birthday

442
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: out and he can do it on his weekend, and

443
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: it's it's okay, like because when he does come around,

444
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 1: like I get anxiety again or I get like and

445
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: the kids are going to feel that. So you know,

446
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 1: maybe when that passes and I don't care anymore about

447
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 1: an apology, I don't care anymore about what he thinks

448
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: or whatever, then then maybe I would be like, yeah,

449
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,959
Speaker 1: sure I don't care because I won't care. Yeah, I mean,

450
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: but I still care once it's healthy for you go about.

451
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: I mean, my parents were divorced and they did everything

452
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 1: together and that really annoyed me. That frustrated me, and like,

453
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 1: be divorced, stop doing everything together, actually get two birthday parties.

454
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,400
Speaker 1: I'm with you, Gatherine. I don't think my kids need

455
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: anything that they don't have right now. Yeah, it's awes

456
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: like we over do this. What they need, what they need,

457
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: what they need. My kids are fine. Sometimes I'll say

458
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: you to my daughter who's seven, I'm like, Leila, does

459
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: it make it like is it weird when you saw

460
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 1: me sitting kind of next to daddy at gymnastics Because

461
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: she's like, she doesn't care She's almost like, why are

462
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 1: you bringing this up? You're gonna be overthinking it, Like Nick,

463
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 1: I didn't really care about them being together. I think

464
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 1: I just as a kid, felt bad. I didn't want

465
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 1: anything to be off balance. I didn't want one to

466
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 1: think I love the other one more than the other.

467
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: It was more like, everything's fine, but I can tell

468
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: when you guys are feeling emotional or annoyed with each other.

469
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: And I wanted to at that age, even like seven

470
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 1: years old, I wanted to be a fixer already. What

471
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 1: insrogram are you? Oh my gosh, I tried to do

472
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 1: it the other day and I didn't. I think because

473
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 1: I listened to yours. I think I was a seven

474
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: Let's fixer is at seven? I don't know, Actually I don't.

475
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 1: I don't even know. That's all I know. Seven was

476
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 1: very controlling. I was like, well, I gotta dig in more.

477
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if I'm to read

478
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: any What is like your biggest lesson that you've learned

479
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 1: as a single mom um empathy in life? Like I

480
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: feel like I was not to sound cheesy, I feel

481
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: like I was never really passionate about consulting. I was

482
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 1: never I was always love corporate because it was like family.

483
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 1: I was an All American D one athletes, so I'm

484
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: a total like competitive, like there's got to be a goal.

485
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 1: And I think the thing that it's taught me is

486
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 1: that you can change everything about your life. You it's

487
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: okay to have relationships that don't stay exactly the same forever.

488
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 1: So it's given me this all three sixty degree of

489
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: like what my friendships look like. Right, if you're a

490
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: woman and you all of a sudden aren't talking to

491
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: certain friends, you tend to like over what did I do?

492
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: What did she do? Why are we not? It's like life,

493
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: It's okay. There's different seasons, and there's different flavors, and

494
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: there's different needs you have. Right now, my needs are

495
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: more met by freaking strangers online who I don't even

496
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: know personally, that I can relate to more than family members.

497
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: And I think if you asked me a year ago,

498
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 1: if I heard somebody else say that, I'd be like,

499
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: that's weird, that's a little like something's off with her.

500
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: But it's just it's just where I'm at. So I've

501
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:30,119
Speaker 1: learned that um, picture perfect like really isn't right. Everything changes,

502
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: So I had the picture perfect life. I remember when

503
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with my first set of twins, so

504
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: that was a very horrific miscarriage. My first pregnancy twenty

505
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 1: weeks with twins, like horrible. It changed me. I was

506
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 1: like the alpha, freaking boss bitch female who was funny

507
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 1: and joyful and all those things. But I didn't feel

508
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: maternal yet right because I was like it was like

509
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: all coming together. And now with miscarriages, with divorce, with

510
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 1: single motherhood, I'm like, I am the most feminine, gking

511
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: side of myself that I've ever done. I'm most in

512
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:10,120
Speaker 1: line with feminine and like power. Where do you struggle

513
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 1: the most? You think, Um, probably just that I feel

514
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: like my kids aren't getting the version of me that

515
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,360
Speaker 1: I thought i'd be for them. I'm still fun and

516
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm still present, but I'm not good at all of

517
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 1: those other house keeping things. And I'm not saying like housework,

518
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 1: but I'm not the homework mom and I'm not the

519
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: very organized mom, and I'm I'm trying to be everything

520
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: to them. Where sometimes it's easier to think about you

521
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 1: have a partner and that's what you do together, and

522
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,640
Speaker 1: you there's a there's a presence in the home. It's

523
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: not just about what they're doing or putting out. There's

524
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: a presence. And I feel like my kids got a

525
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: little bit chipped. We're now like their home with me,

526
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: and that's great, but it's like the picture right since

527
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: my parents diporced every journal that I found growing up,

528
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,440
Speaker 1: Like I sifted through journals and I was like, oh

529
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: my god. Everything that I talked about goals wise, was

530
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: like I was gonna get married, and I was going

531
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: to have kids, and I was going to have a husband.

532
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,199
Speaker 1: And so your whole life you're dreaming of that, and

533
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: now that's not there. And yes there's life with somebody

534
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: else again, and there's you know, creating what the new

535
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: modern day like family is. But it takes a lot

536
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: of freaking patients and work too. Okay, I just have

537
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: to take it back because I don't want you to

538
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: think that your kids are getting jipped. Because I think

539
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,400
Speaker 1: of my friend Pamelin, who is the arts and crafts

540
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: freaking guru, like she arts and crafts more than anybody

541
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: that I know. With her kids, I don't. I got

542
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: an arts and crafts sing with Jolie, and it was

543
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: like this bracelet thing, and I threw it away honestly

544
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: because I couldn't even understand the directions to doing it,

545
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: you know. And in my mind, I'm like, well, if

546
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: Pamelin was Jolie's mom, she'd be able to sit here

547
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: and do this with her. But I was like, you

548
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: know what, what can I do that's different than Pamelin?

549
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: You know what she can't do. So we went up

550
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: into the music room and we started singing and like,

551
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: so like I never be the arts and crafts mom.

552
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: You might not ever be, you know. And I don't know, Katherine,

553
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: you might not be whatever. Definitely not arts and crafts. Yeah, yeah,

554
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be. And like there are kids aren't

555
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: getting jipped because we're not arts and crafts mom. And

556
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 1: because you don't, I don't know, cook them homemade meals

557
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: every night or whatever. Like I my kids will never

558
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: get that, mom, because I'm not a great cook. So

559
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,479
Speaker 1: they're going to get the great stuff at Dad's. And

560
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately I'm trying, but like I'm still just

561
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 1: good at microwave of chicken nuggets. So like, but I'm doing,

562
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: but like I know my strengths and you know your

563
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: strengths Katherine knows her strengths as mom. That's all they

564
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: need is just like I just want Mom. They just

565
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: want They don't care what you're doing with them. They

566
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: just want to be with you. They're not getting jips,

567
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: so please like I don't want you to even like

568
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: feel that like and or that like take that on. Yeah, yeah,

569
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: I do know. I do know. It's like it's that

570
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: it's like reframing the story and it's the positive side

571
00:29:55,960 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: of that is, Oh, I'm totally the fun mom, like

572
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: like go like die your kids here, you know what

573
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: I mean, Like go like do something like fun like

574
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 1: you're fun, Like they ain't doing that my house. You know,

575
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: hopefully hopefully all the kids are gonna want to be

576
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: here at some point, right Yeah? Yeah, God, are you

577
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: seeing anyone new? I'm seeing somebody for over for like

578
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: a year and a half. Okay, how did you how

579
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: do you continue that? Like how do you let yourself

580
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: love again? I think this will be a really great

581
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: like something for people to hear because when we were

582
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: we were he's got kids, I have kids, you know,

583
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: similar endings in our marriages, and we were talking about

584
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: how good we have it, like if I so when

585
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: we don't have we happen to not have our kids

586
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: on the same weekends. I don't know what the hell

587
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: I would do without my kids on the weekends without him, right,

588
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: because we've created this like side life together and when

589
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, what are next steps? Like when

590
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 1: would you do? You hang out with the kids a lot?

591
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: And I looked at him one day and I said,

592
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: do you realize we have like what most people in

593
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: their marriages are looking for, Like why is everybody else's

594
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: version of what we should be? Next matter? Like, let's

595
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: not let that matter. We have our every other weekends

596
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: together and we have like one night a week together,

597
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: and I'm just more comfortable separating that from my time

598
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: with my kids. I just it's just the way. For

599
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 1: some reason, it works better for me. Their dad lives

600
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: with somebody else, she has kids. My kids go to

601
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: that environment, they're around everybody. That's great, that's fun. But

602
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: for me, I just want that time with my kids.

603
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody else interpreting my parenting or having

604
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: any say in my parenting, not that he would, and

605
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: then vice versa. So we've got a great thing. And

606
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: I said, this is up to us, Like this is

607
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: our story. It's no one else's Like if we do

608
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 1: this till all the kids are out of the house,

609
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: then like that's our rules, that's what we're scross. So

610
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: I think it's unique. When I tell people that, they're like, oh,

611
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: you don't have any interest in moving in together eventually,

612
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: not not even on the radar right now that I'm

613
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: happy and it's very romantic and it's very fun, and

614
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: it's a piece of myself that's reminded of who I

615
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: was before kids when I'm with him, you know, like

616
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 1: going to the vineyard and going to Nantucket and riding

617
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: mopeds and going hiking and going skiing, like those are

618
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: all the things that I was before kids. So I'm

619
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 1: getting both of my favorite nikkies right now. I've never

620
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: said that, well, it's kind of fun. That's like ready

621
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: for a T shirt. I love it. I wanted to, um,

622
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: how is it like when you, like when your ex

623
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: started being with that other person, because I haven't, like

624
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: really like I had to deal with it like a

625
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: serious relationship that I don't know if I maybe need

626
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 1: a diagnosis here, but that for some reason the other

627
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 1: women thing didn't bother me. I don't know. That's you

628
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna be it's just my kids. I mean

629
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: I think, I think, I think it would be tough. Yes,

630
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: I think, but I don't like my mind. I'm like,

631
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: I have them, but just don't have my kids. But

632
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: I want my kids, so I think more that's yet

633
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: more focused on my kids. But again I want them

634
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 1: to be in a healthy environment. And obviously it's such

635
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 1: a hypocrite of me because my kids around Ian but

636
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: baby steps it's hard. It is, it's hard. It's baby steps. Yeah,

637
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: there's a lot here, there's a lot. This is a whole.

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00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: I mean, this is like seventeen episodes. I seriously, um, Nikki,

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00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: where can our listeners find you? So I am on

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00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: Instagram as NICKI Marie inc and I c K, I

641
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: M A R I n C. And then on TikTok

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00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 1: Nikki unplugged just by accident, different handles alias and now

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00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: that's an alias. Do you believe that that's what I'm

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00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: doing full time? Now? Yeah? But you know what, that's

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00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: amazing and how fun myself? I'm not in any one,

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00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: I mean really you are though, like you're influencing people

647
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: to like laugh, you influenced me to laugh laugh. You know,

648
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: just take yourself less seriously, um, being more present and

649
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 1: have fun and be goofy with your kids. Like I

650
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: all the things you just said to me is like

651
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: your kids are getting what they need when you're just

652
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 1: present and your yourself. That's the biggest thing. So yeah,

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00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 1: on social media, I'm there. I'm not going anywhere. Well

654
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 1: good because I need you and I relate to and

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00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. So thank you for being the O

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00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: G authentic girl. And um yeah, I'll see you on

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00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 1: the I'll see you on the dark web. Absolutely. Thank you, guys,

658
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: love you. Thank you so much for coming on wine down. Okay, Benny,

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00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: She's so sweet, she is. I love her. I love her.

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00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: Who was calling you? I was looking at it was

661
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,800
Speaker 1: my lawyer. I was looking at her Instagram and her TikTok,

662
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:53,280
Speaker 1: but I pulled out the TikTok and I was already

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00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: looking at her. She's fun She did that whole like

664
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,280
Speaker 1: thing that I said about going to the best stop,

665
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: but in the car rider line with no brawl and

666
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 1: like your pajamas. I can appreciate that. I know she's funny.

667
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it. But now that's good. I like

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00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 1: I like everything. She said. Alright, guys, well um that's

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00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: about all I got for today, so see you next week.

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00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 1: Can buy me