WEBVTT - The Weight Of The Truth

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<v Speaker 1>Calling all my sweeties to the forefront. I'm your host,

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Rhne Hazel and this is to keep it positive,

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<v Speaker 1>Sweetish show welcome to keep it positive, sweetie. The place

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<v Speaker 1>where we heal, grow and learn together. Some of the

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<v Speaker 1>most important conversations of our lives are also the ones

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<v Speaker 1>where leads prepared to have. Today we're talking about truth, trust,

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<v Speaker 1>and the courage to have the conversations that can change generations.

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<v Speaker 2>Today's guest has dedicated.

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<v Speaker 1>Her career to making some of life's most important conversations

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<v Speaker 1>feel less intimidating and far more empowering. Known to millions

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<v Speaker 1>as the Period Doctor, doctor Charles Chambers is a Board

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<v Speaker 1>certified pediatric and adolescent gynecologists, educator, entrepreneur, and author of

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<v Speaker 1>the new book The Period and Puberty Parenting or Revolution.

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<v Speaker 1>Through her platform and her practice, she's helping families replace

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<v Speaker 1>fear with understanding and silence with confidence. Kid's family, please

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<v Speaker 1>give a very warm well welcome to doctor Charis.

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<v Speaker 2>Doctor.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for coming by, Thank you for having me. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>congratulations on your new book entitled The Period and Puberty

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<v Speaker 1>Parenting Revolution. How are you feeling today?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I'm feeling so blessed. I think whenever you have

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<v Speaker 2>something in your heart and your mind and then it

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<v Speaker 2>comes to be a physical thing, you have to relish

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<v Speaker 2>in the moment yes and say okay, okay, Lord, I

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<v Speaker 2>see what you have done. And there has to be

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<v Speaker 2>a spirit of gratitude.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely. So I know this is a busy time. You're

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<v Speaker 1>a newfound author, you're also a gynecologist, but how are

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<v Speaker 1>you balancing it all? Your mother as well and a wife. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>this is something you've added to your place, So how

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<v Speaker 1>are you balancing it all?

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<v Speaker 2>The late is full? Okay? I literally message someone saying

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm managing it by being so again grateful for everything,

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<v Speaker 2>but also very careful with what I say yes to.

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<v Speaker 2>So I as you start to have more visibility, and

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<v Speaker 2>especially with publicity around a book, people say, oh, doing things,

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<v Speaker 2>can you do more things? I'm like, oh my goodness,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry. I'm doing these things. I cannot accept more things,

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<v Speaker 2>And so with a gracious spirit, I'm saying, oh, thank

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<v Speaker 2>you so much for thinking of me. I genuinely appreciate it.

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<v Speaker 2>My plate is as full as I can take it

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<v Speaker 2>right now, so I will have to decline. And that

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<v Speaker 2>is how I've been protecting myself by saying no to

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<v Speaker 2>other opportunities that are good opportunities that used to I

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<v Speaker 2>would I would jump at. And I used to not

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<v Speaker 2>have the discernment that is necessary in this season to

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<v Speaker 2>say no to those things. But I say no with

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<v Speaker 2>gratitude and understanding that this is the manifestation of abundance.

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<v Speaker 2>It is more than I can carry, it is more

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<v Speaker 2>than I can accept. And that's okay.

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<v Speaker 1>There is so much wisdom in what you just said,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have to honor your no. It is so wise.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I used to think no was always negative,

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<v Speaker 2>but I I mean the delivery of it, like with

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<v Speaker 2>a smile and with hearts and with thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 1>But I cannot right now. That's okay. And sometimes that

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<v Speaker 1>no isn't for ever. It's just right now, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have the capacity. Yeah, and this season I love that.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so good. So before we get started, we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to dive into your book, but I want to

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<v Speaker 1>play a game with you first. The game is called

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<v Speaker 1>first instinct. Now, as a physician, you have learned to

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<v Speaker 1>trust your training, but as a leader, you've also learned

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<v Speaker 1>to trust your experience. So I'm curious what happens when

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<v Speaker 1>those two instincts meet. I'm going to give you a

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<v Speaker 1>few situations and you just tell me your first instinct

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<v Speaker 1>and why. All right, The first one is a parent says,

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<v Speaker 1>my child isn't ready for this conversation? What is your

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<v Speaker 1>first instinct and why?

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<v Speaker 2>My first instinct is to follow up and say, why

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<v Speaker 2>do you believe that? And can I convince you otherwise?

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<v Speaker 2>The reason is many parents, when they really say their

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<v Speaker 2>child is not ready, they are often suggesting that they're

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<v Speaker 2>not ready. And if they're saying that their child has

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<v Speaker 2>anxiety around new things, it is actually in support of

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<v Speaker 2>having the conversation ahead of the actual event taking place.

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<v Speaker 2>It actually can be supportive of the narrative, and I

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<v Speaker 2>think that's helpful. The other thing is can I convince

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<v Speaker 2>you otherwise? It's like, are you even open to another perspective?

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<v Speaker 2>And that's before I spend my good time? Are I

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<v Speaker 2>told you I have much? So? Is there an opportunity?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you open to being convinced otherwise? I think allows

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<v Speaker 2>me to better allocate my time and efforts to know

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<v Speaker 2>if they're ready to even have the conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so good. I love that and that you

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<v Speaker 1>hit on something A lot of times our parents say

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<v Speaker 1>that the child isn't ready, but it's really they're not ready.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. The kids grow up so fast and they're like, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>I actually am not.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not the one ready.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know that's so true, all right. The next

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<v Speaker 1>one is someone challenges something that you know to be true.

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<v Speaker 2>What is your first instinct? My first instinct is to listen.

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<v Speaker 2>I love listening. It's my favorite and I often can

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<v Speaker 2>better understand their perspective. And so if I know it

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<v Speaker 2>to be true in my lived experience, maybe there is

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<v Speaker 2>a blind spot, maybe there is some other thing I

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<v Speaker 2>haven't considered, and so I want to better understand people

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<v Speaker 2>for I respond. Again, it's a better use of my

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<v Speaker 2>time to to really understand what the perspective is so

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<v Speaker 2>that I can challenge it or not. Yeah, that's so good.

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<v Speaker 1>God to redirects a plan you've worked years to build.

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<v Speaker 1>What is your first instinct? This has happened to all

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<v Speaker 1>of us.

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<v Speaker 2>This has happened, honestly, if I've really being honest, My

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<v Speaker 2>first instinct is to cry. And I think crying has

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<v Speaker 2>been cathartic for me. It is what I do when

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to do. It is how I

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<v Speaker 2>release things. And when I don't give myself the opportunity

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<v Speaker 2>to have a good cry, I tend to carry more

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<v Speaker 2>than I need to. So when there has been true

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<v Speaker 2>time and effort in something that I've been working diligently

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<v Speaker 2>toward and there's a divine redirection, there is still a

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<v Speaker 2>grieving that has to take place. And then the follow

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<v Speaker 2>up thing is, now, what would you have me to do?

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<v Speaker 2>Because if you are redirecting me, what is the assignment?

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<v Speaker 2>What is the next step? The crying? You know, it

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't mean I'm giving, It doesn't mean I don't have faith.

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<v Speaker 2>It means I am a human being that feels, and

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<v Speaker 2>I feel very deeply, and I got to get it

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<v Speaker 2>out of the way so I can get back to

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<v Speaker 2>what God has for me.

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<v Speaker 1>It is so good. I love that. I just had

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<v Speaker 1>a conversation yesterday with It was two men and a woman,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was telling the guys that tears are healing, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>absolutely a lot. I think we're just finally getting to

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<v Speaker 1>the point where they're okay to cry and they feel

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<v Speaker 1>that they have a safe face to allow themselves to

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<v Speaker 1>feel those emotions. So it's so true. My first instinct

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<v Speaker 1>is a cry to you are why I come on,

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<v Speaker 1>we've been working on this, right, I'm gonna cry and.

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<v Speaker 2>Get to it absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>Last one is you have to choose between being liked

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<v Speaker 1>or being honest. What is your first instinct?

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<v Speaker 2>Every time? It's being honest, because if I am prioritizing

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<v Speaker 2>being liked, I'm probably not going to be able to

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<v Speaker 2>like myself after that. And I always say I got

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<v Speaker 2>to be the one to be able to rest my

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<v Speaker 2>eyes okay and go to sleep at night trying to

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<v Speaker 2>get to heaven. So I don't need to be liked

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<v Speaker 2>by people. And it's impossible to be consistently liked by

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<v Speaker 2>people who are subject to passing whims and fancies, so

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<v Speaker 2>popular opinion is always changing. I need to love me

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<v Speaker 2>and like me, and I'd rather be honest and go

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<v Speaker 2>to sleep with a clean heart than to get the

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<v Speaker 2>approval of someone who's going to change that approval approval

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<v Speaker 2>or retracted at a later date.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that. That is so good. I want to know.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that you know now you have been called

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<v Speaker 1>to care? Oh yes, at what age did you realize

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<v Speaker 1>when you look back as an adult and you look

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<v Speaker 1>back over your life, were there moments throughout your childhood

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<v Speaker 1>where you see like your calling was already evident in

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<v Speaker 1>your life.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's funny because there isn't one moment that

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<v Speaker 2>I can identify, And I think that's a testament to

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<v Speaker 2>just God kind of giving you just enough in the

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<v Speaker 2>moment that you keep walking forward. I can remember in

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<v Speaker 2>my youngest years, I'm the third child in my family, right,

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<v Speaker 2>so when you have older siblings, you are forced to

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<v Speaker 2>be more of an observer than a leader. And being

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<v Speaker 2>an observer, I found that I noticed things that people overlooked.

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<v Speaker 2>I was often very emotionally aware of how actions and

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<v Speaker 2>words affected other people. And it was almost as if

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<v Speaker 2>I was like in some parts, like invisible in a room,

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<v Speaker 2>like you could just you know, you were like this

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<v Speaker 2>little fly on the wall and I could see ooh,

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<v Speaker 2>they didn't like that. You know. I was always that person,

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<v Speaker 2>And even into medical school where you are just in

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<v Speaker 2>the room, you know, shadow and don't say too much

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<v Speaker 2>because you don't know nothing, you're here to learn. I

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<v Speaker 2>could see that as well. I could see the patient

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<v Speaker 2>recoil when the leading physician said something they didn't like.

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<v Speaker 2>I could see them have questions in their eyes as

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<v Speaker 2>we're leaving the room, and the physicians like, well, I

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<v Speaker 2>did my job. I'm like, no, you did you know?

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<v Speaker 2>I constantly had that emotional awareness, and so I think

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<v Speaker 2>I knew emotional awareness was my gift. I didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>what to do with it, and so as I began

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<v Speaker 2>to understand my role in my desire for science and medicine,

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<v Speaker 2>I said, well, what can I do differently with that?

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<v Speaker 2>And it's funny because in my training I was reprimanded

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<v Speaker 2>for spending too much time with patients. They're like, you're

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<v Speaker 2>not fast enough, and I'm like, you too quick because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm in the room longer because you're not doing what

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<v Speaker 2>you need to be doing. But you can't say that

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<v Speaker 2>to your attendant. You can't say that to the person

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<v Speaker 2>who don't your evaluation. So I'm like, okay, I'll take

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<v Speaker 2>that down. So I just got better at it. I

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<v Speaker 2>got better at my education and counseling. So I think

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<v Speaker 2>God lets you be aware of certain gifts, and it

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<v Speaker 2>is kind of that beautiful moment where all of those

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<v Speaker 2>gifts start to align, you find your place and you

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<v Speaker 2>start walking in that path where each step forward gives

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<v Speaker 2>you that confirmation.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I love that. As reading the book, I realized

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<v Speaker 1>that Curiosity also seems to be one of your superpowers.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't just learn the information, but you pursue understanding,

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<v Speaker 1>which is very important. How has stayed curious shaped the

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<v Speaker 1>woman that you are today?

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<v Speaker 2>I think it has made me a lifelong learner. So

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<v Speaker 2>people think that once you get the degrees and you

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<v Speaker 2>know the board certifications, you stop learning. I'm always here.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm constantly learning, and I learned from my patients. I

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<v Speaker 2>learned from their parents. I learned from all these people

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<v Speaker 2>that I interact with in life because I've never lived

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<v Speaker 2>their lives. I learned by reading. I learned by you know,

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<v Speaker 2>studying the latest research articles. But curiosity, for me allows

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<v Speaker 2>you to be the most alive that you are. And

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<v Speaker 2>as life changes, as science advances, I never want to

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<v Speaker 2>be left behind. I never want to be someone that's

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<v Speaker 2>speaking out of a place that is not relevant and accurate.

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<v Speaker 2>And so my curiosity is tied to my love of learning,

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<v Speaker 2>and I hope that that never goes away.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I love that. So growing up, what was there

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<v Speaker 1>a defining moment, like through grade school where you knew

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<v Speaker 1>like this is the direction I want to go. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to go into medicine or what was that defining

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<v Speaker 1>moment for you.

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<v Speaker 2>I actually didn't know I wanted to go into medicine

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<v Speaker 2>until I was in college. So I went to Spelman

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<v Speaker 2>College not too far here, and I entered spell and thinking,

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<v Speaker 2>I love science and math. Maybe i'll do something in math.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'll be like a math professor. Unclear ast of

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<v Speaker 2>why I thought that was gonna be. But as I

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<v Speaker 2>got to really know math and it just gets harder,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I don't like this. I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I do not, I don't like this. So I majored

0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:22.959
<v Speaker 2>in biology, and I think, just somewhere in my mind,

0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.199
<v Speaker 2>my dad is a physician. I got to see him

0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.720
<v Speaker 2>be the physician in our town and understand how respected

0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.760
<v Speaker 2>he was and how he was an integral part of

0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:35.839
<v Speaker 2>these milestones of people's lives. So I did have that perspective.

0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:39.160
<v Speaker 2>But it wasn't until around my second year that I

0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:41.040
<v Speaker 2>was like, well, if I'm a thought leader and I'm

0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.920
<v Speaker 2>emotionally intelligent, and I love science and I want to

0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:47.000
<v Speaker 2>be an advocate, medicine allows me to do all of that, Yes,

0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.040
<v Speaker 2>so let's pursue medicine. And then once I was in

0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.360
<v Speaker 2>med school, I then realized I wanted to do kind ofcology.

0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:57.080
<v Speaker 1>That's amazing. So you went to Spelman, you earned your

0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.920
<v Speaker 1>medical degree, you completed your obgy in residence, and then

0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.920
<v Speaker 1>you made the decision to specialize further in pediatric and

0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:09.600
<v Speaker 1>adolescent gynecology. Now, what made you decide that was the

0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.400
<v Speaker 1>specific area that you wanted to go into versus just

0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.000
<v Speaker 1>helping adult women. What made you say, I want to

0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:15.960
<v Speaker 1>focus on the children.

0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:19.000
<v Speaker 2>So first, I want to say that when I heard

0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:22.240
<v Speaker 2>that people used to leave residency, which is the most grueling,

0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, three to five years of your life, and

0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:27.400
<v Speaker 2>then elect to do more training, I was like, y'all crazy.

0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.760
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I will never be that fool. Like

0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:30.920
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, what do you mean? Do you

0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 2>not like getting paid? Do you not like rest? Do

0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:33.680
<v Speaker 2>you not like balance?

0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:35.080
<v Speaker 1>Some people are professional students.

0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:38.319
<v Speaker 2>I love it. I just I never saw myself doing that.

0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:42.359
<v Speaker 2>But when I was first exposed to pediatric and adolescent gynecology,

0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 2>I felt all of my gifts and all of my

0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.000
<v Speaker 2>interests like come alive in the room. I was like,

0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.200
<v Speaker 2>I can advocate for her, I can translate for her,

0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I can educate her, I can do this cross generational

0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:56.040
<v Speaker 2>like guidance. I mean, I was beyond thrilled at the

0:12:56.080 --> 0:13:00.440
<v Speaker 2>way I could show up clinically, and so I I

0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:03.640
<v Speaker 2>never thought that I would be this person that did

0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.440
<v Speaker 2>additional training, but for me, that was the best way

0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.679
<v Speaker 2>for me to show up in that way. Also in

0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:13.200
<v Speaker 2>my residency training, life happened. Life happened in like a

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:17.560
<v Speaker 2>more significant way, so kind of important things. I was

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.720
<v Speaker 2>diagnosed with like a chronic illness in my residency and

0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 2>just realized that the life of an OPQUI and in a

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.160
<v Speaker 2>general sense, is very erratic. There's lack of sleep and

0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:28.880
<v Speaker 2>all these things that just are not there don't promote

0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:33.160
<v Speaker 2>good health. There's a lot of stress in high stress situations,

0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:38.360
<v Speaker 2>and the idea of so specializing felt more appealing where

0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.080
<v Speaker 2>I could have more balance in my life and more control. Yes,

0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:44.839
<v Speaker 2>and then in my residency, my mother also passed away,

0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:49.240
<v Speaker 2>And I think when you lose someone and someone who

0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:51.200
<v Speaker 2>is your rock, who I felt like God put you

0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:55.120
<v Speaker 2>on assignment to be my person right without And she

0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:57.760
<v Speaker 2>passed away before I met my husband, So you know,

0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:59.920
<v Speaker 2>you're just kind of just feeling like you're just out here.

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.120
<v Speaker 2>The only thing that kept me motivated was purpose, Like

0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:08.200
<v Speaker 2>the only thing that gives me joy is showing up

0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:11.280
<v Speaker 2>for someone else and doing something that liberates them or

0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:16.599
<v Speaker 2>heals them, so that those things made fellowship and specializing

0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:17.960
<v Speaker 2>that much more urgent.

0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:21.760
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, that's so good. You talked about how grueling

0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.680
<v Speaker 1>residency was. Take us through some of like what that

0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>slice of people to understand what you all go through

0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.200
<v Speaker 1>to get to be the doctors that you Yes, oh

0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:30.960
<v Speaker 1>my gosh.

0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:35.840
<v Speaker 2>Residency is this strange time where you work on average

0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.760
<v Speaker 2>eighty hours a week. So eighty hours a week and

0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.760
<v Speaker 2>that is improvement. So my father when he was in residency,

0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:44.920
<v Speaker 2>there were no work hour restrictions. You just did what

0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.160
<v Speaker 2>you had to do. But then they had some research

0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.160
<v Speaker 2>that came out It's like if they never sleep, they

0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:53.120
<v Speaker 2>don't operate very well. We're actual surgeons, so we do

0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:55.520
<v Speaker 2>need to have like dexterity and know what things are.

0:14:56.640 --> 0:15:01.200
<v Speaker 2>And so eighty hour weeks was just the the standard

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.840
<v Speaker 2>for four years. There were times where I was like,

0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 2>oh my goodness, I have a golden weekend. A golden

0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:07.560
<v Speaker 2>weekend is when you.

0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.120
<v Speaker 1>Have both days off, like Saturday, Friday.

0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 2>N Friday and Saturday, I mean Saturday and Sunday rather

0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 2>because that was so rare in residency. I had three

0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:22.520
<v Speaker 2>total weeks of vacation including holidays, and so it's just

0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.200
<v Speaker 2>out of well, three total weeks per year. My apologies,

0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:27.800
<v Speaker 2>but it's just not a lot. So you're like, am

0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.680
<v Speaker 2>I gonna see my folks for Thanksgiving? I'm gonna see

0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:31.680
<v Speaker 2>them for Christmas? How I'm not gonna when? Am I

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:35.000
<v Speaker 2>going to travel meaningfully? And then you're not getting paid

0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.760
<v Speaker 2>very well. You're getting technically from an hourly standpoint, you're

0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.320
<v Speaker 2>getting paid less than minimum wage. You do twenty four

0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.880
<v Speaker 2>hour shifts and I remember being like, how does one

0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.560
<v Speaker 2>stay up for twenty four hours? And then your body

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.440
<v Speaker 2>just adjusts not well, but you just learn to. There's

0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:51.680
<v Speaker 2>shifts where you're just up at night. So there's night

0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.440
<v Speaker 2>float or night shift where you're up for twelve hours

0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 2>at night. You come in at seven pm, leave at

0:15:56.040 --> 0:16:00.200
<v Speaker 2>seven am, and so it's just the strangest thing where

0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.320
<v Speaker 2>your life is work. And the idea is that you

0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 2>need to get so much exposure and see so many

0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:09.320
<v Speaker 2>clinical scenarios to be trusted with lives in your hands,

0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:12.240
<v Speaker 2>to be trusted with the lives of a mother and

0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.960
<v Speaker 2>a baby, to be able to do a Sassyrian section

0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.480
<v Speaker 2>and get a baby out in forty five seconds, because

0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:21.000
<v Speaker 2>it's an emergency to be able to control bleeding and

0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:25.000
<v Speaker 2>keep your composure. So those are things that need to

0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.680
<v Speaker 2>be tested rapidly and with repetition, and so there is

0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.480
<v Speaker 2>a reason for it. But it is hard on your body.

0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, it's hard on your mind. It's hard on

0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.560
<v Speaker 2>your soul. I was talking to a resident because I

0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:39.160
<v Speaker 2>do work with residents. Now, I say, you couldn't pay me.

0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:41.880
<v Speaker 2>Ain't no amount of money you could pay me to

0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:46.760
<v Speaker 2>go back to where you are. You just like I know, But.

0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure that they love to have someone like you

0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 1>that's leading them versus the people were saying you're moving

0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.480
<v Speaker 1>too slow, you need to You're actually teaching them how

0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.520
<v Speaker 1>to properly care. Because so many doctors don't have good

0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.400
<v Speaker 1>bedside manner. So many and now I see why because

0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.840
<v Speaker 1>they've been taught hurry up, keep it right.

0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:05.800
<v Speaker 2>Well, these keep it going. The system doesn't reward good

0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 2>bedside manner, But my patients appreciate it absolutely, and I

0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.920
<v Speaker 2>am there for my patients and that makes all the difference.

0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:14.920
<v Speaker 2>I love that I'm out of training and I can

0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:17.080
<v Speaker 2>just get that affirmation every single day.

0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:21.800
<v Speaker 1>I love it. I love that. So there's physicians all

0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.080
<v Speaker 1>over the world that are seeing the same things that

0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.440
<v Speaker 1>you see every day, but not all of them have

0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:29.479
<v Speaker 1>felt the call to write a book. What made you

0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:31.640
<v Speaker 1>decide I want to build my platform and I want

0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:32.679
<v Speaker 1>my voice to be public.

0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:36.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So I started my platform, my social media platform

0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:40.080
<v Speaker 2>when I was in fellowship. I had been at that point,

0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.120
<v Speaker 2>I'd done four years of medical school, four years Objuane residency,

0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:46.320
<v Speaker 2>and was one year through my two year fellowship program.

0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.879
<v Speaker 2>I was tired. I was very tired, and I just

0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:53.040
<v Speaker 2>felt like the delayed part of the delayed gratification was

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.240
<v Speaker 2>just taking a long time. I also was again searching

0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.800
<v Speaker 2>for purpose. My mom had passed and I just needed

0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:02.640
<v Speaker 2>some to fill my cup. So this wasn't the most

0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.639
<v Speaker 2>like selfless endeavor. It was something that was going to

0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:08.200
<v Speaker 2>make me feel like I was making an impact today.

0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:13.280
<v Speaker 2>So I said, well, if I'm talking to my patients

0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.840
<v Speaker 2>and they're constantly saying, nobody explains this like you yeah,

0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.200
<v Speaker 2>Like why didn't they just say that? I said, well,

0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.560
<v Speaker 2>maybe this is my gift. Maybe I could leverage this

0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:24.800
<v Speaker 2>and put this on social media so that more people

0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.720
<v Speaker 2>could see it. Also, I'm texting with people I went

0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:29.440
<v Speaker 2>to school with my college classmates, my line sisters. They're like, now,

0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:31.439
<v Speaker 2>remind me if I missed a birth control people, what

0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:33.720
<v Speaker 2>do I do. I'm like, I told you this multiple times?

0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.440
<v Speaker 2>Or what is a UTI? I'm like, I see there's Google.

0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.480
<v Speaker 2>It's right, there's free. They want to hear it from me.

0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:45.880
<v Speaker 2>You trust the source exactly. So it was the trust aspect.

0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:47.919
<v Speaker 2>I said, well, let me leverage this and just go

0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:50.320
<v Speaker 2>on social media. So I started just making posts. I

0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:52.680
<v Speaker 2>would make them as I studied for my oral boards,

0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:56.480
<v Speaker 2>just on random topics, and it just blew up and

0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.679
<v Speaker 2>I was like, come again. So I started to realize

0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.520
<v Speaker 2>there was a perspective that I had and a desire

0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:05.680
<v Speaker 2>that I had that was not common. And so then

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.440
<v Speaker 2>as I was seeing more patients and out throughout my practice,

0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:10.240
<v Speaker 2>there was so much I wanted to touch on. Even

0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:12.920
<v Speaker 2>in my own time without somebody being my girl, be faster,

0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:15.720
<v Speaker 2>I did not have time to touch on all of this,

0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:18.520
<v Speaker 2>seeing that like, this mom brought this daughter in to

0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:20.679
<v Speaker 2>talk about her period. But I need to talk to

0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.960
<v Speaker 2>this mother because she is having some I mean, she

0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:26.720
<v Speaker 2>is grieving. She is sobbing because of the fears that

0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:28.639
<v Speaker 2>she has in her heart about what her daughter's going

0:19:28.720 --> 0:19:30.560
<v Speaker 2>to go through. And that's not something that I can

0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.120
<v Speaker 2>code in the medical chart, right, That's not something insurance

0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.000
<v Speaker 2>is going to understand that I spent ten minutes talking

0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.400
<v Speaker 2>to her, like your baby's gonna be okay, Yes, this

0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:39.920
<v Speaker 2>is hard. I know you suffer through your periods, maybe

0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.240
<v Speaker 2>she won't suffer. Can you tell me more? You know,

0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:45.919
<v Speaker 2>like I felt this desire to speak to all of

0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:51.080
<v Speaker 2>these things, taboos, concerns, fears, traumas, and I don't have time,

0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:53.760
<v Speaker 2>and so I said, I need to write this down.

0:19:54.160 --> 0:19:56.840
<v Speaker 2>And I love social media. I love making videos, but

0:19:56.920 --> 0:20:02.119
<v Speaker 2>there's something so I don't know, just temporary about a

0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:05.280
<v Speaker 2>three minute video or a clip. So I said, I

0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:08.040
<v Speaker 2>feel like books just live on, they live on longer.

0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:10.400
<v Speaker 2>There there's something that put your words in a way

0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:14.240
<v Speaker 2>that they can reference repeatedly, and this is the format. Yeah,

0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:15.720
<v Speaker 2>so that's how I ended up here.

0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:18.520
<v Speaker 1>So as you began to blow up on social media,

0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:21.199
<v Speaker 1>you're a resident at the time, I'm a fellow, a

0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 1>fellow and okay, so it goes from resident, fellow to doctor, yes,

0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:30.960
<v Speaker 1>okay in that order. Was there ever a moment where

0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.240
<v Speaker 1>your peers because this is something that people didn't normally

0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:36.560
<v Speaker 1>do that you saw like any jealousy or like people

0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:38.440
<v Speaker 1>ahead of you. The doctor's like, hey, you need to Like.

0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.679
<v Speaker 2>What's so interesting is that when I started, this was

0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:44.879
<v Speaker 2>before you know, the pandemic, before things really blew up

0:20:44.880 --> 0:20:47.080
<v Speaker 2>on social media in that way, they just thought I

0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:49.639
<v Speaker 2>was a little crazy. Like and I told my my peers,

0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:52.000
<v Speaker 2>like my co fellows, because you're in this same boat

0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:54.520
<v Speaker 2>together as trainees, So I never wanted them to feel

0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.000
<v Speaker 2>like I was just doing random endeavors in like a

0:20:57.600 --> 0:20:59.840
<v Speaker 2>deceptive way. So I just let them know one day,

0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:01.800
<v Speaker 2>little work room like, hey guys, I'm gonna start on

0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:04.240
<v Speaker 2>Instagram where I start educating. They're like, okay, Like you're

0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:08.119
<v Speaker 2>not busy enough girls, right, And that was just that

0:21:08.200 --> 0:21:12.040
<v Speaker 2>was kind of the response. But as the pandemic started

0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:14.560
<v Speaker 2>and people started to leverage social media in that way

0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:15.760
<v Speaker 2>and it began to blow up.

0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:20.200
<v Speaker 1>A lot of doctors were very vocal during very vocal. Yeah.

0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:23.280
<v Speaker 2>I had even one of my attending doctors who are

0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:25.400
<v Speaker 2>like our bosses, it's like, can you teach me how

0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:28.280
<v Speaker 2>to do social media? I was like, oh my gosh,

0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:30.720
<v Speaker 2>that's so sweet for a price, because what are you

0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:33.600
<v Speaker 2>talking about. I don't have free time, hello, Right, So

0:21:33.680 --> 0:21:35.919
<v Speaker 2>you could see the shift was happening, but it hadn't

0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:38.600
<v Speaker 2>happened when I first started, So I think that protected

0:21:38.600 --> 0:21:41.400
<v Speaker 2>me from any type of jealousy or anything. I don't

0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:44.520
<v Speaker 2>think anyone anticipated that it would be that big wow,

0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:47.320
<v Speaker 2>which was fun because I didn't either. Yeah. I just

0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:48.840
<v Speaker 2>thought I was just doing this little education thing. I

0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:50.960
<v Speaker 2>didn't think I could make money. I had no real

0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:55.240
<v Speaker 2>plans to make a business. Yeah, just all I love that.

0:21:55.240 --> 0:21:58.959
<v Speaker 1>That's so cool. Now. I know that working in your field,

0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:02.719
<v Speaker 1>you see so many different things, and there's a lot

0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:07.159
<v Speaker 1>of weight that you have to carry. What are some

0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 1>of the scenarios that you can share that have really

0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:15.520
<v Speaker 1>like hits you where you're like, this is a tough day.

0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh, you know, there's so many tough days. I think

0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:22.640
<v Speaker 2>a lot of people think that. In my field, I'll

0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:26.720
<v Speaker 2>see primarily young girls who have been like mistreated and abused,

0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:29.280
<v Speaker 2>and that is a subset of what I do. But

0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:31.440
<v Speaker 2>there's still a lot of reasons why girls need to

0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:34.840
<v Speaker 2>see a guynecologist, right, that are not that extreme exactly,

0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:38.840
<v Speaker 2>even so I tend to see those people too, and

0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:42.359
<v Speaker 2>the amount of things that our youngest folks have seen

0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:45.360
<v Speaker 2>and experience, even at the hands of folks who were

0:22:45.680 --> 0:22:48.720
<v Speaker 2>supposed to protect them. Oh my god, it breaks my

0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:52.000
<v Speaker 2>heart and I have had to leave rooms because I

0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:55.600
<v Speaker 2>am like breaking down. One girl was telling me her

0:22:55.640 --> 0:22:59.080
<v Speaker 2>story about what she had survived, and I am just

0:22:59.200 --> 0:23:04.240
<v Speaker 2>like uncontrollably crying, and she wasn't and she was young,

0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:08.639
<v Speaker 2>and I just remember being like, you just look at

0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:12.160
<v Speaker 2>her and you would never know all she's carried, all

0:23:12.240 --> 0:23:15.520
<v Speaker 2>of the nightmare she has survived, and she still looked

0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:18.919
<v Speaker 2>joyful and had protective folks in her life at that time.

0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:23.520
<v Speaker 2>But my god, it just speaks to It constantly reminds

0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:27.119
<v Speaker 2>me and calibrates my perspective on You don't know what

0:23:27.160 --> 0:23:31.600
<v Speaker 2>people are going through, and so there is a lot

0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.959
<v Speaker 2>that I can't share because of hippopurposes, you know all that.

0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:37.560
<v Speaker 2>But there's a lot of this world is so dark

0:23:37.600 --> 0:23:41.320
<v Speaker 2>and it is so so hard for a lot of people,

0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:44.160
<v Speaker 2>and then it is so bright and it's so beautiful,

0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:47.879
<v Speaker 2>and the people who have limitations and disabilities and things

0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:50.240
<v Speaker 2>will be some of the most remarkable people that I see.

0:23:51.119 --> 0:23:54.680
<v Speaker 2>So it just it reminds me continually the expansiveness of God,

0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:59.080
<v Speaker 2>the goodness of God, and the need and the mandate

0:23:59.119 --> 0:23:59.600
<v Speaker 2>for grace.

0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:05.880
<v Speaker 1>That's good, thank you. One of the chapters that I

0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:08.840
<v Speaker 1>loved the title for was It's not about You, but

0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:12.560
<v Speaker 1>it is. I thought that was probably one of the

0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:15.919
<v Speaker 1>most honest titles you could have given that chapter. What

0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:17.119
<v Speaker 1>inspired that title?

0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:20.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh. So when I first thought about writing my book,

0:24:20.920 --> 0:24:23.280
<v Speaker 2>and when you write books that go through so many iterations,

0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:25.040
<v Speaker 2>I was thinking, do I need to do like a

0:24:25.040 --> 0:24:28.360
<v Speaker 2>ton of parenting profiles and how what parents experience, how

0:24:28.400 --> 0:24:30.720
<v Speaker 2>that affects how they show up for their kids. But

0:24:30.800 --> 0:24:33.080
<v Speaker 2>that isn't the most useful thing. You know, While you

0:24:33.119 --> 0:24:35.640
<v Speaker 2>could do that and it would be entertaining, when you're

0:24:35.680 --> 0:24:40.359
<v Speaker 2>trying to create a resource, you want to limit unnecessary

0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:44.080
<v Speaker 2>rhetoric around mistakes and give as much insight into opportunities

0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:50.040
<v Speaker 2>and in appropriate guidance. And so when I realized that

0:24:50.280 --> 0:24:53.919
<v Speaker 2>parents still need to know how powerful their influence is,

0:24:54.560 --> 0:24:56.840
<v Speaker 2>but they need to know that that influence needs to

0:24:56.880 --> 0:25:01.240
<v Speaker 2>be wielded in a framework that center your child, Like

0:25:01.320 --> 0:25:03.320
<v Speaker 2>how do you balance it? And that is what it is.

0:25:03.560 --> 0:25:06.239
<v Speaker 2>It is nuanced, it is duality, and that's what this

0:25:06.280 --> 0:25:09.360
<v Speaker 2>conversation calls for I also think that's why so many

0:25:09.400 --> 0:25:12.399
<v Speaker 2>people don't want to have it, because it takes time,

0:25:12.840 --> 0:25:16.240
<v Speaker 2>It takes sensitivity, it takes consideration and compassion to say,

0:25:16.320 --> 0:25:19.040
<v Speaker 2>I understand why you feel that way. It makes sense

0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:21.760
<v Speaker 2>that you feel that way. This is an appropriate response

0:25:21.800 --> 0:25:24.199
<v Speaker 2>to that. But the outcome you desire is not on

0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:26.600
<v Speaker 2>the other side of that. So it's not about you,

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:30.639
<v Speaker 2>but it is means center your child, right, But understand

0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:35.199
<v Speaker 2>where your lived experience has impact and modified according to

0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:37.959
<v Speaker 2>the outcomes you desire, Because if you don't, and if

0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:41.160
<v Speaker 2>you are not aware of that, you will You will

0:25:41.160 --> 0:25:44.480
<v Speaker 2>be speaking from borrowed scripts. You will be perpetuating misconceptions,

0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:47.160
<v Speaker 2>you will be passing down generational shame, and you won't

0:25:47.200 --> 0:25:47.960
<v Speaker 2>even know it.

0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:51.679
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of us are healing from that

0:25:51.760 --> 0:25:55.879
<v Speaker 1>as adults from the past down generational curses in shame.

0:25:56.200 --> 0:25:59.080
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, many of the people in our lives who are

0:25:59.119 --> 0:26:04.240
<v Speaker 2>the main folks that passed that down did so unknowingly unintentionally.

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:06.880
<v Speaker 2>To this day, if you ask them if they made

0:26:06.880 --> 0:26:08.960
<v Speaker 2>period shape, they'd be like, no, I just told you

0:26:09.040 --> 0:26:11.679
<v Speaker 2>not to tell nobody. If you can't talk about it,

0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:13.440
<v Speaker 2>It's like that is the same.

0:26:14.880 --> 0:26:21.879
<v Speaker 1>Right, that is and something that the line has stayed with.

0:26:21.960 --> 0:26:24.679
<v Speaker 1>And you said, your child's puberty is not your chance

0:26:25.000 --> 0:26:29.679
<v Speaker 1>at puberty. Redo, Oh gosh, powerful. It matters because a

0:26:29.680 --> 0:26:31.720
<v Speaker 1>lot of times parents they take the trauma that they

0:26:31.760 --> 0:26:35.960
<v Speaker 1>had and then they put it on their times oftentimes unknowingly.

0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Yes, and they overcorrect. And it's so clear, it is

0:26:39.160 --> 0:26:41.840
<v Speaker 2>so clear when that happens. You see a mom that

0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:43.840
<v Speaker 2>says she's not having a boyfriend, or two she is

0:26:43.880 --> 0:26:46.080
<v Speaker 2>eighteen and she's not talking to no boys and she

0:26:46.160 --> 0:26:48.000
<v Speaker 2>won't have not gonna happen, And I'm like, can you

0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:51.120
<v Speaker 2>tell me your story? And their story is often at fourteen,

0:26:51.160 --> 0:26:53.359
<v Speaker 2>they fell in love with this smooth talking, little you

0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:56.160
<v Speaker 2>know boy on the JV basketball team. You know, you're

0:26:56.240 --> 0:27:00.399
<v Speaker 2>just like what you know what I'm saying, and that

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:04.159
<v Speaker 2>that derailed them and so you know what they do.

0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:12.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, that was right, that's your stories. But it's

0:27:12.800 --> 0:27:16.440
<v Speaker 2>so important to know that your baby is not you.

0:27:16.520 --> 0:27:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Just because they have you, your influence and half your

0:27:19.160 --> 0:27:22.680
<v Speaker 2>genetics doesn't mean they are you. And so to reduce

0:27:22.720 --> 0:27:25.840
<v Speaker 2>them to only your storyline in this corrective type of

0:27:25.840 --> 0:27:28.720
<v Speaker 2>way where you're using white out on your story and

0:27:28.720 --> 0:27:31.320
<v Speaker 2>not giving them even the opportunity to write their own

0:27:31.359 --> 0:27:36.360
<v Speaker 2>story is so unfair. It's just unfair, and it's profoundly limiting.

0:27:36.720 --> 0:27:40.320
<v Speaker 2>It's almost like, if you survived a flood, you teach

0:27:40.359 --> 0:27:42.840
<v Speaker 2>your kid how to build a boat. Right, if you

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:44.480
<v Speaker 2>were in a hailstorm, you teach them how to build

0:27:44.480 --> 0:27:46.600
<v Speaker 2>a roof. But your child might need a roof. You

0:27:46.320 --> 0:27:48.320
<v Speaker 2>talking about a boat, right, you know, it's just like

0:27:48.800 --> 0:27:51.880
<v Speaker 2>protect them, give them what they need, and the only

0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:53.919
<v Speaker 2>way you'll know what they need is to allow them

0:27:53.960 --> 0:27:55.200
<v Speaker 2>to live their life.

0:27:55.920 --> 0:27:59.840
<v Speaker 1>That's so good. Now you are a mother, Now, how

0:28:00.080 --> 0:28:03.720
<v Speaker 1>has writing this book? Has it shifted your perspective on anything?

0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.159
<v Speaker 1>Or has it made you really dial in? But you

0:28:06.160 --> 0:28:07.760
<v Speaker 1>have a little boy since I did, it'll be a

0:28:07.760 --> 0:28:11.320
<v Speaker 1>different conversation for him when the time comes for puberty.

0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:16.240
<v Speaker 1>But has writing this book shaped any different ideas that

0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:17.880
<v Speaker 1>you had around this? Yeah?

0:28:17.960 --> 0:28:22.119
<v Speaker 2>I think that writing. Actually, I think motherhood impacted the

0:28:22.160 --> 0:28:25.440
<v Speaker 2>book more than the book impacted my mother. Wow, because

0:28:25.680 --> 0:28:28.400
<v Speaker 2>I actually wrote to the majority of this book while

0:28:28.440 --> 0:28:33.200
<v Speaker 2>pregnant and postpartum. Yeah, that was not my plan. Would

0:28:33.200 --> 0:28:36.120
<v Speaker 2>not recommend zero out of ten. So when I got

0:28:36.119 --> 0:28:38.080
<v Speaker 2>my book deal, I did not know that I was

0:28:38.080 --> 0:28:40.040
<v Speaker 2>pregnant at the time. I found out, like a few

0:28:40.120 --> 0:28:43.120
<v Speaker 2>days later, I'm like, I inked it, like, oh yeah,

0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 2>March third of twenty twenty five sounds great or whatever.

0:28:48.480 --> 0:28:51.960
<v Speaker 2>My baby was born November thirtyeth of twenty twenty four.

0:28:52.360 --> 0:28:54.120
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I have three months to get my

0:28:54.240 --> 0:28:56.840
<v Speaker 2>manuscript together. You know, I'd written some of it, but

0:28:56.960 --> 0:28:59.200
<v Speaker 2>also being pregnant with your first child, your brain just

0:28:59.240 --> 0:29:02.480
<v Speaker 2>goes to I'm preparing for this baby, Like, what do

0:29:02.720 --> 0:29:04.240
<v Speaker 2>you know all the things you need to get together.

0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:08.360
<v Speaker 2>So a lot of it was writing during the MATRESSNS

0:29:08.440 --> 0:29:12.520
<v Speaker 2>period where my brain is literally rewiring, I have no sleep.

0:29:13.440 --> 0:29:17.600
<v Speaker 2>But what I was able to access that I've never

0:29:17.640 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 2>had access to before was this unquantifiable love that I

0:29:22.560 --> 0:29:26.680
<v Speaker 2>have for my child. That I was able to understand

0:29:26.720 --> 0:29:29.320
<v Speaker 2>and write in a way that considered it for the

0:29:29.360 --> 0:29:31.920
<v Speaker 2>parents that would read this book. So instead of me

0:29:32.040 --> 0:29:35.200
<v Speaker 2>questioning your love for your child, I'm going to write,

0:29:35.400 --> 0:29:39.120
<v Speaker 2>assuming profound and deep love for your child. I'm going

0:29:39.160 --> 0:29:41.400
<v Speaker 2>to write and assuming that your intentions are to give

0:29:41.440 --> 0:29:44.200
<v Speaker 2>your child the very best life, because that's what I have.

0:29:44.640 --> 0:29:47.520
<v Speaker 2>Those are my intentions. I'm sitting here on Reddit looking

0:29:47.600 --> 0:29:49.320
<v Speaker 2>up how I'm supposed to put in to sleep, you know,

0:29:49.440 --> 0:29:52.760
<v Speaker 2>looking up every possible thing, all the resources in the world.

0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:55.120
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to treat parents that would pick up my

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:57.800
<v Speaker 2>book in the same way as someone whose heart is

0:29:57.880 --> 0:30:02.840
<v Speaker 2>seeking the right resources. And I think I don't know

0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:04.320
<v Speaker 2>that I would have been able to write in that

0:30:04.360 --> 0:30:06.880
<v Speaker 2>way if I didn't do so that's a new mom.

0:30:07.360 --> 0:30:07.960
<v Speaker 2>I love that.

0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:12.280
<v Speaker 1>That's so good. Now we already touched on generational curses.

0:30:12.360 --> 0:30:15.960
<v Speaker 1>Is there something a belief that you may have inherited

0:30:16.200 --> 0:30:19.800
<v Speaker 1>or something that you're already intentionally passing on to your child.

0:30:20.240 --> 0:30:21.400
<v Speaker 1>Is there something that you want to pass on to

0:30:21.440 --> 0:30:22.320
<v Speaker 1>him as he gets older.

0:30:22.520 --> 0:30:24.440
<v Speaker 2>Yes, Oh my gosh, there's so much that I want

0:30:24.480 --> 0:30:27.280
<v Speaker 2>to pass on to him. I think that my mother

0:30:27.400 --> 0:30:30.360
<v Speaker 2>did a great job of letting us know as young

0:30:30.440 --> 0:30:33.920
<v Speaker 2>girls that there were no limits in what we could do.

0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:38.760
<v Speaker 2>And she did that by living by example. So she

0:30:39.720 --> 0:30:41.959
<v Speaker 2>was an attorney and she went to school, and when

0:30:42.000 --> 0:30:44.760
<v Speaker 2>she was at school talking to her advisors and things,

0:30:45.280 --> 0:30:46.880
<v Speaker 2>and she told them she wanted to go to law school.

0:30:46.880 --> 0:30:48.720
<v Speaker 2>They were like, no, like, what makes you think you

0:30:48.720 --> 0:30:50.400
<v Speaker 2>could do that? You know, but she's in school. In

0:30:50.440 --> 0:30:53.200
<v Speaker 2>the eighties, young black girl from La Grange, Georgia, and

0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:55.640
<v Speaker 2>they just didn't feel like they could see that in her.

0:30:56.720 --> 0:30:58.720
<v Speaker 2>And my mom was very clear and that no one

0:30:58.760 --> 0:31:01.400
<v Speaker 2>has to see in you what you see in yourself.

0:31:02.080 --> 0:31:05.320
<v Speaker 2>And I have never for one moment doubted what I

0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:08.080
<v Speaker 2>could do in this world because of the mother that

0:31:08.200 --> 0:31:10.680
<v Speaker 2>raised me, because of the family that I have that

0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:15.120
<v Speaker 2>just leads with encouragement. They are not a limit, you know,

0:31:15.920 --> 0:31:18.400
<v Speaker 2>limited thinking type of family. And so that is something

0:31:18.440 --> 0:31:20.960
<v Speaker 2>I want to pass down to my son, that there

0:31:20.960 --> 0:31:23.040
<v Speaker 2>are no limits in what you can do. What is

0:31:23.080 --> 0:31:27.560
<v Speaker 2>important is trusting yourself and leaning into you know, your

0:31:27.640 --> 0:31:30.400
<v Speaker 2>faith to discover those gifts and then pursue them fully

0:31:30.480 --> 0:31:31.720
<v Speaker 2>and be a good steward of them.

0:31:31.800 --> 0:31:33.920
<v Speaker 1>That's so good. I love That's beautiful.

0:31:34.240 --> 0:31:35.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I love that.

0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:38.000
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about the weight of the truth

0:31:38.040 --> 0:31:40.880
<v Speaker 1>that you carry. As a doctor, you had to have

0:31:40.960 --> 0:31:45.040
<v Speaker 1>so many uncomfortable conversations with parents and probably children, letting

0:31:45.080 --> 0:31:48.480
<v Speaker 1>them know the reality of their circumstances. Yes, have you

0:31:48.640 --> 0:31:52.360
<v Speaker 1>always been comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations or was it

0:31:52.440 --> 0:31:54.280
<v Speaker 1>something you had to develop.

0:31:55.880 --> 0:32:01.080
<v Speaker 2>For some reason. I have always valued uncomfortable conversation because

0:32:01.160 --> 0:32:06.120
<v Speaker 2>uncomfortable conversations are not They don't create the discomfort, right,

0:32:06.600 --> 0:32:09.200
<v Speaker 2>they give you an opportunity to address it, and I've

0:32:09.240 --> 0:32:13.000
<v Speaker 2>always thought about them as opportunities to modify, to educate,

0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:17.120
<v Speaker 2>to improve. It doesn't change reality. Oftentimes, when I'm telling

0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:20.040
<v Speaker 2>patients about a diagnosis or putting it in context for

0:32:20.200 --> 0:32:24.160
<v Speaker 2>their future, future fertility or what have you, I ain't

0:32:24.240 --> 0:32:26.600
<v Speaker 2>changed nothing. Sometimes they were born with this. I'm like,

0:32:26.600 --> 0:32:29.520
<v Speaker 2>this has been fifteen years into make right. We are

0:32:29.600 --> 0:32:33.440
<v Speaker 2>finally able to name it. We're finally able to give

0:32:33.840 --> 0:32:38.240
<v Speaker 2>to validate what you've suspected. We're finally able to create

0:32:38.280 --> 0:32:41.080
<v Speaker 2>a plan that aligns with all of the questions and

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:44.200
<v Speaker 2>goals and desires that you have. So I have always

0:32:44.240 --> 0:32:47.920
<v Speaker 2>been more inclined to addressing things than not. I believe

0:32:47.920 --> 0:32:53.000
<v Speaker 2>it's just because this is reality, yes, and shying away

0:32:53.000 --> 0:32:55.480
<v Speaker 2>from that and avoiding it makes it no less of

0:32:55.520 --> 0:32:58.040
<v Speaker 2>a reality. It just robs me or you of the

0:32:58.080 --> 0:33:01.360
<v Speaker 2>opportunity of doing anything about it. And I've always felt

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:05.200
<v Speaker 2>like I had agency in anything, like there's still something

0:33:05.200 --> 0:33:07.960
<v Speaker 2>I can do. I don't control everything, but when I

0:33:08.040 --> 0:33:10.680
<v Speaker 2>do control, I want to be able to do that

0:33:10.800 --> 0:33:13.560
<v Speaker 2>to the best of my ability. And so I approach

0:33:13.600 --> 0:33:15.200
<v Speaker 2>these conversations in that same way.

0:33:15.960 --> 0:33:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about the statistics in science. A

0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:23.719
<v Speaker 1>lot of times we don't know what the statistics are

0:33:23.760 --> 0:33:27.720
<v Speaker 1>around young children and the things that they may carry.

0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:29.520
<v Speaker 1>A lot of times we think it's, oh, this is

0:33:29.600 --> 0:33:31.680
<v Speaker 1>just what adult women or men go through. What are

0:33:31.720 --> 0:33:34.440
<v Speaker 1>some of the things that you see arising when it

0:33:34.440 --> 0:33:36.800
<v Speaker 1>comes to young women that most people may be oblivious

0:33:36.840 --> 0:33:37.800
<v Speaker 1>to that they're facing.

0:33:37.840 --> 0:33:40.440
<v Speaker 2>Now, there are so many things that people are oblivious to.

0:33:40.720 --> 0:33:43.000
<v Speaker 2>But one of the things that I like to highlight

0:33:43.160 --> 0:33:46.640
<v Speaker 2>I do highlight my book is the potential for these

0:33:46.720 --> 0:33:50.320
<v Speaker 2>real conditions that we do just decide in our minds

0:33:50.360 --> 0:33:53.720
<v Speaker 2>belong to older women than presenting in our younger girls

0:33:54.000 --> 0:33:57.200
<v Speaker 2>from the onset of menstruation. So the youngest age that

0:33:57.240 --> 0:34:01.600
<v Speaker 2>I've personally diagnosed with endometriosis was twelve. Wow, But people

0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:04.440
<v Speaker 2>think it's got to be in adults. Now, It's like, now,

0:34:04.440 --> 0:34:07.400
<v Speaker 2>why do we believe that? So when we take it

0:34:07.440 --> 0:34:10.160
<v Speaker 2>out of the context of some productive health. We know

0:34:10.239 --> 0:34:12.680
<v Speaker 2>that there are babies that need heart transplants, we know

0:34:12.760 --> 0:34:15.319
<v Speaker 2>that they're young babies and children with heart disease. It

0:34:15.360 --> 0:34:17.399
<v Speaker 2>doesn't mean they have a heart attack from twenty years

0:34:17.440 --> 0:34:21.239
<v Speaker 2>of smoking, right, It's like, that's not the ideology is

0:34:21.280 --> 0:34:23.120
<v Speaker 2>not the same. They don't acquire these things in the

0:34:23.160 --> 0:34:25.960
<v Speaker 2>same way necessarily, but there's still some risk and so

0:34:25.960 --> 0:34:28.759
<v Speaker 2>there's some congenital things that affect our young girls. But

0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:32.040
<v Speaker 2>endometriosis is something that we don't even understand all that well.

0:34:32.320 --> 0:34:35.160
<v Speaker 2>The idea that it just arises an adult women doesn't

0:34:35.200 --> 0:34:37.320
<v Speaker 2>make a ton of sense. They have all the parts,

0:34:37.600 --> 0:34:41.319
<v Speaker 2>so it can be there. What contributes to that misconception

0:34:42.080 --> 0:34:49.160
<v Speaker 2>is the historical and patriarchal dismissal of women and girls

0:34:49.800 --> 0:34:53.240
<v Speaker 2>in their pain until it is related to having a baby,

0:34:53.719 --> 0:34:56.560
<v Speaker 2>until it's related to something that men in society say, oh,

0:34:56.560 --> 0:35:00.719
<v Speaker 2>that's worthwhile, having children is a worthwhile endeavor. Address it then.

0:35:01.000 --> 0:35:03.640
<v Speaker 2>So we're often addressing it when women want to have babies,

0:35:04.000 --> 0:35:06.239
<v Speaker 2>not when they are just wanting to exist and make

0:35:06.320 --> 0:35:09.960
<v Speaker 2>the cheer team or you know, go to grad school

0:35:10.080 --> 0:35:13.080
<v Speaker 2>or all these other things that are of value. So

0:35:13.120 --> 0:35:15.359
<v Speaker 2>we used to just say we don't care until then,

0:35:15.440 --> 0:35:17.840
<v Speaker 2>or they're too young for this, But that's not true.

0:35:18.000 --> 0:35:20.800
<v Speaker 2>So your child is not too young to have PMS,

0:35:20.800 --> 0:35:23.920
<v Speaker 2>they're not too young for PMDD. Even yes, they're not

0:35:23.960 --> 0:35:27.920
<v Speaker 2>too young for endimitriosis, they're not too young for debilitating pain,

0:35:28.520 --> 0:35:31.040
<v Speaker 2>they're not too young for a lot of things that

0:35:31.080 --> 0:35:34.719
<v Speaker 2>we have miscategorized as an adult affliction, just because that's

0:35:34.719 --> 0:35:35.920
<v Speaker 2>when we start listening.

0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:43.719
<v Speaker 1>Wow, my goodness, Wow, what is because I don't I'm

0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:46.799
<v Speaker 1>asking in ignorance when it comes to fibroids, I know

0:35:46.880 --> 0:35:53.840
<v Speaker 1>there is a connect. There's a connected with endemiosis in fibroids.

0:35:53.840 --> 0:35:55.399
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes you hear the two come up at.

0:35:55.280 --> 0:35:56.040
<v Speaker 2>The same time.

0:35:56.800 --> 0:36:01.920
<v Speaker 1>How early an age can those start to develop? And so, yeah, there's.

0:36:01.719 --> 0:36:05.160
<v Speaker 2>An association between indemetrios's and five words. People can have both,

0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:07.920
<v Speaker 2>and there's often a dismissal in that regard where if

0:36:07.920 --> 0:36:09.920
<v Speaker 2>someone sees fibroids and an older sound, they're like, that's

0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:12.080
<v Speaker 2>your problem. But there can be two things that are

0:36:12.120 --> 0:36:14.120
<v Speaker 2>true at once. I've met someone that was like, I

0:36:14.160 --> 0:36:17.359
<v Speaker 2>have five words, I have adenomiosis and I have indomitris. Like, girl,

0:36:17.480 --> 0:36:20.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, so you can have multiple things. Fibroids do

0:36:20.320 --> 0:36:23.120
<v Speaker 2>tend to have an onset that is earlier in black women,

0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:25.680
<v Speaker 2>and so they'll say like, oh, the peak age of

0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:27.920
<v Speaker 2>onset is around thirties or forties. It can be younger

0:36:27.960 --> 0:36:31.160
<v Speaker 2>and black women. That's what the research shows. So there's

0:36:31.200 --> 0:36:33.560
<v Speaker 2>a woman who leads a fibrid organization that I work with.

0:36:33.840 --> 0:36:36.759
<v Speaker 2>Her fibroids started in her twenties and everyone kept saying,

0:36:36.800 --> 0:36:38.640
<v Speaker 2>you can't have that many fibroids in your twenties, Like

0:36:38.680 --> 0:36:42.400
<v Speaker 2>that can happen. It can. I've seen in teenagers and

0:36:42.480 --> 0:36:46.839
<v Speaker 2>that's rare, but it is possible, and so having one

0:36:47.440 --> 0:36:51.239
<v Speaker 2>a healthy index of suspicion is appropriate. But also just

0:36:52.000 --> 0:36:54.840
<v Speaker 2>listening to your patients is important. And when we say

0:36:55.400 --> 0:36:58.360
<v Speaker 2>listen to women and trust women, we need to extend

0:36:58.400 --> 0:37:00.120
<v Speaker 2>that same listening and trust to girls.

0:37:00.200 --> 0:37:05.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah wow, yeah yeah. As we were talking, I was like,

0:37:05.800 --> 0:37:09.279
<v Speaker 1>I want to know, yeah, because we do always think,

0:37:09.280 --> 0:37:11.080
<v Speaker 1>oh that's in older women, or as you get older,

0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:14.319
<v Speaker 1>you need to get checked for this, not understanding and

0:37:14.600 --> 0:37:18.120
<v Speaker 1>now with science and having better understanding that a lot

0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:20.840
<v Speaker 1>of the pain that girls were probably feeling at twelve

0:37:20.880 --> 0:37:24.280
<v Speaker 1>and thirteen was in demetrios, so they didn't have language

0:37:24.280 --> 0:37:24.560
<v Speaker 1>for it.

0:37:24.960 --> 0:37:26.640
<v Speaker 2>There was a study that showed about a third of

0:37:26.680 --> 0:37:29.120
<v Speaker 2>people that were diagnosed with endometriosis in their older age

0:37:29.320 --> 0:37:31.520
<v Speaker 2>said that they had it in their teen years, in

0:37:31.640 --> 0:37:34.560
<v Speaker 2>their earliest period, and they knew it was stabilitating. Yes,

0:37:34.600 --> 0:37:38.240
<v Speaker 2>told people it was. Yes, it just wasn't It wasn't valued,

0:37:38.239 --> 0:37:39.160
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't considered.

0:37:40.239 --> 0:37:44.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I had friends that dealt with that. I never

0:37:44.480 --> 0:37:46.560
<v Speaker 1>dealt with that for some reason, like I was blessed

0:37:46.560 --> 0:37:49.520
<v Speaker 1>to not deal with that until I got older and

0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:53.600
<v Speaker 1>I ended up changing my diet and my cramps changed. Yes,

0:37:53.600 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 1>but it was to the point where it was to

0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:56.760
<v Speaker 1>the point where I'd be on my knees the cramps

0:37:56.760 --> 0:37:59.279
<v Speaker 1>were so bad, like I couldn't even stand up straight

0:37:59.280 --> 0:38:02.480
<v Speaker 1>because it hurts so And then when I change my diet,

0:38:03.000 --> 0:38:05.200
<v Speaker 1>that's when like I can literally not take Tyler. Now,

0:38:05.239 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I may have like a little headache, but I can

0:38:06.520 --> 0:38:09.319
<v Speaker 1>push through. And a lot of you talk about it's

0:38:09.400 --> 0:38:13.040
<v Speaker 1>higher in African American women, and I've heard it's because

0:38:13.080 --> 0:38:15.880
<v Speaker 1>of like the stress levels the trauma that has passed

0:38:15.920 --> 0:38:20.440
<v Speaker 1>down from years versus our Caucasian counterparts. Is there truth

0:38:20.480 --> 0:38:20.759
<v Speaker 1>to that.

0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:26.160
<v Speaker 2>There's some validity to that. There is no one cause,

0:38:26.200 --> 0:38:29.279
<v Speaker 2>so we say it's multifactorial. But that is one of

0:38:29.360 --> 0:38:33.160
<v Speaker 2>the most consistent things that we see because not every

0:38:33.480 --> 0:38:36.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, black person lives in a lower socio economic

0:38:37.000 --> 0:38:40.799
<v Speaker 2>kind of saying not every one of us has you know,

0:38:40.880 --> 0:38:43.680
<v Speaker 2>lower education of whatever. There's a lot of variety there.

0:38:44.360 --> 0:38:48.759
<v Speaker 2>The one thing that we all experience is racism, right, right,

0:38:48.800 --> 0:38:51.160
<v Speaker 2>you know what I'm saying, Like, that's the unifying factor.

0:38:51.560 --> 0:38:55.520
<v Speaker 2>That's what contributes to black maternal mortality. Right. That's why

0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:57.840
<v Speaker 2>Serena Williams had to go advocate for herself when she

0:38:57.880 --> 0:39:01.359
<v Speaker 2>had her second pulmonary embolism and they didn't believe her.

0:39:01.800 --> 0:39:06.440
<v Speaker 2>That's crazy. So yeah, that bias is the most consistent

0:39:06.520 --> 0:39:11.960
<v Speaker 2>factor where diet and education and access and incomes vary,

0:39:12.120 --> 0:39:14.000
<v Speaker 2>that is the unifying thing. And so I do think

0:39:14.040 --> 0:39:16.840
<v Speaker 2>that plays a role. Obviously there's other things we can change.

0:39:16.840 --> 0:39:19.400
<v Speaker 2>It's multi factorial, but I think there's true to that.

0:39:19.880 --> 0:39:21.960
<v Speaker 1>Is there something that we can tell women when they're

0:39:21.960 --> 0:39:24.800
<v Speaker 1>going to the doctor to how to speak up for themselves?

0:39:24.840 --> 0:39:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Even young girls who if some couge students are watching

0:39:27.239 --> 0:39:29.399
<v Speaker 1>and they don't have the language, what can they tell

0:39:29.440 --> 0:39:31.640
<v Speaker 1>their doctors so that the doctor can like because sometimes

0:39:31.640 --> 0:39:34.200
<v Speaker 1>you can say, hey, I'm having really bad crams or

0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:36.880
<v Speaker 1>heavy bleeding and they're like oh, they just kind of

0:39:36.920 --> 0:39:39.359
<v Speaker 1>brush it off, Like how can you make sure that

0:39:39.640 --> 0:39:41.560
<v Speaker 1>you get the extra care you need, because so many

0:39:41.560 --> 0:39:43.400
<v Speaker 1>times we hear women saying, oh, they just they just

0:39:43.440 --> 0:39:46.200
<v Speaker 1>sent me home with a little prescription, and then two

0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:49.279
<v Speaker 1>years down the line it turned to something way worse

0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.239
<v Speaker 1>than what it had started off because they couldn't get

0:39:51.239 --> 0:39:51.719
<v Speaker 1>ahead of it.

0:39:51.760 --> 0:39:54.279
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, so a few of the things that I do,

0:39:54.400 --> 0:39:57.440
<v Speaker 2>even one with my patients that I model for them.

0:39:57.480 --> 0:40:00.000
<v Speaker 2>And then when I go to my doctor, I always

0:40:00.280 --> 0:40:04.640
<v Speaker 2>speak about my symptoms in the context of impact. So

0:40:05.000 --> 0:40:08.480
<v Speaker 2>it's not oh, I'm having so much pain. I'm having

0:40:08.520 --> 0:40:11.120
<v Speaker 2>so much pain that I cannot go to work, that

0:40:11.239 --> 0:40:14.279
<v Speaker 2>I cannot do my daily activities. So I had like

0:40:14.320 --> 0:40:18.000
<v Speaker 2>a nerve thing during my pregnancy. I cannot stand while cooking,

0:40:18.400 --> 0:40:20.280
<v Speaker 2>I have to sit while I'm doing my hair and makeup,

0:40:20.520 --> 0:40:24.480
<v Speaker 2>and it is debilitating. Debilitating is a good word also

0:40:24.640 --> 0:40:27.719
<v Speaker 2>around me. Okay, it means it is preventing me what

0:40:27.800 --> 0:40:31.040
<v Speaker 2>I got. And so even in the medical context, when

0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:34.440
<v Speaker 2>we talk about conditions and things that are difficult to characterize,

0:40:34.719 --> 0:40:38.719
<v Speaker 2>when it dips into negatively effect affecting your daily activities,

0:40:39.200 --> 0:40:42.000
<v Speaker 2>that is a quantifiable thing, that is something that gets

0:40:42.000 --> 0:40:44.560
<v Speaker 2>your attention, and it often tips it into just an

0:40:44.640 --> 0:40:48.120
<v Speaker 2>inconvenience into like a disorder. So that's one thing you

0:40:48.160 --> 0:40:50.880
<v Speaker 2>can do. Another thing that I like to model to

0:40:51.000 --> 0:40:55.360
<v Speaker 2>my patients is having written down ahead of time a

0:40:55.440 --> 0:40:57.440
<v Speaker 2>goal for that visit. So when I went to like

0:40:57.440 --> 0:40:59.920
<v Speaker 2>my nephrologists, for example, I was like, I need a

0:41:00.200 --> 0:41:03.719
<v Speaker 2>plan for what I'm going to do from a pregnancy standpoint.

0:41:04.040 --> 0:41:06.480
<v Speaker 2>I knew I wanted to have a baby. I knew

0:41:06.480 --> 0:41:08.799
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to be a mother. What does it look like?

0:41:08.880 --> 0:41:10.600
<v Speaker 2>I need you to address it and give me a

0:41:10.680 --> 0:41:13.319
<v Speaker 2>clear plan of what the next steps are. And so

0:41:13.719 --> 0:41:16.279
<v Speaker 2>having a goal for yourself allows you to assess it

0:41:16.360 --> 0:41:18.239
<v Speaker 2>that goal was met or not. You're just walking in

0:41:18.280 --> 0:41:20.959
<v Speaker 2>there willy nilly, like, hey, what's up? Like, it's hard

0:41:21.000 --> 0:41:24.239
<v Speaker 2>to know if your visit was successful or not, and

0:41:24.320 --> 0:41:26.120
<v Speaker 2>it's hard for me as a doctor to know what

0:41:26.160 --> 0:41:29.280
<v Speaker 2>you want out of this visit. So I tell my patients,

0:41:29.280 --> 0:41:31.600
<v Speaker 2>and whenever I speak, I tell folks, you know, a

0:41:31.640 --> 0:41:35.799
<v Speaker 2>good doctor patient relationship is a meeting of experts. It

0:41:35.880 --> 0:41:39.360
<v Speaker 2>is collaborative. So I am the expert in medicine. You

0:41:39.480 --> 0:41:42.400
<v Speaker 2>are the expert in you, your body, your life, your goals.

0:41:42.680 --> 0:41:45.440
<v Speaker 2>We have to meet as two experts that are fully

0:41:45.480 --> 0:41:48.920
<v Speaker 2>showing up to have a collaborative and productive conversation. So

0:41:48.960 --> 0:41:50.920
<v Speaker 2>I need you to take up space. I need to

0:41:50.920 --> 0:41:53.200
<v Speaker 2>take up space, and we need to make a decision together.

0:41:53.600 --> 0:41:56.880
<v Speaker 2>So I want patients, college students, young folks to know

0:41:57.280 --> 0:42:00.440
<v Speaker 2>you need to take up space. Your voice is necessary, Yes,

0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:02.720
<v Speaker 2>is necessary for us to get the best outcome.

0:42:03.320 --> 0:42:05.560
<v Speaker 1>That's good, Thank you, Because I know people are going

0:42:05.600 --> 0:42:07.880
<v Speaker 1>to have follow up questions after this conversation, so I

0:42:07.920 --> 0:42:09.920
<v Speaker 1>want to leave them with some things that I'm already

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:13.279
<v Speaker 1>thinking about as we're talking. I want to ask, as

0:42:13.360 --> 0:42:17.520
<v Speaker 1>your influence has grown, what are you most protective of now?

0:42:17.719 --> 0:42:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Because as you continue to become more known, there are

0:42:21.040 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 1>certain things you have to protect. What are you protecting now?

0:42:23.400 --> 0:42:28.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, I'm so protective of the people and the

0:42:29.000 --> 0:42:33.080
<v Speaker 2>opportunities that I like accept. So I'm a protective of

0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:34.799
<v Speaker 2>like my heart and my exposure. I think is the

0:42:34.800 --> 0:42:37.839
<v Speaker 2>best way to frame that. You know, every opportunity isn't

0:42:37.880 --> 0:42:41.120
<v Speaker 2>a good opportunity, come on right, Every space that wants

0:42:41.120 --> 0:42:46.120
<v Speaker 2>to hear you speak doesn't want to necessarily celebrate you

0:42:46.239 --> 0:42:48.520
<v Speaker 2>or elevate you. No, there are people that are just

0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:51.080
<v Speaker 2>trying to feel time. There are people who are looking

0:42:51.120 --> 0:42:54.480
<v Speaker 2>for a punching bag. There are people who are looking

0:42:54.680 --> 0:42:59.200
<v Speaker 2>for someone to just dump one. Yeah, And I believe

0:42:59.280 --> 0:43:01.560
<v Speaker 2>that my work is too important and my calling is

0:43:01.600 --> 0:43:06.400
<v Speaker 2>too high to put myself in situations where it is

0:43:06.440 --> 0:43:09.960
<v Speaker 2>not advancing God's purpose and will for my life. So

0:43:11.040 --> 0:43:15.359
<v Speaker 2>protecting what I you know, me from whatever opportunity. That's

0:43:15.400 --> 0:43:17.520
<v Speaker 2>hard because when I first started, I mean, if somebody

0:43:17.560 --> 0:43:20.359
<v Speaker 2>hit my line, I'll be there on the way, let

0:43:20.400 --> 0:43:22.600
<v Speaker 2>me know where you know, you can pay me, you know,

0:43:22.840 --> 0:43:25.239
<v Speaker 2>five dollars, like and whatever. I was just happy to

0:43:25.280 --> 0:43:27.960
<v Speaker 2>do the work right. But I have learned that when

0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:32.359
<v Speaker 2>people value you, they value your time, they make sure

0:43:32.400 --> 0:43:34.759
<v Speaker 2>that it aligns with you, that it is mutually beneficial,

0:43:35.120 --> 0:43:37.080
<v Speaker 2>and you can tell with how they show up with you,

0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:41.160
<v Speaker 2>how they handle you, how they're going to partner with you. Absolutely,

0:43:41.280 --> 0:43:44.200
<v Speaker 2>so I'm much more protective of that as a result

0:43:44.239 --> 0:43:48.479
<v Speaker 2>of limited time. But also just having seen it, it's like, wow,

0:43:48.520 --> 0:43:50.760
<v Speaker 2>I really wish I hadn't done that. What are the signs?

0:43:50.760 --> 0:43:53.879
<v Speaker 2>How can I better identify good opportunities? And just praying

0:43:53.920 --> 0:43:56.520
<v Speaker 2>about it, like, hey, God, all this looks good. I

0:43:56.560 --> 0:44:00.840
<v Speaker 2>can do too, which to he'd be so kindnest.

0:44:01.040 --> 0:44:05.440
<v Speaker 1>I love that that's good. I want to ask you

0:44:05.560 --> 0:44:09.680
<v Speaker 1>spent your career preparing other people for their biggest life transitions.

0:44:09.960 --> 0:44:12.120
<v Speaker 1>How do you say open to God preparing you for

0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:14.600
<v Speaker 1>seasons that you don't even know that are coming up next?

0:44:15.000 --> 0:44:18.319
<v Speaker 2>Oh lord, it's so hard because the things I say

0:44:18.400 --> 0:44:21.440
<v Speaker 2>to my patients, like yes, it's difficult, and it's uncertain,

0:44:21.719 --> 0:44:24.439
<v Speaker 2>and your body's changed, you know, but it's okay. People

0:44:24.520 --> 0:44:26.560
<v Speaker 2>have gone through it. I say that it don't even

0:44:26.560 --> 0:44:31.640
<v Speaker 2>work on me. Like I'm opening my own practice right now. Amazing,

0:44:31.880 --> 0:44:35.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh God, thank you, and it is amazing. But it

0:44:35.120 --> 0:44:38.440
<v Speaker 2>is so scary and it is so hard, and I'm

0:44:38.440 --> 0:44:41.560
<v Speaker 2>making decisions about stuff I never made a decision about,

0:44:42.080 --> 0:44:45.040
<v Speaker 2>like specifications, you want this to be twenty six issues

0:44:45.120 --> 0:44:47.520
<v Speaker 2>or twenty four? I don't know what are you talking?

0:44:47.760 --> 0:44:49.680
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean? Like?

0:44:49.800 --> 0:44:54.120
<v Speaker 2>I am making these decisions that terrify me. And I

0:44:54.160 --> 0:44:57.360
<v Speaker 2>was listening to a pastor's speak and he was saying,

0:44:57.880 --> 0:45:01.560
<v Speaker 2>you don't want clarity, you want certainty. And when I

0:45:01.560 --> 0:45:05.520
<v Speaker 2>tell you that gathered me. I was like, come again,

0:45:05.880 --> 0:45:10.000
<v Speaker 2>because I want certainty that my efforts will be successful.

0:45:10.520 --> 0:45:12.480
<v Speaker 2>And I keep planning to God, like what is the answer,

0:45:12.480 --> 0:45:15.759
<v Speaker 2>What is the right, No, you want certainty, you want

0:45:15.760 --> 0:45:19.560
<v Speaker 2>a certain outcome, And so much of life is existing

0:45:19.600 --> 0:45:23.920
<v Speaker 2>in uncertainty and walking by faith, and walking by faith

0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:26.520
<v Speaker 2>if you knew the whole path, ain't walking by faith, right,

0:45:27.200 --> 0:45:31.520
<v Speaker 2>It's just not. And so these life transitions, especially in

0:45:31.560 --> 0:45:35.600
<v Speaker 2>this season where there is elevation, elevation comes with a

0:45:35.640 --> 0:45:39.800
<v Speaker 2>greater risk from falling. Right, The greatest risk of failure

0:45:40.000 --> 0:45:43.160
<v Speaker 2>is the thing that's the most successful, something that ain't successful.

0:45:43.200 --> 0:45:45.319
<v Speaker 2>You ain't got much failure to be had, you know,

0:45:45.800 --> 0:45:47.680
<v Speaker 2>just like every time you elevate that fall it's gonna

0:45:47.719 --> 0:45:50.280
<v Speaker 2>hurt that much more. And so just trusting in God

0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:54.080
<v Speaker 2>that if I fall, it won't destroy me. If I

0:45:54.160 --> 0:45:57.560
<v Speaker 2>make a mistake, God will fix it. That He didn't

0:45:57.560 --> 0:46:00.520
<v Speaker 2>bring me this far, you know, to leave me all

0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:03.920
<v Speaker 2>of those things. So I have to coach myself in

0:46:03.960 --> 0:46:06.440
<v Speaker 2>the ways that I coach my patients, understanding that it's

0:46:06.520 --> 0:46:10.240
<v Speaker 2>easier said than done, that giving yourself grace is something

0:46:10.320 --> 0:46:14.680
<v Speaker 2>that you learn by doing. But yeah, it's hard, and

0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:19.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm still afraid lots of things afraid. But God is

0:46:19.160 --> 0:46:20.560
<v Speaker 2>good and so I just have to lean.

0:46:20.400 --> 0:46:22.799
<v Speaker 1>On that that's perfect and we cannot end on a

0:46:22.840 --> 0:46:26.720
<v Speaker 1>better note, thank you so much. Every season we choose

0:46:26.760 --> 0:46:29.400
<v Speaker 1>a word to guide our conversations. In this season, the

0:46:29.400 --> 0:46:32.560
<v Speaker 1>word is purpose. I want to ask you, doctor Charis,

0:46:33.480 --> 0:46:35.360
<v Speaker 1>what does purpose mean to you today?

0:46:37.640 --> 0:46:43.080
<v Speaker 2>Purpose for me is the impact I can have while

0:46:43.120 --> 0:46:48.000
<v Speaker 2>being obedient to the calling God has given me. People

0:46:48.120 --> 0:46:51.120
<v Speaker 2>look at you and they have so many things they

0:46:51.120 --> 0:46:53.600
<v Speaker 2>want to do with you and your gifts and skills,

0:46:53.800 --> 0:46:56.560
<v Speaker 2>and they're like, ooh, this could be purposeful. But the

0:46:56.600 --> 0:46:59.279
<v Speaker 2>only purpose I want to be concerned with is the

0:46:59.320 --> 0:47:02.960
<v Speaker 2>one that God has for me, And so I better

0:47:03.040 --> 0:47:05.719
<v Speaker 2>understand what that looks like when it aligns with what

0:47:05.800 --> 0:47:07.319
<v Speaker 2>I know God has called me to do and the

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:11.560
<v Speaker 2>gifts that He's given me. And I'm so grateful like

0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:15.440
<v Speaker 2>all of this being here with you, it is me

0:47:15.560 --> 0:47:16.480
<v Speaker 2>living in my purpose.

0:47:16.800 --> 0:47:17.319
<v Speaker 1>I love it.

0:47:17.440 --> 0:47:18.359
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

0:47:18.800 --> 0:47:23.600
<v Speaker 1>I've completely enjoyed this conversation thoroughly. You are a gym

0:47:23.719 --> 0:47:26.719
<v Speaker 1>and I'm so excited for everyone to get your book.

0:47:26.719 --> 0:47:28.040
<v Speaker 1>You can't wait to share. We're gonna have to make

0:47:28.040 --> 0:47:32.120
<v Speaker 1>this a part of the Sweetie Social Club book cover. Yes, yes, absolutely.

0:47:32.480 --> 0:47:34.600
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything else that we can support you in?

0:47:35.040 --> 0:47:37.640
<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, you know if you read my book and

0:47:37.680 --> 0:47:39.839
<v Speaker 2>you love it, just review it. It's so crazy how

0:47:39.840 --> 0:47:42.840
<v Speaker 2>reviews matter a lot. I didn't realize that. And so

0:47:42.880 --> 0:47:49.319
<v Speaker 2>if you have something positive to say, keep it, you know,

0:47:50.080 --> 0:47:53.000
<v Speaker 2>share this with someone, write a review, let people know.

0:47:53.080 --> 0:47:55.120
<v Speaker 2>And if you have someone in your life who has

0:47:55.200 --> 0:47:58.160
<v Speaker 2>periods or will have periods, show up for them however

0:47:58.200 --> 0:48:00.600
<v Speaker 2>you can. You don't have to be perfect, but showing

0:48:00.680 --> 0:48:02.360
<v Speaker 2>up for them can make a world of a difference.

0:48:02.719 --> 0:48:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Yes, doctor, thank you so much.

0:48:05.920 --> 0:48:08.120
<v Speaker 2>So good.

0:48:10.960 --> 0:48:14.680
<v Speaker 1>Sweetie's. If today's conversation reminds you of anything, I hope

0:48:14.680 --> 0:48:18.279
<v Speaker 1>it's this. The conversations we choose to have today can

0:48:18.320 --> 0:48:23.240
<v Speaker 1>shape generations tomorrow. Never underestimate the power of asking the question,

0:48:23.880 --> 0:48:28.040
<v Speaker 1>telling the truth, and leading with compassion, Doctor Charles, thank

0:48:28.080 --> 0:48:31.120
<v Speaker 1>you so much, and Sweety's be sure to pick up

0:48:31.160 --> 0:48:34.719
<v Speaker 1>Doctor Charles's new book, The Period and Puberty Parenting Revolution,

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:38.480
<v Speaker 1>available now wherever books are sold. And don't forget Kip's

0:48:38.480 --> 0:48:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Live is happening Friday at the Buckhead Theater right here

0:48:41.600 --> 0:48:44.359
<v Speaker 1>in Atlanta, Georgia. Tickets are on sale now and I

0:48:44.400 --> 0:48:47.560
<v Speaker 1>cannot wait to see you guys there. If today's episode

0:48:47.680 --> 0:48:51.200
<v Speaker 1>encouraged you, inspired you, or made you think a little differently,

0:48:51.640 --> 0:48:54.239
<v Speaker 1>be sure to subscribe, leave us a comment, and share

0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:56.880
<v Speaker 1>this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Until

0:48:56.880 --> 0:48:59.560
<v Speaker 1>next time, keep it posave, sweeties. I'll see you guys

0:48:59.560 --> 0:48:59.959
<v Speaker 1>this week.

0:49:00.360 --> 0:49:01.480
<v Speaker 2>Cana It