Speaker 1: Calling all my sweeties to the forefront. I'm your host,
Speaker 1: Chris Rhne Hazel and this is to keep it positive,
Speaker 1: Sweetish show welcome to keep it positive, sweetie. The place
Speaker 1: where we heal, grow and learn together. Some of the
Speaker 1: most important conversations of our lives are also the ones
Speaker 1: where leads prepared to have. Today we're talking about truth, trust,
Speaker 1: and the courage to have the conversations that can change generations.
Speaker 2: Today's guest has dedicated.
Speaker 1: Her career to making some of life's most important conversations
Speaker 1: feel less intimidating and far more empowering. Known to millions
Speaker 1: as the Period Doctor, doctor Charles Chambers is a Board
Speaker 1: certified pediatric and adolescent gynecologists, educator, entrepreneur, and author of
Speaker 1: the new book The Period and Puberty Parenting or Revolution.
Speaker 1: Through her platform and her practice, she's helping families replace
Speaker 1: fear with understanding and silence with confidence. Kid's family, please
Speaker 1: give a very warm well welcome to doctor Charis.
Speaker 2: Doctor.
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming by, Thank you for having me. Yes,
Speaker 1: congratulations on your new book entitled The Period and Puberty
Speaker 1: Parenting Revolution. How are you feeling today?
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm feeling so blessed. I think whenever you have
Speaker 2: something in your heart and your mind and then it
Speaker 2: comes to be a physical thing, you have to relish
Speaker 2: in the moment yes and say okay, okay, Lord, I
Speaker 2: see what you have done. And there has to be
Speaker 2: a spirit of gratitude.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. So I know this is a busy time. You're
Speaker 1: a newfound author, you're also a gynecologist, but how are
Speaker 1: you balancing it all? Your mother as well and a wife. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is something you've added to your place, So how
Speaker 1: are you balancing it all?
Speaker 2: The late is full? Okay? I literally message someone saying
Speaker 2: that I'm managing it by being so again grateful for everything,
Speaker 2: but also very careful with what I say yes to.
Speaker 2: So I as you start to have more visibility, and
Speaker 2: especially with publicity around a book, people say, oh, doing things,
Speaker 2: can you do more things? I'm like, oh my goodness,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'm doing these things. I cannot accept more things,
Speaker 2: And so with a gracious spirit, I'm saying, oh, thank
Speaker 2: you so much for thinking of me. I genuinely appreciate it.
Speaker 2: My plate is as full as I can take it
Speaker 2: right now, so I will have to decline. And that
Speaker 2: is how I've been protecting myself by saying no to
Speaker 2: other opportunities that are good opportunities that used to I
Speaker 2: would I would jump at. And I used to not
Speaker 2: have the discernment that is necessary in this season to
Speaker 2: say no to those things. But I say no with
Speaker 2: gratitude and understanding that this is the manifestation of abundance.
Speaker 2: It is more than I can carry, it is more
Speaker 2: than I can accept. And that's okay.
Speaker 1: There is so much wisdom in what you just said,
Speaker 1: and you have to honor your no. It is so wise.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I used to think no was always negative,
Speaker 2: but I I mean the delivery of it, like with
Speaker 2: a smile and with hearts and with thank you so much.
Speaker 1: But I cannot right now. That's okay. And sometimes that
Speaker 1: no isn't for ever. It's just right now, I don't
Speaker 1: have the capacity. Yeah, and this season I love that.
Speaker 1: That is so good. So before we get started, we're
Speaker 1: going to dive into your book, but I want to
Speaker 1: play a game with you first. The game is called
Speaker 1: first instinct. Now, as a physician, you have learned to
Speaker 1: trust your training, but as a leader, you've also learned
Speaker 1: to trust your experience. So I'm curious what happens when
Speaker 1: those two instincts meet. I'm going to give you a
Speaker 1: few situations and you just tell me your first instinct
Speaker 1: and why. All right, The first one is a parent says,
Speaker 1: my child isn't ready for this conversation? What is your
Speaker 1: first instinct and why?
Speaker 2: My first instinct is to follow up and say, why
Speaker 2: do you believe that? And can I convince you otherwise?
Speaker 2: The reason is many parents, when they really say their
Speaker 2: child is not ready, they are often suggesting that they're
Speaker 2: not ready. And if they're saying that their child has
Speaker 2: anxiety around new things, it is actually in support of
Speaker 2: having the conversation ahead of the actual event taking place.
Speaker 2: It actually can be supportive of the narrative, and I
Speaker 2: think that's helpful. The other thing is can I convince
Speaker 2: you otherwise? It's like, are you even open to another perspective?
Speaker 2: And that's before I spend my good time? Are I
Speaker 2: told you I have much? So? Is there an opportunity?
Speaker 2: Are you open to being convinced otherwise? I think allows
Speaker 2: me to better allocate my time and efforts to know
Speaker 2: if they're ready to even have the conversation.
Speaker 1: That is so good. I love that and that you
Speaker 1: hit on something A lot of times our parents say
Speaker 1: that the child isn't ready, but it's really they're not ready.
Speaker 1: You know. The kids grow up so fast and they're like, wait,
Speaker 1: I actually am not.
Speaker 2: I'm not the one ready.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know that's so true, all right. The next
Speaker 1: one is someone challenges something that you know to be true.
Speaker 2: What is your first instinct? My first instinct is to listen.
Speaker 2: I love listening. It's my favorite and I often can
Speaker 2: better understand their perspective. And so if I know it
Speaker 2: to be true in my lived experience, maybe there is
Speaker 2: a blind spot, maybe there is some other thing I
Speaker 2: haven't considered, and so I want to better understand people
Speaker 2: for I respond. Again, it's a better use of my
Speaker 2: time to to really understand what the perspective is so
Speaker 2: that I can challenge it or not. Yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 1: God to redirects a plan you've worked years to build.
Speaker 1: What is your first instinct? This has happened to all
Speaker 1: of us.
Speaker 2: This has happened, honestly, if I've really being honest, My
Speaker 2: first instinct is to cry. And I think crying has
Speaker 2: been cathartic for me. It is what I do when
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. It is how I
Speaker 2: release things. And when I don't give myself the opportunity
Speaker 2: to have a good cry, I tend to carry more
Speaker 2: than I need to. So when there has been true
Speaker 2: time and effort in something that I've been working diligently
Speaker 2: toward and there's a divine redirection, there is still a
Speaker 2: grieving that has to take place. And then the follow
Speaker 2: up thing is, now, what would you have me to do?
Speaker 2: Because if you are redirecting me, what is the assignment?
Speaker 2: What is the next step? The crying? You know, it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean I'm giving, It doesn't mean I don't have faith.
Speaker 2: It means I am a human being that feels, and
Speaker 2: I feel very deeply, and I got to get it
Speaker 2: out of the way so I can get back to
Speaker 2: what God has for me.
Speaker 1: It is so good. I love that. I just had
Speaker 1: a conversation yesterday with It was two men and a woman,
Speaker 1: and I was telling the guys that tears are healing, Oh,
Speaker 1: absolutely a lot. I think we're just finally getting to
Speaker 1: the point where they're okay to cry and they feel
Speaker 1: that they have a safe face to allow themselves to
Speaker 1: feel those emotions. So it's so true. My first instinct
Speaker 1: is a cry to you are why I come on,
Speaker 1: we've been working on this, right, I'm gonna cry and.
Speaker 2: Get to it absolutely.
Speaker 1: Last one is you have to choose between being liked
Speaker 1: or being honest. What is your first instinct?
Speaker 2: Every time? It's being honest, because if I am prioritizing
Speaker 2: being liked, I'm probably not going to be able to
Speaker 2: like myself after that. And I always say I got
Speaker 2: to be the one to be able to rest my
Speaker 2: eyes okay and go to sleep at night trying to
Speaker 2: get to heaven. So I don't need to be liked
Speaker 2: by people. And it's impossible to be consistently liked by
Speaker 2: people who are subject to passing whims and fancies, so
Speaker 2: popular opinion is always changing. I need to love me
Speaker 2: and like me, and I'd rather be honest and go
Speaker 2: to sleep with a clean heart than to get the
Speaker 2: approval of someone who's going to change that approval approval
Speaker 2: or retracted at a later date.
Speaker 1: I love that. That is so good. I want to know.
Speaker 1: I know that you know now you have been called
Speaker 1: to care? Oh yes, at what age did you realize
Speaker 1: when you look back as an adult and you look
Speaker 1: back over your life, were there moments throughout your childhood
Speaker 1: where you see like your calling was already evident in
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny because there isn't one moment that
Speaker 2: I can identify, And I think that's a testament to
Speaker 2: just God kind of giving you just enough in the
Speaker 2: moment that you keep walking forward. I can remember in
Speaker 2: my youngest years, I'm the third child in my family, right,
Speaker 2: so when you have older siblings, you are forced to
Speaker 2: be more of an observer than a leader. And being
Speaker 2: an observer, I found that I noticed things that people overlooked.
Speaker 2: I was often very emotionally aware of how actions and
Speaker 2: words affected other people. And it was almost as if
Speaker 2: I was like in some parts, like invisible in a room,
Speaker 2: like you could just you know, you were like this
Speaker 2: little fly on the wall and I could see ooh,
Speaker 2: they didn't like that. You know. I was always that person,
Speaker 2: And even into medical school where you are just in
Speaker 2: the room, you know, shadow and don't say too much
Speaker 2: because you don't know nothing, you're here to learn. I
Speaker 2: could see that as well. I could see the patient
Speaker 2: recoil when the leading physician said something they didn't like.
Speaker 2: I could see them have questions in their eyes as
Speaker 2: we're leaving the room, and the physicians like, well, I
Speaker 2: did my job. I'm like, no, you did you know?
Speaker 2: I constantly had that emotional awareness, and so I think
Speaker 2: I knew emotional awareness was my gift. I didn't know
Speaker 2: what to do with it, and so as I began
Speaker 2: to understand my role in my desire for science and medicine,
Speaker 2: I said, well, what can I do differently with that?
Speaker 2: And it's funny because in my training I was reprimanded
Speaker 2: for spending too much time with patients. They're like, you're
Speaker 2: not fast enough, and I'm like, you too quick because
Speaker 2: I'm in the room longer because you're not doing what
Speaker 2: you need to be doing. But you can't say that
Speaker 2: to your attendant. You can't say that to the person
Speaker 2: who don't your evaluation. So I'm like, okay, I'll take
Speaker 2: that down. So I just got better at it. I
Speaker 2: got better at my education and counseling. So I think
Speaker 2: God lets you be aware of certain gifts, and it
Speaker 2: is kind of that beautiful moment where all of those
Speaker 2: gifts start to align, you find your place and you
Speaker 2: start walking in that path where each step forward gives
Speaker 2: you that confirmation.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love that. As reading the book, I realized
Speaker 1: that Curiosity also seems to be one of your superpowers.
Speaker 1: You don't just learn the information, but you pursue understanding,
Speaker 1: which is very important. How has stayed curious shaped the
Speaker 1: woman that you are today?
Speaker 2: I think it has made me a lifelong learner. So
Speaker 2: people think that once you get the degrees and you
Speaker 2: know the board certifications, you stop learning. I'm always here.
Speaker 2: I'm constantly learning, and I learned from my patients. I
Speaker 2: learned from their parents. I learned from all these people
Speaker 2: that I interact with in life because I've never lived
Speaker 2: their lives. I learned by reading. I learned by you know,
Speaker 2: studying the latest research articles. But curiosity, for me allows
Speaker 2: you to be the most alive that you are. And
Speaker 2: as life changes, as science advances, I never want to
Speaker 2: be left behind. I never want to be someone that's
Speaker 2: speaking out of a place that is not relevant and accurate.
Speaker 2: And so my curiosity is tied to my love of learning,
Speaker 2: and I hope that that never goes away.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love that. So growing up, what was there
Speaker 1: a defining moment, like through grade school where you knew
Speaker 1: like this is the direction I want to go. I
Speaker 1: want to go into medicine or what was that defining
Speaker 1: moment for you.
Speaker 2: I actually didn't know I wanted to go into medicine
Speaker 2: until I was in college. So I went to Spelman
Speaker 2: College not too far here, and I entered spell and thinking,
Speaker 2: I love science and math. Maybe i'll do something in math.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll be like a math professor. Unclear ast of
Speaker 2: why I thought that was gonna be. But as I
Speaker 2: got to really know math and it just gets harder,
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't like this. I was like,
Speaker 2: I do not, I don't like this. So I majored
Speaker 2: in biology, and I think, just somewhere in my mind,
Speaker 2: my dad is a physician. I got to see him
Speaker 2: be the physician in our town and understand how respected
Speaker 2: he was and how he was an integral part of
Speaker 2: these milestones of people's lives. So I did have that perspective.
Speaker 2: But it wasn't until around my second year that I
Speaker 2: was like, well, if I'm a thought leader and I'm
Speaker 2: emotionally intelligent, and I love science and I want to
Speaker 2: be an advocate, medicine allows me to do all of that, Yes,
Speaker 2: so let's pursue medicine. And then once I was in
Speaker 2: med school, I then realized I wanted to do kind ofcology.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. So you went to Spelman, you earned your
Speaker 1: medical degree, you completed your obgy in residence, and then
Speaker 1: you made the decision to specialize further in pediatric and
Speaker 1: adolescent gynecology. Now, what made you decide that was the
Speaker 1: specific area that you wanted to go into versus just
Speaker 1: helping adult women. What made you say, I want to
Speaker 1: focus on the children.
Speaker 2: So first, I want to say that when I heard
Speaker 2: that people used to leave residency, which is the most grueling,
Speaker 2: you know, three to five years of your life, and
Speaker 2: then elect to do more training, I was like, y'all crazy.
Speaker 2: I was like, I will never be that fool. Like
Speaker 2: I was just like, what do you mean? Do you
Speaker 2: not like getting paid? Do you not like rest? Do
Speaker 2: you not like balance?
Speaker 1: Some people are professional students.
Speaker 2: I love it. I just I never saw myself doing that.
Speaker 2: But when I was first exposed to pediatric and adolescent gynecology,
Speaker 2: I felt all of my gifts and all of my
Speaker 2: interests like come alive in the room. I was like,
Speaker 2: I can advocate for her, I can translate for her,
Speaker 2: I can educate her, I can do this cross generational
Speaker 2: like guidance. I mean, I was beyond thrilled at the
Speaker 2: way I could show up clinically, and so I I
Speaker 2: never thought that I would be this person that did
Speaker 2: additional training, but for me, that was the best way
Speaker 2: for me to show up in that way. Also in
Speaker 2: my residency training, life happened. Life happened in like a
Speaker 2: more significant way, so kind of important things. I was
Speaker 2: diagnosed with like a chronic illness in my residency and
Speaker 2: just realized that the life of an OPQUI and in a
Speaker 2: general sense, is very erratic. There's lack of sleep and
Speaker 2: all these things that just are not there don't promote
Speaker 2: good health. There's a lot of stress in high stress situations,
Speaker 2: and the idea of so specializing felt more appealing where
Speaker 2: I could have more balance in my life and more control. Yes,
Speaker 2: and then in my residency, my mother also passed away,
Speaker 2: And I think when you lose someone and someone who
Speaker 2: is your rock, who I felt like God put you
Speaker 2: on assignment to be my person right without And she
Speaker 2: passed away before I met my husband, So you know,
Speaker 2: you're just kind of just feeling like you're just out here.
Speaker 2: The only thing that kept me motivated was purpose, Like
Speaker 2: the only thing that gives me joy is showing up
Speaker 2: for someone else and doing something that liberates them or
Speaker 2: heals them, so that those things made fellowship and specializing
Speaker 2: that much more urgent.
Speaker 1: And yeah, that's so good. You talked about how grueling
Speaker 1: residency was. Take us through some of like what that
Speaker 1: slice of people to understand what you all go through
Speaker 1: to get to be the doctors that you Yes, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh.
Speaker 2: Residency is this strange time where you work on average
Speaker 2: eighty hours a week. So eighty hours a week and
Speaker 2: that is improvement. So my father when he was in residency,
Speaker 2: there were no work hour restrictions. You just did what
Speaker 2: you had to do. But then they had some research
Speaker 2: that came out It's like if they never sleep, they
Speaker 2: don't operate very well. We're actual surgeons, so we do
Speaker 2: need to have like dexterity and know what things are.
Speaker 2: And so eighty hour weeks was just the the standard
Speaker 2: for four years. There were times where I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my goodness, I have a golden weekend. A golden
Speaker 2: weekend is when you.
Speaker 1: Have both days off, like Saturday, Friday.
Speaker 2: N Friday and Saturday, I mean Saturday and Sunday rather
Speaker 2: because that was so rare in residency. I had three
Speaker 2: total weeks of vacation including holidays, and so it's just
Speaker 2: out of well, three total weeks per year. My apologies,
Speaker 2: but it's just not a lot. So you're like, am
Speaker 2: I gonna see my folks for Thanksgiving? I'm gonna see
Speaker 2: them for Christmas? How I'm not gonna when? Am I
Speaker 2: going to travel meaningfully? And then you're not getting paid
Speaker 2: very well. You're getting technically from an hourly standpoint, you're
Speaker 2: getting paid less than minimum wage. You do twenty four
Speaker 2: hour shifts and I remember being like, how does one
Speaker 2: stay up for twenty four hours? And then your body
Speaker 2: just adjusts not well, but you just learn to. There's
Speaker 2: shifts where you're just up at night. So there's night
Speaker 2: float or night shift where you're up for twelve hours
Speaker 2: at night. You come in at seven pm, leave at
Speaker 2: seven am, and so it's just the strangest thing where
Speaker 2: your life is work. And the idea is that you
Speaker 2: need to get so much exposure and see so many
Speaker 2: clinical scenarios to be trusted with lives in your hands,
Speaker 2: to be trusted with the lives of a mother and
Speaker 2: a baby, to be able to do a Sassyrian section
Speaker 2: and get a baby out in forty five seconds, because
Speaker 2: it's an emergency to be able to control bleeding and
Speaker 2: keep your composure. So those are things that need to
Speaker 2: be tested rapidly and with repetition, and so there is
Speaker 2: a reason for it. But it is hard on your body.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's hard on your mind. It's hard on
Speaker 2: your soul. I was talking to a resident because I
Speaker 2: do work with residents. Now, I say, you couldn't pay me.
Speaker 2: Ain't no amount of money you could pay me to
Speaker 2: go back to where you are. You just like I know, But.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that they love to have someone like you
Speaker 1: that's leading them versus the people were saying you're moving
Speaker 1: too slow, you need to You're actually teaching them how
Speaker 1: to properly care. Because so many doctors don't have good
Speaker 1: bedside manner. So many and now I see why because
Speaker 1: they've been taught hurry up, keep it right.
Speaker 2: Well, these keep it going. The system doesn't reward good
Speaker 2: bedside manner, But my patients appreciate it absolutely, and I
Speaker 2: am there for my patients and that makes all the difference.
Speaker 2: I love that I'm out of training and I can
Speaker 2: just get that affirmation every single day.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love that. So there's physicians all
Speaker 1: over the world that are seeing the same things that
Speaker 1: you see every day, but not all of them have
Speaker 1: felt the call to write a book. What made you
Speaker 1: decide I want to build my platform and I want
Speaker 1: my voice to be public.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I started my platform, my social media platform
Speaker 2: when I was in fellowship. I had been at that point,
Speaker 2: I'd done four years of medical school, four years Objuane residency,
Speaker 2: and was one year through my two year fellowship program.
Speaker 2: I was tired. I was very tired, and I just
Speaker 2: felt like the delayed part of the delayed gratification was
Speaker 2: just taking a long time. I also was again searching
Speaker 2: for purpose. My mom had passed and I just needed
Speaker 2: some to fill my cup. So this wasn't the most
Speaker 2: like selfless endeavor. It was something that was going to
Speaker 2: make me feel like I was making an impact today.
Speaker 2: So I said, well, if I'm talking to my patients
Speaker 2: and they're constantly saying, nobody explains this like you yeah,
Speaker 2: Like why didn't they just say that? I said, well,
Speaker 2: maybe this is my gift. Maybe I could leverage this
Speaker 2: and put this on social media so that more people
Speaker 2: could see it. Also, I'm texting with people I went
Speaker 2: to school with my college classmates, my line sisters. They're like, now,
Speaker 2: remind me if I missed a birth control people, what
Speaker 2: do I do. I'm like, I told you this multiple times?
Speaker 2: Or what is a UTI? I'm like, I see there's Google.
Speaker 2: It's right, there's free. They want to hear it from me.
Speaker 2: You trust the source exactly. So it was the trust aspect.
Speaker 2: I said, well, let me leverage this and just go
Speaker 2: on social media. So I started just making posts. I
Speaker 2: would make them as I studied for my oral boards,
Speaker 2: just on random topics, and it just blew up and
Speaker 2: I was like, come again. So I started to realize
Speaker 2: there was a perspective that I had and a desire
Speaker 2: that I had that was not common. And so then
Speaker 2: as I was seeing more patients and out throughout my practice,
Speaker 2: there was so much I wanted to touch on. Even
Speaker 2: in my own time without somebody being my girl, be faster,
Speaker 2: I did not have time to touch on all of this,
Speaker 2: seeing that like, this mom brought this daughter in to
Speaker 2: talk about her period. But I need to talk to
Speaker 2: this mother because she is having some I mean, she
Speaker 2: is grieving. She is sobbing because of the fears that
Speaker 2: she has in her heart about what her daughter's going
Speaker 2: to go through. And that's not something that I can
Speaker 2: code in the medical chart, right, That's not something insurance
Speaker 2: is going to understand that I spent ten minutes talking
Speaker 2: to her, like your baby's gonna be okay, Yes, this
Speaker 2: is hard. I know you suffer through your periods, maybe
Speaker 2: she won't suffer. Can you tell me more? You know,
Speaker 2: like I felt this desire to speak to all of
Speaker 2: these things, taboos, concerns, fears, traumas, and I don't have time,
Speaker 2: and so I said, I need to write this down.
Speaker 2: And I love social media. I love making videos, but
Speaker 2: there's something so I don't know, just temporary about a
Speaker 2: three minute video or a clip. So I said, I
Speaker 2: feel like books just live on, they live on longer.
Speaker 2: There there's something that put your words in a way
Speaker 2: that they can reference repeatedly, and this is the format. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so that's how I ended up here.
Speaker 1: So as you began to blow up on social media,
Speaker 1: you're a resident at the time, I'm a fellow, a
Speaker 1: fellow and okay, so it goes from resident, fellow to doctor, yes,
Speaker 1: okay in that order. Was there ever a moment where
Speaker 1: your peers because this is something that people didn't normally
Speaker 1: do that you saw like any jealousy or like people
Speaker 1: ahead of you. The doctor's like, hey, you need to Like.
Speaker 2: What's so interesting is that when I started, this was
Speaker 2: before you know, the pandemic, before things really blew up
Speaker 2: on social media in that way, they just thought I
Speaker 2: was a little crazy. Like and I told my my peers,
Speaker 2: like my co fellows, because you're in this same boat
Speaker 2: together as trainees, So I never wanted them to feel
Speaker 2: like I was just doing random endeavors in like a
Speaker 2: deceptive way. So I just let them know one day,
Speaker 2: little work room like, hey guys, I'm gonna start on
Speaker 2: Instagram where I start educating. They're like, okay, Like you're
Speaker 2: not busy enough girls, right, And that was just that
Speaker 2: was kind of the response. But as the pandemic started
Speaker 2: and people started to leverage social media in that way
Speaker 2: and it began to blow up.
Speaker 1: A lot of doctors were very vocal during very vocal. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I had even one of my attending doctors who are
Speaker 2: like our bosses, it's like, can you teach me how
Speaker 2: to do social media? I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: that's so sweet for a price, because what are you
Speaker 2: talking about. I don't have free time, hello, Right, So
Speaker 2: you could see the shift was happening, but it hadn't
Speaker 2: happened when I first started, So I think that protected
Speaker 2: me from any type of jealousy or anything. I don't
Speaker 2: think anyone anticipated that it would be that big wow,
Speaker 2: which was fun because I didn't either. Yeah. I just
Speaker 2: thought I was just doing this little education thing. I
Speaker 2: didn't think I could make money. I had no real
Speaker 2: plans to make a business. Yeah, just all I love that.
Speaker 1: That's so cool. Now. I know that working in your field,
Speaker 1: you see so many different things, and there's a lot
Speaker 1: of weight that you have to carry. What are some
Speaker 1: of the scenarios that you can share that have really
Speaker 1: like hits you where you're like, this is a tough day.
Speaker 2: Oh, you know, there's so many tough days. I think
Speaker 2: a lot of people think that. In my field, I'll
Speaker 2: see primarily young girls who have been like mistreated and abused,
Speaker 2: and that is a subset of what I do. But
Speaker 2: there's still a lot of reasons why girls need to
Speaker 2: see a guynecologist, right, that are not that extreme exactly,
Speaker 2: even so I tend to see those people too, and
Speaker 2: the amount of things that our youngest folks have seen
Speaker 2: and experience, even at the hands of folks who were
Speaker 2: supposed to protect them. Oh my god, it breaks my
Speaker 2: heart and I have had to leave rooms because I
Speaker 2: am like breaking down. One girl was telling me her
Speaker 2: story about what she had survived, and I am just
Speaker 2: like uncontrollably crying, and she wasn't and she was young,
Speaker 2: and I just remember being like, you just look at
Speaker 2: her and you would never know all she's carried, all
Speaker 2: of the nightmare she has survived, and she still looked
Speaker 2: joyful and had protective folks in her life at that time.
Speaker 2: But my god, it just speaks to It constantly reminds
Speaker 2: me and calibrates my perspective on You don't know what
Speaker 2: people are going through, and so there is a lot
Speaker 2: that I can't share because of hippopurposes, you know all that.
Speaker 2: But there's a lot of this world is so dark
Speaker 2: and it is so so hard for a lot of people,
Speaker 2: and then it is so bright and it's so beautiful,
Speaker 2: and the people who have limitations and disabilities and things
Speaker 2: will be some of the most remarkable people that I see.
Speaker 2: So it just it reminds me continually the expansiveness of God,
Speaker 2: the goodness of God, and the need and the mandate
Speaker 2: for grace.
Speaker 1: That's good, thank you. One of the chapters that I
Speaker 1: loved the title for was It's not about You, but
Speaker 1: it is. I thought that was probably one of the
Speaker 1: most honest titles you could have given that chapter. What
Speaker 1: inspired that title?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh. So when I first thought about writing my book,
Speaker 2: and when you write books that go through so many iterations,
Speaker 2: I was thinking, do I need to do like a
Speaker 2: ton of parenting profiles and how what parents experience, how
Speaker 2: that affects how they show up for their kids. But
Speaker 2: that isn't the most useful thing. You know, While you
Speaker 2: could do that and it would be entertaining, when you're
Speaker 2: trying to create a resource, you want to limit unnecessary
Speaker 2: rhetoric around mistakes and give as much insight into opportunities
Speaker 2: and in appropriate guidance. And so when I realized that
Speaker 2: parents still need to know how powerful their influence is,
Speaker 2: but they need to know that that influence needs to
Speaker 2: be wielded in a framework that center your child, Like
Speaker 2: how do you balance it? And that is what it is.
Speaker 2: It is nuanced, it is duality, and that's what this
Speaker 2: conversation calls for I also think that's why so many
Speaker 2: people don't want to have it, because it takes time,
Speaker 2: It takes sensitivity, it takes consideration and compassion to say,
Speaker 2: I understand why you feel that way. It makes sense
Speaker 2: that you feel that way. This is an appropriate response
Speaker 2: to that. But the outcome you desire is not on
Speaker 2: the other side of that. So it's not about you,
Speaker 2: but it is means center your child, right, But understand
Speaker 2: where your lived experience has impact and modified according to
Speaker 2: the outcomes you desire, Because if you don't, and if
Speaker 2: you are not aware of that, you will You will
Speaker 2: be speaking from borrowed scripts. You will be perpetuating misconceptions,
Speaker 2: you will be passing down generational shame, and you won't
Speaker 2: even know it.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us are healing from that
Speaker 1: as adults from the past down generational curses in shame.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, many of the people in our lives who are
Speaker 2: the main folks that passed that down did so unknowingly unintentionally.
Speaker 2: To this day, if you ask them if they made
Speaker 2: period shape, they'd be like, no, I just told you
Speaker 2: not to tell nobody. If you can't talk about it,
Speaker 2: It's like that is the same.
Speaker 1: Right, that is and something that the line has stayed with.
Speaker 1: And you said, your child's puberty is not your chance
Speaker 1: at puberty. Redo, Oh gosh, powerful. It matters because a
Speaker 1: lot of times parents they take the trauma that they
Speaker 1: had and then they put it on their times oftentimes unknowingly.
Speaker 2: Yes, and they overcorrect. And it's so clear, it is
Speaker 2: so clear when that happens. You see a mom that
Speaker 2: says she's not having a boyfriend, or two she is
Speaker 2: eighteen and she's not talking to no boys and she
Speaker 2: won't have not gonna happen, And I'm like, can you
Speaker 2: tell me your story? And their story is often at fourteen,
Speaker 2: they fell in love with this smooth talking, little you
Speaker 2: know boy on the JV basketball team. You know, you're
Speaker 2: just like what you know what I'm saying, and that
Speaker 2: that derailed them and so you know what they do.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that was right, that's your stories. But it's
Speaker 2: so important to know that your baby is not you.
Speaker 2: Just because they have you, your influence and half your
Speaker 2: genetics doesn't mean they are you. And so to reduce
Speaker 2: them to only your storyline in this corrective type of
Speaker 2: way where you're using white out on your story and
Speaker 2: not giving them even the opportunity to write their own
Speaker 2: story is so unfair. It's just unfair, and it's profoundly limiting.
Speaker 2: It's almost like, if you survived a flood, you teach
Speaker 2: your kid how to build a boat. Right, if you
Speaker 2: were in a hailstorm, you teach them how to build
Speaker 2: a roof. But your child might need a roof. You
Speaker 2: talking about a boat, right, you know, it's just like
Speaker 2: protect them, give them what they need, and the only
Speaker 2: way you'll know what they need is to allow them
Speaker 2: to live their life.
Speaker 1: That's so good. Now you are a mother, Now, how
Speaker 1: has writing this book? Has it shifted your perspective on anything?
Speaker 1: Or has it made you really dial in? But you
Speaker 1: have a little boy since I did, it'll be a
Speaker 1: different conversation for him when the time comes for puberty.
Speaker 1: But has writing this book shaped any different ideas that
Speaker 1: you had around this? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think that writing. Actually, I think motherhood impacted the
Speaker 2: book more than the book impacted my mother. Wow, because
Speaker 2: I actually wrote to the majority of this book while
Speaker 2: pregnant and postpartum. Yeah, that was not my plan. Would
Speaker 2: not recommend zero out of ten. So when I got
Speaker 2: my book deal, I did not know that I was
Speaker 2: pregnant at the time. I found out, like a few
Speaker 2: days later, I'm like, I inked it, like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: March third of twenty twenty five sounds great or whatever.
Speaker 2: My baby was born November thirtyeth of twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: I was like, I have three months to get my
Speaker 2: manuscript together. You know, I'd written some of it, but
Speaker 2: also being pregnant with your first child, your brain just
Speaker 2: goes to I'm preparing for this baby, Like, what do
Speaker 2: you know all the things you need to get together.
Speaker 2: So a lot of it was writing during the MATRESSNS
Speaker 2: period where my brain is literally rewiring, I have no sleep.
Speaker 2: But what I was able to access that I've never
Speaker 2: had access to before was this unquantifiable love that I
Speaker 2: have for my child. That I was able to understand
Speaker 2: and write in a way that considered it for the
Speaker 2: parents that would read this book. So instead of me
Speaker 2: questioning your love for your child, I'm going to write,
Speaker 2: assuming profound and deep love for your child. I'm going
Speaker 2: to write and assuming that your intentions are to give
Speaker 2: your child the very best life, because that's what I have.
Speaker 2: Those are my intentions. I'm sitting here on Reddit looking
Speaker 2: up how I'm supposed to put in to sleep, you know,
Speaker 2: looking up every possible thing, all the resources in the world.
Speaker 2: I wanted to treat parents that would pick up my
Speaker 2: book in the same way as someone whose heart is
Speaker 2: seeking the right resources. And I think I don't know
Speaker 2: that I would have been able to write in that
Speaker 2: way if I didn't do so that's a new mom.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: That's so good. Now we already touched on generational curses.
Speaker 1: Is there something a belief that you may have inherited
Speaker 1: or something that you're already intentionally passing on to your child.
Speaker 1: Is there something that you want to pass on to
Speaker 1: him as he gets older.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh my gosh, there's so much that I want
Speaker 2: to pass on to him. I think that my mother
Speaker 2: did a great job of letting us know as young
Speaker 2: girls that there were no limits in what we could do.
Speaker 2: And she did that by living by example. So she
Speaker 2: was an attorney and she went to school, and when
Speaker 2: she was at school talking to her advisors and things,
Speaker 2: and she told them she wanted to go to law school.
Speaker 2: They were like, no, like, what makes you think you
Speaker 2: could do that? You know, but she's in school. In
Speaker 2: the eighties, young black girl from La Grange, Georgia, and
Speaker 2: they just didn't feel like they could see that in her.
Speaker 2: And my mom was very clear and that no one
Speaker 2: has to see in you what you see in yourself.
Speaker 2: And I have never for one moment doubted what I
Speaker 2: could do in this world because of the mother that
Speaker 2: raised me, because of the family that I have that
Speaker 2: just leads with encouragement. They are not a limit, you know,
Speaker 2: limited thinking type of family. And so that is something
Speaker 2: I want to pass down to my son, that there
Speaker 2: are no limits in what you can do. What is
Speaker 2: important is trusting yourself and leaning into you know, your
Speaker 2: faith to discover those gifts and then pursue them fully
Speaker 2: and be a good steward of them.
Speaker 1: That's so good. I love That's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the weight of the truth
Speaker 1: that you carry. As a doctor, you had to have
Speaker 1: so many uncomfortable conversations with parents and probably children, letting
Speaker 1: them know the reality of their circumstances. Yes, have you
Speaker 1: always been comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations or was it
Speaker 1: something you had to develop.
Speaker 2: For some reason. I have always valued uncomfortable conversation because
Speaker 2: uncomfortable conversations are not They don't create the discomfort, right,
Speaker 2: they give you an opportunity to address it, and I've
Speaker 2: always thought about them as opportunities to modify, to educate,
Speaker 2: to improve. It doesn't change reality. Oftentimes, when I'm telling
Speaker 2: patients about a diagnosis or putting it in context for
Speaker 2: their future, future fertility or what have you, I ain't
Speaker 2: changed nothing. Sometimes they were born with this. I'm like,
Speaker 2: this has been fifteen years into make right. We are
Speaker 2: finally able to name it. We're finally able to give
Speaker 2: to validate what you've suspected. We're finally able to create
Speaker 2: a plan that aligns with all of the questions and
Speaker 2: goals and desires that you have. So I have always
Speaker 2: been more inclined to addressing things than not. I believe
Speaker 2: it's just because this is reality, yes, and shying away
Speaker 2: from that and avoiding it makes it no less of
Speaker 2: a reality. It just robs me or you of the
Speaker 2: opportunity of doing anything about it. And I've always felt
Speaker 2: like I had agency in anything, like there's still something
Speaker 2: I can do. I don't control everything, but when I
Speaker 2: do control, I want to be able to do that
Speaker 2: to the best of my ability. And so I approach
Speaker 2: these conversations in that same way.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the statistics in science. A
Speaker 1: lot of times we don't know what the statistics are
Speaker 1: around young children and the things that they may carry.
Speaker 1: A lot of times we think it's, oh, this is
Speaker 1: just what adult women or men go through. What are
Speaker 1: some of the things that you see arising when it
Speaker 1: comes to young women that most people may be oblivious
Speaker 1: to that they're facing.
Speaker 2: Now, there are so many things that people are oblivious to.
Speaker 2: But one of the things that I like to highlight
Speaker 2: I do highlight my book is the potential for these
Speaker 2: real conditions that we do just decide in our minds
Speaker 2: belong to older women than presenting in our younger girls
Speaker 2: from the onset of menstruation. So the youngest age that
Speaker 2: I've personally diagnosed with endometriosis was twelve. Wow, But people
Speaker 2: think it's got to be in adults. Now, It's like, now,
Speaker 2: why do we believe that? So when we take it
Speaker 2: out of the context of some productive health. We know
Speaker 2: that there are babies that need heart transplants, we know
Speaker 2: that they're young babies and children with heart disease. It
Speaker 2: doesn't mean they have a heart attack from twenty years
Speaker 2: of smoking, right, It's like, that's not the ideology is
Speaker 2: not the same. They don't acquire these things in the
Speaker 2: same way necessarily, but there's still some risk and so
Speaker 2: there's some congenital things that affect our young girls. But
Speaker 2: endometriosis is something that we don't even understand all that well.
Speaker 2: The idea that it just arises an adult women doesn't
Speaker 2: make a ton of sense. They have all the parts,
Speaker 2: so it can be there. What contributes to that misconception
Speaker 2: is the historical and patriarchal dismissal of women and girls
Speaker 2: in their pain until it is related to having a baby,
Speaker 2: until it's related to something that men in society say, oh,
Speaker 2: that's worthwhile, having children is a worthwhile endeavor. Address it then.
Speaker 2: So we're often addressing it when women want to have babies,
Speaker 2: not when they are just wanting to exist and make
Speaker 2: the cheer team or you know, go to grad school
Speaker 2: or all these other things that are of value. So
Speaker 2: we used to just say we don't care until then,
Speaker 2: or they're too young for this, But that's not true.
Speaker 2: So your child is not too young to have PMS,
Speaker 2: they're not too young for PMDD. Even yes, they're not
Speaker 2: too young for endimitriosis, they're not too young for debilitating pain,
Speaker 2: they're not too young for a lot of things that
Speaker 2: we have miscategorized as an adult affliction, just because that's
Speaker 2: when we start listening.
Speaker 1: Wow, my goodness, Wow, what is because I don't I'm
Speaker 1: asking in ignorance when it comes to fibroids, I know
Speaker 1: there is a connect. There's a connected with endemiosis in fibroids.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you hear the two come up at.
Speaker 2: The same time.
Speaker 1: How early an age can those start to develop? And so, yeah, there's.
Speaker 2: An association between indemetrios's and five words. People can have both,
Speaker 2: and there's often a dismissal in that regard where if
Speaker 2: someone sees fibroids and an older sound, they're like, that's
Speaker 2: your problem. But there can be two things that are
Speaker 2: true at once. I've met someone that was like, I
Speaker 2: have five words, I have adenomiosis and I have indomitris. Like, girl,
Speaker 2: you know, so you can have multiple things. Fibroids do
Speaker 2: tend to have an onset that is earlier in black women,
Speaker 2: and so they'll say like, oh, the peak age of
Speaker 2: onset is around thirties or forties. It can be younger
Speaker 2: and black women. That's what the research shows. So there's
Speaker 2: a woman who leads a fibrid organization that I work with.
Speaker 2: Her fibroids started in her twenties and everyone kept saying,
Speaker 2: you can't have that many fibroids in your twenties, Like
Speaker 2: that can happen. It can. I've seen in teenagers and
Speaker 2: that's rare, but it is possible, and so having one
Speaker 2: a healthy index of suspicion is appropriate. But also just
Speaker 2: listening to your patients is important. And when we say
Speaker 2: listen to women and trust women, we need to extend
Speaker 2: that same listening and trust to girls.
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, yeah yeah. As we were talking, I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to know, yeah, because we do always think,
Speaker 1: oh that's in older women, or as you get older,
Speaker 1: you need to get checked for this, not understanding and
Speaker 1: now with science and having better understanding that a lot
Speaker 1: of the pain that girls were probably feeling at twelve
Speaker 1: and thirteen was in demetrios, so they didn't have language
Speaker 1: for it.
Speaker 2: There was a study that showed about a third of
Speaker 2: people that were diagnosed with endometriosis in their older age
Speaker 2: said that they had it in their teen years, in
Speaker 2: their earliest period, and they knew it was stabilitating. Yes,
Speaker 2: told people it was. Yes, it just wasn't It wasn't valued,
Speaker 2: it wasn't considered.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had friends that dealt with that. I never
Speaker 1: dealt with that for some reason, like I was blessed
Speaker 1: to not deal with that until I got older and
Speaker 1: I ended up changing my diet and my cramps changed. Yes,
Speaker 1: but it was to the point where it was to
Speaker 1: the point where I'd be on my knees the cramps
Speaker 1: were so bad, like I couldn't even stand up straight
Speaker 1: because it hurts so And then when I change my diet,
Speaker 1: that's when like I can literally not take Tyler. Now,
Speaker 1: I may have like a little headache, but I can
Speaker 1: push through. And a lot of you talk about it's
Speaker 1: higher in African American women, and I've heard it's because
Speaker 1: of like the stress levels the trauma that has passed
Speaker 1: down from years versus our Caucasian counterparts. Is there truth
Speaker 1: to that.
Speaker 2: There's some validity to that. There is no one cause,
Speaker 2: so we say it's multifactorial. But that is one of
Speaker 2: the most consistent things that we see because not every
Speaker 2: you know, black person lives in a lower socio economic
Speaker 2: kind of saying not every one of us has you know,
Speaker 2: lower education of whatever. There's a lot of variety there.
Speaker 2: The one thing that we all experience is racism, right, right,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, that's the unifying factor.
Speaker 2: That's what contributes to black maternal mortality. Right. That's why
Speaker 2: Serena Williams had to go advocate for herself when she
Speaker 2: had her second pulmonary embolism and they didn't believe her.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So yeah, that bias is the most consistent
Speaker 2: factor where diet and education and access and incomes vary,
Speaker 2: that is the unifying thing. And so I do think
Speaker 2: that plays a role. Obviously there's other things we can change.
Speaker 2: It's multi factorial, but I think there's true to that.
Speaker 1: Is there something that we can tell women when they're
Speaker 1: going to the doctor to how to speak up for themselves?
Speaker 1: Even young girls who if some couge students are watching
Speaker 1: and they don't have the language, what can they tell
Speaker 1: their doctors so that the doctor can like because sometimes
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, I'm having really bad crams or
Speaker 1: heavy bleeding and they're like oh, they just kind of
Speaker 1: brush it off, Like how can you make sure that
Speaker 1: you get the extra care you need, because so many
Speaker 1: times we hear women saying, oh, they just they just
Speaker 1: sent me home with a little prescription, and then two
Speaker 1: years down the line it turned to something way worse
Speaker 1: than what it had started off because they couldn't get
Speaker 1: ahead of it.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, so a few of the things that I do,
Speaker 2: even one with my patients that I model for them.
Speaker 2: And then when I go to my doctor, I always
Speaker 2: speak about my symptoms in the context of impact. So
Speaker 2: it's not oh, I'm having so much pain. I'm having
Speaker 2: so much pain that I cannot go to work, that
Speaker 2: I cannot do my daily activities. So I had like
Speaker 2: a nerve thing during my pregnancy. I cannot stand while cooking,
Speaker 2: I have to sit while I'm doing my hair and makeup,
Speaker 2: and it is debilitating. Debilitating is a good word also
Speaker 2: around me. Okay, it means it is preventing me what
Speaker 2: I got. And so even in the medical context, when
Speaker 2: we talk about conditions and things that are difficult to characterize,
Speaker 2: when it dips into negatively effect affecting your daily activities,
Speaker 2: that is a quantifiable thing, that is something that gets
Speaker 2: your attention, and it often tips it into just an
Speaker 2: inconvenience into like a disorder. So that's one thing you
Speaker 2: can do. Another thing that I like to model to
Speaker 2: my patients is having written down ahead of time a
Speaker 2: goal for that visit. So when I went to like
Speaker 2: my nephrologists, for example, I was like, I need a
Speaker 2: plan for what I'm going to do from a pregnancy standpoint.
Speaker 2: I knew I wanted to have a baby. I knew
Speaker 2: I wanted to be a mother. What does it look like?
Speaker 2: I need you to address it and give me a
Speaker 2: clear plan of what the next steps are. And so
Speaker 2: having a goal for yourself allows you to assess it
Speaker 2: that goal was met or not. You're just walking in
Speaker 2: there willy nilly, like, hey, what's up? Like, it's hard
Speaker 2: to know if your visit was successful or not, and
Speaker 2: it's hard for me as a doctor to know what
Speaker 2: you want out of this visit. So I tell my patients,
Speaker 2: and whenever I speak, I tell folks, you know, a
Speaker 2: good doctor patient relationship is a meeting of experts. It
Speaker 2: is collaborative. So I am the expert in medicine. You
Speaker 2: are the expert in you, your body, your life, your goals.
Speaker 2: We have to meet as two experts that are fully
Speaker 2: showing up to have a collaborative and productive conversation. So
Speaker 2: I need you to take up space. I need to
Speaker 2: take up space, and we need to make a decision together.
Speaker 2: So I want patients, college students, young folks to know
Speaker 2: you need to take up space. Your voice is necessary, Yes,
Speaker 2: is necessary for us to get the best outcome.
Speaker 1: That's good, Thank you, Because I know people are going
Speaker 1: to have follow up questions after this conversation, so I
Speaker 1: want to leave them with some things that I'm already
Speaker 1: thinking about as we're talking. I want to ask, as
Speaker 1: your influence has grown, what are you most protective of now?
Speaker 1: Because as you continue to become more known, there are
Speaker 1: certain things you have to protect. What are you protecting now?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I'm so protective of the people and the
Speaker 2: opportunities that I like accept. So I'm a protective of
Speaker 2: like my heart and my exposure. I think is the
Speaker 2: best way to frame that. You know, every opportunity isn't
Speaker 2: a good opportunity, come on right, Every space that wants
Speaker 2: to hear you speak doesn't want to necessarily celebrate you
Speaker 2: or elevate you. No, there are people that are just
Speaker 2: trying to feel time. There are people who are looking
Speaker 2: for a punching bag. There are people who are looking
Speaker 2: for someone to just dump one. Yeah, And I believe
Speaker 2: that my work is too important and my calling is
Speaker 2: too high to put myself in situations where it is
Speaker 2: not advancing God's purpose and will for my life. So
Speaker 2: protecting what I you know, me from whatever opportunity. That's
Speaker 2: hard because when I first started, I mean, if somebody
Speaker 2: hit my line, I'll be there on the way, let
Speaker 2: me know where you know, you can pay me, you know,
Speaker 2: five dollars, like and whatever. I was just happy to
Speaker 2: do the work right. But I have learned that when
Speaker 2: people value you, they value your time, they make sure
Speaker 2: that it aligns with you, that it is mutually beneficial,
Speaker 2: and you can tell with how they show up with you,
Speaker 2: how they handle you, how they're going to partner with you. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: so I'm much more protective of that as a result
Speaker 2: of limited time. But also just having seen it, it's like, wow,
Speaker 2: I really wish I hadn't done that. What are the signs?
Speaker 2: How can I better identify good opportunities? And just praying
Speaker 2: about it, like, hey, God, all this looks good. I
Speaker 2: can do too, which to he'd be so kindnest.
Speaker 1: I love that that's good. I want to ask you
Speaker 1: spent your career preparing other people for their biggest life transitions.
Speaker 1: How do you say open to God preparing you for
Speaker 1: seasons that you don't even know that are coming up next?
Speaker 2: Oh lord, it's so hard because the things I say
Speaker 2: to my patients, like yes, it's difficult, and it's uncertain,
Speaker 2: and your body's changed, you know, but it's okay. People
Speaker 2: have gone through it. I say that it don't even
Speaker 2: work on me. Like I'm opening my own practice right now. Amazing,
Speaker 2: Oh God, thank you, and it is amazing. But it
Speaker 2: is so scary and it is so hard, and I'm
Speaker 2: making decisions about stuff I never made a decision about,
Speaker 2: like specifications, you want this to be twenty six issues
Speaker 2: or twenty four? I don't know what are you talking?
Speaker 1: What do you mean? Like?
Speaker 2: I am making these decisions that terrify me. And I
Speaker 2: was listening to a pastor's speak and he was saying,
Speaker 2: you don't want clarity, you want certainty. And when I
Speaker 2: tell you that gathered me. I was like, come again,
Speaker 2: because I want certainty that my efforts will be successful.
Speaker 2: And I keep planning to God, like what is the answer,
Speaker 2: What is the right, No, you want certainty, you want
Speaker 2: a certain outcome, And so much of life is existing
Speaker 2: in uncertainty and walking by faith, and walking by faith
Speaker 2: if you knew the whole path, ain't walking by faith, right,
Speaker 2: It's just not. And so these life transitions, especially in
Speaker 2: this season where there is elevation, elevation comes with a
Speaker 2: greater risk from falling. Right, The greatest risk of failure
Speaker 2: is the thing that's the most successful, something that ain't successful.
Speaker 2: You ain't got much failure to be had, you know,
Speaker 2: just like every time you elevate that fall it's gonna
Speaker 2: hurt that much more. And so just trusting in God
Speaker 2: that if I fall, it won't destroy me. If I
Speaker 2: make a mistake, God will fix it. That He didn't
Speaker 2: bring me this far, you know, to leave me all
Speaker 2: of those things. So I have to coach myself in
Speaker 2: the ways that I coach my patients, understanding that it's
Speaker 2: easier said than done, that giving yourself grace is something
Speaker 2: that you learn by doing. But yeah, it's hard, and
Speaker 2: I'm still afraid lots of things afraid. But God is
Speaker 2: good and so I just have to lean.
Speaker 1: On that that's perfect and we cannot end on a
Speaker 1: better note, thank you so much. Every season we choose
Speaker 1: a word to guide our conversations. In this season, the
Speaker 1: word is purpose. I want to ask you, doctor Charis,
Speaker 1: what does purpose mean to you today?
Speaker 2: Purpose for me is the impact I can have while
Speaker 2: being obedient to the calling God has given me. People
Speaker 2: look at you and they have so many things they
Speaker 2: want to do with you and your gifts and skills,
Speaker 2: and they're like, ooh, this could be purposeful. But the
Speaker 2: only purpose I want to be concerned with is the
Speaker 2: one that God has for me, And so I better
Speaker 2: understand what that looks like when it aligns with what
Speaker 2: I know God has called me to do and the
Speaker 2: gifts that He's given me. And I'm so grateful like
Speaker 2: all of this being here with you, it is me
Speaker 2: living in my purpose.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I've completely enjoyed this conversation thoroughly. You are a gym
Speaker 1: and I'm so excited for everyone to get your book.
Speaker 1: You can't wait to share. We're gonna have to make
Speaker 1: this a part of the Sweetie Social Club book cover. Yes, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that we can support you in?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, you know if you read my book and
Speaker 2: you love it, just review it. It's so crazy how
Speaker 2: reviews matter a lot. I didn't realize that. And so
Speaker 2: if you have something positive to say, keep it, you know,
Speaker 2: share this with someone, write a review, let people know.
Speaker 2: And if you have someone in your life who has
Speaker 2: periods or will have periods, show up for them however
Speaker 2: you can. You don't have to be perfect, but showing
Speaker 2: up for them can make a world of a difference.
Speaker 1: Yes, doctor, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: So good.
Speaker 1: Sweetie's. If today's conversation reminds you of anything, I hope
Speaker 1: it's this. The conversations we choose to have today can
Speaker 1: shape generations tomorrow. Never underestimate the power of asking the question,
Speaker 1: telling the truth, and leading with compassion, Doctor Charles, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, and Sweety's be sure to pick up
Speaker 1: Doctor Charles's new book, The Period and Puberty Parenting Revolution,
Speaker 1: available now wherever books are sold. And don't forget Kip's
Speaker 1: Live is happening Friday at the Buckhead Theater right here
Speaker 1: in Atlanta, Georgia. Tickets are on sale now and I
Speaker 1: cannot wait to see you guys there. If today's episode
Speaker 1: encouraged you, inspired you, or made you think a little differently,
Speaker 1: be sure to subscribe, leave us a comment, and share
Speaker 1: this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Until
Speaker 1: next time, keep it posave, sweeties. I'll see you guys
Speaker 1: this week.
Speaker 2: Cana It