WEBVTT - The Return of Bennifer 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.640 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.240 and I heard radio podcast What is going on? Everyone? 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.640 Welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:18.280 At Dating. This is Dean Alert joined out of studio 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:21.800 by Jared Haven. Jared What's going We're never getting back 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:24.599 in studio this, So I don't know. Hanna was just 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:26.599 at I heart. I saw a Hunter Instagram stories the 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:30.280 other day, so I think that you know, the world 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:35.239 is returning to its warmer glory. I disagree. I'm so 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.920 pessimistic about the world right now with this delta variant because, 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:41.680 as everybody knows, we've been promoting, we're supposed to be 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:45.120 in Napa for Ben and Jess's engagement party. We had 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:47.239 I don't know how many people, like eight ten people go, 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.280 and we were going to record podcasts there. Now Ashley 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:50.960 and I weren't going to go because Ashley has been 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.599 really sick, but we're still everybody was gonna go, and 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:56.760 then that got canceled, which means the meat and greet, 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:00.880 the Help I Suck At Dating Summer sucks. Summer is 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.279 that what we called it? Anyway, that got canceled too, 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:06.360 which sucks because obviously we're not gonna be together, so 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:08.520 we can't really do HI meet and great. Hopefully we're 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.520 gonna be able to reschedule that. But Dean, you're still 0:01:10.520 --> 0:01:13.000 going to NAPA. Are you doing like a little couples 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.640 getaway or something with Calin? Yeah, Caitlin and I missed 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:19.000 our flight this morning, probably most sleep because of me. 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:21.720 I thought that it left it. I thought that it 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:28.759 boarded and left. But it turns out, see what happened. 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:31.240 It turns out it left at eight thirty, and so 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.520 he showed up at eight and we had Pappy had 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:36.200 to check in. We're gonna park at the airport. The 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:40.640 parking lots are all under construction. So anyways, I've never 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.560 met a person who has missed more flights in their life. Like, 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:46.400 I get so much anxiety about missing a flight. I'm 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.400 mostly at the airport two hours beforehand. I don't get 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:51.760 how you don't like if I have a flight at 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.680 six am, I can't sleep because I have too much 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.720 anxiety about missing the flight, my my alarm not going off, 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:00.400 sleeping through my alarm. I cannot sleep well if I 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:02.680 have an early flight. The other time I missed a 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:06.040 flight my wedding. Yeah, Okay, I knew that just you're 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:10.600 gonna say that one. That one. I can't remember exactly why, 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.000 but there was a good reason for that one. I'm 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.799 sure there's a great reason anyway. So what are you 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:16.920 guys doing a Napa now that nobody's going? You two 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:19.119 are just gonna have a nice little couple's weekend. Well 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:21.040 that's the thing is like Nick texted me and said, hey, 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.160 U s Napa got canceled, but should we still go 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:25.560 because we already have our flights booked in the hotel booked. 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:27.720 And then Tana texted us and said, hey, we're still 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:29.600 gonna go to Napa if you guys want to come still, 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.480 And then so there's gonna be like, actually, quite a 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.799 few people were all staying at the Meritage, which is 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.799 like a sweet little hotel up in nap but it's 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.760 got these nine on site wine tasting rooms and micro 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.760 brewery and artisanal five tunk grocery store and wine and 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:48.200 foods and all that kind of stuff. So Meritage is 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:52.000 signature restaurant. Olive and Hay is Napa Valley's new Italian 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:56.000 restaurant from Farm Fresh Fair. Here guests experienced local Napa 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.640 Valley sourced ingredients on a journey from the farm to table, 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:03.040 fusing homemade and homegrown, modern and classic, innovative in traditional 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.720 Italian cuisine. Positioned at the gateway of Napa Valley, the 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:09.000 Marriage Resort and Spa welcomes guests to an idyllic resort 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:13.080 set against rolling hills and its own private vineyards. Um. Yeah, 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.440 it's really nice up there, and we had it booked already, 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.720 so you might as well just go in and uh 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:19.760 enjoy it. I don't know why I got canceled. I'm 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:21.360 assuming it has something to do with the delta variant. 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.240 Maybe I heart just doesn't want like a bunch of 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:27.280 people getting together right now with numbers going up, specifically 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:31.160 in California. I don't know, but it kind of actually 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:32.960 worked out for Ash and I because we weren't gonna 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.120 go anyway, so we kind of felt bad. Polus, like 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:36.600 you said, it was a good group of people going 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.640 and apparently still going, so we were you know, we're 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:41.280 gonna have a little bit follow I guess we still 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:45.200 have PHONEO because you guys can be posting pictures having fun. Yeah, 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:47.520 I mean mean Nick and Tanya are I guess still 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.960 gonna go, but I texted Bend last night too, and 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:51.240 I was like, Ben, we're still gonna go to NAPA. 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.440 You should come, And he was like, I didn't even 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.960 realize that was an option. So I don't know. I 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.080 don't know if he's gonna come as well, but it'd 0:03:58.080 --> 0:03:59.960 be great to see him there. I'm just bummed her 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.600 and play Chardon a golf club, and I had heard 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.960 such good things about it now because we're gonna have 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:14.840 to reschedule and and play again. There sometimes comes out right, obviously, 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:18.760 Delta Eco, what are the variant, the UK variant, They're 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:22.120 all coming. It's all, it's all, it's all good things. 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:26.200 Ah joking obviously. Anyway, we do have a very good podcast, 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.480 not maybe not a great one, a very good one 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:29.920 because we're not an Apple that would have made a 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:31.640 great but we're still gonna have a pretty good podcast. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.479 We have some hot topics to get to. Whenever I 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.520 hear hot topics, all I think about is hot pocket. 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:38.560 You know how we have like our little jingle for 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.479 the emails, like we just got an email. I think 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.719 we need to like make it a little jingle for 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:48.920 the hot topics. Who is the hot topics? Hot topics? Well, 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:52.040 the first one, of course, is my favorite because it's 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:58.040 all over the news. It's the reigniting love of benefit. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.360 Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck guess what. Guess what bro 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:08.040 their Instagram official they posted on Instagram together They were 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:12.960 in a boat. They even recreated the scene from Jenny 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:15.359 from the Block music video. Do you have any idea 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:18.360 what I'm talking about? Nope? All right, you remember the 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:20.279 Jenny from the Block of music video where it's like, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:22.640 I'm still I'm still Jenny from the Block. You don't 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:25.400 remember this music video. I've never seen it. I think 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.640 we have different rundowns because I don't see anything about this, 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:29.600 which is great because I'm just gonna surrender all control 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:34.000 that you navigate this entire episode. Well, we have two emails, 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.479 so it might be the email prior because we have 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.240 two rundowns. Anyway, let me let me continue with this 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:43.440 this one right here. So j Lo on her fifty 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:48.720 second birthday, posted on her Instagram fifty two What it 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.840 do to mark the occasion? Obviously. She also uploaded an 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:57.440 Instagram slide show, as we all do, of photos of like, 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.880 you know, the birthday girl. She was on a yeah 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.040 looking as fabulous as Jaylo has ever looked, which is 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:06.720 pretty impressive, dude, she's fifty two. I first of all, 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.880 I love Jlo, like individually, I love Jennifer Lopez an individually, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:11.800 I love Ben Affleck because Jlo is the most like 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:15.120 badass woman to ever walk up this earth, and the 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:18.360 fact that her and Ben Affleck are together just fills 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.880 my heart with such joy because she's just like so badass, 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.360 so sexy, so hot. She's like the most powerful person, 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:28.760 you know what I mean. She's she's she's a businesswoman, 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.760 she's a singer, she's an actress, she's an entrepreneur. Like 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:35.080 she's just awesome. And then Ben Affleck has had this 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:40.279 roller coaster of a ride throughout his entire career, where 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:44.120 like he was young and catapulted to fame with Matt 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.240 Damon with Goodwill Hunting, and then he kind of went 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.599 on this like little bit of like a big blockbuster 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:51.240 roller coaster. We had Armageddon, which was a huge hit, 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:54.680 but it didn't like Pearl Harbor, which was not that good. 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:56.760 He won like a ton of Razzy awards for because 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:58.760 nobody thought he was a good actor, and then he 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:00.560 kind of like dipped out for a little while, and 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:03.320 then he came back and started directing, and he directed 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:06.240 Gone Baby, Gone in the Town and Argo and One 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.440 Best Director, and it was like, holy crap, Ben Affleck 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.240 is back. And then he became Batman and that was 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.560 like a split, you know, fifty fifty. Some people loved him, 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.320 some people hated him. And then him and Jennifer Garner 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.520 got divorced, and then he went through this alcoholism in 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.880 front of everybody, and everybody could see like the decline 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:28.040 of Ben Affleck, which was so sad. And now here 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:31.320 he is back with Jennifer Lopez, and I just love 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:34.280 the fact that the like he's just like this rugged 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.400 bearded Boston guy, you know, who drinks Dunkin Donuts and 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.320 roots for the Red Sox, and he's with Jennifer Lopez, 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:45.800 arguably the most badass woman in the history of civilization. Anyway, 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:48.480 that's my rent. I freaking love it, man. So anyway, 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:51.240 long story short, they were on a yacht. Yeah it's 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.080 a yach it's Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Of course 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.280 they're on a yacht while Dean and I are in dinghies, 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.760 you know. But anyway, in the music video, all those 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.760 years ago, as ago, whatever it was for Jenny on 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:04.720 the Block was when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:07.600 together and there was a scene where like he there 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:10.560 on a yacht and he like slaps her button, like 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:12.880 kind of pulls her G string a little bit. Or 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.400 is it is that a G string? What's on the 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.040 side like you know that it's just a string? I 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.600 guess on the side of being suit I don't know, Jared, 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:27.040 what exactly is a G string? Jared, What's It's so 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:29.760 funny you said long story short after just going off 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:31.920 on a tangent for a good seven and a half minutes. 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:36.440 I'm just trying to, you know, just bringing the content, 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.120 that's all. I I just want to make sure you 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:43.440 understand the purpose of saying long story short, because you're 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.960 taking something that takes a long time to describe and 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:49.840 you're shortening it to spare having to go into this 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.120 great detailed thing. You were talking about j Lo and 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.240 Ben Affleck on a boat, and you felt like you 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.640 had to give all of us a brief history of 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:04.200 Ben afflecks acting career to better understand the Ben Affleck 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.400 and j l on a boat picture. So yeah, that's 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:11.400 the beauty. You can't say long story short when you 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:15.240 go into like the discography of the actor, just so 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:19.079 we better understand the picture that they are now Instagram 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.360 officials with. I just want to make sure that's what, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:27.160 that's clear. I just want to understandable. Okay, totally understandable. 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:29.800 I go way off topic usually I'm out of context. 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:31.680 But the point of this story is the fact that 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:33.319 I love them together. I forget where I was going 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:35.160 with this. Oh anyway, they just recreated a scene from 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.199 Jenny in the Block, which they definitely did intentionally, which 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:40.680 drove a lot of fans through a frenzy, including myself, 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.360 because I just love it. I love the fact that together, 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.440 it makes me feel like it's two thousand three again 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.200 and all is right in the world. Their Instagram official 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.439 I am so Team benefit. All I want in this 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:53.960 world is for the Red Sox to make the World Series. 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:56.959 And Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are at a World 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.200 Series game in Fenway Park, and Jennifer Lopez is all 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:03.040 decked out in Boston Red Sox gear and just like 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.920 pretty much looks in the camera and says in lips 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.240 Alex Rodriguez and then just throws the middle finger up. 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.320 That's all I want in this world, because, oh my god, 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:13.079 that'd be so good. Anyway, do you believe in second chances? 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:16.520 In love? Jared? If you could go back to anyway, 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.720 big gulps. Huh. If you could go back to two 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.720 thousand three with the same knowledge that you have now, 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.120 and then you'd be but you'd also be fourteen years old? 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:31.440 Would you do it? Yeah, wouldn't you? I mean, yeah, 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:34.280 I understand would, but I'm not the one that's married 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:36.920 with a kid on the way. I know, but I 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:39.440 would just make sure that everything was still in line 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:43.600 with Ashley and my future child. But I would also 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:47.120 just be betting, you know, making tons of sports bets 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.480 like may come back to the future too and be 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:53.240 filthy rich and own multiple casinos because that's what he did. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.720 And then I'd be just the same person I am today, 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:01.880 except have ten times as much my Who am I kidding? 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.520 A thousand times more money? Yeah, that's the right answer, 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:08.079 don at Obviously I think I was buy a bunch 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.360 of bitcoin like two thousand eight or something, you know. 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:15.680 Oh uh, do you have any thoughts about benefit? You know, benefit? 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.599 Jennifer Lopez Ben affleck, I feel like, you know, I 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.600 appreciate asking me that. Yeah, I actually do have quite 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:23.720 a few thoughts about it. Let's start from the beginning. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:31.880 Let's start from Jennifer Lopez's birth the year nineteen fifty nine, No, 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:36.840 nineteen sixty nine. Jail was born in nineteen sixty nine. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.760 That's a fun fact for the listeners out there. That's 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.760 the same year we landed on the moon. So anyways, yeah, 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.360 back to the year we land on the moon. J 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:51.360 Loo World. She that's a good one. She you know, 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.840 she was she was an ambitious young child at the time. 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:57.679 Her parents, you know, they were constantly having to put 0:11:57.679 --> 0:11:59.760 her in time out for acting up. But most creative 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:02.679 minds are like that these days. So, you know, j Loo, 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.079 she just always was singing and dancing ever since she 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.560 was in an elementary school, middle school, really active in 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.200 the theater. And then she finally got to bring big 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.280 break as a sixteen year old on Broadway. She uh, 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.120 you know, she started singing and she got discovered by 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:20.480 uh the the who's the big guy back then? Uh 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:24.079 Mark Mark Spaulding was the guy that discovered her. And 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.360 uh so she, you know, she went on to make 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:31.040 such great hits such as, uh, Jenny from the Block 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:36.120 for one, Um, what else? Uh, I'm trying to do 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.080 the same thing on the top of your head. I 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.840 don't believe any of this trying to flip it for 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:44.160 j Loo since all we got was that Ben Affleck. Uh, 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.680 you know story I'm trying to. I'm trying to create 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:50.920 something for Jlo here. I don't really have as just well, 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:53.480 Jlo has been so successful, you know what I mean. 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:55.720 The interesting part of Ben Affleck for me is his 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.439 the rollercoaster of a life and career that he's had. 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:00.520 Plus he's a Boston guy, so he's local, you know, 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.560 and he roots with Tom Brady, so I can relate. 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:06.679 Jennifer Lopez is just like the She's I mean, the 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.120 closest thing to She's not perfect, obviously we talked about 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.240 this podcast. There's no such thing as perfect, but damn, 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.199 Jennifer Lopez closed. I used to have a calendar Lopez 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:18.800 that was like my first woman's calendar. You know who's bigger, 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:25.920 j Lo or Shakira? Oh, j Lo Shaquira. You think 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.880 Shakira is not even the same ballpark. Oh, I don't, 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:33.040 not even the same town, same state. I think Jennifer 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:38.920 Lopez is massive. Yeah, I don't disagree with that. I 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:43.640 will say, Uh, one of the few music videos I've 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:47.800 ever had like maybe like a physical reaction to, like 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:50.600 a positive physical reaction to, was She Wolf by Shakira. 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.280 So maybe that's why I was thinking that. Okay, Uh, 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:58.320 same same question. I'm sorry. Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce. Wow, 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:06.280 Now that's a good question. See if you would have 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:08.880 asked me four or five years ago, I probably would 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:11.640 have said Beyonce. But I feel like Jlo has had 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:18.840 this renaissance. Ah man, that is tough. I mean, Beyonce 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.400 is also inarguably the most powerful couple there is in 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:27.640 the world. Jay Z has been affleck though questionable. Yeah, 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:29.560 but Jay's I mean, I love my boy Ben, but 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:31.920 I mean, let's be real. Jay Z's jay Z. You 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.840 know what I mean. He's the Michael Jordan of music. Um, alright, Beyonce, 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.520 I'm going Beyonce, baby. I will see if we're using solely, 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:43.920 if we're using Instagram followers as a metric, Beyonce has 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.080 j Lo beat a hundred sixty seven for j Lo, 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:52.400 hundred nineties six million for Beyonce. So it's close will 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:56.360 probably who has the most Instagram followers. I think it's 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:02.360 christ Giano Ronaldo. It's not Selena Gomez. I thought, what 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.720 I know, that's so random, but I think Selena Gomez 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:09.600 might have the most Instagram followers In the one which 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.680 is crazy, I'm pretty sure it's Christiano Ronaldo or it 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:18.560 might be messy. Yeah, Christian has got more than Selena Ronaldo. 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:24.720 How you looking at dude? Ronaldo is three hundred and 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:30.200 twenty million followers. Yeah, that's crazy. I mean he'll probably 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.280 the first person with a billion followers on Instagram, which 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:35.440 is on the sane. I don't think that will ever happen, 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:40.240 but maybe, Well, dude, like TikTok, like I wish, I like, 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.600 I want to be the biggest. Oh Addison Ray. Like 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:50.440 Addison Ray on TikTok. Holy she has? She has eighty 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.120 two million followers on TikTok. Do you know how many 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:57.760 likes she has? Though? Take a guess, how many likes 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:01.200 do you think Addison Ray has on TikTok. If I 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:05.000 had to guess, purely off the top of my head, 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.480 how many followers does she have? Eighty two million? Eighty 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:12.760 two million followers? I'm going to guess that she's got 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:20.800 somewhere around five five to five and a half billion likes. Wow, 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:26.800 nicely done. Five point three billion likes. That was close, dude, 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.200 you were like spot on billion. Think about that she 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:38.080 has five billion likes. She almost insane. She almost gave 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:40.240 everyone in the world a cell phone and download a 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:43.520 TikTok for them and made every person in the world 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.720 like one of her videos. Nearly We're not quite there, 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:50.960 but close was she? Uh? Was she big before COVID. 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.160 I think she's like a Disney guy, Disney star or something. 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:57.000 I remember. I remember seeing something about her being like 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:03.160 a child star sorts, but I don't know. Like Jake 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:07.560 paul Um before he started boxing, which I'm actually glad 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:09.760 he started boxing. I'm kind of the minority on that one. 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.480 I'm actually he interests me. He's a good villain, you 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.080 know what I mean. He's fun to root against. I 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.920 like it. Anyway. Last hot topic before we go into 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.399 our break Tyler Cameron or Buddy Tyler Cameron. He just 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:26.879 released a book called You Deserve Better, appropriately titled uh. 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:30.639 He talks about his proposal speech for Hannah Brown. He 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:34.080 talks about um. What else does he talk about he 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:38.639 talks about their breakup, he talks about Gigi hadd uh, 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:42.320 he talks about Hannah Brown and their friendship after the Bachelor. 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:45.680 So I guess this goes to an age old question, 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:49.080 my friend, Dean, do we feel still think that we 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.800 can be really close friends with our X Because again 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.280 I'm doubling down. I'm gonna say that's a negative. I 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:55.720 don't think you can be friends with the next I'm 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:57.520 sticking by it. I'm gonna this is the hell I'm 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.600 gonna die on. I think it's funny that we have 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.119 a pud has called help I Suck at dating and 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:06.200 he just put out a book called You Deserve Better. Yeah, 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:11.280 we should have him on. Isn't that kind of funny? Like? Um, Also, 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:16.080 I didn't. I like, if you're gonna write a book, 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.840 it's more or less like an autobiographical book about probably 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.280 like the last couple of years of his life. Sure, 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:26.200 how are you just gonna go ahead and throw your 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.639 relationship with Gigi Hadid in there? Like if I was 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.879 Gigi Heidid and a guy that I did it for 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:34.760 a little bit went out and wrote a book and 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:36.760 started like talking about the relationship that we were in 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:41.680 for a while, I would belive it, don't you think. Yeah. 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:42.960 I mean I haven't read the books, so I guess 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:47.280 it depends on how much detail he really goes into. Um, 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:49.639 I'm sure he probably told her. Like he seems like 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.199 a pretty respectful guy. I can't imagine he would have 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.520 written about Gigi Hadid or Hannah or anybody else in 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.000 this book without giving them the heads up of, Hey, 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.000 this is what I'm writing, this is what's gonna be about. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:01.919 Out wanted to give you the heads up because I 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:03.800 know that was like a sticking thing with Kalin, right 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:08.240 with Colton were like he wrote his book and you 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.040 know he wrote, you know, he talked about Klin and 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:13.000 there he talked about you know, his top four, his 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:19.159 time on the Bachelor. Uh, oh my god. Who Cassie Um? 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:23.280 And like he didn't ask Klin for permission to write 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.440 about her? Did he know? He didn't he? I don't 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:27.240 think he asked any of them for permission, even consider 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:30.359 even Cassie. Um. You're probably right. I would hope that 0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:32.720 he would have that that that respect to at least 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.160 mentioned something to her. I don't know. I just think 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:38.520 it's weird. Like, let's say, for instance, let's say one 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:43.679 of like let's say kl like lo, it's just different 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.399 for you. Let's say like Christina wrote a book right, 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:47.800 and and then she's like gout a couple of chapters 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:51.720 devoted to like talking about me, good or bad. Whether 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:53.120 it's in a good light or in a bad light, 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:56.280 I would still gonna be bad. I agree, I think. 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:58.000 I agree. I think it would be most be bad, 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:00.560 but I don't think it's rightfully so, because I think 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:07.480 from everything I know there were some glimmers of good 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:09.439 things in there. I guess my point is all that, 0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:13.560 to say, long story short, if you will, UM, I 0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:16.600 would still be like not super stoked about it, Like 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:18.280 I don't want to be written about in a book 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:21.320 from another person's perspective, and I don't think I would 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:23.760 ever want to do that to anyone else either. Anyways, 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:26.160 That's just where I'm coming from. So hopefully he said 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:28.720 something to both Hannah and to g G and to 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.359 whoever else is mentioned in the book. Now, do I 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.399 think that you can be friends the next Um? I 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:36.359 think that ever since talking to you about it a 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.440 little bit more, I have kind of come around the 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:40.439 other side of it, and I agree that being friends 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:47.000 with an ex is mostly gonna lead to negative things. Um, 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:50.320 So I don't think it's a great idea. I will say, 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.320 I feel like their situation is a little unique though, 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:56.000 where it's like they like, I don't know, like their 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:58.840 interactions on social media, they seem like they're actually friends, 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:03.119 and it's like, I don't know if there's really any like, uh, 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:05.880 they're not like harboring any more feelings anymore as as 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:09.479 far I mean again from just to completely um under 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:13.400 informed opinion that only knows them through social media. But 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:16.080 that's just my take on it. So maybe like he 0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:18.320 has got a boyfriend now Tyler I think as a 0:21:18.320 --> 0:21:21.000 girlfriend now. In that case, it's like why not? Why 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.040 can't they be friends? Yeah, But it's also weird being 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:25.720 in the spot because you know, people go to and 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:28.159 be like, oh, I wish you ended up with Tyler, 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:30.040 or they go up to Tyler and be like, oh, 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:32.320 you were so perfect for Hannah. She should have picked you. 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:35.000 And it's like his new girlfriend sitting next to him 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.680 like Okay, thanks, that's great, nice meeting you. It's always 0:21:38.680 --> 0:21:40.840 so weird when people say that, especially in public. But anyway, 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:42.959 I digress. So we're gonna take a quick break. When 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:44.680 we come back, we have a couple more hot topics. 0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:47.240 We have emails, and I also I have an article 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:49.879 about toxic relationships that I want to talk to Dean about, 0:21:50.280 --> 0:21:52.600 uh and figure out what is toxic and what is not. 0:21:52.760 --> 0:21:55.320 But before that, Dean's gonna stick up his legs. He 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:58.360 looks like he's naked right now. Dude, your feet are filthy. Bro, 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.040 you need somewhere some socks. All that's disgusting. I wanna 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:02.600 throw if he's showing his feet to the camera, this 0:22:02.680 --> 0:22:05.080 is this is horrible right now. All right, we're gonna 0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:19.000 take a break. It definitely looks like you're penis. All right, everyone, 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:22.000 welcome back to help I suck at dating. Thank you 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:26.840 for sticking with us through that long, long break. What 0:22:26.880 --> 0:22:29.119 are we gonna talk about this segment here? Jared, you 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:31.040 got the run down in front of mine appears to 0:22:31.640 --> 0:22:36.240 be just non existent. So what do you got for us? Well, 0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:38.840 there was something that I kind of looked up by 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:43.560 this author named Mark Manson. So Mark Manson is a guy, 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.800 UH that wrote a couple of books. One is called 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:50.200 The Subtle Art of Not Giving a f The other 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:54.440 one is Everything is ft a book about hope. Uh. 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:57.480 And he's a pretty interesting cell health author. He's a blogger. 0:22:58.000 --> 0:22:59.760 H He's a pretty interesting guy. And he wrote an 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:03.639 art call on his website called six Signs that you 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:07.400 are in a Toxic relationship. So I kind of wanted 0:23:07.440 --> 0:23:09.440 to go through each sign and see if you agree 0:23:10.280 --> 0:23:13.280 whether this is a toxic part of being in a relationship. 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:16.760 So before we do that, you know, let's define, according 0:23:16.800 --> 0:23:20.640 to Mark, what is a toxic relationship. So he says 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:23.840 that a toxic relationship occurs when one or both people 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:29.199 are prioritizing love over the three core components of a 0:23:29.280 --> 0:23:35.080 healthy relationship. And those three core components our respect, trust, 0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:40.960 and affection. He said, might sound crazy, but not. But 0:23:41.119 --> 0:23:43.719 some people just stay in a relationship because they just 0:23:43.800 --> 0:23:45.959 want to be in love, even if they're not in 0:23:46.080 --> 0:23:49.360 love with the person they are with. So he goes 0:23:49.400 --> 0:23:52.240 through six signs of a toxic relationship that you may 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:59.119 think are normal. The first one something called the relationship scorecard. 0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:03.840 Now apparently the keeping score phenomenon is when someone you're 0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:08.040 dating continues to blame you for past mistakes. If both 0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:10.680 people in the relationship do this, it devolves into what 0:24:10.720 --> 0:24:14.920 he calls the relationships scorecard, where the relationship devolves into 0:24:14.920 --> 0:24:17.280 a battle to see who has screwed up the most 0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:20.560 over the months or years, and therefore who is most 0:24:20.680 --> 0:24:24.640 indebted to one another. He says, why is this toxic? Well, 0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:27.639 the relationship scores card is a double whammy of suckage. 0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:30.280 Not only are you deflecting the current issue by focusing 0:24:30.280 --> 0:24:33.240 on previous wrongs, but you're getting up guilt and bitterness 0:24:33.320 --> 0:24:36.000 from the past manipulate your partner into feeling bad in 0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:38.879 the present. I mean that sounds pretty toxic to me. 0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:42.560 Have you ever dealt with a situation like that? Uh? Yeah, 0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:45.320 I would say I'm probably still guilty of that to 0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:48.359 some extent today. I think we all are, whether we 0:24:48.359 --> 0:24:51.880 realize it or not. Yeah, I agree, Like I think 0:24:51.880 --> 0:24:54.000 we all do. We we have like pity parties for 0:24:54.040 --> 0:24:57.360 ourselves and it's like, no, you're more indebted to me 0:24:57.440 --> 0:25:00.200 than I am to you because of X, Y and Z. 0:25:01.000 --> 0:25:05.160 And it's so weird. It is like this weird um combativeness. 0:25:05.240 --> 0:25:09.160 Like I know friends that they actually kind of fight 0:25:09.320 --> 0:25:13.760 about who works harder, you know, And that's like it's 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:15.800 like a competition between the two of them of who's 0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:19.560 like a harder worker, not necessarily who brings in more money, 0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:22.080 but just like who works harder, you know, and they 0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:25.560 use that against them and fights and it's really not 0:25:25.720 --> 0:25:30.480 the best. Um, you know that it's it's pretty toxic. 0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:34.760 It's just say blocking that sounds pretty toxic. Well, for instance, 0:25:34.760 --> 0:25:39.159 like yesterday I got Kalen, I bought Kalen and I 0:25:39.200 --> 0:25:43.359 breakfast in lunch, so that I made Calin buy me dinner. 0:25:43.640 --> 0:25:51.840 Does that toxic? M m? It seems fair not toxic. Um, 0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:55.160 I think that's fair. Okay, Yeah, you're like, I think 0:25:55.160 --> 0:25:58.600 it's fair. If you said, oh, I always pay for 0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:01.719 everything and made her feel guilty about it, then I 0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:04.040 think that would be toxic. But of course if you're like, hey, listen, 0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:06.000 I paid for lunch and breakfast, like come on, I 0:26:06.040 --> 0:26:08.800 will say that I think it's fair. I think the 0:26:08.880 --> 0:26:12.960 toxic component comes in knowing that I knew that dinner 0:26:13.040 --> 0:26:15.280 was going to be like slightly more expensive than both 0:26:15.280 --> 0:26:18.120 breakfasts and lunch combined, so I was like, I'm gonna 0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:21.120 come out on top out of this exchange. I might 0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:22.720 be having a change of heart. That might be a 0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:26.160 little toxic. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't shared that last little bit, 0:26:26.240 --> 0:26:31.960 but yeah, I like it all right. Number two of 0:26:32.040 --> 0:26:35.000 the six signs that you're in a toxic relationship dropping 0:26:35.280 --> 0:26:40.320 hints and other passive aggressive notions. So what does this mean? 0:26:40.359 --> 0:26:43.480 Instead of saying something outright and out loud, a partner 0:26:43.520 --> 0:26:46.000 tries to nudge the other in the right direction of 0:26:46.080 --> 0:26:49.320 figuring it out. Instead of saying what's actually upsetting you. 0:26:49.320 --> 0:26:52.879 You find small and petty ways to piss your partner off, 0:26:53.119 --> 0:26:56.959 so you'll then feel justified in complaining to them. So 0:26:57.000 --> 0:26:58.959 this is toxic because it shows that you two are 0:26:59.000 --> 0:27:02.200 not comfortable community kating openly and clearly. A person has 0:27:02.240 --> 0:27:04.840 no reason to be passive aggressive if they feel safe 0:27:04.920 --> 0:27:08.240 expressing anger or insecurity within a relationship. A person will 0:27:08.280 --> 0:27:11.320 never feel a need to drop quote hints if they 0:27:11.359 --> 0:27:14.440 feel like they won't be judged or criticized for honesty. 0:27:15.320 --> 0:27:19.480 Mm hmmm, how do you feel about that one? I mean, 0:27:20.119 --> 0:27:23.679 I agree that it's so hard because if you're a 0:27:24.400 --> 0:27:27.879 truthful in all situations, that could really backfire as well. So, like, 0:27:27.920 --> 0:27:30.960 there are things that like hints that you could drop 0:27:31.040 --> 0:27:34.359 that I don't necessarily think are toxic or passive aggressive. 0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:39.680 I think you're just trying to you know, tell your 0:27:39.760 --> 0:27:42.800 partner without telling them out right, like hey, I don't 0:27:42.840 --> 0:27:45.160 like this, or I do like this, Like for example, 0:27:45.440 --> 0:27:47.680 I know this might be not a good a good one, 0:27:47.720 --> 0:27:50.840 but like say your partners smokes, and like you know, 0:27:51.800 --> 0:27:53.840 they've smoked for a while, and you're like, well, I 0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:56.480 don't want to tell them that, like they can't smoke, 0:27:56.600 --> 0:27:58.400 but at the same time, I don't want them to smoke, 0:27:58.440 --> 0:28:01.160 so maybe they can pass hints of like, oh wow, 0:28:01.160 --> 0:28:05.040 it smells terrible in here, or you know, uh, like 0:28:05.600 --> 0:28:07.399 I don't know how to outsoe you drop hints of 0:28:07.440 --> 0:28:10.679 like getting someone to quit smoking, But I don't know. 0:28:10.800 --> 0:28:13.760 I guess I can see where Mark is what Mark 0:28:13.880 --> 0:28:15.639 is talking about here in terms of like you should 0:28:15.640 --> 0:28:19.760 just feel comfortable talking to your partner outwardly and honestly. 0:28:19.840 --> 0:28:21.919 But I also in some one of the mindset that 0:28:21.960 --> 0:28:24.240 like honestly all the time, I don't think it's the 0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:29.239 best medicine. Yeah, I agree. Uh, it's funny because you've 0:28:29.240 --> 0:28:30.720 read the last two and I'm like, well, crab, like 0:28:30.760 --> 0:28:32.960 I those kind of applied to certain aspects of my 0:28:33.040 --> 0:28:39.240 relationship too. Uh yeah, I mean, so I read this book. 0:28:39.240 --> 0:28:40.560 I read this book a while ago, a long long 0:28:40.560 --> 0:28:41.960 time ago. I haven't read a book in a long time, 0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:44.560 but I did read one once. It was called the 0:28:44.600 --> 0:28:47.920 Psychopath Test, and it was, like I probably talked about 0:28:47.920 --> 0:28:50.640 it on here before. It's like a twenty twenty pronged 0:28:50.640 --> 0:28:54.080 the litmus test that you can administer to like determine 0:28:54.080 --> 0:28:55.920 whether someone's a psychopath or not if they hit like 0:28:55.920 --> 0:28:58.520 a twelve out of twenty of the psychopath and you 0:28:58.560 --> 0:29:01.480 read all twenty of them, all twenty of the of 0:29:01.520 --> 0:29:06.000 the criteria, and you're like, well, at least I was like, 0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:07.840 and I would concider. I would probably say you'd probably 0:29:07.840 --> 0:29:09.160 the same thing. Most of us that read it would 0:29:09.160 --> 0:29:11.600 be like, fifteen out of twenty of these things apply 0:29:11.720 --> 0:29:14.440 to me, like I am a full blown psychopath. And 0:29:14.480 --> 0:29:16.360 then at the very end, after he gives all twenty, 0:29:16.440 --> 0:29:20.000 he goes and by the way, if you're deciding whether 0:29:20.080 --> 0:29:22.320 or not any of these apply to you, you're not 0:29:22.360 --> 0:29:25.320 a psychopath because the psychopath doesn't have the capacity to 0:29:25.440 --> 0:29:30.200 like criticize themselves appropriately. M Night Shamalan to you and 0:29:30.240 --> 0:29:32.920 just twist at the end. Right, So now I'm thinking, 0:29:32.920 --> 0:29:34.800 like this Tom guy is doing the same thing, Like 0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:40.040 he's saying like, the real toxic behavior comes from seeing 0:29:40.320 --> 0:29:43.960 these toxic traits and immediately be like, no, I don't 0:29:44.000 --> 0:29:46.240 have those that's not me. I don't have that toxic trait, 0:29:46.320 --> 0:29:49.360 because I think that really is what that differentiates someone 0:29:49.440 --> 0:29:52.480 that's horribly toxic and someone that maybe just has a 0:29:52.480 --> 0:29:56.680 little bit of like, you know, nuance to their relationship. Yeah, 0:29:56.800 --> 0:29:58.800 I agree with you. I think it's actually probably healthy 0:29:58.840 --> 0:30:01.160 for you, for you and for me to both admit 0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:05.240 that some of these toxic traits are prevalent in our relationships, 0:30:05.280 --> 0:30:08.080 all right. Number three Holding the relationship hostage? So what 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:10.480 is this? When one person has a simple criticism or 0:30:10.480 --> 0:30:14.000 complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment 0:30:14.040 --> 0:30:16.360 of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone 0:30:16.400 --> 0:30:18.800 feels like you've been cold to them, instead of saying 0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:21.600 I feel like you're being cold, sometimes they will instead 0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:24.080 say I can't date someone who is cold to me 0:30:24.200 --> 0:30:27.440 all the time. This way, they're holding the relationship hostage, 0:30:27.760 --> 0:30:31.000 and this amounts to emotional blackmail and creates a ton 0:30:31.160 --> 0:30:33.880 of unnecessary drama. Even the smallest hiccup in the flow 0:30:33.920 --> 0:30:37.520 of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It's 0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:39.880 crucial for both people in a relationship to know that 0:30:39.920 --> 0:30:43.320 negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely without it 0:30:43.440 --> 0:30:46.240 threatening the entire future of the relationship. I mean, I 0:30:46.280 --> 0:30:49.320 couldn't agree with this more. I can't stand when people 0:30:50.400 --> 0:30:54.240 threaten you know, Um, it's like a kid threatening to 0:30:54.480 --> 0:30:56.520 kill themselves, you know what I mean. It's personal and 0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:58.320 nothing you should joke about. But too Like, I mean, 0:30:58.360 --> 0:31:00.360 how many times have you heard like an eight rolled 0:31:00.760 --> 0:31:02.880 like if you don't do this, I'm gonna kill myself 0:31:03.200 --> 0:31:05.040 and it's like or I'm gonna hold my breath till 0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:07.800 I die. And it's like that's what you sound like 0:31:07.800 --> 0:31:09.920 a toddler, you know, And anytime I hear an adult 0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:13.200 relationship and like, you know, if you do this, like 0:31:13.240 --> 0:31:14.840 I'm breaking up with you. If you do this, I'm 0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:17.120 divorcing you. And it's like, well, I'm doing it, then 0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:20.360 I'm calling your bluff. Yeah, it's nice to have one 0:31:20.400 --> 0:31:22.200 for That's the first one where I'm like, that's never 0:31:22.240 --> 0:31:25.200 happened in mind Calin's relationship either way, which is great, 0:31:25.240 --> 0:31:27.840 and I would probably bet it's never happened in your 0:31:27.840 --> 0:31:30.480 Ashy's relationship. But I've been in relationships where that has 0:31:30.480 --> 0:31:32.600 been a thing. I probably even said it a few 0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:35.640 times myself. Yeah, it's so bad. What a ridiculous thing 0:31:35.640 --> 0:31:38.320 to do like that's that's I feel like something you 0:31:38.320 --> 0:31:40.840 would do, like in your late teens early twenties, you know, 0:31:40.880 --> 0:31:43.640 like when you're just led by emotion at all times 0:31:43.640 --> 0:31:48.920 and you can't really think rationally all right. Number four 0:31:48.960 --> 0:31:52.840 blaming your partner for your own emotions. Let's say you're 0:31:52.840 --> 0:31:55.480 having a crappy day and your partner isn't exactly being 0:31:55.560 --> 0:31:58.520 super sympathetic or supportive about it. Maybe they've been on 0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:00.400 the phone all day with some people from work, or 0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:03.040 they got distracted when you hug them. You want to 0:32:03.080 --> 0:32:05.520 lie around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, 0:32:05.560 --> 0:32:07.520 but your partner has plans to go out and see friends. 0:32:07.600 --> 0:32:10.360 As your frustration with your day and your partner's reaction 0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:14.000 to it increases, you find yourself lashing out for being 0:32:14.040 --> 0:32:17.320 so insensitive and callous towards you. Sure you never asked 0:32:17.320 --> 0:32:20.600 for emotional support, You're but sure you never asked for 0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:25.080 emotional support. But your partners should just instinctually know to 0:32:25.160 --> 0:32:27.479 make you feel better. They should have gotten off the 0:32:27.520 --> 0:32:31.120 phone and ditch their plans based on your lousy day. 0:32:31.160 --> 0:32:33.720 Blaming our partners for our emotions is selfish. In a 0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:37.760 classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries, when 0:32:37.800 --> 0:32:40.120 you said a precedent that your partner is responsible for 0:32:40.160 --> 0:32:43.080 how you feel at all times, this can easily lead 0:32:43.120 --> 0:32:47.200 to a codependent relationship. Everything, even down to reading a 0:32:47.240 --> 0:32:51.000 book or watching television, must be negotiated. When someone begins 0:32:51.000 --> 0:32:54.240 to get upset, all personal desires go out the window 0:32:54.280 --> 0:32:56.840 because now you have to make each other feel better. 0:32:57.760 --> 0:33:00.080 Uh yeah, I agree. Like I feel like way too 0:33:00.120 --> 0:33:05.360 many people predicate their happiness on their significant other, or 0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:09.080 if you're single, you put so much emphasis on your 0:33:09.080 --> 0:33:13.160 own happiness being predicated by finding love, which is something 0:33:13.200 --> 0:33:15.840 that I think people need to start moving away from 0:33:16.000 --> 0:33:18.000 because the only way you're ever gonna be happy is 0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:20.800 if you're happy with yourself. And as cliche is that sounds, 0:33:20.840 --> 0:33:23.680 it's so true. Um that I agree. If you're in 0:33:23.680 --> 0:33:26.560 a relationship, you can't just immediately assume that your partner 0:33:26.600 --> 0:33:28.959 knows your thoughts and knows how you feel, like you 0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:31.440 have to articulate those things. Like I I learned a 0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:33.120 lot from my dad because my dad is the most 0:33:33.160 --> 0:33:35.320 wonderful man I've ever met, But he also has a 0:33:35.440 --> 0:33:38.479 very difficult time being vulnerable and actually saying how he feels. 0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:40.240 So when he's like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, 0:33:40.520 --> 0:33:42.560 it's like, I know you're not fine. Just say how 0:33:42.560 --> 0:33:44.800 you feel, because then he gets agitated when we're not 0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:47.720 sympathetic towards him if he's had a really bad day 0:33:47.720 --> 0:33:50.200 and it's like the dad like, we can't read your thoughts. 0:33:50.480 --> 0:33:52.480 And he's gotten so much better with it, you know, 0:33:52.560 --> 0:33:54.920 throughout age. But I think, you know, because it's like 0:33:54.960 --> 0:33:56.720 such a guy thing, right, You're not supposed to talk 0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:58.560 about your feelings, and we're starting to move away from that, 0:33:58.600 --> 0:34:00.680 which is great, but I like a lot of people 0:34:00.760 --> 0:34:02.600 do this, and we just you know, people need to 0:34:02.640 --> 0:34:07.120 just take responsibility for their own happiness. Yeah, I agree. 0:34:07.480 --> 0:34:10.400 I think, uh, I think a lot of people that 0:34:10.520 --> 0:34:15.160 aren't happy when they're single, imagine getting into a relationship 0:34:15.239 --> 0:34:19.719 and everything being cured immediately. And then they get into 0:34:19.719 --> 0:34:22.440 that relationship and thanks don't go as they planned it too, 0:34:22.600 --> 0:34:25.200 and so that's why they're unhappy again. And then they 0:34:25.239 --> 0:34:26.920 get out that relationship and they just do that over 0:34:26.920 --> 0:34:29.440 and over again, because like you said, not happy with yourself, 0:34:29.440 --> 0:34:32.520 you're not gonna be happy in the relationship. Um, so 0:34:32.560 --> 0:34:37.080 that's fair. There is a yeah, there's there. There have 0:34:37.120 --> 0:34:39.600 been some moments where like I'll be upset about something. 0:34:39.680 --> 0:34:43.320 I always try to pull it back onto me, So, oh, totally, 0:34:43.760 --> 0:34:45.719 there's a there's a couple of moments where like, let's say, 0:34:45.719 --> 0:34:48.239 like some exterior thing has me really upset, and I'll 0:34:48.239 --> 0:34:50.560 come back and I'll be like distant or cold or 0:34:50.640 --> 0:34:53.520 something and Caalen two sometimes, but we've always done a 0:34:53.520 --> 0:34:56.760 really good job of being like this is misdirected anger 0:34:56.920 --> 0:34:59.759 or the frustration or Kalen's up. Mostly the time she 0:34:59.840 --> 0:35:02.080 get snappy is when she's hungry, so she's like, I'm sorry, 0:35:02.080 --> 0:35:04.080 I'm just really hungry. Now let's go get food, and 0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:08.000 then she gets angry everything dude, hanger. I never realized 0:35:08.000 --> 0:35:09.960 how much of a thing it was until I started 0:35:10.000 --> 0:35:13.200 dating Klin. It's like, this is the most ridiculous not ridiculous, 0:35:13.200 --> 0:35:16.400 because it's very it's very real. She is hypoglycemic, so 0:35:16.680 --> 0:35:18.600 I'm not saying that's ridiculous, but it is funny to 0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:23.160 see how quickly her personality can shift once she's eaten, 0:35:23.320 --> 0:35:26.440 because then she loses the you know, the sass and 0:35:26.560 --> 0:35:30.440 just kind of calms back down. Yeah, food selves, everything. Yeah, 0:35:30.800 --> 0:35:34.640 especially with a pregnant wife, I can imagine she needs 0:35:34.680 --> 0:35:36.320 she has a regiment every two hours, she needs he 0:35:36.960 --> 0:35:38.719 and not only will she get angry if she's not, 0:35:38.760 --> 0:35:41.439 but she's just she will throw up, which is not good. 0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:44.800 All right, last two, Uh, so we'll get them pretty quickly. 0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:50.000 Number five displays of quote loving jealousy. Getting piste off 0:35:50.040 --> 0:35:53.440 when your partner talks, touches, calls, text, hangs out, or 0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:56.520 sneezes in the general vicinity of another person, and then 0:35:56.560 --> 0:35:58.640 proceeding to take that anger out on your partner and 0:35:58.680 --> 0:36:02.040 attempt to control their behavior. That's what this loving jealousy 0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:05.080 is all about, and can often leave to uh and 0:36:05.120 --> 0:36:09.399 can often lead to insane behaviors, such as hacking into 0:36:09.400 --> 0:36:12.200 your partner's email account, looking through their text messages while 0:36:12.200 --> 0:36:14.640 they're in the shower, or even following them around town 0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:18.960 and showing up unannounced. Hashtag creepy. He says, it's surprising 0:36:18.960 --> 0:36:20.840 me that some people describe this as some sort of 0:36:20.880 --> 0:36:24.319 display of affection that if their partner isn't jealous, that 0:36:24.719 --> 0:36:28.440 somehow this means that they don't love them enough. He says, 0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:33.319 this is absolute for Verbatim, clown shit crazy. Rather than 0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:38.400 being love enough, it's actually just controlling and manipulative, and 0:36:38.440 --> 0:36:40.719 by transmitting a message of a lack of trust and 0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:44.040 the other person who creates unnecessary drama and disc discord. 0:36:44.080 --> 0:36:47.000 Worst of all, it's the meaning if my partner cannot 0:36:47.040 --> 0:36:49.640 trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, 0:36:49.640 --> 0:36:52.040 then it applies that she believes that I'm either a 0:36:52.200 --> 0:36:55.960 liar or be incapable of controlling my impulses in either caith. 0:36:56.239 --> 0:36:58.480 In either case, that's a woman I do not want 0:36:58.520 --> 0:37:03.560 to be with. M Interesting, that's fair. I I used 0:37:03.560 --> 0:37:07.279 to be jealous in relationships, and I always think that 0:37:07.360 --> 0:37:11.480 the reason I ever was jealous was because I was 0:37:11.600 --> 0:37:15.560 kind of being a shady boyfriend, right, like okay, fair point. 0:37:16.080 --> 0:37:18.480 Like I was like I would flirt with other girls 0:37:19.200 --> 0:37:22.200 and then so I thought that my girlfriend would be 0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:24.640 doing the same thing. And it's always, in my opinion, 0:37:24.719 --> 0:37:26.600 jealousy is always like a reflection of how you see 0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:28.560 yourself in a relationship. So maybe that's why I was 0:37:28.560 --> 0:37:32.280 super jealous. Like now with Kaylin, I don't get jealous 0:37:32.320 --> 0:37:35.960 because I mean, I mean a, A, I trust her obviously, 0:37:35.960 --> 0:37:38.080 and B I don't think that either of us are 0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:40.080 doing anything shady white. I would hope not, at least 0:37:40.160 --> 0:37:42.719 behind each other's back. Um, it's funny. I got a 0:37:42.760 --> 0:37:45.640 d M. Yeah, you know, you obviously get many random 0:37:45.680 --> 0:37:48.480 d m s throughout the day. This person d M 0:37:48.600 --> 0:37:51.360 me the other day after Miami, or after Kaylin got 0:37:51.400 --> 0:37:54.120 back from Miami, and she was like, some guy was 0:37:54.239 --> 0:37:57.240 super into Kaylin the entire trip while they were in Miami, 0:37:57.280 --> 0:37:59.439 and then even Kaylin got back and she goes, yeah, 0:37:59.480 --> 0:38:02.000 this guy of like shooting me, looks like he was 0:38:02.040 --> 0:38:03.799 like really into me, and she kept making it very 0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:06.160 clear that she was taken blah blah blah. And I 0:38:06.200 --> 0:38:08.000 feel like the old me would have been like kind 0:38:08.000 --> 0:38:10.160 of really put off by it, and I'm kind of upset. 0:38:10.640 --> 0:38:12.960 But now I just like laugh at it because it's like, well, 0:38:13.040 --> 0:38:15.080 I mean, it's not like it's really gonna lead to anything, 0:38:15.080 --> 0:38:19.120 you know. Yeah, just means you trust Kalin. That's great. 0:38:19.160 --> 0:38:21.480 So were you jealous at all where you're like, hey, 0:38:21.719 --> 0:38:23.880 now I want to find that guy and punch him 0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:26.000 in the face. No, I mean I know the guy, 0:38:26.160 --> 0:38:30.640 he's a he's a guy that has been on TV before. Yeah, 0:38:30.840 --> 0:38:37.279 but no, I don't feel whatsoever scandalous. What television show 0:38:37.360 --> 0:38:39.680 was he on? Well, that's just the debt giveaway if 0:38:39.680 --> 0:38:44.080 I say that. But what about you? Are you? Oh? Now, 0:38:44.120 --> 0:38:46.160 I'm very invested in this story. I'm gonna ask you 0:38:46.239 --> 0:38:49.560 after the podcast who this human being was. I kept 0:38:49.560 --> 0:38:52.960 shooting Calin looks because if he's especially if he's in 0:38:53.000 --> 0:38:55.799 the reality TV world, he knows that Kalin and you 0:38:55.840 --> 0:38:59.680 were together, so he's being a shady character. Let's just 0:38:59.680 --> 0:39:03.200 say he was on a TV show where the expectation 0:39:03.520 --> 0:39:10.359 is to be a sline ball. Okay, interesting, Okay, good 0:39:10.400 --> 0:39:14.920 to know. Anyway, I get jealous a little bit. Ashley 0:39:14.920 --> 0:39:19.200 actually likes when I get jealous. But again, I'd like 0:39:19.320 --> 0:39:21.839 to think it's a healthy amount of jealousy. Uh. It's 0:39:21.880 --> 0:39:24.800 always just like any time a guy, you know, especially 0:39:24.800 --> 0:39:27.880 when we first started dating, guys would still flirt with 0:39:27.920 --> 0:39:32.680 Ashley and it's like f off bro um. So I'm 0:39:32.719 --> 0:39:36.000 certainly not as jealous anymore, because you know, as more 0:39:36.040 --> 0:39:38.080 time comes on and goes on with the relationship, you 0:39:38.120 --> 0:39:41.160 just get more and more not even just trustworthy, but comfortable, 0:39:41.520 --> 0:39:44.040 and it's like you're you're not gonna do anything. I'm 0:39:44.080 --> 0:39:48.480 not gonna do anything like, We're fine, all right? Last one, 0:39:49.080 --> 0:39:53.400 last one, last toxic trait that some people find uh normal. 0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:59.480 Number six buying the solutions to relationship problems interesting. So 0:39:59.600 --> 0:40:02.360 whenever a major conflict or issue comes up in a relationship, 0:40:02.400 --> 0:40:04.920 instead of solving it, you cover it up with the 0:40:04.960 --> 0:40:08.319 excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice 0:40:08.400 --> 0:40:11.279 or going on a trip somewhere interesting. My parents were 0:40:11.280 --> 0:40:13.640 experts at this one, and it got uh, and it 0:40:13.680 --> 0:40:17.720 got them real far, a big fat divorce in fifteen 0:40:17.800 --> 0:40:20.239 years of hardly speaking to each other. Wow. Uh. They 0:40:20.239 --> 0:40:22.799 have both since independently told me that this was the 0:40:22.840 --> 0:40:26.839 primary problem in their marriage, continuously covering up their real 0:40:26.880 --> 0:40:31.879 issues with superficial pleasures. This is toxic. Not only does 0:40:31.920 --> 0:40:35.080 buying stuff brush the problem under the rug where it 0:40:35.200 --> 0:40:38.160 always re emerges it even worse than next time, but 0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:41.040 it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship. This is 0:40:41.040 --> 0:40:43.279 not a gender specific problem, but I will use the 0:40:43.360 --> 0:40:47.120 quote traditional gendered situation as an example. Let's imagine that 0:40:47.160 --> 0:40:49.800 whenever a woman gets angry at her boyfriend or husband, 0:40:49.840 --> 0:40:52.799 the man solves the issue by buying a woman a 0:40:52.880 --> 0:40:56.080 gift or taking her to a fancy restaurant. Not only 0:40:56.320 --> 0:41:00.000 does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more 0:41:00.040 --> 0:41:02.200 reasons to be upset with the man because he buys 0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:04.719 her stuff, but it also gives the man absolutely no 0:41:04.880 --> 0:41:08.320 incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship. 0:41:08.680 --> 0:41:11.160 What's the result of all of this, a checked out 0:41:11.239 --> 0:41:12.960 husband who feels like an a t M and an 0:41:13.000 --> 0:41:20.360 increasingly bitter woman who feels unheard. What do you think, Um, Yeah, 0:41:20.440 --> 0:41:24.320 that sounds about right. I'm surprised, well, and I'm not surprised. 0:41:24.360 --> 0:41:27.640 I think there's multiple levels to that. I think a 0:41:27.640 --> 0:41:30.560 lot of couples. Some of my really good friends actually 0:41:30.600 --> 0:41:32.680 kind of do this sometimes too. Is instead of like 0:41:32.719 --> 0:41:37.640 they'll fight and they won't fix anything or do anything differently, 0:41:38.320 --> 0:41:42.360 but they'll just like go have like really passionate fighting 0:41:42.600 --> 0:41:45.320 sex essentially, and the next day everything is totally fine. 0:41:45.880 --> 0:41:49.279 And I think that's like the same thing, right, yeah, exactly, 0:41:49.840 --> 0:41:51.600 And it's just like okay, well, it's like you're basically 0:41:51.719 --> 0:41:56.200 using sex as a tool to not have to talk 0:41:56.200 --> 0:41:58.640 about your issues and then like, what's going to happen 0:41:58.719 --> 0:42:01.799 in the year five years in years when these things 0:42:01.800 --> 0:42:04.520 continue to fester, you know. In this guy's case, it 0:42:04.560 --> 0:42:06.759 says it led his parents to getting divorced and never 0:42:07.200 --> 0:42:09.720 talking to each other anymore. So I think there's definitely 0:42:09.719 --> 0:42:11.600 like a lot of different ways that you could you 0:42:11.640 --> 0:42:17.160 could do this, um, but I try. I don't know. Yeah, 0:42:17.200 --> 0:42:19.960 obviously it's not a good thing. What do you think? Yeah, 0:42:20.000 --> 0:42:22.799 I agree. I think it just covers it up, you know, 0:42:22.880 --> 0:42:25.000 And people do this in in all different types of 0:42:25.000 --> 0:42:27.160 way in relationships. I was just talking to a friend 0:42:27.160 --> 0:42:29.600 of mine who's going through a breakup, and she was 0:42:29.640 --> 0:42:32.040 telling me all these different issues that they had together, 0:42:32.280 --> 0:42:35.680 and it was all like very surface level things with 0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:38.400 like oh this one time and he was supposed to 0:42:38.400 --> 0:42:40.799 get that, didn't get it, and then he was like 0:42:41.120 --> 0:42:43.320 we got into a huge fight over and blah blah blah. 0:42:43.600 --> 0:42:46.680 And she was telling me multiple occasions where this happened, 0:42:46.719 --> 0:42:49.080 and I kept thinking, like, I don't think it's about that. 0:42:49.320 --> 0:42:51.920 I don't think it's about him getting you something or 0:42:51.960 --> 0:42:54.640 not getting you something, or said he would be there 0:42:54.640 --> 0:42:56.719 and he wasn't there. I think what really comes down 0:42:56.760 --> 0:42:59.320 to is that you guys have some really underlying issues 0:43:00.000 --> 0:43:03.560 and you're and and and like, so like the littlest 0:43:03.600 --> 0:43:06.080 things are triggering you because you guys really need to 0:43:06.080 --> 0:43:10.280 start talking about some more um you know, uh, deep 0:43:11.200 --> 0:43:14.200 issues within the relationship rather than the surface level things 0:43:14.239 --> 0:43:16.680 of like oh, he's always late, or he said he 0:43:16.680 --> 0:43:18.200 was gonna buy this and then he came home and 0:43:18.239 --> 0:43:19.520 didn't get it, and I was like, I told you 0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:20.799 to get that, and he was like, oh, I thought 0:43:20.800 --> 0:43:22.319 that you said I shouldn't get it, and then it 0:43:22.360 --> 0:43:25.320 turns into this huge fight. And so I think conversely, 0:43:25.360 --> 0:43:29.719 it's very similar here where you know, it's you know, 0:43:29.800 --> 0:43:31.759 it's it's an easy way. You know, you have an 0:43:31.800 --> 0:43:33.919 issue in a relationship, and then the guy's like, oh, 0:43:34.040 --> 0:43:37.560 I bought you flowers and everything is fixed, and she's like, oh, okay, 0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:40.840 you know. And then the same issue though, keeps happening 0:43:40.880 --> 0:43:42.879 over and over and over again, and he just keeps 0:43:42.880 --> 0:43:45.239 buying you flowers over and over and over again without 0:43:45.280 --> 0:43:47.399 actually solving the issue. And I totally agree. I think 0:43:47.400 --> 0:43:49.239 you have to get at the core of it. And 0:43:49.360 --> 0:43:51.080 like a lot of times Ashley will do that to me. 0:43:52.640 --> 0:43:54.080 I was gonna say, let's say you actually are in 0:43:54.080 --> 0:43:58.839 a fight, what's your what's your conflict resolution style well 0:43:59.120 --> 0:44:02.480 similarly is especially early on in the relationship, Like you know, 0:44:02.560 --> 0:44:04.840 I'd be like you know a lot of guys that 0:44:04.920 --> 0:44:06.880 I know, which is like I'm fine, I'm fine, I 0:44:06.880 --> 0:44:08.000 don't want to talk about it. I don't want to 0:44:08.000 --> 0:44:11.680 talk about it. And Ashley would really pry, rightfully so 0:44:11.800 --> 0:44:13.920 and be like, listen, I know something's wrong. Tell me 0:44:13.960 --> 0:44:15.759 what's wrong. Let's get at the core of this. And 0:44:15.800 --> 0:44:20.080 she's Ashley is such a good communicator, mainly because she's 0:44:20.120 --> 0:44:22.160 just the most transparent person I've ever met, as you 0:44:22.200 --> 0:44:25.040 well know, like that Ashley just like whatever's on her mind, 0:44:25.719 --> 0:44:27.879 she's gonna say it, you know, and it's her it's 0:44:27.880 --> 0:44:31.799 her best trait. Um So, she was really good at it. 0:44:31.840 --> 0:44:35.840 And now because of those times where she was prying 0:44:35.880 --> 0:44:38.040 and saying what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, I'd rather 0:44:38.080 --> 0:44:40.040 tell me. I'd rather have you tell me what's wrong 0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:43.000 than to keep it inside. Um So, now we have 0:44:43.040 --> 0:44:46.880 a really good, healthy communication style where I'm able to say, like, listen, 0:44:46.920 --> 0:44:49.400 this is what's bothering me, and she she's had no 0:44:49.480 --> 0:44:52.480 issues ever telling me what's bothering her. She will always 0:44:52.480 --> 0:44:54.600 tell me when I'm screwing up, and I think that's 0:44:54.680 --> 0:44:59.480 very healthy. Um, what about the flip side of that, 0:45:01.040 --> 0:45:04.800 What do you mean if like something's bothering me? Yeah, 0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:08.239 oh dude, Like I said, like, I'll still I'll say it. 0:45:08.320 --> 0:45:11.160 I'll try to present I'll present it in the nicest 0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:13.719 way possible, so I don't angry, you know, I don't 0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:18.160 anger the beast um because it's so funny because you know, 0:45:18.200 --> 0:45:21.319 we're human beings and we're insecure and we're emotional. So like, 0:45:21.640 --> 0:45:23.440 even though a lot of times actually be like tell 0:45:23.440 --> 0:45:24.959 me what's wrong, tell me what's wrong, I'm like, okay, 0:45:24.960 --> 0:45:26.880 I'm gonna tell you. And then I tell her and 0:45:26.920 --> 0:45:29.799 she's like and then she'll start crying and she's like, 0:45:30.000 --> 0:45:32.200 this like an issue in our relationship. I'm like, no, 0:45:32.320 --> 0:45:34.279 it's not a huge issue, but you wanted me to 0:45:34.320 --> 0:45:37.839 talk about it, and like you're fine, We're fine, It's 0:45:37.840 --> 0:45:40.319 gonna be okay. So it's like there's a part of 0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:42.760 me that's in my brain like should I have said anything. 0:45:43.280 --> 0:45:45.120 I think it's healthier that I did. But at the 0:45:45.160 --> 0:45:48.120 same time, now she's super upset and I feel like 0:45:48.160 --> 0:45:51.640 a piece of ship, and so it's it's it's a balance, 0:45:51.680 --> 0:45:53.320 like we were talking about earlier in the podcast. I 0:45:53.360 --> 0:45:55.759 think you need that balance of honesty with also with 0:45:55.920 --> 0:46:03.239 also compassion. I agree, really great stuff. Thanks for thanks 0:46:03.320 --> 0:46:06.319 for bringing that onto the podcast. Day. I will say 0:46:06.400 --> 0:46:08.720 to that book, don't the subtle art I'm not giving 0:46:08.920 --> 0:46:12.560 uh f is it's funny. It's a popular book. A 0:46:12.560 --> 0:46:15.560 lot of people read it and uh maybe they always 0:46:15.560 --> 0:46:18.040 just instagram story that they're reading it. It's a good book. 0:46:18.040 --> 0:46:19.560 It's like you can read it in like less than 0:46:19.600 --> 0:46:22.520 a day, probably worth your time. It's interesting enough to 0:46:22.680 --> 0:46:24.800 at least just give it a read to check it 0:46:24.800 --> 0:46:27.839 out to you if you're interested in hearing more from 0:46:27.880 --> 0:46:33.360 Tom what's his last name, Oh no, Mark Mark Manson? 0:46:34.320 --> 0:46:36.680 Mark Manson, that's right, So if you wanna listen or 0:46:36.760 --> 0:46:38.880 read more from him, go check that book out. Anyways, 0:46:38.920 --> 0:46:40.360 we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna get to 0:46:40.360 --> 0:46:42.240 some emails. I've got a flight to catch in about 0:46:42.239 --> 0:46:45.200 twenty minutes, so we're gonna be quick with it, hopefully 0:46:45.239 --> 0:46:50.239 at least the second flight of the day. That's exactly right. 0:46:50.560 --> 0:46:52.600 Let's make sure that doesn't happen. We're gonna take one 0:46:52.920 --> 0:47:05.200 very quick break, but we'll be right back. Welcome back 0:47:05.680 --> 0:47:09.359 to the quickest email segment of help. I suck at 0:47:09.480 --> 0:47:13.400 dating history? Well probably not, but we'll see what we 0:47:13.440 --> 0:47:15.439 can do. We've got a couple of emails for you today. 0:47:15.440 --> 0:47:18.720 We've got no Mark, no Easton, but we've got something 0:47:18.719 --> 0:47:20.720 even better. We got a Riley and a Hana waiting 0:47:20.719 --> 0:47:23.200 in the wings to read these emails for us, if 0:47:23.239 --> 0:47:26.120 they're up for it. If not, Jared and I know 0:47:26.200 --> 0:47:28.040 how to read, I think, but nope, Riley is going 0:47:28.080 --> 0:47:31.480 to tune in. Sweet. All right, let's get to the 0:47:31.600 --> 0:47:36.720 first man. What do we got? It's our lucky day, baby. 0:47:37.040 --> 0:47:41.800 We have the wonderful Isabella writing into us. And Isabella says, 0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:44.640 one of my best friends is hooking up with the 0:47:44.680 --> 0:47:47.640 guy that I'm in love with. Earlier this week, she 0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:49.960 showed me their text messages and asked me for advice 0:47:50.000 --> 0:47:52.600 about something. I gave her advice and acted like it 0:47:52.640 --> 0:47:55.120 didn't bother me, But it was eating me up inside 0:47:55.120 --> 0:47:57.759 and I feel like I'm going to explode. Please help? 0:47:57.960 --> 0:48:00.160 What do I do? Do I tell her how I feel? 0:48:00.360 --> 0:48:03.640 Or just stay quiet? This is straight out of a 0:48:03.719 --> 0:48:06.560 wrong com right here. The best friend is secretly in 0:48:06.640 --> 0:48:11.120 love with her best friend's boyfriend. Uh, I don't know, 0:48:11.200 --> 0:48:14.560 there's a lot of fish in the sea. I'd move on. Yeah, 0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:17.360 I also would just move on. If it's meant to be, 0:48:17.480 --> 0:48:21.640 it'll be. Don't force anything, don't ruin your friendship over it. 0:48:22.360 --> 0:48:25.400 Just be the supportive friend. Let it run. Let it runs. 0:48:25.400 --> 0:48:28.399 Course they're gonna break up and then I guess maybe 0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:30.320 shoot your shot. I don't know. It's kind of seems 0:48:30.320 --> 0:48:32.000 like more of like a girl advice thing. I feel 0:48:32.040 --> 0:48:33.839 like Riley and Hanna are probably better suited to give 0:48:33.840 --> 0:48:37.359 some advice on this one. That's that's kind of heartbreaking. 0:48:37.600 --> 0:48:39.480 I mean to hold that inside, I'd see why she's 0:48:39.480 --> 0:48:42.600 going to explode, and that's hard to let go. And 0:48:42.640 --> 0:48:44.480 I want to know if did she like him first, 0:48:45.840 --> 0:48:48.440 because that kind of like that friend's kind of terrible. 0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:53.200 I don't disagree that. I don't disagree with that. But 0:48:53.239 --> 0:48:55.480 also it's like whether she likes him first or not, 0:48:55.600 --> 0:48:58.080 the fact of the matter is the friend is with 0:48:58.080 --> 0:49:00.800 her at this point, so it's like, what does she 0:49:00.840 --> 0:49:05.480 gotta do? Now that's true, you know, yeah, I mean, 0:49:05.880 --> 0:49:09.160 and also like, I mean, what kind of guy is this? 0:49:09.360 --> 0:49:11.560 I mean, who knows he might be the greatest guy 0:49:11.560 --> 0:49:13.680 in the world, but he's also hooking up, like they're 0:49:13.719 --> 0:49:16.279 just hooking up, and then apparently she needs advice because 0:49:16.280 --> 0:49:18.920 there's some text messages back and forth. I don't know 0:49:19.040 --> 0:49:23.040 if I think that's tough because it's your best friend. 0:49:23.600 --> 0:49:26.200 So the problem is she's gonna keep asking for advice 0:49:26.239 --> 0:49:31.319 if you don't say something, Man, that sucks. I don't 0:49:31.320 --> 0:49:37.040 say anything over it. No, what do you think she 0:49:37.080 --> 0:49:39.919 needs to speak up? Riley? If it's your best friend. 0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:42.400 If it was my best friend, I'd be like, hey, 0:49:42.800 --> 0:49:44.879 like just to let you know, like I'm actually really 0:49:44.880 --> 0:49:47.359 into this guy too. Like I would tell my friend, 0:49:47.360 --> 0:49:52.640 if that's my best friend, your best friend, what type 0:49:52.680 --> 0:49:55.799 of advice the best friends asking for? Like I wonder 0:49:55.840 --> 0:49:58.000 if the best friend of Isabella wants to be with 0:49:58.040 --> 0:50:01.000 this guy, because that sucks because then it's Isabella is 0:50:01.040 --> 0:50:04.319 living vicariously through her best friend, you know, while she's 0:50:04.360 --> 0:50:06.719 trying to get with the guy that she loves. I 0:50:06.760 --> 0:50:13.120 think that you should probably say something because your best friend, 0:50:13.160 --> 0:50:16.920 Isabella is going to keep asking you for advice, and 0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:20.520 it's gonna be like her twisting the knife every time 0:50:20.640 --> 0:50:24.759 she does. It's gonna really suck for you, and you 0:50:24.760 --> 0:50:26.680 could just be honest and be like, listen, I kind 0:50:26.680 --> 0:50:28.399 of like this guy. I'm not going to pursue him, 0:50:28.840 --> 0:50:30.719 you know. I think you guys are great together. I 0:50:30.760 --> 0:50:33.960 want you to go after him, But I just I 0:50:34.000 --> 0:50:36.560 can't help you with this situation. I need to detach 0:50:36.640 --> 0:50:40.600 myself because it's like a little knife, a little knife 0:50:40.640 --> 0:50:43.600 that you keep twisting in my back. I will say, Isabella, 0:50:43.719 --> 0:50:45.640 right now, it doesn't have the guy she wants, and 0:50:45.680 --> 0:50:47.399 if she also does not want to have the best 0:50:47.440 --> 0:50:50.680 friend anymore, that she should follow that advice and say something. 0:50:51.120 --> 0:50:53.880 She wants to keep her best friend point and also 0:50:54.200 --> 0:50:56.280 not have that guy in your life. Just don't say anything. 0:50:56.320 --> 0:51:00.400 Who cares? Just let her just I just I wouldn't 0:51:00.400 --> 0:51:04.600 say anything. I would just let it fester. But definitely 0:51:04.640 --> 0:51:06.600 takes that risk if she does say something, because what 0:51:06.640 --> 0:51:11.360 if the best friend reacts really poorly to it. Tough situation. 0:51:11.400 --> 0:51:15.560 I don't envy it. Yeah, all right, Next one who 0:51:15.560 --> 0:51:20.040 every wants to read it? I'll read it. Our next 0:51:20.120 --> 0:51:24.200 question is from Marley. She says everyone always asks if 0:51:24.239 --> 0:51:26.479 it's okay or not to be friends with the next 0:51:26.680 --> 0:51:29.320 my question is is it weird to be best friends 0:51:29.360 --> 0:51:32.720 with your partners ex partner. I've been dating my boyfriend 0:51:32.719 --> 0:51:34.920 for six months and his ex girlfriend is part of 0:51:34.960 --> 0:51:37.319 the friend group, so I started conversing with her and 0:51:37.400 --> 0:51:40.600 honestly love her. My boyfriend thinks it's the weirdest thing, 0:51:40.719 --> 0:51:43.200 says it makes him feel uncomfortable. But I'm totally fine 0:51:43.239 --> 0:51:45.960 with it. I'm secure in our relationship. And he just 0:51:46.040 --> 0:51:48.440 doesn't get it. He says he would be respectful, but 0:51:48.480 --> 0:51:50.720 could never actually be friends with the guy I dated 0:51:50.880 --> 0:51:53.720 or even hooked up with. Is he being crazy? Should 0:51:53.760 --> 0:51:56.120 I be? Should I not be friends with her because 0:51:56.120 --> 0:51:58.160 it makes him feel weird? And is this a guy thing? 0:51:58.440 --> 0:52:03.320 I'm confuctused. There's no confusion. You should not be friends 0:52:03.520 --> 0:52:07.080 with your boyfriend's ex girlfriend because Marley, what's gonna happen 0:52:07.160 --> 0:52:09.440 is one night you and your boyfriend are going to 0:52:09.520 --> 0:52:11.640 get into a little fight. You're gonna be talking to 0:52:11.680 --> 0:52:13.600 one of your best friends who also used to date 0:52:13.640 --> 0:52:16.120 your boyfriend, and then you guys are gonna go down 0:52:16.200 --> 0:52:20.319 this rabbit hole of everything that he does wrong, and 0:52:20.400 --> 0:52:22.359 she's gonna be like he sucks, and then you're like, yeah, 0:52:22.600 --> 0:52:24.520 he does suck, and then it's just gonna be like 0:52:24.600 --> 0:52:26.880 seven hours of you bashing the boyfriend and when you 0:52:26.920 --> 0:52:28.560 call him at three o'clock in the morning and said, 0:52:28.600 --> 0:52:31.279 you know what, I'm done with you. I'm over it. 0:52:31.760 --> 0:52:33.480 And then you guys are gonna break up and you're 0:52:33.719 --> 0:52:35.959 gonna go to regret it in two days, and then 0:52:36.080 --> 0:52:38.799 it's just gonna become a cluster. Just I think this 0:52:38.840 --> 0:52:41.120 is I don't blame him for feeling uncomfortable. Dude. If 0:52:41.160 --> 0:52:44.520 Ashley was like best friends with my ex, I would 0:52:44.560 --> 0:52:48.000 feel so uncomfortable with it. I'd be like, swere she 0:52:48.080 --> 0:52:51.520 hates me? I agree. I think yeah, Jaredy nailed down 0:52:51.560 --> 0:52:54.399 the head. Remember that. Remember those guests we had a few, 0:52:54.480 --> 0:52:57.759 like maybe a month ago that we're on that TV show. Uh, 0:52:57.800 --> 0:53:00.360 they're divorce, is they're dating each other, and then they 0:53:00.520 --> 0:53:05.600 they're also like neighbors. Remember those guys. Yeah, yeah, I 0:53:05.640 --> 0:53:08.279 can't remember the name of the show, but those that 0:53:08.480 --> 0:53:12.600 interview as lovely people as they were seemed incredibly tense. 0:53:13.040 --> 0:53:15.360 And I agree with you. I think like all it 0:53:15.400 --> 0:53:19.640 takes is one bad night, one venting session to really 0:53:19.640 --> 0:53:21.640 snowball this thing in the in the direction you don't 0:53:21.640 --> 0:53:24.000 want it to go. And even beyond that, it's just like, 0:53:24.680 --> 0:53:28.960 if it makes him uncomfortable, you mean you, me and 0:53:29.000 --> 0:53:31.200 my ex was the name of the show. If it 0:53:31.239 --> 0:53:34.960 makes your boyfriend uncomfortable, like that should be enough to 0:53:35.000 --> 0:53:37.120 distance yourself from the friendship. Like who do you care 0:53:37.160 --> 0:53:40.040 more about now, the boyfriend or the friend? And if 0:53:40.160 --> 0:53:43.080 your your answer should be your boyfriend. If it's not, 0:53:43.160 --> 0:53:45.160 then you should not be dating that guy. But if 0:53:45.160 --> 0:53:48.520 it is, then you should distance yourself from the from 0:53:48.560 --> 0:53:52.759 the friend because your boyfriend's uncomfortable. Like that's that's kind 0:53:52.760 --> 0:53:54.600 of a no brainer. That's kind of like a layup. 0:53:54.680 --> 0:53:56.440 In my opinion, there's not really I want to I 0:53:56.480 --> 0:53:58.400 want to ask Marley. I want to ask more of 0:53:58.560 --> 0:54:01.839 this question. If the roles were versed and your boyfriend 0:54:02.320 --> 0:54:05.440 was best friends with one of your ex boyfriends, Marley, 0:54:05.520 --> 0:54:08.360 how would it make you feel? Probably not too good 0:54:08.400 --> 0:54:11.759 because you know that within any relationship there's baggage, there 0:54:11.800 --> 0:54:14.600 was things that happened. It's probably best just cut the 0:54:14.640 --> 0:54:18.120 cord and move on. So I would suggest the same 0:54:18.160 --> 0:54:20.759 thing with this best friend, Like it's it's someone that's 0:54:20.760 --> 0:54:23.560 sure you guys get along. It's great, You'll find somebody 0:54:23.560 --> 0:54:26.000 else that you get along with, because right now it 0:54:26.040 --> 0:54:28.319 feels like you're choosing this friend over your boyfriend. That's 0:54:28.320 --> 0:54:31.080 how it feels to me. What do you girls think? 0:54:34.200 --> 0:54:38.080 I think it's strange, Like I would hate that if 0:54:38.160 --> 0:54:41.560 my current boyfriend, I mean, this is my first boyfriend, 0:54:41.640 --> 0:54:44.120 but if my boyfriend was best friends that the guy 0:54:44.280 --> 0:54:46.480 was hooking up with in high school, it would just 0:54:46.560 --> 0:54:51.320 freak me out, Like I would hate that. Yeah, I agree, 0:54:51.360 --> 0:54:54.000 that'd be weird. Raley, what about you? I definitely think 0:54:54.000 --> 0:54:57.000 it's weird, Like what are they talking about? What are 0:54:57.040 --> 0:55:00.640 they saying? What memories are they you know, trading back 0:55:00.680 --> 0:55:04.040 and forth. It's just like it's like anxiety. I don't 0:55:04.040 --> 0:55:09.120 want that. Yeah, just get it out for the reason 0:55:09.200 --> 0:55:11.759 they're in the past, right, that's a toxic trape. All right, 0:55:11.800 --> 0:55:14.200 Well I think that's uh, that's all she needs because 0:55:14.200 --> 0:55:17.120 it sounds like it's a resounding stop being friends with 0:55:17.160 --> 0:55:20.120 that person. Um, that's gonna do it. I gotta flight 0:55:20.160 --> 0:55:22.840 to go catch. So thank you guys for tuning in 0:55:22.880 --> 0:55:26.000 to this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. 0:55:26.040 --> 0:55:29.600 Thank you to Jared of course for just bearing all. 0:55:29.640 --> 0:55:32.080 And and you know what, Jared, thank you for being 0:55:32.120 --> 0:55:35.399 prepared for this podcast, because without you who the heck 0:55:35.440 --> 0:55:37.239 knows what we would talk about all day long without 0:55:37.320 --> 0:55:39.920 you rambling on for hours on end about Ben Affleck's 0:55:39.960 --> 0:55:43.600 acting career, all the Razzies he won when he, you know, 0:55:43.719 --> 0:55:46.480 was acting early on What would we what would we 0:55:46.480 --> 0:55:50.200 talk about? Mostly Pearl Harbor. I don't know if I 0:55:50.239 --> 0:55:51.840 just want to say a big thank you to Jennifer 0:55:51.880 --> 0:55:54.160 Lopez and Ben Affleck for just creating a couple that 0:55:54.200 --> 0:55:56.200 I'm so invested in love with and I hope that 0:55:56.239 --> 0:55:58.920 they never break up, honestly. So we have a contact 0:55:58.920 --> 0:56:00.520 with Duncan Donuts. I was on them. I was like, 0:56:00.560 --> 0:56:02.319 you guys need to do something because like remember that 0:56:02.360 --> 0:56:04.760 picture that went viral a few months ago with Ben 0:56:04.840 --> 0:56:06.840 like holding the Dunkin Donuts outside of his place and 0:56:06.840 --> 0:56:09.680 it was all like falling down. Remember this picture at all? 0:56:09.840 --> 0:56:12.080 He had like six iced coffees in his hands, and 0:56:12.120 --> 0:56:14.359 he just like looked distress. He looked like that dad 0:56:14.400 --> 0:56:16.239 on a Saturday morning who's just trying to like carry 0:56:16.239 --> 0:56:18.040 all the coffees for his family. It's a great photo. 0:56:18.239 --> 0:56:20.800 And I was like, oh my god, they please, Like 0:56:20.880 --> 0:56:23.440 Duncan needs to do something anyway. I just love the 0:56:23.440 --> 0:56:25.880 fact that like this duncan Boston guy who's like a 0:56:25.880 --> 0:56:29.480 former alcoholic whost you know, skeletons in his closet, is 0:56:29.520 --> 0:56:32.400 now dating like just like the most perfect, sexy, incredible 0:56:32.400 --> 0:56:34.960 woman on earth. It's like, I mean, I'm gonna taken, man. 0:56:35.200 --> 0:56:36.759 It's it's kind of like me, you know what I mean. 0:56:36.800 --> 0:56:39.320 Here I am this patchy, facially here kid from Rhode Island. 0:56:39.440 --> 0:56:42.440 I was working restaurants all my life. I swear I 0:56:42.480 --> 0:56:45.360 love playing softball, I love being the Northeast. I'm a 0:56:45.440 --> 0:56:48.160 brady guy. And here I am dating the most beautiful 0:56:48.200 --> 0:56:50.920 woman on the face of this earth, someone who's like 0:56:50.920 --> 0:56:53.920 a little bit more Kardashian. You know, she likes her 0:56:53.960 --> 0:56:58.760 girl stuff, romantic comedy. She's a beautiful, stunning, impressive business 0:56:58.800 --> 0:57:01.279 professional woman. You know, I hit it out of the 0:57:01.320 --> 0:57:04.880 ballpark with that one. I'm dating outside my league is Ben. 0:57:05.400 --> 0:57:07.239 It's just so easy. All we have to do is 0:57:07.360 --> 0:57:09.640 let me say the words Ben Athleck, and you just 0:57:09.719 --> 0:57:11.719 go off. You go into autopilot mode and you can 0:57:11.800 --> 0:57:13.359 just go and go and go. And I just want 0:57:13.400 --> 0:57:16.640 to say thank you so much for being that person. Jared. Hey, 0:57:16.640 --> 0:57:22.280 anytime flight, don't miss your second flight of the day. Yeah, 0:57:22.320 --> 0:57:24.760 thank you. I won't. I just ordered my Ubert's thirteen 0:57:24.760 --> 0:57:27.840 minutes away. Not a great sign anyways. Riley and Hanna, 0:57:27.920 --> 0:57:31.960 thank you so much for a sound engineering, producing, reading 0:57:31.960 --> 0:57:36.320 our emails, sharing your stories, everything and anything that you 0:57:36.360 --> 0:57:37.840 guys have done for us. Thank you very much for that. 0:57:38.600 --> 0:57:40.680 Um that's gonna do it for this week's episode, so 0:57:40.760 --> 0:57:42.920 be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we 0:57:42.960 --> 0:57:46.240 will suck just a little bit less. Follow hell by 0:57:46.360 --> 0:57:49.120 Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you 0:57:49.240 --> 0:57:50.080 listen to podcast