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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: My family accused me of stealing years ago, and now

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Speaker 2: they want to reconcile.

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Speaker 3: Oh it takes a thief, doesn't it.

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Speaker 2: When I was fourteen, one of my cousins accused me

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Speaker 2: of stealing a necklace. My grandparents already did not like me,

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Speaker 2: and they immediately believe my cousin. They threatened to call

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Speaker 2: the cops on me and tell me I was disowned

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Speaker 2: and that the last thing I would ever get from

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Speaker 2: them would beat that necklace.

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Speaker 4: Wow, she that is a very inflammatory angle to take

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Speaker 4: to a fourteen year old.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from throw I no mooring,

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Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime Suffered it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and we're.

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Speaker 2: Here to give good advice. Goof Ley, But we don't

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Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 2: comments and says. After that, I stopped hanging around them,

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Speaker 2: and so did my sister. I also stopped helping my

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Speaker 2: other cousins because I did not trust that side of

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Speaker 2: the family anymore. Years later, after I was an adult,

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Speaker 2: they mailed me the necklace.

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Speaker 3: Did it have a note? It better have had a

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Speaker 3: very long winded apology.

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Speaker 2: I was angry, so I destroyed it and mailed it

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Speaker 2: back to them, honestly.

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Speaker 3: Fair ball or move, not gonna lie.

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Speaker 2: I only put their own address on the box, so

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Speaker 2: I do not know how they knew it was me.

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Speaker 2: They called me right away, and I lied and said

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Speaker 2: I never had it. But then I also started going

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Speaker 2: in on them. I brought up how my grandpa cheated

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Speaker 2: and maybe his hidden family as the necklace, which I

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Speaker 2: know my grandma hates hearing. I do not care about

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Speaker 2: the necklace, and I do not care about them. I

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Speaker 2: have not spoken to the cousin who lied about me

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Speaker 2: in years, and I do not plan to. I am

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Speaker 2: still cool with that cousin's brother, and even helped him

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Speaker 2: get into college, which upset people because I would not

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Speaker 2: help his sister. Some cousins are mad I destroyed the necklace.

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Speaker 2: Some are mad I skip events if my grandparents or

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Speaker 2: that cousin are there. Others say I started drama again

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Speaker 2: by mailing it back a few weeks ago. They tried

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Speaker 2: to set up a family meeting about all this, but

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Speaker 2: I told them I am not going and I do

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Speaker 2: not want to be part of that family anymore. I

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Speaker 2: also do not see the point in clearing my name

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Speaker 2: because they never liked me in the first place. I

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Speaker 2: am twenty two now and this all started when I

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Speaker 2: was fourteen. My sister supports me, but the rest of

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Speaker 2: that side of the family is split. Some are telling

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Speaker 2: me to go to the meeting, and some say to

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Speaker 2: just drop it. What should I do here? Should I

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Speaker 2: go to the meeting? Should I just cut them off completely?

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Speaker 2: Should I keep ignoring them? And there are some relevant comments,

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Speaker 2: But honestly, what do you think? Because I got some thought.

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Speaker 4: Well, fourteen is a pretty young age to determine that

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Speaker 4: you're just gonna cut off your entire family.

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Speaker 3: And it's also it's not.

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Speaker 2: Entire family, it's grandma and cousin or grandparents and cousin. Okay, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: other family, oh piece still okay.

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Speaker 3: Now, I don't know it's bad on both sides.

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Speaker 4: It's not about if it's good or bad, it's about

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Speaker 4: is it good or bad for you?

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: Like is it gonna give you the most amount of

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Speaker 4: peace in the long run. But like clearly bottom line

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Speaker 4: is that, like you were still very affected by the

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Speaker 4: context of all this, and you had a very emotional

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Speaker 4: response to the necklace being sent back, and you're sending

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Speaker 4: it back and trying to get under their skin on purpose.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know. I just think you should go

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Speaker 3: to therapy to try to work through.

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Speaker 2: I think you should go to therapy. And I don't

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Speaker 2: think that you should go to this meeting. Not saying

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Speaker 2: that you should never go to any sort of meeting

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Speaker 2: like this in the future, but I don't think that

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Speaker 2: you are ready for it now because you hold a

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Speaker 2: lot of rage in your heart about this, and I

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Speaker 2: think the only way that you can work through this

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Speaker 2: is through therapy. And I don't think it would be

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Speaker 2: helpful for you or for anyone for you to go

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Speaker 2: to a meeting where you're just going to be angry.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's probably just going to create more problems than solutions,

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Speaker 4: I would say.

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Speaker 2: Relevant comments Comment one says, cut them off. You are

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Speaker 2: not interested in a relationship with them, so don't go.

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Speaker 2: You say they never liked you, so why consider going.

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Speaker 2: They were horrible to a fourteen year old. You owe

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Speaker 2: them nothing. Let them keep the people they value in

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Speaker 2: the family. They don't deserve you. Oh P said, that's

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Speaker 2: where I'm at. I see no point in going. Comment

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Speaker 2: two said I would go to the meeting and not

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Speaker 2: say a dang word. Them all talk it out. See

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Speaker 2: what kind of bs comes out of their mouths. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter if they apologize, expect you to admit to

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Speaker 2: that they found out the truth and want to clear

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Speaker 2: things up. Let them amuse you for a night with

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Speaker 2: their crap. When they're all done, get up, turn to

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Speaker 2: them and tell them I came because you deserve to

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Speaker 2: apologize for your actions. But I am leaving because I

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Speaker 2: respect myself more than I could ever respect any of you.

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Speaker 2: Do not contact me again, drop the mic, and walk out.

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Speaker 2: OHP says that seems like too much work, and I

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Speaker 2: would ruin my nights. I would rather play games on

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Speaker 2: my PS five than talk to them. The meeting is

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Speaker 2: happening tomorrow, so I'm not ruining my weekend because they

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Speaker 2: want to talk. Nothing is going to change even if

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Speaker 2: I did all that. So I go Comment three says,

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Speaker 2: what was the point of mailing the necklace to them?

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Speaker 2: To you now? Op says, I don't know. I think

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Speaker 2: so they can blame me for by claiming I always

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Speaker 2: had it, but they're planned backfired because they can't blame

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Speaker 2: me for something I never had. Op was wrong for

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Speaker 2: destroying the necklace. Interesting, before we go into that, it's

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Speaker 2: interesting that Opee took that as like they can blame

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Speaker 2: me for having the necklace. I thought it was them

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Speaker 2: being like, sorry, we accused you of having the necklace.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was That's what I thought that was, Yes.

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Speaker 2: Which is not you know, not to say that you

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Speaker 2: stipp to forgive them for that. But I think op

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Speaker 2: has a totally different take.

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Speaker 4: On it, and it's like fully grown, like I don't know,

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Speaker 4: like as adults just sending that with like no other context.

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Speaker 3: It's like that's kind of pathetic. Yeah, absolutely really have

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Speaker 3: something else to say.

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Speaker 2: Well, it seems like they didn't want to own up

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Speaker 2: to accusing Opee, and they should have been like if

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Speaker 2: they were really apologetic, they should have been like, hey,

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Speaker 2: we found the necklace I'm so sorry we did that

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Speaker 2: to you. We should have never done it in the

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Speaker 2: first place, even if you had taken it.

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Speaker 4: Yes, they should have included in apology instead of just

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Speaker 4: the nextcess.

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Speaker 2: Why was it wrong to destroy the necklace? That was

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Speaker 2: my only inheritance and the only thing I received from

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Speaker 2: my grandparents when it was delivered to my door. It

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Speaker 2: was a gift, and I can destroy my property whenever

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Speaker 2: I want. They aren't good people. That's why I don't

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Speaker 2: want to see them. You not actually saying why destroying

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Speaker 2: my own property is wrong isn't helpful. It just seems

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Speaker 2: like you want me to regret destroying it when I

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Speaker 2: don't and never will because I wanted to, because it's mine.

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Speaker 2: Why would I have given it away. I enjoyed breaking

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Speaker 2: it and it cost me fifteen dollars to mail it.

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Speaker 2: Calling having fun childish is why I don't regret destroying it.

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Speaker 2: Being bitter it means I'm justified because of unfair treatment.

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Speaker 2: Opie says, Oh, no, I treat people who treat me

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Speaker 2: like dirt like dirt, and I did think before acting.

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Speaker 2: They can't blame me for both stealing the necklace and

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Speaker 2: breaking the necklace without admitting they mailed it or knows

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Speaker 2: who mailed it to my house. They will also need

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Speaker 2: to have proof they sent me the necklace, which means

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Speaker 2: they knew I didn't steal it. I can live with

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Speaker 2: being labeled as someone who destroyed his own property when

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Speaker 2: I did that, rather than being labeled a thief for

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Speaker 2: something I didn't do. Why is Opie's sister going to

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Speaker 2: the meeting? Opie says, My sister is going, but she's

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Speaker 2: a little angry at them because she was also especially

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Speaker 2: kicked out of the family because they didn't want to

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Speaker 2: be near me. If my sister takes their side after this,

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Speaker 2: I will have love a sister. And there is an update, Folks,

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Speaker 2: I didn't like that last sentence.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like we're letting the rage of all

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Speaker 4: of this really sort of consume us, and we're not

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Speaker 4: working through it in a healthy way.

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Speaker 3: No, at all, at all at all.

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Speaker 4: Clearly this is like really informed the way you live

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Speaker 4: for the past eight years.

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Speaker 2: It just feels like a lot of like revenge motivated.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's my secret, cap I'm always I always want

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Speaker 4: to destroy the necklace.

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Speaker 2: Update says I didn't go to the family meeting about

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Speaker 2: the necklace that William makes sense two weeks later, so

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Speaker 2: I didn't go to the meeting. My sister went instead.

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Speaker 2: I told everyone before I wasn't going because I don't

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Speaker 2: see myself as part of that family anymore, and I

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Speaker 2: meant it from what my sister told me, it was

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Speaker 2: a mess. My mom actually admitted to everyone that I

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Speaker 2: got the necklace in the mail, so of course they

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Speaker 2: all twisted it like I was hiding something. My sister

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Speaker 2: tried to explain it was the grandparents who mailed it,

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Speaker 2: but then she let slip that I got it only

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Speaker 2: a few months ago, which just made it worse. So

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Speaker 2: now they're acting like I sat on this thing for

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Speaker 2: years and suddenly destroyed it just to stir things up.

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Speaker 2: My dad was different about it. He told me I

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Speaker 2: missed my chance to defend myself, but then he literally

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Speaker 2: took me to a car show in another city while

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Speaker 2: the meeting was going on. On the drive, he told

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Speaker 2: me he didn't want to go either, and that it's

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Speaker 2: smarter not to get caught up in stuff that has

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Speaker 2: no benefit in life. He also said, if I ever

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Speaker 2: admit I regret not going, that means I regret going

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Speaker 2: with him to the show, which honestly hit me kind

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Speaker 2: of hard. He's like, I've trapped you. I got you now.

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Speaker 2: I'll admit I cried a little when he said that

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Speaker 2: he saw it, and of course he made fun of

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Speaker 2: me for it, but weirdly I didn't even care. At

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Speaker 2: least he was real with me. He's like, oh, you're

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Speaker 2: a man.

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Speaker 5: You're crying.

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Speaker 3: Here come the waterword to the car show.

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Speaker 2: As for the necklace, when I mailed it back, I

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Speaker 2: sent it in a bicker box, so when they opened it, the.

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Speaker 3: Pieces all fell out everywhere.

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Speaker 2: You crazy. I kept less so it couldn't be prepared anyway.

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Speaker 2: But they're blaming me for how I packaged it. My

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Speaker 2: sister said they were complaining they couldn't find all the pieces,

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Speaker 2: and I'll be honest, I was laughing when she told

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Speaker 2: me that. I don't regret breaking it one bit. After

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Speaker 2: the meeting, my sister told me she's finally done with

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Speaker 2: them too. She didn't want to cut them off before

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Speaker 2: because they were helping her with college, but she realized

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Speaker 2: being tied to them isn't worth it.

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Speaker 4: That meant a lot to me, I mean to be honest,

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Speaker 4: to be fair, Yeah, it does seem like they're pretty exhausting.

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Speaker 4: If they're also having an entire family meeting about the

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Speaker 4: broken necklace that they said they ostracized OP over when

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Speaker 4: they were fourteen, literally and that they didn't actually steal.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, how much is this necklace actually worth? And

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Speaker 2: do they actually care about it? Because at first they

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Speaker 2: like say, oh, oh, Pi, you stole our necklace. You're

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Speaker 2: out of the family. And then they're like, oh, actually,

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Speaker 2: we're just gonna give you this necklace, so they're giving

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Speaker 2: it away.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, I'm calling it. It's not worth

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Speaker 4: more than like a hundred bucks.

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Speaker 2: I blocked that whole side of the fam on everything,

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Speaker 2: even the cousin I once helped get into college. They

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Speaker 2: started texting from his phone in the family chat. So

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Speaker 2: I sent him a message on Instagram telling him I'm

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Speaker 2: blocking him too, and I don't want anything to do

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Speaker 2: with him or his family anymore. He's part of that

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Speaker 2: toxic mess, whether he wants to be or not. But

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Speaker 2: there's a little bit left to this messy story.

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Speaker 4: Really quickly, I feel like op saying like, like, well,

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Speaker 4: they're involved with that toxic mess, whether they want to

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Speaker 4: be or not. You are as well, So are you,

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Speaker 4: and you don't want to be because this thing is

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Speaker 4: affecting you, like and having a real impact on your

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Speaker 4: emotional state and your mental processes.

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Speaker 3: Like you are also in it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just something to understand the fact that he

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Speaker 2: was willing to cut off his sister without any proof

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Speaker 2: that she was on their side. Yeah, it's kind of Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to cut her off if she comes

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Speaker 2: back and says that she's against me in any way.

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Speaker 4: And we're probably missing a lot of context here as

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Speaker 4: well as to why you know this is gotten into

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Speaker 4: the way.

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Speaker 3: There's probably a lot more stuff that has happened.

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Speaker 4: I highly doubt they were just fourteen and one time,

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Speaker 4: one thing happens, say Grandpa get accused of the yeah,

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Speaker 4: the necklace stealing. But it's like there's a lot more

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Speaker 4: context there. They probably builds up to that moment that

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Speaker 4: we don't know either way.

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Speaker 2: You were a child child. Ope, he continues. I also

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Speaker 2: found out the cousin who lied about me stealing is

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Speaker 2: depressed and even her brother doesn't want anything to do

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Speaker 2: with her. He was apparently complaining that growing up he

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Speaker 2: was stuck with only younger girl cousins who got everything

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Speaker 2: They wanted, and the only movies he was ever allowed

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Speaker 2: to watch were Disney princess movies. Those are great movies,

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Speaker 2: not gonna lie. I laughed when my sister told me that.

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, I don't regret anything.

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Speaker 2: I feel honored to be cut out of their will

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Speaker 2: since they disowned me when I was fourteen. Anyway, the

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Speaker 2: meeting just proved me right about how toxic they all are.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad I didn't waste my time on it. And

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Speaker 2: comment one says everyone in the story, but the dad

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Speaker 2: is a bad person. Why the f did you destroy it?

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Speaker 2: Explain how me and my sister are bad in this situation. Also,

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Speaker 2: I listened to my dad's suggestion to go somewhere else

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Speaker 2: other than the meeting. So how am I bad for

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Speaker 2: missing the meaning? But my dad isn't. I destroyed the

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Speaker 2: necklace because it was mine. They gave it to me. Technically,

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Speaker 2: they gave it to me twice. First they said that

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Speaker 2: it was the only thing I'll get from them, then

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Speaker 2: they mailed it to me. Why do you think I'm

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Speaker 2: a bad person for destroying my own property? Ope on

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Speaker 2: the remaining pieces of the necklace, Ohpie says they think

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Speaker 2: it was a shipping error and trying to find all

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Speaker 2: the pieces, but they will be able. I threw the

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Speaker 2: pieces away already. It's never getting repaired. Commoners who says,

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Speaker 2: was it an expensive necklace or just a kids one?

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Speaker 2: I'm wondering why they tried to fix it. Oh, he says,

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Speaker 2: it was a sentimental ambulance given to one of my grandparents.

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Speaker 2: And that is the end of a story.

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Speaker 3: My grandmother demanded to talk to me after I cut

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Speaker 3: off my parents.

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Speaker 5: If you didn't cut your grandma, if we can talk to.

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Speaker 4: Her, right, I guess once removed, I just received the

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Speaker 4: text of my grandma asking me to talk, so I'm

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Speaker 4: definitely not calm right now. My apologies in advance. For context,

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Speaker 4: my grandma and grandpa divorced when I wasn't even born,

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Speaker 4: and I don't know any better than my grandpa being

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Speaker 4: together with his now wife. I see her as family,

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Speaker 4: but I have never called her grandma. This matters to

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Speaker 4: me in this context because it feels extra inappropriate that.

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Speaker 3: She is even talking to me about this.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user professional Fly thirty

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Speaker 4: two forty six, and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subret it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we are here

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Speaker 4: to give you good advice goofly, but we don't have

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Speaker 4: all the answers. We only know what we would do,

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Speaker 4: So if you would do something different, let us know

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Speaker 4: in the comments.

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Speaker 3: As Op says, I.

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Speaker 4: Just received a text from her asking me to talk,

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Speaker 4: so I am definitely not calm right now. My apologies

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Speaker 4: and advanced for context. My grandma and grandpa divorced before

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Speaker 4: I was born, so I've only ever known my grandpa

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Speaker 4: with his now wife.

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Speaker 3: I see her as family, but I've never called her grandma.

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Speaker 3: That matters because.

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Speaker 4: It makes it feel extra inappropriate that she's talking me

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Speaker 4: about this.

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Speaker 3: Op is repeating themselves here a little bit, but way

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Speaker 3: to keep going.

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Speaker 4: She's a very intelligent person and I generally like her

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Speaker 4: a lot, but she's stubborn and always thinks she's right.

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Speaker 4: This makes her insert herself into situations where she wants

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Speaker 4: to fix things as if she's some sort of objective peacemaker.

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Speaker 4: She has very strong opinions and tends to act like

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Speaker 4: she has all the answers. By the way, this is

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Speaker 4: my grandpa on my dad's side. For context, my grandma

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Speaker 4: and grandpa divorced before I was born. I've only ever

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Speaker 4: known my grandpapa with his now wife. I see her

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Speaker 4: as family, but I've never called her grandma, which matters

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Speaker 4: because that makes it feel extra inappropriate.

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Speaker 3: That she's talking to me about this. So it's the

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Speaker 3: step grandma.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: My relationship with my parents, especially my mom, has always

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Speaker 3: been difficult.

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Speaker 4: I won't go into a long story, but basically, my

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Speaker 4: mom is emotionally immature, and ever since I was little,

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Speaker 4: I've had to take care of her and her emotions.

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Speaker 4: I never learned to take care of myself emotionally because

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Speaker 4: I was hyper vigilant to her feelings, making sure she

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Speaker 4: was okay. When my parents fought, I was the mediator.

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Speaker 4: It's always been a rollercoaster.

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Speaker 3: There are periods where we get along well, we laugh together,

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Speaker 3: and she's there for me. But then there are periods

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Speaker 3: when everything revolves around her talking about the mother.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 4: During those times, I feel completely unseen and invalidated. She

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00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 4: has threatened to hurt herself or gone to bed crying,

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Speaker 4: which makes me feel guilty and reinforces my role as

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Speaker 4: her emotional caretaker, where I end up neglecting myself. When

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Speaker 4: I moved out, I felt overwhelmed returning home. My parents

360
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,680
Speaker 4: and sister have since admitted they were relieved when I

361
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Speaker 4: left again without acknowledging how drained I felt every time

362
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Speaker 4: I visited them. I literally started feeling like an outsider

363
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,280
Speaker 4: in my own family and still feel like it's three

364
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,160
Speaker 4: against one. I've been dating my girlfriend for three and

365
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Speaker 4: a half years. In the first year, everything was fine

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Speaker 4: between her and my parents.

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Speaker 3: They even liked each other.

368
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:45,640
Speaker 4: But after that my mom started up her usual behavior again, especially.

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Speaker 3: When my girlfriend was around.

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Speaker 4: It was hard to address it first because I carry

371
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Speaker 4: endless guilt and shame, wanting everyone to be happy and

372
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Speaker 4: feeling responsible for everyone and everything. I distanced myself from

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Speaker 4: my mom without much explanation, which I know wasn't fair.

374
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Speaker 4: I tried to have conversations to improve things, always giving

375
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Speaker 4: a million disclaimers. I know she's not a bad person,

376
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 4: I love her, I understand her, but nothing worked. It

377
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 4: always escalated, leaving me disappointed and sad. Eventually I initiated

378
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Speaker 4: a period of no contact for the second time. I

379
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 4: would love to reconnect. It sucks not having my parents

380
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 4: in my life, but every attempt ends up making things worse.

381
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 4: My girlfriend doesn't want to engage unless my parents truly change.

382
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 4: Our last dinner together was horrible. Now, my grandpa's wife

383
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,440
Speaker 4: texted me. She responded a bit to my questions about

384
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Speaker 4: how she and my grandpa were doing, and then suddenly said,

385
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,359
Speaker 4: I heard you win no contact with your parents, Immediately

386
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 4: judging it as not okay, selfish and harmful for all

387
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 4: parties involved. She insisted on making an appointment to talk,

388
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Speaker 4: either with just me or with me and my girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: See suggested my grandpa.

390
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Speaker 4: Wouldn't be involved because he's too old for petty arguments.

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Speaker 5: Grandma button in here.

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Speaker 4: Well, I don't know, like because look, I get that

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00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,399
Speaker 4: she's not your like biological it's weird to me paternal grandma.

394
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Speaker 5: But the only grandparents that I have that I ever

395
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,560
Speaker 5: knew were divorced and remarried. So like, I had a

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Speaker 5: grandma that wasn't my grandma, but and I didn't call

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Speaker 5: her grandma. I called her Donna, but she was my

398
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Speaker 5: grandma still, So it's like weird to see the perspective

399
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Speaker 5: of like when it goes wrong.

400
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I had I had multiple as well, I had

401
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 4: a grandma I have grandie and I got Nano and

402
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 4: that's so that was remarried four times, once to the

403
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 4: same woman, once to the same one.

404
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, I didn't know some of the ones before me,

405
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,080
Speaker 5: but the one from right before me.

406
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Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like she's doing this because it's like,

407
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 4: you know, a lot of elders in the family do

408
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 4: take the role of peacemaker.

409
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,239
Speaker 3: I know that they already said, you know, kind of like, oh,

410
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,480
Speaker 3: she's the peacemaker.

411
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 4: Well it's like, yeah, yeah, whatever. First, it feels very

412
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 4: strange that she's positioning herself as the savior. Second, why

413
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 4: would I want to talk to someone who immediately made

414
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 4: painful assumptions without knowing my side? I know my parents

415
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,640
Speaker 4: have not given her the full picture because they've consistently

416
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,120
Speaker 4: shown they do not understand, no matter how hard I've

417
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 4: tried to explain. They play the victim and refuse accountability.

418
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 4: I truly don't see what talking would accomplish. I'm mad, honestly, am.

419
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,120
Speaker 3: I the a hole here? And there is an update?

420
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,479
Speaker 3: You know, I don't know.

421
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 5: I don't think you are. If you want no contact

422
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 5: for seemingly pretty valid reasons, I mean, as long as yeah,

423
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 5: you can go on contact for any reason. But she's

424
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,680
Speaker 5: coming at you right away. I don't think you need

425
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:32,679
Speaker 5: to have a conversation with her.

426
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Speaker 3: It's yeah, it's really your choice.

427
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,680
Speaker 4: And if the vibe isn't like, oh, let's work out

428
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,359
Speaker 4: like what's got us upset and just get to whatever

429
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 4: conclusion that is, it's more like, well, we're gonna work

430
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,720
Speaker 4: out whatever's wrong, and then you're gonna reconnect.

431
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,880
Speaker 5: Like why aren't you talking to Yeah, it doesn't seem.

432
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,199
Speaker 4: Like you're gonna be validated at all there, But we

433
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 4: have an update. Here are the translations of texts I

434
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 4: call my I guess grandma, gee Grandma. I deleted the

435
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 4: beginning of the message because it was about something else.

436
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,360
Speaker 4: I do want to mention that I had an accident

437
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 4: last week, which she also responded to, making it even

438
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 4: wilder that she sent this in the same message something

439
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,159
Speaker 4: completely different. Opee, we recently heard from your parents that

440
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 4: you no longer have contact with them. Sorry to say it,

441
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 4: but whatever happened, that's a very strange move, unnecessary and

442
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,359
Speaker 4: extremely unkind.

443
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,320
Speaker 3: Not a good look.

444
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 4: Ope, I think it would be good to talk about

445
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,920
Speaker 4: this sometime. Let's make an appointment just you and me,

446
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 4: or you girlfriend and me. Your grandfather should stay out

447
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 4: of it.

448
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 3: He's too old through these kinds of unnecessary conflicts.

449
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 4: It would be much better for everyone involved if things

450
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,959
Speaker 4: could just go back to normal. So let us know,

451
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 4: and let's put an end to this nonsense. Love Grandma

452
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 4: and Grandpa. Hi, Grandma, I really don't appreciate you inserting

453
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 4: yourself into a situation that's between mom, dad, and me

454
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 4: and no one else, and definitely not in this way.

455
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 4: There's no reason for me to want to talk about

456
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 4: this with someone who already judges the situation before hearing

457
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 4: my side, or who thinks they know exactly what's going on.

458
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 4: It's not up to you to decide what's unnecessary or

459
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 4: unkind I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of it

460
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,159
Speaker 4: and let us handle it ourselves. We're all adults. Thanks

461
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,919
Speaker 4: in advance, a little foul my guy, I don't know.

462
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 4: Grandma says go ahead, but then actually do something about it.

463
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,440
Speaker 4: OHP sent a emoji and then said, will you say

464
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 4: the same thing to mom and dad, meaning that I

465
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 4: know she's only lecturing me and not the people causing

466
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 4: the issues.

467
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 3: Lol, there's a second update.

468
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,959
Speaker 5: I don't know. I feel like one calm conversation with

469
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 5: you and grandma, maybe a phone call, so things can't

470
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 5: be misinterpreted over texts to be like, hey, here's where

471
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 5: I'm coming from. Already have been no contact one time before.

472
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 5: This is my second time doing it. Like I'm really

473
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 5: feeling like this is what it has to be. Here's

474
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 5: the reasons that's that.

475
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think if you can't really, you know,

476
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,159
Speaker 4: sit down and with a level head and you know,

477
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 4: composed demeanor, explain to someone like your grandma, like exactly

478
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,720
Speaker 4: why or I guess not your grandma, your your grandpa's wife.

479
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 3: She call her grandma, No, she said she doesn't.

480
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 5: In those texts she called her grandma.

481
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 3: Scholar, g G whatever.

482
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 4: Oh hey, look either I'm sensing that maybe we're a

483
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 4: little possessed by our emotions, which is fine, But when

484
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 4: our emotions have control over us, we don't have control

485
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 4: over ourselves.

486
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 3: So I don't know. PUP day number two.

487
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,159
Speaker 4: Okay, the first message was sent by me because I

488
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 4: wanted to set a Firmer boundary, and then two messages

489
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 4: by my grandpa. I only received them yesterday night, and

490
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 4: I haven't fully processed any of it, so I am

491
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 4: in no state to respond, and advice is super welcome.

492
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 4: I did talk to my girlfriend about it so that

493
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 4: I could vent, and here are a few thoughts I

494
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 4: have about it. My grandpa quote didn't want to be

495
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 4: involved yet. One the message was sent in a group

496
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 4: chat that he's a part of. Two my dad is

497
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 4: his son, not his wife's. And three he spent at

498
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 4: least an hour and a half typing all of this,

499
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 4: which is a lot of effort for someone who wants

500
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 4: to be left out of this nonsense. Their words, he

501
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 4: spent a lot of time being offended about how I

502
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 4: talked to his wife, claiming that he thought I knew

503
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 4: them better and that I should have known how she

504
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 4: meant what she said. This made me so pissed off

505
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 4: right off the bat, because if you read the original messages,

506
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 4: it was his wife who approached me without an ounce

507
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,959
Speaker 4: of respect, and I think my initial response to her

508
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 4: was way calmer and more polite than she deserved. The

509
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 4: second one even more so. I hate it when people

510
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 4: attack your tone or response to something they did wrong.

511
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 4: I apparently should have also just known that the intervention

512
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 4: was not initiated by them, but it was discussed.

513
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 3: With my parents first.

514
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 4: He spent a lot of time being offended about this

515
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,640
Speaker 4: as well, because how could I have thought that they.

516
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 3: Would just insert themselves.

517
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 4: One maybe mention that you talked to my parents and

518
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 4: discussed this, And two I'm sure they didn't hold you hostage,

519
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 4: like come on, you could have used some critical thinking

520
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 4: and come to the conclusion it was not a good

521
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 4: or appropriate idea to get involved. And three I think

522
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 4: I've been very clear and emphasizing that it was about

523
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 4: the way they approached this, lacking respect, compassion, etc. Another

524
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 4: thing that apparently offended or hurt them. Are you guys

525
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 4: also noticing the pattern of playing the victim? Or is

526
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 4: the fact that it's so hard for them to be

527
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 4: between a son and a granddaughter that are not on

528
00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 4: good terms.

529
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:00,120
Speaker 3: Okay, boohoo.

530
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 4: If it's already so hard for you, then imagine how

531
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 4: hard it is for me, and maybe put your own

532
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 4: feelings aside for a bit. The point that he was

533
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 4: trying to make is that my parents don't understand why

534
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 4: I chose to go no contact, and they don't know

535
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 4: what they have to do to make it right, and

536
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 4: they are basically saying that that's why the ball is

537
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 4: in my court because I owe it to them to

538
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,200
Speaker 4: communicate and explain myself.

539
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, there you go, you don't again. Yeah, it makes sense.

540
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 4: I guess it just depends. It's not that you owe it,

541
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 4: but it's about what do you want? Do you want

542
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 4: a path forward? Where the thing is? It's I mean

543
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 4: you said that you did like it'd be nice if

544
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 4: I could have a relationship with my parents, right, So

545
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 4: if you do want that, they have to know what

546
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,400
Speaker 4: they would what they did wrong, or what they would

547
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 4: need to do to improve They would if you want that.

548
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 5: They've already done it once though this is their second

549
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 5: time no contact. I sure like it very well, like

550
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 5: grandparents should have respected if they wanted to just say, like,

551
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 5: don't want to talk about it, that should have been

552
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 5: an option to be the end of it, which maybe

553
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:50,400
Speaker 5: it would have been.

554
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 3: If he said that.

555
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 4: But I guess none of this is about like what

556
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 4: should be done or what is right. It's just about

557
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 4: what does ope you want? What do you want from this?

558
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 4: Do you want a path forward? Or do you just

559
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: want the door to stay closed and life?

560
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:00,880
Speaker 5: Like?

561
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 3: What do you want?

562
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 5: I also have a hard time thinking that they don't

563
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 5: actually know what the parents have done.

564
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 3: I don't know they.

565
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,120
Speaker 5: Have to have seen that, or do they all live

566
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 5: together family gatherings though I don't even think o Pee

567
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 5: lives with parents, so I feel like they would all

568
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 5: over cross paths at some point together.

569
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 4: Well, this is the part that really drove me absolutely nuts, because, Yeah,

570
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 4: if you put it like that, I can understand why

571
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 4: someone might be on their side. If I just randomly

572
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 4: decided to stop talking to them for no apparent reason,

573
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 4: that would in most cases make me an absolute which However,

574
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 4: if my parents, after all of these years, still don't

575
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 4: know what they did wrong and what they can do

576
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 4: to make it right, then that's really not on me anymore.

577
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 4: I've had countless attempts at conversations with them. Sometimes they

578
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 4: even claim to understand me, and it really baffles me

579
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 4: when they can still claim they don't know what's going on.

580
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 4: I think this is an incredibly convenient position to take

581
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 4: victimhood again, and I can see why that makes my

582
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 4: grandpa and his wife resent me. I just thought they

583
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 4: are more emotionally intelligent than this, but apparently not. The

584
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,199
Speaker 4: rest of his messages are just full of audacity and

585
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 4: entitlement and disrespect. Honestly, they communicated all sorts of expectations

586
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 4: they now have of me, and they even said that

587
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 4: they would not talk to me until I fix this.

588
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 4: This is highly freaking manipulative and inappropriate, but jokes on them.

589
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 4: I'm not a child anymore and this doesn't get to

590
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 4: me that much anymore. If they want to do it

591
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 4: like this, they can have it. This is really not

592
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 4: going to make me take my boundaries back. All it

593
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 4: does is that they will lose one of their grandchildren.

594
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 4: I'm at a cross road with what to do next.

595
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 4: I kind of don't want to waste any more energy

596
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 4: on this, and I'm also old enough to mostly know

597
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 4: who I am. I know I am entitled to my boundaries,

598
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 4: my piece, and I should not have to justify myself. Still,

599
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 4: I feel very strongly about the injustice, and it's incredibly

600
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 4: hard for me to not want to put people in

601
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 4: their place. It's kind of all or nothing now for me.

602
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 4: It's either okay, your loss, or I would want to

603
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 4: go hard and tell them everything, just to make them

604
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 4: really think about what they did.

605
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 3: I don't know.

606
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 4: Maybe people are gonna come at me for like not

607
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 4: being on op side here, but I feel like that's

608
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 4: probably a misrepresentation of what they had to say.

609
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 3: Because these are senior citizens texting cursive.

610
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 6: Somebody you know, Google translated, so the translation could have

611
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 6: been a little bit off, but again we don't know how.

612
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 6: Again it's through text.

613
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 4: Well, people texting cursive. They it's like they send like

614
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 4: a bibliographies. It's very formal. It might read as cold

615
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 4: and like stern, but it's you know, just no telling.

616
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 4: I just don't have any faith in ope's representation of

617
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 4: what they said. I feel like they probably took a hop,

618
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 4: skip and a jump to oh you want to cut

619
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 4: me off, now, fine, I'll cut you off too. Anyway,

620
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 4: that's just an assumption. Yeah, I don't know if your

621
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 4: grandparents are threatning to go to a contact that's crazy

622
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 4: and absurd, and honestly, whatever I mean isn't that.

623
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 3: But I just don't. I just don't feel like that's

624
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 3: what's happening.

625
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, based off of what we know, though

626
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 5: I stand by what I said earlier.

627
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 4: I feel like we're running very hot blood right now.

628
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 4: I feel like our blood is hot.

629
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 3: You need to cool down the temp on the blood

630
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 3: op continues.

631
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 4: These people don't know I was diagnosed with literal BPD

632
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 4: because of childhood emotional neglect last year, and in a

633
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 4: world where this diagnosis is such a bad thing. So

634
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 4: my grandparents do not know that I was diagnosed with that,

635
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 4: and in a world where this diagnosis is such a

636
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 4: bad thing, part of me wants to really rub this

637
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 4: in their faces, not to mention that my mom likely

638
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 4: also has BPD and I have been her favorite person

639
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 4: FP ever since I can remember.

640
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 3: I'm trying really.

641
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 4: Hard not to feel crazy, as it seems that no

642
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 4: one is really on my side apart from my girlfriend

643
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 4: and roughly fifty people on my other Reddit post. However,

644
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 4: I am convinced that my parents just really succeeded well

645
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 4: into manipulating my grandpa and his wife so that they

646
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 4: feel sorry for them and I can be the bad guy.

647
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 4: Any reassurance from you all would really still be appreciated, though.

648
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 3: Am I the a hole now? And that's the end

649
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 3: of that story, Sam.

650
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

651
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: three of bus bads from our sponsors.

652
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 5: I refuse to let my sister know where I live

653
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 5: because of her lies.

654
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 3: Perceptions, lies, more lies.

655
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 5: I twenty three female, have a younger sister nineteen female,

656
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 5: and a younger brother twenty one mail. I never had

657
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 5: that sweet siblings relationship with them, but I managed to

658
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 5: maintain a peaceful one, or at least that's what I thought.

659
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 2: By the way, this.

660
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 5: Comes from Pretty Lonely twenty five sixty two, And if

661
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 5: you want to make your own stories, go to the

662
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 5: r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,

663
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 5: and we're here to give good advice. Gooofully, but we

664
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 5: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

665
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 5: would do, So let us know what you would do

666
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 5: in the comments, and Opie says I used to do

667
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 5: well in school unlike my siblings, roast.

668
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 7: Them, and since they both attended the same schools as me,

669
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 7: teachers and administrations would often compare us family members and neighbors.

670
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 5: It did the same. This was never a big deal

671
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 5: to my brother, he never cared about school anyway, but

672
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 5: it made my sister grow resentment towards me. I've always

673
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 5: had that reputation of the well behaved, well mannered girl

674
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 5: that could do no wrong, while my sister was known

675
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 5: for her daring and outgoing personality. We even had different

676
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 5: principles in life. I'd never ask for favors and would

677
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 5: always prefer to make do with what I have. Unlike

678
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 5: my sister, she doesn't care about the sources as long

679
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 5: as she gets what she needs. This is important. Later, Oh,

680
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 5: my mom passed away a few months before my high

681
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 5: school graduation. I was twenty and my sister was sixteen,

682
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 5: and she left us with our unemployed, heavy drinker father.

683
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 5: All my responsibilities were on my mom's shoulders, so everything

684
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 5: turned upside down when she passed. My father inherited mom's

685
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 5: small salary, but would spend it all on booze, making

686
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 5: everyone in our neighborhood pity us and bring us food

687
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 5: every day. There were only three neighbors I would humbly

688
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 5: accept help from because I had no doubts about their intentions.

689
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 5: The rest were honestly scary. I couldn't bear living in

690
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 5: that house, and I had my finals coming up, which

691
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 5: were national exams that would define my few sure, so

692
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 5: I took my sister and went to live at my

693
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 5: past uncle's house with his widow and children. I've always

694
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 5: had a good relationship with them, and they loved my mother,

695
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 5: and I trusted them blindly. I told them we'd be

696
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 5: staying only till the end of my exams, and they

697
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 5: welcomed us with open arms. I graduated high school and

698
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 5: moved to the capital to finish my studies. I visited

699
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 5: every weekend while my sister stayed at my uncle's house.

700
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 5: My other uncle, who lives in Europe, decided to take

701
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 5: my sister to live with him there. Everyone was happy

702
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 5: for my sister, including me, because I thought I could

703
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 5: trust him and his wife. They had a very good

704
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 5: relationship with my mom and moving to Europe would open

705
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 5: so many doors for her. During my first year at UNI,

706
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 5: my uncle and his wife would send me money every

707
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 5: month for me and my sister. Nothing great, just barely

708
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 5: enough for me to survive. For my sister, since she

709
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 5: didn't need to worry about expenses, she would spend her

710
00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 5: money on outings with friends, clothes, makeup, any thing but

711
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 5: the essentials. She didn't even think of helping with groceries.

712
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 5: My sister would quickly run out of money and ask

713
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 5: me for some, but I'd firmly refuse, just to teach

714
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 5: her budgeting. This made her resent me even more, and

715
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 5: she's spread talks about me to whoever would listen, saying

716
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 5: that I hate her and I was not being a

717
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 5: good big sister and that I only cared about money.

718
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, when the money that's being spent is to make

719
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 4: me survive.

720
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I care about that money. Yeah, you cannot have

721
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 3: my survival money so you can buy a new top.

722
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 5: No, h I'm wondering too, Like if they're giving money,

723
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 5: I would hope that maybe, oh he's keeping like a

724
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 5: bigger sum of money so that like she has some

725
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 5: spending money too.

726
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I.

727
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 5: Will take what is needed for the utilities, the rent,

728
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 5: and then like a little bit for me and you

729
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 5: have a little bit.

730
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 2: For you also.

731
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds like that is not the situation now.

732
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:57,239
Speaker 5: Luckily, my late uncle's family saw through her bs and

733
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 5: tried to talk some sense into her, but she kept going,

734
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 5: there's this one particular family in our neighborhood that I

735
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 5: used to be good friends with their daughter that somehow

736
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 5: believed her, and she successfully made them my enemies. The

737
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 5: following summer, my brother got seriously sick due to malnutrition.

738
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 5: My uncle and his wife stopped sending us money, but

739
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 5: when they heard about my brother, they sent me enough

740
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 5: for his treatment and asked me to never give a

741
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 5: dime to my sister or my brother himself. They made

742
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 5: me responsible for the budgeting. My sister would demand I

743
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 5: give her portion of the money in front of everyone,

744
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 5: but I refused. She called my uncle and his wife complaining,

745
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,719
Speaker 5: only for them to scold her and remind her that

746
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 5: the money was for my brother's treatment. My brother was

747
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 5: moved to a hospital in the capitol, and I had

748
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 5: to visit him every two days, while my sister stayed

749
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 5: at home because it was too hot for her to

750
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 5: go outside. I landed a summer job in a small

751
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 5: firm near my hometown, so I told my sister she

752
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 5: would take the responsibilit of visiting my brother. She didn't

753
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 5: like it at first, but luckily my brother was moved

754
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 5: to another hospital that was easier to reach and didn't

755
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 5: stay in the hospital alone. My sister and that family

756
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 5: went around town and told everyone that I never took

757
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 5: care of my brother and gave all the credit to

758
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 5: my sister. Sadly, my brother went along with them because

759
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 5: I once refused to make him an expensive dish. He

760
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 5: claimed he was craving. Money was tight and there were

761
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 5: lots of other important things to spend on. I had

762
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 5: people who witnessed how much I suffered when my brother

763
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 5: got sick, but it hurt how my brother made things

764
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 5: difficult for me. Even after he was discharged, he and

765
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 5: my sister allowed that family to come pester me at

766
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 5: my own house. Fast forward to the day my sister

767
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 5: left for Europe. One of my trusted neighbors offered to

768
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 5: give my sister a ride, but my sister said her

769
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 5: boyfriend's friend would be in charge of that. His parents

770
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 5: took the car for a long trip and she was

771
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 5: left without a ride. She didn't even tell me. I

772
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 5: heard it from her friend. She called me just a

773
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 5: few hours before her five am flight and asked me

774
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 5: to call her neighbor. That neighbor is a lady who

775
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 5: works in the capitol and comes to town every weekend,

776
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 5: so if you need her help, you have to tell

777
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 5: her in advance. When my sister called me at seven pm,

778
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 5: I saw the lady's car parked at her mother's house.

779
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 5: I explained the situation. She apologized, saying she had her

780
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 5: own plans and wouldn't be able to help, but asked

781
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 5: me to keep her updated. I called my sister to

782
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 5: inform her, and she said one of her friends was

783
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 5: willing to give her a ride, but asked to be paid,

784
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: which sounded odd since I thought they were close friends.

785
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 5: Neither I nor my sister had money to pay. The

786
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 5: lady called me to ask if there was any news,

787
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 5: so I told her what happened. She immediately came by

788
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 5: and gave me what was left of the cash and

789
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 5: her purse, and my sister called her friend's mom to

790
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 5: give her the rest. It was a weekend and I

791
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 5: thought i'd be taking my sister to the airport, and

792
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 5: then asked the guy to drop me at the dorm,

793
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 5: but he refused, saying he had no room for my

794
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 5: suit case. My sister's suitcase was the smallest size while

795
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 5: mine was a bit bigger, and the car wasn't that small.

796
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 5: I had to take my sister to the airport, go

797
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 5: back home, then go back to the capital in the evening. Luckily,

798
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 5: the lady was going back as well and offered me

799
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 5: a free ride to the dorms. My sister is finally

800
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 5: in Italy and my uncle's financial support was cut, so

801
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 5: I had to find a job. I landed a job

802
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 5: at a call center with a good salary, just enough

803
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 5: to cover my expenses and enjoy life a little because

804
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 5: of my late night shifts. I had to find a

805
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 5: room to rent since the dorms didn't allow going in

806
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,359
Speaker 5: or out after eight pm. That's wild in or out

807
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:39,320
Speaker 5: after eight pm.

808
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 3: That's pretty strict.

809
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

810
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,840
Speaker 5: I informed my uncle, his wife, and my sister about

811
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 5: my job and told them I moved out from the dorms.

812
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,840
Speaker 5: I maintained contact with my uncle and his wife, but

813
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 5: contact with my sister was minimized. She never texted first,

814
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 5: even though I was the one alone, so I never

815
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 5: texted her either. Her several times during video chat trying

816
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 5: to turn my uncle and his wife against me, telling

817
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 5: them I have lots of money and refuse to give

818
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 5: any Things were downhill with my sister there. She promised

819
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 5: to learn the language and train for whatever career she chose,

820
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 5: but she was locked at home working with my uncle's wife,

821
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 5: who worked as a cleaning lady. Then my uncle landed

822
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 5: her a job at the storage room at his firm,

823
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 5: which apparently paid more than his wife, so the wife

824
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 5: demanded she pay part of the rent and bills. They

825
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 5: never let her send money to my brother or help

826
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 5: my late cousin's family with their autistic son's medicines. She

827
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 5: lived around ten months in Europe and got her residency,

828
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 5: then decided to come back for a vacation. When she

829
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 5: landed with my uncle, he convinced her to keep her passport, documents,

830
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 5: and money with him, claiming my brother might steal them. Later,

831
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 5: when she demanded her documents, he gave her only her

832
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 5: passport and money and kept the residency, refusing to give

833
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 5: it back. Said he and his wife paid for it

834
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 5: and that she proved she didn't deserve it. I don't

835
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 5: think they can do that. At that time, I believed

836
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 5: every word my uncle and his wife said about my sister.

837
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 5: Because of my sister's history with lying, I found it

838
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 5: hard to believe her. She tried her best to get

839
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 5: her residency back without suing my uncle, but she could not.

840
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 5: When things escalated, she decided to sue, but she had

841
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 5: no money for a lawyer, and I had no savings

842
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 5: to help her.

843
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 4: Yikes, might have thought about that one up front, right,

844
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 4: can't really sue anybody when you got no money.

845
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 5: This is a lot, though, Like they can't keep someone's

846
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 5: residency from them, though I don't.

847
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,879
Speaker 3: I don't know what the laws are because I don't

848
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 3: know where this was.

849
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 5: Because it's saying that she lives with them, so it's

850
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 5: like we're revoking your ability to live with it.

851
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 4: Regardless, it's definitely like a scummy move. Who knows, because,

852
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 4: like you said, it's like your sister does that a

853
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 4: history of lying.

854
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 3: You don't even know what's going on.

855
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, in the middle of all this drama, my father

856
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 5: passed away. I was at work on night shift when

857
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 5: my sister called me with the new use. Luckily, my

858
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,720
Speaker 5: manager offered to take me home where the funeral was held.

859
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 5: When I arrived, I found my enemy neighbors asking where

860
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 5: I was. They didn't know I was working to support myself.

861
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 5: They were saying things like, where is she when her

862
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 5: father is sick? How could she leave her father alone?

863
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 5: I don't know what my sister told them, but I

864
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 5: had people who stood for me. I stayed almost a

865
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 5: month at home after my father's funeral, taking care of

866
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 5: unpaid bills and preparing documents for my sister so she

867
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 5: could inherit a part of my father's salary, which he

868
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 5: inherited from my mother. What my sister would get is

869
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 5: a very small amount that could barely cover her phone bill.

870
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 5: People started murmuring about why I wouldn't bring my sister

871
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,839
Speaker 5: to live with me in the capitol and find her job.

872
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 5: Here's the thing, my sister dropped out of school at

873
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 5: an early level when she moved to Europe. People with

874
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 5: no advanced education end up in cleaning services here in

875
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 5: the capitol, and my sister would never work as a maid.

876
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 5: There are jobs in our hometown that pay relatively well

877
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 5: for uneducated people, but she refuses come completely to work

878
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 5: in those fields.

879
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 3: I'm kind of unsure what's tying this whole story together a.

880
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 5: Little bit, but yeah, it seemed like a lot of yeah,

881
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 5: crazy things happening.

882
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 4: I think you know, the story was, I don't want

883
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 4: to tell my sister where I stay.

884
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 3: I think you're not You're not entitled. Your sister is

885
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,760
Speaker 3: not entitled to your.

886
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 4: Assistance necessarily, especially if you're talking about somebody who refuses

887
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 4: to go out and help themselves by like getting a job,

888
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 4: even though it gets.

889
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:27,800
Speaker 3: Like, oh, I don't want to do it.

890
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 4: It's like we all have a friend who's like, oh, yeah,

891
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 4: I'm broke, man, I can't do it. And then it's like, oh,

892
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 4: is that because you don't have a job, and they're

893
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 4: like yeah, But like I can't.

894
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 3: I don't like it. It's like, well, then, dude, you're

895
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 3: gonna be broke. I don't know to tell you.

896
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 5: Like sometimes you take jobs for survival. I'm interested about

897
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 5: where they maybe where jobs are like declared for you

898
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 5: like that, though, Yeah.

899
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 3: I don't know.

900
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 4: They said that they graduated high school at twenty, so

901
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 4: I guess that they were probably in a different country.

902
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 5: I know the sister moves and there's.

903
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 4: Different cultural values that we're probably not clued into exactly.

904
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,280
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's hard if your sister is lied about

905
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 4: you and sort of smeared your name, being like, oh, yeah,

906
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 4: she has all this money she doesn't want to give me,

907
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 4: which is like not even true.

908
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, She's not your responsibility.

909
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 3: You know, you're both adults, right, Like.

910
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, you helped her a lot where you can, and

911
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 5: I feel like she did have a job for a

912
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 5: little bit that sounded like it was semi well paying,

913
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 5: and she's going to get some money from the passing

914
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 5: of your parents. You said flat out if she came

915
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 5: to live with you, she'd hate it because the only

916
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 5: job opportunity she had she'd never do. So I don't

917
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,839
Speaker 5: even know why she'd want to come live there. Yeah,

918
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 5: unless she just expects you to fully support her. What

919
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 5: you're not going to do because you're smart. Got a

920
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 5: little bit more about rent. I'm not renting a whole house.

921
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 5: I live in a small studio with two beds, and

922
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 5: I have a roommate, so I have no place for

923
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 5: my sister. I do bring my friends for sleepover sometimes,

924
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 5: and I could do the same for my sister, but

925
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 5: I refused. I don't trust her even a bit. I

926
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 5: can't just go out to work and leave her with

927
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 5: my belongings. These days, my relationship with my sister is

928
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 5: getting better. We've been communicating more, sending each other reels,

929
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 5: but I just can't trust her. I'm afraid that if

930
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 5: I showed her my place once, she would later show

931
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 5: up unannounced and demand to stay over, or maybe talk

932
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,240
Speaker 5: bad about me to my landlord, who was a sweet

933
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 5: old lady living downstairs. So am I the a hole

934
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,919
Speaker 5: for refusing to give my sister my new address. That's

935
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 5: the end of that.

936
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 2: My wife and I wanted to move out, but my

937
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 2: mother's making it difficult.

938
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 5: Coming is so hard.

939
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 2: My wife twenty three female at I twenty three male,

940
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 2: have been married for eight months and have been living

941
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 2: with my parents while attending graduate school. Before getting married.

942
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 2: My parents helped a ton with our wedding and offered

943
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 2: us the chance to stay with them as long as

944
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 2: we needed rent free in order to save as much

945
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 2: money as possible and buy a house. We live in

946
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 2: a very high cost of living major city and houses

947
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 2: are north of one million dollars. What the heck.

948
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 5: Live in LA.

949
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 2: However, living at home after marriage been easy due to

950
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 2: several dynamics. By the way, this comes from CSB Hullert

951
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 2: five and if you want to submit your own stories,

952
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it.

953
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, I'm Keon.

954
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 2: And baby, we're here to give good advice to please.

955
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the ends. We don't we don't.

956
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 2: We only know what we do, So let us know

957
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. Oh, he says.

958
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 2: My mom and wife have had a very hot and

959
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 2: cold relationship since they've met. Since she moved in, my

960
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 2: mom has been highly critical of my wife, both privately

961
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 2: to me and in front of my wife. She has

962
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 2: criticized her cleaning ability, her family's my in laws, cleansliness,

963
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 2: her willingness to work, her commitment to family values more

964
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: on that later, her personal hygiene, and her treatment of me.

965
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 2: This is all what comes to mine in the moment,

966
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 2: and I'm sure I'm missing a lot. Mom believes my

967
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,440
Speaker 2: wife has changed me and made me less involved with

968
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 2: my family and turned me into an uncain person. She

969
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 2: called my wife a filthy animal because of her not

970
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 2: agreeing with how my wife takes care of herself as

971
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,240
Speaker 2: it relates to her shower routine and how she maintains

972
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 2: a room. I need more info on that. My parents

973
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 2: have always been clean freaks, and while I would consider

974
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,359
Speaker 2: myself a clean person, I'm not as obsessive about it

975
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 2: as them. As alluded to. My mom comes into our

976
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:25,280
Speaker 2: room and reorganizes stuff when we've expressed a desire for privacy.

977
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 2: I know it's their house, but a new couple, come on.

978
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 2: She also has this fixation on rules and my wife

979
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 2: doing things exactly the way my family does with cleaning

980
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,800
Speaker 2: and maintaining the house, amongst other things. To put it simply,

981
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 2: my family and my wife do things very differently. Now.

982
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 2: To be very clear, I have stood up for my

983
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 2: wife and have sternly denounced any commentary about her, but

984
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 2: this is not dissuaded my mom. My mom and wife

985
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: also have different overall world views. Mom is radically enmeshed

986
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 2: with her family, parents and siblings, and if anyone remotely

987
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 2: criticizes them or their ways, she explodes and says something

988
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 2: along the lines of how dare you? They did so

989
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 2: much for you. It's basically guilt tripping one into thinking

990
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 2: they are indebted to her family. Yes, I will admit

991
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 2: my grandparents, aunts, and uncles have done a lot for me,

992
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 2: but to leverage this to control one's actions feels wrong.

993
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: She was sheltered by her parents and has the exact

994
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 2: same mentality and worldview they do. They come from a

995
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 2: rural village and did not achieve higher levels of education,

996
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: so possibly lack critical thinking ability. My wife, on the

997
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,720
Speaker 2: other hand, is a very simple soul.

998
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 5: She's a simple a simple soul and had.

999
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 2: A simple upbringing. She's from a provincial town and a

1000
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:52,720
Speaker 2: quiet village life got it. She can be temperamental and confrontational,

1001
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 2: which as times has exacerbated issues between them, but she

1002
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 2: doesn't want to cause problems like me. She just wants

1003
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,479
Speaker 2: to have peace and a good marriage with the same

1004
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 2: autonomy that an average couple would in joy. My wife

1005
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 2: and I are very religious, and because of our views,

1006
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: we could not attend a family member of a different

1007
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 2: faiths function. Early on in our marriage, my mom threw

1008
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 2: a fit for a good few weeks, saying that I

1009
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 2: was selfish, losing my family values and insulting other religions.

1010
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 2: This family member attended my wedding, and I care for

1011
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 2: them very much and I have no qualms about their beliefs.

1012
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 2: But I stood my ground and said, you are telling

1013
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 2: me to respect other beliefs, but you are not respecting mine.

1014
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 2: I was very respectful while insults were levied at me

1015
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 2: left right and center.

1016
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 5: That's interesting left right center, great game.

1017
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 2: Also a great podcast on NPR. Never listened anyway. That

1018
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 2: is interesting to me because I don't know what your

1019
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 2: religion is, so you know, you might it might be

1020
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 2: in your religion that you can't participate in any other

1021
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,279
Speaker 2: like masses or ceremonies and stuff of different religions. But

1022
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 2: usually it's like the other way around, where certain religions

1023
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 2: are like this is a close ceremony, right, and other

1024
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 2: people who are not part of this religion can't come in.

1025
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 2: But I don't know if i've I've never heard of

1026
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 2: like the other way around, like I can't come to yours,

1027
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: especially for a wedding that is interesting.

1028
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 5: Maybe they just meant it in the other way of

1029
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 5: like I'm not allowed to enter that space that you

1030
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 5: guys are having an inn or something.

1031
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 6: I don't know.

1032
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1033
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 2: From this, other issues built up, and things reached a

1034
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 2: point where my wife and I had to stay at

1035
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 2: her parents' place for two weeks in December. Things improved

1036
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 2: gradually when we got back, and there were smaller hiccups

1037
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 2: here and there, but nothing major. This was until about

1038
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 2: a month ago, when I used some of my savings

1039
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 2: money we got from our wedding gifts to pay for

1040
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 2: some courses and counseling. I'd transfer the money from my

1041
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 2: savings account, which is joined with my wife, to my

1042
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 2: chickings account, which my mom is my guaranteur on and

1043
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 2: I am the same for hers, to pay my credit

1044
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 2: card off. She flipped out because I had initially agreed

1045
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 2: to use the money for a down payment on a property.

1046
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: While that was still the plan, I don't want to

1047
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 2: accrue interest on my credit card, and I'd rather borrow

1048
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 2: from myself than pay interest and refill my savings. Later on,

1049
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 2: I was called selfish for seeking out counseling for the

1050
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,959
Speaker 2: previous issues, and this turned into a big fiasco. Mom

1051
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 2: insisted on seeing the bank statements, but I told her no,

1052
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 2: it's not her concern. But she leveraged my grandparents again

1053
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 2: and said they were hurt by my behavior and that

1054
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 2: I broke their trust because you were paying off your

1055
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 2: credit card.

1056
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 5: Yeah uh bus Also, Jazzy says Jehovah witnessed me.

1057
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,359
Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking, because they can't celebrate like

1058
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 2: any holidays or anything, so maybe could be. This did

1059
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 2: not bother me, as I knew it was an empty threat. However,

1060
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 2: I had no choice but to show her because of

1061
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 2: relentless pressure and it affecting my wife's academics. She ended

1062
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 2: up failing her mid term because of all the stress

1063
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 2: my mom put on us. From there, things got better again,

1064
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 2: but the lingering fear of another outburst has been in

1065
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 2: the back of my head and my wife's. The comfort

1066
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 2: of home and sense of security has all but disappeared.

1067
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 2: This was the third outburst my mom had. Now I

1068
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,919
Speaker 2: have not mentioned my dad, and he has his share

1069
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 2: of issues too. He initially was on my side throughout

1070
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 2: all these issues, but when faced with my mom, he

1071
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 2: switched up on me and levied insults about my wife

1072
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,280
Speaker 2: and I. He told me that we got married too soon.

1073
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 2: He got married at the same age I did. Well,

1074
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,399
Speaker 2: maybe he knows. Maybe he's like, I got married too soon.

1075
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:04,479
Speaker 2: I'm married to your mom.

1076
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 5: He's like, I know it's too soon, because every day

1077
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 5: I'm reminded that it was too soon.

1078
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:12,920
Speaker 2: Every day I regret it. We're immature that we didn't

1079
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 2: contribute around the house, which is false. We contribute to

1080
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 2: the cooking and cleaning as much as everyone else, but

1081
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 2: due to us being the new couple, there seems to

1082
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 2: be an expectation that we do more despite being in

1083
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 2: grad school, that she was spoiled, lazy, and not prepared

1084
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 2: for marriage. He also told me that I was abandoning

1085
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:32,840
Speaker 2: my mother in favor of my wife.

1086
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 5: Hmmm, sounds like what you should do is favor your

1087
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 5: wife before your mother, you would think. So. Did I

1088
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 5: miss the fact of why they can't not live in

1089
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 5: this house anymore?

1090
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 2: Well, they're saving up for a house. But I do

1091
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: agree that they shouldn't live in this house.

1092
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 5: Right, So we maybe get a cheap apartment. Yeah, deal

1093
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 5: with like tiny space somehow.

1094
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 2: Like I don't know, I just I guess you have

1095
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 2: to decide whether or not you want to deal with

1096
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,399
Speaker 2: your parents for longer, or if you want to wait

1097
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 2: longer to get a house.

1098
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 5: Right, because I feel like at this point just getting

1099
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 5: out of there, like save it. Sometimes you gotta pay

1100
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 5: to save your sanity a little bit.

1101
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1102
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 2: Whenever my wife cooks, she usually cooks for the whole family,

1103
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 2: but sometimes for just me and her. She cleans up

1104
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 2: after herself, but he goes back and cleans up again

1105
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 2: when there is negligible to no mess, and he in

1106
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 2: turn points out the small things that were missed. He

1107
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: does the same when she cleans the bathroom or sweeps

1108
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 2: the floors, but when me and my sister do those things,

1109
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 2: he leaves it be. He also always hovers over my

1110
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 2: wife when she's cooking, telling her to place dishes in

1111
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 2: a certain place or other small technicalities, when he himself

1112
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 2: does not cook at all. Being in school, we also

1113
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,240
Speaker 2: tend to sleep late some nights and in turn sleep

1114
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 2: in the next day.

1115
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 5: We sleep the.

1116
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 2: Same six to nine hours as everyone else, and in

1117
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 2: turn get called lazy. This is largely due to us

1118
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 2: having to contribute around the house on my parents' schedules

1119
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 2: and put aside our own work. We cannot do any

1120
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 2: focused work in the earlier parts of the day and

1121
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 2: to get left to the later parts of the day

1122
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:05,359
Speaker 2: after house work and any preventative maintenance work is done.

1123
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 2: By the time we are done working and spending some

1124
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 2: time with one another, as is the norm for new couples,

1125
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 2: we finally go to bed around two to three am

1126
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:14,240
Speaker 2: most nights.

1127
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 6: Now.

1128
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 2: Despite all of the above, besides tempers flaring a few

1129
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 2: times on our end, my wife and I have stood

1130
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 2: up for ourselves while trying to be respectful, despite being

1131
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 2: insulted at every turn. I have been told I am selfish,

1132
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: lacking family values, and that I am a disgrace. Never

1133
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 2: once stepped out of Lyne, grown up and have always

1134
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 2: been well behaved and good in school. So after all

1135
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 2: the issues, wife and I decided to look for our

1136
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 2: own place look at that well there Without telling mine

1137
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 2: or her parents, we found a place and signed on

1138
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 2: a lease. My father in law owns a business and

1139
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,560
Speaker 2: co signed with us, so we told them first. We

1140
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 2: then told my mother in law and sister in laws

1141
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 2: because we were staying over this past weekend when we

1142
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 2: got approved and signed the lease. Now the hurdle is

1143
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 2: breaking it to my family. I told my sister first

1144
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 2: thing when I got home, and told my dad the

1145
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,320
Speaker 2: next day. My sister told me it was a mistake

1146
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 2: not telling my parents I was looking for a place,

1147
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 2: but if I did, they would have tried to veto

1148
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 2: my efforts relentlessly due to a deep held belief her

1149
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 2: in My grandparents hold that renting is throwing out money

1150
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 2: away as well as a superiority complex with home ownership.

1151
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:25,280
Speaker 5: Great people, Hi yea, why are we still friends?

1152
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 2: Why are we still talking to these people? Are we

1153
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 2: still friends with your parents? Get them out of your life.

1154
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,360
Speaker 2: My mom literally told me, oh, do you want to

1155
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 2: rent a ghetto apartment?

1156
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 5: Like? Ooh case ekeuse me?

1157
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 2: Mother. She stopped herself, but was going to say, my

1158
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 2: wife's uncles who rent and are happy doing so. So

1159
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 2: many people rent, so many people rent. Do you know

1160
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 2: how bad the housing market is?

1161
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 5: Do you know how bad the housing market is?

1162
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 2: You know how expensive it is to buy a house,

1163
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 2: how expensive it is to rent an apartment? Even It's

1164
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 2: gotta be a long time before I buy a house.

1165
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 2: If probably maybe, if I get one, I don't know,

1166
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 2: I might live with multiple people.

1167
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 5: You should figure out the Texas first.

1168
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do Texas first? It's gotta be a long time,

1169
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 2: and your mom stinks you and your mom. I told

1170
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 2: my dad, and he had mixed emotions as he thought

1171
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 2: I was going to stay for two to three years

1172
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:26,239
Speaker 2: as initially planned, but given the situation, I want to

1173
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 2: preserve the integrity of my family ties and believe that

1174
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,399
Speaker 2: it is best for everyone if wife and I move out.

1175
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 2: I also want autonomy, as my family is very controlling

1176
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,919
Speaker 2: and expects us to do things the way they did now.

1177
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,760
Speaker 2: Dad said it was an eventuality, but said he felt

1178
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 2: betrayed and deceived by me not consulting him in mom.

1179
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 2: He also said he was confused and did not know

1180
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 2: how to feel, and I could see he was holding

1181
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 2: back tears when I told him. He said it was

1182
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 2: a slap in the face and it showed I thought

1183
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:01,479
Speaker 2: very little of my relationship with my parents. Also said

1184
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 2: that it was embarrassing for him and Mom because we

1185
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 2: were moving out, as it would signal to the rest

1186
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,879
Speaker 2: of the family and my in laws that there were problems. Well,

1187
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 2: there are problems, it would be a correct signals an SOS.

1188
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 5: Get out now.

1189
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 2: I have not told my mom yet because she will

1190
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 2: go nuclear and throw a huge fit as she did

1191
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 2: when I previously did things my own way.

1192
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 3: Nor have I.

1193
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 2: Told my grandparents, who I argued with previously about this subject.

1194
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,280
Speaker 2: They all want me to buy a house or condo

1195
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,920
Speaker 2: which will cost me six to ten k or so

1196
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 2: monthly after all expenses, whereas if I rent, I can

1197
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: keep my and my wife's expenses under thirty five hundred dollars.

1198
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 2: The purpose of my post is to ask how should

1199
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 2: I approach the situation now in terms of telling my

1200
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 2: mom and grandparents. I also want to know if I

1201
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 2: was wrong in any way possible. I talked to two

1202
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 2: different therapists, one is in my culture and religion and

1203
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 2: another who was secular, and they both told me to

1204
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 2: move out asap. I want to know if I was

1205
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:03,800
Speaker 2: justified in doing what I did without consulting my parents,

1206
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,360
Speaker 2: and if there was any potential strain or ending of

1207
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 2: ties if it would have been my fault. Thanks for

1208
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 2: reading my long post and I appreciate any help. And

1209
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 2: there are some comments, but do you have any final

1210
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 2: comments of your.

1211
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 5: Own No, I think that moving out was the right idea.

1212
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 5: I think even if you had a place before, you

1213
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:24,200
Speaker 5: told him, nothing's wrong with them. Yeah, a little safety

1214
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 5: net to jump to.

1215
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 2: People move out, People move out. That is the way

1216
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:31,280
Speaker 2: of life. Yeah, that's just how life goes.

1217
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 5: You have so much more peace.

1218
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 2: Carousel of elise agreements and I hate it. Comment one,

1219
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 2: Please tell me you have closed the bank account you

1220
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 2: have with your mom. Oh yeah, reply. Listen to this sope.

1221
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 2: You need to disentangle every aspect of control your mother

1222
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 2: has on you. Don't trust that bank account you have

1223
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 2: with her, don't keep your money there. I'm surprised your

1224
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,720
Speaker 2: wife didn't leave already. Her marital bedroom is being reviewed

1225
00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 2: by your mother, Her cooking and cleaning is being reviewed

1226
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 2: by your father. They're insulting her, they're passive, aggressive towards her,

1227
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 2: and there are apparently no boundaries between them and both

1228
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 2: of you. They sound dreadfully rude and imposing. You are

1229
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,439
Speaker 2: not wrong for planning without their approval or control. Your

1230
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 2: in law sound great and supportive. If you feel your

1231
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 2: parents will get in the way of the move itself somehow,

1232
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 2: then get your necessary things out of that house and

1233
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 2: into the apartment first. Even if you have no furniture

1234
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,279
Speaker 2: to start off with, it will be fine. You can

1235
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:27,759
Speaker 2: sit on the ground. Many married couples before you have

1236
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 2: started with a mattress on the floor and laundry from

1237
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 2: their travel bags and gotten on their feet. From there,

1238
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 2: you can do it. Keep in mind that if it's

1239
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 2: too much drama once you're moved out, you don't have

1240
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 2: to interact with your mother. Whenever she's acting like this,

1241
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 2: make an excuse and hang up the phone. Give her

1242
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 2: only so much contact as she's capable of being respectful with.

1243
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 2: She'll learn the program if she wants to be a

1244
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 2: part of your life. Just enjoy your life with your wife.

1245
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:53,760
Speaker 5: Enjoy your life with your wife.

1246
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:55,280
Speaker 2: Rhymes rhymes.

1247
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:55,719
Speaker 5: Edit.

1248
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 2: I don't know if this was clear, but the moon

1249
00:55:57,960 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 2: and date for our new place is in eleven days.

1250
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,280
Speaker 2: Still gives us two ish weeks at my parents' place.

1251
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: I will provide updates as things progress, and there is

1252
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,439
Speaker 2: another update, and there you go. Do you have any

1253
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: thoughts before we get into the update?

1254
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 5: No, I feel like everything's the same still, Ugh that

1255
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,719
Speaker 5: maybe when everybody gets out and cools down for a

1256
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 5: little bit, maybe they'll realize, yeah, I'm sure, you're gonna

1257
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 5: get apologies, but it'd be nice.

1258
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 2: It would be nice. Update. I was out with my

1259
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 2: dad to weekly worship and he began chastising me and

1260
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 2: my wife for the decision. I stood my ground and

1261
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 2: basically said we are leaving because of the types and

1262
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:37,160
Speaker 2: frequency of problems living together as caused, and that if

1263
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 2: we are to have any relationship, then we need distance.

1264
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 2: He said it was disgraceful of me to not consult them,

1265
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 2: to which I replied, if I consulted you, there would

1266
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 2: be more issues and you would attempt to veto my decision.

1267
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 2: He said, I am throwing everything they taught me out

1268
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: the window, and that all their work raising me nads

1269
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 2: me nothing. I pointed out that while we were thankful

1270
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 2: for the favor they did by letting us stay, it

1271
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 2: seems that all help has strings it attached, and that

1272
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:05,439
Speaker 2: this controlling behavior is why we need to leave. He said,

1273
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 2: there wouldn't be a problem if you wouldhere to the

1274
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 2: agreement and stayed for two to three years.

1275
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 5: Why does he want you there so bad so he

1276
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 5: can criticize your cooking and your cleaning.

1277
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 2: He's like, it was showed we had a good thing going.

1278
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 5: I want to criticize anymore.

1279
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 2: You cried, and that was a cycle. It's great, that's

1280
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 2: what I taught you. I taught you to take it

1281
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 2: when I criticized you. But I'm like, the situation has

1282
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 2: changed and is no longer tenable for us. Another qualm

1283
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 2: of his was that my wife influenced me, to which

1284
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 2: I replied, it was the decision we made purely for

1285
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 2: our well being and something we need. He had no

1286
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 2: desire to listen to my perspective and just wanted it

1287
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: to break me. As he said, exactly, I don't care

1288
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 2: what your intentions are. This is what it is. This

1289
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 2: is exactly why I'm moving out to break this cycle

1290
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 2: of control. Yeah, break the chains, Yeah, revolucion.

1291
00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1292
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 2: I am going to tell my mom a about forty

1293
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 2: five minutes. Wish me luck. I know people said, don't

1294
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 2: tell her, but cultural ramifications run deep here, so I

1295
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 2: will have to tell her. Bill boy, But that's the

1296
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 2: end of that, folks.

1297
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 3: Hey y'all, it's John Ogi host here.

1298
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1299
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from As for more sponsors.

1300
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 5: My wife sent lingerie pics to a random Reddit guy,

1301
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 5: but swears it wasn't cheating.

1302
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 2: She was like, no, it was just a photo shoot

1303
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 2: for him. It was purely professional.

1304
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 5: My wife thirty five female, and I thirty six male,

1305
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 5: have had a fantastic relationship since we were in our

1306
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 5: early twenties. We've opened a few businesses together and have

1307
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 5: a few restaurants in our community. The year started off

1308
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,919
Speaker 5: better than normal. We both had a great mindset going

1309
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:46,880
Speaker 5: into it, and she was all about new year, new

1310
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 5: me mentality.

1311
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 2: She bought a new wardrobe and.

1312
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 5: Started buying and wearing lingerie, which was new for us,

1313
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 5: new jewelry, the works. We work in front of a

1314
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 5: lot of people, and she wanted to make sure she

1315
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 5: was confident. I was all for it. By the way,

1316
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 5: this comes from Past Witness twenty three seventy nine. And

1317
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 5: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1318
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 5: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

1319
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 5: I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

1320
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 5: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

1321
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 5: what we would do, So let us know what you

1322
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 5: would do in the comments, and I hope, he says.

1323
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 5: A few weeks after probably our best two months of

1324
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:27,000
Speaker 5: our relationship. We had an issue that just effed everything up.

1325
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 2: Dang it.

1326
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 5: One morning, she told me she was going to get

1327
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 5: a drink with a friend randomly as we were walking

1328
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 5: out the door. This caught me off guard, because we

1329
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 5: always give a few days notice if we have dates

1330
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 5: with friends. We are both extremely busy and it's just

1331
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 5: a courtesy we've done for years. I shrugged it off

1332
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 5: and didn't think anything about it. Later that day, I

1333
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 5: wanted to surprise her for lunch. She had a meeting

1334
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 5: at one of our restaurants, and I was going to

1335
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 5: head that way. I asked what she was up to,

1336
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 5: and she said she was going to have her meeting

1337
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 5: at a different restaurant, still ours, and and it was

1338
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 5: now virtual. Okay, cool, that one is closer. Anyways, I

1339
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 5: headed that way and she wasn't there.

1340
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 2: Where are you?

1341
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 5: I asked the staff if she'd been there yet, and

1342
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 5: they said no, that's weird. So I called her. She

1343
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 5: got defensive on the phone, like she was annoyed that

1344
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,240
Speaker 5: I was trying to see where she was. I told

1345
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 5: her I just wanted to surprise her for lunch. She

1346
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 5: said she ended up going back to the original place

1347
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 5: and was going to do the meeting there. It was

1348
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 5: too late to meet for lunch at this point, I

1349
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 5: let an hour or so go by, and as confused

1350
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 5: as I was, I hopped on the cameras to see

1351
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 5: if she was there because my raidar was going off

1352
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,840
Speaker 5: big time. Surprise she wasn't.

1353
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 2: Where is she?

1354
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 5: I called the manager and asked if she was there

1355
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 5: at all today? He said no, Now I was pod.

1356
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,560
Speaker 5: I didn't say anything to her, but now I was

1357
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:55,760
Speaker 5: curious about this drink date with her friend. About five thirty,

1358
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 5: I showed up to the restaurant not ours.

1359
01:00:58,560 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 2: Why do you keep saying not our?

1360
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 5: I think they own restaurants town.

1361
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 2: Huh?

1362
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 5: That they were supposed to meet at. Neither of their

1363
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 5: vehicles were there. I then went to the other locations

1364
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 5: that were ours. Nothing. Okay, I'm going to do need

1365
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 5: some guesses right now. One she's cheating with this dude.

1366
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1367
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 5: Two he's a boudoir photographer who is making a surprise

1368
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 5: thing for the husband and has sent her the pictures

1369
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 5: through LinkedIn, and he's freaking out and it's supposed to

1370
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 5: be a surprised that he's not supposed to.

1371
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 2: Go about oohoo, that's smart. I like it. I like

1372
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 2: your thinking man.

1373
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 5: Stopped by the office and then the house again nothing.

1374
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 5: I waited until about seven point thirty and texted, are

1375
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 5: you guys having dinner too? Or are we having dinner

1376
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 5: before I make something just for myself. She responded with

1377
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 5: a confusing text, as if she had no idea what

1378
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 5: I was talking about. She said she was having dinner

1379
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 5: with her friend and that she was waiting for her

1380
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 5: to get done with work and they were going to

1381
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 5: meet at nine. I instantly called her and berated her

1382
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 5: with questions, where were you all day? What happened with drinks?

1383
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 5: Why are you lying to me? My mind was racing.

1384
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 5: She paused and didn't tell me, and I could tell

1385
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 5: she was wasted as heck. She said she went shopping

1386
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 5: in the afternoon and had her virtual meeting in the

1387
01:02:12,280 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 5: car in the parking lot. I wasn't buying it because

1388
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:18,520
Speaker 5: I could care less if she went shopping, No need

1389
01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 5: to lie about it. After a couple hours, she finally

1390
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 5: got home. After multiple phone calls and begging her to

1391
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,760
Speaker 5: tell me the truth. I didn't let up. I knew

1392
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 5: when she lied when she had to pause to tell

1393
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 5: me the story like she was plotting the best excuse.

1394
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 5: She told me she never went shopping, but instead she

1395
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 5: went to the bars, supposedly by herself. Again, I didn't

1396
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 5: buy it. I was shaking, knowing that this was so

1397
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 5: not normal behavior. She lied about even meeting with her friend.

1398
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 5: It was a ploy to free up her whole afternoon

1399
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 5: so she could bar hop. We are almost forty.

1400
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:56,600
Speaker 2: You're never too old to bar hop. Yeah, and you're

1401
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 2: never too young to not want to go bar hopping.

1402
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:01,520
Speaker 5: We don't bar hop in the afternoon on a weekday.

1403
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 5: The next few weeks were rough. I had lost a

1404
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:07,080
Speaker 5: lot of respect, and during those first few months of

1405
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 5: the new year, we had met a friend who was

1406
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 5: also in the business, single guy. My wife and I

1407
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:15,400
Speaker 5: don't have kids, so we always would have drinks after

1408
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:17,760
Speaker 5: work and hang out at the house. He was around

1409
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 5: quite a bit, and I noticed him and my wife

1410
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 5: had a connection that seemed to be business oriented.

1411
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe he's taking professional photographs.

1412
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 5: That's your wife, scandally Cloud. After this bar hopping incident,

1413
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 5: I couldn't help but think that my wife might be

1414
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,920
Speaker 5: cheating on me with this guy. So I asked her,

1415
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 5: and she clearly denied it and kind of laughed at it.

1416
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 5: I pushed it under the rug. Weeks went by and

1417
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 5: our relationship was tense and cold, but we were still intimate.

1418
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 5: Spicy sleep didn't dry up, neither did their relationship. She

1419
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 5: worked at one location and I typically worked at another.

1420
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 5: When we were done, it was usually nine thirty or so,

1421
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:00,960
Speaker 5: she would grab a drink with our friend at her spot,

1422
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 5: and then they would get one at the next bar

1423
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:05,479
Speaker 5: down the street. I was invited, but said no most

1424
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:07,560
Speaker 5: times because I just wanted to go home and hang

1425
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 5: out with my wife. She constantly wanted to hang out

1426
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 5: with this guy, and it was very clear they had

1427
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 5: more of a connection than I first thought. Uh oh,

1428
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 5: I don't like that.

1429
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 2: I don't like this one bit, mister.

1430
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,880
Speaker 5: I finally worked at the Courage and confronted her and

1431
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:24,840
Speaker 5: him both about it on the same night. It seemed

1432
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 5: like we squashed it and we all tried to move on.

1433
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 5: After the bar incident, I told my wife she needed

1434
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 5: to see a therapist. She had had her fair share

1435
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:36,120
Speaker 5: of trauma. I was the rock she always needed, but

1436
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:39,120
Speaker 5: she clearly needed help that I couldn't give her. After

1437
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 5: I confronted my wife about her relationship, with our friend.

1438
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,160
Speaker 5: I told her that emotional cheating is a thing, and

1439
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:46,040
Speaker 5: it's not good.

1440
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 2: That's so funny to be like, hey, isn't I gotta

1441
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 2: sit you down? Have you ever heard of a little

1442
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:55,600
Speaker 2: thing called emotional cheating? And his wife's like no, and

1443
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 2: he's like, well, it's not good, good, not good.

1444
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 5: I was uncom erble and not thrilled about this relationship

1445
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 5: she'd built with him. She agreed, and we decided to

1446
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 5: take a vacation to clear our minds and reconnect. She

1447
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 5: had a therapy session virtual while on vacation. I found

1448
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 5: out later that she told her therapist about our friend

1449
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,600
Speaker 5: and that I had told her that her relationship with

1450
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:19,919
Speaker 5: him had to stop. Her therapist recommended that we see

1451
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:23,280
Speaker 5: a couple's therapist. The funny part is, my wife didn't

1452
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:26,000
Speaker 5: tell me that. She just said that we should see

1453
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 5: a couple's therapists to help our relationship. I told her no,

1454
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:32,080
Speaker 5: since I believed I hadn't done anything wrong.

1455
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:36,200
Speaker 2: That's okay, okay, opie. So I'm noticing a little theme here,

1456
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 2: like especially just at the beginning of literally wandering around

1457
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 2: that whole night trying to find his wife. Yeah, I

1458
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:43,880
Speaker 2: was a lot I was a lot not to say

1459
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,000
Speaker 2: that you're wrong, because it does seem like she's emotionally

1460
01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 2: cheating at the release. But now we have you know,

1461
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:50,000
Speaker 2: she comes to you, You said that you want to

1462
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:52,680
Speaker 2: work on the relationship. She says, Okay, let's go to

1463
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:56,240
Speaker 2: a couple therapists. You know, sure, maybe it was her

1464
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:58,600
Speaker 2: therapist idea, but like, so she comes to you, says,

1465
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 2: let's go to a couples therapist and say no, because

1466
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,480
Speaker 2: you haven't done anything wrong. That's not what couple's therapy

1467
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:04,000
Speaker 2: is for.

1468
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:06,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like we could still go and then

1469
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 5: it'll still benefit the relationship.

1470
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 2: Couple's therapy is not because you're in the wrong or

1471
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:12,480
Speaker 2: both of you are in the wrong.

1472
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:14,640
Speaker 5: It's to help you work on your relationship.

1473
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:19,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, It's not to be like you made a mistake, right.

1474
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 5: It can fully be to work through a mistake that

1475
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:23,920
Speaker 5: was made on her.

1476
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 2: It might not be like if you want to fix

1477
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:29,440
Speaker 2: the relationship. If you don't want to fix the relationship,

1478
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 2: then power to you. Let's end it here, call it quits. Yeah, no, Dice.

1479
01:06:34,720 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 5: A couple weeks later, I thought things were going great

1480
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:40,439
Speaker 5: and I apologize to her about even thinking she would

1481
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 5: cheat on me. I told her that I would work

1482
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 5: on my insecurities.

1483
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 2: Let's go to couple's therapy for those.

1484
01:06:45,880 --> 01:06:48,800
Speaker 5: We were both drinking and she got hammered and went

1485
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 5: to bed. She left her phone on the table and

1486
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 5: I was finishing my drink. No, ten minutes later, she

1487
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:59,800
Speaker 5: was passed out. Oh no, I couldn't help myself stop.

1488
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 5: I needed closures so I could move on from this.

1489
01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,480
Speaker 5: I wanted to know that they were done with their

1490
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 5: BS relationship. I'd only gone through her phone once in

1491
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:13,680
Speaker 5: our fifteen year relationship. This was the second. What was

1492
01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:14,200
Speaker 5: the first.

1493
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:18,040
Speaker 2: Why did you do that? Oh, Pee, you know I

1494
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:18,640
Speaker 2: don't like that.

1495
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:21,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, we don't like that.

1496
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,160
Speaker 2: Here, it's just like, if you're gotta do it, your

1497
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:27,120
Speaker 2: relationship's already on the rocks, and it's just like, if

1498
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:31,920
Speaker 2: you're wrong, then you've lost trust. Yeah, and couple's therapy

1499
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:33,840
Speaker 2: could help you regain that trust, but you don't even

1500
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:34,360
Speaker 2: want to try it.

1501
01:07:34,480 --> 01:07:37,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, Katie Call says, couple's therapy is not punishment.

1502
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:37,560
Speaker 2: Exactly.

1503
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:41,400
Speaker 5: Not what I found broke me. I went through her

1504
01:07:41,400 --> 01:07:44,720
Speaker 5: messages and found a conversation with said friend with thirty

1505
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 5: five deleted texts and the conversation was completely wiped after

1506
01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 5: our conversation with her and him that night weeks prior.

1507
01:07:53,080 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 5: There were only about a month's worth of messages, and

1508
01:07:56,120 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 5: a bunch were deleted. It was clear there were things

1509
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,400
Speaker 5: in that chat that she she didn't want me to see.

1510
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:04,520
Speaker 5: This didn't include the months of snaps back and forth

1511
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 5: that I would never see. The conversation was a lot

1512
01:08:07,120 --> 01:08:10,720
Speaker 5: of I'm bored from my wife, Come grab dinner, come

1513
01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 5: get a drink, all while I was asking her to

1514
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:16,920
Speaker 5: come home early and hang out with me. Now I

1515
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 5: saw why she didn't.

1516
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:20,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, emotional cheating.

1517
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 5: I also found in a hidden picture folder lingerie selfies,

1518
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 5: some topless and some with snapchat filters.

1519
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:32,679
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking of like a lingerie photo. But she's

1520
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,800
Speaker 2: got like the dog. She got the dog, the dog.

1521
01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:38,519
Speaker 6: It's like the forehead's like really huge.

1522
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:40,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's got.

1523
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:46,520
Speaker 6: No giant mouth in lingerie. That's hilarious.

1524
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 2: I like it.

1525
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:50,639
Speaker 5: My heart sunk because I've never seen these photos in

1526
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,360
Speaker 5: my life. Next to the dozen or so photos were

1527
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:57,559
Speaker 5: pictures of our friend Ooh, selfies of him with one

1528
01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:01,599
Speaker 5: saying if only I wasn't in track, and another of

1529
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:02,879
Speaker 5: him in the sauna.

1530
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:06,479
Speaker 2: Sauna. Yeah, you know it's getting hot and steamy in there.

1531
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:08,639
Speaker 6: That man's bringing his phone in the sauna.

1532
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:10,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't even bring electronics in there.

1533
01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:13,080
Speaker 5: I think the one he's going to you can, I guess.

1534
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:16,440
Speaker 5: So this was at three am when I found these photos,

1535
01:09:16,479 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 5: and I just completely lost it. I went to my

1536
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:22,000
Speaker 5: friends for a few hours, didn't sleep, came back, and

1537
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:24,479
Speaker 5: she woke up and came down to have coffee. She

1538
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 5: was clearly hungover, and I laid into her. She got

1539
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 5: quiet and didn't say anything. I told her how dumb

1540
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:33,360
Speaker 5: I was for believing her, and that I needed to

1541
01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 5: hear the truth. I had left and got breakfast at

1542
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:39,280
Speaker 5: my friends and told him everything, get a lawyer. Leave.

1543
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 5: After I was done, I went back home to pack

1544
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:46,160
Speaker 5: a bag. She was there, no remorse, no crying, nothing.

1545
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:49,559
Speaker 5: I was a mess, but I kept it together. She

1546
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 5: assured me that the selfies were not sent to our

1547
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 5: mutual friend, and that she didn't see him in that

1548
01:09:55,160 --> 01:09:56,040
Speaker 5: capacity at all.

1549
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 2: Why I don't believe you or all those photos for

1550
01:10:00,320 --> 01:10:00,840
Speaker 2: where are they go?

1551
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:01,840
Speaker 5: And then who saw them?

1552
01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:04,160
Speaker 2: Got? Yeah, what's he doing in the sauna?

1553
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,200
Speaker 5: She then proceeded to tell me that all of those

1554
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 5: photos were meant for me, but I never received any

1555
01:10:09,040 --> 01:10:09,400
Speaker 5: of them.

1556
01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:11,599
Speaker 2: She's like, all of those were for you, and he's

1557
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:15,040
Speaker 2: like getting there. She was like, I schedule sent them.

1558
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:17,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I never received any of them, and that

1559
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 5: she was self conscious to send them and afraid of

1560
01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:22,960
Speaker 5: where they would end up. She said that only one picture,

1561
01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 5: a sea through mesh Bra with her whole body but

1562
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:28,439
Speaker 5: no face, was sent to a random guy on Reddit.

1563
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:30,639
Speaker 2: Random guy on Reddit.

1564
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:33,760
Speaker 5: It was a subreddit where guys asked women to take

1565
01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:35,479
Speaker 5: pictures of themselves doing something.

1566
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:36,719
Speaker 2: You could have done anything.

1567
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:39,160
Speaker 5: The guy asked her to do something and she did

1568
01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:42,080
Speaker 5: and sent it to him via Snapchat Hi. She said

1569
01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:44,400
Speaker 5: it was a high and that the moment she did it,

1570
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 5: she freaked out and deleted everything because the guy asked

1571
01:10:47,439 --> 01:10:49,959
Speaker 5: for her venmo and wanted to pay for more pictures.

1572
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:52,920
Speaker 5: She swore that it was one photo. She swore that

1573
01:10:53,080 --> 01:10:55,759
Speaker 5: nothing had happened with our friend. She said the only

1574
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:58,280
Speaker 5: reason the two selfies were in her phone and hidden

1575
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:01,600
Speaker 5: was she wanted to show her friend who he was

1576
01:11:01,880 --> 01:11:05,080
Speaker 5: and that she had some form of connection emotionally that

1577
01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:07,880
Speaker 5: needed to stop. I still believe the snaps and the

1578
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:10,240
Speaker 5: selfies were sent to our friend. I don't buy the

1579
01:11:10,280 --> 01:11:14,920
Speaker 5: Reddit bs any advice. We have an update, go ahead.

1580
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,920
Speaker 2: Well a couple's therapy, and if you don't want to

1581
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,240
Speaker 2: do that, then I don't know if this can work.

1582
01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 5: She's already cheated on you by sending that picture and

1583
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:25,559
Speaker 5: nationally cheated on you by the set of dude.

1584
01:11:25,840 --> 01:11:28,960
Speaker 2: She won't even admit it, so I don't think this

1585
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:30,280
Speaker 2: relationship is gonna last.

1586
01:11:30,320 --> 01:11:32,200
Speaker 5: I think the trust is gone. You've also gone through

1587
01:11:32,200 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 5: a phone twice and on your end again for good reason.

1588
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:41,040
Speaker 2: In that you were right, Yeah, but it still breaks trust.

1589
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:45,240
Speaker 5: Well, unfortunately most of you were right pretty much how

1590
01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:47,760
Speaker 5: you said it was exactly how it went down that

1591
01:11:47,840 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 5: first night. She wasn't at the bar. She was at

1592
01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:54,559
Speaker 5: his house. No meeting, all made up BS, no picks

1593
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:58,120
Speaker 5: on Reddit, no random snapchat picks. She woke up and

1594
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:00,880
Speaker 5: had an agenda that morning, and it wasn't me. I

1595
01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:03,640
Speaker 5: almost drove by his house that day. I wish I

1596
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:07,120
Speaker 5: would have probably wouldn't have stopped her. I might have

1597
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:10,439
Speaker 5: done something I seriously regretted. So maybe someone was looking

1598
01:12:10,479 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 5: out for me. I was gaslighted for almost two months.

1599
01:12:14,880 --> 01:12:17,000
Speaker 5: I knew something was wrong with my marriage and I

1600
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:20,080
Speaker 5: desperately wanted to fix it. I had no idea of

1601
01:12:20,120 --> 01:12:22,479
Speaker 5: the extent of it at the time, but I didn't

1602
01:12:22,520 --> 01:12:25,640
Speaker 5: react fast enough on my gut. Another redditor gave me

1603
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:27,880
Speaker 5: some tips and I followed them. I told her that

1604
01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:31,000
Speaker 5: I wanted to request her snap data. She said okay

1605
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:34,360
Speaker 5: without hesitation. Then a couple hours later, after figuring out

1606
01:12:34,360 --> 01:12:37,000
Speaker 5: how to look at the locations on an iPhone, I

1607
01:12:37,080 --> 01:12:39,519
Speaker 5: found out how to look back and see the exact

1608
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:44,000
Speaker 5: location on the exact day. Oo what I found broke me.

1609
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,439
Speaker 2: Ooh, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough.

1610
01:12:46,720 --> 01:12:49,479
Speaker 5: I can never describe that feeling when those emotions just

1611
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:52,439
Speaker 5: rush over you in that moment. In all my life,

1612
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:55,000
Speaker 5: I have never had anything like it. It was the

1613
01:12:55,040 --> 01:12:58,040
Speaker 5: opposite of the highest high. I never want to feel

1614
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,120
Speaker 5: that again. The list though, that would be the opposite. Yes.

1615
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:04,240
Speaker 5: I confronted her immediately and she doubled down that she

1616
01:13:04,439 --> 01:13:06,960
Speaker 5: wasn't there. I showed her the phone and she tried

1617
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:09,439
Speaker 5: to deny it. Then it turned into I was there.

1618
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:12,280
Speaker 5: Then it was I just kissed him. Then it was

1619
01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:14,559
Speaker 5: I just had spicy sleep with him.

1620
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,920
Speaker 2: But didn't think I was good. I just had to

1621
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:19,600
Speaker 2: practice practice.

1622
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:20,280
Speaker 6: I did this for you, babe.

1623
01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:22,200
Speaker 2: I did this for you.

1624
01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:25,200
Speaker 5: I went to a dark place during those seven weeks.

1625
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:28,599
Speaker 5: I felt helpless and didn't understand why my wife was

1626
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:32,080
Speaker 5: constantly pushing me away. She'd give me some random affection,

1627
01:13:32,400 --> 01:13:35,720
Speaker 5: but it was cold. After talking to some friends that

1628
01:13:35,800 --> 01:13:38,880
Speaker 5: know her well, they said, dude, she has changed. She

1629
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 5: hasn't been the same person for a while.

1630
01:13:41,479 --> 01:13:42,240
Speaker 2: I thought it was me.

1631
01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 5: People noticed the change. She constantly told me I was

1632
01:13:46,560 --> 01:13:50,040
Speaker 5: the insecure one, that she couldn't handle my outbursts. When

1633
01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:52,200
Speaker 5: I confronted her about why she went to the bar

1634
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:56,080
Speaker 5: that night, she blamed me for everything. One night, I

1635
01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:59,160
Speaker 5: broke down, wasted and just hid in a closet for

1636
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:02,040
Speaker 5: a while. And when she did find me, I asked

1637
01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:04,639
Speaker 5: why she doesn't love me anymore? What did I do?

1638
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:08,160
Speaker 5: She said nothing, I still love you and comforted me.

1639
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:10,599
Speaker 5: The next day, she explained that the things I said

1640
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:12,960
Speaker 5: hurt her and devastated her. Yeah, well, you know the

1641
01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:15,320
Speaker 5: things you did hurt me and devastated me.

1642
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:21,000
Speaker 2: She's like when you found my location and said you

1643
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:25,519
Speaker 2: as hurt when you found those messages when I cheated

1644
01:14:25,560 --> 01:14:29,400
Speaker 2: on you, I was heartbroken, crazy, And he's like, I

1645
01:14:29,479 --> 01:14:30,559
Speaker 2: don't know how to respond.

1646
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:34,400
Speaker 5: Meanwhile, little to my knowledge, she already left him, probably

1647
01:14:34,439 --> 01:14:36,960
Speaker 5: a few times by now. How can a person watch

1648
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:39,599
Speaker 5: someone suffer like that and keep doing it for another

1649
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:43,880
Speaker 5: five to six weeks. I will never know nor understand.

1650
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:46,320
Speaker 5: At the end of the day, we are working through

1651
01:14:46,479 --> 01:14:48,800
Speaker 5: what the next steps are. I don't know what my

1652
01:14:48,840 --> 01:14:51,479
Speaker 5: future holds, but in our state, it's fifty to fifty.

1653
01:14:51,600 --> 01:14:54,400
Speaker 5: If we can't split amicably, the courts will do it

1654
01:14:54,439 --> 01:14:57,040
Speaker 5: for us. I have been looking at support groups. If

1655
01:14:57,080 --> 01:14:59,880
Speaker 5: I decide to stay, the ball is in her court.

1656
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,599
Speaker 5: If she wants to get couple's therapy, I'll entertain it.

1657
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:05,040
Speaker 5: If she chooses to get better, I'll see it through.

1658
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,679
Speaker 5: But the one thing I won't do is be lied

1659
01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:11,000
Speaker 5: to anymore. If I go down this path, the hard one,

1660
01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:14,840
Speaker 5: it's on my terms, the honest truth. Though he broke

1661
01:15:14,880 --> 01:15:17,680
Speaker 5: it off with her, she still wanted to f him

1662
01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:21,080
Speaker 5: weeks after he realized what he did. Up until last week,

1663
01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 5: she wanted to f him. There is no way those

1664
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:25,160
Speaker 5: feelings are gone.

1665
01:15:25,640 --> 01:15:31,439
Speaker 2: Any thoughts. This relationship's over, Yes, it's over, so too,

1666
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:37,679
Speaker 2: it's done. It's more done than the Jets' career.

1667
01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:40,120
Speaker 6: I know what you're trying to do there you're getting

1668
01:15:40,160 --> 01:15:42,000
Speaker 6: you know, was it close? Let's say you hit it?

1669
01:15:42,040 --> 01:15:44,840
Speaker 6: You got a foul ball there, I tipped it.

1670
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:45,880
Speaker 3: It's good job.

1671
01:15:46,160 --> 01:15:48,840
Speaker 6: I appreciate you trying and doing a little one too.

1672
01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 6: To the Jets. That's really funny.

1673
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:53,799
Speaker 2: But I don't know anything about the Jets. Folks like Jets,

1674
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:54,920
Speaker 2: I don't know anything about them.

1675
01:15:54,960 --> 01:15:55,679
Speaker 6: Just say you're sorry.

1676
01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:57,160
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Jets fans.

1677
01:15:57,840 --> 01:16:01,080
Speaker 6: Reasonable, good for you. Look at you doing sports.

1678
01:16:01,400 --> 01:16:02,880
Speaker 2: I know everything about the sports.

1679
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:05,920
Speaker 5: Yeah. Now she is scared to lose me, lose her

1680
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:09,599
Speaker 5: businesses and her house. Everything is coming to an end.

1681
01:16:10,200 --> 01:16:14,559
Speaker 5: Everything we built for sixteen years is over all because

1682
01:16:14,600 --> 01:16:17,879
Speaker 5: of a seven week relationship. If it was just seven weeks.

1683
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:21,840
Speaker 5: The truth keeps trickling in. I asked what triggered that night,

1684
01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:25,479
Speaker 5: and she said Valentine's Day. I despise Valentine's Day.

1685
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:28,120
Speaker 6: Oh hey, hey, hey, we had a good one last year.

1686
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:30,360
Speaker 5: We had an hour last year before you had to

1687
01:16:30,360 --> 01:16:31,920
Speaker 5: go away for a trip.

1688
01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:33,120
Speaker 2: That's true, we did.

1689
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:36,760
Speaker 5: After I spent the whole time being like, I'm gonna

1690
01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:39,320
Speaker 5: give Valentine's another chance. I'm so excited to have a

1691
01:16:39,360 --> 01:16:41,040
Speaker 5: Valentine's with you, and he was like, that's great, we

1692
01:16:41,120 --> 01:16:43,400
Speaker 5: leave Saturday. We'll have all a Friday night, don't even

1693
01:16:43,439 --> 01:16:45,240
Speaker 5: worry about it. And then he said, so, actually the

1694
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:47,120
Speaker 5: flight's at midnight, so I might have to leave at

1695
01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,840
Speaker 5: like ten. It so actually they're already calling me. I

1696
01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:51,760
Speaker 5: might have to leave at nine. So actually I think

1697
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:52,639
Speaker 5: I have to leave now.

1698
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:55,000
Speaker 2: Well, you know what, we'll get them this year, folks,

1699
01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:56,280
Speaker 2: cool get him this year.

1700
01:16:56,960 --> 01:17:01,920
Speaker 5: Yes, Mike Guy and Brunette our dating. Yes, he bought

1701
01:17:01,920 --> 01:17:05,160
Speaker 5: her chocolate covered strawberries and I worked the restaurant that night.

1702
01:17:05,360 --> 01:17:08,240
Speaker 5: I didn't realize strawberries would make her drop her panties

1703
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:10,080
Speaker 5: for someone in two weeks, but it did.

1704
01:17:10,439 --> 01:17:13,760
Speaker 2: Never underestimate the strawberry chocolate covered one to boot mm

1705
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:15,120
Speaker 2: mmmmm aphrodisia.

1706
01:17:15,360 --> 01:17:16,080
Speaker 3: I am hurt.

1707
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:20,120
Speaker 5: I am devastated. My life has completely done a one

1708
01:17:20,160 --> 01:17:23,240
Speaker 5: to eighty. I can't sleep. I find myself waking up

1709
01:17:23,240 --> 01:17:25,880
Speaker 5: from terrors and drenched in sweat when I do catch

1710
01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:29,040
Speaker 5: some sleep. I never thought someone that loved me could

1711
01:17:29,120 --> 01:17:32,080
Speaker 5: ever willingly know that. While she was writing his wiener

1712
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:34,040
Speaker 5: like a poco stick, Oh you didn't have to put

1713
01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:37,720
Speaker 5: that open. This was going to completely shatter my very existence.

1714
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:40,799
Speaker 5: I haven't eaten a full day's meal in five days.

1715
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:43,439
Speaker 5: I am a battered mess. I will figure this out.

1716
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:45,920
Speaker 5: I will become a stronger person because of it. That's

1717
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:46,840
Speaker 5: the end of that story.