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Speaker 1: I welcome back to another episode edition. I'm your host,

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Speaker 1: Kevin Powick. Yes that's Kevin Vallington. Oh. I love a

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Speaker 1: good pickle. Yeah, the crisper the better. I think compliments

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Speaker 1: sandwich better than just the red pickle that I mentioned pickles,

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Speaker 1: But I digress. Let's bet an army shower, no particular Lord,

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Speaker 1: please say good afternoon to Jackie, to Ruthie, Good afternoon

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Speaker 1: class ms D. If you're not talking to Janet Jackson,

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Speaker 1: how's your fav how's your Valentine's shaping up? Uh? You know,

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Speaker 1: pretty standard, pretty good. It'll be nice. Um, not a

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Speaker 1: day that I you know, let's eat a good meal.

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Speaker 1: Other than that, I don't really care. So that will

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Speaker 1: be happening. And I am excited for that. And when

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Speaker 1: you told you before, that's exciting. When you told your

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Speaker 1: husband the first time, I don't really care about Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Did he fall for that as I did when told

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever told him, you know, I

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Speaker 1: don't think it was a conversation. It's like, of course,

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Speaker 1: you know, I just think what else are we to do? Like,

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Speaker 1: you have a nice meal? What else is there to do?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Maybe I'm maybe that's just me shart knowing. No,

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Speaker 1: there's no rules. It's a completely fabricated holiday that puts

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Speaker 1: a tremendous I feel personally clearly an unfair amount of

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Speaker 1: pressure to make it super special and fail pretty absolutely

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Speaker 1: yeah absolutely, Now I just bombard. I just do everything.

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Speaker 1: You get a card, you get flowers, you get candy,

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Speaker 1: you get you know, jewelry, you get sucking everything. Wow,

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Speaker 1: I don't care. Take the fucking kid. What about candy?

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Speaker 1: I like candy, so yeah, no complaints. Cookies, it's it's

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Speaker 1: it's an excuse to indulge. So I'll definitely like we'll

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Speaker 1: have a something sweet and delicious, cook something good. I

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Speaker 1: like an indulgent day. Do you have a favorite brand

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Speaker 1: from box of candy? Yes, I'm a Twizzlers fanatic. Now

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Speaker 1: I know that's in a bag and not in ale

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Speaker 1: in a box. Yeah no, I was looking for a

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Speaker 1: box heart shape right right right? Oh? Like the chocolates, uh,

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Speaker 1: I mean good dive no answer the answers, No, you

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Speaker 1: do not have a favorite. I like the I like

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Speaker 1: the dark chocolate outside with the coconut inside, and everything

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Speaker 1: else can go funck itself. It's the opposite usually people

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Speaker 1: say that about the coconut one. Well, that's how I

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Speaker 1: feel about like grape, uh grape Jolly ranchers, great blow pops.

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Speaker 1: I love them. And everyone else is like, oh, that's trash. Great,

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Speaker 1: give me your trash. That's my my. Jamie is the

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Speaker 1: same way on the coconut and the grape chocolate covered grape.

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Speaker 1: I think that would be pretty gross late grapes. No,

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Speaker 1: let's derail. Hey, there's James Heeney, Johnny Ronnie Heinster. How's

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Speaker 1: your supply of frozen hash Brown's today? It's actually not

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Speaker 1: so bad. We had a real close call about a

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Speaker 1: week ago. We were two Browns, which is not enough

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Speaker 1: for a full breakfast. Um, so we ended up having

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Speaker 1: to have a half breakfast, which is just like what

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Speaker 1: the why fucking both having one hashbrown because then you're

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Speaker 1: only gonna have one egg, one piece of toast, And

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Speaker 1: what that means is you're gonna have to have another

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Speaker 1: extra meal. So so if I make you, you said

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Speaker 1: you were down to two hash Browns, which means two squares,

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Speaker 1: two squares, so one square piece, one square piece. He's

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Speaker 1: nowhere near enough for you, I mean, not for a

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Speaker 1: full meal. That's what my wife? Can I call it

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Speaker 1: half breakfast? You're like, uh. And now Craigkowsky with his

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Speaker 1: Oscar nomination predictions, cow Kevin, I'm here live at the

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Speaker 1: Academy of Bullshit Picture Arts and Sciences. That was a

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Speaker 1: giant golden statue out here. Uh. He has no genitalia,

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Speaker 1: as Dustin Hoppan famously observed in nine. Uh. Nominated for

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Speaker 1: Best Picture this year The Hedgehog. Real shocker. It's a

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Speaker 1: real shocker. Nobody saw anything and nothing playing in theaters.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for that. That was Greipkowsky from the carpet. Hey,

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Speaker 1: there's Christoparado, long and lean, dog loving machine. Favorite new

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Speaker 1: dinner item please. I thought you said nude dinner item. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I said you said nude. You know, we don't eat

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Speaker 1: a lot of red meat in this house. We don't

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Speaker 1: eat a lot of meat in general. Um, but when

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Speaker 1: we do, it's typically chicken. But my fiance, say, Jessica

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Speaker 1: was gifted these uh wag ou beef, these these steaks,

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Speaker 1: and uh damn dude, there's something different about cutting into

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Speaker 1: a fucking state like that. There's a big thing different, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, we're not steak people that I then

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Speaker 1: you get bite and you're like, everything kind of feels good,

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Speaker 1: it tastes good, it's it's a it's a moment. So

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Speaker 1: I don't think we'll be having that often. But that

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Speaker 1: was a treat. That was It's they massage those cows

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Speaker 1: to get wagu Isn't that part of the process as

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Speaker 1: they get They don't just this way, James, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And can I just say really quick,

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Speaker 1: I'm playing proud, proud of my Valentine's Day plans, which

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Speaker 1: we're kind of like Jackie, we don't. We don't do

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Speaker 1: a lot of gifts, just like something nice a meal.

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Speaker 1: But our dear Vanessa Ragling and the Dynasty Typewriter Theater

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Speaker 1: is offering some kind of fun things you can do

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Speaker 1: for for a few moments, you know, socially distance say

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Speaker 1: so Jessica doesn't know, but I'm gonna have our names

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Speaker 1: upon the banner on the on the marquee and they

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Speaker 1: have a little table set up with little popcorn and

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Speaker 1: cotton candy and you sit there for a little moment.

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Speaker 1: They take pictures and you do a cute little things.

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Speaker 1: So we'll be doing that. I wish I would have

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Speaker 1: not about that. That That was the last thing Aaron and

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Speaker 1: I did before lockdown. We went to the Dynasty like

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Speaker 1: we were v I P pass members and it was

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Speaker 1: the greatest Valentine's Day I've ever had period at the

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Speaker 1: Dynasty Typewriter. Well, apparently it came around again, James, and

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Speaker 1: you blew it. I don't know how I missed it.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a discord member of Dynasty Typewriter. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have a stern talking to you to the next

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Speaker 1: I mean, technically today's the tenth, so it's not too

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Speaker 1: Maybe Vanessa shall be joining us next week. Hey, um,

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Speaker 1: and last but fully loaded baked potato in your pants.

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Speaker 1: If you think of laze, it's Joey, some young guy

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Speaker 1: tell us why. I mean, I can tell you why.

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Speaker 1: By that, that wouldn't be really what you're asking. You're

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Speaker 1: you're asking how M and uh, And that's not an

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Speaker 1: easy answer to question. But there's an easy question to answer,

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Speaker 1: and that goes right back to the core of what

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Speaker 1: you're asking. And and really it's not even how you're

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Speaker 1: you're trying to discover the reality of the essence of

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Speaker 1: where your question is originating from, what's up behind you?

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Speaker 1: What's up behind you. All of our scene suggestions are

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Speaker 1: gathered from listener emails or our patroon v i P

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Speaker 1: s to become a patron support of the show and

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Speaker 1: joy exclusive content and other perks like video of what's

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Speaker 1: happening right now. Just head on over to patreon dot

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Speaker 1: com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit I

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Speaker 1: Seen suggestion by email, please right to the podcast. Your

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Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name

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Speaker 1: here at Seen. One comes from our newest patron v

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Speaker 1: i P Jason de Graph, who wrote it. Took me

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Speaker 1: a few listens and five levels of improv classes, but

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Speaker 1: I'm finally on board with this show. Joey Greer is

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Speaker 1: very unlikable, thank you, yet very funny. James Cheeney is

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Speaker 1: very likable. Seeing suggestion, Ye infur away. This guy took

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Speaker 1: some comedy writing classes apparently too, thank you, Jason Seen suggestion.

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Speaker 1: K kinder Gardner is a police officer. Alright, kids, take

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Speaker 1: your seats, that's the third bell. Let's all settle down.

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Speaker 1: Settled down, everybody in the seats. Excuse me, yes, Mr Harper, Yes, Jennifer,

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Speaker 1: I can't sit right now. Sure you can there's an

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Speaker 1: issue you Okay, okay, it's gonna stick to all of

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Speaker 1: my crevices if I sit down right now, no more

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Speaker 1: be said. It's also gonna stink. So let's get you

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Speaker 1: on down the hallway. Okay, okay, you know where you're going, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Mr Harper, part of me. One second, Jennifer Tommy, Yes

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Speaker 1: on the principal, Principal Daniels ship Tommy, can you sit

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Speaker 1: down so I can see little principle here. I am here,

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Speaker 1: I am. I don't want to interrupt, but quick what

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Speaker 1: I have I have? Um, I have two police officers

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Speaker 1: here with us today who are here on official business. Kids.

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Speaker 1: The Principal and I are just gonna step down to

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Speaker 1: the hallway for a second. Seriously. Oh thank you, thank you. Yo.

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Speaker 1: No one's leaving this question. Go back inside. That's all

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Excuse me, officer. Yeah. Uh. These kindergarteners,

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Speaker 1: when they uh choose the expression ship themselves, are in

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Speaker 1: fact allowed to go to the bathroom. So if you

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Speaker 1: who's allowed to go to the bathroom and see that

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Speaker 1: before we go any further, thank you both for your

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Speaker 1: service greatly A respect your your call um. But that

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Speaker 1: young lady needs to go to the restroom, so why

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Speaker 1: would you have her sit down in her own faces? There?

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Speaker 1: They're here in official business. I think we should give

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Speaker 1: them the floor, give them the floor to talk to

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Speaker 1: the children after they forced one of them to sat

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Speaker 1: in their inner feces. Just the principle. I don't know. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: tiny principle back in away you said that his pants right?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I saw that. Are you talking to me

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Speaker 1: or Mr Harper? Yeah? So that, Mr Harbert, give us

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Speaker 1: a second. That was wild. That was crazy, wasn't it.

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Speaker 1: Oh not switch pants with Caddy. It's like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: we all saw it on Life to Be and then

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Speaker 1: he just got naked at one point, just sweated himself out. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's Caddy did. But yeah, fellas, I've got

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Speaker 1: a classroom full of students that are waiting, that are

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Speaker 1: left on their own. Mr Harper, thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for agreeing to meet with me. My daughter hasn't been

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Speaker 1: able to return to your class as she does have

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Speaker 1: such a U t I that she can barely walk

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Speaker 1: right right. Well, maybe at home she didn't learn back

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Speaker 1: to front to back. No, I'm pretty sure it's because

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Speaker 1: you made her sit in a giant pile of her

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Speaker 1: own crap. Let's go ahead and just say it with me.

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Speaker 1: Front to back, front to back, front to back. I

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Speaker 1: know about front to back. Okay, I know all about it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: my wife front to back. Mr Harper, Okay, Sir, h

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Speaker 1: Mr Johnson a little aggressive, as you both know by now.

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Speaker 1: They were two police officers who are controlling all of this.

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Speaker 1: Why are you taking this up with me? Is because

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Speaker 1: it's your classroom, Mr Harper. Okay, we paid for in

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Speaker 1: a very expensive, very exclusive charter school. It is my

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Speaker 1: classroom as is. This is my fist. Okay, welcome Mr

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Speaker 1: and Mrs Claiborne. Now I am the chief of police.

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Speaker 1: I don't have all day. You wanted to follow some

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Speaker 1: kind of report or something against a teacher assaulting one

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Speaker 1: of you. Well number one where this is the where

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Speaker 1: the Johnson's So I don't know what the claiborns another case.

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Speaker 1: My dog is here, Chief, okay, one sec a similar

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Speaker 1: complaint understood. Okay, So you're the Johnson So what's going

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Speaker 1: on here? What is this mickey mouse kind of precinct

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Speaker 1: you got here? We don't even know what who you're

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Speaker 1: talking to? Okay, you don't do you know what I do?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what? You know what? He? Chief? Clive

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Speaker 1: Barns are good. We're heading Okay, now you listen here. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I sent my men into your child's classroom for a reason. Okay,

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Speaker 1: now one of your child's classmates is an undercover agent.

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Speaker 1: We're supposed to know. I'll bunch those tips all day.

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Speaker 1: Can I finally complete to a different officer about you? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Well here's here's Tom Thompson. He's the one who just

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Speaker 1: said tip punch. Yeah. This uh, this yacht here is uh,

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Speaker 1: it's got a good mileage. Sorry, my head just not

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Speaker 1: in it right now. I um, are you okay? Well yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm alright. I just I just a foot the

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Speaker 1: length of the Yeah yeah, yeah, there's a but we

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Speaker 1: should be saying this. But at my daughter's charter school,

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Speaker 1: there's a there's a kid who's not undercover cops. Right. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, we came here to buy a yacht today

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Speaker 1: for a lot of mileage. You're telling us that the

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Speaker 1: mileage on the yacht, because that's that's that's important of

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Speaker 1: how efficient it is. Of course, I mean you're on

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Speaker 1: open see you we're buying a million dollar yacht. But

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Speaker 1: I want to know that it's efficient, right, you want

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Speaker 1: to know where your money is going part of it? Um,

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Speaker 1: you're you're the one that's selling that. Yeah right, yeah

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Speaker 1: yeah do do do you too? Listen, that's gonna happen

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Speaker 1: to you if you keep opening your mouth about one

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Speaker 1: of the cops, one of the kids being an undercover. Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm a I'm a compass model. Okay, goddamn cover. That's right.

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Speaker 1: So look, do do do I'll do three. Don't do

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Speaker 1: it back to me because I have bunts, So you

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Speaker 1: get your fucking mouth shut. Okay when you go home

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Speaker 1: to a favor punt your wife and the tits. He

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Speaker 1: but yeah, I was gonna draw with it. You don't

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Speaker 1: mind if I if I borrow that one. I just

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Speaker 1: I don't have a red one. It's just that the

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Speaker 1: turtles supposed to be green. It's the Collywood and amusing

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Speaker 1: is the problem? A kid? What's your name? Billy? Hey, Billy?

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Speaker 1: Anybody ever tell you're a bit whiny? No? No, whatever?

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Speaker 1: Wanna be the first? Your parents a line to your face?

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Speaker 1: Your mrp Henna drop off lunch from my boy. He's

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Speaker 1: gonna have at in this card in the sackret Hey, pop,

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Speaker 1: what's up? Are you doing? All right? Yeah? Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm gona take some of these fucking bread so my again,

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Speaker 1: I like to rip off the heads and shut down

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Speaker 1: the next And what I'm saying, only a couple more years,

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Speaker 1: all right, once you get into the sixth grade with

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Speaker 1: these kids, Yeah, I know what I signed up for.

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Speaker 1: Well I get a rubbed my face. I'm just saying,

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Speaker 1: all right, it's a long haul. I'm with you, all right.

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Speaker 1: Donny Brasco, Donty Brasco, Donny Brasco, Don'ty Brasco, Donny Brasco.

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Speaker 1: All right, thanks for the secret. Mr HARPERA, what's up?

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Speaker 1: My My partner took my crayons that I was using it.

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Speaker 1: I don't think he's very familiar with the concept of sharing.

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Speaker 1: I'd like you to have a starch um. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's what's your name, Billy. It's difficult to keep

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Speaker 1: all your names, Drake, so let's watch the attitude. Also

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah, great, super psyched to see you every day. Uh.

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Speaker 1: The lesson here we're gonna learn actually is stitches. Snitches

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Speaker 1: get stitches. So yep, so so maybe we don't rat

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Speaker 1: out someone who who needed to borrow your crayon. Oh yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: Mrs Johnson, Um, just just just a minute, uh hello him,

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Speaker 1: Mrs Johnson. I'm I'm the chief of police. I'm the

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Speaker 1: one that punched you last week, and I'm here to

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Speaker 1: say two things. One, I'm sorry about that. Okay, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: The five borns were down my throat and I took

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Speaker 1: it out on you and I shouldn't have okay. And two,

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Speaker 1: we want to use your daughter. We need her to

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Speaker 1: go deep deep undercover. Turns out person we have undercover

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Speaker 1: now in her class, he's compromised. Is she here? Um? Yes.

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Speaker 1: And I just want to make this very clear that

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing this to help you. You know, I wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't help a man who punched me and each

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Speaker 1: tip Okay, I'm doing this because my daughter needs something

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Speaker 1: to activate her brain a little more. Right now. She's

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Speaker 1: a little bored in class, and she's at a level

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Speaker 1: in which that comes out in uh, disruptive behavior, when

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Speaker 1: really it's just that she's so smart, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: that she needs to rebel in that way. So I'm

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Speaker 1: going to do this for her, not for you. Open.

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Speaker 1: I understand that the problem is is that when you knocked,

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Speaker 1: I was in the middle of doing a big vapor

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Speaker 1: rub over the whole chest, and if I put the

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Speaker 1: rope over it, it's gonna ruin the rope. It's just

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Speaker 1: gonna get it. Oily, It's just gonna So I tried

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Speaker 1: to dry it, and so, you know, a long story short,

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Speaker 1: I sold it. I sold the gold platinum. So it

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Speaker 1: looks like I'll be able to meet my my bonus.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for the greens. You said you wanted to tell

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Speaker 1: me something funny. Yes, well, oh, nipples, nips just pumped

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Speaker 1: off going on. They just Oh, should have toughest dinners.

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Speaker 1: I told you we should have topples dinner. How else

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Speaker 1: am I going to get the vix to dry if

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Speaker 1: I can't do other things while it's trying? Oh my god, Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: I can't stop to belth Jesus just like phone out.

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Speaker 1: Ok We're doing. Everybody enjoying. Nipples just got shot out.

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Speaker 1: Some free bread or something for that, I mean, God,

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Speaker 1: for fresh sake, please, a side of bread is two dollars,

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Speaker 1: but I'm happy to add it to your nipples just

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Speaker 1: got shot off in your restaurant. Man, you did sign

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Speaker 1: a waiver when you entered the restaurant. Um, I don't

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Speaker 1: really need a babysitter. Um, so you are going to

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Speaker 1: be here. You can just be here, but like, don't

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Speaker 1: look at me in the concept of being hired to

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Speaker 1: be a babysitter and then not babysitting. Just collect the check,

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Speaker 1: Just collect the check, you know. Do you want to

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Speaker 1: get that? Um? Yeah, well yeah, definitely. Okay, Hello, hey,

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Speaker 1: somebody order a picture, get a second, get the kids,

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Speaker 1: Get the kids right now because the kid famish shooting

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Speaker 1: job ever, all right, we can't get the kids. She's

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Speaker 1: too quick. I got knocked out. I think I'm are

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Speaker 1: you okay? Oh my god, what's just happened? Um? Mr

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Speaker 1: and Mrs Johnson, We just want to congratulate you on race.

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Speaker 1: Why can't you understand ship ship? This happens every time,

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Speaker 1: Chief we are here, though, the Johnson's are here in

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Speaker 1: the hall where the c Borns, Claiborns, Clayborns who kids

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Speaker 1: the ship. We should have taken my name. It was

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Speaker 1: easier to say, okay, so you're okay, so let's just

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Speaker 1: get my wife started. Name was quite Clayborne. I don't

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Speaker 1: need to get through that. So you're we're not related,

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Speaker 1: which we're not? Well, lad, who isn't though? Was a

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Speaker 1: human right? We're all Christian a complaint? No, we're not

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Speaker 1: all Christian first cousins. Isn't related? Isn't What do you mean, Chris?

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Speaker 1: Have you been baptized? Okay, so you're complaining that people

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Speaker 1: are paying baptized? No? Is this water for me? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You been baptized Jesus. We were all born from Clay.

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Speaker 1: We are play your hands off, your hands off from Clay.

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Speaker 1: We're Clay. Use my name, you use my name? To

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Speaker 1: do that too, to too to you too, Johnson, That

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Speaker 1: is just seen one too to YouTube, to do to YouTube,

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Speaker 1: seen to come h from Will who wrote, Hey, gang,

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Speaker 1: I love the show. You guys are the best. Blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah. Kevin and Christier always talking about this Below

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Speaker 1: Deck show. I have no idea what this show is,

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Speaker 1: but I have gathered there is a boat, a chef,

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Speaker 1: and some sassy folks. My scene idea is an episode

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Speaker 1: of Below Deck is interrupted by a sea monster. Thanks

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Speaker 1: and keep up the good work, folks. Will. I'm just

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Speaker 1: so sick and tired of having to cover up for

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Speaker 1: this lackluster decand you know what I'm saying, either do

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Speaker 1: the job or don't. How did you get on this boat? Look,

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Speaker 1: I'm the chef, you know what I mean. So I

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Speaker 1: just I don't know who else to talk to. Okay, okay, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm with you. I'm with you. I mean, what would

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Speaker 1: you do in my shoes? I guess is what I'm asking? Fire? Fire, fire,

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Speaker 1: immediately fire. Oh well, captain at least. Yeah. See, I

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Speaker 1: always feel like Captain Lee is like, I'm not here

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Speaker 1: as a as a babysitter, and then so I don't

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Speaker 1: want to bring anything to him. Yeah, but you're also

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Speaker 1: not a babysitter here trying this exactly. That's good. Where

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Speaker 1: is that avocado? Avocado? Straight? Yeah? I didn't do anything

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Speaker 1: to it, so good. Captain. I need to tell you

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Speaker 1: that I've seen something in the water following us behind

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Speaker 1: for a good three or four days. Now, I believe

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Speaker 1: it's you. You've seen it for three or four days.

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Speaker 1: You're just telling me now, Well, I tell you it's

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Speaker 1: something that it's not easy to talk about. I believe

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Speaker 1: he's got the chin in face of an arts, the

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Speaker 1: wings of a dragon, and the body of a nine

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Speaker 1: foot man, and he's been a following us before, maybe three,

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Speaker 1: three or four days. Okay, well, next time you see

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Speaker 1: anything with even one of those horrible features, let me

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Speaker 1: know a meeting. Okay, who probably is I've I've had

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Speaker 1: I've had a tumble with him in the past. One

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Speaker 1: of the side effects is it's insanity. It's very possible

359
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Speaker 1: it's just my insanity. Well, look, hi, you we hope

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Speaker 1: you're enjoying your charter um as you know the chef

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Speaker 1: right before you. You can see I made um look

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Speaker 1: listen to me and my wife actually just got through

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Speaker 1: a pretty traumatic experience back home. We've had a nipple

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Speaker 1: replacement surgery and I actually sell these yachts to back

365
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Speaker 1: back only. I don't want to bribe, but if we can't,

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Speaker 1: just want to get started on our daughter. Good god,

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Speaker 1: we don't want to get started. Okay, it's just us

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Speaker 1: too here. We're out here just to kinna, you know,

369
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Speaker 1: rekindle the flame if you will. Just letting you know

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Speaker 1: the courses I'll be serving you tonight. Um. So first,

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Speaker 1: this year's avocado um raw, nothing done to it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that's less of a course and more of just

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Speaker 1: an avocado. Okay, they just open you just cut open

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Speaker 1: an avocado. Looks like you've done that too early. It's

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Speaker 1: already were way too nice with this chef. Look, I'm

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Speaker 1: the Primaries lawyer and I'm on this. Yeah, because he

377
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Speaker 1: owes me a lot of money. But in terms of

378
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: this order, you're breaking down for us. How about this

379
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Speaker 1: get back to the galley, do the cooking and service up.

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of money, so he has he

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Speaker 1: can just kind of do whatever he wants, right, So whoa,

382
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: don't look at that guy? Weird? That's what the chef

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00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 1: coming out and giving us the menu. You know, if

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Speaker 1: I wanted to go to Denny's, I would have gone

385
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Speaker 1: to Denny's. You guys paid a lot for this yat, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: tell me about it, don't. I'm gonna be bored enough.

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Speaker 1: Window well you excuse me, I'm sorry, who's just gonna

388
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Speaker 1: board these windows up? Thanks? The password is scurvy? I

389
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Speaker 1: supposed to me. I thought the whole point of this

390
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Speaker 1: certain excursion or or charter should we say, is that,

391
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: like the crew is hot. I thought the crew is hot. Yeah,

392
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Speaker 1: they're supposed to be hot because we're not. Yeah, it's

393
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Speaker 1: part of the thing. You pay for. I want to

394
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: be surrounded by hotness so that I feel prop SMI candy.

395
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Speaker 1: We're trying to rekindle our relationships, so you know, it's

396
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: anything to get that going. Why, why that's not the

397
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: This is not the kind of Uh. I feel like

398
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,120
Speaker 1: we drove past that, captain. Captain part of me. May

399
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 1: I enter the bridge? Smission permission? Entered the bridge. You

400
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 1: don't need to do that. You don't need permission. Granted,

401
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: this isn't the military. Yes, I I um, I just

402
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: want to touch base quickly with you. The guests seemed

403
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: to be loving the food. They had a great beach

404
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: day today. Um. It seems that Angus is that his name? Yeah,

405
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: the the engineer. He's boarding up the windows. It's kind

406
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: of it's not as beautiful in there anymore. Okay, Uh,

407
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna love it with you, and I find a

408
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: way to keep don't do that. Find a way to

409
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Speaker 1: keep the secret from the passengers. Okay. We're being followed

410
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Speaker 1: by a sea creature with a knock puts his chin

411
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: and the body of a nine ft man. Okay. Does

412
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: it have wings, Yeah, like a dragon's wings, and it

413
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 1: has some sort of vindetta against Angus. Specifically, this boat

414
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: is energy efficient and can't go more than two knocks?

415
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: How many? How many? I have no idea. Come in,

416
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 1: Come in, the captain of the Argonautica, Come in. This

417
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: is a May Day May date Argonautica. This is uh, hello, yeah, Argonautica.

418
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 1: This is uh. What's the name of the ship? I

419
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 1: need to know this. This is amazing Argonica. I'm I'm

420
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: peeking over the side, h but I'm on the port side.

421
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: On the port side does not appear to be the

422
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: name is not on the port side, going over the starboard,

423
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: going over the starboard, peeking outside. Uh, this is the

424
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: USS convoy. This is well, I didn't think it was,

425
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: but apparently it is. I think it's a it's a

426
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: requisitioned military yacht. It's an energy fishing military yacht. But

427
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: we're we're complete, we're civilians here. What what do you

428
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: got aeronautics? What's the mileage? It's not good. It's not good.

429
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: It's like two nuts. But it says I'm fueled. It

430
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: really does. Uh. Okay, And for your second course, um

431
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: it is this is a coconut. This is a raw,

432
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: fresh coconut. And I'm so sorry. I'm still waiting for

433
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: that first course as you just kind of gave us

434
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 1: each half of a rotten avocado. Am I supposed to

435
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: be peeling the husk off of this coconut myself? If so,

436
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: please give me a hammer. Okay, we didn't pay this

437
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: much to peel a husk. Okay, we're trying to rekindle

438
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 1: our marriage. We're trying to peel that husk. Okay, we're

439
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: trying to peel the marriage husk. Okay, and and and

440
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: and and show the mar and show that meat, that

441
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: marriage meat. Yeah, the inside of the nut. You know

442
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And chef, I've seen the show. You

443
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: know you do great work. So thank you. Why are

444
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: you doing everything you can to deliver uncooked, unprepared things?

445
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: Thank you? And you're a master. You have a tough

446
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: day or something? Tough day? Were like a tough life?

447
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 1: Keep going. You know you're you're in front of people

448
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: who paid sixty dollars for a couple of days, so

449
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: by all means, share with sixt grade each I did?

450
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: I got this? Okay? Do you ever think maybe as

451
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: a chef somebody might serve your needs? Yes, your knees.

452
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: Nobody serves my name Aaronaica. Come in, Aeronautica. Come in?

453
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: Is your Aeronautica? Boy, this is the Aeronautica. How can

454
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 1: I help you? Yes, you called me with a may

455
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: day call. No, oh, you're talking with the Argo Nautica. Yes,

456
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Where are you Aeronautica. Oh I'm

457
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 1: I'm at Port so the Less. Yeah. Okay, do you

458
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: master Crulu. I know you come from the deep depth

459
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: of infinite space, but I must ask you to leave

460
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: the ship, leave this vessel. No, can't do you owe me?

461
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: All right? Well, then I'm gonna have to ask you

462
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: to at least to dress nicely. A lot of people

463
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: paid a lot of money, and I want you to blend. Fine,

464
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: you might have your revenge. Huh. Do you have clothes

465
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: for me? Okay, you just stay out here and don't

466
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: talk to anyone. I'll bring you a suit. Okay, excuse me,

467
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: excuse me. I'm angus. I work. I do a lot

468
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:21,479
Speaker 1: of the maintenance on the ship, and I helped with

469
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: the little tidy things on the ship. I'm looking for

470
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: an extra suit so I can blend in a little

471
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: bit more because this year maintenance outfit makes me feel

472
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: out of place, Angus, I got all kinds of suits

473
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: you want, a bathing suit or a proper evening suit. Tuxedo,

474
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: black tuxedo, Yeah, I brought one of those. I just

475
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: have a real quick question for you, Angus. Is it Uh? Yeah.

476
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of the television show that does

477
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: these yacht excursions. And from what I've seen, the engineers

478
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: day the funk out of the picture. Well, don't tell anyone.

479
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: Usually it's the case being being hunted by a prehistoric

480
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 1: alien named He's having Argonautica. Come in, Argonautica, the Argonautica.

481
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe how can I help? How can I help Argonautica?

482
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: Save yourself? Save yourself? Should we? We are a slow,

483
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: slow yacht. Whatever attacked us moved on. It devoured everybody.

484
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, not everybody, but I'm so sorry I've

485
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: yet to see you on this yacht. I'm one of

486
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: the people that paid to be here. Oh this is Johnson.

487
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. I'm I'm scout this vessel to

488
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: see maybe I might want to charge it next next,

489
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: next round. Honestly, was the way that you look? You

490
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 1: could work here? Oh? Please, please you? I opened up

491
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: the coconuts. Hello, Oh you need help with those coconuts. No,

492
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 1: I already opened up. You know what, Johnson? Is it right?

493
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: You just drink the milk, open your mouth. Okay, okay, Hey,

494
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: how are you doing? Nice to meet you? Meet you too.

495
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: M h. I just swallowed your husband and I but

496
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: maybe maybe yeah into it. I don't know. Are you

497
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: feeling that I'm feeling this? I just I didn't think so.

498
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: I was a surprise for me. I had to digest it.

499
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: But then when I did, I got I gotta be

500
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: honest with you. See this suit? Oh my god. Actually

501
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: I actually have dragon wings and the chain of an octopus.

502
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: I can tell. And it's really something, you know, something luscious,

503
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: And I'm feeling stay back, monster? What kind of monster

504
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: put gives her daughter away to go undercover in a

505
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,720
Speaker 1: kindergarten class ware? Did you do that? Listen? I didn't

506
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 1: give her away. I gave her well, I gave her

507
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 1: a way to manage her hyperactivity. I'm gonna get your

508
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 1: husband back. I'm gonna get your husband back. First of all,

509
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: thank you both for coming in. Very brave, very brave.

510
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 1: This will be the first of looks like you're down

511
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: for eight sessions of marriage. Counseling. Um so, Mrs Johnson, Um,

512
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: I understand your real estate broker and you, sir, I'm

513
00:34:55,960 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: gonna say r A C monster. Is that correct? Yes?

514
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: I do want to see it for the record. Her

515
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 1: husband is alive inside me, so that I saw that

516
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: in the notes. Um So, how shall I address you?

517
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 1: What's your name? Tim? Okay, call me Jim. No weird

518
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: but cool? All right? Uh So, the clad borns by

519
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 1: the way where we have the one o'clock session, We're

520
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: supposed to be in there. We're not supposed to be

521
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: in here, so please talk to the receptionist. Thank you.

522
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: We did talk to her and she's been baptized. Thank

523
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: you very much. Have you been baptized? I'm Jewish, so

524
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 1: it's probably not gonna happen. You gotta get baptized. What

525
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: about you, sir with the distinct chin? Oh no, no,

526
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: I I haven't been baptized. You have an octopus's chin,

527
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 1: which is to say, no chin at all, octopus chin.

528
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Yeah, that's angers angers. I thought

529
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: we were good. What are you doing at my house?

530
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: I've got my family and I just wanted we are good,

531
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 1: and I wonder if maybe we can be better. Better.

532
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: I mean, if I never have to look at your

533
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: nightmarish face again, I'd be the happiest, not a sailor anymore.

534
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're going back to see. Don't

535
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 1: look at the look. I'm in love with Mrs Johnson. Okay,

536
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: but she's married and he's inside. Oh that's what. That's

537
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 1: why I'm here. It's weird. It's weird for everybody. Mr Johnson.

538
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:50,959
Speaker 1: Do you want to say anything? No? It sounds like no.

539
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: It sounds like no, and that's part of the problem.

540
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: It's a love trying. I need your help, Biop. But

541
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: I've only known love once, and it brought me a son.

542
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what more love beautiful? Oh, thank you,

543
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: thank you. Uh, maybe you can kill me? Well, I

544
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: take this, take this man out of my body and

545
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: let him go back to his wife. I've tried many

546
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: of times to kill you, lu But I suppose if

547
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: you would come inside and maybe lie in a vulnerable position,

548
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 1: I could maybe split you open. And are you sure

549
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 1: you want to do this? Well? They always say the

550
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: son of your enemy will be the death of you. Dad, mom,

551
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: said the saladist. Sir. Uh, hey son, who's this guy, Dad,

552
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 1: This is Louisa. He's an ancient god from the alien world.

553
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: I believe that maybe are you gonna have or not?

554
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: Don't come over here? Oh no, no, no, no, what

555
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 1: Why don't you just is this a friend of your

556
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 1: from work? No, he's not a friend. He's an ancient enemy. Well,

557
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: why don't we have him in for dinner? Come on in.

558
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: Maybe it's time we break bread and stop having enemies

559
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 1: and more like friends. I like that very much. All right,

560
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: all right, we'd like to before dinner. You're just serving bananas,

561
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:32,760
Speaker 1: trading for your tapioca, just kidding. You're under our arrest.

562
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: Put your hand up and that is that has seen too? Uh? God,

563
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: damn hot, damn. James's reaction to the creature telling him

564
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,959
Speaker 1: that he had Mr Johnson inside of him. You're gonna

565
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 1: have to roll back the tape. But I promise you

566
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 1: it's the worth worth the price of it. It was

567
00:38:53,080 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: I haven't Mr Johnson inside of me? And James went, huh.

568
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:09,479
Speaker 1: Scene three comes from Patrin Alca Mania Kevin Prod who

569
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 1: wrote Alca Maestros. I'll keep it short. I have a

570
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: scene suggestion based on a story James half told on

571
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: his Twitch live stream. Rival gangs of improvisers battle with

572
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: each other for the control of different theaters in town.

573
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 1: Signed swan drizzle Okay, Uh, if we're done with our

574
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 1: yes ends for now, I just want to go over

575
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:45,839
Speaker 1: to turf war that's raging outside this door. Uh. If

576
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: anyone has any questions glory those first? Yep, maybe we

577
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 1: could play. We could discuss this turf war in the

578
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:58,439
Speaker 1: question schame. Yep, that would be most productive. You want

579
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 1: to kick that off there? Sure? Where exactly do you

580
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: think your turf begins? Nice? Anybody? Well? I mean we're

581
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: supposed to only respond with questions. That's not a question.

582
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 1: He loses a point for explaining what it was. Are

583
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: you trying to tell us what the questions game is?

584
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 1: That's a question? Ship? Am I? You didn't do a

585
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: question there either. Listen, listen, listen. Am I the only

586
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: one asking questions here? There's another question? I haven't heard

587
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 1: anyone else. I don't think ask a question ship, it's

588
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: a statement. Look, let's get something straight. Oh boy, we're

589
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: the no butts. That's right? Are we the no butts

590
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: playing the game? See the note butts? We uh, we

591
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,439
Speaker 1: don't play by the fucking rules, you understand, Except for Carl.

592
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 1: He's a real theater sport. Am I the best improviser here.

593
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: It's kind of a bummer for us, to be honest,

594
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: but he's quick on his toes. We gotta settle this

595
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: once and for all. Okay, would you like to do that?

596
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: How do we do some long for a scene of

597
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: Have we ever done a scene longer than thirty seconds? Carl?

598
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: Carl chief starting interrupt. Um just got a report on

599
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 1: the improv turf war going down right out right down

600
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:36,280
Speaker 1: to downtown, right off downtown downtown. Um, yeah, uh, nobody cares.

601
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: There's a lot improvisers dead, but it doesn't seem like

602
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 1: the community really gives a ship if you like, they're

603
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 1: all about it. We get a lot of pressure from

604
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 1: from the mayor to keep it going. Uh, so, to

605
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: keep the improv war going. Yeah, apparently the mayor says

606
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: the less the better. I don't know. Well, I think

607
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: maybe you should try to get us into the mayor's

608
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: office so we could talk to him. You're the chief

609
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: of police. Why what with the so I should just

610
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: give him a call. I don't know. I love the

611
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: mayor's office, all right, this is the chief of Police.

612
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm calling in regards Chicago. Okay, Chicago, Oh, thank god,

613
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,320
Speaker 1: thank god. I was told that there was an improv

614
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: bottle going on downtown. I figured that was odd. In

615
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: the first improv battle, if battle improper battle going on down,

616
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,879
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask what his imp bottle is. Well,

617
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: I guess it's one you just kind of make with

618
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 1: your hand to pretend that it's there. That would be

619
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,439
Speaker 1: an improp sure, sure, But I don't know why they're

620
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: battling downtown. I think that the turf wars are typically

621
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: done towards the north end. Okay, so you want to

622
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 1: set up a meeting with the mayor. Oh Ship, this

623
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: isn't the mayor. I'm not even on the phone with

624
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 1: the mayor right now. I don't know who. Do you

625
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 1: think the mayor? Answers the phone and says Mayor's office. Oh, Ship,

626
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: But I'm I'm flatter you think I'm the mayor, Susan.

627
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 1: I don't care that somebody thought you were the fucking mayor.

628
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: Just order. I mean I was talking for like five minutes.

629
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 1: The whole time. I guess he thought I was the mayor.

630
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 1: But you're not, and you never will be. Susan, you

631
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: never will be Okay, you're an assistant. Look, I'm closer

632
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 1: to the mayor than of Chicago. Alright, who got the

633
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: deep dish? I'm just kidding here you go? Alright, let mhm,

634
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: what was the joke. It's just it's a big pie.

635
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 1: It's a thick, deep pie. What do you do? You

636
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: a funny person? I do it? Pro Can I get

637
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: a suggestion of a tip? I'm just kidding. I'm sure

638
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 1: that will be included. What side you repon? Excuse what

639
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: side you repon? I don't reb anybody, but if there's

640
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 1: a side, I'd say, good day, go to fucking hell.

641
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: I be the no butts. Alright, guys, I know that

642
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: you don't like me to talk that much, but I

643
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: really think that I could be an asset in this war.

644
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: Just send me over there, Bill bulldoze me. It'll be

645
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: a distraction and then you guys can go in. Come on.

646
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 1: I don't even hear you right now. I mean, that's

647
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: that's where we're at. I don't even hear this suggestion.

648
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 1: Don't worry. They will barely let me get a word in.

649
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 1: Just let me get in there. It's for you. It's

650
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: I have to recruit more white straight men. Do you understand? Okay,

651
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 1: the rosters are running thing, minderstand listen. I'm wearing my

652
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 1: baggy is clothes. I've got no makeup on. In fact,

653
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: I put on a little makeup under my eyes to

654
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,359
Speaker 1: make me look hired. I'm trying to look as ugly

655
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 1: as I can't. But I don't distract you guys from

656
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: how unfunny I am. I mean, let's get real. I

657
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: couldn't possibly beat, but I'm not sure to be fun

658
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: you look even funnier, so just let me be talked over.

659
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: But you don't get this ignorance and toxic masculinity. It

660
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:18,320
Speaker 1: seemed into the soil of this town. All right? Okay? Fine? Um?

661
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: What if what if you do like like a group

662
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: like an organic group scene, and you guys just lift?

663
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 1: How about this? How about you cut because you're strong?

664
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:33,879
Speaker 1: You're cut? What am I interrupting? Anything? Not? Really? Are

665
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: we still playing the game? Has anybody not noticed? Does

666
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: anybody not care that Carl can't stop the question? Gate? Like?

667
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 1: You should just try stand up or sketch or I

668
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: don't know, do a one person show or whatever. You

669
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: don't understand, I'm really Bianca. Your vocal cords are cut.

670
00:45:57,040 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: I can't hear you. I'd like to tell you need

671
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: to answer for her. Oh maybe I don't need to, sir, No,

672
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: you don't. You need to get the funk out of

673
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: Are you sure to have a man to okay suck

674
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: out of here? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry

675
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 1: I was choking up. It was just a little bit emotional.

676
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: And that's my biggest problem. I can't I can't just

677
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,839
Speaker 1: stand up. I get too emotional and I can't do

678
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:31,439
Speaker 1: for me. Hey, can I sit here? Yes? Of course

679
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: you can join our conversation. Oh, I'm not gonna pick

680
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: up your ticks. Hold on a second. You don't have

681
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: to always say yes. And but that's what I'm good at,

682
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: kind of. You're good at so many things. You got

683
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 1: a carpentry, You're good taekwondo. I'm good at being a lawyer.

684
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna pitch one idea I know you

685
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 1: don't know me, and then I'll be on my way up.

686
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: All right, how about this? How would I charge you

687
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 1: with fee? That's a little much for two hours of

688
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 1: rehearsal every week? Okay, I'll be your coach say, Um,

689
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: it'll feel like it's not worth it, but I will

690
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 1: keep reinforcing your bad habits and making you need it

691
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: feel like you need to come back to me, and

692
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: then eventually you're talking about an abusive relationship that she

693
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 1: has to pay for. I think we're good. Okay, I

694
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 1: gotta go, Thank you. Bye. Here's a thing I already doctor.

695
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:30,919
Speaker 1: Can I get a diagnosis? Yeah? Sure, you know it's

696
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 1: something wrong with me. It seems like every week with

697
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: this uh you can buy and ask these questions? Why

698
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: can I not stop asking questions? Because you gotta want it?

699
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 1: As I explained last time, you have to want to

700
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: stop asking questions. There's no outside force that can help

701
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,439
Speaker 1: you stop. Do you have any exercises I can do? Yep?

702
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: Repeat after me. Hey, those are nice looking pants. Can

703
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:00,919
Speaker 1: you speak up a little bit? Carl, father's in here.

704
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: Umlug on him. Sorry, let me just turn off this

705
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 1: audio recording doing an audio tutorial and pantsling? Was that

706
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 1: my therapy session? I don't know. Carl, your father's in there.

707
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,959
Speaker 1: If you want to say some last words were about

708
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 1: is it going to die? He's about to die? Yeah,

709
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: we're about to pull the plug. So if you'd like

710
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,879
Speaker 1: to go in there and just say something. Does he

711
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 1: know who I am? Yes? Yes? Oh? Dad? Do you

712
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 1: remember Carl? Your son? Is that you? Carl? Why won't

713
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 1: you come to my show? Where have you been? Are

714
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: you feeling all right? Boo boo oh, we didn't have

715
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: to pull the plug. Okay, good, good, good good? Alright, Carl?

716
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 1: Can I get his first? Will effect? We'd like to

717
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 1: keep them? Hey, what's up dude? You seem you're new here,

718
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: right You kind of look like a chick, but you're

719
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,720
Speaker 1: wearing a hat, so you've got to be a guy. Definitely, guy.

720
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm hold on one second. Falls they hurt me, so

721
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:22,839
Speaker 1: I have to hold on to finger off my butt

722
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: because my falls hurt so bad. To tell me about it?

723
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 1: Do that all the time. Yeah, so you're here for

724
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:37,919
Speaker 1: the impromt. Dude? It was at the flannel shirtar Yeah,

725
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:42,240
Speaker 1: it's a flannel shirt and they and the the stubble

726
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 1: around your face, that kind of fashion beard thing that's

727
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 1: not a full beer and like no product in my hair.

728
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: Just kind of, what's up? What did you say? It

729
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Look, look, this is not just any improv team.

730
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: We're going to battle tonight to the death. I can

731
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: do that for sure. I'm very good at battling. The

732
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:04,879
Speaker 1: only thing it gets in my way is my big

733
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: swinging dick. My dick sometimes so bigthetic swings and it

734
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: hits me, and that that hurts me because it hits

735
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: me right and the kids, and then I have trouble

736
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 1: recouping from that. That's kind of the only trouble I

737
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: have battling that big old thick so big you're really

738
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 1: love it though. They hop on, hop on take it.

739
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 1: They take it for a ride and they say thank

740
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,720
Speaker 1: you and the whole time, and I'm like, you're welcome,

741
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: You're welcome, You're welcome, And they're like, damn, Carl, I'm

742
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 1: so sorry I started that game. I feel really awful.

743
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: What are you doing to me? It's not me, it's

744
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 1: short form. I think you got to go to the

745
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 1: other gang. I don't want to have to fight you,

746
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 1: but I think you got to go to the long

747
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 1: form gang. Do you know my father died? That's our

748
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:13,399
Speaker 1: show the question, Poor Carl, such devotion. Let's thank all

749
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: of our alchemists, starting with Jackie d Ruthie, thank you

750
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 1: so much, and congrats on your pain and wall thank you.

751
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: What color is that is not like a teal? Yeah,

752
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: I think it's like a deal. We picked it from

753
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 1: they mixed it so it doesn't even have a name. Well,

754
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 1: please give a name before we see you next. Yeah,

755
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:38,919
Speaker 1: no pressure, uh Zara, your Instagram account is where folks

756
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: should go a surgeon. I'm not Jackie Druthy and I

757
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 1: think it's a good time. Okay, cool. Well you have

758
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 1: provided one here today. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah,

759
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: Chris av Verando, thank you, buddy. Oh, thank you for

760
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 1: having me. Um still sending folks over to at the

761
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: Comedy Fix on Instagram. Right, new podcast with the Comedy

762
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 1: Fix Well Loves Loves Well said, thank you, James z Eni,

763
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. Thank you for

764
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: thanking me. I'd like to thank somebody that I believe

765
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: we all probably know. The name of the five star

766
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 1: review was titled danger piss your Pants Funny. Everyone that

767
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 1: listen says they almost kill themselves laughing while driving. Be

768
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 1: careful out there. And that's from McCoy, can't well. We

769
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:32,800
Speaker 1: love McCoy. Yes, um, so thank you McCoy for the review.

770
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 1: It's actually super helpful getting the word out and spreading

771
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,120
Speaker 1: Alchemy this to everybody. So that's what I'd like to say,

772
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 1: thank you for it does help a lot, and we

773
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 1: don't pimp it enough, so thank you very much. We're

774
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: acting on your own damn it. Craig Kowski, thank you.

775
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: As always. I've been avoiding watching below Deck, but now

776
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: that I know, I will definitely and uh follow me

777
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: on Instagram see Kikowski. I'll be doing a five hour

778
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: questions game on Instagram live. Can't wait for that? Do

779
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: you have a date yet for that one? Uh? February?

780
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: That's right, can't wait. Joey German. Um, I'm gonna be

781
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,879
Speaker 1: guesting on that live, so please please check it out.

782
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: Oh I am right, I am a check out Alchemy.

783
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 1: This is INSTI uh and um that's it. Have fun, live, live,

784
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: love laugh. Oh no, let's let's walk that one back

785
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,839
Speaker 1: just for a second if we could. Uh, and let's

786
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 1: thank our producer and engineer to the stars, Mr Dubine. Fine, folks,

787
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 1: that I heard media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, thanking

788
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 1: you all for h for supporting us and uh enjoying

789
00:53:55,200 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 1: ourselves at our behest. Um, it's incredibly great to be back. Uh,

790
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 1: and I will be back next week as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

791
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 1: I want to thank Cole Stratton for guest hosting in

792
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:13,320
Speaker 1: my absence. He is incredibly talented and helpful and it's

793
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 1: just a real uh positive for me to be able

794
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 1: to leave the show in such capable hands, and so

795
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: I wanted to take a moment to thank him. Um,

796
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 1: let's be kind to each other out there, folks, please,

797
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 1: it is the absolute least you can do for yourself

798
00:54:32,239 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 1: is to be kind to others. Until next time, it's

799
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 1: set a football for Pepper for home