1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,399 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,879 Speaker 2: All Right, this week's Thursday Therapy. We've got doctor taits on. 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 2: She's a clinical psychologist in New York and California. She 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 2: has a new book coming out, Stress Reset, How to 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 2: soothe your body and mind in minutes. Let's get her on. 6 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 3: Hey girl, Hi, it's nice to meet you. 7 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 2: Nice to me too, So I hear we have a 8 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:22,600 Speaker 2: mutual friend. 9 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 3: I too. I was like, You're so happy that we're 10 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 3: talking about this. I know. I got a. 11 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 2: Text this morning and I was like, Oh, why is 12 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 2: doctor Drunker texting me? And I'm like, by the way, 13 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 2: people listening, Doctor Unger is my boob surgeon. He's a 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 2: plastic surgeon here in Nashville. But I was like, ah, 15 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 2: he's probably checking in to see how my postpartum boobs are. 16 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 2: But and I was like, oh no, he's like he's 17 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 2: a happy New Year, hope all as well. He's a 18 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 2: small world. You're having a guest in your podcast, Jenny. 19 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,480 Speaker 2: She's a she's married to my best friend from growing up. 20 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so cool. What 21 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 2: a small world. 22 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: Yes, I'm excited to talk to you and it does 23 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: feel like we're already friends. 24 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 2: I know, I love that. But I was reading your 25 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 2: bio last night and a few things. I know you 26 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 2: have a new book out. It's called Stress Reset, How 27 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 2: to Soothe your Body and Mind in Minutes. But I 28 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: was also when I was reading just again your bio, 29 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 2: your breakdown. You're also the author of How to Be 30 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,400 Speaker 2: Single and Happy, science based strategies for keeping your sanity 31 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 2: while looking for a soulmate, and I just was like, wow, 32 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 2: this is you. Just You've got it all. So I'm 33 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 2: just I want to dive into your book. But can 34 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 2: we also talk about that one too, because I think 35 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 2: a lot of people would want to hear the you know, 36 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 2: what that book is about, and then the strategies for 37 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,960 Speaker 2: just being happy in a moment when you probably are 38 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 2: not where you want to be. 39 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 3: You know, I would love to talk to that book. 40 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 3: Thank you. 41 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 2: Perfect. So okay, so let's start with because when I 42 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 2: read that, I'm like, Okay, how to soothe your body 43 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: and mind in minutes? I was like, all right, just 44 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 2: how because sometimes and I will say, my body is 45 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 2: my first indicator when I don't feel safe, and I 46 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 2: just go to that place of either past trauma or something. 47 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 2: But for me, it's how do you regulate the body 48 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 2: when you are being triggered by something that is activating you. 49 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: Janna, this is a big question, and I just want 50 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 1: people to know from the get go this is all 51 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: things that you can do in minutes. There's no long meditations, 52 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: big medications or martinis required. And I include seventy five 53 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: different tools because different things work for different people. And 54 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: so if we think about it, stress or any emotion 55 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: really has three components. There's really distressing thinking, Then there's 56 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: physical sensations understandably that come with really negative thoughts, whether 57 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: it's muscle tension or scowling or your heart racing. And 58 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: then there's behaviors, so sending an aggressive text or yelling 59 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: or canceling or avoiding. And so by being really mindful 60 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: of each of those three compartments or components and then 61 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: intervening at each angle from mind, body to. 62 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 3: Behavior, we have a whole buffet of options. 63 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: And so like different genes work well for different people 64 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: and fit better on you have a favorite, there are 65 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: a lot of options, and so specifically for body, let's 66 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: say one of my favorites is it seems so simple, 67 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: but it's really subtle and profound at the same time. 68 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: But a lot of times when we're angry, if we're 69 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,959 Speaker 1: sitting in traffic and like someone is moving five miles 70 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: per hour in front of us. 71 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 3: Or you're in like a really long line, when you're 72 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 3: in a huge. 73 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 1: Rash and guessing that you are tensing your whole face, 74 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: and that is probably like almost tipping into attention headache. 75 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: And if you do something as simple as a half smile, 76 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: which is really a quarter of a smile, which is 77 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: you know, ever so slightly amaizing your lips, that automatically 78 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: like releases tension in your face, and that creates an 79 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: ambience that's more conducive to being more accepting. And so 80 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: just from the outside and relaxing your face will automatically 81 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: like kind of quiet judgmental thoughts and allow you to 82 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: practice more acceptance. So that's just one of very many 83 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: that I personally am trying to do that all the time. 84 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 3: And again, there's so many options. 85 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 2: How do you do that though, when you're so angry, 86 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 2: or you're hurt, or you're broken, or you're because I 87 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 2: can imagine again, something was really hard that I was 88 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 2: dealing with, just you know, a few weeks ago, and 89 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: it's like if someone told me just a smile to 90 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,239 Speaker 2: fix out it that there's no there's like my body's 91 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 2: like shaking, you know what I mean, Like how do 92 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 2: you change? Like is it? Are we talking? And just 93 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 2: because I'm like yes, like you said, it sounds it 94 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 2: sounds simple, but at the same time, it sounds also 95 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 2: hard when you're in that moment where you're where you're 96 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 2: so your body is so taken over by stress or anxiety. 97 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: And I'm so happy that you raised that, because this 98 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: is not the thing to do if you're angry for 99 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: a good reason, or the anger is serving you, if 100 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: your anger is serving you, if you're angry at someone 101 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: that disappointed you, your face is the best community cater 102 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: that is providing the other person like very powerful information. 103 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: And so we don't want to do this. I would 104 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,359 Speaker 1: never recommend suppressing or just like smiling through it. This 105 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: is if you you know you're in traffic and fighting 106 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 1: is just going to give you a migraine, not improve 107 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: the situation. But if someone pissed you off, then I 108 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: would not say like half smile through it. I would 109 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: say there's there's so many other things. I mean it's 110 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: we could totally dive into the details of why what 111 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: this person did, but it might be giving the benefit 112 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 1: of the doubt. 113 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 3: It might be asserting yourself. 114 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: And there's like a really practical, user friendly recipe that 115 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: I teach in the book on exactly how to assert 116 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: yourself that you could use, like as a template to 117 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: plug and play different situations into. But yeah, different different 118 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: tools for different times. And if someone really pissed you off, 119 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: I would not say half smile is your tool. 120 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 2: No, no, and no one, No one pissed me off. 121 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 2: It was more just you know, I think stress, postpartum hormones, 122 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 2: all the things. You just I'm a little probably more 123 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 2: tense than I normally am, you know. And so that's 124 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 2: where in that moment, I'm like, oh, it'd be tough 125 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 2: to smile or to do the you know, the lift 126 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 2: of the lip. But like, is there anything else that 127 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 2: in your book too, where you talk about, okay, how 128 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 2: to ease your mind a little bit in those situations 129 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 2: of stress or. 130 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, when you are postpartum. 131 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful that you're doing this in such 132 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: a busy time. 133 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 3: I think, really taking a minute. 134 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 1: I love the skill of self validation really normalizing the normal, 135 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: because a lot of times we might feel angry and 136 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: then stack onto that like I should feel happy, I 137 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: should be grateful, or what's wrong with me? And I 138 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: think just normalizing like it is really exhausting and it's 139 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 1: really understandable to not feel like your best self when 140 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: sleep is compromised. That automatically spikes cortisol levels and affects 141 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 1: your ability to think clearly and compromises your ability to 142 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 1: feel great. And so even just the act of knowing 143 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: like it makes sense to feel this way and it's 144 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: okay to feel this way, I don't need to judge that. 145 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: I don't need to also believe the things that I'm 146 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 1: thinking in this state, because it's a real problem to 147 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: believe everything you think when you're feeling really lousy and 148 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: you're not sleeping enough. 149 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 2: Do you have tips in the book to how to 150 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: combat the snowball effective stress where it's you? Because for me, 151 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 2: I know I do this. When one thing stresses me out, 152 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 2: fifty things will then stress me out. And it's not 153 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 2: even and I'm normally never stressed about the twenty nine, 154 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: thirtieth or fortieth thing, But when I'm stressed about one 155 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 2: like I compile everything together. Do you have anything for that? 156 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: Yes, And so that is something that we all do, 157 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: and a lot of us do this in crazy, you know, 158 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: comical ways. You know. I just remember when I was postpartum. 159 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: I was really stressed and overwhelmed going back to work, 160 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: and I was like literally just thinking about all the 161 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: things I had to do and how I had no energy. 162 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 3: And how I had no time. 163 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: And then I started mindlessly picking at my fingernail and 164 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: little did I know that when you are postpartum your compromised. 165 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: And so I developed a crazy antibiotic resistant infection that 166 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: like required minor surgery and multiple visits with infectious disease. 167 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: And so literally, I think this is everything, Like when 168 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: we are really stressed, we think in ways that make 169 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: things much more stressful, and we act in. 170 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 3: Ways like it was so ironic. 171 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have time, and then here 172 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,560 Speaker 1: I am with like five follow up visits to different 173 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: doctors and sitting in the er for many hours. And 174 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: so I think, even there's so many things, but one 175 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: very specific thing is just labeling I'm in emotion mind, 176 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: I'm not in reasonable mind, which is just the facts. 177 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: I'm not in wise mind, which is where my head 178 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: and heart are aligned. 179 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 3: But I'm in emotion mind like. 180 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: That automatically gives you a little bit of working distance 181 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,959 Speaker 1: from taking your thoughts. So seriously, if like it's the 182 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: middle of the night and you hear a no ways 183 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: emotion mind, like that does not mean that you're about 184 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: to be you know, broken in your house is about 185 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: to be robbed, Or if you're afraid of flying rather 186 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: than thinking turbulence is a sign that you're in harm's way, 187 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: taking a second to realize, like, no, no emotion mind, 188 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: this is my fear of flying. 189 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 3: Not a crash is coming. 190 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 2: I mean, you bring up flying and I'm probably the 191 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 2: worst flyer there is, just because I don't like turbulence. 192 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 2: I don't like to know. Okay, I would love to 193 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 2: sit next to the pilot the entire time, and like 194 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 2: are we good? Is this good? I think you just help. 195 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 2: You're at a loss of control too, because it's it's 196 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 2: in their hands and you don't know what's going on 197 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 2: or the weather or anything like that. So uh with 198 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 2: that aspect of things too, Like I tend to overthink 199 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 2: a lot of things in my brain, like does not 200 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 2: shut off at times I know you say, you know 201 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 2: there's you can do this in a minute. So and 202 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 2: instead of having doing a meditation or quieting the mind, 203 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 2: is there, what can you do for the overthinking of 204 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 2: just like stopping your brain from just overacting. 205 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: When you're afraid on planes? Can I ask what specifically 206 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: comes up for you, like what are your thoughts, what 207 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,319 Speaker 1: are the sensations in your body? I know you said 208 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: your urge is to just check in to make sure 209 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: everything's okay. 210 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 2: I don't like I don't like feeling trapped that comes 211 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 2: from a PTSD situation from when I was nineteen. I 212 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 2: do not like the feeling of being trapped. I also 213 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 2: don't like the fact that if something were to happen, well, 214 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,719 Speaker 2: I think it's gotten worse as a mom. So when 215 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 2: I had kids, really to start to paint the picture, like, 216 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 2: oh my god, if something happens and I'm on a 217 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 2: plane and they're not going to have their mom and 218 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 2: so I think there's the year, and I know the 219 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,199 Speaker 2: I've gone to theearflying dot Com and I know all 220 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: the statistics and you could tell me that till you 221 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,439 Speaker 2: know you're blue in the face. But I'm still every 222 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 2: time we hit a bump. I'm like, I start to 223 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,440 Speaker 2: freak out. Are we okay? Look at the flight attendance. 224 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 2: You know, my body just goes into essentially fight or flight, 225 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 2: you know where I just am like I'm on high 226 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 2: alert and I'm not in I'm not in my right brain, 227 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 2: Like I'm not I'm not rational, I'm like, we're going down. 228 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you opening up about that, and I 229 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: think a lot of people listening probably relate to your 230 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: your thoughts and feelings. I think the first thing in 231 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: this is something I talk about in the book, is 232 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: having a traumatic event in your past. It creates an 233 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,719 Speaker 1: ongoing vulnerability and kind of fight or flight response. And 234 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: so surprisingly, there are treatments for PTSD that don't take 235 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 1: very long and aren't too much work. For example, there's 236 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: something called written exposure therapy where you write about the 237 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: trauma for five sessions. Each session is thirty minutes and 238 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: you write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about the 239 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 1: event and how it affects you today. And remarkably, five 240 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:15,440 Speaker 1: thirty minute writing sessions work as well as much longer treatments, 241 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: and these have been This has been used with veterans 242 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: and people that have been through very intense, prolonged trauma, 243 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: and so I think the first thing is to really 244 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: understand that PTSD is going to be make a lot 245 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: of day to day things much more stressful, but for 246 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: people to realize that there are really promising research back 247 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:38,239 Speaker 1: to ways to treat PTSD that will give you more bandwidth. 248 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 2: Interesting, I've never heard of that one, Like I've done 249 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 2: the e MDR. I mean, and it's interesting when I 250 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,959 Speaker 2: go to therapy sometimes it'll go back to that. I'm like, God, 251 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 2: I've worked on that for so many years, you know, like, 252 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 2: how how do I go back to that place? And 253 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 2: I've never heard of that that the writing thing that's 254 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 2: very interesting, Yeah, And kind. 255 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,440 Speaker 1: Of the philosophy behind that is that when a traumatic 256 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: event happens, we store it in a way that's splintered, 257 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: and so we can continue to re experience it, but 258 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: by slowing down and staying with it in the present, 259 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: we can we can kind of close it out and 260 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: create separation from it. And again, this is a really 261 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,160 Speaker 1: remarkable treatment. And this is one of the reasons I 262 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: wrote this book, because so many people can't necessarily afford therapy, 263 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: or so many people might be doing things that aren't 264 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 1: the most researched back to recent exciting ways to improve things, 265 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: and so certainly I think written exposure therapies are really 266 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,720 Speaker 1: promising avenue. And I think another key part of flying 267 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: is radical acceptance. A lot of times we are fighting, 268 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: you know, there's something difficult, and instead of accepting, we 269 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: are fighting, and so I would you know, my patients laugh, 270 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: but they know that they are not allowed to talk 271 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 1: to the stewardess or not allowed to talk to the pilot. 272 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 1: There's no questions about how does how are things looking 273 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: today or just typical. They need to, you know, they 274 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,599 Speaker 1: need to if they never pray, they're not supposed to 275 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 1: be praying, Like, there needs to be this attitude of 276 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 1: acceptance and willingness and allowing what is because trying to 277 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: direct things that are out of our control is going 278 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: to be. You're not a pilot, that's not your I 279 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: mean it's kind of playful but true, it's like none 280 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: of your business. Like you just got to You're doing 281 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: this because this matters to you. You want to be courageous. 282 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: You're not, you know, a puppeteer orchestrating, right. 283 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 2: I like that nuts. I've never had it spun that way, 284 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 2: But I really, I really like that. I'm curious to 285 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 2: your thoughts on alcohol when it comes to stress, because 286 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 2: you know, at the end of the day, people sometimes 287 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 2: some people like to sit down, have a glass of 288 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 2: wine or crack open something. What are your views on that, 289 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 2: because you know, we've had like doctor aman on and 290 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 2: you know he's talked about the negative effects of alcohol, 291 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 2: Like do you see that as a negative as well, 292 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 2: or is it something where you're like, you know, in 293 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 2: every once in a while or something. 294 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to speak in all or nothing terms, 295 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: but generally speaking, alcohol does affect our sleep quality. Even 296 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 1: two drinks takes a toll on our sleep. 297 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 3: And so. 298 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: My whole thing is, I don't want people to do 299 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: the equivalent of taking out a high interest credit card 300 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: to cope with stress. If you're going to take something 301 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: to take the edge off that then messes up your sleep, 302 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: that's really not the best. 303 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 3: Long term solution. 304 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 1: And so I think if you're going out socially and 305 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: you want to have a drink, that's one thing once 306 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: a week. But I would really, I really hope to 307 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: offer people a whole host of other things to do 308 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: that are much more empowering. And besides alcohol, like I really, 309 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: one of the things that stresses me out a ton 310 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: is the thought that so many people, the fact that 311 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 1: so many people are taking medications like anti anxiety medications 312 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: like klanic ban or xyannex, that they're really actually painfully ironic. 313 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: It's like, when you need to be your sharpest, you're 314 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: taking a medication that makes you think less clearly and 315 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: slows you down. And they're also incredibly habit for me, 316 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: and the detox is really really stressful. And so I 317 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: want everyone listening to take a moment to really marinate 318 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: on this idea that your body is your best pharmacy. 319 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: You don't need alcohol, you don't need anti anxiety medications. 320 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: We could talk about pot. I don't want everyone to 321 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 1: hate me, but cannabis is not a cure for anxiety. 322 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: There are much better things within you. 323 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 2: So what would you say then for anxiety? Because I 324 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 2: used to be on anxiety medicine for oh my gosh, 325 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 2: I'm fifteen now, all of them I forty. I started 326 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 2: when I was almost twenty me, so I mean, yeah, 327 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 2: most I was almost on it for nineteen years. Recently 328 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 2: got off last October. 329 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,160 Speaker 3: Congratulations that's a really big deal. 330 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 2: Thank you. But having said that, I've had the worst 331 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 2: postpartum anxiety. It's probably been depressions underneath there for sure, 332 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 2: but the most it's been anxiety. And I've often wondered, 333 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 2: you know, should I go back on because I know 334 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 2: all the coping mechanisms of how not to have an 335 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 2: anxiety attack. I know, you know, all the things that 336 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 2: I've learned over the amount of years, which is why 337 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 2: I also I eliminated one of my biggest stressors which 338 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,639 Speaker 2: then which was a marriage, and then after that, you know, 339 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,640 Speaker 2: I didn't have an anxiety. I'm like, okay, like this 340 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,440 Speaker 2: is you know now I also know how to cope 341 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: with it. But now it's I have that anxiety that's 342 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 2: coming back. And I do have Xenx in my purse. 343 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 2: I don't take it, but I like to know that 344 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 2: I have it if I ever have like a moment 345 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,359 Speaker 2: on a plane or something where I can. But I mean, 346 00:17:55,400 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: I haven't taken a xanax and probably ten years maybe, 347 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 2: but I always have it in my purse. It's like 348 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 2: almost a security blanket for me to know that I 349 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 2: have it in case, which I think is not a 350 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 2: healthy habit. But I still refill it to know that 351 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 2: it's there when the expiration date goes. But you know 352 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: what are then because I do do not believe it, 353 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,119 Speaker 2: not not to believe. But when you look at like 354 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,239 Speaker 2: the serotonin levels and all the things, they say, Well, 355 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,160 Speaker 2: if the serotonin levels are off, like what then can 356 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,960 Speaker 2: you do to not be So if I'm having anxiety, 357 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 2: then what would you basically say to me to do 358 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: to not go back on anxiety medicine? 359 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,239 Speaker 3: Well, the reason that you keep the issiatics in your 360 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 3: purse is because you're afraid of what what are you like? 361 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 3: What would be a situation where you would need to take. 362 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 2: That I pass out or like I'm on the verge 363 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 2: and uh it's like a panic attack. Yeah, Like, let's 364 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 2: say I'm stuck, which is another reason why you know 365 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 2: I don't. I would never go on. I used to 366 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 2: never drive in the expressway because I again I would 367 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: the feeling of being stuck would get me dizzy to 368 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 2: the fact that I have to pull off on the 369 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 2: expressway right, So I just am like I avoided it. 370 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,879 Speaker 2: I lived in LA for however many years, ten years, 371 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 2: never one on the four or five or the one 372 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: on one. I was like side streets all the way. 373 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 2: So then I worked my way up, did amdr for 374 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 2: it and all the things, and I stopped. I was 375 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 2: able to drive on the expressway, so I'm able to 376 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 2: do it now, but I have to stay on like 377 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 2: the right lane so I know I can get off, 378 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 2: and I'll never do it during rush hour because then 379 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 2: that feeling of like being stuck again will just get me. 380 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 2: I mean it's almost like a vertigo feeling where I 381 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,480 Speaker 2: could just get super dizzy and I feel lightheaded. And 382 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,879 Speaker 2: so for me in that moment, I'm like, Okay, I 383 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 2: would obviously don't drive in dousantics. That's not what I'm saying, 384 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:40,879 Speaker 2: but at least I know. I'm like, well, if I 385 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 2: have a panic attack, I can take this and I 386 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 2: know I'll be fine. 387 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk to you about this, and 388 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: nothing makes me happier than to talk about this, and 389 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you. 390 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 3: Being so open. 391 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 1: And so for anyone listening, the cure for panic is 392 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: practicing panic. Everyone needs to remember this. The cure for 393 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: panic is practicing panic. 394 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,680 Speaker 2: Explain because I what do you mean? Yeah? 395 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,960 Speaker 3: Yes, So when someone comes into my office and tells 396 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 3: me that they have panic. And this is all in 397 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 3: the book. 398 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,199 Speaker 1: And this is one of the reasons I wrote this 399 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: book is because people need to know this. If you 400 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 1: have had a panic attack, you are probably avoiding anything 401 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 1: that would recreate those symptoms. But what happens if you 402 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,479 Speaker 1: know that when you're in a stressful situation you are 403 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:24,639 Speaker 1: going to feel short of breath, sweaty, and dizzy. What 404 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,360 Speaker 1: happens if we make a list of those specific physical 405 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: sensations and we practice them together for a minute each 406 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,160 Speaker 1: who gets spin on a chair to feel dizzy? I 407 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: can I have coffeeaster straws that have a really small opening. 408 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,200 Speaker 1: You pinch your nose. You just breathe in through the 409 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: coffee ster or straw. You feel like you can't breathe. 410 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,679 Speaker 1: You can wear a winter coat. We could give you 411 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 1: some espresso. You practicing you literally putting out a welcome 412 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: that for physical sensations of anxiety puts you in the 413 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 1: driver's seat and panic in the trunk. And after you've 414 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,159 Speaker 1: practiced this, you need to practice like each sensation for 415 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: about a minute. You could go the extra mile and 416 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 1: like imagine that you're driving on the freeway and feeling 417 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,720 Speaker 1: these things. But once you repeatedly practice welcoming panic. Again, 418 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 1: this is very similar to radical acceptance. And this is 419 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: radical acceptance when you allow your body to do what 420 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: it does and come to realize that what feels terrifying 421 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:23,439 Speaker 1: is in fact temporary, you win and anxiety loses. It's 422 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,919 Speaker 1: almost like a Chinese finger trap. The more you fight it, 423 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 1: the more you're held hostage. But the more you lean 424 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: in and we're like, bring it on, bring it on. 425 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: I've been there, I've done that. This is exactly what 426 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,360 Speaker 1: I did at home last night. 427 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 3: It's cool. 428 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: There's enough space and me to welcome in all of it. 429 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,919 Speaker 1: And then so step one is practicing that, and then 430 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 1: step two. Then what you're saying is very familiar to me. 431 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,919 Speaker 1: And this is what everyone says. We need to avoid 432 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: safety behaviors, which is staying in, you know, avoiding rush 433 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,720 Speaker 1: hour traffic or avoiding certain lanes. And it's funny, you know, 434 00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,879 Speaker 1: when I was pregnant with my oldest child, I had 435 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,480 Speaker 1: been living in New York for a very long time, 436 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: and I flew out to la for a psychology training 437 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 1: that was insolving, which is like a ninety minute drive 438 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: from lax and I was on my way to this 439 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: super important, exciting, amazing career opportunity. And I started to 440 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: feel my hands get super sweaty on the steering wheel, 441 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: and then. 442 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like feel nauseous. 443 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: This isn't safe. I haven't driven on a freeway in years. 444 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 1: This is really the worst idea to drive, like, you know, 445 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 1: far my first time. And I was like, thank you mind, 446 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: thank you mind, Like there's enough space in me to 447 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 1: welcome in all of my feelings. If I had pulled 448 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 1: over and left, what a missed opportunity to realize that, 449 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: like it just comes and goes, it's waves, and that 450 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: would have made me more anxious the next time. Then 451 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: I would have developed some sort of narrative of I 452 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 1: can't do freeways. But it's like, no, we all feel 453 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,679 Speaker 1: these feelings. It's just a matter of am I willing 454 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 1: to have them? And who's in charge here? My inner 455 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 1: wisdom or fleeting sensations? Right? 456 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 2: No, I love that. Think when I'm hearing you say that, 457 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 2: I think it's because I had passed out twice from 458 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 2: having a panic attack. So my fear is if I 459 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 2: what if I pass out while I'm driving? You know, 460 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 2: I gets and that's where it's like my because my 461 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 2: body will go from like zero to one hundred and 462 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 2: a second when it comes to that feeling of trap. 463 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 3: And what situation did you pass out in if Acannos? 464 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: So it one was when I was in Mexico. I 465 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 2: was completely sober, but so the I was an abusive relationship. 466 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 2: He would wake me up at three in the morning, 467 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 2: be the shot out of me, throw me at about. 468 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 2: So when I was alone, I mean I would wake 469 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:42,160 Speaker 2: up at three am every every single morning after that incident, 470 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 2: I mean up until I got divorced a few years ago, 471 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 2: and so now I don't wake up at three am anymore. 472 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:53,720 Speaker 2: But so I was alone, I was on tour, I 473 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,679 Speaker 2: was playing the country show, and it was that panic 474 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 2: that I'm alone and I don't feel safe, and so 475 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,160 Speaker 2: I got up out of bed. I started having anxiety 476 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 2: attack and then I fell and I hit my head 477 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 2: and I still have scar tissue on my forehead from 478 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 2: falling and hitting my head. And then another time was 479 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,479 Speaker 2: after my divorce, but that was just I mean, it 480 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 2: was the week I filed, So, I mean I get 481 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 2: the most, probably had zero food in me and everything else. 482 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: But yeah, there's certain things people can do to prevent fainting, 483 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,479 Speaker 1: which are counterintuitive, like pensing your muscles want people are 484 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: like trying to relax, But it's called applied tension. Especially 485 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,679 Speaker 1: if people have blood injury injection phobias, if when they 486 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: get their blood drawn they feel really faint, tensing your 487 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 1: muscles really helps them. So there's certain things to do, 488 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 1: and obviously I want people to be thoughtful, but I 489 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 1: think it's interesting that this happened twice in very extreme 490 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:56,360 Speaker 1: situations and to create rules around pretty low probability events. 491 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 1: It maintains their weight and makes you more afraid of them. 492 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 1: But there are all sorts of things in the book. 493 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: I mean, another one that's kind of interesting is taking 494 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: a salable and filling it with ice water. If you 495 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 1: hold your breath for thirty seconds, is you dip your 496 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: face in the ice water, that lowers your heart rate 497 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 1: that quickly kind of overhauls your nervous systems called the 498 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 1: die of response. And even just holding ice can help. 499 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: And anchoring or grounding, really digging your heels into the floor, 500 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,919 Speaker 1: taking a moment to kind of check in with yourself, 501 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 1: what am I thinking doing? Come back to the moment. 502 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 1: And so there are tons and tons of things, and 503 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 1: you're not alone. And I've seen a lot of people 504 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: that have fainted, and it's like, let's get in the 505 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 1: car together. 506 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 3: We got this and right. 507 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,399 Speaker 1: If you know that you can face the physical sensations, 508 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: it's pretty unlikely to faint. The thing where I see 509 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 1: fainting the most often is around the blood injury injection 510 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,399 Speaker 1: for you, because that can make people faint. But again, 511 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: this apply tension. It works, wonders. 512 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: I love that. What are your what it's like your 513 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 2: favorite tip in the book the book that you write about. 514 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,679 Speaker 1: There are so many, but I know one that I 515 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 1: love is that I personal. 516 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 3: There's two that I'll share. 517 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: I really love slow breathing, breathing in for five seconds and. 518 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 3: Out for five seconds. 519 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: And I just want to clarify, like, it is not 520 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,640 Speaker 1: fair to think I'm just going to pick this up 521 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,879 Speaker 1: when things are really hard. 522 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 3: You need to do this like preemptively. 523 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,159 Speaker 1: It's like you can't just decide like I'm going to 524 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 1: run the marathon without having trained. 525 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 3: You need to do this like first thing in the morning. 526 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: And so I really love doing this and I think 527 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 1: it works, Wonders, and I think it is much more powerful. 528 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,160 Speaker 1: It gives you a calm alertness, which is different than 529 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 1: into anxiety medication that's like dull and not able to 530 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,800 Speaker 1: be strong and sharp. And I actually, in doing research 531 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: for the book, I interviewed psychiatrists that have moved away 532 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: from prescribing medication and are now prescribing breathing. And they 533 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,440 Speaker 1: actually started a foundation called Breath, Body, and Mind Foundation 534 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,880 Speaker 1: where they work with disaster found disaster survivors teaching them 535 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: breath work and even in disaster zones, this specific I 536 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,360 Speaker 1: don't know, breathing, which is much slower than the way 537 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: that we normally breathe, is incredibly helpful and powerful and kind. 538 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 3: Of sets a good tone for the day. And you 539 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:21,439 Speaker 3: do this through your nose, so breathing in interesting and 540 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 3: out and so it's one. 541 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: And then I also love a specific mindfulness practice called 542 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: loving Kindness meditation. And this was like my best friend 543 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 1: postpart of something it's just excited to share with you. 544 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 1: And I continue to practice this all the time, but 545 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,880 Speaker 1: really practicing saying statements of loving kindness first to someone 546 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: that naturally brings up those feelings, then to yourself, then 547 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: to maybe a friend that's having a hard time than 548 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,160 Speaker 1: a familiar stranger. 549 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 3: Like the you're. 550 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: Amazon driver or someone see at a local coffee shop 551 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 1: and someone a little bit difficulty, I'd be happy, may 552 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,679 Speaker 1: I'd be healthy, I'd be safe, and I live with 553 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,399 Speaker 1: these and that really creates kind of the groundwork for 554 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,440 Speaker 1: being a bit nicer to yourself. And doing this again, 555 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: like ahead of time as a buffer, makes you a 556 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: little bit more able to when you're beating yourself up 557 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 1: or judging something that you did that wasn't perfect, it's 558 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:16,680 Speaker 1: a little easier. 559 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 3: To change the channel and get back into more compassion. 560 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, Well, everybody gets stressed. Reset how to soothe 561 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: your body and mind in minutes. I'm definitely going to 562 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 2: do that, and I'm going to read it on the airplane. 563 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,159 Speaker 2: And then you have I just want to say the 564 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 2: other book too that you have that's out, what is yours? 565 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 2: CSIA How to Be Single and Happy? The biggest takeaway 566 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 2: for people listening How to Be Single and Happy? You 567 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 2: think the biggest takeaway from that book is. 568 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: So much to say, But a lot of people think, 569 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 1: when I meet someone, then my life is going to 570 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: be amazing. And there's a lot of research. This is 571 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: not like random thoughts by Jenny Tates. This is like 572 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 1: research studies looking at hundreds of thousands of people, on average, 573 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: marriage increases happiness by one percent. And so I really 574 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: want people to know that they don't need to wait 575 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 1: for their life to start. 576 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 3: Your life starts now. 577 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: And some people worry that if they're too comfortable or 578 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 1: too happy, then they won't look for love, but actually, 579 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: like that's a very evolutionary desire. You will still want 580 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 1: a partner if you're very happy. And so I want 581 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: people to know that they can do the things that 582 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: matter to them and live a life that feels really 583 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 1: rich and meaningful even if they are not having a 584 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 1: lot of luck and love. And so many dating books 585 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: make people feel really lousy and teach people to play 586 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 1: games and be bitchy and settle, and I want people 587 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: to know that there's a science to happiness, and there's 588 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: a science to asserting yourself and communicating, and you don't 589 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: need to play games and you don't need to lose yourself. 590 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 3: You need to embrace yourself. 591 00:29:55,720 --> 00:30:01,239 Speaker 2: And I really love that. That's awesome. Well, Jenny, thank 592 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,239 Speaker 2: you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it. 593 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 2: I'm adding to Kart right now. 594 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you, Jen. 595 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it talking to you, and I'm so 596 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 1: happy that you know friends. 597 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 2: I know. Thank you girl the same. We'll speak to 598 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 2: you soon. I'm going to slide into your DMS when 599 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 2: I'm on my next plane ride and go all right, girl, 600 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:18,240 Speaker 2: And this. 601 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 3: Is Jennet, you got it on? 602 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 2: Are the tips again? 603 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,120 Speaker 1: I mean, this is half the book, like do not 604 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: do this on the plane. You've got to practice looking 605 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 1: ahead of that. You've got to do some pre exposure therapy, 606 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,760 Speaker 1: and then we've got to work on radical acceptance and 607 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: lower stress situations to do the hardest ones. 608 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I trust all right, Thanks Jenny, Bye 609 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 2: bye girl bye