Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: And welcome back to George nor with Foster for Jerio FoST.
Speaker 2: What is your definition of aggression?
Speaker 3: Well, aggression, you know, takes a lot of forms, George,
Speaker 3: but you know, basically, it's it's when your emotions take
Speaker 3: over your body physically. Now you're reacting, and then it's
Speaker 3: an outward expression, either on an inanimate object and often
Speaker 3: on another person.
Speaker 2: You can be aggressive and not anger, though, can't you?
Speaker 3: You can. Sometimes aggression is something that you know, you
Speaker 3: can actually be positive. It's more of an assertiveness. You know,
Speaker 3: you channel it into something that's positive. But for some people,
Speaker 3: aggression is an external act that is directed to hurt
Speaker 3: someone else.
Speaker 2: I mean, you could be aggressive in business, you could
Speaker 2: go for it and you could be very successful that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's what that's what I call assertiveness. You know,
Speaker 3: it's really taking all you know, your intellect and your
Speaker 3: emotions and putting them in a positive direction.
Speaker 2: In the moment, we're going to show you, folks, how
Speaker 2: you can reduce your anger on a regular basis. What
Speaker 2: about the sections men, women.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, it's just a different expression really Georgia. You know,
Speaker 3: you take that back to hormonal kinds of things. The
Speaker 3: testosterone is something that is aggressive. It's the kind of
Speaker 3: thing that you know, often triggers at least helps in
Speaker 3: the delivery of anger from men, whereas women, their hormones
Speaker 3: are a little different. They will experience changes more often
Speaker 3: than men, but they don't have that quick thrust as
Speaker 3: often as a man had. So, you know, we often
Speaker 3: come kind of come up to the conclusion where we say,
Speaker 3: you know, well, men are more angry than women. That's
Speaker 3: not necessarily true, it's just displayed differently.
Speaker 2: I saw a clip of comedian Jim Carrey when it
Speaker 2: was first on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and
Speaker 2: he was funny, And then I read his bio and
Speaker 2: it says that he has had a lifetime lifetom of depression.
Speaker 2: He's been taking medication. They claims that he's off it now.
Speaker 2: But what makes somebody depressed? That's different from anger, right
Speaker 2: it is?
Speaker 3: You know, although you can the anger can be an
Speaker 3: outgrowth of depression. But you know, when when people come
Speaker 3: to see me, the first thing I'm going to do
Speaker 3: is go physical with him and say, okay, let's get
Speaker 3: you to a doctor. Let's find out if we've got
Speaker 3: any harmonal things going on, or thyroid or high blood pressure,
Speaker 3: and we're going to try to see if we can
Speaker 3: where those narrow transmitters are, those of those chemicals that
Speaker 3: stimulate the brain, and when they're not doing their job
Speaker 3: the way we'd like him to, then we talk about
Speaker 3: something called clinical depression, which is simply your brain not
Speaker 3: being able to perform its daily functions. Then you can
Speaker 3: go you know into you know, a panic mode in
Speaker 3: lots of anxiety, or you can go into a whole depressed,
Speaker 3: if kind of a thing where you have just a
Speaker 3: difficult time motivating yourself to do anything.
Speaker 2: Robin Williams killed himself with depression.
Speaker 3: Correct, Yes, is what the type of depression?
Speaker 2: Yes, Louise disease?
Speaker 3: Yes, what is that? Well, it's again it's it's a
Speaker 3: very severe kind of depression, uh, you know, and and
Speaker 3: it's that one is just so hard to get out of.
Speaker 3: And in his case, you know, he felt that it
Speaker 3: wasn't going to get better and it tended to be
Speaker 3: a debilitating kind of the thing. So he just said,
Speaker 3: you know, enough is enough?
Speaker 2: Is there something wrong with the brain?
Speaker 3: Well, it's people will always look at the brain. But
Speaker 3: the brain and the body are so syncd up. I mean,
Speaker 3: you know, you can't have one working well without the other. Uh. So,
Speaker 3: you know when you talk about depression or you talk
Speaker 3: about anxiety, George, whatever you're dealing with, it's always a
Speaker 3: mind body connection that you're dealing with.
Speaker 2: Is there such thing as anger management?
Speaker 3: Sure, that's what we were saying before. Absolutely, you know
Speaker 3: that's you know, but a person has to want to
Speaker 3: do this. A lot of a lot of people, particularly men,
Speaker 3: will get to the point where they're going to lose
Speaker 3: everything and they say, well, I've got to go take
Speaker 3: care of this anger so I don't lose anything. Not
Speaker 3: it's really not the right reason to get there. If
Speaker 3: you if you admit that you're anger, you know that
Speaker 3: this is happening, it's affecting your life, and you'll want
Speaker 3: to do something about it. There's there's so many counseling
Speaker 3: programs that work, some summer individuals, summer group. Uh. You know,
Speaker 3: there's medication involved at times if necessary, We'll talk about
Speaker 3: dietary change. There's all different kinds of things, and that's
Speaker 3: how we're going to manage anger on the physical, emotional,
Speaker 3: and the intellectual base.
Speaker 2: Are there different types of anger?
Speaker 3: There are many kinds of anger, you know, people when
Speaker 3: we talk about anger, we talk about what we typically
Speaker 3: see is what we call rapid anger. You know, it
Speaker 3: comes out and it's screens at you. But there's anger
Speaker 3: that's born out of fear of frustration. There's pain based anger. Uh,
Speaker 3: there's reactive anger where we're reacting to something. Uh. There's
Speaker 3: one of my favorites that you know, so to speak,
Speaker 3: is righteous anger, where we really believe that we can
Speaker 3: use anger to positively change the world. You know, those
Speaker 3: kinds of things, volatile anger, anger for control of other people.
Speaker 3: There's all different kinds of anger. So when we go
Speaker 3: into anger management or into treatment, we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 3: want to define what type of anger a person's using.
Speaker 3: And there can be several.
Speaker 2: What causes somebody to get so angry so quickly?
Speaker 3: Well, that's often we're a physical thing, you know. Uh again,
Speaker 3: you know, the the the mind. What happens in anger
Speaker 3: situation or is the mind gets the gets the stimulation. First,
Speaker 3: you know, it comes on and you realize something happened,
Speaker 3: you don't like it, But then the body kicks in
Speaker 3: and when that body kicks in. You know, for some people,
Speaker 3: you know, they see red and they see red fast
Speaker 3: and they're not and they just cannot turn it off.
Speaker 3: That's that rapid anger I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: You have five tips thoughts on how to reduce anger
Speaker 2: on a regular basis, So let's go through those.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's let's you know, well again, when we talk
Speaker 3: about anger, I always say to people who were talking
Speaker 3: about those three things that physical, emotional, intellectual. The first
Speaker 3: thing when it comes to anger, if you really want
Speaker 3: to reduce that, make an appointment with your primary care physician.
Speaker 3: Try to determine if there's any physical problems.
Speaker 2: What do you tell them?
Speaker 3: What do I tell the people that when I'm.
Speaker 2: The what do you tell your doctor when you go
Speaker 2: to them?
Speaker 3: When you go to me? Say you might say my
Speaker 3: counselor sent me, or you just want to go yourself
Speaker 3: and say, I'm experiencing a lot of anger. Oftentimes I
Speaker 3: can't control it, or it's doing this kind of damage,
Speaker 3: whatever it may be in your life, and I just
Speaker 3: want to make sure that there's nothing physical that's causing this.
Speaker 3: Our monal issues, thyroid issues, high blood pressure, those types
Speaker 3: of things, you know, and they'll do the blood test,
Speaker 3: they'll they'll you know, they'll you start there, because it's
Speaker 3: really it's almost abusive on a therapeutic end. If we're
Speaker 3: going to try to work through anger with someone and
Speaker 3: we haven't sent them to their their physician, you know,
Speaker 3: we may be working with all these emotional and mental
Speaker 3: things and we haven't ruled the body out. We got
Speaker 3: to rule the body out first and make sure that
Speaker 3: that's not what's starting the problem.
Speaker 2: Somebody gets laid off from work. Is that normal to
Speaker 2: get angry about that?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 3: Sure that that's such a that can be such a
Speaker 3: life changing event. You know, and people may get angry first.
Speaker 3: But what we want to do is be able to,
Speaker 3: in any situation take that step back and say, Okay,
Speaker 3: this has happened in my life, it hurts, I'm scared,
Speaker 3: i'm angry, whatever, But now I got to I got
Speaker 3: to flip the switch here and I got to do
Speaker 3: something or this is going to get a whole lot worse.
Speaker 2: How many different kinds of anger are there?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, here I have a in my book,
Speaker 3: I've got about fifteen. But you know, if you're break
Speaker 3: it down and get into some of the more obscure ones.
Speaker 3: You can probably get twenty or twenty five kinds of anger.
Speaker 3: I've put the important ones in, you know, and you
Speaker 3: know when you hear that, you know, just when the
Speaker 3: people say, my god. Really, but really it's just about
Speaker 3: diagnosing which one it is or which two or three,
Speaker 3: because you know, you may have rapid anger, and it
Speaker 3: may be something that you know, you that comes from
Speaker 3: physical sources and maybe something you use to manage people
Speaker 3: or or to control themselves. You know, when we get
Speaker 3: into all that and we start doing the family histories
Speaker 3: and and and the personal history for the person, we
Speaker 3: can see where all that's coming from. And what sounds
Speaker 3: like a whole lot of different kinds of anger are
Speaker 3: really just what's happening on the person's timeline. And when
Speaker 3: we go and we we address all those various things
Speaker 3: in their life, we can take care of anger one
Speaker 3: at a time, or sometimes two or three at a time.
Speaker 2: What is your retaliatory anger?
Speaker 3: That's when you want to you know, someone does something
Speaker 3: to you, you know, uh, you know, you're you're at
Speaker 3: work and got this person who's always you know, uh,
Speaker 3: stealing your work, so to speak. And now you say, well,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'm gonna get this person, I'm gonna retaliate,
Speaker 3: and I'm going to do something to hurt them, And
Speaker 3: then you conjure up something in your mind and.
Speaker 2: Then you deliver passive aggressive anger.
Speaker 3: Passive aggressive anger is that sneaky one. That's the one
Speaker 3: where uh, again, someone does something to you and instead
Speaker 3: of confronting it, and it's often a byproduct of someone
Speaker 3: who cannot it doesn't isn't good at confronting it, you know,
Speaker 3: good at talking about what's on their mind. So what
Speaker 3: they do is they do some of these some plant
Speaker 3: stine things. They'll hide people's things. They they'll say they're
Speaker 3: going to do something and they won't. They'll give them
Speaker 3: the silent treatment, that kind of thing. Uh. And really
Speaker 3: it's just a misguided way that to get that other
Speaker 3: person to try to understand that you're angry without ever
Speaker 3: admitting that you are based you know, Uh, I always
Speaker 3: tell people most anger comes from fear and insecurity of
Speaker 3: some sort, or at least on the emotional intellectual plane. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So when we we're afraid of something, particularly men, you know,
Speaker 3: that's what we do. We get angry because we don't
Speaker 3: want to face the fear. So a lot of times
Speaker 3: what we're getting angry about is because we're afraid and
Speaker 3: we don't know how to how to deal with that pain.
Speaker 3: You know, pain is one of those things where, if
Speaker 3: you think about it, you know, you've got this horrible
Speaker 3: tooth use an example, and you know you're maybe a
Speaker 3: little angry to begin with, but now that tooth is man,
Speaker 3: it's robbing, and you don't want anyone near you. You know,
Speaker 3: someone says something and you're going to react. You're already
Speaker 3: at a point where internally physically it has taken your
Speaker 3: nervous system and you know, just pumped it up, and
Speaker 3: so now you're angry. And and in cases of chronic pain,
Speaker 3: we'll see that a lot of people there angry a
Speaker 3: lot more often because the pain never subsides.
Speaker 2: If you're not in a good mood. Is that anger, No.
Speaker 3: Not necessarily, you can you again, sometimes that's just you're
Speaker 3: physically you're tired, you're worried about something. It can be hormonal. Uh,
Speaker 3: it can be the kind of thing where you know
Speaker 3: something is just relentless, it's in your life and it
Speaker 3: just doesn't quit, you know, so you're overly focused on it.
Speaker 3: But You don't have to necessarily get angry about it.
Speaker 3: It just it just may consume you when you obsess kids.
Speaker 2: On how to reduce anger. What about settling past issues
Speaker 2: one of the big ones.
Speaker 3: I always call them undercurrents, and you know, if you
Speaker 3: don't settle those, they're always running. They're kind of at
Speaker 3: an idol, you know, on a scale of one of ten,
Speaker 3: maybe a one or two. But what happens is then
Speaker 3: something trips the switch a little bit. You get a
Speaker 3: little angry, and that's you and those unresolved issues begin
Speaker 3: to come to the top a little bit, and they
Speaker 3: just exacerbate the whole situation.
Speaker 2: Focus on your internal language, that's a big one.
Speaker 3: What we find is, you know, you think about it,
Speaker 3: we spend so much time in our own heads and
Speaker 3: what we say to ourselves, the way we deal with
Speaker 3: ourselves internally, that's what translates into what we do. Thoughts
Speaker 3: tend to turn to actions. So you know, when I
Speaker 3: deal with people and I'm working with anger, I'm always
Speaker 3: teaching them, let's slow down on the internal stuff. Let's
Speaker 3: not be so rapid, you know, Let's not be so
Speaker 3: angry in the way we think about things. Let's calm
Speaker 3: that down a little bit, start putting a little bit
Speaker 3: of a positive turn on things. It really helps.
Speaker 2: How important is it to get help for your anger?
Speaker 3: Well, that's the most important thing for a lot of people.
Speaker 3: You know, they can't get through this on their own.
Speaker 3: Some people can go into accounting situation or just have
Speaker 3: a friend of someone to talk to and they get
Speaker 3: through it pretty easy. Others it's just not going to happen,
Speaker 3: and you have to make a decision about how long
Speaker 3: in your life you want to be angry.
Speaker 2: Some people have short fuses.
Speaker 3: Come Well, again, that could be physical. Uh uh, you
Speaker 3: know environmentally, you know, you're if you're brought up in
Speaker 3: an angry home and it was abusive and it was
Speaker 3: you know, people are getting yelled at and hitting, all
Speaker 3: those sorts of things. You learn that, so you know,
Speaker 3: it's always a combination, George, of fiscally what you're dealing with, environmentally,
Speaker 3: what you solve, the way you think, and how that
Speaker 3: turns outward, how fast your life is going, whether you're
Speaker 3: going to feed your emotions or your intellect, it's all
Speaker 3: that stuff.
Speaker 2: Is it better to let your anger out rather than
Speaker 2: keep it inside of you?
Speaker 3: Well? Yeah, eventually, you're gonna you're gonna let it out anyway,
Speaker 3: if you're going to try to hold on to it,
Speaker 3: Eventually it's coming out one way or another. It's just
Speaker 3: about the choice that you that you make. You know,
Speaker 3: if you want to let it out at someone, well,
Speaker 3: now you're causing problems and you're hurting someone else and
Speaker 3: you become that person who is doing that. So then
Speaker 3: that kind of defines you. If you're going to let
Speaker 3: anger out, you know, you want to find some positive
Speaker 3: ways to do that. I always tell people, let's make
Speaker 3: a list of positive things you can do to vent
Speaker 3: your anger, and that really changes it for a lot
Speaker 3: of people.
Speaker 2: How do you feel about meds?
Speaker 3: With me and meds, it's always a last ditch effort.
Speaker 3: I mean when nothing else works, you know that's the case.
Speaker 3: Or they go to the doctor and he says, well, gee,
Speaker 3: you have this thyroid issue. Well we're gonna put meds
Speaker 3: in the picture as far as it thinks. Like antidepressants
Speaker 3: and anti anxiety, you know, I used to treat people
Speaker 3: for years and years without those and we were highly successful.
Speaker 3: We just come to depend on that stuff because it's
Speaker 3: a quick fix.
Speaker 2: How did you get involved in all of this fust.
Speaker 3: You know, I was that kid growing up or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know, It's just it was me and from the beginning,
Speaker 3: you know, I love to listen to people and just
Speaker 3: had that knack for figuring out solutions with him. So
Speaker 3: from the time I was probably fifteen or so, I
Speaker 3: was the kid everybody came to the you know, to
Speaker 3: talk to. I listened. So it just took off. So
Speaker 3: I formalized, we got the education, and I've never turned back.
Speaker 2: Are babies generally born happy or depressed?
Speaker 3: Generally happy? I mean, you know, we don't see signs
Speaker 3: of depression that early. Uh that doesn't mean that the
Speaker 3: the genetics aren't there, We just don't see it at
Speaker 3: that early age. And then you know, it's it's kind
Speaker 3: of thing that evolves in time and so once but
Speaker 3: once they get into you know, kindergarten age, sometimes even
Speaker 3: a little earlier, we can start seeing signs of anger
Speaker 3: and or depression.
Speaker 2: But how much of it is family based?
Speaker 3: A lot of it can be, you know, you're it's
Speaker 3: that genetics and environment and you put the two together. Uh,
Speaker 3: you know, sometimes you know, we can have people brought
Speaker 3: up in abusive homes and they and they grow up
Speaker 3: to be very nice, very sensitive people. On the other hand,
Speaker 3: we the same family can produce someone that's so angry
Speaker 3: and gets into all different kinds of other things when
Speaker 3: they get older. It's a combination between your genetics and
Speaker 3: what you're dealing with in your environment.
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