1 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,920 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to my Favorite Murder. That's Georgia Hartstark, 2 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 1: That's Karen Kilgarriff, and today. 3 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 2: We thought it would be fun to give you a 4 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 2: little bonus advice episode where we solve all of your 5 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 2: life's problems by answering the questions that you've submitted to us. 6 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: This is a special three part series brought to you 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 1: by cars dot com because whether you're trying to find 8 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: the right car or you need life advice, having a 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: trusted source makes it a whole lot easier. 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 3: And we are the trusted source in this situation. 11 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 4: Yes, trust us for the advice. 12 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,319 Speaker 3: Okay, so here we go. 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 2: This is We're not responsible for the results of what 14 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 2: we tell you now. We are not doctors, lawyers, journalists, 15 00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 2: college graduates responsible with our words or actions. Good drivers 16 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 2: to good citizens. 17 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 4: Listen with caution, Okay. 18 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 2: Listen without prejudice. May I quote George Michael, Thank you, 19 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 2: you're welcome. 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: This is from Belle who run into our Gmail and said, Hi, 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: Karen and Georgia, I would really appreciate your feedback and 22 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: perspective on my current life situation. My fiance and I 23 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: are getting married this fall immediately. This is great we're 24 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: going to ruin someone's relationship. 25 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 3: Takes are as high as they can. 26 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,759 Speaker 1: They are. We're planning a small, intimate wedding and reception WITHNG. 27 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 4: With about thirty guests. 28 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: We intentionally wanted to keep it simple because weddings are 29 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: incredibly expensive and we wanted the day to focus on 30 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: celebrating the couple who are starting their lives together. That said, 31 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: many of our friends and family have shared strong opinions 32 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: about what they would like for our wedding. 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 4: Who fucking does that? Oh? Well, I genuinely appreciate their enthusiasm. 34 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: It seems they're much more excited about things like bachelorette trips, 35 00:01:55,640 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: wedding colors, bridesmaids, dresses, floral arrangements, and all the other 36 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: details than I am. Their excitement for wanting to know 37 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: every aspect of the wedding far outweighs my own interest 38 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 1: in enthusiasm and making these decisions. It has me wondering 39 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: is there something wrong with me? Is it bad that 40 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: I don't feel excited about all the esthetics and the 41 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: expectations that are associated with weddings. I'd love to hear 42 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: your thoughts all the best, Bell I remember just ten 43 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: years ago. 44 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 3: My wedding but a mirror ten years ago. 45 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: I know, we had no wedding party. I had no 46 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 1: one walked me down the aisle because I'm a grown 47 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: ass fucking woman. So Vince went to the front. I 48 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: walked into a cool song at the front. I bought 49 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: the fucking flowers, so the whole thing that morning at 50 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: the local florist. 51 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,919 Speaker 3: Yep, we decorated the room. 52 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 1: All my girlfriends decorated the rooms. Lots of baby's breath 53 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: because it's cheap. I bought a dress for like one 54 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,079 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty dollars online, Like, you don't need it's 55 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: not for them. 56 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 2: And your wedding. I think anybody that was there would 57 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: argue it was one of the best, like because the 58 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 2: plan was essentially we're all sitting in the room where 59 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 2: we're going to eat, drink, dance, total thing, and you 60 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 2: guys came in and got married as like the the 61 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 2: obviously main event. It was self contained, right, it was 62 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 2: an amazing, huge party. 63 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, like not every Like if people want to do 64 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: that with their weddings and spend all the money and 65 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: have all the things, that's great. I'm happy for them. 66 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: I really want to be invited. I like those parties, yes, 67 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: but it's such a huge amount of money. 68 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 2: Well, and I think you and I may have talked 69 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 2: about this because when I was getting married so long 70 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 2: long ago, I got into this thing of what this 71 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,119 Speaker 2: needed to be for other people totally and it will 72 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 2: destroy you. I was buying bridal magazines and then being 73 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 2: like there'd be advertisements for like have you ever seen 74 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 2: those things with the lighting kits where there's like. 75 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 3: Shine your name down onto the dance. 76 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like they're extras. Yeah, like a bar mitzvah. 77 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: You're competing with other weddings in your mind or your friends. 78 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: Like it turns into this thing where everyone's getting played 79 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 2: because all those vendors make bang on that pressure to 80 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 2: be better than the last wedding. 81 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 4: Yeah whatever, Suddenly you need a fucking mashed potato bar? 82 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 2: How many? 83 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 4: And you had like three hundred people at your. 84 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 2: Wedding, right, Yeah, it's that I had family members who 85 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 2: were like, we sent them the invitation, they'd send it back, 86 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 2: cross things out at plus eight and shit like it 87 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 2: was nuts. And I have to say, one of the 88 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 2: greatest parties of all time. It worked. But same thing 89 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 2: where I think we just focused on what like, what 90 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 2: was important. I was like, open bar from when you 91 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 2: get there, right, not after the ceremony. Right. My cousins, 92 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: each one of them came to me of like, dude, 93 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 2: amazing move. 94 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,239 Speaker 1: I think you have to do that this at least 95 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: have like some champagne out before the actual ceremony, yes, 96 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: or like a signature cocktail whatever the fuck people do nowadays. Yeah, 97 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: which you actually don't need either. We just had an 98 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 1: open bar. Yeah, you don't need that. You need a 99 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: signature fucking cocktail. 100 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 2: Send an email that says your uncles can bring in 101 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 2: their flask or a six pack under. 102 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 4: Their arms, absolutely, but bring enough to share. 103 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 3: That's right. 104 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 2: Let everybody get a little buzzed out so they can 105 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 2: like feel free to enjoy your love. Because where society 106 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: has a real problem with stuff like that. 107 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: Uncle Eugene can bring his six pack or twelve pack, 108 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: carry it with him all night so no one gets 109 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: any Yes, and that's fine. 110 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 3: But I would also say this to Bell. 111 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 2: Also, it's a familiar thing when you get excited about 112 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 2: a thing you're gonna do and you start telling people 113 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,119 Speaker 2: or asking people like what do you think or what color? 114 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 2: And then pretty soon you're like, why the fuck did 115 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 2: I ask anybody? Yeah, so that's fine. You can take 116 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 2: the feedback and then ignore it and do whatever you want. 117 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 2: Like I think you're sometimes that family pressure of like, 118 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 2: well you're not doing it right. Yeah, is how other 119 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 2: people kind of get it's their get back for like 120 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 2: was their day not exactly what they wanted, So now 121 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: suddenly it's so important that you're wearing a veil or 122 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: some weird shit that it doesn't actually really matter totally. 123 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and they say always right, like you always 124 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: hear the things of course, like the more you spend 125 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 1: on a wedding, the less likely it's gonna last, or 126 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: some crazy. 127 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 4: Shit like that. It's just just like so depressing and scary. 128 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,080 Speaker 3: I'm true. 129 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 4: Okay. 130 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: Our next question came from Laura B on the discord. 131 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 2: How do I tell one of my besties that I 132 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 2: don't want to go to her birthday party that is. 133 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 3: An out of town weekend get together. 134 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 4: I've done that. 135 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm an introvert that doesn't drink anymore, and the 136 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 2: crowd is a mostly heavy drinking crowd. 137 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to go, no way, get her 138 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: a nice have a nice dinner. Take her out for 139 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 1: a nice dinner, get her a thoughtful you know, something thoughtful, 140 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 1: or write a nice card. Yep, you are not obligated 141 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: and you can say that's not my scene. Yeah, I 142 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: hope you have the most amazing time and we'll do 143 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: something special when you get back. 144 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 3: Absolutely, God bless. 145 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 2: Also, if it's a person that's like, you know, obviously 146 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,280 Speaker 2: your good friend, then it's like that's just one more 147 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 2: fun birthday event for them. 148 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 3: That's not a minus. 149 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 4: And if it's a good friend, they'll understand. 150 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 2: This idea that people are like, it's my birthday fucking 151 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 2: week and we all have to go places together. It 152 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 2: just I think it's a setup for unhappiness. 153 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:54,320 Speaker 4: Yeah. 154 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 2: I think people keep on doing stuff like that to 155 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 2: be like and then we'll all have a good time 156 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 2: this way and when it's just that weird, like it's 157 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,839 Speaker 2: have one party and get. 158 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 4: It turned over with absolutely. 159 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: You know what Bens did one time for my birthday 160 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: for like, is he rented They have like airbnbs for pools. 161 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 4: People with backyards with pools. 162 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just fucking rent you know, like just the 163 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: pool for the day in the neighborhood. It doesn't have 164 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: to be a fucking weekend trip. 165 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 4: Yes, one day. 166 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, because these days weekend trips are like it's everything 167 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 2: is so expensive. 168 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm the same, I'm an introvert. Like you know, 169 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: the first night's always amazing and so much fun, and yes, 170 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: everyone is shit faced. The next day, everyone's hungover, and 171 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: no one wants to do the fucking sound bath that 172 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: everyone paid for already. 173 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 4: Like or whatever. 174 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 2: Then here come the tears, because you've ruined my sound 175 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 2: bath dream of my birthday exactly. 176 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 4: Don't go. 177 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: You don't have to go, And if they get mad 178 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: at you, then that's not your friend. 179 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 2: If they get mad at you. George's number is three 180 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 2: two three. 181 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 4: Okay, a few more, let's go. 182 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 3: Okay. 183 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: This one's from at liam Lair on Instagram and Liam 184 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 2: Lair says, visiting my mom in April, and I haven't 185 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 2: told her I'm getting a hotel yet. 186 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 3: When do I tell her? That's big? 187 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 4: It is big. I'm going to have to do that soon, 188 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 4: So tell us. 189 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 2: Well, I would say, don't put it off until the 190 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 2: last minute. 191 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 3: Don't let her prepare to have you at her. 192 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 2: Home, like buy groceries and get excited and essentially be 193 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 2: just kind of clean and clear about It's like, because A, 194 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 2: B and C, I'm going to stay at this hotel, period, 195 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 2: but I will be at your house for dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever. Like, 196 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 2: get clear about that. 197 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 3: You're not trying to avoid her, you just need the 198 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 3: things you need. 199 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: Blame I mean this is true for me. Actually blame 200 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: your back. You can't sleep on a pull out fucking bad. Yes, 201 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to do that. Or blame the pets. 202 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: You're allergic to the cats and you don't want to 203 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: be there all night? 204 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 3: Or what you? 205 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 4: I hate you? You go in my childhood. 206 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 2: Why did you withhold from me and force me to 207 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 2: now withhold from you? 208 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, visa VI tell room. 209 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: I mean there's the other thing too, of like if 210 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,839 Speaker 2: it's a obviously it's a it's going back home situation, right, 211 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 2: So maybe it's like I get points at the hotel, 212 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 2: it'll be I get to relax. You and I don't 213 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 2: have to be like on top of each other. 214 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 3: At the time. 215 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 4: Say you're using points to get that. 216 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: I say that whenever I get my friend a flight 217 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 1: somewhere or a hotel, I say I have points. I'm 218 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: not even paying anything, which is not true. But like 219 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 1: linking to their face. I am, but it just makes 220 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 1: everyone feel better about it. 221 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 2: Yes, And if you think you have a mom who's 222 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 2: going to take it really personally or be really heartbroken, 223 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 2: just be like, I need you know, I have to sleep. 224 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 2: I don't like blank And I set up like we're 225 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 2: getting massages at this hotel on this one day. 226 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,679 Speaker 4: Her she gets a massage too. Oh, I love that. 227 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 4: We'll go to dinner at their restaurant exactly. 228 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, do a thing where you I want you to 229 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 2: be in my world. I want to be in your world. 230 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 2: I just need to sleep and not have it, you know, 231 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 2: and not have your weird dolls looking at me or whatever, 232 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:58,439 Speaker 2: or what about. 233 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 4: Your weird pomeranian. You're like eighteen year old pomeranian. 234 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: But you clearly like way better than you ever liked 235 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 2: any of your children. 236 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 4: There's a pool. We can hang up by the pool 237 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 4: all day, that's right. 238 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, the perks and usually there's drinks at the pool. 239 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:10,960 Speaker 1: I love it. 240 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 4: You get your mom drunk, that's right. 241 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,320 Speaker 2: Okay, she wants to be drunk and she doesn't want 242 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: you up her ass either, So just think of it 243 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 2: that way. 244 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,319 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're doing everyone a favor. 245 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 2: Yes, and saying you don't have to clean up after me, 246 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 2: cook for me, blan kitty blank. Right, So this is 247 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 2: the one that actually is we got to be careful 248 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 2: about how we were warming up. Yes, that's right, and 249 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 2: now we're going to be real reasonable and really logical. 250 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 2: So this question was sent to our Gmail anonymously. Wow, 251 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 2: that's how important it is. It says my husband and 252 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 2: I recently had. 253 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 3: A baby girl. After she was born, my brother in law. 254 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 2: And his wife accused us of stealing the baby name 255 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,439 Speaker 2: that they had wanted in parentheses, even though we had 256 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 2: no idea they liked or planned to use that name, 257 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 2: and they weren't expecting a child at the time. 258 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: And do they admit they never told you? That's the 259 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: biggest question I think. 260 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 4: Ever, we don't know. Let's see. 261 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: Everyone we've told about this says that they are crazy 262 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 2: for cutting us out of their lives over the name 263 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 2: of their niece. Shit. Yeah, but all caps. My husband's 264 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 2: parents disagree and did not take our side. Family gatherings 265 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 2: are super awkward. Now, Oh my god, I need help 266 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 2: from my unofficial big sisters. Am I in the wrong? Sincerely, 267 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,839 Speaker 2: no name, because apparently names can destroy families. 268 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 4: Wow. I mean, do you want to be right or happy? 269 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 3: Yeah? 270 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 4: Right, you can't change your child's name. 271 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 2: Well, also if they for like say, all of the 272 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 2: woman's life has been telling everyone she knows, like when 273 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 2: I get up, I'm gonna name my baby Joan or whatever, 274 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 2: and it's got to be a baby name Joan. But 275 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 2: it's like, and then you just didn't know and did it. 276 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 2: That's unreasonable to cut you out of their life for that, absolutely, 277 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: and you have to There is that thing of like 278 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 2: it is the weird part of when people get married 279 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 2: and now there's just these new people in the family 280 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 2: that do things real different totally. 281 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 3: So I would. 282 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 2: Say the people who are related to each other, so 283 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 2: maybe it's your husband and his brother, Yeah, they need 284 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 2: to talk to each they need to work it out. 285 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 2: The family members have to fix it. And then the 286 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,199 Speaker 2: exterior married ins who maybe are the ones. 287 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 4: Sister, they don't need to get along, they don't need 288 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 4: to be friends. 289 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 2: No. But also I think that accusation is so strong 290 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 2: of like you stole our baby. It's just weird totally, 291 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 2: unless because this is person is the one that wrote in, 292 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 2: they're kind of leaving out a detail of being responsible. 293 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: But it sounds like they didn't know, yes, right, and 294 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 1: other way, you can't change the name. So you can 295 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: either apologize if you feel that it'll help or that 296 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: you're okay with that, or explain and expect them not 297 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: to care and be mad still, and that's on them. 298 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 2: I mean, it is the kind of thing where it's like, okay, 299 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 2: so now we just don't have holidays together and all the. 300 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 3: Stuff that we used to do. 301 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: And you have a brand new baby niece and you 302 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: look at baby, I'm out of your life. 303 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 2: And then you don't have kids and you aren't having 304 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 2: them in the immediate future apparently. But maybe and this 305 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 2: is the other thing you have to remember, all fights 306 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 2: like this are not about the topic, right, So maybe 307 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 2: it's some sort of thing of like anxiety about not 308 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 2: being able to have kids, right, or it's such a 309 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 2: personal emotional specific thing. Yeah. 310 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 1: Maybe in that case, then the people who aren't related, 311 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: the woman and the sister in law or whatever should 312 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 1: have their own like, can we go on a walk 313 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 1: and just talk this through because this seems like a 314 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,439 Speaker 1: lot and I want to fix this, but I don't 315 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 1: think I did anything wrong. 316 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 2: I mean, if you say that, say I want to 317 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 2: fix this and don't say anything else, don't be defensive. 318 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 3: But yes, like that's it. 319 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 2: It's everyone's an adult and it is no one likes 320 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,199 Speaker 2: to have a conflict conversation, but it isn't as hard 321 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 2: as everybody build it up to be right. 322 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: Cutting someone out of your life is way harder than 323 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 1: having a like a harder conversation. 324 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 3: It just sits on you. 325 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 2: And then it's you've built a story like you kind 326 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,680 Speaker 2: of if you're that person, you have to go like, 327 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 2: is this something my mom used to do? 328 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 3: And I'm just doing what I used to see. 329 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 2: That kind of thing of cutting people as so Irish Catholic, 330 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 2: cutting people off, silent treatment, all that kind of stuff 331 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 2: is just unprocessed, like you're not using any tools. 332 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, got it. 333 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 2: So somebody's got to figure out who the adults are, 334 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 2: and the adults have to talk and fix it. 335 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 336 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 2: Also because it's not fair to that little girl, oh. 337 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 3: That she somehow is going to get the back end 338 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 3: of that from. 339 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: Grandma and grandpa even yeah, you're fucking sighting with them. 340 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 2: I mean, why are grandma and Grandpa's sighting If it's 341 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 2: a true and pure mistake, right, we might have to 342 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 2: airlift you out of that family. 343 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, we're your baby now. That was super fun. 344 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 2: We named it Advice with Karen and Georgia because although 345 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 2: it is from us, we are not responsible again for 346 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 2: what we have just advised you with. 347 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 4: Maybe should be advice near Karen and Georgia. 348 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 2: Karen and Georgia say stuff. You are the one interpreting 349 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 2: it as advice. 350 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be full graphic DM. Okay, So this 351 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 1: episode was brought to you by cars dot com, the 352 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: trusted site for finding the right car with confidence. 353 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 3: That's right. 354 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 2: So, whether you're researching, comparing, or finally ready to make 355 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 2: a big purchase, cars dot com helps you get the 356 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 2: information you need before you decide. 357 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 4: Visit cars dot com to start your car buying journey today. 358 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 3: And also stay sexy. 359 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 4: And don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie? 360 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,080 Speaker 3: This has been an exactly right production. 361 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 4: Our managing producer is Molly Smith. 362 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 3: Our consulting producer is Kate Shellenbach. 363 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 4: Our creative lead is Alison Agosti. 364 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 2: Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes, and our editor is 365 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 2: Aristotle Acevedo. 366 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 4: This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci. 367 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 2: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot 368 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 2: com and follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder. 369 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 4: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio. 370 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 371 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 2: Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for 372 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: My Favorite Murder, add us to your list, and hit 373 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 2: the double thumbsup button. 374 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 3: Goodbye.