Speaker 1: Everybody.
Speaker 2: Thanks for watching this week's episode. We want to promote
Speaker 2: where you can see us. For tickets, go to Joe
Speaker 2: Gatto official dot.
Speaker 3: Com and see all my door dates for Steve's go
Speaker 3: to punch Up dot Live backslash Steve hyphen Burn.
Speaker 2: That's beat why all I need. He makes it super.
Speaker 4: Easy to find him and now onto the episode.
Speaker 1: Were a ticket.
Speaker 2: There you go.
Speaker 1: Welcome.
Speaker 3: Yes, I am Joe Gatto, I'm Steve Burn, a very
Speaker 3: special guest today. Guys, I can't believe. I think he
Speaker 3: got lost and he just ended up in the studio
Speaker 3: by act.
Speaker 5: This is a gentleman. You look at like the two
Speaker 5: of us would look at and go, we're not the
Speaker 5: same species.
Speaker 1: Michael, thank you, thank you, thanks for having you.
Speaker 6: Know I was going to be here for you.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: You you have you.
Speaker 6: Know, you gave me the biggest thrilling.
Speaker 1: You don't even know it because when you came on
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars Pyramids. Yes, and my kids don't
Speaker 1: freak out about anybody, they freak out about you because
Speaker 1: and I'm freaking out because all I do is watch
Speaker 1: at home because I'm like, okay, but yeah, you talk
Speaker 1: to my You made a video the first time you
Speaker 1: made a video, and I've learned you can do something
Speaker 1: for somebody, do something for me. Great. You know I've
Speaker 1: always got your back, But you do something for somebody's kids.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I get somebody cool, dad points. I think
Speaker 2: that's the biggest thing ever.
Speaker 3: I think you know when you get that, because you're
Speaker 3: always trying to connect with their.
Speaker 2: Kids to be like, look, I still got.
Speaker 6: It, daddy.
Speaker 7: Somebody you know somebody I'm sure your kids have met
Speaker 7: where I had the opportunity to meet everybody, right, And
Speaker 7: Joe's right there, right, Joe's absolutely they didn't.
Speaker 1: They hate They didn't ask anybody else to make a video,
Speaker 1: that's right. Yeah, yeah, I didn't ask anybody else. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say, but they say, don't meet
Speaker 1: you heroes.
Speaker 3: I've had the opportunity to work with you a couple
Speaker 3: of times. I did one hundred thousand Pyramid a couple
Speaker 3: of times. And then I had the most nerve wracking
Speaker 3: interview of my life.
Speaker 2: I was on GMA with him when I.
Speaker 3: Was talking about my book Where's Barry? And I wasn't
Speaker 3: even ready to really go in and they're.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, come in.
Speaker 3: And I went in and there like, okay, go and
Speaker 3: I almost said a load to him, and I was
Speaker 3: so nervous.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you remember this. I was so nervous.
Speaker 2: You introduced me and I clapped for.
Speaker 3: Myself and I went, yeah, you know, and he called
Speaker 3: me out on television and he goes, you don't.
Speaker 5: Clap for yourself.
Speaker 6: Well it was a little unusual.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, I am a little bit.
Speaker 6: But you're a comedian, so except for yourself, I.
Speaker 2: Get away with some stuff. I'm sure, Michael.
Speaker 5: Have you been to a lot of comedy shows there?
Speaker 5: I mean here in the city, there's so many. Who's
Speaker 5: somebody you you appreciate life.
Speaker 1: I appreciate all comedians. I mean I've gone to see
Speaker 1: from Chris Rock to Chris Tucker to Jerry Seinfel, Amy Schumer.
Speaker 1: I mean I went to see Day Chappelle, Jeffrey ross Man,
Speaker 1: like all the heavy you know, and so. But I
Speaker 1: appreciate comedians because I understand it's so hard to stand
Speaker 1: in front of a room with a group of people
Speaker 1: you don't know, you may never see again. I don't
Speaker 1: know what their day is like. You don't know what
Speaker 1: they're day like you don't know what mood they come
Speaker 1: in there in and you have to entertain them. I
Speaker 1: kind of change the vibe of the whole room just
Speaker 1: by your words and by your man rhythm that's mannorhythms.
Speaker 1: That's like amazing to me. Like sports, you go out
Speaker 1: there and you hit somebody, it's the greatest. Yeah, look
Speaker 1: at her. You take their aggressing out through you. But
Speaker 1: in comedy, that is I don't have that like that
Speaker 1: that nerve.
Speaker 5: I think we're like instantaneous, right, It's it's instantly occurring,
Speaker 5: but you're you know, being on like GMA for example,
Speaker 5: like you're coming off and they're watching metrics instantly, I'm sure,
Speaker 5: and seeing dials go up and down. So that's got
Speaker 5: to be equally nerve, if not more, because we're doing
Speaker 5: it in front of a crowd of you know, hundreds
Speaker 5: of thousands, but you're millions.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't even think a daily basis. I think
Speaker 1: if you think about how many people are watching, it
Speaker 1: screws me up. Like There'll be some time in the
Speaker 1: middle of reading something and then I'll think, oh my god,
Speaker 1: there are millions.
Speaker 6: All of a sudden, I forget how to read. Yeah,
Speaker 6: in the latest presidential debate.
Speaker 1: So but yeah, I know I can't think about it
Speaker 1: and I can't pay attention to it. I can't look
Speaker 1: at social media comments like I used to sit there
Speaker 1: on the show and then and when I'm not reading
Speaker 1: a story looking at you know, Twitter or Twitter at
Speaker 1: the time of X Man, and it could mess you
Speaker 1: up for sure. So now I don't pay attention in
Speaker 1: any of It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things,
Speaker 1: and it's I always just do my best and let
Speaker 1: that be it. And I've I learned football caring about
Speaker 1: the opinion of people who can't do what you do.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, why am in my word about the
Speaker 1: opinion's one who couldn't put on a pad? Like the
Speaker 1: mom took your trigger treating that the last time you
Speaker 1: had a uniform on?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: You my feelings about how I feel about my.
Speaker 3: My mother had like the greatest saying, and I always
Speaker 3: stuck with me. It was don't take criticism. Don't take
Speaker 3: criticism from people you wouldn't go do advice for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like that, I think that's huge.
Speaker 5: My mom three words, you not funny, stuck with me.
Speaker 2: Forever, stuck me, you stay true to her words.
Speaker 5: So I love that I can't clamp for myself. I
Speaker 5: cannot claim I can't.
Speaker 2: You're not funny, that's great.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to ask you, Michael, I just did
Speaker 5: you ever see this career trajectory that's crazy? The way
Speaker 5: from being under the limelight here in New York. I
Speaker 5: think that's probably where you get that last. You know,
Speaker 5: if you can't put on the pads here in New York,
Speaker 5: the glare, it cripples so many people that have come
Speaker 5: over here and then to go to make the transition
Speaker 5: from that to where you are now. I mean, did
Speaker 5: you ever first thinking absolutely, you know, amazingly enough?
Speaker 1: And people might some people might disagree, But I'm actually
Speaker 1: a shy person, you know, I really am. And I
Speaker 1: like my friends. I love my friends, I love my family.
Speaker 1: I love like people I'm comfortable with. But in the street,
Speaker 1: when I walk down the street and people were yelling,
Speaker 1: you know, some people want to be like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: in the spot. Let everybody know. I just want to
Speaker 1: kind of slide in and sit down.
Speaker 2: Which is hard for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well not even it's like, oh you're tall,
Speaker 1: I'm like no, it's the gap, Like I can't go anywhere.
Speaker 1: At one point I had to think I was shouting
Speaker 1: to make it look like I had trade teeth.
Speaker 6: But then people like, we know what you're.
Speaker 2: Doing, man, soybody gave it up.
Speaker 6: What the hell it is? What it is?
Speaker 1: But I never saw it because I was always kind
Speaker 1: of shy and quiet in college, kind of like the
Speaker 1: laid back, quiet guy. And then here in New York.
Speaker 1: I mean, city's overwhelming when you come here as a
Speaker 1: twenty one year old kid, and then I just kind
Speaker 1: of developed. And when you got a camera in your
Speaker 1: face every day at the football player and ask you
Speaker 1: question and I kind of developed. I guess the skills
Speaker 1: of being in front of a camera from that, and
Speaker 1: then it took away the fear I guess of being
Speaker 1: in front of a camera, but it didn't take away
Speaker 1: my shyness. So in front of a camera, I'm an
Speaker 1: extroverted but I'm I'm introvert. Yeah, away from it, which
Speaker 1: is a weird thing.
Speaker 2: And we stop recording right now. He wouldn't say another word.
Speaker 5: He just himself. He goes to the corner, just stands
Speaker 5: there until you're ready. He comes.
Speaker 1: That didn't say like John Legend. When the camera go off,
Speaker 1: he turns off.
Speaker 6: Yeah down.
Speaker 2: What was your growing up?
Speaker 3: What was the family like was your Were you surrounded
Speaker 3: by a family of introverts extroverts?
Speaker 1: No, I'm the youngest of six, man, I was, and
Speaker 1: my brothers and sisters were great and the great upbringing.
Speaker 1: Dad was in the military, retired major in the Army
Speaker 1: Paratrooper eighty second Airborne Division. He was a master jumper
Speaker 1: and like everything, any kind of way you can jump
Speaker 1: out of something, he had to do a helicopter, they airplane,
Speaker 1: climbing on wings, out the back, out the front of
Speaker 1: the side of it. Whatever, he said. He did it
Speaker 1: because they paid him like fifteen dollars extra month.
Speaker 2: Well, you got what you gotta do. Man, here's the
Speaker 2: tom cruise's.
Speaker 6: Dollars extra a month.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could have died, but for him it was
Speaker 1: worth it.
Speaker 6: He did it.
Speaker 1: But but that growing up with a dad who was
Speaker 1: an overachiever like that, coming from where he came from,
Speaker 1: he was never any You couldn't have an excuse. There
Speaker 1: was no excuse for anything. Sure, he couldn't say I.
Speaker 2: Can't just counts out fifteen dollars in front of here.
Speaker 2: He's like, I just jumped yeah, off an aircraft tiring.
Speaker 2: He's fifteen dollars excuse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I grew up in the great household, great
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters. Being the youngest was where I needed
Speaker 1: to be because I could see everybody else's mess up.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love that, figure out my way and figure out
Speaker 1: that I wanted to go make my own.
Speaker 6: Path, right for sure, everybody's mix up, Yeah, I have.
Speaker 3: I have two older sisters, so I was the baby boy,
Speaker 3: which is good.
Speaker 6: But you're the.
Speaker 2: Older brother, right, the older brother, so you were the troublemaker.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: It was like, you know, I always feel bad for
Speaker 5: like a little brother or anybody like the youngest, like
Speaker 5: because you know, i'd get he man, he'd have to
Speaker 5: get skeletor like you know, you never get to do the.
Speaker 6: Test to you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, being the youngest of six though, I mean it
Speaker 1: was great because he kind of like it is true though,
Speaker 1: by the time your parents got the number six, like
Speaker 1: you know I got, I got a.
Speaker 6: Free pass on a lot of stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sure, And then I ended up being the one probably
Speaker 1: closest to my parents at the end of the day
Speaker 1: because all my brother and sisters were older brothers out.
Speaker 6: Running the streets.
Speaker 1: Sisters were moved away, and I was thirteen years old
Speaker 1: sitting at home parent.
Speaker 6: Yeah, a dirty kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And every Friday after work we go to dinner
Speaker 1: at this place called Xenia Grill. In Germany, I grew
Speaker 1: up and we moved to Germany and I was nine. Wow,
Speaker 1: and Germany the country.
Speaker 6: In the country.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, Germany, the New Jersey, Germany, New York Germany Jersey.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, I moved to Germany. I was nine
Speaker 1: years old. And Germany was great growing up because we
Speaker 1: moved there. I've lived on a military base the first
Speaker 1: three years of it, and then after that my dad
Speaker 1: retired and then we moved off base, so we moved
Speaker 1: in lived in the community for fifteen years after that,
Speaker 1: So we went over there. I was nine and by
Speaker 1: the time my parents moved back to the States, I
Speaker 1: was twenty.
Speaker 6: Eight years old.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, wow, So I.
Speaker 1: Was in the league and lived in New York for
Speaker 1: seven years at that point. Wow.
Speaker 6: But yeah, So it was it was an interesting way
Speaker 6: to grow up.
Speaker 1: It taught me that you have to respect people for
Speaker 1: people and customs of different countries and like a different
Speaker 1: respect of respect for everybody, and you're not always the ball.
Speaker 1: So I mean as the Americans, I think sometimes I
Speaker 1: think we run, we don't. You got to hear the
Speaker 1: other rules and other people, and it taught me that
Speaker 1: you get along with everybody when you're on a military base.
Speaker 1: And the matter what race you are, I'm much sure
Speaker 1: you come from money, and nothing matters. We are Americans.
Speaker 1: We have to stick together and judge people from people.
Speaker 1: So growing up in journey with an incredible experience, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't change for anything. I think it helped me in sports,
Speaker 1: it helps me now in life and work.
Speaker 6: Because you speak Germany.
Speaker 1: Yeah a little bit. I can't order his food and drinks.
Speaker 1: We won't starve.
Speaker 6: Third. Yeah, I'm good enough, good enough, good enough.
Speaker 1: Who did you go to for advice growing up? My
Speaker 1: dad was the best. I didn't have to go to
Speaker 1: him for advice. He just gave it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he will hear this.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, this is what it is. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, my dad was the best.
Speaker 6: Though.
Speaker 1: He was amazing man, and he's very positive, always positive.
Speaker 1: My dad was the only person I knew would buy.
Speaker 1: He always had the computers and the latest stuff, and
Speaker 1: he would literally sit on the toilet and read the
Speaker 1: whole computer manual. Really, yeah, you're like the dad. I
Speaker 1: got to go in the bathroom, just sitting there like
Speaker 1: you've been here for hours, your legs asleep nowhere. It
Speaker 1: cannot be that interesting to read a computer.
Speaker 2: Man legs falling asleep in the middle of the night.
Speaker 3: I have I sleep with eight dogs, right, so I
Speaker 3: when I walk back, this happened to me last night.
Speaker 2: So last night I misjudge where, like enough.
Speaker 5: Do you think how your wife would hear that I
Speaker 5: sleep with eight dogs?
Speaker 1: How shooting you have a cuffom bed or it's.
Speaker 2: A king bed.
Speaker 3: They're all small old dogs, you know, but they all
Speaker 3: had their spot. But I came back last night and
Speaker 3: they're all dying. By the way, these aren't like cute dogs.
Speaker 5: They're all like, you know, like I get like the
Speaker 5: blue eyes, and they're blind and they kind of like snagger.
Speaker 1: They're like ugly.
Speaker 2: They are the more my wife loves them.
Speaker 3: But they're so I got I got to sleep, legs
Speaker 3: and your marriage. So I'm walking back and the legs
Speaker 3: are asleep, and I misjudge how many steps I had
Speaker 3: left before they I.
Speaker 1: Was coming in.
Speaker 2: I wanted the dog. I was like both.
Speaker 1: Him was last night.
Speaker 6: So now you're sleeping with seven dollars one.
Speaker 3: Dogs I got off the bed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the slakes want to sleep. I hate that's
Speaker 2: one of my pet peeves.
Speaker 5: But your your father was very tech savvy. Then I
Speaker 5: showed he was Jay's.
Speaker 1: He was pretty tech savvy, pretty tech savvy. I mean
Speaker 1: for whatever was new at the time, he was up
Speaker 1: on it. But he was also the first person I
Speaker 1: ever do who paid one hundred bucks for a pair
Speaker 1: of shoes. Really, yes, and my mom was pissed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he he went and paid one hundred dollars for a
Speaker 1: pair of new Balance running shoes, right, and but the
Speaker 1: catch was they would resold the shoe anytime the tread
Speaker 1: were off for life.
Speaker 6: So he got his hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wife, but he's a jog and run around and
Speaker 1: like he got his money's worth. But back then, in
Speaker 1: like the eighties, my mom's like, you freaking kidding, man,
Speaker 1: freaking paying a hundred bucks for shoes and but yeah
Speaker 1: he got his money.
Speaker 2: That's some deal man.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then your mom was she uh a homemakery kind
Speaker 3: of mom or yeah, yeah, yeah, she did like.
Speaker 1: Mostly like my mom was did everything. My mom coach
Speaker 1: deaf and my brother the Victor and I in basketball
Speaker 1: and we won the championship. Really used to coach.
Speaker 6: Yeah, my mom was a coach. Yeah, she was the
Speaker 6: heck of a basketball player.
Speaker 1: Coach and basketball when my my mom used to drive
Speaker 1: forklifts and all that stuff on the base like mom, serious,
Speaker 1: don't mess with a bit with her straight hand.
Speaker 2: Will hurt.
Speaker 1: And this. She loved the auto bond and we would
Speaker 1: be on the with just be her nine and the car.
Speaker 6: She was flying over one hundred.
Speaker 3: On a forklift, German forklifts.
Speaker 8: Man got comots, that little hybrid forklift, Man that new
Speaker 8: balance gears.
Speaker 1: And brings it all together. Fly home and then we
Speaker 1: get home, she's like, don't you tell your.
Speaker 6: Dad we're going to Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, okay, but mom, Mom, Mom is something else.
Speaker 1: And she's down in Houston eighty three years old doing
Speaker 1: great and yeah, still driving around doing her things.
Speaker 2: Still go on hundredths an hour in the Houston Express. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's great.
Speaker 6: I wouldn't doubt it at all.
Speaker 2: That's so cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've uh my mother was very much like uh my,
Speaker 3: my mother and father didn't do that. Don't tell your mother,
Speaker 3: don't tell your father much sure, but I remember that
Speaker 3: was the one time my mom got pulled over by
Speaker 3: the police and she didn't she didn't get the ticket.
Speaker 2: She got out of the ticket and she said.
Speaker 5: I don't want to go to great detail.
Speaker 2: Hands were involved, and promises were made, so.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't get in details, Michael, No, I don't
Speaker 4: get in details. But promises were made and dad late, so.
Speaker 3: So we come home and then she take me. I
Speaker 3: would know because she would take me to go get.
Speaker 2: Like ice cream. She's like, yo, let's get ice cream.
Speaker 2: She's like, and we're not going to tell that about
Speaker 2: the policeman today. I'm like, yeah, or tomorrow.
Speaker 6: I gotta tell you.
Speaker 5: Michael's how might be my favorite moment of the show
Speaker 5: we've ever had?
Speaker 1: Was a legitimate question. I'm a journalist, curious, curious you're
Speaker 1: you're a spot on buddy.
Speaker 6: So I'm curious.
Speaker 1: Like being a comedian though, right when you're on State
Speaker 1: you're trying to entertain people, how do you do it?
Speaker 6: You get heckled?
Speaker 3: Ever, not really, I don't want much heckling. I shut
Speaker 3: it down pretty quick.
Speaker 2: I'm known. My fans have come out to see me
Speaker 2: know that I'm kind of bold.
Speaker 3: And brazen. So I think a lot of people are
Speaker 3: just like afraid. Yeah, they're kind of afraid that you do.
Speaker 3: But I'm also very uh inviting and nice, like I'm
Speaker 3: not really one of those guys that goes at people.
Speaker 3: I just did tell somebody shut the fuck up this
Speaker 3: weekend though, this weekend, Yeah, this weekend.
Speaker 6: What did they do?
Speaker 3: They killed a punchline for me. I was setting up
Speaker 3: a bit and I was just about to get the punchline,
Speaker 3: and he was like.
Speaker 2: You should have told him to suck it, like Captain
Speaker 2: Fat Battley.
Speaker 3: That's what he said. And I went, that's what you're
Speaker 3: gonna do. And I said, how about you try to
Speaker 3: shut the fuck up and everybody. I felt bad because
Speaker 3: I don't like doing that. But that's the only time.
Speaker 3: I don't really get heckled much. You deal with it
Speaker 3: all the time.
Speaker 1: He said, Wow, oh my god.
Speaker 2: He gets heckled like all the time. He's just so bad.
Speaker 2: He doesn't have a heckle pace. He invites it. He'll
Speaker 2: sit there and then he always wins. He's the best.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 5: I just I love crowd work. I love I love
Speaker 5: to start the show off by doing crowd work. So
Speaker 5: I like to kind of get in there. And I
Speaker 5: think after you know, twenty five years of doing this,
Speaker 5: anything you hear it's just kind of like you're just
Speaker 5: kinda you're just kind of cool in the pocket, like
Speaker 5: everything moves in slow motion, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: the computer just takes over and you're like, I reflexibly
Speaker 5: just know what to say. And I think the key
Speaker 5: was always to understand, like you can never I had
Speaker 5: a horrible lesson early on about letting your emotions get
Speaker 5: the best of you. And the minute you get emotional
Speaker 5: as a comedian and you communicate to the audience that
Speaker 5: this person got under your skin, you're no longer a
Speaker 5: professional comedian.
Speaker 1: You're just like one of them, and you lose the room.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And my lesson was, you cannot ever show your
Speaker 5: emotions that way. You've got to be smarter than anybody
Speaker 5: in this room and figure out the Ruber's cube pretty
Speaker 5: quickly and when, and make sure you keep it calm, steady.
Speaker 5: But most importantly, you got to find the laugh. You
Speaker 5: just have to find the laugh because I I don't
Speaker 5: think I ever told you the story. It was at
Speaker 5: the comic strip on the Upper Upper east Side. It
Speaker 5: was my birthday and I was like, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 5: gonna work on this new bit, not go out tonight
Speaker 5: because I was so disciplined, very Asian, I was a
Speaker 5: very Korean to get my work done. And uh and
Speaker 5: I as I'm doing this late night set at the
Speaker 5: comic strip, these like five mooks get up and uh,
Speaker 5: they're they're discussing the tab right in front of here. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and there's like there's maybe twelve people in the room.
Speaker 5: It's like twelve in the morning, and my guys, could
Speaker 5: you just take it outside? And they go whatever Jackie
Speaker 5: chan And I'm like, oh god, here we go. And
Speaker 5: I go, well, thank god, the the you know, thank
Speaker 5: god the bridges and tunnels are open.
Speaker 1: Twenty four to seven.
Speaker 5: We're going back and forth Jersey Shore Korean and then
Speaker 5: this then this girl goes, go, watch you shut the
Speaker 5: fuck up?
Speaker 1: And I go, why is this?
Speaker 6: Somebody?
Speaker 5: Hey, I go, what what you guys?
Speaker 1: You're gonna cut this?
Speaker 5: Well, okay, you can beep it.
Speaker 1: Why is it? Somebody tell that they shut the buck?
Speaker 5: And so I dropped a sea bomb and next thing
Speaker 5: I know, the guy takes a chair and whizzes it
Speaker 5: across the and this is the comic strip. These are
Speaker 5: like these chairs were not made at Ikia. They're heavy
Speaker 5: steel like from the sixties. Chucked it and by the
Speaker 5: time I see it coming, I turn around in a gash.
Speaker 5: The back of my mind, I had eight staples, so if
Speaker 5: I shaved my head, you'll see like a huge gas.
Speaker 5: Yeah you could still, I meant, yeah, So I got
Speaker 5: eight staples in the back of my head. The cops
Speaker 5: call me up the next day, do you want to
Speaker 5: press charges? And I said no, because it's my lesson.
Speaker 5: I should have been better than the situation. And if
Speaker 5: I consider myself professional comedian, I can't be in situations
Speaker 5: like this. So I took it upon myself to just
Speaker 5: be like, I have to be accountable.
Speaker 1: I have to get this right.
Speaker 5: And and I'm telling you, if that didn't happen, who
Speaker 5: knows what the lesson would have been. But it was
Speaker 5: a severe lesson for me to be, like, all right,
Speaker 5: get your ship together.
Speaker 6: You had a press charger.
Speaker 1: The lesson would have probably been come back and get
Speaker 1: your ass.
Speaker 2: I'll find them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get. That's the heck of a lesson, though,
Speaker 1: like like just the thought of that, like I gotta
Speaker 1: stay above it all right, And I love the way
Speaker 1: you say it slows down.
Speaker 6: But that was like football to me.
Speaker 2: Your emotions got to get on the adrenaline floor.
Speaker 1: You know. If I get the first initial, you're like
Speaker 1: getting the guys going. And when I used to get there,
Speaker 1: he's listening to different music, Like I'd be pulling up,
Speaker 1: I'm listening to smooth Shot.
Speaker 6: New York.
Speaker 5: Somebody cuts you if you leave me, you take away.
Speaker 1: Making my way down to this year, he saying to somebody,
Speaker 1: I'm in the fans that looked at me pulling into
Speaker 1: the stadium and he's fired up.
Speaker 6: No, I got.
Speaker 1: Let's go, you know, right. But I would start out
Speaker 1: like that, yeah, and then the more the close I
Speaker 1: got the game time, like the music would would get
Speaker 1: a little harder and deeper and darker, and then by
Speaker 1: the end of it it was like.
Speaker 6: Snoop Dogg.
Speaker 1: Ready to kill anybody. But then once you get out there,
Speaker 1: like you're yeah, you're jacked up. But once you get
Speaker 1: hit once or you hit somebody once, like okay, and
Speaker 1: then it slowed.
Speaker 2: It was like.
Speaker 1: Watching Bears Dance in a slow motion like it was
Speaker 1: like it's so fast you watch the film the next
Speaker 1: day Oh my god, I can't believe I moved that quick,
Speaker 1: right right, I closed that gap down that fast, or
Speaker 1: I caught this guy like you couldn't believe it.
Speaker 6: But in the moment, it just felt like, yeah, do that.
Speaker 5: I want to ask you one last thing though, real quick?
Speaker 5: What was that process like? Because someone like yourself going
Speaker 5: from college into professional you know, being a professional athlete,
Speaker 5: and everything's regimented, every aspect of regimented throughout the course
Speaker 5: of your life, even in the summer you got to
Speaker 5: train whatever, and the minute you cut the leash, like
Speaker 5: and you're kind of on your own. How how difficult
Speaker 5: is it minus the camaraderie of being with the boys
Speaker 5: and and just you know, not being so disciplined with
Speaker 5: you could eat anything you want.
Speaker 1: Just do it.
Speaker 5: How How was that transition really hard for you?
Speaker 6: Was it?
Speaker 1: Was it easy for you?
Speaker 6: It was? It was? It was just difficult.
Speaker 1: I knew when I retired, I already had a deal
Speaker 1: with Fox NFL. With Fox, I actually signed the deal
Speaker 1: the year before, and then they said, whenever you're ready
Speaker 1: to retire, we just put out the drawer and pick
Speaker 1: it up from then. So but I signed the deal,
Speaker 1: we put it in the drawer and I we won
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl, get the you know, undefeated Patriots, and
Speaker 1: we can't out do that.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 6: It would be.
Speaker 1: Nice to go back for a victory, sure for one year,
Speaker 1: but it requires me to get beat up for victory.
Speaker 5: I was tired, you know, just you stand up at
Speaker 5: the comic strip, beat up.
Speaker 9: Good to see her, But but it was it was yeah,
Speaker 9: I was just tired.
Speaker 1: So it was a difficult transition because everyone thinks now
Speaker 1: they're looking. They go, oh, I already get there all
Speaker 1: the time. Oh yes, it's an easy, simple transition. It
Speaker 1: was a seamless I'm like, no, no, even though I
Speaker 1: was on Fox and I'm doing that show. For the
Speaker 1: first month or so, I was scared shitless, right like,
Speaker 1: because it's a whole different venture. It's a whole different venture.
Speaker 1: They don't they just throw you in there. It's not
Speaker 1: like they teach you how to do it. I didn't
Speaker 1: known was that. I didn't know. I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 1: basically skating week to week and hoping I don't screw
Speaker 1: it up, trying to talk to the Lisa's. I can
Speaker 1: cat a Lisia talk that at liasa less you can
Speaker 1: make it mess up and and and so. But it
Speaker 1: was like tough, and then all of a sudden I
Speaker 1: just figured it out. In one incident that happened, I
Speaker 1: messed up, and I learned not to do this. Never
Speaker 1: say I got three things or two things. I got
Speaker 1: four things. Never give a number. I'm messing around and
Speaker 1: gave a number. I got three things. I went to
Speaker 1: the first one, okay, I went to the second one. Okay,
Speaker 1: I went to the third one.
Speaker 6: It was not there.
Speaker 1: It was gone right, And so in a moment of panic,
Speaker 1: I just started acting like I was choking, start coughing.
Speaker 6: And then how we picked it up together. And then
Speaker 6: while they're.
Speaker 1: Doing that, it came back to me and I said,
Speaker 1: thank you guys. And then I picked up and in
Speaker 1: my own head, I said, oh crap, okay, you got
Speaker 1: this stuff.
Speaker 5: I needed that, like that was your that was your chair, that.
Speaker 6: Was my chair.
Speaker 1: To the head moment to be like, oh you got
Speaker 1: this now and now I absolutely love it and it
Speaker 1: is my locker room.
Speaker 6: But it was tough because you're so used to the physical.
Speaker 1: Part of that job. Like there's nothing more gratified to
Speaker 1: me than it was to me. That was like seeing
Speaker 1: this three hundred and something pound guy. Like if I
Speaker 1: saw him in street clothes on the street or before
Speaker 1: the game and like getting off the bus, I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: because that guy. But the second that music started switching
Speaker 1: over and my mind, yeah, you know, my frame of
Speaker 1: mind started to change. And once I put on those
Speaker 1: shoulder pads, yeah you go to war, you ain't. I'm
Speaker 1: the biggest one here. I'm the baddest one here. So
Speaker 1: that transition is what I missed. Yeah, but you get
Speaker 1: over it. The further way you are from the game
Speaker 1: as far as playing, the more away from it, the
Speaker 1: less you miss it. Like I watch guys, and I'll
Speaker 1: go to a game here and there. I went to
Speaker 1: the Giant Thursday night game, and we'll do We'll go
Speaker 1: to one game or so. We'll do the Super Bowl
Speaker 1: this year actually, and I'll be on the sideline going, man,
Speaker 1: that national anthem plays, and that's like dog because I
Speaker 1: started pacing, you know, and then I realized, yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to hit, and.
Speaker 6: I'm done.
Speaker 2: And I'm not wearing the pads.
Speaker 6: Like literally, my knee was hurting just laying in bed.
Speaker 1: There's no way I can actually make a cut hit somebody.
Speaker 3: So ons we get some fan submitted dilemmas, you try
Speaker 3: to give them.
Speaker 2: As some advice as we can.
Speaker 3: Our producer Mark goes through it diligently.
Speaker 1: Any Uh, Mark, these real? You making them up yourself
Speaker 1: when I'm typing.
Speaker 10: Them as because right now the episode is three minutes,
Speaker 10: all right, So we have some fun ones. We had
Speaker 10: some fun questions and we have some dilemmas well. Drunk
Speaker 10: in first with the fun one that came from the instagram.
Speaker 10: Would you rather be able to speak every language in
Speaker 10: the world or be able to speak to animals?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 1: I know that, I know what you would do.
Speaker 2: Well, that's an assumption. Just because I have dogs.
Speaker 6: He'd be yelling at a dog.
Speaker 2: Will be good.
Speaker 3: But I mean speaking every language you could really do
Speaker 3: some damage in life. Could you'd be unbeatable to any business?
Speaker 3: You could talk to anyone. What a salesperson you'd be. Yeah,
Speaker 3: nobody could get one over on you.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: Love to go in somebody's spots and just look stupid
Speaker 1: like I don't know what they're talking about, and then
Speaker 1: get them back with it. That's always been a dream
Speaker 1: and make you want to learned from languages. Languages for me,
Speaker 1: I mean what you know whatever, somebody the opinion of
Speaker 1: you really doesn't matter. Like I feel like that with
Speaker 1: a dog, Like I don't really want to know what
Speaker 1: a dog. I go somewhere and I see an animal,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to go to I went to Africa.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look at a lion and know
Speaker 1: what he's thinking.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna eat you, he's gonna you, or he's going
Speaker 5: to sleep.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're looking for food, they're mating. I'd like to
Speaker 5: hear them, like what they talk about when you're mating.
Speaker 5: I think that'd be funny, like.
Speaker 1: What you've got. Honestly, I'm thinking, like like Doctor Doolittle,
Speaker 1: like you're trying to help animals, like.
Speaker 11: Here's your paw, here's your more feathers, trying to lie
Speaker 11: in the mad.
Speaker 1: Trying to be Yeah, you know doctor Doolittle, and you
Speaker 1: can help animals.
Speaker 5: I learned all the languages. Then i'd go to I'd
Speaker 5: go to the UK and I go to Scotland and Ireland.
Speaker 6: No, I would like to talk to.
Speaker 3: There's a kangaroos are getting into Yeah, the animal talking,
Speaker 3: i'd be I feel like you might be disappointed because
Speaker 3: if they're not thinking anything. Yeah, you know, yeah, sitting there, Ribbit,
Speaker 3: you listen to frauds and they're just saying, Ribbit, world traveler.
Speaker 5: It would, it would, it would inspire you to travel more.
Speaker 3: Making it gets right, it completely removes a huge barrier
Speaker 3: to entry about travel, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can live anywhere. Yeah I can hear what.
Speaker 5: The French are actually saying about you.
Speaker 2: What do you speak? I speak.
Speaker 5: I used to speak a little Korean when I was younger,
Speaker 5: and then I trailed off, and then I studied it
Speaker 5: again in college and it was a great way to
Speaker 5: reconnect with my mom. And again, a language is just
Speaker 5: like anything, you got to keep up with it.
Speaker 3: It's just like, so, you don't speak Korean anymore, I
Speaker 3: don't speak so you speak English?
Speaker 2: The answer was, I speak English?
Speaker 5: You said, do I speak English? You looked at me
Speaker 5: like I'm a moron.
Speaker 3: Well, I just the curse words my mom used to
Speaker 3: yell me in Italian. That's all I got that in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I don't speak anything besides English.
Speaker 5: But you're little obviously German.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, foods a little German, Yeah, food, drink and
Speaker 1: curse words.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's yeah, like.
Speaker 2: All good languages.
Speaker 5: That's how most like Okay, what what's one language you'd
Speaker 5: love to learn.
Speaker 2: I mean, I really would like to learn Italian. I think, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think I would love it.
Speaker 3: I don't know how much it would help me in
Speaker 3: the world, but I think Italian would be nice to
Speaker 3: know because but.
Speaker 5: If you travel to Italy, you don't really need to
Speaker 5: know it, right, I mean, they're pastaasta, but they're very
Speaker 5: welcoming of Americans that I think they're you know, I
Speaker 5: think most countries you go to they speak a lot
Speaker 5: of I was shocked when I went to China, Japan, Korea,
Speaker 5: like on USO tours, and they all spoke English. I
Speaker 5: was like, wow, it's very fascinating that, like here we
Speaker 5: are again to your point, like we take it for granted,
Speaker 5: like we're Americans, Like, well, i'd love to do I'd
Speaker 5: love to know a few.
Speaker 1: Different languages and be that welcoming to other Yeah. But
Speaker 1: and then and then, you know, but I think there
Speaker 1: are some countries too that they probably speak English, but
Speaker 1: they're like, no, I'm going to make you suffer because
Speaker 1: you should learn the language. And it's no fault there there.
Speaker 1: That means that you go somewhere you should learn how
Speaker 1: to know the language. But I do like those new
Speaker 1: phone that just saw commercial the other day, one that
Speaker 1: flips up and it's like two sided screen and you
Speaker 1: can say something and it translates to them. It translates
Speaker 1: back to lady a non other language speaking lazy man.
Speaker 1: That was genius.
Speaker 2: You know what, I do, speak every language. Now, Actually
Speaker 2: that's a bad question.
Speaker 1: Well, hell, let me talk to animals.
Speaker 2: Then you have to go outside.
Speaker 5: All right, we'll jump back in.
Speaker 10: Kevin send us an email, he said, Looking at all
Speaker 10: the work you've done, what do you think your mom
Speaker 10: is most proud of you for?
Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. So what would my mom be most
Speaker 1: proud of?
Speaker 2: I think his correct.
Speaker 1: I think my mom was most proud of that. I
Speaker 1: gotta I didn't have to move back home. Oh, you
Speaker 1: know that was always my thing. I don't want to
Speaker 1: move back home, right. I don't want to live with
Speaker 1: my parents my whole life. You know, that was a
Speaker 1: big sting.
Speaker 2: When did you When did you get out?
Speaker 1: I moved? I left when I went to I went
Speaker 1: to Houston for half of my senior year to live
Speaker 1: with my uncle to play one year football high school.
Speaker 1: I was sixteen, and then when I left for seventeen.
Speaker 6: That was it. That was it.
Speaker 1: That was it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I had any of the other siblings moved back home.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, at the President house full of them.
Speaker 2: I got even the uncle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I god, I got my old fighting what's he
Speaker 1: had dress? I'm just saying my oldest brother lived in
Speaker 1: Italy and he's been there for years. And the other
Speaker 1: one seemed to be back in Houston at home chilling.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, you know you buy mama house. I guess
Speaker 6: you're buying it for the favor.
Speaker 1: You can't say you did buy them.
Speaker 6: If Jasmin, don't worry.
Speaker 1: Leave it in there. I want them to see it.
Speaker 1: You need to know.
Speaker 5: It's your camera. You're grown camerae ow get out, you
Speaker 5: take a date home.
Speaker 6: I love it. Uh what do you think? What would
Speaker 6: you say.
Speaker 5: About your uh? Excluding children? I would say my mom
Speaker 5: and dad. I think when I had the sitcom and
Speaker 5: I had a sitcom where I went back home and
Speaker 5: took over a bar with my parents, and Dan Lauria
Speaker 5: played a version of my father and Jody Long played
Speaker 5: a version of my mom. And I'll never forget when
Speaker 5: they came to the Pilot and Warner Brothers and they're
Speaker 5: in the audience and they're you know, I'm walking them
Speaker 5: around and they're hearing their names via these actors, and
Speaker 5: that was that was one of those things where my
Speaker 5: mom was just kind of like, I you know, I
Speaker 5: could I could get emotional talking about it right now,
Speaker 5: but but she was like, I can't believe this is happening.
Speaker 5: Like it was one of those surreal things. And it
Speaker 5: was like to you know, to know that they were
Speaker 5: my two bringers, because at open mics.
Speaker 1: You have to bring two people to pay for you.
Speaker 1: When you first started.
Speaker 5: Years in New York City, and they came to every
Speaker 5: open mic, they'd pay, they'd sit through three hours of comedy,
Speaker 5: and then to like see that all come like full
Speaker 5: circle and have them there, that was.
Speaker 1: Like one of those kind of like yeah.
Speaker 6: Damn, he made my answer suck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean I get that, though, I mean,
Speaker 1: can your parents have seen it from the beginning? Might
Speaker 1: have too, So yeah, to like be inducked into the
Speaker 1: NFL Hall.
Speaker 2: Of Fame and they have my to see your dreams real.
Speaker 1: There, and then I got a star in Hollywood Walk
Speaker 1: of Fame. They have my mom there, my family and
Speaker 1: friends there, like all that that stuff was like crazy
Speaker 1: because I don't. I kind of do stuff and I
Speaker 1: move on. You know, for me, it's kind of like, okay,
Speaker 1: then keep on moving. I believe if I get stuck
Speaker 1: thinking about what I've done, I get I can't move forward. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like a gift and a curse
Speaker 1: to be able to like move on from stuff, because
Speaker 1: sometimes someone will someone will remind me of something really
Speaker 1: cool that happened, and I'll go, oh, yeah, that was
Speaker 1: pretty amazing. I forgot I even did it right, or
Speaker 1: we did that together. But being at the Hall of
Speaker 1: Fame and being up there on stage and you'll give
Speaker 1: them a speech and seeing my mom, my dad, my kids,
Speaker 1: and friends and family all in one section, just looking
Speaker 1: up and that was that was like the most special moment.
Speaker 1: And I mean the TV stuff has been great, Awards
Speaker 1: there have been great, but it's nothing like the whole
Speaker 1: football side of my life. Yeah.
Speaker 5: So early on too, because I mean, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 5: you know that election probably you know I mean to
Speaker 5: be you know, to be anointed, so early on post career,
Speaker 5: I should say post post career early on, right, yeah,
Speaker 5: because some guys, you know, they're struggling to get up
Speaker 5: on stage. Sometimes they have these poignant speeches. But the
Speaker 5: fact that you're still so I mean, you look like
Speaker 5: you could still play down.
Speaker 6: Yeah, happening. It's all about to look you know what.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm on TV every day and I got the
Speaker 1: kind of friends that will, you know, let you know
Speaker 1: if you ain't looking right. I don't know my friends
Speaker 1: blowing on my phone. You know, you look like you
Speaker 1: just gave up? Man, what's going on?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 5: I remember, Yeah, I wonder what that's like. Oh, it
Speaker 5: was very well, because it's very well.
Speaker 2: I tell you all the time that you're getting a
Speaker 2: little bit less. This little bit.
Speaker 5: They some of these guys, they tell me we were
Speaker 5: we were on tour together in the UK and.
Speaker 2: Some of these guys, Q said it, I do say it.
Speaker 5: Don't jump in you look some of the things you said. Anyways,
Speaker 5: I was on a big screen in the O tworey
Speaker 5: and I come off end of the tour because every
Speaker 5: night somebody else wants to go out drinking, and I'll go,
Speaker 5: I'll go drinking every night and then he'll rest and
Speaker 5: he'll you don't drink. But then the last night I'm
Speaker 5: all like I guess Q said, I was like sweaty
Speaker 5: and looked like bloated and I come off. He goes, hey, man,
Speaker 5: I go hey, he goes, I go have a great show.
Speaker 5: He goes, I just want to tell you something. You
Speaker 5: might want to turn it down. I'm like, what are
Speaker 5: you talking about? And he took me out like seven
Speaker 5: of the nights. He goes, you look slimy. It was
Speaker 5: like slimy, slimy.
Speaker 12: I've never been heard like so many words like a
Speaker 12: frog or totally like yeah, Asian seven but god damn, like,
Speaker 12: give me a little friend, I.
Speaker 6: Musk.
Speaker 5: I've gotten that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: Let's get let's try to help somebody.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 10: So Shane's guys a Lemma, Shane's in the UK apro po. Hey, guys,
Speaker 10: are recently found out I'm going to be a dad
Speaker 10: for the first time. I'm get four years old. As
Speaker 10: excited as I am, I'm also very nervous. I have
Speaker 10: all sorts of things going through my head and I'm
Speaker 10: trying to get out a lot of anxiety. I don't
Speaker 10: want to feel this way. I know a lot of
Speaker 10: people say becoming a parent is the best thing in
Speaker 10: the world, and I want to feel that way too.
Speaker 10: I'm sure any advice from the Moms would be help
Speaker 10: ease my anxiety. Love the show from.
Speaker 1: Shane from the UK Oldest Shane forty.
Speaker 2: Three forty three Wow Wow gotten the game late? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I have my first kid forty nine. Sorry, I had
Speaker 2: my first kid thirty nine.
Speaker 6: Thirty nine.
Speaker 2: The biggest thing, and I.
Speaker 3: Say it's a lot of new dads, we get this
Speaker 3: kind of stuff a lot. But I think I think
Speaker 3: the biggest thing is that you're not going to get
Speaker 3: it right and nobody knows the right way to do it.
Speaker 3: I think you just need to do the best you can. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because your comparison is going to be the worst enemy.
Speaker 3: I think you compare a lot of the way it is,
Speaker 3: and if you had a good dad, if you try
Speaker 3: to emulate that as best you can, Like it sounds
Speaker 3: like my dad was great, you know, Like if you
Speaker 3: have a good dad, if you try to emulate that,
Speaker 3: I think that's that's your best roadmap to success.
Speaker 5: I think being forty three to two, you really know
Speaker 5: who you are. You have a great sense of your identity,
Speaker 5: so I think you're going to be a lot more
Speaker 5: comfortable as a parent as opposed to being twenty three.
Speaker 5: Still kind of finding your voice and your identity in
Speaker 5: the world.
Speaker 1: So I think.
Speaker 5: He's got a lot more, he's got a lot less
Speaker 5: to be nervous about it.
Speaker 1: I think yeah, because I think he has probably of
Speaker 1: security that you don't have when you're young and other things.
Speaker 1: And I do agree with you, Just they don't come
Speaker 1: with a manual, right, and then you have the baby
Speaker 1: and next thing you know, a day or two you're
Speaker 1: at home with this little baby and figure this thing out.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but just yeah, do the best you can.
Speaker 1: Hand loved them, and there's a responsibility to it all
Speaker 1: because you realize the way and things that they're going
Speaker 1: to learn, or the way in which they treat people
Speaker 1: and how they are in society in a lot of
Speaker 1: ways is depending on how you raise them. Because I
Speaker 1: do things that my dad did and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I never thought i'd pick up on that.
Speaker 1: And even something I don't like that my dad didn't,
Speaker 1: I would go, oh, gotcha, I said that, just like
Speaker 1: he was saying that.
Speaker 2: Right, Just be telling them advice whenever the asp.
Speaker 1: Fort But it made me realize, though, how much of
Speaker 1: an influence you have on your kids, even when you
Speaker 1: think they're not watching. So Yeah, that's it's a great
Speaker 1: responsibility though. I'm being a father's like the biggest joy
Speaker 1: that you can have in your life and makes you
Speaker 1: realize in a lot of way something special about being
Speaker 1: on this planet. It's passing along something from yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, I will say though at forty three,
Speaker 3: Shane Clock's tacking.
Speaker 13: Yeah, you're gonna want to make sure you make some
Speaker 13: impacts because this guy's not throwing the baseball with the son.
Speaker 13: We'll just put that out right now.
Speaker 1: I just come again.
Speaker 2: I'll watch I'll watch it, hit it off the take.
Speaker 2: I'll be vocal from a launch chair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you too, awful, young man forty three, You're okay,
Speaker 1: You'll be fine. When you go to graduate from high school,
Speaker 1: they will not say, oh, you brought your grandfather.
Speaker 6: They will say you brought your father. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Make sure you wear a name tag that says I'm
Speaker 2: the dad.
Speaker 6: Daddy's here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, good, Mike's like, who else can we solve
Speaker 3: a problem?
Speaker 10: For? See?
Speaker 2: A lot of a lot of it was good successful.
Speaker 5: I want to do another quick one here.
Speaker 10: This is another would you rather Would you rather have
Speaker 10: the ability to see ten minutes into the future or
Speaker 10: one hundred and fifty years into the future.
Speaker 2: Oh, ten minutes in the future.
Speaker 9: Hundred fift minutes.
Speaker 5: I'm not a gambler, so I'd say one hundred and
Speaker 5: fifty years into the future. I'm always fascinated those books
Speaker 5: where they detail what will happen one hundred years from now.
Speaker 5: I'd love to know. Do we have flying cars yet?
Speaker 5: Are we civilized on Mars? I'd love to know those things,
Speaker 5: and I hope I get to live long enough to
Speaker 5: see those things. But I know you, I mean, you loveable.
Speaker 2: I would love to know what's going out in ten minutes.
Speaker 3: I think I would use the ten minutes for evil, though,
Speaker 3: so I'd be worried about that. I think I would
Speaker 3: wanted to go the one fifty but the ten minutes
Speaker 3: you could definitely affect your life and a bigger impact.
Speaker 2: But I feel like the temptation would be too big
Speaker 2: to know you're gonna know when you'll be dead, like
Speaker 2: nine minutes, Like it's just see black.
Speaker 3: You're like, wait a minute, the anxiety of ten minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about if I can see ten minutes, give
Speaker 1: me an guy. Yeah, if I can see one hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty years, But I need to see all one
Speaker 1: fifty like I can go, okay, take me out five years.
Speaker 6: I want to be able to see the whole linear
Speaker 6: yeah fifty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that way, I'll be like, yo, kids, this is
Speaker 1: what would go.
Speaker 6: Buy stop, his company's gonna be hot. Yes years the
Speaker 6: family like the Rocke.
Speaker 5: Femly straight on every building everywhere.
Speaker 2: I would say, the one fifty, it's got to be linear.
Speaker 6: That's a big thing for you.
Speaker 2: Imagine you just get to see what happened to one
Speaker 2: you know, and know how we got there. I want
Speaker 2: to know how we got.
Speaker 6: We got there.
Speaker 5: If you get to one hundred and fifty and it's
Speaker 5: just Earth is just a crater. Climate change actually did envelope?
Speaker 5: Who knows?
Speaker 6: When you're pissed, you're like, damn it, I should have
Speaker 6: went back started living now, see when it was still here.
Speaker 3: Just see like a frog on a rock and fifty
Speaker 3: years like what what?
Speaker 1: Well? But ten minutes, what would you do if you
Speaker 1: saw like ten minutes? And what do you think you
Speaker 1: would see in ten Like think about.
Speaker 2: I go right to a casino.
Speaker 3: I go right to a casino, and I make it
Speaker 3: the Gatto Rockefella situation in ten minutes, like a craps table.
Speaker 2: Now, what's coming up? Forget it? That's right, that's where
Speaker 2: my mind went first.
Speaker 3: I would also probably say I would like if I
Speaker 3: don't want to see like the end of a game,
Speaker 3: No offense to the athlete, but sometimes it gets a
Speaker 3: little boring at the end.
Speaker 6: And I watched on bored watching them too, so I.
Speaker 1: Just love like who won? Okay, got it?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 3: But I think the ten minutes in my mind went
Speaker 3: right to like a casino or anything a gambling where
Speaker 3: you could see yeah, because.
Speaker 1: You can't buy a lotto ticket ten minutes before you now,
Speaker 1: Because that way I could do it. I don't even
Speaker 1: have to go to a casino and just can knock
Speaker 1: it out from home on the couch with an Apple.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: Oh the app would be great.
Speaker 1: Oh ten minutes, man, I wouldn't even tell people, I
Speaker 1: tell any if I could see ten minutes, I would
Speaker 1: just start naming.
Speaker 6: Oh wait, watch out, you may trip.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always have my phone right now, you go
Speaker 2: viral with all your trust me? Why are you telling
Speaker 2: that old lady trust me? That's gonna be great.
Speaker 3: I would The only other thing that think about ten
Speaker 3: minutes would be I would maybe would invite a lot
Speaker 3: of people I don't like to dinner and then ruin
Speaker 3: the end of everybody's stories, like when they're telling the
Speaker 3: big stories, be.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, yeah, and then they came home. You know,
Speaker 2: shut up, Tim, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I think that'd be evil too, So I think I
Speaker 3: had to go hundred fifty years to keep myself nice.
Speaker 5: To ruin their stories.
Speaker 6: It's so funny.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would love to use it for like like
Speaker 5: election night or something.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd be like the new Nate Silver before.
Speaker 1: How do you know?
Speaker 2: How does he do it?
Speaker 1: It's just like guys, justition.
Speaker 5: I don't know, but it'd be kind of cool.
Speaker 6: So that would be good every states.
Speaker 2: Yeah, talking listen to animals.
Speaker 5: But then I just do the.
Speaker 1: Linear one fifty then yeah, for sure, how would I
Speaker 1: do that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Ten minutes for gambling sports gambling, one hundred percent sure.
Speaker 6: I know nothing about sports gambling.
Speaker 1: For the record, we.
Speaker 10: Have a question from Curtis uh. He is a parent
Speaker 10: of two and how he asked, how do you curb
Speaker 10: jealousy amongst siblings? His kids are one in three years old,
Speaker 10: and as they get older, it feels like it's going
Speaker 10: to be tougher. How do you curb jealousy amongst siblings?
Speaker 6: Man, he's starting one and three and are already jealous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 2: People of the time with them affection. I could see that.
Speaker 3: I know when my daughter was younger and I was
Speaker 3: I was like holding my son a little bit, she
Speaker 3: would be like, come on the lap and stuff too,
Speaker 3: to be like, oh what about me? I think you
Speaker 3: have to pick a favorite and let them know who's
Speaker 3: the favorite, right.
Speaker 2: I mean that's the only way to parent. Well, you
Speaker 2: let them fight it out. I mean right, that's the
Speaker 2: way you do it.
Speaker 3: You want to be better your baby boxing gloves, go
Speaker 3: at it.
Speaker 6: I think.
Speaker 2: It let's see where daddy's love.
Speaker 3: No, I would say probably just uh be mindful of it, right,
Speaker 3: don't promote jealousy, right, you gotta.
Speaker 1: Be mindful one two As a parent, I think if
Speaker 1: it comes to time with the parent, make sure you
Speaker 1: spend time individually. Yeah, I think that that's important both
Speaker 1: know and and when it comes to things like it's
Speaker 1: kind of harded one gets something the other one wants something.
Speaker 1: It's like yank tit for tat, yank for yang. Yeah.
Speaker 6: I don't know how you do with that, just buy
Speaker 6: them both.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been teaching I've been teaching my kids that
Speaker 3: now that one gets something, it's okay, you'll get something
Speaker 3: at another time. They'll be even out eventually, and just
Speaker 3: trying to show them because my kids are nine and seven,
Speaker 3: so about like fairness, like it'll all shake.
Speaker 2: Out of the end, it'll be fair.
Speaker 3: And I think that's important because you got to let
Speaker 3: them know they're not always they're.
Speaker 2: Going to win in life or whatever.
Speaker 6: I think that's that's kind of hard.
Speaker 3: That's probably one of the hardest lessons I think I'm
Speaker 3: dealing with now is fairness with the kids. It's like
Speaker 3: it's not always going to be fair, but hopefully it'll
Speaker 3: all shake out at one point you'll feel like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you got it. But that's also like
Speaker 1: society has changed so much. Yeah, you show up, I
Speaker 1: get sports, You show up, you get a trophy? Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: Like they play games and no one keeps scoring, no
Speaker 1: one can.
Speaker 6: Lose, right right, Like you lose.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but losing made you want to win? Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't want that feeling of losing. And just because
Speaker 1: you show up, you don't get a trophy just for
Speaker 1: showing up. I would if you grew up and you
Speaker 1: looked in your trophy Kate as a kid and it's
Speaker 1: like participated, participated, participated.
Speaker 6: Give me disappointed.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, when you walk in there and it's like okay,
Speaker 1: first place, second place to look at and you go,
Speaker 1: damn it, I won first. Yeah, then this is the
Speaker 1: one that you got first, and you're like, okay, now
Speaker 1: I worked hard for the get to that level. I
Speaker 1: think you always there needs to be something where you
Speaker 1: understand it.
Speaker 6: There are you.
Speaker 1: Know, levels of achievement, level achievement, yeah, and things like that,
Speaker 1: and that everybody doesn't always win playing something.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was dealing with this actually just the other day.
Speaker 5: My daughter, she's you know, seventh grade, she's on varsity soccer,
Speaker 5: and so she played in the first varsity game. So
Speaker 5: I was I was happened to be home, thank god,
Speaker 5: and I saw her. She had a hat trick and
Speaker 5: she scored with a minute left to get the hat trick.
Speaker 5: And the day two days before that, she scored the
Speaker 5: game winning goal with a minute left and she had
Speaker 5: both goals to win the game. So she she had
Speaker 5: like five goals. So my wife and I are driving
Speaker 5: we're talking about, We're like live, this is great, this
Speaker 5: and he did this and I wasn't there for that,
Speaker 5: but that's awesome and you get this and that was awesome.
Speaker 5: And I could see my son, you know, and he
Speaker 5: you know, you could see like the jealousy percolate, and
Speaker 5: and part of me wants to be like and Ken,
Speaker 5: you'll you'll be great at tuba. Like you don't. You
Speaker 5: don't have the physical attributes and gifts that your sister has.
Speaker 5: But yeah, but then it goes back to you know,
Speaker 5: and you your team was undefeated in baseball, and he's like,
Speaker 5: I know, but this year we're not. And I'm like,
Speaker 5: I know, but you did something that was pretty cool.
Speaker 5: But again, I think I'm trying to be aware to
Speaker 5: make sure that the scales are balanced in terms of adoration,
Speaker 5: even in those moments. But but yeah, he's he's gonna.
Speaker 1: Be in band. He's very emotionally aware.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like you.
Speaker 5: That participation trophy thing. I thought that was at me.
Speaker 5: But failure is the greatest lesson I think in line.
Speaker 5: Now I think it really.
Speaker 1: You know, oh boy, wow, I mean damn, if anybody
Speaker 1: knows it, it's our boy.
Speaker 2: Steve but I won't tell you this though.
Speaker 1: I never like success, was never a motivator like I did.
Speaker 1: I didn't play and go okay, I'm I can't wait
Speaker 1: for all the spoils of success. I was more afraid
Speaker 1: to fail. I was more afraid to disappoint. I was
Speaker 1: more afraid not to show up and be great and
Speaker 1: like live up to the expectations that were.
Speaker 6: Put on me.
Speaker 1: And that was always my thing. Fear of failure for
Speaker 1: me with a bigger motivator than anything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you watch it, like I just finished that Derek
Speaker 5: Jeter doc and I've seen the Jordan Want. Everybody had
Speaker 5: seen Less Dance, And what you come away with is
Speaker 5: those guys achieved greatness because it almost seemed like they
Speaker 5: had a bigger hatred of failure more than an appreciation
Speaker 5: of success. And like Jeter was like, yeah, we won,
Speaker 5: but there's still nights. I think about that game, Boo,
Speaker 5: and it's like, Godlee. I mean, comedy is a professional
Speaker 5: failure when you see sixty minutes, when you see an
Speaker 5: hour special, that's sixty minutes of jokes that work. You
Speaker 5: don't see the six hundred minutes of jokes that didn't work.
Speaker 5: Because every one joke that works, there's nine that did.
Speaker 5: That's always the equation that it boils down to. And
Speaker 5: you don't see the toil. You don't see the just
Speaker 5: the getting racked publicly and humiliate, you know, just like
Speaker 5: it is what it is. But that's part of it,
Speaker 5: is the drive to get to connect on that one
Speaker 5: where it's like for sure that one worked. Wow, Okay,
Speaker 5: you gotta be built for that.
Speaker 6: Man.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I mean honest, when you say you're nick to
Speaker 1: you too, something got to be mentally wrong with you.
Speaker 2: You didn't even have to be saying to me to
Speaker 2: know that.
Speaker 1: I mean to be like getting that that instant, constant
Speaker 1: rejection and then like one hit you're like, oh yeah
Speaker 1: I've hit over the head twenty times. Something else to
Speaker 1: keep me going, I've got like golf, I guess you
Speaker 1: hit one bit shot and you sank twenty more coming back.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 13: Yeah, but God bless you guys would especially in football,
Speaker 13: because I think we all sit around Sunday, we all
Speaker 13: sit around Monday.
Speaker 5: We love it, but I know that that that that's
Speaker 5: that Monday or Tuesday, the just the physical pain that
Speaker 5: you guys deal with on a you know, on a
Speaker 5: weekly basis or what you had done over the course
Speaker 5: of your career. It's like I think, like as much
Speaker 5: as I love to cheer on, I'm always still like appreciative,
Speaker 5: like like of somebody who's serving your country or something like, like,
Speaker 5: I still have a lot of appreciation for football players
Speaker 5: more than any other sport because it's that one week.
Speaker 5: It's almost like a week to recuperate.
Speaker 1: Yeah well yeah, and he couldn't play. I mean it's
Speaker 1: a tough week. Like as you get older. When you're young,
Speaker 1: you play a game, you win. Up the next morning,
Speaker 1: I can have too bad. I can play another game
Speaker 1: soon when you get older, Like for me my fifteenth year, I'm.
Speaker 6: Like hopefully about Sunday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then like Saturday, then your mind switching your
Speaker 1: they start to feel a little bit better. But I
Speaker 1: I was just I was talking somebody the other day
Speaker 1: that I think that's the thing that I watch guys
Speaker 1: now play and I respect these guys who play now.
Speaker 1: The one thing that drives me crazy it's when they
Speaker 1: take their jerseys off after the game on the field
Speaker 1: and they signed them to each other and then they like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm like, one, are you just lost right? You're that happy, right,
Speaker 1: they meet him at the bus after, you know, do
Speaker 1: it there like that on the Oh, that would if
Speaker 1: I'm just kind more old school than that, if my
Speaker 1: mentality was completely different, like football to me was life
Speaker 1: or death, like every day I'm going out there every Sunday,
Speaker 1: I am you are not my friend. After the game,
Speaker 1: once I cool down, if we want to lost, then
Speaker 1: we can be cordial. But not right after saying we
Speaker 1: lost the game, you want to exchange your jersey, even
Speaker 1: if you ask me, I'm just gonna say you're not right.
Speaker 6: I'll see you.
Speaker 1: I'll see that by the bus or whatever, but I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do it. That just eats me a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I can't fathom getting over lost that quickly,
Speaker 1: within seconds.
Speaker 5: But that mentality is why you're in the position you're at.
Speaker 5: That's why you will tell yourself to a higher standard
Speaker 5: and you expected a lot more of you.
Speaker 6: Problem.
Speaker 1: If my teammates did it, I would probably give your
Speaker 1: mouth shut.
Speaker 6: Right, No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I got ad other teammates it wouldn't be to keep
Speaker 1: their mind shut with that type of stuff either, to
Speaker 1: the point where I was I would literally like yo,
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't play with somebody like this. I
Speaker 1: let that if he kept doing it, let the coach.
Speaker 1: I can't play with this. G gotta go. He's gotta go.
Speaker 1: I gotta go.
Speaker 6: Yeah, take your pick.
Speaker 5: I got this Fox contract.
Speaker 2: Sitting in the drum man, you walk well that this
Speaker 2: has been awesome so much. That's that's what talking about.
Speaker 5: Obviously, if you want to talk about abortion rights or
Speaker 5: the Middle East and what.
Speaker 1: Are you crazy. I've been completely enjoying my time with
Speaker 1: two broke moms.
Speaker 5: I got to cast out here and then I watched
Speaker 5: so we can.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I no, I appreciate you inviting me on. Man,
Speaker 6: it's been great.
Speaker 2: This is so you know you're saying you've always been
Speaker 2: so cool and you're awesome.
Speaker 3: So and I know you've got lots going on, and
Speaker 3: I always wanted to thank you for the comforts.
Speaker 2: Clothes I've everceived.
Speaker 1: Great. They are the.
Speaker 2: Comfyist and I wore them to death. So I might
Speaker 2: have to hitch you up for some more, No.
Speaker 1: Problem, no problem, No, but I appreciate coming here. You
Speaker 1: got the great, You're funny, you're entertaining your potentially you know,
Speaker 1: liability magic.
Speaker 6: This is gonna be great.
Speaker 3: Nobody's gonna know what you're talking about.
Speaker 5: Can you tell us anything you're you're working on or
Speaker 5: anything you want?
Speaker 6: Man, what the heck am I working on?
Speaker 5: I'm always clothing brand.
Speaker 6: I'm in the course. I got g m A.
Speaker 1: Of course, I got you know Fox the Sunday We're
Speaker 1: shooting one hundred thousand dollars Pyramid in January.
Speaker 2: You'll come back fine Sea.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, come on back and win somebody some money.
Speaker 5: I love that.
Speaker 6: Of course.
Speaker 1: I got my clothing line collection by Michael Strahan ms SEX.
Speaker 1: And we just released the dog documentary Evolution of the
Speaker 1: Black Quarterback on Amazon. We have another one coming out
Speaker 1: next month, this Asian Quarterback.
Speaker 2: It's a formative short film.
Speaker 6: We just twenty second, sirch second? How long does this say?
Speaker 6: Never happened?
Speaker 2: There you go, It's just going, That's all it is.
Speaker 1: Love this.
Speaker 9: Oh.
Speaker 1: We have the History of Black comedy that we have
Speaker 1: really out this month. I'm hosted by Chris Spencer Tiffany
Speaker 1: Hattish and we got all the guys in it, which
Speaker 1: which she's really has been an incredible story to tell.
Speaker 1: But you know, we love all these things like people
Speaker 1: should know the history of quite a few things that
Speaker 1: they don't know about that we kind of take for granted.
Speaker 6: So that's fantastic.
Speaker 1: We've been on top of it with our production game
Speaker 1: and it's great.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: When when does the the Comedy the State of Comedy?
Speaker 6: That's this month October?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Where at it? I have always going to be on Vice.
Speaker 5: Oh great, that's great.
Speaker 3: All right, well, congratulations and of course like subscribe if
Speaker 3: you have any questions you needed us to help you with, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: where they go? They send us an email to Cool
Speaker 3: Mom's Pod at Gmail, two Cool Moms Pod at Gmail,
Speaker 3: and of course at two cool Moms Pod on Instagram.
Speaker 2: We love you. Uh, stay safe.
Speaker 6: I'm looking at your face, you know what. I'm kind
Speaker 6: of right down