WEBVTT - New Traditions

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema, and we just wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>come and wish everybody a happy holiday week, Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's a is it a hectic week? Is

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<v Speaker 1>it a crazy week?

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<v Speaker 2>You know? I think after the weddings, I feel so

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<v Speaker 2>much more comfortable with Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is a known

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<v Speaker 2>you know. The weddings that we just came off of

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<v Speaker 2>planet were so much going on, lots of factors. This

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<v Speaker 2>is a known. We are going to my childhood home

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<v Speaker 2>in Chicago, where my mom still lives, and Thanksgiving is

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<v Speaker 2>my family's biggest holiday because my extended family from Ohio,

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<v Speaker 2>my aunts, my cousins all come in and all descend

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<v Speaker 2>on our house in Chicago. You have never been to

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<v Speaker 2>this event with my family, So really, the question is

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<v Speaker 2>are you feeling no.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited. I've wanted to go to Chicago with you

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<v Speaker 1>and go to your childhood home for a long time,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't. I just never really worked out. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know why.

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<v Speaker 2>I think people think it's weird. It's just that I think,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, we have to think about where the kids

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<v Speaker 2>are at are they with their mom? Are they with us?

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<v Speaker 2>Then also, your parents are divorced, so you have to

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<v Speaker 2>divide your time between them. And then my family's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of spread all across the country, so we were always,

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<v Speaker 2>as we've said, dividing and conquering.

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<v Speaker 1>But this is kind of our first, not kind of.

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<v Speaker 1>This is our first official holiday as a married couple,

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<v Speaker 1>and now we're doing it with your family. This is

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is it married couple. We're going back

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<v Speaker 1>home and we're going to Chicago.

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<v Speaker 2>We're doing this in the wrong order because I thought

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<v Speaker 2>what you were going to say is this is our

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<v Speaker 2>first holiday where we've ever gone to the other one's parents' home,

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<v Speaker 2>because I've actually never been to either of your parents' homes.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, for a holiday, mom my mom has come to us,

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<v Speaker 1>my dad to us, and so you're right, yeah, we've never.

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<v Speaker 2>So we waited till we got married to go to Well.

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<v Speaker 1>We're out of we're long out of my childhood home

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<v Speaker 1>in Dallas, Texas, and so I really don't have that

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<v Speaker 1>to go back home too. Anyway, but your your mom

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<v Speaker 1>still lives in your childhood home. We are And by

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<v Speaker 1>the way, if y'all are thinking what I was thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's not going to happen. What we're not going

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<v Speaker 1>to be in your bedroom?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, my childhood bedroom no longer exists.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Also, I don't think anyone was thinking.

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<v Speaker 1>I think people were thinking that.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think they were thinking.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I was thinking that when I.

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<v Speaker 2>Was wondering, weird to think? Is that a guy? Wait?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I think it's maybe it's a guy thing of Like,

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<v Speaker 1>just I thought it'd be interesting to be back in

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<v Speaker 1>your childhood bedroom.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh you weren't meaning it in like a dirty way.

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<v Speaker 1>You just meant like right, no, because you were a child.

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<v Speaker 2>Well here's a question, though, how long? Because I have friends?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Who, I'm thinking my friend Laura, I'll call her out

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<v Speaker 2>because she listens her childhood bedroom from like her teenage years. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>is still and we're in our thirties. It's still exactly

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<v Speaker 2>what it was. It is a time capsule. Her posters

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<v Speaker 2>are on the walls, her CDs are in the CD case,

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<v Speaker 2>And I think her parents should use that room to

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<v Speaker 2>whatever they When do you change your kids childhood bedroom?

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<v Speaker 1>Over and wed one full week after my kids left

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<v Speaker 1>for college. Yeah, no, it's no, it is true. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean I I they're you know, their rooms were changed,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, left to their own devices at first, but

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<v Speaker 1>their rooms, like the trophies and the posters and the

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<v Speaker 1>that stuff needs to come down.

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<v Speaker 2>I think if your kids are going to college, I

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<v Speaker 2>think you can give them a first year to come

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<v Speaker 2>back to their.

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<v Speaker 1>Room, because they are They're always going to come back.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I think through freshman year it's a new

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<v Speaker 2>time they can they still want to, you know. I

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<v Speaker 2>mean when they go to freshman year, they're essentially still

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<v Speaker 2>a high school kid. They're in such a new place.

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<v Speaker 2>But after that, I think it's okay to say, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>we have a bed for you here, but like your

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<v Speaker 2>room's a gastroom now.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a guest room. Yeah, it's transitioning over. It'll be

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<v Speaker 1>yours when you come.

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<v Speaker 2>Here, right, this is always your home, I fully Or

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<v Speaker 2>are we rushing it too much?

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<v Speaker 1>No? No, I think I think. Look, your job, I think,

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<v Speaker 1>partly as a parent, is to make them feel welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to come back home, but not too comfortable, like they

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<v Speaker 1>can always come live back home.

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<v Speaker 2>You want, well, you want to support independence and growth.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know, in all seriousness, I'm joking a little bit,

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<v Speaker 1>but all kidding aside I do want my kids to

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<v Speaker 1>start start thinking of their independence, and that just the

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<v Speaker 1>natural next stage is not to boomerang back home. The

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<v Speaker 1>next stage is you're going to graduate, you will work,

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<v Speaker 1>You're going to get an apartment or whatever you can afford,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's where you're going to live, and you're going

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<v Speaker 1>to start your life and establish your life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. My mom always said, like when my little brother

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<v Speaker 2>graduated law school and started working, she's like, Okay, my

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<v Speaker 2>job is done. Like they all have jobs, they're all working,

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<v Speaker 2>contributing members of.

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<v Speaker 1>Or whatever it is. Right, that is a huge step.

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<v Speaker 1>I've talked to your mom a little bit about that,

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<v Speaker 1>and it really is such a prideful, proud moment to

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<v Speaker 1>like you, you've done it, Like Donnazima, you've done it,

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<v Speaker 1>like you probably you have three amazingly successful children that

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<v Speaker 1>are living on their own, crushing it on their own.

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<v Speaker 1>That's not easy.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, of course, first and foremost you want them

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<v Speaker 2>to be good people, yes, but of course yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>mean I think you're right that you you want your

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<v Speaker 2>kids to always feel like this is your home, you

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<v Speaker 2>are always welcome here. I mean I love still feeling

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<v Speaker 2>that way. Obviously in my mom's home. I think you

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<v Speaker 2>want to make sure they have a place to sleep.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not like, hey, you can't stay here anymore. Your

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<v Speaker 2>room's a gym. Now find a hotel. That would hurt me,

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<v Speaker 2>But no, my childhood room is long gone.

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<v Speaker 1>So what am I in for?

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<v Speaker 2>You're in for? Actually, this has been very sweet. My

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<v Speaker 2>mom has a really used the moment of you coming

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<v Speaker 2>to our house. She's like, you know what, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to like refresh the house in a way I haven't

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<v Speaker 2>in a while. So I'm feeling great because I've been

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<v Speaker 2>trying to get her to do this for a long time.

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<v Speaker 2>So Donna has been you know, I mean to the

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<v Speaker 2>point of like she's gotten some new faucets and some.

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<v Speaker 1>Bath nice new fixtures.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, fixing up.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, she's been painting a little bit. Yeah, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's going to be and I And by.

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<v Speaker 2>The way, let's take a moment for that. No matter

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<v Speaker 2>how much a parent loves their kid, it's like, we

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<v Speaker 2>don't listen to our family. I've been telling my mom

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<v Speaker 2>to paint the kitchen cabinets for years. Oh, all of

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<v Speaker 2>a sudden, Chris Harrison's coming home. She let you know

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<v Speaker 2>she likes she She probably likes having you in your

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<v Speaker 2>kitchen more than she likes me in there.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that I was going to say, what I

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<v Speaker 1>know I'm looking forward to is your mom's food, because

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<v Speaker 1>obviously she came in and cooked for our wedding, and

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<v Speaker 1>we've been she's come here for events and for holidays

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<v Speaker 1>as well, and she does she loves to be in

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<v Speaker 1>the kitchen as much as I do. We have kind

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<v Speaker 1>of this nice dance we do where we both kind

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<v Speaker 1>of well.

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<v Speaker 2>She's already assigned you things to cook for this.

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<v Speaker 1>I know I'm fired up. I am, and I'm in

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<v Speaker 1>charge of the tenderloin. She's doing the turkey. I'm doing

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<v Speaker 1>a tenderloin in mashed potatoes, and I'm bringing wine.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's out you for something that might be a hot take.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't like turkey.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not that a look. I'm just if you were

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<v Speaker 1>going to say, what would you like to have for

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<v Speaker 1>dinner tonight? Because I love the fixings. Give me your

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<v Speaker 1>green bean casserole, sweet potato, you name it, Yam's mashed potatoes,

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<v Speaker 1>anything that you're traditional stuffing all of it.

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<v Speaker 2>Skimming is very much about the side.

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<v Speaker 1>I love the sides. But if you're like Okay, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you want your man to be? If you're at

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<v Speaker 1>a restaurant, would you love a filet min yon, would

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<v Speaker 1>you love a tenderloin? Or would you like some turkey?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, but ninety nine nine percent of the time,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to say, give me a nice, beautiful steak.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I never eat turkey other than Thanksgiving, but

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<v Speaker 2>I look forward to it. But you comet at it

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<v Speaker 2>more from this chef's perspective of like that turkey's very

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<v Speaker 2>dry and you have to do a lot to it,

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<v Speaker 2>so I don't really have.

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<v Speaker 1>I fried a turkey, Redneck. I fried turkeys, and your

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<v Speaker 1>mom bakes once. She brinds it and then bakes it,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's one I've had your mom's turkey. It's incredible.

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<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, you know, it's funny. What

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to the most about turkey is the

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<v Speaker 1>turkey sandwich.

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<v Speaker 2>Later the moistmaker that Ross cites on friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he put it the fridge. Somebody ate his and

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<v Speaker 1>he really went after him. But I am a big

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<v Speaker 1>fan of Later, about three or four hours later turkey

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<v Speaker 1>and I make I'm kind of the same way I

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<v Speaker 1>put everything in the sandwich. It's cranberry sauce, turkey, gravy,

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<v Speaker 1>some stuffing. It's all packed in there.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Oh, I agree with you. I the leftovers are

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes better the next day. Last year, actually, we had

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<v Speaker 2>Thanksgiving here and we had a leftovers and libations neighborhood party,

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<v Speaker 2>which was fun because every friends giving right to get

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<v Speaker 2>your leftovers. Yes, what I really appreciate about you is

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<v Speaker 2>that you are so helpful, like in the kitchen on holidays,

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<v Speaker 2>at events, at parties. We talked about this a lot

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<v Speaker 2>with the wedding, but you jump in and help. And

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<v Speaker 2>I really like that. You're not nervous or I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know you're You're really good at Like you haven't met

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<v Speaker 2>all of my extended family, but I think you're You're

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<v Speaker 2>I never worry about you in those situations.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And likewise, you and I are both good in

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<v Speaker 1>those situations where we can both handle each other, Like

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to check on me. If I'm with

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<v Speaker 1>Aunt Sally, it's like I'm fine and I and I knew,

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<v Speaker 1>and I would know the same for you. I would

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<v Speaker 1>look over and just see you and I'm like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>she's got it now.

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<v Speaker 2>We met someone the other night who told a story

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<v Speaker 2>that you and I did not agree with. This person

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<v Speaker 2>was telling a story of the first time they went

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<v Speaker 2>home to the person they were dating, so or they

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<v Speaker 2>went to the person they were datings like family home, right,

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<v Speaker 2>And this woman is telling the story of how she

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<v Speaker 2>met the family and she is a vegetarian and she

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<v Speaker 2>was so offended because the family didn't have food that

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<v Speaker 2>she could eat, really, and that she actually got in

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<v Speaker 2>a fight with the guy she was dating over it,

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<v Speaker 2>and it became this big deal. And I maybe I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not being fair of the vegetarians out there, but if

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to somebody i'm dating's family home to meet

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<v Speaker 2>their parents for the first time, I'm just gonna like

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<v Speaker 2>poke my food around on my plate, smile, and make

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<v Speaker 2>a good impression out of it.

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<v Speaker 1>You can go get a Tofu Burger later. Your job

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<v Speaker 1>is to just be happy. And I think on the

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<v Speaker 1>first time, yeah, put on your best face, make friends,

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<v Speaker 1>bring you know ingratiate yourself to the face family. And

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<v Speaker 1>if you realize, oh god, they even put bacon into

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<v Speaker 1>the green bean casserole, just just go with it, just

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<v Speaker 1>like you said, move it around, hide it under the

0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.880
<v Speaker 1>mashed potatoes, and then go eat later and then you know,

0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:14.680
<v Speaker 1>the next time you can broach that subject or the

0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.360
<v Speaker 1>next time your husband's not about you.

0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:18.880
<v Speaker 2>On the first time. It's not about whether you like them,

0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:20.839
<v Speaker 2>it's that you're trying to get them to like you.

0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:22.320
<v Speaker 2>You're trying to put your best foot forward.

0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I totally agree with.

0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:26.320
<v Speaker 2>That, and I'm a big believer to I mean, I

0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.800
<v Speaker 2>get it if you've known someone for years and you're like, listen,

0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.959
<v Speaker 2>I've told you I'm a vegetarian. Please. But also, by

0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:34.000
<v Speaker 2>the way, when you're the odd one out in a

0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:37.360
<v Speaker 2>group situation, I think you have to look out for

0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:40.199
<v Speaker 2>yourself a little bit more. That's on you, Like bring

0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.120
<v Speaker 2>a dish that you're okay with eating, like make something

0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.000
<v Speaker 2>you know. I mean, I think it's always a bread

0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.320
<v Speaker 2>flag about a human if they think that the group

0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:53.000
<v Speaker 2>should accommodate them instead of like that they they're going

0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:54.520
<v Speaker 2>to say, hey, you know what I mean.

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. It was Thanksgiving always huge in your family.

0:11:58.720 --> 0:11:59.959
<v Speaker 2>In terms of the number of people.

0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Just no, I mean like just big holiday like something

0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.480
<v Speaker 1>like for me growing up, it was actually something kind

0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:09.839
<v Speaker 1>of odd because there was always the soccer tournament. There

0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.520
<v Speaker 1>was the Houston Thanksgiving Day soccer tournament, So we would

0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.880
<v Speaker 1>go to Houston and mostly we were in a hotel

0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:18.880
<v Speaker 1>and that I have an aunt and uncle in Houston

0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.440
<v Speaker 1>and we would go to them. But it was kind

0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.240
<v Speaker 1>of like that was for many many years, so it

0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:28.240
<v Speaker 1>wasn't like this. We always got together with fifty people

0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.320
<v Speaker 1>type of a holiday for a lot of years. And

0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.560
<v Speaker 1>then after soccer when we kind of grew up and

0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:37.880
<v Speaker 1>that stopped, then we kind of figured out what that was.

0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:41.760
<v Speaker 1>But has it always just been your house, your mom?

0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:44.000
<v Speaker 1>Like that's yeah.

0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:46.800
<v Speaker 2>And I actually saw there was some Maley Instagram quote

0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:53.600
<v Speaker 2>the other day about how how much your childhood continues

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:57.400
<v Speaker 2>to affect like the way like everything in your life,

0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:00.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, in this particular quote was about relationship. But

0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking about it right now because like the quote

0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.640
<v Speaker 2>was about that, like if someone you're in a relationship

0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:09.760
<v Speaker 2>with isn't treating you well, you have to realize that

0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:14.040
<v Speaker 2>they're modeling their childhood and they have to fix themselves. It's,

0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:16.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, before they can work on you. So I

0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:19.320
<v Speaker 2>guess I'm applying that here with It's interesting because I

0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:22.440
<v Speaker 2>don't think you I've always you don't see Thanksgiving as

0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.360
<v Speaker 2>that big of a holiday. You've said before, You don't really,

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.199
<v Speaker 2>it's like you wait more so look forward to Christmas.

0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.439
<v Speaker 2>And maybe that's why, because it was always this other this.

0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we it was busy, and we made it something

0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.880
<v Speaker 1>on the actual day. Like you said, I'd go to

0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:37.680
<v Speaker 1>my aunt and uncles eventually and they would cook and

0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.760
<v Speaker 1>we'd be there and but there was always kind of

0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.120
<v Speaker 1>something going on, and it would always and I go,

0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:45.559
<v Speaker 1>you're not going to love this sports reference, but the

0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.520
<v Speaker 1>Dallas Cowboys are one of the teams that always plays

0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:51.880
<v Speaker 1>on Thanksgiving. And when I was a sportscaster and I

0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.560
<v Speaker 1>started my career, you're the low man on the totem pole.

0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:59.520
<v Speaker 1>That means you work Holidays. I spent many gosh five

0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:04.240
<v Speaker 1>or six Thanksgivings at Texas Stadium working the game, and

0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:07.400
<v Speaker 1>I would eat my meal in the press room with

0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:09.840
<v Speaker 1>the other press guys and they had bad turkey and

0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.559
<v Speaker 1>bad whatever. And I would cover the game and then

0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:15.880
<v Speaker 1>I would drive somewhere and meet family in Dallas after

0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:18.079
<v Speaker 1>the game. But again it was kind of an afterthought

0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.760
<v Speaker 1>because I covered the football game that day and it

0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:23.440
<v Speaker 1>was it was It was funny because it was always

0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 1>a tradition growing up that the Dallas Cowboys played and

0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:28.960
<v Speaker 1>then it turned into that was my job and I

0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.280
<v Speaker 1>was at that game on Thanksgiving Day.

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 2>So we're married. Now, yeah, we can create this ourselves.

0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:37.800
<v Speaker 2>What do we want Thanksgiving to be?

0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:40.480
<v Speaker 1>Well? I like, I mean number one. I like where

0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 1>we're going. I like going to your childhood home.

0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.520
<v Speaker 2>Have you checked the weather? It's going to be things

0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 2>are going to.

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.120
<v Speaker 1>Be a little but well, what's funny is your mom thought, oh,

0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, if you come, you can play golf. And

0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, it's Chicago in November, it's cold.

0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.960
<v Speaker 2>Wait are you saying that as much as you love golf,

0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.600
<v Speaker 2>you wouldn't play this weather's to stop you.

0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:06.320
<v Speaker 1>Your people are of stronger blood than I am.

0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, growing up in Chicago, you have a bigger talk,

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:09.920
<v Speaker 2>better term for sure.

0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.720
<v Speaker 1>People. I mean, I think even now people of Chicago

0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 1>are stopping their golf season because it's going to get

0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:18.040
<v Speaker 1>down in the twenties. But yeah, that's the I draw

0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:35.960
<v Speaker 1>the line there as a divorced man with kids, You

0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:38.840
<v Speaker 1>and I and I just my heart goes out to everybody.

0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:40.960
<v Speaker 1>And by the way, I'm thinking about you if you

0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:43.960
<v Speaker 1>have children and you're not with your kids on the holiday,

0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:46.840
<v Speaker 1>because it's not your holiday. And so you know, the

0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:48.720
<v Speaker 1>way my ex and I have always done it is

0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.640
<v Speaker 1>we kind of split up the holidays is one would

0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.280
<v Speaker 1>get one would get Thanksgiving, the other gets Christmas, and

0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:55.960
<v Speaker 1>then you switch the opposite year. So and even though

0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:57.640
<v Speaker 1>the kids are in college, we kind of just keep

0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 1>this going. And so, you know, if you don't have

0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.400
<v Speaker 1>your kids over the holidays, and especially if this is

0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 1>your first time to go through the holidays divorced or

0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:08.960
<v Speaker 1>missing your kids, that's just I'm thinking about you. It's

0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.600
<v Speaker 1>a tough thing to get used to. You do get

0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:15.280
<v Speaker 1>used to it, as with all things. Time heals those wounds.

0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:19.160
<v Speaker 1>But it is a weird thing on a holiday to

0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.960
<v Speaker 1>not be with your kids, because it's just it's natural

0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.160
<v Speaker 1>and it's it's something that you do. And so, you know,

0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:29.680
<v Speaker 1>we'll be without the kids on Thanksgiving. I've been doing

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:31.680
<v Speaker 1>it for over a decade now, so I'm very much

0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.640
<v Speaker 1>used to it. But I'll never not think about them,

0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.800
<v Speaker 1>and wonder you know, I've talked to them and obviously

0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.080
<v Speaker 1>we'll face time and all that, and it's wonderful and

0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.360
<v Speaker 1>we have a great relationship with their mom, but we

0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:45.280
<v Speaker 1>don't spend holidays together, and so if you are going

0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:47.360
<v Speaker 1>through that for the first time, the second time, third time,

0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.240
<v Speaker 1>and it's still raw for you, I feel you and

0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:53.960
<v Speaker 1>it will get better. And just you know, Holiday is

0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:57.600
<v Speaker 1>just today, but it's there is a loneliness to that

0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.480
<v Speaker 1>when you're missing your kids on those days.

0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:02.120
<v Speaker 2>So it's your advice, you know.

0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:07.480
<v Speaker 1>It's it's terrible advice. It is the time heels those wounds.

0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:09.520
<v Speaker 1>You will get used to it and it becomes the

0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:10.160
<v Speaker 1>new normal.

0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:12.800
<v Speaker 2>But I think one important thing you did was you

0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:17.639
<v Speaker 2>found chosen family like you started, because if you weren't

0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:19.840
<v Speaker 2>with your kids, you also didn't have family living near

0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.560
<v Speaker 2>you in California during those years, and you found really

0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:25.600
<v Speaker 2>good friends and made those friendships and they took you

0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:29.280
<v Speaker 2>in and shout out to Chip unless our our friendship.

0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Now infamously we can't go a week without mentioning Chip.

0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.040
<v Speaker 1>But they were and they were really good. You know.

0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:37.600
<v Speaker 1>I had I had dear friends who looked out for

0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:40.560
<v Speaker 1>me and said, Hey, if you're not with anybody this

0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:43.800
<v Speaker 1>Easter or this Thanksgiving or whatever, come to our house.

0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 1>Just just show up Christmas night. Don't be alone Christmas night,

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:52.600
<v Speaker 1>come show up. So finding that community, finding friends, don't

0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.720
<v Speaker 1>just sit alone in your own thoughts, and look, if

0:17:55.760 --> 0:18:00.000
<v Speaker 1>you don't have that, go volunteer, go to a soup kitchen, volunteer,

0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:03.600
<v Speaker 1>be active, be around people. And I think there's things

0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.560
<v Speaker 1>you can do where you can volunteer for Thanksgiving, for

0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:09.439
<v Speaker 1>Christmas and all that, or if you have other friends

0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:11.199
<v Speaker 1>you can be with that you know will kind of

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:13.199
<v Speaker 1>take you in, so to speak. I think that is

0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:16.159
<v Speaker 1>important and it doesn't make you just forget everything, but

0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:18.760
<v Speaker 1>at least you're surrounded by love and you're surrounded by that.

0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.240
<v Speaker 1>And I'm so grateful for Chip and lists were that

0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.840
<v Speaker 1>for me for many years, especially when it first started,

0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.040
<v Speaker 1>because you don't know, you don't know what to do.

0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:30.560
<v Speaker 1>You've had a set thing your whole life and then

0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:33.720
<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden, and I'm guessing to put this

0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.119
<v Speaker 1>back on you, it's a little bit like when you

0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:39.120
<v Speaker 1>lose somebody, you know, when your dad first died.

0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:40.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course my mind is going there a little

0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:43.760
<v Speaker 2>bit right now as you're talking about this, because we

0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:47.879
<v Speaker 2>talked about this a lot when I was doing experience

0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:52.600
<v Speaker 2>camps where I volunteered for kids who have lost their parents.

0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:57.080
<v Speaker 2>The holidays are hard when you've been through loss, especially

0:18:57.080 --> 0:19:00.879
<v Speaker 2>when that loss is fresh because everybody around you is

0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:06.399
<v Speaker 2>so happy. The focus is on family, and you're one less.

0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 2>You know you're missing a person and you're it's not

0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:13.040
<v Speaker 2>even a divorce thing where you're going to see them

0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.040
<v Speaker 2>the next time, you know. If so, it's a harsh

0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:18.919
<v Speaker 2>reminder for sure. I think the same time heals wounds.

0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:21.760
<v Speaker 2>I would say, if you're going through grief right now,

0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:25.639
<v Speaker 2>my heart is with you, and I love the saying

0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:30.720
<v Speaker 2>grief is a river. It is always moving and always changing.

0:19:31.240 --> 0:19:35.159
<v Speaker 2>So you know you will always miss that person, but things,

0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:40.800
<v Speaker 2>the harsh pain will get better, it will lessen and

0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:44.440
<v Speaker 2>you will find joy in their memory, and things will

0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:47.119
<v Speaker 2>get better and the pain will change. So know that

0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:49.000
<v Speaker 2>it will get better. Know that we are with you.

0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:53.199
<v Speaker 1>And I guess you said, what's your advice. My advice is,

0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.199
<v Speaker 1>if you are that person, it's incumbent upon you to

0:19:56.240 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 1>try and find something and make yourself busy, find a commune,

0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 1>something like that. But I would also say my advice

0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:05.479
<v Speaker 1>is for people out there. If you know someone, if

0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:07.800
<v Speaker 1>one of your friends has just gotten divorced, if they

0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.640
<v Speaker 1>have just lost somebody, reach out to them this week

0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.480
<v Speaker 1>and just say hey, if you're not doing anything, And

0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:15.000
<v Speaker 1>I get it. Maybe you don't want them there for

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:17.080
<v Speaker 1>the actual meal if it's very sacred just to have

0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:19.159
<v Speaker 1>your family there, but just say, hey, we're going to

0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:21.119
<v Speaker 1>be done eating around five five thirty, come over and

0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.640
<v Speaker 1>watch the football game with us after or just something, yeah,

0:20:23.960 --> 0:20:25.880
<v Speaker 1>to try to just reach out to them.

0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:27.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know what I was thinking about as we

0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:31.560
<v Speaker 2>were just saying, we can choose our own Thanksgiving. I

0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:36.840
<v Speaker 2>am such a big believer in chosen family and friendships

0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:40.439
<v Speaker 2>being just as important as family, and also in like,

0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:44.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, Thanksgiving, at the end of the day, it's

0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:46.920
<v Speaker 2>kind of just about food and people, right, Christmas move

0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:50.480
<v Speaker 2>gifts or you have religious aspects to that. Thanksgiving is

0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:55.760
<v Speaker 2>about food and people and so and being grateful hopefully,

0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:59.600
<v Speaker 2>so I think, like, find your people. I love that

0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:02.119
<v Speaker 2>friends Giving has become a bigger thing in recent years,

0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:03.399
<v Speaker 2>and I.

0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Think that Giving can be that holiday where you choose

0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:10.160
<v Speaker 1>who you want to be with. Yeah, whereas Christmas obviously

0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:13.680
<v Speaker 1>is a very religious holiday and it's typically with your family. Right.

0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:15.840
<v Speaker 2>I think as you and I move forward, and for

0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:17.679
<v Speaker 2>anybody out there, as you move forward with what you

0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:19.639
<v Speaker 2>want to do, like, I love that you're making a

0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:24.360
<v Speaker 2>tenderline on Thanksgiving. You know who cares in my I've

0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:28.520
<v Speaker 2>been at Thanksgivings before where the tradition was, you know what, Uh,

0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:30.520
<v Speaker 2>we don't really want to do this whole big turkey thing.

0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:33.680
<v Speaker 2>Why doesn't everybody make something and bring your thing you're

0:21:33.680 --> 0:21:35.800
<v Speaker 2>going to make, and well what everybody makes and you

0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:38.399
<v Speaker 2>can really have fun with it, and I don't. I

0:21:38.480 --> 0:21:41.720
<v Speaker 2>have suddenly some family members who are very tied to tradition.

0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:43.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm not so much.

0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I wasn't. I remember vividly the first Thanksgiving after

0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:50.640
<v Speaker 1>my divorce, because you know, we've been married for seventeen years.

0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:53.679
<v Speaker 1>The kids were for you know, we're ten years old,

0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:55.760
<v Speaker 1>and so they'd grown up with these traditions, and so

0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 1>I just thought, let's shake it up, and so I

0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:01.040
<v Speaker 1>took them on a Disney cruise. I grab the kids

0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:03.159
<v Speaker 1>and I grabbed my mom, and I know we're not

0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:06.159
<v Speaker 1>cruise people, but we went on a Disney cruise for Thanksgiving.

0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.679
<v Speaker 1>I was like, what the heck, let's just I just

0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:14.240
<v Speaker 1>wanted to make the kids, just distract them. They're like, oh,

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:18.120
<v Speaker 1>this is okay, and so I've yeah, exactly. So that's

0:22:18.119 --> 0:22:20.040
<v Speaker 1>what we did. And there were a couple of friends

0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:22.000
<v Speaker 1>and they brought their kids, and that's what we did,

0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:24.320
<v Speaker 1>and so and then we kind of found our place.

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:26.359
<v Speaker 1>But when you ask me, like, okay, what would our

0:22:26.400 --> 0:22:28.679
<v Speaker 1>tradition be, or we can start one, well, kind of

0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:30.479
<v Speaker 1>every other year, it's going to be. You know, it's

0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:32.320
<v Speaker 1>a little different because the kids are with us, then

0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:34.119
<v Speaker 1>they're not. The kids are with us, and then the

0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:37.040
<v Speaker 1>kids get older, right, and then they're probably going to

0:22:37.040 --> 0:22:38.879
<v Speaker 1>get married, and then they'll have their truth, you know.

0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:44.080
<v Speaker 1>So it's interesting. I'm a big believer of I will

0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 1>go where family is, I will go where the love is.

0:22:46.359 --> 0:22:48.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm all in. If it's this year, it's your family

0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:51.240
<v Speaker 1>and we're going to Chicago. If next year we happen

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:53.640
<v Speaker 1>to host it, great whatever. If that's where we can

0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:56.520
<v Speaker 1>gather everybody, that's really all I care about is if

0:22:56.560 --> 0:22:59.480
<v Speaker 1>you're there as much family, as many friends as we

0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:01.800
<v Speaker 1>can see, that's great with me totally.

0:23:02.560 --> 0:23:05.640
<v Speaker 2>I was thinking before we sat down, you know, I mean,

0:23:05.640 --> 0:23:08.960
<v Speaker 2>maybe my favorite part of Thanksgiving is going around the

0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:11.600
<v Speaker 2>table and acknowledging what everybody's grateful for, because it's a

0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:16.320
<v Speaker 2>really good moment in a chaotic, busy world to pause

0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:21.880
<v Speaker 2>and reflect and I am so grateful for this year.

0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:25.080
<v Speaker 2>I think we've had. When I look back, I've had,

0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:28.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, just some really good trips with friends. We

0:23:28.920 --> 0:23:31.440
<v Speaker 2>were so lucky with both of the weddings. They went

0:23:31.560 --> 0:23:36.320
<v Speaker 2>so well. We were surrounded by so much love. The

0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:39.960
<v Speaker 2>kids are in a good, healthy, happy place. My siblings,

0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:43.680
<v Speaker 2>my mom, you know, your parents. Everybody's like, you have

0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:47.040
<v Speaker 2>to be really grateful for a good season. So I

0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:50.320
<v Speaker 2>just want to soak that in and really pause and

0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:51.720
<v Speaker 2>be thankful and reflect on that.

0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:53.920
<v Speaker 1>And I know we live in tumultuous times and there's

0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:56.040
<v Speaker 1>crazy things going on around the world, so I think

0:23:56.040 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 1>it's really really incumbent upon all of us this week

0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:03.119
<v Speaker 1>to just take a deep breath and also give thanks

0:24:03.680 --> 0:24:05.960
<v Speaker 1>and that's what Thanksgiving is all about. And so yes,

0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:07.520
<v Speaker 1>we can look at the dark side of things and

0:24:07.520 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 1>talk about that, and no doubt those topics will be

0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:14.080
<v Speaker 1>brought up at Thanksgiving tables in an unbelievably awkward way.

0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:16.760
<v Speaker 1>And by the way, that'll be a good show afterwards

0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:19.480
<v Speaker 1>to try and find people to come on the show, like, Okay,

0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:22.480
<v Speaker 1>who is the person that brought up that really awkward

0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:25.040
<v Speaker 1>moment topic of.

0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:29.399
<v Speaker 2>By the way, as I'm sitting here saying toxic family members. Look,

0:24:29.760 --> 0:24:32.080
<v Speaker 2>I've laughed with my friends about this. Sometimes you want

0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:34.120
<v Speaker 2>the crazy aunt at Thanksgiving. You don't know what she's

0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:36.960
<v Speaker 2>going to do. You want a story out of it.

0:24:37.040 --> 0:24:38.520
<v Speaker 2>You want to grab your cousin, go in the other

0:24:38.600 --> 0:24:40.520
<v Speaker 2>room and say, did you hear what she just said?

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 2>Like maybe that's the best part of Thanksgiving is.

0:24:45.119 --> 0:24:48.439
<v Speaker 1>The crazy And there is a lot of that, But

0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:52.760
<v Speaker 1>embrace it all. And I have so much to be

0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:55.600
<v Speaker 1>thankful for this year. Obviously, I'm sitting right next to

0:24:55.760 --> 0:24:58.480
<v Speaker 1>what I'm most thankful for this year, the love of

0:24:58.520 --> 0:25:02.399
<v Speaker 1>my life and getting married and the kids being healthy.

0:25:02.760 --> 0:25:04.720
<v Speaker 1>It's a good season, and so we have a lot

0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:07.119
<v Speaker 1>to give thanks for. And one of the things we

0:25:07.160 --> 0:25:11.480
<v Speaker 1>can give thanks for is you, guys, and the fact

0:25:11.480 --> 0:25:14.280
<v Speaker 1>that we've all been together this year, and we've been

0:25:14.320 --> 0:25:17.320
<v Speaker 1>doing this podcast for going on a year now, and

0:25:17.359 --> 0:25:19.800
<v Speaker 1>we've enjoyed so much talking to you and so on

0:25:19.840 --> 0:25:22.879
<v Speaker 1>these holiday weeks, we love to connect. And I hope

0:25:22.920 --> 0:25:26.479
<v Speaker 1>wherever you find yourself, whoever you're with, I hope you

0:25:26.560 --> 0:25:30.280
<v Speaker 1>have a wonderful, wonderful holiday and be safe and come

0:25:30.320 --> 0:25:33.040
<v Speaker 1>back to us, because we have a lot more to

0:25:33.119 --> 0:25:37.040
<v Speaker 1>talk about happy Thanksgiving everybody. Thanks for listening. Follow us

0:25:37.080 --> 0:25:39.920
<v Speaker 1>on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and make

0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:42.360
<v Speaker 1>sure to write us a review and leave us five stars.

0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:43.880
<v Speaker 1>I'll talk to you next time.