WEBVTT - A Stranger in the Share House — Bonus | Ashley's Story

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<v Speaker 1>Topics featured in this episode may be disturbing to some listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>Please take care while listening. I'm Andrea Gunning and this

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<v Speaker 1>is our second bonus episode of season two of Betrayal.

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<v Speaker 1>Betrayal is a universal feeling. The shock and hurt that

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<v Speaker 1>deception creates from someone so close crosses all cultures, and

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<v Speaker 1>we found that the secrets and lies we've heard in

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<v Speaker 1>season two happen everywhere. We received emails from a mom

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<v Speaker 1>in Northern Ireland from a young woman in India, and

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<v Speaker 1>the woman will introduce to you today lives in Australia.

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<v Speaker 1>We are far apart, of course, but our interest in

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<v Speaker 1>protecting those who cannot protect themselves cuts through those miles

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<v Speaker 1>and time zones. Melanie is a Canadian expat living in Australia.

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<v Speaker 1>Reaching her was a little tricky. Our today is her tomorrow,

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<v Speaker 1>but we figured it out.

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<v Speaker 2>It's quite surreal to actually talk to you because you've

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<v Speaker 2>just been in my years while I've been running what

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<v Speaker 2>happened with me? In October twenty seventeen, I just met

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<v Speaker 2>this guy on an app. He lived in a different town,

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<v Speaker 2>like eight hours away, so he had just been chatting

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<v Speaker 2>and then about two months into our chatting, he made

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<v Speaker 2>a trip to my city and we met up for

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<v Speaker 2>the first time and we hung out and we had

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<v Speaker 2>like a really lovely weekend together. I don't know, treated

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<v Speaker 2>me well, Like it was very early stages of dating,

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<v Speaker 2>but like there weren't any red flags at that juncture.

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<v Speaker 2>So he went back to his little town and then

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<v Speaker 2>we just kind of started long distance dating.

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<v Speaker 1>About four months later, Melanie's new guy ended up leaving

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<v Speaker 1>his job and moving closer to her. She lived in

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<v Speaker 1>a cosmopolitan town in South Australia called Adelaide. Housing in

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<v Speaker 1>that part of the country is expensive and hard to find,

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<v Speaker 1>so even though the relationship was still new, he ended

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<v Speaker 1>up staying with her. Melanie was living in what's called

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<v Speaker 1>a sharehouse down Under. That refers to a rental house

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<v Speaker 1>where people who may not know each other rent a

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<v Speaker 1>house together. It's a common living arrangement in Australia.

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<v Speaker 2>He was looking for a place to live and the

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<v Speaker 2>sharehouse was really cramped and we were like spending all

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<v Speaker 2>our time together. Anyway, we just decided like, oh well,

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<v Speaker 2>we'll just move into like another sharehouse together. Things were

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<v Speaker 2>going well. I guess, like he treated me really well,

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<v Speaker 2>almost suspiciously well, Like he just behaved like I was

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<v Speaker 2>the greatest person he'd ever met in his life. He

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<v Speaker 2>was always going out of his way to do nice

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<v Speaker 2>things for me. He would like think of me and

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<v Speaker 2>finding little things. He would like do my laundry when

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<v Speaker 2>I was at work, Like, I don't know, he was

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<v Speaker 2>just he was very attentive and very sweet.

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<v Speaker 1>There were some subtle things that bothered her, but they

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<v Speaker 1>weren't exactly red flags.

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<v Speaker 2>He didn't talk too much about his past. He'd come

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<v Speaker 2>out of like a seven year marriage prior to this

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<v Speaker 2>and had a four year old daughter from his previous marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>He didn't have custody of his daughter, but he still

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<v Speaker 2>saw her fairly regularly and was having FaceTime calls with

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<v Speaker 2>her and stuff like that pretty often.

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<v Speaker 1>And their physical relationship shifted pretty quickly.

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<v Speaker 2>After the first few months of the relationship. He just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of stopped being interested in intimacy and he had

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<v Speaker 2>like really bad performance issues. I definitely was confused by it.

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<v Speaker 2>It made me feel like there's something wrong with me,

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<v Speaker 2>like he doesn't find me attractive, But that didn't really

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<v Speaker 2>ligne with how he was behaving the rest of the time,

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<v Speaker 2>so it was just very confusing.

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<v Speaker 1>Melanie worked during the day and her partner worked in

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<v Speaker 1>the evening. I spent much of his day home alone, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I guess it finally came out at some point

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<v Speaker 2>in conversation that he had been watching a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>porn during the daytime.

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<v Speaker 1>Melanie started to wonder if this was impacting their intimate relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I started to get concerned about what his

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<v Speaker 2>interests might be and what he might be watching. That

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<v Speaker 2>kind of spurred me to do some digging.

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<v Speaker 1>So she started by looking at his recently viewed files.

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<v Speaker 2>There was a video called dog, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>what is this video.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to spare you any more details about that,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's exactly what you're thinking. Fucked up, Yes, relationship ending, Hell, yes, illegal, God,

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<v Speaker 1>I hope. So Melanie was down the rabbit hole now

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<v Speaker 1>and steeled herself for whatever other information she was going

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<v Speaker 1>to discover.

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<v Speaker 2>I clicked on a folder and it opened. I could

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<v Speaker 2>just see a thumbnails. It was just all of these images.

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<v Speaker 2>These are small children in horrifying positions. There's no mistaking

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<v Speaker 2>what that was. I slammed the laptop shut. You're aware

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<v Speaker 2>that this material exists, but actually seeing it is very different.

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<v Speaker 2>You had spoke to someone earlier on the podcast who

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<v Speaker 2>describe it as beyond imagination and like the seventh circle

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<v Speaker 2>of Hell or something like that. Yeah, that's what it is.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like looking at a little thumbnail straight into hell. Basically,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think I've entirely been the same person since then.

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<v Speaker 1>The realization that the man she shared a bed with

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<v Speaker 1>was getting sexual pleasure from that material was revolting. Eleanie

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<v Speaker 1>was upset and infuriated.

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<v Speaker 2>At this point. It was like eleven PM and he

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<v Speaker 2>was going to be coming home from work, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was just so late at night. I didn't know what

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<v Speaker 2>to do. I was still trying to process everything that happened.

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<v Speaker 2>So I had gotten into bed and I just pretended

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<v Speaker 2>to be asleep, and then he got into bed next

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<v Speaker 2>to me, and I just laid there in the dark,

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<v Speaker 2>just like praying that he wouldn't try to touch me

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<v Speaker 2>or anything. And thankfully he didn't, but I just remember

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<v Speaker 2>the feeling of like laying there in the dark and

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<v Speaker 2>he was right there, and I felt so sick.

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<v Speaker 1>She slipped out of bed and went downstairs to call

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<v Speaker 1>her family back home in Canada. They were scared for her.

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<v Speaker 1>Who was this guy. Obviously she didn't know him at all.

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<v Speaker 1>They urged her to get away from him as soon

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<v Speaker 1>as possible. He found her asleep downstairs on the sofa

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<v Speaker 1>in the morning, and unable to contain herself, she confronted him.

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<v Speaker 2>He just didn't really have an answer for it. He

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<v Speaker 2>was just like, I'm sorry, I forgot I had that.

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<v Speaker 2>I downloaded it a long time ago. I'm not interested

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<v Speaker 2>in those things. You know. I'll get rid of it,

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<v Speaker 2>or I'll leave if you want me to. And I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, do you understand what this is like? This

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<v Speaker 2>is a very serious crime.

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<v Speaker 1>He didn't seem to really be grasping the gravity of

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<v Speaker 1>what he had done. Melanie reached out to his family.

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<v Speaker 1>They didn't seem to grasp it either.

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<v Speaker 2>His mother was concerned about whether or not I was

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<v Speaker 2>going to report it because she was like, oh, what

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<v Speaker 2>if you lose access to our granddaughter, and his brother

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, well, would you consider trying Popple's counseling.

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<v Speaker 1>She made it clear he needed to leave. Then she

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<v Speaker 1>erased every trace of him from the house.

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<v Speaker 2>It just felt like he had died one day. There's

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<v Speaker 2>this person that you think you know and you're in

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<v Speaker 2>a loving relationship with and the next day that person

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<v Speaker 2>is just gone.

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<v Speaker 1>Melanie grieved the loss of the relationship she thought she had.

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<v Speaker 1>She also felt compelled to turn him into law enforcement.

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<v Speaker 1>After all, he did have a daughter. A lawyer friend

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<v Speaker 1>of a friend accompanied her to the police station.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just it's this little police station and he just

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<v Speaker 2>like a little reporting counter, and there's like constantly people

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<v Speaker 2>reporting things there, Like the person ahead of us in

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<v Speaker 2>line was like reporting like a stolen bicycle. He took

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<v Speaker 2>us back into a separate little room and then I

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<v Speaker 2>gave this incredibly detailed statement. It took about an hour

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<v Speaker 2>and a half. I was still completely in a state

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<v Speaker 2>of shock, but I think I felt a sense of

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<v Speaker 2>relief in the sense that like, I have done what

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<v Speaker 2>I can do with this, I've done the right thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I can go to sleep at night knowing that I

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<v Speaker 2>have reported this and it's out of my hands.

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<v Speaker 1>She heard Ashley's case on the podcast. The Riverton police

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<v Speaker 1>had gathered evidence and made the arrest quickly. That didn't

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<v Speaker 1>happen here.

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<v Speaker 2>This is where it gets really surprising. I imagined, like

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<v Speaker 2>they're gonna want to swoop in on him and get

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<v Speaker 2>the hard drives and get all of those things, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's just not really what happened. They did arrest him,

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<v Speaker 2>but it took two weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>Melanie feared that was plenty of time to dispose of

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<v Speaker 1>the evidence.

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<v Speaker 2>But he didn't delete the material. Maybe he deleted some

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<v Speaker 2>of it and not all. Like, I have absolutely no idea. They,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess took him in and questioned him and took

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<v Speaker 2>all of his devices. I don't think he spent a

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<v Speaker 2>night in jail, and he was just kind of instantly

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<v Speaker 2>out on bail. He was just like out in the world,

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<v Speaker 2>and he went straight back on Tinder and just started

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<v Speaker 2>dating other people. At one point, he did send me

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<v Speaker 2>a bunch of messages on Facebook, just apologizing and being like,

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<v Speaker 2>I just want to explain myself to you. And the

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<v Speaker 2>explanations were just very unsatisfying. You know. It was kind

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<v Speaker 2>of like, oh, I had a difficult childhood and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not really interested in this material. I just found it,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, I was just messed up in the

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<v Speaker 2>head for a while. I don't know, just nonsense.

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<v Speaker 1>She forwarded those messages, admitting his behavior to law enforcement.

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<v Speaker 1>Then she wanted to be done with the whole awful experience.

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<v Speaker 1>But soon after she saw online that he had a

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<v Speaker 1>new girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 2>Adelaide is the sort of city where like everybody knows everybody,

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<v Speaker 2>but I don't know, you're never more than two degrees

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<v Speaker 2>away from anybody. I didn't know this woman, but we

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<v Speaker 2>had mutual friends and she had a job working with children,

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<v Speaker 2>So I ended up reaching out to this woman. We

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<v Speaker 2>spoke on the phone. I was like, hey, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how involved you are with this guy, but this

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<v Speaker 2>is the reason we broke up. And you never know

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<v Speaker 2>how anyone's going to take that information, like they might

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<v Speaker 2>just think you're a jealous ex girlfriend or something like that.

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<v Speaker 2>But fortunately she believed me instantly and was horrified. And

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<v Speaker 2>I guess had somewhat of a similar experience to me

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<v Speaker 2>that night, because he came home from work and she

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<v Speaker 2>just said to him I've spoken to Melanie, and he

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, okay, I'll get my stuff and go,

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<v Speaker 2>like he just knew. He ended up meeting up and

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<v Speaker 2>we became incredibly good friends. And if there was like

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<v Speaker 2>anything good to come out of the situation, it was

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<v Speaker 2>me meeting this woman. Like we're still very close friends,

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<v Speaker 2>just one of my favorite people. We don't joke about

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<v Speaker 2>it in a weird way. It's kind of like dating

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<v Speaker 2>the same pedophile as a weirdly bonding experience.

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<v Speaker 1>But there was something she learned from her new friend

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<v Speaker 1>that she couldn't let go.

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<v Speaker 2>She told me that nobody contacted his ex wife and

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<v Speaker 2>told her. His family didn't the police did it, and

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<v Speaker 2>so he was still seeing his child in this period

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<v Speaker 2>of time. It's not up to me whether he sees

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<v Speaker 2>this child or not. I have nothing to do with that.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was just so stunned that nobody gave her

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<v Speaker 2>this information so that she could make an informed decision.

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<v Speaker 2>At this point, I was like, is it my job

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<v Speaker 2>to tell her? Do I get involved in this?

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<v Speaker 1>It's maddening. Doesn't it feel like something law enforcement or

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<v Speaker 1>protective services should do? But they hadn't. And this is

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<v Speaker 1>where we want to say bravo and thank you to

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<v Speaker 1>Melanie because she stepped up. She took it on for

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<v Speaker 1>no other reason but concern for someone else's child.

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<v Speaker 2>I phoned her and I was like, I know, this

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<v Speaker 2>is weird. I just see five minutes of your time.

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<v Speaker 2>I told her what had happened, and she was understandably horrified,

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<v Speaker 2>crying on the phone because she was married to this man.

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<v Speaker 2>For seven years and had a child with him, had

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<v Speaker 2>no idea that any of this had happened. And that

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<v Speaker 2>was kind of like the last that I had to

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<v Speaker 2>do with it, because I was like, I now need

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<v Speaker 2>to step away from this.

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<v Speaker 1>You may remember from the podcast and erin situation, it

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<v Speaker 1>took three years for the state of Texas to bring

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<v Speaker 1>her husband to justice. It seemed to be similar in Adelaide.

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<v Speaker 2>At the time that they had arrested him and taken

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<v Speaker 2>all his devices and stuff like that. The police said

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<v Speaker 2>they had such a backlog of these cases that it

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<v Speaker 2>could be like a year, year and a half before

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:13.320
<v Speaker 2>they even got around to searching his drives, because that's

0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 2>how common these crimes were. This wasn't even priority. It

0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:21.520
<v Speaker 2>was like more than a year later that I finally

0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:25.520
<v Speaker 2>followed up with them because nobody contacted me. I was like,

0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, what happened. Did he go to court? And

0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.360
<v Speaker 2>so the investigator told me that, yeah, he did go

0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:34.920
<v Speaker 2>to court. He pled guilty and he was given a

0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:39.080
<v Speaker 2>seven month jail sentence, but it was just a suspended sentence,

0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:41.960
<v Speaker 2>so he didn't actually serve any of the jail time.

0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:48.160
<v Speaker 2>I guess, like the most baffling part of this is

0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 2>that he started seeing a psychologist, which would that's what

0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:56.280
<v Speaker 2>he should be doing, but the psychologists provided a statement

0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:02.840
<v Speaker 2>as part of the court proceedings. In her statement, she

0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.200
<v Speaker 2>said that she felt that he did not meet the

0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:12.000
<v Speaker 2>diagnostic criteria for pedophilia because he was attracted to all

0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:16.800
<v Speaker 2>forms of depraved and extreme acts of sexual sadism, and

0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 2>the children were not necessarily the focus of that interest.

0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.920
<v Speaker 2>So I don't know what to make of that. I'm

0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.640
<v Speaker 2>not a psychologist, so I don't know how these things work.

0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:33.760
<v Speaker 2>I don't even want to try to understand what was

0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.560
<v Speaker 2>going on in his mind. But it surprised me because

0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:39.600
<v Speaker 2>just the fact that they're like, well, children aren't his

0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 2>only interest. Therefore that's somehow less batter.

0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:48.440
<v Speaker 1>Melanie's story resonated for a few reasons. She listened to

0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:50.800
<v Speaker 1>her gut and didn't dismiss her feelings of something being

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:54.000
<v Speaker 1>off with her partner. She refused to accept excuses that

0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:57.520
<v Speaker 1>made no sense, and she went to great lengths to

0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.520
<v Speaker 1>protect women and children. She doesn't even know. People like

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 1>Melanie don't get parades, but I'd give her a cape.

0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.760
<v Speaker 1>If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team,

0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:13.800
<v Speaker 1>email us at Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com. That's

0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:17.960
<v Speaker 1>Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com. To report a case

0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:21.360
<v Speaker 1>of child sexual exploitation, called the National Center for Missing

0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:25.680
<v Speaker 1>and Exploited Children's cyber Tipline at one eight hundred the Lost.

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.400
<v Speaker 1>If you or someone you know is worried about their

0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.840
<v Speaker 1>sexual thoughts and feelings towards children, reach out to Stop

0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.680
<v Speaker 1>it Now dot org. In the United Kingdom, go to

0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:38.640
<v Speaker 1>stop at now dot org dot UK. In Australia, stop

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:43.080
<v Speaker 1>it now dot org dot AU. These organizations can help.

0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.200
<v Speaker 1>We're grateful for your support, and one way to show

0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:49.000
<v Speaker 1>support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts

0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.200
<v Speaker 1>and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five star

0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.000
<v Speaker 1>reviews go a long way. A big thank you to

0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.800
<v Speaker 1>all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts,

0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.239
<v Speaker 1>a division of Glass and our Tament Group, and partnership

0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.639
<v Speaker 1>with iHeart Podcasts. The show was executive produced by Nancy

0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:08.439
<v Speaker 1>Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning,

0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:12.080
<v Speaker 1>written and produced by Kerry Hartman, also produced by Ben

0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:17.280
<v Speaker 1>Fetterman Associate producer Kristin Melcurie. Our iHeart team is Ali

0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:21.399
<v Speaker 1>Perry and Jessica Crincheck. Special thanks to Melanie for sharing

0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:25.440
<v Speaker 1>her story. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Albecchio. A

0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:29.320
<v Speaker 1>Trails theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library provided by

0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:32.520
<v Speaker 1>my Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the

0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:36.000
<v Speaker 1>iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts