WEBVTT - #38 Engagement Fast Track 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.400 Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:10.360 and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everybody, and welcome to 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.480 an all new episode of Help I Suck A Dating. 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:14.960 My name is Jared, have been Dean is away this weekend. 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:17.439 He's in Japan. He's traveling all around the world pretty much. 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.319 Um and Vanessa will be joining us a little bit later. 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.520 But right now, we have two very special guests in 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:28.520 studio from ABC's The Proposal. We have the newly engaged 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:34.920 couple Lisa Ray and Anthony. Thank you, of course, thank you. 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:37.640 So everything everything's kind of been happening so fast. This 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:40.120 is all It aired last night, and so was this 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.640 the first time that you guys saw every the episode 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.599 since everything went down here? Yeah? Yeah, you know that's 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:47.360 always exciting. It's like, let me see what they're gonna 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:49.040 do with this episode. How are they going to edit it? 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.560 How are they going to cramp everything into one hour 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.600 and to get everyone involved and excited like we are? 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:57.640 So how long did the actual did filming actually take 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.200 like six hours? Okay, so I was there for I 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:04.760 was in the audience for the first episode, which was 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:06.600 I cannot remember her name, but she was the country 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:09.880 singer and so that took That was a long day. 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.320 So I can only the first one, I'm sure. Oh yeah, 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:14.080 so said about seven eight hours, but you guys are 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:15.600 six hours, so you guys are right behind there. That's 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:18.160 it's a pretty good time. Um. So Lisa Ray, tell 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:20.200 me about tell me about yourself. So, like, how did 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.960 this even come about you coming on the show? First? 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.680 Let me say this, I love the name of this show. 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:28.800 So you know I was right there on you know, 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:36.280 right there on the head um, no point intended, but yeah, 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:38.319 looking for love. You know, I've been looking for love 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:42.600 for years and been single for years and really trying 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:46.679 to to be committed into some type of relationship, whether 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:48.880 it was the beginning of a friendship or the beginning 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:52.680 of a love affair or even just a buddy that 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:54.960 you see every now and then. It was like nothing's happening. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:56.600 And I was dating, and you know, I was going 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:00.800 on dating sites and online dating and man shop, being absent, 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.280 Cupid and friends and happy hours, and it was like, Okay, 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.720 clearly it's not happening, no time soon. And you know, 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.280 people have all those cliche sayings of you know, you 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.280 never look for the man. Let God bring your man 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:17.760 to you. And it's like, yeah, God's not listening, He's 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.120 answering other things. And I'm blessed in other you know, 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.160 errors in my life. And I'm sure he has the plan. 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:24.959 I'm just trying to keep up and been aligned me 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:28.160 with that. But I was like, I'm lonely. I'm lonely, 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:30.320 and so can I have a companion? Can I start 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:33.280 dating my husband now? Can I start getting to know 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:37.919 him now? You know? And and they said they we 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:39.840 have a new show and do you want to do it? 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:41.359 And it was like, what do I sign up? It's 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:44.400 crazy enough to be good? Where where? Right here? And 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:47.960 I signed them the diet line. Oh that's awesome, right well, 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:49.919 why not? You know, like life only gives you so 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:52.400 many doors to open, you should open every single one 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:54.600 of them and take every opportunity you can possibly get. 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:56.839 And I believe that because you know, who's to say 0:02:56.880 --> 0:02:59.160 that love at first sight doesn't happen or can't happen 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.640 to you? You know, I mean, I'm a fan of love, 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:03.640 and so you know, let's get out there. You know, 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.000 no matter how you meet them, you can meet someone 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:09.080 at the club or the bar and not know anything 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.920 about them. You don't. You don't know anything about anybody 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:15.040 until you get together and start a relationship and start 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.200 you know, getting to you know, ask questions about each other. 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:19.959 You know, what's your religion and what do you feel 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.000 about politics? And you know, do you think Trump sucks 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:28.200 like I do? And you know all those things, you know, brunting. So, Anthony, 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:29.440 how did you get on the show? How this all 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.840 start for you? Well? I had a friend take me 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:34.240 to a happy hour and got me a little sauce 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:39.160 stuff and the next thing I know, I am online 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.200 filling out an application for the show. So he had 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.000 a friend actually who's the producer of the show, and 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:47.520 they were looking for people and they thought I would 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:49.600 be a good candidate. So and so, what you're like 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:51.520 friends and family think when you were like, hey, I'm 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:55.480 gonna go on a very supportive you know, every everything. 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.440 I don't know. I guess everybody's thinking that they're going 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:03.760 to write my cotails to Hollywood somehow, everybody. I'm sure 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:06.200 your phone has been blowing up the last twenty four hours. 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:09.440 So I remember those days when your first your first 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:11.640 name gets released. You're a TV. All of a sudden, 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:13.040 you hear from people ten years ago and they're like, 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.480 why didn't you tell me you're on the show. Well, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.880 we haven't talked to each other in about ten years. 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.240 So that's why. That's what we were talking about last night, 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.839 Like just friends that you would have known if we 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.320 would have been talking. But now you want to call me, 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:27.280 and now you want to know you know, so what's 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.520 on TV? Like everyone else? So what is your friends 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:33.760 and family have said since everything's happened? What do they 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:37.720 think of everything? Why didn't we didn't tell them? My 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:42.560 people have been very supportively, Yeah, and so that's amazing here. Yeah, 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.559 it's always good to have a good like support system 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:46.800 surrounding you. You know, that's the most important thing. And 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.240 even like when I went on UM so, I was 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:53.120 on The Bachelorette and um which is also ABC, and 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:55.039 so it was the same thing where you know, I 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:56.640 have to talk to my parents and like, um so, 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.640 I'm gonna do this show that you've probably heard of. 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:02.800 And it's always nice to have people who say, hey, well, 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:04.960 no matter what happens, we're gonna have your back. And 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:08.400 so that we're living in an untraditional time now, you know, 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:12.159 and so you know, with so many people having profiles 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.400 on Instagram that wants to be Insta famous and you 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:18.440 know Twitter and everything. You know, people are really you know, 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:22.039 like like Tinder and like you know, a matchmaker, and 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.440 you have all these different opportunities out there, and it's like, 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.960 well why not because there's others that I know that 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:30.360 it's made it work. So then there's hope, like okay, 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.760 well they're to be different and dream you know, And 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:34.640 that's what life is about. This is this one big 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.520 fairy tale that you're just living life. Of course, I 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.680 mean it's a very cliche line now, but Michael Jordan 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.359 one said, you miss a pent of the shots that 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.040 you don't take, um, And that's true about life. You know, 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:46.400 everything you I I don't want to live with regret. 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:48.640 So if that means doing everything I have to, I'm 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:50.200 going to do it and wishing it. You would have, 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:52.760 could have, should have, but you didn't exactly. There's nothing 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:55.160 worse than looking back and saying, what if I did that? 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:58.080 Why didn't I do that? You know? And um, all right, 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:01.040 so when did you know Anthony was the one? Um? 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:05.280 Maybe two minutes before the show was over, and yeah, 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:08.919 because I was actually you know, uh, you know it 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:13.039 was the the last two you know, choices, and it 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:16.240 was like, Okay, you picked this guy because of these reasons, 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:18.560 and you picked this guy because of those reasons, But 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.640 which are the balance of the two? You know, which 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:23.359 one are you really going to go for? You know, 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.400 do you go for? You know the things that you 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:27.360 wrote down and maybe the things you think that you 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.360 don't see in that person because you don't know what's 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:31.040 there yet, you know, I mean, you have to take 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.400 a chance on both. But you know who do you 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:37.240 see yourself really compatible with or standing next to and 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.160 feeling like we can take a great picture together, you 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:40.640 know what I mean? And I think that way, you 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:42.440 know what I mean. I think like you know how 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:45.480 you're going to compliment me just as well as how 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:49.960 I can compliment you in your life and you know, emotionally, physically, financially, 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:51.320 every kind of way, you know what I mean. You 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.720 think that especially when you get a little older. You know, 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:56.160 I'm not a spring chicken. You know, I've been around 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:59.000 the block. So I'm not pretending like I haven't done 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:01.720 this before, because both he and our divorces we've been 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.240 did this before, you know, And so now you learn 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.279 from those mistakes and you learn from the things that 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.279 you want to take with you from the marriage that 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:11.600 you had previously into your new relationship, you know. And 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.560 so I know what I'm looking for, I know what 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:16.080 I want, and I'm sure that you know you had 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:19.160 your your list of things and qualities that you are 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:21.200 looking for in your spouse, you know, And so then 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.160 you cross those things out and the things that don't work, 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.200 and that's a deal. Record then we'll deal with those 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:27.280 and things that we feel like, hey, you know, I 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:28.880 didn't know that you needed that, and I don't know 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:30.800 how to do that, but I'm willing to do it, 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.480 and you kind of move forward on the journey. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:36.120 So Anthony, what what when did you know that you 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:39.240 we're gonna propose? Like, how did you How was your 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:40.680 thinking in that moment? And you're like, what am I 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:43.280 going to propose? How am I going to do it? Um? 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.040 And what made you ultimately decide all right, I'm going 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:50.280 to do this thing? Well, you know what Adonis proposing 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:57.080 put some pressure, of course, it's right, exactly so. Um. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:01.200 But going into the process of the show, Um, they 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:04.320 asked me from the beginning, if we found the perfect 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.680 person for you would you want to propose, said, of course, 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.559 you know, if you found this perfect person that meets 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.720 all this criteria that that I laid out for them. 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.560 And when she came out of the pod, I realized, 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:21.920 you know what, she checked all the boxes. That's so sweet. Yeah, 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:24.800 it was love at first sight, definitely. That's the cool 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.560 thing about the proposal is that it does really feed 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.120 into love at first sight, because that's the whole idea 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:31.880 of the show is that you only meet each other 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.000 through I mean, you came out of the pod probably 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:38.920 what two hours before he proposed, No, not even that, 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:41.880 and you know what, you have to fall in love 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.000 with the possibility of the things that has written down 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.560 that you know about the person. You know. In the beginning, 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.760 I said I'm a mother, I'm a grandmother. That could 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:52.400 be a deal breaker for a lot of men. They 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.000 could say a grandmother, so not only do you have 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:58.040 a kid, I have to take care of a grandchild 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:01.760 and see that baby too. That maybe out of the 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:03.560 character of that person, they may say I'm done with 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.640 my kids, or I don't want kids. You know, my career, 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.720 I'm gone a lot, he travels a lot. That maybe 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.200 a dealbreaker. You may say, yeah, I want someone that's 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:13.800 going to be at home because I want my meals 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.199 to be you know, done at six thirty because I 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:17.920 get home at six o'clock and take my shower and 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:20.880 eat dinner. You know. So you have to be able 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:24.000 to be open and minded enough to be able to say, Okay, 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.520 this person is a career orientated person. She's this, she's that. 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:30.360 I don't know who she is, but I can. I 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.720 can go for something like this. And if she looks 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.880 you know, tasty or you know, tantalizing or sexy or 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.440 you know, she's someone that's a looker, you know when 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:44.040 she comes out, then and that's me, you know, yes, 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.320 you know, complete package. And it's like and then you 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.600 go from there. You guys living right now, I live 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:54.080 in I live in California, Chicago. We'll go from Chicago though, 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.319 so my my mom is still there, my family is 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:58.160 still there, So I'm back and forth a lot. Do 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:00.360 you have any plans of moving in? I grew up 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.320 in Chicago, but I'm from l A. So I've got 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.200 very nice So this was really worked out, checked off 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.560 all the box. So like any plans of like maybe 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:11.800 you go in to Chicago, you coming here to Southern Cali. 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.920 Well he's been here about three or four times already. Okay, 0:10:15.200 --> 0:10:16.960 and like we said, it's been like maybe just a 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:20.440 couple of months already, so your time, there's no rush. 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.880 And so what was the feeling as soon as you guys, 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:25.480 camera shut off, it's over. You guys are engaged, Like 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:29.000 what was that moment being like okay, now it's sinking 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:32.120 in what was still sinking? It was good? I mean 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:34.240 at the moment, it was a high for me totally. 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:40.440 I mean I feel like the luckiest man world. That's awesome, definitely, 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:45.320 that's my line. But it's just rating you. You know, 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:47.800 it's just the vibe. Vibe is in the air. Love 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:49.120 is in the air right now. I can totally tell 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:51.200 it between you guys. And that's really cool to see 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:54.600 because obviously you know the proposal. It's a very new show. Um, 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:57.319 and it's a it's an obscure show, right because it's like, 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:00.080 you know, you meet somebody. I mean, like for you, you 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:04.840 you had to eliminate what four guys And that was 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.400 so hard because I don't like hurting anyone's feelings unless 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:11.120 they do something to me. So um, you know, I 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.600 was like, how do I eliminate these guys? Like they 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:16.040 haven't done anything and they need to I need more, 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.640 you know what I mean, before our eliminate. But I 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.680 had to, you know, I had those quarterios. I had to, 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:23.280 you know, do the elimination. So it could only be 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:26.960 off of the physicality, you know. Physical It's like, can 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.000 I see myself with that person? No? Not really. Maybe 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.120 he's too short, maybe he's too thin, maybe he's too big, 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:33.240 maybe he's too whatever that is, you know. So I 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.000 started doing it from that process, and then you know, 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.040 I started going down and down and down, and they 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.440 got down to four guys and three and the two 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:42.960 it was just like and then I was in my 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:46.560 head going getting help here, Like the audience was like 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.840 really quiet, like really making me make the decision totally 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:51.320 on my own. I was like, can I get something? 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:56.839 I looked over at my family like, well, they was 0:11:56.880 --> 0:12:01.440 all in shock, like really you pick big? And so, 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.960 you know, all the way to the end, I was 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:08.400 just like, um, yeah, well with Chicago, there we go. 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.800 I like it. And then how long ago was filming 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:13.760 and a half months so end of April, so you 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.079 guys have been dating for two and a half months. 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:18.600 So uh so yeah, I I think you know, like 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:20.680 coming from my background with the Bachelor's well, I've had 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.839 friends I've gotten engaged on the show after only knowing 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.200 them from you know, a person for a month and 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.440 they say the same thing. We're like, yeah, we're you know, 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:29.840 we got engaged, but it's really like we're dating after 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.360 the show because you know, you're in this bubble and 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.960 then everything happened so fast and film you guys are engaged, 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.000 and it's like, Okay, now we need to really know 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.680 exactly get to know each other because like you're living habits. 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:42.520 How you know, you guys get along like you were 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.720 talking about before, like do you want a homebody? Do 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:46.000 you want to travel a lot? Is that going to 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.839 be an issue? Um? So it's pretty cool. So what's 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:52.360 next for you guys? What's on the horizon? Yes, you 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.760 guys have earned it. Yeah, we're gonna plan something to 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.840 go somewhere and have some nice time together and and 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:01.599 build some memories and have some adventure. You know, we 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:04.960 both nature people, we both like to to be outdoors 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.960 and you know, water sports and and then any idea 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:09.839 of where you guys are to go. I think I 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:11.280 want to leave that up to him, because I just 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.640 know that I want to go someplace hot. The heat 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.600 is here too, but I want to go somewhere tropical. 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:22.640 And then any ideas for wedding dates, plans, anything in 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.400 the air right now, you guys have talked about I 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.080 know it's early. Um, we haven't planned anything as of 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.719 yet yet, but you know, we're just taking steps towards that. 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:33.080 So No, absolutely, I can totally understand where you're coming from, 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:37.719 being engaged myself recently. Congratulations, Thank you so much. I 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:42.800 appreciate you you met her earlier, and so I'm completely 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:45.360 in your boat in terms of let's just enjoy being 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.640 fiance's right now, live in the moment, and wedding plans 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.319 will will come shortly there to keep them on the 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:54.640 piece and queues, you know, on the outskirts of you know, 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:57.720 keep them on their toes. No, you guys can follow 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.400 the journey, Yes, follow the journey well. Lisa Ray Anthony 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.319 from ABC's The Proposal, congratulations from everybody here at help. 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:08.160 I second dating you too, obviously, do not help need 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.720 any help. Um, I'm so happy for both of you guys. 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.560 Congratulations once again, I can really just feel that love 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.079 is in the air, and that makes me really happy 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.520 because you know, uh, somebody even just watching the proposal 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:20.920 and watching these shows, of course you know there's a 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.800 little hesitation or doubt. But meeting YouTube in person, I 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:25.760 can totally see that you guys are in love and 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:29.080 very happy. Phones has been ringing off the hook, and 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:31.480 you know, even the messages that I've been looking at 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:34.520 the comments, people are like, you know what you're actually 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.080 giving me hope. You know, I've been divorced and I 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.360 was going to shut down, but now you know, if 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.160 you can find love in an hour, so can I. 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:45.800 It's like, yes, you can sign up next season. Absolutely. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.000 You never know where you find love, you know, you 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.600 never know unless you take that chance. UM, let me 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:52.080 ask you something because this was actually something that was 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.280 in my mind. Um, Anthony, So obviously when you proposed, 0:14:55.880 --> 0:15:01.800 so you didn't, now is are you usually you ask permission? 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:04.320 Like I had to asked for my fiance's dad's permission, 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.800 And so was that is was that difficult at all? 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:12.280 Like not really talking about like asking family or anything 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.720 like that. Because one of my buddies had the same issue. 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.240 Obviously he was like I couldn't ask anybody because I engaged, 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:19.400 I got I proposed on the show. So was that 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:21.440 weird at all? Being like, I'm just gonna have to 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:24.000 ask for forgiveness and not permission. I think going on 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:27.400 the show, we have an understanding that, um, you know, 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.880 she's going to be open to acceptable a proposal. So 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.240 I'm thinking that she already checked with the family. It's 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:38.160 it's gonna be okay if she does accept the proposal. Yeah, 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.640 so that's that was my understand No, it's very smart. 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.920 Good job. Well once again, guy's congratulations. Where can everybody 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.400 find you? Well, I'm on social media, the real L 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:51.720 ray one number one, the real L ray One perfect 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:57.040 at least, I'm not too active on social media. I 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.200 just a matter of fact, I just signed up for Instagram. 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:03.320 Yeah months ago. Okay, what's your Instagram? I don't even 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:07.320 know what That's the best thing I've ever heard. That 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:10.520 is awesome. That's so refreshing to me in a age 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:12.600 of social media for you to be like, I don't 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:14.680 even know my Instagram handle. I can't tell you how 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:16.760 refreshing that. I don't think I've ever heard that one. 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.960 That's great. Alright, guys, Lisa A. Anthony Thank you so 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.840 much for joining us. Congratulations once again, thank you for 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:26.400 having us well. Lisa, Ray and Anthony came in. They 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.440 were so wonderful to come and talk to us. They're 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.120 so happy, so in love. But for those single people 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.760 out there that need to get ready for summer and 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:36.120 get your beach body on, I have the perfect thing 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:38.600 for you know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm talking 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:41.920 about beach Body on Demand. 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Oh, 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:13.400 it's it's all downhill from here. Well, you need beach 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.479 Body I need Beach Body so actually will still be 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.919 attracted to me. But they have the best programs. They 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.960 have a hundred hundreds of effective workouts for all fitness levels. 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:25.000 They range from bodybuilding to weight training, to cardio to yoga, 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.280 even dance workouts. I want to learn the Backstreet Boys. 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.840 Everybody dance, so hopefully Beach Body Demand has that as well. 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.679 You know that HIT is H I I T the 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:38.120 HIT HIT HI I T. No. That is high interval 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:43.040 something intensity training. Thank high interval intensity training. My wife 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.040 teaches classes in that. Holy momly, I feel like I'm 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:48.320 already going to pass out. Just listen it is. That's awesome. 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:50.399 Though she teaches classes in that and a lot of 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:54.280 these things but like core and spinning. But H I 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:57.280 I T HIT is one of her more have you 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:59.320 been to one of the classes? Oh, you gotta go. 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.320 You gotta see her. And I get to say, I'm 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:03.320 gonna watch the kids. That's my excuse because I don't 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:05.200 think I'd be able to do it. That's fair, that's fair. 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.399 They do have Beach Body and Demand the best deals 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.960 in fitness. Listeners of help, I suck a dating? Yes, 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:15.000 that's you. 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I 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:55.520 just love saying Dean's name. What can I be steany babies. 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.520 We're gonna try him later, right, I believe? So he's 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.560 the hell is your pan? It's still in Japan's my understanding. 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.040 I thought he was in Bali now may I just 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.720 will find out he could be in Antarctica right now 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.240 for all I know. Holy moly, So we have a 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:11.320 very special guest who's not a guest joining us right 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:14.119 now over the phone. You know who she is. We 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:20.920 have Vanessa. Okay, I can try not to yell because 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:23.119 I'm actually I locked myself in my bathroom right now 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.360 because I have no furniture in my place, so everywhere 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:27.040 I go I hear I feel like there's an echo. 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:30.560 You're not pooping, are you. I'm not. Okay, that's all 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.120 I care about. No, not pooping. But I'm gonna try 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:35.240 to talk softly so that there's no echo in the background. 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:37.280 But I'm so happy to be on. I haven't still 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:39.560 consumed forever. I know, Vanessa, it's been way too long. 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:43.280 What has been happening in your life? Okay, so no, 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:45.840 not much. I'm just trying to buy a bunch of 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:50.400 furnishers for my new place in Montreal Real busy with that. 0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:54.080 You're so adulting right now. I'm so adulting right now, 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:56.000 and I'm like, I can't wait. Everyone's like, oh my god, 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:58.440 it's so funny re decorating. I'm like, yeah, it's also 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:01.080 very expensive, and I gotten to regret it now. But 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.200 it feels really good to be back. Not complaining. Oh good. 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:05.840 We're glad to have you back, and we have I 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:07.879 know somebody who's very happy to have you back. One 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:13.320 of our listeners named Katie. Yes, Katie, rown email specifically 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:16.200 for you, Vanessa, because she wants a female perspective, Mark, 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:17.119 do you want to read this? You want me to? 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.240 I'd be happy to perfect. Do you have a great voice? 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:21.399 Do you know this? But are you familiar with this email? Vanessa? 0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:23.520 You sound like you are. I am, and I was 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:26.240 actually very excited. My Katie, thank you for reaching out 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:28.760 to me because you did the email for the guys. 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:31.720 Got to give some perspective on this is what she's 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:33.560 looking for, Well, she says, a guy from her passes 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:35.119 come into her life. She says, we haven't talked to 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:37.240 each other in five years. We reached out. He reached 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:40.600 out last April, wanting to rekindle our friendship. We stopped 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:42.639 talking because he and his friends really hurt me in 0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:44.720 my senior year of high school, to the point where 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:48.960 I was depressed and suicidal. Fast forward to now, we 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:51.760 started talking again. We've become more than friends, but definitely 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:54.640 not to the real relationship level. He has initiated all 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.119 of this, but it mostly happens when we are intoxicated. 0:20:57.720 --> 0:20:59.800 He've told me I make him nervous when I'm around 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:01.639 and doesn't like to hang out with me alone because 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:04.400 he feels tempted to make a move after night's out. 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:06.399 I have slept over at his place with him in 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:09.280 his bed. We fooled around, but nothing more. When we're together, 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:11.400 we act like we're in a relationship. But I'm positive 0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:13.320 that I would never want a relationship with him, and 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:15.800 I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I love 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:17.920 this kid, but I know that because of what happened 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:20.160 in high school and his history with cheating on his girlfriends, 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.639 that could never be in a relationship with him. Help. 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:25.080 I have no idea what his take is on a 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:27.919 relationship because he doesn't talk about stuff. Where do you 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:31.280 think his head is with all this? Okay? Well, first, Mark, 0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:36.439 I like, I love your radio voice. I love UM. 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:40.480 I asked to roll down a couple of notes for 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:43.640 her because Um. The one thing that I do want 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:47.679 to point out it is we often try to women 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:50.679 and men often try to find answers in the person 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:53.760 that we're dating. But it sounds like, Katie, do is 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:56.119 know exactly what you wanted to do? Twice in this 0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:58.560 email that you would never want to be in a 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:01.040 relationship with them, So I think we need to figure 0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:03.840 out where your head and hearted at in order to 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:05.760 make a decision whether you want to move forward with 0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:09.200 him or whether you just want to end things altogether. Now, 0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:12.760 there are a few red flags. One the fact that, um, 0:22:12.800 --> 0:22:14.639 I don't know what the history is in high school, 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:17.359 people do change. It has been five years, UM, but 0:22:17.440 --> 0:22:21.399 the points of to the point where you were depressing suicidal, 0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:23.520 that's a huge red flags. So I'm not sure what 0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:26.280 what the history is with that, UM, but obviously there's 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:30.800 still some form of UM hurt may be involved, or 0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:33.520 maybe you're holding on so grudge with him and his friends, 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:38.840 So there's that that would probably um the if you're 0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:41.720 starting a relationship with him, then that's probably something that 0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:44.320 I would suggest that you would have to discuss and 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:47.280 talk to him about before moving forward into something romantic. 0:22:48.119 --> 0:22:50.159 Another red flag is the fact that he has to 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:53.879 be intoxicated um in order to make a move with you, 0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:55.760 and that just still for me as a level of 0:22:55.800 --> 0:23:01.720 immaturity UM. And also the fact that he has his 0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:04.440 troops cheating on his girlfriends. Again, that may have been 0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:06.840 in high school. People do change after a couple of years. 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:10.399 It has been five years um since UM, since you 0:23:10.480 --> 0:23:14.920 guys last folks. So I just feel like you need 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:17.800 to figure out what it is that you want and 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:19.960 what it is that you need. And I I feel 0:23:19.960 --> 0:23:22.240 like I keep saying this all the time, every time 0:23:22.280 --> 0:23:25.800 there's someone that keeps asking for advice. What is it 0:23:25.840 --> 0:23:28.639 that you want out of the relationships, and that's what 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.320 your answers. Your answer is going to be if you're 0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:34.840 looking to find a reaction in the person that you're dating, 0:23:34.920 --> 0:23:37.640 then you're just trying to poke holes in the relationship, 0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:41.720 or you know, that's just not a healthy way to start. UM. 0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:44.159 So I just feel like, you know what your answer is. 0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:46.280 Maybe you just made the reassurance and to push to 0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:50.399 um had that direction. She needs to stop. And then, 0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:52.119 in my opinion, if I could just I mean, I'm 0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:54.120 not the female perspective, but it seems like she's very 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:55.920 clear on this. She doesn't want to dat if she 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:57.800 doesn't want a relationship, he's heard her in the past, 0:23:58.480 --> 0:24:00.800 and yet she's sleeping with him in a boat. I 0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:03.800 think we need some separation here. I completely agree. I 0:24:03.840 --> 0:24:05.560 when I was hearing you talk Vanessa and thinking more 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:07.959 upon this, and then Mark, I'm just pretty much readering 0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:09.800 exactly you just said. I feel like, you need to 0:24:09.800 --> 0:24:11.119 cut this person out of your life. I mean, if 0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:13.679 you're talking about somebody who five years ago put you 0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:15.440 to the point in your life where you're depressed and 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:19.800 thinking about suicide, you might want to cut this person 0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:22.520 out of your life specifically because you don't see a 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.040 relationship with them. Like, I don't understand the point if 0:24:25.080 --> 0:24:26.800 you guys are just fooling around and yes you love 0:24:26.880 --> 0:24:30.800 him as a human being, but obviously you know, sometimes 0:24:30.800 --> 0:24:32.719 people bring the worst out in each other, even if 0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:36.440 you love one another. And if that happens, I think 0:24:36.440 --> 0:24:39.640 Mark is right. I think separation is key. Only toxicity 0:24:39.880 --> 0:24:42.560 lies in your future with this guy. I agree. Okay, 0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:46.000 I couldn't said it better Vanessa, any final thoughts on that? No, 0:24:46.119 --> 0:24:48.320 I agree, and I agree with you said Jared. You 0:24:48.320 --> 0:24:50.160 know we all have a good and a bad side, 0:24:50.160 --> 0:24:51.920 but if you have someone that's bringing out the worst 0:24:52.160 --> 0:24:54.159 out of you, you definitely do not want to be 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.439 with that person. I completely agree. Um, you know what 0:24:57.480 --> 0:24:59.639 else I really agree on? I mean, this is a 0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:03.159 weird transition, but we're just gonna do it anyway. I 0:25:03.280 --> 0:25:07.639 believe in healthy hair. That's what I believe, and I 0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:09.800 don't find out weird at all, because we were talking 0:25:09.840 --> 0:25:12.399 about your hair when you drove me home, like a 0:25:12.600 --> 0:25:15.240 couple of weeks ago, Vanessa said, I had a wonderful 0:25:15.359 --> 0:25:18.320 head of hair and it was the sweetest thing ever, Vanessa, 0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:22.399 you have beautiful hair. Yeah. What. My mom actually complimented 0:25:22.440 --> 0:25:23.840 me on my hair yesterday. I brought her to the 0:25:23.880 --> 0:25:25.399 spaw because it was her birth dastes like, your hair 0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:28.160 cut so long, and I'm like, yeah, you know why. 0:25:28.160 --> 0:25:30.920 It's like why because these like little blue gummy bears 0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:32.920 lying around my house and She's like, what are these? 0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:35.600 If you tried it, they are the most amazing thing. 0:25:36.040 --> 0:25:39.080 So if you can picture any celebrity with amazing hair, 0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:41.639 you can set that their stylists have cooled them in 0:25:41.760 --> 0:25:44.159 on the Sugar Bear hair. Sugar Bear Hair is the 0:25:44.359 --> 0:25:46.520 best seller, one of the best sellers on Amazon with 0:25:46.640 --> 0:25:50.760 amazing rave reviews, and I've reviewed them and I've raved 0:25:50.800 --> 0:25:53.320 about them on my own personal Instagram account. The taste 0:25:53.359 --> 0:25:55.840 like sweet. The lists candy made out of due some 0:25:55.960 --> 0:25:59.200 real berries, but they contain everything you need for stnger 0:25:59.240 --> 0:26:02.520 and healthier hair, as much vitamin A as pour cups 0:26:02.520 --> 0:26:04.800 of rosoy, which I didn't know that's amazing. As much 0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:08.040 vitamins one cup of cranberries and as much of vitamin 0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:12.240 deep salve as four organic eggs, lutans and circum Bear 0:26:12.240 --> 0:26:15.000 hair fans also found their hair and nails and skin 0:26:15.119 --> 0:26:17.480 qualities from prove over time. And I can attest to 0:26:17.560 --> 0:26:20.000 the steel. So go to cirguar bear hair dot com 0:26:20.000 --> 0:26:22.680 clast help for beautiful hair and I help hear you that. 0:26:22.800 --> 0:26:26.760 Ciguarbar hair dot com blasts h l P Sugar Bear 0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:31.280 Hair dot com slash h E l Pie. I love them. 0:26:31.320 --> 0:26:35.240 I've tasted sugar Bear hair. I've tried these. They taste amazing. 0:26:35.359 --> 0:26:38.000 I'm not gonna lie, you really do. Apparently you're not 0:26:38.000 --> 0:26:41.200 supposed to eat more than um two or three yeah 0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:45.600 to a day. Really hard to stop. It's ridiculously hard 0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:47.760 to stop. Ashley had them, and I was. I had 0:26:47.760 --> 0:26:49.359 two of them, and all I wanted to do was 0:26:49.440 --> 0:26:51.840 take a handful of them and keep them in my mouth. 0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:54.360 But you know you can't have what you always want. 0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:57.720 So yeah, definitely sugar Bear hair. I I think, who's 0:26:57.720 --> 0:27:01.320 your favorite celebrity? Vanessa with great hair my favorite celebrity. 0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:04.200 Let's thinking about this spot. I love but obviously santi 0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:07.400 for Anderson always had beautiful hair, um, silky, beautiful hair. 0:27:07.440 --> 0:27:10.360 And also because I have always felt like my hair 0:27:10.480 --> 0:27:13.520 was a little bit on the like the finer side, 0:27:13.840 --> 0:27:16.920 So I love women would take luxury, like luxury hair 0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:19.160 like Zoe Desinelle. You know who that is from New Girl? 0:27:19.440 --> 0:27:20.960 Of course I know who that is. Oh my god, 0:27:21.760 --> 0:27:27.000 I on her. Oh she's the best. My favorite celebrity 0:27:27.040 --> 0:27:29.280 with gray hair is Leo from the Bachelor. He's amazing. 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:32.560 I'm not gonna lie about that. Yeah, it's the best, right, 0:27:32.560 --> 0:27:35.120 beautiful hair, Sugar Bear Hair definitely a way to go, guys. 0:27:35.200 --> 0:27:36.280 All you have to do is go to sugar bear 0:27:36.320 --> 0:27:38.719 hair dot com slash help for beautiful hair and a 0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:42.479 healthier you. Um, so we're gonna get Dina phone, We're 0:27:42.520 --> 0:27:45.600 gonna try. Eric is gonna try. While we're doing that. 0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:48.480 What are your thoughts on Justin Bieber and Haley Baldwin 0:27:48.560 --> 0:27:51.040 getting engaged? That's the big news MO week, especially up 0:27:51.040 --> 0:27:54.400 in Canada. I would imagine, right, yeah, I'm okay, Can 0:27:54.440 --> 0:27:58.159 I start because I'm Canadian and very heartbroken, but at 0:27:58.200 --> 0:28:00.480 the same time happy for him, Like, I don't know 0:28:00.480 --> 0:28:02.879 how to feel about this, right now, why are you heartbroken? 0:28:03.680 --> 0:28:05.600 Because you know what you have like a little bit 0:28:05.640 --> 0:28:07.879 of a crush on like a celebrity or whatever. You 0:28:08.000 --> 0:28:10.760 kind of always picture them as like single or like 0:28:10.840 --> 0:28:15.240 as available, and you know, but now that he's indeed, 0:28:15.880 --> 0:28:18.399 it's kind of like guilty, like wanting to have a 0:28:18.440 --> 0:28:20.359 crush on him. Yeah, there's never a shot for you 0:28:20.400 --> 0:28:22.640 two to be together again. This is like the royal wedding, 0:28:22.720 --> 0:28:24.320 isn't it. Because he's kind of like a prince in 0:28:24.400 --> 0:28:28.959 Canada and he's marrying an American. I guess you can 0:28:29.080 --> 0:28:31.480 consider him a prince, but no, not at the same level. 0:28:31.560 --> 0:28:36.600 Is only the Megan Markle of Canada. I don't know 0:28:36.600 --> 0:28:40.760 if that's an unfair assessment. Really. It's interesting though, because 0:28:40.760 --> 0:28:42.840 they they've known each other for years, haven't they. They've 0:28:42.880 --> 0:28:46.080 been friends because he's on and off. Yeah, they dated 0:28:46.160 --> 0:28:50.760 like back in I think, or I don't even know 0:28:50.800 --> 0:28:54.120 they dated because I know obviously Bieber and Selena Gomez, 0:28:54.240 --> 0:28:58.800 that's like a very famous relationship that's being shipped quote 0:28:58.840 --> 0:29:02.280 unquote around the world. You know, that's ship I was 0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:06.120 shipping Bieber and Selena Gomez. But apparently and didn't they 0:29:06.160 --> 0:29:08.400 just did it didn't. They just did a few months. 0:29:08.400 --> 0:29:11.920 That's the thing is they're both coming off fairly serious relationships, 0:29:12.000 --> 0:29:14.160 or so we thought. We thought Haley and Shawn Mendez 0:29:14.160 --> 0:29:16.880 were a thing. Apparently yeah, may or maybe they were, 0:29:16.880 --> 0:29:19.640 maybe they won't. We thought Justin and Selena were back together. 0:29:19.640 --> 0:29:21.760 Maybe they were, maybe they weren't, And now all of 0:29:21.840 --> 0:29:25.120 a sudden they're engaged, not just dating. Now I can't say, oh, 0:29:25.200 --> 0:29:29.120 I'm sorry. I was just gonna say from personal experience, 0:29:29.160 --> 0:29:32.080 coming from somebody who's been now engaged to somebody they've 0:29:32.080 --> 0:29:33.680 been friends with for a very long time and have 0:29:33.920 --> 0:29:38.520 had somewhat of a public relationship history with, I will say, 0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:40.400 for Justin and Haley, could have been one of those 0:29:40.440 --> 0:29:43.880 things where they got back together and they just immediately 0:29:43.960 --> 0:29:45.960 knew that this was going to be a lifelong type thing. 0:29:46.080 --> 0:29:48.400 So Justin was probably like, I'm just gonna put a 0:29:48.480 --> 0:29:50.680 ring on it because I see myself spending the rest 0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:52.560 of my life with this girl after so many years 0:29:52.600 --> 0:29:54.440 of friendship, so many up and downs, Like we got 0:29:54.440 --> 0:29:56.600 back together. We know each other inside and out, we've 0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:58.720 been best friends for so long. We're not dating because 0:29:58.720 --> 0:30:00.560 we want to be boyfriend girlfriend were eight because we 0:30:00.560 --> 0:30:03.000 want to be life partners, and so maybe that's what happened. 0:30:03.040 --> 0:30:04.800 Maybe he was just like, I want to get married 0:30:04.800 --> 0:30:06.120 to you, I want to get engaged to you. I 0:30:06.160 --> 0:30:07.240 want to show you that I want to spend the 0:30:07.240 --> 0:30:09.240 rest of my life with you. Still very young, wouldn't 0:30:09.240 --> 0:30:14.840 you say? Well, on her, he's he's twenty four. That's 0:30:14.880 --> 0:30:19.880 the only thing that's so young. That's the only downside 0:30:19.920 --> 0:30:21.840 for this entire story, I feel like is that she's 0:30:21.840 --> 0:30:26.160 twenty one. Because even he's twenty five, that's really you know, 0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:30.640 like Ben our own Ben Higgins was twenty six when 0:30:30.680 --> 0:30:34.080 he was the Bachelor. You know, I was twenty six 0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:36.480 when I was on the bachelorrette. Um, So like, I 0:30:36.520 --> 0:30:39.400 don't think two young. Twenty one is very young though. 0:30:40.040 --> 0:30:43.440 I think that often times that we think we build 0:30:43.440 --> 0:30:46.400 the entire story because we read stuff online. But obviously 0:30:46.400 --> 0:30:48.840 there's parts of the relationship that we don't know about. 0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:51.160 You know, maybe they just try to rekindle the relationship. 0:30:51.680 --> 0:30:55.040 Um more than once than the online I does say 0:30:55.120 --> 0:30:57.400 that they've been spent for a while, so and it 0:30:57.480 --> 0:31:02.560 has apparently wasn't something that was a spontaneous like the 0:31:02.880 --> 0:31:06.360 type of decision. It was something that Justin was pining 0:31:06.400 --> 0:31:10.320 on doing. So if people, yeah, if people are happy, 0:31:10.400 --> 0:31:13.600 people know, they say, when you know, you know, I'm 0:31:13.600 --> 0:31:17.120 waiting for that. But Jared, when you know you know, right, 0:31:17.240 --> 0:31:18.920 I can tell you from from the experience, when you know, 0:31:19.480 --> 0:31:21.920 you take three years and then you'd really know. Well, 0:31:22.360 --> 0:31:23.920 it's kind of a trend right now because you have 0:31:23.920 --> 0:31:26.640 Alreadana Grande who's with Mac Miller and then suddenly she 0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:29.520 was Pete David Boom engaged. He was with Larry David's 0:31:29.600 --> 0:31:32.320 daughter Boom engaged all of a sudden. And I mean, 0:31:32.360 --> 0:31:34.520 I I know a woman who was on Bachelor Winter 0:31:34.560 --> 0:31:36.920 Games in Dayton some yeahoo, and now she's married engaged 0:31:36.960 --> 0:31:38.800 to a different guy, this guy right there. So that's 0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:40.880 an interesting thing, isn't it That you're with other people 0:31:40.880 --> 0:31:43.600 and then you get into a new relationship fine, and 0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:47.840 then suddenly engaged. Yeah. It's fast moving, fast moving. Yeah, 0:31:47.840 --> 0:31:49.640 But when you know, you know, when you know, you know. 0:31:49.720 --> 0:31:51.480 But I think the only couple that's a little bit 0:31:51.480 --> 0:31:53.880 different than what we just talked about would be Pete 0:31:53.920 --> 0:31:56.520 and Ariana because they didn't know each other, did they 0:31:56.600 --> 0:31:59.480 did they know each other before dating a little bit? 0:31:59.520 --> 0:32:02.880 She was on so now. But but yeah, not a lot. Okay, 0:32:03.080 --> 0:32:05.360 not like justin Haley doing each other from now. They're 0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:09.240 like publicly like really close friends. So I don't know. 0:32:09.440 --> 0:32:11.520 We'll see, you know, our prayers go out, Selena. We'll 0:32:11.520 --> 0:32:13.719 see what happens with her. Hopefully she finds the man 0:32:13.880 --> 0:32:16.400 that she's going to spend the rest of her life with. Erica, 0:32:16.400 --> 0:32:18.800 how are you doing on Deane? Back there? Dean is 0:32:19.040 --> 0:32:22.719 missing in the wild. Dean is always missing in the wild. 0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:26.640 This poor man tattoo? I saw that he got on 0:32:26.760 --> 0:32:30.640 Instagram tattoo. Did I see that hang loose tattoo? Yeah, 0:32:31.800 --> 0:32:35.680 of course he did. He's getting butterfly anklets. I'm like, what, 0:32:36.920 --> 0:32:39.560 he's never coming back. He's never coming back to the States. 0:32:39.600 --> 0:32:41.800 I was told he was. They were interviewing locals about 0:32:41.880 --> 0:32:43.959 dating customs, which I think is a way for him 0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:46.880 to write off the trip. To be honest with you, 0:32:46.920 --> 0:32:49.840 going anyway, but if he does some dating research, it's 0:32:49.840 --> 0:32:53.680 now with a work trip, business trip, traveling all around 0:32:53.680 --> 0:32:57.400 the world to find out how they date business, Um, well, 0:32:57.880 --> 0:33:00.840 come back sucking less at dating. We can, we can, 0:33:00.960 --> 0:33:02.600 we can certainly hope that. Well, do you want to 0:33:02.600 --> 0:33:06.360 do some emails while we're waiting for Deanie. Hopefully we 0:33:06.360 --> 0:33:09.040 can do that. Miranda wants to know this is a 0:33:09.080 --> 0:33:10.960 real girl life. She says, how do guys feel about 0:33:10.960 --> 0:33:13.440 shaved legs? I grow very little hair on my legs. 0:33:13.520 --> 0:33:16.240 You can get away without shaving. What would a guy think? 0:33:16.320 --> 0:33:18.200 And do they even notice? Then she has some follow 0:33:18.280 --> 0:33:22.880 up questions, but let's hit that one first, Jared, how 0:33:22.920 --> 0:33:25.720 do guys feel about shaved legs? Yeah, listen, all right, 0:33:26.160 --> 0:33:28.280 I'm not trying to be superficial here, but the last 0:33:28.320 --> 0:33:30.560 thing you want as a woman is a guy's hand 0:33:30.680 --> 0:33:33.440 going up your leg and then his like it's like 0:33:33.520 --> 0:33:36.400 speed bumps, because it's very prickly. You know, you just 0:33:36.440 --> 0:33:39.840 don't want that, and so as a female it's probably 0:33:39.880 --> 0:33:42.320 best to, you know, make sure the legs are nice 0:33:42.320 --> 0:33:46.960 and smooth. But is that a deal breaker? A deal breaker? No, 0:33:47.200 --> 0:33:49.880 it's not a deal breaker. No. If I was really 0:33:49.920 --> 0:33:51.800 into her, I would think it was very cute. I 0:33:51.800 --> 0:33:57.240 think so too, of course, but but it all I'm 0:33:57.280 --> 0:33:59.080 with Jared on this one because you don't want to 0:33:59.080 --> 0:34:02.360 be so superficial. It's very superficial what we're saying right here. Yes, 0:34:02.920 --> 0:34:05.480 but it's not great No, it's not the best. You know, 0:34:05.480 --> 0:34:09.520 it would be like if, for example, if yeah, you're right, 0:34:09.520 --> 0:34:12.160 I can't even say anything. I'm gonna get so much. 0:34:12.400 --> 0:34:15.720 Do you get terribly? How dare you guys are such 0:34:15.880 --> 0:34:19.160 superficial jerks all you care about the physical part of 0:34:19.160 --> 0:34:22.680 the relationship. Uh? Listen. You know girls and guys both 0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:25.120 want shaved legs. You know, have you ever shaved your legs? No? 0:34:25.480 --> 0:34:27.359 But a buddy of mine who's playing football at one time, 0:34:27.400 --> 0:34:29.080 did he lost the bet? He had to get a 0:34:29.120 --> 0:34:32.440 waxed Yeah. And then guys intracted it because apparently it 0:34:32.480 --> 0:34:35.919 was like aero dynamic. I I did try. I don't 0:34:35.960 --> 0:34:38.200 think it is. It doesn't help. I shaved an E 0:34:38.360 --> 0:34:41.120 into my leg one time as a joke. Come out 0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:43.080 very well, So I just evened it out. Could you 0:34:43.120 --> 0:34:45.719 tell it was an e at least? No? No, it 0:34:45.800 --> 0:34:47.720 just was like a big blob. I used that Narror 0:34:47.719 --> 0:34:49.759 product and if you remember that, it was like it's 0:34:49.760 --> 0:34:52.799 a lotion. Yeah it's it's it's not good for you, 0:34:52.880 --> 0:34:56.240 like melts the hair away. That's awesome, that's very healthy. 0:34:56.280 --> 0:34:58.840 But I did. I did even it out, and growing 0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:01.680 the hair going back is really painful and I had 0:35:01.719 --> 0:35:04.320 an all new insight into the plight of the female, 0:35:04.440 --> 0:35:07.080 and I felt so much respect. I could never I 0:35:07.480 --> 0:35:09.880 give so much respect to females for the things that 0:35:09.920 --> 0:35:11.480 they have to go through that we don't have to, 0:35:11.880 --> 0:35:14.680 and specifically with shaving legs. Like obviously I'm in a 0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:16.960 relationship now, so we kind of like talk about things 0:35:17.040 --> 0:35:18.880 like this, And actually one time was making fun of 0:35:18.920 --> 0:35:21.600 me because she's like, it's so ridiculous that you get 0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:23.840 to go in the shower and just enjoy the shower, 0:35:24.000 --> 0:35:26.239 So it's talking about her. Sometimes I like standing there 0:35:26.239 --> 0:35:28.279 and just feels so good having hot water run down you. 0:35:28.280 --> 0:35:30.279 And I stand there for like ten minutes, and she's like, 0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:32.560 she's like, I hate you because you get to stand 0:35:32.560 --> 0:35:34.360 there and just enjoy the shower. Do you understand what 0:35:34.560 --> 0:35:36.160 I have to do when I go in the shower. 0:35:37.160 --> 0:35:39.880 It's a whole process between like how many you know, 0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:44.680 lotions she has to use different like um um moisturizers, 0:35:44.680 --> 0:35:46.720 but also one of the scrubbing, what am I thinking 0:35:46.719 --> 0:35:50.480 of exfoliating and then like shaving legs and armpits, And 0:35:50.520 --> 0:35:52.320 she's like, it's so ridiculous that you get to go 0:35:52.360 --> 0:35:53.920 in there and you're just like, oh my boy, I 0:35:53.920 --> 0:35:55.600 get to shower and have so much fun and just 0:35:55.640 --> 0:35:58.440 stand here and enjoy like the steam filling up the bathroom, 0:35:58.680 --> 0:36:00.520 and she's working her ass off to make sure that 0:36:00.560 --> 0:36:02.160 she oh, and she's going to run out of hot water. 0:36:02.200 --> 0:36:04.000 The clock is kicking the whole time. He's gotta keep 0:36:04.000 --> 0:36:08.200 it moving. I have a little confession. I dated this 0:36:08.280 --> 0:36:11.480 guy once and we were very very very very close, 0:36:11.640 --> 0:36:13.080 and he's like, well when so let's be how long 0:36:13.120 --> 0:36:16.239 you go without saving your legs. I went for three 0:36:16.239 --> 0:36:21.640 months without saving my lige guys who Okay, now you 0:36:21.719 --> 0:36:23.160 got to save them. But it was just like a 0:36:23.200 --> 0:36:25.080 little bet we had going on. I was like, all right, 0:36:25.120 --> 0:36:29.120 I did this want take my legs every day? Did 0:36:29.120 --> 0:36:31.960 your legs get really hairy? Third? I mean, I'm not 0:36:32.160 --> 0:36:35.120 super my hair is not very dark, but I mean, yeah, 0:36:35.160 --> 0:36:37.120 it was a visible hair. It was in the middle 0:36:37.120 --> 0:36:39.000 of winter anyway, so I wasn't wearing starts or anything. 0:36:39.080 --> 0:36:41.279 But I would envision you with dark hair. That's why 0:36:41.640 --> 0:36:43.439 when you said you weren'tchaving legs as you have dark 0:36:43.480 --> 0:36:45.080 headed hair. So I was like, well, I'm sure her 0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:47.919 legs get dark hair too. My legs are not that dark, 0:36:47.960 --> 0:36:51.080 and I don't have I'm not super hairy my little bit, 0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:54.120 but not my legs. How was your like body core, 0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:56.759 body temperature? Because when I was without no for real, 0:36:56.800 --> 0:36:58.480 when I was without hair on my legs, I was 0:36:58.560 --> 0:37:00.960 cold a lot and don't have had anything to do 0:37:01.000 --> 0:37:04.400 with it. I felt like, and that's what I say 0:37:05.320 --> 0:37:07.319 her time. I just use it as installations like not 0:37:07.360 --> 0:37:11.080 having to st And to back up a minute, easton, 0:37:11.239 --> 0:37:13.560 why did you try to shave an e into your leg? Anyway? 0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:19.799 It was cool that funny. I have very coarse and 0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:26.279 prominent black leg hair, so it would have been and 0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:28.959 you have a tattoo and you're like nothing legs should 0:37:28.960 --> 0:37:36.680 have shown you. Um. But anyway, anyway, moving on from that, 0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:39.560 we can finish the well, yes, we have more from around, 0:37:39.560 --> 0:37:41.080 I think. To sum up, I would say shaving like 0:37:41.400 --> 0:37:46.320 unshaven legs better than unshaven armpits, But she said, have 0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:49.040 to extend this further. What are hygiene deal breakers like 0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:54.880 brushing teeth? Well, we'd like you to do that, and 0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:56.959 we will as well. I think that's fair. Of course 0:37:57.040 --> 0:37:59.720 everyone does that because she says, what what natural methods 0:37:59.719 --> 0:38:05.400 like pulling or baking soda. Uh No, just use toothpaste. 0:38:05.480 --> 0:38:07.399 I mean, do you know, I mean, I don't think 0:38:07.400 --> 0:38:08.960 those are deal break because if somebody wants to do 0:38:09.040 --> 0:38:11.640 some experimental natural stuff, you can brush your teeth with 0:38:11.680 --> 0:38:16.240 baking soda. I never even knew that I used baking 0:38:16.280 --> 0:38:21.200 soda with my soap. Smells like, what about you soap? 0:38:21.360 --> 0:38:25.040 She points out that Dean doesn't use soap. So I 0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:28.319 found out because we were in Tahoe one time with Dean. Dean. 0:38:28.520 --> 0:38:30.440 You know, he's a very touchy feely guy. Love it 0:38:30.440 --> 0:38:34.200 because he massages everybody. He's massaging my shoulders. Then all 0:38:34.200 --> 0:38:35.640 of a sudden, for some reason, we got on the 0:38:35.640 --> 0:38:37.800 topic of hygiene. He's like, yeah, I never use soap, 0:38:38.320 --> 0:38:41.279 And I said what, And he's like, yeah, I don't 0:38:41.320 --> 0:38:43.200 use soap on my body. And I said, well, do 0:38:43.280 --> 0:38:45.000 you wash your hands after you use the bathroom? And 0:38:45.040 --> 0:38:48.480 he's like, no, I'm just naturally clean as his thumbs 0:38:48.760 --> 0:38:52.400 are just you know, just pressing into my back. Actually, 0:38:52.440 --> 0:38:53.840 to be fair, he might have said he washed his 0:38:53.840 --> 0:38:55.719 hands sometimes. I can't remember, but I know he doesn't 0:38:55.800 --> 0:38:57.839 use soap on his body. He doesn't. He doesn't wash 0:38:57.840 --> 0:39:00.120 his hands either. No, Okay, I didn't think you're right 0:39:00.160 --> 0:39:04.320 about I think this podcast. He doesn't wear nd he 0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:07.160 goes commando all the time. Deans a handful, That's what 0:39:07.239 --> 0:39:08.640 I'm telling He has never come back. He's going to 0:39:08.719 --> 0:39:10.839 come back with like a d shaved into his leg. 0:39:10.880 --> 0:39:12.560 Now it's gonna be a whole It's gonna be a 0:39:12.600 --> 0:39:15.680 whole thing. Um But apparently with Dean it took him 0:39:15.719 --> 0:39:18.399 like two weeks too for his body to adjust because 0:39:18.400 --> 0:39:21.040 he used soap as a kid, and then he stopped 0:39:21.120 --> 0:39:23.480 using it and it put and he smelled for about 0:39:23.480 --> 0:39:26.480 two weeks. But apparently after that his natural body order 0:39:26.760 --> 0:39:34.160 started to adjust without using soap, and now he smells. No, no, 0:39:34.320 --> 0:39:36.960 it's not a smelling guy at all. Your question from Randa, 0:39:37.080 --> 0:39:39.120 do guys care if we slack on taking care of 0:39:39.120 --> 0:39:44.000 our fingernails? Good? I never do my nails, so I 0:39:44.040 --> 0:39:47.399 honestly don't give a I don't think so, I say no, 0:39:47.680 --> 0:39:51.080 I've never cared whether or not a girl has incredibly 0:39:51.200 --> 0:39:53.239 manicured finger nails. Doesn't bother me in the slight It 0:39:53.280 --> 0:39:55.120 doesn't bother me, and actually I don't. I'm not a 0:39:55.200 --> 0:39:58.160 huge fan of um Press like the plastic nails. I 0:39:58.160 --> 0:40:01.239 don't like the way they feel anyway. So does that 0:40:01.280 --> 0:40:07.920 make sense, Vanessa? Am I saying that? Okay? Yeah, so no, 0:40:08.120 --> 0:40:09.960 I think I think you're fine. Miranda, You're gonna be 0:40:10.040 --> 0:40:13.839 just fine. Eric, could you want to read the email? Sure? Alright? So, 0:40:14.000 --> 0:40:18.480 ladies and gentlemen, Mark is ditching us. Unbelievable. Um, And 0:40:18.520 --> 0:40:22.200 then we have the wonderful and beautiful to magnificent Another 0:40:22.360 --> 0:40:26.240 female Yah, another female Erica joining us to read emails. 0:40:26.440 --> 0:40:29.640 Yea major. I've never read the emails before. It's a 0:40:29.680 --> 0:40:31.560 big deal. This is a big moment, all right. Well 0:40:31.600 --> 0:40:34.239 this is from Shana. She says, my boyfriend of over 0:40:34.239 --> 0:40:35.920 a year has been spending a lot of time with 0:40:35.960 --> 0:40:39.440 some new friends, which happened to be two single girls, 0:40:39.480 --> 0:40:41.600 just for about a month or so now. I've never 0:40:41.600 --> 0:40:43.800 thought too much about it until he spent the weekend 0:40:43.840 --> 0:40:45.440 at one of their houses while I was away for 0:40:45.480 --> 0:40:47.799 a girl's trip with my friends. Though I'm sure nothing 0:40:47.840 --> 0:40:51.880 bad happened, I communicated how uncomfortable and neglected I've been feeling, 0:40:52.239 --> 0:40:54.200 as I do not know these girls and I've yet 0:40:54.200 --> 0:40:56.560 to be introduced to them. When I expressed interest in 0:40:56.600 --> 0:40:59.040 meeting them, he said, if you want to. He then 0:40:59.080 --> 0:41:00.840 explained how he would like to keep his friends in 0:41:00.920 --> 0:41:03.759 relationships separate and likes having his own friends and his 0:41:03.800 --> 0:41:05.799 own time. I'm not asking you to be a part 0:41:05.800 --> 0:41:08.080 of the group, and I'm not accusing him of anything bad. 0:41:08.160 --> 0:41:10.120 So why do you think he's hesitant to introduce me 0:41:10.160 --> 0:41:12.400 to his friends? Why do you think his hesitation of 0:41:12.520 --> 0:41:15.160 bringing two worlds together as even a thing? I do 0:41:15.280 --> 0:41:17.600 trust him, But am I crazy for feeling neglected and 0:41:17.680 --> 0:41:21.960 unimportant or do adjust second dating a girl? No, you 0:41:22.000 --> 0:41:24.320 have every right to feel that way. I would feel 0:41:24.440 --> 0:41:27.200 so stitched out of my boyfriend or even the guy 0:41:27.239 --> 0:41:29.200 that I'm like seriously dating, even if we're not like 0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:31.640 a title yet, if you don't have a title yet, 0:41:31.640 --> 0:41:34.080 if he doesn't introduce me to his friends or include 0:41:34.080 --> 0:41:36.800 me into that part of his world, I mean, I'm 0:41:36.840 --> 0:41:41.800 I'm I'm totally for dating someone and having two separate lives, 0:41:41.840 --> 0:41:43.600 but at one point you kind of have to know 0:41:43.680 --> 0:41:45.480 what's going on in each other's lives and still be 0:41:45.600 --> 0:41:48.799 part a part of each other's social and social and 0:41:48.840 --> 0:41:51.320 support system, you know, like meeting their friends and family 0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:55.480 and all that. Yeah. No, I'm just like when I 0:41:55.560 --> 0:41:57.880 was reading this, I was like, why he's spend the 0:41:57.960 --> 0:42:05.880 weekend one of the single girls houses. Yeah this, Yeah, 0:42:05.960 --> 0:42:10.520 this is a giant red flag. It's so bad, Like 0:42:10.680 --> 0:42:13.040 I don't know, Shannon, you sound wonderful. Thank you for 0:42:13.120 --> 0:42:15.080 listening to the podcast. You need to tell your boyfriend 0:42:15.080 --> 0:42:17.200 then you need to meet these two girls immediately or 0:42:17.239 --> 0:42:21.000 he's not friends with them. This is there shouldn't be 0:42:21.080 --> 0:42:22.920 like I have to do this, you should do that, 0:42:23.160 --> 0:42:27.680 or there shouldn't be any ultimatums in relationships. That's no 0:42:27.920 --> 0:42:29.799 that I don't like. I agree with what you're saying, 0:42:29.880 --> 0:42:32.000 but it shouldn't be like I have to meet your 0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:34.960 friends if he doesn't want. This is different. This is 0:42:35.000 --> 0:42:37.040 different though, because I agree with what you're saying with 0:42:37.040 --> 0:42:40.360 friends prior to a relationship starting. These are two girls 0:42:40.360 --> 0:42:44.000 that he became friends with recently after he's been dating 0:42:44.040 --> 0:42:46.600 this other girl for over a year. Like, this is 0:42:46.640 --> 0:42:48.480 the this is the weird thing, right, because when you 0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:51.879 become in a relationship, you have to understand that, like 0:42:51.920 --> 0:42:53.799 there's gonna be jealousy involved and you have to be 0:42:53.840 --> 0:42:57.160 respectful and the like. Could you imagine me like going 0:42:57.160 --> 0:42:58.879 and being like, Hey, Ashley, I'm just gonna go hang 0:42:58.880 --> 0:43:01.000 out with these two girls that you never met before 0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:03.359 that I just became friends with and I'm gonna spend 0:43:03.360 --> 0:43:05.200 a weekend with them, but you're never going to meet him, 0:43:05.200 --> 0:43:07.399 And I really don't want you to meet them now. 0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:09.640 But I know, I totally agree what you're saying. But 0:43:09.680 --> 0:43:12.440 what I'm saying is there shouldn't be You shouldn't have 0:43:12.480 --> 0:43:14.600 to train someone that you've been dating for a year 0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:17.600 on the dudes and don't of a relationship. I agree, 0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:21.160 But for me, is that would be enough for me 0:43:21.239 --> 0:43:22.920 to be like, you know what if I'm not that 0:43:23.080 --> 0:43:26.480 important you for you to consider me to even just 0:43:26.560 --> 0:43:29.560 consider saying, hey, I've become friends with these people I 0:43:29.600 --> 0:43:32.520 wanted to be part of my social circle, then no, 0:43:32.680 --> 0:43:35.000 I don't have the patience to do with that. I 0:43:35.040 --> 0:43:36.839 completely agree, which is why I think it's a genre 0:43:36.920 --> 0:43:41.080 reflaging something like if he can't get past, then you 0:43:41.120 --> 0:43:43.799 should really start reconsidering this relationship or where you guys 0:43:43.840 --> 0:43:50.040 are at, because this is sketch. It's bad male female 0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:54.160 relations friendships at all. When you're in a relationship are 0:43:54.560 --> 0:43:58.480 It's very tricky? Yeah, very trick Like I struggle with 0:43:58.520 --> 0:44:01.360 it in my own relationship where I'm so insecure about it, 0:44:01.400 --> 0:44:03.600 and like, say, who are these girls that you're hanging 0:44:03.640 --> 0:44:05.799 out with? Even when I meet them, I'm I don't 0:44:05.840 --> 0:44:08.440 like it because it's always just even like, for example, 0:44:08.520 --> 0:44:10.560 Dean even said last week or two weeks ago, good 0:44:10.600 --> 0:44:12.919 go out time flies by on the podcast because we're 0:44:12.960 --> 0:44:15.600 talking about, you know, being friends with somebody of the 0:44:15.600 --> 0:44:17.799 opposite sex, and he was like, sometimes I'll stay friends 0:44:17.840 --> 0:44:20.319 with somebody like, but it won't be with the best 0:44:20.560 --> 0:44:22.719 like I'll ask I won't be with the best intentions 0:44:22.760 --> 0:44:25.120 pretty much, you know. Like he's like, yeah, I'll ask 0:44:25.160 --> 0:44:28.200 about their significant other, but it's like, I'm just keeping 0:44:28.200 --> 0:44:30.520 in contact with them because you know, I want to 0:44:30.520 --> 0:44:33.040 stay in contact in case something changes. And it's like 0:44:33.320 --> 0:44:36.600 that's you know, so you just really never know. Um, 0:44:36.719 --> 0:44:38.479 I'm not saying Dean has done that. We're talking about 0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:40.440 it just loosely. I don't want to. You know, Dean's 0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:42.200 a wonderful human being who I love very mention and 0:44:42.239 --> 0:44:44.439 I don't think you never do that. But um, for here, 0:44:44.640 --> 0:44:46.359 like the fact that he doesn't want you to meet 0:44:46.360 --> 0:44:50.399 the girls, Why why don't you because you want separate lives? Well, 0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:51.879 I got news for you. If we're dating for over 0:44:51.920 --> 0:44:53.920 a year and if we get engaged and married, at 0:44:53.920 --> 0:44:56.919 some point, our lives are gonna start intersecting, and two 0:44:56.960 --> 0:44:59.520 is going to become one, you know. And the big 0:44:59.560 --> 0:45:02.359 difference for me is having friends with like if I'm 0:45:02.400 --> 0:45:06.080 friends with a girl, like having friends of opposite sex 0:45:06.120 --> 0:45:09.600 before the relationship starts and afterwards is a very big difference. 0:45:09.600 --> 0:45:12.080 In my mind. Maybe I'm crazy, but if I have 0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:15.600 a friend that's a girl, then I start dating someone else, 0:45:15.640 --> 0:45:17.120 I don't want to give up that girl that's a 0:45:17.160 --> 0:45:20.600 friend who's always just been a platonic friend. But if 0:45:20.640 --> 0:45:23.279 I'm in a relationship and I start making friends with 0:45:23.320 --> 0:45:26.040 the girl after I start dating someone for some reason, 0:45:26.120 --> 0:45:30.040 in my mind, that sounds way worse. It also depends 0:45:30.080 --> 0:45:32.919 on the type of relationship. Like we're friends, but well, 0:45:32.960 --> 0:45:34.920 we won't text each other, we won't call each other, 0:45:35.040 --> 0:45:37.000 we won't like invate each other's personal you know what 0:45:37.080 --> 0:45:39.959 I mean. Like it's like we respect each other's face, 0:45:40.160 --> 0:45:43.040 then like each other's Like I respect the relationship with 0:45:43.080 --> 0:45:46.800 asking And I think it depends on the level of friendship. 0:45:46.960 --> 0:45:50.600 I'm not someone that is went out with a lot younger. 0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:52.200 I'm like I don't want my boyfriend to be friends 0:45:52.200 --> 0:45:54.560 with any girl. And now that I'm older, I'm like, yeah, 0:45:54.560 --> 0:45:56.799 I'm more mature. I understand that people come with like 0:45:56.920 --> 0:46:00.759 different friends but different relationships with different people. Um, but 0:46:00.840 --> 0:46:03.560 there has to be that level of respective. It's not there. 0:46:03.600 --> 0:46:06.799 And if I don't feel comfortable, I always say goal 0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:09.719 with your gut. If there's if something is up, it 0:46:09.760 --> 0:46:12.560 because something is up. Yeah, excuse me, Shannon, you do 0:46:12.640 --> 0:46:15.480 not suck at dating. You obviously email those because you 0:46:15.520 --> 0:46:17.560 feel like something's up. I would absolutely talk to him 0:46:17.600 --> 0:46:19.759 as soon as possible. And because there does seem to 0:46:19.760 --> 0:46:21.680 be a lack of transparency as well, because you even 0:46:21.680 --> 0:46:23.720 saying the open in paragraph when he spends a weekend 0:46:24.080 --> 0:46:27.200 with them while you were away at a girl's trip, 0:46:28.080 --> 0:46:30.440 you say, though, I know that's weird, right, And then 0:46:30.719 --> 0:46:33.600 you say though I'm sure nothing bad happened, You're sure 0:46:33.640 --> 0:46:36.920 nothing bad happened, or you you just it makes it 0:46:36.960 --> 0:46:39.600 sound like you don't know, Okay. I also want to 0:46:39.640 --> 0:46:42.160 point this out. I dated someone who was a really 0:46:42.160 --> 0:46:45.080 good friends with the girl, and for some reason I 0:46:45.120 --> 0:46:48.880 just didn't trust their relationships because I felt like she 0:46:48.920 --> 0:46:51.080 would be the type of person if she would hit 0:46:51.120 --> 0:46:53.320 the fan between me and the guy that I was dating, 0:46:53.560 --> 0:46:55.760 and he would go to go to her for advice. 0:46:56.040 --> 0:46:58.400 I don't think she would have my best interest and 0:46:58.440 --> 0:47:01.440 would would tell him, would give him the wrong advice 0:47:01.480 --> 0:47:03.919 in order to stablish our relationships, you would probably try 0:47:03.920 --> 0:47:05.520 to break us apart, do you know what I mean? 0:47:06.120 --> 0:47:09.760 That's how I felt about their relationship. So so, maybe 0:47:09.760 --> 0:47:13.520 nothing physical happened between them, but I just don't know 0:47:13.560 --> 0:47:16.640 if I were to trust the like the advice that 0:47:16.680 --> 0:47:19.480 maybe they were giving him, or if the if the 0:47:19.680 --> 0:47:22.080 if that conversation would come up, you know, of course 0:47:22.120 --> 0:47:24.360 relationship would come up. And Vanessa, I completely agree with 0:47:24.400 --> 0:47:27.640 you on that note, where Shana, you might think that 0:47:27.680 --> 0:47:30.319 your boyfriend has the best intentions with these girls, but 0:47:30.480 --> 0:47:32.919 how do you know they have the best intentions with him, 0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:35.319 you know, And and it only takes one mistake and 0:47:35.440 --> 0:47:38.120 so and the big red flag for me is the 0:47:38.120 --> 0:47:39.600 fact that he just doesn't want you to meet them, 0:47:39.880 --> 0:47:42.200 and like he's spending weekends with them. And this is 0:47:42.239 --> 0:47:45.359 a very new friendship when you've been dating for over 0:47:45.400 --> 0:47:49.000 a year now, um, And so I would get a 0:47:49.000 --> 0:47:52.000 lot more clarity on the situation. I would definitely talk 0:47:52.040 --> 0:47:54.880 to him and press him on this particular issue and 0:47:54.920 --> 0:47:58.080 make sure that you know you have a pretty good 0:47:58.160 --> 0:48:01.680 understanding of who these friends are, meet them so they 0:48:01.719 --> 0:48:05.280 know who you are, because like, of course you want, 0:48:05.800 --> 0:48:08.040 you know, you want, you trust your partner, you want 0:48:08.040 --> 0:48:09.920 to have them have friends of the opposite sex and 0:48:09.960 --> 0:48:12.960 not even think twice about it. But you know, it's 0:48:12.960 --> 0:48:15.960 a scary world. Yeah. The only scenario I see is 0:48:16.000 --> 0:48:18.280 turning out good is if it's like a romantic comedy 0:48:18.320 --> 0:48:20.680 and the two girls are like ring designers and he's 0:48:20.680 --> 0:48:24.120 picking out that's why he doesn't want her to meet them. 0:48:25.440 --> 0:48:27.080 But I don't think that's what's going on. If we 0:48:27.200 --> 0:48:29.719 loved in an ideal world, I know that's the I 0:48:29.719 --> 0:48:32.200 mean maybe, I mean, maybe he's spending weekends with the 0:48:32.239 --> 0:48:36.040 ring designers. Well, yeah, you don't want my except that 0:48:36.120 --> 0:48:38.360 when I was dating this guy, he kept calling my 0:48:38.360 --> 0:48:40.160 my best friend and I was like, dude, this is 0:48:40.200 --> 0:48:42.440 so weird, like why do you keep calling her? But 0:48:42.480 --> 0:48:45.759 it was so this like really really sweet gift that 0:48:45.840 --> 0:48:49.359 he was planning for me her advice, And I thought, 0:48:49.520 --> 0:48:51.520 like I never and I never thought twice about it. 0:48:51.560 --> 0:48:53.320 But I'm like, I wonder like, I'm like, oh, that's sweet. 0:48:53.320 --> 0:48:54.680 Maybe he's just trying to get to know her as 0:48:54.680 --> 0:48:57.120 my friends because like she's really best she's best friends 0:48:57.120 --> 0:48:58.680 with me, and he wants to become really close to her. 0:48:58.719 --> 0:49:00.279 But I'm like, oh my god, that was be dis 0:49:00.280 --> 0:49:07.319 best for ever. But that's rarely the case. Yeah, yeah, 0:49:07.360 --> 0:49:10.360 now we have Julia. Julia says, I've noticed an ongoing 0:49:10.440 --> 0:49:13.360 theme which I am behind for the most part, and 0:49:13.400 --> 0:49:15.279 this is that you should wait and make sure you're 0:49:15.280 --> 0:49:17.919 with the person that deserves you. When your partner isn't 0:49:17.960 --> 0:49:21.920 your ideal perfect person, weighs like they're jealous, they're immature, etcetera. 0:49:22.120 --> 0:49:23.840 I don't know if I can get behind the idea 0:49:23.920 --> 0:49:26.319 that it's time to give up because they don't deserve us. 0:49:26.680 --> 0:49:28.759 I've been in a seven year relationship and can tell 0:49:28.800 --> 0:49:31.759 you firsthand that not everything is perfect, sunshine, and both 0:49:31.800 --> 0:49:34.759 me and my boyfriend have made plenty of mistakes. I 0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:36.680 was on a flight yesterday sitting next to a man 0:49:36.680 --> 0:49:38.880 who's been married for twenty years now, and his advice 0:49:38.960 --> 0:49:41.080 was to make a relationship last is that you have 0:49:41.200 --> 0:49:43.680 to work together to push past the hard times. I 0:49:43.760 --> 0:49:46.239 agree with him. Maybe I'm naive, but I've yet to 0:49:46.280 --> 0:49:48.920 find someone who says they are in a perfect relationship. 0:49:49.000 --> 0:49:51.680 I think it's the relationships that push pushed past the 0:49:51.760 --> 0:49:55.360 tough times that come out truly stronger thoughts. I mean, Jared, 0:49:55.600 --> 0:49:59.799 you're you're engaged, so take it away. Yeah, pretty much. No, 0:50:00.040 --> 0:50:02.680 I completely agree. I think a lot of people UM 0:50:03.080 --> 0:50:04.879 will say, oh, if it's meant to be, it's meant 0:50:04.920 --> 0:50:08.200 to be, And I think that takes away any effort 0:50:08.239 --> 0:50:10.399 that needs to be put into relationship, which there does 0:50:10.680 --> 0:50:13.680 even even prior to relationship, Like you have to actually 0:50:14.239 --> 0:50:17.360 actively try to pursue someone and stay in contact with 0:50:17.400 --> 0:50:19.440 them and ask them out, and there's a lot of effort. 0:50:19.440 --> 0:50:20.960 You can't be like, wow, if it just works out, 0:50:21.000 --> 0:50:22.320 then it will work out and it's meant to be, 0:50:22.360 --> 0:50:24.480 if it's meant to be, and it's like yeah, but 0:50:24.800 --> 0:50:27.160 you're also losing sight on the idea that you have 0:50:27.200 --> 0:50:29.279 to put effort in. And so I completely agree with 0:50:29.280 --> 0:50:31.960 this um because there is no such thing as a 0:50:31.960 --> 0:50:35.080 perfect relationship. Everybody has their good times, they're bad times. 0:50:35.120 --> 0:50:36.840 I mean, Ashley and I have a very loving and 0:50:36.880 --> 0:50:39.480 wonderful relationship, and I'm happier than i've ever been. But 0:50:40.040 --> 0:50:41.640 am I going to sit here and say every second 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:44.400 of every minute has been perfect? Absolutely not. Look at 0:50:44.480 --> 0:50:47.280 two years ago, you guys were in an incredibly different place. 0:50:47.400 --> 0:50:52.160 So absolutely right. You were right on that one. What 0:50:52.200 --> 0:50:54.279 happened two years ago? I forgot. I think there's some 0:50:54.280 --> 0:50:57.239 stuff going on. I don't remember any of that, um, 0:50:57.320 --> 0:51:00.560 and so it's all in the past. And I completely 0:51:00.600 --> 0:51:02.600 agree Van s. Do you have any thoughts on it? Well, 0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:04.319 I was gonna let Erisa go first because I'm the 0:51:04.360 --> 0:51:08.279 only one here that's single. So um, I mean, this 0:51:08.400 --> 0:51:11.000 is actually a refreshing thing to read at a time 0:51:11.040 --> 0:51:13.799 when I'm in a pretty new relationship. I just it's 0:51:13.840 --> 0:51:16.480 like advice to me almost that like, hey, sometimes you're 0:51:16.480 --> 0:51:18.319 going to fight and then you're gonna get over it 0:51:18.719 --> 0:51:21.319 as long as you both want to, and then it's 0:51:21.320 --> 0:51:28.399 all good. I hope. Um, like three months basically, yeah, 0:51:28.440 --> 0:51:30.279 like three months and like things are very good. But 0:51:30.360 --> 0:51:32.560 we did have like our first Sorry to him, if 0:51:32.600 --> 0:51:34.319 he listens, this is like, why are you talking about 0:51:34.320 --> 0:51:36.640 my stuff? We had our first fight and it sucks 0:51:36.640 --> 0:51:39.279 because your bubbles burst. But I also think we both 0:51:39.320 --> 0:51:41.600 like actually want to stay together and want to be 0:51:41.640 --> 0:51:45.040 in a relationship long term, so that that's a good sign. 0:51:45.080 --> 0:51:47.240 And like, I think this is saying nothing's gonna be perfect. 0:51:47.239 --> 0:51:49.920 You're never not going to fight, but you just have 0:51:50.000 --> 0:51:52.960 to choose every day to get over those things and 0:51:53.480 --> 0:51:58.319 move forward. I agree with what everyone is saying. And 0:51:58.360 --> 0:52:00.960 as the only legle first day here, I will say, 0:52:01.000 --> 0:52:05.319 as you get older, um, I think you become more 0:52:05.360 --> 0:52:07.359 said in your ways than what you want and know 0:52:07.400 --> 0:52:09.840 what you want in a relationship. So when there's like 0:52:09.920 --> 0:52:13.520 one major red flag that it pops up at the 0:52:13.560 --> 0:52:16.400 beginning of the relationship. And I've been talking about this 0:52:16.480 --> 0:52:18.880 with a lot of my girlfriends who are single and 0:52:18.920 --> 0:52:21.800 they're early and late thirties, and we all kind of 0:52:21.840 --> 0:52:24.520 said the same thing, like we'd rather just be in 0:52:25.239 --> 0:52:29.920 a healthy relationship with ourselves and wait for the right 0:52:30.040 --> 0:52:33.960 person to come our way instead of diving into a 0:52:33.960 --> 0:52:37.759 relationship that maybe a little bit unhealthy and make us 0:52:37.880 --> 0:52:41.399 unhappier than when we are then you know, then when 0:52:41.440 --> 0:52:44.520 we are happy on our own. So yes, of course, 0:52:44.520 --> 0:52:46.719 relationships they're like rollercoasters. You have your ups and you 0:52:46.760 --> 0:52:49.520 have your downs, and when they're down, it's like, man, 0:52:49.600 --> 0:52:52.000 I've been in those relationships that's when it's like, you know, 0:52:52.200 --> 0:52:54.239 should you walk away from it? So do you work 0:52:54.280 --> 0:52:56.600 towards things? I'm the type of person when I'm in 0:52:56.600 --> 0:52:59.920 a relationship, I want to try everything in my body 0:53:00.040 --> 0:53:02.640 be that I could, like possibly do to make this 0:53:02.719 --> 0:53:05.000 relationship work. And if it still can't work, then at 0:53:05.080 --> 0:53:06.719 least I can look back and say that I tried 0:53:07.040 --> 0:53:11.960 and I'm sorry. No, No, I'm just saying, like I 0:53:12.000 --> 0:53:14.160 think you know, I'm not saying walk away from something. 0:53:14.480 --> 0:53:18.680 But if it doesn't, if it is an unhealthy relationship, um, 0:53:18.719 --> 0:53:21.759 and it is. There are toxic people out there then 0:53:21.760 --> 0:53:24.839 that can make you feel worse than you know than 0:53:25.120 --> 0:53:27.400 you actually do feel on on on day, on like 0:53:27.640 --> 0:53:29.880 days that you're feeling bad on your own, then you 0:53:29.880 --> 0:53:31.960 shouldn't be in those relationships. So I'm not here to 0:53:31.960 --> 0:53:34.120 say stay in a relationship. I'm not I'm not here 0:53:34.160 --> 0:53:36.640 to say don't be in a relationship. I'm here to say, 0:53:36.680 --> 0:53:39.880 do what is best for for your sanity at the 0:53:39.920 --> 0:53:41.040 end of the day. So what the hell are you 0:53:41.080 --> 0:53:46.560 even doing here, Vanessa? Then No, I completely agree with no. 0:53:46.880 --> 0:53:49.360 Stop that you probably have a hundred men just pining 0:53:49.480 --> 0:53:52.759 to spend five minutes with you. Um, but Erica with 0:53:52.880 --> 0:53:55.160 you in fighting, I you know, you have your first fight. 0:53:55.200 --> 0:53:57.719 I think that's not a bad thing either, because they're 0:53:57.719 --> 0:53:59.160 going to be fights in a relationship and you have 0:53:59.200 --> 0:54:01.239 to learn how the other and fights totally. You know, 0:54:01.320 --> 0:54:04.040 that's a very big part of a relationship, and so 0:54:04.080 --> 0:54:05.919 I don't think that's a bad thing. And I also think, 0:54:06.000 --> 0:54:08.719 like with obstacles within a relationship, if you want to 0:54:08.719 --> 0:54:09.880 make it work, I think you have to look at 0:54:09.920 --> 0:54:13.480 obstacles as an exterior force that's trying to you know, 0:54:14.040 --> 0:54:16.440 that something that you and your partner have to overcome together. 0:54:16.760 --> 0:54:18.640 I don't think you should ever look at an obstacle 0:54:18.680 --> 0:54:20.919 within a relationship as something that comes in between you two. 0:54:21.120 --> 0:54:23.359 It's something as Okay, we have this thing, we need 0:54:23.400 --> 0:54:25.920 to work together to try to overcome it. And then 0:54:25.960 --> 0:54:27.839 I think if you guys do that, your relationship will 0:54:27.880 --> 0:54:30.359 probably become stronger. I think you just changed my life 0:54:30.400 --> 0:54:33.080 with that, With that one thing between you, you just 0:54:33.160 --> 0:54:36.600 move over it together, changing lives email at a time. 0:54:37.680 --> 0:54:40.120 We have one more email for today. This is from 0:54:40.200 --> 0:54:43.239 Kara said. My name's Kara and I'm twenty four. I 0:54:43.320 --> 0:54:45.000 just moved to a new city a few months ago 0:54:45.000 --> 0:54:47.600 where I knew practically no one. Long story short, my 0:54:47.640 --> 0:54:50.399 boss played on a code softball team. They needed another girl, 0:54:50.440 --> 0:54:52.520 so they asked me to play Super fun love it. 0:54:52.920 --> 0:54:56.400 But there's a guy, my boss's friend. Yikes, that is 0:54:56.440 --> 0:54:58.600 super cute and I think he might be interested in me. 0:54:58.880 --> 0:55:00.680 This Sunday we had a game. They offered to buy 0:55:00.719 --> 0:55:02.879 me a beer. I've been day drinking and don't really 0:55:02.880 --> 0:55:06.920 like beer, so I declined like a dummy. My question 0:55:07.040 --> 0:55:09.200 is how do I let him know I'm interested without 0:55:09.239 --> 0:55:11.719 being weird? Did I ruin my chances? Is it weird 0:55:11.760 --> 0:55:14.600 that he's my boss's friend. I need help? Any advice 0:55:14.600 --> 0:55:18.000 would be appreciated. Love all y'all. I love the all y'all, 0:55:18.040 --> 0:55:21.719 but I listen every week the podcast on Facebook group 0:55:21.760 --> 0:55:23.759 have changed my life. Thank you for being a part 0:55:23.760 --> 0:55:27.960 of the Facebook group. Yes, you're the best. Care Um 0:55:28.000 --> 0:55:31.600 Wow that is I mean, I don't personally think it's 0:55:31.640 --> 0:55:34.279 weird to you know, if you want to date your 0:55:34.280 --> 0:55:39.839 boss's friends, be cautious about it. I just I wouldn't know. Dark. 0:55:39.880 --> 0:55:42.000 What would you do if you if you were interested 0:55:42.000 --> 0:55:44.560 in the girl, um, and you wanted to know if 0:55:44.560 --> 0:55:46.160 the girl was interested in you? How would you want 0:55:46.160 --> 0:55:49.560 her to reproach you. I'm very direct. So I'm like, 0:55:50.760 --> 0:55:54.920 I'm very direct, probably right into MS and or like 0:55:55.239 --> 0:55:58.000 if I had, he's going to contact, she's gonna see 0:55:58.040 --> 0:56:00.040 him again. They plan a softball league, like she's to 0:56:00.040 --> 0:56:02.520 see him next Sunday. I played, and I can speak 0:56:02.560 --> 0:56:05.080 from personal experience because I've played co ed softball for 0:56:05.320 --> 0:56:08.480 many of years. It was fantastic, so much fun, and 0:56:08.520 --> 0:56:11.040 there's there's not like there's a lot of relationships that 0:56:11.080 --> 0:56:13.719 have formed from the softball team, which is great. Um 0:56:14.680 --> 0:56:16.560 actually hates when to talk about softball and it's like 0:56:16.760 --> 0:56:19.600 it's it's so funny. She's like, you're talking about softball again. 0:56:19.640 --> 0:56:21.600 I'm like, yes, it was my glory years. It was 0:56:21.600 --> 0:56:23.520 the most fun I've ever had. We got to day drink, 0:56:23.560 --> 0:56:27.960 we got to play softball. It was beautiful. It was great. Um. 0:56:28.000 --> 0:56:30.120 And so I think with this, I don't think you 0:56:30.239 --> 0:56:32.600 ruined your chances at all by declining the beer. I 0:56:32.600 --> 0:56:36.000 think you should have said yes. Of course. You know 0:56:36.320 --> 0:56:37.560 when he said, hey, you want to go grab a 0:56:37.600 --> 0:56:39.919 drink and be like, I'm not just just to say yes, 0:56:39.960 --> 0:56:41.440 and then you go and you get a water or 0:56:41.560 --> 0:56:43.520 soda and just be like, oh, I'm you know, kind 0:56:43.560 --> 0:56:45.279 of full. I've already had a couple of beers. I 0:56:45.320 --> 0:56:48.319 think he'd actually respect that. Um, but as long so 0:56:48.440 --> 0:56:50.919 next time, UM, he's probably gonna ask you out again 0:56:50.960 --> 0:56:53.640 because you don't really ask. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0:56:56.200 --> 0:56:59.759 He does. I would not if I was her, I 0:56:59.760 --> 0:57:01.560 would not wait for it. Let me put it that way, 0:57:02.040 --> 0:57:04.520 because he did ask once. So I think I think 0:57:04.560 --> 0:57:06.680 there's nothing wrong with Carol. You put some, you know, 0:57:06.719 --> 0:57:09.239 you show some ask him about a drink, you know. 0:57:09.400 --> 0:57:11.719 I think he'd love that. Yeah, just I think, like 0:57:11.920 --> 0:57:14.200 Vanessa said, be direct, go up and just say after 0:57:14.239 --> 0:57:15.359 the game, be like, hey, you want to go grab 0:57:15.360 --> 0:57:17.360 a drink? Sorry? You know, I'll take a rain check. 0:57:17.520 --> 0:57:18.960 You know, I'll take a rain check for last week. 0:57:19.040 --> 0:57:22.320 Let's go grab a drink. You know. Okay, But as 0:57:22.360 --> 0:57:25.200 for dating her boss's friend, that that gets a little 0:57:25.200 --> 0:57:30.720 sticky because that could end badly. Yeah, but I wouldn't 0:57:30.720 --> 0:57:34.120 think that far ahead. If this guy is your you know, husband, 0:57:34.160 --> 0:57:37.080 loving of your life, it's that part will all work 0:57:37.120 --> 0:57:39.680 itself out, you know, jobs will work itself out. Also, 0:57:39.680 --> 0:57:41.480 I guess in a way, they're all peers. Like they 0:57:41.520 --> 0:57:47.520 all play on this team together. So at that point whatever, Yeah, yeah, 0:57:48.120 --> 0:57:50.360 it was the boss would be worse. Yea his friend. 0:57:50.360 --> 0:57:54.320 It's fine and she so the boss plays on the team, right, Yeah, 0:57:54.520 --> 0:57:56.320 so the boss plays on the team as well. So 0:57:56.400 --> 0:57:59.520 I agree with you, Erica where it kind of brings 0:57:59.560 --> 0:58:01.320 him down to her level a little bit, where there 0:58:01.320 --> 0:58:03.720 were more friends, you know, so who says you can't 0:58:03.800 --> 0:58:08.320 date the boss's friend? So it seems yeah, it's you know, 0:58:08.360 --> 0:58:10.160 it's softball. You go ask for a drink. Could be 0:58:10.200 --> 0:58:13.080 a great Sunday you and softball. You're so hyped up. 0:58:14.880 --> 0:58:16.760 I'm dying to play sports. I haven't played sports and 0:58:16.840 --> 0:58:19.320 so long. I played when we were back in Virginia, 0:58:19.360 --> 0:58:21.120 Ashley and I played tennis, so I was like, I 0:58:21.120 --> 0:58:24.000 gotta do something. And she's never played tennis. But you know, 0:58:24.040 --> 0:58:25.920 it's nice. She got it over the net a few times. 0:58:25.920 --> 0:58:28.760 She was getting better cut. Yeah, it was great. So 0:58:28.760 --> 0:58:30.400 I'm gonna get hurt of, you know, become the next 0:58:30.400 --> 0:58:33.240 Serena Williams. All right, before we go, we do have 0:58:33.280 --> 0:58:35.400 talk about last night's bachelorette and the whole Colon and 0:58:35.480 --> 0:58:40.040 Becca Saga. Um, yes, so Colton last night I was 0:58:40.120 --> 0:58:42.200 on the one on one told Becca he was a virgin. 0:58:42.320 --> 0:58:45.160 She got up from the table, Um had to contemplate 0:58:45.200 --> 0:58:47.000 about it, came back, and then everything was fine. But 0:58:47.160 --> 0:58:48.600 you know, Colin was swinting it out there for a 0:58:48.640 --> 0:58:51.440 little while. It honestly looked like when he first told her, 0:58:51.480 --> 0:58:54.040 like Becca was about to start laughing, which is why 0:58:54.120 --> 0:58:56.720 I thought she got the table. I don't think she was, 0:58:56.800 --> 0:59:01.000 but I think she actually. Becka tweeted yesterday during airing 0:59:01.240 --> 0:59:04.400 that she was like, I'm pretty sure I just got 0:59:04.440 --> 0:59:07.880 up to use the bathroom and so okay, there you go. 0:59:08.080 --> 0:59:11.240 That was coming from Becca's Twitter account. Um yeah, or 0:59:11.280 --> 0:59:13.440 maybe she just needed to like half five minutes to 0:59:13.560 --> 0:59:17.360 I come back within like with like a neutral reaction 0:59:17.440 --> 0:59:22.680 or you know, hum, so yikes. Yeah, it didn't look good. 0:59:22.840 --> 0:59:24.640 Didn't come across good, Like Becca didn't look good at 0:59:24.640 --> 0:59:26.800 that moment, Not for me, because like it's hard, right 0:59:26.840 --> 0:59:32.400 because especially somebody admitting that they're a virgin on live television, 0:59:33.160 --> 0:59:39.040 like we we all met Becca, super sweet woman, like gorgeous, sweet, funny, 0:59:39.240 --> 0:59:41.959 she has it all. I don't think I don't think 0:59:42.200 --> 0:59:46.520 it came across as um I can. I don't think 0:59:46.520 --> 0:59:48.440 it was something bad, you know, like she said in 0:59:48.480 --> 0:59:51.640 the tweets, she went to the bathroom and and uh, 0:59:51.680 --> 0:59:53.640 that's probably why it was edited that way. But I 0:59:53.960 --> 0:59:56.720 don't pick to her doing something like mean or malicious 0:59:56.800 --> 0:59:59.000 or disrespectful. And it does suck to have to talk 0:59:59.000 --> 1:00:02.800 about your virginity, Like obviously I'm engaged to Ashley, who 1:00:02.960 --> 1:00:06.320 had talked about for many years um, and so she 1:00:06.400 --> 1:00:07.919 had to deal with that. So she's had many thoughts 1:00:07.920 --> 1:00:10.400 about this that you can listen to almost famous podcasts 1:00:10.400 --> 1:00:12.880 she tells out all about it, um, but also specifically 1:00:12.960 --> 1:00:14.600 with me. I remember the first season of Paradise and 1:00:14.640 --> 1:00:17.160 Ashley and I had a fantasy suite day, and it 1:00:17.240 --> 1:00:19.040 was the whole thing was are you going to take 1:00:19.040 --> 1:00:21.280 Ashley's virginity? I mean there was articles right about it 1:00:21.280 --> 1:00:24.000 saying did Jared take Ashley's virginity? And that really sucks, 1:00:24.480 --> 1:00:26.960 you know, because it's it's one thing to you know, 1:00:27.000 --> 1:00:30.080 talk about physical intimacy on the show with fantasy suits 1:00:30.160 --> 1:00:31.760 because you know, you're two adults and you can have 1:00:31.800 --> 1:00:33.640 a conversation about it. But it's another to be like, 1:00:34.040 --> 1:00:37.480 did this woman lose her virginity on television? And so 1:00:37.600 --> 1:00:40.680 now it's the same thing with Colin, Like, um, it's 1:00:40.720 --> 1:00:42.760 curious to see if Colin makes it too fantasy suite, 1:00:42.880 --> 1:00:45.439 because obviously that's gonna be a huge topic now if 1:00:45.520 --> 1:00:48.040 he makes it, it's gonna be like, is Colin gonna 1:00:48.120 --> 1:00:50.080 lose his virginity to Becca? And that's gonna be the 1:00:50.160 --> 1:00:53.120 entire conversation exactly. And I wonder if that was going 1:00:53.120 --> 1:00:56.640 through Becca's head when and he like sat there and 1:00:56.680 --> 1:00:58.920 assured her. He's like, I'm not waiting until marriage. I'm 1:00:58.920 --> 1:01:02.080 waiting for the right person. I don't know if losing 1:01:02.080 --> 1:01:04.040 your virginity at the same time that that woman is 1:01:04.040 --> 1:01:06.480 possibly sleeping with two other men is necessarily the right 1:01:06.520 --> 1:01:09.760 time to lose it. But in terms of Becca choosing 1:01:09.800 --> 1:01:13.280 a life partner, like, wouldn't you want to know? Of course, 1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:17.080 that's absolutely you can't understand that, Like if the physical 1:01:17.120 --> 1:01:19.439 part of relationship is is still a very big part 1:01:19.480 --> 1:01:22.920 of the relationship, you know. And so I'm not saying 1:01:23.600 --> 1:01:25.600 there's nothing bad about being a virgin. You should never 1:01:25.640 --> 1:01:29.080 be vertyen shamed if that's an actual thing, Um, which 1:01:29.200 --> 1:01:32.200 the guys were virgins shaming Colton last night, Like back 1:01:32.200 --> 1:01:36.000 in the teom, He's going home. Yeah, that was super 1:01:36.040 --> 1:01:38.080 I hated one thing I hated. I don't know who 1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:40.000 said it. I think it might have been Garrett, who 1:01:40.120 --> 1:01:42.400 is like, he's got skeletons in his closet. He's got 1:01:42.400 --> 1:01:45.720 skeletons in his closet because he's a virgin, Like, get 1:01:45.720 --> 1:01:48.960 out of here, bro I hated when he said that. Um, 1:01:49.040 --> 1:01:51.160 but God, that pissed me off so much when he 1:01:51.240 --> 1:01:54.440 said that he's got skeletons in his closet. Really, you 1:01:54.520 --> 1:01:57.000 think being a virgin means you have a skeleton in 1:01:57.040 --> 1:01:58.959 your closet? Get out of my face. That's also coming 1:01:58.960 --> 1:02:00.960 from a man who had like a two month marriage. 1:02:01.160 --> 1:02:03.919 I would say, sorry, that's more of a skeleton than 1:02:04.320 --> 1:02:07.959 being a virgin. But again, if I was Becca trying 1:02:08.000 --> 1:02:09.560 to pick my husband and I'm like, well, I'm not 1:02:09.600 --> 1:02:12.000 going to get to taste the sample before I buy 1:02:12.080 --> 1:02:14.600 the whole package, I don't know what I'm saying. That 1:02:14.640 --> 1:02:20.040 was a good analogy, Erica was really good. Whatever. I'd 1:02:20.040 --> 1:02:22.480 probably be a little concerned. Of course, you have to 1:02:22.520 --> 1:02:25.080 do you have to know, you have to know where 1:02:25.080 --> 1:02:28.920 each other's and the thing's probably thinking like, okay, if 1:02:28.920 --> 1:02:31.000 she's not a hundred percent sure about him, and it 1:02:31.080 --> 1:02:33.600 does get to that point and she doesn't pick him. 1:02:34.280 --> 1:02:39.200 She doesn't want end up in that situation either, like yeah, right, 1:02:39.280 --> 1:02:42.440 you can't undersell that either, like that's you're on TV. 1:02:42.680 --> 1:02:44.720 Like and also like you know if you bring him 1:02:44.760 --> 1:02:46.640 to the fantasy suite, like it's going to be talked about, 1:02:46.640 --> 1:02:48.160 So she brings him to him, she has to be 1:02:48.960 --> 1:02:53.439 sure that like or you know that she's unsure whether 1:02:53.480 --> 1:02:55.160 she's gonna pickhim or not, if that makes any sense, 1:02:55.800 --> 1:02:57.560 Like she can't know that he's not the one and 1:02:57.600 --> 1:03:00.440 bringing the fantasy suits at this point. Yes, it's whenever 1:03:00.480 --> 1:03:04.160 the bachelor bachelor releases the person with children because they 1:03:04.200 --> 1:03:06.680 just know they're not right exactly. I want to send 1:03:06.680 --> 1:03:08.360 you back to your kids. I don't want to drag 1:03:08.440 --> 1:03:13.480 you anymore. Um, yeah, so I agree. We'll see al right, guys. Well, 1:03:14.040 --> 1:03:17.240 great episode and thanks for everybody tuning in Erica. Thanks 1:03:17.240 --> 1:03:19.960 for filling in from Mark Easton. You were wonderful, Vanessa, 1:03:20.240 --> 1:03:26.040 your voice sounds beautiful as always. Miss you. I know, Dean, 1:03:26.080 --> 1:03:27.960 we miss you too, So we gotta get Dean back 1:03:27.960 --> 1:03:29.800 in here. Vanessa, you gotta come back to Los Angeles 1:03:29.880 --> 1:03:31.800 to come in studio so we can record, so we 1:03:31.840 --> 1:03:34.360 can hang out, grab some dinner in l A, have 1:03:34.400 --> 1:03:36.920 a good time. And thank you for everybody for listening 1:03:36.920 --> 1:03:39.680 to another episode of Help I Suck a Dating. Please 1:03:39.720 --> 1:03:42.959 email us what's the email Eastern? That's uh, I suck 1:03:43.000 --> 1:03:45.439 at Dating at I heeart media dot com. I Suck 1:03:45.480 --> 1:03:48.280 at Dating at I heart media dot com. Please send 1:03:48.320 --> 1:03:50.840 more of your emails. Joined the Facebook book group help 1:03:50.880 --> 1:03:53.640 I Suck a Dating on Facebook. We love listening to 1:03:53.960 --> 1:03:56.600 all your stories. Uh, please keep them coming. Thank you 1:03:56.640 --> 1:03:59.000 again for helping, and hopefully next week we'll suck a 1:03:59.000 --> 1:04:02.760 little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, 1:04:02.880 --> 1:04:05.800 Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you 1:04:05.840 --> 1:04:06.760 listen to podcasts.