1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:08,559 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,879 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: changes and transitions of our twenties and what they mean 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:23,280 Speaker 1: for our psychology. Hello, and welcome back to another episode 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: of the podcast. We're glad to have you. Well, I'm 6 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: glad to have you. It is just me, but thanks 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: for tuning in, especially with this week's topic, which is 8 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 1: pretty heavy. I feel like I've been saying that about 9 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:42,160 Speaker 1: a lot of our episodes recently, but this is one 10 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: that I really wanted to record this weekend. On this 11 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: day in particular, we're talking about grief, and before we 12 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: get into it, just some disclaimers, I guess, as we 13 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: often do at the start of these episodes. Firstly, if 14 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: you are experiencing grief, if you're having a hard time 15 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: with the loss of someone, I'm just sending you love 16 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: and at the end of this episode there are some 17 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: numbers and some websites that you can visit that will 18 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: hopefully help you out during this time. Secondly, more lightheart. 19 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: On a more lighthearted note, if you hear the rain outside, 20 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: it's because it's currently flooding in Sydney. So I wanted 21 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: to get this episode out regardless, but it might mean 22 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: that we have a few ASMR interruptions of the rain, 23 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: but it kind of contributes to the theme of this episode, 24 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:45,639 Speaker 1: which is grief, the psychology of grief, and yeah, I 25 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: feel like it's a pretty personal episode. It's a pretty 26 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: hard episode to record, I think with a lot of 27 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: the Yeah, with a lot of the episodes I put out, 28 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: the main reason why I want to talk about them, 29 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: you know, like my heartbreak episode, like my loneliness episode, 30 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: is because that's something I'm going through and something that's 31 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: really impacting me as a person in my twenties. And 32 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: grief is one of those things and a pretty big 33 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: thing in my life at the moment. So I'm sure 34 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,640 Speaker 1: that there are others who might also be experiencing this, 35 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: have experienced in the past, will experience it in the future. 36 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: As hard as that is, but grief. I'm mainly talking 37 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: about grief around the death of a loved one, which 38 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: if you have experienced, I'm so sorry, And if you haven't, 39 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: I guess it's one of those things. Death is inevitable 40 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: in life, and grief is one of those emotions part 41 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: of the human experience that comes with living and loving, 42 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,239 Speaker 1: So it's something I really wanted to touch on for 43 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 1: a while, especially since, Yeah, it's my birthday of someone 44 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: I lost last year. It's the first birthday we've had 45 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 1: since out since they've passed, So yeah, a pretty emotional weekend. 46 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: I didn't get to be with my family this weekend, 47 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: so grief has been a big part of the last 48 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: forty eight hours. But all part of the human experience, 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: I think, and something that is worthwhile discussing. So just 50 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: under a year ago, I lost someone who I really 51 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,959 Speaker 1: loved in my life, someone who was really really important 52 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: to me, and the circumstances around that experience and around 53 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: their passing meant that it was really hard to grieve them, 54 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 1: and it has been a bit of a heavy burden 55 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: since they're passing. At the time, I was dating someone 56 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: seeing someone who wasn't particularly supportive or very nice to me, 57 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: so it was really hard to get support from them. 58 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: It was during a lockdown, so I was away from 59 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: my family, away from I wasn't able to attend the funeral, 60 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: which was really really hard attending a funeral over zoom 61 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: and I think only in the past three months, after 62 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: having moved away from where I previously lived. Have I 63 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: really come to terms with the fact that I lost 64 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: this person and have been able to process it. So 65 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: if you have lost someone recently, I know it's really 66 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,479 Speaker 1: really hard, and I know that grief is one of 67 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 1: those extremely complicated feelings that is just it's not linear, 68 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: it's not easy. It's very complicated and personal. But hopefully 69 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:44,280 Speaker 1: this episode gives some structure or kind of psycho education 70 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: around why we feel the way we do when we 71 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: lose someone. I think it's one of those things where 72 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 1: of course we feel sad, of course we feel heartbroken, 73 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: but beyond that, it's just so unclear why everything just 74 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:02,720 Speaker 1: feels so disturbed, confusing. That's the one thing I've noticed 75 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: about about my grief fitlet losing this loved one in 76 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,919 Speaker 1: the past year, is that it's really really nuanced. Some 77 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: days it's totally fine. I feel blessed, I feel grateful 78 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: to have known them. I don't feel sad. I know 79 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 1: they lived a beautiful life, but the next day I 80 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: find myself like in tears. The other day I was 81 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: watching Little Women in the movie with like Sasha Ronan 82 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: and Emma Watson. No connection to the person who's passed 83 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,799 Speaker 1: at all. But I was just like sobbing, and I 84 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: felt so embarrassed. You know, it'd been a year since 85 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,039 Speaker 1: almost a year since I lost them. But that's the 86 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: important thing about grief that I think a lot of 87 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: us who have experienced understand. It's not linear. Some days 88 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,159 Speaker 1: you're fine, some days you're not. I think the experience 89 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: of grief is best described as following almost like a 90 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: wave like pattern, which does provide a pretty useful framework, 91 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 1: I think to stand grief and to understand this experience. 92 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 1: Most people and you know, family members and and other 93 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,840 Speaker 1: people around me who've lost people at the same time 94 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: or have lost people in their lives, you know, they 95 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: also report that you know the intensity and frequency of 96 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: these waves of grief lessons over time. Even though trigger 97 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 1: waves I guess, which you know are usually accompanied by 98 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: things like milestones or birthdays or anniversaries, can occur really 99 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: at any time, even years later. They say that grief 100 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,479 Speaker 1: never really goes away, you just learn to live with it, 101 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: and I think that's absolutely true. Triggers as well, such 102 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: a huge part of the grief process. If someone was 103 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: an important part of your life, there are going to 104 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 1: be things every day, every moment that remind you of them, 105 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: you know, a song, seeing someone who resembles them, just 106 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: certain seasons, certain days, certain months, and some trigger waves 107 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: can come out of the blue, but others are anticipated, 108 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: like I've kind of alluded to, like a significant date, 109 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 1: That's why I'm talking about this topic today, a significant 110 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: date past in the life of this person, in the 111 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 1: posthumous life I guess of this person, and it really 112 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: brought up a lot of mixed emotions and fears and sadness. 113 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: But I think it's important to emphasize that this wave 114 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: like pattern triggers, they're completely normal and not a sign 115 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: that you're getting worse. In normal grief, the intense symptoms, 116 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: they normally subside slowly, but can sometimes cause you know, 117 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: some of those some of those blues that we're going 118 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: to talk about. So I guess this is the main 119 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 1: crux of the episode. What is grief? How does grief 120 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: impact us? Why is it important to get our head 121 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,559 Speaker 1: around how it works? Everyone is going to experience loss 122 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: in some form or another, So having a good understanding 123 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: of its time, where, of its timeline, of the feelings 124 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: associated with it, how to best get through it, and 125 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: just a sense of acceptance. I think is something I've 126 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: really wanted to to talk about, so beginning with some 127 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: of the basic theories of grief. So there is this 128 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: idea that following the death or the loss of someone 129 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: that we really love, grief that feeling of an intense 130 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: emotional and physical reaction that an individual might experience. It 131 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: follows kind of a U shape curve, moving from feeling okay, 132 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,560 Speaker 1: having high energy, to the next day feeling pretty hopeless 133 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: and having low morale. I guess those low points are 134 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: where we really understand and appreciate our grief. It's that 135 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 1: feeling of despair and depression. But the good thing to 136 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: know is that those moments don't really last forever. We 137 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 1: do end up getting back to who we were before, 138 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 1: getting back to a point where life is happy and 139 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: we have energy and the loss is accepted. So that's 140 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: the real kind of emphasis I want to make throughout 141 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: this is that grief is nuanced. It really does impact 142 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: people in different ways. And not only is grief characterized 143 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,680 Speaker 1: by deep sadness, but also a really deep and intense 144 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 1: yearning to be with someone again, to be with that 145 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: person that you've lost. It's pretty well known that the 146 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:30,359 Speaker 1: death of a loved one is one of the most powerful, important, 147 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: impactful stresses in everyday life, often causing significant distress to 148 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: all of those closely connected to the deceased, especially when 149 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: you don't get the chance to have closure or say goodbye. 150 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: There's this scale that measures how likely someone is going 151 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: to experience an episode of mental ill health or stress 152 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: or depression, and it's like a rating system, and if 153 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: a certain event or certain experience has happened to you 154 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: in the past year, you're more likely to experience you know, 155 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: depression or sadness or anxiety. And the highest rated item 156 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: on that scale is the death of someone close to you. 157 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 1: Bereaved individuals, they are the most at risk of serious 158 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: mental health problems like depression, substance abuse, sometimes even an 159 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: increased risk of suicide. And whilst bereavement it is a 160 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: normal human experience and I would say the majority of 161 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: us will adapt over time to loss and grief, it 162 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: does remain an extremely period, extremely painful period where adjustments 163 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 1: can take months, if not years, especially if you don't 164 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: have the support around you. I know that when my 165 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: loved one passed away, I couldn't run to family, I 166 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: couldn't you go and get that closure, and at the 167 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: time I didn't have an amazing support network and that 168 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: made it a lot harder. But no two people will 169 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: experience the death of a loved one in the same way. 170 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: How we express pain depends on a number of factors, 171 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: including you know, your personality, the circumstances surrounding the death. 172 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 1: Someone who dies unexpectantly versus someone who dies following prolonged illness. 173 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: That's really going to impact how much time you had 174 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: to adjust, and it has you know how you experienced. 175 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: Grief also has something with something to do with religion, spirituality, 176 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: the way you see the world, and one of the 177 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: hardest things with people who are grieving is not really 178 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: knowing what to expect, especially in the first few months, 179 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: and whether your experience is crazy. So I thought we'd 180 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: go through some of the symptoms around grief, some of 181 00:11:53,280 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: the common experiences. So the major symptoms or feelings of 182 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: grief that we feel, they often fall across a few categories, 183 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:11,319 Speaker 1: you know, around physical symptoms, cognitive symptoms, emotional, that kind 184 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,959 Speaker 1: of thing. So I thought it'd be important to kind 185 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: of go through them about what to expect if if 186 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 1: if you're lost someone recently. So In terms of physical symptoms, 187 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: there are there is a physicological effect of grief on 188 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: your body and on how you feel physically. They often 189 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: resemble the physical symptoms of depression and include things like 190 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: appetite loss, difficulty sleeping, I felt really tired, a loss 191 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 1: of energy, physical pains which can often be psychosomatic, so 192 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: you feel pain whether it isn't actually an external kind 193 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: of pressure or external injury, a suppressed immune system, those 194 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: kind of things. And there's also the things of you know, 195 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: like crying and wailing and intense physical agitation. Those experiences, 196 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: those responses are completely normal. Cognitive symptoms of grief. These 197 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 1: often cover how we think and perceive the world following 198 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: the loss of a loved one. For example, you might 199 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 1: feel a sense of dissociation and distance from reality. This 200 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: is linked to feelings of disbelief concerning the loss. It's 201 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: really hard to process that someone's there one day and 202 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: gone the next, so confusion, poor memory, lack of focus. 203 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 1: It's totally okay if you're feeling that right now, and 204 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: if you've felt that before, you're not going crazy. There's 205 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with you. Death is misunderstood, it's confusing. We 206 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 1: don't know what happens. So all of those responses to 207 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,719 Speaker 1: the loss and the death of a loved one is 208 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 1: completely normal and really similar to some of those emotional 209 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 1: symptoms we might feel as well, like guilt and anger. 210 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: Anger that's something I really want to talk about later, hostility, anxiety, 211 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: feelings of isolation. I know, for me, I didn't want 212 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 1: to talk to anyone about it. I didn't want someone 213 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: to support me. I just wanted to be alone. And 214 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: these emotions, they rarely occur simultaneously, and they may appear 215 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: in kind of in phases the stages of grief, which 216 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: we'll talk about later. There also are these interpersonal symptoms. 217 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: The effects of grief can often spill over into the 218 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: grieving person, into you know, someone's relationships with others. Grief 219 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: is often accompanied by social withdrawal, feelings of distance or 220 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: resentment towards people around you. The resentment is a huge thing. 221 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: There's no shame in that, but a sense of you know, 222 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 1: you don't understand my loss. You don't know when I'm 223 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: going through you haven't had to be through this. I 224 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: resent you for not understanding what this is like. And 225 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: that links to lifestyle symptoms. If you're interpersonal and personal 226 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: relationship ships are under strain. The rest of your life 227 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: is probably going to be impacted as well. It's really 228 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 1: hard when you are grieving, when you are sad, to 229 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: perform your daily routines, to do your self care, and 230 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 1: to get involved in activities that you previously found really enjoyable. 231 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: Everything has kind of changed. Death is one of those 232 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: things that really jolts us back to the reality and 233 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: puts us in our place in terms of our role 234 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: in this world. It's existential and getting up and pushing 235 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: on with life following that experience. It's going to take 236 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: a while and it's not going to be something you 237 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: can achieve overnight. Someone that I know, who also experienced 238 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: the passing of a loved one at a similar time 239 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 1: to me, said something to me the other day, and 240 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: I thought it was really amazing. She just said to me, 241 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: I've just focused on doing the things I love, because 242 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: I guess you know that that's what's going in make 243 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 1: you happy and make that other person that would make 244 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: them happy. Just focus on doing the things that aren't 245 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: really an effort to do that. You can push yourself 246 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 1: to do things that you enjoy. There's no point kind 247 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 1: of wasting time. But I want to jump back into 248 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: one of those things that I mentioned before, and that's 249 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 1: the role of anger whilst you're grieving. It might be 250 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: a surprise to you to see that I'm talking about anger, 251 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: but anger is essentially our brain protesting against something we're 252 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: experiencing that is perceived to be unjust or frustrating, and 253 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: that's definitely going to be your mindset if you've lost 254 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 1: someone or something. When you're grieving, you're kind of beset 255 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: by a number of really confusing and stressful experiences, and 256 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: very often it's perceived as unfair and really out of 257 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 1: your control. And when things are out of our control, 258 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: we want to put systems or understandings around that experience 259 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: that allow us to place blame, allow us to direct anger. 260 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 1: And in this sense, anger and grief go hand in hand. 261 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: Anger provides a way of expressing that hopelessness and powerlessness 262 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: and despair that you might be experiencing if you've lost one. 263 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: And I've lost someone, and I guess the consequence of 264 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: this is that it may seem as though, you know, 265 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: if you have someone in your life who's lost someone recently, 266 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: it might seem that they're hostile or bitter towards you 267 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: or other people around you. But it's important to look 268 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: past this and recognize that anger might be an expression 269 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:43,400 Speaker 1: of a deeper psychological state of one in which that 270 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,400 Speaker 1: person doesn't feel like they have control. They feel frustrated, 271 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: they feel like the world is unjust, and the only 272 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,159 Speaker 1: rational feeling that their brain can kind of correspond with 273 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: that is to feel angry and to kind of lash out. 274 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 1: And I guess that's a really good seg way into 275 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 1: the stages of grief. So there are widely believed to 276 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: be five stages of grief, and they don't just apply 277 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: to loss or death. I think they're often extrapolated to 278 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: also cover things like heartbreak. I talked about this in 279 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 1: my breakup episode. Listen to it if you want to. 280 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: But the stages of grief they are denial, anger, which 281 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 1: we've talked about, bargaining, depression, and acceptance the cherry on top. 282 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: They're often misunderstood. They aren't always linear. You know, once 283 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,239 Speaker 1: you pass one, it's not like you're done with that. 284 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 1: You know, door closed on denial, chapter closed on anger. 285 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,919 Speaker 1: They're not consecutive. Sometimes you can jump from you know, 286 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 1: back a few steps forward, a few steps, but each 287 00:18:57,119 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: stage has its rightful place in accepting the us of someone, 288 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: in accepting death. So denial this can look like avoidance, procrastination, 289 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: for getting. Maybe you're easily distracted, and it can feel 290 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:15,400 Speaker 1: like shock, numbness, confusion, shutting down. This is often associated 291 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 1: with those first few months after the passing of a 292 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 1: loved one. It's really hard to believe. You know, you've 293 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 1: spent your whole life or a big part of your 294 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 1: life with the knowledge and the comfort that they're around 295 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 1: and that they exist, and then suddenly reality is different. 296 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: So it's really, you know, really common for people to 297 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: not have really processed it, to feel like they're fine, 298 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: to be keeping busy and doing mindless behaviors because they 299 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,640 Speaker 1: don't really want to face the reality of their circumstances. 300 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 1: The next stage's anger. We've talked about this, that frustration, 301 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: that resentment, rage, feeling out of control. You might be 302 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: getting into arguments or increasing, you know, increasing aggressive behavior 303 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: or use of alcohol. Things like death are really hard 304 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: to impossible to control, impossible to control, and when someone's gone, 305 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: you can't get them back, and that is so fucking 306 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: frustrating because everything else, most things in life you have 307 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 1: some control and say over. So that's when we start 308 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: to feel angry, angry at our circumstances. Then comes bargaining, 309 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: and this can look like, you know, trying to predict 310 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 1: the future on assuming the worst. Thinking. You're saying things 311 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 1: like I should have or if only I'd done this, 312 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:44,000 Speaker 1: sense of guilt and shame, fear, anxiety. It's pretty terrible. 313 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: Bargaining is that sense of like, well, if i'd just 314 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: done this, if I do this, then this won't happen again, 315 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: and it's delusional. Essentially, it's your brain once again trying 316 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: to find comfort in a really uncomfortable situation, and it's 317 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: often followed by depression. Anger and bargaining are followed by 318 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: depression because when you realize there's nothing you can do. God, 319 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: of course you're going to feel absolutely terrible. Of course 320 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: you're going to feel sad and hopeless and disappointed, overwhelmed. 321 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: This is when I think a lot of the symptoms 322 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: that people usually associate with grief really start to take hold. 323 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 1: The crying, the appetite, changes, changes to sleep, you know, 324 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,399 Speaker 1: the increased use of alcohol or drugs, you know, the depression. 325 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 1: It's depression, that's what we often associate grief with even 326 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: though it is a lot more nuanced and texture than that. 327 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: But that's light at the end of the tunnel. As always, 328 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,919 Speaker 1: after moving through these phases, we do often get to 329 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:52,679 Speaker 1: a point of acceptance, of accepting reality for what it is, 330 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: of accepting the state of life for what it is. 331 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 1: People leave, people go, and it doesn't mean the love 332 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 1: that they had and the love that they had for 333 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: you and for others disappears. It's still all around us. 334 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,919 Speaker 1: That energy never goes away, that existed at some point, 335 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 1: and you can still feel the warmth of that if 336 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 1: you call on it. And I think that's where I 337 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: met right now, and you know, of course things change. 338 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 1: But acceptance, acceptance feels like self compassion, It feels like wisdom. 339 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: You feel that you're in the moment and you're able 340 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: to be vulnerable like I'm being right now. I guess 341 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: and tolerate your emotions. It shows that you've adapted, you're 342 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: able to cope and respond skillfully to the situation that 343 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 1: you've been put into. It all comes down, I think 344 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: when we talk about these stages of grief, a big 345 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 1: question people often ask you, you know, how often or 346 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:56,239 Speaker 1: how long does grief tend to last. Is it a 347 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: six month thing? It's interesting when we think about this 348 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: in terms of the loss of a partner, Like when 349 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: you go through a breakup, there's this like anecdote that 350 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,640 Speaker 1: the amount of time it takes for you to get 351 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: over them is half the amount of time that you dated, 352 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 1: you know, if you dated for a year or take 353 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: six months, that kind of thing. It's just ridiculous because 354 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: grief is something that stays with you. It might go away, 355 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,439 Speaker 1: it might go away for some time, life might feel 356 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,399 Speaker 1: really great, and I don't think it's something to be 357 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 1: scared of that grief doesn't leave. Grief is a reminder 358 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:33,159 Speaker 1: that you loved really deeply. If you didn't, you wouldn't 359 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,440 Speaker 1: be feeling this way. And I think that's why it's important. 360 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: And grief lost, you know, my life. A life might last, 361 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,600 Speaker 1: a lifetime, might not be that long, but it is 362 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: an important kind of feeling or sensation and a reminder 363 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,959 Speaker 1: that you wouldn't be able to feel this way if 364 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,639 Speaker 1: you didn't care as deeply. And although it might feel 365 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,400 Speaker 1: really tricky and hard right now, it does get better. 366 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: I know that sounds so annoying, but that is the 367 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: cruelest and the best thing about time is that it 368 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: always passes and he always reach a better state. But 369 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,920 Speaker 1: in order to get there, I guess there are some 370 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,479 Speaker 1: things that you can do, some practices, some skills that 371 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 1: are really good to take on. For me, one of 372 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,320 Speaker 1: my personal practice is something that I do is every 373 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: time I think about the people the person that I've lost, 374 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 1: I just hold that thought consciously in my mind for 375 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,400 Speaker 1: a little while. I just sit there and I think, 376 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 1: you know, I've thought about them, I've had this sensation. 377 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 1: I'm just going to hold onto that for a little 378 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: while and send them love, send their memory love. I 379 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,720 Speaker 1: don't know why, it just makes me feel a lot 380 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: better when I think about this person that I lost. 381 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: I just make sure that I take a few seconds 382 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: just to send them, just to say hi, and just 383 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 1: to send them a positive message. There are other things 384 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 1: that nas maybe spiritual as weird as that. I know 385 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: that sounds a bit strange, but whatever it takes, especially 386 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 1: in those early months, establishing a good routine, scheduling pleasant events, 387 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: and promoting self care activities that is so important. Things 388 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 1: like limiting alcohol intake, daily exercise, making sure you're seeing 389 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 1: a psychologist if you need to, would you know, everyone 390 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: can kind of benefit from. Although those practices might not 391 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,160 Speaker 1: feel like they're helping day to day, in the long run, 392 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: you'll find that you're not as stuck in that period 393 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 1: of grief. You know, using alcohol or trying to avoid 394 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: feelings of sadness never really works. They just come back stronger. 395 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,119 Speaker 1: And I think that also comes to the next point, 396 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: which is prepared yourself to face new and difficult situations 397 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:03,879 Speaker 1: and challenge unhelpful thinking. I think it's really important and 398 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: what I found important when I was grieving was to 399 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: be able to see those reactions like guilt and anger 400 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 1: and identify them for what they were, which was a 401 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:18,640 Speaker 1: reaction to a situation that I didn't understand, that was hard, 402 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: that was uncomfortable, and that was unpleasant, and ask yourself 403 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: these questions. You know, what would your loved one tell 404 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: you to do if they were still here, What would 405 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: they like you to do? Would they want to see 406 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 1: you like this? What are the alternatives to what you've thought? 407 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: Whereas the evidence of what you've thought? What are your 408 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,159 Speaker 1: favorite memories of them? Turn that script and make it 409 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: one that's positive, and decide to really focus on not 410 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: so much the positives because I know that sounds so, 411 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: you know, fucked like someone's passed away. How you meant 412 00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: to focus on the positives, But I guess really prode 413 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,359 Speaker 1: those emotions, prode those negative thinkings, of those negative thoughts 414 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: of you know, this is gonna you know, last forever, 415 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,199 Speaker 1: this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 416 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,879 Speaker 1: I'm never going to feel happy again. And ask yourself, 417 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,880 Speaker 1: is that really the truth? Is that really how it's 418 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: going to be? Because I think that the answer deep 419 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 1: down and that you know, is that it's not going 420 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,680 Speaker 1: to be like that. Some other just things that I've learned, 421 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:32,879 Speaker 1: don't make any major irreversible decisions in the proceeding of sorry, 422 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: in the following months after someone's passed away. I got 423 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 1: a tattoo. I love it, and I don't regret it. 424 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: Probably not the best decision, you know, there's I guess 425 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 1: when you feel like things are out of your control, 426 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: sometimes you want to just reinsert control by doing crazy 427 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,920 Speaker 1: spontaneous things. Maybe just wait, just have a think about 428 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:02,439 Speaker 1: it first, and maybe identify some other possible solutions to 429 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:08,439 Speaker 1: why you're feeling the need to do that, determine what's 430 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 1: actually going to positively influence you right now. Surround yourself 431 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: with beautiful people, beautiful friends. That was the thing that 432 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 1: really got me through. I had some amazing friends. My 433 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,480 Speaker 1: friend Kate, she yeah, she I just remember her saying 434 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: the right things and I'm glad that she was there. 435 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,040 Speaker 1: And a lot of my friends. They really stood up 436 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: for me in that time. It was really hard. You know, 437 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 1: there were other things going on. Like I said, was 438 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: in a pretty bad relationship that probably wasn't right for me, 439 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: dealing with stuff in my sharehouse and border closures, wasn't 440 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: able to be around my family. So the things that 441 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 1: really meant a lot to me was establishing those routines, 442 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 1: remembering the love I had for that person, and surrounding 443 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 1: myself with the good people that I did have. I 444 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: think we're going to end things there, but thank you 445 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 1: so much for listening. This was a really personal episode. 446 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 1: I've been saying that on a lot of episodes recently. 447 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: Maybe I need to take a bit of a chill 448 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: pill become too vulnerable. It's been a year of the podcast. 449 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm talking to friends now. But in 450 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: all seriousness, this was something I didn't really want to 451 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: talk about, and I hope that if you are going 452 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 1: through something similar right now, I'm sending you so much love. 453 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: It is really really hard, but I kind of ask 454 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: you to sit with those feelings, and I don't know, 455 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,959 Speaker 1: I guess, question question some of your emotional responses. Remind 456 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 1: yourself that if you didn't love them as much, if 457 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: it wasn't that unconditional love, you wouldn't be feeling this way, 458 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 1: and that love doesn't just disappear because their physical body does. 459 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: I know that's getting a little bit spiritual, but I 460 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 1: guess the thing with grief is that is part of 461 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,640 Speaker 1: the human experience variance. It is like any other emotion. 462 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 1: It's complicated, it's nuanced, it's confusing, but it serves a 463 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,960 Speaker 1: really important purpose. And I think that purpose is to 464 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 1: remind us that we do love deeply. We can have 465 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 1: deep connections with others, and when they're gone, it hurts, 466 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that they didn't live a beautiful 467 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: life and that they weren't they didn't leave an impact 468 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: on you. So yeah, if you're really struggling, I'm really 469 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: sorry to hear that, but I hope this episode provided 470 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 1: you some guidance made you feel better about things. And 471 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: I'm sending you love for those who haven't lost someone 472 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 1: and who are just listening in well, thank you so 473 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: much and I hope that you enjoyed this as well 474 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 1: as always, if you feel the need, if you feel 475 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: the calling to, if you feel called to, please leave 476 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 1: the podcast a review on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts. 477 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: It helps the podcast grow. It is just me here 478 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 1: sharing personal things about my life, so I love to 479 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,280 Speaker 1: always see new reviews and see that there is a 480 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 1: community growing around this and receiving your messages. So thank 481 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 1: you so much and thank you for listening. I have 482 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: a beautiful week, beautiful people.