WEBVTT - The Truth is Out There 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:10.719 Find Down podcast. You're about to start your movie. I'm 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:14.560 so excited. I'm excited for you. Thanks, I'm really proud 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:18.960 of you. Thank you. I when I got the offer, I, um, 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:21.119 I looked at it and I started crying because I 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:23.840 was like, Nope, good things don't happen, not this year, 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:28.240 not this year. Satan and nice spam that you set 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:33.400 me straight to straight to trash nice try. And I 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.559 saw Nashville, I was like, Oh, someone's being dirty with me. 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:37.760 They're really going the extra mile to mess with me. 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:41.000 Someone's really not being nice to me right now. Um. 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.920 But yeah, no, it's super excited. It's we're filming a 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:48.800 little a little north west of town. But I'm so bumped. 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:51.199 But yeah, but I got my COVID testing the other 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:54.000 day and we have to get it like every other day. 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.800 So I'm just a lot of sticks up your nose. 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.240 That sounds like fun. How are you are you? Are 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:06.480 you excited to be the man of the month? Mr Mom? Absolutely, 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:08.959 That's where I do best more than Mr Mom, I 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:12.959 know that. But anyways, more importantly, I've had this topic 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:16.720 on my brain for the last week. Wait time out, 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:20.200 I'm sorry. Should we introduce Eastern and Danielle because they're back. 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:28.600 Oh yeah, we have to Easton Hi, and Danielle is 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.119 now going to be hopefully with us as well. Say 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:35.520 hello Danielle. Okay, so I don't know what Mike is 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.080 going to say, so please enlighten all of us. Okay, Yeah, 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:42.520 this is a conversation for all of us. Okay. And 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:45.480 it came up when I was at my my buddy's 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:48.680 bachelor party a weekend ago or two weekends ago, I 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:53.800 guess now, and that we're sitting around a fire one 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.520 night at Smokers are Go are having a drink and 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:02.280 alien the aliens. The topic of aliens came up, Aliens, 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:08.160 aliens and it I'm not a big conspiracy theorist. I'm 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:13.359 not really not really, no, but when it comes to aliens, 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:19.680 those mother efforts exist in my mind. Okay, there's not. 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:24.040 And I've been going deep into podcasts like Joe Rogan had, 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:28.040 this guy, George Knapp, and Jeremy Corbell. Okay, I just 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.480 started watching the Bob Bazar Netflix documentary that Jamie Corbell 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:34.480 is the director, producer, and writer on and this guy 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.520 Bob Blazar who in the eighties basically blew the whistle 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:41.959 on areaft one like he exposed it. Yeah, essentially he 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:46.800 worked at this place. Essentially, give me all the facts 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:52.720 we need. I'm still learning all the facts on worked 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:56.080 at this place called S four Site four, which was 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:59.760 like an area fifty one, like an unknown government site 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:04.280 in north of Vegas and Nevada. Okay. He said that 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:12.880 at us for they had nine UFOs spaceships essentially saucers. Okay, 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:18.920 some were were functional, others were bits and pieces. His 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.920 soul jobs, so they compartmentalized the people working on these things. 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:24.800 His soul job was to work on the propulsion and 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:31.200 basically reverse engineer the propulsion mechanism that these UFOs used 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:36.280 to fly. Question, were there aliens inside the like? Did 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.120 he see aliens inside the uf He just saw the 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:45.600 flying there. He just saw them in the base and 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:48.800 he worked on them. Okay, But the people who worked 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.040 on propulsion couldn't talk to the people that worked on 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:53.040 the electronics. That couldn't talk to the people that worked 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:57.200 on whatever. So they kept them all very compartmentalized. So basically, 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:00.440 I'm still again, I'm still learning about all of this 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:04.760 and like how deep it goes? But he said that 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:09.840 it couldn't be anything that the technology didn't exist for 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:12.040 us to have it. So it's not like hours and 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:14.120 we just haven't released the technology. It's not Russia's and 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.200 they just haven't released the technology. Is a physical impossibility 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.520 for us to have this technology because we can't even 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:24.400 replicate it yet. So anyways, this just gives me on 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:28.600 my whole gets me going down a wormhole of just 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.599 aliens and do they exist? And you know, you said 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:35.120 the point that I said to my buddies last weekend, 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.559 which is great. It's like, at this point I almost 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:40.280 want the government to come out and just just tell 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:43.679 us or maybe that we even get invaded by aliens, 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:49.919 because what listen to me for a second, what better Okay, 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:52.279 we've had, we've had all, you know, but you know 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.840 the Black Lives matters. Um, we've got COVID, we've got 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:59.680 everything else as well. Invadeus aliens, if you're listening to this, 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.119 picking up our first asking, invaded by Look, I'm just saying, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:07.920 what better to unite this left up world right now 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:12.200 than us realizing that we're not alone and actually we 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:16.200 are all the same. If we learned, if we learned 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.120 of extraterrestrials, now we're not alone, it would you. It 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:21.960 would have to unite us. That's what I said. I 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:23.279 was like, I would hope that it will unite us. 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.640 That's what I'm saying. And that's why I'm so happy 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:26.680 when you said that, because I was like, that was 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.600 my exact point to all my buddies. I was like, 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.960 I would really hope that that could unice. If that 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:38.480 couldn't unite, we're screwed. We got no shot. Do you 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:41.520 think they have aliens? Remember in Independence Daily? Do you 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.159 think there's aliens in the those little capsule things? Look 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:53.040 All I'm saying is the general physical description or image 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:57.360 of an alien fairly similar. Now granted, in movies nowadays 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.800 they're kind of getting a little crazy with what they 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:03.839 look like, but over the years, they've all been fairly similar. 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.159 Do you think someone just just came up with that 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:08.760 idea like the big head and big eyes one day 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.960 or did they see it and that's what inspired them 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:14.880 to start creating them that way? Eastern? Do you believe 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:17.919 in aliens? I I just watched E T for the 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.200 first time last night, and that got me thinking I 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.760 believe in them. I don't know. I've been reading a 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.880 lot of stuff about how like there are extraterrestrial life 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.760 forms here, but they're probably like microscopic and it's like 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:34.239 bacteria and stuff like that. Yeah, I don't count. It's boring. 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:38.000 I want stuff to fly spaceships, but I don't know. 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.880 I've watched the Ancient Alien Show a couple of times, 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:46.680 and uh, that I find extremely problematic. It's like, he can't. 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:50.800 Can't people just have built the pyramids? But I don't know. 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:53.760 I feel like they've probably shown up at some point 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:57.240 and then bailed because we're such a low life form. Um. 0:06:57.279 --> 0:07:00.240 But you know, there's and again talking about movies, there's 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.080 a movie called Contact, and they had a quote in 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.000 that movie that if you look up out in the 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.240 night sky and see all those planets, it would be 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:09.480 such a waste of universe to only have humans. You know, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.000 so it got be something exactly, it'd be it'd be 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:16.680 a crazy theory to think that we're alone. It would 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:19.960 be appropriate that Earth things would be so narcissistic, narcissistic 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:23.120 that we're like, not, we're the only ones, We're the best. Um. 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:27.680 Danielle Girls perspective. Do you believe in aliens? There's a 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:32.160 whole galaxy out there and we haven't even explored every 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:34.920 part of it, like the corpse there are Do you 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:38.240 think there's humans on other planets like light years away? 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.360 I don't think humans. I don't think people that are 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.000 exactly like us. But I feel like the other planets 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:47.360 have their own version of a human that's so crazy 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.560 and like those other humans and the other planets are 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:53.320 like I wonder if there's other people like us, you know. 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:57.080 I just want to know. Do you think the president 0:07:57.120 --> 0:07:59.880 knows or people in the office to know if there's 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:03.720 a their life out there, like someone in NASA knows, 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:07.440 you know, like somebody somebody in that organization definitely knows. 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:09.960 I bet you the president has, like some he has 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.440 to have some kind of Intel's the first thing I 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:17.360 want to ask if I was president. The first thing, No, 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.760 I wouldn't care about anything else. First debriefing. All right, 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:26.720 are the aliens Bob aliens? Yes? Or no? No? Take 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.040 me to area, get Air Force one up here. Let's go. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:34.320 Maybe like sir, there is no aliens. What you're lying 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:37.920 to me? Someone makes me? Yeah, No, that would be 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.360 I think I do believe in abductions. That's an interesting one. 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:46.600 I don't know. I don't believe in that. No, no, 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:52.280 I don't believe that people are getting but probed and 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:54.520 all that. I don't know. Maybe that's how humans learned 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:58.440 about an a sex who knows he's And you're about 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:01.240 to say something, did you get but probed? Uh? Well, hey, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:03.520 you know, we all have wish lists and dreams and 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.440 stuff like that. We can all we can all hope. 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.840 I just watched and that there's that new Unsolved Mysteries 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:14.400 on Netflix. Um and did they did? It's pretty good? Uh, 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:17.240 the old one got crazier. But they did a thing 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:21.239 about aliens. And there was a case in the seventies 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.040 where in like um, I think it was Ohio, and 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.920 like an alien craft allegedly entered the atmosphere and like 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:31.200 there was like four different people in this county that 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.000 all saw the same thing, but they didn't know each 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:36.960 other and they were like miles apart. So that got 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:38.599 me thinking, and I was like, oh man, maybe that 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.480 maybe that's real. But then like we did you know, 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.160 my wife and did some research and one of the 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:46.840 other guys has had a lot of alien encounters, and 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:51.520 sometimes I think like, okay, well maybe this guy exactly 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.960 exactly like he he claimed he had been brought aboard 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:57.080 and like experimented on and stuff like that. So yeah, 0:09:57.280 --> 0:09:59.319 I don't. I feel like if they're gonna abduct people, 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.040 they'll probably just kill them when they're done, you know, Like, 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:03.920 I don't think they're gonna like abduct people and put 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.040 them back. Like I know that's kind of harsh, but 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.360 that's just if I'm being pragmatic. I think that's what 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:12.200 would happen. Yeah, I feel like that's that objections are 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.800 a little movie e scwed. But I do believe that 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.120 there is life out there. I do believe. I believe 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:22.680 in ghosts. I believe in supernatural. I believe in all that. 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:28.600 Do you believe in ghosts? Defined I believe in spirits. 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:35.600 Do you believe that something could be haunted by a spirit, 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:40.960 because in a sense, that's a ghost, right, Yeah, I 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:46.320 say that counts. Yeah, as much as that scares me? No, 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:51.800 what like you don't believe in it? Like scary movies 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:55.360 like ghost movies like that stuff will scare me only 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:59.280 goes to jumpy. But no, I'm want to haunt your 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.760 asked if I die for you, then I will if 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:06.839 you die before me, I will believe in guests. Oh 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:09.160 you better believe it. When you go sip a water, 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:14.560 I'm gonna smack it out of your you're go on 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:17.680 a date, I'm gonna trip. You made me look like, 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:22.000 pull out my chair from under me. I'm gonna really 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:26.880 off with you, all right, Patrick Swayze, Oh that'd be fun. Um, Okay, 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.599 I know we got a little off topic, but that 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.360 was a great one. And we don't even know what 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.880 topic we were on with that. Just aliens, it's just 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:34.960 you can go down a rabbit hole. Oh it's so 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.800 good though. Um. But we have um, Sarah Landry who's 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:41.840 coming on the show today and um, she's beautiful, she's 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:49.000 very body positive, inspirational story. Yeah, very inspirational story. And yeah, 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:51.079 so we're gonna have her on, but let's first take 0:11:51.120 --> 0:12:10.319 a break. Sarah, Hi, how are you? I'm Janna. This 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:14.000 is my husband Michael. Um. You guys so excited we 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.760 have Sarah Landry joining us on Wine Down. Sarah. I've 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:21.280 been stalking you on Instagram for quite some time. Really 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:25.800 get out, really just love you awesome. I love a 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.360 good online crush. Like do you ever go down that 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.360 where you like find somebody or like I need to 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.319 I need to unpack everything and you just go so 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.080 and all of a sudden, you're like, now it's gotten 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:36.720 awkward because you get that to that point where you 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:41.760 accidentally likes something from like three years ago. Yeah, been there. Yeah, 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.120 Like I've been doing deep because it's like, you know, 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:48.199 I've I've definitely um seen you on some of my 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.520 other friends podcasts and I was like, oh, like what's 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:53.839 her situation. She's beautiful and I want to know more 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.320 about you and UM and and then I kind of 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.000 started to like deep dive and we'll first of all, 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:06.040 congratulations because you're pregnant, Thank you, But why don't you 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:10.080 fill in um our our listeners kind of your journey 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.960 because you also have a podcast as well. But you 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:15.839 know you're just you're very body positive. UM. I appreciate 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:18.040 you for that, and I also appreciate to something that 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.680 I've learned from my stocking is you know you you're divorced, 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.840 and how you almost didn't think that you were worthy 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:28.200 of love UM after that, and I just I love 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:29.920 just kind of the journey that you've been on to 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:34.120 now this what seems like an Instagram perfect relationship, so 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:39.400 I know that it probably is just so perfect, right, oh, always, 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:43.840 aren't They all are all relationships like permanent honeymoon. No, 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:46.120 But like that's it's kind of funny because I actually 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.439 do really love social media now. I have my moments 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.920 with it, like any relationship. But I started twelve years 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:56.520 ago blogging in the pits of motherhood. I had two toddlers, 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.000 I was living six hours away from my family, and 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:03.160 I felt isolate did and blogs started to become this thing, 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:07.040 and I really started to get feeling like I wasn't 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:10.960 so alone, And it was just by connecting with other stories, 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.079 by seeing other women do these things. But it was 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:16.560 always about your houses and about your kids and all 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:20.600 of these things around you. It wasn't really about us yet. 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:24.840 And then Instagram happened and I was now three times postpartum. 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:27.600 I've been overweight since I was twelve, so all of 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:30.640 a sudden, these selfies that everyone was doing was highly 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:33.200 uncomfortable for me, and I didn't want people to see 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.920 my body. I had done a very good job at 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:40.280 like hiding myself behind my kids in almost every existence 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:45.240 I could, so when Instagram came about and that started 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.840 to be a thing, my answer to it was, well, 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.760 I'll just lose weight and then I'll feel better about myself. 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.120 That's the story we're sold, and that's the story that 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:58.000 seems to be perpetuated from my entire life. And I 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.400 think I didn't realize that this is stuffing. A lot 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.000 of people have experienced that we always just assume to 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:04.640 be in a thin body is to be in a 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.560 happy body, is to be in a happy relationship with yourself. 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.120 But I didn't have access to proper nutritional guidance. I 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.640 didn't have a gym membership or anybody kind of guiding 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.840 me in a fitness journey. I had no money, I 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.680 had no access to a second vehicle. I was a 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.280 stay at home mom of now three kids, and all 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.840 I could do was download an app which told me 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.000 to eat what basically a toddler should eat, and to 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:33.080 exercise as much as I possibly could. So when I 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.880 started to lose weight, Instagram loved me for it, and 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:38.520 I was so celebrated for it. And I ended up 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:43.880 losing a hundred pounds quite rapidly, and it was and 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.360 I was so so proud of that. But there was 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:50.240 this dark cloud kind of around all of it, because, 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:52.720 first of all, this picture perfect home that I was 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.400 talking about in this family I was showing was actually crumbling. 0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:00.160 We were about to get divorced after eleven years. I 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.760 was moved into my mom's house, my mom and dad's house. 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.920 So living with your parents at thirty, with three kids, 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.880 no job, no money, I didn't even have my own 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:12.960 bank account. And guess what, I've now lost over a 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.280 hundred pounds. I'm underweight, I'm struggling with disordered eating, and 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:21.480 I'm still anxious about my body. I still don't love 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:23.880 my body. I still am in this place where I'm 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:27.040 hiding behind my kids and pictures, where I'm not wanting 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:29.640 to go out and exist in the world because of 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.400 my body. And so it was kind of at the 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.840 rock bottom of things. And while people are often like 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:36.840 you hear rock bottom and it sounds like the worst 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.240 thing ever, I kind of looked at it like there's 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:42.000 only one way up. This is a complete rebuild, and 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:44.760 We're gonna have to do this entirely different than what 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:47.440 I've done before. I'm gonna have to actually learn how 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.160 to eat to nourish my body. I'm gonna learn how 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.880 to love my body in a way that is in 0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:55.640 action and not in feeling. And I'm gonna have to 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.920 start going through life in this really vulnerable way. And 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:02.720 I started showing up as that online and everything kind 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:06.560 of went from there. So, yeah, where are you at 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.920 now with UM? With you know now that you're pregnant 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:14.600 or do you is it something? Where did you obsess 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:17.119 about your weight? Or was it this? Was it the food? 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.440 Or what what made you? Um? What did you do 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:24.280 when you went down that path? It was weird because 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.840 I probably should have gotten some proper help, but I'm 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:28.480 a little bit of a d I wire this way, 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.000 and that had been what I kept doing, And I, honestly, 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.480 at the time, didn't really have the money. I was 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.600 going through a divorce. All my money was going to 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:39.000 a divorce and to rebuilding my life. To think of 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.520 paying for caring for myself on top of that wasn't 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:46.800 something that I even explored. But through enough conversations I 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:50.320 realized that even if I wasn't ever formally diagnosed with 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:53.480 an eating disorder, I knew what I was doing was wrong. 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.800 I knew that the only reason I was ever exercising 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.320 was because I was trying to burn off something I ate. 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.040 I never had this attitude around food where I felt 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.119 safe with it. I always felt scared of it. I 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:08.600 always felt anxious around it, like it was a good 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.879 almost like you create moral values, and we do sometimes 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.600 we talk about good foods and bad foods, and I 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:18.639 really had created moral values around food. So if I 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.560 ate something that was in the bad category, I felt 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:26.000 morally wrong. Like I hadn't robbed any stores or like 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:28.840 hurt anybody, but it felt morally wrong. So I really 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.320 had to start detaching myself from a lot of these 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:36.080 narratives and kind of unlearnings that I'd kind of gone through, 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:38.480 and I had to do things like really hard things, 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:41.680 which were like releasing control by getting rid of all 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:43.760 the skills in our house, which was one of the 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:47.399 hardest things to do, because even while I was like 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.920 in this like recovery zone, I was still weighing myself 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:54.720 every day, and based on that number, I was treating 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:57.959 myself differently, and I was treating myself as if I 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:00.760 was a good person or a bad person, or that 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:03.080 I was having a good day or a bad day 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.720 based on that, or whether I would reward my body 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:09.320 or punish my body that day. So I really definitely 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:13.040 had like this very rude awakening because I almost had 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.479 to step into everything I was afraid of, which was 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:19.560 actually eating food to nourish my body and to eat 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.400 full again, like to eat till I was actually full, 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:24.720 not going to be hungry anymore, which is something I've 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:29.719 gotten really used to doing. And um exercising in ways 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:33.080 that I loved, not because I not because I hated 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:37.120 my body, to actually start moving for reasons that were 0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:39.720 like for my mental health, to start blocking that little 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.480 spot on the exercise bike that showed how many calories 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:45.760 I burned and allowed it to be an actual experience 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:48.280 with it. But that's not to say that it's easy. 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:50.840 I don't, And I think this is what's really hard 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:53.200 is when you talk about body confidence and you talk 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:56.119 about you know, recovery from a lot of these things. 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:58.800 Everyone thinks you just wake up one day and suddenly 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.560 you just love your body. And there has like there 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:04.000 are moments where I'm like, all right, like I feel 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:05.880 really good in this or this is a great day. 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:10.320 I'm feeling really fine. But the majority of days you 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.600 don't love your body. You act in love. And I 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.400 think that this is something that we've twisted with love 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:19.680 in general. If you look at every relationship in our 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:25.360 relational world. We don't we understand like even romantic relationships are. 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:28.399 In marriages, you don't wake up with butterflies in your 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:31.200 stomach every day, but you wake up respecting each other. 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.000 You wake up doing these little things that are tangible 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.359 acts of love. But for ourselves, when we talk about 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:41.280 self love, we still expect it to be this like butterflies, 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:43.960 feeling like, oh, I just love what I look like. 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:47.440 Therefore I feel so good and confident to do all 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:51.280 these things. And what happens is that whole narrative kind 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.919 of pulled us back because then we're always waiting until 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:58.080 we are blank, until like we are that after, until 0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:02.040 we're deserving of that job or pitching that book or 0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:05.040 starting that whatever it is we want to do, or 0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:08.000 going to the beach with our kids, whatever that might be. 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:10.159 It really can kind of hold us back. So now 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:12.640 I'm pregnant and I had to have to get away. 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:16.800 And it's been even when I talk about food for 0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:20.640 fuel and exercise because I love it, I got so 0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:24.280 sick around a week eight that I went from I 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:26.960 was like on an exercise, like I hit some of 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:30.479 my personal goals with fitness that week, and it just 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:33.720 like I crashed. I got so so sick, I wasn't 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:37.160 able to exercise for six weeks. I couldn't eat anything 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:41.159 except for like plain mashed potatoes, like not even like 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:47.159 nicely mashed potatoes, instant mashed potatoes, like that's real, you know, 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:50.359 like the Idaho and like, yeah, it was just I 0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:52.960 had a whole like Betty Cross, I was doing samples. 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:55.240 I was trying to find my perfect mashed potato. But 0:21:55.320 --> 0:21:57.080 these are things that I was always like, these are 0:21:57.119 --> 0:21:59.080 my side dishes, and it's the only thing I can 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:03.120 survive on. So mentally, I was still recognizing how much 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:06.640 I had to unpack a lot of these food fears 0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:10.840 and this fitness stuff, but somehow also recognizing that the 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:13.480 reason I was allowing myself to be this way is 0:22:13.480 --> 0:22:15.680 because it no longer was about me. I was still 0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:19.640 doing it because I'm now like my body is now 0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:23.040 vessel carrying something out and I'm caring for something else. 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:26.600 So therefore, now I'm allowed to give myself a break. 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:28.919 Now I'm allowed to create boundaries. Now I'm allowed to 0:22:29.280 --> 0:22:31.920 eat those damn mashed potatoes. So I mean I'm still 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:33.800 in it. I think I think it will be a 0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:37.200 lifelong journey of learning how to love myself and not 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:39.960 be so afraid of everything and just showing up exactly 0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:43.000 how I am, even in the ebbs and flows. So 0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:45.560 with that being said, Sarah, did you when you first 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:49.000 found out you're pregnant. Obviously you know you're overwhelmed with excitement. 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:51.760 Did that part of you, with how hard you've worked 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:54.520 over the last several years to kind of get to 0:22:54.600 --> 0:22:56.800 that comfort level with your body and lose that weight, 0:22:57.040 --> 0:22:59.000 did some of those anxieties kind of come back up? 0:22:59.000 --> 0:23:00.480 You're like, oh my gosh, I've been so hard to 0:23:00.560 --> 0:23:02.520