WEBVTT - 8. The Librarian

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<v Speaker 1>You feeling. This is our production of I Heart Ladio

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<v Speaker 1>and All Button's Media.

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<v Speaker 2>The Night We Met by Trudy Blue, Chapter one. It

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't even that he was a good kisser. I mean

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<v Speaker 2>he was, okay. It wasn't his his lies or his swagger.

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<v Speaker 2>There was just something about him, something that made her

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<v Speaker 2>defy all her rules about dating about men.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, what are you doing?

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<v Speaker 4>That's so cross swatches lady?

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<v Speaker 5>Why do you look so flustered?

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<v Speaker 6>Oh?

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<v Speaker 5>What's in the gift bag?

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<v Speaker 3>Is it from you?

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<v Speaker 7>Shouldn't have No, it's for the guy masturbating outside.

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<v Speaker 5>That's funny. Wait are you serious?

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<v Speaker 3>Totally? And I had to walk past him I get

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<v Speaker 3>through the door.

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<v Speaker 5>Whoof that is so gross?

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<v Speaker 3>That is literally what I said. Can a girl just

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<v Speaker 3>get in her steps?

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<v Speaker 7>Listen to her cheesy romance novel audiobook without a guy

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<v Speaker 7>masturbating getting.

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<v Speaker 5>In the way? Not in Santa Monica? Okay, but seriously,

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<v Speaker 5>what's in the bag? And is it for me? No?

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<v Speaker 3>Sorry, not this time. It's for my parents anniversary to night.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, what number is it?

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<v Speaker 3>Thirty five?

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<v Speaker 5>Thirty five years? My longest relationship is with Caddy Bates.

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<v Speaker 5>We're two years and going strong. Our love is real.

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<v Speaker 3>That is the greatest cat name of all time.

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<v Speaker 5>I agree it is. So where did your parents meet?

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<v Speaker 5>I'm always fascinated by how people met in the olden

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<v Speaker 5>times before hinge and tinder, Like have you thought about that?

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<v Speaker 5>Like how people had to talk to each other in person?

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<v Speaker 7>Seriously, I get sweaty just thinking about making a dentist

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<v Speaker 7>appointment over the phone.

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<v Speaker 3>Ask for my parents.

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<v Speaker 7>They met at a nightclub in Panama when they were twenty,

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<v Speaker 7>which sounds sketchy.

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<v Speaker 5>But it wasn't Panama.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's like, it's pretty cute.

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<v Speaker 7>Actually it's nineteen eighty eight Panama, Smoky Human Nightclub.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, how do you know it was smoking?

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<v Speaker 7>Okay, I'm guessing obviously everyone smoked in the eighties and

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<v Speaker 7>it's Panama. Just let me paint this picture.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, okay, okay.

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<v Speaker 7>My mom is this total homebody, but her Catholic school

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<v Speaker 7>friends made her go out one night and they end

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<v Speaker 7>up at this nightclub that's super popular with the army crowd.

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<v Speaker 3>And mom's a total betty.

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<v Speaker 7>She's all hips and curly hair. And my dad and

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<v Speaker 7>army guy walks in and he sees my mom and

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<v Speaker 7>he makes a bet with his friend that he can

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<v Speaker 7>get my mom to dance with him, and his friend

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<v Speaker 7>takes the bet. My dad asked my mom to dance,

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<v Speaker 7>but she says no, dang yeah, my dad loses five bucks.

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<v Speaker 7>They have a laugh about it, but I guess my

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<v Speaker 7>parents kept talking, and like six months later they get married.

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<v Speaker 7>Like that's amazing to meet someone and get this notion

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<v Speaker 7>that you could spend thirty years with them or a lifetime.

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<v Speaker 7>And it all happened because my mom took a chance.

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<v Speaker 7>And this guy who like walked through the door. Oh,

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<v Speaker 7>heads up, we're open, Like that could happen here.

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<v Speaker 3>We have doors. Someone could walk through them.

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<v Speaker 5>That changes everything, Gina, I guess it could happen here,

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<v Speaker 5>but it won't. I could tell you the next five

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<v Speaker 5>people to walk through that door, and I don't think

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<v Speaker 5>any of them are the love of your life. Oh

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<v Speaker 5>unless you count that older lady Zelda with the miss

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<v Speaker 5>Havisham vibes who always wants gothic romance novels and talks

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<v Speaker 5>about her dead husband. She might be the love of

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<v Speaker 5>my life. Watch, I bet it's crossword guy calling.

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<v Speaker 3>Bay City's public library reference desk. This is Gina, y

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<v Speaker 3>it's a crossword guy.

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<v Speaker 7>See, okay, yeah, one second, let me pull up the website.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh well, I need a seventeen down says a desert

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<v Speaker 4>concert with.

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<v Speaker 8>Ten.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, that's Coachella. What Coachella?

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<v Speaker 8>Oh how do you spell that?

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<v Speaker 7>C O A C H E L la.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh I've heard of that.

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<v Speaker 3>Well that's the answer.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh thank you.

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<v Speaker 5>That guy he literally just calls for crossword puzzle answers.

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<v Speaker 7>Like, depending on the day, he'll call eight times, Like

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<v Speaker 7>on Monday when it's all easy, one two tops. By

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<v Speaker 7>Saturday when it gets all hard, we're at eight phone calls.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, isn't that cheating? What would will short say?

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<v Speaker 5>But he's kind of sweet.

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<v Speaker 7>He is kind of sweet. One time the answer was USB.

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<v Speaker 7>And try explaining what a USB is to an eighty

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<v Speaker 7>five year old who calls the reference desk for crossword

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<v Speaker 7>puzzle answers.

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<v Speaker 5>I don't have to try. My mom made me teach

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<v Speaker 5>her how to use her kindle last weekend. I am

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<v Speaker 5>not patient person. Gina who's next to the doors.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, it definitely won't be French guy. What a disaster

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<v Speaker 3>that was French guy.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, I mean, I swear I am never going on

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<v Speaker 7>another date with a guy I meet here again.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean it this time.

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<v Speaker 5>What can we do? The librarian finish is real? Wait

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<v Speaker 5>wait the French guy.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, the cute one with the dimples who used to

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<v Speaker 7>come in like two years ago, and maybe he was flirty,

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<v Speaker 7>and I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't see him for a while.

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<v Speaker 7>And remember he would just come in and check out

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<v Speaker 7>study rooms and then he stopped and whatever.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a library, people come and go mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 5>Go on, you've said nothing interesting yet, rude.

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<v Speaker 7>Anyway, he comes in last week after like two years,

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<v Speaker 7>all flushed, and I was like hey, and he was

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<v Speaker 7>like hi, with an accent, and I was like a

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<v Speaker 7>long time. And he proceeds to tell me that he

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<v Speaker 7>moved back to France a couple of years ago, but

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<v Speaker 7>he's in town for a little.

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<v Speaker 3>Bit, and he wrote down his Instagram.

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<v Speaker 7>Handle and lingered for like twenty minutes, even though I

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<v Speaker 7>was helping other people.

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<v Speaker 3>Then he left and I followed.

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<v Speaker 7>Him on Instagram, of course I did, and he DMS

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<v Speaker 7>me and asked me to dinner, and like, is this

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<v Speaker 7>how it's done now? Anyway, I sort of jokingly ask

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<v Speaker 7>if he came to the library just to see me,

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<v Speaker 7>but also not joking because I'm petty and crave confirmation

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<v Speaker 7>that I'm maybe being obsessed over and adored, And he says.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, and that he'd thought about me this whole time.

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<v Speaker 7>So I say, I'll go to dinner with him because

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<v Speaker 7>I always thought he was cute and nice, and then

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<v Speaker 7>here he is telling me he's been thinking about me

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<v Speaker 7>for two years.

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<v Speaker 3>So of course, of course I go to dinner.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, Yeah, that's a pretty good meat cute, exactly like

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<v Speaker 5>my whole life.

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<v Speaker 7>I've been training for a meat cute like this. But

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<v Speaker 7>then dinner was a disaster, and it turns out I

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<v Speaker 7>have nothing in common with a French guy who works

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<v Speaker 7>in it. He talked about his motorcycle and a motorcycle,

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<v Speaker 7>can you think of anything just more boring?

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<v Speaker 3>And his veganism, which is just so insufferable.

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<v Speaker 5>Aren't you a vegetarian?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but I eat cheese. I am not inseperable.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, if you say so.

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<v Speaker 3>Anyway, French guy was not the guy.

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<v Speaker 5>And we will try again.

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<v Speaker 3>We will try again. I just wanted to work out,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I want that big love like my parents.

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<v Speaker 7>Thirty five years. That's pretty good. I don't even like

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<v Speaker 7>season two of most shows. Can you imagine season thirty

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<v Speaker 7>of a spouse Gina.

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<v Speaker 5>I cannot, but I'm not about that monogamy life like you.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh heads up?

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, how can I help you?

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<v Speaker 6>Hi? Sorry to interrupt you. Okay, So this is uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 6>I don't even know how to say this.

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<v Speaker 3>Sure, Yeah, what's going on?

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<v Speaker 6>Someone in there is watching pornography, like really graphic pornography

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<v Speaker 6>on his computer.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh? Was he being disruptive or making noise?

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<v Speaker 6>Is?

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<v Speaker 3>Did he have the volume turned up? Was there something

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<v Speaker 3>illegal taking place?

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<v Speaker 6>No? No, nothing like that. It's inappropriate. He's just watching it.

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<v Speaker 6>Anyone walking by would see it.

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<v Speaker 7>Oh okay, yeah, so I'm so sorry. The library has

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<v Speaker 7>a policy that people can access whatever information they want

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<v Speaker 7>while they're here, as long as they're not disturbing anyone.

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<v Speaker 7>It's this whole information is for everyone, sore that librarians

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<v Speaker 7>will die to protect.

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<v Speaker 3>All we can really ask is like, just don't look

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<v Speaker 3>at a screen.

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<v Speaker 5>This is just unacceptable.

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<v Speaker 3>I think I'm gonna have to find another library.

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<v Speaker 5>Sorry, someone in there is watching pornography.

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<v Speaker 3>The one in here is always watching pornography.

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<v Speaker 5>Good luck finding a library without porn right?

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<v Speaker 6>Oh?

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<v Speaker 3>Sorry?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi?

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<v Speaker 3>Hi again? Was there something else I could help you with?

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<v Speaker 6>So?

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<v Speaker 5>Now there's a donkey.

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<v Speaker 7>Okay, yeah, no, I'm coming. A librarian's job is never done.

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<v Speaker 7>One minute you're googling crossword puzzle answers, the next year

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<v Speaker 7>explaining a library. It's complicated relationship with internet porn. It's true,

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<v Speaker 7>we're basically superheroes. The library is so sexual today. I

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<v Speaker 7>bet you didn't start today thinking you'd say the library

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<v Speaker 7>is so sexual today.

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<v Speaker 3>Who's walking through those doors next?

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<v Speaker 5>Well, I can tell you who I want to walk

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<v Speaker 5>through those doors next. And his name rhymes with Thris Jevins.

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<v Speaker 3>Pretty serious, really.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh totally Like he seems like he might read like

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<v Speaker 5>you put on a cozy turtleneck, get down with some

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<v Speaker 5>high fantasy and a cup of tea.

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<v Speaker 3>That doesn't sound even a little accurate.

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<v Speaker 5>Well we'll never know, right, what about you? You clearly

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<v Speaker 5>have someone in mind.

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<v Speaker 7>Well, I obviously wouldn't. Scoff at rhymes with Thris Jevins.

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<v Speaker 7>And if you'd asked me last week, I might have

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<v Speaker 7>said French guy. But I don't know all these like

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<v Speaker 7>failed attempts.

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<v Speaker 3>I just like it felt so close with French Guy.

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<v Speaker 7>Like I could have that dirty dancing, crazy stupid you

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<v Speaker 7>complete me love, and like Is it so much to

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<v Speaker 7>ask that a guy shows up in an unflattering trench

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<v Speaker 7>coat and a boot?

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<v Speaker 5>Sorry? Phone Bay City's public library reference desk. How can

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<v Speaker 5>I help you?

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<v Speaker 1>Well?

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<v Speaker 5>Hello, yes, hi, how can I help you?

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<v Speaker 8>You know, I was listening to the radio the other

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<v Speaker 8>day and they were talking about these like African girls

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<v Speaker 8>that like mean a few generator uh huh? And can

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<v Speaker 8>you find out if they have like a patent for that?

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<v Speaker 1>Yet?

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<v Speaker 5>You want to know if these African school girls have

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<v Speaker 5>a patent on their urine powered generator?

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<v Speaker 8>Exactly could you find that out for me?

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<v Speaker 3>Hmm?

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<v Speaker 5>Not seeing anything doesn't say how they made it. At

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<v Speaker 5>least you want to know how they made it. Ye, well,

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<v Speaker 5>it says how they made it, but it's long and

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<v Speaker 5>I'm not going to read it over the phone. If

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<v Speaker 5>you have access to the internet, you can find it

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<v Speaker 5>easily interact. Okay, Well, I've got other people waiting.

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<v Speaker 8>I was also wonderful.

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<v Speaker 3>Was that bob who lives in his mom's basement? You know,

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<v Speaker 3>it was God, what did he want today?

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<v Speaker 5>I think he wanted to steal these Nigerian schoolgirls' invention.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh he's just the absolute worst. I can tell you

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<v Speaker 5>that I hope he remains a telephone reference caller. I

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<v Speaker 5>don't know what I'd do if he walked through the door. Okay,

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<v Speaker 5>before we were so rudely interrupted by Bob, you were

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<v Speaker 5>talking about some nobody puts Gina in a corner kind

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<v Speaker 5>of stuff. Oh wait, you're not going to start talking

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<v Speaker 5>about that guy at the concert again, are you?

0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:43.120
<v Speaker 3>I know it's bananas.

0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:45.679
<v Speaker 5>You were like a teenager or something, right, Yeah, yeah.

0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.240
<v Speaker 7>It was this concert I went to when I was

0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 7>nineteen with some friends to the Diabyie punk bar.

0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:52.120
<v Speaker 3>My friends started talking with these other.

0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:54.199
<v Speaker 7>Friends and eventually one of the guys and one of

0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:57.360
<v Speaker 7>dance is talking to us and we strike up this conversation.

0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.880
<v Speaker 5>One of those dreamy, flirty, bullshit deep conversations you have

0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:01.920
<v Speaker 5>when you're nineteen, right exactly.

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.160
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't even drink.

0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.480
<v Speaker 7>I just stood there, smoking cigarettes talking to this cressy

0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.640
<v Speaker 7>punk rock guy and he laughed it on my jokes,

0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.040
<v Speaker 7>and he got all my pop culture references, and he

0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.560
<v Speaker 7>liked my vintage and novelty eye Heart Big Newton's T shirt, and.

0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:14.240
<v Speaker 3>Like that was it.

0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 7>I had to go and he had to go, and

0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.199
<v Speaker 7>he said, maybe you'd write a song about me, and

0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:20.600
<v Speaker 7>I rolled my eyes and the internet was a baby,

0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.080
<v Speaker 7>so it's not like I could follow slash stock someone

0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:24.600
<v Speaker 7>And oh no, I.

0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:26.320
<v Speaker 3>Like I think I had the guy like once a week.

0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:31.120
<v Speaker 3>It's nuts, right, Like, damn, Gina, that is so stupid.

0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.840
<v Speaker 5>You're so cute. You've told me that story at least

0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.240
<v Speaker 5>ten times. I think your parents ruined you.

0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:41.320
<v Speaker 7>Don't everyone's parents ruined them like that guy probably drives

0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.920
<v Speaker 7>the minivan, has two kids and a why feeling like

0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:47.080
<v Speaker 7>sometimes don't you think about some lost opportunity?

0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:52.040
<v Speaker 5>Uh? Not really, I do think about this purple glittery

0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.600
<v Speaker 5>retainer I lost in middle school. It made me feel

0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:58.520
<v Speaker 5>like a beautiful purple unicorn goddess. Still not over it,

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:00.880
<v Speaker 5>to be honest, that got away.

0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:03.960
<v Speaker 3>Oh hey, hi, excuse me?

0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.760
<v Speaker 5>Could you please keep it down?

0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 3>Oh dang, I'm so sorry. Certainly Okay.

0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.160
<v Speaker 5>How many times have patrons shushed you?

0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:13.439
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:14.439
<v Speaker 5>God, so many.

0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:18.200
<v Speaker 3>It's equal parts embarrassing and hysterical. The librarian gets shushed.

0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:22.360
<v Speaker 5>Okay, you were saying about how some unwashed boy flirted

0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.840
<v Speaker 5>with you like ten years ago and you still think

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.360
<v Speaker 5>about him. But what makes you think he'd walk through

0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:30.960
<v Speaker 5>the doors. I mean, we're in Santa Monica, an actor

0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.559
<v Speaker 5>in a comic book movie could definitely walk through those doors.

0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:35.440
<v Speaker 5>But some rando from ten years ago.

0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.520
<v Speaker 3>Okay, yeah, fair point.

0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.480
<v Speaker 7>It's just that I thought I saw him, you know, like, well,

0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 7>I know right, I was at the beach, standing near

0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.880
<v Speaker 7>the boardwalk, had just gotten coffee with a friend, and

0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:47.280
<v Speaker 7>he was riding his bike.

0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.319
<v Speaker 3>It or it was like someone who looked a heck.

0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.280
<v Speaker 7>Of a lot like him, you know, like a little older,

0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:55.800
<v Speaker 7>more lines on his face, definitely upped his hygiene game.

0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 3>I could have sworn it was him. We made eye contact.

0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.760
<v Speaker 3>Seem like maybe he recognized me too, Or.

0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.440
<v Speaker 7>I need to stop listening to romance novels and settle

0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:06.680
<v Speaker 7>for a motorcycle riding vegan.

0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:11.160
<v Speaker 5>No, No, that's like legit. Maybe I mean, either way,

0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:12.839
<v Speaker 5>it sounds like, at least there's a guy in a

0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 5>five mile radius of here that you're attracted to. I

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.160
<v Speaker 5>think it might be too late for you to take

0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.440
<v Speaker 5>up dystopian sci fi and boring men at this point.

0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:22.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I suppose.

0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:25.480
<v Speaker 5>Well, if nothing else, I'm sure there's at least ten

0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:28.280
<v Speaker 5>guys in the library right now with that librarian fetish

0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.000
<v Speaker 5>that would happily pretend to be an unwashed punk rocker

0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.800
<v Speaker 5>from your youth for a chance with a cute librarian. Yeah.

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:38.480
<v Speaker 3>Maybe, Oh he's new.

0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:42.400
<v Speaker 5>What do you think he's looking for books on herpetology?

0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:45.280
<v Speaker 5>One time a guy asked me for books on herpetology,

0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.280
<v Speaker 5>and I totally pretended like I knew what he was

0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.400
<v Speaker 5>talking about, but I had to give it a na.

0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 3>Sorry. Could you take my parents.

0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 7>Gift to my cubicle? I keep me to take it

0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:57.440
<v Speaker 7>back there for safekeeping. I'll help this guy. I'll let

0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:59.840
<v Speaker 7>you know if he's into herpetology or what.

0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:06.640
<v Speaker 5>I okay, sure thing, I need to pee anyway.

0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 3>Hi there, long time, no see Hi? Yeah, it's been

0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:12.840
<v Speaker 3>a minute. Can I help you find something?

0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.600
<v Speaker 9>The Librarian was written and directed by me Gio Ruis.

0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.240
<v Speaker 9>I also played the role of Gina. Kathleen Leary was Anna.

0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:43.000
<v Speaker 9>Jan Ulrich was the audiobook narrator. Andrew Lewis was man

0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:46.760
<v Speaker 9>in Patron number two, Tony Diomatto was Crossroad Guy. Kara's

0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.160
<v Speaker 9>Picket was Patron one. Paul Forsyth was Patron three. A

0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.400
<v Speaker 9>special thanks to Kris for lending us her house for

0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.920
<v Speaker 9>the day. The editor and producer is Cameron cal Onset.

0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 9>Sound mixer is Daniel Martinez. Sound designer and head of

0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 9>post production is Diego for US. Creator and showrunner is

0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:04.920
<v Speaker 9>James Kim. On set photographer is Julian Park.

0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.600
<v Speaker 3>Score by Robert Goarova and Ryobaum you Feel In.

0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:11.560
<v Speaker 9>This is a production of iHeartRadio and Overtones Media. For

0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:14.440
<v Speaker 9>more podcasts from Rightheart Radio, check out the iHeartRadio app,

0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:31.600
<v Speaker 9>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.