Speaker 1: You feeling. This is our production of I Heart Ladio
Speaker 1: and All Button's Media.
Speaker 2: The Night We Met by Trudy Blue, Chapter one. It
Speaker 2: wasn't even that he was a good kisser. I mean
Speaker 2: he was, okay. It wasn't his his lies or his swagger.
Speaker 2: There was just something about him, something that made her
Speaker 2: defy all her rules about dating about men.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what are you doing?
Speaker 4: That's so cross swatches lady?
Speaker 5: Why do you look so flustered?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 5: What's in the gift bag?
Speaker 3: Is it from you?
Speaker 7: Shouldn't have No, it's for the guy masturbating outside.
Speaker 5: That's funny. Wait are you serious?
Speaker 3: Totally? And I had to walk past him I get
Speaker 3: through the door.
Speaker 5: Whoof that is so gross?
Speaker 3: That is literally what I said. Can a girl just
Speaker 3: get in her steps?
Speaker 7: Listen to her cheesy romance novel audiobook without a guy
Speaker 7: masturbating getting.
Speaker 5: In the way? Not in Santa Monica? Okay, but seriously,
Speaker 5: what's in the bag? And is it for me? No?
Speaker 3: Sorry, not this time. It's for my parents anniversary to night.
Speaker 5: Well, what number is it?
Speaker 3: Thirty five?
Speaker 5: Thirty five years? My longest relationship is with Caddy Bates.
Speaker 5: We're two years and going strong. Our love is real.
Speaker 3: That is the greatest cat name of all time.
Speaker 5: I agree it is. So where did your parents meet?
Speaker 5: I'm always fascinated by how people met in the olden
Speaker 5: times before hinge and tinder, Like have you thought about that?
Speaker 5: Like how people had to talk to each other in person?
Speaker 7: Seriously, I get sweaty just thinking about making a dentist
Speaker 7: appointment over the phone.
Speaker 3: Ask for my parents.
Speaker 7: They met at a nightclub in Panama when they were twenty,
Speaker 7: which sounds sketchy.
Speaker 5: But it wasn't Panama.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, it's pretty cute.
Speaker 7: Actually it's nineteen eighty eight Panama, Smoky Human Nightclub.
Speaker 5: Well, how do you know it was smoking?
Speaker 7: Okay, I'm guessing obviously everyone smoked in the eighties and
Speaker 7: it's Panama. Just let me paint this picture.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 7: My mom is this total homebody, but her Catholic school
Speaker 7: friends made her go out one night and they end
Speaker 7: up at this nightclub that's super popular with the army crowd.
Speaker 3: And mom's a total betty.
Speaker 7: She's all hips and curly hair. And my dad and
Speaker 7: army guy walks in and he sees my mom and
Speaker 7: he makes a bet with his friend that he can
Speaker 7: get my mom to dance with him, and his friend
Speaker 7: takes the bet. My dad asked my mom to dance,
Speaker 7: but she says no, dang yeah, my dad loses five bucks.
Speaker 7: They have a laugh about it, but I guess my
Speaker 7: parents kept talking, and like six months later they get married.
Speaker 7: Like that's amazing to meet someone and get this notion
Speaker 7: that you could spend thirty years with them or a lifetime.
Speaker 7: And it all happened because my mom took a chance.
Speaker 7: And this guy who like walked through the door. Oh,
Speaker 7: heads up, we're open, Like that could happen here.
Speaker 3: We have doors. Someone could walk through them.
Speaker 5: That changes everything, Gina, I guess it could happen here,
Speaker 5: but it won't. I could tell you the next five
Speaker 5: people to walk through that door, and I don't think
Speaker 5: any of them are the love of your life. Oh
Speaker 5: unless you count that older lady Zelda with the miss
Speaker 5: Havisham vibes who always wants gothic romance novels and talks
Speaker 5: about her dead husband. She might be the love of
Speaker 5: my life. Watch, I bet it's crossword guy calling.
Speaker 3: Bay City's public library reference desk. This is Gina, y
Speaker 3: it's a crossword guy.
Speaker 7: See, okay, yeah, one second, let me pull up the website.
Speaker 4: Oh well, I need a seventeen down says a desert
Speaker 4: concert with.
Speaker 8: Ten.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's Coachella. What Coachella?
Speaker 8: Oh how do you spell that?
Speaker 7: C O A C H E L la.
Speaker 5: Oh I've heard of that.
Speaker 3: Well that's the answer.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you.
Speaker 5: That guy he literally just calls for crossword puzzle answers.
Speaker 7: Like, depending on the day, he'll call eight times, Like
Speaker 7: on Monday when it's all easy, one two tops. By
Speaker 7: Saturday when it gets all hard, we're at eight phone calls.
Speaker 3: Like, isn't that cheating? What would will short say?
Speaker 5: But he's kind of sweet.
Speaker 7: He is kind of sweet. One time the answer was USB.
Speaker 7: And try explaining what a USB is to an eighty
Speaker 7: five year old who calls the reference desk for crossword
Speaker 7: puzzle answers.
Speaker 5: I don't have to try. My mom made me teach
Speaker 5: her how to use her kindle last weekend. I am
Speaker 5: not patient person. Gina who's next to the doors.
Speaker 3: Well, it definitely won't be French guy. What a disaster
Speaker 3: that was French guy.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I swear I am never going on
Speaker 7: another date with a guy I meet here again.
Speaker 3: I mean it this time.
Speaker 5: What can we do? The librarian finish is real? Wait
Speaker 5: wait the French guy.
Speaker 7: Yeah, the cute one with the dimples who used to
Speaker 7: come in like two years ago, and maybe he was flirty,
Speaker 7: and I don't know.
Speaker 3: I didn't see him for a while.
Speaker 7: And remember he would just come in and check out
Speaker 7: study rooms and then he stopped and whatever.
Speaker 3: It's a library, people come and go mm hmm.
Speaker 5: Go on, you've said nothing interesting yet, rude.
Speaker 7: Anyway, he comes in last week after like two years,
Speaker 7: all flushed, and I was like hey, and he was
Speaker 7: like hi, with an accent, and I was like a
Speaker 7: long time. And he proceeds to tell me that he
Speaker 7: moved back to France a couple of years ago, but
Speaker 7: he's in town for a little.
Speaker 3: Bit, and he wrote down his Instagram.
Speaker 7: Handle and lingered for like twenty minutes, even though I
Speaker 7: was helping other people.
Speaker 3: Then he left and I followed.
Speaker 7: Him on Instagram, of course I did, and he DMS
Speaker 7: me and asked me to dinner, and like, is this
Speaker 7: how it's done now? Anyway, I sort of jokingly ask
Speaker 7: if he came to the library just to see me,
Speaker 7: but also not joking because I'm petty and crave confirmation
Speaker 7: that I'm maybe being obsessed over and adored, And he says.
Speaker 3: Yes, and that he'd thought about me this whole time.
Speaker 7: So I say, I'll go to dinner with him because
Speaker 7: I always thought he was cute and nice, and then
Speaker 7: here he is telling me he's been thinking about me
Speaker 7: for two years.
Speaker 3: So of course, of course I go to dinner.
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, that's a pretty good meat cute, exactly like
Speaker 5: my whole life.
Speaker 7: I've been training for a meat cute like this. But
Speaker 7: then dinner was a disaster, and it turns out I
Speaker 7: have nothing in common with a French guy who works
Speaker 7: in it. He talked about his motorcycle and a motorcycle,
Speaker 7: can you think of anything just more boring?
Speaker 3: And his veganism, which is just so insufferable.
Speaker 5: Aren't you a vegetarian?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I eat cheese. I am not inseperable.
Speaker 5: Okay, if you say so.
Speaker 3: Anyway, French guy was not the guy.
Speaker 5: And we will try again.
Speaker 3: We will try again. I just wanted to work out,
Speaker 3: you know, I want that big love like my parents.
Speaker 7: Thirty five years. That's pretty good. I don't even like
Speaker 7: season two of most shows. Can you imagine season thirty
Speaker 7: of a spouse Gina.
Speaker 5: I cannot, but I'm not about that monogamy life like you.
Speaker 5: Oh heads up?
Speaker 3: Hi, how can I help you?
Speaker 6: Hi? Sorry to interrupt you. Okay, So this is uncomfortable.
Speaker 6: I don't even know how to say this.
Speaker 3: Sure, Yeah, what's going on?
Speaker 6: Someone in there is watching pornography, like really graphic pornography
Speaker 6: on his computer.
Speaker 3: Oh? Was he being disruptive or making noise?
Speaker 6: Is?
Speaker 3: Did he have the volume turned up? Was there something
Speaker 3: illegal taking place?
Speaker 6: No? No, nothing like that. It's inappropriate. He's just watching it.
Speaker 6: Anyone walking by would see it.
Speaker 7: Oh okay, yeah, so I'm so sorry. The library has
Speaker 7: a policy that people can access whatever information they want
Speaker 7: while they're here, as long as they're not disturbing anyone.
Speaker 7: It's this whole information is for everyone, sore that librarians
Speaker 7: will die to protect.
Speaker 3: All we can really ask is like, just don't look
Speaker 3: at a screen.
Speaker 5: This is just unacceptable.
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna have to find another library.
Speaker 5: Sorry, someone in there is watching pornography.
Speaker 3: The one in here is always watching pornography.
Speaker 5: Good luck finding a library without porn right?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 3: Sorry?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 3: Hi again? Was there something else I could help you with?
Speaker 6: So?
Speaker 5: Now there's a donkey.
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, no, I'm coming. A librarian's job is never done.
Speaker 7: One minute you're googling crossword puzzle answers, the next year
Speaker 7: explaining a library. It's complicated relationship with internet porn. It's true,
Speaker 7: we're basically superheroes. The library is so sexual today. I
Speaker 7: bet you didn't start today thinking you'd say the library
Speaker 7: is so sexual today.
Speaker 3: Who's walking through those doors next?
Speaker 5: Well, I can tell you who I want to walk
Speaker 5: through those doors next. And his name rhymes with Thris Jevins.
Speaker 3: Pretty serious, really.
Speaker 5: Oh totally Like he seems like he might read like
Speaker 5: you put on a cozy turtleneck, get down with some
Speaker 5: high fantasy and a cup of tea.
Speaker 3: That doesn't sound even a little accurate.
Speaker 5: Well we'll never know, right, what about you? You clearly
Speaker 5: have someone in mind.
Speaker 7: Well, I obviously wouldn't. Scoff at rhymes with Thris Jevins.
Speaker 7: And if you'd asked me last week, I might have
Speaker 7: said French guy. But I don't know all these like
Speaker 7: failed attempts.
Speaker 3: I just like it felt so close with French Guy.
Speaker 7: Like I could have that dirty dancing, crazy stupid you
Speaker 7: complete me love, and like Is it so much to
Speaker 7: ask that a guy shows up in an unflattering trench
Speaker 7: coat and a boot?
Speaker 5: Sorry? Phone Bay City's public library reference desk. How can
Speaker 5: I help you?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 5: Hello, yes, hi, how can I help you?
Speaker 8: You know, I was listening to the radio the other
Speaker 8: day and they were talking about these like African girls
Speaker 8: that like mean a few generator uh huh? And can
Speaker 8: you find out if they have like a patent for that?
Speaker 1: Yet?
Speaker 5: You want to know if these African school girls have
Speaker 5: a patent on their urine powered generator?
Speaker 8: Exactly could you find that out for me?
Speaker 3: Hmm?
Speaker 5: Not seeing anything doesn't say how they made it. At
Speaker 5: least you want to know how they made it. Ye, well,
Speaker 5: it says how they made it, but it's long and
Speaker 5: I'm not going to read it over the phone. If
Speaker 5: you have access to the internet, you can find it
Speaker 5: easily interact. Okay, Well, I've got other people waiting.
Speaker 8: I was also wonderful.
Speaker 3: Was that bob who lives in his mom's basement? You know,
Speaker 3: it was God, what did he want today?
Speaker 5: I think he wanted to steal these Nigerian schoolgirls' invention.
Speaker 5: Oh he's just the absolute worst. I can tell you
Speaker 5: that I hope he remains a telephone reference caller. I
Speaker 5: don't know what I'd do if he walked through the door. Okay,
Speaker 5: before we were so rudely interrupted by Bob, you were
Speaker 5: talking about some nobody puts Gina in a corner kind
Speaker 5: of stuff. Oh wait, you're not going to start talking
Speaker 5: about that guy at the concert again, are you?
Speaker 3: I know it's bananas.
Speaker 5: You were like a teenager or something, right, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7: It was this concert I went to when I was
Speaker 7: nineteen with some friends to the Diabyie punk bar.
Speaker 3: My friends started talking with these other.
Speaker 7: Friends and eventually one of the guys and one of
Speaker 7: dance is talking to us and we strike up this conversation.
Speaker 5: One of those dreamy, flirty, bullshit deep conversations you have
Speaker 5: when you're nineteen, right exactly.
Speaker 3: I couldn't even drink.
Speaker 7: I just stood there, smoking cigarettes talking to this cressy
Speaker 7: punk rock guy and he laughed it on my jokes,
Speaker 7: and he got all my pop culture references, and he
Speaker 7: liked my vintage and novelty eye Heart Big Newton's T shirt, and.
Speaker 3: Like that was it.
Speaker 7: I had to go and he had to go, and
Speaker 7: he said, maybe you'd write a song about me, and
Speaker 7: I rolled my eyes and the internet was a baby,
Speaker 7: so it's not like I could follow slash stock someone
Speaker 7: And oh no, I.
Speaker 3: Like I think I had the guy like once a week.
Speaker 3: It's nuts, right, Like, damn, Gina, that is so stupid.
Speaker 5: You're so cute. You've told me that story at least
Speaker 5: ten times. I think your parents ruined you.
Speaker 7: Don't everyone's parents ruined them like that guy probably drives
Speaker 7: the minivan, has two kids and a why feeling like
Speaker 7: sometimes don't you think about some lost opportunity?
Speaker 5: Uh? Not really, I do think about this purple glittery
Speaker 5: retainer I lost in middle school. It made me feel
Speaker 5: like a beautiful purple unicorn goddess. Still not over it,
Speaker 5: to be honest, that got away.
Speaker 3: Oh hey, hi, excuse me?
Speaker 5: Could you please keep it down?
Speaker 3: Oh dang, I'm so sorry. Certainly Okay.
Speaker 5: How many times have patrons shushed you?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: God, so many.
Speaker 3: It's equal parts embarrassing and hysterical. The librarian gets shushed.
Speaker 5: Okay, you were saying about how some unwashed boy flirted
Speaker 5: with you like ten years ago and you still think
Speaker 5: about him. But what makes you think he'd walk through
Speaker 5: the doors. I mean, we're in Santa Monica, an actor
Speaker 5: in a comic book movie could definitely walk through those doors.
Speaker 5: But some rando from ten years ago.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, fair point.
Speaker 7: It's just that I thought I saw him, you know, like, well,
Speaker 7: I know right, I was at the beach, standing near
Speaker 7: the boardwalk, had just gotten coffee with a friend, and
Speaker 7: he was riding his bike.
Speaker 3: It or it was like someone who looked a heck.
Speaker 7: Of a lot like him, you know, like a little older,
Speaker 7: more lines on his face, definitely upped his hygiene game.
Speaker 3: I could have sworn it was him. We made eye contact.
Speaker 3: Seem like maybe he recognized me too, Or.
Speaker 7: I need to stop listening to romance novels and settle
Speaker 7: for a motorcycle riding vegan.
Speaker 5: No, No, that's like legit. Maybe I mean, either way,
Speaker 5: it sounds like, at least there's a guy in a
Speaker 5: five mile radius of here that you're attracted to. I
Speaker 5: think it might be too late for you to take
Speaker 5: up dystopian sci fi and boring men at this point.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I suppose.
Speaker 5: Well, if nothing else, I'm sure there's at least ten
Speaker 5: guys in the library right now with that librarian fetish
Speaker 5: that would happily pretend to be an unwashed punk rocker
Speaker 5: from your youth for a chance with a cute librarian. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Maybe, Oh he's new.
Speaker 5: What do you think he's looking for books on herpetology?
Speaker 5: One time a guy asked me for books on herpetology,
Speaker 5: and I totally pretended like I knew what he was
Speaker 5: talking about, but I had to give it a na.
Speaker 3: Sorry. Could you take my parents.
Speaker 7: Gift to my cubicle? I keep me to take it
Speaker 7: back there for safekeeping. I'll help this guy. I'll let
Speaker 7: you know if he's into herpetology or what.
Speaker 5: I okay, sure thing, I need to pee anyway.
Speaker 3: Hi there, long time, no see Hi? Yeah, it's been
Speaker 3: a minute. Can I help you find something?
Speaker 9: The Librarian was written and directed by me Gio Ruis.
Speaker 9: I also played the role of Gina. Kathleen Leary was Anna.
Speaker 9: Jan Ulrich was the audiobook narrator. Andrew Lewis was man
Speaker 9: in Patron number two, Tony Diomatto was Crossroad Guy. Kara's
Speaker 9: Picket was Patron one. Paul Forsyth was Patron three. A
Speaker 9: special thanks to Kris for lending us her house for
Speaker 9: the day. The editor and producer is Cameron cal Onset.
Speaker 9: Sound mixer is Daniel Martinez. Sound designer and head of
Speaker 9: post production is Diego for US. Creator and showrunner is
Speaker 9: James Kim. On set photographer is Julian Park.
Speaker 3: Score by Robert Goarova and Ryobaum you Feel In.
Speaker 9: This is a production of iHeartRadio and Overtones Media. For
Speaker 9: more podcasts from Rightheart Radio, check out the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 9: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.