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Speaker 1: You feeling. This is our production of I Heart Ladio

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Speaker 1: and All Button's Media.

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Speaker 2: The Night We Met by Trudy Blue, Chapter one. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't even that he was a good kisser. I mean

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Speaker 2: he was, okay. It wasn't his his lies or his swagger.

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Speaker 2: There was just something about him, something that made her

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Speaker 2: defy all her rules about dating about men.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, what are you doing?

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Speaker 4: That's so cross swatched, lady?

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Speaker 5: Why do you look so flustered?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 5: What's in the gift bag?

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Speaker 3: Is it from you? Shouldn't have No, it's for the

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Speaker 3: guy masturbating outside.

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Speaker 5: That's funny. Wait are you serious?

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Speaker 3: Totally? And I had to walk past him I get

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Speaker 3: through the door.

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Speaker 5: Oh whoof that is so gross?

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Speaker 3: That is literally what I said. Can a girl just

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Speaker 3: get in her steps?

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Speaker 7: Listen to her cheesy romance novel audiobook without a guy

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Speaker 7: masturbating getting in the way?

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Speaker 5: Not in Santa Monica? Okay, but seriously, what's in the bag?

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Speaker 5: And is it for me?

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Speaker 3: No? Sorry, not this time. It's for my parents anniversary

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Speaker 3: to night.

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Speaker 5: Well, what number is it?

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Speaker 3: Thirty five?

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Speaker 5: Thirty five years? My longest relationship is with Caddy Bates.

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Speaker 5: We're two years and going strong. Our love is real.

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Speaker 3: That is the greatest cat name of all time.

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Speaker 5: I agree it is. So where did your parents meet?

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Speaker 5: I'm always fascinated by how people met in the olden

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Speaker 5: times before hinge and tinder, Like have you thought about that?

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Speaker 5: Like how people had to talk to each other in person?

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Speaker 7: Seriously, I get sweaty just thinking about making a dentist

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Speaker 7: appointment over the phone.

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Speaker 3: Ask for my parents.

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Speaker 7: They met at a nightclub in Panama when they were twenty,

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Speaker 7: which sounds catchy.

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Speaker 5: But it wasn't Panama.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, it's pretty cute.

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Speaker 7: Actually it's nineteen eighty eight Panama, Smoky Human Nightclub.

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Speaker 5: Well, how do you know it was smoking?

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Speaker 7: Okay, I'm guessing obviously everyone smoked in the eighties and

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Speaker 7: it's Panama. Just let me paint this picture.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, okay.

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Speaker 7: My mom is this total homebody, but her Catholic school

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Speaker 7: friends made her go out one night and they end

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Speaker 7: up at this nightclub that's super popular with the army crowd.

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Speaker 3: And mom's a total betty.

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Speaker 7: She's all hips and curly hair. And my dad and

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Speaker 7: army guy walks in and he sees my mom and

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Speaker 7: he makes a bet with his friend that he can

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Speaker 7: get my mom to dance with him, and his.

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Speaker 3: Friend takes the bet. My dad asked my mom to dance,

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Speaker 3: but she says no, dang yeah, my dad loses five bucks.

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Speaker 7: They have a laugh about it, but I guess my

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Speaker 7: parents kept talking, and like six months later they get married.

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Speaker 7: Like that's amazing to meet someone and get this notion

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Speaker 7: that you could spend thirty years with them or a lifetime.

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Speaker 7: And it all happened because my mom took a chance.

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Speaker 7: And this guy who like walked through the door. Oh,

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Speaker 7: heads up, we're open, Like that could happen here.

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Speaker 3: We have doors. Someone could walk through them.

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Speaker 5: That changes everything, Gina, I guess it could happen here,

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Speaker 5: but it won't. I could tell you the next five

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Speaker 5: people to walk through that door, and I don't think

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Speaker 5: any of them are the love of your life. Oh

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Speaker 5: unless you count that older lady Zelda with the miss

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Speaker 5: Havisham vibes who always wants gothic romance novels and talks

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Speaker 5: about her dead husband. She might be the love of

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Speaker 5: my life. Watch, I bet it's crossword guy calling.

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Speaker 3: Bay City's public library reference desk. This is Gina, y

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Speaker 3: it's a crossword guy. See, okay, yeah, one second, let

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Speaker 3: me pull up the website.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, I need a seventeen down says a desert

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Speaker 4: concert with.

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Speaker 1: Ten.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's Coachella. What Coachella?

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Speaker 4: Oh how do you spell that?

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Speaker 3: C O A C H E L la.

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Speaker 5: Oh I've heard of that.

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Speaker 3: Well that's the answer.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank you.

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Speaker 3: That guy he literally.

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Speaker 5: Just calls for crossword puzzle answers.

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Speaker 7: Like, depending on the day, he'll call eight times, Like

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Speaker 7: on Monday when it's all easy, one two tops. By

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Speaker 7: Saturday when it gets all hard, we're at eight phone calls.

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Speaker 3: Like, isn't that cheating? What would will short say?

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Speaker 5: But he's kind of sweet.

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Speaker 7: He is kind of sweet. One time the answer was USB.

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Speaker 7: And try explaining what a USB is to an eighty

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Speaker 7: five year old who calls the reference desk for crossword

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Speaker 7: puzzle answers.

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Speaker 5: I don't have to try. My mom made me teach

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Speaker 5: her how to use her kindle last weekend. I am

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Speaker 5: not patient person. Gina who's next to the doors.

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Speaker 3: Well, it definitely won't be French guy. What a disaster

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Speaker 3: that was French guy.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I swear I am never going on

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Speaker 7: another date with a guy I meet here again.

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Speaker 3: I mean it this time.

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Speaker 5: What can we do? The librarian finish is real? Wait

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Speaker 5: wait the French guy.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, the cute one with the dimples who used to

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Speaker 7: come in like two years ago, and maybe he was flirty,

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Speaker 7: and I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I didn't see him for a while.

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Speaker 7: And remember he would just come in and check out

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Speaker 7: study rooms and then he stopped and whatever.

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Speaker 3: It's a library, people come and go mm hmm.

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Speaker 5: Go on, you've said nothing interesting yet, rude.

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Speaker 7: Anyway, he comes in last week after like two years,

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Speaker 7: all flushed, and I was like hey, and he was

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Speaker 7: like hi, with an accent, and I was like a

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Speaker 7: long time. And he proceeds to tell me that he

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Speaker 7: moved back to France a couple of years ago, but

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Speaker 7: he's in town for a little.

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Speaker 3: Bit, and he wrote down his Instagram.

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Speaker 7: Handle and lingered for like twenty minutes, even though I

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Speaker 7: was helping other people.

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Speaker 3: Then he left and I followed him.

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Speaker 7: On Instagram, of course I did, and he DMS me

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Speaker 7: and asked me to dinner, and like, is this how

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Speaker 7: it's done now? Anyway, I sort of jokingly ask if

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Speaker 7: he came to the library just to see me, but

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Speaker 7: also not joking because I'm petty and crave confirmation that

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Speaker 7: I'm maybe being obsessed over and adored, And he says yes.

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Speaker 3: And that he'd thought about me this whole time.

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Speaker 7: So I say, I'll go to dinner with him because

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Speaker 7: I always thought he was cute and nice, and then

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Speaker 7: here he is telling me he's been thinking about me

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Speaker 7: for two years.

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Speaker 3: So of course, of course I go to dinner.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, that's a pretty good meat cute, exactly.

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Speaker 3: Like my whole life.

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Speaker 7: I've been training for a meat cute like this. But

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Speaker 7: then dinner was a disaster, and it turns out I

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Speaker 7: have nothing in common with a French guy who works

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Speaker 7: in it. He talked about his motorcycle and a motorcycle,

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Speaker 7: can you think of anything just more boring?

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Speaker 3: And his veganism, which is just so insufferable.

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Speaker 5: Aren't you a vegetarian?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I eat cheese. I am not inseperable.

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Speaker 5: Okay, if you say so.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, French guy was not the guy.

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Speaker 5: And we will try again.

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Speaker 3: We will try again. I just wanted to work out,

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Speaker 3: you know, I want that big love like my parents.

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Speaker 7: Thirty five years. That's pretty good. I don't even like

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Speaker 7: season two of most shows. Can you imagine season thirty

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Speaker 7: of a spouse Gina.

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Speaker 5: I cannot, but I'm not about that monogamy life like you.

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Speaker 5: Oh heads up?

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Speaker 3: Hi, how can I help you?

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Speaker 6: Hi? Sorry to interrupt you. Okay, So this is uncomfortable.

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Speaker 6: I don't even know how to say this.

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Speaker 3: Sure, Yeah, what's going on?

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Speaker 6: Someone in there is watching pornography, like really graphic pornography

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Speaker 6: on his computer.

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Speaker 3: Oh? Was he being disruptive or making noise?

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Speaker 6: Is?

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Speaker 3: Did he have the volume turned up? Was there something

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Speaker 3: illegal taking place?

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Speaker 6: No? No, nothing like that. It's inappropriate. He's just watching it.

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Speaker 6: Anyone walking by would see it.

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Speaker 7: Oh okay, yeah, so I'm so sorry. The library has

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Speaker 7: a policy that people can access whatever information they want

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Speaker 7: while they're here, as long as they're not disturbing anyone.

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Speaker 7: It's this whole information is for everyone, sore that librarians

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Speaker 7: will die to protect.

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Speaker 3: All we can really ask is like, just don't look

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Speaker 3: at a screen.

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Speaker 5: This is just unacceptable.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna have to find another library.

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Speaker 5: Sorry, someone in there is watching pornography.

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Speaker 3: The one in here is always watching pornography.

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Speaker 5: Good luck finding a library without porn right?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Sorry?

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Speaker 5: Hi?

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Speaker 3: Hi again? Was there something else I could help you with?

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Speaker 6: So?

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Speaker 5: Now there's a donkey.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, no, I'm coming. A librarian's job is never done.

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Speaker 7: One minute you're googling crossword puzzle answers, the next year

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Speaker 7: explaining a library. It's complicated relationship with internet porn. It's true,

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Speaker 7: we're basically superheroes. The library is so sexual today.

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Speaker 5: I bet you.

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Speaker 7: Didn't start today thinking you'd say the library is so

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Speaker 7: sexual today.

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Speaker 3: Who's walking through those doors next?

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Speaker 5: Well, I can tell you who I want to walk

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Speaker 5: through those doors next. And his name rhymes with Thris Jevins.

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Speaker 3: Pretty serious, really.

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Speaker 5: Oh totally Like he seems like he might read like

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Speaker 5: you put on a cozy turtleneck, get down with some

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Speaker 5: high fantasy and a cup of tea.

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Speaker 3: That doesn't sound even a little accurate.

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Speaker 5: Well we'll never know, right, what about you? You clearly

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Speaker 5: have someone in mind.

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Speaker 3: Well, I obviously wouldn't. Scoff at rhymes with Thris Jevins.

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Speaker 3: And if you'd asked me last week, I might have

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Speaker 3: said French guy. But I don't know all these like

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Speaker 3: failed attempts. I just like it felt so close with

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Speaker 3: French Guy.

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Speaker 7: Like I could have that dirty dancing, crazy stupid you

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Speaker 7: complete me love, and like Is it so much to

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Speaker 7: ask that a guy shows up in an unflattering trench

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Speaker 7: coat and a boot?

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Speaker 5: Sorry, phone Bay City's public library reference desk. How can

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Speaker 5: I help you?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 5: Hello, yes, hi, how can I help you?

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Speaker 3: You know, I was listening to the radio the other

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Speaker 3: day and they were talking about these like.

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Speaker 2: African girls that like mean a few generator uh huh?

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Speaker 5: And can you.

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Speaker 3: Find out if they have like a patent for that?

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Speaker 1: Yet?

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Speaker 5: You want to know if these African school girls have

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Speaker 5: a patent on their urine powered generator? Exactly could you

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Speaker 5: find that out for me?

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Speaker 1: Hmm?

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Speaker 5: Not seeing anything?

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Speaker 3: Doesn't say how they made it.

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Speaker 5: At least you want to know how they made it. Well,

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Speaker 5: it says how they made it, but it's long and

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Speaker 5: I'm not going to read it over the phone. If

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Speaker 5: you have access to the internet, you can find it easily. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 5: I've got other people waiting. I was also wonderful.

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Speaker 3: Was that bob who lives in his mom's basement? You know,

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Speaker 3: it was God, what did he want today?

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Speaker 5: I think he wanted to steal these Nigerian schoolgirls' invention.

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Speaker 5: Oh he's just the absolute worst. I can tell you that.

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Speaker 5: I hope he remains a telephone reference caller. I don't

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Speaker 5: know what I'd do if he walked through the door. Okay,

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Speaker 5: before we were so rudely interrupted by Bob, you were

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Speaker 5: talking about some nobody puts Gina in a corner kind

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Speaker 5: of stuff. Oh wait, you're not going to start talking

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Speaker 5: about that guy at the concert again, are you?

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Speaker 3: I know it's bananas.

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Speaker 5: You were like a teenager or something, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, it was this concert I went to when I

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Speaker 7: was nineteen with some friends to the Diabyie punk bar.

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Speaker 3: My friends started talking with these other.

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Speaker 7: Friends and eventually one of the guys and one of

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Speaker 7: dance is talking to us and we strike up this conversation.

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Speaker 5: One of those dreamy, flirty, bullshit deep conversations you have

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Speaker 5: when you're nineteen, right exactly.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't even drink.

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Speaker 7: I just stood there, smoking cigarettes talking to this cresty

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Speaker 7: punk rock guy and he laughed it on my jokes,

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Speaker 7: and he got all my pop culture references, and he

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Speaker 7: liked my vintage and novelty eye Heart Big Newton's T shirt, and.

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Speaker 3: Like that was it.

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Speaker 7: I had to go and he had to go, and

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Speaker 7: he said, maybe you'd write a song about me, And

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Speaker 7: I rolled my eyes and the internet was a baby,

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Speaker 7: so it's not like I could follow slash stock someone

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Speaker 7: and oh no, I.

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Speaker 3: Like, I think I had the guy like once a week.

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Speaker 3: It's nuts, right, Like, damn, Gina, that is so stupid.

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Speaker 5: You're so cute. You've told me that story at least

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Speaker 5: ten times. I think your parents ruined you.

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Speaker 7: Don't everyone's parents ruined them like that guy probably drives

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Speaker 7: the minivan, has two kids and a wife. Feeling like

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Speaker 7: sometimes don't you think about some lost opportunity?

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Speaker 5: Uh? Not really, I do think about this purple glittery

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Speaker 5: retainer I lost in middle school. It made me feel

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Speaker 5: like a beautiful purple unicorn goddess. Still not over it,

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Speaker 5: to be honest, that got away.

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Speaker 6: Oh hey, hi, excuse me, could you please keep it down?

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Speaker 3: Oh dang, I'm so sorry. Certainly, Okay.

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Speaker 5: How many times have patrons shushed you?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 5: God, so many.

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Speaker 3: It's equal parts embarrassing and hysterical. The librarian gets shushed.

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Speaker 5: Okay, you were saying about how some unwashed boy flirted

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Speaker 5: with you like ten years ago and you still think

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Speaker 5: about him. But what makes you think he'd walk through

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Speaker 5: the doors. I mean, we're in Santa Monica, an actor

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Speaker 5: in a comic book movie could definitely walk through those doors.

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Speaker 5: But some rando from ten years ago.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, fair point.

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Speaker 7: It's just that I thought I saw him, you know, like, well,

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Speaker 7: I know right, I was at the beach, standing near

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Speaker 7: the boardwalk, had just gotten coffee with a friend, and

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Speaker 7: he was riding his bike.

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Speaker 3: It or it was like someone who looked a heck of.

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Speaker 7: A lot like him, you know, like a little older,

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Speaker 7: more lines on his face, definitely upped his hygiene game.

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Speaker 3: I could have sworn it was him. We made eye contact.

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Speaker 3: Seem like maybe he recognized me too, Or.

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Speaker 7: I need to stop listening to romance novels and settle

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Speaker 7: for a motorcycle riding vegan.

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Speaker 5: No, No, that's like legit. Maybe. I mean, either way,

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Speaker 5: it sounds like, at least there's a guy in a

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Speaker 5: five mile radius of here that you're attracted to. I

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Speaker 5: think it might be too late for you to take

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Speaker 5: up dystopian sci fi and boring men at this point.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I suppose.

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Speaker 5: Well, if nothing else, I'm sure there's at least ten

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Speaker 5: guys in the library right now with that librarian fetish

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Speaker 5: that would happily pretend to be an unwashed punk rocker

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Speaker 5: from your youth for a chance with a cute librarian. Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Maybe, Oh he's new.

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Speaker 5: What do you think he's looking for books on herpatology?

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Speaker 5: One time a guy asked me for books on herpetology,

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Speaker 5: and I totally pretended like I knew what he was

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Speaker 5: talking about, but I had to.

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Speaker 3: Give it a na. Sorry. Could you take my parents.

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Speaker 7: Gift to my cubicle? I keep me to take it

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Speaker 7: back there for safekeeping. I'll help this guy. I'll let

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Speaker 7: you know if he's into herpetology or what.

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Speaker 5: I okay, sure thing, I need to pee anyway.

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Speaker 3: Hi there, long time, no see Hi? Yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 3: been a minute. Can I help you find something? The

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Speaker 3: Librarian was written and directed by me Gio Ruis.

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Speaker 8: I also played the role of Gina. Kathleen Leary was Anna.

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Speaker 8: Jan Ulrich was the audiobook narrator. Andrew Lewis was man

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Speaker 8: in Patron number two, Tony Diomatto was Crossroad Guy. Kara's

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Speaker 8: Picket was Patron one. Paul Forsyth was Patron three. A

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Speaker 8: special thanks to Kris for lending us her house for

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Speaker 8: the day. The editor and producer is Cameron cal Onset.

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Speaker 8: Sound mixer is Daniel Martinez. Sound designer and head of

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Speaker 8: post production is Diego for US, creator and showrunner is

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Speaker 8: James Kim. On set photographer is Julian Park. Score by

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Speaker 8: Robert Goarova and Ryobaum you Feel In. This is a

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Speaker 8: production of iHeartRadio and Overtones Media. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 8: rheart Radio, check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

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Speaker 8: wherever you get your podcasts.