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Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you should say decision decisions.

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Speaker 1: It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty. You definitely

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Speaker 1: say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.

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Speaker 3: May you want to say together, decisions decisions?

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Speaker 1: Mike check, Mike check? Is this thing on?

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Speaker 4: Hey, guys, we are exactly one week out from the

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Speaker 4: release of our book, No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto

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Speaker 4: of sexual exploration and power written by yours truly, your

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Speaker 4: girl Mandy B and we ZWTF And I wanted to

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Speaker 4: let y'all know you have the chance to meet us,

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Speaker 4: keep your book signed, and experience guided conversations with us

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Speaker 4: about this book.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm about to ring off the date to you, guys.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully we're able to see you so on June twenty third,

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Speaker 4: virtually we are doing another talk shop live where you

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Speaker 4: can literally join us and ask us anything you'd like

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Speaker 4: about the book.

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Speaker 1: While also ordering it. You get a signed.

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Speaker 4: Version of the copy from our talk Shop Live event.

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Speaker 4: June twenty fourth at seven pm. We are at the

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Speaker 4: Word Bookstore in Brooklyn, New York, with a guided conversation.

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Speaker 4: June twenty fifth, at seven pm. Come and get your signatures.

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Speaker 1: At Uncle Bobby's.

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Speaker 2: That's right, we are signing your books there.

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Speaker 4: June twenty sixth at seven pm, we are at Solid

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Speaker 4: State Books in Washington, d C. And then join us

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Speaker 4: as well June twenty seventh at five pm in New

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Speaker 4: Haven Pride Center. That's New Haven, Connecticut. And then twenty

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Speaker 4: ninth Atlanta joe Ja three pm. You can join me

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Speaker 4: and some good friends for a conversation as well as

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Speaker 4: book signing.

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Speaker 1: And La Weezi is not leaving you hanging.

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Speaker 4: July second, at seven pm she will be at Reparations

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Speaker 4: with Shan Boudram.

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Speaker 1: Really really, really excited to have you guys.

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Speaker 4: Join us on this monumental week of our book release,

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Speaker 4: No Holds Barred. Go to our Instagram page, get your

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Speaker 4: tickets or put it in your calendars to pull up

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Speaker 4: to these bookstores to meet us in person again during

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Speaker 4: the week of our release of No Holds barn We

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Speaker 4: cannot wait to see you there. Welcome everybody to another

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Speaker 4: episode of DC.

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Speaker 1: The y'alls, The City, y'alls. It's your girl, maybe b

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Speaker 1: a Ka dat Beach. It's weazy.

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Speaker 3: We're having another three so with somebody from Survival of

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Speaker 3: the Ticket.

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Speaker 1: We have.

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Speaker 4: We have actress Jerry Johnson from Harlem and Survival of

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Speaker 4: the Thickest and a lot more. But I do want

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Speaker 4: to talk about your two roles there. So that's what

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Speaker 4: you could sit and watch. Now, are they They're both

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Speaker 4: on One is on Netflix, one is on.

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Speaker 5: Hulu, Amazon Prime, Amazon Prime Prime Video Prime.

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Speaker 4: There we go, Prime Video. Welcome Jerry to the plot.

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Speaker 4: I've been trying to make this happen for a very

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Speaker 4: long time.

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Speaker 1: Since last year.

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Speaker 4: I'm well, No, I met Jerry through both of our

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Speaker 4: male friends or mutual friends.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So we all went out one night.

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Speaker 4: After it was Paddle of the Sexes, Yes, And so

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Speaker 4: we go to I don't even remember some bar. We drinking,

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Speaker 4: and everyone at the table's kind of having their own conversations,

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Speaker 4: and I think, I don't even know what the fuck

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Speaker 4: it she was talking to, but I end up getting

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Speaker 4: into deep talks. Wait this one right here, and I

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Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, I think I love you,

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Speaker 4: but I don't love you because you're a taking woman

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Speaker 4: and I'm gonna respect that. But also we have to

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Speaker 4: bring you onto the show to talk about all things.

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Speaker 4: So I guess before we start, how do you identify

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Speaker 4: what is your relationship status, and I don't want to

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Speaker 4: say age. She never asked this, so this one, no,

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Speaker 4: this is before because I want to get into the

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Speaker 4: character she plays, and then all the things. So yeah,

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Speaker 4: identity and relationship status and if you're a lifestylear, what's

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Speaker 4: the bubble or.

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Speaker 1: A label if you align with any I am the

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Speaker 1: Jerry Johnson.

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Speaker 5: I identify as a non binary person. But any respectable pronouns

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Speaker 5: work for me.

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Speaker 1: Queen. Mostly you know, I am currently engaged.

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Speaker 5: I am polyamorous, so we are open and.

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Speaker 1: I'm a lot of things. We can get into things

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Speaker 1: that I've heard about.

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Speaker 3: So I haven't gotten to watch Harlem resp yet but

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Speaker 3: found this picture. I have to show it to me

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Speaker 3: because this photo got sent to me three times, one

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Speaker 3: spy Brianda, one spy, two random fans. And it was

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Speaker 3: the first time I came across your page. Someone said,

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Speaker 3: why are you and Mandy kissing in this photos?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, stop it.

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Speaker 3: Very and I was like, my hair is dark right now,

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Speaker 3: but this time my hair we look at Jerry is Wow.

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Speaker 4: That ship was so fucking it's cool. Let's be let's

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Speaker 4: be very clear. I am sent every light skin to

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Speaker 4: light brown skinned woman with short blonde hair and some ass.

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Speaker 3: It was to you blonde, then the brain it was

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Speaker 3: like it was literally our hol asthetic always. Then the

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Speaker 3: second thing was my partner watches Harlem, so I was like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we're having this girl on it.

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Speaker 3: Before I could say it, he was like, oh, don't

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Speaker 3: want to be fucking bitchous.

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Speaker 1: And I was like I love that. Wow, what do

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Speaker 1: you know?

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Speaker 3: And he was like m I was like, ooh, this

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Speaker 3: is one where she fucking his lady and then she

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Speaker 3: go downstairs and she was sucking the daughter too, and

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Speaker 3: she just out here in the show.

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Speaker 1: I mean she was living player ship. I was like, ow,

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Speaker 1: mind you.

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Speaker 3: The only reason he started watching the show he told

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Speaker 3: me a woman that he dated previously hit him up

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Speaker 3: and said hey, because I think he told some previous

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Speaker 3: partners like I have a girlfriend now whatever. She was like,

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Speaker 3: you need to watch Harlem because Kofi like uses the

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Speaker 3: same language like Kofe like talks to talk Boks.

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Speaker 5: Which I told them. I was like, we need a

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Speaker 5: polyamorous storyline.

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Speaker 1: Wait, you got that out of the writer.

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Speaker 5: I was like, yes, I wanted Tie to re poly

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Speaker 5: but then when I read the script, I was like, oh, Okay,

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Speaker 5: this this works out, yeah because it because it also

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Speaker 5: gives Quinn a new thing to battle with. But yeah,

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Speaker 5: when we had the after season two, we had the

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Speaker 5: conversation about like what kind of things you want to see,

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Speaker 5: and there were some things like meeting my family that

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Speaker 5: we just didn't have time to do. But I was like,

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Speaker 5: we need to talk about polyamory. So then they became

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Speaker 5: curious and I was like, y'all need to read poly Secure,

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Speaker 5: y'all need to read uh, the Ethical Slut and all

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Speaker 5: of these things. And I was telling them about my

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Speaker 5: experience and then when I read it, and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 5: and I love that he was ethically thank you, non

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Speaker 5: monogamous ethically.

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Speaker 1: So basically basically found out people were calling my nigga coke.

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Speaker 4: So we could blame Harlem then for him going on

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Speaker 4: the press run talking about his non monography because he

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Speaker 4: did it was but maybe I don't know if he

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Speaker 4: learned it there. I know that we've been seeing. So

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Speaker 4: let me ask you, because your your characters are I

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Speaker 4: guess somewhat similar to me, between Survival of the Thickest

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Speaker 4: and Barlas Square Women Boss that right, what is that

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Speaker 4: important for you to play that role, and is there

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Speaker 4: another role you would like to play like you or

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Speaker 4: do you feel like right now you're being pigeonholed into them?

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Speaker 1: I want to play everything. I can play everything here.

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Speaker 5: I think this happens to be like, you know, people

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Speaker 5: saw me as tie and then they felt like they

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Speaker 5: you know, it feels like the if you're looking for

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Speaker 5: this kind of person, like you know she can do that, right,

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Speaker 5: And I think.

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Speaker 1: But Tracy took a chance.

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Speaker 5: You know, I was fresh out of grad school, you know,

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Speaker 5: and so and I was doing plays right, But now

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Speaker 5: it's like people don't know that I'm a stage actor

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Speaker 5: first because they haven't seen that. And so it's really

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Speaker 5: about like who in the industry is willing to take

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Speaker 5: the chance for you to do something different? And where

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Speaker 5: is it like, oh, well, we need somebody who we

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Speaker 5: know can do this thing, so we're going to hire

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Speaker 5: you to do that thing because we know you can

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Speaker 5: do it.

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Speaker 3: It's great sexual Sorry for anyone listening, Mandy and I

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Speaker 3: aren't looking at each other for being queer, being whatever

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Speaker 3: you identify as, but just sexually fluid. Do you think

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Speaker 3: that it kind of plays up and is a plus

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Speaker 3: for when you're looking for certain roles. Do you think

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Speaker 3: it's a look or do you think it's actually that

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Speaker 3: you live that lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: I think it's both.

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Speaker 5: I think so when I talked to Tracy about why

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Speaker 5: I was the first one to be hired for Harlem,

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Speaker 5: And when I talked to Tracy about she was like,

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Speaker 5: do you know why we hired you?

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Speaker 1: And I was like no.

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Speaker 5: Apparently, when I came into the room for the producer session,

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Speaker 5: I was flirting with their assistance, but I was so thin,

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Speaker 5: I was so encaractered that I didn't notice. But they

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Speaker 5: was cute, you know. I was giving them, you know,

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Speaker 5: a little bit longer handshakes, like you know, what's up?

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Speaker 1: You look? You know what I mean. I'm not even

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm not even thinking about it.

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Speaker 5: And I mean before I even said the words on

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Speaker 5: the page, Tracy knew, like, this is our Tie, and

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Speaker 5: she thought that Tie would be the hardest person to

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Speaker 5: cast because she didn't see anybody with that same aesthetic

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Speaker 5: in the industry.

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Speaker 4: We had the conversation with Tone about his sex scenes,

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Speaker 4: and often you could hear actors talk about their heterosexual

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Speaker 4: sex scenes, right, and then we've heard male actors and

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Speaker 4: their uncomfortability if they're heterosexual in real life and have

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Speaker 4: to play out gay scenes, what.

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Speaker 1: Is it like for you?

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Speaker 4: And what are the conversations between you and women that

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Speaker 4: may or may not be bisexual or or lesbian and

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Speaker 4: having to do gay scenes and kiss, Like, what are

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Speaker 4: those scenes.

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Speaker 1: Like for you?

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Speaker 4: I know they're comfortable for you, but what is the

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Speaker 4: conversation well with the other person that's in the scene

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Speaker 4: with you.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because I have.

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Speaker 5: Yet to have a sex scene on screen with an

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Speaker 5: actual queer person it's queer woman. Really, nobody that I've

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Speaker 5: been intimate with on screen has been queer.

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Speaker 1: What about when you were watching did you watch Black

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Speaker 1: Mirror with Raa? Yes? That made me feel like, wow,

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Speaker 1: you're not gay. It makes a difference. Even a white

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Speaker 1: girl was a little more. It does make a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a difference.

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Speaker 5: And so for me, I always have the conversation of like, hey, like,

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Speaker 5: let me know what makes you feel comfortable, let me

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Speaker 5: know what doesn't make you feel comfortable. My interest is

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Speaker 5: for this to be as authentic as possible, and so

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Speaker 5: there are things that I would or would not do

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Speaker 5: that Like, sometimes I watch queer sex scenes and I'm like,

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Speaker 5: bro who did this?

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Speaker 1: What are you doing? You know? I'm like where a

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Speaker 1: strap beck didn't.

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Speaker 3: Where we yet where you can maybe tell us like

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Speaker 3: that you saw that's a popular scene where you're like

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Speaker 3: this is fake as fun.

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Speaker 1: No. But I was watching.

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Speaker 5: The new generation L Word and I was like, there

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Speaker 5: was a sex scene in there that I was like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, okay, what made me feel like?

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Speaker 3: I got to have so many conversations with myself when

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Speaker 3: I was younger, yes, and.

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Speaker 1: The new one fucked me up? What about it? And

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Speaker 1: what was the scene?

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Speaker 5: It was like she was I think she was going

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Speaker 5: down on her something and it just wasn't It just

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Speaker 5: didn't feel it didn't feel right, Like it was like, huh,

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Speaker 5: I don't know if this necessarily like maybe it was

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Speaker 5: too easy or maybe there was no other component right,

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Speaker 5: and it just didn't feel like.

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Speaker 1: It didn't feel like you know the thing.

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Speaker 3: About that L word that felt real for me all

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Speaker 3: the hands Like there were times where I would say

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Speaker 3: I was having sex with somebody and people be like,

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Speaker 3: you're not in sex sex, you're just doing this or

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Speaker 3: if you're paying like, or if you're using your hands,

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Speaker 3: and it would make me feel so invalidated. When I

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Speaker 3: was younger, because I thought that really was sex for us.

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Speaker 3: The L word was such a different viewpoint. Yes, just

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Speaker 3: being able to see people call it car sex that

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Speaker 3: had sex in a car with hands, Yes, it really

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Speaker 3: changed it for me, just with how I presented, because

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Speaker 3: I would want to do more and be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: well now I need a strap just to say I fucked.

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Speaker 4: No, no have Is there any scenes currently on TV

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Speaker 4: where a strap has even been shown. I have advocated

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Speaker 4: for the strap to be hanging up on the ball

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Speaker 4: so many times they're like, so just tell me like

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Speaker 4: the like the thought process behind it. The thought is

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Speaker 4: that I used it and that when queer people see it,

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Speaker 4: they're gonna be like, oh, okay, I'll see.

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Speaker 1: What you did there.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's it's a little bit of a level

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Speaker 5: of recognition, even if you don't have to see me

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Speaker 5: putting it on, you know, just that they bumping cheese, right.

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Speaker 5: I enjoy that, But I'm not doing that all the

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Speaker 5: time my days.

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Speaker 2: In my closet, does your say on your headport?

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Speaker 1: Where do you put it?

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Speaker 5: I have a basket okay, yeah, I have a bag

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Speaker 5: sizes same same.

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Speaker 1: I just showed.

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Speaker 2: I just showed my boyfriend one that I have, and

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Speaker 2: he was like, it was King Noirs.

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Speaker 1: He was like, no, okay, it was oh no, let me,

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Speaker 1: let me tell you.

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Speaker 4: I don't even know if I shared this on on

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Speaker 4: a podcast yet.

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Speaker 1: His parents live in Europe.

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Speaker 4: So he just got me a refrigerator from my room

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Speaker 4: because I live upstairs and downstairs and I'll be tired

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Speaker 4: and lazy and don't want to go downstairs beet water.

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Speaker 1: So he's showing his dad the little refrigerator.

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Speaker 4: There was a dildo, a white glass and condoms on

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Speaker 4: top of the fridge and he's he was like, oh wow,

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Speaker 4: y'all were And so he had to tell me that

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Speaker 4: his dad saw the fucking dildo on the goddamn motherfucking refrigerator.

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Speaker 1: And it was funny. And I was gay gay. My

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Speaker 1: mom saw everything. Girl was a little too much. There

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Speaker 1: was a suction cup dildo I had that I would

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Speaker 1: hang necklaces on. She was gay gay. I just have

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Speaker 1: a man.

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Speaker 3: Now I've been making jokes. Now I'm just half gay.

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Speaker 3: So no, and I was gay, My mom was.

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Speaker 2: She was almost so overwhelmed she used the dilto to

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Speaker 2: hang necklaces on.

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Speaker 3: It was just I had so many at that point

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Speaker 3: it was just fun. So I stuck one on the wall.

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Speaker 3: The necklace is there, and she came into my house

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Speaker 3: and she said.

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Speaker 1: You guys are balls to no balls.

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Speaker 3: And I think the questions that she had were so

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Speaker 3: interesting because she wanted to know so much how I

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Speaker 3: wasn't missing anything, like I was dating women for most

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Speaker 3: of my life, but only her. She was just like

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Speaker 3: and I could tell my mom would have three little

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Speaker 3: vod because he's sitting there sap. It was very difficult

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Speaker 3: for me to talk about it with her. And I

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Speaker 3: think it's because talking about men with a woman that's straight,

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Speaker 3: it's easy.

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Speaker 4: But like, oh, yet I have yet to talk to

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Speaker 4: my mom about being with women, even though I be

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Speaker 4: fucking women. And what's crazy is my experience with a

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Speaker 4: strap is I've only been strapped once by a woman,

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Speaker 4: my ex girlfriend when I lived in Miami, and bitch,

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Speaker 4: I do this strapping only on men, so like, my.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you know what I mean. So my experience with

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Speaker 1: that is that.

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Speaker 4: And I love that you, as an actress who can

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Speaker 4: be so vocal for representation on screen, is able to

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Speaker 4: try to at least advocate for these little subtleties of

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Speaker 4: what our life really looks like in real life but

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Speaker 4: also on the paper, because I think even when I'm

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Speaker 4: seeing them acting it out, there's ways in which we

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Speaker 4: talk women to women that's different than heterosexual relationships as well.

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Speaker 1: So I just love that.

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Speaker 4: I know we talked a lot about Harlem. But what

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Speaker 4: was it like working with Tasha Smith?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 4: Yes, Tasha is great, Tasha is funny, and all of

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Speaker 4: our aunties have been that for our whole lives.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, how was that? You know?

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Speaker 5: She came into the room, like, why y'all know we

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Speaker 5: about to do this hairset scene.

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Speaker 1: And she got her little wrong that she you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean.

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Speaker 5: But then you know, when we're in the back, she said,

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Speaker 5: but you're gonna have to tell me, right, you know,

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Speaker 5: you're gonna have to let me know. And so she

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Speaker 5: went and she got over me, and I'm like, we

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Speaker 5: ain't even get there yet. You know, we gotta you

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Speaker 5: pull up the leg, you know, you gotta make sure

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Speaker 5: the puzzle pieces work right so that it looks like,

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Speaker 5: you know, we really going there, and maybe y'all slide down,

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Speaker 5: you know, so I can get up in there. Because

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Speaker 5: it's supposed to be like such a such.

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Speaker 1: A beautiful experience.

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Speaker 5: For her that she gets so emotionally overwhelmed that she

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Speaker 5: has to leave. And so I'm like, we want I

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Speaker 5: want also the audience to feel like, oh, I know

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Speaker 5: what happened.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 5: Even if we can't show everything, we have to do

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Speaker 5: a little bit of the.

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Speaker 2: New battling with her sexuality essentially, right, it's.

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Speaker 5: Her battling with power really, like not wanting, not wanting

355
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Speaker 5: to be vulnerable enough to like let a person see you,

356
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Speaker 5: know when you have that good set you like who

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Speaker 5: I just want to cry and hug you and keep

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Speaker 5: you and all of this stuff. And I have to

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Speaker 5: go because I don't know where to put these emotions.

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Speaker 5: And so I think it's more about like the emotional

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Speaker 5: arc of Marley always being the one who can put

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Speaker 5: her energetic dick on the table, who can pay for

363
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 5: whatever needs to be paid for.

364
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Speaker 1: And now she's meeting this woman who is not only.

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Speaker 5: Beautiful and smart and has her own funds, She's gonna

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Speaker 5: fuck you Lood too.

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Speaker 4: How do you how do you differentiate as a person

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Speaker 4: from the characters you've played.

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Speaker 5: I feel like ty Is. I feel like maybe both

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Speaker 5: of the characters are lesbian. I don't know in the

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Speaker 5: fire as a lesson. I'm gender fluid and sexually fluid.

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Speaker 1: You know, I will dig.

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Speaker 5: But but I think I think also there is a

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Speaker 5: lack of emotional availability with Tie, Like there is a

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Speaker 5: lot of family trauma there that just doesn't allow her

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Speaker 5: to have the courage enough to go deep. And I'm

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Speaker 5: a person like I lay it all out on the table,

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Speaker 5: like I want you to know what you're getting into,

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Speaker 5: so that you don't say, like, oh, well, I thought

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Speaker 5: you don't show up with a representative basically.

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Speaker 1: And some bitches want Ties. Are you from New York?

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Speaker 1: I'm from Philly, Okay, cousin, you know Georgia, I'm.

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Speaker 5: From Philly, But it is you know, it was giving

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Speaker 5: that and the Philly you know they give that and so.

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Speaker 1: But but I think also.

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Speaker 5: Tie wants that type of like love and connection but

387
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Speaker 5: also doesn't know how to get it because she's not

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Speaker 5: living truthfully to her family. And that was a big thing,

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Speaker 5: Like people in my family know, was it.

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Speaker 4: Easy for you to express like being that you're gender

391
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Speaker 4: fluid sexually fluid? Was that easier to quote unquote come

392
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Speaker 4: out to your family about so?

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Speaker 5: I so my mom she passed away in twenty nineteen.

394
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Speaker 5: It was she was she was ready to go.

395
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Speaker 1: But my mom was the.

396
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Speaker 5: First hole I ever met space on it Jotty back Cooper.

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Speaker 1: She was before the hot girls were popular. It was

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Speaker 1: a hot girl sad just kind of I kind of know.

399
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Speaker 1: Our children say, I love that.

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Speaker 4: Probably first off we say we is hold reddit Harry

401
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,959
Speaker 4: around here. She's her mama said that she is a

402
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 4: queen sucking dick like on our first live show.

403
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh no, this is verbating my conversation. I was

404
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 3: in the car with my mom I might be recorded,

405
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 3: and she was like, how's that saying. I was like,

406
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Speaker 3: he said, it was the best he ever had. She

407
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Speaker 3: literally hold my hand, not joking.

408
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Speaker 1: I've told me this my whole life. I knew what happened.

409
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Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew it.

410
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Speaker 3: There was just no way I would look at you

411
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Speaker 3: sometimes that I would say, they're gonna be I just knew.

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Speaker 1: What did you see your mom?

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Speaker 5: She six' three, always like between like one ninety and

414
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,719
Speaker 5: two thirty okay, and she always towered over men. I

415
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 5: have seven brothers and sisters. We all have different dads

416
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 5: except for two of us. I've seen my mom one

417
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Speaker 5: a nigga out of the house. She'd be going toe

418
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 5: to toe with niggas. Yes, I've seen my mom fight

419
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Speaker 5: her best friend on a cop car what they called

420
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Speaker 5: the cops to come get her.

421
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Speaker 1: As she's like, I'm gonna beat your ass before they

422
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Speaker 1: take me away.

423
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 5: Like truly, my mom has been on cops Twiceelesion show,

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00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 5: the television show where I Need You, this episode where

425
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 5: she was she was her own like and so.

426
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Speaker 1: So conversations about sex.

427
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Speaker 5: And she also was a bartender and she was she

428
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Speaker 5: worked at the door.

429
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Speaker 1: Are you the queer sibling? Yes, okay, and so the

430
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 1: only output not your brother, but she so so.

431
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 5: She had her schedule was she would wake up at

432
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 5: five pm, get herself ready, take her little lxative okay,

433
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 5: go to the bar. She'd be back at like three

434
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 5: o'clock in the morning. If the house wasn't clean, she'd

435
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 5: wake us all up. She was a virgo.

436
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: Even if we had school in.

437
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 5: The morning, we'd be up cleaning the house until it

438
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 5: was I'm to go to school. Truly, this woman was

439
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 5: she was. But she'd be talking about sucking dick and

440
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 5: all of this with my aunts and stuff and then

441
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 5: my cousins. I love y'all my sister.

442
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 4: Would you overhear the conversations or did she specifically come

443
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 4: to you and your siblings with the conversation about the bird?

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00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: We weren't having birds and the bees conversations.

445
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 5: It was like you just got to sit there and

446
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 5: be quiet, and they talking about what they talking about.

447
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 1: But it was no separation, you know, like go upstairs

448
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: because we're about to talk about adult conversations. No, and

449
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 1: and and when she got.

450
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 5: An Instagram page, her Instagram page was milky with two

451
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 5: eyes okay, and she would post.

452
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 1: Like, you know the best dick suckers are this just

453
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: that knowledge?

454
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 5: God, I'm thirty.

455
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 3: So you were the Oh my gosh, okay, well I'm

456
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 3: thirty four, so those media I'm thinking the same age.

457
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to think about my mama post like, yeah,

458
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 3: you know it was me ig videos tagging the people.

459
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 3: My mom will comment on a bitch, just thing like look.

460
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 1: Like just crazy.

461
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 2: You were in high school, you had to see.

462
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: I was so embarrassed when I was in high school.

463
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 5: I was so I never wanted anybody to come to

464
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 5: my house because my mom sometimes she only have a

465
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 5: bra on.

466
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 1: Sometimes she'll take her wig off.

467
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 5: And put it on her knee and put her She

468
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 5: had a towel on one knee, right, she had take

469
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 5: the wig off, put it on her knee, put the towel.

470
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 5: She got too hot on her head. Her hair was

471
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 5: cut like mine. She would die her hair.

472
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: The same color.

473
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 5: No way, I'll say in my mind, yeah, what color

474
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 5: if it was? She had red, whatever her hair was,

475
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 5: I swear to God, this scotti.

476
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: What is it again? He said? What? John?

477
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 5: Oh?

478
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: Miss John? She an't feel like some ship.

479
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 5: And I love and now I see like the audacity

480
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 5: that I have comes from my mom. But there was

481
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 5: a time where I was like, oh my gosh, Like

482
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 5: you can't say that in front of people.

483
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 1: You can't. She said, what in this movie? She wanted

484
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: the one sinner than this. We have a movie on

485
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: your mom. Need to be a character in one of

486
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: these things.

487
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 3: I'd like to ask you about coming out stories, because

488
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 3: I feel like I have friends that are gay for real,

489
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: and a lot of.

490
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: This shit that we see on TV.

491
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: It's just like I'm confused, I don't know, and it's

492
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 3: like the same troupe.

493
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 1: Are you kind of tired of it?

494
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 3: Are you kind of tired of feeling like queer storylines

495
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 3: have to come with the coming out story.

496
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: Why is it always a part of the character.

497
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 5: Yes, That's what drew me to Tie was that it

498
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 5: wasn't like, oh my god, like I'm so embarrassed about

499
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 5: being gay, or like I have to come out to

500
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 5: my friends and like I can't have straight friends because

501
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 5: they're gonna think I want them. It's not that or

502
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 5: it's like the gay character in the friend group is

503
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 5: always questioning and confused and an artist and don't have

504
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,479
Speaker 5: no money. It's like all of like if you're confused

505
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:59,199
Speaker 5: about you can't write, you can't also have like a

506
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 5: business or job. It's like it also comes with some

507
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 5: sort of like aloofness because I don't know if I

508
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 5: want men or women or whatever. I'm just like living

509
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 5: my life. And I do think that there is some

510
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 5: some openness, like when you're an artist, like you're more

511
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 5: open to different things. But it's not always that. Like

512
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 5: I feel like sometimes people are people's parents just know

513
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 5: that their kids are gay and they don't actually have

514
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 5: to come out, you know.

515
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 3: What about like even in this moment, like you do

516
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 3: an interview and it's the question, how often do you

517
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 3: feel like you're talking about this story over and over

518
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 3: to where it kind of like just muddles who you are.

519
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 5: I feel like I come out more as Polly than

520
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 5: coming out as queer.

521
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 1: Oh that's okay.

522
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 4: I think that's a thing, like right now you are like,

523
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 4: But I mean when I was in college, I had

524
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 4: a boyfriend who was a Leo and we were.

525
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: Doing these signs girl my mama who was a virgo

526
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 2: because they.

527
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: Was Leo. Yes, it matters, what's your sign? I'm an Aquarius?

528
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 5: Oh February January Okay, very compatible, right, But we were

529
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 5: watching porn and we were watching lesbian porn and I

530
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 5: was so turned on and he was like, you like women,

531
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 5: and so we started dating women together.

532
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 1: And this was me at eighteen, nineteen years old.

533
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 4: You introduced it because he was comfortable with that? Or

534
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 4: did you have to have did they have to join

535
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 4: y'all in the bedroom? Was he able to go out?

536
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: Like?

537
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 4: What was the dynamic at eighteen entering your relationship Polly

538
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 4: with a man with other women?

539
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:31,919
Speaker 1: What did that look like?

540
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 5: It was most of the time we had we had

541
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 5: sex with women together, but it wasn't like it wasn't

542
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 5: closed to that, Like, Okay, if he as long as

543
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 5: he told me you know exactly what it was. Like,

544
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 5: I'm a truth person, like I can tell when somebody's

545
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 5: lying to me. So as long as you're fully honest

546
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 5: with me, I don't care, as long as you're being safe,

547
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 5: like it is what it is. But most of the

548
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 5: time we were having sex with women together.

549
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: And then I was like, how many years did that last?

550
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 1: We were together for like four years? Oh well maybe

551
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: like a soft five, so you're again yes, yes, and

552
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: he was.

553
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 5: So it was such a like deep understanding there that

554
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 5: I felt safe enough to like do what I needed.

555
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 5: There wasn't any judgment, and he was curious about it too,

556
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 5: like he wanted me to talk about it with him.

557
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: And there was he older or same age, he was

558
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 1: the same age.

559
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 3: Wow, what about that relationship brought around the biggest lesson

560
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 3: because now we know so much about open relationships, But

561
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 3: what about that particular relationship kind of taught you something

562
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 3: that you even used today, was.

563
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: That it's possible.

564
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 5: Like I have like been with monogamous people who like

565
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 5: wanted to try polly with me. I've dated people who

566
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 5: are like, you're just you're just Polly because you want

567
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 5: this this and this and you want to have and

568
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 5: if you want to just like okay, sure, but also,

569
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 5: like I saying talking about astrology, like truly it is

570
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,640
Speaker 5: in my chart, like multiple partnerships is like in my chart.

571
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 5: And so for for to do that with him where

572
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 5: it was safe, where he was kind of like sometimes

573
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 5: he was my wingman, like he knew that I didn't

574
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 5: know if women would be attracted.

575
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: To me right back.

576
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,639
Speaker 5: And I know, I know you know I am a

577
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 5: I am a siren, but I knew I know how

578
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 5: the siren for men.

579
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: He's talking about what a siren is for people who

580
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: don't know. It's like it's like little Mermaid kind of say.

581
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 5: I was just in San Diego and my friend Lamar

582
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 5: is like, Jerry, you have a siren song. It's like

583
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 5: the silent thing that you do that just draws people

584
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 5: to you. And I know that that siren works for men.

585
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 3: But how do you know the difference between your siren

586
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: energy versus just having an extrovertic energy being somebody that

587
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 3: people want to be around. How do you know it's

588
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 3: that because it's see it, But I'm just asking.

589
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 5: It's so I was on the plane coming back from

590
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 5: San Diego and I'm like in my headphones and this

591
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 5: man stops and he's like, oh.

592
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: My god, I am gay, but I want to be

593
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: with you.

594
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 5: What is I didn't say nothing to him, I didn't

595
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 5: do it. I didn't even look at him. But there

596
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 5: is something about me that calls people in and a

597
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 5: lot of times it's like it is a big responsibility

598
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 5: because it can be used in a lot of different ways.

599
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 5: And I am a deep impath and I care about

600
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 5: care for people.

601
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: I care about people's feelings.

602
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 5: I care about people's well being, and I have a

603
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 5: hyper sensitivity to being used and using people, which sometimes

604
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 5: is like this double edged sword because then there are

605
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 5: things that I might not accept because I don't want

606
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 5: to deal with the whatever might come with the thing

607
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 5: that is being offered to me. And so because of that,

608
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm really aware of people's feelings and how

609
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 5: I come off to people. But that situation, I wasn't

610
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 5: even like, I'm like, I'm kind of drunk off these

611
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 5: beers I had, you know what I mean, I'm not

612
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 5: thinking about nothing, and this man just like you know,

613
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 5: And so for me, it's it's an intuitive thing, but

614
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 5: it's also this thing that happens without like I'm not

615
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 5: putting it on right.

616
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: It's not just like, oh my god, you're a nice

617
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: person to be around.

618
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 5: No, you have impacted my life and I'm gonna be

619
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 5: thinking about you forever when if you.

620
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 4: Start getting comfortable. Then with realizing that same power work

621
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 4: for women through.

622
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 5: My relationship with him, I was like I started to

623
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 5: like really see, like, oh he's right, like women do

624
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 5: like right. And but then when I moved to San Francisco,

625
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 5: I was to say, oh, you were in.

626
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: The back the Bay area.

627
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 5: I mean, they were talking about all this shit before

628
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 5: anybody was, when it was not popular. It was like, hello,

629
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 5: my name is and my pronouns are this this? Yes,

630
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 5: I'm a poly nominogami all of life.

631
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just.

632
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 5: And so to be in a to live in a

633
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 5: bay for four years while I was in grad school

634
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 5: really opened me up. And so I remember telling my

635
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 5: friend like, I want to be a hoe and he

636
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 5: was like, but you too nice.

637
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: You can't you.

638
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 5: Said to me, not not that, but this is what

639
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 5: he said. He said, It's like I can't. I just

640
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 5: I was I was a little back footed. You say, friend,

641
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 5: I want to be a hoe?

642
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 4: What did that look like to you because we've had

643
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 4: that debate tail as long as time, like since we

644
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 4: had horrible decisions.

645
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: Huh, what's the hell do you? What's like? What did

646
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: a home that meant?

647
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 5: Any sexual instinct or impulse that I had in any moment.

648
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: I was going to follow through with, Oh do you

649
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 3: think you had phases of your life where even in

650
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 3: the pursuit of hodem you felt a little guilty.

651
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 1: No, never felt shame. It never happened.

652
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 5: Well, yes, yes, because what I realized that then through

653
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 5: that relationship that I had for four years, although it

654
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 5: was so open in terms of being with women, I

655
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 5: was his barbie, like I was his princess, Like I

656
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 5: was the girl who hadn't had sex with a lot

657
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 5: of people, and I was like, holy his So then

658
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 5: when the so for me for women, like, I'm like,

659
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 5: you know, I feel the freedom freedom there, but with

660
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 5: when I would have sex with men. I remember this

661
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 5: one guy I had sex with him and then afterwards

662
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 5: I was like.

663
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, why did I do? Like I was

664
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: so hard? What made what made you do? You know?

665
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: What triggered that?

666
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 5: Really it was the like the shame of like what

667
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 5: happens when you've been with X amount of men?

668
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: Or what does it mean to be with a man?

669
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 5: Or like what the the things that can happen when

670
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 5: you are with men?

671
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: Like a lot of that started to come up.

672
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 5: And so then when I was like, when I was like,

673
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 5: I want to be a hoe, which is really just

674
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 5: like me living in my truth and my freedom, I

675
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 5: had to dismantle all of the ideas I had about

676
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 5: what it would look like for me me or it

677
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 5: would make me to have.

678
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: Sex freely with men? Oh wow. And when I tell you,

679
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: I remember being at this meeting with this.

680
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 5: Girl at this bar and this man was just giving

681
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 5: me these blueberry drinks, and so I'm looking at him

682
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 5: and I'm like, oh, I'm i to fuck this bartender now.

683
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 1: Mind you.

684
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 5: The bar is kind of like it's kind of like

685
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 5: an afternoon in the bay, not that many people, and

686
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 5: so PM and.

687
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: I'm looking on the blueberry. He just kept talking.

688
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 5: The way he was saying blueberry to me, I was like,

689
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 5: he's trying to fuck blueberry.

690
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: You want it?

691
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 5: So then I was like, can you tell me where

692
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 5: the bathroom is? And so he was like always downstairs

693
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 5: on this side of the So then I'm in the bathroom.

694
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, how can I get this nigga down

695
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 5: here so we can fuck right now in the middle

696
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 5: of this meeting.

697
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: This girl don't even know. So then I was like,

698
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: this is shit. I said, don't care.

699
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 5: I said, sorry, there's no tissue down there. He said,

700
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 5: oh really, let me come show you. Then we went

701
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 5: down there and we fucked in the freezer.

702
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: Bab you are yeah, we did.

703
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 5: We did and there was no And then I went

704
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 5: back upstairs and had the meeting.

705
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: I lived for the period.

706
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 5: I said, Oh, okay, Jerry, Jerry, when is your book

707
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 5: coming out?

708
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 4: I need the whole hold them, your entire twenties, bringing

709
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 4: it to a motherfucking erotica bus.

710
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: You have me a fucking chapter in that.

711
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 3: You know, I really am curious about being someone that

712
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 3: is I wouldn't even say lesbian presented just on your page,

713
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 3: your girl, the shows we're seeing you in now. When

714
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 3: you have sex with men, do you find that they're

715
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 3: almost a little insecure?

716
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: Do they have this conquering attitude? Do you enjoy that?

717
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: What is it about the male dynamics sexually that kind

718
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: of gets you?

719
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 5: I think men are so infatuated with me they're so

720
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 5: curious about me.

721
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 1: But what I find is when.

722
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to fuck a nigga.

723
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:55,439
Speaker 1: They want so much more.

724
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 5: And I have friends, but what that And it's like,

725
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 5: oh no, well let's do this this first, in this first,

726
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 5: and this first.

727
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm trying to get some you want to do.

728
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 4: But reverse psychology, ladies, if you treat a man like

729
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 4: a piece of motherfucking meat days, he will literally pour

730
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 4: his soul out of insecurities, like that's all you want.

731
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: You only want me for my dick. This is what

732
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: I learned. Bro. They will literally be like, but I

733
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:23,800
Speaker 1: have more for you.

734
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 5: Yes, it's not also offering everything, but I find so

735
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 5: so I feel like sometimes like either American men, either

736
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,280
Speaker 5: American men want to play like this sort of like game,

737
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 5: this game of mouse, or it's like the Caribbean or

738
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 5: the African American men who are like, you need to

739
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 5: be my wife.

740
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: But then I went to Europe. Ship I was fucking

741
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: the Europe. They're a little bit more out of Europe peeing.

742
00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 5: I don't know what said I.

743
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: I didn't even know that's what I went to Europe

744
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: to do.

745
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 5: You know, I was just trying to mind my bigga's all, y'all.

746
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 1: Want to go to get them Hungarian men?

747
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 4: Okay, they they hungry for the pussy, do you understand?

748
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 5: And they felt a little bit more like, oh, we

749
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,919
Speaker 5: can have our intimate moments and that just be it,

750
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 5: Like you're not calling my phone a million times, but

751
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 5: you know what.

752
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 1: You like like my encounters.

753
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 3: I have always been the little year travel girl, and

754
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 3: I will tell you they're just more passionate people where

755
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 3: we have more of a tie to, like intimacy and chemistry.

756
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: Like I've had conversations with friends about kissing and how

757
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 3: you know, maybe one of my home girls like, oh,

758
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: I don't know, I kind of want to just get

759
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 3: some dick.

760
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 1: I don't know.

761
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 3: I feel like I might need to like this nigga, bro,

762
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,000
Speaker 3: I can be in love with a nigga in an

763
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 3: hour in Italy.

764
00:36:54,320 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 5: Yes, in Berlin, I was at Burghon y'all. Yeah, did

765
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 5: I go to bay I went to the club here.

766
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 1: No, I don't know about the stuff here.

767
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,760
Speaker 5: I would love to though after we should we should

768
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 5: talk about it. But I was that and it was

769
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 5: like the tension between it was like we were we

770
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 5: knew that we were gonna do this thing, but we

771
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 5: also didn't know, and it felt like more of a

772
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 5: vamping up to the to the act as opposed to transaction,

773
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 5: which I think like sometimes in America it can be

774
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:30,360
Speaker 5: about the transaction.

775
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 1: Like I'm a very passionate person.

776
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 5: I feel like my erotic is attached to and connected

777
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 5: to my creativity, and so like I like sex to

778
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 5: be created fun, to get this roll off, I feel

779
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 5: like attached.

780
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can perform no, no, no, not

781
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: that it's contingent upon it.

782
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,439
Speaker 5: But I do think that sex is a creative act

783
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 5: for me that like, I'm not just like gonna be like,

784
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 5: oh yeah, let's get it. I it's gonna be incredible,

785
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 5: like you really like they said on hotels, you're gonna

786
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:03,800
Speaker 5: remember these.

787
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: Pussy you understand.

788
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 5: But I like that type of passion, and I feel

789
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 5: like in Europe it just felt more like they were

790
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 5: down to have that like that, not that rendezvous for

791
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 5: a night that's really passionate and sweet.

792
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: And sexy, and it doesn't feel like exploitati weirdness with intimacy.

793
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 3: Think about even children, nudity, nude beaches, sexual American Yeah.

794
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: We have such when you were.

795
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 5: When you were in high school and you said, like

796
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 5: I got a condom, people were like, oh my god,

797
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 5: why have a you know, but in Europe, like it's

798
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 5: like people you would have to carry. It was almost

799
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 5: like shame because you having a condom meant that you

800
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 5: were promiscuous. But it's like, but if I have sex

801
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 5: and I don't have this condom. But that's the American

802
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 5: conditioning as opposed to in Europe. It's like people are

803
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 5: having sex. More people in America lose their virginity in

804
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 5: cars than anywhere else, because where else are you gonna

805
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 5: go if you don't talk about sex with your family

806
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 5: in Texas, so taboo.

807
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 4: You're right, you're not in your house. You asked Jeeves

808
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 4: that I mean, actually, my mama was at work.

809
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:10,720
Speaker 1: I was writing this nigga hair. It was at the house.

810
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 1: But you know, the little I think I remember, I

811
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: was an how.

812
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,720
Speaker 5: A woman studies major in college, and we talked about

813
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 5: this kind of stuff. We talked about how it's like

814
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:22,720
Speaker 5: even just like.

815
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: The weird shit you going on in America.

816
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 5: It's like because we're having conversations because parents in Europe

817
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 5: are like, oh okay, it's Cindy coming over. Okay, you

818
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 5: guys can go upstairs, We'll leave you alone, and so

819
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 5: then it's a safer experience because everybody knows what's going on.

820
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 5: We're not sneaking. If something happens, there are witnesses to know.

821
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 4: Like also just being that in the Western world were

822
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 4: based off Christian views and so we even just went

823
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 4: through a on an episode we talked about the history

824
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 4: of sexual norms through age and it's really interesting to

825
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 4: know that a lot of our views now actually stem

826
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 4: from the feminist movement and us getting our autonomy back

827
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 4: and really letting these niggas know they weird out you weird.

828
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 4: I do want to get into our reactionary because I

829
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 4: want to talk about your relationship just a little bit.

830
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna play this clip and then we'll go from there.

831
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 2: I want to know if you agree or disagree.

832
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 6: At the age of fifty four and two divorces later,

833
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 6: let me give you the marriage advice I wish that

834
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:41,760
Speaker 6: I had listened to. Love is not enough. Married for character,

835
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 6: not just chemistry.

836
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 1: You're not just.

837
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 6: Marrying them, You're marrying their habits, their debt, and their

838
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 6: family drama. Marriage will never fix loneliness. The wrong person

839
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 6: will make it worse, you can't marry potential. You're not

840
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 6: a life coach. Your spouse. Being alone is way better

841
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 6: than wishing you were. The right person will make you

842
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 6: feel safe. The wrong one will make you feel small.

843
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:15,880
Speaker 6: We'll figure it out. It's not a financial plan. Some

844
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 6: people don't want love, they want control. Learn the difference.

845
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 6: You should be excited to marry them, not just relieve

846
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:28,840
Speaker 6: that they finally committed. Be prepared to marry the whole

847
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 6: family period.

848
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 4: Did you agree with her sentiments? And then the follow

849
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,240
Speaker 4: up would be what lets you know that your fiance

850
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 4: was the one I agree?

851
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 5: I think I was dating my fiance and I was

852
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 5: also dating somebody else and the.

853
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: Other person met. They ain't get to ring right and

854
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: we had we we it was a it was a

855
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 1: great thing going. They planned my twenty birthday together. It

856
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 1: was literally the other woman and.

857
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 5: She wasn't my fiance at the time, but yeslfriend, I

858
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 5: was dating both of them. They were not dating, okay,

859
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 5: but my girlfriends at the time planning my birthday.

860
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 1: You know, I'm a person where I'm like everybody got.

861
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 5: To meet everybody, so that you don't you're not asking me, well,

862
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 5: what it's not there's no I think sometimes like the

863
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 5: mystery of like who this other person is is more

864
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 5: daunting than the reality of like what this And y'all

865
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 5: don't like to amplify or throw salt on anybody's like insecurities,

866
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 5: Like let's just all know what's going on. Y'all have

867
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 5: each other's number, y'all want to compare notes with each other,

868
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 5: y'all could do what y'all want to do, you know

869
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 5: what I mean, so that I am.

870
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: Not the centerpiece of this of this thing.

871
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 5: And then the relationship with that that person.

872
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: Didn't work out, and then I.

873
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 5: Was like, okay, and I think the relationship with my

874
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 5: fiance the time kind of got.

875
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 1: A little uh it was it was a little interesting.

876
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 5: I didn't feel like I felt like we were like

877
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 5: butting up against each other, and I couldn't understand that

878
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 5: because we were so we just like had fun together, right,

879
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 5: And so I was like, Okay, I don't think that

880
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 5: this is working for me. So I kind of just

881
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 5: like took a took a moment, and then I was

882
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 5: child might even wanna say that anyway. Anyway, I started

883
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 5: I started getting these messages that I needed to like

884
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 5: reconnect with with her like that this is my person

885
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 5: and I'm but when I.

886
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 7: Met mess yes, like like like like I would be

887
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 7: on a plane and I'm behind, uh this couple and

888
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 7: we're having a good time.

889
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's your signs?

890
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 5: Because I am into science and it's like an Aquarius

891
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 5: and a libre and that's our signs, or it's like

892
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 5: six sixty six that means that like you're gonna rekindle

893
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 5: with an old flame, or me getting a reading months

894
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 5: ahead saying whoever you're going to be with on this

895
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 5: date is going to be the person that you're going

896
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:09,240
Speaker 5: to be with happened. So like the at twelve am

897
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 5: on that day, I went to a concert that she

898
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 5: also was at, and then we decided to get dinner

899
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 5: to dad together, so that it was just like all

900
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 5: of these things. And so I was like, hey, like

901
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 5: I'm coming back to I had gone to Dominican Republic,

902
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 5: twisted my ankle, and I was like, I'm coming back

903
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 5: to New York.

904
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: I would love to talk to you, and so she

905
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 1: was like okay.

906
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 5: So we sat down and we had a conversation and

907
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 5: the thing that she said is like I want to

908
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 5: be best friends this time, Like no, matter what we do, Like,

909
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 5: I want to be friends.

910
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 4: And I was like, okay, did you believe that that

911
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 4: was possible to go from a romantic relationship to just

912
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 4: a platonic one.

913
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: But it didn't mean platonic. I don't think.

914
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 5: I don't think she wanted it platonic. She wanted she

915
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 5: wanted the friendship to be the most important thing, because

916
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:57,399
Speaker 5: I think sometimes we miss our partners, we miss connections,

917
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:01,879
Speaker 5: we miss communication when we aren't friends. It's like, that's

918
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 5: not your friend, and so you don't you don't even

919
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 5: understand me on a baseline because I'm not your friend.

920
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 1: I'm just your partner, and.

921
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,320
Speaker 5: So for us, she was like, okay, I said, let's I'm.

922
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 1: Down with that.

923
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 5: And we've literally been inseparable ever since. That is truly

924
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 5: my best friend. Wherever I'm at, I'm like, I want

925
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 5: to share information with her.

926
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: I'm like going to Evinsa.

927
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 5: I don't really want to go to because she's gonna

928
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 5: be there, and we live together, Like, but.

929
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: I just love hanging out with her. I can talk

930
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 1: to her all night.

931
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 5: We can like go on these walks we don't know

932
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 5: where the hell we going, and we just laughing and

933
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 5: joking and there's been like some some moments where it's

934
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 5: been difficult to like figure out, like, Okay, how do

935
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 5: we because a lot of our.

936
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 1: Our pain pressure points were the same, and so it

937
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 1: was like.

938
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 5: We would be at these standstills and it's like, okay,

939
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 5: why are we we don't Like we'll have like every

940
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 5: three months, we'll have like one big argument and it's

941
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 5: like what is this? And so we started going to

942
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 5: therapy and all of that to like truly get to understanding.

943
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: But it'll be like, you, how many years have you

944
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: been dating her? Three years?

945
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:14,359
Speaker 3: Did you feel like therapy early on or just let's

946
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 3: just say a year, a year and a half, it's

947
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 3: too early.

948
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 5: I don't think therapy is I think if you feel

949
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 5: like I think a relationship is an investment. It's an

950
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 5: investment of time, it's an investment of money. And so

951
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 5: you're not just gonna invest in the stock that you

952
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,919
Speaker 5: don't know nothing about, right, or invest in the stock

953
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 5: that you might get some opinions from other people and

954
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 5: all of that, right, And I think that relationships are

955
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,280
Speaker 5: the same, and so sometimes you just need to be witnessed.

956
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:42,479
Speaker 1: It's not about like.

957
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 3: Because people would say the argument on the other side is, well,

958
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 3: if you're thinking about therapy so early, this can't be good.

959
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 3: And really what I'm hearing from you is like, Okay,

960
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 3: we're going good, this is happening, let's fix it.

961
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like not letting your.

962
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 5: Not letting the the one thing, one thing be the

963
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 5: thing that like we can't see eyed eye on And

964
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 5: it wasn't. I mean we had we had gone maybe

965
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 5: two years at first of just like trying to figure

966
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 5: it out ourselves, and we realized like, oh, we need

967
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 5: somebody to see what's happening and to say, oh uh uh, Dria,

968
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 5: that's actually just this trauma, Jerry, you need to be

969
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 5: more considerate about this or this, And that shift for me,

970
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 5: because I'm an intellectual, the shift for me of that.

971
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,439
Speaker 1: Is like, oh I can do that. I can I don't.

972
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 5: I don't mind making concessions, but it has it has

973
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 5: to make sense to me.

974
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 4: But sometimes we also just don't have the right tools

975
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,320
Speaker 4: to figure out right from either not seeing healthy relationships

976
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 4: and not even being able sometimes to hold up the

977
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:48,399
Speaker 4: mirror and get ourselves out of our own way sometimes right.

978
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 4: And so I'm glad that you guys just do that.

979
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:56,800
Speaker 4: So after therapy and being together. What was the Aha,

980
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 4: I gotta put a ring on it.

981
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 5: I actually put a ring on it before we were

982
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 5: going to therapy.

983
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: But I did this rooms into loom and I was

984
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 1: in the loon. I was like walking down the beach.

985
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: Did you even have the ring?

986
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 5: No?

987
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: Oh, oh we did.

988
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 5: We found this ring upstate at this Ventus shop and

989
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 5: we bought this ring.

990
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: But it wasn't like it was like in.

991
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 5: Case it happens like this is the We didn't want

992
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 5: to pass up on the opportunity of getting this ring.

993
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 1: It was a beautiful ring and we both loved it. Yeah,

994
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:35,439
Speaker 1: this ring.

995
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 3: You didn't buy an adventure shop in Touloum, because I

996
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 3: ain't never seen one. No, you bought it in New York, upstate. Okay,

997
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 3: you buy this ring and a dventuge shop that it's

998
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 3: on her ring finger perfectly just in case we get married?

999
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 5: Who was it not just in case we get We

1000
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 5: didn't even talk about it, like we just kind of

1001
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 5: like she tried the ring on her ring finger and

1002
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 5: then I bought it, and then I had it like

1003
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 5: talking about it.

1004
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 1: Which was interesting.

1005
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 5: Because we're talking about yes, And then I would do

1006
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,439
Speaker 5: this funny thing when she would say something smart.

1007
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: I mean, we get we just do stuff with each other.

1008
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 5: But when she would say something smart or something, I

1009
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 5: would do this because the ring was in this pocket.

1010
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: You better watch out, bro bro. She was just crack up.

1011
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 1: That's what this little energy is what makes me feel like.

1012
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:22,839
Speaker 3: You know, my man and I've been dating two years

1013
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 3: and we just talk very deeply about exactly what we want,

1014
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 3: marriage planning, whatever. So I feel like when we get

1015
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 3: to that stage sometimes you're like, oh, when right. Sometimes

1016
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 3: I'll be doing shit where I'll be sucking up, like

1017
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 3: let's just say, my brokente will make me act crazy.

1018
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 3: You'd be looking at me like and you think I

1019
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 3: can't go back back.

1020
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: Right on the line. And it's scary because when you

1021
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:45,919
Speaker 1: are in these moments.

1022
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 3: You just made me think something about therapy. We were

1023
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 3: having a conversation the other day where he was like,

1024
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 3: sometimes I wish you could hear yourself from someone else's

1025
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:54,959
Speaker 3: Like if.

1026
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: You don't see it with our when our brother says it.

1027
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 5: It's like absolutely not, no, no, no, And it's like, no,

1028
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 5: you need somebody else to hear you and let them

1029
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 5: tell you because you're not gonna hear it from me.

1030
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:06,919
Speaker 5: And it's also like with all of our endoor friends

1031
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 5: and the loved thing, and it's like I want to,

1032
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 5: I want to. I want to seem perfect to you.

1033
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 5: So when when you say, when you give me these

1034
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 5: notes or this feedback that I can't see, it's hard

1035
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 5: to contend with from your partner, right, It's hard to

1036
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 5: be seen in that way.

1037
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 3: And so it is nice to be with where most

1038
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 3: of your arguments surrounding open relationship things.

1039
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: No, we had a few of that.

1040
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 5: No, it just we had a There was a It

1041
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 5: was a sticky situation because she felt like, like, I

1042
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 5: get why you're ethically non monogamous.

1043
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 1: It makes sense on.

1044
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 5: Paper, and it makes sense why I could be. I

1045
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 5: just am contending with like am I or not? Did

1046
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 5: you did you give her? I gave her my work, Shet,

1047
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 5: my ethical non monogamy framework works. Y'all know, this is

1048
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,959
Speaker 5: this is this is where, this is why Hey, y'all

1049
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 5: She has it in a Google doc in the Google drive.

1050
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:06,760
Speaker 1: On her phone.

1051
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 4: Yes, I would love Could you pull up yes, the

1052
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 4: ethical nominogamy contract. Yes, and if we could go through, yes,

1053
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,400
Speaker 4: the points and mind you real quick. This is something

1054
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 4: that when you meet a partner, you get to them

1055
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:21,879
Speaker 4: yes on the first date.

1056
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 1: Well, when it's getting it's when it's getting there.

1057
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 5: Because what I found was I was going on dates

1058
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 5: with women who has so many preconceived notions about polyamory

1059
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 5: that I was saying the same thing on a cycle.

1060
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 5: I'm like, why why do I Why am I keep

1061
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 5: like proving this or like I'm like handing out the

1062
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 5: facts or something. So when you got questions about it,

1063
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 5: if you say, if you say, well, I think people

1064
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:47,879
Speaker 5: who are poly are this, and I think that, here

1065
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 5: goes my Ethical.

1066
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: Nominogamy Framework worksheet.

1067
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 5: Here is why I am Polly, and this is my

1068
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 5: burglar morning verbal Rising. Here's why I am Polly. If

1069
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 5: you can get down with this, we can do this.

1070
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 5: But you know the baseline of what you're coming in too,

1071
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 5: so there's no assumptions or preconceived notions or any of that.

1072
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 1: September No, I'm not a virgal. I'm a virgal Moon

1073
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: and Rising. Oh my god.

1074
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 2: That's because y'all even know the Okay, so what is

1075
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 2: your framework?

1076
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: What what does it read on that document?

1077
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 5: So it says why, it says Jerry's CNM he NM

1078
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 5: poly framework. It says as an intellectual processor, it's helpful

1079
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 5: for me to write things out to process, understand, and

1080
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 5: express my ideas and feelings. The first one why. Firstly,

1081
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 5: I like to start by saying that I am polyamorous

1082
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,439
Speaker 5: by orientation, meaning that it is directly correlated with who

1083
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 5: I am and how I move through the world. It

1084
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 5: is also connected to my need to decolonize my body, thoughts,

1085
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 5: and ways of being.

1086
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 1: For me, ethical.

1087
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 5: Nominogamy or polyamory is directly dismantling the patriarchy, queerness, and

1088
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 5: white supremacy are direct opposites in how they function in

1089
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 5: my life. This supports my desire for expansion in this lifetime.

1090
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 5: Having multiple intimate, romantic, and loving relationships helps me to

1091
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 5: sharpen my communication skills, learn and address where my blind

1092
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 5: spots are, and pushes my capacity for compassion, empathy.

1093
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: And love.

1094
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 5: Love in many forms is the perfect definition for me.

1095
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 5: Love is abundant in my life and in conjunction and

1096
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,359
Speaker 5: conversation with the universe. My being non monogamous is a

1097
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,720
Speaker 5: continuing conversation with myself, how I spread love and intimate

1098
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 5: relationships and the freedom that.

1099
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: Comes without the compound right.

1100
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 5: Any Western ideals of monogamy and heteronormativity. Also, the word

1101
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 5: intimate is mostly faceted because it is.

1102
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,320
Speaker 1: Not limited to sex.

1103
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,839
Speaker 5: I think sex is just a minuscule part of intimacy,

1104
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 5: and because people limit intimacy to those that are sexually

1105
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 5: involved with it stunts the expansion of how we can

1106
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 5: connect and expressed ourselves as humans. I just want to

1107
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,919
Speaker 5: feel free in my expression of love outside of any

1108
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 5: binary including the ones we've learned, because all this is

1109
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 5: what we learned about how we should exist in relationships.

1110
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 5: I also know that how I show up in the

1111
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 5: world in all of my identities with that elevated expression

1112
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 5: of love.

1113
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 1: Is a radical act. It is what I call liberation. Honey,

1114
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 1: if I wasn't a theater kid right there to.

1115
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 4: Hold you ed And I'm gonna need the transcript for

1116
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 4: this episode so I can copy and paste. Gonna need

1117
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 4: different So have you ever given this worksheet to someone

1118
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 4: and they've been like, oh, yeah, this isn't for me.

1119
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 1: No, people want to be with me.

1120
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 3: You know how it would be a no for me

1121
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,920
Speaker 3: because there's a lot of discussion about the act of

1122
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 3: love needing to be spread. Decolonization to me of the

1123
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 3: body sometimes is sexual freedom not necessarily love, and I

1124
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 3: think I would probably have issues with jealousy knowing that

1125
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,879
Speaker 3: more love needed to be shared.

1126
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: But also me sharing me share, me loving somebody.

1127
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:11,320
Speaker 3: And I'm ethically nonmnogapists by the way my partner and

1128
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 3: our data the people and together, but the love aspect

1129
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:20,760
Speaker 3: makes me sometimes and again just boundary for me, feel

1130
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 3: like I'm putting myself at.

1131
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 5: Risk, right, because there's also I think I think polyamory

1132
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 5: is an umbrella, right, and so you are in an

1133
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:34,239
Speaker 5: open relationship, right, And in open relationships, different partners might

1134
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 5: need different things right, And usually sometimes like the Olive conversation,

1135
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 5: there's a person who like is like, well, I can't

1136
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 5: just have sex all willy nilly. I need to know somebody.

1137
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 5: I need to know that I like them. And then

1138
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 5: there's a person who's like, well, I'm just trying to fuck.

1139
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 5: And sometimes the two of them might judge the other

1140
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 5: one for the right thing, right, but it's like this

1141
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:54,359
Speaker 5: is what I need.

1142
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: I can't just have.

1143
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 5: Sex with a stranger, or I don't want to talk

1144
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,240
Speaker 5: about my feelings with a person that title since outside

1145
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 5: my partner works.

1146
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: She and under what you like?

1147
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 3: Can you say I love you to someone else while

1148
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:07,760
Speaker 3: also saying I love you to your fiance.

1149
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 1: Yet I feel like I was.

1150
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 5: I loved my fiance and I love the partner that

1151
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 5: I was with at the time.

1152
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,280
Speaker 1: Now now.

1153
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 5: You know, I think there is a little more nuance

1154
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 5: to it, right, Like I like I'm gonna somebody wrote

1155
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 5: on uh it not as TikTok, Well, how are you

1156
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,760
Speaker 5: getting married if you're polyamorous? Right, It's like, my partner

1157
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,280
Speaker 5: is the is my best friend. She is the person

1158
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 5: that I want to share resources with. She is the

1159
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 5: person that I want to carry my child. She's the

1160
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 5: person that I want to start a family with. Right,

1161
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 5: So everybody coming in will know that my partner is

1162
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 5: my primary, the primary.

1163
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 1: And so whereas.

1164
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 5: Maybe before her I was open to like having like

1165
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 5: nobody be the primary, right, maybe having like a kitchen

1166
00:56:58,560 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 5: table thing.

1167
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:02,399
Speaker 1: But for for what I know, right, which is.

1168
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 2: Into today on the kitchen table, I just yes, I

1169
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 2: just learned about the kitchen.

1170
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:07,439
Speaker 1: Yo, let me say something real quick.

1171
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 5: Uh oh, niggas will be talking about kitchen table, but

1172
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 5: don't do the work.

1173
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 1: Okay, this is y'all need to quit it. Y'all need

1174
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 1: to quit it because it's it's it.

1175
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 4: Look what's in my notes? Kitchen table, Polly. It just

1176
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 4: got added in here. February twenty second of this year,

1177
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 4: I went to a freaking party and literally they handed.

1178
00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 1: Out it's a way for the men to shirk responsibility

1179
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 1: by that. It's like it's like a study that this

1180
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 1: is kitchen table.

1181
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 5: Then, like I don't actually have to deal with the

1182
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 5: real problems at hand. My sister is currently dating somebody. Sorry,

1183
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell your business for a little bit.

1184
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,800
Speaker 1: Who who was not Polly? Right? When your sister was

1185
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 1: not Polly? No, my sister isn't it? What is not Polly?

1186
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 5: But now it was in a poly situation, they were

1187
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 5: not Polly to begin with, right, But now all of

1188
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 5: a sudden, a year and a half in, he said,

1189
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 5: he poled, And now it's this this girl that he

1190
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 5: been had been dealing with from before who maybe they

1191
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 5: broke up or maybe they did it.

1192
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 1: But he tells her that it's kitchen table.

1193
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 5: And so then when she's like, when she's like, well,

1194
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 5: like you said, the things between us wouldn't change, well,

1195
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 5: you know, well it's kitchen table.

1196
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: So we gotta share. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1197
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 5: Kitchen table is us coming to the table together discussing things.

1198
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 1: They don't ever come to the table together to discuss anything.

1199
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 5: We don't have a relationship where we can have a relationship.

1200
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: But also you don't have to.

1201
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 5: When she gives him feedback, it becomes about her not

1202
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 5: being Polly and not about the fact that he didn't

1203
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 5: do this problem.

1204
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 3: That's what I wrong with those men having these ultimatums

1205
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 3: so like and if you can't suck a dick, you.

1206
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 1: Not pop well.

1207
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 4: It does say kitchen kitchen table. Polly describes the style

1208
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 4: of polyamory. We're all parts in the polycule, which is

1209
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 4: why he's just misusing the word wrong. Are on friendly terms,

1210
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 4: socialized together regularly and may even share meals or living spaces.

1211
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 4: But it emphasizes a strong sense of community and we're

1212
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 4: in this together attitude where the relationships between all partners

1213
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 4: are prioritized and considered. So he's misusing the word, which

1214
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:22,240
Speaker 4: I think is well together.

1215
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 1: I think you.

1216
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 5: Polyamory too, because these niggas are polygamous.

1217
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 1: No shade, but it is what it is.

1218
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 5: Because if if if the women can't go and have

1219
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 5: relationships with other women or other men, then you to.

1220
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 4: Ask you why as us knowing E and M being

1221
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 4: under an umbrella, and that polyamory has all of these

1222
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 4: different like ways in which we set up.

1223
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 2: Why are we shading polygamy when it's one of the ways.

1224
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: Under the umbrella. That's because the men shade to polygamy, Okay,

1225
00:59:55,600 --> 00:59:59,959
Speaker 1: no shade at all, but to marry.

1226
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 3: But when people are polygamists, they're dating, they're choosing women,

1227
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 3: financial game, family structure, socioeconomic Again, that's polygamy with the

1228
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 3: intent to marry. What happens with these situations, That's why

1229
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 3: I kept you know, so if you don't.

1230
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 1: Listen to our town hall.

1231
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 3: Mandy was saying, I'm surprised you had this opinion of

1232
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 3: Neo's girlfriends when.

1233
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: We don't want to shame anybody.

1234
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 2: It wasn't on Neil's girlfriends specifically.

1235
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 4: It was the views on specifically a woman in a

1236
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 4: polyamorous situation ship wanting to be with him alone.

1237
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: Right now.

1238
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 3: My opinion is that I believe these women probably want

1239
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 3: to be with him alone and they're accepting. The reason

1240
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 3: I'm coming to that is because one kind of like

1241
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 3: what you said about your sister, we see.

1242
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: A certain dynamic.

1243
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 3: We hear about infidelity whatever boom, Now I have four girlfriends.

1244
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 3: The other layer was that interview of when he said

1245
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 3: this is what it is. They don't like it, they

1246
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 3: can go I don't hear anybody doing anything ethical or

1247
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 3: consensual with that attitude. If we're going to come to

1248
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 3: the table together, we're going to be in this relationship together.

1249
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 1: That hers is not her contract is No, it's literally,

1250
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:07,200
Speaker 1: this is who I am, this is what I want.

1251
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: This is how I see pitting your girlfriends together and not.

1252
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 4: What I'm saying is can people can choose you're what

1253
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 4: relationship You're getting in.

1254
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 3: Telling me what I need to do is coercion and manipulation.

1255
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 3: It's hurt honestly consent, Well, it's consent. We're rapping honesty

1256
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 3: in manipulation. I don't that's what That's what her sister's

1257
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 3: man is going, right, because they were together and she

1258
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 3: brought someone in. I'm saying out the gate.

1259
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 4: If you're saying this is what it is, there's no

1260
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 4: manipulation in someone accepting what it is. Yes, in this

1261
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:39,000
Speaker 4: scenario where a woman who may or may not have

1262
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 4: been broken up or was it part of it is

1263
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 4: one thing. If he's saying out the gate, these women

1264
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 4: were given what I'm willing to do, how I'm willing.

1265
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,680
Speaker 1: To run my house. My kids are here, they're gonna

1266
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 1: have to partake in that much. We're gonna have.

1267
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 3: We got an ig live coming twelve months or less.

1268
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 3: I'm telling you, when people just decide to jump onto something,

1269
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:04,080
Speaker 3: that's a fad. Caring for these women feelings, the conversations,

1270
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,840
Speaker 3: making everyone feel valued.

1271
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:06,600
Speaker 1: Which I wish they had.

1272
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 5: This is my issue is that there's not more people

1273
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 5: when they're in these interviews asking them those questions.

1274
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 2: They don't know that they're judging me monogamous, right.

1275
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 3: I guess I'm not a monogamous person, but I'm judging

1276
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 3: based on his answer.

1277
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 1: And to me, when I talk.

1278
01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:25,560
Speaker 3: About coercion and manipulation, it's generally man with money, you

1279
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:26,640
Speaker 3: can't fuck another nigga.

1280
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 1: I'm a fuck these girls. Hey, these are my girlfriends.

1281
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 3: Hope y'all bitch just get long kind of vibe to

1282
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 3: it instead of as we had learned more conversation about

1283
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 3: ethical non monogamy or not.

1284
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like that.

1285
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 3: Even the thing you just said about is it Polly

1286
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 3: if she can't suck a dick.

1287
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: A lot of this is control. That's not Polly, that's

1288
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 1: not opening.

1289
01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 4: But I also believe in Polly, in it within ethical

1290
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:53,520
Speaker 4: non monogamy that everything is customizable and it's not about

1291
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 4: just everyone being free to go out and suck dick,

1292
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 4: eat kuchi, sit on dicks.

1293
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 1: Whatever they want. Him no, but again it's a conversation.

1294
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 4: I was very adamant that that me and my partner,

1295
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 4: my ex, could fuck women together. I didn't want him

1296
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:10,360
Speaker 4: fucking bitches outside of me, which is why, yes, he

1297
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 4: betrayed my trust and cheated on me, but he also

1298
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 4: was not comfortable with me fucking other niggas.

1299
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:16,840
Speaker 1: I didn't feel controlled. I didn't need it.

1300
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 4: But to me, ethical non monogamy looks different for everybody.

1301
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,160
Speaker 4: I don't think it's controlling, because hey, this doesn't work

1302
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 4: for me. If you want to go and have a

1303
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 4: poly relationship with someone else that wants, that's gonna allow

1304
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 4: you or be okay, or can take it for you sucking.

1305
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,360
Speaker 1: Dick, go be with that. But that doesn't make God.

1306
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 5: Clearly, I'm like damn, But I think I think ultimately,

1307
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 5: what I want to say is that.

1308
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 1: Consent is the biggest pause.

1309
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 5: As long as we are all consenting, I do because

1310
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 5: I've heard stories of a of a of another person

1311
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 5: with a lot of money who uses control to be

1312
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 5: with multiple women, right, Like, I do also understand where

1313
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 5: you're coming from, because we do need to be having

1314
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 5: the conversation about like money playing a part in like

1315
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 5: how people are relating or what people would put up

1316
01:04:05,840 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 5: with or not put up with. But I do think,

1317
01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 5: like we can see that all of the women were together,

1318
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 5: so we know that they're all consenting. So my hope

1319
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 5: is that they're happy and they're fulfilled, and when they

1320
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 5: want to talk about it and tell us, oh my god,

1321
01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:23,880
Speaker 5: this is the greatest thing ever or actually I was upset,

1322
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 5: then I could make the judgment on like what that was, that.

1323
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 3: Would hopefully be the story, right because honestly, that would

1324
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 3: be the greatest thing for ethical nominogamy, Yes.

1325
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 5: For somebody to be like, wow, I was treated so

1326
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 5: well and then I had these women who I loved,

1327
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 5: who I could be with all the time, and we

1328
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 5: all love the same man.

1329
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:46,040
Speaker 4: Live casting, sad I didn't get a contract live casting?

1330
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 4: Can I get a polyameras couple with two women one

1331
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 4: man combined income under two hundred thousand.

1332
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:58,280
Speaker 1: That I think like takes away.

1333
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:01,080
Speaker 4: I would want to know two women who are happily

1334
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 4: with a man where the combined income between.

1335
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,240
Speaker 1: The three of you ain't watch.

1336
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 5: You know that black man, that white woman with the

1337
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:14,040
Speaker 5: two with the black woman with the two men.

1338
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 1: Yes, and I've seen them online.

1339
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 4: I would love to be able to talk to it

1340
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 4: because I hate where we have to just keep bringing

1341
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,400
Speaker 4: up the money. I would love to speak about two

1342
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:25,520
Speaker 4: women who are agreeing to be in a relationship that's polly,

1343
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 4: that don't care or wouldn't be happier if they were

1344
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 4: the only ones that could genuinely come in and explain

1345
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 4: and express ethical nominogamy and white works for them without

1346
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 4: the money being the factor. Please email me d M

1347
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 4: me uh decisions Pott. Gmail will get you on horrible

1348
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 4: We bring you here.

1349
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:44,400
Speaker 3: We need to have share to come back because we

1350
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:46,200
Speaker 3: gotta wrap for somebody else walking in.

1351
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:47,800
Speaker 1: And I know y'all like, damn, it just got hot,

1352
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:48,920
Speaker 1: But I just want to.

1353
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 5: Say that it's it's also indigenous, like the sharing of resources,

1354
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:56,479
Speaker 5: the and so community. I'm happy to see like more

1355
01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 5: people are talking about it.

1356
01:05:58,840 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 1: I just am.

1357
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 5: I just am excited about more women talking about it. Yeah,

1358
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:10,720
Speaker 5: we get a lot of the male perspective. And I

1359
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 5: think also people have so many ideas about it, but

1360
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 5: monogamy is the younger sister.

1361
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

1362
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,800
Speaker 3: Us hold this, thank you, Mandy close us out while

1363
01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:23,439
Speaker 3: she holding this book that just fits so perfectly well life.

1364
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,840
Speaker 5: No, I need a book now by you, Jerry. No

1365
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:28,959
Speaker 5: people are asking for the book.

1366
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 1: No, no, no no.

1367
01:06:29,560 --> 01:06:30,960
Speaker 4: And I got a good writer for you if you

1368
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:32,520
Speaker 4: want to write one, Yes I do. I got a

1369
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:37,040
Speaker 4: writer for you. No holds Bart Duing Manifesto, Sexual Exploration

1370
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:40,040
Speaker 4: and Power. Get it now wherever you get your book

1371
01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 4: available June twenty fourth. Also get onto our Patreon, Patreon,

1372
01:06:45,280 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 4: dot com, backslash Horrible Decisions, Bye, Jerry, thank you so

1373
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:53,880
Speaker 4: much for joining us. So glad we finally got this happened.

1374
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 4: This has been another episode of Decisions, Decisions

1375
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:04,800
Speaker 1: Repett the Bud, the don between the