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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive. I'm with my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend for eight years now and he still won't marry me.

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Speaker 1: Let's double it.

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Speaker 2: Make it sixteen years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thirty two years. I thirty two female with my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend thirty six male for eight and a half years

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Speaker 1: and we've been living together at his apartment for five years.

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Speaker 1: Like any long relationship, we've had our ups and downs,

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Speaker 1: but in the last two years everything has been great.

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Speaker 1: I know he's my person and I am his. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, this comes from user Luakiji and I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 1: I'm Keon, I'm Riley, and we are here to give

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Speaker 1: you good advice. Goofully emphasis on goofulee. Because we don't

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Speaker 1: have all the answers, we just know what we would

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Speaker 1: do kind of, So I if you would do something different,

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Speaker 1: why don't you just let us know in the chat?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. He's a great guy, my guy.

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Speaker 1: He's not just a great guy to me, but to

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Speaker 1: my friend and his family and even strangers. He cares

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Speaker 1: a lot about me and show's affection, communicates well, has

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Speaker 1: financially supported me while I finish my degree, and we

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Speaker 1: have a great time together, both in daily life and

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Speaker 1: on special events like travels and all. We pretty much

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Speaker 1: are already living a married life without kids, but that

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Speaker 1: alone doesn't fulfill my dream of marriage. I want a

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Speaker 1: celebration of our love. I want to share this moment

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Speaker 1: with our friends and family. I want to be a

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Speaker 1: bride and plan this major life event with him, and

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Speaker 1: I have voiced this to him a few times. A

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Speaker 1: few years back, he was unsure of our future together,

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Speaker 1: but we worked on our relationship and are now in

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Speaker 1: a great place. So now when I talk about planning

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Speaker 1: a wedding in marriage, he seems to be on board

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Speaker 1: with it. At least he entertains my thoughts, but so

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Speaker 1: far I haven't seen any rings. I've kind of given

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Speaker 1: him two ultimatums. I won't invest any money in buying

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Speaker 1: a bigger place together if we're not married, as we've

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Speaker 1: been cramped in his bachelor pad for the last five

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Speaker 1: years and are getting tired of it. I also won't

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Speaker 1: celebrate double digits of being boyfriend and girlfriend, But even

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Speaker 1: that seems like too long of a stretch now. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I have the courage to walk out

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Speaker 1: of an otherwise perfect relationship, So I just keep dragging

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Speaker 1: this and building resentment with every anniversary, with every time

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Speaker 1: I see the surprised faces of people who ask how

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Speaker 1: long we've been dating, And with every wedding of people

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Speaker 1: in our circle, I just feel stuck while everyone around

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Speaker 1: us is moving on with their lives. How do I

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Speaker 1: get him to finally propose or at least admit he

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Speaker 1: won't ever do it so I can be free of

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Speaker 1: these bad feelings of uncertainty. And there's an edit for

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Speaker 1: clarification here. I'm not from the United States, so maybe

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Speaker 1: it's a wedding culture thing there, But where I'm from

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Speaker 1: we just love a good party, any party when the

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Speaker 1: reason for it is to celebrate the love and union

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Speaker 1: of two people. It really brings people together in a

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Speaker 1: very unique way. It always gets me emotional, even just

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Speaker 1: as a guest. That's what I love about it, and

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Speaker 1: I dream of having as a bride. There's nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with having a big, fancy event to post online

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Speaker 1: and live My little princess dreams, even the ring thing.

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Speaker 1: I was talking about it figuratively. It isn't a tradition

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Speaker 1: for the men to get the fiancee and engagement ring.

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Speaker 1: This just became popular here recently. Usually both get their

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Speaker 1: wedding bands and wear it on the right hand until

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Speaker 1: the wedding. Legally, I'm sure there are differences between my

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Speaker 1: country and the US, but marriage pretty much affects the

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Speaker 1: same aspects of our lives. Even roommates have contracts, their

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Speaker 1: names on a lease or something. I don't have any

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Speaker 1: legal ties to him right now. I understand some people

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Speaker 1: can live together for many years without it, but for me,

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Speaker 1: this is important to feel secure about our future together.

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Speaker 1: Regarding kids. Since the beginning, I knew I didn't want any,

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Speaker 1: and he didn't have a strong opinion about it and

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Speaker 1: was okay with anything I decided. We still talk about

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Speaker 1: having kids to check on each other and see where

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Speaker 1: we're at with this matter. I've been having second thoughts

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Speaker 1: and he's still on board if I decide I want to.

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Speaker 1: But that's not the reason I'm upset. I'm upset I'm

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Speaker 1: not married after eight years together. I haven't asked him

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Speaker 1: directly if he wants to get married why recently, So

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Speaker 1: I haven't gotten a straight answer since a few years

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Speaker 1: back when it was a new I've just been casually

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Speaker 1: touching on the subject to try to get a glimpse

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Speaker 1: of where he's at. And he seems positive, acknowledging that

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Speaker 1: we are in a much better place now that we

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Speaker 1: worked on those issues. So, after reading all the comments

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Speaker 1: that I was really not expecting to get, I realized

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Speaker 1: the next logical thing is to have a direct, an

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Speaker 1: honest conversation with him. I just need to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to approach it. We have a big trip coming

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Speaker 1: up next month, so I'll probably wait until after that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for your input and advice.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate all perspectives. And here are those aforementioned comments.

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Speaker 1: Ether Ravists says bluntly, put, you can't make him do anything,

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Speaker 1: confront him and have an honest conversation about it. You

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Speaker 1: want marriage, full stop. If he doesn't, you're better off

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Speaker 1: walking away, uh shok Priya Darshi three hundred and I

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Speaker 1: hope I said that right, says exactly. It really comes

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Speaker 1: down to whether both people want the same future. You

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Speaker 1: can't drag someone into marriage. It has to be mutual,

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Speaker 1: Otherwise it grows resentment. We got a two month update.

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Speaker 1: Two months later. I debated posting an update because now

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Speaker 1: that everything is resolved, I feel kind of silly about

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Speaker 1: posting in the first place. But maybe this can find

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Speaker 1: someone in a similar situation and help. I should add

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Speaker 1: that I am an overthinker and anxious person, and this

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Speaker 1: is probably why I got here in the first place.

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Speaker 1: After eight plus years of relationship, I started doubting our

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Speaker 1: future only because of the lack of initiative on his part.

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Speaker 1: And it's like all the algorithms decided to feed these

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Speaker 1: feelings with similar stories that didn't end well. So I

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Speaker 1: started overthinking everything and basically ignored all the signs that

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Speaker 1: we were doing great, like his constant reassurance that he

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Speaker 1: loved me and was happy with me. When he would

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Speaker 1: look me with mesmerized eyes while just going about our

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Speaker 1: daily life. He would look at me with these eyes

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Speaker 1: and they had swirls in them, like he was hypnotized.

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Speaker 1: Every time he looked at me, he had cartoon hypnotized.

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Speaker 1: Aouga ooguy I love you? Why he took oa? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I felt so loved and cared for. But the lack

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Speaker 1: of a proposal had to mean something was wrong. Eight

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Speaker 1: a week before our big trip, while introducing the topic

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Speaker 1: of marriage, trying to start a conversation like I was

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Speaker 1: advised here, he was really dismissive, trying to change the subject,

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Speaker 1: and that set me spiraling down in anxious thoughts. I

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Speaker 1: bet you he was planning to propose. I bet you

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Speaker 1: he's planning to propose on this trip.

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Speaker 2: That's why the big trip and we should We should

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Speaker 2: have questioned it, like, is he going to propose on

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Speaker 2: this trip?

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Speaker 1: He's like, proposal. I don't even know the meaning of

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Speaker 1: that word. When he realized that he hurt me, he

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Speaker 1: immediately backtracked, started apologizing, and said that he was only

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Speaker 1: avoiding the subject because he had something planned and wanted

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Speaker 1: it to be a surprise. We had asked on other

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Speaker 1: occasions months before he had confirmed his intentions of marrying

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Speaker 1: me one day, but this time was different. It was

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Speaker 1: enough to lift any doubt I had, and I also

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Speaker 1: didn't want to ruin any surprise, so I dropped the subject,

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Speaker 1: and then, as expected, during our trip, in a beautiful place,

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Speaker 1: doing what we always loved doing together these past eight years,

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Speaker 1: he proposed. It was one of those moments that I

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Speaker 1: felt they seen, like everything was thought out to make

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Speaker 1: me happy without me having to ask for it. He

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Speaker 1: even managed to record it in the most unsuspicious way,

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Speaker 1: so I'll always have something to remember.

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Speaker 2: What his unsuspicious way like on his like a like

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Speaker 2: a thing on it, like a little camera on his head.

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Speaker 1: He had, he had gone and uh he he hung

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Speaker 1: up a bunch of trail cameras.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like he did a trap like put it like

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Speaker 2: a like an X marks the spot right there, like

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Speaker 2: you have to stand right there.

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Speaker 1: He he had like the like the the the the

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Speaker 1: spyglasses with the camera in the Yeah, and uh, I

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Speaker 1: could see that. Agree. He just had a bunch of

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Speaker 1: spy cams all over the place. And uh, we just

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Speaker 1: have a little bit more story here. Let's finish hip.

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Speaker 1: So this update is to say that every relationship is different,

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Speaker 1: in every life has a different timeline. There isn't any

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Speaker 1: amount of years that automatically tells you the other person

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to get married. Obviously, I'm not saying to

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Speaker 1: ignore any signs, but you have to look inside the

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Speaker 1: relationship rather than compare to others and see external validation.

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Speaker 1: That's right, because this comparison is the thief of joy.

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Speaker 1: Even though most comments on the original post went in

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Speaker 1: a different direction, I probably wouldn't have started that conversation

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Speaker 1: with him when I did, and wouldn't have been so

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Speaker 1: relaxed during our trip when he proposed. So I appreciate

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Speaker 1: you guys for that, and we got some comments to

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Speaker 1: finish it off. Here Kathline says, congratulations. As an older

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Speaker 1: married lady, I live by the rule. While the proposal

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Speaker 1: can be a surprise, the answer should not be. You

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Speaker 1: two should already have hammered out. Yes, we would love

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Speaker 1: to get married and live in this place and have

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Speaker 1: this many kids and grow old together doing ZZZ, doing

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Speaker 1: a little, having taken a nap. The time and place

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Speaker 1: of the proposal, that's a surprise, under the Eiffel Tower,

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Speaker 1: at a castle, at the bowling Alley where you had

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Speaker 1: your first date. That can be the surprise. But both

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Speaker 1: of you should already know the answer. And Carla Funk says,

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Speaker 1: right after eight years, I would think so too. In

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Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend lied about his best friend, and now I

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Speaker 3: want to dump him.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you should dump him.

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Speaker 3: Then, my boyfriend twenty male and I twenty one female.

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Speaker 3: Have been together for almost a year, but this issue

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Speaker 3: happened a little before we started dating, and it's been

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Speaker 3: bothering me ever since. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: Carolina blythe thirty one and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories.

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Speaker 1: Do it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, do it.

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Speaker 1: I bet you would like to do that, wouldn't you.

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Speaker 3: I know you wanna maybe I know, Juana Opie says.

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Speaker 3: Before I met him, he had this friend, let's call

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Speaker 3: her Rachel twenty female. He and Rachel had known each

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Speaker 3: other since they were fifteen. He told me that when

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Speaker 3: he first met her, he had a crush on her,

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Speaker 3: but then switched schools and didn't see her again until

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Speaker 3: freshman year of college. In high school, they weren't very

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Speaker 3: close because Rachel was kind of unreachable for him, But

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Speaker 3: in college they developed a really close friendship. Since we

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Speaker 3: live far away from campus and take the bus to school,

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Speaker 3: they used to sit together all the time, from what

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Speaker 3: I know. In February twenty nineteen, he confessed his love

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Speaker 3: to Rachel, and she admitted she liked him as well,

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Speaker 3: but said she wasn't ready for a relationship and was

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Speaker 3: still hung up on another game. In March, he and

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Speaker 3: I started talking. I had always had a crush on

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Speaker 3: him from Afar, but at the time, he was always

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Speaker 3: with Rachel. We began casually dating in May and everything

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Speaker 3: was going well until my boyfriend told me he had

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Speaker 3: to sit with Rachel on the bus every day because

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Speaker 3: something that had happened to her. I don't have all

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Speaker 3: the details, but from what I understand, one day on

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Speaker 3: the bus, something happened to Rachel and she didn't have

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Speaker 3: any friends there, so she sought help from him. As

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Speaker 3: the angel he is, he obviously agreed, but I wasn't

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Speaker 3: very comfortable with this arrangement between them. If I'm honest,

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Speaker 3: I'm a little jealous of Rachel. She's very pretty and

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Speaker 3: seems like a very nice girl. I felt insecure about

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Speaker 3: the situation. Fast forward, I told him that he wasn't

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Speaker 3: allowed to sit next to her ever again. The next morning,

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Speaker 3: I told him he needed to choose me or Rachel.

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Speaker 3: He picked me, and I saw Rachel shed a couple

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Speaker 3: of tears. I felt bad, honestly, but I believe we

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Speaker 3: needed boundaries. A couple of months ago, I caught him

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Speaker 3: messaging Rachel asking about her current life status during quarantine

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Speaker 3: and if she was still going to therapy. I also

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Speaker 3: saw some older messages between them, with him being grateful

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Speaker 3: for a gift Rachel had given him and being very

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Speaker 3: helpful towards her. I feel awful for taking him away

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Speaker 3: from her, but I felt we needed to set boundaries.

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Speaker 1: For me.

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Speaker 3: Rachel represents a potential danger to my relationship because of

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Speaker 3: the special bond between my boyfriend and her. I have

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Speaker 3: thought about apologizing to her for what happened and clearing

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Speaker 3: things up with him. He's so great to me that

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Speaker 3: I feel awful for taking his friend away from him.

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Speaker 3: Any advice and there are some relevant comments, oh P

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Speaker 3: says well, I appreciate you siding with me. He is

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Speaker 3: not overly involved in her life. They talk once in

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Speaker 3: a while, and the gift was last year. She wasn't

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Speaker 3: using him for attention. What happened to her is genuine.

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Speaker 3: The guy that did that to her has done it

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Speaker 3: to at least other three other girls. Connor says Nor

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Speaker 3: does Ope have any obligation to be responsible for Rachel

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Speaker 3: potentially being attacked. Rachel can always ask Ope and Op's

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Speaker 3: boyfriend to sit with her instead of only Op's boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: In that case, seeing his Ope would be sitting alone

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Speaker 3: on this dangerous bus. What if OP gets attacked instead?

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Speaker 3: Op says, I have never crossed words with Rachel.

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Speaker 1: Never.

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Speaker 3: If I don't sit with my boyfriend, I sit with

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Speaker 3: my brother. Rachel only had him and I took him

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Speaker 3: away because of quarantine an online school. He hasn't seen her,

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Speaker 3: but I'm afraid of what will happen when we come

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Speaker 3: back to school. An update. I need genuine advice on this.

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Speaker 3: I don't care if people here think I'm an ale

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Speaker 3: I know I am, but I want to make things

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Speaker 3: right twelve hours later, so I went asking for advice

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Speaker 3: in relationship advice and people were either supporting me or

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Speaker 3: crap at me. So I'm asking for honest advice. Last year,

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Speaker 3: I met my boyfriend on the school bus. We go

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Speaker 3: to college, but we live far away and we take

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Speaker 3: the school bus there, not now because we're taking our

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Speaker 3: classes online. I used to see him from afar. He

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Speaker 3: was always with this very pretty girl, let's call her Rachel,

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Speaker 3: so I thought she was his girlfriend. So I never

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Speaker 3: made any effort to talk to him until my brother,

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Speaker 3: who goes to the same schools, started talking to him

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Speaker 3: because he wanted to know if Rachel was single. What

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Speaker 3: my boyfriend, let's call him Harry, told him was that

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Speaker 3: he met Rachel when they were fifteen and that he

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Speaker 3: had a crush on her, but never made a move

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Speaker 3: because she was unreachable. Then he switched schools and never

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Speaker 3: saw her again until freshman year of college, where they

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Speaker 3: became really good friends. Later on, he confessed his love

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Speaker 3: to her, and Rachel admitted that she liked him as well,

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Speaker 3: but wasn't ready to be in a relationship and that

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Speaker 3: she was hung up on another guy. This was in

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Speaker 3: February twenty nineteen. In March, we started being friends and

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Speaker 3: began casually dating in late June. Fast forward to September.

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Speaker 3: He tells me he has to sit next to Rachel

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Speaker 3: on the bus every day now because on the night

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Speaker 3: bus a guy treated her badly and none of her

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Speaker 3: friends go to the same bus. So there goes my

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Speaker 3: a whole move. After a couple of weeks, I began

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Speaker 3: feeling uncomfortable with them spending time together, especially because it

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Speaker 3: felt like nothing had changed between them, even if they

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Speaker 3: were apart for months. So I told him he needed

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Speaker 3: to choose pick me or her. The day after that,

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Speaker 3: on the bus, he picked me. I saw Rachel shed

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Speaker 3: a couple of tears, and I felt bad. Honestly, I

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Speaker 3: can't erase that image of her out of my head.

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Speaker 1: I really thought he had.

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00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,160
Speaker 3: Stopped talking to her, but turns out that he was

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Speaker 3: with her through the whole process of her therapy and

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00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,040
Speaker 3: her pressing charges against the guy. So by December, she

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00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,280
Speaker 3: gave him this really fancy medical dictionary, but he completely

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00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,560
Speaker 3: lied to me about how he got it. I just

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00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,800
Speaker 3: found out it was a gift from her and plenty

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Speaker 3: of messages between them in the last months. I didn't

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Speaker 3: say anything to him, but I don't know if he

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00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,920
Speaker 3: has unresolved feelings about her. Our relationship is strong, I think,

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00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,400
Speaker 3: but I feel really insecure about it. People on other

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Speaker 3: subreds think I should apologize to Rachel because I took

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Speaker 3: her only friend away from her and also made my

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00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,960
Speaker 3: boyfriend feel bad about helping out a friend in need. Today,

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00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,880
Speaker 3: I talked to him about it and he gave me

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Speaker 3: Rachel's phone number. But I don't know what to do,

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Speaker 3: and there is a second update three days later.

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Speaker 1: Why you gotta be so insecr Yeah, he's your boyfe,

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Speaker 1: he's your BOYF.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I think that It's a tricky situation because,

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Speaker 3: on one hand, I totally understand why she would be

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Speaker 3: a little bit insecure about this friendship or you know,

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Speaker 3: a little bit suspicious of this friendship when she knows

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Speaker 3: the history.

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Speaker 1: I guess, I guess the context. Yeah, kind of clusing

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Speaker 1: it a little bit, But.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I think.

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Speaker 1: Peel back, yeah, peel off, you know.

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Speaker 3: Update. A couple of days ago, I made a post

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Speaker 3: about me feeling awful about prohibiting my boyfriend to be

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Speaker 3: friends with a girl named Rachel. Many people suggested I

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00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 3: needed to talk to him about it, or that Rachel

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00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,000
Speaker 3: was trying to steal him away from me, because they're

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00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,760
Speaker 3: still very much in contact. So I talked to him

336
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,360
Speaker 3: and he told me that at first, when we got

337
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 3: together last year, he was still a little hung up

338
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 3: on Rachel because he always thought that she was the one.

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00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 3: And then he said that he does speak with her

340
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Speaker 3: regularly on the phone because he misses her, but he

341
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,600
Speaker 3: says that she isn't the one reaching out to him,

342
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 3: it's the other way around. So I'm just so mad

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Speaker 3: at him, Like he gets to be with me and

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Speaker 3: also talk every day with the girl he thought was

345
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Speaker 3: the one. That is b s I am a mess

346
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Speaker 3: right now and I feel like I do have to

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Speaker 3: break up with him, but at the same time I

348
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 3: don't want to, But then I remember the cherry on

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Speaker 3: top of the cake. The first one is that he

350
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 3: never told Rachel he was dating me. She thinks we're

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Speaker 3: just friends.

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Speaker 1: Oh, breaking up? Breaking up? Topya up?

353
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Speaker 3: Breaking up less than friends, buddy. And the second one

354
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 3: is that he admitted that a month before we started dating,

355
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 3: he and Rachel constantly spicy sleep in his car and

356
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 3: basically everywhere for an ehing month. I am so so mad.

357
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Speaker 3: I started packing in boxes all the stuff he gave me,

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Speaker 3: all of it, and tomorrow I'm going to his house

359
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 3: to end things. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

360
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Speaker 3: You are And there are some relevant comments. Comment one says,

361
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 3: you definitely deserve to be the one for someone else

362
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,120
Speaker 3: he can go back to Rachel. Opie says, thank you.

363
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,440
Speaker 3: I know that them having spicy sleep before he started

364
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Speaker 3: dating me doesn't count as cheating, but it feels like

365
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,399
Speaker 3: it even makes me wonder if they were having spicy

366
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,679
Speaker 3: sleep the whole time we were together. Common two says, Babe,

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00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 3: you know it's over. You're looking for a few internet

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00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,639
Speaker 3: strangers to back you up. I'm happy to be in

369
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,640
Speaker 3: that gang. Let's talk about good things. It's a holiday

370
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,359
Speaker 3: season in most places. Do you have nieces or nephews

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Speaker 3: you're making gifts for or holiday cookies. I'm not religious,

372
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: but I love making those cookies where you do the

373
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 3: fancy thing with a toothpick on the icing and it

374
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 3: looks all professional. There's a world of stuff outside this dude,

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00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 3: probably including a better dude, Opie says, I'm happy to

376
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Speaker 3: have you here. I actually have a little sister. She's

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Speaker 3: seven years old and very excited about the holidays, even

378
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Speaker 3: if they are going to be a little bit different.

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Speaker 3: We love baking cookies, and I think this year she's

380
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Speaker 3: old enough to put some icing on them. I really

381
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 3: like those fancy cookies too. I am a little bit religious,

382
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Speaker 3: but not too much. We do pray a lot this

383
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Speaker 3: time of the year to be grateful to God about

384
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,280
Speaker 3: the things he gave us this year, and I know

385
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 3: some better dude will come along, hopefully the one, as

386
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,399
Speaker 3: he says an update. First of all, I want to

387
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,679
Speaker 3: thank everyone who gave me advice and encouragement in the

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Speaker 3: past days. After thinking everything through and having a long

389
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Speaker 3: talk with my mom last night, I decided to break

390
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 3: up with him.

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Speaker 1: We're good.

392
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Speaker 3: Sorry if this post is incredibly long, but I need

393
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 3: to vent my thoughts. Today I went over to his

394
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 3: house and we went to one of the gardens in

395
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 3: his residential complex. I started by saying that until a

396
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,440
Speaker 3: few days ago, I believed he was the best boyfriend

397
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Speaker 3: in the world, and that he had always been caring

398
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,160
Speaker 3: and thoughtful, and I really thought our relationship was special,

399
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,760
Speaker 3: but the feeling was not mutual. I told them that

400
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,119
Speaker 3: I couldn't ignore the fact that he lied to me

401
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,400
Speaker 3: about Rachel and that he lied to Rachel about us.

402
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 3: When he finally got the nerve to speak, he said

403
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 3: that he told Rachel about us. Too bad, it was

404
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 3: a year too late. I made it very clear to

405
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,200
Speaker 3: him that I am not a consolation prize or second

406
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,919
Speaker 3: best to anyone, including him. We are officially over.

407
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 1: It's so over, so over, It's go ch over.

408
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 3: He apologized for lying to me, understood and accepted my

409
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,520
Speaker 3: reasons for breaking up, and said that he was really

410
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,480
Speaker 3: sorry for leaving me in the middle of all his

411
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,439
Speaker 3: problems with Rachel. He admitted that it wasn't fair to

412
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 3: me in hopes that one day I could forgive him.

413
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 3: He also said that somedays someone will be crazy about

414
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 3: me and will love me as I deserve to be

415
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 3: loved and respect.

416
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,119
Speaker 1: That's right, that's true.

417
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 3: True. I kind of hate him saying that, though.

418
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean he knows what's sub Yeah, and if

419
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 4: he knew what was off, he's been in the first place.

420
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, he can't be dating folks for real, when

421
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 1: you know that, you're just like, you're still you're still

422
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 1: you're still hooked up on you're hung up on your yep.

423
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,679
Speaker 3: Before we were a couple, we were friends, and he

424
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 3: just let out all his complicated stuff with Rachel. He

425
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 3: realized he is completely nuts and that he was truly

426
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 3: a knucklehead to me. He promised he would work things

427
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 3: out with her and stop hurting people along the way,

428
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,399
Speaker 3: including themselves. I also told him that if he had

429
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,719
Speaker 3: told me about what happened to Rachel on the bus,

430
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,160
Speaker 3: I would have been more than happy to help her.

431
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: He admitted he had no clue what to do, so

432
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,640
Speaker 3: he took her to the psychologist, talked to her mom,

433
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,399
Speaker 3: and helped her fill a formal complaint with the university authorities.

434
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,359
Speaker 3: I returned his gifts. I know I didn't have to

435
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 3: do this, but I asked if it was okay to

436
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 3: sell the expensive gifts he gave me, including a couple

437
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 3: of bracelets and rings, and donate the profit to a

438
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,160
Speaker 3: women's shelter. He agreed to this idea, which someone here

439
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 3: had kindly suggested. After a good cry and talking with Mom,

440
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 3: I decided to text Rachel. She knew everything now and

441
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 3: I still felt awful about what happened on the bus

442
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 3: that day. He spoke over the phone and she was

443
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 3: great to me. When I started to apologize, she told

444
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 3: me that I didn't need to do that. She completely

445
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 3: understood where I was coming from. Her therapist had already

446
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,160
Speaker 3: told her it wasn't good to depend on him for safety,

447
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 3: and she now knows how to defend herself and stand

448
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 3: up for herself. Rachel was so furious at her. She

449
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 3: had figured out that we were together, and she asked

450
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 3: him several times, but he was never clear. She tried

451
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 3: to take a step back, but he was still there.

452
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 3: As I said, Rachel was great and kind to me.

453
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 3: She sent to pizza and ice cream to my house

454
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,639
Speaker 3: because she asked what she could do for me. She said,

455
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 3: she told me something that stuck in my head. Spicy

456
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,479
Speaker 3: sleep makes everything more complicated. She explained that growing up

457
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 3: in a Catholic environment made her feel like she needed

458
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 3: to stick forever to the guy she gave her virginity to.

459
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 3: I told her she needed to break free from that

460
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 3: and figure out her stuff with But yeah, it seems

461
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 3: like they all come from kind of a religious background,

462
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 3: and and you know, maybe she was like, well, I

463
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 3: don't want to be in a relationship with this guy,

464
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 3: but I did sleep with them, and now comes a

465
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 3: lot of complicated feelings about that, especially in terms of,

466
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 3: you know how your relationship with religion. Yeah, I think

467
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,440
Speaker 3: that you do.

468
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 1: Just have to kind of cut your loss.

469
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 3: Well, you just have to work through that.

470
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,199
Speaker 1: It's time to join the circus.

471
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 4: Honestly, Well, I remember, like I'm pretty you know, religious,

472
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 4: and working through that was took me a year.

473
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 1: And a half.

474
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 3: No, I mean even me, I think that I had,

475
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 3: like I'm not religious, but I did have a lot

476
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 3: of those like a lot of like different types of

477
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 3: guilt from growing up religious. And you just have to yeah,

478
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 3: kind of you just have to kind of like figure

479
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 3: out what is guilt from an institution and what is

480
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 3: your actual feelings and boundaries and what you actually want

481
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 3: to you know, because maybe, like maybe you actually do

482
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 3: want to only see with one person and that's just

483
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 3: like your feelings and you just have to kind of

484
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 3: like figure out where that line is.

485
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you want to leap with a hundred thousand people, Yeah,

486
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,439
Speaker 1: and that's your choice.

487
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 3: We agreed that we wished we could have been friends

488
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 3: because we have a lot in common, but right now

489
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 3: it feels too weird. Thanks again to everyone. I was

490
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 3: hesitant to write this post, but even Rachel and my

491
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 3: mom told me it was a good idea to write

492
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 3: it down. Rachel even gave me permission to write crap

493
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,199
Speaker 3: about her, which I will not do. I mean, you

494
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 3: kind of did. I am free. I learned that I

495
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 3: should never pursue someone who was clearly in love with

496
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 3: another girl. I have to work on myself, value my

497
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,959
Speaker 3: worth more, and never settle for a bad love. I

498
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 3: have lots of emotions between happy and angry, but hopefully

499
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 3: someday I will look back at this post and feel

500
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 3: good about my decision. I have happy, hoddy seasons everyone,

501
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 3: and remember, emotional affairs are not cool and that's the end.

502
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 3: Of that story.

503
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 1: Sam.

504
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 5: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

505
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 5: three of it's bad from our sponsors.

506
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,680
Speaker 3: I think my husband is sabotaging me after saying he's

507
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 3: supportive of me.

508
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: He's pulling the old soul, which a rule.

509
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 3: I thirty nine female have been working as a licensed

510
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 3: home daycare provider while raising and homeschooling my four kids.

511
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 3: This was a sacrifice for my family. I've always been

512
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,360
Speaker 3: upfront about wanting a career outside of the home. Now

513
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 3: that my kids are older and in public school full time,

514
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 3: I can finally pursue something that can bring more professional satisfaction.

515
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from ok Floor forty seven

516
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 3: to seventeen, and if you want to spit your own stories,

517
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia,

518
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,120
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

519
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,199
Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

520
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,159
Speaker 3: what we'd do. Let us know what you would do

521
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 3: in the comments, and Op says, this is my second

522
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: attempt to get an education and rejoin the workforce. During

523
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 3: the VID I closed my daycare and started an online

524
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 3: Bachelor of Science in computer science, which my husband, forty

525
00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 3: seven male, said he's supported. I brought up an rolling

526
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 3: my daughter for in preschool two days a week for

527
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 3: two and a half hours each day, so I could

528
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 3: get some time to work on my coursework. It was

529
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 3: a huge fight because he'd have to drop her off

530
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 3: and pick her up five minutes away. That was the

531
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 3: huge fight.

532
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 1: Oh talk about five minutes five minutes.

533
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 3: I hate my daughter. He was working from home at

534
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: the time. After two weeks of loud disagreements over giving

535
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 3: me kid free time, he finally relented, giving me five

536
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 3: hours a week to work on schoolwork. I was also

537
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 3: waking up at four am to get in more time

538
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 3: to work on my courses, and of course there were weekends.

539
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 3: It was an ideal, but my daughter would be in

540
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 3: full time kindergarten the next year. He couldn't or wouldn't

541
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 3: keep the kids quiet in the evenings, so I couldn't

542
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 3: sleep when I needed to, and my mornings got derailed.

543
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: Weekends were hit or.

544
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 3: Missed with loud kids, and my husband needed to do

545
00:25:55,160 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 3: important household tasks. Someone once described this as weaponized responsibility,

546
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 3: and I think that fits. Long story, short pursuing the

547
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 3: degree became impossible, so I took incompletes on my courses

548
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: and dropped out. Your husband sucks for that, the fact

549
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 3: that you were trying to improve your life and follow

550
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 3: your dreams and he couldn't even help you out.

551
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: For a couple hours a day, literally zero support. What's

552
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: the point of being in a relationship with someone who

553
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 1: will to support you at all?

554
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: This destroyed my confidence and sense of self as I've

555
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 3: always been driven. Now to today, my daughter is in

556
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 3: school full time and I finally regained enough confidence to

557
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: try again. With the tech sector layoffs, I decided to

558
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: pursue something else that feels like the perfect fit, a

559
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 3: two year library tech program. I enrolled and worked hard

560
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 3: in my courses, getting a two week buffer. Then my

561
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 3: husband announced he was going on a two week work

562
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 3: trip strongly requested but not required, meaning I'd be solo

563
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 3: parenting and taking care of our new puppy, who woke

564
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 3: at night. I could balance the puppy waking and school

565
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 3: because I slept in until eight am and my husband

566
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 3: handled the early bus child. But with his work trip,

567
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 3: I was night waking and early morning waking. I lost

568
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 3: my buffer completely. Then When he got home, he brought

569
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,959
Speaker 3: a cold ah that knocked me on my butt for

570
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 3: ten days. In the end, I had three late assignments.

571
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 1: And had to scramble to catch up.

572
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 3: I've been actively applying for jobs in the field, and

573
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 3: I have an interview for tomorrow. I got a haircut

574
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 3: and bought some professional clothes since Oobo mommy isn't going

575
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 3: to cut it comfy as heck. Though my husband repeatedly

576
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 3: suggested I try on some of my outfits so we

577
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 3: could pick the best one for tomorrow, I relented. He

578
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 3: criticized every single one. I thought that was going to

579
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 3: be a cute moment where he's like, I want to

580
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 3: see my schmecksy.

581
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: Why that's where your optimism has overtaken. Really, God, this

582
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: guy is too stinky to be cute.

583
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 3: Now there is literally nothing I can wear tomorrow that

584
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 3: he didn't talk rap about. I'll have his negative comments

585
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,959
Speaker 3: swimming in my head while on my first job an

586
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 3: interview in over fifteen years. I yelled at him and

587
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: asked what the point of this humiliation ritual was. He

588
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 3: said it was to hype me up. Huh, how how

589
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 3: was that?

590
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: It's just a liar?

591
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 3: I demanded. He explained how trashing every outfit I might

592
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: wear was supposed to hype me up. He's sorried instead,

593
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 3: I guess my intentions don't matter.

594
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they actually don't. We've had a job discussion.

595
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 1: They don't. If you tend it was one way and

596
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: it came across as a completely different way, you need

597
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: to accept that. Yep.

598
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 3: He tried to backpedal and say something he liked about

599
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 3: each one, but the damage was already done. I yelled

600
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 3: at him, asking why I couldn't just wake up tomorrow

601
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,239
Speaker 3: and use my own judgment to pick an outfit I

602
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 3: felt good in. I accused him of sabotaging me and

603
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 3: told him to leave our room. Now I'm sitting here

604
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 3: feeling like garbage. All my excitement over my possible dream job,

605
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 3: major life change, step forward, and all that jazz is gone.

606
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 3: Any advice, there's some comments, but do you have any

607
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 3: advice for ropy?

608
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: I mean, by all rights, it doesn't sound like this

609
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: is a very healthy relationship.

610
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,479
Speaker 3: I mean, just going back to you request. You know,

611
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 3: you bringing up hey, I want to pursue this big

612
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 3: life change and request I need a little bit of sport,

613
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 3: and him not even wanting to drive five minutes to

614
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 3: pick up your daughter.

615
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: Pretty talent, it really is, And I don't know if

616
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: it's going to be sustainable if he's not willing to

617
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: be open to change, especially by being like, why did

618
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: you do this? And then he goes, I did it.

619
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: I did it. That's not what I meant to do.

620
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: I guess my intent doesn't matter. Yeah, I don't see

621
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 1: without a big pivot on his end anything getting better.

622
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: And if that's the case, I think it might be

623
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: best for it to be over. I know we only

624
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: have a small window here, but it really doesn't sound

625
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: like Yeah, it would be also like a you could

626
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: do couple's therapy and hopefully he changes from that and

627
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: hopefully he sees the light. But like it just don't.

628
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a good environment for your kid

629
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,959
Speaker 1: to know, because then it's like, oh, this is normal.

630
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 3: This should not be normal, shouldn't be normalized. Comments coming

631
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 3: one says you are not overreacting. He really is trying

632
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 3: to sabotage your success. He should be supportive, but for

633
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 3: some reason he wants to hold you back and keep

634
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 3: you in place. An update. I think the job interview

635
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 3: went well. I'll have to wait for a call for

636
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 3: round two to know for sure an answer to some

637
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 3: questions to the people nitpicking over word choices while missing

638
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: the entire point, don't you have better things to do?

639
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 1: They don't, They don't, They don't.

640
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 3: I said, my children, because that's the correct way to

641
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: identify your children when talking with strangers, I said, I decided,

642
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 3: because who else is supposed to decide what I do

643
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 3: with my life? Of course I talked to my husband.

644
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,760
Speaker 3: Did you miss the part where he said he was

645
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 3: supportive while his actions were anything But it's like you're

646
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: trying so hard to make this my fault that you resort.

647
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 3: You're twisting yourself into linguistic pretzels to feel like you

648
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 3: made a point. Honestly, I'm embarrassed for you Next to

649
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 3: people not understanding what my typical day was like during

650
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 3: my first attempt, four am to seven am online schooling,

651
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 3: seven am to eight thirty am morning routine with kids,

652
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 3: eight thirty am to five pm, full time parenting my preschooler.

653
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 3: Two days a week. My daughter was at preschool for

654
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 3: two and a half hours, during which time I did

655
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 3: online schooling five pm to seven pm, cooking, cleaning, and

656
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 3: starting bedtime routines eight pm, attempt at sleep, but my

657
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 3: husband made that impossible. Weekends I wanted time for schooling,

658
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 3: but my husband often made that impossible too. So how

659
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 3: exactly was I having an affair when I never left

660
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 3: the house?

661
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: Hey?

662
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: Back, what people are saying in the comments? Crazy? What

663
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: is this thread on? Like the r slash of lonely men? Yeah?

664
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:04,239
Speaker 1: So I bred it?

665
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 3: What or how I was somehow neglecting my kids in

666
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 3: household by doing school all day every day? Again, I

667
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 3: had a preschooler in preschool for five hours total a week,

668
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 3: not daily. Where exactly do you think she was when

669
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 3: she wasn't in preschool? This low level critical thinking is

670
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: not it? Do better? The puppy is one hundred percent mine.

671
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 3: We have another dog, my husband's, and two cats my sons.

672
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 3: Aside from temporary nighttime waking, it's not a bad adjustment.

673
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: I got a puppy because I've been incredibly lonely over

674
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 3: the years. There is basically no emotional connection with my husband,

675
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 3: despite my repeated efforts over the years to maintain that connection. Girl,

676
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: leave him.

677
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: It really is starting to be like screaming.

678
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 3: Lee dreamingly, leave, Leave, Leave.

679
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: It's probably for the best. It's gonna be scary, but

680
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: it's for the best.

681
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, my kids are old enough to prioritize socializing with

682
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: the same age peers, which is appropriate as they are

683
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 3: not responsible for my emotional needs. Good that you know that,

684
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 3: while burning out from sunrise to sunset in my home,

685
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 3: I was unable to build and maintain close friendships. The

686
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 3: puppy dramatically improved my confidence, as I've had from mendous

687
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: success in training him. Despite being a more stubborn breed

688
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 3: that many consider untrainable, he is one of the few

689
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 3: things in life that brings me joy at this point. Yes,

690
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 3: I'm sure my husband is afraid I'll leave. It's a

691
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 3: chicken and egg situation. I've always been clear but wanting

692
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 3: an education and a career and about my growing misery,

693
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 3: hoping we could work on improving our marriage. The more

694
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 3: he tries to sabotage my independence to keep me from leaving,

695
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 3: the more he necessitates that independence and guarantees my leaving.

696
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: My husband has seen this post and your comments. He

697
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: thinks the bitter dudes need reading comprehension skills. Aside from

698
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 3: everything I pointed out above regarding scheduling and literally never

699
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 3: leaving the house. He thought it was absurd to suggest

700
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 3: that doing everything around the house meant I wasn't sacrificed

701
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 3: or supporting him in his career, especially solo while he

702
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: was on work trips. That's how he managed to get

703
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 3: huge raises and promotions. He also thought it was insane

704
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 3: to point out that parenting means sacrifices when I literally

705
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 3: did sacrifice everything for nearly two decades. Well, he hasn't

706
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 3: see this is the problem. Rhetorically, my husband gets it.

707
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 3: He can see and call out the absurdity misogyny, and

708
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 3: when other people do it, he can clearly identify and

709
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 3: articulate the issues with those guys's comments, But when it

710
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,400
Speaker 3: comes to his own behavior, it's like he's got blinders on.

711
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: Really, that's an interesting little wrinkle.

712
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 3: I think this is like a lot of people do this.

713
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people can point out that

714
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 3: that level of misogyny or even like you know, people

715
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 3: point out home people point out, but don't do the

716
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 3: mental work that it takes to recognize when you are

717
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 3: doing it, or are too defensive to understand.

718
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 1: That they are doing it. And he really could get

719
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 1: him to see the light in like a good counseling session, maybe.

720
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 3: But some big change to be made because you literally

721
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 3: said for years you have felt lonely and no emotional connection.

722
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean he needs to take action instead of

723
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: just passively saying things after the.

724
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 3: Fact, after fighting about it and disrupting everything I'm trying

725
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: to focus my efforts on. He'll admit his behavior was

726
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 3: destructive and say sorry, But his daily operating is self

727
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 3: centered and unwilling to do anything that might cause him

728
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 3: even the smallest inconvenience like driving our daughter to preschool,

729
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 3: even if the reward could be huge, like doubling our income.

730
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 3: He is a fundamentally self centered person. He was not

731
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 3: like this when we got together. I'm doing what I

732
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 3: can with the resources I have to regain my independence.

733
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: My kids are old enough that I can and will

734
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 3: leave the home to work if I need to. My

735
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 3: son is old enough to babysit, and we have many

736
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 3: stay at home neighbors, mom neighbors who are available in

737
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 3: the event of an emergency. Leaving takes time.

738
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,240
Speaker 1: Don't ask someone why they haven't.

739
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,280
Speaker 3: Left, ask them how you can support their transition. Victim

740
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 3: blaming is gross and yeah, I hope that you can

741
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 3: get out of there. It seems like you really.

742
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 1: Want to and victim blaming is gross. It is gross.

743
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, it seems like op's fully set on wanting

744
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 3: to leave. It's just a matter of having the funds

745
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 3: and the ability.

746
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: To matter of getting it done. Yeah, and that's the

747
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 1: end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

748
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,239
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

749
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

750
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors. My wife demands my

751
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 1: money in exchange of taking care of me. How about no.

752
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: I twenty six male am separated from my twenty three

753
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: year old female wife. Let's call her honey. Before I

754
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: can get to the money bit, I want to fairly

755
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,919
Speaker 1: give a backstory. By the way, this comes from user

756
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,720
Speaker 1: trying not to burden And if you want to submit

757
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time.

758
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: I'm subpered it where this story was submitted. I'm Dakota, mye,

759
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give you

760
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: good advice. Goofully. We don't have all the answers, we

761
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 1: just know what we'd do. So if you do something

762
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: else let us know in the comments, and OP says,

763
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 1: we've been married for two years. For starters, I'm a

764
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: disabled veteran. I've been in constant pain since my injury

765
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: five years ago. When I left the service, I got

766
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 1: connected to the VA and they gave me a fifty

767
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 1: percent rating. I've had multiple surgeries and my condition has worsened.

768
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. Ope, that is very hard. Yeah.

769
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: After a lot of rehab, I finally got to the

770
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: point I was able to move around somewhat, still in pain.

771
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: I ended up in a program that helped me get

772
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 1: back to working a full time job. That's when I

773
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: met Honey. She was funny, I found her attractive and

774
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 1: we kind of just hit it off. We got married

775
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: way too early, but she was in the military and

776
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 1: I was about to be done with the program and

777
00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: not have a place to stay anymore. So we decided

778
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: to get me married and get a place together. Things

779
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: were good for about four months. I used to play

780
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 1: World of Warcraft. I was in the middle of a raid.

781
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: One day. She came home with groceries and was hollering

782
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: from the door for me to come help. I played tank,

783
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: so if I lost, we all lost. I told her

784
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: I'm coming, just give me a minute, and she screamed,

785
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,760
Speaker 1: I need you now. So I thought she was in trouble.

786
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: I ran out there and she's just standing in the kitchen. Wow,

787
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: if I was really in danger, you to just let

788
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 1: me be attacked. And that was the first instance of

789
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 1: the test stuff.

790
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's icky. I don't like that.

791
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: A few months later, a government job I applied for

792
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: selected me. I was so excited. It was decent pay

793
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: in a month later, I got it nice. That night

794
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: I got home, I told her and I was so happy,

795
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 1: but she was the opposite. At this time, she has

796
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: been paying the bills while I've been doing halftime volunteer

797
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 1: at the VA. She enjoyed being the bread winner. It

798
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: took a long fight, but I finally found out that

799
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: she didn't want me working. She just wanted me to

800
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 1: depend on her and travel wherever her career takes her.

801
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,760
Speaker 1: And this is the moment where I would probably seek

802
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: in annument or divorce.

803
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, because this isn't a relationship. That's like a partnership.

804
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: You married too fast, You married for partially so that

805
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: you could move in together. I guess. Yeah, and now

806
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: that you have that job that gives you decent pay,

807
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: and you can probably find a different place to live.

808
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: I would immediately get out of this, yeah, because that's

809
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: that's a full admission that she's like, I don't want

810
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: you to be your own person. I want you to

811
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 1: be a thing that relies on me. That's a weird

812
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: power play. She had this notion that I should be

813
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: a stay at home dad for the kids we were

814
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: supposed to have later. I was shocked. Fast forward six months.

815
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: I'm making decent money, our neighbors do substances, and we

816
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 1: feel unsafe living there due to gang presence. Half the

817
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 1: days we would walk out of our apartment and get

818
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: a contact buzz. We both work for the government, and

819
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,439
Speaker 1: that's a really bad look. After the apartment security door

820
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: was broken and someone vandalized the interior, I said enough

821
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: is enough and we're leaving. I had to pay to

822
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: break our contract and I bought a home at the time.

823
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 1: I tried to see if she wanted to co sign,

824
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: and she said no. This is when I should have

825
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: said something's up. We move into our new home and

826
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 1: one day she gets a notice from the military. She's

827
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: gained too much weight and she's failed tape. I took

828
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: a look in the mirror and we had let ourselves go.

829
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: I tried to motivate her to work out with me,

830
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: but she didn't care for that.

831
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 3: It just feels like you guys are in a relationship

832
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 3: that doesn't push each other to better yourselves. Yeah, and

833
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 3: I feel like when it gets to that point, it's

834
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,800
Speaker 3: you know, and you also, I don't know. It just

835
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 3: doesn't feel like a healthy relationship.

836
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 1: It really doesn't. At this time, I was also taking

837
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: depression medication that really shot my libido. Honey has drive

838
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: that girls like the energizer Bunny. Me not being able

839
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 1: to match her really hurt us. I told her I

840
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: would be willing to do anything to make up for it.

841
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: We can figure it out. Still, though it drifted off,

842
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:06,920
Speaker 1: he said she wasn't really in the mood, but I

843
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: can hear her taken care of things in the middle

844
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: of the night. I once asked her if I can help,

845
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 1: and she said no and just stopped. That night, I

846
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: felt so small as a person, as a man, and

847
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: as a husband. She reassured me the next day it

848
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: was no worry and we'll figure it out. Honestly, it's

849
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,760
Speaker 1: just there's more and more reasons to call it my guy.

850
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: You know that's not the like the big big one

851
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: I think is earlier when she was like, no, I

852
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: just fully, I'm mad that you're getting a job and

853
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: being able to provide for yourself, especially as someone who

854
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 1: was like a disabled It's like.

855
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: You guys are just chosing separate people who don't want

856
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 3: to be together.

857
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. Being that honey was in the Navy, they have

858
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 1: requirements for volunteer time to help with promotions. Recently, she's

859
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 1: been doing it so much for labor events she expected

860
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: me to be there despite my back injury. Finally, one

861
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 1: day she just said, since it's such a big deal,

862
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: just day home. So she started going by herself and

863
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: didn't even invite me or let me know. Half the

864
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 1: time she is never home anymore. This carried on for months.

865
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: Then one night she gets a call at two am

866
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: and says she has to go out and just leaves.

867
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 1: It was about three days before we had time together again,

868
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,360
Speaker 1: and I asked her why. She said, a sailor needed

869
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: her help, a sailor needs me, mind you, she's not

870
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: in leadership. She had to go pick up a wasted

871
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: sailor and on the way back, they met up with

872
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:33,240
Speaker 1: a few others and had breakfast and their drunken zod.

873
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: I just think it's pretty convenient. Yep. Yeah, apparently lie

874
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: in the morn Okay, yeah, yeah, that's what you do.

875
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: You take him to breakfast. I guess throw the brig

876
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: in this. It's I would again, I hate to be

877
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:56,439
Speaker 1: that guy. She's got the libido problem, y'all. She's like, nah,

878
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: you don't. I don't want you to even be involved.

879
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 1: Then she hes at two am at the drop of

880
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: a hat. I would be a little bit. I would

881
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:07,879
Speaker 1: think she's doing something with dead drunk and say, look,

882
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: she got breakfast. During this time, I was losing some weight. She,

883
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: on the other hand, kept climbing. At this point, I

884
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: felt like my marriage was pretty much over, so I

885
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 1: started focusing on the house, myself, my dogs. She had

886
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 1: shared debt. I consolidated it. I traded my car in

887
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: for a truck. I had given up trying to help

888
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 1: her make tape. I had given up expecting her to

889
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: come home at a reasonable hour. I still loved her,

890
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 1: but doing that hurt me. I decided to start spending

891
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 1: time with my friends. I rekindled some relationships that took

892
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 1: a hit when we got together, only to find out

893
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: that the reason they stopped talking to me was because

894
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 1: Honey said some lies about something.

895
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 3: I said, Yeah, she's lying about you to other people. Bye.

896
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: Yeah. They kept telling me she's bad. Get away asap.

897
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 1: I'm married, though I don't really believe in divorce unless

898
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: it's harming someone or adultery. Brother, you're being harmed.

899
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 3: You're being harmed emotionally.

900
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: There might be adultery.

901
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: There might be adultery, and I'll see you're being harmed emotionally.

902
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: It was as soon as I said that word that

903
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: my blinders lifted. The lack of attention, the constant being gone,

904
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 1: the two am calls. I was so focused on building

905
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: our home that I didn't have anything left for that drama.

906
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: She came home on a Thursday at eight thirty pm

907
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: and says, I'm gonna go see my family this weekend.

908
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: We lived many states away from her folks. I never

909
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: even met them. The next morning, at four am, a

910
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: male sailor came to pick her up to go to

911
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 1: the airport by himself. I didn't see or hear from

912
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: her until she returns Sunday night, dropped off by the

913
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 1: same guy. As soon as she walked in, I had

914
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: flowers waiting for her. I had some balloons. I hugged

915
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 1: her and tried to kiss her welcome back. She didn't

916
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 1: back away, but she didn't participate either, and my heart sank.

917
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 1: I tried to talk to her. She said, not tonight,

918
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: I mean went to bed. It felt like there was

919
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,399
Speaker 1: a grand canyon between us. The next day, she said

920
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 1: she wants to separate. I said why, and she said

921
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: because she wants to be on her own, more like,

922
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: because she can't deal with the crushing guilt of what

923
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:14,479
Speaker 1: she has done.

924
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

925
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 1: I said, let's try counseling, and she said I will

926
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: if we separate. I asked her, please give me a reason.

927
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 1: She surprised me with saying, I told you when we

928
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: first got together that your back issue would be fine

929
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: because my dad has the same thing. I was wrong.

930
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: I can't live with someone who is constantly in pain.

931
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's too much and I'm too young for this.

932
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 1: Well that's quite the switch up from I don't want

933
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: you to get a job and I just want you

934
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 1: to be around.

935
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

936
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 3: I don't know that might be partially true. I don't

937
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 3: believe it's the full truth.

938
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 1: Well right, and then also she's been cheating on you. Yeah.

939
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 1: Also that I relented and she started packing. I asked

940
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: her if she needed anything, and I got a very

941
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: curt not from you. Wow. The next day I saw

942
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 1: she cleared out our joint save me as account for

943
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: about five thousand dollars. Yeah, that's shared assets. I checked

944
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 1: the other accounts in our bill account and she took

945
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: half of it, about seven thousand. That was money I

946
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 1: put in to cover the bills in case of anything happening.

947
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 1: For the record, the BAH we got was sixteen hundred.

948
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: She only gave me a thousand of it for mortgage bills, food,

949
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: et cetera. And on average the bills for the house

950
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: was about thirty five hundred. Every month she would put

951
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: to fifty in savings. I would put in seven fifty

952
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: in the bill fund. All of that was me. A

953
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: couple months went by and I tried to work out

954
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,720
Speaker 1: things with her. Counseling was a waste. She never showed.

955
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: She told the counselor that work came up. Three times,

956
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 1: she failed to show, and they dropped us. I tried

957
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: to go see her. I couldn't remember what apartment number

958
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 1: she was in, and just that it was the first floor.

959
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: I looked at the buzzer and only one apartment had

960
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: no name on it, and I figured that would be hers.

961
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 1: I knocked with no answer. I was walking back to

962
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 1: my truck through the court and as I was walking by,

963
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 1: I saw her blinds moving. I thought she's home, so

964
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 1: I headed the door. Oh no, I wasn't one hundred

965
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 1: percent sure. I saw what I saw, but there was

966
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: a dude running in a towel down the hall.

967
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 3: You saw what you saw.

968
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 1: I knocked on the glass. She comes out. I tried

969
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 1: to talk to her, and she said it's over. You

970
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 1: need to leave and never come back. I told her,

971
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 1: I just can't give up on us, and then I left. Brother,

972
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 1: you need to listen to that.

973
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to give up on it. She's given

974
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,439
Speaker 3: up on you, like a long time ago.

975
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 1: Yeah. This is like when the power of belief like

976
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 1: becomes really damaging. Yeah, because you believe that there's something left,

977
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:43,320
Speaker 1: and it's like you're holding onto that belief, but there's

978
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:46,359
Speaker 1: nothing airing there and you need to let go of it.

979
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: About a week passed by, while at work, the police

980
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 1: came into my office Oh, they served me with an

981
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: order of protection.

982
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 3: Because you went over to our house once.

983
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: So she lied. I don't know if that is that prosecutable,

984
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 1: because clearly whatever she said about you is untrue. Yep,

985
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: I wasn't to see, talk or go near her residence.

986
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: The order claimed that I threatened her. Apparently I claimed

987
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let her go and she will be mine.

988
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 1: It stated that I was stalking her at her home.

989
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: I would randomly show up at all hours, and I

990
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 1: only went one time right after work at five pm.

991
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 1: There I was in the office reading this and I

992
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:31,280
Speaker 1: felt so gross. These lies are official record now. Last

993
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: week my new VA rating came in a few weeks

994
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:37,720
Speaker 1: before our examine our separation, I got a new exam done,

995
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: and just now it finally came through its increase in

996
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: disability and back pay for the time since I claimed.

997
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 1: It was Friday night when I got the email, and

998
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: I was so happy because her leaving left me gutted

999
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: for money. I've since made new accounts for all the

1000
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: bills and savings except one. I had to physically go

1001
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: into the location to remove myself from the account. I

1002
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 1: was also waiting for my direct deport to change accounts,

1003
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,360
Speaker 1: which is why I had been waiting. I bank with

1004
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: Navy Federal Credit Union, and they had this thing that

1005
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: allows you to see incoming deposits. I saw the money coming,

1006
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: and I know she did too. The money hits the

1007
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 1: account around six am. I could barely sleep that night,

1008
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: and I set an alarm for five am. I wanted

1009
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: to pull that money immediately. Saturday morning, I kept refreshing

1010
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 1: the page. Finally six am on the dot bam, money

1011
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 1: hit six am and three seconds transferred to my other account.

1012
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: I woke up to a slew of messages, emails, and

1013
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: twenty three missed calls.

1014
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 3: She just wants that money too, had too slow, too slow.

1015
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 1: So you can't I can't see you or ever talk

1016
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 1: to you again, but you can just take my money. Yeah,

1017
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: she's trash, dude.

1018
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 3: Literally, do not respond to any of those calls, but

1019
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 3: keep a log of them and then say, I got

1020
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 3: a lot of calls from this person who was supposed

1021
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 3: to leave.

1022
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, order protection at one hundred percent. I didn't reply back.

1023
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: I'm not going to violate the order.

1024
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1025
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 1: How the gist of the complaint is, how dare you

1026
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 1: take money that is owed to me? I had to

1027
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 1: deal with your disabled butt for two years. Where's my compensation?

1028
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 1: Half of that is mine? You owe it to me?

1029
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 3: Ha haha. You stole all of our savings.

1030
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 1: I seem to recall you guys were married.

1031
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 3: And one you are married, and two does you stole

1032
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 3: the savings?

1033
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:29,800
Speaker 1: Doesn't the vow say in sickness and in health for

1034
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,439
Speaker 1: rich or for poor? Hmmm? She didn't read those parts

1035
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: of though. The calls started out very angry and then pleading,

1036
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 1: and then reasoning and then angry again. Am I the

1037
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: a hole for not splitting my disability money? Absolutely not know?

1038
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 3: She again stole all of your joint account, stole all

1039
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 3: the savings in there.

1040
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: This this person deserves zero dollars and zero cents.

1041
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 3: She left you, she cheated on you, got an order

1042
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 3: of protection against you, and that is demanding your money now.

1043
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 1: I don't really have an unbiased group of people. I

1044
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: can talk to my friends personally know her and hate her.

1045
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: I think that's the accurate representation. I don't think you've

1046
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: have to be worried about that bias. I'm supposed to

1047
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 1: have a meeting with her and the mediator today for

1048
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 1: the divorce proceedings. She filed that a while ago, and

1049
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 1: with the order in place, they can push it up

1050
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: to now there is an update. We're just gonna dive

1051
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 1: right into it. We all know you're not in ale

1052
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 1: and that's your money. So I went to the mediation.

1053
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 1: I had not spoke to Honey in weeks until this.

1054
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 1: Sitting in the courthouse on a beach outside of the

1055
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 1: mediator's office, she sits on one end and nigh on

1056
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 1: the other, about four feet apart. I looked over to

1057
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 1: her and was about to say something, but I didn't

1058
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: want to be the first, so I just put my

1059
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: head back down. A moment of silence, and all you

1060
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,399
Speaker 1: hear is clacking of shoes and heels up and down

1061
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 1: the hall. Then a meek I'm sorry is what I heard.

1062
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,760
Speaker 1: Expecting to see another person, but no, it's Honey looking

1063
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 1: at me with watery eyes. I said, what are you sorry?

1064
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 1: She said everything, and I just shrugged, Thank the Lord. Yeah,

1065
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: of course she's sorry. Now I'm sure she's realizing.

1066
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:18,839
Speaker 3: Uh spent all that money probably, Yeah, all.

1067
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: The money's gone and she's not gonna get any of

1068
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: your money ever again.

1069
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, and feel pretty awful about that.

1070
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,840
Speaker 1: You've been I'm sure losing more weight. You're probably looking great.

1071
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,320
Speaker 1: You've got more money coming in, You've still got the

1072
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:34,879
Speaker 1: steady job on top of your disability benefits. Everything's looking

1073
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 1: great for you right now.

1074
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,320
Speaker 3: And not so good for her. She's, you know, seeing

1075
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 3: a sailor.

1076
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm sure the sailor has moved on, yeah

1077
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 1: to a nice report.

1078
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Brandy is not the sea.

1079
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:51,959
Speaker 1: I asked her why she lied about me in the order.

1080
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 1: She said, she didn't even write it. The clerk in

1081
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: the office did. That's a lie. That's a lot liar,

1082
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 1: she said. The clerk said it had to have a

1083
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 1: certain trigger word to push it through. I was stunned.

1084
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: My blood started to run hot. Yeah. But as soon

1085
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,839
Speaker 1: as the clerk said that, you go, oh, well, oh

1086
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: well that's not true. Wait hold on, see how she

1087
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 1: said the clerk said it had to have this to

1088
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: push it through. And she went she was the.

1089
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 3: One who the order bro Yeah, the clerk. The clerk

1090
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 3: showed up at her door and was like, hey, I'm

1091
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 3: here to help you file a protection orders. She said,

1092
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 3: what he said, I'm like Santa, but for protection orders.

1093
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 3: I just I just know that you want one.

1094
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: I could feel it in your in your brain my goodness.

1095
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 1: Either she's lying to say face, which she wasn't. I

1096
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: later compared the handwriting when I got home, or this

1097
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: system is so corrupt allowing this to happen. Oh my god,

1098
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,839
Speaker 1: I want to slam my head against the wall. Are

1099
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 1: you kidding me? No? No, no, oh he was he's saying, no,

1100
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 1: he's no, he's he's not saying, and it's his ex

1101
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: wife's faults. No, he's trying to say that.

1102
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 3: No, no, he said, it's the handwriting is hers. He

1103
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 3: was like, either she's lying, or the system's so corrupt.

1104
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 1: Right, you know he's saying she wasn't lying. The handwriting's

1105
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: not hers. Listen. Either she's lying to save face parentheses,

1106
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: which she wasn't. I later compared the handwriting when I

1107
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:30,280
Speaker 1: got home, which, yeah, the clerk probably wrote it. She's

1108
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:31,720
Speaker 1: the one who went to the clerk.

1109
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 3: Oh you gotta keep it too, order it. You can't be,

1110
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 3: you can't be, don't be a dumb dumb Or the.

1111
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,879
Speaker 1: System is so corrupt allowing this to happen. I had

1112
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 1: not another word to speak for a while. Then she says, well,

1113
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 1: it was your fault for making me have to do this.

1114
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 1: My brain felt broken. Ah, why, And she had the

1115
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 1: audacity to smirk at me. Then she says, the day

1116
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 1: that I came over, her ex was visiting and staying

1117
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,399
Speaker 1: at her apartment. He took a week off to come visits.

1118
00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: Since they were such good friends. It was odd, though,

1119
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: I it's good friends. It was yeah, it was odd

1120
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,919
Speaker 1: though I didn't feel anger. I felt vindicated. I kept

1121
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,320
Speaker 1: questioning my own eyes. It was more of a relief,

1122
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 1: I guess. I said, it's fine. We're finished anyway, right.

1123
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: She kind of looked sad at that, but then said sure.

1124
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:15,720
Speaker 3: Good.

1125
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:18,840
Speaker 1: I said, thanks for being honest. Then she said, I

1126
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 1: think I need to come clean some of the weekend

1127
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 1: trips I took to see my family. I went to

1128
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: spend the weekend with my eggs all shocked.

1129
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 3: Well, you cheated.

1130
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 1: Stop the presses and the world stopped turning out this revelation.

1131
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 3: Wow.

1132
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 1: It was at this point the itty bitty trust I

1133
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 1: had for her just shattered. Good. I just felt cold

1134
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 1: sitting there. I didn't say anything. She asked if I

1135
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 1: was okay, and I didn't answer her. Finally, the door

1136
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: opens and the mediator asks us to sit at this

1137
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 1: table opposite of each other. They asked for identification. Then asked,

1138
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 1: there's no chance of trying to work things out right.

1139
00:55:54,719 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 1: I immediately said no. Honey looked offended. He said, okay,

1140
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: let's begin. As we started going through each asset line,

1141
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 1: it was like a rough fight. Only married two years,

1142
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,840
Speaker 1: she tried to take my retirement. Then I said, I

1143
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: get hers too, right? He said yes, and Honey dropped it.

1144
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: We finally got to the house that I've been primarily

1145
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 1: paying for and is in only my name. Well, that

1146
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 1: don't matter. It was acquired during our marriage. They were

1147
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 1: discussing how much I would have to pay to buy

1148
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:29,120
Speaker 1: her out, and I couldn't afford it. They intended to

1149
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 1: make me sell the home. My mind was racing. Then

1150
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 1: I remembered, shortly after we married, her family, in order

1151
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 1: to dodge taxes on a property, put it in their

1152
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:42,400
Speaker 1: daughter's name. I asked the mediator, excuse me, how about

1153
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 1: land put in her name from family? He said absolutely, well.

1154
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: I told him it's probably about one hundred k oh,

1155
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:53,719
Speaker 1: my lord. The look on her face, ah ha, I'm

1156
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:54,400
Speaker 1: loving this.

1157
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 3: This is great. I love that he's like And then

1158
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 3: I remembered and.

1159
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:02,399
Speaker 1: Mud, yeah, how about that little chunk of land? Yeah,

1160
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:03,440
Speaker 1: maybe I get some of that.

1161
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 3: You're great, IPEDI doing great.

1162
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 1: If she could have thrown daggers, she would have. She

1163
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 1: started in about how it's her family's money, not hers.

1164
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: I asked, if she left my home alone, would I

1165
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: be able to leave that alone? And the mediator agreed.

1166
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,920
Speaker 1: So far, I wasn't doing so bad. Little did I

1167
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 1: know my truck considered marital assets and all the debt

1168
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: we had. Apparently, she went to visit her family again.

1169
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 1: She had a shared credit card with sixteen thousand dollars

1170
00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: on it. She maxed it out, bought gifts for everyone

1171
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:36,440
Speaker 1: back home, and I said, surely that's her debt, right, No,

1172
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 1: it's split down the middle. I had less of a

1173
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 1: leg to stand on. I was going to have to

1174
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 1: sell the truck to pay the difference. Then the mediator

1175
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: proposed an idea, if I take on the whole debt

1176
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: of that card, she leaves my truck alone. I really

1177
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:54,439
Speaker 1: had to swallow my pride. I ended up walking away

1178
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 1: with about forty thousand dollars in debt and she only

1179
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 1: had eighteen. I signed the forms for divorce. They're going

1180
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 1: to go before a judge. I hope to God nothing

1181
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 1: more comes of this. After our mediation was concluded, we

1182
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 1: went over to the Protection court and signed up to

1183
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,439
Speaker 1: see a judge. We were able to see one within

1184
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: the next forty five minutes. We waited in this hall.

1185
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: The officer found out we had a protection order and

1186
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 1: treated me like trash. Sent me out of the hall

1187
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: around the corner. He said he would come get me

1188
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 1: when it's our turn, then left me sitting on a

1189
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,919
Speaker 1: bench in the main hall looking like I'm in time out.

1190
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: The officer finally gets me. We go into the courtroom.

1191
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 1: She's already on her spot. I get brought in and

1192
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 1: you can just feel there was this air in the room.

1193
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 1: I did not feel welcome. The judge asks the reason

1194
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 1: for being here. I stood with my arms behind my back,

1195
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 1: and Honey says she wants to remove the order of protection.

1196
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: She'll be leaving to California and doesn't feel the need

1197
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 1: to keep it active. The judge hums and haws, looking

1198
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 1: over the complaint. So now this guy's in court, yeah,

1199
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 1: and he's got the context of that protective order hanging

1200
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 1: over the whole thing. So it's gonna be protective order, right.

1201
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 1: But because he came in with that, the everyone in

1202
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:07,760
Speaker 1: the courts just going to treat him.

1203
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 3: Like absolutely, which is yeah, it's.

1204
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 1: Why you should not do false, false reports against people.

1205
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 1: And she did that to you. It wasn't the clerk. Yeah,

1206
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:21,680
Speaker 1: she went in and got an order of protection put

1207
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 1: against you, and she didn't need to. At any point

1208
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: she could have been like, wait, no, actually I don't

1209
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:26,400
Speaker 1: want to do that.

1210
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh wait, I realized that this is like totally crazy.

1211
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is it. Didn't do that, though, yeah, she

1212
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 1: did not. Since it was quiet, I spoke up stating

1213
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: your honor, the claims in the order were inaccurate in

1214
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: the first and then he end rough me silence, silence.

1215
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,479
Speaker 1: Did I speak to you? No, so don't say another word.

1216
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,280
Speaker 1: He speaks softly to her and states this is for

1217
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: two years. Is he threatening you to drop it? She

1218
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 1: said no, I'm just leaving and I didn't want it

1219
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,439
Speaker 1: to affect his life, and he got mad and yelled

1220
00:59:59,440 --> 00:59:59,919
Speaker 1: at me again.

1221
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 5: Do you think you can make a mockery of my court?

1222
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 5: This is a two year order of protection and for

1223
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 5: two years it will stay. Don't bother trying to appeal it.

1224
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 5: I will slap it down every time. Case dismissed. Get

1225
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 5: out of my courtroom.

1226
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: What and this good's she went to She said, I'd

1227
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 1: like it revoked, but he said nope. As we left

1228
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 1: the courtroom, she said, sorry, I tried. Could you have

1229
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 1: shown him your arm? She called me twenty eight times

1230
01:00:24,520 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 1: the other day?

1231
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, nah no. The judge goes o chilence, silence.

1232
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 1: And as I went to reply, the officer was right

1233
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 1: behind me. He just waved, walked away and went home.

1234
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 1: So now I look like some bad guy. It's on

1235
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: my record forever that I supposedly did all these terrible things. Whatever,

1236
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: though I have my home, I have my truck, and

1237
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 1: I got my dogs, and that is the end of

1238
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 1: that story.

1239
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, sue, honestly seer for defamation.

1240
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what kind of

1241
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 1: process you could go get that undone or proven, But

1242
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: like I think, really the best bet might be to

1243
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 1: just literally exactly what you said. Whatever, I've got the

1244
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: stuff that I want. It's a tour or it's a

1245
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: two year protection order. You're not going to be around

1246
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 1: her anymore. She's moving to California. Yeah, whatever, dude, just

1247
01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 1: move along.