Speaker 1: Speaks to the planet.
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Speaker 2: more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts.
Speaker 2: We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses
Speaker 2: plus the food truck court to keep you fed while
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Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3: And you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
Speaker 3: a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got, Decisions, You've always
Speaker 3: got Decisions.
Speaker 1: Welcome y'all to another You've got the SI.
Speaker 3: Send in your questions to us Decisions Pod at gmail
Speaker 3: dot com. We want to know what the fuck is
Speaker 3: going on with you? What's the see which a baby dady?
Speaker 3: What's this see with Eniggy?
Speaker 1: You like? What's the sea with the bitches fighting with it? Word?
Speaker 1: We're gonna tell you what your decisions are gonna be.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: And this one is really interesting because there's a lot
Speaker 3: of exclamation points in the goddamn title, and she pretty
Speaker 3: much admitted that at this point she's desperate. So let's
Speaker 3: get right into this week's letter just that I'm desperate
Speaker 3: at this point.
Speaker 1: So first of all, I love the show. Even if I.
Speaker 3: Don't agree with everything you ladies say, I can honestly
Speaker 3: say I have learned so much about myself, most importantly,
Speaker 3: how to navigate this world, keep an open mind, and
Speaker 3: maybe give a little head or something to feel better.
Speaker 3: All jokes aside, I really appreciate the show and staff. Okay,
Speaker 3: now that I glaze y'all up, let's get to the
Speaker 3: motherfucking teat. I'm a twenty five year old blocklack woman
Speaker 3: with locks down my back and a thick ass to match.
Speaker 3: I have been openly dating men and women for about
Speaker 3: four years now. Over the past few months, about three
Speaker 3: to four, I've been talking to this woman that's a
Speaker 3: year younger than me.
Speaker 1: She made it clear that.
Speaker 3: She was by, but I didn't mind because I consider
Speaker 3: myself by as well, even though I've.
Speaker 1: Only been with like two to three guys.
Speaker 2: Loo.
Speaker 3: Anyways, she is beautiful, an educated black woman in that
Speaker 3: ass who She's even thicker than me. My attraction to
Speaker 3: her is undeniable. We have really good chemistry, go out together,
Speaker 3: even some healthy PDA, but we have not fucked.
Speaker 1: In fact, she won't fuck first.
Speaker 3: She told me she wanted to wait about a month
Speaker 3: of us talking before we get sexual, but would initiate
Speaker 3: all of our makeout sessions right before bed.
Speaker 1: It might even slip a finger at me.
Speaker 3: When I try to return the favor or take it
Speaker 3: to the next level, she would tell me your head
Speaker 3: or just completely tell me to stop. I really like her,
Speaker 3: but I'm starting to feel bad because I want to
Speaker 3: have sex but she doesn't. Having a good amount of
Speaker 3: sex with a partner is really important to me. It's
Speaker 3: kind of making me want to move on. Am I
Speaker 3: wrong for thinking that way?
Speaker 1: Is it too soon? Please help?
Speaker 3: I don't know how we're going to fill in the
Speaker 3: needed time for this episode because the girl's not that gay,
Speaker 3: So I disagree. I think kind of like me and
Speaker 3: and maybe in terms of speaking more from a polydynamic
Speaker 3: when whether you're bisexual or not, and I think what
Speaker 3: we've talked about me being bisexual, heater romantic. There's maybe
Speaker 3: something that she's looking for in a woman. Her identifying
Speaker 3: as bisexual may mean she enjoys the softness of women.
Speaker 3: She enjoys like being a round woman. She enjoys the
Speaker 3: care of a woman, the thoughtfulness that women bring. But
Speaker 3: maybe she still just wants dick. So maybe she had
Speaker 3: as she may identify as by not that gay, I
Speaker 3: don't want to use that with.
Speaker 1: Us, I feel. I mean, I'm being facetious. I'm making jokes.
Speaker 1: You can make the jokes.
Speaker 3: I just want to I want to say that this
Speaker 3: woman wanting sex, this other woman, though she identifies as bisexual,
Speaker 3: may genuinely like women but not want to have sex
Speaker 3: with them. I think the same way, like, then you're
Speaker 3: not that gay if you don't want to fuck women,
Speaker 3: but you like being around them you are literacy, not
Speaker 3: that gay. But also she fingers and makes out with
Speaker 3: her and doesn't want to be touched. There's a lot
Speaker 3: of no touch me lesbians.
Speaker 1: Doesn't make them man less Leslians.
Speaker 3: They don't want to be hang out with you and
Speaker 3: under and fingering is happening. She doesn't want to be fingered.
Speaker 3: She says that of times slipsy I will also say
Speaker 3: just to not and not to super seriousness up. But
Speaker 3: if she's fingering you, making out with you, and stopping
Speaker 3: everything when you go to advance, I would be curious
Speaker 3: to know if you've had a deep conversation to if
Speaker 3: there's any trauma associated with that. I know that, like
Speaker 3: I was talking to King Noir, and fingering specifically is
Speaker 3: something that he's like. Not every woman likes. I think
Speaker 3: when we're young, fingering because of something fun that if
Speaker 3: the wrong person does it, if it hurts the first time,
Speaker 3: if someone is aggressive and doing it wrong, it's not
Speaker 3: what I think. Fingering is something that a lot of
Speaker 3: women don't like. Fingering is something that I think I
Speaker 3: normally actually have to ask for, even for men. So
Speaker 3: if she's stopping you from fingering her, but she's advancing
Speaker 3: that with you.
Speaker 1: It's not just fingers. That's not what lesbian sex is
Speaker 1: all about. No, no, no, of course it's not.
Speaker 3: But she only mentioned that they make out and they
Speaker 3: get to finger, like she fingers her and she allows it,
Speaker 3: but as soon as she goes to finger her, the
Speaker 3: girl stop.
Speaker 1: I actually don't. I didn't hear that at all.
Speaker 3: I mean, if someone is slipping in a finger once
Speaker 3: or twice, it just means she's trying to keep this
Speaker 3: at bay so that the girl doesn't ask for more
Speaker 3: and maybe touch.
Speaker 1: That's not a full on or it doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: they've had sex. No, they haven't.
Speaker 3: For lesbians, fingering is sex. So she said slip a
Speaker 3: finger in. No, she didn't say slip a finger. You
Speaker 3: said the close finger. Yes, the girl will finger that's
Speaker 3: what lesbian sex is. So if the girl was really
Speaker 3: going in, that's considered sex. But she's not because she's
Speaker 3: not trying to have lesbian sex. There is a or
Speaker 3: that's weird because I don't consider fingering sex that's what
Speaker 3: lesbians do. I mean, you want to fuck your girl,
Speaker 3: and you guys are let's just say out and it's
Speaker 3: quick and you're in a bathroom, or you're in a
Speaker 3: movie theater. You could get fucked in the movie theater.
Speaker 3: That's you consider fingering sex with men? No, I consider
Speaker 3: dick and penetrative sex. That's how we define sex with men.
Speaker 3: Right with women, it's a vaginal rubbing, oral or fingering.
Speaker 3: So I mean all of my lesbian friends, either that
Speaker 3: are married to women or in gay relationships, they talk
Speaker 3: about how they just fucked it was hands actually, person
Speaker 3: our Net shout out to her. Her book Mostly Dead
Speaker 3: Things really great depiction of lesbian sex because it's a
Speaker 3: lot of hand movement, talking about risk, thrusting, bucking someone
Speaker 3: on the edge of like or in the back of
Speaker 3: a car. Like, that's lesbian sex. All lesbians listening, you know,
Speaker 3: can feel free to comment. But yes, this is how
Speaker 3: we define sex. I think alternatively, I've dated this girl.
Speaker 3: This girl likes kissing, hanging out, and the woman energy.
Speaker 3: Like you said, however, she's not that gay. That's not bisexual,
Speaker 3: and I'm kind of tired of the trope of like
Speaker 3: I kissed the girl once, so I'm bisexual. Like fluidity
Speaker 3: is different, enjoying sexual experience is different, much like if
Speaker 3: a dude I know kissed the guy once but doesn't
Speaker 3: want to have sex with him, didn't like it. I
Speaker 3: wouldn't call him bisexual because he's not really pursuing anything.
Speaker 1: I think this is super fake.
Speaker 3: I think that's why you're frustrated because there's no real
Speaker 3: explanation there. And most times people that are getting into
Speaker 3: relationship with the opposite sex and call themselves bisexual.
Speaker 1: Consistently have this issue.
Speaker 3: This is why lesbians don't like to date by sexual women,
Speaker 3: because they be playing games, and this girl really sounds
Speaker 3: like she's playing games. If you're not ready to go
Speaker 3: the whole way, don't even just touch me down there,
Speaker 3: like say that you're not.
Speaker 1: Ready to have sex.
Speaker 3: Instead, she uses the excuses because she's not that gay.
Speaker 3: I think the other thing that sucks is when girls
Speaker 3: are interested and they have been with women that have
Speaker 3: more experience. I just I experienced this a lot, and
Speaker 3: they don't know what to do. They're very scared they're
Speaker 3: going to be bad, and so they just continue to
Speaker 3: avoid it. But they only want to make out because
Speaker 3: making how a safe Yeah, my answer is she's not
Speaker 3: that gay.
Speaker 1: No matter how I love the show. Get to get
Speaker 1: different answers from me because I couldn't disagree more. I
Speaker 1: feel like I've said the same. No, I didn't, but
Speaker 1: it's fine. I love that. This is why people send
Speaker 1: an answers.
Speaker 3: I think we align in some places and disalign in others.
Speaker 3: This for me, having had during the writing process, have
Speaker 3: my bisexuality questioned, even in the editing process of my book,
Speaker 3: I guess I know we go by labels, but there's
Speaker 3: so many ways in which I, as someone can enjoy
Speaker 3: doing something sexual with someone else them not wanting them
Speaker 3: to do the same. So I say that because I
Speaker 3: don't like head. I love eating a bitchess pussy, I
Speaker 3: absolutely love it. I'm someone who don't who doesn't enjoy
Speaker 3: receiving oral so.
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 3: I would not like to be called not that gay
Speaker 3: or not that bisexual because of the way women engage
Speaker 3: in sex. I actually don't want to receive what you
Speaker 3: have to offer me anytime. I've even mostly had threesomes
Speaker 3: with women, I do all the work for them.
Speaker 1: I don't care outside of making out.
Speaker 3: I genuinely also, because I don't like head, do not
Speaker 3: care for the woman to engage with me.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make my sexuality any less.
Speaker 3: Buy that that is a sexual act that I don't
Speaker 3: enjoy having no, But.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: You said sex with women is oral making out and fingering.
Speaker 3: I'm saying if I'm having sex with a woman and
Speaker 3: I don't do the scissoring, I already said that doesn't
Speaker 3: make sense to see at all. My point, she was
Speaker 3: fingering the one girl she didn't want it. Read it again,
Speaker 3: figuring is slipping a finger in someone's pussy, But she
Speaker 3: would initiate all of our makeout sessions right before bed
Speaker 3: and even slip a finger in to me if fingering
Speaker 3: is a part of sex. What I'm saying is and
Speaker 3: why I disagree with your take, which is fine because
Speaker 3: all of the listeners can receive this information differently, which
Speaker 3: is what I love about Potting. What I'm saying is
Speaker 3: it does not make me any less bisexual that when
Speaker 3: I'm in her, when I'm having sex with a woman,
Speaker 3: I don't want them to do anything to me, which
Speaker 3: this is what's happening here. The way the woman's frustration
Speaker 3: is when she wants to actually give it back to
Speaker 3: the girl, she doesn't want to receive it. I apologize
Speaker 3: for any woman I've had sex with who I eat
Speaker 3: her pussy out and maybe she wants to and I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: I'm good. That has literally happened time and time again
Speaker 3: and again. I don't go on dates with women. I
Speaker 3: don't do all those things, but I identify as bisexual.
Speaker 3: I wish a bitch would come up to me and
Speaker 3: be like, h you're not that gay. Okay, whatever you
Speaker 3: can you can really isn't relevant to the things that
Speaker 3: you do at all. Because no touch lesbians are having
Speaker 3: some form of misatic I.
Speaker 1: Brought that up too, the no touch lesbians.
Speaker 3: They are not no touch lesbians. This is we don't
Speaker 3: know this girl. No what I'm saying, this isn't a
Speaker 3: no touch lesbian situation.
Speaker 1: We don't know.
Speaker 3: They've been talking for a month, so to me, maybe
Speaker 3: that conversation hasn't been had. She feels like she's being rejected.
Speaker 3: I think it would be safe to say, Hey, so
Speaker 3: I've tried to figure you a few times now and
Speaker 3: you either tell me to stop or I feel like
Speaker 3: you're making excuses. Why do you not want to be touched?
Speaker 3: Do you not want to go that? She just feels
Speaker 3: like she's rejected right now. She hasn't gotten real answers,
Speaker 3: and I feel like maybe because you feel rejected right now,
Speaker 3: I think you need to talk to her and see, Hey,
Speaker 3: so you don't want me to finger you, but can
Speaker 3: I eat your pussy? Like? I want to please you
Speaker 3: and I feel like I haven't been able to do
Speaker 3: that why And it's also not getting more from this girl.
Speaker 3: There's no orl like. That's why I said, so ask hey,
Speaker 3: I'm not allowed to finger you back when you finger me?
Speaker 1: Can I eat your pussy? I really want to do pussy?
Speaker 3: And all of these questions should be add so instead
Speaker 3: of you feeling rejected and writing in and saying you're
Speaker 3: desperate because you don't understand why this woman isn't going there?
Speaker 1: Have you talked to her? Have you had the conversation.
Speaker 3: About what her relationships with women look like? I've literally
Speaker 3: invited and I've shared this on the pod. I don't
Speaker 3: know how many years ago I was entertaining another bisexual woman.
Speaker 3: She came over to my house. We were watching TV.
Speaker 3: She was naked. We started cuddling. I go to rub
Speaker 3: on her and she made me stop and I was like, well, bitch,
Speaker 3: you naked with my bed.
Speaker 1: I'm confused. She wanted me to take her out to
Speaker 1: the movies.
Speaker 3: She literally was like, I don't want to have sex
Speaker 3: until you take me out to the movies. And I
Speaker 3: was like, well, gir you could put your clothes on,
Speaker 3: because to me, though I'm bisexual, I don't want to
Speaker 3: date you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to take you will stand up for like,
Speaker 1: you know, a one or two night thing.
Speaker 3: I think with the level they're at hanging out PDA, yeah,
Speaker 3: enjoying each other's company for this amount of time. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I've been down this roads a hundred times, you know,
Speaker 3: romantic relationships with women, and this is what I've seen.
Speaker 1: I would say the rejection.
Speaker 3: We have to stop thinking that at certain points the
Speaker 3: rejection is really about us, because why would people spend
Speaker 3: this much time with you if there was a true
Speaker 3: rejection there. I totally get the feeling because I remember,
Speaker 3: if you've been listening to the show for a while.
Speaker 3: A few years ago, I've met a guy at Dreamville
Speaker 3: and we would spend all this time together and sex
Speaker 3: wasn't happening, and I felt like he wasn't into me.
Speaker 3: It didn't go that long, but I in this particular case,
Speaker 3: there is a.
Speaker 1: Trend with women that do this.
Speaker 3: I'm excited to hear the update. I also want to
Speaker 3: make mention too, as far as men go, I've actually
Speaker 3: heard this a lot with gay men who are dating
Speaker 3: guys that are straight and just there for like gay
Speaker 3: sexual pleasure. Many times they're in kind of the opposite scenario.
Speaker 1: They're with these men.
Speaker 3: That only want to fuck them, be around them outside,
Speaker 3: but it's like totally different vibes and it really makes
Speaker 3: them feel rejected. So it's interesting because like women are
Speaker 3: more apprehensive when it comes to the sexual side, where
Speaker 3: men are more apprehensive for the emotions. So so many
Speaker 3: you know, venting sessions or experiences with myself where you
Speaker 3: kind of see the same thing with men total opposite
Speaker 3: me and the student having great sex, nothing is happening
Speaker 3: when we get outside of the bedroom, whereas with women,
Speaker 3: I actually hear this exact story, like, damn, we're vibing,
Speaker 3: but is she into me?
Speaker 1: Is she gay? Does she like women? Is she scared
Speaker 1: to start? Like?
Speaker 3: You know, and lesbians for a long time too, have
Speaker 3: made us all feel like if you're by, we don't
Speaker 3: want you, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I totally get it.
Speaker 3: I mean, when we had Punky on with Alex English
Speaker 3: they're both gay, we're talking about their experiences with that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I would lean on yeah, the oh, the friends for
Speaker 3: some advice like this. I'm sure they will talk you
Speaker 3: off the ledge of feeling rejected. I think that's just
Speaker 3: the worst place to feel, especially with someone that's spending
Speaker 3: their time with you. It's definitely not a real rejection
Speaker 3: more than it's their own thing. And I think that
Speaker 3: in order for you to get out of your own
Speaker 3: head and blame yourself about it and feel that level
Speaker 3: of rejection, you literally just need to maybe ask the
Speaker 3: questions and open the room to communicate with her about
Speaker 3: you having these sexual needs and desires.
Speaker 1: Anyways, make sure you leave your.
Speaker 3: Comments under If you want to see the full video
Speaker 3: for this, make sure you join our patren patreon dot
Speaker 3: com backslash Horrible Decisions. We have bonus episodes every week.
Speaker 3: Once a month, we have a town hall and then
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Speaker 3: soe y'all make sure you go subscribe check that out,
Speaker 3: and again we're here every Wednesday, so really excited to
Speaker 3: continue giving you guys advice. If you want your letter read,
Speaker 3: make sure you email us Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: We'll read it and also help us become New York
Speaker 3: Times bestsellers. By ordering now your book No Holds Barred,
Speaker 3: a dual manifesto on sexual exploration and power, available now
Speaker 3: for pre order. We can't do it without you, guys.
Speaker 3: Let's show everyone how strong the whole hive is.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys. See you next week. Bye, y'all,