WEBVTT - 8 | The Rear View Mirror 0:00:09.919 --> 0:00:13.880 If you're listening to a tenor foot TV podcast, Girls. 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.639 Krook County is released weekly and brought to you absolutely free. 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:23.079 But if you want to hear the whole season right now, 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:26.840 it's available ad free on tenderfoot Plus. For more information, 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:33.560 check out the show notes. Enjoy the episode. 0:00:34.480 --> 0:00:38.120 You're listening to Krook County. The views and opinions expressed 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:41.560 in this podcast are solely those of the individuals participating 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:45.360 in the podcast. This episode also contains subject matter, including 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:48.919 graphic depictions of violence, which may not be suitable for everyone. 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.280 Listener discretion is advised. 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:57.400 Hello. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:00.640 Friends, We've come such a long way since we launched 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:03.160 Krook County, and I want to thank you for sticking 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.720 with me as I tell this story, and for all 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:08.680 the incredible words of kindness and support showed. 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.200 Me over these past eight weeks. I'd like to show 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:14.719 that appreciation by having an open and honest conversation with you, 0:01:15.039 --> 0:01:17.800 the listeners, on a bonus episode which will air in 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:22.120 a couple weeks. So please visit our instagram at Crook 0:01:22.199 --> 0:01:25.800 County Podcast and leave me a comment or an audio 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.040 message with questions about the show or anything that you 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:31.720 feel is relevant and I will do my very best 0:01:31.759 --> 0:01:34.599 to answer as many of them as I can. Thank 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.320 you so much. Our family is so grateful to know 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:40.080 that we are not alone in this journey of discovery 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:43.040 and healing, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.120 Previously on Crook County, I. 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:53.480 Really wanted to get back into civilian life. I was 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:54.240 ready for it. 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:57.400 Ken leaves the outfit for the Chicago Fire Department. 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:00.000 Just when you think you're away from all this shit, 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:01.559 I'm covering up. 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:03.999 Fucking murders that these cops are doing. 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.000 The cops are just as crooked as the criminals. 0:02:07.359 --> 0:02:10.679 So the brother of the cops, you know, and you're 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.320 so dependent on them that I wouldn't even be here 0:02:13.359 --> 0:02:16.000 today if I hadn't stayed on the right side of that. 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:19.160 And Kenny learns that putting his past behind him is 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:20.280 an impossible task. 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.960 And I always had that pendulum swinging over my fucking 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:27.720 head that I could be called in at any time. 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:36.839 My name is Kyle Tequila. Welcome to Crook County. 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:38.160 Just that. 0:02:41.320 --> 0:03:00.079 Yeah, he's a soldier, but he's a higher end soldier. 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:02.600 I've had experiences with them in the past, and I 0:03:02.679 --> 0:03:06.080 never liked him, never appreciated him, never even wanted to 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.920 recognize him as a human fucking being. And that was 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:12.320 my mission to snuff the fucking light out of this sky. 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:21.320 Episode eight, the rear view mirror. 0:03:28.959 --> 0:03:31.559 I can remember heading off to work with the fire 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:36.160 department still and I'm on the Eisenhower Expressway heading east. 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.400 I see him. 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:40.279 There's a lot of traffic in the morning, so there's 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:42.280 stop and go, stop and go. So anyway, I managed 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.960 to warm my way in and stop and go up 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:49.600 to him. I was on his left, roll down the 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:52.200 window with my we had electric windows even back then. 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:54.240 Hey believe it or not, roll. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:58.840 Down the window, spit and of course I knew I 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:03.600 were good as Iri up. He heard it, he saw me, 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:07.400 He spun out of control, and the race was on. 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:17.200 The question I asked him was simple. You spent all 0:04:17.280 --> 0:04:19.880 these years running around the streets of Chicago working for 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.320 the outfit, but you are also working these same streets 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:26.680 as a firefighter and a paramedic. So what happens when 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.240 you inevitably run into somebody anew from your days in 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:29.640 the mob. 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:37.920 So we did weaving in and out of traffic. 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:45.760 On the pull off sections right and left, and people 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:49.040 actually getting out of the way for two and a 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.640 half miles with this one hundred mile an hour fucking chase. 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.680 So I led the son of a bitch right into 0:04:55.720 --> 0:05:07.800 a kill. We have these concrete embankments in Chicago that 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:13.320 the left is the exit and the right is where 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:17.080 you continue traveling. So I led this son of a 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:19.960 bitch because I knew he was raging. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:23.000 It wasn't even thinking properly. I knew it. 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:26.800 So I led him right the right into the exit. 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:31.000 I can't remember what street. I led him right into 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:36.760 the embankment, and I made a quick chop left and 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.640 kept going at about seventy miles per hour. But he 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:46.600 wasn't fast enough. He hit that concrete embankment and his 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.880 fucking car exploded. I watched it in my rooview mirror, 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:56.800 so I knew nothing was going to happen with this guy. 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.040 He was just simply dead. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.640 So now you're going to ask yourself, how does a 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.279 guy working for a fire departm go out and snuff 0:06:10.280 --> 0:06:12.840 out a fucking mobster in front of three hundred people 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:21.800 and go home the next morning and feel good about himself. Well, 0:06:21.840 --> 0:06:25.600 you got to understand this. People. I'll use civilians out there. 0:06:27.840 --> 0:06:35.640 These people are evil garbage. They deserve to be dead. 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:40.960 The world is a better place without them. You have 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:46.520 no idea what these people are capable of doing, and 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:51.640 have done, and will continue to fucking do, not unless 0:06:52.280 --> 0:06:58.720 their lives are snatched from them. And this particular incident, 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:03.800 I knew this fuck. I knew his fucking history, and 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:07.160 I knew I had a snatch the life bier this fuck. 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.320 So did I feel bad, No, not one fucking bit. 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.960 I slept, woke up the next morning, and did whatever 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:24.280 he had to do without even thinking about it. It 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:29.440 was just a normal fucking kill, that's all, and my 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.120 mind at that time that needed. 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:33.760 To be done. 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:37.040 I actually feel okay about doing it because I really 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.520 believe I did the world of favor because the only 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.240 thing this man could have done was make things worse. 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:49.400 That's the people. I don't know what else to fucking 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.760 tell you. And if you can't live with that, then. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:53.920 I don't know. 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:54.600 Grow the fuck. 0:07:54.720 --> 0:08:18.040 Up to the top of the porch, to the top 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:21.320 of the wall, now, dash away, dash away, dash away. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:26.160 Along. It's Christmas Eve in twenty nineteen, So up to. 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:30.160 The housetop the courses they flew with sleigh full of 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:36.200 toys and Saint Nicholas too, Santa Santa Santa. 0:08:36.319 --> 0:08:39.880 That's St Nicholas. Saint Nicholas and Santa are the same. Dude, 0:08:40.839 --> 0:08:41.400 do you know that. 0:08:42.599 --> 0:08:44.400 My dad has been staying with us for a few 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.520 days while we recorded these final interviews. 0:08:48.599 --> 0:08:56.239 Ludoffs. No, there's no Rootoff in this No. Yeah, I 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.199 don't think there's a Rudolph in this one. No, there's 0:08:59.199 --> 0:09:00.200 no Rootoff in this one. 0:09:00.319 --> 0:09:01.679 Whoa, they messed up. 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.360 I'll maybe they just forgot on this particular Christmas. That 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:09.880 doesn't mean he's not gonna be here. It's nice. I 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.880 can almost guarantee he's gonna be here. It's nice. 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:14.680 He might have been out for this Christmas here though, 0:09:15.439 --> 0:09:16.640 you know, maybe he had a cold. 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:18.600 Who knows. Let me think. 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:20.479 I don't see any shiny. 0:09:21.079 --> 0:09:22.920 I don't see it either, But we're not gonna worry 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:24.280 about that, right. 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:29.600 It's so strange to see my dad switch from this cold, 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:34.199 hard killer to the loving grandpa almost instantaneously. 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:38.719 Look at that beard, say look at us, what's that 0:09:39.319 --> 0:09:40.800 cookies and milk? 0:09:40.959 --> 0:09:41.559 Just like that? 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:42.240 Right over there? 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:48.400 Buddy? That what is that carrots? Yeah, that's a carrot? 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:54.400 Yeah, we're gonna go with that one. That's oh, that's right, 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.640 that's for the reindeer they gotta eat too. 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:01.800 Yeah, smart guy. 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.719 But it's the perfect example of just how easy it 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.239 was for him to hide this dark double life from 0:10:08.319 --> 0:10:09.560 us for all these years. 0:10:09.959 --> 0:10:12.920 I heard him explain as he drove out of sight, 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:17.920 Marry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. 0:10:18.719 --> 0:10:20.760 As my wife and I sit here by the fire 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.439 watching our five year old son Lincoln reading the Night 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:29.040 before Christmas with his grandfather, I'm also reminded of just 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:32.239 how much I loved my dad when I was that age. 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.160 Good Night, Lincoln, I'll see you a morning, lady. 0:10:36.199 --> 0:10:40.640 And even after everything that's happened since, I'll always remember 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:57.520 the man that he was when I was young. I'm 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:01.119 back with my dad's old ambulance partner, Mike. I tell 0:11:01.199 --> 0:11:03.800 him what I know about Ken's mafia passed and he 0:11:03.839 --> 0:11:07.959 sits there calmly listening. It's mostly me talking, and I 0:11:08.199 --> 0:11:10.240 can't tell one way or the other if he's heard 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:13.640 any of this before. He's certainly not telling me. If 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:16.720 he has, how do you feel in me telling you 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.120 these things about his mom life? 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.600 Well, I'm not surprised. 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.800 You know, none of it's shocking to me because I 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.199 you know, I knew him at the point where he 0:11:27.319 --> 0:11:31.239 was transitioning, you know, that's when I first met him, 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:35.480 you know, So, I mean I knew he was way 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.280 different than the other people I was working with, you know, 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:42.920 But I saw all the upside potential of your dad, 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.640 you know, because he was really good at being a 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:48.200 paramedic and a firefighter. 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:54.879 Amidst all of the awful things that happened in Ken's life, 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.679 and perhaps maybe even because of it, he threw his 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.239 entire self into his work as a firefighter. 0:12:02.319 --> 0:12:05.720 He had a passion for it, you know, he was 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:07.600 really good at it, and he loved doing it. 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:12.040 I dug up some articles from local papers mentioning Ken's 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:15.839 exploits as a first responder. One article from nineteen ninety 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.800 two interviews Ken, who was fighting for fair pay for 0:12:18.839 --> 0:12:22.999 his fellow medics and in a sort of twist of fate. 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:26.160 Another article from the Daily Herald in nineteen ninety one 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.360 mentions Ken as the first firefighter on the scene of 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.840 a fatal plane crash at DuPage Airport. Just a little 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:36.480 over a decade after that, American Airlines crash that inspired 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:38.960 Ken to join the fire department in the first place. 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:43.240 You could see that he liked it. You know that 0:12:43.319 --> 0:12:46.840 he appreciated the fact that he had helped somebody. 0:12:47.319 --> 0:12:49.840 There were many occasions over the years where I got 0:12:49.839 --> 0:12:53.760 to see him in action at the station, on ride alongs, 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.960 neighborhood events. I witnessed first hand the respect of his 0:12:58.079 --> 0:13:01.879 peers and his chief. One of my favorite memories of 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:04.520 all time was probably in third or fourth grade, when 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:06.280 my dad was invited to speak in front of my 0:13:06.319 --> 0:13:09.599 whole school about fire safety. After the speech, there was 0:13:09.599 --> 0:13:11.920 a Q and A with the students and one smart 0:13:11.959 --> 0:13:14.920 ass kid takes the microphone, points at my dad's pants 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:18.000 and goes, did you know your fly was open? So 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.679 my dad looks down and sure enough, his zipper has 0:13:20.719 --> 0:13:23.079 been open this entire time. So he just looks at 0:13:23.079 --> 0:13:25.120 this kid right in the eye and he goes, I 0:13:25.199 --> 0:13:26.959 just wanted to make sure you all were paying attention, 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.800 and he zips it back up and the whole place 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:34.680 just went nuts. I mean, people were crying, laughing, the kids, teachers, everyone. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.720 One of the funniest things I've ever seen. 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:43.120 The firefighting thing. He liked that more than I did. 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.920 I mean, sure, you know, it's a lot of fun. 0:13:46.959 --> 0:13:50.400 It's exciting. You know, there's always the thrill of are 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.840 you going to get blown up or not? You know, so, 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:56.319 I mean it's kind of an adrenaline rush kind of thing. 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:00.040 But your dad was more, way more into the firefighting 0:14:00.079 --> 0:14:03.120 thing than I ever was. He always wanted to be 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.120 the first guy in, get there and get his airpack on, 0:14:06.199 --> 0:14:08.360 and get in before anybody else could get in there. 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:08.600 You know. 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:10.760 He always wanted to be at the front of the 0:14:10.839 --> 0:14:16.200 line for that. I remember a couple times he got 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:20.360 hurt at fire scenes and I was just like, geez, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.800 settle down, man, you don't have to be the first 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:24.600 guy in all the time. And he was like, I 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.640 got to get in there. He had to be the 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:29.920 first guy in. You know, he really wanted that. 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:34.720 And then sometime in the late nineties, the guys at 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.560 the station had just finished their dinner when the alarm 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.720 bell sounded and a call came through that would forever 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:45.160 change Kenny's life and set in motion a disastrous chain 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:48.800 of events that would eventually destroy our entire family. 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.680 The scariest call I ever did in my life. We 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:57.280 had a fire at a It was a grocery store, 0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:59.600 but it used to be a bowling alley, so it 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.800 had the bowstring truss roof, you know, the arched roof 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.920 like that, and it was very high roof in the place. 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.720 So they had to get a thirty foot extension ladder 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.920 to get up there. And this thirty foot banger weighs 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:16.120 a ton. It's like three guys got to carry it, 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.160 you know, And they had one guy healing it, and 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:22.360 that was your dad. And they had this firefighter and 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:25.360 full gear in an airpack going up into the scuttle. 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.160 And he was a big guy. 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.479 He was probably a two hundred and sixty pound firefighter 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.480 and you had fifty pounds of gear in an airpack, so 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.600 three hundred and ten pounds you're talking about. He was 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.040 all the way up at the tip of the ladder 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:46.560 going in the scuttle, and the ladder kicked out and 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:50.480 it fell on your dad, and the firefighter came down 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:54.920 and he landed right on top of your dad and 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.680 he is down on the ground and he looked like shit. 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.560 He was gray, and I thought, oh my. 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.040 God, he's really hurt bad, you know. 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:07.400 And it was probably the worst call I've ever done 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.800 in my life because I was so emotionally invested in 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:17.160 the call, and everybody's running around and screaming, and people 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:20.480 are flying back and forth, and I'm telling him slow down. 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.440 They're like running with the stretcher. I didn't want him 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:25.880 to dump it over and hurt him again, and so 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.999 everything got under control. We got him in the ambulance, 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:35.840 and my partner Joe, was on the phone to the 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:40.000 hospital and your Dad's tell him he started coming around 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:43.440 a bit, and he says, tell him this, tell him that, 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:48.160 tell him this, And my partner hands the phone to 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:49.920 your dad and says, do you want to talk to him? 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:54.240 Or do you want me to talk to Stills? And 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:58.879 your dad goes, no, go ahead. That's when I knew 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:00.040 he was going to be okay. 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.200 But it was really scary because I've seen a lot 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:07.680 of people look like he looked at that time that. 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:09.879 Have died on us on the way to the hospital. 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:11.280 So it was really scary. 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:11.639 You know. 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.719 The doctor even said that, you know, if he hadn't 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:20.199 been in such good physical condition at the time that. 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:26.679 He would he would have never survived. 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:26.840 It. 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:35.160 Fractured my left hand, fractured my right and left knee, 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:42.240 some damage to my face and skull, and had some surgeries, 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.760 got a lot of painkillers, and you know, where the 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:48.240 hell have you been my whole life? You know, it 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:50.240 took a really liking to that, took a really liking 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:54.439 the painkillers, and then that's when I started having problems 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:55.040 with my addiction. 0:17:57.040 --> 0:18:02.439 Was after getting those pain pills, after those surgeries. 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:07.200 Catalyzed my addiction, and then fueled it after that, after 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:08.040 it got catalyzed. 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.919 In the years following the accident, the painkillers became a 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:17.880 constant companion, and as the addiction got worse, Ken gradually 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:22.120 shrank inward and distanced himself from his family and friends. 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:26.120 He knew he was struggling with stuff, but I couldn't 0:18:26.159 --> 0:18:29.159 tell what. And I didn't really ask him because I 0:18:29.159 --> 0:18:31.959 felt like he wasn't gonna tell me anyway. You know, 0:18:32.399 --> 0:18:35.080 he likes to play his cards very close to the 0:18:35.159 --> 0:18:39.000 chest when it comes to his personal life and feelings 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:40.359 and what he's going through. 0:18:41.159 --> 0:18:44.240 When the pills stop being enough to satisfy his addiction, 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:49.240 he turned to heroin, which isn't as easy to hide. 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:53.040 You would look at his arms, they were clear as day. 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:56.679 You could see the veins from his fucking his inner 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:00.600 elbow all the way down to his wrist and following 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:01.840 up towards his shoulder. 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:05.840 They were just gross. He knew something was up. 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.040 You know, it's fucking horrible. 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.880 I don't need to rehash the pain we all went 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.840 through during this period of self destruction. But as the 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:29.439 years went on and the family fell apart, Holly Corey 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:33.759 and myself eventually separated ourselves from Ken physically and emotionally. 0:19:34.399 --> 0:19:37.440 After all the pain and abuse, what else could we do. 0:19:38.399 --> 0:19:40.560 I had been a strange from him for nearly five 0:19:40.639 --> 0:19:42.920 years when he finally reached out to me for help 0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:47.199 in twenty thirteen, and I checked him into rehab in California, 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.720 and I always wondered why now, what change had occurred 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:56.199 to make him suddenly surrender himself to getting clean. I 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:59.199 think Ken's brother Rich may have the answer. 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:04.439 Right before he moved out to California, he called me 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:05.920 up and we were talking and. 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:08.479 I just knew it. 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:09.519 You know. 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:11.520 I don't want to call it a twin thing, because 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:19.280 we never had that, but there was something about his tone, something, 0:20:20.639 --> 0:20:24.560 And I left work and I went to the apartment 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:27.760 and I walked in and he was sitting there in 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:32.400 a chair, and that pistol was sitting right next to him, 0:20:32.639 --> 0:20:33.919 and I looked at him and I said, what are 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:39.199 you doing. I remember the response, but I said, you 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:42.880 should probably give me that, and he said, I think 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:46.160 you're right. So, as far as I'm concerned, I saved 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:49.399 his life because he was in a really bad place. 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.999 Over the last ten years, as my dad sobered up 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:57.439 and embarked on the long, painful path to healing, he 0:20:57.520 --> 0:20:59.679 began to open up to me for the first time. 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.359 And even though the truth is so much more fucked 0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:07.639 up than I could have ever imagined, I'm thankful for 0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:11.239 theopportunity to finally see the man I call father for 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:12.600 who he really is. 0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:15.840 And I just hope that God I get forgiven for this. 0:21:17.600 --> 0:21:20.320 I just hope he could forgive me. I really do, 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.760 because I think about it all the time. Man, regret 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:25.720 it the second of it. 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:33.840 Be careful with choices, people, Be careful the choices you make. 0:21:35.159 --> 0:21:37.119 We can come back and haunt your lifetime. 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:46.759 Throughout this entire process, I have been constantly shocked about 0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:50.680 how I can still be constantly shocked. Whenever I learned 0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:53.160 some new, awful truth about the world my dad lived in. 0:21:53.520 --> 0:21:57.399 My first reaction is how is that even possible? But 0:21:57.480 --> 0:22:01.159 then a second, even more powerful reality hits me that 0:22:01.399 --> 0:22:04.639 I have been completely sheltered from the evil that played 0:22:04.639 --> 0:22:08.800 my dad's entire existence. If his goal to keep this 0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:14.399 world away from us, then he succeeded, and despite everything else, 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:24.840 I'm grateful to him for that much. I also want 0:22:24.879 --> 0:22:27.840 to express my deep gratitude to the people featured in 0:22:27.879 --> 0:22:31.000 this story who were so gracious and brave to open 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:34.639 themselves up to me during these difficult interviews. To my 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:38.200 amazing mom for her strength and perseverance during these last 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.040 twenty years as she watched her life crumble around her. 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:45.040 To my best friend and my brother Corey, who still 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:49.080 carries the weight of our father's abuse. To my uncle 0:22:49.159 --> 0:22:52.800 Rich for crawling back into his painful past and shedding 0:22:52.800 --> 0:22:56.119 some light on their own abusive childhood, and of course, 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:59.120 for saving my dad's life that day in twenty thirteen. 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:03.760 To Jeff Cohne of the Chicago Tribune for sharing his 0:23:03.879 --> 0:23:08.879 unmatched expertise on all things mafia. And finally to my 0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:12.600 dad's old buddy Mike, who also wanted to share some 0:23:12.680 --> 0:23:14.399 words of gratitude. 0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:19.720 He changed my life just being friends with him. He 0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:24.400 helped me stand up for myself and be more assertive 0:23:24.480 --> 0:23:27.920 in my life and changed my life, you know, forever. 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:34.119 And when I was going into treatment center and I 0:23:34.280 --> 0:23:37.240 was struggling, I went and sat and talked to your dad. 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:41.959 He probably doesn't even remember it. It really helped me 0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:45.159 get on the path I needed to be on, you know. 0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:48.479 He really steered me in the right direction, which is 0:23:49.159 --> 0:23:51.519 kind of funny because he was probably messed up at 0:23:51.520 --> 0:23:54.359 the time himself, you know, but put me on the 0:23:54.440 --> 0:24:00.040 path for my recovery. I wish he understood how important 0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:03.240 that he is to me. I'm basically here because of him, 0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:05.320 But he doesn't probably realize that. 0:24:09.000 --> 0:24:13.679 So where does that leave us now? Who the hell knows. 0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:17.760 I suppose it depends on who you ask. My brother 0:24:17.840 --> 0:24:21.280 Corey and my uncle Rich have already made up their minds. 0:24:21.639 --> 0:24:27.759 With everything in consideration. I just I can't, you know, 0:24:28.119 --> 0:24:32.199 be the better man and forgive and forget. I just 0:24:32.200 --> 0:24:34.520 can't do it because there's just too many things for 0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:37.959 too long, you know, just can't do it. 0:24:39.000 --> 0:24:42.639 My mom has a similar take, but focuses on the good. 0:24:43.720 --> 0:24:47.399 I have many video tapes to look back on on 0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:50.919 the happy times. I don't have any tapes of the 0:24:51.000 --> 0:24:51.840 horrible times. 0:24:53.399 --> 0:24:53.639 Thanks. 0:24:53.920 --> 0:24:58.200 This makes me happy. For me, I've come to peace 0:24:58.240 --> 0:25:02.720 with the past. It has tempered me, made me stronger. 0:25:03.920 --> 0:25:06.360 I am not ashamed of it. I do not run 0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:09.600 from it. I look it right in the eyes and 0:25:09.680 --> 0:25:13.760 embrace it. Learn from it, share it with the world, 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:18.600 And one day, when he's old enough, I will share 0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:22.359 it with my son and he will know how far 0:25:22.440 --> 0:25:27.080 we have come together in spite of it. That is 0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:31.040 the real legacy of my father, and that is what 0:25:31.159 --> 0:25:56.000 I will choose to remember. Crook County is a production 0:25:56.080 --> 0:26:00.719 of iHeart Podcasts and Tenderfoot TV in association with Common Enemy. 0:26:01.320 --> 0:26:05.960 All episodes are produced, written and hosted by Me Kyle Tequila. 0:26:06.560 --> 0:26:11.040 Executive producers are Donald Dolbright and Payne Lindsay. Original score 0:26:11.320 --> 0:26:14.960 by Makeup and Vanity Set. Main title song is called 0:26:15.080 --> 0:26:18.719 Crush by the band Starry Eyes. End credit song is 0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:23.359 called Dying Islands, also by the band Starry Eyes. Sound 0:26:23.359 --> 0:26:27.159