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Speaker 1: Hey, James, James, how the hell are you? How's the hold? Music?

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Speaker 1: Is it? Is it loud? Is it is it clear?

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Speaker 1: Is it strong? To quite strong? James? Is James even here?

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Speaker 2: Oh? James made stairgo? James, stairgo, James. He went, well

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Speaker 2: he's gone. So yeah, I honestly think he hung up.

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Speaker 2: He heard me say that he hung up. I could

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Speaker 2: hear there was someone there, but yeah, all right, Well

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Speaker 2: here's I'm just going to read his email then, because

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Speaker 2: I don't know what happened to James, but I did

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Speaker 2: make him wait for about twenty five minutes. Maybe he

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Speaker 2: had to actually like move.

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Speaker 3: On toward.

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Speaker 1: So he wants to know.

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Speaker 2: He says that before he and his wife got married,

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Speaker 2: they talked about a bunch of things, including how they

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Speaker 2: would raise their kids. They, according to him, they both

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Speaker 2: agreed that she would be a stay at home mom

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Speaker 2: and that was something that was important to them as

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Speaker 2: a couple. So now we go, we go to right now,

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Speaker 2: she's pregnant with their first child, and she told him

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Speaker 2: she wants to continue working, and he's mad because he

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Speaker 2: felt like they agreed on something and now she's going

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Speaker 2: back on her word. He says in this email that

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Speaker 2: he understands that people change, but this was something they

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Speaker 2: fundamentally agreed on and got married under those conditions, and

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Speaker 2: he wants to know what he should do. This is

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Speaker 2: interesting because that was important.

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Speaker 1: Nothing she should go if she wants to continue working,

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Speaker 1: let it continue working.

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand what the issue is.

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Speaker 4: But if you're I mean, TI play Devil's advocate, I

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Speaker 4: guess if you're agreeing on stuff prior to marriage about

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Speaker 4: how your marriage is going to look, and that's something

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Speaker 4: that was important to him.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, it was important, and apparently it was important

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Speaker 2: to them. It was important to them because it sounds

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Speaker 2: like they wanted someone one of the two of them

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Speaker 2: to be at home raising their children. And I can

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Speaker 2: see why that would be as opposed to a nanny

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Speaker 2: or a daycare or something like that. And now she

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Speaker 2: doesn't want to do that anymore. I mean, it seems

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Speaker 2: like a go there's not you don't. You're not going

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Speaker 2: to leave your marriage, in my opinion, don't leave your

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Speaker 2: marriage for this, right, You're not going to go. But

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Speaker 2: I can understand why you sit done and have a

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Speaker 2: conversation because there are a lot of factors here. One

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Speaker 2: it's where is the kid going how much does that cost?

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Speaker 2: How much does that cost versus you going to work?

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Speaker 2: You know who's going to be doing the work, who's

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Speaker 2: going to be raising you know what I mean. There's

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Speaker 2: a lot of factors here that you now have to

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Speaker 2: work out because you kind of had those things figured

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Speaker 2: out before. You know, you were going to stay at home.

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Speaker 2: I was going to work. I was going to provide

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Speaker 2: the money. You were going to take care of our

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Speaker 2: kid all day so it would be the actual parent.

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like, this changes everything as far as

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Speaker 2: how you know, the profile of how this is all

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Speaker 2: going to work.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but parenting is not a one sided thing. Like

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Speaker 5: what is he going to do when he gets home?

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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying?

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Speaker 1: Like I wish we could ask right right, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to ask him, is he just gonna be Oh, I

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Speaker 1: worked all day? Oh where's my dinner? You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, because we don't know, You'm going to

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Speaker 1: be Jimmy Fallon. Oh god, it's twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 5: Like I mean, stay at home moms they do exists,

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Speaker 5: but a lot of them, you know, they don't want

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Speaker 5: to be in the house all day, they want to

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Speaker 5: they want to work, they want to have a career.

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Speaker 4: Well, he could be progressive and also they could have

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Speaker 4: agreed on something prior to their marriage that was important

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Speaker 4: to them, and he could feel a type of way

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Speaker 4: if she switched up.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I wonder if something changed in her mind because

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Speaker 6: a lot of stay at home moms. I feel like

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Speaker 6: that idea to me always sounded so great. But then

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Speaker 6: when I start unpacking it, and maybe she did too,

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Speaker 6: it's you know, like the financial part right, Like I'm

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Speaker 6: I'm so independent, Like I can't imagine depending on a

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Speaker 6: man for the rest of my life or or you know,

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Speaker 6: for a time.

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Speaker 1: Rock on, girl, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 7: Thank you rock on.

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Speaker 6: So I think about that, I'm like, I cannot not work,

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Speaker 6: Like I literally think with this a little too much,

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Speaker 6: or maybe like, yeah, she doesn't want to be in

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Speaker 6: the house whatever, because being a stay at home mom

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Speaker 6: is the hardest moshi.

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Speaker 2: That's where I would change your perspective on it, or

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Speaker 2: I would I would. I would challenge you to change

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Speaker 2: your respective Paulina, because you're not depending you might you

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Speaker 2: might be depending on him for money, but the job

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Speaker 2: that you're doing is essentially priceless, you know what I mean. So, like,

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Speaker 2: it's not like you're not pulling your weight. It's not

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Speaker 2: like you're sitting at home, you know, eating bond bonds

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Speaker 2: and you know, playing PlayStation while he goes to work.

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Speaker 1: And then you live on that. You're doing a job.

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Speaker 2: You're doing a job that's as hard or harder than

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Speaker 2: the one that he's doing, your partner's doing. So it's

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Speaker 2: not as though it's not as though you're he's depending

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Speaker 2: on you to raise the kids. So I think in

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Speaker 2: that case, I think it's fair to get out of

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Speaker 2: your Not that this sounds aggressive, but it's fair to

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Speaker 2: sort of dismiss the idea that you're that you're sort

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Speaker 2: of relying on him, because if you weren't providing that service,

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Speaker 2: you know, he's relying on you too, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean. So I don't think I don't want any

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Speaker 2: stay at home mom to to think about what they're

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Speaker 2: doing as wow, I'm really taking advantage of my husband

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Speaker 2: is working.

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Speaker 1: If anything, he might be taking advantage of you. And probably, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but what.

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Speaker 2: I hear from my married friends all the time is

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Speaker 2: the grass is always greener, Like, yeah, I hear that

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Speaker 2: you know. I don't know if it's a male female

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Speaker 2: dynamic and the male goes to work in the female

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Speaker 2: stays at home. I hear all the time, man I

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Speaker 2: wish I could go to work from the female, and

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Speaker 2: then the male will say, man, I wish I didn't

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Speaker 2: miss everything, you know what I mean? I wish I could.

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Speaker 2: I wish I could take my kids to school every day.

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Speaker 2: I wish I could go to all their sporting events.

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Speaker 2: I wish I could. But sometimes I feel like sacrifice,

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Speaker 2: like everybody wants kind of the other side, yeah.

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Speaker 5: Change, but also like I feel like the mom in

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Speaker 5: the situation would need some independence from her child, you

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Speaker 5: know what I'm saying, Like a lot of women lose

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Speaker 5: their identity when they become a stay at home They

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Speaker 5: don't know who they're going to be. And then they also,

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Speaker 5: you need, you need time away from your children for your.

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Speaker 1: Mental health, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: And even a part time job would would do that

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Speaker 5: for her, I think, and you ahead, I'm.

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Speaker 7: Sure I was just saying, like if I was James,

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Speaker 7: I would say, Okay, you want to go to work, fine,

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Speaker 7: I'll stay home with the kids.

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Speaker 1: Let me be a stay at home dad.

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Speaker 7: And then you go to work and then you like,

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Speaker 7: you report back to me in a couple of weeks

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Speaker 7: on how you want this to work.

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Speaker 6: What?

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Speaker 1: Yes, Yeah, salaries are not even close to each other.

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Speaker 2: Think about That's what I was about to say, is

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Speaker 2: I know a couple of situations where or this is

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Speaker 2: the case and the and the In this case, the female,

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Speaker 2: the wife is like, I don't have an identity. I

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Speaker 2: used to have a job, Now I don't. My identity

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Speaker 2: is mom, but I want more. And so they actually

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Speaker 2: lose money on her going to work or taking a

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Speaker 2: part time job, because it costs more to hire childcare

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Speaker 2: than that person's making it work. But they do it

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Speaker 2: because it's worth it to their relationship and to them

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Speaker 2: and they're you know, their sense of being and purpose

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Speaker 2: and whatever, because it's like, hey, I'm still at home

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Speaker 2: with the kids sometimes, but I'm also still at work,

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Speaker 2: so I still I feel like I've got my toe

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Speaker 2: in both and even if it costs us money, it's

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Speaker 2: worth it to that relationship. But eight five five, five

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Speaker 2: nine one one o three five Hey Ashley, good morning.

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Speaker 5: Hi.

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Speaker 2: Just to recap your stay or go, this couple decided

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Speaker 2: that the woman was going to stay at home raising

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Speaker 2: their kids. That the man, the husband in this case,

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Speaker 2: was going to go to work every day. Now she's

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Speaker 2: pregnant and she's changed her mind, and he's like, well,

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Speaker 2: what this is fundamentally very different from what we decided before.

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Speaker 1: What do you think totally?

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Speaker 8: I think I should both say my husband and I

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Speaker 8: actually I just had a baby nine months ago and

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Speaker 8: we were in thank you so much, yes, and I

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Speaker 8: adore him, I love him very much. But since having

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Speaker 8: the baby, I think just everyone's postpartum experience is very different.

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Speaker 8: And while I thought it was something I would want

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Speaker 8: to be at home every day four months of maternity leave,

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Speaker 8: I was like, I am not happy, and you know,

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Speaker 8: we we were lucky to be able to send him

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Speaker 8: a day care. But you know, I just think, maybe

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Speaker 8: wait it out and see how she feels once a

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Speaker 8: baby comes. I think you think a lot of things

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Speaker 8: before a baby comes, and then you have a baby

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Speaker 8: and you're like, WHOA life is really different and being

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Speaker 8: a say a whole mom is really really hard, I

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Speaker 8: believe you know, So I think just think of it

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Speaker 8: some time, you or both give yourself both some grace

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Speaker 8: to kind of see what life looks like after the

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Speaker 8: baby pups.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yea makes sense. Thank you so much. Have a

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Speaker 2: good day, Ashley. Yeah, I love talking on behalf of

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Speaker 2: this guy.

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Speaker 1: Jane, Right, like, bro, where you go? That's all right?

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Speaker 1: Well we're making deal. I'll just film the blank. Right,

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Speaker 1: we're all like talking. Maybe she's about to have the baby.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he had to go, and the time and the.

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Speaker 4: Text are like accusing her of not having his baby,

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Speaker 4: like it's someone else.

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Speaker 2: How do we get to that? Yeah, we're doing a

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Speaker 2: DNA test over here, Like what's going on? Guys?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: I love the text, I really do. Wow, we've gone

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Speaker 2: to the far far. We're reaching really far now that

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Speaker 2: the far corners of the earth.

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Speaker 7: So she's trying to go back to work to creep around.

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Speaker 1: Well, they.

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Speaker 2: Boyfriend lives. Her boyfriend her boyfriends at work, and she

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Speaker 2: wants to go back to him. I'm making all the.

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Speaker 4: Suffeting with someone at work, is what we're saying.

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Speaker 2: Maybe we should do maybe there's a bit here, Maybe

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Speaker 2: there's a bit guys, let's just let's just whiteboard this

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Speaker 2: as we go. Maybe we should present a scenario and

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Speaker 2: then we make up what happened, like mad Lives, and

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Speaker 2: it'd be like mad mad lives relationship. Oh you know what,

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Speaker 2: she wants to go back to work because she works

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Speaker 2: at a strip club. Yeah, and and she loves to

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Speaker 2: shake it and she gets free drinks there, you know.

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Speaker 2: But she needs him for healthcare. Yeah, he's Steve. Good morning, Steve.

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Speaker 1: Getner to have on the train.

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Speaker 9: But I got over there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah no, No, My.

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Speaker 8: My wife, she was a teacher, she you know, had

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Speaker 8: type of careers, and then.

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Speaker 1: We had over our third baby, and she decried to

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Speaker 1: stay home. And it's kind of really up to her

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Speaker 1: on whether or not she wants to go back.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I want to do what's.

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Speaker 1: Best for her. It's only fair. It's a partnership. Why

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Speaker 1: should I have to forward either way?

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Speaker 2: I agree, get on the train. See, you don't believe

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Speaker 2: I can the bread winner, So go to work. Otherwise

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Speaker 2: you get fired. Everything is going to be a problem.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Steve, good luck.

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Speaker 2: Good luck out there. Oh my goodness, I hate Jackie.

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Speaker 2: Hi guys, Hey Jackie, good morning. Stay or go?

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Speaker 3: What do you think I mean she should stay? My

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Speaker 3: mom and my dad made the same kind of agreement

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Speaker 3: when they decided to get married and have three kids.

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Speaker 3: My mom did stay at home for most of the marriage,

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Speaker 3: but then later on in life we grew grown. She

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Speaker 3: was bored. She wanted to do something, so she went

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Speaker 3: to get a job at the good old mickey Bee's Hell,

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Speaker 3: which needless to say, did not last long. And her

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Speaker 3: ass was back home.

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Speaker 1: And my wid did not care at all about her mom.

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Speaker 2: God bless her soul.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well there you go, all right.

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Speaker 2: Well she dipped her toe and the golden arches and

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Speaker 2: didn't like it, and everything's okay.

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Speaker 3: No, absolutely not. The work life wasn't for her. The

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Speaker 3: mom stay at home life was, and my dad did

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Speaker 3: not care that. She wanted to venture out and do

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Speaker 3: her own thing, and it just turned out. It turned

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Speaker 3: out great because they figured each other out.

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Speaker 2: And then so she.

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Speaker 1: Knew for sure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, she got to she got to, you know,

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Speaker 2: venture out, and she didn't like it, and she got

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Speaker 2: her aspect.

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Speaker 3: She got her ass bag home.

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Speaker 1: She did certainly did. Yeah, thank you Jackie.

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Speaker 2: The teenagers here, Yeah, Benjamin was her managery, which was weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, just to play devil's advocate for a second.

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Speaker 2: And I would never stand in anybody's way. I mean,

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Speaker 2: you figure it out right, like this is not a

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Speaker 2: go situation. No, But I can also understand why. Let's

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Speaker 2: just flip it. Let's say that I'm supposed to stay

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Speaker 2: at home and she's supposed to go to work, and

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Speaker 2: I decide I want to go to work. The expectation

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Speaker 2: there is that one of the two of us is

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Speaker 2: going to raise our kid during the day, right an

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Speaker 2: actual parent, And so I can see why it's frustrating

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Speaker 2: because you're like, well, wait a minute, now, what are

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Speaker 2: we going to do. We're going to get a nanny,

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Speaker 2: We're going to get a childcare like some you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe we don't have access to grandparents or whatever else.

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Speaker 2: So that means that now fundamentally, the way that our

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Speaker 2: child is coming up, you know, is being reared is

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Speaker 2: going to change. So I can see why that could

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Speaker 2: be frustrating because it goes from now a parent raising

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Speaker 2: the kid to somebody else in a lot of ways.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not suggesting that if you send your kid

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Speaker 2: to daycare, but you're not raising your child, but that

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Speaker 2: is a big span of time that someone other than

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Speaker 2: you or your wife or husband is spending with the kid.

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Speaker 2: So if that's what you thought was going to happen

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Speaker 2: and then that changes, that's a pretty big shift. So

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Speaker 2: I acknowledge that Hey, Rita, good morning.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, hi, Hi, Hi, what.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to say? Welcome?

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Speaker 9: Oh, thank you. They need to have a discussion because

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Speaker 9: I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and it was

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Speaker 9: never an option for me to stay home, which is okay,

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Speaker 9: that's fine, But my husband would love to be a

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Speaker 9: stay home dad if he could, So I think that

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Speaker 9: it needs to be a discussion between them two before

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Speaker 9: he makes any rash decisions.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't imagine that you get divorced over this,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, no, I.

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Speaker 9: Don't make a divorce is necessary. But I definitely understand

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Speaker 9: where she's coming from. And then also I understand where

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Speaker 9: he's coming from. My husband's like, well, how come I

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Speaker 9: can't be a stay home dad? And I was like, well,

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Speaker 9: I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I also feel

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Speaker 9: like it's really a mom's responsibility to some extent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah see, there you go.

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Speaker 2: That's another fundamental, you know, conversation that you might want

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Speaker 2: to have at home. You know, there are a lot

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Speaker 2: of people who believe I've dated a few women. They

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Speaker 2: are like, no, mom stays at home, dad goes to work.

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Speaker 2: That's that those are the roles I grew up with,

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Speaker 2: and that's how it's going to be. And there may

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Speaker 2: be dad's out there like you're saying, Rita, who are like,

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Speaker 2: wait a minute, but it Whyes, it have to be

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Speaker 2: that way. Maybe maybe you make more money than I do,

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Speaker 2: so I should stay at home and what's wrong with that?

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Speaker 2: But again, I think a lot of it has to

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Speaker 2: do with how you were raised.

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Speaker 9: Right, absolutely so. And now my mom is a stay

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Speaker 9: at home mom, but she was a working mom her

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Speaker 9: whole life, and I like, she actually won't be the

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Speaker 9: full time caretaker for our child when I go back

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Speaker 9: to work. But it's just it's just I just think

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Speaker 9: that person only like it could be both ways, but

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Speaker 9: I think that it's very core for the mom to

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Speaker 9: do that situation. But I can understand how going back

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Speaker 9: to work would also be important to make sure she

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Speaker 9: doesn't lose our identity as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, Rita, have a good day.

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Speaker 9: You're welcome, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Bye. Now it's your baby.

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Speaker 2: In the text, I was going to say, people are saying,

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Speaker 2: step up in a minute's your baby and take care

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 4: Fred, Oh wow, we really you know tried it?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think Ben told James that offline, and that's

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Speaker 2: why he hung up because he was very upset to

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Speaker 2: learn that I've been sleeping with his would Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: can too, So now I'm going to have to keep

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Speaker 2: boarding to pay for it. I was going to retire,

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Speaker 2: but Mel not meymore, I got to pay for James's

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Speaker 1: Wife's baby now because Shelvin Shelley's I'm not