Speaker 1: Lost Culture. Risas is brought to you by the Forever
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Speaker 1: loving what you're hearing and subscribe to us at Apple
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Speaker 1: review and give us a five star rating. Thank you all,
Speaker 1: Thank you all. My grandma and your grandma was sitting
Speaker 1: by the fire. My grandma to Grandma, I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: I'm fine. It's talking about hind I go on, Jagamo
Speaker 1: jam is calling. We're living in a nightmare. Huh, living
Speaker 1: in a fucking house game dark in the world. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Today was one of the angriest days of
Speaker 1: my life. Yeah. I feel almost really insane, self conscious
Speaker 1: that we started off so like, whoa, it wasn't it bad?
Speaker 1: The only way we're all a laugh way from a tear.
Speaker 1: You guys were recording this on August fifteen, the day
Speaker 1: that Donald Trump thought, um that the Roberty Lee statue
Speaker 1: should not have gone down. The term all left has
Speaker 1: been created, so um, let's let's check back in and
Speaker 1: about five years when we all are buried under rubble.
Speaker 1: I don't like that talk well. Okay, okay, okay, maybe
Speaker 1: this is something you can I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Later I think maybe you're right. Maybe we just realized
Speaker 1: that I was just kicking around the fact, you know,
Speaker 1: kicking the dirt because I didn't have it. I don't
Speaker 1: think so. Now. And here's what we do. Here's what
Speaker 1: we do in times of darkness. We bring on this
Speaker 1: is this is what we've done before. We bring in
Speaker 1: the light in. We pray in. We are praying here,
Speaker 1: and we bring in the light. The light is here
Speaker 1: to It's true in times of dark you need light.
Speaker 1: In fact, that's actually rule number three culture and times
Speaker 1: of dark you need light the open now, listen, we
Speaker 1: have the light here in the she's here. She's here, yes, okay, wait,
Speaker 1: hold on you what the hell? Literally as if as
Speaker 1: if it's kidsman or something. The light's just turned off. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, who's this fiend? Whose voice you here in
Speaker 1: the back the credits? Okay, she's right for a little
Speaker 1: little diddy called Saturday Night Live, Little Saturday Night Live,
Speaker 1: Little Diddy cultural institution called Saturday Night Live. You know
Speaker 1: what you love it hopefully um. And also she's written
Speaker 1: for a Prairie Home companion. You've seen her work on
Speaker 1: the amazing show Night Late at UCB. It's a monthly
Speaker 1: show that basically creates a new late night television show
Speaker 1: based around a different celebrity guest. It's super fun and
Speaker 1: actually I want to get into it with you a
Speaker 1: little bit about a certain guest I heard almost had
Speaker 1: a show there. You know, I have been getting into
Speaker 1: the Real Housewives of New York, so I'm down. And
Speaker 1: also used to be modernight writer for that for a
Speaker 1: couple of years. Yeah. And also the amazing long running
Speaker 1: show critically acclaimed right yes, Dead Dad's Cloud that UCB,
Speaker 1: and it was an incredible show, and remember it fondly everyone.
Speaker 1: This is an amazing guest. I'm so excited. Please welcome
Speaker 1: Kristen Bartley and just slaying it in our live show
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah, so much fund thin people. Oh I
Speaker 1: hate that worst. And and you instagrammed um a screen
Speaker 1: cap of your notes from the stuff that you didn't
Speaker 1: get to Oh my god, I write so much extra always,
Speaker 1: and then I didn't get to, like talk about being
Speaker 1: on an airplane. Oh yeah, because that's very stressful. Looks
Speaker 1: that the people people give you when you're walking down
Speaker 1: the aisle like, dear God, please not let this spatty
Speaker 1: like sit beside me. I know it's terrible. I just
Speaker 1: want to say, and this is not like me virtue signaling.
Speaker 1: I've never had that thought, Like, that's what a shitty
Speaker 1: fucking thought. You are a virtue signal. I'm a virtue signal.
Speaker 1: You are a virtue signal. Des no one that I mean,
Speaker 1: like when when a mom comes through with a baby,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's okay, yes, fine, really I am really
Speaker 1: because traveling sucks where everybody ultimately you're fine. It's like
Speaker 1: four hours maybe if you're going somewhere good. Wait, Christian's
Speaker 1: going somewhere good? Where are you going somewhere? You're going
Speaker 1: to Belgium tomorrow? Tomorrow? I thought you were going to
Speaker 1: say something else. Wait, do you know what I thought
Speaker 1: you were going to say? Bitch, Wait what you would
Speaker 1: have I thought you would have said Disney World. That's
Speaker 1: so funny. No, we're probably gonna go in January, though
Speaker 1: you are, okay, I want to go, Please go Why
Speaker 1: January for you? For me? Jruary because it's it's like
Speaker 1: warm outside but it's not too hot, and that's what
Speaker 1: I care about. I want it as a big girl.
Speaker 1: I want to be I want to traverse the world
Speaker 1: bar and wide comfortably. The lines are down. It's not bad.
Speaker 1: And one thing I just like to do. I like
Speaker 1: to chill at a like cheeseball hotel restaurant and drink
Speaker 1: for hours. I mean same. Okay, So listen, here's the
Speaker 1: thing about January and Orlando. How was Christmas? It's the
Speaker 1: rushes died down, but sometimes it can get truly cold.
Speaker 1: In fact, I just remember a time when my family
Speaker 1: went to Sea World and we were in the well. Literally.
Speaker 1: First of all, I will say that this was this
Speaker 1: was far before the wolves came to get the really
Speaker 1: fun Chamu show. Okay, it was really fun and wove
Speaker 1: the whales trainer loved it. They loved it. Dawn loved it.
Speaker 1: She was so happy the nineties. They were so happy. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it was literally a nightmare. But okay, so I wasn't
Speaker 1: there for all that a queen a queen aqua marine.
Speaker 1: I just literally made that into one word queen. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I probably did see tell them because we did see
Speaker 1: the sham before we knew that just pushed his park
Speaker 1: is out to see like that what happens. Let you
Speaker 1: know the whale, other whales eat it. That's the lot. Well,
Speaker 1: I went for the rides because they actually have really
Speaker 1: good rides. That's okay, but it is ridiculous. But look, Christen,
Speaker 1: you can't argue with it. They have good just a
Speaker 1: listeners know, Christian, here's a fellow Orlando head. She and
Speaker 1: her husband Jason and Michael Hartney show. Yeah, we went
Speaker 1: to Disneyland. The whole cast of Dad's Club went to
Speaker 1: Disneyland together. And you've got to the World together, to World,
Speaker 1: not with Hartney but with Scott Reynolds. I will go
Speaker 1: with anyone because it's not a couple's vacation. You've got
Speaker 1: to go with people. Yes, we will know, but Kristen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean Matt. Matt's kind of popped on board. I
Speaker 1: will go. Literally, I can't wait. I'm so excited we're
Speaker 1: planning this. Um I here's the thing. Like I was
Speaker 1: into this, but not too crazy into it. And then
Speaker 1: Jason had never been to Year World because his parents
Speaker 1: were abusive and they took him to like Gettysburg, like
Speaker 1: they kind taking him to like educational battlefield. His whole
Speaker 1: childhood watching like an actor pretends to be like a
Speaker 1: Confederate soldier. That's what they did like all his life.
Speaker 1: And then finally I'm the one that took him to
Speaker 1: Disney World and he fell in love with it, and
Speaker 1: he likes it so much that I actually like it. Left.
Speaker 1: You can't like, like he's always like on these sites
Speaker 1: and when you go to like it's fine, but it's like,
Speaker 1: come on, there's like a line. And also I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it, but I'm not going to youtubeer ride
Speaker 1: walk through. Oh my god. I was doing that literally
Speaker 1: yesterday all day for like three hours, just for the
Speaker 1: fans at home. I haven't left in my apartment. Um so,
Speaker 1: And I do want to say, the majority of the
Speaker 1: things I've watched in the last forty year, I was
Speaker 1: a Real Housewives of New York. I can talk so
Speaker 1: in Paradise and ride through Disney Park, Disney Park attractions
Speaker 1: mostly in foreign kind trees that I'll never say that
Speaker 1: is truly like when we were planning on going to Paris,
Speaker 1: I had to cancel the trip because I had s
Speaker 1: n l um. But when we were going that was
Speaker 1: like just like a thing that he was just I know,
Speaker 1: it was devastating. It was we ate so much money,
Speaker 1: like it was like, but he was really pressuring me
Speaker 1: to go to your own Disney and I'm like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: that's ridiculous to go to Paris and do that. But
Speaker 1: I guess it's fine because you're Disney's bullshit. No, apparently
Speaker 1: the Rata TWI right is supposed to be amazing, and
Speaker 1: I love rat I do love Well, you know that's
Speaker 1: coming to Epcot. Oh did you hear that announcement? I
Speaker 1: hadn't heard that you are not a diehard. Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: we should have booked Jason. So it's really jealous. He
Speaker 1: did give me a lot because he knows he crushed
Speaker 1: it too. He was like, really, he did amazing. Just
Speaker 1: he got vegetables. He drew vegetables in se I pulled
Speaker 1: out of the ball, I saw vegetables and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. It was mean and wonderful. No, my
Speaker 1: favorite thing is about Disney World, and I love going
Speaker 1: because I love the smell of Disney World. It never
Speaker 1: smells and it never smells like vomit like six flax
Speaker 1: smells like puke everywhere you go. Um, and I love
Speaker 1: like the apples. I love those chocolate caramel covered apples.
Speaker 1: So and I will put someone on blast. Timothy don
Speaker 1: who came for us. He said, child adults at Disney World.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. And he can actually, um
Speaker 1: go fuck himself to death because there's a lot to
Speaker 1: enjoy as an adult in Disney World then in Orlando
Speaker 1: at large. And there's a lot to hate about disney
Speaker 1: World when you have kids. I feel like it's hard
Speaker 1: when you have that. I'm not bringing my kids although no,
Speaker 1: but Tina Face says something fun because I think her
Speaker 1: favorite place to Disneyland. She stop and then she said, um,
Speaker 1: disney World is her favor, was her favorite place to
Speaker 1: go on vacation because it's the only place you can
Speaker 1: go to when no one's like, why are you gonna
Speaker 1: bring your kid in here? Yeah, like everyone's on the
Speaker 1: thing and the kids were like, real, rich, you can
Speaker 1: just hire someone to like guide you and get you
Speaker 1: one all the right right. Yes, okay, So that's my
Speaker 1: probable goal is to one day beat so rich that
Speaker 1: I can do like the v I P tours for
Speaker 1: like three a day on top of your ticket, which
Speaker 1: is like that. And here's the behind the scenes look
Speaker 1: at this Yeah, that's it. We got the behind the scene,
Speaker 1: behind the scenes like a Tower of Terror. We've talked
Speaker 1: about this a million times, but Matt, I have a
Speaker 1: question to ask you now that Kristen's brought this up
Speaker 1: with Jason. Do you feel a little annoyed when I
Speaker 1: am very Disney and when I am a Disney stand.
Speaker 1: For me, it's like when other people get excited about it,
Speaker 1: that makes me more excited. And I felt that way
Speaker 1: about Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney is the reason that we
Speaker 1: went to Disney Well in the first place, because we
Speaker 1: were doing that Dad's Club at the time, and like
Speaker 1: every damn day he would have some sort of Disney
Speaker 1: news and I got really excited. But there's something about
Speaker 1: seeing like your husband and like hoping what you hope
Speaker 1: look at right, there's something about it that you're just like,
Speaker 1: I don't care, but I hate Star Wars for one thing.
Speaker 1: I hate it. You hate stars. I don't need it.
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with it. It's not my thing,
Speaker 1: And now when I see it, it's fine. I don't care.
Speaker 1: Is there a thing about it that you don't like
Speaker 1: or is it just that kind of you don't like space?
Speaker 1: I think anyone who goes to I don't like the
Speaker 1: wild one deserves it. You don't like that? I agree?
Speaker 1: You know what I do like the wild west Ish?
Speaker 1: I like West world Ish. You know what I hate,
Speaker 1: um medieval anything medieval. It's why I can't watch Game
Speaker 1: of Thrones. I can't watch it either. I hate medieval anything.
Speaker 1: I always like someone's going to throw up blood. You're
Speaker 1: equating me. You're equating medieval with high fantasy too, right,
Speaker 1: like see high fantasy. Here's the deal with high fantasy
Speaker 1: that that umbrella I think takes up more like Harry
Speaker 1: Potter is high fantasy. Okay, but Lord of the Rings
Speaker 1: you would never read. I would never be on bords. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so boring. And I watched the first movie and
Speaker 1: I was like, this is Ridiculous's boring? They are too.
Speaker 1: I'm so long, there's no reason for a ring. Why
Speaker 1: can you believe there's three movies and they're all eighteen
Speaker 1: hours long each. If you do not learn to can dance,
Speaker 1: that's on you, Like that's on Tolkien. People have died
Speaker 1: watching those movies. Stop, but you can't. The The thing
Speaker 1: about Lord of the Rings is that they did not
Speaker 1: split the last installment into two, which is this new
Speaker 1: bullshit trend that everybody knows about. Of course, you got
Speaker 1: to respect that that they condensed it enough to keep
Speaker 1: it to three. It was still like three hours. It was.
Speaker 1: It was the first one that is true. That is
Speaker 1: a thing I don't like, which is milking the money
Speaker 1: out of like cutting things into two when you don't
Speaker 1: really need to have the hobbit. I do think they
Speaker 1: I did not see any of that. There's no way
Speaker 1: that I would ever see you. No, Like it's not
Speaker 1: a thing, although I you know what literally almost made
Speaker 1: me go see it live Tyler No eventually the fact
Speaker 1: that eventually Lily was in it. That's so funny that
Speaker 1: you literally knew, Like I was lost. I loved Lost
Speaker 1: until the end and ear until like honestly, like three
Speaker 1: quarters of the way. And when I get mad, when
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm being used, like it's one of
Speaker 1: the great tragedies of television. Absolutely, it was so interesting
Speaker 1: and exciting, and then you know, when you're just being
Speaker 1: hurt by these people and I can't when did you know? Yeah? God,
Speaker 1: I feel like when the Polar Bears just disappeared, like
Speaker 1: that was no longer a thing. Remember, I think for me,
Speaker 1: For me, it retired. I didn't want it. For me.
Speaker 1: I was with it, or I was pretending to be
Speaker 1: with it through about season five and that there was
Speaker 1: an episode where they were time traveling throughout time in
Speaker 1: the same episode and then a character, um Charlotte, ends
Speaker 1: up dying because she tried and time travels too much.
Speaker 1: And then that's when I realized, oh my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't trailor like ten times every movie has flat liners,
Speaker 1: but the thing about and then we'll get the flatliners
Speaker 1: because there's a lot to unpak about flatliners and all
Speaker 1: these horror movie trailers that are coming out, especially Happy
Speaker 1: Death Day, which will this we'll talk about. Oh, we'll
Speaker 1: pitch it to you. We'll give you the elevator pitch,
Speaker 1: and we'll see if you're on board, because I might
Speaker 1: not be. Here's the thing we lost all of a sudden.
Speaker 1: There were no rules, like, no rules anything. Once you
Speaker 1: have time travel and alternate timelines like and a mysterious
Speaker 1: island and like people are any age and a smoke muster,
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, So literally, if a character is dead,
Speaker 1: they are not dead and it doesn't matter. They didn't
Speaker 1: do not even if they didn't do a good job
Speaker 1: explaining it. They didn't do a job explaining it. You
Speaker 1: know what's cool about it? This is the one thing
Speaker 1: that I liked about Lost in my short you know,
Speaker 1: and watching it and my short tenures spurts of watching it.
Speaker 1: The season three finale where the flashbacks at flash forwards
Speaker 1: and you realized at the end, I was like, that
Speaker 1: is genius. One of the best episodes of the show.
Speaker 1: Yea very early on. I mean, it was like an interesting,
Speaker 1: exciting show and then it went crazy and no need.
Speaker 1: I sometimes tell people Everyone's like, should I watched Lost,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yes, just stop at the season three finale.
Speaker 1: Pretend it ends on a cliffhanger. Literally, you can enjoy
Speaker 1: it like that. I feel the way that way about Hills,
Speaker 1: The Hills, The Hills when Lauren, which I just rewatched
Speaker 1: and it's entirety because thes ke is coming out and
Speaker 1: it made me want to Key has New Hills. It's
Speaker 1: a Florida The Hills on MTV version of The Hills
Speaker 1: in Florida's k why it is there's a Florida version
Speaker 1: of it, but they're not characters yet. There's no Elsie like,
Speaker 1: so I went back and I went watched the Hills,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, when Lauren Conrad goes off, you
Speaker 1: can let it go. You know, it was in the audience,
Speaker 1: So I don't think so, honey, Lauren Conrad. No, our
Speaker 1: friends were I just treated about low and she shot up.
Speaker 1: She was there, she was there. You need to meet her.
Speaker 1: I need to meet her because it's so almost did one.
Speaker 1: She almost. I shouldn't say she's our friend. She's um,
Speaker 1: a tailman who fucking slay killed it, killed it, her friends,
Speaker 1: her podcast co host, and um, we had a bunch
Speaker 1: of you know, dropouts the day of and it was
Speaker 1: kind of like a scramble and so beautifully Jason Gore
Speaker 1: your husband stepped in. Um. But also we asked Gret.
Speaker 1: We were like, woodlo, want to do one? And then
Speaker 1: she was like, and this might be too much tea,
Speaker 1: that's being spilt. I think it's fine, at which point
Speaker 1: she was like she we asked her the day of,
Speaker 1: and of course everyone we asked the day of was like, UM,
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's a nerve recking experience. And I
Speaker 1: may and Jason, like, I told you guys that he
Speaker 1: was available, and then I texted. I was like, you're
Speaker 1: doing this and he was like, I don't have anything.
Speaker 1: I said, big out of the I love the way
Speaker 1: you said Kristen tell him to tell him to pick
Speaker 1: a topic, and she goes, he'll do the ball. I
Speaker 1: love this. She just goes, he'll do the ball. I'm
Speaker 1: a manager. Okay, so wait quickly, let's get you up
Speaker 1: to speed. On Happy death Day. Okay, Happy death Day,
Speaker 1: I have the elevator. Imagine groundhog, groundhose Day, the Edge
Speaker 1: of Tomorrow, um, but it's about a teen girl who
Speaker 1: gets murdered and she has to relive the day that
Speaker 1: she dies and wake up. It's her birthday. It's her birthday.
Speaker 1: Every day she lives her birthday and at the end
Speaker 1: of the day when at her party, she gets murdered
Speaker 1: by it by someone in a baby mask. So she
Speaker 1: has to figuret who is going to kill her? Right,
Speaker 1: So she wakes up the next day and she thinks
Speaker 1: it's a dream and she kind of like lives the
Speaker 1: day and she's like, I'm having crazy day and she
Speaker 1: realizes that she's living the same fucking day and then
Speaker 1: she gets killed again and it happens again and again.
Speaker 1: And again, so she's consciously living each day as if
Speaker 1: she's going to die. I kind of like, to be
Speaker 1: honest with you, idea crazy genius concept. And also I
Speaker 1: don't usually like her movies, but I like that it's
Speaker 1: taking place in teen girl world, which I love, So
Speaker 1: that makes me get on board. Totally new actress too, right.
Speaker 1: I think I've seen her and stuff. She was in
Speaker 1: La La Land as one. I think in like a
Speaker 1: background part. Maybe she might have been one of her
Speaker 1: roommate roommates barely seen. Jessica Roth is her name r
Speaker 1: O T h E. She's been and stuff. She's good,
Speaker 1: and I think it's just a nice high concept thing
Speaker 1: and come out probably Halloween. I feel like movie trailers
Speaker 1: are happening way early because I saw a Girl's Trip
Speaker 1: trailer in February and I got excited, really yeah, before
Speaker 1: I get out. It's that kind of wrong, kind of
Speaker 1: wrong get out came out and like what may April?
Speaker 1: I mean, I can totally see why. It's largely probably
Speaker 1: the same April. It felt cold outside, it was February.
Speaker 1: I wasn't though, can we look it up? I read
Speaker 1: today that Girl's Trip just past hundred mill at the
Speaker 1: past seen it. It's so much fun. It was so
Speaker 1: I really liked it. I think that there will be
Speaker 1: there will be a sequel that is much higher budget. Yes,
Speaker 1: because the budget on this movie all went to we
Speaker 1: talked about some live episode, all went to Jada's salary
Speaker 1: that was clear so funny. Also, I'm sure Queen Latifa,
Speaker 1: she's such a hero. I thought it was so funny
Speaker 1: and so full of heart, and like the moments, that's
Speaker 1: a movie to see in the theater, and the moments
Speaker 1: are so freaking like laugh out loud funny. There were
Speaker 1: a few times when Bone and I looked at each
Speaker 1: other like what the fun is going? Like this like
Speaker 1: when Tiffany I thought this with Harney had the buzz,
Speaker 1: but the zip line piss thing, Like when I was
Speaker 1: like what is I was like, what's happening? It's like
Speaker 1: water blooms being first and the second person piece for
Speaker 1: no reason. Yeah, it's like, okay, not right a movie,
Speaker 1: you gotta put it in there. But as soon as
Speaker 1: you realize, okay, it's a goofy movie, like it's kind
Speaker 1: of elastic, then then then it's great. And also I
Speaker 1: loved that, like Sketchy Naked guy. Early on, there was
Speaker 1: hot guys. That a lot of hot guys. That one
Speaker 1: was that one, that guy who like waves his peen
Speaker 1: in the window. Oh yeah, no, no, no, he was horrifying.
Speaker 1: That was not hot. People were screaming and that was crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was why we were like, oh my god. And
Speaker 1: everyone in the movie, all the characters were like this
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. I loved this impression. Um, have
Speaker 1: you seen We talked about this to the live show too.
Speaker 1: Have you seen kidnap yet? You must go? You got
Speaker 1: the wrong kid? I know that, you kid, which is
Speaker 1: like they really did. No, but Christine, you see it.
Speaker 1: They picked the wrong one because not every mother is
Speaker 1: physically capable of doing what does She truly showed them
Speaker 1: that they picked the wrong kid. They picked another kid.
Speaker 1: They might have gotten away with it. Probably they would have.
Speaker 1: That's hilarious. Probably they would have because halle Berry there's
Speaker 1: something special about her. I don't know, she was able
Speaker 1: to get them. Also, talk about two real trumps that
Speaker 1: kidnapped the kid. Of course they come out looking like
Speaker 1: true bucking rash. Like the screenwriters in the director was like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna make some really real trumps. I think the
Speaker 1: movie was shot in or something. Right. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: shot like literally a ninety years ago. Um, Christian, we're
Speaker 1: finally going to ask you what we ask all of
Speaker 1: our guests. Yeah, twenty minutes and twenty minutes in. Um,
Speaker 1: what is the culture that made you think culture is?
Speaker 1: For me? A young Christian? Okay, So I feel like
Speaker 1: this is very very early, and I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys want to did you guys have the Elephant Show? Okay,
Speaker 1: describe it? Okay, there's this show on Wait, Wait Things one. Okay,
Speaker 1: I really Barbara whatever, BARBARU love elephants? That's how that sound?
Speaker 1: Dumb queen who can't say Barbara? You sound like a
Speaker 1: dumb queen who can't even say Barbara. It was the
Speaker 1: Elephant Show on Nickelodeon. Yes, I remember the Elephant Show,
Speaker 1: which was like a live action Sharon Lewis and Bram
Speaker 1: like in Canada. People worshiped them, Yeah, and I worshiped
Speaker 1: them here and then at the same time, also there
Speaker 1: was a show called Dumbo Circus, which was a live
Speaker 1: action on Disney Channel. UM, live action Dumbbo and there
Speaker 1: was like a big big dumbos just went off again.
Speaker 1: I just went off again. This has never happened. It's
Speaker 1: so late. It's late. Um yeah, I'm so excited. But
Speaker 1: this was like eight nine, so yeah, but no, but
Speaker 1: I think the Elephant Show like went into at least
Speaker 1: it just I mean as a kid growing up, it
Speaker 1: just like I just watched it back to back. It
Speaker 1: must have been syndicated on yeah whatever for life, for life.
Speaker 1: Um yeah. So those are the two things that really
Speaker 1: got me. And I remember going I when I had
Speaker 1: to go to kindergarten because this was pre kindergarten. It's
Speaker 1: like a little Biebo. And when I went to kindergarten,
Speaker 1: I was so stressed. I would make my mom tape it.
Speaker 1: She would have to record it on the VCR so
Speaker 1: that when I got home I could watch The Elephant
Speaker 1: Show and Dumbo Circus. And one day kindergarten I cried
Speaker 1: and the teacher was like, why are you crying? I
Speaker 1: was like, I was just really worried that the VCR
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to record it. I cared about TV
Speaker 1: so early, and I know that my parents like that's
Speaker 1: so bad, but I like, I loved that I Love
Speaker 1: the Monkeys, which was in reruns. I had a crush
Speaker 1: on Davy Jones, probably like thirty at the time, and
Speaker 1: I had a crush on his child version. My mom
Speaker 1: loves him. She had a picture of David Jones I love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My sister had a had a monkey's phase, and I
Speaker 1: was like, this is from a century ago, it is
Speaker 1: I had. I was so horny for him and I
Speaker 1: was only five. But there was definitely a thing of
Speaker 1: like at the time, I think we were all were younger,
Speaker 1: Like there was a lot of that kind of nineteen
Speaker 1: seventies and nineteen eighties, nineteen sixties, like television on and
Speaker 1: readily available, and you know what fucking kills me that
Speaker 1: no one knows about, Like there's no way to kill
Speaker 1: in Island now. No one knows about I love Lucy,
Speaker 1: none of none of these young girls coming up girls,
Speaker 1: young young girl not know. I don't even know about
Speaker 1: Lucill Ball. Also, one thing that I love is that
Speaker 1: Jason's Jason is older than me by five years. Ha ha.
Speaker 1: But hello, go daddy, listen to a little bit of
Speaker 1: a still good Daddy seven next tive. No, but Jason
Speaker 1: was poor. Okay, we didn't say that. You said that.
Speaker 1: We didn't say that. You can't Barbara you shut dumb
Speaker 1: stupid Queen comes to the comes to the Barbara Streis
Speaker 1: and contract saying, I'm saying Barber strives. That's how he
Speaker 1: is an idiot, that's he is. You can't say it
Speaker 1: right now. Jason does very well. He's doing great. Say
Speaker 1: it right now, say Barbara Streis in barbar strikes bird.
Speaker 1: That wasn't it? We need to get back on track.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Tom Queen his little sister. He has
Speaker 1: a little sister, so he knows all about the dumb
Speaker 1: ship that I grew up. Which I think it's very
Speaker 1: important because I like to be able to say like,
Speaker 1: because I feel like you have like these weird flashes
Speaker 1: of something weird that you watched and you have to
Speaker 1: find out what it is, and he has like a
Speaker 1: good knowledge of it. How young is his sister She
Speaker 1: is maybe twenty six, so he was able to re
Speaker 1: experience all of those things he was she was he
Speaker 1: was twelve years old when she was a baby, so
Speaker 1: he really like and he was like a good older
Speaker 1: brother who hung out with his little sister and took
Speaker 1: care of her. So like he's he's got all of
Speaker 1: these dumb things and he remembers them. I think it's
Speaker 1: I remember, like when I was in London, people loved
Speaker 1: me because people in London I love that girls. And
Speaker 1: I really did very well there in college and I
Speaker 1: remember like going on on dates with guys and we
Speaker 1: had a totally different like understanding of culture and knowledge
Speaker 1: and like shows, and I hated it. I was I
Speaker 1: couldn't get on board. I don't want to get to
Speaker 1: know your stuff because your love languages, pop culture and
Speaker 1: culture one hund like I do you have to know
Speaker 1: what I know you know? And like I have these
Speaker 1: like weird visions of like in Dumbo Circus, there's this
Speaker 1: one scene. I know you have no idea what this is,
Speaker 1: but I have no idea. No, I don't describe it
Speaker 1: because I want to. I want to, like this one
Speaker 1: scene where they fly over a desert that's made of
Speaker 1: ice cream. Live action. It's live action and sports. I
Speaker 1: don't believe it is. I swear there's a computer in
Speaker 1: your back. It's real and I haven't seen it since
Speaker 1: I was a little kids, so maybe it is. But
Speaker 1: I think it is live actually because I think it
Speaker 1: was like a soft out of it. I would be
Speaker 1: curious as to how they pulled off a desert made
Speaker 1: out of ice cream. It was like round puppety ice cream.
Speaker 1: Like I felt about this. This is a question. Hold on,
Speaker 1: I want to ask an actual question. Okay, that's an
Speaker 1: actual question. I think there is something, there's something really
Speaker 1: real to this thing that Christian is talking about, like
Speaker 1: these visions, these flashbacks to like kids, just random ask
Speaker 1: kids stuff that you would watch. Um, did you you
Speaker 1: watch Pingu either? If you watch ands but I know
Speaker 1: it is, yeah, but they do have like visions of it,
Speaker 1: have visions of it, And I just have visions of
Speaker 1: just just yeah, like being like not going to school
Speaker 1: because I was second just staying and watching that because
Speaker 1: you know, we didn't have cable. Yeah, and Bob Ross
Speaker 1: and Ship came out all the time. Loved Bob Ros.
Speaker 1: Bob Ross was on. Also, you know what is a
Speaker 1: show that I literally remember, like Gala Gla Island. I
Speaker 1: don't remember a single thing about that one. Bart went
Speaker 1: contact and Ghostwriter we on PBS two. Ghostwriter just talking
Speaker 1: to someone un grinder to take Why would you? That
Speaker 1: was their user name and my user name right now
Speaker 1: is I think like dumbfat baby because that's like a
Speaker 1: holdover from the conversation starter brand and um, this person
Speaker 1: was asking me what the name was and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just like a It's like an old user name
Speaker 1: that you should have been, like Google Gaga. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: should have Barbar And then and then his user name
Speaker 1: was ghost right, and I was like, what's the meaning
Speaker 1: behind your name? And he said the show And I
Speaker 1: don't think I ever watched it again. It's one of
Speaker 1: those things where it's like I could not tell you
Speaker 1: anything about basically a ghost that gave these crime fighting
Speaker 1: kids information by writing on computer right right right, ghost right.
Speaker 1: It's been safe. It feels like it doesn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of legs, like it went on for a while,
Speaker 1: and I certainly wanted today. I love that scene from
Speaker 1: Freaks and Geeks where the kid goes home and eats
Speaker 1: like food in front of his TV show. Do you
Speaker 1: know that scene? Yes, I in the pilot. I think
Speaker 1: it is. It's early on. Um. I love that scene
Speaker 1: so much and I relate to it so much because
Speaker 1: I was a latch key kid. I was a poor kid,
Speaker 1: and I would come home from like school, walk home
Speaker 1: from school, open up the door, make myself a big
Speaker 1: snack and watch like Oprah were the snacks and thank god,
Speaker 1: thank god, you know what I loved, Hey Gray Farms,
Speaker 1: beef sticks. Fucking love beef sticks. I I still funk
Speaker 1: with bagel bites and that was my snack of snack
Speaker 1: of choice growing up. A dozen bagel bites on a plate,
Speaker 1: and they were sogging wet because I've only or like
Speaker 1: a piece of white bread with a piece of cheese
Speaker 1: on it. No, I ask you this, ask you this, Okay,
Speaker 1: did your parents ever put juice in those little canisters
Speaker 1: in the freezer and make a juice pop? Yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: love yeah, but not like canisters like a little popsicle.
Speaker 1: We had all of the dumb bullshit plastic stuff that
Speaker 1: would make nonsense. But yeah, we did do that to you.
Speaker 1: It's insane how much juice and soda I drink as
Speaker 1: a child. I look back and I'm like, the nineties
Speaker 1: were a fucking crazy, cracked out time. I would beat
Speaker 1: in the basement in my house watching Nickelodeon, running around
Speaker 1: in circles because I was so hyped up on soda
Speaker 1: because it was in the house every day. I probably
Speaker 1: drank a liter of it every day, a kidding, just
Speaker 1: running around like I remember the first time I ever
Speaker 1: saw the Backstreet Boys on television. I just didn't know
Speaker 1: what I was feeling, like rubbing my dick on the
Speaker 1: ground and like running around being like like I'm not
Speaker 1: understanding sugar. Yes, every show was the best show, led
Speaker 1: it to the Hidden Temple, best show, their best show,
Speaker 1: like do you have it guts? Best show, and I
Speaker 1: was just like yes, yes, And I was just so
Speaker 1: excited to see other kids run around, Oh my God,
Speaker 1: and I love that always. The trip would be like
Speaker 1: all of these shows happened in Orlando, like yes, oh
Speaker 1: my God, filmed live at Universal Studios, Florida, and I
Speaker 1: would come. I would come as a child, I would say,
Speaker 1: I would see the group the group fountain. Now I
Speaker 1: would come we No, I'd be a little kids having
Speaker 1: soda and coming because Back she Boys performed live in
Speaker 1: front of a goop fountain. No, not to this day.
Speaker 1: I did when with New Kids on the Block. No, No,
Speaker 1: this was I feel like, oh my god, I'm lying
Speaker 1: to you guys, but I feel like someone like Cisco
Speaker 1: Level open no dream Dream open um, you get it.
Speaker 1: He was men, He's getting, he's gonna he loves me.
Speaker 1: None of those that saw them. I was more of
Speaker 1: an InSync fan. I saw them a bunch. Yes they
Speaker 1: were better. I loved them so much. But I won
Speaker 1: free tickets to Back To Boys because my dad there
Speaker 1: was this contest to the Backstreet Dad's contests at the mall,
Speaker 1: at the Ashball Mall, and I knew that my dad
Speaker 1: was such a hand and was like I knew if
Speaker 1: I got him in that contest, I would win because
Speaker 1: he was such a performer and like an inside performer.
Speaker 1: And so we dressed him up and he didn't and
Speaker 1: he got it done. You dress him up as an
Speaker 1: in sync or um, No, this was actual boy. He was.
Speaker 1: My dad was Howard, So he was Howie be and
Speaker 1: like he really went for it and to such a
Speaker 1: degree that he was the clip of like it went
Speaker 1: out on the ap and it was like the ESPN
Speaker 1: clip of the day. They would play him on the
Speaker 1: hour services he was all over. He went on the apes.
Speaker 1: Back in the day. This was news. This was the bright,
Speaker 1: shining news that could happen on the local news. And
Speaker 1: we went to see the Bactor Boys. And that's where
Speaker 1: I saw my first dick because yes, because on our
Speaker 1: way it was me and three of the girls. The
Speaker 1: sky was driving beside us and he saw a bunch
Speaker 1: of girls and he lifted He was masturbating and driving,
Speaker 1: and he lifted up his dick. We all screamed, bloody murder.
Speaker 1: But it was fine. Girls trip, that's literally what and
Speaker 1: it was fine. I was not hurt by it. I
Speaker 1: think still we can't speak for the other girls. We
Speaker 1: have to find them with their stories. I think it
Speaker 1: was funny and they're fine. Stick through a window, dick
Speaker 1: through a window. Um okay, so on my way here,
Speaker 1: um pal the show Brandon's Cat Jones, two time cancelor
Speaker 1: of the Live Show. Cancelor showed me videos of boy band.
Speaker 1: I'm just getting okay. I think it's fine. I'm on board.
Speaker 1: I almost tried to watch it the other day because
Speaker 1: I finished and then I was looking. I watched one
Speaker 1: episode and thing that I think is so funny. It's
Speaker 1: at the very end of it they say the boy
Speaker 1: who is going home or the boy who didn't do
Speaker 1: a good job today, the boy and I laughed so hard,
Speaker 1: the boy, the boy who disappointed us. It's so Harry Pottery.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think nineteen is the oldest and the
Speaker 1: youngest Okay, probably you don't even know what their dicks
Speaker 1: are doing yet. Well if if if no one's hat
Speaker 1: to me, they're probably looking down at their own dick.
Speaker 1: Like what I mean, if there were anything like you
Speaker 1: growing up looking watching the Backstreet boys rubbing rubbing around
Speaker 1: the rug juice juice in comming soda, I want to
Speaker 1: see a messy hot producer, Joe, can we get away
Speaker 1: with calling this episode juice? And I'm so it's really soda? Soda?
Speaker 1: Now we should call it. We should call it rub
Speaker 1: the rug, rubbed the rug. Now, there's literally a podcast
Speaker 1: called Comtown. I think we're fine. Well, that's probably a
Speaker 1: dumb podcast. What is that? I know, I'm sure it's great.
Speaker 1: I'm sure Cometown. We don't have to talk about Calmtown.
Speaker 1: It's called Calmtown. Calmtown. HPJ has heard of it. What's
Speaker 1: it about? I don't know. I you know what I
Speaker 1: I just scroll through and I look at the titles.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's a good title. That's a good title. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm hoping justin I like, now, um, before I teased
Speaker 1: that Kristen as one of the writers of Nightly, that
Speaker 1: UCB might have had a little bit of an exchange
Speaker 1: or running with a certain celebrity who was going to
Speaker 1: do the show and that disappeared from the schedule. She
Speaker 1: absolutely did. She canceled a week before. Now I recently
Speaker 1: got into the Real Housewives of New York. Can we
Speaker 1: confirm that this person was the Countess herself, Countess Luanne
Speaker 1: former Accountess, now the former Lune Augustino. I guess she's
Speaker 1: back to Luene de Lisps. Know she lost her title
Speaker 1: and the husband. That's sad, but she will never lose
Speaker 1: her music. Now, you know what. I'm watching the show
Speaker 1: now and I'm not into the Countess. Do you watch
Speaker 1: the show? I do. I watched all of them, the
Speaker 1: only ones I don't want her like Dallas and her
Speaker 1: Dallas sucks. I don't need to see if anyone's like
Speaker 1: clearly not rich. I don't care. It's like I don't.
Speaker 1: That makes me feel sad and like you're putting your
Speaker 1: life out there in a way that you can never
Speaker 1: take back. But if there are Bridge Parson, you're fine.
Speaker 1: You're protected by your money no matter what. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I do watch UM and I you like lue Anne
Speaker 1: Um because I think like she is a very charming figure. Um,
Speaker 1: but my favorite person. I mean, I do like Bethany,
Speaker 1: I do like Carol. I love Carol. I don't like Ramona.
Speaker 1: She is much. She's a lot. Um. Did you watch Aviva,
Speaker 1: She's the one who threw a leg off? No, I
Speaker 1: haven't seen Aviva. Okay, So I have to tell you
Speaker 1: I've only watched in season seven and full because I
Speaker 1: was told that I needed to because I was going
Speaker 1: to get into it. But I didn't want to start
Speaker 1: with season one because by god, that's a lot you
Speaker 1: don't need to be on board for that. I was
Speaker 1: told start with season seven, the return of Bethany, and
Speaker 1: then just catch up to where we are now. So
Speaker 1: right today, I started season eight because I did all
Speaker 1: of season seven. I just watched all three reunion episodes today,
Speaker 1: so I've literally watched so much for the Housewives, and
Speaker 1: I have to tell you my reactions are well, I
Speaker 1: guess I won't even talk about Heather and Kristen because
Speaker 1: Heather was literally too much and Kristen, truly who can person?
Speaker 1: Was the worst? She was the worst and should nail polish?
Speaker 1: That was all I remember. She also had the worst
Speaker 1: catchphrase of all time? What was it was it pretty
Speaker 1: is smarter than you think, which is so bad. You're
Speaker 1: not smart. If you say that you're not smart, so bad.
Speaker 1: But I do think in my heart of hearts, I
Speaker 1: probably am Sonia where it's horrifying, isn't it? You don't
Speaker 1: like no, I do. I have some gass froth the
Speaker 1: mic about the listeners. Let's do on the mics about
Speaker 1: what went down with Luanne with the UCB night Later.
Speaker 1: What can you say? This is what I can say,
Speaker 1: and I can say it all. I think I met
Speaker 1: Luanne at a party at Difficult People's party last year,
Speaker 1: and yes, and you were Christina wasn't Difficult people same time?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's another another credit. I don't remember things
Speaker 1: that I've done, but that was the thing that I did.
Speaker 1: And um, so I was at this party and one
Speaker 1: of the great things about writing for Night Late is
Speaker 1: that you could always like talk to famous people by saying, oh,
Speaker 1: come on do our show, and they would always be
Speaker 1: excited and receptive about this opportunity. And so so we
Speaker 1: were at this party, already having a great time, already
Speaker 1: a little drunk, and then I saw lou and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm in doctor Luen and Tom was there.
Speaker 1: This is early in and they weren't even engaged yet,
Speaker 1: and I like said him. I knew she did improv
Speaker 1: because she did improv at the pit. We wand the
Speaker 1: pit we did a class. I think they probably clips online.
Speaker 1: She did improv class. It was maybe something she wanted
Speaker 1: to be her story that never made. But she there
Speaker 1: are people at the pit of all the classes she
Speaker 1: signed up for the bit I don't know, good for
Speaker 1: the pit. That's that's the Pit's biggest credit nowadays. Stop
Speaker 1: sorry to shade the pit, but not for nothing. She
Speaker 1: took a class the Pit, and so I knew that
Speaker 1: she already liked improvince and then I was like, okay, um,
Speaker 1: well I'm at u c B and I we have
Speaker 1: the show. And she immediately she was like, I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to do UCB. So she did that, and she
Speaker 1: wanted to break in at the US, which is every
Speaker 1: other everyone happens to, everyone happens to so many UM
Speaker 1: certainly be and so she wanted to do things you
Speaker 1: CV and I was like, oh, this class are the show,
Speaker 1: Like we just invite someone your whole late night show.
Speaker 1: She was super jazz and so then we proceeded to
Speaker 1: email back and forth a little bit. Uh you and
Speaker 1: her My god, me and Luanne and you were the
Speaker 1: reason for this connection. It was totally I met her,
Speaker 1: I invited and so that we kept talking and I
Speaker 1: let Eric Cunningham, who created the show about it, and
Speaker 1: Lauren Mandel, who is a producer. They know about it,
Speaker 1: and they were very excited and we were kind of
Speaker 1: open to whatever Luanne wanted. And then last winter she
Speaker 1: was like, well, you know, I'm getting married and so
Speaker 1: um this is I'm going to be busy for these dates,
Speaker 1: but why don't we have this meeting and then we
Speaker 1: can do the show in February I think. And we
Speaker 1: were thrilled, and so I, you know, I was working,
Speaker 1: I had a day off on Friday. I made sure
Speaker 1: to schedule it when we had hiatus, and we did
Speaker 1: this meeting and she told us her life story, which
Speaker 1: is so great. She asked, she's basically like Forrest Gump,
Speaker 1: for like love like she like And I said that
Speaker 1: to her, which was like, she like dates people in
Speaker 1: very glamorous, interesting situations, and she like sort of like
Speaker 1: falls in love with different people and then she goes
Speaker 1: wherever she's going to go. So she started as a nurse,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was dating as a nurse, and
Speaker 1: she left that life behind, Like I think the person
Speaker 1: that she was with encouraged her to move on, and
Speaker 1: she went to and Eli and hooked up with another
Speaker 1: guy and then became, like she says, the van of
Speaker 1: White of Italy. She's like a game show person. And
Speaker 1: then she came back. It was like a really interesting story.
Speaker 1: And because when she was in February, we were thinking
Speaker 1: about making it be like about love and about finding
Speaker 1: love in a later time if your life such an
Speaker 1: entertaining conversation, and then she kept emailing and then and uh,
Speaker 1: a week before maybe two weeks. It was very early
Speaker 1: she could no longer do the show because of a trip.
Speaker 1: Because of the trip and the trips that she went
Speaker 1: on to did they go to Mexico? Oh, so we
Speaker 1: knew that the trip was coming. But on the show.
Speaker 1: The thing that's kind of interesting is that like at
Speaker 1: one point Beth then he thinks that she's going to
Speaker 1: be coming later with Ramona, and then suddenly lu And
Speaker 1: says that she's coming early. And so I think that
Speaker 1: that may have been like the reason she was maybe
Speaker 1: either going to push it off for then she realized
Speaker 1: that she didn't want to travel with Ramona, and she
Speaker 1: came early, but she canceled the show, which was funny.
Speaker 1: I mean maybe a little devastating. I don't bother me.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I was funny. What what was she?
Speaker 1: What was she wanting the show to be? Because you know,
Speaker 1: you have like nightly, like you have a theme of
Speaker 1: a concept, you have like comedic ideas, can you share
Speaker 1: some inside and really all about love like she wanted
Speaker 1: she was going to cook excel at Frances France whatever
Speaker 1: she was going to make it on stage or like
Speaker 1: have like a game show where like guys would compete
Speaker 1: to make the best eggs all friends say which and
Speaker 1: also the way that she said it, it was just
Speaker 1: basically scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I die, I die for it.
Speaker 1: Um So, so it was just about like love, like
Speaker 1: really about love at a later age, and it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: And I was very busy and it didn't matter to
Speaker 1: me personally because I was exhausted, but I'm sure it
Speaker 1: was debstating to other people and it certainly sucked for USB,
Speaker 1: but she kept emailing. I think she felt guilty, and
Speaker 1: so she would periodically invite me and Lauren out to events,
Speaker 1: and we didn't go because I always had work. But
Speaker 1: I'm going to follow up now, I'm going to check
Speaker 1: in out. I'm gonna give her her space because she's
Speaker 1: just gone through this divorce. She certainly is going through
Speaker 1: it right now. I started to reach out. She had
Speaker 1: a gorgeous ring. The ring was enormous. Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: watch any of that. I'm sure she's very personable and
Speaker 1: lovely in person, but and she's very charismatic. Obviously, she's
Speaker 1: so funny that when she was falling into the bushes
Speaker 1: like that made me love her against all odds. The
Speaker 1: woman's a star. But the thing is, though, anti to
Speaker 1: difficult people, she causes trouble constantly, and I think that
Speaker 1: is crazy. She's always coming in and saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is insane. What what that person was saying about
Speaker 1: you outside? And they're like what, and they go, I
Speaker 1: don't know, we should bring it over, Ramona, And then
Speaker 1: she'll call it over. What were you saying about Sonya?
Speaker 1: And then it will become a thing, and it's just
Speaker 1: it's so well, I mean, I guess that means we're
Speaker 1: a good cast member and part of that. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: you go, that's why she But that's probably I mean,
Speaker 1: they're smart about that. People who are still there. I
Speaker 1: feel like when you get someone in their first or
Speaker 1: second season, they're like a dear in headlights and they
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. They're gone and then they're gone.
Speaker 1: But that they get it at this point, I mean,
Speaker 1: lun spend the shows a long. Ramona has been on
Speaker 1: the shows along Bethany. They all know what they're doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know who I live for? Do you watch
Speaker 1: it at all? At all? You need to watch it,
Speaker 1: and I think you'd be as obsessive. Mate. Do you
Speaker 1: know who I live for? Tinsley? No? I don't. Haven't
Speaker 1: gotten to Tinsley yet. Oh my god. Yes, remember I've
Speaker 1: only seen season seven. Dorinda's diste. First of all, her
Speaker 1: name is Doreanda, of course she I've heard legend and
Speaker 1: her catisan Susan. Seven is I give Uptown a whole
Speaker 1: new attitude. And I don't know what that means, but
Speaker 1: yet it is what. I give Uptown a whole new attitude.
Speaker 1: Not clear as to what the attitude was of Uptown
Speaker 1: prior to Dorinda, but she gave it a new attitude,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you what it is. It is drunk
Speaker 1: and righteous. But I live for her. I live for
Speaker 1: her because she when she gets mad, gets truly mad
Speaker 1: in a way that's not fake for the cameras. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes when Bethany gets upset, it's like, Okay, fuck you,
Speaker 1: You're like definitely performing right now, like definitely cut in
Speaker 1: that check. Dorinda is like, you can go fuck yourself,
Speaker 1: and anything you can say to me, you can say
Speaker 1: to your own fucking asshole. How about that fucking bitch
Speaker 1: she's like going in She has Jersey energy. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: such a crazy you know what. That's why identify with
Speaker 1: It's because she I'm Long Island and she's got this
Speaker 1: Jersey energy, because I believe that I give Long Island attitude.
Speaker 1: She's fantastic. I think of all of them, she and
Speaker 1: Carol are the ones that I think I would be
Speaker 1: normal friends with Carol friends. I can't believe she's on
Speaker 1: the show. So Carol, Carol Radziwill. She's like in any
Speaker 1: winning Peabody Award winning journalist who was like on the
Speaker 1: ground in Afghanistan and Iraq, like during the first time
Speaker 1: she's like lost her husband I think to cancer. Yes,
Speaker 1: and then she was friends with Carol Kennedy, best friends
Speaker 1: with Caroline Bassette Kennedy and close friends with jfk Jr.
Speaker 1: Have her on the show, I'd love to watch her.
Speaker 1: But she's so normal. But that's the thing is, it's
Speaker 1: like she's not a real housewife. She's not like a
Speaker 1: She always a grounding force. They'll say something insane and
Speaker 1: she'll say, I think she's an entry way, Like you
Speaker 1: do need your entry I I think this is true,
Speaker 1: Like her talking kids are very essential because like you
Speaker 1: need someone that's on earth to be on that show.
Speaker 1: I need the thinking man's housewife. And it sounds like
Speaker 1: that's Carol. Yes, and but but it's just shocking to
Speaker 1: me that someone of her stature would do it. And
Speaker 1: we were rewarded, but do it. But I guess they
Speaker 1: must be paying her, Oh sure, crazy because she's been
Speaker 1: on the show. I guess for what four years. I
Speaker 1: think it's like decent money, Like it's a decent I
Speaker 1: had a friend who did the Singles Project. It was
Speaker 1: for one season. My friend Joe Healey, who was wonderful.
Speaker 1: He has an eyebrow studio. Um, he did this show
Speaker 1: on Bravo, like the same people are producing it, where
Speaker 1: like they would send these guys out on different dates
Speaker 1: and you could vote on them, and then then next
Speaker 1: week you would see the god on a date another
Speaker 1: day or a different date. And the thing about it
Speaker 1: is is like, I mean, that was like a decent money,
Speaker 1: decent like whatever. When he told me that he was
Speaker 1: going to do it, I was like, do not do
Speaker 1: this because I knew, like it's like the shady stuff
Speaker 1: that you say, like people on TV are going to
Speaker 1: see your people. An audience is going to see that
Speaker 1: and think that you're just mean. You know, they won't
Speaker 1: have context for your just being a snot that I love.
Speaker 1: And he still did it, and of course he was
Speaker 1: the villain. But the nice thing about that show is
Speaker 1: that you could see yourself and so he was able
Speaker 1: to read whatever. Oh so he could like watch himself
Speaker 1: back well he week, he could see the way trade
Speaker 1: and like play into that exactly. And those guys on
Speaker 1: Real House ives those first seasons they do not like
Speaker 1: the first season, they do not get that chance. You know,
Speaker 1: whenever a show is not as popular in the beginning,
Speaker 1: like you get That's why some people ache for the
Speaker 1: old seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race, because now everyone's always like, well,
Speaker 1: they're so aware of the camera, they're so aware of
Speaker 1: what their narrative arc is coming in. They try to
Speaker 1: manipulate their own arm and it makes for bad television.
Speaker 1: You don't get the kind of thing. You don't get
Speaker 1: the kind of raw natural stuff that you would get
Speaker 1: from people that weren't as aware of the cameras. So
Speaker 1: the difference between wanting fame versus like wanting to you know,
Speaker 1: like wanting to be an artist or wanting to be
Speaker 1: on the show that you're on. Um. So the other
Speaker 1: night I was watching Last night, I was watching Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise. Okay, I'm fully in Bachelor Nation now and
Speaker 1: it's and it makes me so sick to my stomach, Kristin,
Speaker 1: but I am and I like part of the I
Speaker 1: can't stop. So after that show, I watched in the
Speaker 1: Gong Show and I've seen insane. It's fully insane. And
Speaker 1: I saw a friend of mine from college on the
Speaker 1: show and then I texted, didn't I text you about it?
Speaker 1: I was like, I message feeling about it, and he goes, well,
Speaker 1: I guess a lot of us end up on game
Speaker 1: shows which we know something about, don't we. Christals absolutely
Speaker 1: put this together. We're both millionaire alone. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: It's such a funny thing. Yeah, and we both have
Speaker 1: met Chris Harrison, haven't we? We have. When I met
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison, I like, so I was on two episodes.
Speaker 1: You were much more of a hit with him than
Speaker 1: I was. I did get him, I will tell you this.
Speaker 1: And the thing about those shows is that you have
Speaker 1: to have your sappy story because if you have like
Speaker 1: a story, they freak and fall in love with you.
Speaker 1: And I think it's such a funny thing. And I
Speaker 1: had my story, which was my dad and dad blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, I have talked on a million times. But
Speaker 1: my mom and my dad had always planned on like
Speaker 1: traveling the world together, and then when he retired, and
Speaker 1: then that didn't get to happen. So I was going
Speaker 1: to use this money to take her on a trip.
Speaker 1: So the audience loved it. They loved it so much,
Speaker 1: and he loved it too, because he's just trying to
Speaker 1: make good TV. So I really did hit it off
Speaker 1: with him. And when I when the cameras got on me,
Speaker 1: I turned into this insane, like show biz nut, Like
Speaker 1: I was basically fine, and it was like I was
Speaker 1: like kind of calmon whatever, and then sudden it was
Speaker 1: like my accent I'm from working on It was like
Speaker 1: a full force. It was like okay, Honney, well this
Speaker 1: is what I say. And it was insanity and I
Speaker 1: went crazy and I had a Disney question in there too,
Speaker 1: which Jason so the reason that we did this, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it because I kind of
Speaker 1: like to control like how I appear in the world,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to do Yeah, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to do a game show because I don't know a
Speaker 1: lot of things, and I do know a lot about
Speaker 1: a little and if I got like a crush about
Speaker 1: Kracka Bereal, I could be like, this is what it is.
Speaker 1: But if I got a question about like anything that
Speaker 1: happens in the Middle East, then I would be like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm a dummy. And I just spent a
Speaker 1: lot of money on a prop classes but thankfully so
Speaker 1: we Jason I went to take the test because he's
Speaker 1: very good at trivia, and I encouraged him to do it,
Speaker 1: and he was like will you come do it with me?
Speaker 1: And I passed and he did not pass. I know
Speaker 1: he believes. He believes very strongly because Alex French told him.
Speaker 1: Alex French was taking the test at the same time,
Speaker 1: I heard that if you do too well on the test,
Speaker 1: and they did not think you see. I actually had
Speaker 1: a conversation with the producers about this and they said
Speaker 1: this is They would have no reason why to me,
Speaker 1: they said, absolutely, this is not true. I'm also going
Speaker 1: to put my friend that came with me on blast.
Speaker 1: Sudi Green did not passed the test either. She did
Speaker 1: not pass. And it was so funny because it was
Speaker 1: so funny because we did the show and then she
Speaker 1: came on the show as my plus one and we
Speaker 1: had this whole like fucking routine moment where we walk
Speaker 1: and walk and just like did this like insane routine
Speaker 1: and then got a question right and jump for joy
Speaker 1: and like they loved her on camera, so they came.
Speaker 1: The producers came over to us after and they were like, Sudi,
Speaker 1: do you want to take the test because we never
Speaker 1: do this, but you were so great, we'd love to
Speaker 1: have you on. She was like, I don't know, with
Speaker 1: work like I don't know, and she was, you know what, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll take the test, and she was she's going to
Speaker 1: be mad a little bit, a little bit, a little bit.
Speaker 1: Her energy was like, oh no, I'm gonna pass this test.
Speaker 1: And then they're gonna like, I'm gonna come back. And
Speaker 1: they came back and said, Suti, we're sorry you didn't
Speaker 1: pass the test, and she was like what. And then
Speaker 1: we left and we got so fucking wasted on bloody
Speaker 1: Marys and now she can't drink bloody mirrors anymore. I
Speaker 1: was that bad bloody That same thing happened, which is
Speaker 1: so shitty because I make such a good one. You do.
Speaker 1: That same thing happened to Jason and he didn't pass
Speaker 1: the test and shold him and so he walked away like, well,
Speaker 1: that's what happened. I was smarter than I was, too good.
Speaker 1: And then he had to go at the A b
Speaker 1: C studios had to go wait for me, And so
Speaker 1: I kept going to the next level, like I had
Speaker 1: to meet the producers past that, and then I had
Speaker 1: to an on camera audition, and they just want you
Speaker 1: to be cute and stupid, and so I went and
Speaker 1: I did the show, and I was cute and stupid stupid,
Speaker 1: And then there was a Disney question that I was
Speaker 1: like half on the fence about, which was this um
Speaker 1: Disney World ride has X Y Z animated characters and
Speaker 1: at the end of it there is a key. Um,
Speaker 1: a dog has a key in its mouth. Great, so
Speaker 1: I so some of the examples were Small World and Pirates,
Speaker 1: and I felt pretty sure that it was Pirates, but
Speaker 1: it was that LIMIT didn't know this. Okay, well you
Speaker 1: know that Jason's more into this than me. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I was like, I feel pretty good about it,
Speaker 1: and you're also so hopped up on adrenaline and insanity,
Speaker 1: you you're out of your brain. I was fully like
Speaker 1: a total different person on the show and like completely
Speaker 1: out of myself. So I called Jason is my plus one,
Speaker 1: and so he had this big moment and when the
Speaker 1: lights came on, he did this face like, oh, it's me,
Speaker 1: and so then he came running down and then we
Speaker 1: were real cute together, and then Jason of course had
Speaker 1: the answer right, so he felt like a fucking king,
Speaker 1: and then we kids on caramel. Everyone screamed it was crazy,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, I ended up grand it was deep.
Speaker 1: I was so, and I actually messaged you before and
Speaker 1: I was like any advice, and you gave me advice
Speaker 1: and I was like, literally, my goal is twenty grand
Speaker 1: I got to question narrative down to two and I
Speaker 1: guess the wrong one. It was so devastating, it really was.
Speaker 1: I got the hell out as soon as I got
Speaker 1: a question that required like actual knowledge of history. It
Speaker 1: was about a waltz by Strauss. I was like, goodbye,
Speaker 1: was spelling question? It was fucking crazy? Also it was um,
Speaker 1: but it was it was a really fucked up way
Speaker 1: to ask ask that question. It was like, um, what
Speaker 1: is the correct spelling of the protagonist of a Christmas
Speaker 1: Carol by Charles Dickens? And I thought, But when the
Speaker 1: question came up, I was like, okay, well they didn't
Speaker 1: say the name ebenez were in the question? Is there's
Speaker 1: going to be more than one name up there? They
Speaker 1: gave four different spellings of Ebenezer, and I believe I'm
Speaker 1: repeating myself with the story on the podcast, so I
Speaker 1: don't care about it. But but anyway, like it was
Speaker 1: e b E and easy er and e b E
Speaker 1: and e e z e R. That's the one, right,
Speaker 1: It is the one, but you know you and it
Speaker 1: was one of those It was one of those things
Speaker 1: where it leaves your mouth and you're like, that's wrong,
Speaker 1: but I'm still doing it, like and I just it's
Speaker 1: so hard. It was so fully out of your body
Speaker 1: and this. I did the second episode with him, and
Speaker 1: at that point we had become friends, and I hugged
Speaker 1: him and they had to stop the frame like we
Speaker 1: went in, like I came out. Yeah, so I came
Speaker 1: out and Chris Harrison held up his arms for hug
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, we're friends now. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was funny because it just happened, and also I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go back to that. But I hugged him and
Speaker 1: my gout laughed my face and went I sweated my
Speaker 1: nag up off onto him and they had to stop it,
Speaker 1: and I like me, I immediately said, oh, I bet
Speaker 1: none of the Bachelor's has ever sweated her face off
Speaker 1: onto you. And I was like, that's never happened. You're right,
Speaker 1: that's cute. One thing they did was like they put
Speaker 1: us in game show jail, like what because it was
Speaker 1: they did the same thing to us. Sucks. It was
Speaker 1: like one episode before lunch and one after lunch, and
Speaker 1: so they held us like in a small room besides
Speaker 1: each other. We weren't allowed to talk, and so I
Speaker 1: ended up doing like the knock like the dad and
Speaker 1: Jason did it, and then we just laughed really really
Speaker 1: really really hard for a very long time that we
Speaker 1: were doing this. It's the dumbest thing today. It was
Speaker 1: so insane. Also, I will say I am now that
Speaker 1: I'm in Bachelor Nation and now that I love all
Speaker 1: right the things that they do to them, I'm so
Speaker 1: gagged that I met Chris Harrison and I just treated
Speaker 1: him like a person standing in front of me. Not
Speaker 1: that I think he literally does anything special literally at all. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't him because I do think that he doesn't
Speaker 1: do anything um on the show. But he truly didn't
Speaker 1: like me. How do you know? Because I messed up
Speaker 1: an entrance. I messed up an entrance when I was
Speaker 1: coming from Yeah, and he you can there's it's on
Speaker 1: YouTube like maybe i'll post it later, And I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what this is. But when I when he
Speaker 1: shook my hand, um, after I had messed up the entrance,
Speaker 1: when I did my real entrance, he trump handshaked me.
Speaker 1: It was like he took my hand and pulled me
Speaker 1: in and it was like it was crazy. And you
Speaker 1: can see on my face when I when I come
Speaker 1: around to the podium that I'm like not feeling it.
Speaker 1: It was it was it was weird. That is so
Speaker 1: he struck me as someone that's straight, doesn't doesn't Did
Speaker 1: you have this dream? I mean, did you have a
Speaker 1: producer assigned to you as well? Wasn't that weird? Like no,
Speaker 1: I loved him, like and it was weird, But you
Speaker 1: become your best friend and then that's what they're doing
Speaker 1: to the bat threats yeah, and actually I I that's
Speaker 1: what they're doing. So I mentioned this. I mentioned it
Speaker 1: was while I was watching Unreal. Yeah, and I mentioned
Speaker 1: that show to the producers of that show and they
Speaker 1: just were like, don't talk about that show. Yes, it
Speaker 1: is so real like that. Mine was very nice, but
Speaker 1: she acted like an insane best friend, like you feel
Speaker 1: like after this meeting, we're going to hang out for
Speaker 1: the rest of our on Facebook, because I did and
Speaker 1: he did not respond. I didn't do that, but I
Speaker 1: get it because I do act like your friend. And
Speaker 1: then at one point what I had to do was
Speaker 1: right before we went on like she was like too
Speaker 1: much in my face, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I just need to go off on my for like
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes. Like I totally got this because
Speaker 1: they're assigned to people to make them not freak out,
Speaker 1: but we don't need that. We're not going to freak out.
Speaker 1: This intense friend in your face that I couldn't handle.
Speaker 1: For me, I actually was a kind of crazy. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know why. I don't know why,
Speaker 1: but it did make me really nervous, and I when
Speaker 1: I watched it back, I kind of disappointed in myself
Speaker 1: because on the episode, not for how I did. I
Speaker 1: just went into my shell in a very um like
Speaker 1: high school uh like a like I butched up in
Speaker 1: a way that like that. I look at myself doing
Speaker 1: that episode and I'm like, wow, that is not and
Speaker 1: I just I just like I was watching it and
Speaker 1: I was like, that's I can see myself like like
Speaker 1: going into my shell. There it's your face, like like
Speaker 1: I went into my like Poladene type person. It's like
Speaker 1: your face to make people love you. Yeah. I just
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe I thought that would be that
Speaker 1: would make me cooler to like the audience, don't. It
Speaker 1: didn't distract me while I was playing. What distracted me
Speaker 1: was how insane the experience was. But we also were
Speaker 1: doing it. We also were doing it in Vegas, and
Speaker 1: you guys shot. We went out to Vegas. The only
Speaker 1: other studio was the People's Court, and we wanted to
Speaker 1: go there. Is so bad, but yeah, we weren't in Vegas.
Speaker 1: In Vegas is cool though, I mean, it's cool that
Speaker 1: you went to Vegas. It was awesome, It was so
Speaker 1: fun and thank god we They asked to block off
Speaker 1: two days and we ended up shooting on the first day,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't like a big hang out the next Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we hung out the whole day and that's when
Speaker 1: study became bloody Mary intolerant man I didn't know about okay.
Speaker 1: So we basically we were at the pool with the
Speaker 1: Mandalaid Bay all day because we had the whole day
Speaker 1: off and I had just won five thousand dollars, so
Speaker 1: it was kind of like the trip was fully free.
Speaker 1: So we're just kind of like living at the pool,
Speaker 1: like drinking all day. Sudie and I like we hadn't
Speaker 1: really gotten to spend a lot of time together because
Speaker 1: she had so been so busy with work. Um, so
Speaker 1: it was like this vacation that we had never tooken,
Speaker 1: tooken that we had never taken together. Barbar, you're a barbar.
Speaker 1: You're a stupid literally, you're so stupid and you are
Speaker 1: such a dumb queer and you can't even say Barbara
Speaker 1: streisand who is an icon and you should be revering
Speaker 1: and you can't even say it. Don't even talk to
Speaker 1: me ever again. So anyway, I was at the pool
Speaker 1: with my best friend and drinking and that it was
Speaker 1: that situation where you where you're like, you're so you're
Speaker 1: drunk and you're outside and you're in the water and
Speaker 1: you think one more and and the one more that
Speaker 1: you choose after like fucking tonics and is a bloody Mary.
Speaker 1: And we had tickets to see Zoomanity, which is like
Speaker 1: a sexy, sexy show and we said animals like animals
Speaker 1: and like humans like fucking in midair. I don't know,
Speaker 1: we were warned that it would be sexy. It was like, okay,
Speaker 1: we'll meeting a little bit. Or she's like I was like,
Speaker 1: you go to bed, And honestly, she passed the funk
Speaker 1: out and then I went to the All you Can
Speaker 1: Eat by myself that you recommend it. That's because when
Speaker 1: I go to Vegas, this is the situation. I don't gamble, um,
Speaker 1: why will? But like like fifty bucks and that's about it.
Speaker 1: Would I really spend a money on Jason? I made
Speaker 1: money the last time because they two people found us
Speaker 1: and they're like CBS or like some sort of like
Speaker 1: survey people found us and they were like, would you
Speaker 1: like to come watch CBS show for fifty and we
Speaker 1: were like, oh, yes, we will, and so we left
Speaker 1: our vacation to go watch this dumb CBS show about
Speaker 1: like zombies, like they were taking that. It was so bad.
Speaker 1: It was so it was like normal zombies on your
Speaker 1: street to a zombie that you know people know that, um,
Speaker 1: and we had to do the little dials and like
Speaker 1: that was like the best Vegas experience and what we
Speaker 1: So I like during dumb ship in Vegas and I
Speaker 1: like eating at buffets, and the best buffet is Baccanal.
Speaker 1: And if you and I think you went to a
Speaker 1: different one, that's okay, because yeah, I didn't go to
Speaker 1: Bacan because I would have remembered if I went to
Speaker 1: if you go at like three o'clock like that's been
Speaker 1: lunch in and it turns into dinner, so you pay
Speaker 1: for the lunch and then you eat the dinner. That
Speaker 1: of the year. Oh my god, that's pay for lunch,
Speaker 1: eat your dinner at it's expensive. That also, I will say,
Speaker 1: what we were watching on TV while that was happening
Speaker 1: was the r n C. That was literally the day
Speaker 1: the like a couple of days of the r n C,
Speaker 1: and we were watching it like, god damn, this is
Speaker 1: so fucking insane, trusting nothing will never happened because of
Speaker 1: the r NC. That was when they were like jumping
Speaker 1: ship on him. Yeah, she played your eyed. Here's the TA.
Speaker 1: I just want to say really quickly, Sudie Green gets
Speaker 1: really motherfucking drunk. And she doesn't get drunk, she gets
Speaker 1: very tired. She gets drunk three drinks and then the
Speaker 1: bitch is tired. You and I and Charleston saw her
Speaker 1: vomit out of an uber up and she's gonna want
Speaker 1: to come back on the show and vindicate. Well, well,
Speaker 1: we'll bring her back on and she can an open.
Speaker 1: She does. She does. I have never seen her vomit.
Speaker 1: I have been around her when she drunk. One of
Speaker 1: my three things about Sudie when she's drinking is that
Speaker 1: she's very honest. Yeah, yeah, it's biting, honest, honest, and
Speaker 1: she keeps that honesty when she's sober as well. I totally.
Speaker 1: But I think it's like it's like free and flying
Speaker 1: and then you find it like you know fully where
Speaker 1: she stands and wonderful. It's a dear and wonderful Oh
Speaker 1: before we forget, let me just read off this episode's
Speaker 1: culture rule, submitted by a user. Um, oh god, my
Speaker 1: Facebook is Fritz saying out? But I think I have it?
Speaker 1: Um sorry, just we guys, guys feeling the silence while
Speaker 1: I find this no But I mean, here's the deal
Speaker 1: with Real Housewives. I feel like I see myself and
Speaker 1: all of them. That is so funny and that shocking.
Speaker 1: And I realized today what was watching the reunion. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't dislike any of them, but I
Speaker 1: know that Louianna is a Trump. I know you. You
Speaker 1: have disseminated this information to that party. Though she went
Speaker 1: to Carol's party, she's a Trump. She was also seen
Speaker 1: at Marlago. Well that sucks. But and she also won't
Speaker 1: say who she voted for, which is if you don't
Speaker 1: voted for you. I bet Louianna is a Trump. I
Speaker 1: bet Ramona's a Trump. Romona definitely is because she said so,
Speaker 1: she said so that. Oh my god. So get ready
Speaker 1: in this new season, You're going to see Carol throw
Speaker 1: an election night party back when we all thought the
Speaker 1: Hillary Clinton would win. And you see her and that's
Speaker 1: so full of hope and you live the day over
Speaker 1: againushing defeat. And she has like a fight with Ramona
Speaker 1: leading up to the party because Ramona says that Trump
Speaker 1: has some good ideas and he's not so bad dead
Speaker 1: to me now, Yeah, And so they fight about it
Speaker 1: and Carol won't let her come to the party, and
Speaker 1: then eventually I think she maybe does come to the
Speaker 1: party out this this could be um bad information that
Speaker 1: I'm spreading, but they have a face off, and Ramona
Speaker 1: is somehow like she isn't she could be smugg and
Speaker 1: she isn't. But she's definitely a Trump, and Carol is
Speaker 1: definitely a Hillary. Yeah, believe the Carol votes for Hillary.
Speaker 1: I think here's who's Trump. Luanna's Trump, Ramona's Trump, and
Speaker 1: I think Sonya, I don't think Sonya voted. I think
Speaker 1: Sonia either didn't vote or is it Trump because because
Speaker 1: she's not that smart, and I think that Carol obviously
Speaker 1: vote for Hillary. I think Bethany has the sensible for Hillary. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I think. Oh and Bethany Hatamrosa, right, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Wait have you ever seen Bethanni and almar Rossa's interview
Speaker 1: on the Bethany's Talk show? You must go back fucking garbage?
Speaker 1: And Bethany's also kind of did Martha Stewart apprentice? Ah? Right, right, right,
Speaker 1: so she has apprentice experience as well. And what happened
Speaker 1: with her is that she said that she was just
Speaker 1: going to fake it until you make it, and Martha
Speaker 1: got furious and said that you must never fake it.
Speaker 1: That's not part of her business. And literally they both
Speaker 1: were talking about nothing. Yeah, like both of them are
Speaker 1: fucking rich as hell, but they don't have to work
Speaker 1: for anything in their lives. Okay, this is the users
Speaker 1: submitted culture. What is to say Martha Stewarts never had
Speaker 1: to work for anything in her life. Martha works very hard,
Speaker 1: she works very hard. But look, I mean this whole
Speaker 1: I mean, this whole snoop dog thing is great. I
Speaker 1: think it's actually quite lovely. She loves weed too. She
Speaker 1: loves weed. I watched she I would love to get
Speaker 1: lit with Martha Stewart. I don't know. I watched. I
Speaker 1: think she's great. I had to google videos of how
Speaker 1: to fold the fitted bed sheets. Never you'll never learn.
Speaker 1: I learned. I learned, you fucker's And but Martha Stewarts
Speaker 1: came up and she was just She brought someone from
Speaker 1: the audience to come and try to fold it, and
Speaker 1: she really exploited that audience member. And I will never
Speaker 1: forgive Martha, who wants to be a millionaire wab Absolutely,
Speaker 1: she was the Chris Harrison shaking the hand. This is
Speaker 1: user submitted culture rule number four two of culture. That's
Speaker 1: too many guys. Stop put it down sometimes. Let pause?
Speaker 1: Who made this? Who made this? Julie Wonderland, Julie Wonderland, Listen,
Speaker 1: we don't have that many rules. We have plenty of rules.
Speaker 1: We're trying to put a book together. That's that's that's
Speaker 1: not real. Hold on, this is Julie Wanderland's rule number
Speaker 1: four hundred two of culture. If you don't think party
Speaker 1: in the USA is a bob, we can't be friends.
Speaker 1: I agree, I do agree, and but but but someone
Speaker 1: recently came for that song and I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fund is your problem? And someone actually that was
Speaker 1: a lost culture, says Listener, was like Party in the
Speaker 1: USA sucks in some context. I saw this and I
Speaker 1: was like, that's I think that person has to be
Speaker 1: told to go, told to go. Christian thoughts on Party
Speaker 1: in the USA, I love that. But I'm a Miley
Speaker 1: fan like this. Yeah, it's so good. It's a great
Speaker 1: song now, and I love Wrecking Ball, Wrecking Ball wonderful.
Speaker 1: I like honesty, she um, she she's okay. I like
Speaker 1: all of Miley songs until I don't. I'm not crazy
Speaker 1: about Malibu. Well yeah, it's just her like doing the
Speaker 1: whole for real. I like her more when she was
Speaker 1: appropriating other people's culture. I feel that way. Oh, I
Speaker 1: actually feel like was I mean, like, what's she doing?
Speaker 1: We can get into this time some degree, But I
Speaker 1: like her and she was sort of doing that with
Speaker 1: the drag Queens as well. Was she doing that more
Speaker 1: than every other pop star? No, she wasn't the first.
Speaker 1: Was she doing it worse than Katy Perry? Now, she
Speaker 1: wasn't doing the Gwen Stefani thing of like I'm going
Speaker 1: like that was despicable. She never got to that level.
Speaker 1: I kind of, quite frankly feel like Miley does pretty
Speaker 1: much what everyone else does but gets it worse. But
Speaker 1: also Miley, and I will never forgive her for this.
Speaker 1: Back during her like auburn hair bullshit days, took a
Speaker 1: picture with an Asian guy and the guy and I'm like, Nat,
Speaker 1: you're dad, Ye can't? Yeah either, I didn't remember that
Speaker 1: until that really sucks, And there's no excuse. Just because
Speaker 1: you're from Tennessee doesn't mean that you get to do that.
Speaker 1: There you go, But Julie Wonderland's real number four Intich
Speaker 1: you have. Culture still applies. Let's say it together. If
Speaker 1: you don't think part of the part in the USA,
Speaker 1: we can't be friends. Unfortunately, that's going probably gonna end
Speaker 1: a lot of friendships. I think that's fine, but those
Speaker 1: friend and I will say that I denounce you if
Speaker 1: you voted for Trump, and I denounce you if you
Speaker 1: don't like party in the US. I and don't think
Speaker 1: it's a quote unquote bop, although I also do denounce
Speaker 1: the term bop being this thing that everyone is saying
Speaker 1: that I don't like it. I think I don't like
Speaker 1: I don't like the way it sounds bob okay, barber.
Speaker 1: I think it's trying to I think that's the title
Speaker 1: of that. It can't be so. I think it's barbar parentheses, soding,
Speaker 1: no barbar parentheses, stupid, barbar parenthesies, dumbass queen, and and
Speaker 1: we should all we're gonna think people are gonna think
Speaker 1: that we're calling Kristen a queen. That's not what they're
Speaker 1: gonna think. That's your dumbass thinking that they're going to
Speaker 1: say that. I do like thats your m that's your okay,
Speaker 1: here is the title at episode. That's your dumbass, and
Speaker 1: all the yours and capitals, that's your dumb head. I'm
Speaker 1: not signing off. I signed off on and as the executive.
Speaker 1: And the contract because Culture recently has a contract, and
Speaker 1: it says in the contract Matt Rogers as actually the executive,
Speaker 1: no contract, I have the Yes, we do have a contract, Christen,
Speaker 1: and it's barbar friendship contract. And it says that as
Speaker 1: the executive, I'm allowed to cancel the friendship. And you
Speaker 1: know I dictate the terms. It's barbar soda in come
Speaker 1: that's that. I will say this in the last line
Speaker 1: of the contract of me and Bowen's friendship is Matt
Speaker 1: is the last thing that Ball will ever see. I
Speaker 1: will look into his eyes and watch the right leave them.
Speaker 1: I will. I will pillow. Yeah, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be pillow. You're not gonna smother me. No, you're gonna
Speaker 1: poison me. I don't even have to be the one
Speaker 1: that kills you. I have to be the one the
Speaker 1: last thing you ever see. I think if you are
Speaker 1: out there and you're trying to kill bone, to let
Speaker 1: me know so I can be we should, we should
Speaker 1: like hash out the like the actual wording of us.
Speaker 1: So you know that Bowen has a lot of murderous
Speaker 1: intent on his Facebook I do, and I'm you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe it's gonna maybe I'm gonna go to you delete
Speaker 1: that ship. I will, I will, I will. Um. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, Matt for even immortalizing that even further on.
Speaker 1: It's cut. It's cut. No, no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: We can be in keep it. Um, guys, let's move
Speaker 1: on to I don't think so, honey, Let's move on.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: it's a segment of our podcast where we rail against
Speaker 1: culture for one minute, um, specific items of culture that
Speaker 1: are really giving us some trouble and making us think.
Speaker 1: I don't like that very much. You may have um
Speaker 1: been at our last live show. I don't think so, honey, um,
Speaker 1: and I think as of today, you guys, you can
Speaker 1: head on over to Spoke and listen to the live
Speaker 1: episode if I don't think so, honey, which is exclusive
Speaker 1: on Spoke right now, and just two weeks you're gonna
Speaker 1: be able to hear it on our channel and everywhere
Speaker 1: podcasts are heard. But right now you can head on
Speaker 1: over to Spoke and listen to all that goodness, listen
Speaker 1: to Kristen Bartlett rare all against thin people and it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Just days later, you're going to be asked to do
Speaker 1: another I don't think so, honey. Right now. It's a
Speaker 1: it's a lot, but we'll go first, but we're gonna
Speaker 1: do it to warm everybody up. And it's not going
Speaker 1: to be me that goes first. All right, I guess
Speaker 1: I guess it'll be me, It'll be you. I have
Speaker 1: I have a couple of options here. Okay, well, okay,
Speaker 1: now you know what. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be it's
Speaker 1: gonna be a little inside baseball. But I'm gonna doptions too.
Speaker 1: It's weird, but I'll go. I know, I know mine.
Speaker 1: I think, I think I know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: This is bowen Yanks. I don't think so honey, and
Speaker 1: your time starts now. I don't think so honey. Background
Speaker 1: actors who go straight to crafty and take all the
Speaker 1: food before I can even get my hands out a cracker,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. This was insane. Look, I mean,
Speaker 1: we're all in the same industry. It's fine. We're all,
Speaker 1: you know, hawking food. Uh, we were all trying to
Speaker 1: get as much food as we can when it's provided
Speaker 1: to us for free. But I don't think so many
Speaker 1: people who just you are the definition of the a
Speaker 1: little of freeloaders. You're a little freeloaders. I don't think
Speaker 1: so money. I don't think so honey. I listen, my
Speaker 1: name is on the call sheet, okay, so you better
Speaker 1: let me get that grape. That's right, I said. I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. People who are going to come
Speaker 1: for me for having call treet to lead them. This
Speaker 1: is warranted. I worked hard for this. I worked hard
Speaker 1: to go to Crafty before background people go and steal
Speaker 1: all the food, and I have nothing left but little
Speaker 1: scraps of ship, scraps of brownies that are overrated. By
Speaker 1: the way, brownie is overrated. I'll get to that some
Speaker 1: other time. I don't think, so honey, background next to Crafty.
Speaker 1: That's one minute. That's quite enough. Okay, Well my actually,
Speaker 1: you know exactly what I'm gonna do. Okay. And this
Speaker 1: is Matt Rodgers is I don't think so honey, and
Speaker 1: his time starts now. I don't think so many people
Speaker 1: who are on the call street that think that makes
Speaker 1: you a better human and that means you usually be
Speaker 1: able to go to the food before anyone else. Who
Speaker 1: the funk? Is this? This is some trump as I'm
Speaker 1: not sitalism, This is cast this is this is call
Speaker 1: sheet nationalism. Now, this is you thinking that you Yes,
Speaker 1: I do know. And also Bowen booked a movie. We
Speaker 1: have to record this episode. At nine pm. Bowen was
Speaker 1: on set and it ran ley, oh no eat because
Speaker 1: he's in a movie with Rebel Wilson, big star. Oh Liam,
Speaker 1: hemm's worse in the movie. Prianka chopers in the movie.
Speaker 1: Guess what Bowen says. She's prettier in person. Bowen did
Speaker 1: poor poems getting the check. That didn't get to eat
Speaker 1: the background bitch who's been standing up for twenty hours
Speaker 1: on a goddamn feet You got to eating bone didn't
Speaker 1: get to eat. Oh no, he'll get a line in
Speaker 1: the movie. His sag ass s a g screen actors. Gil, bitch,
Speaker 1: you should go fund yourself, dumb mask. You can't even
Speaker 1: say barbar You can't even say bar boss. So hateful
Speaker 1: to you. I am hateful towards you because you believe
Speaker 1: that you are amongst the elite. No, I believe that
Speaker 1: you believe that you are amongst the elite, and you
Speaker 1: should say whatever you feel better than the background actress.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to food, I should at least
Speaker 1: get first path. That is equivalent to Trump saying both sides.
Speaker 1: No you you say I'm no better than the background actors,
Speaker 1: but they shouldn't dare eat before me? Is some both
Speaker 1: sides nonsense. You should be ashamed of this. I don't
Speaker 1: think Sony will live in infanty. Who else likes both sides?
Speaker 1: Is one? Joni fucking Mitchell. I don't give a about that?
Speaker 1: How dare you appropriate the words of she's talking about
Speaker 1: her goddamn abortion, She's talking about her goddamn life. And
Speaker 1: that is a song that will be some of the
Speaker 1: funerals and well sung by Sarah Brellas at the immemorium
Speaker 1: of the Oscars and Carry Fisher died to that song,
Speaker 1: and you should burn. And how dare you come into
Speaker 1: this episode tonight with your goddamn mispronunciation of Barbara strising
Speaker 1: with barbar and continue to spit in the face of young,
Speaker 1: hardworking actors who are not yet sag who are simply
Speaker 1: on the shoot because they love film and they want
Speaker 1: to help, and they haven't yet gotten to the position
Speaker 1: whether on the call she and you spit in there,
Speaker 1: You spit in their non sag after faces today. And
Speaker 1: I hope that everyone out there that is a background
Speaker 1: actor knows that it is I, Matt Rogers who stands
Speaker 1: beside you, and you should be living. You should be ashamed.
Speaker 1: You will live in infamy. Okay, al right, well, now
Speaker 1: I've never battled to that. You don't. Unfortunately, your time
Speaker 1: is up. My time is up. You said you said
Speaker 1: that will be inside baseball. Guess what it was inside
Speaker 1: wrong what it was so strong, It was so strong
Speaker 1: and in the end, okay, this is gonna be Kristen Bartletts.
Speaker 1: I don't think so ony. I can't wait for that,
Speaker 1: can't possibly compare, yes, you can. You know this is
Speaker 1: Christin Bartletts. I don't think so honey, and her time
Speaker 1: starts now. I do not think so honey when your
Speaker 1: favorite products get discontinued. So sorry, but I have emailed
Speaker 1: Prescriptives Makeup two times in the past months because my
Speaker 1: favorite foundation comfort cream is no longer being made and
Speaker 1: it really makes me mad. And the first time they
Speaker 1: emailed me back and they said, we don't know when
Speaker 1: it's gonna be back. In the second time they did
Speaker 1: not even respond. Means I have to move on and
Speaker 1: find another moisturizer. And you know what, I didn't find
Speaker 1: it one of their brands. I bought La Mare five
Speaker 1: dollars And that's how I feel, Prescriptives. I said no
Speaker 1: to your other brands. I am going to go and
Speaker 1: pay more to something that is completely untested. And you
Speaker 1: know what else is not in existence anymore, the original beefstick.
Speaker 1: It's totally a second I think so that Hickory farms
Speaker 1: took what was good and holy about a beefstick and
Speaker 1: they completely changed it. And they're lying to you, and
Speaker 1: it's poor ship. I don't think so. If people love
Speaker 1: your products and you always need to provide them like
Speaker 1: they are, that wo la lu la lu. That was epic.
Speaker 1: That was epic. Oh my god, you're a lamyre motherfucker.
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't know what's going to happen to me.
Speaker 1: I ordered it from Sephora. Sure loves it if if
Speaker 1: it works for sure. I think I'm getting older and
Speaker 1: I think it's fine. I think it's time. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like if you reach your thirties and you started
Speaker 1: to you need to pay more. You've seen the world
Speaker 1: from both you have seen it from both sides. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get botox, get botox, and then um, you know,
Speaker 1: cold cream is like the quintessential woman, like adult face cream.
Speaker 1: What do you want to do? Just a little lift.
Speaker 1: I don't really care about this. It's the wrinkles on
Speaker 1: my forehead. You don't have any real you have not wondering,
Speaker 1: And I think I love it. This is crazy that
Speaker 1: you say okay here and I also have a laugh,
Speaker 1: but cool with the laugh. Lines because there are reason
Speaker 1: but this I didn't do anything you would but you
Speaker 1: would do you would do a little bow teeth totally would.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're starting to see like I'm starting
Speaker 1: to see like other comedy women heroes, and I realized
Speaker 1: that they're getting work done, and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: probably need to get some work done. You know what?
Speaker 1: Do you know? You know what? I think it's getting
Speaker 1: some work done. And I'm not saying this pejoratively. I
Speaker 1: think it's Mindy Kaling and she's looking great, she looks fantastic, fantastic.
Speaker 1: I think she's getting some nice everybody think. I mean literally,
Speaker 1: everyone gets wor totally totally. And I'm just a writer,
Speaker 1: but I still would get it done. But you are
Speaker 1: empowered to get it done. I'm getting a new face.
Speaker 1: I'm getting a new face and it will be bones
Speaker 1: and I will get and space and then everyone will
Speaker 1: be like bow and hi and I'll be like hello,
Speaker 1: and I will con I will live as you and
Speaker 1: will you? How will you treat background people? Let's just
Speaker 1: say your reputation will turn around positively, Okay, fred as
Speaker 1: the kings and queens that they are, they're not They're
Speaker 1: not listen. I have done background, and I was dumb,
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't waste your time.
Speaker 1: You're not going to make any money. You will make
Speaker 1: two if you're lucky. You're lucky, and they keep you
Speaker 1: in holding and it's just you're going to just stay
Speaker 1: around with these other bullshit people that don't make any sense.
Speaker 1: We're frankly a little off. Everybody's you guys time. If
Speaker 1: you have time to do background, then I question your life. Wow,
Speaker 1: you guys come for the background Actress of America and
Speaker 1: I stand beside you, and I think that's I've done background,
Speaker 1: and I know and I can only do it on
Speaker 1: the weekends. And I got very excited because I had
Speaker 1: a line and that chick got cut because it was
Speaker 1: a waste of my time and what a letdown. And
Speaker 1: look Christian has been has seen it from both sides. Yes,
Speaker 1: you've seen its sides as a background, It's true, It's true.
Speaker 1: I was kind of maybe like high up on that
Speaker 1: call sheet. Sometimes when you're when your last name is Bartlett,
Speaker 1: sometimes you get lucky. But hey, doesn't get as great,
Speaker 1: doesn't get as good as me on that call sheet. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that so much. I'm obviously joking.
Speaker 1: I do not think in this at all. He literally
Speaker 1: as he's saying he's joking, he made a jack off motion.
Speaker 1: He no, I didn't know. He has become a monster,
Speaker 1: big headed when it comes to food, like that's fair.
Speaker 1: Like I even get annoyed that the bride and groom
Speaker 1: get to eat before everybody else. That's what I came
Speaker 1: to see your wedding, and at my wedding, I fed
Speaker 1: everybody else and then we went up there. That's insane
Speaker 1: that I believe that that was your day. You should
Speaker 1: have eaten first. She's a caretaker, took care of exactly.
Speaker 1: This is about her abortion. I had no idea. I don't.
Speaker 1: Apparently it was that. Her other songs say the credits
Speaker 1: of the showy God, my name is Bowen Yang. That's
Speaker 1: Matt Rogers. Kristen Bartley was our guest this episode. This
Speaker 1: is a fantastic episode. I love Kristen. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for coming on having me. This has been a
Speaker 1: Forever Dog production executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay,
Speaker 1: and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog
Speaker 1: Productions Dot com dog