WEBVTT - Ep 34 "No Church In the Wild II" with Dylan and Hailey Lane 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:07.080 We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:12.760 talked back. What's up, y'all? Welcome to a new episode 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:16.440 of We Talked Back. It's your girl a j Hey, y'all, 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:23.720 it's Tam Bam. I love y'all, and I'm hungover as fuck. 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:26.000 When you had a good weekend? What the funk you 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:29.800 had going on? I um went out. I was just 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.200 supposed to be having a brunch with my baby mama, 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:36.480 which is my godmama's child walked home, the babysitter came, 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.760 and then we went to a club and we turned 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:41.760 up like some bitches who don't have their children for 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:50.000 the night. Child almost went to jail and everything. Len, Wait, 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:52.720 how the funk y'all almost went to jail? Do you? 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:57.680 I girl? I know? But who was driving? We have 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.200 the gift that I said less uber, let's not because 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.120 we just want to get home. When we're ready to 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.920 get home, we don't want to wait. I was like, 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:09.720 all right, and then my home girls side swapped the 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:19.240 car a part car? How you hit a park car bage? Wait? 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:22.319 So who call it? Wait? The police was outside. The 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:28.200 police was outside across the street and the right so 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:30.160 I got I was getting out that I got out 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:32.000 the car to take to walk my home girl in 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.920 because she was kind of tipsy, so are drunk rather, 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:37.440 so I was walking her in the other friend like 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:44.440 she's backing up in all years out inside of somebody's 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:48.240 fucking car. Like I walked. I keep walking like because 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:51.320 I know the police is right there right quick. I 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.000 was walking and tended to looking straight, like I'm driving 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:57.760 with my hands on and I was like, oh ship, 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:01.120 bits drive off, bits drive off, and this bit drove 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:03.360 off right. But then she came back. I'm like, what 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.080 the fun? She's like, I can't get you. I was like, yeah, 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.720 dumb man, she should have kept going. I should have 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:11.200 kept going. So but the police was cool. He just 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.600 gave her a ticket. Oh he didn't do it, but 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:19.000 no he did not. But she had her big old 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:21.160 titties out, and I think he was like focused on 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:25.360 them titties. So shout out to the titties, man, titties 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:33.160 be saving yes from jail. Almost got it in Charlotte 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:35.400 one time. Girl driving and as soon as the call 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:36.760 told me, I was like, sir, I was trying to 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.600 take my shoes off. But I was so drunk. He 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.240 was like, so you wouldn't mind taking breathalyzing. My ship 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.280 was right under the limit because what if what if 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:47.280 I said no? Like, maybe he would take me to jail. 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:48.760 I didn't know what the fund to do and I 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:53.040 was drunk. Right, we gotta stop doing that. We were here, 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:58.160 We talked back. We do not promote drinking and driving. Okay, guys, uber, listen, 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.400 I drive, list man, just me up. I'll take you 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:05.079 safely where you need to go. Very well, Hey, that's 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.000 what I wanted to do. I wanted to get a list. 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:09.400 I'm not doing that ship no more. Me and I 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.079 always going it ain't always going in like that when 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:20.840 y'all made it through, nigger made it. I don't do it. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:25.800 We're cool, don't do it. I'm not going to. I 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:29.720 can't listen. All right, So we have very special guests 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:34.040 on We talked Back today. Listen, we have a Dalon Lane. 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.800 A lot of people have been asking about Dalon Lane. 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:43.480 He was a guest on our very our second episode. Um, 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:45.880 no church in a while, No church in a while, 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.720 A long time ago, right, So he's back and he 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:53.520 has this beautiful life in him. No church in a while. 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:56.800 If you guys, didn't listen at the time, no Church 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.640 in the wild. We talked to Dylan about his open marriage. 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.720 Hold on, wait, what do you say her name? Oh? Sorry? 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:07.600 Sorry ha ha. You know what Haley Lane sounds like. 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:15.240 You'd be like on the Suicide Squad, don't you know? 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:17.560 We call her Haleien because she's an alien. She's from 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:19.600 out of this world, that's what that's what we call her. 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:25.120 They don't make them like. I'm a very her point 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:29.159 of view on this topic because she's lived obviously my side, 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:32.640 but bringing her side in so that I can kind 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:37.919 of get my justification where it's like everybody like people 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.160 think that it's like, oh, you try to manipulate your 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.400 wife or your girlfriend and fiance into one in this 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.560 open relationship. It's like, well, how about we let her speak, 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.640 let her speak, get her side of it. Because listen, 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:55.040 Dylan spoke very highly of his wife. Everybody loved that too. Yeah. 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:57.560 I just listened to the last episode before this so 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:59.560 that I can get it fresh in my brain. It's 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.599 he's so good with the words, he's so sweet and 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:14.120 does speak very highly embarrassing. Well, there's reasons if there 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.760 was a really like listen, straight shooter, Like, if my 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:18.840 wife was trash, she wouldn't be my wife because I'd 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.159 be like, yo, you're trash, and I would leave, like, 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:24.000 because that's how this ship works. Like and if and 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:27.240 if I'm trash, it's her job to see the truth 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.480 of what I am as not being up to par 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.160 and then leave my mass. So when I speak of her, 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:36.440 I speak truthfully and hopefully she's doing the same, and 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:39.039 I think she is. Obviously we do have her flaws, 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.760 but we accept those flaws. That's the that's the key 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:45.680 is to actually be like, Okay, yo, I'm a person, 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:48.080 you're a person. What are our flaws? These are my flaws, 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:51.680 here's my strengths. Now let's do something about this and 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:55.480 work with this and then grow grow together on this 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.440 by helping each other with each other's flaws and then 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:04.080 also like continuing to nourish and water our strength so 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:07.120 that we can actually grow as people. And this is 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:08.760 part of that. This has been part of that, Like, 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:11.279 this has been a major part of it because Rome 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.800 was growing past it, because we've gone through it for 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:19.719 so long, like we haven't even been exploring it because yo, yeah, 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.520 this will be interesting. It will almost take me kind 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.640 of back because I really haven't been delving into that 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:28.680 world lust, so this will be a refresher, right, And 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.520 I think that's the misconception A lot of people have 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.760 what open relationships, And what I told Dylan on that 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:36.800 episode was to me, an open relationship is just open 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:40.000 lines of communication. Like I want to always be able 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:44.160 to be myself with whoever I'm with and whatever whatever 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.360 you know, however I am, I want to I don't 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.960 want to have to tweak myself at all for anybody. 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.640 And because I don't require that, yeah, I only require 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:57.960 have been a time of just self discovery, figuring out 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:00.360 what I want to do with my life, who I am, 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:03.960 what excites me, what I'm passionate about, and having a 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:07.520 partner that accepts me for who I am and we'll 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:10.320 go along that ride with me. That's really what I've 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:14.160 been wanting and I have in him, and I know 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.280 that we've been able to explore even the tough things, 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:20.280 even like you know other people. So so if we 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.040 can do that, we can do anything. Yes, you have 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:26.360 to literally remove your ego from your relationship in order 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:31.400 to let your partner. We're acting the parts to dissolve 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.200 our egos anyway. So what happened was this was like 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.960 a natural result of it because are like we literally me, 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.360 I will say me. I had built an identity around 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.720 this open relationship as part of my ego, and like, 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:49.200 once you actively like I know that, Tammy. We talked 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.840 a little bit about like spiritual practices and stuff like that. 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:56.000 When you actually start to do that stuff in practice, 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:58.520 it reveals to you where you're trapped in your ego. 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.360 And one of my biggest ego t apps was building 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.960 an identity around an open relationship. It was literally it 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.880 was letting my ego survived. It was like I need 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.320 to be able to go and funk other people because 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:14.120 like if I don't, I lose my identity. But then 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.720 you actually start to dissolve that and try to dissolve it, 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:20.440 and now you're like, WHOA, A major part of my 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.160 identity is the fact that I want to go and 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.640 be separate from my wife and funk other people. What 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:27.840 kind of suffering is this creating for my ego? And 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:29.840 what kind of suffering is it creating for her? But 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.840 also her willingness to accept that and be like, yo, 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:36.199 it's cool, work through your problems. We're going to get 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.600 out on the other side of this safely and together, 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:41.960 and you won't have to do that stuff. And then 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:43.960 if we still do it together and explore it and 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:46.520 have fun every now and then, whatever. But my whole 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:50.199 identity isn't built around it. So I was preserving my 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:56.840 ego and I wasn't. My lust was never really my thing. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.040 But I dated somebody from senior year of high school 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:02.720 and then all through college, so I was in a 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:06.360 serious relationship with somebody for five years. And college for 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:09.559 me was a huge time of like waking up to 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:12.360 new ideas, meeting people that were different than me because 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.120 I came from a small town and then I was 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.680 suddenly somewhere where people were doing all kinds of different things, 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:21.360 so I wanted to explore. I felt like I didn't 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.560 get a chance to explore that side of myself before 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.840 meeting Dylan, So once we did meet, I was still 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:29.679 in that space of life, I want to look up 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.400 with people and have fun and like go on dates 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.880 and just like do whatever I want. And he was 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.000 more coming from a place of like, I'm not ready allowed. 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.760 I'm not ready to let go of this identity yet, 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.240 and I still want to explore this. So we were 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:46.880 coming at it from different angles. But but I feel 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.480 like I kind of got a lot of out of 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:51.360 the system. I've I've already explored when I need to explore. 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:53.839 I'm still open to whatever might come to me in 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.680 the future, but I'm no longer actively trying to make 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:59.800 that happen. Tell tell them how the paper that you 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:06.600 in college before you ever met me, yes soted you 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:10.480 manifested him. I think it was my junior of college. 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.880 I was in a research writing class and our teacher 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.840 was really cool. She was like this old, like hippie, 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:21.120 really chill, fun lady, and she would start our classes 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:23.600 by giving us a topic and we would write write 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:25.160 about it for a minute, and then we go around 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:26.920 the room and share what we wrote. And so the 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:29.640 topic one day was cheating, so we all took a minute, 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:31.560 we wrote about how we felt about cheating, and then 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.120 we went around the room and shared. And I remember 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:37.520 my my take on it was like, you know, there's 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:39.760 porn and strip clubs, Why do you need to actually 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.079 stick your dick in something? Why can't you just go 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:44.520 watch this and then do it yourself? Like I don't. 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.960 I didn't really understand like, why do you have to 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.960 go physically made it happen. But as we went around 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:53.520 the room, people were sharing that either they were in 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:56.679 an relationship or they knew somebody in an open relationship, 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.480 and I was just like my mind was blown, and 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:02.960 I was like, what is this? So we had to 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.520 write a research paper on cheating and I ended up 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.920 researching open relationships and I read all about different people's 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.240 experiences with open relationships and I was like what. Meanwhile, 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:14.880 I'm still with this guy that I was with for 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:17.680 five years through college and he would have not been 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.560 open to this idea at all. So I researched this. 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:23.080 By the time I got to the end of the paper, yeah, 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.200 this like makes a lot of sense that people should 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.920 totally do this and try it out, because I don't know, 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.960 it seems to be working for people. But but I 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.520 swallowed that I held that broke up with him, and 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:36.360 then I was like, all right, now I'm ready to 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:41.480 Like early in our relationship and we first met was 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.319 like like really early, like within a month, I was like, wow, 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:48.199 we could like tire together, Like, but how do how 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.640 do we get to that stage? I don't know? And 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:54.200 in the meantime, like, there's no way I'm only having 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:57.440 sex with one person, because I'm literally read that I was. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:01.400 I wanted to, I want to, and she had the 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:06.360 background you wanted. I didn't have wanted. I think I was. 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.040 I was the third day. I had like a one 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:18.560 night stand the night and was ready ready. He was ready. 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:22.719 Damn it, he was ready right before. But wait, did 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.800 you break up with him so that you couldn't there 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:31.080 a problem? When she wrote the paper, it was I 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.760 knew I was growing beyond where he was, and it 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.640 was only a matter of time before I was going 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.840 to I need to go my own way. And you know, 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.800 he like didn't have his driver's license, he had never 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:46.120 had a job, he had graduated college two years before me, 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:48.160 and was living at home with his mom. Never was 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.960 taking any initiative to do any of these things. So 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.400 I was just kind of over all of that and 0:12:55.240 --> 0:13:01.120 I wanted to. That was assignment a little home and hers. 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:15.960 You can't lie about it, you know, yes, exactly for it. Yeah, Yeah, 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:19.199 we we've got that man like what like three hours. 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:24.680 If we hadn't gone out price, it would have probably 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:34.360 taken like twenty seconds. I'm not that seconds. Hey, we 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:36.360 were both Like I was in a new city. I 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.760 was like I was standing around like I didn't know 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:41.000 what to do. And everybody that I met in person 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:44.240 in the little city that I moved to, like they 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.280 were all they were already like wiped up. And I'm 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.680 like seeing all these hot chicks and I'm alone. And 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.400 then my buddy, Yo, I'm dead serious. I was literally 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:55.600 making e Harmony account swear to sucking it up. And 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:57.960 my buddy's like, Yo, why don't you do Tinder? And 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.240 I was like the fun is Tinder? Did tend? I 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:05.040 was like, oh my god, this is this is insane. 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:08.240 There's a roster here, this is a roster. I was like, 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:11.000 this is they literally make curate the roster for you. 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:13.480 And it's like, Yo, this is crazy. So I started 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.040 dating people and then when we had hung out, I 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:20.040 was like I was dating like two people like actively. 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.240 The one wouldn't hook up at me unless we were 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:24.720 like boyfriend girlfriend. And I remember straight up being like, Yo, 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.880 this girl she doesn't want to she won't hook up 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.920 with me, like unless I'm her boyfriend. And I was 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:33.960 basically like, yo, I still want to hang out with you, though, 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.400 but I want to hook up with her, and how 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:40.760 do you like. At first, I was like okay, you know, 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:44.240 like I just want to hook up, so that won't me. 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:46.080 But then I went home and I talked to my 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.360 brother about it, and I was like this dude like 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.000 wants to ask someone to be his girlfriend, but still 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.480 fuck me, Like what should I do? He was like, 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:58.560 you sound like a shitty person. I was that shitty person. 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:05.080 I'm sorry here, I'm not wanting anything. And then I 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.320 got that pussy and I was like, not worth it. 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.800 I swear to god. She was hot as fun. But 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:13.840 then when I went out, I mean we could get 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.720 into the details of it, but when I went down 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:17.600 on that thing, I was like, all right, it was 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.280 over set of god. Swear of God. And I was 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.480 like this ain't it. And then like literally I've never 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:29.080 come out with her again. This was taking place over time, 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.080 so like, as I kept hanging out with her and 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.120 I was hanging out with the other girl, and then 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.080 I ended up actually hooking up with this girl before 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:38.600 we were boyfriend girlfriend. I was like, wait, I'm trying 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.880 to do all this stuff with these girls, and it's like, 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:45.880 but here's this woman right here that's like she's she's 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:50.040 actually accepting all of this, like whoa, Like, wait, maybe 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:53.120 we're actually building an actual relationship here. And then we 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:54.880 just kept being more and more open, Like the first 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.400 night we were talking about politics and religion and I 0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:59.960 was super atheist at the time. My dad was crazy 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.160 and weird, and I told all these crazy stories about 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:05.080 my dad, and we were just very forthcoming, and so 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:09.840 this natural relationship developed. And then it was like, wait, yeah, 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:13.680 neither of us had expectations, very honest, like there was nothing. 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:16.720 There was no reason not to be because and I 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.760 wasn't like that those other girls. I was putting the 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:20.520 mask on where I was like, oh, I want you 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:23.280 to like me, so I can smash, we can hang out, 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:24.880 and so like I can have a companion in a 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:29.920 new city. Meanwhile I have the fucking like literally the 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:34.800 goat of all women, of all women, of all women, 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.760 another woman. And then and I'm like wow. But then 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.120 it's like my ego was still so identified with sex. 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.040 But it's like we just had this connection that transcended 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:49.080 sex that we knew was gonna we had to let 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:51.040 play out, but we didn't know it at the time 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:52.960 how it was going to play out, but we trusted 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.760 We trusted each other based on the relationship that we 0:16:55.800 --> 0:17:00.280 had built, and then we trusted the fact that maybe 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.440 we could go beyond that at some point. We didn't 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:05.080 know that at the time, but like as we started 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.560 to yeah, we were just letting it unfolded. It really 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.760 wasn't any pressure of like where is this going? What 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.359 are we gonna do? It was just like we're enjoying 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.119 our time, We're enjoying each other. We can be open 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:19.040 and honest, like let's just keep chuck it all. Yeah, 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:23.200 sounds like a great start. This is what always people 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.320 are like, wait, especially like talking to people on like 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.320 Tinder and Bumble, and then like all the dates that 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.560 ended up going on, it's like how, why, what when? 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.760 And it was like, well, really the most important thing 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.440 was the fact that at the beginning, and this is 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:36.240 what I incur I probably said on the last time, 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:38.840 but it's like at the beginning, when you are single 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.879 and you are dating, be as open and honest and 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:46.399 forward with everything and then let the person react and 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:51.360 if they react poorly, fuck them. You're single and dating, 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.399 Like fuck them, you just told them your truth that 0:17:54.520 --> 0:18:00.000 they're negatively respond whatever. A lot of time meant especially 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.919 because I mean, women don't know. I think we've learned 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:05.639 to like not tell it youth sometime because men can't 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:09.360 handle it. To me, men the ego can't handle your truth, right, 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:13.320 So men, oftentimes you really don't meant you meet his representative. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.359 And then once you give the now you're meeting the 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:21.240 real me. If people would just be honest day one, 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:24.840 and you give people the opportunity to put you know, 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:26.879 don't put my life in your hands. Give me the 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:31.840 opportunity to decide what to enjoy period in the open 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:35.280 relationship is that people that I have met, I've been 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.239 very upfront about, like, hey, I have a husband and 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:40.480 this is what we do, and we're open in this way. 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.840 And by being so honest about that, it's like they 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.480 have no reason to be dishonest to me because they 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:51.360 already know, like I'm down and I have a relationship, 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:54.040 Like there's nothing that I'm looking for from you other 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:58.160 than yourself. So I really I feel like I've met 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.520 very authentic versions of people that way. And age it's 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.199 your point, You're like you didn't want to talk, are you? 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.760 It's hard to be forthcoming with men because you're literally 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:09.399 meeting their representative and that's why I like everything that 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:13.000 I just said, I feel like applies more to the man, 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.840 because the man is like the will and the woman 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:18.480 is the way. And it's like you want to marry 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:21.200 the will in the way, so the will, like I'm 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:24.280 out looking like as a man in the dating pool, 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.720 it's like my will. I have to manifest like the 0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:32.120 best version of a man, a male's will, and then 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:35.280 the way will open up. So it's not up necessarily 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:40.399 to you to bring forth the the truth because like 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:42.080 what you said, you have to kind of be apprehensive 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:44.679 with men because you're meeting their representative. It's like on 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:47.320 the man to just go into the into the dating 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:49.760 pool and be like this is who I am as 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:53.359 a man, and like you can be the way to 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:56.080 my will or you can like leave it. But like 0:19:56.160 --> 0:19:58.800 if men come in with this weak ass, lying ass 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:03.240 will yet, but that's what you like, you're not gonna get. 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.760 You're not going to get the queen. You can't get 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:08.960 the queen. I'm not acting like the king, but sometimes 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.320 I don't even want to. I just want the queen. Listen, 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:17.359 look at it, look at my collectionously it's like for 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:20.040 me and it's not even quality pussy. It's just a 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:23.520 bunch of I was listening to the last episode and 0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:26.840 he was saying like he would just swipe right, swepe right, 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.560 like one after the other, one after the other. And 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:33.600 I'm like, if you don't have a nice face, if 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:35.880 you don't look like a genuine person, if you don't 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:38.399 have a buy some type of criteria tells me anything 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:41.080 about you, I'm swiping left. I don't. I don't. I'm 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:46.480 not trying to sleep with random Like, yeah, I'm attracted 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.679 to who has a decent personality and who looks like 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:53.000 a genuine person. So that's like really narrow. See, that's 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:55.520 what most men would call cheating. So men would call 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:59.080 that cheating because of the way women go about their selection. 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:01.480 So it's not like we're gonna have these a bunch 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:06.840 of random men, quality men, quality women. I don't want 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.439 him to go shack up with some random in the street. 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:12.440 Like and I noticed that when I when I come 0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:14.840 on and the thing is like this is the thing 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:18.359 I've done that, And then like what it does is 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:21.199 like first of all, even after like you get what 0:21:21.240 --> 0:21:23.359 you want, like you feel like ship and then like 0:21:23.400 --> 0:21:26.800 you also feel like you literally just gave yourself away 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:30.360 to like the lowest bidder and like it literally makes 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:33.680 you something, like you literally feel and it's like, yeah, 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:36.919 because nobody else wanted those pussies. That was because they 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:39.439 would have already been scooped up. So if they're if 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:41.679 they're like I'm it's like I'm looking for like the 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.200 quickest pussy, but it's like the quickest pussy is like 0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:49.320 the least quality pussy. Hanging me. Just grab that love 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:51.000 that you just said that, because yes, it really is. 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:53.240 It's like, oh, let me take this apple right here, 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.520 it's right in front of me. Whereas like, but it's 0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:00.040 so funny. It's so funny because like with her, I 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:03.440 got it quick, which is so funny, like because it's 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:05.920 like it kind of contradicts itself. So when I said 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:08.080 earlier it might have seconds, that was a lie. But 0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:12.399 we also hit it off very quickly, and it felt 0:22:12.440 --> 0:22:15.360