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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, your og Okay Storytime podcast host, and

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Speaker 2: we got.

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Speaker 1: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend refuses to let me meet her family. Now

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Speaker 3: I'm getting suspicious. Why won't you let me meet him?

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend left her ex fifty five mail for me

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Speaker 3: after we met at work. After a few months together,

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Speaker 3: we decided to try living together. We had to rent

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Speaker 3: since we couldn't afford a mortgage. This lasted about six

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Speaker 3: months until the landlord punted us out. He had a

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Speaker 3: family member in dire need of accommodation, which ended that

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Speaker 3: adventure abruptly. By the way, this comes from feel like

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Speaker 3: a mug and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. Due

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Speaker 3: to financial reasons and the fact that she's still on

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Speaker 3: the mortgage with her ex, she couldn't leave the house.

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Speaker 3: The X would have to buy her out, but didn't

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Speaker 3: have the money talking tens of thousands of pounds, I

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Speaker 3: was able to move back home, and I didn't like

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Speaker 3: the experience. I'd had with private renting. It's pretty much

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Speaker 3: and as experience showed, we could just get the book

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Speaker 3: at any moment. As such, we agreed to try and

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Speaker 3: work the relationship with her living with her ex in

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Speaker 3: separate rooms. Until that point, we had saved enough money

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Speaker 3: for me to take out a mortgage on her own

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Speaker 3: place in my name, so that's how we've been living

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Speaker 3: for the past few months. I've still never met any

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Speaker 3: of her family, and barely any of her friends other

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Speaker 3: than mutual work friends. Her excuse being that her family

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Speaker 3: are extremely family oriented and wouldn't approve of the situation.

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Speaker 3: Since she still lives with her ex, who they all love,

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Speaker 3: this has been a massive issue. She promised me at

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Speaker 3: the end of twenty thirteen that I would absolutely get

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Speaker 3: to meet the family in twenty fourteen. At this point,

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Speaker 3: she's been three times and they've come down twice, and

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Speaker 3: I still have not seen them. Fast forward to this weekend.

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Speaker 3: The Tour de France was passing through her family's village

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Speaker 3: where she grew A couple months back, she mentioned she'd

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Speaker 3: probably go watch. I told her I'd love to go.

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Speaker 3: As the weekend approached, girlfriend decided she wouldn't go money

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Speaker 3: was tight, It's a long trip, fuels expensive, plus, she's

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Speaker 3: not into cycling and would only be there to say

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Speaker 3: she saw it. Friday morning, I spend with girlfriend, had

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Speaker 3: booked it off work. She told me she was having

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Speaker 3: a lazy weekend and probably wouldn't leave the house so

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Speaker 3: she wouldn't see me. Red Flag number one. Saturday morning,

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Speaker 3: her Facebook profile picture disappeared from my contacts. I could

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Speaker 3: no longer see your profile at all. She'd vanished Red

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Speaker 3: Flag number two. I mentioned this, and she said it

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Speaker 3: was weird. She'd liked and commented on stuff, but it

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Speaker 3: wasn't showing on my feet. She'd looked into it when

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Speaker 3: she had time. Up to this point, I'm giving her

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Speaker 3: the benefit of the doubt. I had no evidence of

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Speaker 3: any wrongdoing, but I had my suspicions. She continued texting

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Speaker 3: regularly throughout Saturday, usually when visiting family. She's away most

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Speaker 3: of the day and I barely hear back, so this

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Speaker 3: calmed my fears. Saturday night, she texted till past one am,

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Speaker 3: unusual since she's normally in bed by tent. However, when

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Speaker 3: with her family, they often stay up late drinking and

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Speaker 3: catching up oring. Red Flag number three naturally, my suspicions

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Speaker 3: got the better of me. I couldn't see her profile,

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Speaker 3: but knew her family's names. Her brother in law had

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Speaker 3: healthfully added photos from the weekend. Girlfriend was there with

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Speaker 3: her kid and her ex.

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Speaker 4: Well that is family because her and her ex had

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Speaker 4: a kid together, so that's a family, so they had

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Speaker 4: to be family stuff here. That family.

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Speaker 5: Ah, someone had a good ICU.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she has a husband and kids, says Ming.

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Speaker 5: Ming.

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Speaker 3: The whole family was there having a jolly good time

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Speaker 3: while I sat at home like an f and mug.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I'm pretty pissed off, to say the least.

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Speaker 3: I'm shaking with anger, and I really don't know how

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Speaker 3: to approach this situation. She's completely lied about the whole

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Speaker 3: weekend and taking fairly big steps to cover her tracks.

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Speaker 3: It seems like I have to end it, but there

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Speaker 3: are feelings involved. I love her, We talked about kids, marriage,

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Speaker 3: our future. Plus I have to work with her.

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Speaker 1: Well, you never date your coworkers, never, never, never wait?

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Speaker 3: Would have you like? Okay? But like what if you

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Speaker 3: are like getting someone before they become a coo and

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Speaker 3: then they become You're lean or up?

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Speaker 4: You gotta break up or you just stay together forever?

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Speaker 3: Is this salvageable? How do I approach this? Should I

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Speaker 3: ask for more information? Honestly, I'm curious, but scared of

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Speaker 3: what more there is.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: And there is an update, folks. I texted her after

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Speaker 3: she left work, asking her to meet that night. We

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Speaker 3: needed to talk face to face. This prompted, Oh that

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Speaker 3: sounds serious. What about me? I'll tell you when we

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Speaker 3: see each other. You don't like us arguing over text?

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Speaker 3: So can I see you tonight? Her? I have a

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Speaker 3: Zoomba class tonight. Can I have a clue me? What

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Speaker 3: really appened this weekend?

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Speaker 4: Her?

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Speaker 3: I woke up early Saturday morning and went to hometown.

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Speaker 3: It was the last minute decision. I told her. I

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Speaker 3: knew exactly what happened from Facebook that she'd blocked me,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't believe it was the last minute since

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Speaker 3: I'd been blocked Friday evening, she still chose zoomba class.

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Speaker 3: You just you can't sacrifice Zoomba. Yeah, Zoomba, her bofe

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Speaker 3: d you know it's going to mess up herle schedule

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Speaker 3: for the week. The evening was spent texting about the weekend.

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Speaker 3: I told her exactly how crap and unloved she made

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Speaker 3: me feel, and how callous it was to invite her

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Speaker 3: ex considering how much meeting her family meant to me.

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Speaker 3: Her excuses included it's like living with the best friend.

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Speaker 3: I don't even consider an issue in which I said,

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Speaker 3: boyfriend should mean more than sort of best friend. And

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Speaker 3: her excuse was crap. She knew how much it meant

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Speaker 3: to me, otherwise she wouldn't have blocked me. The text

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Speaker 3: went back and forth, but no progress. I barely got

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Speaker 3: an apology, and when it came, it was insincere. I

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Speaker 3: wrote a letter the next day, summarizing my feelings and

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Speaker 3: telling her how things need to change if we stand

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Speaker 3: any chance. I enclosed the commitment rings she'd given me

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Speaker 3: with the note explaining her actions, which made the ring

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Speaker 3: seem pointless, but I might accept it back if she

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Speaker 3: really wanted to commit. I gave her the letter before

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Speaker 3: a meeting just before she left work. When I returned,

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Speaker 3: the ring was there with her note, I don't want it,

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Speaker 3: you might as well be in it. After reading the

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Speaker 3: letter at home, she texted about two to three slightly

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Speaker 3: inaccurate points or things she had excuses for. No apology,

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Speaker 3: no reasoning no promises to change, just turned it back

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Speaker 3: on me about how I was wrong and pointing out

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Speaker 3: my own failings. I explained the letter was about her

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Speaker 3: actions and how they made me feel. I urged her

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Speaker 3: to address those points. After this, it fizzled out. It's

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Speaker 3: been a week and a half since I found out,

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Speaker 3: and nothing has changed. I'm being civil to keep saying,

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Speaker 3: but it doesn't feel right. Her only statement of intent

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Speaker 3: was inviting me to we're son's birthday party next month

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Speaker 3: with all our friends in the father's family. I figured

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Speaker 3: this would happen, but would never accept it would be

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Speaker 3: insanely awkward for everyone, an empty gesture. She told me

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Speaker 3: she doesn't like being backed into corners and given ultimatums.

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Speaker 3: It makes her defensive, regardless of who's at fault. She

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Speaker 3: admits she's twice as stubborn as a mule, but agreed

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Speaker 3: we need to chat about it over drinks. Problem is,

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Speaker 3: we barely see each other alone. So we'll see and

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Speaker 3: there is a second update, folks, But I think it's

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Speaker 3: pretty obvious here. It doesn't seem like she's very into

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Speaker 3: this relationship, not at all. She doesn't even want to

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Speaker 3: read the letter that you know, she's just like, whatever,

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Speaker 3: take the bring, I don't care. Yeah, and then she like.

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Speaker 4: Wow, she's using op for his big wiener. I hate

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Speaker 4: it when that happens, Dude, it's the worst thing ever.

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Speaker 6: Oh no, yes, you're crazy.

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Speaker 5: That's it's not us, dude.

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Speaker 3: I think she's I think she's got a whole family

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Speaker 3: and she's not telling you about it. Yeah, because she

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Speaker 3: still lives with her she still lives with her ex.

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Speaker 4: Yep. She just wants your.

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Speaker 1: Third leg dog.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna put you in time out rather you're in

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Speaker 5: time out. My mom's watching. Yeah, Riley, did she say bye?

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Speaker 4: She's probably gonna comment I'm gonna feel really bad here

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Speaker 4: in his area.

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Speaker 3: You should I might be watching to Tistley, I didn't

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Speaker 3: immediately break up with her. I love her and it's

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Speaker 3: not easy to throw away something that was amazingly good.

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Speaker 3: I was, however, read it will be pleased. It's over

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Speaker 3: decided on more of a mutual basis. We'd ranted it

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Speaker 3: out and I tried getting to the bottom of her rationale.

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Speaker 3: In the end, she said she wasn't happy. He loves

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Speaker 3: me but doesn't know what she wants, yet insists it's

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Speaker 3: nothing to do with the ex, and there's no one else. Okay,

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Speaker 3: clearly you don't know what you want. You don't even

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Speaker 3: think you want your own husband. Yeah, you know it

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Speaker 3: enough to divorce him. Come on, you're just cheating on him.

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Speaker 3: I said, we're obviously better off con quits, but she agreed.

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Speaker 5: My mom just said, Dad and I are still here.

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Speaker 3: Oh man, oh man, you're in trouble, Riley.

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Speaker 1: You're in trouble.

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Speaker 5: Time out now, gotta go time out. Now, make that

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Speaker 5: corner or that corner.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you can pick and you have to wear the

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Speaker 3: Dunce cap. No, not the Dunce cap again. Yeah. Any

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Speaker 3: final thoughts though, ah man, oh man man, oh man,

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Speaker 3: o man. Yeah, she wants to leave.

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Speaker 5: Let her lead betterly, let her go, Let her go.

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Speaker 5: She doesn't want you, You shouldn't want her.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I think when you get out of this, you're gonna

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Speaker 5: realize it wasn't that amazing.

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Speaker 3: Good it's all been amazing that you're talking about.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no way, it's hard to think about. But there's

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Speaker 4: probably someone else that you know, it doesn't have a

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Speaker 4: whole family on the side and just seeing you on

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Speaker 4: the weekends.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there's gotta be someone else, like that, Yeah, there's

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Speaker 5: gotta be got also, someone who will tell their family

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Speaker 5: about you. She's just so obviously using him, Yeah, like

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Speaker 5: an affair, Like she's not even being good at hiding all.

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Speaker 3: No, she's like, I can't tell my family about you.

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Speaker 3: And also I'm staying with my ex. But it's not

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Speaker 3: it's not there's no one else still like that. It's

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Speaker 3: like a best friend, but there's a little bit left.

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Speaker 3: I'm no clear on why things went sour. I think

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Speaker 3: we're all a little bit clearer than you. I guess. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I felt like she was perfect for me and we

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Speaker 3: could have gone the distance, but she was likely still

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Speaker 3: hung up on her AX. She was likely still more

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Speaker 3: than hung up on her ex, likely still blinking. She's

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Speaker 3: likely still hanging with her.

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Speaker 5: Xinxatching oh make them more kids.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, it's still raw and doesn't help that I see

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Speaker 3: it at work. I can see her as a type

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Speaker 3: oh rough rough Yeah, but she only works two days

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Speaker 3: a week. And like to think I can enjoy being

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Speaker 3: single eventually, but right now I'll miss so many things.

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Speaker 3: I can't believe I lost the love of my life

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Speaker 3: and wasted two and a half years time to hit

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Speaker 3: the Facebook and delete the gym. Well that's rough, man,

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Speaker 3: But you'll you're gonna get You're gonna get through it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're gonna get through it.

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Speaker 5: You're get hindsight, You're gonna you're gonna realize all the

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Speaker 5: things that were bad.

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Speaker 3: You look for something even better and more secure.

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Speaker 5: Just this is a p disguise because you found a

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Speaker 5: reason to get away from this relationship. My girlfriend mourned

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Speaker 5: stan Lee more than my father.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm upset.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well did your father write spider.

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Speaker 5: I have known my girlfriend twenty female for four years,

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Speaker 5: but we have only been dating for one year. She

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Speaker 5: met my parents a couple of times, and we had

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Speaker 5: a trip last Christmas break where she stayed in a

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Speaker 5: hotel with me and my parents. It was a good

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Speaker 5: time all round, by the way, that comes from lots

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Speaker 5: of issues.

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Speaker 3: Throw and if you.

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Speaker 5: Want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 5: slash Okay storytime Sepreddit. So half a year ago, my

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Speaker 5: dad passed away. It was expected, but it still hit

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Speaker 5: me in my mom heart. My girlfriend reacted to the

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Speaker 5: news with shock when I told her.

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Speaker 3: She was there for me when I.

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Speaker 5: Was really struck by grief, but ultimately she was over

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Speaker 5: it just about the instant she heard it.

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Speaker 3: I chalked it out to her not.

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Speaker 5: Having known him all her life, but today it really

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Speaker 5: made me feel aggravated. A couple of hours ago, stan

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Speaker 5: Lee passed away and news got around may he rest

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Speaker 5: in peace. Moment my girlfriend heard, she broke down, crying

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Speaker 5: it away that I've never seen her cry. She was

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Speaker 5: so mortified by this, and I sat down with her,

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Speaker 5: reminded of the day that my father passed away and

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Speaker 5: the way that I broke down. She started talking about

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Speaker 5: Spider Man, her favorite comic book series, Good Taste, stuff

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Speaker 5: like how she couldn't believe that that such a good

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Speaker 5: man passed away, and how she was going to miss

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Speaker 5: seeing his cameos. And for some reason, I couldn't help

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Speaker 5: but wonder why she never said anything like this when

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Speaker 5: my father passed away. Sure she was there for me,

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Speaker 5: but all she did was listen and tell me I

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Speaker 5: don't know what to say every time I talk to

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Speaker 5: her about my memories.

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Speaker 3: At the time, I accepted this.

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Speaker 5: Stanley is a media legend, sure, but she didn't even

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Speaker 5: know him. My dad was someone that she sat down

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Speaker 5: and ate dinner with. My dad was someone that she

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Speaker 5: met and she couldn't spare any.

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Speaker 3: Tears for him. I was very upset. I told her

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Speaker 3: these things, yelling. When I said.

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Speaker 5: Ah, she stopped crying and looked shocked, And even in

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Speaker 5: the moment, I knew that I shouldn't have exploded like that.

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Speaker 5: We decided that we will talk about this tomorrow. Look

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Speaker 5: roast me, dare in't me? I feel very strongly about this,

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Speaker 5: but I know that I might be in the wrong.

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Speaker 5: I want you to tell me why I'm wrong so

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Speaker 5: I can gain perspective on this. And there is a

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Speaker 5: verdict from the comments that OPI's the a hole. When

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Speaker 5: he told about how his girlfriend barely knew his dad,

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Speaker 5: someone responds, sorry, I swear I'm not trying to argue

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Speaker 5: with you, but the way that you phrased it kind

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Speaker 5: of resonated with the train of thought that made me

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Speaker 5: upset in the first place. I know that she barely

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Speaker 5: knew my dad, but she also barely knew stan Lee.

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Speaker 5: I guess what is hard for me to wrap myself around,

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Speaker 5: and that upsets me to think about, is how stan

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Speaker 5: Lee can be closer to her than my dad was.

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Speaker 5: I just cannot wrap myself around the concept that she

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Speaker 5: was closer to stan Lee, a celebrity than my dad,

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Speaker 5: a person she talked to and spent extended time around.

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Speaker 5: Deleted Commentaurer says, first of all, I'm sorry for the

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Speaker 5: loss of your father. That must have been a very

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Speaker 5: difficult time for you. I think maybe the fact that

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Speaker 5: your dad's passing is still pretty recent may have played

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Speaker 5: into you blowing up on her, But I don't necessarily

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Speaker 5: think you're an.

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Speaker 3: A hole because of this.

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Speaker 5: You just didn't express your feelings about it when you

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Speaker 5: should have. Flowing up over it was definitely the wrong move,

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Speaker 5: and yeah, maybe a bit of an a hole move,

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Speaker 5: but I one hundred percent understand where you're coming from.

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Speaker 5: You need to remember she didn't idolize your dad like

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Speaker 5: she idolized stan Lee, and she didn't have the appropriate

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Speaker 5: reaction for either. I think it's a bit much to

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Speaker 5: be sobbing about the passing of a celebrity you don't know,

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Speaker 5: and I think she should have been more sympathetic about

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Speaker 5: your father's passing, because, yeah, that's a very hard time.

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Speaker 5: What it boils down to is the fact that she

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Speaker 5: was supportive for you during your loss, but you weren't

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Speaker 5: supportive during her loss.

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Speaker 6: However, your loss is much more impactful.

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Speaker 3: So I'm a bit mixed here.

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Speaker 5: I don't know if I would consider you the a

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Speaker 5: whole or not an ope response, thank you for your

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Speaker 5: kind words. I understand that my anger was a spur

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Speaker 5: of the moment thing. I normally have a better handle

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Speaker 5: on my emotions, but when it comes to stuff about

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Speaker 5: my dad, I'm still way.

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Speaker 3: Too tender about it.

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Speaker 5: I guess it isn't fair to be angry at her

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Speaker 5: for not doing more in the past, since I can't

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Speaker 5: change that, though I can't understand that I'm the a

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Speaker 5: hole for not being there for her during a hard moment.

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Speaker 5: There is a part of me that is irrationally angry

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Speaker 5: that she is more upset about an idol than she

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Speaker 5: was about someone that I knew personally and that she met.

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Speaker 5: I'm still not sure how to tackle the situation, but

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Speaker 5: I still wanted to reply and say thank you for

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Speaker 5: the kind way that you phrase things. Snip Snails says

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Speaker 5: a whole not really right. Definitely not as hard as

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Speaker 5: it is to hear it. Stan Lee was probably more

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Speaker 5: impactful on her life than your father will, aside from

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Speaker 5: his association with you. Marvel Superheroes, Spider Man, media and

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00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:08,600
Speaker 5: general influences people's lives and ideals. Humans love to tell stories,

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Speaker 5: and these stories shape our worldview. She's absolutely allowed to

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Speaker 5: be upset and grieve over Stanley, the creator and originator

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Speaker 5: of so many of these stories that she loves. One day,

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Speaker 5: I can guarantee people will react the same way over

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Speaker 5: George Lucas or JK.

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Speaker 3: Rowling.

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Speaker 5: Maybe not the second one, but you're still grieving over

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Speaker 5: your father, and I get that it's frustrating for you

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Speaker 5: to see her upset over someone that she's never met. However,

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Speaker 5: when she was trying to comfort you in those early weeks,

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Speaker 5: she probably just didn't know how, especially if she hasn't

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Speaker 5: gone through anything similar. How do you comfort someone after

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Speaker 5: a loss like yours. There's no way to take the

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Speaker 5: loss away, there's no way to make it better. She

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Speaker 5: was probably thinking of every solution she could and have

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Speaker 5: the self awareness to know that there wasn't a real

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Speaker 5: way to make it better. And if she did react

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Speaker 5: as strongly to his passing as you did, she wouldn't.

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Speaker 3: Be there to help you.

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Speaker 5: She'd be working through it herself and it would be

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Speaker 5: about her and not you or your mom. It probably

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Speaker 5: wouldn't be an honest response either if she broke down

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Speaker 5: not knowing your father that well. So I guess what

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00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,920
Speaker 5: I'm getting out is what would you want her to

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Speaker 5: do instead? She can't stop herself from being upset over

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Speaker 5: something that's upsetting, and she can't pretend to be upset

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00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,360
Speaker 5: when she isn't or when she's trying to help you

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00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,240
Speaker 5: comfort and be there for each other. Don't dismiss and

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Speaker 5: blame her for the feelings that she can't help. And

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Speaker 5: there is an update. But that was a really good comment.

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Speaker 3: I think that comment was great. I really disagreed with that.

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Speaker 3: I think it was like the first comment that was

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Speaker 3: saying like she overreacted. I don't think anyone's you know,

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Speaker 3: as long as she's not screaming or yelling at ope.

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Speaker 3: I don't think there's any I don't think there's any

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Speaker 3: really such thing as overreaction to someone's loss of life. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I don't think you get to dictate how someone feels

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Speaker 3: about someone someone's impact in their life. Oh, he never

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Speaker 3: said that she wasn't there for her. It didn't sound

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Speaker 3: like he ever said she wasn't supportive. It sounded like

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Speaker 3: he was upset that she didn't cry about her his dad,

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Speaker 3: which you can't ask someone to do. It's not her dad.

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Speaker 3: She kept saying, I don't know what to say here

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Speaker 3: you yeah, which maybe wasn't enough for what he needed.

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Speaker 3: But like it's not like she was like, yeah, it's

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Speaker 3: your dad whatever, you know, Yeah, I mean trying to

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Speaker 3: be there.

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Speaker 5: It kind of sem like that's yeah, definitely how he

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Speaker 5: took it, though, it was like, well, she seems to

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Speaker 5: get over that really quickly, and I think I think

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Speaker 5: he just doesn't know how to word his emotions honest,

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Speaker 5: so because he I think in that just with his father,

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Speaker 5: it's like I think he just what he was actually

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Speaker 5: feeling is like, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, I'm not mad at you for getting over this

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Speaker 3: really fast.

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Speaker 5: I just would love some validation for you to just

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Speaker 5: understand how hard this is for me, you know, and

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00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 5: and voice that, which.

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Speaker 3: Is a super valid emotion. Yeah, And it's so hard

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Speaker 3: to voice it because you don't know why you're feeling angry.

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Speaker 3: I hope he's like experienced this loss. It's like, why

399
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:39,000
Speaker 3: isn't she upset? Why isn't everyone devastated that my dad

400
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 3: has gone right? And it's like you don't even like

401
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,280
Speaker 3: comprehend that everyone else can go on living normally while

402
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,200
Speaker 3: you're experiencing this terrible, terrible loss. Right, So I'm so like, ohp, like,

403
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,040
Speaker 3: I totally understand. I just want to give you that

404
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,040
Speaker 3: advice to kind of understand your girlfriend a little bit more.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think that comment like really was nice

406
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Speaker 5: to you instead of being.

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Speaker 3: Like nah you do or like yeah, he's not the

408
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Speaker 3: a hole.

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00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, that comment was doing a really good job of

410
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,920
Speaker 5: like really explaining it to him. So I do think

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Speaker 5: that he needs to be you know, he should be

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Speaker 5: there for her and then realize the problem that like

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00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,359
Speaker 5: is coming up inside of him and that he's feeling

414
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Speaker 5: and then bring that up later of like, hey, like

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Speaker 5: I still think I still need validation, I still need

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Speaker 5: comfort over this, Like this is obviously something I'm still

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Speaker 5: dealing with.

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Speaker 3: In my last comment, I think in the future he

419
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,560
Speaker 3: ever has this reaction to someone again, I think something

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Speaker 3: that someone did for me. When I actually said like

421
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, Maggie Smith thing really affected me.

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00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,720
Speaker 3: They were like why do you think that happened? How

423
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,760
Speaker 3: how did she impact you? And then you get to

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00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,919
Speaker 3: talk about those feelings and how they impacted you in

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Speaker 3: your life. It is different than the loss of a

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Speaker 3: family member. For sure, it is still valid exactly. We

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Speaker 3: do have an update.

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Speaker 5: So I took into consideration a lot of the comments,

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Speaker 5: but probably won't have the time or the emotional capacity

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Speaker 5: to respond to all of them. There are a lot

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Speaker 5: of you that showed incredible empathy during this time, and

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Speaker 5: some of you that showed none at all.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to.

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Speaker 5: Say thank you to those of you that offered your condolences,

435
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 5: even though you did have to. I really do admit

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00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 5: that I'm the a hole for blowing up at her

437
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 5: and for not being there for her during a tender

438
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 5: moment like she had been there for me. I recognized

439
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 5: that she was also mourning, but the ale in me

440
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 5: was upset that she was mourning over someone that she

441
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 5: had never met, whereas I would always carry the wound

442
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 5: of my father not being there. Anyway, that's all just

443
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 5: filler to explain that I stopped to think about why

444
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,360
Speaker 5: I felt the way I did.

445
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 3: Earlier. I stopped by her house with.

446
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 5: McDonald's, thanks to the guy who told me to bring

447
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,359
Speaker 5: her her favorite food, and she sat down with me

448
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 5: to talk about it. We always talked through our issues,

449
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 5: but this was the first time that I have ever

450
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,159
Speaker 5: been emotional in a way that I knew was wrong

451
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 5: but couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. I apologized

452
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 5: to her, and she scorted ketchup on my kneecap as payback.

453
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 3: Sounds weird, but she was just being playful.

454
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 5: She told me that she understood that my father's passing

455
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,040
Speaker 5: was still a fresh thing, and that she could understand

456
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,159
Speaker 5: where my anger was coming from, but that I was

457
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 5: in the wrong for having blown up about it. She

458
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,359
Speaker 5: would have preferred that I had stated how I was

459
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 5: feeling calmly, even if the way that I felt wasn't

460
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 5: right to begin with. She told me that it wasn't okay,

461
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,520
Speaker 5: but she forgave me asked for a get out of

462
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,760
Speaker 5: jail free card if she ever got upset about something

463
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,639
Speaker 5: that she can't help feeling upset about. I know, I'm

464
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 5: super lucky to have met someone who will talk me

465
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 5: through anything, like some of you said. She told me

466
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 5: that for her, she was upset that Stanley was someone

467
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 5: that she had never known, but whose work she will

468
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,120
Speaker 5: always carry close.

469
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:15,360
Speaker 3: To her heart.

470
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 5: She has always been invested in fandom geeky things, so

471
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 5: I can get that even if I might never experience it.

472
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,679
Speaker 5: She told me that she mourned for my dad too,

473
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 5: that she always appreciated the things that my family has

474
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,359
Speaker 5: done with her and for her, but that she felt

475
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 5: that the last thing I needed while morning was for

476
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,240
Speaker 5: her to cry too, and that she wanted to be

477
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,400
Speaker 5: my rock. At the time, she made some cool metaphor

478
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 5: about rocks and rivers.

479
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 3: But I forgot what it was.

480
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 5: But ultimately I wanted to thank some of you guys

481
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 5: in the thread. Some of you phrased it very aptly

482
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,560
Speaker 5: in a way that really made me understand why I

483
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 5: was in the wrong. Her grief is separate from mine,

484
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 5: and I have no right to police it, so it

485
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 5: hurt to talk through and to admit that I was

486
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 5: in the wrong.

487
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 3: I'm glad that I talked to her about it. That's all.

488
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,199
Speaker 3: Thanks again, Well, that was a happy ending. That one

489
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 3: really struck me because I'm like I've been, you know,

490
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,680
Speaker 3: in both these scenarios of losing something like a close

491
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 3: family remember and losing like a close celebrity figure. Yeah,

492
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 3: my boyfriend is deep in debt and it's ruining my

493
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,719
Speaker 3: love for him. Oh shucks. Both my partner and I

494
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 3: are employed when we first started dating, he was earning

495
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 3: more than me. It didn't seem like money was an

496
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 3: issue since we used to go on dates regularly. He

497
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,439
Speaker 3: invites me to go out on country trips and we

498
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,479
Speaker 3: see each other all the time. By the way, this

499
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 3: comes from gummy worm meter, and if you want to

500
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,520
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

501
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,200
Speaker 3: storytime separate it. After some time, we decided to move

502
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 3: in together. He moved to be in my city. Admittedly,

503
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 3: the cost of living in my city is more expensive

504
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 3: than his previous city. However, as his job was more

505
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 3: flexible than mine, we decided that staying in my city

506
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 3: made more sense. Initially, everything seems to be in order.

507
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 3: Bills were getting paid. We went on holidays still, but

508
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 3: we slowed down on having dates outside and traded those

509
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 3: cozy nights, in which I didn't mind. He started doing

510
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 3: work from home more or times a week. I run

511
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 3: a pretty tight ship with my finances. I have regular

512
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 3: saving payments and have money set aside for my fun plan.

513
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 3: In contrast, I noticed that he was quite bad at budgeting.

514
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 3: You wouldn't know how much was spent for the month

515
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: on groceries, and he'd get surprised that he doesn't have

516
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 3: enough money for his expenses. I offered a help and

517
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 3: budget several times, but he refused, citing reasons like he

518
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 3: forgot to do his expenses at work, or he needs

519
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 3: to update our bill tracking app, et cetera. At some point,

520
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 3: I got a pay raise. This meant I now earned

521
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 3: five to ten k more than him annually. Monthly, there

522
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 3: was an increase there, but not a super big one

523
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 3: for me to feel really comfortable to splurt. Our biggest expense,

524
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 3: rent comes out from my account. On at least two

525
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 3: or three occasions, he would tell me he doesn't have

526
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 3: enough money for rent when rent would be due in

527
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 3: less than three days. Nikes that said, tell you a

528
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 3: bad time. Yeah. I would then have to dip into

529
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 3: my savings. I'll put it into our bill tracking app,

530
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 3: and he'll just dome me that extended to whenever he

531
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 3: doesn't have any money for grocery bills, his fuel expenses,

532
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 3: train tickets, phone tariffs, et cetera. He's needing my help

533
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 3: a lot for those smaller expenses. He used to pay

534
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 3: me back in full as soon as he got paid,

535
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 3: but it feels like I have to chase him to

536
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 3: pay me even just part of what he owes me.

537
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 3: I feel like he's taking advantage that I have good

538
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,199
Speaker 3: savings and that I'm not charging interest. He owes me

539
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 3: a not very small amount. I have refused to help

540
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 3: him before so he can get help from his parents instead. However,

541
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 3: his ego stops him from letting his parents know, and

542
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to let him starve or miswork or

543
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 3: not pay rent. I feel trapped a bit here. Since

544
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 3: our financial commitments are shared when it comes to bills

545
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 3: and rent, I am starting to resent that. I feel

546
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 3: like I have to swoop in and save him from

547
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 3: financial burden. The worst part was when he asked me

548
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: to go on a holiday. When I asked him if

549
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 3: he'd be able to afford it, he assured me that

550
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 3: he got money for Christmas. On the day of our departure,

551
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 3: while we were at the airport, he tells me he

552
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 3: has no money and that he has spent the Christmas

553
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: money he received all on rent and housing expenses. I

554
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 3: would literally say, we got a boob out, Yeah, you're done.

555
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 3: I don't know if I would break up, but like

556
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 3: i'd certainly move out, certainly split all of the finances

557
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 3: because this is you can't keep doing this. Yeah, it's

558
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 3: not going to get better.

559
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 5: But what could help is is like not relying on

560
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 5: him for all this stuff. Yeah, gotta either get your

561
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 5: own place.

562
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh, sorry, you can't come. Then suddenly

563
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 3: I had to shoulder the costs of the full two

564
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 3: week holiday for two people, no notice or preparation at all.

565
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 3: I think you need to like start saying hey, Then

566
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 3: moment two weeks like whenever he says yeah, let's do it,

567
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 3: he pays for you know, he pays for all of

568
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 3: his stuff. You pay for all your stuff. Yeah, that's

569
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 3: a venmo you. Yeah, we're all VEMO. I felt like

570
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 3: I was ambushed. After that holiday, I sat him down

571
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 3: and demanded that he finally tell me what his financial

572
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 3: problems are and in detail. He finally said that he

573
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 3: has a debt and his credit card is near maxed out.

574
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 3: He tells me his credit limit and it's quite high.

575
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 3: When I asked him how he's nearly maxed it out,

576
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 3: he said that over the years, he just charged all

577
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 3: holiday his car payments, jade expenses, drinks with friends, et

578
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 3: cetera on his credit card and never decided to pay

579
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 3: it off and didn't pay it all. He's trying to

580
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,239
Speaker 3: pay a portion of it off regularly, but with the

581
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: interest and his car payments, he ends up relying on

582
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 3: his credit card a lot, which leads to a vicious cycle.

583
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 3: I love him, I do. He puts his weight around

584
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 3: the house, and he takes care of the cooking and

585
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 3: cleaning for the most part, since it apparently relaxes him.

586
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 3: So it's unfair to say he doesn't contribute because he does.

587
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: But I am definitely feeling like this is not the

588
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 3: kind of relationship I want to be in. I feel

589
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 3: like I have to mother him a lot to make

590
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 3: sure he claims his work expenses, updates our bills, tracking

591
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 3: app pays me back, sends me money for rent, et cetera.

592
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 3: I also feel like he's taken the piss sometimes because

593
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,199
Speaker 3: what do you mean that you don't have money but

594
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 3: keep inviting me to go on expensive audits. It's unlikely

595
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 3: that he's going to have a huge increase in pay

596
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 3: so I can't see a situation changing by a pay injection.

597
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 3: His car payments will be ongoing until the next two years.

598
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: You can't stop having a car since it's required for

599
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 3: his job. I can't see how he'll be able to

600
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 3: get out of this vicious credit cycle unless he gets

601
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 3: help from his parents or I pays credit for him,

602
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 3: which I don't want to do.

603
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 5: It's just like it's frustrating because she did mention that

604
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 5: she makes like five to ten k more than him, Yeah,

605
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 5: a year, which is significant.

606
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 3: But that's new, not when they started dating. He made

607
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 3: more than her when they started dating, gotcha. It seems like, yeah,

608
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: that's weird.

609
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 5: But like even just with that, it's like, yeah, that

610
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 5: can make a difference in your life.

611
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: But at the same time, like it's not enough.

612
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not enough of a difference for her to

613
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 5: be paying for everything.

614
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 3: And also but like it doesn't even matter if that

615
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 3: was the you know, the agreement that they had settled

616
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 3: on shore, that's fine. Yeah, Yeah, it's the lack of communication.

617
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 3: He's lying to her and saying yeah, I can afford this, yeah,

618
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 3: and then truly last minute, yeah, he is saying yeah,

619
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 3: oh no, I can't, sorry.

620
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 4: You have to.

621
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 6: Right.

622
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 4: The only thing that would let me be okay with

623
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 4: working with him and trying to make an improvement in

624
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 4: this is if he was able to, like I know,

625
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 4: this sounds weird, but like satisfied needs outside of financial way, Like, oh,

626
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 4: every time I'm down, he's always bringing me up. He

627
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 4: always brings me flowers, so he's always cooking, cleaning like there.

628
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 3: Was any other Yeah, yeah, support.

629
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 4: If it's just I'm not paying and I'm also not

630
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,679
Speaker 4: doing anything else, there's no reason to put up with this.

631
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 3: And also is he even aware like that he's doing

632
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 3: something wrong?

633
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 4: No, a girlfriend's gonna pay for it again.

634
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: Because it really doesn't feel like he's accepting any responsibility

635
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 3: or these actions. I just think the fact that he's

636
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 3: doing this last minute is like such a huge revele lah.

637
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 4: And I think he's probably his parents probably let him

638
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 4: do this too growing up here.

639
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 3: Amy says, is this consider financial abuse? I would consider

640
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 3: it that because he's lying to her, Yeah, and making

641
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 3: her pay for him. Yeah, but there's a little bit left.

642
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 3: I also feel bad because he moved into my city,

643
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 3: so if I left him, it'll be so expensive for

644
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,719
Speaker 3: him to afford rent on his own. He's an adult,

645
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 3: he can get a roommate. I don't want to leave him,

646
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 3: and I feel bad for having those thoughts even come

647
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 3: into my mind, But I just don't like this situation.

648
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 3: We're in between the two of us. I'm also likely

649
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 3: to have more big pay raises in the next three

650
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 3: years since I'm in the middle of getting my qualifications.

651
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 3: I feel like I'll just end up having to support

652
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 3: him financially because I would be able to and he

653
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 3: doesn't ask help from anyone else. But it feels like

654
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 3: an imposed responsibility on me, and I resent it. And

655
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 3: there are some comments. Comment one says, so what is

656
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 3: he doing to repare his finances and address his habitual

657
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 3: spending beyond his means? Opie says, He's stopped drinking, also

658
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 3: not going on any odd days now. He's fighting that

659
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 3: work policies are changed so his work prepays for fuel,

660
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 3: ex and train tickets required for him to do his

661
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 3: job and his training, since it takes a big chunk

662
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 3: of his money per month. He's also fighting that work

663
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 3: provides them the cars they need for the job, so

664
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 3: he doesn't have to pay for the additional business insurance

665
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 3: on his car. I've suggested that he takes a part

666
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 3: time job just for extra cash while that discussion with

667
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 3: work is ongoing, but he hasn't applied for any He's

668
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 3: indignant that he shouldn't apply for a part time job

669
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: to cover him the extra money that he's paying for

670
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: him to do his main job, which work should be

671
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 3: pre paying instead. They should, but they're not. Your partner

672
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 3: is paying for everything.

673
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. I literally used to hang out with a

674
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 4: couple that was exactly like this.

675
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: The girl would always be like, hey, do you have

676
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:38,719
Speaker 1: your wallet with you?

677
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 4: And he'd be like yeah, right before they leave, and

678
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: then whenever they go to pay for something, oh, I

679
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 4: don't have it with me.

680
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 3: That's crazy, man, yikes.

681
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 1: And I would play basketball with him and I was like,

682
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: I saw how he played as a basketball player.

683
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 4: He's like, I can't be this guy's friend. He's bringing

684
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 4: me down. Yeah, you recently texted me to see how

685
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 4: I was doing. I don't know if I should text

686
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,239
Speaker 4: him back. I don't know. He would yell at her

687
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 4: too sometimes, like I just I feel talking to.

688
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 3: You man, Yeah, you don't have sex us good reply.

689
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 3: That's a lot of talking and not a lot of results. Also,

690
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 3: he refuses to tell his parents means he's still not

691
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 3: open to being honest and he isn't actually serious about

692
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 3: fixing this. I know you want to give him a chance,

693
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 3: and I think you'll regret this decision, but I'll entertain

694
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 3: it first. This is first. You need to organize what

695
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 3: bills you will be responsible for and try to separate

696
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 3: yourselves financially. Also, you should start looking into moving out

697
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 3: when the lease is done. You cannot help this man financially,

698
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: or he will just take advantage of that because you're

699
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 3: bailing him out. He needs to tell his parents and

700
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 3: move back in with them and start paying off his debt.

701
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 3: Please do not use your money anymore to help him.

702
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,719
Speaker 3: You're enabling him by providing that for him moment too.

703
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 3: Why doesn't he get alone to clear his credit card

704
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 3: and the debdios would probably be cheaper than what he's

705
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 3: doing at the moment. Hope, he says, I get what

706
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 3: you mean. A clean slagh would make most sense. I've

707
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 3: spoken to him about speaking to his parents so as

708
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 3: part of his inheritance gets released early and then he

709
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 3: won't have to pay bank interests, But he's refusing to

710
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,719
Speaker 3: let his parents know just how deep his financial issues are.

711
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 3: I'll suggest the bank loan instead, as he's so adamant

712
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 3: about not letting his parents know his financial problems. Thanks

713
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 3: im and three. Lack of financial planning shows a lack

714
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 3: of foresight, restraint, discipline, and respect for both himself and you.

715
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 3: I feel bad for you, OPI I left a man

716
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 3: who I thought was wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and generous. Is

717
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 3: spending habbits? Send fifty thousand dollars a credit card debt

718
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 3: proved otherwise?

719
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 5: Yeahs, dude, Yeah, I honestly think you might have to

720
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 5: leave this guy because just the lying.

721
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 3: It's the lying. Yeah, it's the lying for me.

722
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, the lying and then and then he's lying about

723
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 5: such an important thing in a relationship because.

724
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 3: Obviously, you know, important to love each other. Yeah, exactly.

725
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 5: And so it's like, what is going to happen when

726
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 5: you guys want to buy a house or something, or

727
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 5: if you guys had kids, and and yeah, it's like

728
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 5: you kids are expensive?

729
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 3: Can you?

730
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 5: You gotta know that both of you guys have like

731
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 5: a good handle on your finances before going into that,

732
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 5: like you'd like knowing each other's financial habits is important,

733
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 5: very much.

734
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 2: So Yeah, Sam, here OGHI we're going to get back

735
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 2: to these stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

736
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 8: First, my pregnant sister wants my dog gone. She says

737
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 8: it's bad for her pregnancy. Did the doggie eat your baby?

738
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 8: My fifteen male dad passed away not that long ago.

739
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 8: It'll be six months next week. My mom moved us

740
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,479
Speaker 8: out of our house because she said it hurt her

741
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 8: too much to be there. And now we're living in

742
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 8: this new house for two months and so.

743
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: Far I hate it.

744
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 8: By the way, this comes from user keep My Dog,

745
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 8: and if you want to submit your own stories, go.

746
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: To the r slash.

747
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 8: Okay storytime subbured it. So last month, my twenty year

748
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 8: old sister told us she's pregnant. So now her and

749
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 8: my mom are getting ready for a baby in the house.

750
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 8: To be honest, I'm not really excited like them, but

751
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 8: I thought whatever.

752
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you're like a fifteen year old teenager.

753
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: You're fifteen.

754
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

755
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 8: That is until yesterday my sister told me I have

756
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 8: to get rid of my dog before the baby comes.

757
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 8: I asked her why, and she said because dogs are

758
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 8: bad for pregnant women and newborn babies because they carry

759
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 8: germs and parasites. I told her that's not true. I

760
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 8: always bathe my dog. He has all his shots and

761
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 8: we take him to the vet regularly. He's also been

762
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 8: around lots of babies before, and he's super friendly to them,

763
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 8: so he can't be a danger to her baby.

764
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: My sister got mad, so she got my mom involved.

765
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 8: She told my mom I was being a brat and

766
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 8: that I don't care that I'm poisoning her baby. Is

767
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 8: she like, maybe genuinely confused about toxoplasmosis that can be

768
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 8: caused from cats, because there's that's a huge thing. If

769
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 8: you're pregnant, you are not allowed anywhere near like a

770
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 8: litter box or like cat like It's like you should

771
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 8: be nowhere near it. And that's very real. Wow, But

772
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 8: I've never heard it about dogs. I told my mom

773
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 8: I didn't want to get rid of my dog. My

774
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 8: dad bought him for me as a puppy on my

775
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 8: ninth birthday. There's been lots of changes these months, losing

776
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,239
Speaker 8: my dad, us moving, and now getting ready for a

777
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 8: new baby. My dog is the last connection I have

778
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 8: to my dad. My Mom's not home much and neither

779
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 8: is my sister, so I feel like all I have

780
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 8: is my dog. I explain to my mom why I

781
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 8: don't want to get rid of him. She said she

782
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 8: understands he's important to me, but I need to stop

783
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 8: thinking about myself and consider my baby, niece or nephew.

784
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 8: I said, I don't even believe my dog is bad

785
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 8: for my sister's pregnancy. She never liked him since dad

786
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 8: bought him, and I feel like she's using this to

787
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 8: get him out of our house.

788
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 4: Ah.

789
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 8: My mom said she isn't going to force me to

790
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 8: get rid of him, and she'll leave it up to me. Okay,

791
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 8: my sister's been mad at me since and keeps making

792
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 8: comments about how she hopes me taking my sweet time

793
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 8: deciding what to do won't damage her baby. They're both

794
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 8: expecting me to quote do the right thing. But I

795
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 8: don't know if I want to. Does that make me bad?

796
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 8: Am I the a hole? Because I want to keep

797
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 8: my dog? Ps My dog avoids my sister because she

798
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 8: treats him bad if he's close, So it's not like

799
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 8: he'll be all over her.

800
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

801
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 8: Absolutely not. That's like, this is the weirdest power play

802
00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 8: you could make. Yes, this moment. Also, you could get

803
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 8: some sources talk to a vet. Hey, vet, is this real?

804
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 8: This is a thing I should be considered. What shots should

805
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 8: I give my dog in order to you know, not

806
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 8: let this happen? Oh, there are any shots.

807
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: This is a thing. All great, thanks Vet.

808
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 4: Yeah dude, there you go.

809
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 8: Truly, So we have some comments here. Re read two.

810
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 8: Two says not the a hole. Please do not get

811
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 8: rid of.

812
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: The dog your dad got you.

813
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 8: Your sister is being selfish and dramatic. The dog can't

814
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 8: harm her child. Make sure you demonstrate that you're a

815
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 8: good dog owner, clean up after him, take them for walks,

816
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,719
Speaker 8: et cetera. Make sure they're cared for, well entertained, and

817
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 8: microchipped in case they suddenly become lost due to your sister.

818
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 8: You've gone through significant trauma, your heartbreaking loss at a

819
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 8: young age. Your dog is your family. Millions of people

820
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 8: across the world have dogs and kids. In fact, most

821
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 8: dog owners have a family. But simply it's not an issue.

822
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 8: Your sister is being uncaring and manipulative, and don't get

823
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 8: rid of the dog based.

824
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: On her lies. Don't let them believe.

825
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 8: The right thing is to honor your dad's memory by

826
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 8: giving that dog a great life with the person he.

827
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,399
Speaker 1: Bought the dog for.

828
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: That's you.

829
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 8: I hope you're okay, stay strong. Feel free to DM

830
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 8: me if you need to vent op. He replies to

831
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 8: this comment, I've always done my best to prove myself

832
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 8: as a good owner. That was my dad's condition if

833
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 8: I wanted to have a dog of my own and.

834
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:24,399
Speaker 1: Learn to be responsible for him.

835
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 8: He made sure I was the one doing the walks,

836
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 8: cleaning after him, giving him bats, feeding him every day.

837
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 8: No one else does it. Yeah, he got out once

838
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 8: and my dad got him chipped after that, and thanks.

839
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 1: I appreciate it.

840
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 8: My mom hasn't talked to me much, so it has

841
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 8: felt like I haven't been able to say anything to

842
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 8: anyone my forecats one says, children that grow up around

843
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 8: animals have stronger immune systems. You can look up information

844
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 8: about that and share it with her, not the ahole.

845
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 8: You should get to keep your dog. Your sister is

846
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 8: an adult and soon going to be a mom. If

847
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 8: she doesn't want to live with the dog, she should

848
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 8: find her own apartment. You just lost your dad and

849
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 8: your home. It's not right to take the dog away too.

850
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 8: And I did the googling for you. Here's some info

851
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 8: on the immune system. Recent studies in pediatric health concluded

852
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 8: that children who lived with pets, but especially dogs, during

853
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,840
Speaker 8: their first year of life actually had a better immune

854
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 8: system than those who did not. Scientists have found that

855
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 8: kids who grow up around dogs are fifty percent less

856
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 8: likely to develop allergies and asthma than those who grow

857
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 8: up without a dog. Once again, this is attributed to

858
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 8: the fact that a child growing up around a dog

859
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 8: will have a sturdier immune system. All puppy dog owners

860
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 8: have healthier hearts. We've got Op's reply.

861
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 4: Thanks.

862
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 8: You didn't have to, but I really appreciate it. It'll

863
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 8: be hard for her to argue over facts.

864
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 1: Still.

865
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 8: I don't think she believes they are bad for babies,

866
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 8: but at least she can't use that as an excuse anymore.

867
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 8: This is really helpful, Op, replying to the question of

868
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 8: can someone else take the dog? We don't have any

869
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 8: family that could, but even if we did, I still

870
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 8: don't think I can handle him being away from me.

871
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 8: I'm not trying to make this harder on her on

872
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 8: purpose or hurt her baby. It just doesn't feel fair.

873
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 8: I really don't want to be the bad guy here,

874
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 8: and you're not. This is so unfair that you're fifteen.

875
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 8: Can the sister stay with the baby's father. I don't know.

876
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 8: She was dating a security guy for a couple months

877
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 8: before they broke up, but she was also going out

878
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 8: with some other guy I never met. A month later,

879
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 8: OPI answered someone who heard the post on the YouTube.

880
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: She doesn't care if the dog hurts her baby.

881
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 8: I talked to her about everything people here told me,

882
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 8: and she said it doesn't matter. She doesn't want him

883
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 8: here because she's uncomfortable. My sister changed her story now

884
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 8: about it being because she was worried for her baby's health.

885
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 8: She's still yelling at my mom, trying to get her

886
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 8: to convince me to give him away because I already

887
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 8: told him he's not going anywhere.

888
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 1: Now there's an update.

889
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 4: I hope this update is your sister moves out apologizing.

890
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 8: I read lots of people's comments to this, and I

891
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 8: was really happy to know I wasn't hurting my sister

892
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 8: or her baby by having my dog around. A lot

893
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 8: of you sent me good info. I decided to show

894
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 8: some of what you commented to my mom and sis

895
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 8: as proof that my dog isn't bad, since she was

896
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 8: so worried apparently. Also, I told my mom I'm not

897
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,959
Speaker 8: going to get rid of my dog because he means

898
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 8: too much to me and that would hurt him too.

899
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 8: My mom agreed with me more after showing her the

900
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 8: info and said my dog doesn't have to go anywhere.

901
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 8: My sister seemed more mad after, not just because of

902
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 8: the info, but that I told a bunch of strangers

903
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 8: are a business. She didn't see the post, though. My

904
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,479
Speaker 8: sister still kept pushing to get rid of him because

905
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 8: she doesn't want to be around him while she's living there.

906
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 8: My mom and her ended up having a big fight

907
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 8: over it. There was lots of yelling and arguing for days,

908
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 8: until finally my sister said she's leaving unless we get

909
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:48,439
Speaker 8: rid of him.

910
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 1: Bye. Sorry, you're allowed to make that decision.

911
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 4: Yep, see him, you're an adult.

912
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: It's yeah. And OP goes on to say she said

913
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: it like a threat.

914
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 8: I guess because she thought that would make my mom

915
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 8: make me give him away. My mom didn't want her

916
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 8: to leave, but that's what she ended up doing because

917
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 8: I wouldn't give up my dog. She's like trying to

918
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 8: weaponize her pregnancy as like a as like a bargaining chip.

919
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 8: It's like, fine, yeah, sure, let the single mother then

920
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 8: just leave. I'm gonna move out as a single mom

921
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 8: is a single pregnant mom.

922
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 4: Sorry, little nephew, Hey, little nephew, did you know that

923
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,280
Speaker 4: you're like a bargaining chip.

924
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 8: Yeah, all because you what don't like the dog that

925
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 8: doesn't even bother you, like the o pieces the dog

926
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 8: leaves her alone all day because she hates the dog man.

927
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: For months, it's been like this.

928
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 8: She moved in with one of her best friends, I think,

929
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 8: but she doesn't want to talk to my mom at all.

930
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 8: For a long time, my mom was even more sad,

931
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 8: and that actually made me start to feel guilty again

932
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 8: because it seemed like this was all my fault, but

933
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 8: it's not.

934
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 1: It's your sister's and you only think that because you're fifteen.

935
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: Things weren't good for a while.

936
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 8: My mom was talking to me less and felt like

937
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 8: we were strangers living together instead of family. But she

938
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 8: said it wasn't my fault what happened, so it's not

939
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 8: that she was mad at me for my sister leaving.

940
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 8: She was just sad about everything and that made her

941
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 8: not talk or be around. Finally, after months, Mom and

942
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 8: me are talking better again and she's actually spending a

943
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 8: little more time with me. It's still not the same anymore, though.

944
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 8: My sister still hasn't called us, and I don't know

945
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 8: when she's due, but it should be really soon. Everything

946
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 8: didn't happen the way I hoped it would, but I'm

947
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 8: happy to still have my dog around. He helped me

948
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 8: deal with everything. Oh thank you everyone for showing me

949
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 8: I made the right decision keeping him. You guys made

950
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 8: it easier to give them all this info about how

951
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 8: wrong my sister was about dogs affecting pregnancy and showed

952
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,919
Speaker 8: me I wasn't doing anything bad for wanting to keep

953
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 8: the last connection I have to my dad. He's still

954
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 8: here by my side, and I'm grateful for all the support.

955
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 4: Wow. That's a lot of emotional maturity right there.

956
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 8: Yeah, well, I think so. It's hard when you've got siblings,

957
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 8: which I don't have.

958
00:39:57,920 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 4: But it's like nobody's talking about.

959
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 8: Because it's like politics. There's a dynamic there and it's

960
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 8: like politics.

961
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 4: I don't know if the politics is the word. What

962
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 4: do you mean? I mean it probably is, but does

963
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 4: not fill up politics.

964
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, it's just she's just trying a strong arm.

965
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, she's trying to say yet, no, we're doing this,

966
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,439
Speaker 8: we're doing this, and then there's no way to play

967
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 8: cater and it's like, yeah, of course it makes sense.

968
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: She would feel guilty that it's like, did I do this?

969
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: Did I make her leave? But you didn't. She made

970
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:24,879
Speaker 1: herself leave.

971
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, she's responsible for her own actions and decisions. So

972
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 8: and it was literally over just coexisting with a dog.

973
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 8: Didn't even bother her, wasn't unruly, was well trained, she

974
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 8: didn't have to take care of it.

975
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: It was just a bitter demand.

976
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

977
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,839
Speaker 8: Yeah, And it's I feel like so emotionally charged, being

978
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 8: as it was the father's dog.

979
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: His dad gave him that dog. Yeah, they're just not

980
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: on the same page. They're probably grieving differently too. Yeah,

981
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: that's gotta be. That's Stephanie. An element I think we

982
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: haven't even hit on this whole time, is.

983
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 8: Like they're like probably actively grieve it their dad and husband,

984
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 8: tiny Lolita, Your sister has the choice to do her

985
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 8: own research on dogs bringing harm to babies. She has

986
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 8: a choice to do what she believes is best for

987
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 8: her and the baby, no matter how unreasonable it may

988
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:22,279
Speaker 8: seem to us outsiders. While I'm not the biggest fan

989
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 8: of your sister from your original post and this update,

990
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 8: I'm also glad she has somewhere to stay for now

991
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 8: instead of upping and leaving in the heat of the

992
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 8: moment with nowhere to go.

993
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: It's not your fault this happened.

994
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 8: I'm happy you're keeping the precious dog and your mom

995
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 8: understanding the situation. Maybe it's the hormones or something else entirely,

996
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 8: but I'm curious as to why your sister is so

997
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 8: adamant about her position, the point of staying with a

998
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 8: friend instead of with her family.

999
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,399
Speaker 1: Opie says, she just never liked my dog. All right,

1000
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: My parents want me to babysit my sister, but they

1001
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 1: refuse to pay me. Well, you should have thought about

1002
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: that before you were born.

1003
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 4: I seventeen female, have a nine month old baby sister,

1004
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 4: and I am tired of all the comments that I

1005
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 4: should always be babysitting her.

1006
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 1: But part of me feels so bad.

1007
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 4: Read it? Am I the a hole? By the way,

1008
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 4: this comes from fast Cover seventy and a feweraless to me,

1009
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 4: your old stories, what are the r side show? Okay,

1010
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 4: story dumbs up for gone text. I'm very close with

1011
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,439
Speaker 4: my mother forty female, as she was a single mother

1012
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 4: for most of my upbringing and had me somewhat young,

1013
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 4: so we've always been close my whole life. My mother

1014
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 4: has always said she does not want more kids, which

1015
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 4: is understandable because of the BS my dad put her through. This, however,

1016
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 4: changed when she met her now husband, forty five male,

1017
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 4: who is an actual angel sent from above. He is

1018
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 4: so nice and treats me a mom like we are queen's.

1019
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 4: He took me in as his own when I was fifteen.

1020
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 4: With this being said, he expressed how much he wanted

1021
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: a kid of his own to raise from a baby,

1022
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 4: which is fair. Also, the moms like pushing forty at

1023
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 4: this point.

1024
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: I mean, that's like, I feel like you can.

1025
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,359
Speaker 8: It's probably the tail end, but I feel like now

1026
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,280
Speaker 8: there's been like a lot of forty.

1027
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 4: Year old Apparently there's a forty year olds pregnant than

1028
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 4: sixteen year old's pregnant. That's good. I think that's good.

1029
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 4: My mother agreed with the condition that they get married

1030
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 4: first to avoid everything that happened with my dad dad.

1031
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 4: But again, now to the story. I was the first

1032
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 4: person my parents told that they were pregnant, which makes

1033
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 4: sense because we're all so close, and I was aware

1034
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 4: that they were trying for a baby. At this time,

1035
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 4: I had just turned sixteen. Now, don't get me wrong,

1036
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 4: from the very beginning, I've been over the moon over

1037
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 4: the new addition to the new family. I love kids

1038
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 4: and have a history of working with them. I also

1039
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 4: have a brother eleven on my dad's side and grew

1040
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 4: up with many kids around big Latina family, so I

1041
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 4: am good with kids and know how to properly care

1042
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 4: for them. Now where the problem comes in. As soon

1043
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 4: as my mom got pregnant, my parents always joked about

1044
00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 4: how they have a built in babysitter since I'm I'm

1045
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 4: so much older than the baby. They always talk about

1046
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 4: how I should help more with the baby. Now, I

1047
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 4: would understand this if I did nothing, but I help

1048
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 4: out a lot. I'm the main cook in the house.

1049
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 4: I cook pretty much every dinner, and I'm expected to

1050
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 4: be home in time to cook if I'm out, with

1051
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 4: the exception of youth group. I am also responsible for

1052
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,720
Speaker 4: all of the dishes. Like I come home from school

1053
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 4: every day and my parents' lunch dishes are in the

1054
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 4: sink for me to do. I come home from youth

1055
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 4: at like ten PM and all the dinner dishes are

1056
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 4: there for me to do before bed while my parents

1057
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 4: are already asleep. I clean the entire house every week.

1058
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 4: On top of all this, I'm also just busy. I

1059
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 4: do a lot, and I'm gone for like a week

1060
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 4: at a time. Pretty much every holiday, I'm away leading

1061
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,399
Speaker 4: a kids camp. I have a lot of school work

1062
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 4: as well, since I'm in my last year of school

1063
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 4: and I do really well in school. I'm very involved

1064
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 4: at church as well as most weekends I'm gone. At

1065
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 4: some point in church, we all have a about how

1066
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: I'm never home because I'm a social butterfly and I

1067
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,320
Speaker 4: get up to lots, and my parents never make an

1068
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 4: issue of this. In fact, they are very supportive and

1069
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 4: love that I do heaps.

1070
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 1: I'm a good kid. I don't drink or smoke, I

1071
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:16,800
Speaker 1: don't really go to parties, et cetera.

1072
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 4: Sounds like me. But without the dishes, Park, Well, dude,

1073
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 4: uh uh. That helps a lot whenever it comes to stuff,

1074
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 4: So that might help, But otherwise it's a lot to

1075
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 4: expect a seventeen.

1076
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 1: Year old to do all the dishes and to cook.

1077
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

1078
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 8: Well, I mean it's like seventeen is like they're really

1079
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 8: starting to be like come and to feel like they're

1080
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 8: their own person, and it just feels weird to like

1081
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 8: kind of double down on like I don't know, I

1082
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 8: think if you decided to have another child, It's like

1083
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 8: you need to know that you've decided to raise another child. Yeah,

1084
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 8: and it's unfair to like take the last years of

1085
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 8: pease like childhood yeah and make her the parent.

1086
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 4: Yeah. The issue lies in how I spend my free

1087
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 4: time at home. I usually want some time to myself

1088
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 4: and chill in my room, either watching a movie, reading

1089
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 4: a book, chatting to friends, et cetera. But also, of

1090
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 4: course hang out with my family and my baby sister.

1091
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 4: I love my baby sister so much. I love hanging

1092
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 4: out with her. I don't want this to come across

1093
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 4: as if I don't want to be around her or anything.

1094
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 4: I think there's a difference in hanging out with my

1095
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 4: sister when I'm home and babysitting her. I used to

1096
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 4: be a babysitter and it's hard work. I think that

1097
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 4: if they expect me to care for her to the

1098
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 4: expense that I'm babysitting her instead of just spending my

1099
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 4: free time with my sister, I should be getting paid.

1100
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 4: My parents refuse to give me money for anything. They

1101
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 4: fill the fridge and pay the bills, but that's it.

1102
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 4: Anything else I'm expected to pay for myself to the

1103
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 4: point that my mom has a notes page where she

1104
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 4: keeps note of the debt I owe her.

1105
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 1: But you're a kid, what you have debt? Now? They

1106
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: paid a bill at school for me debt noted, they

1107
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: paid for me to go to teens camp debt noted,

1108
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: I'll ask to borrow ten bucks because I don't carry cash.

1109
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: Debt uned. I paid them back for everything, which is whatever.

1110
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 1: But that's just how it works.

1111
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 8: Uh uh no, uh what, That's not how that's supposed

1112
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:22,439
Speaker 8: to work.

1113
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 1: Really, like yeah, you.

1114
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 8: Know, I mean like there's a difference between it being like,

1115
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 8: all right, let's learn fiscal responsibility, like let's learn the

1116
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:33,399
Speaker 8: concept of debt and having to pay stuff back, pay

1117
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 8: stuff off. Like my mom just did that with my cousin.

1118
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 8: It's like my mom helped my cousin buy her first car,

1119
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 8: and she's she didn't have to take our loan. She

1120
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,879
Speaker 8: just is like, I'm going to give you the money

1121
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,720
Speaker 8: and then you're going to pay me back every month.

1122
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's that's good, But this is nonsense.

1123
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you expect me to do a job that

1124
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,720
Speaker 4: I used to actually be paid for and I invest

1125
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 4: my money to qualify myself for I think I deserve

1126
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 4: to be paid, even if it's my sister. Again, I

1127
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 4: don't mind hanging with my sister, and I do it

1128
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 4: often in my free time. The difference is babysitting would

1129
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 4: mean clearing my schedule to care for her, feeding her,

1130
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 4: changing her, et cetera. My hanging out with her does

1131
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 4: get her off my parents' hands for a bit, so

1132
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 4: they can do stuff. But if they want more, they

1133
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 4: can pay someone else that's qualified or pay me. I'm

1134
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 4: also not saying this is if I expect a crap

1135
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 4: ton of money. I don't expect much money at all,

1136
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 4: just a bit of change or something for my time

1137
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 4: that makes sense. At the end of the day, it

1138
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 4: doesn't really matter. I'm moving out next year and I

1139
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 4: already have plans as to what I'm going to do.

1140
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 4: But I just want to know if I'm overreacting and

1141
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 4: if I should just suck it up and babysit. So

1142
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:48,280
Speaker 4: redd it am I the a hole? It just depends

1143
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,720
Speaker 4: on where your family is financially. If it's a tough

1144
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 4: spot where they're both working in like a lot of

1145
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 4: jobs and they can't you know, afford it, then maybe

1146
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 4: suck it up and be like, well, you know that

1147
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:00,800
Speaker 4: might you might.

1148
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 1: Have to do that, but if they can afford it.

1149
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 8: Bro It's very contextually dependent because it's like if certain

1150
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 8: things lined up, even if money was that tight. Though,

1151
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 8: I still don't understand being like, oh yeah, I'll make

1152
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 8: my seventeen year old daughter indebted to me.

1153
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:23,879
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, that's not update. Quite a few

1154
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 1: people are saying I'll have some trouble leaving the house,

1155
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: but that's not true.

1156
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 4: My parents are one hundredercent supportive of me leaving next year.

1157
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 4: I already have an internship on onside housing lined up,

1158
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 4: and they over the moon excited for me to go

1159
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,240
Speaker 4: and are actively planning for me to sellifide my plans

1160
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 4: for next year and the following. I don't think they

1161
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 4: don't support her. She goes a lot of like social stuff.

1162
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 4: It's it's just the at home chores.

1163
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 8: There's just a strange I don't know, there's something I

1164
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 8: can't even put my finger on it.

1165
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 4: It's like an ominous vibe.

1166
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, ominous is a good word. There's just something like

1167
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 8: lurking underneath all of this where it's like, what's still

1168
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 8: like the real core of this, Like the issue with.

1169
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: The family dynamic.

1170
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am planning to use this internship as a

1171
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 4: gap year and save some money before I go to

1172
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 4: the school I want to go to in the South Island.

1173
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 4: We live in the North Island, and they have my

1174
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 4: back with this big move. We live in New Zealand.

1175
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 4: For context, I appreciate all the concern and I understand

1176
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 4: that this situation is rough, but you have to remember

1177
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 4: that this is just one small aspect of my life.

1178
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 4: And I did not mention any of the amazing things

1179
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 4: about my parents all that they do for me. The

1180
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 4: reason I pay my school bills only extra stuff for

1181
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 4: example my shirt or my sports class is because I

1182
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 4: was homeschooled. As my parents are against the school system.

1183
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 4: I did not want me in school. I understand why

1184
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 4: they think this, and I also don't love some aspects

1185
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 4: of school and how rude kids can be. I was

1186
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 4: bullied heaps growing up, but decided to rejoin school for

1187
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 4: my senior years. We are not in a super good

1188
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 4: financial situation, so when talking about rejoining school, I said

1189
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 4: I would pay for accare costs like this if that

1190
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 4: meant I could go Okay, So that's kind of their

1191
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 4: financial area.

1192
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:06,320
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1193
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 1: Also with baby.

1194
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 4: I never once been forced to take care for her

1195
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 4: or wake up in the middle of the night for her.

1196
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 4: It's just that they want me spending more time with

1197
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 4: her when I'm just to my room. I'm just annoyed

1198
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 4: at some of these comments, and I want the peace

1199
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 4: of mind that I am, in fact, in the right.

1200
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 4: In this situation with the debt ledger, as you guys

1201
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 4: are calling it, my parents put it in place because

1202
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 4: I used to be really bad with my money. They

1203
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 4: started asking me to pay them back for things that

1204
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 4: I didn't absolutely need as a way to teach me

1205
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 4: that money has value and I can't just throw it away.

1206
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 4: It's a bit excessive if you ask me, but it's

1207
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 4: what works at the moment. It is also not insanely strict,

1208
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 4: like it's not down to the sense or anything. It's

1209
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 4: a rough estimate and if I'm a little short, they'll

1210
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 4: just wipe off the rest. They're also up for negotiation

1211
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 4: over this ledger, and there have been times where I've

1212
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 4: paid them later because there was something I wanted to do.

1213
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,760
Speaker 4: I mean, it doesn't seem like I feel like Ope's

1214
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 4: got pretty much figured out.

1215
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 1: She's smartting.

1216
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 8: I'm confused now though, man, It's like how we went

1217
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 8: from like I was like, this is like so bad.

1218
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 8: It's like almost like financials in a way, and now

1219
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 8: P's like, I mean it's not even really that bad.

1220
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 8: I was literally terrible with money and they're not like

1221
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,479
Speaker 8: down to the set about it. And now I'm like, wait,

1222
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 8: where am I What do I think?

1223
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 4: Now? I don't even know. I didn't think it was

1224
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 4: just did a one eighty. I didn't think it was

1225
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 4: super forceful at the beginning. I didn't think that they

1226
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 4: were really bad parents. It's just like, hey, we expect

1227
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:34,879
Speaker 4: this of you, just high expectations were good.

1228
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 6: Well.

1229
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 8: Also, I think I was thinking that there was more

1230
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 8: responsibility for the baby as well. I imagine just to

1231
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,239
Speaker 8: cook and then whenever she's hanging out a room she

1232
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 8: has to watch it.

1233
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 5: Gin.

1234
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, my mom, as well as the rest of us,

1235
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 4: are doing the best we can with what we have.

1236
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 4: We come from a very dysfunctional family and are both

1237
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 4: trying her best to break those generational traumas. With this

1238
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 4: being said, my mom saved me from a lot and

1239
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 4: I don't know where I would be without her. She's

1240
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 4: a great mom at the end of the day, But

1241
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 4: hills are false as we all do. My parents are

1242
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,479
Speaker 4: not controlling of me either. I'm allowed to leave home

1243
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 4: and go do stuff whenever I want, and I have

1244
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,320
Speaker 4: travel heaps by myself for some very long periods of time.

1245
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 4: They don't check my phone, they never come in my room,

1246
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 4: et cetera. They just have these rules with the cooking

1247
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 4: and cleaning and such. That's my way to help out

1248
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,640
Speaker 4: around the house. With all this being said, thank you

1249
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 4: for confirming that I am, in fact not crazy here.

1250
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 4: I'm excited to leave home and move on to my

1251
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 4: very exciting plans, and my parents are happy for me too.

1252
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,760
Speaker 4: They have been supporting me every step of the way,

1253
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 4: and they're actually the ones that convince me that I

1254
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 4: should go for this internship. Okay, yeah, I mean it

1255
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,319
Speaker 4: just sounds like you got a year left of this.

1256
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 1: I think I was just way off on the debt repayment.

1257
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1258
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 8: I feel like it actually is the exact. It's the

1259
00:53:56,400 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 8: same lesson. It's like, Okay, you want this, fine, we'll

1260
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 8: get you this, but you have to pay us back. Yeah,

1261
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,880
Speaker 8: because this is just you don't this is just a

1262
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,840
Speaker 8: nonsense thing. Yeah, And I guess I can get that

1263
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 8: because you're not saying no, you can't have that. It's like, yeah,

1264
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 8: you can have it, You're gonna have to pay for

1265
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 8: it though, especially if money's really tight, like if you

1266
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 8: know that's the case, which OPI kind of alluded.

1267
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 1: To at the end there.

1268
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,440
Speaker 8: Well, I mean, I'm happy that the family dynamic feels

1269
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 8: better than I I was anticipating.

1270
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1271
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 1: No, it just seems they're very supportive of her.

1272
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 4: Going to like youth group and traveling and all that.

1273
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 4: Jazz I guess used social butterfly. You just gotta keep

1274
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 4: cook and clean.

1275
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 8: I think the issue is because the title was it's

1276
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 8: like that they won't pay me for babysitting. But it's like,

1277
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 8: I don't know if they can, you know, if the

1278
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 8: money is tight tight.

1279
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 4: And op probably seems like a very effective person. She's

1280
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 4: spending time with her sister where she could be spending

1281
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,399
Speaker 4: time on a job or doing some other work. She's

1282
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 4: just probably looking for another source.

1283
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:55,280
Speaker 7: My father disapproves of my girlfriend. He said, she's only

1284
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,360
Speaker 7: after my money.

1285
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 4: It's all about the money, money, money.

1286
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 7: I'm twenty five mil from India based in UAE. Grew

1287
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:07,319
Speaker 7: up in a self absorbed and harmful household, came back

1288
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 7: home out of guilt to help with the family shipping

1289
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,480
Speaker 7: business and successfully modernized it. Fell in love with a

1290
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 7: thirty two female Filipino colleague, smart capable and one of

1291
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:21,720
Speaker 7: our top performers. Relationship was serious but private. Wonder why,

1292
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Goo's Jews. Yeah, Jews

1293
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 7: and if you want us to make your own stories,

1294
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 7: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1295
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 6: So I twenty five male, grew in a pretty rocky household.

1296
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 6: I'm from India but based in UAE.

1297
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 7: My father has always seemed like a classic self absorbed

1298
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 7: person and he's been running a shipping business for the

1299
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:47,760
Speaker 7: past twenty years.

1300
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 6: I've had a pretty.

1301
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 7: Rocky childhood with a ton of abast between my mom

1302
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 7: and dad and extended family. After school, I went to

1303
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 7: the EU for college, and after graduating, I really wanted

1304
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 7: to pursue my own things, but got guilt tripped into

1305
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 7: coming back home and joining the company because my father

1306
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 7: would not give any piece to my mom saying I'm

1307
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 7: not coming back. I also had an ADHD diagnosis at twenty,

1308
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 7: which I'm being medicated for and it's been well managed.

1309
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 7: I bit the bullet and I came and joined I

1310
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 7: worked very hard to transition a very traditional business into

1311
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 7: a more corporate setup. Within two years, we had a

1312
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 7: new identity, new messaging, and our revenue were on a

1313
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 7: record high.

1314
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: Dude, let's go right, that's awesome.

1315
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 7: During this time, I fell in love with someone at work.

1316
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 7: She's thirty two female, a Filipina, and she's one of

1317
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:44,399
Speaker 7: our top performers, and we worked together a lot. One

1318
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 7: of the best relationships I've ever been in, and we

1319
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,799
Speaker 7: were taking it slow at first, but it.

1320
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:50,840
Speaker 6: Became more serious.

1321
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 4: Ohoh.

1322
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 7: It was around the one year mark. We planned to

1323
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 7: tell the family and work, but right when we were

1324
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:01,440
Speaker 7: about to the word got out to my father. No

1325
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 7: one at work really knew about us because we had

1326
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,439
Speaker 7: very strict boundaries when it came to that. But when

1327
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 7: he found out, he called every single manager and staff

1328
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 7: at the company and made coming to work for the

1329
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 7: both of us extremely toxic.

1330
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 4: Oh.

1331
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 6: He told us the relationship was only about the physical relationship.

1332
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 6: I fought back pretty hard on this.

1333
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 7: I know what we have and I've tried to find

1334
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 7: every middle ground, but it failed. I had always followed

1335
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,360
Speaker 7: their directions when it came to things, but this time

1336
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 7: I really put my foot down.

1337
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:35,840
Speaker 6: They gave me an ultimatum.

1338
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:38,919
Speaker 7: Either I have my freedom and I can go live

1339
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 7: with her and build my own life, or stay and

1340
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 7: leave her and live according to what they say. I

1341
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 7: was in India at the time, visiting my parents. Because

1342
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 7: they told me that they wanted to talk to me.

1343
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 7: Things got ugly. I got called names, and even worse,

1344
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 7: they called my girlfriend names. I took their ultimatum and

1345
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 7: said that I'll be carving my own way and left

1346
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 7: the house, took a flight and stayed with my girlfriend

1347
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 7: for almost a week. It never stopped and continued over

1348
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 7: the phone. My girlfriend put in her resignation. She was

1349
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 7: put on her mandatory notice period. Both of us had

1350
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 7: other job offers that I was considering at the time.

1351
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 4: Well that's great, okay, good, got options.

1352
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 7: My childhood friend, who was also my roommate and stays

1353
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 7: with the company, got caught in this storm because my

1354
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 7: father kept saying that he should have told him about

1355
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 7: our relationship and he's a trader.

1356
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 4: Ah.

1357
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 7: He was back home on leave and was not allowed

1358
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,720
Speaker 7: to come back until things were cleared with me.

1359
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

1360
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 7: One day he called me and for the first time

1361
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 7: in his life, he talked as my father, and he

1362
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 7: was soft with me. He told me that we can

1363
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 7: have a conversation and he does not want to make

1364
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:54,280
Speaker 7: my life hard and that they won't come in between

1365
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 7: me and my relationship. Told me to come back to

1366
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 7: my apartment and that he would come in a few

1367
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 7: days and we can talk. I, for some reason, took

1368
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 7: him for his word, and my girlfriend also agreed that

1369
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 7: if there's a chance at reconciliation.

1370
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 6: We should take it.

1371
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,560
Speaker 7: I left that night and went to my apartment, hoping

1372
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 7: that once he comes back there would be a chance

1373
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 7: to reconcile and find middle ground. Throughout this I never

1374
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 7: lashed out at him, and I only tried to diffuse

1375
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:22,520
Speaker 7: the situation if he became angry.

1376
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 6: Fast forward a week.

1377
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 7: I'm still working, but I'm working from home, but girlfriend

1378
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:30,920
Speaker 7: is going to the office to serve her notice. He

1379
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 7: arrives in the afternoon and we have a conversation and

1380
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 7: now it's back to very serious threats and I didn't

1381
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 7: pay too much mind to it and told him we'll

1382
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 7: talk later. During this time, my roommate and friend had

1383
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 7: also returned. Later that night, he came to my flat

1384
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 7: after a few drinks and started becoming violent.

1385
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

1386
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:54,440
Speaker 7: He broke a lot of my stuff, my console, some

1387
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 7: music production equipment I had. I didn't retaliate. I was

1388
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:01,400
Speaker 7: trying to protect my lap because it had all of

1389
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 7: my files and side projects. He wanted it because apparently

1390
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 7: he got it from me five years ago and it

1391
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:11,560
Speaker 7: belongs to him. His friend and my girlfriend showed up,

1392
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 7: and that diffused the situation a little bit. After a

1393
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,160
Speaker 7: long back and forth discussion with everyone, my girlfriend and

1394
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,920
Speaker 7: I told him that all we're looking for is just

1395
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 7: some time and space, not instant acceptance, because my girlfriend

1396
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 7: is stepping away from the company and after that there

1397
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 7: is no conflict of interest, and she has always told

1398
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 7: me that she's not here for the money and that

1399
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,600
Speaker 7: she is ready to sign the most air tight prenup

1400
01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:38,440
Speaker 7: non to man. After this, he left the house and

1401
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:41,080
Speaker 7: my dad's friend came back to talk to me and

1402
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,800
Speaker 7: told me to come to the office just to diffuse things.

1403
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 7: My girlfriend is still on the company visa and I

1404
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 7: wanted her to have a safe transition to her new position,

1405
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 7: so I agreed.

1406
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 4: We have another update, though, Oh my gosh, I think

1407
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 4: it's best that you know. You seems like you're choosing

1408
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 4: love and it's just like you're choosing family your girlfriend

1409
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 4: of your family. You're choosing more stability, more love, more

1410
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 4: unconditional love over conditional love. Because if your dad is

1411
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 4: calling you names like that and he.

1412
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:15,360
Speaker 6: Says this has been his whole life.

1413
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 4: Like this, guess what, he doesn't respect you no at all.

1414
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 4: And that's such a hard thing to deal with.

1415
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 7: Right, And it sounds like you and your girlfriend have

1416
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 7: a lovely relationship, So like explore that, I'm back at

1417
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 7: my office and I'm working and I'm doing my best.

1418
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 7: She is well, but I'm so passed away inside. He

1419
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:38,200
Speaker 7: has talked to her and told her to stay away

1420
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:41,920
Speaker 7: from me, and has made subtle threats as well. They

1421
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 7: have told me that I've ruined all of their expectations

1422
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 7: and if it was anyone else other than her, it would.

1423
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 6: Have been fine.

1424
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 7: They keep saying, she's just there for the money, she's

1425
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 7: older than me, she's of questionable morals. They want to

1426
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 7: marry me off within the year or some crap.

1427
01:01:59,200 --> 01:01:59,959
Speaker 3: Looks like you were.

1428
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 4: Right atranged marriages called it because since the sun is

1429
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 4: worth a lot of stuff, he could probably get with

1430
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:10,560
Speaker 4: someone that also has a lot of stuff.

1431
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 6: Exactly, which is also probably why. They're like, she's just

1432
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 6: here for.

1433
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: Your money projecting.

1434
01:02:16,480 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm so sick and tired. I left once they

1435
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 7: called me back and broke me again. I know that

1436
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 7: this relationship is good for me, and I've seen her

1437
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 7: stick by me in the hardest times.

1438
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 6: I just feel stuck.

1439
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 7: The conditioning is so deep right now, I'm just living

1440
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,960
Speaker 7: under a constant state of stress thinking about the future.

1441
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 7: Right now, the only thing I'm sure about is getting

1442
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 7: her to safety. I sometimes feel like a horrible person.

1443
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 7: I just want to have some agency in life. I

1444
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 7: just want to be respected, at least a little bit.

1445
01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:53,640
Speaker 7: I want to live by my own in my truth.

1446
01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 7: But I know that they'll still make my life a

1447
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 7: living Heck, even if I move away. I never cared

1448
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 7: about having a lot of money. I've just wanted enough

1449
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 7: to be comfortable and happy. I keep asking myself if

1450
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 7: I'm the problem here looking for any thoughts and advice?

1451
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,160
Speaker 4: That's the end.

1452
01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 1: Oh God, let me.

1453
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 4: Tell you something real quick. You're not the problem, not

1454
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 4: at all, Daddy Ruse the problem. Yeah, and you're fixing

1455
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 4: and solving that problem by what Carley leaving them exactly. Yeah,

1456
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 4: you're getting out of there. You're chasing love.

1457
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, always chase the love mine. Have you begged for

1458
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 8: a second chance? Put his own father shut him down?

1459
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,440
Speaker 6: Have him beg for a third and fourth chance?

1460
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe a fifth.

1461
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 1: I fifty five years old.

1462
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,720
Speaker 8: I'm writing this regarding a situation that happened at church

1463
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 8: surrounding my twelve year old nephew and a situation he

1464
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 8: told me about over the phone. By the way, this

1465
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 8: comes from Throwaway Dominator, and if you want to submit

1466
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:51,000
Speaker 8: your own stories, go to the ar size sh Okay

1467
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 8: story Time subret it. So every few months his church

1468
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:56,800
Speaker 8: has something called the Youth Sunday, where the youth pastor

1469
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 8: gives the sermon to the adults and the youth band

1470
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 8: do the worship to give the regular worship team a

1471
01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 8: break the youth. As the youth also do the church

1472
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 8: announcements and passed tie the baskets and someone usually sings

1473
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 8: a song as the baskets are passed.

1474
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:10,280
Speaker 1: That person was.

1475
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,400
Speaker 8: Going to be my nephew who was gonna play a

1476
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:17,000
Speaker 8: worship song on piano, and this would also be his

1477
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 8: first time playing in adult service. He is not a

1478
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 8: part of the youth band, but he's taken piano lessons

1479
01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:24,840
Speaker 8: for a few years he's played in recitals, but never

1480
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 8: for as many people as their church, who have two

1481
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 8: services with over one thousand people. But when it was

1482
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 8: about to play, he got nervous and started crying on

1483
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 8: the piano bench. One of the youth leaders went over

1484
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 8: to try and comfort him, but he couldn't muster the

1485
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 8: energy to try after crying and feeling embarrassed. The church

1486
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:46,480
Speaker 8: was supportive and even gave him as standing ovation as

1487
01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 8: the leader led him off stage, and my twelve year

1488
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 8: old nephew called me last week to vent about the aftermath.

1489
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:54,560
Speaker 8: So it sounds like everyone did that right except for

1490
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:55,200
Speaker 8: the parents here.

1491
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:56,960
Speaker 6: I'm very worried for this.

1492
01:04:57,360 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 1: During the week, he was angry and motivated to try

1493
01:04:59,720 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 1: again when the next Youth Sunday happened, and he even

1494
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:05,200
Speaker 1: gained permission from the youth pastor to play the same

1495
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:06,240
Speaker 1: song next time too.

1496
01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 8: But the reason he called was because his dad said

1497
01:05:09,200 --> 01:05:11,920
Speaker 8: no after he relayed what the youth pastor said, and

1498
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 8: it's caused arguments between his parents because his mother thinks

1499
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 8: he should play. He said he and his mother were

1500
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 8: trying to convince him, but that he wasn't budging. And

1501
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,640
Speaker 8: while I'm not a Christian anymore. Although I was raised religious,

1502
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 8: I can see the potential of an unspoken testimony when

1503
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 8: a kid overcomes his fears while potentially inspiring others, and

1504
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 8: I couldn't understand why my brother wouldn't support it. I

1505
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:37,280
Speaker 8: decided to call him to understand his reasoning, and he

1506
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:41,680
Speaker 8: explained he said no because it wouldn't be about God anymore.

1507
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:43,200
Speaker 3: Huh.

1508
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 8: He said that his redemption should be somewhere else, like

1509
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:50,240
Speaker 8: a recital that's not connected to the church. But when

1510
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 8: I tried to explain how he should be proud of

1511
01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:55,560
Speaker 8: his kid's motivation, he reiterated.

1512
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 1: That the church wasn't the right place.

1513
01:05:57,320 --> 01:05:59,920
Speaker 8: But when I argued that the point of church was

1514
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:03,840
Speaker 8: literally redemption. I also told him that others could be

1515
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:07,360
Speaker 8: inspired by his son's perseverance, but he said I didn't

1516
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:08,600
Speaker 8: understand and that it was.

1517
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 1: None of my business.

1518
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:11,600
Speaker 8: I also told him how crazy it was that I

1519
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:14,040
Speaker 8: had to try and convince him to support his own son,

1520
01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 8: but he wouldn't. But I agree, it's none of my business.

1521
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,640
Speaker 8: But I can't understand not wanting to support your son

1522
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:24,360
Speaker 8: over some self imposed nonsense when the youth pastor supports

1523
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 8: it too. I spoke with my nephew again following that conversation,

1524
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:30,080
Speaker 8: and he told me that his dad said he would

1525
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:31,680
Speaker 8: inform the youth pastor.

1526
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 1: About his decision too.

1527
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 8: Well, I don't think there's much more I can do.

1528
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 8: Would anyone involved in churches have any other suggestions, because

1529
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 8: my nephew was really disappointed and he really wants to

1530
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:45,320
Speaker 8: try again. Any advice And there's an update.

1531
01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 1: Have you heard of like not listening to people when

1532
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 1: they tell you to do things?

1533
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:53,440
Speaker 7: Also like I love that the more religious dad is

1534
01:06:53,720 --> 01:06:56,640
Speaker 7: like that is not what church is like at all,

1535
01:06:56,840 --> 01:07:02,040
Speaker 7: And he's like, uh, redemption is is not anything to

1536
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 7: do with it.

1537
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:04,360
Speaker 8: I don't know if it's like it's like, well, I

1538
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:06,600
Speaker 8: don't want it's not now it's going to be about

1539
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 8: our son and not about the church.

1540
01:07:08,120 --> 01:07:10,760
Speaker 1: And it's like, yeah, you suck if you think that.

1541
01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:15,840
Speaker 8: And if you think like that, you're objectively like missing

1542
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 8: the whole point.

1543
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,880
Speaker 1: It's all going over your head if that's how you're thinking.

1544
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 4: Anyway.

1545
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,280
Speaker 8: Update The general consensus I received on my last post

1546
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,680
Speaker 8: was something I originally thought of but didn't heed In

1547
01:07:26,720 --> 01:07:27,120
Speaker 8: the moment.

1548
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:28,840
Speaker 1: I was emotional when my nephew called.

1549
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:30,840
Speaker 8: He reached out to me because he couldn't get through

1550
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,439
Speaker 8: to his parents, and I felt obligated to at least

1551
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,800
Speaker 8: call my brother. But when people said that I was

1552
01:07:36,840 --> 01:07:38,720
Speaker 8: wrong to do so because it was none of my business,

1553
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 8: I was reminded of how I pushed past that thought

1554
01:07:40,920 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 8: to overstep due to my emotions. For that reason, I

1555
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 8: decided to call my brother back to apologize for telling

1556
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:48,480
Speaker 8: him how to handle his family. He didn't ask for

1557
01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 8: my opinion, and that was wrong with me. But when

1558
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:53,240
Speaker 8: we spoke again, his tune changed from the first time.

1559
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:56,160
Speaker 8: When he opened up to me a little more. After

1560
01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:58,920
Speaker 8: I apologized for trying to insert myself into his business,

1561
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 8: he said heiated it and that he thought about our

1562
01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 8: conversation and wanted to clarify a few things. He said

1563
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:07,520
Speaker 8: he understood my urge to call him. In hindsight, his

1564
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 8: son called me about a situation that wasn't my business,

1565
01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 8: so in doing so, he said, he made it my business,

1566
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,080
Speaker 8: and for that reason he wanted to clarify.

1567
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 1: Are you do you guys not all go to the

1568
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:17,799
Speaker 1: same church like I'm.

1569
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 6: Sorry the op used to be religious, okay?

1570
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:22,479
Speaker 1: He said.

1571
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 8: He spoke to his son about talking to others when

1572
01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 8: mom and dad say no something He said, all parents

1573
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:31,120
Speaker 8: consider disrespectful going to someone else after a parent makes

1574
01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:33,679
Speaker 8: a decision. It was like asking mom for ice cream

1575
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:34,519
Speaker 8: after dad said no.

1576
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:38,000
Speaker 7: I thought mom was on board. I thought mom and

1577
01:08:38,120 --> 01:08:43,439
Speaker 7: son were teamed up, and it was just Dad, I'm okay.

1578
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:46,040
Speaker 8: We really are like is this like some sort of like,

1579
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:48,040
Speaker 8: oh well, we just don't want him to do We

1580
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:49,439
Speaker 8: don't want it to happen again.

1581
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:53,200
Speaker 7: I feel like it's dad being like embarrassed that his

1582
01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 7: son didn't do it and was like, I don't want it.

1583
01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 6: I don't want to do that.

1584
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:58,519
Speaker 7: Like I don't feel like it's for the son, like

1585
01:08:58,560 --> 01:09:01,040
Speaker 7: saving the sun, any potential groove he gets scared. I

1586
01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:05,160
Speaker 7: feel like it's the dad's perception of himself threw the

1587
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:06,360
Speaker 7: sun almost.

1588
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:11,000
Speaker 8: Yep, which is pathetic. Yeah, if that's the case, which

1589
01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:13,439
Speaker 8: I guess we'll find out now because op says. He

1590
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:16,880
Speaker 8: also explained why he planned to say no to the

1591
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:19,320
Speaker 8: youth pastor's offer to have him try again, because he

1592
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 8: needed to learn that you won't always get a second

1593
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:24,240
Speaker 8: chance in life, except when people offer you one, like

1594
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:25,160
Speaker 8: your youth pastor.

1595
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:27,400
Speaker 1: This guy's a fucking idiot.

1596
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:31,599
Speaker 8: Dad is being dumb. When I suggested that church could

1597
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:34,600
Speaker 8: be the perfect place for a second chance, Like, I

1598
01:09:34,640 --> 01:09:37,719
Speaker 8: don't know, Jesus is kind of into that. I tried

1599
01:09:37,760 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 8: to explain how church was supposed to be a family

1600
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:43,639
Speaker 8: eating families won each other to succeed. The Bible literally

1601
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 8: states to build each other up in Christ one Thessalonians

1602
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:49,800
Speaker 8: five eleven. And what better place to allow God to

1603
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:52,719
Speaker 8: use his son's perseverance as a testimony to inspire others.

1604
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 1: Years ago, there was.

1605
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:57,720
Speaker 8: A Christian movie from the VeggieTales series about Jonah and

1606
01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:00,479
Speaker 8: how God gives second chances, and I I told him

1607
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:02,960
Speaker 8: that that was all his son was asking for, but

1608
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:05,600
Speaker 8: he reiterated our church wasn't the place because church is

1609
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:08,120
Speaker 8: supposed to be about God. But when I asked why

1610
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:10,519
Speaker 8: the youth pastor gave him permission if it wasn't in

1611
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,559
Speaker 8: God's will, he said the standing ovation that his son

1612
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 8: received out of support made him upset, something he didn't

1613
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:20,760
Speaker 8: say during our first call. When I asked why, he

1614
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:23,400
Speaker 8: said his son didn't deserve the standing ovation because he

1615
01:10:23,439 --> 01:10:24,040
Speaker 8: didn't play.

1616
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 6: Wow, he called it, you hate your son.

1617
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:30,080
Speaker 8: Yeah, he does hate his son, and I hate him.

1618
01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 8: He compared it to a participation trophy. He also said

1619
01:10:32,920 --> 01:10:35,400
Speaker 8: it was embarrassing because a few people came over after

1620
01:10:35,479 --> 01:10:37,840
Speaker 8: church service to encourage his son and tell him to

1621
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 8: try again next time. I tried to reason that they

1622
01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:44,759
Speaker 8: gave him the standing ovation because they wanted to encourage

1623
01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:47,680
Speaker 8: a young person in the congregation, but he said he

1624
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:49,760
Speaker 8: wouldn't learn if there weren't consequences.

1625
01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:54,200
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, your son already dealt with the consequences of

1626
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:57,479
Speaker 7: sitting on that stage, frozen in fear not being able

1627
01:10:57,479 --> 01:10:59,800
Speaker 7: to go. He's already beating himself up. You said he

1628
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:02,280
Speaker 7: was angry at himself and upset at himself.

1629
01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:04,080
Speaker 6: He's already dealing with that.

1630
01:11:04,240 --> 01:11:06,599
Speaker 8: This guy's his dad's got milkshake. Brain tilts his head

1631
01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 8: to the side, it all falls out. He's brainless, and

1632
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 8: being told a few days later at youth group that

1633
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 8: he could try again wasn't how life usually works. So

1634
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 8: he said he was going to talk to the youth pastor,

1635
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,160
Speaker 8: and that was pretty much it. I told him that

1636
01:11:21,240 --> 01:11:24,719
Speaker 8: I respectfully disagreed with his position, but that I wouldn't

1637
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,080
Speaker 8: call him about it again because it was none of

1638
01:11:27,120 --> 01:11:27,559
Speaker 8: my business.

1639
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:28,040
Speaker 1: Technically.

1640
01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:30,960
Speaker 8: What I did suggest was getting another opinion from someone

1641
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:33,120
Speaker 8: in the church before talking to the youth pastor, but

1642
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:34,040
Speaker 8: he said that there.

1643
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:34,519
Speaker 1: Was no need.

1644
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:37,000
Speaker 8: He thanked me for calling him, and that was pretty

1645
01:11:37,080 --> 01:11:39,559
Speaker 8: much it. As much of a missed opportunity, it seems

1646
01:11:39,640 --> 01:11:42,679
Speaker 8: there's really nothing I can nor should do. I hope

1647
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:45,160
Speaker 8: other opportunities present itself from my nephew. And I found

1648
01:11:45,200 --> 01:11:49,439
Speaker 8: it interesting how I'm tried to use Christian jargon to

1649
01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:52,479
Speaker 8: convince my brother despite walking away years ago. The other

1650
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:54,320
Speaker 8: reason I felt compelled about it was because of a

1651
01:11:54,360 --> 01:11:57,560
Speaker 8: coworker who has a son he often vents about.

1652
01:11:57,680 --> 01:11:59,360
Speaker 1: The son graduated high school.

1653
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:02,000
Speaker 8: With honors, and he attended community college with plans to

1654
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:04,960
Speaker 8: transfer to a university afterwards. He was also on the

1655
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:07,720
Speaker 8: honor program in college as well, but has dropped out

1656
01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:12,360
Speaker 8: of the community college for a plethora of reasons, including.

1657
01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 1: A substance abuse habit.

1658
01:12:14,439 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 8: It's approaching two years since he's been to class, and

1659
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:19,000
Speaker 8: he lives with his parents while refusing to find work

1660
01:12:19,080 --> 01:12:21,600
Speaker 8: or pay rent. Parents are split down the middle on

1661
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,519
Speaker 8: evicting him. I think it's unfortunate when he seemed to

1662
01:12:24,560 --> 01:12:28,439
Speaker 8: be rather smart. I'm really like kind of hating that

1663
01:12:29,080 --> 01:12:32,840
Speaker 8: the uncle of this kid who's in a tough spot

1664
01:12:32,960 --> 01:12:34,840
Speaker 8: is being like yeah, this has nothing to do with me.

1665
01:12:34,880 --> 01:12:38,759
Speaker 1: It's like you are his family. Yeah, to some level, help.

1666
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:41,519
Speaker 6: Do you for help with that? Like he can do that.

1667
01:12:42,040 --> 01:12:44,280
Speaker 1: It's not like yeah, like I hate that.

1668
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 7: That was his line of being, Like, I really shouldn't

1669
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:48,479
Speaker 7: have intruded on family.

1670
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,080
Speaker 6: He came to you asking for help.

1671
01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:53,280
Speaker 8: So when I see someone like my nephew call me

1672
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:56,200
Speaker 8: because he feels bad about getting too scared, I believe

1673
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:58,840
Speaker 8: his motivation to try again should be rewarded. But in

1674
01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:00,720
Speaker 8: preventing him from doing so, oh, you could rob a

1675
01:13:00,720 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 8: lifelong memory of getting back up that he can remember

1676
01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:05,840
Speaker 8: and refer to for years from now when life throws

1677
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:08,439
Speaker 8: a different challenge at him, and I hope it doesn't

1678
01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:11,479
Speaker 8: stunt his growth or confidence. My coworker's son was career

1679
01:13:11,560 --> 01:13:13,559
Speaker 8: driven not too long ago, so you shouldn't take it

1680
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:15,640
Speaker 8: for granted when your kid is motivated. I wish I

1681
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:18,120
Speaker 8: would have thought to mention my coworker's son to my brother,

1682
01:13:18,240 --> 01:13:20,960
Speaker 8: but perhaps it wouldn't have changed his mind. Part of

1683
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:23,240
Speaker 8: me feels like the embarrassment he mentioned could be a

1684
01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:26,519
Speaker 8: driving factor behind his decision, but I hope he doesn't

1685
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,559
Speaker 8: value it more than his son's best interests. Okay, we

1686
01:13:29,640 --> 01:13:31,240
Speaker 8: got some comments here to finish it off.

1687
01:13:31,760 --> 01:13:34,360
Speaker 1: The need one says again, at the church seems like

1688
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:37,200
Speaker 1: a great place to overcome stage fright. Would be best

1689
01:13:37,240 --> 01:13:38,080
Speaker 1: to get it over with.

1690
01:13:38,040 --> 01:13:40,280
Speaker 8: As soon as possible, if not allowed to do it.

1691
01:13:40,320 --> 01:13:42,519
Speaker 8: The longer he waits, the more it gets in your head.

1692
01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:45,000
Speaker 8: The only way to overcome the fear of playing in

1693
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:46,920
Speaker 8: front of people is to play in front of people,

1694
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:49,280
Speaker 8: and in front of forgiving people are the best way

1695
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:53,320
Speaker 8: to start doing that. Denying the nephew this opportunity sounds

1696
01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:55,439
Speaker 8: to me like it has the potential to be very

1697
01:13:55,439 --> 01:13:56,719
Speaker 8: discouraging to his motivation.

1698
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:58,080
Speaker 1: Hope, he replies.

1699
01:13:58,280 --> 01:14:00,519
Speaker 8: His motivation is something to be proud of, my opinion,

1700
01:14:00,560 --> 01:14:02,519
Speaker 8: and I tried to point out how it could be

1701
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:06,240
Speaker 8: seen as pleasing to God in many ways too. Perseverance

1702
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:09,800
Speaker 8: getting back up from something tough, potentially inspiring someone else

1703
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:12,720
Speaker 8: in the congregation who saw him get scared the first

1704
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:15,160
Speaker 8: time and have the courage to come back, Like, isn't

1705
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:17,720
Speaker 8: the point of church in Christianity to build each other

1706
01:14:17,800 --> 01:14:21,040
Speaker 8: up in Christ and the talents He gives people? And

1707
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,479
Speaker 8: that is the end of that story. Yeah, I agree

1708
01:14:23,560 --> 01:14:26,240
Speaker 8: that Dad doesn't fundamentally understand his own religion.

1709
01:14:26,320 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 1: It's kind of insane, it's crazy.

1710
01:14:28,680 --> 01:14:32,080
Speaker 7: I really hope that that someone's mind changed.

1711
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:33,559
Speaker 6: Little boy got a second chance.

1712
01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:36,639
Speaker 7: Hopefully he comes to change his mind, or his mom

1713
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:40,400
Speaker 7: stands up or something, or maybe the youth pastor will

1714
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,559
Speaker 7: come back in and explain it again, and then something

1715
01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:45,280
Speaker 7: might click eventually with dad.

1716
01:14:45,320 --> 01:14:47,800
Speaker 8: But hopefully Dad can change his little baby diaper and

1717
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:50,640
Speaker 8: get over like, oh my god, that was so embarrassing

1718
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:51,160
Speaker 8: and he didn't.

1719
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:55,120
Speaker 1: He doesn't deserve a second chance. Get over yourself for real.

1720
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:57,639
Speaker 4: Hey, John Og host, were gonna get back to the stories,

1721
01:14:57,680 --> 01:14:59,639
Speaker 4: but a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1722
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:04,559
Speaker 7: My father demands a second chance after denying me as

1723
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:05,160
Speaker 7: his son.

1724
01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:07,120
Speaker 1: I deny your second chance.

1725
01:15:07,280 --> 01:15:07,720
Speaker 3: We have a.

1726
01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:10,759
Speaker 6: Trigger warning mentions of financial abuse.

1727
01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:14,519
Speaker 7: I twenty three mail and my dad fifty five Mail

1728
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:18,360
Speaker 7: have a really off and on love and hate kind

1729
01:15:18,360 --> 01:15:23,920
Speaker 7: of relationship. My dad is a tactical master manipulator, self

1730
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:28,960
Speaker 7: absorbed person, gaslighter and comoctopus, a blend of chameleon and

1731
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:34,679
Speaker 7: octopus because he changes stories, issues and inputs, but also

1732
01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:38,559
Speaker 7: is very calculating and cunning. Everything should be beneficial for him.

1733
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:41,559
Speaker 7: Do not know if that makes sense. By the way,

1734
01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:44,519
Speaker 7: this comes from junior ad twenty two eighty six on

1735
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,599
Speaker 7: the Charlotte do Bray YouTube subreddit, and if you want

1736
01:15:47,600 --> 01:15:49,479
Speaker 7: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1737
01:15:49,479 --> 01:15:53,639
Speaker 7: okay storytime subreddit. So met my dad when I was eleven,

1738
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 7: and he was not necessarily interested in being a dad,

1739
01:15:57,479 --> 01:16:01,000
Speaker 7: and the actions were proof of that. I so wanted

1740
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,479
Speaker 7: to know my father and was really hoping that he

1741
01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:07,120
Speaker 7: is the father figure and hero that as a little

1742
01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:10,840
Speaker 7: kid I wanted him to be him and my paternal

1743
01:16:10,880 --> 01:16:14,120
Speaker 7: family live about ten minutes away from my house and

1744
01:16:14,360 --> 01:16:17,519
Speaker 7: was extremely thrilled every time I looked to visit there.

1745
01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:21,120
Speaker 7: But other than my grandmother and my father's brother who

1746
01:16:21,160 --> 01:16:24,360
Speaker 7: had now passed on, the other family members were not

1747
01:16:24,439 --> 01:16:28,679
Speaker 7: as tolerant and accommodating a lot of pretenses and weird energy.

1748
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:32,200
Speaker 7: But took it as nervousness and them adjusting to the situation.

1749
01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:35,479
Speaker 7: But over the years I have learned that that is

1750
01:16:35,640 --> 01:16:38,400
Speaker 7: not the case. Over the years, I learned that my

1751
01:16:38,479 --> 01:16:40,800
Speaker 7: dad had expressed to my aunt that I was like

1752
01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:44,479
Speaker 7: a puppy that just keeps following him, and he just

1753
01:16:44,680 --> 01:16:47,479
Speaker 7: was not interested in being a dad. Since he still

1754
01:16:47,520 --> 01:16:50,120
Speaker 7: had a life to live. I am his and my

1755
01:16:50,200 --> 01:16:55,320
Speaker 7: mother's firstborn, and he denied paternity not just once, but

1756
01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:59,960
Speaker 7: three more times and was very nonchalant and proud about it.

1757
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:03,800
Speaker 7: One was when my mother was pregnant, two was when

1758
01:17:03,840 --> 01:17:06,839
Speaker 7: I was born, and three was when I was about

1759
01:17:06,880 --> 01:17:09,519
Speaker 7: four when he and my mother bumped into each other.

1760
01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:13,200
Speaker 7: But unfortunately for him, as I grew into my teenage years,

1761
01:17:13,479 --> 01:17:16,880
Speaker 7: I became a photo copy of the man, head to

1762
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:21,479
Speaker 7: toe walk and some mannerisms, and that's when undeniable proof

1763
01:17:21,520 --> 01:17:25,080
Speaker 7: became evident that he was my dad. He became a

1764
01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:28,519
Speaker 7: timetable dad, only there when he felt like it and

1765
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:32,000
Speaker 7: when it was convenient for him. From twenty fourteen to

1766
01:17:32,040 --> 01:17:35,720
Speaker 7: twenty twenty one, saw the man about eight times, and

1767
01:17:35,840 --> 01:17:38,600
Speaker 7: every time he claimed to want to fix the relationship

1768
01:17:38,640 --> 01:17:41,280
Speaker 7: and for us to bond and be a family, But

1769
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:44,400
Speaker 7: that was always a pipe dream, one that will always

1770
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:47,040
Speaker 7: be dangled in front of me only when some things

1771
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:50,200
Speaker 7: needed to be done. By this time, he has two

1772
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:55,160
Speaker 7: more kids with his then wife, but also who also

1773
01:17:55,240 --> 01:17:58,880
Speaker 7: passed on My paternal family hated his wife and I

1774
01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:02,200
Speaker 7: just did not understand why. But it was then revealed

1775
01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:05,719
Speaker 7: that my dad was very negligent. He had young kids,

1776
01:18:05,840 --> 01:18:08,479
Speaker 7: but was not interested in being a dad and husband.

1777
01:18:08,880 --> 01:18:14,920
Speaker 7: But he would tell his family that his wife was controlling, financially, manipulating,

1778
01:18:15,040 --> 01:18:18,519
Speaker 7: and was cheating on him and also does not believe

1779
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:21,639
Speaker 7: that the kids she had were his. He was stirring

1780
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:25,120
Speaker 7: stuff up and had the family all against her. But

1781
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:27,599
Speaker 7: to her, he told her that his family were not

1782
01:18:27,680 --> 01:18:30,920
Speaker 7: supportive of their relationship and they could not stand the

1783
01:18:30,960 --> 01:18:34,080
Speaker 7: fact that he had found a great woman. All the

1784
01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:37,040
Speaker 7: crap that created a whole ton of rift between her

1785
01:18:37,080 --> 01:18:39,720
Speaker 7: and the family to a point where she just left him.

1786
01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:43,200
Speaker 7: Took one child, one that my dad claimed was not his,

1787
01:18:43,439 --> 01:18:47,320
Speaker 7: and demanded a DNA test, which she happily provided and

1788
01:18:47,400 --> 01:18:51,439
Speaker 7: turned out the kid was his shocker, And she filed

1789
01:18:51,479 --> 01:18:54,600
Speaker 7: for maintenance and took my little sister and filed for

1790
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:58,680
Speaker 7: a second maintenance, and the court dealt with that, and

1791
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:01,720
Speaker 7: he was mad as he and the one on the

1792
01:19:01,760 --> 01:19:05,240
Speaker 7: receiving end of that frustration was me and his rants

1793
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:08,439
Speaker 7: of how women are scandalous.

1794
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:11,360
Speaker 6: Scandalous and just are always.

1795
01:19:10,920 --> 01:19:14,559
Speaker 7: After money and nothing real. But whatever family hated on

1796
01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:17,479
Speaker 7: her more and more. Even hate is a cute way

1797
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,320
Speaker 7: of putting it. But fast forward to the recent events

1798
01:19:20,400 --> 01:19:22,639
Speaker 7: when I just finished high school but took some time

1799
01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:25,080
Speaker 7: off school to really look at what I really wanted

1800
01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:27,920
Speaker 7: to do. I am twenty at this time and really

1801
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:31,040
Speaker 7: wanted to have a father like any kid would want to.

1802
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,559
Speaker 6: But that was not in his bucket list.

1803
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:37,519
Speaker 7: This ruined me still does because I wanted a dad,

1804
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:41,360
Speaker 7: looked past every little and major transgression that he had

1805
01:19:41,400 --> 01:19:44,519
Speaker 7: ever done, because again, I needed a father as I

1806
01:19:44,600 --> 01:19:48,240
Speaker 7: was looking at UNI as well, but those plans kept

1807
01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:51,720
Speaker 7: getting delayed and ruined because he was busy fixing his

1808
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:54,439
Speaker 7: life but was living it up with his friends and

1809
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:58,000
Speaker 7: random women that he was with. He played baller and

1810
01:19:58,240 --> 01:20:00,200
Speaker 7: was the one that always had to pick up the

1811
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:04,840
Speaker 7: booze bill by the nicest clothes, shoes, and gadgets, all

1812
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:08,760
Speaker 7: getting stripped by his friends and his family. So when

1813
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:11,400
Speaker 7: I needed something, he'd say he'd look into it, and

1814
01:20:11,439 --> 01:20:14,840
Speaker 7: that would never materialize. But for his family, he is

1815
01:20:14,920 --> 01:20:18,439
Speaker 7: the provider and the head of household where everyone gets

1816
01:20:18,479 --> 01:20:21,080
Speaker 7: what they want, but his children barely even get the

1817
01:20:21,120 --> 01:20:25,280
Speaker 7: bare minimum, including my two other siblings on his side.

1818
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:28,640
Speaker 7: My aunt has the final say and has the influencing

1819
01:20:28,720 --> 01:20:32,479
Speaker 7: factor on all this that they decide upon, and my

1820
01:20:32,560 --> 01:20:35,800
Speaker 7: dad follows every single piece of advice that she dishes out.

1821
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:39,000
Speaker 6: She is very very toxic.

1822
01:20:38,840 --> 01:20:44,480
Speaker 7: Condescending, selfish, and as cunning as Medusa, cold and calculating

1823
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:47,080
Speaker 7: and play that puts on is just for her and

1824
01:20:47,120 --> 01:20:50,639
Speaker 7: her son's benefit, all disguised as looking out for my dad.

1825
01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:54,280
Speaker 7: I am an overthinker and am very critical of myself

1826
01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:56,759
Speaker 7: and felt like I was not the son he wanted.

1827
01:20:57,479 --> 01:21:00,240
Speaker 7: Always looked at how to be a better son to

1828
01:21:00,240 --> 01:21:03,720
Speaker 7: the father, a person to advise, motivate and guide me,

1829
01:21:03,920 --> 01:21:06,720
Speaker 7: and how to become a better man as bad as

1830
01:21:06,760 --> 01:21:10,920
Speaker 7: he was. Unfortunately, in doing that, I started having depression

1831
01:21:11,040 --> 01:21:15,000
Speaker 7: and anxiety, severe cheek biting and nail biting as well,

1832
01:21:15,600 --> 01:21:18,400
Speaker 7: going through therapy for all that, which is a story

1833
01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:21,400
Speaker 7: for another day as it's already a long post. But

1834
01:21:21,680 --> 01:21:24,519
Speaker 7: in twenty twenty four I started UNI and my paternal

1835
01:21:24,520 --> 01:21:28,400
Speaker 7: family was proud of me and had these big promises

1836
01:21:28,479 --> 01:21:30,720
Speaker 7: as to how they will be there and supportive of

1837
01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:33,879
Speaker 7: me in my quest forgetting my degree. But that didn't

1838
01:21:33,920 --> 01:21:37,080
Speaker 7: happen and they essentially saw it fit that they leave

1839
01:21:37,200 --> 01:21:39,519
Speaker 7: me out to figure it out with my maternal family.

1840
01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:43,320
Speaker 7: Fine by me, but this was what happens in twenty

1841
01:21:43,400 --> 01:21:47,479
Speaker 7: twenty four summarized Aunt, uncle, and cousins tell my father

1842
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:50,360
Speaker 7: not to pay for anything related to my education and

1843
01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:54,320
Speaker 7: if I persist, then I should be blocked or ghosted.

1844
01:21:54,760 --> 01:21:56,680
Speaker 6: That way, they do not need to explain themselves to me.

1845
01:21:57,200 --> 01:22:00,640
Speaker 7: This happened March twenty twenty four and that year's September,

1846
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:04,080
Speaker 7: a week after my birthday, I get a WhatsApp text

1847
01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:06,880
Speaker 7: scolding me and telling me how crappy I am at

1848
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:10,760
Speaker 7: communicating and how I am being disrespectful and doing a

1849
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:14,720
Speaker 7: mediocre job at maintaining our relationship. He tells me what

1850
01:22:14,840 --> 01:22:17,240
Speaker 7: kind of a son I am that cuts his father off,

1851
01:22:17,720 --> 01:22:20,320
Speaker 7: one that thinks that they had made it simply because

1852
01:22:20,360 --> 01:22:22,519
Speaker 7: I am at uni and looking down on him and

1853
01:22:22,600 --> 01:22:26,240
Speaker 7: his family said all this in a wasted rage and

1854
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:28,519
Speaker 7: hung up on me as I tried to explain what

1855
01:22:28,680 --> 01:22:31,320
Speaker 7: was happening on my end, But he then sent a

1856
01:22:31,360 --> 01:22:34,840
Speaker 7: text the following morning apologizing for his behavior and what

1857
01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,479
Speaker 7: he had said. But I was no longer interested in

1858
01:22:37,520 --> 01:22:40,400
Speaker 7: what he had to say, and that went quiet until

1859
01:22:40,520 --> 01:22:43,599
Speaker 7: May of twenty twenty five, where I am preparing for

1860
01:22:43,640 --> 01:22:46,000
Speaker 7: my mid year exams and get a text from my

1861
01:22:46,080 --> 01:22:49,320
Speaker 7: father claiming that he wants to be family and what

1862
01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:50,920
Speaker 7: do I make of our relationship?

1863
01:22:51,120 --> 01:22:55,800
Speaker 8: So, based on literally every single thing that you said,

1864
01:22:56,360 --> 01:22:57,840
Speaker 8: I'm not giving him a second chance.

1865
01:22:58,120 --> 01:22:59,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, we're not believing this.

1866
01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:03,400
Speaker 1: It's literally as simple as two plus two.

1867
01:23:04,040 --> 01:23:06,720
Speaker 7: And I responded with a heartfelt text that he just

1868
01:23:06,760 --> 01:23:09,800
Speaker 7: looked at and never responded to. I will copy and

1869
01:23:09,840 --> 01:23:12,639
Speaker 7: paste it here. Look, I have a lot going on

1870
01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:15,120
Speaker 7: and I don't have the energy to play guessing games.

1871
01:23:15,479 --> 01:23:17,960
Speaker 7: I have someone very close to me pass away, I

1872
01:23:18,040 --> 01:23:22,120
Speaker 7: have school, I am writing exams, I am going through therapy,

1873
01:23:22,560 --> 01:23:25,519
Speaker 7: I am having health problems and a new business that

1874
01:23:25,560 --> 01:23:28,280
Speaker 7: I am pursuing. So I do not have the time.

1875
01:23:28,960 --> 01:23:32,320
Speaker 7: I looked for you, hoped, wished and prayed that you'd

1876
01:23:32,360 --> 01:23:34,840
Speaker 7: be a dad to me. But you but you were

1877
01:23:34,920 --> 01:23:38,280
Speaker 7: not interested and still are not. And I am not

1878
01:23:38,320 --> 01:23:40,160
Speaker 7: going to force you to be something that you do

1879
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:42,759
Speaker 7: not want to be. So I just will not chase

1880
01:23:42,800 --> 01:23:45,479
Speaker 7: that because it was one of the reasons I was depressed.

1881
01:23:46,000 --> 01:23:47,960
Speaker 7: I wanted to prove to you that I can be

1882
01:23:48,040 --> 01:23:50,880
Speaker 7: the son that you deserved, but along the way I

1883
01:23:50,920 --> 01:23:53,360
Speaker 7: have failed to And now I just follow your lead.

1884
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,760
Speaker 7: If you do not care, then I don't. If you do,

1885
01:23:57,000 --> 01:24:00,080
Speaker 7: then I will. I just am tired of always having

1886
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:02,920
Speaker 7: a one sided relationship with my dad that seems to

1887
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:06,680
Speaker 7: be reliving his young adult days and always seems to

1888
01:24:06,680 --> 01:24:09,320
Speaker 7: put others first, but never takes the time to ask

1889
01:24:09,360 --> 01:24:12,240
Speaker 7: his child how they are doing. The way I see it,

1890
01:24:12,479 --> 01:24:15,760
Speaker 7: you don't seem to care. You are not interested in

1891
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:20,200
Speaker 7: moving through life with the whatever attitude. Other people come first.

1892
01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:22,360
Speaker 7: So I do not want to be a wall that

1893
01:24:22,520 --> 01:24:26,080
Speaker 7: blocks you from living your best life. You are my dad,

1894
01:24:26,160 --> 01:24:28,280
Speaker 7: and I will always care for you as a son would,

1895
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:31,479
Speaker 7: but I will not burn myself just to keep you

1896
01:24:31,560 --> 01:24:35,920
Speaker 7: warm and water a one sided relationship. Sometimes I just

1897
01:24:35,960 --> 01:24:39,519
Speaker 7: want my dad not everything is about money, and I

1898
01:24:39,680 --> 01:24:42,519
Speaker 7: just want to talk to you as my dad, for

1899
01:24:42,640 --> 01:24:45,439
Speaker 7: you to advise me, guide me, and make me make

1900
01:24:45,520 --> 01:24:48,799
Speaker 7: sense of tough and troubling situations that I may face

1901
01:24:48,840 --> 01:24:51,479
Speaker 7: along the way. But yeah, I will not look for

1902
01:24:51,520 --> 01:24:53,720
Speaker 7: someone that does not seem to be looking for me.

1903
01:24:54,320 --> 01:24:54,720
Speaker 1: That's the end.

1904
01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:56,880
Speaker 8: Dang, he really read that and said, all right, I'm

1905
01:24:56,880 --> 01:24:58,200
Speaker 8: not even gonna bother re blind of that.

1906
01:24:58,400 --> 01:25:00,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't manipulate him, he's done.

1907
01:25:00,520 --> 01:25:03,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, I did well in my exams and came back

1908
01:25:03,320 --> 01:25:06,639
Speaker 7: home to recharge for the winter recess, and that didn't

1909
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:10,040
Speaker 7: go as planned. Came to my attention that culturally a

1910
01:25:10,080 --> 01:25:13,479
Speaker 7: certain practice was needed to be done by my paternal family.

1911
01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:16,880
Speaker 7: It could only be performed by my aunt, uncle or

1912
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:20,000
Speaker 7: my dad. I really was not interested in seeing the

1913
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:23,040
Speaker 7: family again and was determined to cut them off. But

1914
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:26,240
Speaker 7: my mother convinced me to go there last week on Saturday,

1915
01:25:26,800 --> 01:25:29,160
Speaker 7: and we went there and the message was relayed the

1916
01:25:29,200 --> 01:25:32,599
Speaker 7: eldest living relative in the family, who was my dad's aunt,

1917
01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:34,880
Speaker 7: of the situation and what needed to be done.

1918
01:25:35,439 --> 01:25:36,120
Speaker 6: What's you thinking?

1919
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:40,360
Speaker 1: Boo this man, boo this man? I op his dad.

1920
01:25:41,280 --> 01:25:44,040
Speaker 7: I wonder what ceremony it is that he needs a

1921
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:48,400
Speaker 7: paternal relative to come due for college. I certainly, even

1922
01:25:48,439 --> 01:25:50,719
Speaker 7: if they would agree to do it would not count

1923
01:25:50,720 --> 01:25:52,599
Speaker 7: on them actually showing up on whatever day.

1924
01:25:52,600 --> 01:25:56,000
Speaker 6: The ceremony was yep, but we have an update.

1925
01:25:56,680 --> 01:25:59,800
Speaker 7: The result was that she will notify the others and

1926
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:02,400
Speaker 7: get it done on Sunday. And that was that, And

1927
01:26:02,560 --> 01:26:05,760
Speaker 7: boy was I wrong? Color me surprised when my mother

1928
01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:08,919
Speaker 7: gets a call from my dad ranting why we approached

1929
01:26:08,960 --> 01:26:11,320
Speaker 7: his aunt instead of him? And who do I think

1930
01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:15,160
Speaker 7: I am? And he was aggressive, but my aunt, his sister,

1931
01:26:15,680 --> 01:26:20,160
Speaker 7: took the phone and went ballistic, sharing the same sentiments

1932
01:26:20,640 --> 01:26:22,599
Speaker 7: and just told my mother that she is the one

1933
01:26:22,640 --> 01:26:24,760
Speaker 7: that can help me, but she does not seem to

1934
01:26:24,800 --> 01:26:27,680
Speaker 7: be interested in helping me get that done, and just

1935
01:26:27,840 --> 01:26:30,880
Speaker 7: downright saying that she will not be doing anything. My

1936
01:26:31,280 --> 01:26:34,360
Speaker 7: father followed suit, and they went off on my grandmother,

1937
01:26:34,600 --> 01:26:37,040
Speaker 7: so to speak, telling her that she is not their

1938
01:26:37,080 --> 01:26:40,360
Speaker 7: mother and she should stay out of their business. But

1939
01:26:40,439 --> 01:26:43,479
Speaker 7: then redditors that Sunday night, after saying all that with

1940
01:26:43,560 --> 01:26:46,479
Speaker 7: his sister, he called me directly to talk in private,

1941
01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:50,120
Speaker 7: and he begged that I see him before he goes

1942
01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:50,800
Speaker 7: back to work.

1943
01:26:51,280 --> 01:26:52,880
Speaker 6: He wanted to fix things.

1944
01:26:53,360 --> 01:26:56,800
Speaker 7: I said okay, and never went because I don't know

1945
01:26:56,840 --> 01:26:58,920
Speaker 7: what the plan was and didn't want to risk it

1946
01:26:59,680 --> 01:27:03,000
Speaker 7: as he was just pissed at me a few hours ago.

1947
01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:06,639
Speaker 6: Am I overreacting for not giving my father another chance

1948
01:27:06,680 --> 01:27:09,400
Speaker 6: and cutting him and my paternal family off? And no,

1949
01:27:09,840 --> 01:27:13,519
Speaker 6: you're not. You're so smart to not go.

1950
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:18,640
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say so. No, I wouldn't say you're overreacting,

1951
01:27:19,200 --> 01:27:23,280
Speaker 1: not at all. Your dad's your dad's no, why no

1952
01:27:23,439 --> 01:27:23,720
Speaker 1: for you?

1953
01:27:24,439 --> 01:27:26,519
Speaker 6: He was he was never gonna show up. He might

1954
01:27:26,560 --> 01:27:28,280
Speaker 6: not have even showed up to the meeting you didn't

1955
01:27:28,280 --> 01:27:30,960
Speaker 6: show up to, and it's smart to stay away from

1956
01:27:31,000 --> 01:27:34,599
Speaker 6: him when he's clearly very agitated for no reason.

1957
01:27:34,800 --> 01:27:35,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1958
01:27:35,560 --> 01:27:39,559
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's always the most annoying kind of person. It's like,

1959
01:27:39,640 --> 01:27:41,760
Speaker 8: and then some people will play it off like it's

1960
01:27:41,800 --> 01:27:43,720
Speaker 8: like it's not even my fault. It's just like you

1961
01:27:43,760 --> 01:27:45,720
Speaker 8: need to watch out, like you can't make me mad.

1962
01:27:45,800 --> 01:27:47,400
Speaker 1: It's like, what are you five?

1963
01:27:47,960 --> 01:27:52,800
Speaker 8: Yeah, come on, like, take responsibility for your emotions.

1964
01:27:52,960 --> 01:27:54,760
Speaker 1: You're the master of your ship.

1965
01:27:54,960 --> 01:27:58,080
Speaker 6: Sounds like your whole paternal family it sucks. And I

1966
01:27:58,120 --> 01:28:00,960
Speaker 6: am sure that whatever ceremony you need to do, there's

1967
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,880
Speaker 6: got to be some clause somewhere that says that your

1968
01:28:02,920 --> 01:28:05,439
Speaker 6: maternal family can do it. If your paternal family sucks,

1969
01:28:06,040 --> 01:28:06,719
Speaker 6: check that out.