1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,720
Speaker 1: This is John.

2
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:04,680
Speaker 2: This is your oji Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we have.

3
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: Some rockin stories for you coming up.

4
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

5
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,039
Speaker 2: got a quick two minute ad break from a sponsors,

6
00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:13,520
Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

7
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,119
Speaker 1: My husband wants to have a child, but our situation

8
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:23,040
Speaker 1: is complicated. No baby's here, No babies. July twenty sixteen. Okay,

9
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,720
Speaker 1: I am child free, but I thirty two female, have kids,

10
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,600
Speaker 1: actually two amazing step kids, Scott, an eleven year old,

11
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,040
Speaker 1: and Vinnie, who's fifteen. I met their father, Billy, thirty

12
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,080
Speaker 1: seven male, from a shared friend. By the way, this

13
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,440
Speaker 1: comes from user child free step Mom one and if

14
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,800
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

15
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,760
Speaker 1: r slash Okay Storytime subret it. So since we've had

16
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,560
Speaker 1: the same friend circle, I kept seeing Billy in social

17
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,520
Speaker 1: events and we found we had a lot in common.

18
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,600
Speaker 1: He became friends before we started dating. Actually, I was

19
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,400
Speaker 1: hesitating about the idea of dating Billy because he was

20
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,280
Speaker 1: divorced and had kids. I was child free, but he

21
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,160
Speaker 1: convinced me to take it slowly and see how it progresses.

22
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,240
Speaker 1: I told him that I never wanted to be a mother,

23
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,880
Speaker 1: nor will I be a mom in any future and

24
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,640
Speaker 1: I would never replace their mom. He seemed to be

25
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,479
Speaker 1: okay with it, so we dated for nearly two years.

26
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,920
Speaker 1: I found their kids sweet since they still lived with

27
00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,480
Speaker 1: their mom and only saw them on the weekdays. Unfortunately,

28
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 1: their mom fell ill and we all soon found out

29
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,039
Speaker 1: that she had overian and it was terminal. She had

30
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,639
Speaker 1: passed away eight months after the diagnosis. Scott and Vinnie

31
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,039
Speaker 1: moved in with us. They were seven and eleven when

32
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,320
Speaker 1: their mom passed away, and it was very hard, especially

33
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,480
Speaker 1: with grief stricken children. I'm not proud to say that

34
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,240
Speaker 1: I had considered a few times to leave Billy, but

35
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,280
Speaker 1: I made a vow to my husband, and I promised

36
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 1: myself to see this through, to see if I can

37
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:43,000
Speaker 1: do this and see if I can love them. It

38
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,720
Speaker 1: took a while, but with the help of therapy, a

39
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: lot of sports, piano practices, and a few other distractions,

40
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 1: the kids were on their way to healing, and surprisingly,

41
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,440
Speaker 1: I took motherhood okay, at least I think so, since

42
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,760
Speaker 1: they call me mom sometimes. Now, about ten months go by,

43
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 1: Billy asked me if I I still thought myself as

44
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,760
Speaker 1: child free. I told him a part of me still is,

45
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,760
Speaker 1: but that seemed not the right term since I now

46
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,639
Speaker 1: have kids. Granted they were his kids, but I was

47
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,280
Speaker 1: raising them with Billy. I was watching them grow into

48
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,720
Speaker 1: amazing people. After that, he asked me if I wanted

49
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,160
Speaker 1: a kid of my own. I told him no, that

50
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,359
Speaker 1: has not changed. I never wanted to be a mother,

51
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,120
Speaker 1: even though I am. I asked what this questioning was

52
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,919
Speaker 1: all about, and the next thing took me entirely by surprise.

53
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,280
Speaker 1: Billy told me he wanted to have another kid with me.

54
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 1: I gently made it clear to him that that wasn't possible.

55
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,480
Speaker 1: Then he responded by telling me this might be a

56
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:38,320
Speaker 1: quote unquote deal breaker. I was shocked and I couldn't

57
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 1: stay calm, and we ended up having a loud argument

58
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,000
Speaker 1: after that. The next few days after conversation, I walked

59
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 1: like a zombie, terrified of our marriage ending abruptly. I

60
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: tried to talk to my husband a few times, but

61
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,600
Speaker 1: he gave me the give me time and space to

62
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,760
Speaker 1: accept it, and I'll tell you about my decisions later,

63
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:56,680
Speaker 1: or some variety of that. I had a panic attack

64
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,720
Speaker 1: in the following weeks, and I tried to reconsider to

65
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,920
Speaker 1: have a baby, and I tried to convince myself that

66
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,200
Speaker 1: it won't be so bad, since I'm doing so good

67
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,399
Speaker 1: with Scott and Vinnie, and I love them so much.

68
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,120
Speaker 1: You're so smart and creative that sometimes it surprises me

69
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,720
Speaker 1: where their mind goes. It's nothing but amazing. The youngest

70
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,480
Speaker 1: is so sensitive and sweet, and I just want to

71
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,560
Speaker 1: hug him until my arms get tired. Dad said, it's hard,

72
00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,399
Speaker 1: really hard. I know if there was another life where

73
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,560
Speaker 1: someone presented me a choice to have Billy and his

74
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,640
Speaker 1: kid or just Billy and no kid, I'd pick the latter.

75
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,560
Speaker 1: And I feel so guilty for having those thoughts, so

76
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,880
Speaker 1: guilty and angry at myself. I begged Billy for us

77
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,240
Speaker 1: to go to couples counseling, and finally he relented. Our

78
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,280
Speaker 1: spicy sleep drive has gone to zero. He didn't want

79
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 1: to touch me, and I vice versa. I rechecked my

80
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 1: birth control. We were basically a roommate in an uncomfortable situation.

81
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,960
Speaker 1: And you know what is the ironic part. Scott and

82
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,280
Speaker 1: Vinnie and I never had been so close to each

83
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,000
Speaker 1: other than before, because I found comfort and happiness through them.

84
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,760
Speaker 1: While the gap between my husband and I grew bigger

85
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,840
Speaker 1: and bigger. I just didn't know how to fix it.

86
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,320
Speaker 1: Couple's therapy seemed to work, at least I thought so,

87
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,800
Speaker 1: until my cousin, who was a divorce lawyer, called me

88
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,840
Speaker 1: to see if we were okay. Looking for some work. Yeah,

89
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,240
Speaker 1: I feel like that might be a bit of a

90
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 1: bias ear to lean on in that moment.

91
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, my goal in life is to bring the marriage

92
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,960
Speaker 3: divorce right down by one percent.

93
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,240
Speaker 1: That's what I'd like to do. I think you just

94
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:18,360
Speaker 1: accomplished that mission.

95
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:19,880
Speaker 3: No, I'm gonna like write a book and go on

96
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,280
Speaker 3: speech runs and all that stuff. That's gonna be my life.

97
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,039
Speaker 1: Couple's therapy seemed to work, at least I thought so

98
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,440
Speaker 1: until my divorce lawyer cousin called me to see if

99
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,040
Speaker 1: we were okay. He saw Billy at his firm, oh,

100
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,960
Speaker 1: where his partner took his case. I couldn't say a

101
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,240
Speaker 1: coherent word. He tried to console me while I cried,

102
00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:39,400
Speaker 1: but I ended hanging up and calling my husband. And

103
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,320
Speaker 1: you know what he said, I was covering my bases.

104
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,200
Speaker 3: Because if you go to a lawyer firm, Yeah, that's true,

105
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,800
Speaker 3: to get represented. Perhaps in the future, then that other

106
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,320
Speaker 3: person can't go to that lawyer firm. Yeah, but something

107
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,560
Speaker 3: to be aware of marriage story.

108
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,280
Speaker 1: I was furious, so furious I wanted to break his things,

109
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,240
Speaker 1: but I held myself back. I was being read. Months

110
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,720
Speaker 1: of being withheld affection, months of thinking it was all

111
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,040
Speaker 1: my fault for being so uncompromising, despite me telling him

112
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,400
Speaker 1: through all the years that my stance of child free

113
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,040
Speaker 1: hasn't changed. Months of loneliness and self doubt, months of

114
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,640
Speaker 1: trying to work on my marriage and getting nothing. I

115
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 1: was tired of it all. I found a diverse lawyer

116
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,440
Speaker 1: of another firm through my cousin since he couldn't represent

117
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,320
Speaker 1: me due to a conflict of interest. I checked my

118
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,279
Speaker 1: lawyer about child custody and he assured I had fifty

119
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:28,600
Speaker 1: to fifty since I adopted them not long ago, because

120
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 1: despite everything, I still wanted to be a part of

121
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 1: their lives. Then I began the divorce proceedings. Man, this

122
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,839
Speaker 1: is like a you're gonna fire me? N huh.

123
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,040
Speaker 3: I quit, But in this scenario, you get a savage

124
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,120
Speaker 3: package if you quit, rather than in fire.

125
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this is for the best, yeah, because

126
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,960
Speaker 1: clearly this guy wants you to have another kid and

127
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,360
Speaker 1: you want absolutely nothing to do with that. Although strangely enough,

128
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,080
Speaker 1: in the way that you wrote this, it does sound

129
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,640
Speaker 1: like you very much enjoyed kind of being a mother

130
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,760
Speaker 1: to these two kids. But I'm saying, like, I don't

131
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,920
Speaker 1: want to have to raise a child. She's okay with playing. Guys,

132
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,120
Speaker 1: you've got to think it's like a temporary situation at

133
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,240
Speaker 1: that moment, having a ten year old and a fifteen

134
00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,160
Speaker 1: year old that have already been raised to take care

135
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,960
Speaker 1: of his way to everything, and giving birth to an

136
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,000
Speaker 1: infant and then raising it up yourself with your partner.

137
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,000
Speaker 3: Like I said, you're just finishing out the season playing thirty. Really,

138
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,599
Speaker 3: I know you're latching onto that comparison. I feel like

139
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,400
Speaker 3: you're not clicking.

140
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna find out after the fourth of July if

141
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,039
Speaker 1: you're getting absolutely smoked for this opinion. Now, this is

142
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,560
Speaker 1: just what makes sense in my head. You know. Anyway, Guys,

143
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,400
Speaker 1: go easy on him, a right. Roley's just trying to

144
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,919
Speaker 1: reduce divorce rates. After serving the divorce papers to Billy,

145
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,400
Speaker 1: it was like a three hundred and sixty degree change

146
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,760
Speaker 1: of attitude. He begged me not to go through with it.

147
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,280
Speaker 1: He apologized for everything and said that he had a

148
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,200
Speaker 1: fantasy of me being swollen with pregnant belly and thinking

149
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,600
Speaker 1: that kid is mine, and he got caught up with it.

150
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,400
Speaker 1: He said that he wasn't trying to pressure me, just

151
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,080
Speaker 1: coming to terms of not having a kid with me,

152
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,640
Speaker 1: with both of our genes. He said a lot of things,

153
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,960
Speaker 1: but I've felt it was all too late. Not only that,

154
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,840
Speaker 1: I felt like he was playing with my emotions and

155
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,200
Speaker 1: treating our marriage like some kind of game. I don't

156
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,880
Speaker 1: know should I give him a second chance. I can't

157
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,720
Speaker 1: think this clearly, and I'm so overwhelmed through the whiplash

158
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,280
Speaker 1: of emotions. I'm staying with my mom for two days

159
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 1: for a breather. I want to stay, but not in

160
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,000
Speaker 1: that limbo. What should I do. It's been a few

161
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,320
Speaker 1: months since I posted, and I have great news. Guys,

162
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,560
Speaker 1: just get ready for the misdirect. There's no way we're

163
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:30,640
Speaker 1: still married. I'm pregnant. Yay, just kidding. Actually we're divorcing,

164
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,680
Speaker 1: and said, anyway, here comes a novel. After I posted

165
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,400
Speaker 1: on right and I went back home from Moms and

166
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,240
Speaker 1: tried to act normal for the kids. My marriage might

167
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,760
Speaker 1: be a mess, but it didn't have anything to do

168
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,720
Speaker 1: with them, so I didn't want to disrupt their routines.

169
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 1: A few weeks later, I found a sublet place from

170
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,280
Speaker 1: a friend who decided to travel for a few months.

171
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: The sublet helped me a lot mentally and emotionally. I

172
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,080
Speaker 1: stayed there most of the night to sleep after work,

173
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,760
Speaker 1: while the day was spent mostly with our children and life.

174
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,640
Speaker 1: It was sort of an escape, although it was lonely.

175
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,720
Speaker 1: Billy conceded to the sublet, but he didn't have much

176
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,800
Speaker 1: choice to refuse outright because I think he realized he

177
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,120
Speaker 1: had overstepped his bounds. He was a bit different after

178
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,080
Speaker 1: I demanded a divorce. He was saying, asking and doing

179
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,520
Speaker 1: the right things, respecting me more than before, giving me

180
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,640
Speaker 1: space at the right moment, and being there when I needed.

181
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,800
Speaker 1: It was as if he linked to my thoughts and

182
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,440
Speaker 1: catered to them while ignoring his. I knew he was

183
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 1: doing those things because he felt guilty or he was

184
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,200
Speaker 1: afraid to lose me, although this behavior wasn't the reason

185
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,840
Speaker 1: that convinced me to work on our marriage. First, I

186
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,920
Speaker 1: love him and I love our kids. I loved our

187
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,000
Speaker 1: lives together, our house and everything that entailed. Second, this

188
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,200
Speaker 1: was the first real strain of our marriage, not the

189
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,120
Speaker 1: second or third. Strike. Sure we had problems before, but

190
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,559
Speaker 1: it was mostly minor stuff. So I decided to give

191
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,520
Speaker 1: him a second chance, with the idea of the divorce

192
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,280
Speaker 1: still on the table, but shelved for a time to

193
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,360
Speaker 1: see if we could resolve this particular dilemma. We did

194
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,160
Speaker 1: many different couples counseling sessions, mostly because we were changing

195
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,000
Speaker 1: therapists and counselors because most of them we encountered were biased.

196
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,000
Speaker 1: I could tell most of them were on my side

197
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,320
Speaker 1: except one who was on his. I knew we needed

198
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,000
Speaker 1: a neutral party because it was about a partnership and

199
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 1: not assigning blame. See. Now I might get flamed for this,

200
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,360
Speaker 1: but guys on a fundamental linchpin issue, like I want

201
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,840
Speaker 1: another kid and you don't want to have one. I

202
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,720
Speaker 1: don't want to be a mom to another kid. You

203
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,600
Speaker 1: don't need to spend a bunch of money and time

204
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,360
Speaker 1: on therapy and all this stuff unless one of you

205
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,880
Speaker 1: truly doesn't feel that way. If one of you says

206
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,800
Speaker 1: I need more kids and one of you is like,

207
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,920
Speaker 1: I cannot do that, it's not gonna work. It's just

208
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,720
Speaker 1: not gonna work. Yeah, it's like trying to light water

209
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,840
Speaker 1: on fire, which you can do, but ignore that for

210
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,480
Speaker 1: a second and pretend it's impossible. I didn't know those possibility.

211
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 1: You need more than just water and fire is the problem.

212
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,719
Speaker 1: I knew we needed a neutral party because it was

213
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,720
Speaker 1: about partnership and not assigning blame. Took us a while

214
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,920
Speaker 1: to find one, and a rather expensive one, but this

215
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,160
Speaker 1: counselor was worth it. In our session, we hashed out

216
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,480
Speaker 1: our thoughts out in the open. Mind was easier to

217
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,520
Speaker 1: broadcast because I had a list I wrote down from

218
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,960
Speaker 1: one of the commenters here things I thought were worth

219
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,120
Speaker 1: asking because some of you pointed out that this might

220
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,080
Speaker 1: be a case of Billy having a pregnancy fetouche, which

221
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,560
Speaker 1: didn't even occur to me. When I wrote swollen with

222
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,480
Speaker 1: a pregnant belly on the post, I put it there

223
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,520
Speaker 1: because that was his explanation, and I thought it was

224
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:11,800
Speaker 1: rather a weak excuse. The idea of Billy having a

225
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,400
Speaker 1: fatouche gave me dismay. I even had nightmares about it. Thankfully,

226
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,840
Speaker 1: when I asked him about it during the session, he

227
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,520
Speaker 1: was horrified and sort of grossed out. He didn't even

228
00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:25,200
Speaker 1: think that fatouoshe existed. He explained that it wasn't like

229
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,800
Speaker 1: that that he wanted to have part of me in

230
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,360
Speaker 1: part of him together. Crazy though that you're not seeing that.

231
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,120
Speaker 1: It still is a fifty to fifty because no one

232
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,840
Speaker 1: when they're weird like thing gets exposed immediately goes yeah,

233
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 1: and you know what, that was, right, I'm obsessed with

234
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,440
Speaker 1: the thought of you being swollen and pregnant in like

235
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 1: a weird way. You actually hit the nail on the

236
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,800
Speaker 1: head with that, and I'm gonna admit to it. Of

237
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,240
Speaker 1: course he's gonna go, no, well, what even that's a thing,

238
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,600
Speaker 1: that's not a thing people do that, You're crazy, I

239
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,200
Speaker 1: didn't know. He wanted to see our child grow up,

240
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:58,320
Speaker 1: to see if she or she would be curious, inquisitive, mischievous,

241
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,400
Speaker 1: and so on and so forth. Billy had this image

242
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,200
Speaker 1: of the child growing to be a scientist like me,

243
00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 1: with my physical features and personality, but he also said

244
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,080
Speaker 1: it's only a preference. In reality, he didn't care what

245
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,760
Speaker 1: the child would be as long as he or she

246
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,120
Speaker 1: was happy. He wanted a symbol of our love where

247
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,960
Speaker 1: it could be seen, interacted with, felt, touched, and nurtured.

248
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,679
Speaker 1: For her, a child was that symbol for him. It

249
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,080
Speaker 1: was a lovely idea, but it was an idea I

250
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,360
Speaker 1: wasn't going to get on board with, and I pointed

251
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,640
Speaker 1: that out to Billy. I said, I never wanted a

252
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:31,360
Speaker 1: child because I never felt motherly or any kind of desire.

253
00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:33,840
Speaker 1: There was no longing or deep ache that it would

254
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 1: hurt me not to have a child. I told him

255
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,400
Speaker 1: that bringing a child into a world while his or

256
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,520
Speaker 1: her mother didn't want to have him or her was

257
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,520
Speaker 1: unfair for the child, and that there was a real

258
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,880
Speaker 1: and high possibility that I wouldn't love him or her

259
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,600
Speaker 1: if I compromised. Billy could not believe that on the

260
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,800
Speaker 1: basis that I fell in love with his kids. I

261
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,600
Speaker 1: told him that while I loved them, it was because

262
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,160
Speaker 1: I had to learn how it wasn't instinctive or biologically driven. Well,

263
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,040
Speaker 1: I think this is actually someone who has fallen victim

264
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,080
Speaker 1: to like the propaganda of like I feel like there's

265
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,439
Speaker 1: all these ideas circulating about like what a woman has

266
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,400
Speaker 1: to like feel, or do or think to like have

267
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,640
Speaker 1: a kid or like be motherly. It's like, I feel like,

268
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,520
Speaker 1: if she just stopped thinking, maybe she would enjoy having

269
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,000
Speaker 1: a kid with this guy, But like.

270
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,120
Speaker 3: She's ever thinking it, but from the beginning, she's never

271
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:14,480
Speaker 3: wanted to.

272
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,520
Speaker 1: Get right and then but it's like then she raised

273
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,359
Speaker 1: him and she's like she did.

274
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,200
Speaker 3: Her part in the marriage. That was hard whenever the

275
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,040
Speaker 3: mom passed. But she doesn't want to have a kids,

276
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,360
Speaker 3: she doesn't want to go through motherhood.

277
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,240
Speaker 1: I just wonder if you need the instinct for that

278
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,000
Speaker 1: to be I mean, and I if she doesn't want that.

279
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,800
Speaker 1: She doesn't want that, I get that. I just mean, like,

280
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,640
Speaker 1: I wonder if this was informed by like an ideas

281
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 1: someone else put in her head where it's like, oh,

282
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,720
Speaker 1: because you don't feel this deep yearning, you should never

283
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,520
Speaker 1: be a mother because you'll end up hating your child

284
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,840
Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

285
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,240
Speaker 3: This could be something. I mean, I don't like chocolate

286
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,200
Speaker 3: because my cousin ive told me it, like he didn't

287
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,000
Speaker 3: like chocolate, So I was.

288
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,240
Speaker 1: Like, I'm not gonna like chocolate. Your cousin's school.

289
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,600
Speaker 3: He actually has been fired from being a policeman because

290
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,040
Speaker 3: he stole eighty grand from his dad.

291
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,400
Speaker 1: Okay, I gave up too much of my autoum for

292
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 1: him and his kids. I gave up my dream of traveling,

293
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,200
Speaker 1: I gave up my hobbies and nearly all of my

294
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: friends because I was so busy managing my job, are kids, Aaron's,

295
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,720
Speaker 1: and responsibilities, that I didn't even have time for me.

296
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,080
Speaker 1: I even gave up my freedom and privacy. Our spicy

297
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,559
Speaker 1: times were often disrupted because we were too tired and exhausted,

298
00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,960
Speaker 1: or our kids were knocking on our bedroom door for something.

299
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,040
Speaker 1: I told him, having a baby was different because it

300
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,480
Speaker 1: meant giving up my identity, the only thing that was

301
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,679
Speaker 1: left of me, the only thing I could keep, and

302
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,480
Speaker 1: if I compromised, it wouldn't be me anymore. I was

303
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,520
Speaker 1: nearly one hundred percent sure I would come to present

304
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,000
Speaker 1: my own child for that fact, only, I told him

305
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,319
Speaker 1: when he mentioned his deal breaker, it made me feel

306
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 1: like he didn't care about my feelings to take into consideration,

307
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,560
Speaker 1: after I told him many times that I never wanted

308
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,520
Speaker 1: to have one. The way that Billy went about it,

309
00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,160
Speaker 1: asking for space without actually talking about it, and then

310
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,800
Speaker 1: going to my particular cousin's firm who dealt in divorce

311
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,120
Speaker 1: felt manipulative. Billy admitted that he did go to my

312
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,120
Speaker 1: cousin's firm knowing it would get back to me, but

313
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,280
Speaker 1: he went there not to see his options or even

314
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,640
Speaker 1: to manipulate me, but because he had decided on going

315
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,880
Speaker 1: through divorce because not having a child heard him and

316
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,280
Speaker 1: he didn't want to resent me, but was beginning to.

317
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,920
Speaker 1: He felt rejected, as if I never wanted him to

318
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 1: be a dad from my own child, or rather I

319
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,280
Speaker 1: thought of him as a terrible father in any form.

320
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,480
Speaker 1: But now he knows it was irrational and stem from

321
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,200
Speaker 1: his hurt and insecurities. He's dealing with it now with

322
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,920
Speaker 1: his own therapy. Also, he went there because it would

323
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,560
Speaker 1: have stealed his resolve, with the idea that if he

324
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,000
Speaker 1: backed off, I would hear about it, so it kind

325
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,760
Speaker 1: of forced his hand to commit to it. It was

326
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,360
Speaker 1: a fail proof plan for him, except it didn't work.

327
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 1: It was really stupid of him because he couldn't do

328
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,440
Speaker 1: it even with the threat of ME finding out about it.

329
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,800
Speaker 1: Not devious, just incredibly stupid. Well guess what.

330
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,560
Speaker 3: He didn't force you. You did, and that's going to be

331
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,120
Speaker 3: a story from now on.

332
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 1: But I mean, I also don't even think it's that stupid.

333
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,040
Speaker 1: It's like, if anything is considerate, he's going to the

334
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,480
Speaker 1: one firm in town that you can't use, Yeah, because

335
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,560
Speaker 1: your cousin works there, which means no one's gonna represent you.

336
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,400
Speaker 3: No, No, she could still go there, but the fact that

337
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 3: he went there first, she can't go to the car.

338
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,880
Speaker 1: I highly doubt affirm employing her cousin would take her

339
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,280
Speaker 1: case because it creates a conflict of interest. They would

340
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,120
Speaker 1: probably avoid that.

341
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,240
Speaker 3: My brother is a lawyer, Can he represent me in court?

342
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,440
Speaker 1: No? One hundred percent not Sorry, I can't do that.

343
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,440
Speaker 1: What is that open content? They talked about that in

344
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 1: the story earlier.

345
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 3: Rally, all right, I'm going to trust the code on

346
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:13,160
Speaker 3: this one.

347
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 1: It's true. I was heartbroken when he told me this.

348
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 1: I just don't know which is worse, since it hurts

349
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:22,440
Speaker 1: me to find out. Billy's clown reaction after our conversation

350
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,880
Speaker 1: about kids was to head to a divorce lawyer with

351
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 1: the intentions of going through it without talking to me first.

352
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,200
Speaker 1: I think a small part of me would have preferred devious,

353
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 1: because it meant he didn't give me up right away.

354
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 1: Despite our sessions, Billy didn't seem to understand why I

355
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 1: didn't want to have a kid. He said that it

356
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,479
Speaker 1: was instinctual, like we're driven deep down in our biology

357
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 1: to have one or two. Again, all these dumb ideas

358
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,600
Speaker 1: about motherhood and pregnancy and all this crazy crap. He

359
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:48,040
Speaker 1: found it strange to live in a childless world, or rather,

360
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,920
Speaker 1: he found the concept strange. It was as if a

361
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,640
Speaker 1: whole part of his brain never seemed to get it,

362
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 1: no matter how many memos it received. Then I got

363
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,920
Speaker 1: another bombshell from Billy. When we were dating. He said

364
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 1: he was okay with me being child free because he

365
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 1: thought he didn't want more after his first divorce. But

366
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 1: he didn't actually believe me. He thought eventually I would

367
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,920
Speaker 1: change my mind and was worried of when. But he

368
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,600
Speaker 1: put it in the we're gonna deal with that when

369
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,200
Speaker 1: we crossed that bridge. Later a category later, when our

370
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,960
Speaker 1: kids moved in after their biological moms passing, he saw

371
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 1: how good I was with them, and he couldn't help

372
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,480
Speaker 1: but imagine having another child, this time with me passing

373
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,680
Speaker 1: the football around. See but and this is where we

374
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,600
Speaker 1: have we go. Hey, remember when we said that we

375
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 1: were okay with not having any more kids. I think

376
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 1: my mind just switched on that immediately. You bring this

377
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 1: kind of stuff to your partner, you don't just go, eh,

378
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: I know, you go. We gotta talk about this now.

379
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 1: But dude, when you're in love, love shoe he said

380
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 1: he kept hoping for any sign, any glimmer that I

381
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 1: shared his feelings. He waited years for me to talk

382
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,480
Speaker 1: about reconsidering my stance on kids until he couldn't, and

383
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 1: that's where the trouble began. After that session, I felt defeated.

384
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 1: I don't know how to explain it. It was like

385
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,400
Speaker 1: a huge part of me went into BSoD until it

386
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,760
Speaker 1: rebooted into safe mode. I was on autopilot, interacting with

387
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,719
Speaker 1: the world because I had to, while another part of

388
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:14,440
Speaker 1: me just wanted to hide away forever. My counselor was

389
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,359
Speaker 1: the one who noticed it after a few sessions and

390
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,879
Speaker 1: asked me for another one just by myself, so I

391
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: went there alone. My counselor said that he was worried

392
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,880
Speaker 1: for me because he saw a clear sign of depression

393
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,359
Speaker 1: and that wasn't good. If I didn't let anyone know

394
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 1: about it. He was afraid that I wasn't dealing with it. Oh,

395
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,199
Speaker 1: oh my gosh too.

396
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,199
Speaker 3: Okay, the blue screen of if you ever get that

397
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 3: with the computer, that's what that is b SOD. I've

398
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 3: had that happened so many times during live streams. Oh,

399
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 3: that's a new thing.

400
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 1: We're gonna say. If the live stream crashes were just

401
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,520
Speaker 1: gonna go be sod pieceod, pisod, Oh my gosh. He

402
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,919
Speaker 1: was afraid that I wasn't dealing with it. Then he

403
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,520
Speaker 1: asked me a few questions in hypothetical scenarios that made

404
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,359
Speaker 1: me realize we weren't compatible anymore. And while it might

405
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,240
Speaker 1: hurt to realize it didn't mean that it was going

406
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 1: to hurt forever. I sort of broke down after that.

407
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 1: I cried for a long time until the tissues ran out,

408
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 1: and then my counselor had her receptionist drive me home

409
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 1: because honestly, I was a wreck, and he told me

410
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 1: to think about what he said. I didn't head to

411
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 1: my place. I asked her to drop me off at

412
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 1: my home to talk to Billy privately. I asked him,

413
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 1: if we didn't have another child, could he see me

414
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: in his life at any point in the future without

415
00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:22,439
Speaker 1: resentment and bitterness. I told him to really think about it.

416
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,080
Speaker 1: I think he didn't want to admit it. I think,

417
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 1: like me, he did not want to give us up

418
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 1: because we loved each other too much, and for a

419
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 1: time we were happy. We were really happy, until we weren't.

420
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,160
Speaker 1: The divorce was back on the table, and this time

421
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 1: we're going through with it without struggle or fight. We've

422
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,360
Speaker 1: agreed to fifty to fifty custody and splitting our material

423
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 1: possessions and financial matters in half except for a few

424
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,200
Speaker 1: personal things. We decided to sell our house and I'm

425
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 1: looking for a permanent apartment and Billy is looking to

426
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,919
Speaker 1: near the boys' school. And we are almost at the

427
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,560
Speaker 1: end of the story here, Riley, do you give me like,

428
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 1: let's let's close it off now you've seen it coming.

429
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 3: It's been in the back, you know, like you watch

430
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: movies and the bad guys like always in the background.

431
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,480
Speaker 1: You just never like really looked at them. So yes,

432
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 1: actually I love those kind of movies. This is what

433
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 1: it is.

434
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 3: Kids have always been in the background, even though you

435
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 3: don't like the idea of kids.

436
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,679
Speaker 1: Did you just make the kids the bad guy in

437
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,440
Speaker 1: that metaphor?

438
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 3: Yes, I did, saying they are the bad guys. But

439
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 3: it's just like that's been in the background of all

440
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 3: the time, right.

441
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: It's been like the Jaws theme song of like Dona

442
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,199
Speaker 1: and then a couple of years ago by but then

443
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: it'll ye down that down down tuhn, And it's been

444
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,159
Speaker 1: the kids at you. But again, if Billy would have

445
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 1: never lied and been like women, I know she's gonna

446
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 1: change her mind. Because she's a woman, she's biologically hardwired

447
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,159
Speaker 1: ton't want a child. It's like, you should just be

448
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 1: honest about how you're feeling at any given moment in

449
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 1: your relationship. Don't lie to your partners about something like

450
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 1: do you see us having more kids? She goes, no,

451
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: I don't you go I'm fine with that, dude. You're lying,

452
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 1: you're lying, and you wants four. Good luck. All right,

453
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,199
Speaker 1: let's get pagan to the story. So we're afraid to

454
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: tell our kids about our divorce. I think it will

455
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 1: be the hardest thing we might ever do together, Right

456
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 1: next to telling Scott that his mom wasn't coming back. Wow,

457
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 1: I'm scared Scott and Vinnie won't want me to be

458
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 1: their mom anymore, and I'm hoping so hard that it

459
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: won't be the case. Billy assures me that that won't happen,

460
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 1: but he can't know that for sure. And sometimes I

461
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 1: get angry at him for putting me through the situation,

462
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 1: or I get angry at myself for being child free.

463
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 1: I get angry a lot. I think also those to

464
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 1: speak on your point here, Riley Op really does need

465
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 1: to get clear with yourself. Sope keeps calling herself child free,

466
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 1: and then she keeps calling these two kids for children,

467
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: So of course that's confusing. Get clear with yourself. Are

468
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 1: these your kids or not? Do you feel like you're

469
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 1: their mother or not?

470
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 3: She's getting fifty to fifty, so I think so.

471
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: So if you feel like you're their mother, I don't

472
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 1: think you should really call yourself child free because you're

473
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,640
Speaker 1: not anymore. It's just about adding another one now. Anyway,

474
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 1: next week I got an appointment to go to therapy

475
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 1: because I know I'm not okay after having a few

476
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 1: panic attacks and bouts of depression after we had agreed

477
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 1: upon the divorce. I'm thinking of taking a sabbatical soon

478
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 1: because I don't want my coworkers and my superiors to

479
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 1: witness my breakdowns. I know I have a long way

480
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 1: to go, and the divorce hasn't been finalized yet. I'm

481
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 1: hoping everything will be okay after that. Thanks for the advice,

482
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story.

483
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: I chose my wife over my best friend, but now

484
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 3: am I losing both?

485
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: Oh? You got zonked my wife?

486
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,400
Speaker 3: Thirty nine female Dana and I thirty seven mal met

487
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 3: each other in twenty nineteen. We got married a little

488
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 3: more than a year later. We have two kids together,

489
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 3: boy four and girl too. By the way, this comes

490
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 3: from Realless Muss and if you want to submit your

491
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the Arsace showcase story to I'm

492
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,479
Speaker 3: subvert it. So the background and the main issue is

493
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 3: as following. One of my close friends has been Hayley

494
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 3: thirty nine female. We met in university almost twenty years

495
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 3: ago and I've been close friends since. Before I met Dana,

496
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 3: I was spending a lot of my time with Hailey

497
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 3: and her family, which at the time was her husband,

498
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 3: Mail forty one and one girl eightish. Today, they expended

499
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 3: their family with an additional child. I spent some time

500
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 3: with Hailey's family, and their daughter kind of became a

501
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 3: niece to me, and I was the fun uncle. There

502
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 3: has never been any interest to have any other type

503
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 3: of relationship. Already, before Dana and Haley met for the

504
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: first time, there was some tension from Dana's side. She

505
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 3: thought it was weird that I was messaging Haley from

506
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,479
Speaker 3: time to time and asked her if we ever had

507
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: to think I truthfully told her no, and there hadn't

508
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: been any feelings either. I was just excited to tell

509
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 3: Haley about the girl I was going to marry one day,

510
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: and I thought it would blow over. Then they met

511
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 3: for the first time and it seemed to work great,

512
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 3: and I was relieved. And the issue started. Before Christmas,

513
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 3: we were invited to make some muleed wine. The daughter

514
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 3: of Haley was really liking Dana and took Dana to

515
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 3: her room for some pretend tea party. This is where

516
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 3: I affed up. I went in and checked on them

517
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 3: and asked if everything was all right and if she

518
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 3: was all right. She said she was and they were

519
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 3: having fun. Okay, tell me if you need anything. I'm

520
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 3: in the middle of muling the wine. I finished making

521
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 3: the mule wine together with Haley and her husband, and

522
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 3: then I think we had dinner and all of us

523
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 3: apparently it was fine. Dana had felt left alone with

524
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 3: the child and was not happy in the car ride home. Well,

525
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,920
Speaker 3: you could have adult handled that situation and be like, Hey,

526
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go talk to the parents.

527
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: It's all about communication, folks.

528
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 3: I had not interpreted the situation correctly. This was the

529
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 3: first big fight we had in hindsight, I should have

530
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: picked up on it, but I didn't. A few weeks later,

531
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 3: we all celebrated New Year's together and it went fine.

532
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 3: After this, Hailey became a sore topic, and every time

533
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 3: this topic came up, there were a lot of emotions

534
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 3: from both sides, her being aggravated and ME being down

535
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: and a bit hopeless. She thinks it's weird that I

536
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 3: have this close of a friendship with Haley, mostly because

537
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 3: she doesn't feel welcomed, and I also think it's because

538
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 3: Haley's a woman. I think that it all started on

539
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 3: the wrong foot and never However, after that, I don't

540
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: know what to do, and I've kind of put it

541
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 3: in my head in the dirt, hoping it would be

542
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 3: a phase and that everything would solve itself over time,

543
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 3: nice problem solving skills I have. Then the VID happens

544
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 3: and the whole world isolates. Me and Dana live together

545
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 3: at this point. Haley and I talk sometimes to update

546
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 3: each other on the isolation life, and if Dana saw this,

547
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 3: there would be comments about it. I stopped taking initiative

548
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 3: to talk to Haley at this point, but I still

549
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 3: replied when she wrote to me and Mark to twenty twenty.

550
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: We found out Dana was pregnant, which was a planned

551
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,959
Speaker 3: thing from our side, and we had a first child

552
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 3: in November. During the pregnancy, we met with Dana and

553
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 3: her family once in an outdoor the vid safe manner

554
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 3: I would call to meet up a polite gesture from

555
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 3: my wife. We were married during the pregnancy in the

556
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 3: city hall. Then, once our baby was born, Hailey came

557
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 3: by with some presents to him that she had made

558
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 3: a pillow with his name and personalized Christmas stockings for

559
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 3: the whole family. Okay, I'm sick.

560
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: That's nice.

561
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 3: This was the last time we saw each other.

562
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 1: Oh no, not sick. Not great.

563
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 3: The next years were full of sleep deprivation, severe back issues,

564
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,360
Speaker 3: including an emergency surgery in my wife's home country from

565
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 3: my side, and generally trying to adapt to having a family.

566
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 3: During this time, we sometimes got an invite to a

567
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 3: dinner party or such from Haley and her family, which

568
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 3: I would decline every time, citing the aforementioned issues. Then

569
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: I informed my wife that we got the invitation and

570
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: that I declined. This sometimes caused irritation from her side,

571
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 3: but I thought it was better to tell.

572
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 1: Her than not and I told Dana that she sometimes

573
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: requests to see the messages, which I showed her. In

574
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, we got her second child, a baby girl,

575
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 1: and everything went fine. I'm confused there, because why are

576
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: you just outright declining invitations to go do things without

577
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 1: talking to your wife first.

578
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 3: She's already gonna say no, she doesn't like it. She's like, hey,

579
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 3: by the way, I got this invitation from Haley but

580
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 3: already declined it.

581
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 1: It seems like she's getting upset when you don't tell

582
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: her too. He's always telling her where. It's like he's

583
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: just I already declined after.

584
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 3: It anything with Haley's name on it.

585
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: Dana's not about the strife that they've got. I feel

586
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 1: like a lot of it is just VID time, pandemic time.

587
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: Probably they got locked in and then they got to

588
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: had a kid together, and it's been years and they've

589
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: been isolated essentially from everything except their parental responsibilities. Yeah.

590
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 3: Well, I'm in a similar situation, but in the complete

591
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 3: opposite reaction. Sophie and I are very close. We do

592
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 3: work together or like brother and sister, and she's not jealous.

593
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 3: She's not like, why are you hanging out with Sophia.

594
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: I just mean that there's the era during the pandemic

595
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 1: where because it's like you can still if you want to,

596
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 1: you can leave, yeah, or you can move, or you

597
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: could do whatever you want. But it's like this is

598
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: a time where like a lot of people got locked

599
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 1: in to a situation and had no power to change

600
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: it for a long time.

601
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 3: A few months later, I got a message from Haley

602
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 3: that had gotten their second child as well. I congratulated

603
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: them and mentioned that we also had our second child

604
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 3: a few months earlier. We jaded baby pictures.

605
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: And that was that.

606
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 3: I told Dana that they had gotten another baby. Didn't

607
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 3: ask if we were still in contact. I truthfully answered

608
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 3: that this is what the first contact since the last

609
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 3: time we were invited to a dinner And here comes

610
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 3: maybe the crescendo. A year later, we got invited for

611
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 3: an Easter feast to Haley and her family's place. I

612
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 3: told him that that we couldn't make it, and then

613
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 3: the question came, what's going on? And it was kind

614
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 3: of the breaking point for me. I knew that it

615
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,399
Speaker 3: couldn't hide behind lame excuses anymore, and I told her

616
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 3: that unfortunately my marriage wasn't compatible with our friendship and

617
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 3: that it all kind of came up to the surface,

618
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 3: and I wrote a lengthy apologetic message to her. I

619
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: started event a little bit to her and said that

620
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 3: sometimes I have trouble sleeping because of the way I

621
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 3: treated our friendship in the end, and I sometimes feel

622
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 3: a little broken and not in control of my life.

623
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 3: She got a bit worried and wrote back a long

624
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 3: message back where she asked if I had anyone to

625
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 3: talk to, but that she understands the main point of

626
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 3: my message was that I love my wife and that

627
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 3: I choose my marriage over our friends. I also told

628
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 3: her that I am sorry that it came to this

629
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 3: and that my inaction mostly caused this. This time, I

630
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 3: did not tell Dana that we got an invite, nor

631
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 3: did I tell her that I more or less into

632
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 3: the friendship. I now consider the chapter closed and a

633
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 3: stone lifted from my shoulder. That was not a happy ending,

634
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 3: but it ended.

635
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: I just wonder if these rules go across the aisle,

636
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, if Hope he's doing

637
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: that and she's allowed to have friends with whoever she

638
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: wants to be friends with. Maybe, you know, because this

639
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 1: sounds like a situation where and I'm not saying that, like, well,

640
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: once you have kids with somebody, it's not like they

641
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: can cheat on you. Of course they can. Of course

642
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: you can be infidelitous like op he sounds like he's like,

643
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: I'm happy that I'm starting a family with my wife,

644
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 1: but I'm not allowed to be friends with anyone who's

645
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: like a woman.

646
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 3: I do think having friends with the opposes is tricky

647
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 3: in the context of a marriage, because I mean, the

648
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 3: only woman I feel comfortable being alone with that isn't

649
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 3: my mother, my grandmother, or my girlfriend is Sophia, because

650
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 3: she's like a sister to me in any way, you know,

651
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 3: outside of that, I wouldn't give my permission to hit

652
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: up anyone else and like hang out alone with them.

653
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 3: Fast forward to now, almost one year later, Dana asked

654
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 3: me out of the blue if I was in contact

655
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 3: with Hailey recently, and I told her no, I thought

656
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 3: I saw her name of the message rap, she said.

657
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 3: I told her, I thought she was mistaken. I showed

658
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,959
Speaker 3: her and I scrolled down quite a bit for her

659
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 3: to see the last message.

660
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: I said.

661
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 3: Here, it is almost a year ago. We got invited

662
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 3: to Easter and I said no. Then she stated that

663
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 3: I never told her about that, and she asked to

664
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 3: see the phone. I let her see it and also

665
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 3: told her the short version that I ended the friendship.

666
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 1: At that point.

667
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 3: She read through it and she felt betrayed that I

668
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 3: didn't tell her. She also asked, what, you can't sleep

669
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 3: because of her? Go to her? Then, just go. She

670
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 3: didn't sleep in her bed that night, and this morning

671
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 3: she had removed the necklace I gave her on Valentine's

672
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 3: and her wedding ring. There's nothing to talk about. The

673
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: druss is gone, she said. It's hard to have conversation

674
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 3: right now, and I'm not able to explain myself. This

675
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 3: is where we are, this might be it. I want

676
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 3: to repair our marriage. I love her, and all this time,

677
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 3: I just wanted things to be non problematic. I just

678
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 3: want to live a calm life. But I think I've

679
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 3: ruined it by my bad habit of leaving things where

680
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 3: they are and hoping for the best. I am going

681
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 3: to suggest couple's therapy when she comes back home from work.

682
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 3: I took a sick day and I'm hoping that couple's

683
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 3: therapy can repair things, or at the very least let

684
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 3: us co parent in a good way if it comes

685
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 3: to that. Can I be your daddy?

686
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: Yeah? You were born to be Monday in Dakota.

687
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 3: I'm gonna take a guess that you don't think this

688
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 3: marriage is solgibble.

689
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: I think it could be, because again, it's like it's

690
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: a product of this like crazy VID pandemic time. Yeah,

691
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: but like I don't think she's ever going to relent

692
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: and say like, yeah, we should go to couples counseling

693
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 1: or we should like it out there. I think maybe

694
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: if they did that, they could get to the root

695
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: of whatever their issue is. But she certainly doesn't sound

696
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: like she's gonna be open to it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely not. Yeah.

697
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: It sounds like unless there's a reciprocal you know rule

698
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: where it's like I'm not friends with any men and

699
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: I would never which is crazy to me because it's

700
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: not like it's like we'll never spend time with any

701
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: men or any women. It's like, well, it's just if

702
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: we're together. It's like they were invited as a family

703
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 1: to go there. That's why I'm so confused about, like

704
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: how do we get here? Right? It's like this is wild? Yeah,

705
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: what do you think the odds are that she's cheating.

706
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 3: M it's definitely I like using fractions two fifths, possibily

707
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: forty chance yep. I've suggested therapy before in earlier conflicts,

708
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 3: but it's been turned down. In my country, there is

709
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 3: a six month delay in divorces that include children.

710
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: But I don't want a divorce.

711
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid of

712
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 3: what's going to happen to the children. I love them

713
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 3: so much. I don't want them to grow up in

714
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 3: a split household. Having two homes is going to feel

715
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: like no home. I'm actually so afraid of the future

716
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 3: right now. I don't know what the next step should be.

717
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 3: I'm sad over this. What can I do to save this?

718
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 3: How do I get her to talk to me and listen?

719
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 3: How do I make sure that the kids are not

720
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,479
Speaker 3: stuck in between homes? We have one comment. Does what

721
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 3: you believe about friendships and then being platonic ever?

722
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: Matter?

723
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 3: Does the fact that you've sacrificed this positive thing in

724
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 3: your life for her completely unwarrant paranoria matter? You seem

725
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 3: to be trying to walk a tight rope. Make sure

726
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: you don't make some misstep that it's going to piss

727
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 3: your wife off. And even the way you describe events

728
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 3: in this post sounds like you are emotionally desperate not

729
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 3: to upset this woman. You go out of your way

730
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 3: to blame yourself for everything nothing. You're perpetually angry and

731
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 3: a mistrusting wife says or does is wrong. You sound miserable.

732
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,479
Speaker 3: She's gonna demand to read this post too, isn't she?

733
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: And you know what?

734
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 3: And you're trying to ride it in a way that

735
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,719
Speaker 3: won't anger her when she does. Do you matter at

736
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 3: all in this relationship? And hope he says? Wow, reading

737
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: your comment really feels weird. And the stuff with the

738
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,120
Speaker 3: type rope, I don't think I wrote a presentable way

739
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 3: on purpose. Maybe you're right. I haven't really thought about

740
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 3: showing this to her. It was for me to get

741
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 3: an outside perspective on a situation I kept for myself

742
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: for quite some time. Would I be lying by omission

743
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 3: if I don't show her this and the reply? I

744
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 3: think you're missing the point. You shouldn't have to be

745
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 3: this terrified of your wife and this stressed out to

746
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 3: try to please her. You tried distancing yourself from your friend.

747
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: It wasn't good enough. You into the friendship. It wasn't

748
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 3: good enough. She's saying you betrayed her because of your

749
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 3: wording when you ended the relationship. She doesn't seem to

750
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 3: notice anything positive you do, but one step out of

751
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 3: line and you're a terrible person and she can take

752
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 3: off her wedding ring again. Does how you feel or

753
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 3: what you do matter at all? Marriage shouldn't feel like this.

754
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: Dang. And if this is you right now, I'd probably

755
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 1: go to journaling. Hey, it's Sam, your og host. Here.

756
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

757
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors. My sisters didn't know

758
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: I owned the home. They've been riding and now they've

759
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: lost it, he said, we don't know where we put it.

760
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

761
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 3: I thirty three female, bought my home home right before

762
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 3: the pandemic the world shut down. I shut into my

763
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 3: remote work with the solitude and comfort of a natural introvert.

764
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 3: The house was extra large, and I could really only

765
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 3: afford it because the family selling it was in need

766
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 3: of a quick sell. By the way, this comes from

767
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 3: Brave Company twenty eight. And if you want to speak

768
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r side show Okay,

769
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 3: story time subber it So. The house has a finished

770
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 3: attic and basement, which were easily converted into not so

771
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 3: many apartments. The basement has its own entry point and

772
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 3: also connects into the main house. There are four bedrooms

773
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 3: two baths. The master room has a walk in closet.

774
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 3: During the pandemic, my sisters both hit hard and quickly

775
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 3: needed to downsize as their own roommates moved back home.

776
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 3: My sister's twenty five female and twenty seven and I

777
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 3: do not have such a luxury, so I offered them

778
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 3: rooms at below market rate and told them they would

779
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 3: need to supply their own foods. The rent was really

780
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 3: to help with the increase in bills. They both were

781
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 3: in cool at the time but also working. This arrangement

782
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,879
Speaker 3: gave them more breathing room financially, and then a girl

783
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 3: they both knew was evicted from her home with her

784
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 3: boyfriend because the family they rented from needed the homeback

785
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 3: after I offered the basement at near market rate, though

786
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 3: still a little under as I felt bad and it's

787
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 3: a basement apartment. After that, a friend of a friend

788
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,919
Speaker 3: heard about my arrangement and asked if there was any

789
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: room left. I gave them the Addic department for another

790
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 3: near rent market Danks, She's got full occupancy here. Rental

791
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 3: agreements were drafted up for each person. I explained the

792
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 3: basic rules the rent, how long they would have it

793
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 3: if rent was not received. I told them to read

794
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 3: it and return it to me when signed. I left

795
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 3: them each with their own copy. I colickted the rent

796
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 3: the first Saturday of each month. They leave the name

797
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 3: blank on the checks for me to fill out, and

798
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 3: I always thought it was because they were afraid of

799
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 3: misspilling my stupidly unique name and having the check bounce

800
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 3: as a result. Apparently not. The issue is I still

801
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 3: have one free room in the main part of the house,

802
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 3: but I used that as my office and it locks up.

803
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,399
Speaker 3: My friend knows my sisters and they got chatting up

804
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 3: while out together. They bumped into each other during the

805
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: day out. My sisters mentioned the extra room and my

806
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 3: friend has a cousin, eighteen female who will be starting

807
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 3: college in our city and asked my landlord whould rent

808
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,240
Speaker 3: it out to her. I brushed over the comment because

809
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 3: I thought there was a miscommunication and told her the

810
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 3: room wasn't for rent as they used it from my

811
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 3: home office. She asked if I was paying for the room,

812
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 3: and I told her why I would pay for a

813
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 3: room in a house I own, so the sisters don't

814
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 3: know she owns it. She got quiet and apologized for

815
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 3: pushing it and told me the struggle it's been defined

816
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 3: spot for her cousin. I told her all of my

817
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 3: tenants are solid until December, when the renewals go out.

818
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: I can offer her a spy if someone moves, but

819
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 3: I stressed it was unlikely as everyone gets along and

820
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 3: stays out of each other's business and it works well

821
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 3: for them. We dropped the topic A few days ago.

822
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 3: My sisters asked me how the talk went and I

823
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 3: said it was okay, but her cousin won't be moving in.

824
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 3: They asked why. I explained to them the situation above.

825
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 3: They suggested I move my office to my bedroom or

826
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,280
Speaker 3: the main room and stop paying rent for an extra

827
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,919
Speaker 3: room to save costs. When I asked them what they meant,

828
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 3: they said, well, you do pay rent for the extra space, right.

829
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: They don't even know how do you have a house

830
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: If my simply had a house and I didn't know

831
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: about it, I'm a terrible sibling. Right, I don't know

832
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: how close I would keep that kind of information to

833
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 1: your cousin, your cousin if your cousin got a house,

834
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: no knowledge of my cousin's home ownership. I hate asking

835
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: him about family. This is like, man, I'd find it

836
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 1: weird if I didn't know you bought a house, all right,

837
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: or like anyone here, Like if I didn't find out

838
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: any of y'all bought house, I'd be like, how did

839
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: I not know this? A good example is like the

840
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: settlement I got like, I'm not telling everybody, but I'm like,

841
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: all right, hey, guess what I have to tell you

842
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 1: this news? Yeah?

843
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, how do you not know if someone has

844
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 3: a house.

845
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's because they never invite me over. I don't know, well,

846
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: because nobody likes me.

847
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 3: Ali says, sometimes you're not meant to know things.

848
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 1: Dang, I know that's right.

849
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 3: Okay, so Op is thirty three and an introvert, so

850
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 3: they'll probably explain some things.

851
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 1: No.

852
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,719
Speaker 3: I then ask if they knew I was the landlord,

853
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 3: and they were floored. They never actually read the agreements

854
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,280
Speaker 3: they have been signing. They went off on me about

855
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,720
Speaker 3: how I should have told them and that they shouldn't

856
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 3: have been paying rent to family. I told them the

857
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 3: rent was to cover their increase in bills. I wasn't

858
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 3: going to house them for free when they made enough

859
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 3: to cover a fair share and a shared expense. If

860
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: they would rather full market rent on the rooms they're

861
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 3: currently in, I could arrange that come renewal. By now

862
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 3: they could afford it with their jobs having saved money

863
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 3: on rent for five years. They called me an a

864
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 3: hole for holding rent above their heads. This then leaked

865
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 3: to the Tennis as they talked about the issues to

866
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 3: their friends in the basement. While their rent is more

867
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,919
Speaker 3: than just for bills, it is not the market rent

868
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 3: value I could get out of the space. Despite them

869
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 3: each having income and no family to support, they came

870
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 3: to me to ask that I lower the rent, as

871
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 3: if being friends with my sisters was reason enough. As

872
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 3: I was the landlord and not somebody they didn't actually know.

873
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,840
Speaker 3: The deal they had no longer seemed to be in

874
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,280
Speaker 3: their favor. Apparently, I told them they had until December

875
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 3: to decide if they wanted a renewal because it wasn't

876
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 3: going to be lowered. They are now acting like I

877
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 3: am punting them out when all I said was now

878
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 3: that they fully understand their position, they need to make

879
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 3: a choice to stay with current costs and annual adjustments

880
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 3: as needed as our agreement, or begin the process of

881
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 3: looking as rent prices of skyrocketed and it's much harder

882
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 3: to find a place. The adjustments do not include knowing

883
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 3: I am the landlord. My addict in it asked if

884
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,439
Speaker 3: I was cleaning house and basically begged I don't pun

885
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,800
Speaker 3: him out. His family turned their back on him because

886
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 3: of conflicting views. Personally, his views don't bother me. His family, though,

887
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 3: Yesh blinded all in detail, and he was like, wait,

888
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 3: I always knew you were my landlord because it's in

889
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,359
Speaker 3: the rental agreement. But he also never put my name

890
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 3: down because it's too hard to spell.

891
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: Who are these fake adults too hard to spell? Dude?

892
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

893
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 3: Now everyone is upset with me, and I feel unwelcome

894
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: to my own house?

895
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: Am an a whole? Would I be the a hole?

896
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,760
Speaker 3: If I didn't renew or all of the releases because

897
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 3: of this hostility? I feel quick edit. Our lives have

898
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 3: been a mess of social services and foster care as

899
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 3: children all aging out at eighteen. I didn't go out

900
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 3: of my way to tell them about buying a house,

901
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 3: partly out of guilt, and they came to me for

902
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 3: leeds on places to live in a time of need.

903
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 3: The guilt comes from not taking them in when I

904
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 3: had the opportunity at eighteen, I would have had a

905
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 3: jump through massive loops, and I did not feel prepared

906
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 3: to take care for myself, let alone a couple of

907
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 3: kids I hardly knew since we had been separated often,

908
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 3: we reconnected when they aged out and built from there.

909
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 3: We also do not share the same life names, as

910
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 3: we have different fathers, so we have an update of.

911
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: Who's staying and who's not. Who's gonna stay. I'm betting

912
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: mister Adakman staying, and one of the sisters tonally finally

913
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: sees the real and is staying. So I'm saying two

914
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 1: out of four, I think whoever the least problematic roommate

915
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: is will be staying and whoever goes. Look, I know

916
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: this is all weird. I'll give you like an extra

917
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 1: three hundred dollars a month if you just let me stay.

918
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 1: Please don't kick me out, please, please please. I don't

919
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: care about any of these people like I read my contract.

920
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 3: At this age, if you're in a house that you

921
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 3: all vibe at, it's honestly really great. I'm having a

922
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: hard time here because it's like I live and I

923
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 3: work and I party all in the same place. It's

924
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 3: just like, I literally have not explored La at all.

925
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 3: I just live here.

926
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,360
Speaker 1: I literally keep my car parked out and from Wednesday

927
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 1: to Sunday it's not moved. It's there. Yeah. No, I

928
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: could not be in your situation because it's yeah, it's

929
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: so much mister Addic, I'm keeping them.

930
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,879
Speaker 3: I pulled him aside first and separately. I told him

931
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 3: I would not be renewing the others leases into sim

932
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 3: and ask if he would want to rent the basement

933
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 3: for at market value. Is you nailed it? Chill Attic guy?

934
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 3: That was the guy we're keeping him. He turned it down,

935
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 3: asking to keep the attic as he's comfortable there. I

936
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,320
Speaker 3: told him it would probably be in his best interest

937
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: to let the others believe this is a whole house

938
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 3: clean out so he doesn't get caught up in the crossfire.

939
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 3: He agreed and went out of his way to turn

940
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,879
Speaker 3: his social media to private. He also sent me screenshots

941
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 3: of group chats. He's been added to the group chat.

942
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 3: My sisters other pair of tenants started up a group

943
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 3: chat slash which about ME being so uncompromising and greedy.

944
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,360
Speaker 3: They were coming up with ideas not to pay rent

945
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 3: or to only pay in part. The basement tenants joked

946
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 3: about one of them losing their jobs so they could

947
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 3: ask for leniency since I was too stuck up to

948
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 3: be kind to them about the rent, the pest mint

949
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,439
Speaker 3: my sisters and mister slash missus Basement. I had told

950
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 3: their friends and the families of mister and Missus Basement

951
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 3: about the rent, the lies, and my inability to consider

952
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,760
Speaker 3: outside perspective and need. I have had a steady stream

953
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 3: of calls, DMS, texts, and posts directed at me since

954
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 3: before I made my last post, which is what prompted

955
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 3: me to post. I made my accounts private, disabled some

956
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 3: of the messaging functions, and told the four of them

957
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:30,240
Speaker 3: to get this to stop before I got my lawyer involved.

958
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 3: Spoiler that you didn't.

959
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm kind of glad because I'd be telling you get

960
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 1: your lawyer involved anyway at this point, dude, where's it

961
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:37,280
Speaker 1: gonna stop?

962
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 3: Come on, dude, So after taking a night to think

963
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 3: about it. I brought the group together to have a

964
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 3: discussion about the rent and situation. My sisters looked smugged,

965
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 3: and mister and Missus Basement kept sharing knowing looks. I

966
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 3: told them bluntly I was not going to renew their

967
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 3: leases in December because of their actions, attitudes, and lack

968
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 3: of consideration have made me feel unvalued, humiliated by their family,

969
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 3: and unwelcomed in my home. I told them that if

970
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 3: they found an apartment or place to go before December,

971
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 3: I wouldn't charge them for breaking the lease, but if

972
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 3: there was any damage anywhere, they would not get their

973
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 3: security deposits back until the pricing out was settled. If

974
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 3: there was more damage in their security deposit, they would

975
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 3: be taken to court. I told them I was done

976
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 3: being kind and understanding to people who thought slowly of me.

977
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 3: I also warned them I could and would break the

978
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 3: leases myself if I felt the need, in which case

979
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 3: they would have thirty days putting the foot down.

980
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what your state's recording laws are for this,

981
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 1: but I would probably have this recorded if somebody inevitably

982
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: foolishly tries to take you to court. Yeah, because they

983
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: sound like the kind of people who would bring a

984
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: slam dunk case against themselves to a court and just

985
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 1: make you waste your time.

986
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 3: It it's just crazy that they don't understand what kind

987
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 3: of blessing that they have.

988
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, truly the reaction it was immediate chaos, a.

989
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 3: Lot of yelling, insults and cursing. Even mister Attic, but

990
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 3: he was yelling at others for getting him punted out

991
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 3: when he didn't do anything. He made an epic show

992
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 3: of storming out to the Attic and slamming the door.

993
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 3: He sent me laughing emojis and texted that he wasn't

994
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 3: going to be able to keep a straight face.

995
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: A little later. It was so funny, Attic guys like,

996
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: I can't believe you guys have made me get kicked

997
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 1: out too, and then leaves great acting.

998
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 3: I waited for them to stop yelling, and when they

999
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 3: demanded what they would do, I set a stack of

1000
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 3: ads for apartments and houses for rent in the nearby

1001
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 3: area and say they would have to start looking now.

1002
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 3: I told my sister I would help pay for their

1003
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 3: moving truck, but told the basement tenants they would have

1004
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:58,959
Speaker 3: to ask their families for help.

1005
00:45:59,000 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: Moving out.

1006
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 3: Mister Basement picked up the stack of papers and his

1007
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 3: eyes went wide. He starred and asked if I was

1008
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 3: having serious. I told him the prices listed were not

1009
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,359
Speaker 3: mine to judge, change or deal with.

1010
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, these people made all these complaints and

1011
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 1: they didn't even look at the real estate market. They

1012
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:23,359
Speaker 1: didn't These people are certifiable brainless. I reminded him his

1013
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: current place was below market because I had a say

1014
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: in it. Market prices for one bedrooms in the area

1015
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,400
Speaker 1: are well over fifteen hundred dollars a month. If he

1016
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 1: once near his work and close enough to walk to

1017
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:40,719
Speaker 1: stores and thinks he currently has a two bedroom for

1018
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,800
Speaker 1: less than that. My sisters grabbed some of the papers,

1019
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: and the twenty four year old started crying because she

1020
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: could afford an apartment on her own. She told me

1021
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: about her student loans and credit card debt. I told her,

1022
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 1: too bad.

1023
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 3: I gave you a good deal out of kindness, and

1024
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 3: you send an army after me. I would have considered

1025
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 3: letting you stay if you had hadn't been so nasty.

1026
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 3: I told all of them they could probably swing a

1027
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,399
Speaker 3: two bedroom between the four of them, and got up

1028
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 3: and left. They refuse to talk to me now. My

1029
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,840
Speaker 3: sister spent the night in the basement apartment and I

1030
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 3: could hear shrieks and crying if I walked by the

1031
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,280
Speaker 3: door that leads down there. I feel a little bad,

1032
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: but I reread your comments to keep my sanity.

1033
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: As for what I want out.

1034
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,879
Speaker 3: Of them, I can give them thirty days notice since

1035
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 3: they are inside my own home. I checked and double

1036
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,280
Speaker 3: checked with the lawyer, and this information had been in

1037
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,879
Speaker 3: their rental contracts. If I do have to punt them

1038
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 3: out and they try to refuse to leave and drag

1039
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,439
Speaker 3: it out in court, which they don't have the money for,

1040
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 3: I have been given some handy advice by fellow landlord

1041
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 3: who had to remove his own brother. I can't remove

1042
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 3: them by force, but I can make living there entirely uncomfortable.

1043
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 3: Nothing stops me from taking doors off, hinges, or starting

1044
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: remodeling while their stuff is in the way. Nothing stops

1045
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: me from turning off the water or electricity for their

1046
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: sections of the house during remodeling. Quick at it just

1047
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: for remodeling purposes. It wouldn't be done to make them leave,

1048
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 3: but they can't stop my remodeling.

1049
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: As squatters.

1050
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 3: It might seem like an a whole thing to do,

1051
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 3: but they would be the ones to start it. And

1052
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 3: I actually want to repaint and do some adjustments.

1053
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, truly, one of the most frustrating things ever. And

1054
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: I would fully support if someone is just refusing to

1055
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:35,479
Speaker 1: leave a place you own for free. Yeah, and yeah,

1056
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 1: turn their water off, turn their power off. I don't care.

1057
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: That's wild.

1058
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 3: It's so crazy, not like seeing what you have. You've

1059
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 3: taken everything for granted.

1060
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: Yeah truly. And I feel like they're living in like

1061
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,280
Speaker 1: the apartment from friends and they're being like, this place,

1062
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: we should be paying one hundred bucks a month to

1063
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 1: live here because you know us. Come on, when you

1064
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: don't know that the rent you pay now is less

1065
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: than the rent you'd pay somewhere else, and you're gonna

1066
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:01,359
Speaker 1: complain about it.

1067
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1068
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: You're not built for living with me. Really, just trying

1069
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 1: to think of, like where these people are coming from.

1070
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: It's clearly got to be from a very emotional place

1071
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: because it's like, well, I feel like because you were related,

1072
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: and like you should be giving this to us for

1073
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 1: less because it's like and then you I feel like

1074
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: you lied to us because you never told us. But

1075
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 1: it's like clearly you were told in the rental agreement

1076
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: you didn't read.

1077
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 3: And it is a good thing she had all of

1078
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 3: them signed contracts Irisparra, that's true.

1079
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, dude, this is wild. Okay.

1080
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 3: The reason I'm leaning on evicting them by August is

1081
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 3: because the pestrument has gotten much worse now that there

1082
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 3: is an actual non renewal happening. I'm leaving my phone

1083
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 3: on silent and collecting messages, voicemails, emails and other thing

1084
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,920
Speaker 3: is to hand off to my lawyer next week. I

1085
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 3: told them to call off their dogs, and they haven't.

1086
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 3: I asked mister Addick if he knows anyone who would

1087
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 3: need a place, and to let me know. He has

1088
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 3: a few friends from his community who seem interested, as

1089
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 3: they either live with roommates or family and one out.

1090
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 3: If anyone ask questions this quiet morning, I would try

1091
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 3: to answer them.

1092
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 1: I saw come in there. I'm not sure from who

1093
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: you're talking about. They have a friend who is in

1094
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 1: a similar situation. They pay eight hundred bucks for three bed,

1095
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: one bath, and they're like, I can't believe we had

1096
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 1: to pay rent eight hundred bucks. Oh my god, you

1097
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 1: are not gonna do these people any favors by housing

1098
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,800
Speaker 1: them up and letting them live in little make believe

1099
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 1: fairy tale land. Yeah, where already getting a good deal

1100
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 1: for rent is not good enough and you can like

1101
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: demean and bully and like we're kind of trying to intimidate.

1102
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they were like getting together. They were like

1103
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 1: forming a little coalition. They were asking family members to

1104
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,480
Speaker 1: call them. Yeah, they get the harass. They're workshopping ways

1105
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 1: to screw her over being like, oh, well I won't

1106
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 1: pay rent and I'll say I lost my job and

1107
00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: I was group for leniency Like yeah, but yeah, you

1108
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,879
Speaker 1: don't have to and uh, these people maybe we will

1109
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 1: one day hopefully wake up and be like, dang, that

1110
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 1: was the best rent situation I've ever had.

1111
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, but we have a quick at it. I have

1112
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 3: cameras outside and in common rooms facing the front back doors,

1113
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,600
Speaker 3: the hallways upstairs, and the door leading to the basement.

1114
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: The tenants have access to entry points like mister Addick

1115
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 3: has the hallway to his area, mister and Missus basement

1116
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 3: have the feed that leads to their door inside the

1117
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 3: main house, and they all have outside camera access. I'm

1118
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 3: thinking of cutting access to the outside cameras for them.

1119
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 3: They can't do anything to the feeds as they are

1120
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,360
Speaker 3: guests in the system, so they can't delete anything. My

1121
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 3: access automatically saves on external systems. I might just cut

1122
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 3: them all out of the system, except mister attic for

1123
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 3: peace of mind. Also, I keep seeing people ask about

1124
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 3: our family. There are no parents and no family from

1125
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 3: our side. My sisters have no relationships with their fathers

1126
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 3: or families. Mine have been alive due to their own actions.

1127
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 3: There's no sympathies for the likes of them. And his

1128
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 3: family shunned him, so they shunned me as well. And

1129
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 3: our mother is a cup of ash left at the

1130
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 3: funeral home. Wow, so big bad parents, And that's the

1131
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 3: end of the story. My favorite quote in this whole

1132
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,439
Speaker 3: thing is that Op is the greedy one. Whenever they

1133
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 3: were trying to get a friend to move into an

1134
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 3: office space and then they were trying to get lower

1135
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 3: and lower rent, that's just wild, yeah, but bile.

1136
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 1: But Op's the greedy one. Hey, it's John here. We're

1137
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: gonna get back to the stories.

1138
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1139
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:28,879
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

1140
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 1: My roommate acted nice in front of me, but then

1141
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 1: her deception got exposed. This is her stab and you

1142
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: in the back. I am a college sophomore living in

1143
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,880
Speaker 1: an on campus dorm building. Last year, I nineteen female,

1144
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: had a great relationship with my roommate, we'll call her Brittany,

1145
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,760
Speaker 1: also nineteen female. We didn't argue the entire year, respected

1146
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 1: each other's privacy, and used each other to event about

1147
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: things without judgment. We were going to live together this year.

1148
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 1: By the way, a list comes from a user at

1149
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 1: college time through rowaway, and if you want to submit

1150
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

1151
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,919
Speaker 1: so Breddit Boom, go there, go and shmit them there.

1152
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: So Britney joined us so rite and ended up getting

1153
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: a last minute opportunity to move into the sorority house

1154
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 1: to save money, which she took. And I didn't have

1155
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: any problem with this. There's no ill will between the

1156
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: two of us, and I still talk to Britney all

1157
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 1: the time. However, this did leave me with a predicament.

1158
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 1: I had to find someone else to move into our

1159
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 1: double with me, or I would get stuck with a

1160
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 1: random roommate. This may work for some people at other schools,

1161
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: but at my college going random as a reputation for

1162
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: turning into a disaster, mostly because it's such a large

1163
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: campus that if you don't have someone you can room

1164
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: with and have to be a random, chances are there's

1165
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 1: a reason, like you're messy or rude or blah blah

1166
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,400
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. I took to my class's Facebook page

1167
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 1: and found my current roommate, Molly. Molly seemed nice. She

1168
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: agreed with all of the basic stuff that I wanted

1169
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: in a roommate, like not looking to schmirker her party

1170
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: in the room, having a similar sleep schedule, blah blah blah,

1171
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 1: and two days before room assignments closed, she officially jumped

1172
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 1: into the empty spot in my room. We've lived together

1173
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 1: now for almost an entire semester. Things were awkward at

1174
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:08,359
Speaker 1: the beginning, as we didn't have the time to meet

1175
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 1: face to face before living together, but I thought that

1176
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 1: overall it was going great. From my point of view,

1177
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: it seemed like we were developing a relationship that was

1178
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 1: similar to the one that I had with my roommate

1179
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: from last year, which I was happy about until last night.

1180
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 1: I was hanging out with one of my other friends

1181
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 1: in a ground floor lounge in our building. We'll call

1182
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,480
Speaker 1: this friend Danielle. Danielle and I were sitting and talking

1183
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 1: when Molly came around the corner of the lobby. The

1184
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: lounge is all glass, so you can see people entering

1185
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: and exiting our building via the lobby, which shares a

1186
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: wall with the lounge. We both waved at her. Danielle

1187
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 1: looked at me funny and asked why I waved at her.

1188
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: I explained she was my roommate this year and told

1189
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 1: her the story of how we became roommates. She said, oh,

1190
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. I haven't known Danielle long, but

1191
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,280
Speaker 1: I could tell something was up, and after minimal prodding,

1192
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: Danielle told me the whole story. Apparently, Molly has a

1193
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: Finsta that she uses to complain about stuff in her

1194
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 1: day to day life, which, to anyone who's not aware

1195
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: of what a Finsta is, Finsta stands for fake Instagram,

1196
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 1: so it's her fake Instagram profile that she uses to

1197
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,839
Speaker 1: kind of like a semi public diary, but only she

1198
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: gets to decide who can see her posts on this account.

1199
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 1: I didn't know about this Finsta, but Danielle had been

1200
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 1: a part of a group in one of their shared

1201
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,720
Speaker 1: classes last year, and knows her well enough that Molly

1202
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 1: let her follow her account and see her posts. Danielle

1203
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:27,919
Speaker 1: had seen a couple of posts on the finsta about

1204
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 1: at Molly's roommate was getting on her nerves, which I

1205
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 1: guess finstaing is the healthiest form of communication, right, Yeah.

1206
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 3: Of course, when you want to get something off of

1207
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 3: your chest, just put on social media for everyone else

1208
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 3: to read.

1209
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 1: Put it in a secret, anonymous diary for the public

1210
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: to enjoy. Checks out. Dear God, Danielle didn't tell me

1211
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 1: about these posts because she didn't know I was the

1212
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:51,439
Speaker 1: roommate until last night when this happened. This did hurt

1213
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 1: a little bit, but I figured it was all right,

1214
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: she just needed event. But when Danielle showed me the

1215
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 1: posts involving me, it was a little more than that.

1216
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 1: For some background, my major is in the College of

1217
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,720
Speaker 1: Social Sciences, whereas Molly is double majoring in two deeply

1218
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 1: stem related fields. She is also trying to go to

1219
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 1: med school and graduate undergrad at least a year early,

1220
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 1: so she takes twenty plus credits a semester. Guess she's

1221
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: got a superiority complex about that, doesn't she? Oh my gosh, ah,

1222
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 1: that's my bet. Let's find out I already knew all

1223
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: of this. She had always seemed vaguely judgy of how

1224
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 1: much work I had to do, which is fifteen credits

1225
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 1: worth of classes on track to graduate in four years,

1226
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 1: versus her workload of twenty four credits worth of classes

1227
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 1: and labs, plus a highly involved internship with a lab

1228
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 1: on campus, and a schedule of regularly volunteering and working

1229
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,600
Speaker 1: in the pediatric ICU at the hospital near our college,

1230
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 1: all in one semester, on track to graduate halfway through

1231
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,719
Speaker 1: junior year, with plenty of padding for her resume and

1232
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 1: med school applications. But she is very busy, and I

1233
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 1: have always been understanding of this.

1234
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,360
Speaker 3: She looks down on you because she's very busy.

1235
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 1: And low key. She might be jealous. A couple of

1236
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 1: months ago, I had entered a contest to win a

1237
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: free five hundred dollars gift card from one of my

1238
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: favorite stores. I was excited about it, and admittedly I

1239
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: did talk about it a lot with her when it

1240
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 1: was just the two of us in the room. However,

1241
00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: the reaction she had to my face versus the one

1242
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,279
Speaker 1: she had on her Finsto was like night and day

1243
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 1: to my face. She was super excited for me. I

1244
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 1: even asked if I was talking about it too much,

1245
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: to which her response was no, of course not. I

1246
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 1: can tell you're excited about this. Here's a copy and

1247
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 1: paste with any personal details taken out of what she

1248
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: wrote on her finsto. Quote. My roommate is talking about

1249
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: how stressed she is over this contest when five hundred

1250
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 1: dollars at her favorite store. I'm like, bib, I have

1251
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 1: had three exams and two quizes this week. The fact

1252
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 1: that you even consider yourself stressed is laughable to me.

1253
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 1: A low key want to follow the contest and beat

1254
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 1: her to it, just so I can f up her

1255
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 1: day and make her realize this is nothing compared to

1256
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 1: what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

1257
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 1: If you want to help me f with her, the

1258
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,479
Speaker 1: link to the contest is in my bio. Good luck.

1259
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, man, Hey girl, maybe you'd have more

1260
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: time for yourself if you weren't I don't know, organizing

1261
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 1: targeted harassment campaigns for your roommate.

1262
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're doing all this other stuff, and you get

1263
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,920
Speaker 3: happy when you complain to other people about this. Whatever

1264
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 3: profession this woman's going into, hopefully this fince is linked

1265
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 3: to it, because whatever kind of personal school, bro I know,

1266
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 3: but still, wherever you go, eighty percent of your success

1267
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 3: is how you deal with people.

1268
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 1: I believe.

1269
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 3: I no, I think that's true, and everywhere that has

1270
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 3: be following you because that's I don't know. Go write

1271
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 3: in your journal and burn it, don't send it out

1272
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 3: to everyone.

1273
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 1: Ish obviously, reading this startled me. I considered us pleasant

1274
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 1: acquaintances at the very least, and I had been considering

1275
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 1: asking her if she wanted to live with me for

1276
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: our junior year, which would be her last year next fall.

1277
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 1: As far as I know, I have done nothing to

1278
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:36,480
Speaker 1: her that would justify this kind of hatred, and she

1279
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: hasn't ever asked me to stop any of my behaviors

1280
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 1: or anything like that. I am completely blown away now

1281
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 1: and am obviously not looking to room with her anymore.

1282
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 1: She told me when we were talking during the summer

1283
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 1: that she was bipolar and had a personality disorder, but

1284
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: I figured it wouldn't be a huge deal. I am

1285
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 1: now a little worried that she would actually mess with

1286
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 1: me in other ways, including academically, just to f up

1287
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,520
Speaker 1: my day, as she said, and make me realize that

1288
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:00,480
Speaker 1: what I do is nothing compared to her. Am I

1289
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: over reacting? I've already arranged a meeting with my ra

1290
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: without my roommate, just to make her aware of these posts,

1291
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 1: so that there's a pay portrail of these threats, which

1292
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's what they should be considered,

1293
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 1: but I don't know what else to call them. Danielle

1294
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: also told me that she had my back if anything happened,

1295
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: and she sent me screenshots of all of the posts

1296
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: pertaining up to me, which included timestamps and Molly's user

1297
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 1: name would show that she was the one making these

1298
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 1: posts and when they were made. I have also sent

1299
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 1: the screenshots to my boyfriend's phone for safe keeping, just

1300
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: in case I'm an anxious planner. Can you tell I

1301
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 1: guess I'm looking for any advice, words of wisdom, or

1302
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: even just a validation that I'm doing the right thing.

1303
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,200
Speaker 1: And there's a quick edit here edit. I am not

1304
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,960
Speaker 1: saying her mental disorders have anything to do with this.

1305
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:43,040
Speaker 1: I just don't know if those disorders make it more

1306
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 1: likely for her to actually try to f up my day,

1307
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 1: as she said, rather than just talking about it. I

1308
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 1: don't believe that having mental disorders automatically means you're a

1309
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 1: bad person. And there are comments thank god, I'm glad

1310
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 1: you talked to you Ra. That's like as an RA

1311
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,360
Speaker 1: back in the day for one year, You're like, Man,

1312
00:59:58,400 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 1: if people would have just come to me with their

1313
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 1: problem earlier, you have so much easier to fin now.

1314
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 3: Do My hole is pretty chill. I once had to

1315
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,640
Speaker 3: deal with someone yacking in front of my door.

1316
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 1: What did you do?

1317
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 3: Someone just yacked in my door And I went to

1318
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 3: the guy that did it and I said, hey, do

1319
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 3: you know anything about it?

1320
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, you mean like yarf? Like what see?

1321
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: I thought you just met there were two loud people

1322
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:16,919
Speaker 1: talking outside your door.

1323
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 3: No, no, not yapping yak. Other than that, my floor

1324
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 3: was pretty chill.

1325
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 1: Yak is actually a traditional form of yap. Did you

1326
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: know that? I do you hear this short yakty yak? Oh? Wow,

1327
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,959
Speaker 1: yacka yact. Don't talk back? Oh I didn't know that.

1328
01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: That's I'm your yakty yac. You are that he loves me.

1329
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,440
Speaker 3: Everybody definitely get ahead of this as you can and

1330
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 3: requests moving out cuz I don't know, and then you

1331
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 3: could be fake to him and be like I'm just

1332
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 3: moving out because I want to be alone, and like

1333
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:46,000
Speaker 3: I think it's best for me, like or be the

1334
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 3: bigger person. I actually follow your fence though.

1335
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 1: Comments I mean harmless comment number one. She's not making threats.

1336
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 1: She's stressed out due to her workloaded unfairly taking out

1337
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 1: her stress on you by talking crap on your back.

1338
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 1: Cut her out of your life, show your ra the screenshots,

1339
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 1: and get a new roommate asap. Do not talk to

1340
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 1: Molly if she asks, Just say insta. Don't make it

1341
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 1: into a big dramatic thing. Just get out of that

1342
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 1: toxic roommate situation. Op says. I have already lined up

1343
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: a friend of mine whose roommate is moving off campus

1344
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:17,040
Speaker 1: for spring semester. However, we still have two to three

1345
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 1: weeks left, and this week is when our classes end

1346
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 1: and finals start. I'm honestly a little worried that she

1347
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: would mess with one of the many papers that I'm

1348
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 1: writing for classes. I have told her about one in particular,

1349
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 1: which is an article for one of my majors required

1350
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 1: classes about research on our campus, which is thirty percent

1351
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 1: of my final grade. I've worked very hard on it,

1352
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 1: and I've asked her for help understanding some of the

1353
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 1: key concepts. I am not good at science or math

1354
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: subjects at all, so this project has been very hard

1355
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,600
Speaker 1: on me. As it is. I'm currently going to the

1356
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 1: internet and my other STEM major friends to make sure

1357
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 1: she hasn't given me false information to make me fail

1358
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 1: my assignment. Comment two says, obviously her post is way

1359
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 1: out of line, and you have every right to be

1360
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,240
Speaker 1: upset that she was trying to mess with your chances.

1361
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 1: That said, her post actually seems a bit more about

1362
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 1: her than it is about you. Her desire to screw

1363
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:03,760
Speaker 1: you out of the contest seems to be motivated by

1364
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 1: a desire to feel superior to you, not because she

1365
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 1: dislikes you or wants to hurt you. Coda called it,

1366
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 1: did I did? You said it's a superiority contrast. Oh yeah,

1367
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 1: She's like I'm better than you, and then also like

1368
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 1: you got it easy. Usually this kind of mentality is

1369
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 1: due to some mix of being insecure and thus needing

1370
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:23,440
Speaker 1: to prove to herself that she is superior, which is

1371
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:26,520
Speaker 1: more or less born from insecurity. Anyways, anyway, beating you

1372
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 1: at this contest is very different than actually trying to

1373
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 1: mess up something important in your life. I don't think

1374
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 1: you have that much to worry about from her, so

1375
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 1: long as you don't directly challenge her insecurities or as

1376
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 1: an aside, What is a finsta? Exactly? Sorry, I'm kind

1377
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 1: of old, I guys, I was gonna say, it feels

1378
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 1: like this OPI is like really out of touch with

1379
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 1: the fact that, like, yes, this isn't a big deal,

1380
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 1: but the level of energy she took to just be like,

1381
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 1: let's all collectively like make this person's life worse. It's like, yeah,

1382
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 1: that could ratchet up pretty rapidly. OPI says, no worries.

1383
01:02:57,960 --> 01:03:00,840
Speaker 1: I honestly didn't know what a finsta was about six

1384
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,320
Speaker 1: months ago when my little sister told me about hers.

1385
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 1: From what I can tell, if finsta is a second

1386
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 1: account that you make private where you can talk about

1387
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 1: stuff and not worry about people judging you. It seems

1388
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 1: like a reaction to the fact that anything you say

1389
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 1: on the internet now can be seen by future employers

1390
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 1: and partners and professors blah blah blah blah blah. So

1391
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 1: if you make a separate account that isn't linked to

1392
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: your primary one. You can post about stuff without fear

1393
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:22,120
Speaker 1: of it being seen by the wrong people. I don't

1394
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 1: have a finsta because in the field I hope to

1395
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 1: be employed in someday. Pretty much anyone that wants to

1396
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:28,880
Speaker 1: has the knowledge and drive to find anything you've ever

1397
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 1: written on the Internet, whether it's connected to you or not.

1398
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 1: And I don't want to have to worry about that

1399
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 1: when potential employers run background checks on me, or if

1400
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 1: I became a semi public figure where it could come

1401
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 1: back and bite me in the booty and we have

1402
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 1: an update. Oh no, now, I know we've already talked

1403
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 1: about but Riley, do you have any like I just

1404
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 1: hope you got to do this. This is wild dressing

1405
01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:51,840
Speaker 1: me out. I think I kind of would. I know.

1406
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 1: We had a comment in there it was like, don't

1407
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 1: talk to Molly about it, don't. I kind of would

1408
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 1: don't know.

1409
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 3: She's literally does not care about you, and she's faked

1410
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:02,640
Speaker 3: your face. There's nothing to salvage here. Just it's not

1411
01:04:02,680 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 3: about that out of there. I don't even think it's

1412
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:05,320
Speaker 3: about trying to salvage it.

1413
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,720
Speaker 1: It's more just like a confrontation, like, hey, I found

1414
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 1: out you had that Finsta and you were posting about

1415
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 1: me talking about the gift card. That's super whack. And yeah,

1416
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what is wrong, but I hope that

1417
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,440
Speaker 1: you do better. But we're not living together anymore. And

1418
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 1: then from there just be like, I have nothing left

1419
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 1: to say to you. I don't think I don't know

1420
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 1: on a real level. I yeah, and if she freaks out,

1421
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 1: you could probably get her moved out quicker.

1422
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 3: It's two to three weeks. Just work in the library

1423
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:31,680
Speaker 3: for two three weeks.

1424
01:04:31,680 --> 01:04:33,680
Speaker 1: It's not worth it. We have an update. Let's go

1425
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,480
Speaker 1: ahead and get into it. I know not a lot

1426
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 1: of people commented on my original post, but I figured

1427
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 1: those of you who did take the time to give

1428
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 1: me advice thanks by the way, would be interested in

1429
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:44,120
Speaker 1: what decisions I've made about those situations. I had a

1430
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 1: meeting with my ra on Sunday four days ago, and

1431
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:49,280
Speaker 1: she told me my options, which I pretty much already knew.

1432
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:51,280
Speaker 1: I decided that I would think about it for a

1433
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:53,840
Speaker 1: few days and see how it was living with Molly

1434
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 1: and see if I could just turn the other cheek,

1435
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:58,120
Speaker 1: and then GTFO at the end of the year. As

1436
01:04:58,120 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 1: I had originally planned. At first, I was doing really well.

1437
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,560
Speaker 1: I was polite, but not overly friendly or oversharing, and

1438
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 1: she was the same way. But then the second we

1439
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 1: would stop talking to each other, she'd get on her phone.

1440
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 1: So far, Danielle has not told me about any other

1441
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 1: post regarding me, but it still made me very anxious,

1442
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 1: to the point where I would get nervous if you

1443
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: just checked a text. I realized that this was going

1444
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 1: to be how it was all semester if I continued

1445
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:21,720
Speaker 1: to live with her, So I reached out to my

1446
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 1: friend we'll call her Isabelle, and asked if she was

1447
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:26,960
Speaker 1: still up for me moving in with her. She was enthusiastic,

1448
01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:28,800
Speaker 1: and we started doing all the things we needed to

1449
01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 1: do to officially move me into her room. Today, I've

1450
01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 1: decided not to tell Molly the real reason I'm moving out.

1451
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:35,960
Speaker 1: As a couple of you pointed out, she clearly has

1452
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:37,760
Speaker 1: no problem with trying to do things to hurt me,

1453
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 1: and out of worry for my personal belongings, which she

1454
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 1: has complete access to until I move out, I have

1455
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 1: decided to tell her that Isabel's roommate is moving out

1456
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 1: spring semester, which is true, and that Isabelle doesn't like

1457
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 1: the idea of living alone, and that she asked if

1458
01:05:49,920 --> 01:05:51,400
Speaker 1: I could move in with her, which is a little

1459
01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: white lie. However, if she pushes me and tries to

1460
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:55,640
Speaker 1: pry the real reason out, I'm going to tell her

1461
01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 1: that I know minus Danielle's involvement, and I will be

1462
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,600
Speaker 1: asking the RA to mediate the move out process so

1463
01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 1: that she doesn't wreck any of my stuff. And as

1464
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:05,520
Speaker 1: a final f you gesture, I also decided that to

1465
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:08,080
Speaker 1: minimize the awkwardness of moving out, I'm not going to

1466
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:10,720
Speaker 1: tell her this until Monday, four days from now, which

1467
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 1: will mean after I tell her, we will only have

1468
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,439
Speaker 1: three full days together until I never have to see

1469
01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:16,640
Speaker 1: her again. Thank you guys so much for helping me.

1470
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,160
Speaker 1: I think hearing everyone say that I was not in

1471
01:06:19,200 --> 01:06:21,160
Speaker 1: the wrong and that she's kind of cuckoo was the

1472
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 1: push I needed to make this move. Thanks for all

1473
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: the advice. Hopefully I never have to go through this again.

1474
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:26,600
Speaker 1: There's a second update.

1475
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:31,280
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I think Molly doesn't really care about Ope,

1476
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:34,400
Speaker 3: It's all right whatever. I got too much other stuff

1477
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 3: to do than to rather worry about you. I don't

1478
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:37,880
Speaker 3: think she cares.

1479
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:41,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's gonna be OPI's trying to keep

1480
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 1: this thing locked down, but clearly OPI has a lot

1481
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 1: of thoughts and feelings about it, or that she would

1482
01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 1: like to share to Molly and get off her chest.

1483
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:49,919
Speaker 1: And I think that that's just gonna naturally leak out

1484
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:53,000
Speaker 1: in a moment and then everything's gonna explode. Molly's going

1485
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: to go ballistic, and then Opi I'll have a room

1486
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 1: all to herself.

1487
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:58,960
Speaker 3: How can you go ballistic when you volunteer with other

1488
01:06:58,960 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 3: people and you have such a huge workload doing that.

1489
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 1: Actually she goes ballistic? Is that she spread so thin

1490
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:09,320
Speaker 1: that now this is happening and she's being pressed on

1491
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 1: her finsta and she's like, no, but that's my thing,

1492
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 1: and I'm right, and that's no one's supposed to go about. Ah,

1493
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:17,959
Speaker 1: she's just gonna like, that's my guess. I hope I'm wrong.

1494
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 1: Update number two. I just told her I'm moving out.

1495
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 1: She barely battened an eyelash and just said, okay, that's fine.

1496
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:27,040
Speaker 1: Called it. Then, without skipping a beat, she said, if

1497
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:28,440
Speaker 1: you want to leave the fridge here for now, since

1498
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:31,400
Speaker 1: it's so heavy, it's okay with me. I basically told her, Oh, well,

1499
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 1: if it's still here when I move out, you'll get

1500
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 1: fined because they'll assume it's yours lie, And she was like,

1501
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:39,360
Speaker 1: oh dang, really, then you should probably take it as

1502
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:41,560
Speaker 1: soon as possible. Then, thank you to everyone who helped me.

1503
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 1: I didn't end up even having to tell her about

1504
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:46,320
Speaker 1: the fence to post, which probably made it even easier.

1505
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,120
Speaker 1: I don't know why in retrospect, I was expecting a fight.

1506
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:51,480
Speaker 1: If she didn't like me, which we know she didn't,

1507
01:07:51,560 --> 01:07:53,960
Speaker 1: she wouldn't exactly be fighting to get me to stay.

1508
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 1: But thank you guys, you were a big help. Hopefully

1509
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 1: this will be the last update.

1510
01:07:58,280 --> 01:08:01,040
Speaker 3: Imagine like Molly comes back. I knew she was gonna go.

1511
01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:03,480
Speaker 1: There's a doctor somewhere. It just look how old is

1512
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:05,840
Speaker 1: this story? Is Molly out of med school yet? No?

1513
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:08,120
Speaker 1: It is is brand new. This is a freshy. We

1514
01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:12,600
Speaker 1: should Yeah, we have some comments to finish the story.

1515
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:16,200
Speaker 1: I say, let's get into it comment number one. Tell

1516
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:19,280
Speaker 1: her the real reason, but leave telling her you're moving

1517
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 1: out until the last moment. Yeah, I think I was

1518
01:08:21,479 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: wrong on that. I think clearly it worked out the

1519
01:08:23,479 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 1: best by literally just telling her nothing and being like

1520
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:29,320
Speaker 1: this person is trouble and I'm just gonna get her

1521
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 1: out of my life. I don't need to explain to

1522
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:33,400
Speaker 1: her why she's troublesome. What is that going to It's

1523
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:35,679
Speaker 1: like explain to the ocean while why it's wet. Still

1524
01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 1: the ocean. It's not gonna change, oh, he said. I

1525
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:40,559
Speaker 1: would like to do that, but I can't in good

1526
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:43,360
Speaker 1: faith as I own the mini fridge, the microwave, and

1527
01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:45,360
Speaker 1: the extension cold we used to plug in a TV,

1528
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 1: so she will need a bit of time to replace

1529
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,439
Speaker 1: them before I leave. She will also probably question where

1530
01:08:49,439 --> 01:08:51,280
Speaker 1: all my stuff has gone by the end of the semester,

1531
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 1: as I'm going to be moving all my stuff out

1532
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 1: before the end of the semester if it all goes

1533
01:08:57,280 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 1: the way it's supposed to. A reply says, girl, No,

1534
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:01,600
Speaker 1: if you're worried about her screwing with you, and it

1535
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:04,240
Speaker 1: really sounds like you are, you need to protect yourself. Also,

1536
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:06,880
Speaker 1: please don't be so overly nice that you do her

1537
01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 1: a favor that actually has potential to hurt you. Putting

1538
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 1: yourself first does not make you a bad person. Anyways,

1539
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:15,160
Speaker 1: She's on campus where there's access to basically everything you need,

1540
01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:17,439
Speaker 1: so she'll survive twenty four hours or so without your

1541
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:20,040
Speaker 1: mini fridge or microwave. She could always get help from

1542
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:22,120
Speaker 1: her friends if she really is in a pinch. You

1543
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:23,880
Speaker 1: do not need to go out of your way to

1544
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:26,439
Speaker 1: help someone who is actively crapping on you. I would

1545
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,040
Speaker 1: wait and tell her max Twenty four hours before the

1546
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:32,200
Speaker 1: move or the day of, to protect yourself, your stuff,

1547
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 1: and to avoid her blowing up on you. I'm not

1548
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:36,519
Speaker 1: saying to be an a hole or anything, just to

1549
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:38,720
Speaker 1: use common sense. Don't go out of your way to

1550
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 1: help someone who's happy to hurt you. Good luck with everything.

1551
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you have a friend who you can

1552
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:47,000
Speaker 1: move in with. And I agree with that commentang, and

1553
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,320
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. I think there's

1554
01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 1: a difference between you know, turning the other cheek and

1555
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:56,240
Speaker 1: like actively being like no, that's improper form for your slap.

1556
01:09:56,320 --> 01:10:00,360
Speaker 1: You want to really reach back. You want to bend

1557
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:03,599
Speaker 1: the elbow ninety degrees, like get the explosive, Like yeah,

1558
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 1: just turn the other way.

1559
01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:07,880
Speaker 3: When you do turn the other cheek, you also have

1560
01:10:07,960 --> 01:10:08,879
Speaker 3: to defend yourself.

1561
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:10,600
Speaker 1: It's not I'm just waiting on it.

1562
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,840
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna do anything to protect myself. It's turning it.

1563
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 1: It's sort of like an eye, for an eye makes

1564
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:19,240
Speaker 1: the whole word blind. I'm gonna turn my cheek and

1565
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,559
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put you back, but i'm not gonna

1566
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:22,559
Speaker 1: let you keep punching me.

1567
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 3: I'm gonna act in self defense if I need to,

1568
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:27,400
Speaker 3: but i'm not gonna you know, one for one there,

1569
01:10:27,400 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 3: that's how it works.