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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My sister in law on invited me from her wedding

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Speaker 3: after I refuse to host her family.

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Speaker 2: Why did you refuse? Are they all mutants? Though?

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Speaker 3: I forty two female, have been asked to host part

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Speaker 3: of my brother's Brian thirty eight male fiance's family for

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Speaker 3: their upcoming wedding next weekend. We'll call the fiance Diane.

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Speaker 3: She's thirty nine female. They've been together almost five years.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Aggressive Bet eleven eighty eight.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're.

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Speaker 3: Here to give good advice. Goofy, but we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do. Let

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Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments. And

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Speaker 3: OHP says, first of all, my brother isn't the sharpest

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Speaker 3: tool in the shit he has fallen for lie after

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Speaker 3: lie and still doesn't really see the lies and years

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Speaker 3: of her fake persona and manipulative behavior. For example, she

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Speaker 3: lied that she couldn't get pregnant in the beginning, literally

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Speaker 3: said her uterus had been removed. Then why are you

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Speaker 3: having a period, sega? They now have four year old

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Speaker 3: and a two year old. Still these were miracle pregnancies.

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Speaker 3: I think that goes beyond like just like naive or sharpest,

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Speaker 3: not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you think

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Speaker 3: that you can have a miracle pregnancy without a uterus,

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Speaker 3: you gotta go back to I.

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Speaker 4: Think I think your brother needs a real eyes.

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Speaker 3: She told him they were a topic tube pregnancies.

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Speaker 2: What what?

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Speaker 3: Apparently my bro cannot use Google, nor does he believe

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Speaker 3: countless family and friends who told him this was impossible

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Speaker 3: to give birth from an a topic pregnancy.

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Speaker 2: You know what? He does the du though he believes women,

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Speaker 2: He believes like I gotta believe my wife told me so.

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Speaker 3: He works a lot and never was able to get

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Speaker 3: an ob appointment, and even if you did, he likely

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Speaker 3: wouldn't have asked the doc. In the end, he said

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Speaker 3: he loves her and it doesn't matter. Okay, dude, fine,

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Speaker 3: We'll be happy for you and our new nephews. Needless

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Speaker 3: to say, I am and much of our family not

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Speaker 3: fond of Diane. She is a user of the highest order,

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Speaker 3: disposing people like Kleenex once their usefulness has expired. I've

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Speaker 3: watched her manipulate my parents, my bro my sister, her

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Speaker 3: own friends and family. It's just been gross when I've

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Speaker 3: had to deal with her at family holiday events, weddings, funerals,

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Speaker 3: just ew. Now they're finally getting married next weekend. They've

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Speaker 3: been planning this for about six months, as she's a

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Speaker 3: huge Halloween fanatic, but doesn't want to share her anniversary

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Speaker 3: with Halloween days on a huge event about fifty people,

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Speaker 3: mostly our family and some of hers. Her brother, his wife,

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Speaker 3: and four kids cannot afford a hotel. This is something

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Speaker 3: Diana has known about for months, but just asked me

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Speaker 3: last night if they could stay with us since I

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Speaker 3: have the biggest house. This is an unreasonable and undesirable

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Speaker 3: sit situation for me for a multitude of reasons. I

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Speaker 3: live almost three hours away from the venue and the town.

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Speaker 3: They will be hosting events such as a final dress

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Speaker 3: fitting rehearsal, dinner, bachelor and bachelorette parties. That will be

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Speaker 3: a lot of back and forth for them, especially since

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Speaker 3: my kids and I plus my plus one are only

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Speaker 3: invited to the wedding and reception. They couldn't even carpool

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Speaker 3: with us because we aren't attending those events. Kids under

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Speaker 3: thirteen are not invited to the wedding or reception. Assuming

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Speaker 3: all the adults and my teens will be at the wedding,

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Speaker 3: who's going to watch their kids one, four, or five

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Speaker 3: and nine? And where will they go during the festivities?

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Speaker 3: My kids are attending their uncle's wedding. We're going to

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Speaker 3: support my brother and see our other family members. So

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Speaker 3: if the plan is to see if I are one

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Speaker 3: of my kiddos seventeen, sixteen, and fifteen will do it?

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Speaker 3: The answer is no. I have met these people once

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Speaker 3: in passing. I know nothing about them at all, and

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Speaker 3: if they're anything like their sister, well I don't want to.

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Speaker 3: Aside from that, there's the whole trusting strangers in my

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Speaker 3: home with my kids as well. Nope, Why exactly can't

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Speaker 3: they stay with Diane's parents. They have a three bedroom

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Speaker 3: home and live alone. Why can't they host their son

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Speaker 3: and grandchildren? Answer, he and his dad don't get along,

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Speaker 3: and since her dad is the only decent person in

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Speaker 3: her family that I've met and liked, that's a red

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Speaker 3: flag for me. I told Diana my brother, that I

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Speaker 3: really am not comfortable with this, and the response was,

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Speaker 3: please his family.

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Speaker 5: Uh.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend weird to say boyfriend at my age, said

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Speaker 3: he would stay with us all weekend if I was

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable having them there alone, and would help out since

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Speaker 3: I was also expected to properly host, which means cooking

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Speaker 3: for everyone. That's great and would help with the uncomfortable

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Speaker 3: part for sure, But even still, aside from the trust

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Speaker 3: issues I have, I am primarily worried about where their

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Speaker 3: kids will be during everything. The response was we're still

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Speaker 3: figuring that out. After that, I double down on the

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Speaker 3: new since I have visions of them saying, the nine

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Speaker 3: year old could babysit one, four and five year olds

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Speaker 3: at my house.

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Speaker 2: The nine year old.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, nine year old's could babysit three kids. No, My

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Speaker 3: family is fifty to fifty on me being an a

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Speaker 3: whole about it, and Diane's family except her parents, also

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Speaker 3: think I'm being an a hole since it's just one

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Speaker 3: weekend and I usually host all the holidays and such.

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Speaker 3: They say I'm being a snob about it and I'm

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Speaker 3: out of touch because I cannot appreciate their financial struggles.

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Speaker 3: Up until a decade ago, I was exactly in their

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Speaker 3: shoes monetarily. I don't care that they don't have bezos money.

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Speaker 3: I care that they're strangers. Someone in my house will

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Speaker 3: likely be expected to babysit and miss the ceremony, or

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Speaker 3: be expected to babysit all weekend while their parents are

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Speaker 3: out partying, and the fact that there is family tension

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Speaker 3: between them and their parents is giving me anxiety about

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Speaker 3: what I could expect from my potential guests. Am I

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Speaker 3: being an a hole? And there is an update? But

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Speaker 3: now that's your house, you're not gonna be there.

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Speaker 2: I think that's pretty reasonable to be like. I'd like

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Speaker 2: to at least meet them before I host them in

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Speaker 2: my house for a whole weekend. And I'm also not

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Speaker 2: there the whole time.

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Speaker 3: And I can't babysit their kids for them. Sorry. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're gonna have to figure it out, y'all, or not

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Speaker 3: go because you can't afford it. And if you can't

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Speaker 3: afford it and you can't find any accommodations, then that's it.

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Speaker 2: There's also that part update.

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Speaker 3: I have been getting bombarded with calls and texts from

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Speaker 3: Diane and my brother, which I ignored until about an

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Speaker 3: hour ago. I calmly asked, what's up. When I answered,

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Speaker 3: I could hear the panic in her voice as she

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Speaker 3: rushed to berate me for being so cruel while she

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Speaker 3: had so much else to deal with. Lady, I work

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Speaker 3: full time, travel for work, have two kids playing high

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Speaker 3: school football, have two kids who have part time jobs,

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Speaker 3: and I'm a single mom. You don't exactly have an

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Speaker 3: easy schedule and free time myself. She went on to

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Speaker 3: say that she had been so sure that I would

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Speaker 3: be willing to help read babysit her family that no

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Speaker 3: one else wants around. It seems that you already promised

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Speaker 3: them that they could stand the pool house. Let's be clear.

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Speaker 3: The poolhouse has a bathroom, a large living area, and

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Speaker 3: a tiny kitchen net. It's barely the size of a

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Speaker 3: primary bedroom, let alone big enough for six people, not

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Speaker 3: some extravagant space. I told her, Bari, not my problem.

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Speaker 2: Good fast.

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Speaker 3: First, I also have the kids, and I booked at

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Speaker 3: the XYZ hotel because I planned to drink at that wedding,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not driving home after that. How did you

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Speaker 3: plan to get them to my house anyway? Are they

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Speaker 3: renting a car? Who's babysitting? Why can't your parents take

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Speaker 3: the kids? If the issue is with your brother, why

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Speaker 3: would he bring them if he couldn't afford it? Anyway?

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Speaker 3: This is some seriously poor planning. I fired those questions

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Speaker 3: off that are like bullets out of a pew pew.

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Speaker 3: She said this was dumped on her and she was stuck.

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Speaker 3: I said, so you thought I was the best choice

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Speaker 3: to dump this on, to take it off your plate.

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Speaker 3: We aren't exactly close, Diane. Please stop asking me. I'm

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Speaker 3: not gonna do this for you. My answer is final. Sorry,

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Speaker 3: not sorry.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Diane, you nice jump on my plate.

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Speaker 3: Diane, Diane, get your get your butt out of here.

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Speaker 3: It's go dump it somewhere else.

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Speaker 2: Get your butt out of here. Step dumping on me.

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Speaker 4: Also, don't promise your kids something unless if it's one

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Speaker 4: hundred and fifty percent true.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because don't get your kids whining to me about

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Speaker 3: oh my mom's dead. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, your mom's a liar. She's a liar.

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Speaker 3: She's could not be a liar.

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Speaker 4: And I guarantee you Diane's gonna blame op Like mmm,

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Speaker 4: she she said, you couldn't do it. I promise you kids,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna have a good time. And she said she

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Speaker 4: wasn't gonna do it. I'm sorry, kidos, she sucks. Make

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Speaker 4: sure every time you see her.

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Speaker 3: You say, hey, you suck. We're uninvited at the wedding.

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Speaker 3: I don't believe my brother would allow that. But if

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Speaker 3: it comes to pass that we don't get to go,

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Speaker 3: good riddance. Update two, So my soon to be sister

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Speaker 3: in law called me and invited us back to the

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Speaker 3: wedding today. Wedding is Saturday. And she said, Okay, I

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Speaker 3: know I told her that you couldn't come to the wedding,

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Speaker 3: but I have to take it back because my brother

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Speaker 3: said that you have to come or whatever. So you're

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Speaker 3: invited again.

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Speaker 2: You should be like, are you sure?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I don't think I really want to anymore. I

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Speaker 3: think I'm gonna stick with the first part where you

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Speaker 3: said I'm.

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Speaker 2: Not invited because you didn't invite me. You want to

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Speaker 2: invite me? Are you sure?

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Speaker 3: I could tell it was a very forced action on

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Speaker 3: her part, not renounce some sincerity in her apology, nor

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Speaker 3: any mention that she was in the wrong, save for

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Speaker 3: over reacting in the heat of the moment. I had

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Speaker 3: already spoken to my kiddos about what they wanted to

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Speaker 3: do and their thoughts on it if they were to

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Speaker 3: reinvite us, and they were of the same mindset as

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Speaker 3: me f that, so we made other plans for the weekend.

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Speaker 3: I passed this along tour, and she had the audacity

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Speaker 3: to say, Oh, well, then you guys can babysit right.

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Speaker 4: No, we're back to square one dining.

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Speaker 3: No, No, you can't doing this, naquaited. I literally laughed

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Speaker 3: and told her to f off. She started crying and

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Speaker 3: saying that I never gave her a chance. I've always

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Speaker 3: been so mean to her, and she doesn't know what

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Speaker 3: she's ever done to me, blah blah blah. I not

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Speaker 3: so gently acknowledged that I never gave her the opportunity

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Speaker 3: to pull the wool over my eyes because I'm smarter

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Speaker 3: than her. But I have watched her quietly manipulate almost

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Speaker 3: everyone in my family in somewhere another.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you just got to keep telling people

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Speaker 2: like this, no, gotta keep telling them no.

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Speaker 3: Just keep saying Nope, nope, nope.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna do it again in the future, and you

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Speaker 2: know what you're say in the future, Nope, nope.

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Speaker 4: All you have to do is just send him the

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Speaker 4: movie link to Nope. Yeah, I am dB to Nope, nope.

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Speaker 3: But it's like just an edited version of every time

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Speaker 3: they say.

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Speaker 2: Nope, yep, nope, nope, nope, nope, yep, nope, send them Nope.

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Speaker 3: My brother is angry with her because we're not coming,

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Speaker 3: and it was her responsibility to make it right and

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Speaker 3: she completely blew it. To be fair, my bro hasn't

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Speaker 3: communicated to me once personally about the incident, and that

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Speaker 3: kind of pisses me off too, like you couldn't tell

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Speaker 3: me you don't feel the same and you would like

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Speaker 3: us to come. I've got my dad saying, of course

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Speaker 3: she wants you guys there. He's so pissed at Diane.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, pops. So that's all, folks. We'll be spending

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Speaker 3: our weekend at the Michigan versus Michigan State football game

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Speaker 3: and tailgating with the best fans in the state. Hashtag hail,

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Speaker 3: hashtag go Blue, heybe, And that's the story.

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Speaker 4: They're not having a really good season this year.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry football.

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Speaker 3: Deef nuts.

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Speaker 2: That's the big game though, And that's the end of

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Speaker 2: this story. We're gonna go on to the next one.

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Speaker 2: My mother in law said I'm stealing her grandchild because

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Speaker 2: I demanded boundaries.

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Speaker 3: He was mine in the first place.

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Speaker 2: I thirty female. I'm currently twenty eight weeks pregnant the

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Speaker 2: baby girl do at the end of January. My husband,

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Speaker 2: thirty seven, Mail and I have been married for two

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Speaker 2: years now, but we've been together for eight years and

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Speaker 2: this will be our first child. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from user Princess Poco, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the our Slashowcay Storytime

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Speaker 2: summerd It. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we

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Speaker 2: are He had to give you good advice, goofily, but

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Speaker 2: we don't have all the answers, so let us know

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Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. Nope, he says.

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Speaker 2: I've always had a very relaxed relationship with my in

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Speaker 2: laws until recently when we told them I was pregnant.

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Speaker 2: They were excited, as expected, but getting increasingly pushy regarding

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Speaker 2: planning the baby shower and asking personal questions that I'm

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Speaker 2: not comfortable with discussing with them for contact. My in

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Speaker 2: laws live about ten minutes from my husband and I.

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Speaker 2: They've been charged with the care of our eighteen year

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Speaker 2: old nephew for the last nine months or so. My

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Speaker 2: husband's older sister is a bit of a mess. She

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Speaker 2: has joint custody of three boys, all with the same father.

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Speaker 2: Since the oldest turned eighteen. She had moved in with

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Speaker 2: her new boy friend, so there was no room for

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Speaker 2: him at their house, and his father is very much

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Speaker 2: a you're eighteen now, son, You're on your own type

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Speaker 2: of guy, so he wasn't welcome at his father's house either,

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Speaker 2: even though his two brothers live with his father full time.

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Speaker 3: What a great guy, doesn't sound, do it.

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Speaker 2: My pregnancy has been challenging. I was diagnosed with HG.

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Speaker 2: You're early in my pregnancy. I'm working full time on

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Speaker 2: several medications daily to prevent nausea and vomiting, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: vomit up to twelve times a day.

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Speaker 3: Oh that sounds awful.

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Speaker 2: Geez barf times twelve. I've needed multiple trips to urgent

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Speaker 2: care for IVS due to recurrent dehydration I'm also anemic

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Speaker 2: and tire easily just by doing daily tasks. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I nearly faint, vision, going black, feeling light headed, and

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Speaker 2: nauseous at least a few times a week. You can't

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Speaker 2: get a break yep, but you can catch a faint.

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Speaker 2: But if I lay down fast enough, I'm able to

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Speaker 2: come to without totally losing consciousness. My husband works long hours,

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Speaker 2: so though still working full time and being exhausted following

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Speaker 2: each workday, I still do a majority of the housework.

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Speaker 2: I don't fault my husband for this at all, because

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Speaker 2: this has been his schedule our entire relationship, and he's

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Speaker 2: doing his best to financially support our family. I'm a therapist,

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Speaker 2: so though my job isn't physically taxing, it is definitely

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Speaker 2: emotionally taxing day to day. Outside of the HG. There

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Speaker 2: are days my boss sends me home early because she

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Speaker 2: sees me struggling, and that's when I usually end up

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Speaker 2: going to urging care for an IV. I'm also followed

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Speaker 2: by MFM for some issues with her placenta that may

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Speaker 2: cause growth restrictions with the baby, so I have more

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Speaker 2: pre natal appointments that are also longer in duration than

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Speaker 2: the average first time mom. My in laws are complaining

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Speaker 2: about how we aren't visiting with them enough or helping

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Speaker 2: with our nephew when I barely have the strength to

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Speaker 2: get through my work day and manage the household. I

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Speaker 2: tell my husband I have no problem with him visiting

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Speaker 2: with his nephew, but I don't feel well in to

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Speaker 2: accompany them. I don't enjoy meeting them out for dinner

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Speaker 2: because I'm running to the restroom or vomiting into an

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Speaker 2: Emesis bag, and it isn't exactly fun for me. I

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00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,200
Speaker 2: keep Emesis bags on my person, in every purse and

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Speaker 2: both mine and my husband's car because of the frequency

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Speaker 2: of my vomiting. I'm being told I'm exiling my family

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Speaker 2: by not seeing them weekly.

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Speaker 3: They do not understand what you're going through.

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Speaker 2: Do they not understand barfing twelve times a day's of

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Speaker 2: any time job, on top of your full time job,

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Speaker 2: on top of taking care of the house. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think maybe you go to like one or two

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Speaker 3: of these events and just barf in front of them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, don't don't even hit the bag, nor barf on

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Speaker 2: the table.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you go. I know I'll see myself out. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm not exactly sure why they're so keen on having

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Speaker 2: me sit in their living room so they can watch

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Speaker 2: me fall asleep on the couch from exhaustion after work

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Speaker 2: or vomit after dinner. Some days certainly are better than other,

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Speaker 2: but I can't control that. My own mother in law

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Speaker 2: has a habit of being an attention seeker. She somehow

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Speaker 2: makes every event about her. She tried to wear the

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Speaker 2: exact same dress as my mother to our wedding and

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Speaker 2: then cried for weeks when my husband told her that

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Speaker 2: wasn't appropriate and to pick a different dress. She somehow

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Speaker 2: made her mother in law's ninety fifth birthday about her.

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Speaker 2: Now she's doing what she can to take over my

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Speaker 2: baby shower. I'm very particular and organized. I picked a venue,

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Speaker 2: put down a deposit, selected a plated menu for the

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Speaker 2: event with a starter in dessert, hired a company for

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00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 2: the photo backdrop and centerpieces, and ordered signs and invites

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Speaker 2: and thank you cards. All by the time I was

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Speaker 2: twenty weeks pregnant, before my in law's even thought about

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Speaker 2: starting to plan a shower. When my mother in law

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Speaker 2: starts asking about how she can help, I tell her

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Speaker 2: everything has already been booked. There's nothing left to help

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Speaker 2: with except the guest list. I get guilt tripped by

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Speaker 2: my father in law for not letting my mother in

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Speaker 2: law plan the event. I didn't even realize that was

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Speaker 2: even something people do. I'm having a party to celebrate

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Speaker 2: the birth of my child. Why would it be anyone's

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Speaker 2: responsibility but my own to plan a party. I asked

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Speaker 2: my mother in law for a list of people to

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Speaker 2: invite to the shower, and the list just kept growing.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, yeah, maybe we don't even ask her. Obviously this

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00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 3: is in hindsight, but like if the person who has

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Speaker 3: been really difficult, you know, maybe don't need to even

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Speaker 3: involve them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we say, oh, I appreciate the thought. I appreciate

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Speaker 2: you wanting to do this.

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Speaker 3: Got it all handled than you do it though.

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Speaker 2: Nothing to be done.

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Speaker 3: All good.

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Speaker 2: She sent me several texts of more people to invite.

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Speaker 2: Most I've never met before the nine years I've known

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Speaker 2: my husband, nor did they even attend our wedding, but

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Speaker 2: I invited them to make her happy. I frequently get

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Speaker 2: panic texts from her to know about who is oursvp'd

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Speaker 2: and who hasn't answered. I have to update her every

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Speaker 2: time someone says no, even if they're my friend from

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Speaker 2: childhood that she's never met. I'm not sure why anything

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Speaker 2: that has to do with the shower concerns her at all.

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Speaker 2: She just needs to put on a dress, show up,

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Speaker 2: and enjoy the party. Why is that so hard? My

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00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,919
Speaker 2: in laws are now insisting on paying for half of it,

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Speaker 2: which I expect given the volume of people they asked

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Speaker 2: me to invite that I do not know or care

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Speaker 2: if they come, But now it seems like they're using

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Speaker 2: the financial contribution to be more controlling and make changes

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Speaker 2: to things. I had decided weeks before my in laws

377
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Speaker 2: did not contribute any money to our wedding. My parents

378
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 2: wrote us a check for ten k and said do

379
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Speaker 2: with it as you please, with no strings attached. They

380
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 2: don't insist on having any hand in the wedding planning.

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Speaker 2: This is why I'm now confused why my in laws

382
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,560
Speaker 2: are only giving us money now to usurp control, making

383
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Speaker 2: me uncomfortable that my mother in law is using me

384
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Speaker 2: and my unborn child to carry favor with her circle

385
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Speaker 2: of friends, like ooh, look at me, I'm having a grandchild,

386
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Speaker 2: lu Logia.

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Speaker 3: That's just her mo though, that's seems like that's who

388
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Speaker 3: she's been this whole time.

389
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Speaker 2: Yes to modus operandi.

390
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 3: Mm hm, she loves doing it.

391
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Speaker 2: This situation gets more complicated because I can fide it

392
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,879
Speaker 2: in one of my friends who had just had a

393
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 2: baby a few weeks ago. Her mother in law sleeps

394
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 2: over and tends to the baby at night while her

395
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 2: and her husband sleep. Her mother in law arrived at

396
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: the hospital minutes after she gave birth, and they had

397
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Speaker 2: several visitors before they left the hospital, which I find

398
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: quite odd. I might need a sea section depending on

399
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 2: the extent of fetal growth restriction. Heading towards the end

400
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,639
Speaker 2: of the pregnancy. She invalidates all my concern and tells

401
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 2: me I'm keeping her baby from my mother in law.

402
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 2: This makes me extremely uncomfortable. This is my child first,

403
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 2: before she is my mother in law's grandchild. Titles don't

404
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 2: entitle you to be a part of a child's life.

405
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 2: You have to be invited in and included by the parents.

406
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 2: I don't want my in laws visiting at the hospital.

407
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,439
Speaker 2: They might not meet our daughter for weeks after birth

408
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,200
Speaker 2: because I can't predict how my recovery will go after

409
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Speaker 2: a sea section. I don't want to be bleeding and

410
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,600
Speaker 2: leaking in front of my in laws. I'd like to

411
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 2: enjoy some sense of dignity. Best part of it's.

412
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Speaker 3: Your decision who is in that room or around you

413
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Speaker 3: post Sparta's.

414
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Speaker 2: One hundred percent your baby, your rules. Mm hmm. I

415
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 2: was also told that it's my responsibility to include my

416
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 2: mother in law in my child's life because of my

417
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 2: sister in law's failures with her children, robbing her of

418
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 2: the proper grandmother relationship.

419
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Speaker 3: And I wonder why that is. I wonder why her

420
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,200
Speaker 3: sister in law doesn't want to have her mother around

421
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Speaker 3: her kids.

422
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,200
Speaker 2: Well, it sounds like that's more the sister in law's

423
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,880
Speaker 2: problem than the mother in law's problem.

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Speaker 3: What did the sister in law do?

425
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 2: We don't. We don't know for sure, but anyways, I'm

426
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,119
Speaker 2: not sure why I'm being punished for my sister in

427
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 2: law's sins. My husband keeps saying he will talk to

428
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 2: his mom and tell her to stop being overbearing, but

429
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,920
Speaker 2: nothing has happened thus far. I just don't want to

430
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 2: feel like an animal at a zoo postpartum, with everyone

431
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 2: barging in and demanding to see me and my baby.

432
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 2: They have a lifetime to build a relationship with her.

433
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 2: Why do they have to see her when she's fresh

434
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 2: out the womb. She's a person, not a doll. Visitors

435
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,199
Speaker 2: will be allowed in when I feel comfortable. But then

436
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 2: I get called selfish by my friend and in laws,

437
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 2: thankfully one of those friends.

438
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, get rid of any friend that's calling you selfish

439
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 3: for not wanting your very difficult family member, or just

440
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 3: anyone not wanting anyone in the room, doesn't really matter

441
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 3: who not supporting you? Not supporting you in that not

442
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 3: your friend.

443
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like that friend's got a weird situation

444
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 2: going on with their own in laws or grandma. I

445
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 2: don't know. Thankfully, my mom agrees mother in law's being overbearing.

446
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: My parents live across the country, so they might not

447
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: meet my daughter until her baptism, and they're okay with that.

448
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 2: I'm worried if we don't set boundaries now with my

449
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 2: in laws, their entitlement will just get worse. Am Ida

450
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 2: hole for how I feel in this situation, and that's

451
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 2: the end of that story. No, I don't think so. No.

452
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 3: No, You're trying to have a baby and you're dealing

453
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 3: with incredibly difficult pregnancy all the while you have your

454
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 3: husband's just awful family breathing down your neck. Yeah, and

455
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 3: you're honestly, I know that your husband's working a lot,

456
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 3: but so are you, and you really should be dealing

457
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 3: with this family.

458
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think, you know, maybe it used to

459
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 2: be more common back in the day for like, you know,

460
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 2: a bunch of people to come visit the hospital when

461
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 2: the baby's born. But I think we understand more now

462
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 2: about how unhealthy and dangerous that can be for you know,

463
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 2: new bossing stress. Yeah and and yeah, just at the

464
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 2: end of the day, causing stress to you. But it's

465
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 2: just the way it is. You know, you used to

466
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,360
Speaker 2: be able to smoke in hospitals. Things weren't always better

467
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 2: back in the day. And that's true. And that's the

468
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: end of this story. We're going to go on to

469
00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 2: the next one.

470
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 3: My husband lent my savings to his stepfather and now

471
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 3: I have nothing.

472
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 2: Well, it doesn't sound like a loan. That sounds like

473
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 2: he gave it away.

474
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 3: In June twenty twenty four, I married a wonderful man

475
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 3: and we started our life together well, love and plans

476
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 3: for the future. I got pregnant very quickly, and when

477
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 3: we found out we were overjoyed, but also nervous because

478
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 3: our plan had been to both work, save enough money,

479
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 3: and then have our babies. By the way, this comes

480
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 3: from mor Fan eleven eighty seven, and if you want

481
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 3: to spit your own stories, go to the r slash

482
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 3: Okay storytime, separate it.

483
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

484
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we

485
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers.

486
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do.

487
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 3: Let us know what you would do in the comments,

488
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 3: and Opie says, everything happened sooner than expected, but we

489
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 3: were still excited and hopeful about this new chapter together.

490
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:26,160
Speaker 3: My husband stepfather asked to borrow almost twenty thousand dollars.

491
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 3: My husband has a hard time saying no, and his

492
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,440
Speaker 3: stepfather begged and begged until my husband agreed, not your

493
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 3: husband anymore. That money came from my own work. I

494
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 3: skipped parties, did double and triple shifts, canceled outings, and

495
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 3: saved every coin. I worked tirelessly to gather it, sometimes

496
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 3: even skipping meals and sleeping only two or three hours

497
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 3: a night. My husband promised he would pay me back quickly,

498
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 3: that his stepfather was a good man, and I trusted

499
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 3: him blindly. By December twenty twenty four, his stepfather asked

500
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 3: to move in with us supported him all through December, January,

501
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 3: and February because he didn't want to pay rent, utilities,

502
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: or his own expenses. He also had no intention of

503
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 3: paying me back. I literally like, legitimately divorce?

504
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 4: Is that worse? No intention of paying you back? Yeah,

505
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 4: crazy divorce.

506
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: I'm divorcing. You should divorce your.

507
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 2: Us A little bib what's twenty k amongst Mary?

508
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 4: He's just borrowing it.

509
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 3: Our financial situation got worse and worse. Our savings ran out,

510
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 3: and we started to go hungry. Little by little, we

511
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: managed to get by, but I needed him to take

512
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,479
Speaker 3: care of himself so that whatever little money we had

513
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 3: left could go entirely to the two of us.

514
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 2: Question, can you eat your uncle?

515
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 3: Your uncle is useless. Your uncle is useless. He got

516
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: angry when we asked him to pay his share and

517
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 3: said he would hope little, but he would not pay

518
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 3: everything he owed. I started to feel extremely uncomfortable, especially

519
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 3: because right in front of me he would talk with

520
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 3: his wife buying more materials for the construction of their

521
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 3: house and paying the workers. It made my blood boil.

522
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 3: We barely had money for food. He would not pay

523
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 3: his share of rent or utilities, and on top of that,

524
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 3: he was using his money to build his house. Every day,

525
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 3: my anger grew because that money was mine. I should

526
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 3: not have been living in misery because I lent.

527
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 5: It to him.

528
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,360
Speaker 3: Now my home was suffering, and instead of paying me back,

529
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 3: he was building his house and spending freely. We could

530
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 3: not afford maternity clothes or care products, and sometimes we

531
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 3: barely had enough for soap and shampoo while he spent

532
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: on his projects than his life. He also tried to

533
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 3: influence my husband by telling him that the man rules

534
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: the house and that I needed to be submissive. My

535
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: husband started to believe him. Your husband already believed them.

536
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 2: You're already dollars. You're both broke, and the guy who

537
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: took your money is telling him she just needs to

538
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 2: be quiet, and he's like, yeah, you're right.

539
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 3: He divorced your husband, but I threw to leave and

540
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 3: he understood he should not listen to him. When it

541
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 3: was time to give birth, I had to have an

542
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 3: emergency sea section because my baby was too big to

543
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 3: be born naturally because of that I could not produce

544
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 3: milk and we did not have money to buy formula.

545
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 3: We had almost nothing for the baby and only a

546
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: few clothes. The first week after delivery, we did not

547
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 3: even have food to eat. Some members of the church

548
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 3: gave us food, and a friend donated a little milk

549
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 3: so I could feed my baby. Meanwhile, his stepfather bought

550
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: food for himself in abundance the entire time. You might

551
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 3: be wondering if my husband worked. Yes, but maybe that

552
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 3: is what hurt me the most. My husband is a subcontractor,

553
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 3: and the contractor who hired him kept lying and saying

554
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 3: he would pay next week. Your husband needs to grow

555
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 3: a backbone.

556
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 4: It's also the type of glood need they talk about

557
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 4: in the Bible.

558
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 3: Literally, your husband needs to grow a backbone and stand

559
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 3: up to his step stepfather demand that twenty thousand dollars back,

560
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 3: demand that he gets paid. Because your child should not

561
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 3: be going hungry.

562
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 4: Neither should you.

563
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 3: Neither should ope, but like should be going.

564
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 4: Out agree Maybe your husband, Yeah, but this is insane.

565
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 2: If anyone should be hungry, it should be that idiot.

566
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

567
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 3: Weeks went by without pay. Sometimes we survived on one

568
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 3: hundred or two hundred dollars a week, using a part

569
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 3: for the house and part for work expenses, always with

570
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 3: the promise of being paid later. The debt now exceeds

571
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 3: fifty thousand dollars and he's simply not going to pay.

572
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 3: After giving birth, I didn't even have basic personal care

573
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 3: products like sanitary pads or things for treating my incision.

574
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 3: If I didn't even have food, I obviously did not

575
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 3: have anything else. On top of all the financial hardship,

576
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 3: his stepfather kept influencing my husband and trying to teach

577
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 3: him how to run her home. The thing is, Opie,

578
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 3: it feels like she is blaming everything that her husband does,

579
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 3: like as just the stepfather's influence. Yeah, when in reality,

580
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 3: your husband is doing that. Your husband is treating you

581
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 3: that way. Your husband took twenty thousand dollars from you.

582
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 3: Your husband's allowing his stepfather to be in your life.

583
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 3: That is your husband, not your stepfather.

584
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 2: Your husband allows kind of guy.

585
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 3: Sometimes, he said, he felt lonely and took my husband

586
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 3: away for hours, leaving me alone freshly operated on with

587
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 3: a newborn. My husband is the kindest soul and forgives

588
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 3: everyone no matter what they do. They did a small

589
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 3: job together to earn money, and my husband asked him

590
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: to split it so we could buy food.

591
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 4: I'm sorry that line. My husband's a kind the kindest soul,

592
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 4: and let's you know, apologize your husband's doormat.

593
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 3: Your husband's a literal like, yeah, doormat. His stepfather said

594
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: he needed the full amount and did not care if

595
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 3: we were left with nothing. My mother in law even

596
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 3: called and said that even if we had nothing, my

597
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 3: husband had to pay his stepfather.

598
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: Hey, that's not your mother in law care now how

599
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 2: money works. Also, if money can't pay you, why is your.

600
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,239
Speaker 3: Mother in law care? Is this her husband? Are they

601
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 3: still married? Because why isn't he with her? It shocked

602
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 3: me that her husband mattered more to her than her

603
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 3: own son and grandson. Things kept getting worse. My husband

604
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 3: worked through September and part of October and still was

605
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 3: not paid.

606
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 2: Dude, what are you doing?

607
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 3: Stop working there if they're not paying you. We tried

608
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 3: delivery apps, but once we earned a few hundred dollars,

609
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 3: the app locked the account and did not pay us.

610
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 3: He found another job and that person refused to pay us. Well,

611
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 3: what everything's going wrong and nothing gets better? What hurts

612
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 3: me most is that we shouldn't be in this situation

613
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 3: if his stepfather had not stolen the money. Don't his

614
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 3: stepfather didn't steal the money. Let's get that straight. His

615
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 3: stepfather did not steal that money. Your husband gave him

616
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 3: that money.

617
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 2: Well, with the expectation he would be paid back.

618
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 3: I should not be starving, not if he had not

619
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: lied and taken my hard earnings. And now with the

620
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 3: little food we have left, sometimes we only eat once

621
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 3: a day. Every time I finished cooking, he conveniently comes downstairs,

622
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 3: hoping my husband will invite him to eat. He has money,

623
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 3: he has my money. He can buy his own food

624
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 3: and eat whatever he wants. Because of him, I am suffering,

625
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: and yet he still expects to eat from the little

626
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 3: we have. One of you has to stand up. You

627
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 3: are parents, you have a child. I understand that you

628
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 3: are in a very awful situation, and ope you have

629
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 3: had the worst of it, But you are parents to

630
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 3: a child that is relying on you and cannot do

631
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 3: anything else, and you need to stand up.

632
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: Is this guy is that true crime documentaries start.

633
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 3: If the situation were different and he truly needed help,

634
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 3: I would gladly share, but I will not help someone

635
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 3: who took advantage of us and can easily buy his

636
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 3: own food. Sometimes, my husband did not have drinking water

637
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 3: in the Texas heat, and his stepfather would eat away

638
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: from him to avoid sharing. Yet he still expects us

639
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 3: to feed him. Once my husband offered him the food

640
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 3: I had cooked, and he ate everything. What was meant

641
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: for the two of us he devoured, leaving us with nothing.

642
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 3: Another time he left just a little food, and of

643
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 3: course I served it all to my husband.

644
00:30:59,520 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: I got.

645
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 3: I'm so angry. I could not even eat a single bite.

646
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 3: I yelled at my husband for doing that, because that

647
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 3: meant we would have no food left, while his stepfather

648
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 3: ate happily and saved his own money. Now we have

649
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 3: no food left, just two cans of beans. We have

650
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 3: tried so hard to find work, but no one pays anymore.

651
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 3: We tried delivery apps and they kept the money from

652
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 3: a week's work. Today we're being evicted because we could

653
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 3: not pay rent. We have no electricity, no gas for

654
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 3: the car, and nothing else.

655
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 2: What do you mean you did delivery apps and they

656
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: kept the money.

657
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 3: That's what do you mean?

658
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 2: No one's paying anymore?

659
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 3: That's what I'm wondering.

660
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 2: What are we What are you talking? That's what I'm wondering.

661
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 3: Oh, he keeps saying that they go to jobs and

662
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 3: they don't get paid.

663
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: Where do we live?

664
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 4: I don't understand Texas. I don't understand my my crazy

665
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 4: they said Texas earlier.

666
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: I don't know.

667
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 3: I mean like, I don't know, and he still wants

668
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 3: to eat what little I have left. I opened to

669
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 3: GoFundMe to try to get some help, but I'm terrible

670
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 3: at asking for money, so I gave up. Am I

671
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 3: really the bad one? Do I need to change? You

672
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 3: do need to change. You not the bad one, but

673
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 3: you do need to change. You need to start standing

674
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: up for yourself and your child because no one else

675
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: is going to Literally your husband certainly not going to

676
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 3: do it. I just need some healthy advice because my

677
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 3: heart is so heavy with pain. I managed to get

678
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 3: food through a church. That same church also paid our rent,

679
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 3: and another church covered our electricity bill. What did my

680
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 3: husband's stepfather do? He slept all day while my husband

681
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 3: struggled to fix everything. I'm tired of being seen as

682
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 3: a bad person just because I demand respect for our

683
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 3: home and our baby. We left the state where we

684
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 3: had been living to start over somewhere new and hopefully

685
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 3: find better job opportunities. Guests who came along without paying

686
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 3: a single cent towards the moving expenses, why are you

687
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 3: acting like you're like you're forced to have him there?

688
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 3: We had to sell almost all our few belongings for

689
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 3: pennies just to afford the trip. He sat in the

690
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 3: passenger seat for twenty six hours, eating and sleeping without

691
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 3: spending a single dollar, not even to pay for his

692
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 3: own food.

693
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 4: At this point, I'm not saying you're an a hole.

694
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 3: But you're certainly complicit to a certain ascent.

695
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 4: There you go, Thank you.

696
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 3: We rented the cheapest hotel we could find in the

697
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 3: new place until my husband starts working and we can

698
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 3: save up to rent a decent home. He didn't pay

699
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: for the lodging either. I truly don't understand why this

700
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: man with a wife is staying with you guys. I'm

701
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 3: exhausted and fed up with this situation. What frustrates me

702
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 3: the most is that he hasn't paid for anything because

703
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: he claims to have no money, yet he hoards our

704
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 3: few hygiene products. I've not been able to shower for

705
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 3: four days because he uses everything up. Last night I

706
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 3: hid the shampoo so I could bathe, and right in

707
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 3: front of me, he went through my things until he

708
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: found it and used it. My husband does nothing as

709
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 3: calmly as I could. I told him I could not

710
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 3: take this man anymore. He argued and yelled at me

711
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 3: and calling me hateful, resentful, and hypocritical for trying to

712
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 3: follow Christ while feeling angry.

713
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 2: Is this your husband? There's the angle this is all

714
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 2: because it's like, you gotta respect the elders. There's probably

715
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 2: a church angle to this. There's a faith angle to this.

716
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 2: Nobody just does this without some sort of something else

717
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 2: going on.

718
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: How can I be kind when he keeps stepping all

719
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 3: over us. We have very little money left and almost

720
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 3: nothing for food, and my husband keeps blaming me. He says,

721
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 3: I'm a bad person for resenting him. But it's not fair.

722
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 2: This dude's giving away twenty K because he's like, well,

723
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 2: that's what Christ would do.

724
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he is absurd, actively neglecting his child by doing this.

725
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,320
Speaker 3: I know that sounds like it sounds harsh because you

726
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: guys are in a really awful situation.

727
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 4: That's not even harsh, that's just that's just true. He's neglect.

728
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: You're giving away your child. Yeah, you're giving away your

729
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 3: child and your wife's food, your stepfather who doesn't eat it.

730
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 3: I am only in a situation because he took my

731
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,240
Speaker 3: money and drained our resources. Even now when we have nothing,

732
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 3: he continues doing the same. But to my husband, I'm

733
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 3: the bad one. I told him I do not want

734
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 3: that man living with us anymore for my own emotional

735
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 3: wellbeing and do not want to see him again. My

736
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 3: husband gets angry and insists he's going to stay with us.

737
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 3: I cannot take this anymore.

738
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 2: Then leave, leave, get out. Leave.

739
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 3: Right now, I'm watching my baby sleep uncomfortably instead of

740
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 3: in his clean and cozy bed because of him, And

741
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 3: despite everything, I'm still seen as the bad one and

742
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 3: the problem.

743
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,439
Speaker 4: I'm I'm sorry again. This is one of those realistic things. Yeah,

744
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 4: you got to stop pointing the finger at people and

745
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 4: like it's his fault, he's gonna fix this.

746
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 3: Pay responsibility for your own life.

747
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 4: At this point, you just got to just tie up

748
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 4: your boots, walk on out with your baby and just

749
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 4: start moving forward and stop pointing the finger like they're

750
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 4: gonna fix it.

751
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 3: Just you're not comment one. Wake the f up and

752
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 3: leave your worthless, coward husband. Until that happens, it's your

753
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 3: own fault. That's the only comment we got, which is

754
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 3: pretty succinct.

755
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

756
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 2: on to the next one.

757
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

758
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of from our sponsors.

759
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: My husband treats fatherhood like an optional hobby and I

760
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 2: think I want out.

761
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's not a hobby at all.

762
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 2: I thirty one female. I'm contemplating divorce from my thirty

763
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: four male husband, but don't know if it's just postpartum

764
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 2: related hormones or stressors. I am unsure if my feelings

765
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 2: are valid or if I should wait until this postpartum

766
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 2: period is done. By the way, this comes from user

767
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 2: Happy homeless Liness, And if you want to submit your

768
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subert It.

769
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we are both here to

770
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,839
Speaker 2: give you a little good advice. Goofly, But we don't

771
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 2: have all answers. We're not professional answerers of things in

772
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,439
Speaker 2: all knowing eyes. We're just people. If you do something

773
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 2: different than us, why don't you just let us know?

774
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 2: In the comments and op says, I've read that the

775
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 2: first year after birth can cause a lot of stress

776
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 2: on a marriage and that one should wait before making

777
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 2: any rash decisions. Would I be the a hole for

778
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: asking for a divorce before fully passing distressful time period.

779
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 2: We have been together twelve years, married six We have

780
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: a three and a half year old and five month old,

781
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 2: both boys. My mind recently has been screaming at me

782
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 2: to divorce. I don't know if it's relevant, but I

783
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: have ADHD and have been a people pleaser all my life.

784
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 2: I do think it's contributed to getting me to this point.

785
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 2: I am internally unhappily married after getting everything I have

786
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,919
Speaker 2: ever dreamed of, two beautiful children, a husband, a lovely home,

787
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 2: and a thriving career. But I'm so unhappy on a

788
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 2: day to day basis. I do not think it's postpartum depression.

789
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 2: I had it with my first and this feels very different.

790
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,280
Speaker 2: We are both full time employed. I am in office

791
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 2: Monday through Friday, and he is essentially remote Monday through

792
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 2: Friday and might go in once every couple weeks or month.

793
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: Today we went shopping all four of us for Christmas

794
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 2: Tree Day corps so we could decorate. In my mind,

795
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 2: this being the first time with our three and a

796
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: half year old son being aware and involved in the

797
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 2: day core choices and decorating, it would be a fun

798
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 2: and lovely memory or activity for us all. On the

799
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,720
Speaker 2: federal holiday, it was a day off for us both.

800
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 2: I proposed the idea to go shopping and decorating when

801
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 2: my husband was getting up and he was on board.

802
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 2: I got myself and the kids ready and we all

803
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,919
Speaker 2: went to Tarja. We got the goods, We came home.

804
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 2: Husband basically went straight to his office to play video games.

805
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 2: So I decorated the tree with our three and a

806
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 2: half year old while holding the fussy teething baby. I

807
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 2: was not able to fully enjoy it while juggling, soothing

808
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 2: the baby and being as engaged as possible with our

809
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 2: three and a half year old. I could also not

810
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 2: get any pictures together other than yet another selfie, just

811
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 2: pictures of him doing his best hooking up ornaments. This evening,

812
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 2: husband was still gaming and I was with the kids

813
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 2: struggling with accommodating both of their needs. I called his

814
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 2: phone and said I needed him. He said okay five minutes,

815
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 2: which was not really helpful, but sure. Kid was saying

816
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 2: he was hungry, while the teething and fussy infant was

817
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,440
Speaker 2: finally content on my chest while sitting not being walked around.

818
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:51,919
Speaker 2: Was exhausted from the day and did not want to move.

819
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: But I had two of them now, so I got

820
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 2: up to make my three and a half year old

821
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,880
Speaker 2: some food, crying baby in hand. Fifteen minutes later, husband

822
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,879
Speaker 2: started walking up stairs. By this point we both were

823
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 2: settled and I was seething. I said just go back

824
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 2: downstairs before he even got to the top of the stairs,

825
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: and he did. Sitting there fuming, I got the urge

826
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 2: to start writing down his discretions in my mind. I

827
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 2: opened my notes app and started jotting down all of

828
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 2: my gripes. And here they are. He can't wait to

829
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 2: get back to his video games every evening after work,

830
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: every weekend or day off. He does not outright say it,

831
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 2: but I can tell it always feels like we're inconveniencing

832
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 2: him when we're out just living life or trying to

833
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 2: make special memories. No unnecessary or unplanned stops. Just get

834
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 2: to where we're planned and get home. I've asked repeatedly

835
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 2: that when I get home with the kids after work,

836
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 2: he come upstairs to help I drop off and pick

837
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 2: up from daycare. Every workday, he is well passed done

838
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: working by this time. Usually I'm left tending to a

839
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 2: hungry child and a fussy infant for the thirty plus

840
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 2: minutes until he bothers to come upstairs and help. It's

841
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 2: usually when I'm already at my wits end and he

842
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: thinks he is saving the day by grabbing the baby

843
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 2: so I can focus on getting the dishes done. Is

844
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 2: twenty minut minutes of half attention is too late, and

845
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,479
Speaker 2: he might as well have stayed gaming instead of sitting

846
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 2: on the couch staring at his phone, getting frustrated and

847
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,399
Speaker 2: snapping because his three and a half year old wants

848
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,800
Speaker 2: his attention. Or he might put in fifteen to thirty

849
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 2: minutes of active playtime and feel his job is done

850
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: and go back to gaming. It sounds like your husband

851
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 2: has a gaming addiction, and like once that hijacks your pathways,

852
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 2: you really don't want to do anything else. I think,

853
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 2: y'all he needs therapy. Y'all need therapy. Ninety nine zero

854
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 2: point nine percent of household up keep is on me.

855
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: He might clean the kitchen once every three months while

856
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 2: I'm at work, but he expects a thank you for

857
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 2: far below the bare minimum make me a list. I

858
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 2: am not his manager. He does not love my family.

859
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 2: It seems like he despises them. I've always been close

860
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 2: to my family, but he has no interest in spending

861
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 2: any time with them. I only make one stop if

862
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,360
Speaker 2: he is going to town to get something such as

863
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 2: prescriptions or gas or take out or anything else. He

864
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 2: refuses to make a second stuff to help me or

865
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: the family, even if it is just picking up a

866
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 2: grocery order or going into the store to grab a

867
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 2: single thing. Town is a fifteen minute drive away. Countless

868
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 2: times I've had to drive into town right after he

869
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 2: got home for something that would have taken him ten

870
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 2: extra minutes. Most nights, he comes to bed at two

871
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: to five in the morning and shines his phone flashlight

872
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 2: in the room, somehow always into my face, waking me

873
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: up an additional time, on top of the several times

874
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 2: the baby already wakes me up. I asked him to

875
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 2: stop and to go to the guest room if he's

876
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,280
Speaker 2: going to come to bed so late. He has continued

877
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: doing it anyway. He offers no help with tracking daycare

878
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 2: or clothing or diapers or formula or feeding, or appointments

879
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: or nighttime care needs. I have one hundred percent of

880
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 2: the mental load of parenting. He rarely stops staring at

881
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 2: his phone to have intimate or casual conversation. This is

882
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 2: especially bothersome when dining out together or with the kids,

883
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: or with extended family. It also happens when we're together

884
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 2: in the living room or the car I always drive us.

885
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: If I try to start a conversation and he does

886
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 2: not put his phone down, I usually stop talking mid sentence.

887
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: If he says he's listening, I usually just say I

888
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: don't want to talk to him like that, and he

889
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 2: continues scrolling. It is embarrassing when we are out at

890
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 2: a restaurant. Overwhelmingly, the only time we spend together just

891
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 2: the two of us is watching TV. Rarely dates, maybe

892
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 2: once or twice a year. No fun evenings, doing simple

893
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: things like board games. I don't even have a reference

894
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 2: for what a couple would do for fun beyond watching

895
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: TV together. That's how far gone it is. If we

896
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 2: do fund outings together as a family, I have to

897
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 2: plan it and he generally makes it more stressful. The

898
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 2: first TIFFs usually stem from my overwhelmed attitude getting everyone

899
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 2: ready and out the door. I hurry him to get

900
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 2: his shoes on because we're finally ready to get off

901
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 2: the toilet, because we're waiting in the car or I

902
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: shut down and need to breathe while we get on

903
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 2: the road. He asks why I'm so stressed all the time.

904
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 2: By the time we're leaving, I'm usually regretting bringing him.

905
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 2: I buzz his hair for him. I did not clean

906
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 2: it up off the floor two times ago, and I

907
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 2: have been testing to see if he will cut hair

908
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 2: is still on the bathroom floor for two plus months,

909
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 2: and I cut it again last week in the same location.

910
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: All of it is still there. I really think you

911
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 2: need to go to your husband and be like, I'm

912
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 2: really feeling like I'm at the end of my rope

913
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 2: and if changes aren't made, I can't stay with you.

914
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 2: I would agree that he needs to wake up to

915
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:25,479
Speaker 2: the reality that you are ready and willing to leave.

916
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,919
Speaker 2: Because he thinks that he is bulletproof. He never takes

917
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,320
Speaker 2: pictures of me and the boys without me explicitly asking

918
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 2: I'm indulged, without groaning only on special holidays. Otherwise it

919
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 2: seems like a bother to him, or like I'm being

920
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 2: superficial for wanting to preserve memories with me and them.

921
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 2: I take lovely, candid photos of him with the kids

922
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,879
Speaker 2: all the time. He does not compliment me unprompted. Ever,

923
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 2: even when I prompt him, he generally has a silly response.

924
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 2: I do not feel desired. He rarely shows me affection

925
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 2: and less initiating spicy sleep. We generally never kiss unless

926
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 2: having spicy sleep. Maybe a quick peck here or there,

927
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,879
Speaker 2: almost always initiated by me. He does not care if

928
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: I enjoy spicy sleep. When the rare effort is put

929
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 2: in to try, he gets frustrated by my direction on

930
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 2: how to please me. He's fine that he has not

931
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 2: given me an oh moment in at least three years.

932
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,399
Speaker 2: We have spicy sleep, sometimes one to two times a week,

933
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 2: but generally it is one to two times a month

934
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: or less. So where is my stuff? Questions? There are

935
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 2: piles of laundry on the side of his bed. He

936
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 2: cannot bother to put it in the laundry hamper six

937
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 2: feet away. I've silently refused to pick it up. I

938
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: have also stopped putting his clean laundry away. I will

939
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 2: wash what makes it to the hamper, but clean clothes

940
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 2: go unfolded in a basket. My own clothes I happily

941
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 2: hang and fold. It has been about two months. He

942
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 2: has not said anything. He has not put away his

943
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 2: own clothes. He has no interest in grooming himself to

944
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 2: appeal to me. I put in effort on myself. I

945
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,879
Speaker 2: get my hair done every couple of months and dressed

946
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 2: nice with hair and makeup when going out, and have

947
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 2: been making efforts losing the baby. Wait, I would consider

948
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 2: myself an attractive woman. I wish he would put in

949
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 2: a bit of effort, but this alone would never be

950
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 2: a make or break. Gripe my day's off work while

951
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 2: having the kids still at daycare so I can get

952
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 2: things done, are overwhelmingly used for upkeep projects on the

953
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 2: house or family needs. I do love him, and it

954
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 2: would break my heart to break his. I just don't

955
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 2: know if at this moment in time, I am in

956
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 2: love with him. This could just be the wildly fluctuating

957
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,280
Speaker 2: hormones that come with postpartum healing and something I should

958
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 2: give time to pass before altering our lives. Forever.

959
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 5: I think it's very telling how a man behaves.

960
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 2: After his wife has Yeah, I think it's And this.

961
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 5: Is showing very obviously that this is a little poopu man,

962
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 5: because this is a second kid and he's still acting

963
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 5: like this.

964
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 2: He's not taking any just the fact he's not taking

965
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 2: any like nightly duties for the child at all.

966
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 5: The fact is he's shut up sometimes still five am,

967
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 5: and you are still the one waking up to take

968
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 5: care of the baby.

969
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's up already. The easiest compromise ever, It's like, oh,

970
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 2: I like to stay up late in game perfect. You

971
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 2: can stay up late and then hey, every forty five minutes,

972
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 2: take care of the kid. My thought at this point

973
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 2: is that I will likely at the right time, telling

974
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 2: me needs to schedule us for couples counseling or we're

975
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 2: headed for a divorce. Every time my brain starts yelling

976
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 2: to scream divorce, I know I'm not in a proper

977
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 2: emotional state to effectively communicate the change I need to

978
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 2: see in order for me to be happier in our marriage,

979
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 2: to make it a partnership rather than me holding what

980
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,800
Speaker 2: feels like all the weight. I am scared scared I

981
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 2: will make a rash decision and ruin my family. We

982
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,560
Speaker 2: talk about our dreams for the future, and we talk

983
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 2: about the things we want to do and achieve, fun

984
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 2: trips with the boys where we will retire, exciting improvements

985
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 2: we will make on the house, et cetera. And I

986
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 2: do not want to lose those dreams. I don't want

987
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 2: my boys growing up in a divided household if they

988
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 2: do not need to. I'm also scared that I'm wasting

989
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 2: my life by staying that I'm the only one interested

990
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 2: in really living life and growing, and that he is

991
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 2: holding me back from doing that to the full extent.

992
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,400
Speaker 2: The thought that there is more to life than this

993
00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: survival state I am in, that there is a low

994
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 2: out there where I will feel adored and appreciated and

995
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: taken care of. Because I don't feel any of that

996
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 2: right now, nor have I for a very long time.

997
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:10,840
Speaker 2: I often feel like life would be easier at this

998
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 2: moment as a single mom. If anything, it seems like

999
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 2: less work because I would not have to tend to him,

1000
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 2: I would not have to carry the expectation of help

1001
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 2: from someone who should be my partner, and the inevitable

1002
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 2: Cortisol spikes when I don't get that help. Boways made

1003
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 2: it a rule not to meaningfully complain about my relationship

1004
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: to friends or family. That is why I am here

1005
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 2: now asking for an unbiased, third party opinion. What I

1006
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 2: have written here is obviously not the whole picture, and

1007
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 2: I welcome questions that aid you in seeing more of

1008
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 2: the picture leading to better advice and insight. Thank you,

1009
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 2: and we have some comments. Comment one, you are already

1010
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 2: a single mom. You are doing it all alone. There

1011
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 2: is so much peace not carrying a full grown man

1012
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 2: along for the ride. I heard this a few months ago.

1013
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 2: Men will teach women to do it all alone, then

1014
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: be mad that she chooses to do it all alone.

1015
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 2: Choose you and your piece, not the A hole. Reply

1016
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 2: says I wanted to write exactly this, Oh p. He says,

1017
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 2: she's scared of making a rash decision, but her situation

1018
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 2: is worse than single motherhood. Her husband is like a

1019
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 2: moody teenager who also expects spicy sleep from her. You

1020
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 2: can knock that chore right off your to do list.

1021
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 2: If I had a sliver of hope that he might change,

1022
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: which I don't, I might suggest giving him a taste

1023
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 2: of his own medicine, get on top, have spicy sleep

1024
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,879
Speaker 2: how you like. They make zero effort to get him off,

1025
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 2: and dismiss any complaints he makes about it. Oh p beware,

1026
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: he may change for a short time if he notices

1027
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: you pull away or assert yourself, but his behavior is systematic.

1028
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 2: He has chosen to do the bare minimum in every

1029
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 2: possible situation. If he changes his mind about that permanently,

1030
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 2: it will be purely because he wants to. It won't

1031
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 2: be due to any pressure you apply or anything you do.

1032
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Good comments, Yep,

1033
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 2: those comments are right. I think it's time. You know,

1034
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 2: you know, there is the potential he could change, but

1035
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 2: it's gonna take a lot of work, and clearly he

1036
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 2: won't be able to do it alone, and he's gonna

1037
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 2: need he's gonna need therapy. And that's the end of

1038
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 2: this story. We're gonna go on to the next one.

1039
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 2: John here og host.

1040
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1041
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: three minute break from as from our sponsors.

1042
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 5: My husband passed before a divorce was finalized, and now

1043
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 5: his family is after everything.

1044
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 2: That's disgusting.

1045
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 5: This comes directly from the Okay Storytime subreddit too. Buckle up,

1046
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 5: Okay Storytime family, This is gonna be a long ride.

1047
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 5: After twenty three years, I forty five female, ended my

1048
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 5: relationship with my husband, fifty two male. It was not

1049
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 5: an easy decision to make it first. Looking back, I

1050
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 5: should have left him way earlier, but I thought things

1051
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 5: were sunshine, rainbows, long into the storm.

1052
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes.

1053
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 5: From insatia og and if you want to submit your

1054
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1055
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:53,240
Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy,

1056
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 5: but we don't have all the answers really know what

1057
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 5: we would do, so let us know what you would

1058
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 5: do in the comment. As op says, to begin with,

1059
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 5: he had cheap on me with a few spicy workers.

1060
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 5: One of those encounters endangered my health. When I contracted

1061
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 5: an STI girl. It ultimately caused me to agree to

1062
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 5: become polyamorous so that I would know who he was

1063
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 5: sleeping with. I am by, so it worked for me

1064
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,719
Speaker 5: to be able to date. Of course, I rarely did

1065
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 5: because his ego is huge. He was a writer and

1066
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 5: a celebrity in a niche hobby. Fans would cling to

1067
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 5: his every written word. He had abundant friends. We traveled

1068
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,240
Speaker 5: for the niche hobby all over the place. Life appeared

1069
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 5: great outside observers. Even I believed things were great. He

1070
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,240
Speaker 5: worked hard at his writing and was developing more content

1071
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 5: for our hobby than One of his business partners called

1072
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 5: him out for years of terrible, shady, and sometimes appalling behavior.

1073
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 5: When I first read the accusations, I literally said, harsh

1074
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,320
Speaker 5: but accurate. I knew that about sixty percent of the

1075
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 5: accusations were legitimate. When my friends, who remained by my

1076
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 5: side asked me if he had talked trash about them

1077
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 5: behind their backs, I didn't lie. I said he talked

1078
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:04,800
Speaker 5: about everyone my friend. The accusation spread across our hobby.

1079
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 5: He was canceled almost instantly. We got anonymous threats towards

1080
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 5: us and our pets by name. I made him pull

1081
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 5: away from all social media to mitigate the dam it.

1082
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 5: He wanted to fight back, and I knew he was

1083
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:20,720
Speaker 5: vindictive and petty and would go full tilt to ruin

1084
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 5: others to make himself remain relevant. I was afraid he's

1085
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 5: going to have another stroke if he fought back, and

1086
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 5: he probably would have. He had had two strokes before

1087
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 5: fifty and had diabetes. Our circle became extremely small. We

1088
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 5: had my family and that was it. He did not

1089
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,320
Speaker 5: have any family. His parents were both deceased and he

1090
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 5: was an only child. I never actually met any of

1091
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 5: his family in the twenty three years we were together.

1092
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 5: At Christmas, he then alienated my family by being an

1093
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 5: outright a hole to my brother in his own home.

1094
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 5: He kept calling my brother's girlfriend by my former sister

1095
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 5: in law's name. The cracks in our relationship grew larger.

1096
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,919
Speaker 5: I suggested that we get couple's therapy. I was strong

1097
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 5: considering leaving him, but we had been together so long

1098
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 5: and we're truly best friend.

1099
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 2: No, not the sunk cost fallacy. Yeah, these cracks looked

1100
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,320
Speaker 2: like the grand canyon.

1101
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 5: I had stuck by him through illnesses, financial infidelity, ups

1102
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 5: and downs in our careers, and cheating. I thought we

1103
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 5: would weather this too. We probably would have stayed together

1104
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 5: if he had not said some startling things to me.

1105
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 5: He said he did not trust anyone. I asked him

1106
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,360
Speaker 5: if that included not trusting me. He said yes, But

1107
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 5: I clung on. During one session of therapy, he literally

1108
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 5: said to our therapist, if she really felt that I

1109
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 5: was at fault, I would punt her out of the house.

1110
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 5: The therapist and I sat there stunned. We had maybe

1111
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 5: five minutes left in our session, so there was no

1112
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 5: chance to discuss it with help. I asked for another

1113
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 5: session next week, and he refused. He was adamant that

1114
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 5: we would not meet again for two weeks, which was

1115
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 5: our regular schedule. We ended up with an emergency session

1116
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 5: later that week. He fired the therapists three sessions later

1117
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 5: and we ended therapy. He started taking the red pill.

1118
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 5: It was difficult listening to him go from progressive person

1119
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 5: to a Joe Rogan listener and a men's rights activist

1120
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,480
Speaker 5: who believed cancel culture was wrong.

1121
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 2: I will not lie.

1122
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 5: I was miserable. My friends were encouraging me to leave

1123
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,800
Speaker 5: without saying the words directly. I was seeing other people

1124
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 5: and invested in those relationships, despite his flippant attitude towards

1125
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 5: those partners. Meanwhile, I was kind and welcoming to his

1126
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 5: other partners, hoping that we could get back on track.

1127
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 5: I wanted my best friend back, and I thought we

1128
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 5: could work it out. It took me another year and

1129
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 5: a half before I finally came to the realization that

1130
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 5: I was done.

1131
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 3: I arrived two hours late to.

1132
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,720
Speaker 5: An event that I had asked him to attend, along

1133
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 5: with another partner in me. I apologized, and all was

1134
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 5: forgiven because I acknowledged that I had deprioritized him. I

1135
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 5: admitted that I needed to stop doing so. I was

1136
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 5: neglecting our relationship.

1137
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 2: That is not true, and if you were, it's because

1138
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 2: I don't know. He much cheated on you, gave you

1139
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: an STI, and the way that you cope with that

1140
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 2: was becoming open to polyamory, which is not how polyamory works.

1141
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 2: You were just coping with the fact your partner cheated

1142
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 2: on you.

1143
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 5: Then I became the a hole. I had an adult

1144
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 5: coming bear and got a little bit too honest. I

1145
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 5: told him the real reason I was so late was

1146
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,240
Speaker 5: because I was having spicy time with a partner earlier

1147
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,959
Speaker 5: that night. Although the partner who was present high five

1148
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 5: with me, my husband became silent and seethed with anger.

1149
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 5: He almost left me at the event. I meekly asked,

1150
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:24,200
Speaker 5: I am taking a ride share home tonight?

1151
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 3: Am I not?

1152
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 5: He curtly nodded. My partner had to talk him into

1153
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,399
Speaker 5: not leaving me alone while inebriated. When we got home,

1154
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:33,400
Speaker 5: we argued into the wee hours of the night, something

1155
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,840
Speaker 5: we had been doing more and more. I acknowledged that

1156
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,879
Speaker 5: I needed to change my behavior to prioritize him more.

1157
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 5: I had been saying so for a while, but not

1158
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:44,960
Speaker 5: actually making any changes. That is when I remembered the

1159
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 5: adage that making a promise to change without doing so

1160
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 5: is manipulation. I realized I did not like being manipulative.

1161
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 5: My thoughts raced as I questioned if I was willing

1162
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 5: to make the change. Then I thought, if I'm asking

1163
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 5: if I'm willing to change, then I did not actually

1164
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:02,879
Speaker 5: want to change my priorities. With that realization, I knew

1165
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 5: we were done. That night, as we argued, I waited

1166
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,279
Speaker 5: for him to be done with me. I asked, how

1167
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 5: many more times are we going to have this argument?

1168
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,799
Speaker 5: I was resigned that he was going to end things

1169
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 5: with me. Then I overied up and decided I needed

1170
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 5: to stop doing things on his terms and started doing

1171
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 5: them on mine. I told him I was done, not

1172
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:21,919
Speaker 5: just done with the arguing.

1173
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 3: But done with our marriage. I did not need him to.

1174
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 5: Be the decision maker in my life. I needed to

1175
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 5: take control and say things had been miserable for years. Yes,

1176
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 5: he focused so much on his writing that he neglected

1177
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 5: our relationship. It was not until he did not have

1178
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 5: fans that he turned all of his self absorbed tendencies

1179
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 5: onto me. Because I was the only one left, I

1180
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:45,400
Speaker 5: had a trip planned for.

1181
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 3: Later in the week.

1182
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,360
Speaker 5: While I was alone, I went back and reread the

1183
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 5: accusations his former business partner had made. I now saw

1184
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,320
Speaker 5: ninety five percent of the behaviors they had described harsh

1185
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 5: but accurate. Indeed, I knew my decision was the right decision.

1186
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 5: When I came back my trip, he asked me for

1187
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 5: a second chance. I told him that I had a

1188
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 5: therapy session and a phone call with a lawyer that afternoon.

1189
00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 5: I would give him an answer after those things were complete.

1190
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 5: When I told a friend my husband was asking for

1191
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 5: a second chance, he laughed and said, is this not

1192
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:17,160
Speaker 5: like the tenth chance? I knew he was right. I

1193
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 5: told the therapist what my friend had said, and the

1194
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 5: therapist said the words I needed to hear. Tell me

1195
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 5: about those other nine chances. As I recounted them, I

1196
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 5: realized how disrespected I had been Over the years. There

1197
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 5: had been cheating, lies, financial infidelity, legal issues, emotional neglect,

1198
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 5: and so much more. I was resolute I was done

1199
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 5: and there would not be any more chances. I did

1200
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:43,080
Speaker 5: not hate him. I just did not love him or

1201
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 5: consider him someone I would now be friends with. But

1202
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 5: I still cared for him. He was someone who I

1203
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 5: had been through so many wonderful times, as well as

1204
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 5: trials and tribulations that led to the decision to file

1205
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 5: for a legal separation instead of a divorce. There were

1206
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 5: a few distinctions between them, allowing ME to remain a

1207
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 5: medical decision maker, among other things. He had no family

1208
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 5: and no friends who he trusted to make those decisions

1209
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 5: for him. I was the last person he had and

1210
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 5: I had called it quits. Our separation was quite amicable.

1211
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 5: We lived together for a year after I ended things.

1212
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 5: While our separation was finalized, we agreed on how to

1213
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 5: split everything, right down to who would get ownership of

1214
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 5: the dogs and how we would make sure that the

1215
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 5: house was not lost. After all, we had bought the

1216
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 5: house for the dogs. I came up with the solution

1217
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 5: so that he could keep the house, pay me off

1218
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 5: slowly for half the equity over ten years if he

1219
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 5: passed away. Before he could pay me the full equity,

1220
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 5: I would inherit the whole house. I made a morbid gamble,

1221
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 5: knowing he mismanaged his diabetes and would likely have a

1222
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 5: third stroke. We both knew that this was very likely

1223
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 5: unless he made drastic life changes, but we both agreed

1224
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 5: to it. He had to write up a will to

1225
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 5: make it legal. My lawyer had insisted on it as

1226
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 5: a part of the separation agreement.

1227
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 3: I moved on and out.

1228
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 5: I made sure to visit the dogs on occasion and

1229
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 5: asked for frequent photos of the dogs. I broke my

1230
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 5: foot falling down the stage and had to pause visits.

1231
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 5: When I was able to visit again, I could see

1232
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 5: he was not doing well. He looked unkempt and haggard.

1233
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 5: Even the dogs seemed like some of their care was

1234
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 5: not being attended to with speed. It made me angry,

1235
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 5: but the dogs were the only ones who loved him,

1236
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 5: despite his grouchy, hermit like behavior. The last time I

1237
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,560
Speaker 5: saw him, I asked him if he had an emergency

1238
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 5: contact and medical decision maker. He said yes, so I

1239
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 5: told him I was going to file to convert our

1240
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 5: separation into a full divorce. He nodded, and agreed. Once

1241
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 5: I filed the paperwork, it would be finally finalized in

1242
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 5: thirty days. The only account we still had together was

1243
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 5: the house, and I would eventually inherit it per his will.

1244
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,640
Speaker 5: Twenty nine days later, I got on the train to

1245
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 5: head home from work. I looked at my phone and

1246
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 5: noticed a voice message from one of his old friends

1247
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 5: that he had rekindled a friendship with. I read the

1248
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 5: summary of the voicemail. This is Chris.

1249
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 3: I need you to give me a call right away.

1250
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 5: It's super important. Your husband is basically passed away. I

1251
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 5: stopped reading and called.

1252
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:57,200
Speaker 3: Them right back.

1253
00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 5: I expected his friend to tell me what hospital he

1254
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 5: was in. I would rush over there after I got

1255
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 5: off the train. Instead, I spoke to a very somber

1256
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 5: person telling me that they found my former husband deceased.

1257
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 5: Authorities were just arriving. The best way to describe how

1258
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,280
Speaker 5: I felt was rattled. I had never gotten news like

1259
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,560
Speaker 5: this before. I've had very few people who are close

1260
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 5: to me pass on. It felt so sudden. I knew

1261
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 5: that he would pass away, I just didn't expect it

1262
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 5: this soon. It didn't seem real. Once I was over

1263
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 5: the initial shock, I asked about my dog.

1264
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:28,479
Speaker 3: They had been.

1265
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,360
Speaker 5: Alone for about three days. The police told me they

1266
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,600
Speaker 5: were going to call animal control. I told them I

1267
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 5: was only eight minutes away. When I got them, they

1268
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 5: looked scared. One of them is deaf and mostly blind.

1269
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 5: He can't really jump out of bed. The other had

1270
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 5: been rummaging around the house looking for food. I shudder

1271
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 5: to think about what they went through. I let them

1272
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 5: lick my face and sniff me. I was glad they

1273
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 5: were okay and safe with me. Now, So where did

1274
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 5: that leave me? With a mess of a place to

1275
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 5: clean up, items to go through, and a house that

1276
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 5: was now mine? My friends rallied around me and came

1277
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 5: to do the wor work that I just couldn't do.

1278
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,439
Speaker 5: In the moment, I felt very supported in love.

1279
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 2: That is very very good to hear. I'm so glad

1280
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,520
Speaker 2: that you had friends in a support system around you,

1281
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 2: because this is a lot to digest and comprehend.

1282
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 5: We laughed, told stories, drank and smoked some of the

1283
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 5: Devil's lettuce. Life felt good. Then problems started. I started

1284
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 5: looking for the will. At one point he had mentioned

1285
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 5: that one of his friends would be getting some very

1286
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,680
Speaker 5: expensive comics. I wanted to make sure that before I

1287
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 5: sold anything to start paying for bills. He hadn't put

1288
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 5: that in writing. I searched my online documents and his

1289
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 5: physical documents. I couldn't find it. I called up my

1290
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 5: separation attorney to see if she had the will. She

1291
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 5: told me they didn't have it, but gave me the

1292
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 5: name of the attorney he told them he used for

1293
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:46,360
Speaker 5: writing the will. I called that attorney and they didn't

1294
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 5: have any record of him as a client. I checked

1295
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 5: the county's will repository and there still wasn't anything.

1296
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:54,959
Speaker 3: There wasn't a will.

1297
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,680
Speaker 5: To make matters worse, and aunt that he had reconnected

1298
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 5: with called my attorney to see if we were really divorced.

1299
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 5: Because it is publicly available information that we legally separated.

1300
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 5: They let her know that status. My attorney contacted me

1301
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 5: almost immediately to essentially tell me the lawyer up within

1302
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 5: a state attorney, I had already started contacting them. So far,

1303
01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:18,800
Speaker 5: I've been told that because we were legally separated, not divorced,

1304
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 5: I'm in legal limbo. A legal spouse would have simply

1305
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 5: inherited everything. I'm just angry at.

1306
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:25,440
Speaker 3: The whole situation.

1307
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 5: A will was supposed to be written before our separation

1308
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 5: was finalized. I did my part by being reasonable, and

1309
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 5: he didn't do his part by writing a will. It

1310
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 5: never happened, and now I'm having to pay for a

1311
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 5: lawyer to keep my house and everything we worked so

1312
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 5: hard on building up over twenty three years keep it

1313
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 5: from going to an aunt that I've never met and

1314
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 5: that he only reconnected with in the last couple of years.

1315
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 5: I don't have the pin codes for his phone or

1316
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 5: the passwords to his computers. Thankfully, he never changed the

1317
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:56,560
Speaker 5: pin on his tablet, so I started getting into some

1318
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 5: of his accounts online, but many of the apps wanted

1319
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 5: text towed to his phone that I can't access. I

1320
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 5: tried making myself a legacy contact, but because it was

1321
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 5: initiated after he passed away, it means fruity, no responsor.

1322
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 5: It means the phone company wouldn't give.

1323
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,040
Speaker 3: Me access, even after I gave them.

1324
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 5: The posthumous certificate. Yesterday, I got an email from a

1325
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 5: service that I didn't use much, but that my former

1326
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 5: former husband used to share documents with me for editing,

1327
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:27,640
Speaker 5: finances and photos. I was able to get into his

1328
01:02:27,680 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 5: account on the tablet. There was a file called last

1329
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 5: Will and Testament we're there.

1330
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 2: I guess I.

1331
01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:36,760
Speaker 5: Looked it over in a detailed everything we had agreed upon.

1332
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 5: I was named the executor. His friend would get his

1333
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 5: collectibles and I would get the whole house.

1334
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 3: A new catch.

1335
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:46,600
Speaker 5: He didn't sign it. I presented it to my state attorney,

1336
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,160
Speaker 5: but state law says it isn't legally binding, but it

1337
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:51,520
Speaker 5: could be considered. So now I feel hopeful, but so

1338
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 5: afraid that it's not going to get held up in court,

1339
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,280
Speaker 5: and his aunt will be the one to get everything,

1340
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 5: and I'm still so angry at him and he's not

1341
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:01,560
Speaker 5: even here to correct the problem. Thanks for letting me

1342
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 5: share my story. If anyone has been in a situation

1343
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:07,280
Speaker 5: with an unsigned will and how it held up legally,

1344
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 5: I'd love to hear your advice. This whole situation has

1345
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 5: been frustrating.

1346
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,320
Speaker 2: And tell me about the end of that story. Tell

1347
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 2: me about it in Seytha, get me. I mean you gotta.

1348
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 2: I gotta assume that a document on his tablet that

1349
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 2: and you know now they're gonna say, well, could you

1350
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 2: have gone in there and documented you know, God.

1351
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 5: In there there's gonna be metadata on it about when.

1352
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:34,720
Speaker 2: It so I don't know. Hopefully I think it would

1353
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 2: have been wise to maybe not touch anything and just

1354
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 2: have only attorneys like deal with it in you know, documented,

1355
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 2: proper whatever, and that's the end of this story.