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Speaker 1: You're listening to Alive Again, a production of Psychopia Pictures

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Speaker 1: and iHeart Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: My name is Delaney Tarr. I am a former student

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Speaker 2: activist who co founded a gun violence prevention organization called

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Speaker 2: March for Our Lives after the shooting at my high

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Speaker 2: school in Parkland, Florida, on February fourteenth, twenty eighteen.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Alive Again, a podcast that showcases miraculous accounts

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Speaker 1: of human fragility and resilience from people whose lives were

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Speaker 1: forever altered after having almost died. These are first hand

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Speaker 1: accounts of near death experiences and more broadly, brushes with death.

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Speaker 1: Our mission is simple, find and explore and share these

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Speaker 1: stories to remind us all of our shared human condition.

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Speaker 1: Please keep in mind these stories are true and maybe

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Speaker 1: triggering for some well listener, and discretion is advised everyone.

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Speaker 1: Before we begin today's episode, I wanted to tell you

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Speaker 1: about a very special segment that you're about to hear.

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Speaker 1: Nicholas Takoski, one of our story producers here at Live

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Speaker 1: Again and the longtime host of Write Club Atlanta, invited

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Speaker 1: today's guest, Delaney Tarr, to perform her story before a

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Speaker 1: live audience at one of their recent events. Right Club

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Speaker 1: is very special and the stories are always very intimate.

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Speaker 1: Delaney Tarr is a journalist, activist, and one of the

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Speaker 1: original founders of March for Our Lives. She's a survivor

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Speaker 1: of the twenty eighteen Parkland school shooting at Marjorie Stoneman

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Speaker 1: Douglas High School. She became one of the most visible

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Speaker 1: young voices fighting for gun violence prevention in America. Since then,

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Speaker 1: she's carried the weight of that experience into her activism

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Speaker 1: and storytelling. But recently something happened that reframed everything. Just

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, Delaney's younger sister survived a school shooting of

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Speaker 1: her own, this time it was Florida State University. In

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Speaker 1: a heartbreaking Instagram post, Delaney reflected on the two thousand,

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Speaker 1: six hundred and nineteen days that had passed between her

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Speaker 1: school shooting and her sisters quote, I keep rolling it

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Speaker 1: over in my head. The mirror image hiding out in

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Speaker 1: a closet in twenty eighteen, texting my parents, my sister

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Speaker 1: hiding out in a dorm room in twenty twenty five,

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Speaker 1: texting the family group chat. The anger, the pain, the fear.

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Speaker 1: It's also familiar. She's going through it All end quote.

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Speaker 1: So this episode is not only about survival, It's about grief.

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Speaker 1: It's about advocacy and the heartbreak of watching history repeat

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Speaker 1: itself in the life of someone you love. After this

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Speaker 1: live segment, will return to the studio for a deeper

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Speaker 1: conversation with Delaney, one that explores how activism shapes grief,

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Speaker 1: how her life has evolved since Parkland, and how she

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Speaker 1: continues to navigate the complexities of survival and advocacy. What

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Speaker 1: you're about to hear is Delaney's powerful, unfiltered reading on stage.

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Speaker 1: It's a rare and intimate moment that gives voice to

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Speaker 1: her experience.

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Speaker 2: Why do you know how a fig is formed?

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Speaker 3: I'll tell you it's pretty nasty.

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Speaker 1: See.

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Speaker 2: The fruit is a stem that has flowers inside, little

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Speaker 2: tiny flowers. Those flowers amid a tantalizing smell, ready for

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Speaker 2: pollen that draws female wasps in Desperate to get to

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Speaker 2: the flowers. The wasp crawls through a teeny little hole,

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Speaker 2: loses her wings, her antenna, mutilates herself, lays her eggs,

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Speaker 2: pollinates the plant, and dies. As the dead mother wasp

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Speaker 2: rots inside that fig, her eggs hatch the male bugs

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Speaker 2: small no wings, find the females and mate with them.

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Speaker 2: It's incestrous because they're so little and flightless. The men

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Speaker 2: die inside their final resting place, right next to mother.

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Speaker 2: It's only the fertilized females who ever leave pollen, prepared

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Speaker 2: to find another fig and begin the process again. Because

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Speaker 2: of that fig is my favorite fruit. Every time I

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Speaker 2: bite into that soft flesh and taste those mealy, pink insides,

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Speaker 2: I think of the rotting wasp, a little decay, That

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Speaker 2: doomed partnership made something so divine. The story of the

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Speaker 2: fig doesn't resonate with everyone. On a mixed audience hike

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Speaker 2: through the rainforest of Costa Rica with my family and

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Speaker 2: some British tourists, a guide stopped at a massive tree

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Speaker 2: ready for a gotcha?

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Speaker 3: Does anybody know how the fig is formed? With glee?

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Speaker 3: My hands shut up?

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Speaker 2: Dead wasp, Dead wasp, I announced, always a teacher's pet.

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Speaker 2: My mother glanced at me with her through her sweat

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Speaker 2: trip brow.

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Speaker 3: What's wrong with you?

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Speaker 2: Ourn't? Your friends avoided me for the rest of the trip,

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Speaker 2: less charmed by my fun fact than I expected, But

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Speaker 2: perhaps they weren't prepared to confront the gruesome dirty truth

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Speaker 2: of the beautiful fruit. After all, it's a natural aphrodisiac,

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Speaker 2: not what many associate with dead bugs, but I love it.

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Speaker 2: When my high school got shot up in twenty eighteen,

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Speaker 2: a wound formed in our town. Literal people died, but

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Speaker 2: the community was changed. Everyone streamed in to fill that gap.

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Speaker 2: They wanted to help, or maybe they just wanted to.

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Speaker 3: Be a part of the hubbub.

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Speaker 2: Crowds parked right at the entrance of my now alma

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Speaker 2: mater to cry more and show their hurt at everything.

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Speaker 2: School was shut down, obviously, and there was no real

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Speaker 2: morning place, so right there in front of the bike

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Speaker 2: racks where we scheduled all of our fistfights, it became

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Speaker 2: a shrine. We had a gaping, painful hole where the

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Speaker 2: world used to be. To fix it, they laced public's

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Speaker 2: plastic wrapped flowers into the chain link fence. When that

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Speaker 2: got too full, they stacked up vases full of carnations,

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Speaker 2: roses and Valentine's Day discount bouquets anywhere they could fill

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Speaker 2: each new edition and helped a little bit more. I

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Speaker 2: took some pictures at the start. I studied what everyone left,

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Speaker 2: seeing if they splurged on the good roses, or if

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Speaker 2: they just used their leftovers. I didn't care much for

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Speaker 2: those flowers. I like to make my own bouquets. The

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Speaker 2: spray roses from my girlfriend's gift that year were still

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Speaker 2: drying on my dresser. But as the days passed, the

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Speaker 2: mountain of flowers only grew, transforming our eerily quiet campus

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Speaker 2: into some pastiche of tragedy. After a week, the Florida

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Speaker 2: sun had baked it all down into remains. Stems had

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Speaker 2: melted into mush, and the petals had crisped up. And

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Speaker 2: they really don't tell you how a flower smells once

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Speaker 2: it's done being pretty. The smell climbed into our noses

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Speaker 2: at one hundred yards and reminded you of exactly why

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Speaker 2: the bouquets were there. The blood was still inside the building.

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Speaker 2: Nothing felt more alive, but the pretty was supposed to

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Speaker 2: fix the rot. The pretty decayed until it permeated, and

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Speaker 2: that's when I started to like it. The rot was

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Speaker 2: the only thing that I could accept. It felt familiar,

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Speaker 2: and it matched what I was feeling gnawing deep inside me,

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Speaker 2: like I was also decomposing. Yeah, it's cliche, but we

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Speaker 2: all were, couldn't they see it. I developed a hobby.

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Speaker 2: I've had a long overactive imagination and an affinity for horror,

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Speaker 2: the Boogeyman lurking in the shadows, and knowledge was a comfort.

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Speaker 2: I grew up on an Internet where you had fifty

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Speaker 2: percent chance of seeing a video of someone's graphic death

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Speaker 2: anytime you logged on, and sometimes it felt like I

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Speaker 2: was extra prepared for our real life nightmare. So I

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Speaker 2: started watching sped up videos of animals decomposing.

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Speaker 3: I cope.

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Speaker 2: I've never been a religious person, so the question of

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Speaker 2: what happens when we die was a pretty practical one

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Speaker 2: for me, and I needed it answered.

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Speaker 3: There's catharsis in decomposition.

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Speaker 2: It's not evil that the flesh begins to sag and

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Speaker 2: slough away, that the ants and maggots feast with glee,

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Speaker 2: raising down the eyes and testin's muscle on a squirrel, bird, lizard,

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Speaker 2: whatever it might be, it doesn't look too different from

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Speaker 2: eating a bone in chicken wing when you think about it.

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Speaker 3: In those videos, though.

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Speaker 2: Death is just a step, a part of the process

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Speaker 2: once living things break down into phosphorus, potassium, and carbon

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Speaker 2: for the soil that becomes life anew. Nobody's wrong not

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Speaker 2: the ant, the maggot, or the bacteria that break it down,

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Speaker 2: and nobody's hiding from it. Back in the real world,

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Speaker 2: everybody wanted to didn't want to take off that rotting

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Speaker 2: safety blanket. When the shrines would leave, school would reopen,

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Speaker 2: life would go on, and it would be just another

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Speaker 2: step in the process as we became something new.

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Speaker 3: But it was unavoidable.

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Speaker 2: Eventually, some stranger cleared off the sidewalk, picked the mushy

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Speaker 2: stems out of the fence. Students built a garden, planted

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Speaker 2: flowers that wouldn't die, fertilized with soil rich in all

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Speaker 2: those carcass goodies. We spent so long hiding from the wound, though,

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Speaker 2: that it had festered. The stink of it came out,

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Speaker 2: and people got nasty, They got mean, community came crashing down,

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Speaker 2: and factions took its place.

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Speaker 3: I had never felt more removed from it all. Now.

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Speaker 3: Rotten things are my solace.

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Speaker 2: When someone tells me they're deep dark, that thing clawing

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Speaker 2: up their throat and scratching at their brain.

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Speaker 3: I trust it. It's real.

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Speaker 2: My friends and I we like to say that we

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Speaker 2: rot in bed, or that our look of the day

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Speaker 2: is rotted like a shuffling corpse.

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Speaker 3: I study it.

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Speaker 2: I leave my produce in the fridge way past an

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Speaker 2: ok point until I have to slam the door shut

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Speaker 2: just to trap a sent inside. I let my bouquets

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Speaker 2: sit on the table so I can gaze at them

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Speaker 2: while I eat, watching the whites turn brown and the

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Speaker 2: buds turn down to the ground. And when it's unbearable,

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Speaker 2: I scrub it all down. I fill the trash with

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Speaker 2: truly heinous sense. Rotto disparagus can clear a room, and

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Speaker 2: I make it clean. And just like that, I've done

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Speaker 2: my step. I save some things, the crispy petals, the

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Speaker 2: barely trimmed herbs. I make it new, and I make

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Speaker 2: it beautiful again.

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Speaker 3: My name is Delane Uitar.

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Speaker 2: I am a former student activist who co founded a

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Speaker 2: gun violence prevention organization called March for Our Lives after

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Speaker 2: the shooting at my high school in Parkland, Florida, on

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Speaker 2: February fourteenth, twenty eighteen.

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Speaker 3: I was a.

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Speaker 2: Senior in high school at the time, and interestingly enough,

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Speaker 2: I was, you know, kind of at that crux in

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Speaker 2: your life where you're looking at colleges.

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Speaker 3: Trying to figure out what the rest of your life

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Speaker 3: is going to look like.

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Speaker 2: I had been toying with journalism and film as my

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Speaker 2: two main options.

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Speaker 3: Throughout all of high school.

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Speaker 2: I had been in TV production and newspaper, which were

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Speaker 2: these groups where I was, you know, producing student news

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Speaker 2: but also producing student films. So pretty care free on

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Speaker 2: that front.

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Speaker 3: And I'm from South Florida.

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Speaker 2: So it's a very beachy, a little bit idyllic lifestyle,

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Speaker 2: not perfect, but definitely pretty normal teenage life that I

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Speaker 2: was living. It didn't feel idyllic then now it does,

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Speaker 2: but that's what I remember. So the vibe at Marjorie

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Speaker 2: Stone and Douglas High School is massive and wealthy are

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Speaker 2: the two main ways that I would characterize the school.

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Speaker 2: But it was a really huge school that could swallow

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Speaker 2: you up. But yeah, very classically like open campus Florida style.

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Speaker 2: Everything is outdoors and there's very few indoor hallways. I

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Speaker 2: have a distinct memory of a couple of weeks before

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Speaker 2: the shooting talking to my mom about where I would

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Speaker 2: hide if there was a shooting. I had so that

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Speaker 2: I would hide in the trash cans outside. So it

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Speaker 2: was February fourteenth, it was Valentine's Day. I remember putting

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Speaker 2: on my cute little romper that my mom had bought

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Speaker 2: me from Target and some sandals. I had made bouquets

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Speaker 2: for all my friends in little Mason jars. You know,

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Speaker 2: I wanted to do something sweet. And I also really

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Speaker 2: loved Valentine's Day for the kitsch of it all.

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Speaker 3: The actual day.

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Speaker 2: Itself, like leading up to that was a blur because

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Speaker 2: Valentine's Day was not a real day for classes. None

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Speaker 2: of us paid attention, none of us cared. So about

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Speaker 2: two ish pm, we were in Newspaper, which was my

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Speaker 2: last class of the day, and I was hanging out

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Speaker 2: with my friends. We were watching videos, sitting on the

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Speaker 2: beanback chairs in the classroom, hanging out, you know, not serious,

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Speaker 2: watching vines, I think, like fine compilations on YouTube. So

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Speaker 2: it was, you know, a pretty normal day as far

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Speaker 2: as that goes, just a.

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Speaker 3: Very unseerious day of school.

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Speaker 2: And I had worked later that day, so it was

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Speaker 2: kind of like leading up to like, Okay, I got

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Speaker 2: to get off school, go to Tilly's, texting my mom

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Speaker 2: bout my shift at Tilly's.

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Speaker 3: My damn, I have to work on a holiday. That's stupid.

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Speaker 2: And we were supposed to have like a fancy Italian dinner.

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Speaker 2: My dad was making my favorite pasta for dinner, so it.

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Speaker 3: Was going to be like a cute night.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, at about two something PM, I don't remember

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Speaker 2: the exact time. I always have to ask my friends

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Speaker 2: this one because I forget it. But towards the end

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Speaker 2: of the school day, we heard an alarm go off.

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Speaker 2: And we had been told in the months prior that

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Speaker 2: there would be some school shooter drills that we're going

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Speaker 2: to be super realistic.

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Speaker 3: So we heard the drill go off. Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: that's so stupid. We have to evacuate so.

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00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 2: Close to the end of the school day when we

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00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,559
Speaker 2: had like twenty minutes left. So we walked down this

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Speaker 2: little stairwell to go down to the first floor. Halfway

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Speaker 2: down the stairwell, I start hearing screams, which is weird,

247
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Speaker 2: and everybody starts panicking because we're seeing like very authentic

248
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Speaker 2: screams coming from like down in the other direction. So

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Speaker 2: half of us kind of get pushed back up the

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Speaker 2: stairs and into that classroom.

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Speaker 3: The other half of the class we don't know where

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Speaker 3: they go.

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Speaker 2: They did not make it back upstairs because it was

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Speaker 2: just find the nearest classroom. So we get up to

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Speaker 2: the second floor. Our journalism teacher corrals us all into

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Speaker 2: the classroom and we sit up against the wall, crouched down.

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Speaker 2: I am confused. I think I still at that time,

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Speaker 2: was convinced that it was a shooter.

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Speaker 1: Jel.

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Speaker 3: I was like, Wow, this is a really realistic shooter.

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Speaker 2: Dril.

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Speaker 3: This is very strange what is going on?

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Speaker 2: And the people around me are panicking, you know, So

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to calm everyone down, like, Okay, let's not cry,

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Speaker 2: let's be quiet just in case.

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Speaker 3: Like let's but we're sitting there.

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Speaker 2: Against the wall that is like on the hallway, so

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Speaker 2: like our backs are to the hallway. Essentially, our teacher

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00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,720
Speaker 2: makes an executive decision to take us into the storage

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Speaker 2: closet where we keep all of the photography equipment.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know how many.

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Speaker 2: Of us, probably like ten twelve of us really quickly

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Speaker 2: stand up, have to run across because the door has

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Speaker 2: a window, and there's windows on the other side of

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Speaker 2: the classroom, so we sprint across to make sure that

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Speaker 2: nobody can see us, just in case, and we get

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Speaker 2: in the closet and I don't know how long we

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Speaker 2: were in the closet for.

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Speaker 3: Probably at least an hour.

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Speaker 2: But some of the things I remember most were I

281
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,920
Speaker 2: was close to the door with my teacher, was crammed

282
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,880
Speaker 2: in there. I was texting everyone. One of my friends

283
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,760
Speaker 2: called me because he had been on campus earlier that day.

284
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Speaker 2: He called me a panicked and I was like, please

285
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,840
Speaker 2: don't text me. I remember texting my boss going, hey,

286
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,440
Speaker 2: I actually can't make it into my shift today. I'm

287
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,800
Speaker 2: currently hiding because there's a shooting at my school. He said,

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Speaker 2: don't worry about it. And I think about that a lot,

289
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Speaker 2: because what was he supposed to say. My mom is

290
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,960
Speaker 2: texting me updates because the news is reporting on it

291
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,840
Speaker 2: at this point, and like, I'm on Twitter some but

292
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Speaker 2: I don't want to be on social media too much

293
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 2: because my phone is dying.

294
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Speaker 3: We're all realizing.

295
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,160
Speaker 2: We're like, oh my god, who could it be? Because

296
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,120
Speaker 2: we know it's real. At this point, we all turn

297
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,360
Speaker 2: off our Snapchat locations. That's like the first thing, because

298
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Speaker 2: Snapchat has a map feature where it tells you where

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Speaker 2: someone is, and we don't know who this could be.

300
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Speaker 2: We had theories about, like, Okay, which kid.

301
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Speaker 3: Do we think maybe he did a shooting?

302
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:32,840
Speaker 2: We're like, oh my god, does he have a snapchat,

303
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,600
Speaker 2: and it was for some reason we assume to he,

304
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,320
Speaker 2: you know, for many reasons.

305
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,080
Speaker 3: We assumed it was a he.

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Speaker 2: So we were in there, like everybody's kind of realizing

307
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 2: things at the same moment, finding out news at the

308
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 2: same moment, and everybody's kind of shouting out like, oh

309
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Speaker 2: my god, there's this many people dead.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, he's.

311
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Speaker 2: Over here, Like we don't know what is and isn't

312
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,440
Speaker 2: true at this point in time, because some people are

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Speaker 2: getting it from their friends texting from the other side

314
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 2: of school, some people are getting it from news helicopters,

315
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,840
Speaker 2: some people are getting it from their parents, and it's

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Speaker 2: just like all this influx of information, and I can

317
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 2: tell that it's making people freak out more so one

318
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,400
Speaker 2: of my friends is having like several panic attacks in

319
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Speaker 2: the back of the closet. Somebody else is like crying,

320
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,360
Speaker 2: and this one girl keeps like a nounce and she's like,

321
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,680
Speaker 2: oh my god, I think there's more people dead.

322
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Speaker 3: And I think I feel bad because.

323
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Speaker 2: I did dick out on my iro on her because

324
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 2: I was like, if you don't shut the fuck up,

325
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna slap you. You are not helping the situation.

326
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Speaker 2: Everybody was freaking out. So my way of handling it

327
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 2: was locked down, no feelings, keep my composure because everyone

328
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 2: else is having a meltdown. I want to be as

329
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,880
Speaker 2: solid as possible. My phone is dying, which I'm very

330
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,680
Speaker 2: acutely aware of the fact that I'm like, Okay, what's

331
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 2: gonna happen, So I like text my mom, I love

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00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,240
Speaker 2: you if anything happens, and like text my dad and

333
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:45,720
Speaker 2: my sister. I'm like, just in case, I want to

334
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,360
Speaker 2: cover my bases. I don't want our last text to

335
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 2: be stupid. My mom joking about like, don't fart in there,

336
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,880
Speaker 2: which she did because she was trying to add brevity

337
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 2: to the situation, which maybe wasn't the right move, but

338
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 2: also like, what is the right move when your daughter's

339
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 2: in a school shooter situation?

340
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Speaker 3: Don't fart.

341
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 2: So we were in there for quite a while, and

342
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,879
Speaker 2: we really didn't have any true real updates. We didn't

343
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,280
Speaker 2: know where on campus the shooter was. Mind you, it's

344
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,879
Speaker 2: a huge campus, so we didn't hear gunshots because we

345
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,119
Speaker 2: sprinted upstairs so quickly.

346
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Speaker 3: Well, we don't know.

347
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Speaker 2: Apparently, I find out half the kids had run out

348
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 2: of the school completely. They had escaped to school so

349
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,400
Speaker 2: we were still.

350
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Speaker 3: There for a while.

351
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,359
Speaker 2: Nobody knew where anybody was, nobody knew really what was

352
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,919
Speaker 2: true and what wasn't. We were there for so so

353
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 2: long in that cramped little closet back up against the

354
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 2: shelving where all the cameras were sitting, and eventually we

355
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 2: heard a banging sound on the main classroom door. So

356
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,239
Speaker 2: I think they said something about like swat team, open up.

357
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,199
Speaker 2: And my first thought was I'm like, Oh, he's pretending

358
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 2: to be the swat team and we're all about to

359
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:56,600
Speaker 2: die right now. And I think everybody kind of thought that,

360
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,040
Speaker 2: because even my teacher bless Her, was like, like he

361
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,480
Speaker 2: was going to have to be the one to open

362
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 2: the door. But this is also just a person who

363
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 2: is terrified of being murdered. I remembered the baited breath

364
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 2: that we all had, in the fear that we all

365
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 2: had because we knew we had to open our closet

366
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 2: door to like see who was at the door. And

367
00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,160
Speaker 2: that was the one moman where I was like, I'm

368
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 2: about to die right now. We opened up the door

369
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 2: and we could see like the military people standing outside

370
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,639
Speaker 2: through that little tiny window in the front of the

371
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 2: classroom door. Yeah, we kind of ran out. I still

372
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 2: didn't feel safe. I still had convinced myself like, Okay,

373
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Speaker 2: maybe there's a second.

374
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,719
Speaker 3: Shooter, Maybe there's somebody. Maybe they didn't catch him.

375
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 2: He might still be walking around and we have these

376
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 2: giant wall of windows here that he could just shoot through.

377
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 2: I don't really know the logistics of how a gun works.

378
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 2: I mean I do now, but like I didn't at

379
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,560
Speaker 2: the time understand would the bullet be able to get me.

380
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: So they like open up the doroorm. We're like, we're

381
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 2: gonna evacuate this entire haul into your classroom. And I'm

382
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,919
Speaker 2: looking at these windows. I'm like, I'm i gonna get

383
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,400
Speaker 2: shot right now because everybody else is hiding, crouching down.

384
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 2: But I'm walking around because I decided I want to

385
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 2: be the helper. Teacher's bet uh but yeah, I like

386
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,399
Speaker 2: wanted to help in any way possible. So I'm, you know,

387
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,640
Speaker 2: stacking stuff, and then the classmates start filing in.

388
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,160
Speaker 3: My TV production.

389
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,640
Speaker 2: Teacher was in the same hallway and he had become

390
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 2: like a father figure to me. So I saw him

391
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,879
Speaker 2: and that was the first moment that I kind of

392
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 2: I could feel the breakdown a little bitcause I was like,

393
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,320
Speaker 2: oh my god, like I finally feel safe around him

394
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 2: because he's known me for so long. I say, he's like,

395
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 2: you're okay, You're safe, and they're like, you know, it's

396
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,960
Speaker 2: got these teachers trying to do like head counts and stuff,

397
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 2: and these scary, scary military man standing there with their gun,

398
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 2: and it was just such a surreal situation that I

399
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,560
Speaker 2: don't think I could really process it in the moment.

400
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 2: And then eventually they were like, Okay, we're going to

401
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 2: go to the end of the hall where the library is,

402
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 2: and we're going to take you out to the library

403
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 2: and you're going to wait there. So we just kept

404
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 2: getting shuffled around. At that point, we did not know

405
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 2: when we were going to get to leave the school

406
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 2: if ever, so we have to walk with our hands

407
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 2: up through the hall. I remember my friend filming it

408
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 2: after the student journalist. He was recording everything he could,

409
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 2: I was taking pictures. We were very much trying to

410
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,439
Speaker 2: document the scenario. But yeah, us walking through the hallway

411
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 2: with our hands in the air, and we go When

412
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 2: we sit in the library, just waiting and waiting and waiting,

413
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 2: I think we ate some grapes. The immediate fear and

414
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 2: shock was wearing off, so a lot of us reverted

415
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 2: to a kind.

416
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 3: Of childish stupidity because it was like, this is insane.

417
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 2: Let's pretend it's not happening, so, you know, we're joking

418
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: around being stupid.

419
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 3: Once again. Don't know how much time had passed.

420
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 2: It felt like another hour, maybe it was, And they

421
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: were like, okay, so we're gonna evacuate you, but all

422
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 2: the roads are shut down, so you're gonna have to

423
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 2: walk a mile to get to the library, like the

424
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 2: actual Parkland library. So they filed us out of the school,

425
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 2: hands up in the air, and we then had to

426
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 2: begin our trek through all these closed down roads where

427
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 2: you can see already news cruiser there. Some parents had

428
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 2: made it inside, so like some people split off pretty early,

429
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,159
Speaker 2: not me, so I had to walk the mile. We

430
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 2: made a bunch of probably tasteless jokes about like having

431
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,400
Speaker 2: to you know, make this journey in this.

432
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 3: Trek, and how stupid it is that they're making us

433
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 3: walk so far.

434
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 2: Right now, because once again don't want to confront the

435
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: reality of the situation.

436
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 3: By the time we.

437
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: Made it to the library, my phone had died, so

438
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 2: I wasn't able to communicate with my family. I knew

439
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 2: my dad was coming to pick me up, but I

440
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 2: didn't know where he was or how far away he was.

441
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 2: And unfortunately, when my phone died, I later found out

442
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,359
Speaker 2: that he panicked because he thought something else had happened.

443
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 2: So he was like running around the parking lot screaming

444
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: my name, like he had pulled over. He was like

445
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,880
Speaker 2: trying desperately to find me because I think he thought

446
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 2: that I had been shot.

447
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 3: In the time, since.

448
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 2: Before we even left the parking lot of the library,

449
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 2: my journalism teacher was getting phone calls from Anderson Cooper's

450
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 2: team to schedule interviews, so already was kind of beginning,

451
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: and I could feel the first and I was like,

452
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,199
Speaker 2: oh my god, Anderson Cooper. So that was like the

453
00:21:54,240 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 2: first taste of something being insane. But yeah, my dad

454
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 2: picked me up. We tried to go home, and then

455
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 2: our neighborhood road was shut down.

456
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's weird.

457
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 2: So then we parked a little bit further away, walked

458
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 2: again for so long, so much walking that day, and

459
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,919
Speaker 2: the reason the road was shut down was because they

460
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 2: had caught the shooter outside of my neighborhood. He had

461
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 2: gone to Walmart with the rest of the kids, the

462
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,439
Speaker 2: Walmart next to our school, and like blended in.

463
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,959
Speaker 3: He had made it far to get to my neighborhood.

464
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 3: Because I was like, oh my.

465
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 2: God, this is so haunting and I don't really know

466
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 2: what to say about it, but yeah, we went home.

467
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 2: My dad had still made his fancy dinner was Cabernada.

468
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,199
Speaker 2: He was like, I know, he left his pasta. I

469
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 2: barely picked at it. And it was just like a

470
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: really bizarre night because I was not crying. I think

471
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 2: everybody was waiting for me to cry, but I was

472
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 2: not crying. The few things that I did do I

473
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 2: scheduled an interview through Twitter DMS for the next day.

474
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 3: I found my high school yearbook.

475
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 2: Once I learned the name of the shooter and I

476
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 2: found his face, realized I did in fact know him

477
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 2: because he worked register at a dollar store nearby, and

478
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 2: barely it's some pasta, collapsed into bed, woke up the

479
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 2: next day and then I had a different life than

480
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:25,239
Speaker 2: I ever expected. I had gotten DMS because I had

481
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 2: tweeted something. I don't even remember what it was, but

482
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 2: I tweeted something about the shooting and it went semiviral,

483
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 2: so people started dming me and asking to do interviews.

484
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 2: I know that I'm good at talking. I know that

485
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 2: I'm comfortable in front of the camera. I've spent many

486
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: years in front of and behind the camera in a

487
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 2: journalistic capacity, so I kind of was like, why not

488
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 2: to do the interviews. I want people to talk to

489
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 2: the press. I want I want to share this my anger,

490
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 2: my vitriol. Because immediately I was like, oh my god,

491
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 2: this was so prevenable, So I yeah, I started doing interviews.

492
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: Literally immediately there was a vigil and that was where

493
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 2: a lot of us reunited, so like I saw a

494
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 2: lot of my classmates that I hadn't seen since before

495
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 2: the shooting, tons of news cameras, but yeah, so that

496
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,360
Speaker 2: was like reunions was the first thing, like hugging each other,

497
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: people being like, oh my god, you're alive. Like we

498
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: all knew we were alive, but you kind of have

499
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 2: to see it to believe it. And I remember one

500
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 2: of the parents of the children who were killed got

501
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 2: up there and started talking about how he couldn't remember

502
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 2: if he had said I love you to his daughter,

503
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 2: and that was that was the moment that I think

504
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: I first started like really crying like it hit me,

505
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 2: and I think it hit a lot of people in

506
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 2: a severe way. First of all, the fact that his

507
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 2: daughter had just been killed and he was up here

508
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 2: talking to us about this was like haunting, so amazing

509
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 2: to see him say it and not like retreat but

510
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: be like, no, you have to confront what happened here,

511
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 2: because there were these cameras here and there were these

512
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 2: people watching across the country and the globe.

513
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 3: So he was like, I'm going.

514
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 2: To make you deal with the fact that my daughter

515
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 2: is dead now and she should not be. And I

516
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 2: remember there were all these crosses set up for the

517
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 2: dead kids in the park on the ground, and I

518
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 2: can remember my mom actually told me about this because

519
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: I kind of forgot about it because I was like,

520
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 2: what was I like from your perspective in these days,

521
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 2: because I know what I was like from my perspective,

522
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 2: but you were, my mom, I don't know what you

523
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 2: were experiencing. And she told me that at the vigil

524
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 2: when we were about to leave, I had like gone

525
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 2: to the crosses and was like looking at the kids' names,

526
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,719
Speaker 2: and I started when she was like we have to leave,

527
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 2: I started uncontrollably sobbing, which was my first time doing

528
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 2: that in front of her, maybe ever, but specifically in

529
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 2: this scenario, and I was like panicking at the thought

530
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 2: of having to leave, like she was like, I was like, please, no, like,

531
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 2: don't make me leave. Don't like crying, crying, crying, And

532
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 2: she was trying to kind of manage that, but she

533
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: even still she was like, I don't know why you

534
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 2: reacted like that in that moment, but that was the

535
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 2: moment that you.

536
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: Really broke down in front of me. I know.

537
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 2: I think that that was a moment of community and

538
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 2: safety and feeling held and that we were all together

539
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 2: mourning and grieving together. And having to go back to

540
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 2: my home, back to my room and go be a

541
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 2: person again was unfathomable to me because all I needed

542
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 2: was to just be around all of these people who

543
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 2: were feeling the same way as me, and it was

544
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 2: almost like this pocket outside of the real world that

545
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: we could live in where we were holding these candles

546
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 2: and like feeling the hot wax and petting the therapy

547
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 2: dogs and you know, just hugging and crying and grieving

548
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 2: in this mass morning moment. To have to like realize

549
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 2: that there is a life outside of this and that

550
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,360
Speaker 2: we have to carry these feelings into our daily lives

551
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 2: and just keep going was unfathomable to me. I started

552
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 2: avoiding my friends too, because a lot of them we

553
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 2: would gather at our different houses and it would just

554
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 2: kind of be sitting there in our feelings together, and

555
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 2: for a lot of them that helped.

556
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,880
Speaker 3: For me, that was my worst nightmare.

557
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: I stay there for about twenty minutes, and I was

558
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: so violently uncomfortable that I told them I had to go,

559
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 2: and I went and I did an interview because that

560
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,919
Speaker 2: was my coping mechanism was like I can talk about this,

561
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 2: but I can talk about it in a way that

562
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: makes me feel guarded versus having to open up and

563
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 2: be vulnerable, because if I fall apart, I don't think

564
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put myself back together again. And that was

565
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 2: not a luxury that I wanted to afford myself at

566
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: the time of like just letting it loose and letting

567
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 2: it go. But to pivot to like this was a

568
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 2: preventable tragedy. There's a reason that this happened. This happened

569
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: because of gun laws, This happened because of the NRA,

570
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 2: and this happened because of you, And like that that

571
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 2: was what I needed to say and that was what

572
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 2: I wanted to share out into the world. And I

573
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: was clearly not the only one because days later.

574
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: We formed March for Our Lives.

575
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 2: The journey of processing has been a process, which is

576
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: so silly to say, but there has not been one

577
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 2: moment where I've realized it. It is a lot of

578
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 2: hiindsight in understanding what I was doing and why I

579
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 2: was doing it. I mean, every month I have a

580
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 2: new revelation essentially where I'm like, oh my.

581
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,120
Speaker 3: God, everything I thought was wrong. So it's still very.

582
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 2: Much a process for me of like understanding and feeling

583
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 2: and going through those feelings. But I did let myself

584
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: have emotions in very specific scenarios, so like protests are

585
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 2: always very cathartic, Like watching.

586
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 3: Other speakers get up there, I would cry a lot, and.

587
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 2: They wouldn't be like parking speakers and be like kids

588
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: from across the country. I would cry to other things,

589
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 2: like if I was watching a sad movie, I'd cry

590
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: a lot to that, or listening to music, I'd cry

591
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 2: a lot to that. So there were these moments of

592
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: like letting it out, but it had to be in

593
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,239
Speaker 2: a way where I could put it all back in

594
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 2: and that was the truth for a very long time.

595
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: March for Our Lives, I want to say it happened organically.

596
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 2: My story of joining the March for Our Lives began

597
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 2: when my TV production teacher, who, like I said, was

598
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 2: a father figure to me. My TV production teacher texted

599
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 2: me and he said, Hey, I know that they're putting

600
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 2: on a rally at the courthouse in Fort Lauderdale, Florida,

601
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 2: which was about thirty minutes away.

602
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 3: Do you want to speak at it? I went to

603
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 3: the rally. There was a couple of us speaking.

604
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: It was me, David Hogg, X Gonzalez, Cameron Cask I

605
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 2: believe David was in TV production with me. Xually I

606
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: had known since freshman year, and Cameron Caske I had

607
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: known through theater, which was like we worked a lot

608
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 2: and we had a lot of overlap with.

609
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 3: The theater program. I gave a speech and I started

610
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 3: doing interviews.

611
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 2: We get these people who come up to us and

612
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 2: they're like, hey, I think it was CBS. We want

613
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 2: to take the four of you and we want to

614
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 2: do a sit down interview in a hotel room tonight,

615
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 2: and we want to broadcast it. We wanted to be

616
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 2: like a big thing, so we did this sit down interview.

617
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: After the sit down interview, Cameron Caske walks up to

618
00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 2: me and is like, Hey, come to my house tonight.

619
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 2: And I go what he said, Yeah, come to my

620
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 2: house tonight. I can't tell you, I'll tell you.

621
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: There.

622
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 2: I walk in, there's this huge dream of people. All

623
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 2: these people that I've known for a long time are

624
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 2: there and they're all like on the phone and they're

625
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 2: organizing and they're taking calls and they're messaging, and he

626
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 2: kind of like it calls the meeting to order. He's like, Hey, everyone,

627
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 2: we're going to do something. And I think we're going

628
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 2: to do the March for our Lives and we're going

629
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: to do a march on Washington And he's like, we're

630
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 2: going to announce it and then we're going to have

631
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 2: it organized by March twenty fourth. Then we realize it's

632
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 2: going to happen. We have a month to put it together,

633
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 2: and we are all on board and signed on for

634
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 2: this thing. So we are the March for our Lives.

635
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 2: We decided a march would.

636
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: Be this moment to.

637
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 2: Show that people weren't gonna take it anymore. That it

638
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: wasn't going to be thoughts and prayers anymore. We wanted

639
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,479
Speaker 2: a mass mobilization. We understood the power of protest, and

640
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 2: that was like a thing that when you learn about

641
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 2: all these movements, particularly student and youth led movements, you're like, Okay,

642
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 2: well we're going to do this, and yeah, March on

643
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 2: Washington was ambitious, definitely ambitious.

644
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 3: There was a little bit of fear, I think that

645
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 3: it wasn't going to come together in a month, but

646
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 3: it did.

647
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 2: We're going to do this one thing that gives us

648
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 2: hope for the first time in what was days but

649
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 2: felt like an eternity. That was the first feeling of like,

650
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 2: thank God, we have this thing, this thing that we

651
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: can do to feel something other than pain and to

652
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: feel hope and to push towards a positive thing that

653
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 2: can only last so long. So pretty quickly things started

654
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 2: like you know, there's tensions, there's high school conflict, there's

655
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: distrust and dislike for each other. So it evolved over

656
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: a period of months and devolved over a period of

657
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 2: months into like needing to have sit downs with outside

658
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 2: mediators who were like, you guys do not like each

659
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 2: other right now, and you.

660
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 3: Are at each other's throats and we need to figure

661
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 3: this out. Of course, we all dated each.

662
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,239
Speaker 2: Other too, and that's a whole other thing of like,

663
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 2: once again, when you put a bunch of high schoolers

664
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: in our room together. We spent all of our waking

665
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 2: hours together, and we a little of it were like,

666
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 2: oh my god, we're changing the world. So there was

667
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 2: a lot of hormones, there was a lot of unresolved

668
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 2: trauma and grief, and there was a lot of responsibility

669
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 2: that we were feeling. So some friendships got really close

670
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: and then collapsed. I made some of my best friends

671
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 2: and then lost some of my best friends in that timeframe,

672
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 2: and they were the same people, and like, it was

673
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 2: just a constantly shifting landscape of who's okay with, who,

674
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: who can work with? Who, who likes each other, who

675
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 2: doesn't like each other. And that was one of those

676
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 2: things where I'm like, in hindsight, I almost feel like

677
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 2: we needed and it would have been impossible because were

678
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 2: still building an organization. I feel like we needed like

679
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 2: an HR manager or something, because we should not have

680
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 2: been in charge of all of that without somebody checking

681
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: in on us emotionally. And eventually we kind of established

682
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: that infrastructure, but we was so baked into us to

683
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: not feel our emotions and not share our emotions that

684
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 2: it would just come out in all these other ways.

685
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 2: So I became incredibly close with them, and I feel

686
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 2: like we all are forever linked. But I also know

687
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 2: that we had a lot of moments of drama, teenage

688
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 2: drama that was put on the national stage and also

689
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 2: involved millions of dollars and people counting on you, which.

690
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: Is a really fun recipe.

691
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,479
Speaker 2: We were not giving ourselves space or time to feel anything.

692
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 2: Nobody else is giving us space or time to feel

693
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 2: anything like nobody's were these inspiring teenagers, And that is

694
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 2: one of those things that I've had to break down.

695
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 3: Over the years of like, oh, you guys are so

696
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 3: strong and so inspiring.

697
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, but we were also so broken and

698
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 2: what we needed in that moment, yeah, it was to

699
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 2: do this.

700
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 3: But I also sometimes.

701
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 2: Feel regret and anger at the fact that I'm like,

702
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 2: why did you guys let this happen? Nobody could have

703
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 2: stopped us, No one could have stopped me, clearly, but

704
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 2: I like, damn, I wish somebody had sat us down

705
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: and kind of been like, take a beat, you know, and.

706
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 3: If we did.

707
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: Problem is if we did take a beat, keep on

708
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 2: moving without us, So we couldn't take a beat, like

709
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 2: we all knew, if any of us stopped to feel

710
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 2: our feelings or took a break or like backed off

711
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 2: for personal reasons, the train would keep moving and we

712
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to get back on the way I

713
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 2: feel about my work with much of our lives changes

714
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 2: practically every day, particularly the more that I reflect on it.

715
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 2: And then also the question of did it change anything?

716
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 2: And I think that is a really tough thing to

717
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 2: grapple with for me, where I'm like, we did all that,

718
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 2: We threw our lives away for a while, we traumatize

719
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 2: ourselves and then add an entirely new level of trauma

720
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 2: on top of it for what And then I get

721
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 2: angry about that. But then somebody comes up to me,

722
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 2: particularly young kid, and is like, you change things for me,

723
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 2: You inspired me, You made me feel like I could

724
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 2: do something. The fact that it changed things for some

725
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 2: kids and that it at least gave them a voice

726
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: is kind of That's what I hold on too. I

727
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 2: used to hear it a lot more when I was

728
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 2: doing organizing actively because these kids were coming up to me.

729
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 2: But yeah, being able to hear it now sometimes it

730
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 2: checks me a little when I get a little bit

731
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 2: too dark and twisty about all of it, because I'm

732
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 2: very cynical now, so that cynicism kind of bleeds into

733
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 2: the hope that I have then, because I'm.

734
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: Not seeing the change that I wanted to.

735
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 2: Pre shooting, I wanted to go to the University of Georgia,

736
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,280
Speaker 2: go dogs and go to journalism school. I had applied

737
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:43,839
Speaker 2: to a bunch of schools, but that was the one

738
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 2: I toured, and I was like, this campus is gorgeous.

739
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 2: I think I can do this. Grady is a great school.

740
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 2: I'm out of state, like it was the dream for me.

741
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,439
Speaker 2: Post shooting, A bunch of adults got in my ear

742
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 2: and this was not malicious. They got in my ear

743
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,720
Speaker 2: and they went, you're going to go to a state

744
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 2: school in Georgia. I studied journalism, you need to go

745
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 2: into politics.

746
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 3: So I negotiated.

747
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I apply to American University in

748
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 2: DC and I'll study public policy. Because I was like,

749
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 2: this is what I should be doing, and this is

750
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 2: what people keep telling me I should be doing, is

751
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 2: going into politics and making a difference that way. I

752
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 2: had a lot of really negative experiences with reporters and

753
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 2: a lot of really negative experiences with the media where

754
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 2: I felt I felt taken advantage of. I felt like

755
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 2: boundaries were crossed, and seeing firsthand the way the media

756
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 2: industry worked, the way the machine worked to us, I

757
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, my god, do I want to be

758
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: a part of this?

759
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 3: Do I even want to be a journalist?

760
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 2: So I really started questioning that, and I'm getting all

761
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 2: this feedback of out like no, do politics, do politics?

762
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 3: Or you could be really good at it.

763
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,320
Speaker 2: So I applied to American, I got in. I applied

764
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 2: to UGA, I got in. I remember getting really excited

765
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 2: when I found out I was accepted to UGA because

766
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 2: it was something that I had done completely independent of

767
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: the shooting. When I got into American, I didn't feel

768
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 2: as excited because I also would have only been able

769
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 2: to afford one semester of tuition and then from there

770
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 2: I would have had to figure it out.

771
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 3: And the moment that I.

772
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 2: I backtracked on all of that, it was a college

773
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,840
Speaker 2: decision day in high school where you wear the shirt

774
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 2: from the college that you're going to, and I remember

775
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 2: being like I had some UGA merch because I wanted

776
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: to go to UGA. I was like, I don't have

777
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 2: any American University merch and I was like, they don't

778
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 2: even have like a college culture. I would just be

779
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 2: going there and being in the city. And my friend

780
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 2: who was going to go to UGA later backed out,

781
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 2: was wearing her UGA shirt and I was wearing a

782
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 2: stupid like maybe blue T shirt. And I was like,

783
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: uh oh, I don't feel excited about this. I don't

784
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 2: feel happy about this. And I panicked. That was the

785
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 2: day that, like you had to It was the day

786
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 2: after deposits were due. So I emailed UGA and like

787
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 2: a panic, I was like, can I please come? Can

788
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 2: I please come here instead? I know I did not

789
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 2: commit here. I know I missed the deadline, but I

790
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 2: really want to go here more than anything, And can

791
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 2: I come and can I defer a semester?

792
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,720
Speaker 3: And they said yes. So I lost six.

793
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 2: Hundred dollar on the American University deposit. I put down

794
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 2: the deposit for UGA, and I made what was the

795
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: first decision for me in a long time, because I

796
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 2: knew that would mean going out of state, going away

797
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 2: from the whole nonprofit organization, going away from the political

798
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 2: machine and being a college student. So I decided to

799
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 2: be a college student, and I decided to give journalism

800
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: a chance and hope that I could change it. There's

801
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 2: been a lot of changes and I think phases that

802
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 2: I've gone through. I have never been religious. I know,

803
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 2: I was not raised with religion, so I did not

804
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 2: find religion. Sometimes I think maybe that would have been

805
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: a comfort. But I'm fine without it. I'm managed without it.

806
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 2: I found other ways, and a lot of that involved

807
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 2: being introspective and looking at my own feelings.

808
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 3: But I did kind of transform a couple of times.

809
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 3: So for me, there's like chunks.

810
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 2: The chunk of me going to college it was almost

811
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 2: I was trying so hard to be young again, so

812
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 2: I got really into, you know, nonsensical stuff like I

813
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 2: didn't want it to be serious unless I decided it

814
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 2: was serious. So I took a lot of you know, comfort.

815
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 3: In watching like stupid cartoons and bad.

816
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: Movies and like listening to what I liked, whether or

817
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 2: not that was considered cool enough. Because once I got

818
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: to college, it was a lot of these kids who

819
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: were like I read Hagel and I only watch esoteric

820
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 2: films and like a lot of people who are trying

821
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: very hard to seem like they're mature, And there were

822
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 2: some moments where I think people kind of I don't

823
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 2: think they thought it was immature, but I think I

824
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 2: seemed like maybe I didn't.

825
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 3: Know as much.

826
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 2: But it was largely because I realized I had already

827
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 2: lived way more lifetimes than these people, and a lot

828
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 2: of them were trying to substitute for a lack of living,

829
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 2: whereas I had experienced all of this hell on earth

830
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 2: and I didn't really need to be substituting it by

831
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 2: living vicariously through something else. So I was very adamant

832
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 2: about the fact that I wanted to preserve that nonsense

833
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 2: and preserve that frivolity and silliness.

834
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 3: So I worked very hard to get that back, and

835
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: then COVID hit that way through college.

836
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 2: I was very fresh when I went to college, it

837
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 2: was and that was one of things when I was

838
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 2: looking at hindsight, I was like, oh, I was not

839
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 2: far enough removed from anything to be healed, but I

840
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 2: had convinced myself I was healed. And then understanding that

841
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 2: it's been like a long process that started happening post COVID,

842
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 2: where I was like, Okay, I need to really understand

843
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,879
Speaker 2: like how I've been dealing with these things and what

844
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 2: it means for me to deal with my emotions the

845
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 2: way I have, and understand why I'm so closed off,

846
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,760
Speaker 2: understand why my impulse is to write about these things

847
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 2: because it's safe to write about it where I can

848
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: have control over the narrative and I can perform it

849
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 2: and deliver it in the way that I want versus

850
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 2: really feeling it. Does that mean that I, you know,

851
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 2: changed the behavior. No, it means that I just I

852
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 2: got it a little bit more and like learning how

853
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 2: to open up to people and just kind of figure

854
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 2: out who I would be as DeLine guitar not Delane

855
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 2: guitar youth activist, because my entire identity had been built

856
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 2: around that for so long and it was one of

857
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 2: those things that even though it was, you know, in

858
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 2: the long run, not a crazy amount of time to

859
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 2: be super involved, it was an identity that followed me.

860
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 2: So I, you know, I didn't distance myself from it,

861
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 2: but I did try and like incorporate into myself but

862
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 2: not let it dominate myself. And that became part of

863
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 2: it too, where I was like, this is one part

864
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: of my identity, but I've lived enough since then that

865
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 2: it's not the only part of my identity. And I've

866
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 2: made enough friendships and had enough experiences since then that

867
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,800
Speaker 2: I can be more than that thing. Whereas post shooting

868
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 2: like that was the thing, everything else felt are the

869
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 2: way side. I'm still understanding things, but I've been specifically

870
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 2: writing about it a lot lately, and that has forced

871
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 2: me to confront a lot of things that I forgot about,

872
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 2: a lot of things that I maybe didn't put the

873
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 2: pieces together on. So I feel like I'm at a

874
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 2: new point of understanding of myself and at a new

875
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,760
Speaker 2: point of like grappling with myself. I feel like a person,

876
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: and I don't think I felt like a person after

877
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 2: the fact, but I'm a different person, you know, And

878
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 2: I think everybody that I know now really understands that

879
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 2: about me and is conscious of it in a way

880
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 2: that I think is really beautiful and loving.

881
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Alive again, joining me for a conversation

882
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,760
Speaker 1: about today's story. Are my other Alive against story producers

883
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: Nicholas Dakowski and print Day, and I'm your host, Dan Bush.

884
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 4: You know what drew me to Delaney's story is the

885
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 4: fact that we are surrounded by this decades long epidemic

886
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 4: of gun violence in this country. And you know, one

887
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 4: thing that we don't get to hear a lot is

888
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 4: sort of how what the long term effects are on

889
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 4: the people who go through this. We hear the stories

890
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 4: of what happened in the moment, you know, and we

891
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 4: go and this is a sickness in our society. I

892
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 4: think that, like true crime is a symptom of like

893
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 4: true crime shows and podcasts for the fascination with that

894
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 4: symptom of this sickness. We want to like it's like

895
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 4: we want to know everything about the evil, you know,

896
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 4: the quote unquote what causes it was, what was in

897
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 4: his brain that made him this way, But we never

898
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 4: fucking focus on like the long term effects has the

899
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 4: people who are victims of this stuff, Like they're interesting

900
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 4: in that they can tell us what happens, They can

901
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,760
Speaker 4: give us all the gruesome details, but like nobody seems

902
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 4: to give a shit what happens once the cameras are

903
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 4: turned off and they have to like go home and

904
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 4: these seventeen year olds have to like sleep at night

905
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 4: and eat food.

906
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 5: What struck me about her telling of this was how

907
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 5: lighthearted and humorous she was able to make her presentation.

908
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 5: I mean, she'd gone through this traumatic thing, and she

909
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:50,320
Speaker 5: still carried this joy, this natural personality.

910
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 4: And I hopefully she wouldn't be insulted by this. But

911
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: she also has like theater kid energy, you know, this

912
00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 4: like intellectual curiosity and excitement, you know. I think think

913
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 4: that's just her personality. She tells the story well because

914
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 4: she's it's not just because she's an excellent storyteller at heart,

915
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 4: but because she's practiced in telling it. One of these

916
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 4: one of the aspects of this story. And I think

917
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 4: the thing that was the most interesting to me was

918
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 4: that not only she survived this experience of being right

919
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 4: there at death's door, and it was super important and

920
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 4: something that happens constantly in this country, but she also

921
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 4: went through the experience of becoming famous for having this

922
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:40,240
Speaker 4: trauma before her and went out on a speaking tour

923
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 4: before she'd had a moment to process this, before she'd

924
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 4: had before a week had passed, she'd already done a

925
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 4: half dozen interviews, and they were already planning March for

926
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 4: our lives, like days after days after people they knew

927
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:03,720
Speaker 4: were killed were murdered. So you know, she she became

928
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 4: very practiced to telling a story before she'd even processed it.

929
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 4: And she was seventeen when it happened, So she has

930
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,240
Speaker 4: all of these different things going on in her skull

931
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 4: before she before she even has this traumatic event and

932
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:22,240
Speaker 4: is thrust into the limelight. So all of these horrifically

933
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 4: traumatic Like that in itself was deeply traumatic, is that

934
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 4: she was basically put in front of cameras, you know,

935
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 4: vilified by a large percentage of the right, or just

936
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 4: outright dismissed as being stupid kids who are just out

937
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,800
Speaker 4: there speaking about their experience and going like, hey, maybe

938
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 4: if this guy didn't have a gun, that could have

939
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 4: murdered a lot of people quickly, a lot of people

940
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 4: would not be dead. And maybe that is the case

941
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 4: in many places. And you know, these kids are villified

942
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 4: for this. So the fact that Delaney, six gant years later,

943
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 4: is able to have a sense of humor about this stuff,

944
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 4: is able to be vulnerable even a little bit, is

945
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 4: amazing and it speaks very well to her character and

946
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 4: to the character of a lot of the kids who

947
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,240
Speaker 4: went on to do March for Our Lives.

948
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 5: Yeah, she seemed to question the effectiveness of what they

949
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 5: had done, and I think, you know, you're a teenager,

950
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 5: you're growing emotionally personally through this period. What a difficult

951
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,439
Speaker 5: thing to be thrust in the limelight the way they were.

952
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 5: But to me, it was an incredibly inspiring thing. The

953
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 5: way they pulled together, the smartness of how they use

954
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 5: social media, how they turned a lot of these NRA

955
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 5: arguments on their head. And the fact that NRA is

956
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 5: tumbling because of their own financial problems, not because of

957
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,759
Speaker 5: anything that this society has done to rise up and

958
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 5: stop these things from happening, is so discouraging. But I

959
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 5: don't think she or any of the kids who are

960
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 5: involved in March for Our Lives should ever question what

961
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 5: they did. I mean, it was to me a heroic

962
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 5: act and as a very core of what makes this

963
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 5: country great is when people see it wrong and they

964
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 5: get together and they address it. I thought they were

965
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 5: so smart and how Yeah, she should be perpetually proud

966
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 5: of what.

967
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 4: I agree with you. I think that like so often,

968
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 4: we get so bogged down in arguments about the guns

969
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 4: themselves that we we literally overlook the humanity of the

970
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 4: people who are who are in front of the guns

971
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 4: getting shot at, and I think that, you know, I

972
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 4: think that, like Delaney has been asked a million times

973
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 4: what she felt like that day, She's been asked a

974
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 4: million times about like the work that she does for

975
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 4: March for our lives. Because of the nature of what

976
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 4: we're doing in this show, we're less focused on the

977
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 4: event themselves than how the event affects you as a

978
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 4: human being. So our show necessarily is asking what happened later.

979
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 1: It's almost it's almost like her transformation had to do

980
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: more with navigating for six years the waters of the

981
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 1: student movement and of being in the line in the

982
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: spotlight as a teenager. I expected to hear like, oh, this,

983
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 1: this shooting happened and it made me, you know, our

984
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 1: typical sort of what we always hear about about these

985
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 1: experiences being immediately transformative. I think what was fascinating about

986
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: her story was the events after after the actual incident,

987
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: that that train that spoke to her transformation.

988
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,720
Speaker 5: I love that she's planning in the hour before the shooting.

989
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 5: She's texting with her dad. He's going to make his

990
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 5: dinner for them. You know, she's planning her evening. The

991
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 5: shooting happens and she goes home and they eat the

992
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 5: dinner that was planned in the night, presites as planned.

993
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,440
Speaker 5: I I love those little details. I love that her

994
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,240
Speaker 5: mom texts her, don't fart in there while the shooting

995
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 5: is going on. That the these moments where they're under

996
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:06,840
Speaker 5: extreme darrest, but there's still this relationship with her parents.

997
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 5: There's still a time for brevity, for humor, there's still

998
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 5: right She's still a high school kid. You know, we

999
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:19,280
Speaker 5: see a day. She presents the day as a normal

1000
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 5: day for.

1001
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 1: Any high school kid.

1002
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 5: It was Valentine's Day. They weren't paying attention to their classes,

1003
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 5: they were excited about Valentine's Day. They're playing these things

1004
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 5: and then it's almost like seventh period. The shooter comes

1005
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 5: and up ends our lives, and then we are expected

1006
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 5: to go back into our normal routines. What she does,

1007
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 5: but then, you know how quickly they seize that moment

1008
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 5: to say, you know, fuck no, man, this has happened enough.

1009
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 5: I mean the fact that she's hiding in her closet, going,

1010
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 5: my god, I was just talking to my mom about

1011
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 5: what I would do in this situation.

1012
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: I love how she and and the other students that

1013
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: were part of the movement with or refused to acknowledge

1014
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: the shooter's name. That's what the shooter wants, that's all

1015
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: they want. But in our case, there is a direct

1016
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: result from the Parkland shooting that shows its face in

1017
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: the next story, Aileen Murray's because that shooter on that

1018
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 1: bridge for Aileen Murray's story, guess what he was. He

1019
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: was inspired by the manifesto of the Parkland shooters.

1020
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, and he almost killed a good friend of mine.

1021
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1022
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 1: So it is you know, to talk about the perfasiveness

1023
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 1: of this, and and and and then both stories, it's

1024
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 1: sort of, you know, it's we could be so easy

1025
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 1: to be again. This comes up again and a lot

1026
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 1: of our stories of like the idea of victimhood and

1027
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: who's the victim and kind of like in Manuel Beo's

1028
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 1: story of he was the victim, but his captors and

1029
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 1: his uh, the cartel that abducted him, and the kids

1030
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 1: who were forced to torture him, they were also victims.

1031
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,360
Speaker 1: And it's hard to deep dig down, but these I

1032
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 1: wonder if these stories point us towards that, how do

1033
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: you have compassion for this person who's lost their humanity,

1034
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 1: this person who's in you know, and we talk about

1035
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: Eileen Murray's story. She also says, I don't feel bad.

1036
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 1: You know, I don't have hatred for the shooter. I

1037
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 1: have hatred for the politicians. I have hatred for the

1038
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: legal system. I have hatred for the insurance companies. It's

1039
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: so easy for us to and we're so trained to go.

1040
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: You know, the monster is this individual or their parents

1041
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 1: that you know, at what point do we all start

1042
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: to take responsibility. Next time I'm Alive again, we meet

1043
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: Aaron Ralston, who's solo Canyon expedition turned into a harrowing

1044
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 1: fight for survival. Trapped for days with no escape, Aaron

1045
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: made the unthinkable decision to amputate his own arm in

1046
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 1: order to save his life. I step out of my

1047
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 1: grave and into my life. And that is when I

1048
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 1: almost passed out, but not from the pain, but from

1049
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: the infinite possibility of having.

1050
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 3: A life again.

1051
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 1: His incredible story, immortalized in the film one hundred and

1052
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 1: twenty seven Hours, is a testament to the boundless strength

1053
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,919
Speaker 1: of the human will in the drive to survive even

1054
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:18,840
Speaker 1: when all hope seems lost. Our story producers are Dan Bush,

1055
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 1: Kate Sweeney, Brent Die Nicholas Dakoski and Lauren Vogelbaum. Music

1056
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 1: by Ben Lovett, Additional music by Alexander Rodriguez. Our executive

1057
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 1: producers are Matthew Frederick and Trevor Young. Special thanks to

1058
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: Alexander Williams for additional production support. Our studio engineers are

1059
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,760
Speaker 1: Rima El Kali and Nomes Griffin. Today's episode was edited

1060
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 1: by Mike w Anderson, mixing by Ben Lovett and Alexander Rodriguez.

1061
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:48,919
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Dan Bush. Special thanks to Delaney Tarr

1062
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 1: for sharing her story. For more about Delaney and her work,

1063
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 1: visit her website Delaney Tar dot WordPress dot com. To

1064
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,360
Speaker 1: learn more about March for Our Lives and how you

1065
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: can get involved, go to Mark for OurLives dot org.

1066
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 1: Alive Again as a production of I R Radio and

1067
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: Psychopia Pictures. If you have a transformative near death experience

1068
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 1: to share, we'd love to hear your story. Please email

1069
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 1: us at Alive Again project at gmail dot com. That's

1070
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 1: a l I v E A g A I N

1071
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 1: P R O j E C T at gmail dot com.