WEBVTT - EP 391: Single By Choice 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:05.800 Guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible decision. 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:12.960 Hey guys, welcome to another episode of horrible decisions. 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:15.400 I'm your girl, Mady B and I'm race Face. 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:20.560 Oh okay, come on AKA Mandy. 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:24.000 The second they put them on, I was like, take 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.079 it off. You can't do that would have been what. 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:27.960 The third time, I was like I don't like it 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:29.960 and she was like, you just gotta get used to it. Whatever. 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:33.760 So the first two the first day I cried. I 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.760 was like, this is I'm ugly, Like, this is not 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:41.720 I'm not cute at all. Then this is so fucked up. 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:45.720 I hope he doesn't see this because for some reason, 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:47.000 my man is starting to click on horrible. 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:49.159 I don't know why, but get him out of you. 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:51.120 Block you is the whole ip. 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:54.600 But if I couldn't, okay, So this is really why 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:55.440 I don't want to say nothing. 0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:59.080 He was like, baby, you look amazing. This is so cute. 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.120 I told you this better than this line's gonna perfect you. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.000 You're gonna be so happy, like it's such a vibe. 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:07.160 Blah blah blah. Don't care. Still crying. Go in the 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.600 morning to the charging station. This dude is staring at me. 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:14.320 He said something, oh, who did your who did your paint? 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:17.399 I answered him. He's like, the racist look good as 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.000 fuck on. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:22.800 You, girl. That's all I need? Oh god, why is 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:25.600 it a random nigga can't do that? What is it 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:27.720 about random man and give you a comment? And random 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:28.479 people who. 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.000 I'm telling you you don't want no compliment from your nigga, 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:31.640 but you try to do. 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:33.360 But he had to tell me that. 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:36.160 For example, I put on an outfit, I feel fat, right, 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:37.479 I you a good baby? 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.760 Okay boom. I go on the train and girls like yo, 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.000 that shit look fire on you. 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:46.880 Ooh very I should curry of you, y'all y'all, no, no, no, no, no, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:47.600 not you start. 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:48.160 Like aleisken bitch. 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:51.280 So Aisha Curry got drug a couple of years ago 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:55.760 because she talked about like kind of feeling undesirable or 0:01:55.800 --> 0:02:01.240 less desirable with Steph but kind of just wants the 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:07.680 attention from outsider sometimes to feel beautiful. Oh yeah, bitch, moyther, 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.399 fuck you want attention from other niggas over your husband. 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:11.000 You know. 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:13.800 I don't really think it's that you don't want the 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:16.680 attention from the person you love. I think when a 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:20.919 person owes you nothing. It feels oh my god, shit, 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:23.920 this must be real. For example, all of the love 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:27.600 I have I received from a few main sources my parents, 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:32.399 my boyfriend, and my friends. Then Nina, if someone random 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.480 pays me a compliment, it does kind of do something 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:36.520 for my egos slightly. 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:38.360 I also women. 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:42.320 I also think that a compliment given depends on where 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.520 you're at in your mood, because I feel like, if 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.480 you're feeling ugly and you get that compliment at the 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.200 right moment at the right time, cool, if you are 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:53.560 like in maybe whatever other space, like, it goes to 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:55.800 where we where we say, what is it? It's a 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:59.880 it's either a compliment, it's it's flirting or harassment, like 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:01.680 I think it Also, I'm not talking about flirt I'm 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:03.720 talking about I think it depends who gives it to you. 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.560 Sometimes just say women then, because like you like you 0:03:06.639 --> 0:03:09.600 like a compliment from a woman over a man, I would, 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:12.680 But I'm just saying, like, I really don't that to me, 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:15.200 I don't want to confuse complimenting with flirting only because 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:19.359 to me, flirting can annoy somebody. But a compliment when 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:22.639 it's real and sincere, okay, Like I think it's something 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:24.920 that we need more of. So I hate saying, well, 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:27.240 the parliament was on your Well I guess that means 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.920 and here's how we can decipher that. Right, he complimented 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:34.240 your braces, which is not saying, like to me, someone 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.080 saying you're beautiful or damn that dress, it's fitting your 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:39.480 body night. Like that to me is when it gets 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:42.640 to flirting, when they're talking about your beauty or your physique. 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:43.640 Right when that's fair. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.360 To me and a compliment if they talk about, yeah, 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.320 you'll fit your hair, like bitch that hair, Oh my god, 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.480 I love that. Like I'll take a compliment on a 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:55.240 part of me, but not holisthetically. 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:56.040 Honestly though, and not literally. 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:57.720 I remember one of my friends told me I always 0:03:57.800 --> 0:03:59.520 compliment a girl on her fit because it's the way 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:01.800 to break them down out. So maybe that's why he 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.360 did it. Who cares, But it did kind of just 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.040 feel like he had no idea. I just got these 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:07.640 braces yesterday. 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:09.480 You know what I'm saying. So I will say a 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:11.320 few things they. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:17.520 Made me realize, like to appreciate my beauty, Like there 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.440 was a moment where I caught myself putting on like 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:20.960 actually my man called me out. He was like, don't 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:22.799 be putting on more makeup because you hate your races. 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.919 Oh and I actually caught myself doing well already. He 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:28.280 already told you he don't like make a period. He 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.840 said you in a mirror too long, That's what it was. 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.000 But he was like, don't do too much just because 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.159 you feel and to hear all these braces like don't 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:39.359 like they look good on you. And it took me 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:41.680 a minute to think to myself, like, yo, it's like 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:43.440 a girl that cuts her hair, like to know that 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.320 you're beautiful without hair. It's a very freeing thing. And 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:51.359 I'm not talking about to anybody. You a bitch that 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.920 cut her head. That's the girl. That's thing that I'm 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:57.240 making many very extreme thing for women that have to 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:00.240 cut their hair, that make the choice to like have 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:04.960 a style that's not necessarily a representation of femininity, right 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:07.080 because we always hear like longer hair. 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:07.320 This and that. 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:09.800 So yeah, it just took me time to realize. I 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:14.359 got appreciate myself. And I really think a lot of 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:18.040 us don't take steps for improvement because we're worried about 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:21.880 the ugly phase. So I would say the braces is 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:23.680 one of them for me. Like even when it comes 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.600 to hair, right like a lot of my homegirls are 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.960 constantly wearing wigs or styles that are damaging their hair 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:33.280 instead of getting through that ugly growth phase, you know 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:35.520 what I'm saying, like instead of protective styles or just 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:39.040 something else that's more natural. Like literally, my homegirl doesn't 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:40.920 want to go through an ugly phase of growing out 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.080 color on her hair, so she keeps bleaching it. 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.680 I'm like, babe, but when are you gonna fucking em? 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:48.599 And then if she want to cut it off, she 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:50.000 cut it off and put a wig on while. 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:50.240 They grow out. 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.640 Not everybody feels comfortable to cut their hair. So that's 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:54.880 what I mean by the in between. So I think 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.839 for right now, the braces are eight for me. Were 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.279 the in between? The only thing they did that I 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.080 want to fight out about. I didn't know she was 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:03.920 gonna shave down my teeth like there was in ears, bitch, 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:07.039 Oh what the fuck is that? To make room for 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:10.080 them to move? Oh I only let it get three? 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:12.880 I said, Oh, yeah, I guess that. 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.120 Yeah, that does make sense well because also they yeah, 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:17.520 they're literally going to be moving. 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:18.839 They need kind of room to move. 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:20.200 They need room to move, so they have to like 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:21.920 shave them down like when ears and I was like, oh, 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:22.279 you have to. 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:30.640 Stop, sorry, baby shark, you know. 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:34.640 And then when I was on live, people were asking 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:36.880 me about it, right, and this ship made me like, 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:38.440 oh my god, I can't believe they're looking at it. 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:41.159 So I was talking about the steps they made and 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:42.560 mad people were like, oh yeah, I don't remember them 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:43.080 gaps before. 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.640 I was like, oh, so you see it. That's crazy people. 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.760 They play way too much. They just be wanting to 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.480 say any goddamn thing. But you know, I. 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.600 Will say I am happy about it, like because in 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.080 this line was not working for me and the pain 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:56.320 that I've been experiencing. 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:59.000 Small Dry got a whole four thousand dollars for me 0:06:59.080 --> 0:06:59.960 that I've never used. 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.400 I got the trade two and that was it. Get 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:07.159 your money back I went bankrupt. Oh on your I 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:11.120 think I did. Girl, I have my money back. Let 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:12.600 me tell y'all how to get y'all bob. 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:14.880 First off, don't be out here like the people that 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:19.760 was yelling Chase's name, And now Chase is like, no, lie, 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:20.640 I'm gonna put your. 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.200 Time as a protection plan on certain cards, right, which 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:24.960 me and you have the same one. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:25.560 I think you're good. 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:30.640 Smile direct at a lifetime warranty and now they don't exist. 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:32.800 So if I want to come there at any point 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.800 in my lifetime to get my smile corrected. 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:37.160 I paid this four thousand. They give me all my 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:40.880 money back. Oh I'll be giving them a call. Oh yeah, expeditiously. 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:47.080 I think, yeah, No, you won't at all. No. 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:51.720 Uh uh trade for the left too? Well? 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:54.800 Okay, all right, all right, all right, uh I guess 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:55.920 an update with me? 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.400 Uh, I don't know. I've been in a funk. 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.920 I think the move is like brought the most anxiety 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.520 I've felt in a very long time. You should be excited, 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:10.120 I'm not. It's it's anxiety ridden. Like I've been in 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:13.280 New York for thirteen years, it's moving to a whole 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:13.880 new state. 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:17.440 I don't know. I don't know. The anxiety that I 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:19.000 have right now and leaving. 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:22.320 Is fucking insane. I just got the email like, will 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.960 you be renewing the lease? I'm about to say, no, bitch, 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:26.840 I've been in this apartment for four years now. I 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:30.560 did two two year leases, So just the anxiety with 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:32.160 that is out of this fucking. 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.240 World doesn't make you feel like you don't want to 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:38.000 do it? Where what is your anxiety stepping in? 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:39.440 I don't know even when people are like, so are 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.480 you really moving? And I'm like ninety three percent like 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:44.320 cause I don't know why. I don't know what could 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:46.679 happen to make me stay. Actually I do know if 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.280 a nigga wanted to pay my rent for a year 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.800 in a two bedroom here in New York, I'd stay. 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:52.880 I think you should. 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.439 I mean the second you told me you were moving 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:57.840 in my brain and I know I have a bicostal 0:08:57.920 --> 0:08:59.760 brain right now because I've been doing it for three years, 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.800 but I did think, oh, she must be getting a 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:03.400 two bedroom with somebody here in New York. 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:04.880 Like you must be having like a space like no, 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:07.960 I don't want a roommate. No, but you wouldn't live here. 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.640 So in my brain I was thinking, like, you must 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:15.040 be having like a place here, No for what because 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:15.400 you have. 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.280 I have a discount, I have a discount on Marriott, 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:20.959 and I got a lot of friends here the way, 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:24.120 I wouldn't have a spot here like to me, I'm 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:28.520 literally looking to buy a home, so just financially, that 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:30.640 doesn't make sense. For me to be spending one hundred 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:32.400 thousand dollars on rent when I'm trying to buy a house. 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:33.920 I didn't think you'd be spending one hundred thousand dollars. 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:36.200 I mean, if I even spend two thousand dollars a 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:40.199 month here, that's twenty grand plus maybe another Like okay, 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.000 so maybe not a one hundred thousand, but sixty thousand 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:43.920 doll rent in a year doesn't make sense when I'm 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:47.520 looking to buy, when I'm investing, when I'm thinking of, okay, 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:49.120 in the next three years, what i want to do, 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:51.880 Like I'm really thinking long term on just a lot 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.520 of things in my life right now, and I'm just like, yeah, 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:55.480 that doesn't make sense for me. 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.160 I want to come back. I don't know. 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.520 Dating right now just doesn't make sense. I mean nothing 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:02.920 makes sense to me right now in life. Like I'm 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:09.320 in just a very weird funk, Like I hate people I'm. 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.800 Dealing with, Like I accept you guys at pay on 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:12.480 the Patriot No. 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:17.800 Like I literally like want sex and then immediately after 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:20.560 I want it, I'll go to text Nigga and then 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:23.880 if he don't respond in four minutes, I'm like, I 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:26.679 really don't even want this nigga, like I don't want nobody. 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.520 It's so crazy. I thought of the one nigga that 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:30.240 I talk to every day. I'm like, well, I'm excited 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.680 to see you, and he'll be here this weekend. But 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.679 I'm like I hate everybody. I literally hate everybody. And 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.600 then dealing with this emotion while dealing with grief, like 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:44.360 I lost someone recently and I was just with them 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:47.440 like a couple weeks before, so like going on and 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.440 off spiraling with grief and I don't want to cry, 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.880 like it's just been like a part of me feels 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:55.880 guilty for not spending more time with him, but right now, 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.200 I just want to be alone. But then I'm feeling 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.320 guilty like I want to spend as much time as 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:02.240 I can with people I love because I just lost 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:07.080 somebody and so like all of it's just conflicting, like 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.720 and I hate it because I'm just like what is life? 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.120 Like I don't fucking up, Like I hate it about 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:13.480 your friend. 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:17.400 Yeah, like so, and he invited me to Doubtless, He 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.520 invited me to Tokyo, like and I'm just like, I 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:24.120 was just with you, monigga, like so to know, like 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:29.880 I'm not going or spending time with people because I'm 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.120 in this funk right now. I'm like, I don't want 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:35.080 to miss out spending more time with people because of 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:36.480 this mood, and I don't know how to get out 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.559 of it. The anxiety of moving is fucking me up. 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.160 There's just a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:48.360 right now just with my mental and working and I'm 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:55.280 still like extremely angry about just the treatment of my 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:59.160 last business and how that ended, and then even worse 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.760 and y'all gonna hate me right now, Bitch, I'm beating 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:08.360 myself up because I'm missing this fuck fuck ass nigga. 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:13.160 Like I've found myself thinking about my ex but literally 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:16.000 in my mind just thinking of the. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.640 Laughs, all the good moments. 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:19.760 And then immediately I'm like, bitch, get the fuck out 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:23.400 of it, like because he, like I know the psychology 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.360 of what that relationship really was. And I'm like, bitch, 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:27.960 are you are you fucking stupid? 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.719 I don't think what you're doing is like something that we. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.240 I'm upset, ye, but I'm upset that I'm even thinking 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:37.800 about him, But I'm thinking about specifically all the good moments, 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.840 all the good moments that I questioned if we're even 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:42.280 real because he was such a fucked up. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.240 Like individual overall. 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:48.479 Then I'm just like, bro, bitch, you out here depressed, 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:52.640 anxious about to make this move, like really shaking a move, 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:55.120 and we got some dope shit coming for you, and 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:56.319 you think about this, nigga. 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.559 So I'm literally do you know this episode? I actually 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:01.600 feel like nobody is. 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:04.800 Oh, we'll get we'll get to that. We'll get to that, you. 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.360 Know, when you were crying, always thinking of something that 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.760 Vinnie said to me. So, one of Vinnie's friends mom 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:13.000 just got sick, and I was like, damn, dude, can 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:14.920 you even be there for her right now? Because of 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.480 what actually it's one of his family members, because of 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:21.760 what you've been going through. He was like, Yeah, what's 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:25.640 happening to her right now? In her pain is at 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:28.240 this age, it's the first time of her seeing the 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.040 fragility of life. And I thought it was such a 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.120 powerful thing to say, because when you were crying, like 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:35.920 I have to spend time with all my friends, that's it. 0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:38.400 You're just seeing that, like, oh my god, this is 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:41.120 so dicey, Like, yeah, we know that people can leave 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.960 and transition, but like, ooh, now, I have to like 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:46.560 hold on to you because what if you don't. 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:47.960 And it's such a weird thing. 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:49.600 And I just walked in the studio and told you 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.760 Brionda lost someone today and I was like, oh my god, 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.760 Like it's so heavy, it's such a it's such a 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:59.680 horrible thing to think about. But what we have to 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:04.240 be rightful for and honestly pushing through and keeping busy 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.280 is a great way I think to deal with grief. 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.040 Like for me, you have to sit through the feelings. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:15.320 But sometimes I found myself finding ways to blame myself 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.920 in a selfish way, for example, like I don't do 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:21.600 this enough, and I don't do this. I'm like, why 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.360 am I not doing this xyz? And I was like 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:28.240 really pushing myself down because someone else died, when in reality, 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.640 I know that person's life and how they were and 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:33.040 they wouldn't have valued that in me. So I think 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.160 a lot of times when we're grieving, we've got to 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.600 remember the person that we love and how they would 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.160 have wanted our attitude to be. So yes, grieving that person, 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:43.040 but also pushing forward. You worked with this person too, Yeah. 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:44.479 I think it's also. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:50.240 I don't think I had lost up until this point, 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:54.600 someone that I was just with and someone who literally 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.640 passed on a trip I was supposed. 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:59.200 To be on. So it's like, I think it's I 0:14:59.200 --> 0:14:59.640 think it's that. 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.680 I think it's just another life experience, honestly, and I'm 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:06.560 just like, oh shit, like this is something I've never 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:07.280 experienced before. 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.600 It's weir to a virus. Go thing. Yeah, you know 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:13.120 my cousin you met, Sureif. I hate that. I'm crying too, 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:15.120 because I have some jokes for this fucking episode. 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.720 I'm like, so like, fuck, bitch, stopped crying like you've 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.120 been crying for the last week. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.200 Sureif was supposed to start work on The Twin Towers 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.360 on nine thirteen. 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.760 So it's funny. Did you see the story virus? 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:33.360 Because not that it's funny, but in Mariah Carey's book, 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:35.280 this is why I gotta get off the internet. 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:36.440 I just be reading random shit. 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:41.320 Apparently Mariah Carey's glitter dropped the same day of The 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.720 Twin Towers, and this bitch was gonna get to work 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:45.960 late because she wanted to go get Mariah Carey's thing 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.600 and the Twin and she worked at the Twin hours 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.360 and literally she was like Mariah Carey saved my life. 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:56.120 The blueprints dropped that day. Apparently, wait it, what's crazy 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:58.520 is it was a Tuesday. And I only know that 0:15:58.520 --> 0:15:59.640 because my mama came and pick me up. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:01.840 She was man. She she left with too. 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.360 Why you because I up from Oline, But I'm gonna 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:08.680 hold you. And apparently it wasn't like Michael Jackson and Prince. 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:12.240 There was a huge Michael Jackson concert the night before 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.560 at the Garden that no one ever talked about because 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:17.560 of nine to eleven or it was supposed to be 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.800 all nine to eleven. Bitch, I don't know these fucking 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:22.000 rabbit holes on the internet. It's only what makes me happy. 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.040 I've gotten away from watching puppies and kitten videos and 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:27.360 now I just be reading these weird ass but did 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.400 you know? And I'm just like, God, damn, the world. 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:31.440 Is really fucking weird. 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.240 You need you need a good When I say distraction, 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.600 no girl, My distraction is about to be I'm about 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:38.920 to get I'm about to become a streamer, so y'all 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:40.680 couldjoin me. I'm about to become a streamer. Hold on 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:42.160 and guess what video game I'm about to play for 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:42.560 the people? 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.000 Silms and so I'm about to hold on. 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.520 I'm about to make a little a sex club, strip club. 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:51.040 Gotta have a clinic because the niggas got to get tested. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.720 I heard that's how they. My friend told me, girl, 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.960 make sure you have a medical center, because she said, 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.280 my friend got on it and it was free at first. 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.320 Then the niggas already get sick and he had to 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:04.560 put his card down to build a hospital. I said, bitch, 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.840 a clinic gonna get up, built up. 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.720 But then I was like, let me just say this, then, 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.240 don't don't do this. Don't do this. Mandy is about 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:18.840 to play videos hold on, but only because that's why 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:19.359 it come for me. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.320 No, no, no, But the way I'm gonna do it is 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:23.879 I'm gonna voice the people. Look, I'm gonna have a 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.600 whole family, and guess what, I'm gonna make it the 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:30.879 reality that's real. I'm gonna make sure this nigga, the 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:32.879 husband got a whole family at the end of the 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:33.400 block too. 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:35.159 So i'ma voice them niggas and talk. 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:37.040 About and show you all how these niggas be living 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:37.960 two lives at once. 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.320 It's gonna be if you started dating a nigga. 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:45.320 Played sims No no, no, no, no, no, no no. I'm not 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.760 gonna date a video gamer. This is gonna be a 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:50.520 job for money and storytelling. It's gonna work on my 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:51.479 storytelling skills. 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.880 Now, what if someone needed that job to help as 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:55.720 their hobby with. 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.480 Okay, one moment, I don't want to if there's a 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.479 video gamer that's making like, I ain't gonna hold you. 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:02.920 I'll take a little. 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:08.640 Yeah, that nigga be stream, that nigga. Duke Dennis look good, bitch, bitch. 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:10.919 I just followed him and I was like, let me 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:12.600 make sure he of aged first, because he little stream 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:12.920 is young. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:18.360