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Speaker 1: If you have your own story of being in a

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Speaker 1: cult or a high control group, or if you've had

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Speaker 1: an experience with manipulation or abuse of power you'd like

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Speaker 1: to share, leave us a message on our hotline number

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Speaker 1: at five one three nine hundred two nine five five, or.

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Speaker 2: She had us an email at trust Me pod at

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Speaker 2: gmail dot com.

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Speaker 3: Trust me, trust me, trust me.

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Speaker 4: I'm like a swat person.

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Speaker 5: I've never lied to you, and we.

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Speaker 6: Never have a live.

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Speaker 1: If you think that one person has all the answers,

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Speaker 1: don't welcome.

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Speaker 3: To trust Me.

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Speaker 1: The podcast about cults, extreme belief and the abusive power

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Speaker 1: from two Midwesterners who've actually experienced it.

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Speaker 3: I am Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth, and.

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Speaker 1: Today our guests are two best friends, Angie Keeler and

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Speaker 1: Johanna Mesmer, who both grew up in the very same

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Speaker 1: small religious cult called the Assembly of Yahweh Hoshuwa. I

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Speaker 1: think I'm saying that right. It was led by a

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Speaker 1: self proclaimed prophet named Leisher Gonzalez who claimed to talk

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Speaker 1: directly to God or should I say Yahweh.

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Speaker 2: They're going to tell us about the many rules and

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Speaker 2: restrictions that requiresired them to cover their hair and their

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Speaker 2: entire bodies, how so many things were banned, including drawings, paintings,

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Speaker 2: and photos, and how one man who was forbidden from

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Speaker 2: going to the doctor died of his diabetes.

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Speaker 1: It is very sad, but these two ladies are not sad.

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Speaker 1: They are incredibly inspiring and awesome. Actually love talking to

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Speaker 1: two best friends who grew up in the same cult

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Speaker 1: and then both left the cult and now just like shit,

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Speaker 1: talk the cult together.

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Speaker 3: It's so fun.

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Speaker 2: It's so fun. That was like, oh my god, there

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Speaker 2: should be a real Housewives of cultult.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is shit.

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Speaker 1: Megan, you shouldn't even have said that on the air

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Speaker 1: because now you're gonna like someone's gonna steal it and

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Speaker 1: get rich off of it.

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Speaker 3: I guess we have to produce it.

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Speaker 2: Okay. My friend actually just message man said she's the

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Speaker 2: head of a production company reality now, so it's off.

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Speaker 3: Can't wait, can't wait for this show?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So uh yeah, So before we get into this the

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Speaker 1: fabulous interview with these fabulous ladies, Megan, would you kindly

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Speaker 1: tell me what the cultiest thing that's happened to the week.

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Speaker 2: Sure, surely will, Lola. It's a little odd. I'm not

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Speaker 2: sure if it's my strongest one. Okay, I'm just gonna say, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Just gonna see how many of them are really you know.

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Speaker 2: You can't they can't all be winners when your life

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Speaker 2: is boring as fuck. Okay, So I'm in the grocery

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Speaker 2: store checkout lane, Why Lane? Why? I'm in the line

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Speaker 2: and I see an archie comic book and the checkout thing,

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Speaker 2: and my heart is just like who Because the world

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Speaker 2: thinks archie like Riverdale, you know, the CW show whatever.

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Speaker 2: But in our little world, that was all we were

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Speaker 2: allowed to read. So you would go to people's houses

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Speaker 2: we had a box full of archies, and everybody else

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Speaker 2: had a box full of archies and so and also

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Speaker 2: like some richie rich and we would like trade boxes

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Speaker 2: that it was a huge deal.

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Speaker 1: Wait, so the two by twos did not read anything

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Speaker 1: but the Bible and archie comics.

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Speaker 2: Okay, no, But when you're really really little and there's

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Speaker 2: no TV or movies to distract your kids, what are

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Speaker 2: you gonna do? Archie comic books?

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, but so you've read other things, I just oh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry, Lila. I read all the

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Speaker 2: Babysitters Club, all the Sweet Valley His Like, I'm goda

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Speaker 2: with culture. But one of the things that is weird

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Speaker 2: that I'm just discovering as I live and breathe and

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Speaker 2: speak right now is that Archie comic books really set

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Speaker 2: the tone for my life of like what I wanted

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Speaker 2: to be like and what I thought was normal. So

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Speaker 2: I kind of had a example of what normal kids

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Speaker 2: were like through these Archie comic books.

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Speaker 3: It's set the tone for your life.

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Speaker 2: For my life.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, you know, you know, like you know how you

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Speaker 7: look when you're little, to media a lot of the

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Speaker 7: time to kind of form who you are.

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Speaker 2: I didn't. Yeah, I didn't get a chance to do that.

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Speaker 2: All I saw was the movie Annie, and so I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be Betty from r Okay. And she dressed

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Speaker 2: slutty and she you know, it was fun.

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Speaker 1: Betty was hot as fucky, like I would love to

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Speaker 1: be Betty. I was watching movies as a child, So

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Speaker 1: I definitely I feel like my concept of what life

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Speaker 1: is like was formed around watching The Spice Girls and

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Speaker 1: watching the movie Clueless, and also the show Clueless, and

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Speaker 1: also the show Sabrina and the Teenage Witch. Clearly I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be like a stylish freaking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I hated the two TV shows, but Clueless and

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Speaker 2: the Spice Girls. I think you're nailing it. I mean, you.

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Speaker 3: Hated Sabrina the Tea, which the original version. What is

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Speaker 3: wrong with you?

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Speaker 5: Well?

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Speaker 2: I had it was a comic book in my archiese

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Speaker 2: and it was way different in there.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's right, okay, it wasn't true to the comics,

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Speaker 1: got it.

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Speaker 3: That's some nerd shit right there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I like to stay pure.

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Speaker 3: I understand that.

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Speaker 1: While I hated the Clueless show in comparison to the

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Speaker 1: Clueless movie, so that's almost the same thing.

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Speaker 2: I was about to quit this podcast if you like

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Speaker 2: the show as much as you liked the movie.

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Speaker 3: I just liked their outfits. I really liked their outfits.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I was.

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Speaker 1: I was obsessed with fashion growing up, probably because although

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Speaker 1: my fashion was not nearly as restricted as yours yours was,

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Speaker 1: I still felt very restricted because I wasn't allowed to

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Speaker 1: do anything sleepless or above my knees or whatever.

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Speaker 5: Like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's restrictive.

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Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, I felt very restricted.

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Speaker 1: So fashion was a way of, you know, like expressing myself.

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Speaker 1: So I'd watch fashionable girls on TV and be like,

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Speaker 1: I want to be like her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I remember, but these girls didn't have any

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Speaker 2: people like that, and a lot of people don't. So

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Speaker 2: you have to choose like Betty. You know, oh well Betty.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yes, I choose Betty even now, even with

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Speaker 1: all the cultural contexts that I do have.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I remember I begged.

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Speaker 1: My dad one time he was moving to California or

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Speaker 1: had moved to California, and was I can't remember, but

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Speaker 1: I was just dreaming of California. I was this little

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Speaker 1: girl in Michigan and I had this idea of California

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Speaker 1: in my head, just palm trees and women in bikinis,

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Speaker 1: and I just like so desperately wanted to be a

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Speaker 1: California girl, which now seems hilarious because I I so

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Speaker 1: do not identify as the California girl in any way.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, Dad, I know it's against the rules,

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Speaker 1: but can I buy a bikini in California.

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Speaker 3: I don't remember what he said.

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Speaker 1: He probably was like, no, that's immodest, but I just

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Speaker 1: like dreamed of getting to wear a bikini. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what my cultiest thing is helped me. I didn't

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Speaker 1: think about it ahead of time.

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Speaker 2: Well you kind of were able to share mine honestly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go ahead

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Speaker 1: and leave it at that.

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Speaker 2: Then yeah, why not?

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Speaker 3: Okay, great, then let's just get into it with the

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Speaker 3: ladies and call it a day. Let's do it.

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Speaker 6: Hi, I'm Caitlin Van Maull, host of I Survived. If

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Speaker 6: you enjoy I Survived, we are excited to announce a

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Speaker 6: new launch. Starting November fifteenth, will be reposting our classic

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Speaker 6: episodes from season one of I Survived. We hope to

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Speaker 6: reach a whole new audience with these important stories of survival,

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Speaker 6: and for those of you who have been with us

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Speaker 6: since the beginning, we think these powerful episodes weren't another listen.

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Speaker 6: Starting November fifteenth, look out for those episodes and more

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Speaker 6: news from I Survived.

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Speaker 1: Welcome Angie Keeler and Johanna Masoner to the show. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for both of you being here.

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Speaker 4: Thank you thanks for having us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you both grew up in the same group,

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Speaker 1: but I think in different places.

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Speaker 3: Can you tell us how you actually say it? The

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Speaker 3: assembly of.

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Speaker 4: You want to say or.

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Speaker 5: Do I have to yahoe yahweh ho shia yahweh ho shua.

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Speaker 1: Cool and it's spelled with like no oh vowels, at

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Speaker 1: least in the first part of it, which is very

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Speaker 1: like hip. I feel like a lot of DJs and

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Speaker 1: bands do that. They take away the vowels from their names.

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Speaker 1: It's like a very cool thing to do. What is

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Speaker 1: this group and why is it spelled like that? And

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Speaker 1: just start us at the beginning, Angie, why don't you start?

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Speaker 4: Okay, so it's spelled like that, because well, I only

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Speaker 4: know what they told us, and that was something about

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Speaker 4: their now vowels in the Hebrew alphabet, which I find weird,

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Speaker 4: or it was not spelled that way in Hebrew with

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Speaker 4: the vowels. I've tried to figure that out since then,

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Speaker 4: and I can't quite figure it out.

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Speaker 5: Okay, no vowels in the Hebrew language, but nobody spoke Hebrews,

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Speaker 5: so I don't know how.

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Speaker 8: They do that, and we had no internet google it.

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Speaker 8: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Tell me if this is correct. He was driving down

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Speaker 2: the road and let's say who he is.

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Speaker 4: Who is he Lasier Gonzales, So yeah, it's pronounced Lasier Lasier.

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Speaker 4: I did a little bit of research, you know, within

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Speaker 4: that last few years to try and figure out what

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Speaker 4: I might not know about it. And he started off

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Speaker 4: in the Pentecostal Church.

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Speaker 3: Okay, what I understand.

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Speaker 4: Is that that wasn't quite extreme enough for him, and

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Speaker 4: he branched off and created his own thing from there.

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Speaker 1: And Pentecostal is just like the ones where they speak

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Speaker 1: in tongues basically, yeah, okay.

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Speaker 4: And I think there are varying degrees of extremism within

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Speaker 4: that church and there are lots of different Oh absolutely,

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Speaker 4: I don't know much about it. I just know that's

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Speaker 4: where he started.

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Speaker 1: So Leisier Gonzalez, he starts this church. He seems like

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Speaker 1: such a character. And yeah, so Megan was asking Megan.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay. So he's he's driving down the road.

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Speaker 2: He picks up a hitchhiker and this hitchhiker tells him

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Speaker 2: that you that it's not God, it's the other word

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Speaker 2: that I'm not going to try to pronounce because yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 2: all right. From that, he's like, oh wow, this is huge.

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Speaker 2: Everything I know in the Pentecostal Church is wrong. I

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Speaker 2: got a restructure and I got to get a group,

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Speaker 2: and Yawi.

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Speaker 1: Is it, which by the way, is a very common

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Speaker 1: name for God. This isn't like some insane revelation like

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Speaker 1: lots of religions called out yahwah.

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Speaker 2: For sure, for sure, but yeah, but it is something

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Speaker 2: about the name changed everything for him.

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Speaker 4: So my understanding is he had already started the church

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Speaker 4: before that. He had already broken off and started his

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Speaker 4: own church in his living room.

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Speaker 2: Oh doe.

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Speaker 4: Why because when my parents joined the first time before

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Speaker 4: I was born, they were not using the name yahweh

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Speaker 4: oh okay, and then when they came they left and

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Speaker 4: came back, they were using it when they came back, gotcha.

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Speaker 3: But that's when the name changed and everything.

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Speaker 1: So so what are some of the things that he

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Speaker 1: claimed that he could do.

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Speaker 3: He was like talking to yahweh directly, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, getting messages is getting guidance ooh delusional.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: He was a prophet, you know, like they all are.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and had visions.

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Speaker 4: He talked about visions. He was capable of healing people

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Speaker 4: by laying out of hands. He claimed it had brought

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Speaker 4: a boy who died, who drowned back to life.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 4: There were lots of miracles that had happened, supposedly, but

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Speaker 4: none of them happened after I was born.

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Speaker 8: I never saw any miracles.

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Speaker 4: I never saw a miracle. I waited patiently, but it

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Speaker 4: never happened.

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Speaker 2: Yohanna, you are a year older than Angie. Correct, younger younger,

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Speaker 2: got it? And Angie, you were the first child born

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Speaker 2: into the group? Is that correct? Yes?

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Speaker 4: There were lots of kids old, not lots, but there

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Speaker 4: were kids older than I was, but I was kind

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Speaker 4: of the first one born there.

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Speaker 1: So, Yihanna, were you the second child born into the group?

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Speaker 2: Wow?

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Speaker 3: They really bad track record, first and second child, they're out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, did you guys feel pressure to be

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Speaker 2: a certain way since you're born first and to this? Oh?

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: They were always telling us you're the the leaders and

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Speaker 5: you're the example.

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Speaker 8: And stuff like that. It was annoying.

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Speaker 4: You had the added pressure of being an elder daughter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what does that mean?

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Speaker 5: They basically would Leisure would choose people that he felt

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Speaker 5: were like worthy of carrying on how he believed and

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Speaker 5: eventually joining or moving and starting new groups in other

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Speaker 5: areas of the United States, which is why I ended

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Speaker 5: up in Oregon. And it was a huge thing. Always

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Speaker 5: to be told by your parents, you need to be

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Speaker 5: an example for the little children, and this and that

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Speaker 5: and the other. And I was like, I just don't

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Speaker 5: want to be an example. I kind of just want

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Speaker 5: to be a kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And I, on the other hand, took it the opposite

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Speaker 4: and took it to heart. I took it all on.

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Speaker 2: So you were like teacher's pet kind of.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I hate to say, Yeah, that's that's how I would

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Speaker 1: have been. I'm sure I wanted to be the absolute

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Speaker 1: best little Mormon kid.

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Speaker 3: I could be always exactly.

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Speaker 4: Just be good because being bad was so terrifying.

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Speaker 2: I'm just wondering how many people were in it. On average,

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Speaker 2: it varied to one hundred okaybe yeah, totally.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, Okay, I think in our largest we were

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Speaker 4: one hundred and twenty, but that included a lot of kids.

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Speaker 4: People tended to have four to eight kids, so there

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Speaker 4: would be probably what six single men, four or five

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Speaker 4: single women, and the rest were families. Wow. Tiny, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: very small. Well.

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Speaker 1: I was reading I think it was the New York

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Speaker 1: Times article maybe from the seventies. There were a couple

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Speaker 1: you guys sent us which were absolutely amazing. I would

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Speaker 1: love for one of you to describe what the look

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Speaker 1: was like, what women had to look like, and what

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Speaker 1: everyone had to wear.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh God.

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Speaker 4: I wish I had a photo.

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Speaker 2: We didn't.

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Speaker 4: We don't have photos because we weren't allowed to have photos, right,

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Speaker 4: the newspaper articles photos?

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, how are how are those photos allowed? If

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Speaker 3: photos were like outlawed essentially, were those like sneakily taken?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: The newspapers.

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Speaker 4: Wow, they used to get long lens cameras and sit

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Speaker 4: at the corner of the road. Wow, and like try

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Speaker 4: and get pictures of us.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's that's actually pretty disrespectful.

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Speaker 1: But but I'm glad that they exist now so that

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Speaker 1: I can look at them.

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Speaker 4: Do you want to tell you, Hannah?

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Speaker 5: Do you want me to We were basically dressed from

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Speaker 5: head to toe in the drabbist type of clothing you

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Speaker 5: could ever imagine that we made. We would go and

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Speaker 5: buy fabric at the fabric store. It could not have

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Speaker 5: any prints.

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Speaker 8: It was just all.

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Speaker 5: Solid colors, and then we would make dresses for all

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Speaker 5: of the women which went from the collarbone to the

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Speaker 5: ankle to the wrist. Under those, we had to wear

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Speaker 5: what they would call bloomers. So it's just like these

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Speaker 5: baggy loose supposed to be like pajama things like.

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Speaker 2: From nineteen seventeen, gosh, yeah, exactly fannastic on the ankles

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Speaker 2: and on the wow, okay.

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Speaker 3: All the way down to the ankles, well, all the

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Speaker 3: way all the way.

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Speaker 5: And then our heads were covered where it was from

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Speaker 5: the hairline all the way as long as your hair was,

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Speaker 5: which no one was allowed. Women weren't allowed to cut

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Speaker 5: their hair at all, so some people had really long

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Speaker 5: head veils and other people had shorter ones because their

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Speaker 5: hair just didn't grow as much. And then no hair

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Speaker 5: was allowed to be seen, and the men were not

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Speaker 5: allowed to shave. They weren't allowed to cut their hair

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Speaker 5: unless it was getting long like a woman's. If it

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Speaker 5: was getting long like a woman's, then they were allowed

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Speaker 5: to cut it to their shoulders. It was shoulderlink.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 5: And they had to dress, had to you know, neck

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Speaker 5: to ankles in robes, so it kind of looked like

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Speaker 5: I don't.

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Speaker 8: Know, Jesus or something.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 5: And they were allowed to wear either jeans underneath or

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Speaker 5: most of us made something that resembled jeans that they

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Speaker 5: were underneath, and they would wear a T shirt underneath

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Speaker 5: their robe as well.

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Speaker 3: These are not practical summer outfits that you're describing.

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Speaker 2: I'm facie.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Learning to swim either No, Oh my gosh, what

348
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Speaker 4: would you do?

349
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Speaker 5: I still don't know how to swim because I was

350
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Speaker 5: not going to get myself in the water covered from

351
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Speaker 5: head to toe and basically.

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Speaker 8: Denim in my I was like, man, Plus, it.

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Speaker 5: Was embarrassing and if you were anywhere in public, can

354
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Speaker 5: you look like that? You were the only person dressed

355
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Speaker 5: from head to toe? And I was like, I'm good.

356
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Speaker 2: Mmm.

357
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Speaker 1: And the veils are almost those are solid almost like

358
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,080
Speaker 1: an almost like a nun's habit, or it's not like

359
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 1: a wedding veil right like where it's sheer.

360
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Speaker 4: Yeah, they would ask because if we were some sort

361
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 4: of Catholic sect, sometimes with the because it was a

362
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 4: lot like the ones that nuns wear that pin behind here.

363
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Speaker 2: Uh huh right right.

364
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 7: Wow.

365
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 3: It sounds like such an amalgamation of so many things.

366
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Speaker 3: A little bit of Hamish, a little bit of Orthodox Jewish,

367
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 3: a little bit of Catholic, you got it all, a whole.

368
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Speaker 2: Lot of where I'm from. Like I'm getting super two

369
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,560
Speaker 2: by two vibes. I was thinking that, Yeah, it's a lot.

370
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 5: Always people ask me randomly, like about how I was raised,

371
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:07,400
Speaker 5: and typically I just because of my name. It's so different.

372
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,880
Speaker 5: So they always are like, where are you from? This

373
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,160
Speaker 5: and that and the other. So I would just make

374
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,720
Speaker 5: something up to where I don't really have to deal

375
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 5: with the conversation. But every now and then people will

376
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 5: question and I will give them a little.

377
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,200
Speaker 8: Bit more information.

378
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:24,160
Speaker 5: And my information to them is basically, I was raised

379
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,439
Speaker 5: in a cult. And they say, what was it like

380
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,359
Speaker 5: or what was it about? And I say, if you

381
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 5: take a little part of every you take the worst

382
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 5: parts of every religion and thrown into one, then poof

383
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 5: there you have.

384
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,479
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's just awful.

385
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 2: It makes me itchy, honestly. That's It's what did like

386
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 2: a normal day look like for you? Guys? Did you

387
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,600
Speaker 2: go to school with like? Where? Did you go to

388
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 2: a secular school? You had your own school?

389
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 4: It depended on where you were. I think it's a

390
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 4: little different for you in Oregon, Yohanna. Yes, she moved

391
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 4: away when she was six and I was seven, and

392
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 4: after that we didn't really see each other till we

393
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:10,040
Speaker 4: were teenagers except once a year, and so that sucked. Yeah,

394
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 4: we hated that.

395
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 3: Were your best friends when you were little like that?

396
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 3: We were, Yeah, and.

397
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 4: You know it stayed that way. We cannot see each

398
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 4: other for three years and it doesn't really make a difference.

399
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 3: Yeah's it still sucks.

400
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 5: It still sucks.

401
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 4: So in Colorado, where I was, there was an established school.

402
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 4: It took a while to establish one in Oregon, and

403
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 4: it depended on Lasier's moods. So my mom wanted to

404
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 4: homeschool us because she just loved that idea and she

405
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 4: loved teaching. And he would let her sometimes, and then

406
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 4: if he wanted to rain people in, he would say, no,

407
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 4: If the church school is good enough for some of you,

408
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,719
Speaker 4: it's good for all of you. You can't homeschool. So

409
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,439
Speaker 4: I had a bit of both church school homeschool. We

410
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 4: used a Mennonite curriculum and we had to submit reports

411
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 4: to the local district, so we were under the local district,

412
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 4: but they didn't really check in on us or anything.

413
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,439
Speaker 4: And for Oregon, that's all you.

414
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 5: My mom tried to homeschool us, but that didn't work

415
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 5: well because she didn't know what she was doing at all.

416
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 5: Absolutely nothing was reported to any type of district schools

417
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 5: at all. It was all just what she thought she

418
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 5: could teach us and based off the Mennonite books. So

419
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 5: that education went up to the eighth grade, and after

420
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 5: the eighth grade there was absolutely nothing left, even if

421
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 5: you wanted to go farther. Yeah, and it was very easy.

422
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 5: One of my sisters used to talk her way out

423
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 5: of school by saying, Oh, I'll clean the bathroom, or

424
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,879
Speaker 5: I'll do this, or I'll do that, and she'd be like, Okay,

425
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 5: it was so bad.

426
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, can I say I mean, we can

427
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,440
Speaker 1: talk more about this later. But Angie, you sent two

428
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: chapters of the book that you're working on. It's so

429
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,919
Speaker 1: well written. You're such a good writer. So with that

430
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: educational background, I mean, it's just so impressive.

431
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like you guys seem so yeah, intelligent. Yeah,

432
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 3: thank you.

433
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,160
Speaker 4: That's really kind.

434
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 8: Our asses off to be this way.

435
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to work really hard. I mean, I've

436
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 4: noticed I've listened to a lot of your episodes, and

437
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 4: I've noticed a reoccurring theme is the lack of education

438
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 4: and how hard people have to work to catch up.

439
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 4: I quit in ninth grade. They told me at the

440
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 4: church school they wanted me to be the first one

441
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 4: to graduate. It was like this thing, be the first

442
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 4: one to graduate, go to twelfth grade. But I by

443
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 4: the time I got to that age, I was like,

444
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,399
Speaker 4: can I go to college after? And they were like,

445
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 4: no way, not a chance. And then I said, well then,

446
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 4: why why am I staying in school? It seems like

447
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 4: a waste of time. So I quit the day I

448
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 4: turned sixteen in the middle of the year. Wow, and

449
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 4: that was ninth grade for me. But I did go

450
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,360
Speaker 4: to college, so and so did Johannah.

451
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,399
Speaker 3: Yep, where did you both go?

452
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 4: I went to a program called Friends World College and

453
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 4: it's part of Long Island University and it's an international learning,

454
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 4: experiential learning. So that helped my writing a lot.

455
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 2: Awesome.

456
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 4: And went to nursing school.

457
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 3: Yes, oh cool, I love the heart of school.

458
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 4: She did like night classes for years while she was

459
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 4: working full time with little kids. It was really.

460
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,880
Speaker 3: Wow, Wow, that's amazing.

461
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 2: Wow.

462
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: I mean, we'll have so many more questions about that later.

463
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: I would love if you could just like list everything

464
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 1: that was outlawed because or just like that you weren't

465
00:22:58,840 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: allowed to do.

466
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: Because it is a long list.

467
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 8: Are you what we can do?

468
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 2: You're like, walk and sing?

469
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 4: No photographs, no holidays, no recorded music, no movies, no TV.

470
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 4: So that's where restricted. What types of foods we could eat?

471
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 4: No friends outside the church, limited contact with family outside

472
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 4: the church. They were bad influence, unrighteous relations, all of that.

473
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 5: Couldn't say the word God. We actually had to cross

474
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 5: that out of books. If it was even the Bible,

475
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 5: we would have to take white out and go through

476
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 5: and cross out every single word God or Jesus and

477
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 5: rewrite in yawick.

478
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 1: Wow, I just I remember reading a lyric to quickly

479
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 1: interject that you wrote, Angie, that was like the right.

480
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 1: It was supposed to be clearly a song that was

481
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: supposed to ryan with like sod or something, but instead

482
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 1: of God, which you have to sing yahweh, and my

483
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 1: lyric brains like.

484
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 4: Ye all the time.

485
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry, go on, there's a song with Weesus

486
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 2: and it You're like, can't we just say Jesus? Okay?

487
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 4: Yeah exactly. We changed in all the songs because we

488
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 4: would take normal hymns from other churches and adapt them

489
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 4: with yahweh or yahweh hoshuwa or Savior all of the

490
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, so no holidays. The names of the week.

491
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 3: Were all changed.

492
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, because the origins of the names of the

493
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 4: week are Greek gods, and so those were blasphemous. It

494
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 4: was just Monday would be first day, second day, third day,

495
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 4: fourth day, wow, and then Saturday was sabbath, and then

496
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 4: on Monday was second day.

497
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 5: Then yeah, second day, and then the same with the

498
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 5: months of the year. So January was the first month. Wow,

499
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 5: you could ever say January like that. My god, you

500
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 5: couldn't even say the word pregnant.

501
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 8: Nobody was ever pregnant. They were with.

502
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 4: Wild Oh my gosh, no puss at all.

503
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: Is it true that there was no like people weren't

504
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 1: allowed to get medical help from natural doctors.

505
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 2: And you kind of felt like these rules would go

506
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 2: in and out of being super strict and then a

507
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 2: little bit lesser, just depending on his mood.

508
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 5: Right, some of the rules, Yeah, some of them, Like

509
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 5: eating mustard was sometimes okay and sometimes it wasn't okay

510
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,360
Speaker 5: because mustard.

511
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,919
Speaker 8: In it, and nigger was a fermented.

512
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, things, so you couldn't have that, or

513
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 5: pickles unless we made the pickles ourselves with salt water

514
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 5: and they were fermented oat water, but they were fermented.

515
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 3: But not with vinegar. Okay.

516
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 4: Brushing your teeth on the sabbath, oh yeah, you could,

517
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 4: and sometimes you couldn't.

518
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 2: Write, and you guys couldn't do you couldn't You couldn't

519
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 2: do anything on the Sabbath, like you you couldn't even

520
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 2: tie a shoe. It seemed like it was like nothing.

521
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 8: We could tie your shoes.

522
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 2: Okay, the one thing, I guess is the one thing

523
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: you can do.

524
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,959
Speaker 5: Button, button, or zip something. We could do that, but

525
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 5: that was about the extent of it. We could sing,

526
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 5: go to church.

527
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 3: How did you pass the time?

528
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 4: Like?

529
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 3: What did you do when you were bored to have fun?

530
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 5: Daydream for tinder?

531
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 4: Wasn't there sorry, no no climb around, run around outside,

532
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 4: ride bikes, I mean climbed around on old rusty equipment.

533
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,360
Speaker 8: I wasn't allowed to ride bicycles on the sabbath.

534
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 4: Sabbath, we couldn't do anything else Sabbath you said to

535
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 4: be born.

536
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 2: So when you daydream were you daydreaming about? Like, I'm

537
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 2: a secular person and then the normal.

538
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 5: Completely normal person that I considered a normal person. I

539
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 5: had a house and a white picket thin and I

540
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 5: had neighbors down the street, and I went to a

541
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 5: regular school, and I dressed in pants and wore tank tops,

542
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 5: and I had friends, and I had boyfriends and girlfriends,

543
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 5: and I had aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpa's.

544
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 2: Oh, just like a normal Yeah, okay, but how are

545
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 2: you even looking at, like getting this frame of reference,

546
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 2: Like how.

547
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 3: Would you know what that looked like?

548
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, that looked like.

549
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,719
Speaker 8: I don't honestly know.

550
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 5: I mean, we were allowed to go with our parents

551
00:27:55,320 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 5: to like the grocery store. Sometimes I wasn't allowed. We

552
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 5: weren't allowed to go during school hours because that would

553
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 5: raise red flags. Right, That's why we weren't in school.

554
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 5: We drove, we would go to parks, and so we

555
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 5: would see people we just weren't allowed to be those

556
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 5: people were really interact with them unless we were trying

557
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 5: to lure them into this cult life.

558
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 2: Right.

559
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,959
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, tell us about that. Tell us

560
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 3: about the music, the witnessing.

561
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 8: Yeah, so embarrassing.

562
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, like parading the kids out basically because people fall

563
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 4: for kids. Kids are cute and kids are angelic. And

564
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 4: I remember the feeling of being the sort of weight

565
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 4: of needing to represent the group in a way that

566
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 4: would encourage people to want to join, because that's the

567
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,239
Speaker 4: only way they were going to be saved, right, Like

568
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 4: otherwise they're all going to help. And I took that

569
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 4: really seriously. Starting at a very young age. I was

570
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 4: I think when I first grasped the concept that we

571
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 4: were the only people in the world who were going

572
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 4: to heaven. I was about four, Yeah, and it was

573
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 4: It made me so sad and I cried, and I

574
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 4: didn't know what to do, and I didn't know how

575
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 4: to help, and I was like, there are too many people.

576
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 4: I don't know how to save them all. And even

577
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 4: if I was feeling shy, if they wanted me to

578
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 4: sing for somebody, we'd do it. We didn't want to

579
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 4: all the time, but you know, they'd line us up

580
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 4: with the instruments and we'd sing, and people loved it.

581
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 4: We thought it was beautiful, and some people would stop

582
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 4: to talk.

583
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 2: And did people ever come to the church? You guys

584
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 2: were meeting for church three times a week and then

585
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 2: on the Sabbath? Correct, Yeah, Did you guys ever get

586
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 2: anyone to come through this?

587
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 4: Oh? All the time?

588
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 3: Wow?

589
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 4: People came and left.

590
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 2: Constantly, gotcha? So they would like join kind of and

591
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: then be like.

592
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 4: No, Yeah, some people would join and stay, some people

593
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 4: would join and stay a little while and then leave,

594
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 4: and some people would leave within a few weeks.

595
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 8: I absolutely hated it.

596
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 5: I wanted to crawl under any tree that I could

597
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 5: possibly find and not be out there parading ourselves around anything.

598
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 5: And they did teach us in heaven and hell and

599
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 5: that the only people that were going to be saved

600
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 5: were these one hundred people seventy five people, And I

601
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 5: was like, well, if God's so good, why would he

602
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 5: be so cruel? That's impossible, Like, that's so messed up.

603
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 8: I don't believe that.

604
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 5: Raw.

605
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, she came to that a lot sooner than I did.

606
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 2: Really, what did that look like for you, Yohanna? And

607
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: then how did you follow Angie?

608
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 5: For me, I just thought that the adults were just

609
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 5: lying and making stuff up and it just didn't nothing

610
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 5: made sense logically. It didn't make sense, like you're going

611
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 5: to tell me that this these are the only people

612
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 5: in the world that are going to heaven and everyone

613
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 5: else is going to hell.

614
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 8: But you're also going to.

615
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 5: Tell me God made every human being, but he's not

616
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 5: going to keep anybody unless they're in this one group, right.

617
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 5: It just logically it made no sense to me. So

618
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 5: it was like how it kind of threw me into

619
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 5: a different direction at that point in my life where

620
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, you guys are full of shit

621
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 5: without knowing that word, but you're saying, and I'm going

622
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 5: to test my boundaries.

623
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, how old were you when that started occurring

624
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 3: to you?

625
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 5: I think I was about six or seven, And honestly,

626
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 5: I think that it actually started because I didn't want

627
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 5: to move or to Oregon and I wanted to stay

628
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 5: with my friends, and I wanted to go to school,

629
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 5: and my mom was dead set on not wanting me

630
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 5: to go to school and wanting to home school me.

631
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 5: And I saw that she was just being very selfish,

632
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 5: and at that point, I was like, Okay, what can

633
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 5: I find else? What else can I find in this

634
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 5: thing that doesn't make any sense to me? And right

635
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 5: that started it.

636
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 3: Wow, that's that is so young, that's like impressive.

637
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 5: I did not like church, and my dad used to

638
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 5: be like, it's time to go to church, Time to

639
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 5: go to church, and.

640
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 8: That's all I ever felt like I heard.

641
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 5: And I told my dad when I was very young,

642
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 5: I was like, I really don't need to go to church.

643
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 5: Like churches for weeks peopool and I just don't need

644
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 5: to be there.

645
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

646
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: I also didn't like church, but I really liked being special.

647
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: I really liked having something over the other kids who

648
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I belonged with, you know what

649
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 1: I mean.

650
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 2: I remember just thinking maybe at six or seven two,

651
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 2: like even now this seems black, blasphemous, but I was

652
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 2: just like, God, sounds really dumb, like you just created

653
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 2: something and then you're like, I don't like it. Now

654
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 2: you all have to die in hell. And then you're like, hey,

655
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 2: I'm gonna send my son. And then I remember telling

656
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 2: my dad like I would die for the whole world.

657
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 2: Sends like it's not a big deal. Even I would

658
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 2: do that, so what who cares? It's just like so

659
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 2: much trouble. I was the same way that you were,

660
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 2: Yohana at like six or seven, just spewing shit that

661
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 2: was you know that not making the adults very happy.

662
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 5: Oh I was very good at pretending to make them

663
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 5: very happy.

664
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 8: Mmmm, So I was.

665
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 5: They honestly thought that I was like this perfect little

666
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 5: image of what they want to do.

667
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 3: Wow.

668
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 5: It was only in front of them just to alleviate

669
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 5: any type of lectures.

670
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 8: Mainly I didn't want to hear it.

671
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 3: That's so cool.

672
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: Before we get into your journey, Angie, because I know

673
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: you're this is a little bit later.

674
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 3: I'm just curious, like, how.

675
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 1: Much time did you spend with him, how did you

676
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 1: both feel about him?

677
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 3: What was your relationship with him? Like, maybe Angie, you

678
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 3: want to start.

679
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 4: Saw him mostly at church and from the pulpit. He

680
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 4: was scary, definitely for my part, wanted to stay on

681
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 4: his good side. So, I mean, terror was I kind

682
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 4: of feel like terror was one of the first emotions

683
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 4: I ever registered at a very young age. So I

684
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 4: did what I was supposed to do so that I

685
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 4: wouldn't have to deal well with him. He could be

686
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 4: very sweet too, like kind of a grandpa, and a

687
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 4: lot of us called him Grandpa, and we called his

688
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 4: wife grandma, And because we didn't have our own grandparents there,

689
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 4: we weren't allowed to see them very often unless they

690
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 4: showed up When he wasn't preaching. He could be pretty relaxed,

691
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 4: and I knew that there was a certain way to

692
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 4: interact with him to keep him happy, and it was okay,

693
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 4: but I never really wanted to go the other direction

694
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 4: where I would incur his wrath.

695
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: That was called rebuking. Right, he would go to the

696
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 2: go to the front of the church, and what would that.

697
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 4: Look like he would call people out by name. He

698
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 4: would say your name, say the thing he assumed you

699
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 4: did that wasn't right, and tell you to basically straighten

700
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:18,879
Speaker 4: up or get out.

701
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 2: Wow.

702
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, did he like excommunicate people ever? Were people ever

703
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 3: banished for their sins?

704
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 5: Honestly No, he threatened all the time, all the time threatened.

705
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 5: I don't honestly know if he ever did.

706
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:38,839
Speaker 4: I know think he did.

707
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 8: I know that he used to.

708
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 5: Give us examples like somebody left right and got into

709
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 5: some car accident or something, and that's what happens if

710
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 5: you leave, then you are a backslider, very particular person

711
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 5: actually slid on his back, like a motorcycle accident or

712
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 5: something like that, and he's like, that's what happens if

713
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 5: you leave.

714
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 3: Ooh scary.

715
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, somebody got cancer and he would say, oh, that

716
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 4: person left and they cursed me. Yeah, it cursed them

717
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 4: and they got cancer and died.

718
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 3: Wow.

719
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 2: Was he preaching for money or no? No collection played taxes.

720
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 4: But there was a box at the back of the

721
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 4: church that people put money into for the single women

722
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: who weren't allowed to work and like to pay the

723
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 4: electricity at the church. But he never he never collected

724
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 4: money for himself. That's one of the things he never did.

725
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 1: That's shocking for really, right, Yeah, he didn't do that.

726
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: It seems like it was more about the followers, in

727
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 1: which case it would make sense to not excommunicate people,

728
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: especially when you don't have that many. It's not like

729
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: you have hundreds or thousands of people worshiping you.

730
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: You know.

731
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: It's like, exactly, you got Bill and Bob and like

732
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 1: seven other people, and that's that you got.

733
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 4: To keep them around.

734
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, did you guys all live in like the

735
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 2: same area. I'm sorry that I haven't gathered that yet,

736
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 2: But but was it like a commune situation or.

737
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 5: I wouldn't say it was. I mean, they in the

738
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 5: Colorado area did have like a lot of people that

739
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 5: had homes very close, but nobody was required to live

740
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 5: in a certain area or buy other members that you

741
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 5: were allowed to go and find whatever type of home

742
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 5: you could afford a renting.

743
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 8: They weren't allowed to buy property for the long, long time.

744
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 5: Mmm.

745
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 4: So the church was in Boone. I was born in Avondale,

746
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 4: which isn't very far away, and then we moved once

747
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 4: to a town called Vineland, which was even a little

748
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 4: further away. He got mad and we did that. Oh

749
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 4: he talked to my parents and was like, you're moving

750
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 4: closer to Pueblo, the city. You're moving away year, slipping away,

751
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 4: you know, where are you going? Which was weird. But

752
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 4: we ended we all ended up in kind of a

753
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 4: one mile radius in Boon, just because it was convenient. Basically,

754
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 4: we all had mobile homes and they were all in

755
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 4: one area in the church was a mile away.

756
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 3: Oh wow, So.

757
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 4: That's where we all ended up eventually, but we had

758
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 4: our own homes. We didn't share homes.

759
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: Did I read something about a member dying after not

760
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,800
Speaker 1: getting medical treatment because you weren't supposed to do in

761
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:32,240
Speaker 1: the church.

762
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 5: One one died because he was diabetic and you weren't

763
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 5: allowed to use medications, so it's not allowed to use

764
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 5: his insulin and went into a komba and died and

765
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 5: they buried him.

766
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: On they I believe, oh my gosh.

767
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 4: Which I didn't know until I left. I knew he died,

768
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 4: but I didn't know why. I was really young. Did

769
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 4: you know why when it happened?

770
00:38:58,320 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 8: Somehow? I I.

771
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 5: It wasn't very long after it happened that I realized.

772
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 8: I'm sure I heard some adult conversation I wasn't supposed

773
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 8: to be listening to, and.

774
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 5: They mentioned that he was diabetic in his non cult

775
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 5: life and not allowed to use his insulin, and that's

776
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 5: ultimately what took him out.

777
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, that's I know that that happens in

778
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: many churches or many organizations, but that is just like

779
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 1: very tragic and preventable and not cool as they say.

780
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 3: They did pray for him, Oh yeah, that's nice.

781
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 4: For days, the prayer meetings at his house, and that's

782
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 4: all I knew was that they were praying and then

783
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:52,720
Speaker 4: he was dead and everyone was crying, and oh my gosh,

784
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 4: that's all I ever knew until I actually went back.

785
00:39:55,840 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 4: I happened to have stacks and stacks of handwritten notes

786
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 4: because when Lasher would preach, people would take notes and

787
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,320
Speaker 4: send it to the church where Yohanna was in Oregon

788
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 4: and the one that was even smaller in Missouri, and

789
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 4: my dad was one of the note takers. So I

790
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 4: was reading through those and that's where I read that

791
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 4: he was diabetic.

792
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:19,879
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, well it was.

793
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 4: In a sermon at some point.

794
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 1: In bizarre I'm curious how both of your parents got

795
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: involved with this guy.

796
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 5: My mom was in Colorado's Springs and met a couple

797
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 5: of the very first people that were kind of in

798
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 5: this little group together and decided she didn't like society

799
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 5: and life and how it was and decided to change

800
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 5: and join. And she said she was always searching for

801
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:53,400
Speaker 5: something better or something more meaningful. And then my dad,

802
00:40:54,680 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 5: he had gotten into drugs, mainly LSD, and just felt

803
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 5: like he had no reason to live, and these people

804
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 5: met him like in a park or something like that,

805
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:14,800
Speaker 5: and decided to bring him into the group as well,

806
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 5: and that's where him and my mom met. I don't

807
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 5: even know how long. My dad kept wanting to marry

808
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 5: her and she said no, And I know that happened

809
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 5: for a little bit, getting fake married eventually because you

810
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 5: weren't allowed to go to the courthouse and get any papers.

811
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 3: So, oh my gosh, just.

812
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 2: A little side question about that. I'm assuming that the

813
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 2: single people were all just extremely pressured to marry each other.

814
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 2: Right now, I.

815
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 5: Think the single people wanted to marry people because they

816
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 5: just wanted to like have a family, right But I

817
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 5: don't I never thought that there was any pressuring them too.

818
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 2: Oh good, No, but you had to marry within the church, right, yeah, okay.

819
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:01,359
Speaker 4: And it was being a single woman with pretty much

820
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 4: the bottom of the totem pole. So obviously they wanted

821
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 4: to get married, and the single men and women weren't

822
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 4: really allowed to court, so it was more like or

823
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 4: to date. If they wanted to marry each other, they

824
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 4: would talk to Leisure and he would give them permission

825
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 4: to like talk to each other.

826
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 2: Wow, that's like third grade, Like will you pass this

827
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 2: note to marry? And it says will you marry me? Okay?

828
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 8: He would sometimes say no to it.

829
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,800
Speaker 5: I think he said no to a couple of people

830
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 5: like no, I don't believe that. That's you know, like

831
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 5: I don't think Yawi wants that to happen.

832
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 4: This it's not Ya's will.

833
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:48,280
Speaker 2: It's so weird. How has will? Yeah, it just seems

834
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 2: to flop around a lot, Yeah, a lot.

835
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 3: What about you, Angie? Had your parents get involved?

836
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 4: My parents were already married, they were freshly married. My

837
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 4: dad was in the army. He was stationed at Fort

838
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 4: Carson in Colorado Springs as well, and while he was

839
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 4: at work, my mom was at the park and saw

840
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 4: two of the brothers. There was brothers and sisters that's

841
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 4: what they called each other. Saw two of the brothers

842
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,839
Speaker 4: there and they came to talk to her, and she

843
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 4: was in a similar situation where she was young and

844
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 4: I think, lonely and not happy in the world. And

845
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 4: they were very convincing, very charismatic, very warm and inviting.

846
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,959
Speaker 4: And when she told my dad about them, at first

847
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,760
Speaker 4: he got really mad, and because she invited them home,

848
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 4: said they're coming at six or they're coming at seven

849
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 4: or whatever, and he went loaded his shotgun. But when

850
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 4: they showed up, he decided to put the gun away

851
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 4: and they talked, and I don't know how long it

852
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,760
Speaker 4: was after that that they decided to join. Wow.

853
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 1: So it seems like there's a theme here with both

854
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: of your parents, just like being in kind of a

855
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 1: dark place and needing some direction in their lives, which,

856
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: as we know, happens to all of us.

857
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, and young, I think is another important point.

858
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 3: They're very young, totally right.

859
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 4: My mom was nineteen and my dad was twenty.

860
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 3: Oh so young. Yeah, even younger than I imagined.

861
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:30,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, my parents were in their early early twenties as well.

862
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're just like, somebody tell me what to do.

863
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so lonely and there's something that doesn't feel right,

864
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 4: and I want a big family and I want brothers

865
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 4: and sisters.

866
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, look at these great people welcoming me and

867
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: singing these lovely songs.

868
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 3: Totally okay.

869
00:44:50,880 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 1: So, Angie, something happened with your wedding. I know you

870
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: said something about how your decision to leave had something

871
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 1: to do with that, or maybe other people leaving.

872
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 3: How did you first start questioning?

873
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 4: I started questioning after two of my very very closest

874
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 4: adult friends decided to leave, and it was a particularly

875
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:21,479
Speaker 4: intense just I had experienced a lot of loss, I'd

876
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 4: grown accustomed to it because people were always coming and going,

877
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 4: but that one was that one was big, and it

878
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 4: kind of really tore me up. And so about fifteen

879
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 4: I started questioning. And between fifteen and seventeen, I drifted

880
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 4: in and out of being angry and wanting answers and

881
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 4: embracing it and trying to fit in and trying to

882
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 4: do what I was supposed to do and finding my

883
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 4: place and a more grown up headspace there rather than

884
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 4: being a child. But by the time I was seventeen,

885
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 4: I pretty much had decided that it was pointless the

886
00:45:55,160 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 4: approach that I took. Rather than just saying this is well,

887
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 4: can I swear yeah? Rather than say this bullshit, my

888
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 4: approach was more of a bridge building. How can I

889
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 4: get the grown ups to understand that unless they change something,

890
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 4: none of the kids are going to stay, because every

891
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 4: kid who turned eighteen was gone. They instantly turned eighteen.

892
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 4: They're just gone. And so I started conversations around it,

893
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,399
Speaker 4: like why is this happening? Can we change it? Can

894
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 4: we make it a better place for kids? And they

895
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 4: would pretend to be interested and then just flop right

896
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 4: back on me and cut me down or something, you know,

897
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 4: just take the wind right out of me, take me

898
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 4: back down to size. So by the time I was seventeen,

899
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 4: I said, this is never going to change, and it's

900
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 4: most of it doesn't make sense, and they can't give

901
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,879
Speaker 4: me reasons, they can't give me explanations. So I'm out

902
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 4: of here. Then my husband was there too, and his

903
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 4: reaction was basically, you can't leave by yourself because you

904
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 4: don't know what's out there. I mean, this is crazy.

905
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 4: Let's go together. And so, long story short, we decided

906
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 4: to get married and leave together. And we decided that

907
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 4: Lasier was not going to marry us because he didn't

908
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 4: represent what we believed in, and we actually asked Johanna's dad.

909
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 8: To marry us.

910
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,760
Speaker 3: Ah, he did.

911
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:35,760
Speaker 4: He had to tell me out.

912
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 5: Of it first, but he's not very good at talking

913
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 5: anybody out of it.

914
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 4: But what happened with Lasher issued one of his sweeping

915
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 4: decrees that anybody who came to our wedding was going

916
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 4: to be cut off. So about half of the group

917
00:47:54,360 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 4: did come, didn't, but he didn't cut any.

918
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 5: I don't think so again, I mean some of them.

919
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 5: I think a bunch of people just decided, no, we're leaving.

920
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of people were like this is that

921
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 4: was the moment when they said we can't do this anymore.

922
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 4: So about half little less than half, about half left

923
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 4: at the same time.

924
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 2: So did your parents come to your wedding?

925
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 4: So that part's a little compain. My dad left when

926
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 4: I was fourteen, and so it was just my mom

927
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 4: at that point. And she did come, of course, but

928
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 4: she was kind of one of Laisher's favorites, so he

929
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 4: was never gonna, I see, cut her off. And of

930
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 4: course Johanna was there. But Yeahana speak more to what

931
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 4: it was like, how it held together or didn't after

932
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 4: I left.

933
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 8: It didn't.

934
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 5: So Angie got married, and prior to her getting married,

935
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,799
Speaker 5: my sisters we we lived on a dairy and it

936
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 5: was not people that were in the church, and my

937
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 5: sister and I were working on that dairy.

938
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:08,880
Speaker 8: For I don't know.

939
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 5: We made like two dollars and fifty cents an hour

940
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 5: or something and we'd split it, and it was it

941
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 5: was basically just for fun. They also had two teenage

942
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 5: boys which were about our age, and so we saw

943
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 5: kind of a lot of what the real more of

944
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 5: the real world was like. So I think for us,

945
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 5: we're kind of already out. And then Angie got married

946
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 5: and I cried for a week because she was leaving

947
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 5: me behind and I.

948
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 8: Was like, this isn't fair.

949
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:40,319
Speaker 5: And then after that I stopped going to church. I

950
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,799
Speaker 5: told my dad I'm not going everwhere again, and he

951
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 5: went another night, and then it was probably a week

952
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 5: or two after that that my mom stopped going. And

953
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 5: of course when they weren't going, nobody had rides to

954
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,800
Speaker 5: get there, even if my siblings wanted to, but they didn't.

955
00:49:56,160 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 5: Nobody wanted to. My brothers they hated their long hair

956
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 5: and took scissors and chopped it and just we just

957
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 5: blew up, and.

958
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 2: Did you like go to the movies or do anything

959
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 2: like that, Like, what was your first movie?

960
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 5: My first movie?

961
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 8: One of my uncles.

962
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 5: He took me and my sister right after my parents

963
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 5: had kind of stepped away a little bit. He took

964
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 5: us to a Thanksgiving weekend in Breckinridge with all of

965
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 5: the family, which was like the first time we ever

966
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 5: met ninety five percent of them probably, And he took

967
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 5: us to see, Oh, what's the movie with the two

968
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 5: little girls? I can't even remember the name of it

969
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:41,839
Speaker 5: right now?

970
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 2: Mary Kay?

971
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:45,360
Speaker 3: Actually the Parent Trap?

972
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 8: Yes, the Parent Trap.

973
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: That was my next guests, The Parent Trap was your

974
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 2: first movie?

975
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 3: Holy okay, wow.

976
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm so glad that that was it, because that

977
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 2: the movie is perfect.

978
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 3: I love that movie. The line King, oh so excellent.

979
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 2: That's that's jumping straight in the deep bend. Yeah. Yeah.

980
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,879
Speaker 2: Were you guys allowed to read like books at all?

981
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 3: I was not.

982
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:14,240
Speaker 2: That is so unfair.

983
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 4: Only the Bible, the Martyr's Mirror. Have you ever heard

984
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:19,360
Speaker 4: of that?

985
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:20,280
Speaker 3: No?

986
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 4: No, it's horrible. Yeah. All the ways that Christians were

987
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 4: persecuted over the centuries, oh my god. And then sometimes

988
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 4: my grandparents would buy us. You never read the little

989
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 4: house books you, Hannah.

990
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 5: I only when I was at your house.

991
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 2: Were comic books allowed.

992
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 4: No newspapers either, images. They would buy the Lasier would

993
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 4: buy the newspaper. Well magazine did all kinds of things

994
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 4: that nobody else did, but he would buy it. He'd

995
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 4: say to keep up to see if we were in it. Like,

996
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 4: so they had newspapers, they seem tospapers.

997
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 5: But that was one of my biggest things growing up

998
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 5: was he always told us do as I say, don't

999
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 5: do as I do. And I am a very fair person, Like,

1000
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,720
Speaker 5: if it is okay for you, it is also okay

1001
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 5: for me.

1002
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:22,879
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1003
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 5: If you're going to not allow me to have Dunkin Donuts,

1004
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 5: but you're gonna have boxes of them sitting in your kitchen,

1005
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 5: I am going to think you're full of shit.

1006
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:33,320
Speaker 8: And fair.

1007
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 5: So many times as a little child, because I just

1008
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 5: wanted all of these things I couldn't have.

1009
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, I was like, oh, like no, just to make

1010
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 8: me so mad.

1011
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 5: The hypocrisy, Yeah, that is just so unfair.

1012
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 1: I mean, it sounds like the two of you were

1013
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: the glue holding this group together.

1014
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,959
Speaker 3: Because everything kind of fellow once you left.

1015
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 4: I don't know, about that, but I would say definitely

1016
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 4: that how can a group survive if the kids aren't

1017
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 4: going to carry it on? I mean, basically, the adults

1018
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:18,360
Speaker 4: who really actually cared when they saw the kids walking

1019
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 4: away the first chance they got, they took note and

1020
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 4: they said, wait a minute, if we can't keep our kids,

1021
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:29,359
Speaker 4: what do we have? And then the ones who were

1022
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 4: just into deep they they're the ones who stayed for

1023
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 4: a long time after and as it slowly just crumbled

1024
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 4: until at the end it was like two people. Well

1025
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 4: Randy still.

1026
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 2: So there's a.

1027
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 4: He's like the only guy there still, don't he himself?

1028
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 8: I don't think he is.

1029
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 5: He's like in a band, I know, but he still

1030
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:55,399
Speaker 5: dressed the thing.

1031
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 4: My sister just sent me a video of him like singing,

1032
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 4: and I was started convulsive.

1033
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 5: He was he was an absolutely amazing woodworker, but he

1034
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 5: was blind as a bat. Brilliant and brilliant, amazing like

1035
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 5: he could he could be. He could have been making

1036
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:23,319
Speaker 5: instruments for rock stars. Talent wind is a bat not

1037
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,720
Speaker 5: allowed to wear glasses at all because those were against

1038
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 5: our religion and right to everything like this.

1039
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, she wanted to talk to you.

1040
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 3: It was like to close even glasses. That's amazing.

1041
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 2: You know, that makes sense that he can't leave, because

1042
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 2: if you've given up seeing for your entire life, pretty much,

1043
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 2: you are pretty That's deep.

1044
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's very interesting.

1045
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 4: After after we left and everything started to crumble, Lacier

1046
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 4: suddenly started relaxing a bunch of the rules and they

1047
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 4: started making the their own wine. They wore glasses, they

1048
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:07,120
Speaker 4: got prescriptions. This was all well, my mom. My mom

1049
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 4: stayed for probably another six seven years after I left. Oh,

1050
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 4: at least, yeah, at least hmm, maybe longer. Yeah, I'd

1051
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 4: say six seven eight. So he changed everything. He's like,

1052
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, all these people left, and now

1053
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 4: we can do all these things that we never could

1054
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 4: do before.

1055
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1056
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,839
Speaker 4: I would talk to my mom and I would say, oh,

1057
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 4: you're doing that now, Oh you're doing perfect timing.

1058
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 2: We're not there anymore. So cool, you know, yeah, weird.

1059
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,520
Speaker 1: What what choice do you have when everyone is leaving?

1060
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,840
Speaker 1: You have to, like do make some adjustments. I guess something.

1061
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:45,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1062
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the only group I've heard

1063
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 1: of where the kids leaving is motivating to the adults

1064
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:55,400
Speaker 1: to also leave. I feel like usually what happens is

1065
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,000
Speaker 1: the kids leave and are shunned. And I don't know

1066
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 1: if the group was just so small, or you just

1067
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 1: had such strong connections with your parents or what. But

1068
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,960
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever heard of that happening, have you, Megan.

1069
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 2: No, not at all.

1070
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 4: It's the group was so small.

1071
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, and that's why, I.

1072
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 4: Mean, nobody's really ever heard of us.

1073
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 2: But the name is still on the building by the highway, right,

1074
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,399
Speaker 2: like if you're driving down the highway, you can still

1075
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 2: see it.

1076
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:27,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, wow, it's true. I don't the people who bought

1077
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 4: they lost that building in a tax sale years and

1078
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 4: years ago, and the people who bought it turned it

1079
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 4: into a house and never changed the roofs. I couldn't

1080
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 4: figure out why the heck they didn't.

1081
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 3: Sure they know, do they know? It's something that they

1082
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 3: ever come up there?

1083
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1084
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 5: They were amazing construction workers, so I guess they put

1085
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 5: on a really good roof because it's been a long time.

1086
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1087
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: So when you said at the end, do you mean

1088
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 1: at the end of Lacier's life or just like at

1089
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 1: the end of the group, Like, what what is the end?

1090
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:02,359
Speaker 2: Is he still with us?

1091
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 4: He died last year?

1092
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 2: Oh wow?

1093
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 3: How did that make you both feel I said good riddance.

1094
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 4: She said good riddance, and I said, oh damn. I

1095
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:13,880
Speaker 4: never got to give him my book.

1096
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 3: M m.

1097
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 5: Yep.

1098
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 4: I was looking forward to that.

1099
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 1: But do you think that he believed his own shit? Like,

1100
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: do you think he thought he was really like a prophet?

1101
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1102
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 2: I mean the no money thing is so that is.

1103
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 3: So weird that it's so unusual.

1104
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 4: No, it was fervent. It was he was unhinged, but

1105
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:43,439
Speaker 4: he was real about it, if that makes sense.

1106
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:47,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, fascinating.

1107
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 1: I'm curious, just like, how do you both see this

1108
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 1: experience now and how do you think it's sort of

1109
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 1: shaped how you operate.

1110
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 3: In the world now, Yohanna, you want to start.

1111
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,640
Speaker 5: I think that it's potentially helped me become a lot

1112
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 5: bolder and see people's shit before they have a chance

1113
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 5: to pull the wool over my eyes and kind of

1114
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 5: not take it. But then there's another part of me

1115
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 5: that says, it gave me nothing. I'd want nothing to

1116
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 5: do with it.

1117
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 8: It gave me nothing.

1118
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 5: But I mean, you can't help, but you're upbringing put

1119
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 5: you in a position that you are shape you wires you,

1120
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:32,200
Speaker 5: and yeah, it completely wires you.

1121
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, what about you, Aunt Jay, it's also what you

1122
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 4: choose to do with it. I mean, I like to

1123
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 4: say that we are who we are in spite of

1124
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 4: where we're from and not because of it, because I

1125
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 4: feel like the strength it takes for anyone, I mean,

1126
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,520
Speaker 4: you all have your own experiences as well, to walk

1127
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 4: away that strength has to be an inherent part of

1128
00:58:56,560 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 4: you anyway mm hmmm, in whatever situation you would have

1129
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 4: been in. And it took reliving my story in my

1130
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 4: own head to come to that conclusion because I definitely

1131
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 4: didn't feel that way at the time. I more so

1132
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 4: felt like I was flailing and just like running towards something,

1133
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 4: but I didn't know what it was. And when you

1134
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 4: have to rehash it in your head, for me, what

1135
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 4: it revealed is that it was actually really grounded in

1136
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 4: a way that I couldn't recognize at the time, and

1137
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,480
Speaker 4: that's what gave me the strength to do what had

1138
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 4: to be done and to find my way out. But

1139
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:40,720
Speaker 4: I mean, the impacts for me are ongoing. I discover

1140
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 4: something new every day that flashed back. I'm like, Oh,

1141
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 4: that's where that comes, that's why that happens, That's why

1142
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 4: I feel that way. Always making connections, and which is

1143
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 4: why I think. I think it's amazing what you guys

1144
00:59:55,600 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 4: are doing. It's just time that we talk about it. Yeah,

1145
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 4: because the ship has to stop happening. It's not okay.

1146
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 4: Yeah because yes we all survive, Yes we all move

1147
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 4: on with our lives, but we shouldn't have to survive, right,

1148
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 4: it shouldn't happen to overcome.

1149
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, totally.

1150
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 4: And that's kind of where I'm at.

1151
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 1: Well, I got to say, I can't wait to read

1152
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 1: your book on it though, because the first two chapters

1153
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 1: were great.

1154
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was it you called? What will it be called?

1155
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 4: The working title is speak.

1156
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 2: Like we were like, yep, that's great.

1157
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 4: If I ever find somebody to publish it, they'll probably

1158
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:38,800
Speaker 4: change the title.

1159
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 3: Publishers shout out is great writing.

1160
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 2: Publishers reach out and ask for the chapters. It's it's

1161
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 2: crazy good.

1162
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 8: So it is really, really good. I read it in

1163
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:56,600
Speaker 8: one day, the whole thing. She gave me the.

1164
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 5: Your rough drafts here in there, and was like, what,

1165
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 5: I think amazing.

1166
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 2: All's friendship is so beautiful too. I'm so glad that

1167
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 2: you had each other to kind of I know me too.

1168
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 4: She's my sounding board. She keeps me. She keeps me

1169
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 4: where I need to be. I am yeah, and I'm

1170
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:19,720
Speaker 4: when I'm over my head and flailing, She's like, fuck it,

1171
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 4: I don't worry about it, you know, she's.

1172
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 2: We all could use the Yahana and lives. Thank you

1173
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 2: guys so much for doing this.

1174
01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:35,440
Speaker 8: Thank you.

1175
01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks for thanks.

1176
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 5: Get to be on a podcast and talk about our

1177
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 5: crazy little indybity cult life.

1178
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 2: I have to say, Ynnah, you are the person I've

1179
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 2: related most two of stories in my entire life. So

1180
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 2: very strange, but yeah it is. You definitely had it

1181
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 2: way more tense, but lots of parallels, lots of parallels.

1182
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, and we survived.

1183
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lia, Yeah, do you have social media that you'd

1184
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 1: like to share our website or anything?

1185
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 3: Either of you.

1186
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 4: I have a website Angela quiler dot com so that's

1187
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:19,320
Speaker 4: k E H l e R. And then I am

1188
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 4: on Instagram and Facebook a Marie Keeler and Twitter because

1189
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 4: they tell you you need all that stuff when you're

1190
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 4: gonna write.

1191
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Yohanna, do you want to share yours?

1192
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:40,640
Speaker 5: I am Yohanna Morrow on Facebook and Ammohanna seventy nine

1193
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 5: on Instagram.

1194
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 8: I have those because I like social media.

1195
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 4: I think.

1196
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 3: And you Hanna is with why it's ah awesome?

1197
01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thanks both of you so much. It

1198
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: was really great to meet you, and I mean, thanks

1199
01:02:58,160 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 1: so much for reaching out.

1200
01:02:59,080 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 3: This is awesome.

1201
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 5: Yes, thank you.

1202
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 3: All right, Megan, we've come to that time.

1203
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 2: I certainly have what do you think?

1204
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:11,680
Speaker 3: Would you join the Assembly of yahweh?

1205
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:12,479
Speaker 2: Fuck?

1206
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 3: No?

1207
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 5: No?

1208
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 3: Why ever?

1209
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:16,960
Speaker 2: Or not?

1210
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 3: I don't understand.

1211
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:21,800
Speaker 2: It's just it's just the blown up version of everything

1212
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,680
Speaker 2: I hated about my own childhood. I wouldn't join.

1213
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:30,960
Speaker 1: No, No, I also wouldn't, but you know, I get

1214
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:35,160
Speaker 1: being a last nineteen year old and yep, friendly people

1215
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 1: come up to you and.

1216
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:39,480
Speaker 2: Here's a place to stay and stuff to do and

1217
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:43,640
Speaker 2: stuff to believe. I would definitely, I understand.

1218
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.

1219
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: If I were a different person with a different life experience.

1220
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:49,920
Speaker 1: I've said this before, but I think this time in

1221
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 1: my life I would be so so so susceptible to

1222
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:55,800
Speaker 1: anything that like told me exactly what to do so

1223
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: that I didn't have to like try to figure this.

1224
01:03:58,760 --> 01:03:59,680
Speaker 3: All shit out.

1225
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:01,920
Speaker 5: Fuck?

1226
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 3: I hate it?

1227
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:08,919
Speaker 1: All right, Well, great, we've done it. We've done another episode. Also,

1228
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 1: I just want to shout out, we've gotten a lot

1229
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,320
Speaker 1: of emails, and I'm thank you guys so much for

1230
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 1: emailing us. We have to go through more of them

1231
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 1: more consistently, but like, I just want you all to

1232
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 1: know that when I read those emails, I'm like so

1233
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 1: touched and like honored and just like so happy that

1234
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: anyone listens to the show, let alone people who want

1235
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:32,000
Speaker 1: to share their stories and like talk about their experiences.

1236
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:34,000
Speaker 3: I just think it's really special. So thank you all.

1237
01:04:35,200 --> 01:04:37,959
Speaker 2: It is, it really is. Thank you guys so much

1238
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,800
Speaker 2: for listening, the people who write, thank you the people

1239
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:44,760
Speaker 2: who've called n last week on the show. Just it's

1240
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:46,840
Speaker 2: turned into a really amazing community.

1241
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 3: So I just shout out to the woman at Home State,

1242
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:53,040
Speaker 3: who's who yes said.

1243
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,440
Speaker 1: Came up to me and she said she loves our podcast.

1244
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:57,200
Speaker 1: And I didn't hear what she said right away, so

1245
01:04:57,240 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 1: I didn't react as effusively as I wanted to. Oh

1246
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 1: my god, thank you for liking our podcast.

1247
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 2: That's cool.

1248
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 3: I felt so cool.

1249
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 2: You guys, all right, I'm just saying, you know, we're

1250
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 2: just saying the end. We want you guys to have

1251
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 2: a good week. We want to check in with you

1252
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 2: next time, and remember to follow your gut watch out

1253
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 2: for red flags and never ever trust me, Bye bye,