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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's and guess what, We wrote a whole

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Speaker 1: ass book. That's right, y'all. Our book, We Over Me,

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Speaker 1: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything you Want from your Relationship,

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Speaker 1: discusses family, parenting, devours favorite topic, sex and intimacy, finances

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Speaker 1: and commitment with the honesty and raw truth y'all have

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Speaker 1: always gotten from us. We over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach

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Speaker 1: to Getting Everything you Want from your Relationship, is available

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Speaker 1: for preorder today. That's right, Run don't walk to www

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Speaker 1: dot p r h dot com slash we over Me

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Speaker 1: to pre order your book today. Every decision is not

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Speaker 1: agreed upon, but that doesn't mean that we can't move forward.

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Speaker 1: That is a fact. And when writing this book, We

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Speaker 1: over Me, I had to make a tough decision to

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Speaker 1: include a particular moment in our lives, and I decided

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Speaker 1: to go for it. Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and

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Speaker 1: we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos without boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about. Through the lens of a millennium married couple.

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Speaker 1: Dead adds is the term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to think Philow talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead ads starts right now, as you guys know. Now,

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Speaker 1: we've gon a book call We over Me the counterintuitive

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Speaker 1: approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship.

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Speaker 1: And I remember when Cadina and I were sitting down

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Speaker 1: because the book idea was presented to us, shout out

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Speaker 1: to Carlos from CIA. He reached out through his fiance

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Speaker 1: at the time now wife Rainy, who went to college

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Speaker 1: with Codina and I. We shout and said, hey, Carlos,

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Speaker 1: wons talk to you guys about a possible project. Let's

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Speaker 1: see if you're interested. So Carlos came to us and said,

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Speaker 1: I have a couple of publishers who are interested in

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Speaker 1: you guys writing a book about your relationship. What do

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Speaker 1: you guys think? And I was like nah at first,

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Speaker 1: and they were like, what you mean? Nah, and I

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Speaker 1: was just like, we have a podcast, we utilize our

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Speaker 1: social media, you know, we have a travel show that's

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Speaker 1: out now with the Boys. I feel like we've shared

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Speaker 1: a lot, Like I don't. I really think there's anything

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Speaker 1: that we haven't shared with everyone on the podcast and

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Speaker 1: Codina was like, that's not true. I was like, what

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Speaker 1: you mean we have shared everything and she was like, no,

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Speaker 1: we haven't. And when I started to look in her eyes,

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Speaker 1: I could tell what she wanted to share. And at

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Speaker 1: first I was like, there's no way she wants to

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Speaker 1: share this because this is something that she and I

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Speaker 1: went through at a particular time in our life and

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Speaker 1: we're not going to disclose that. Will let you guys

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Speaker 1: read the book to see what we're talking about. But

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Speaker 1: I looked at k and I said, is it what

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Speaker 1: I think it is? And CONDEI looked at me and said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about the abortion. So thinking about

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Speaker 1: this entire book journey and what it looked like for us,

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Speaker 1: it really called for us to pull on some vivid,

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Speaker 1: some not so vivid, some painfully vivid moments in our life.

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Speaker 1: And what I've realized over the course of our life

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Speaker 1: is that together at least in the past twenty years.

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Speaker 1: Memories are gonna be memories, right. There are moments that

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Speaker 1: happen in our life, so whether they're good or bad,

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Speaker 1: it's the memories we have, right that brings me to memories.

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Speaker 1: Don't live like people, dude, they always member you when

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Speaker 1: are things are good are bad? It's just the memories

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Speaker 1: that yeah, say, hey boy, stop just remember when I

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Speaker 1: write us. Oh God, I was prepared to go all

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Speaker 1: the way into it. But memories, listen, memories good or bad,

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Speaker 1: they are what they are. All right. Let's take a

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Speaker 1: quick break. We're gonna get into the media, the show

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Speaker 1: where we talk about we over me and some of

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Speaker 1: the decisions that we had to make in this book

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Speaker 1: writing process. Was that little bomb drop for everybody? Um,

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Speaker 1: I think it was mainly because abortion has become a

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Speaker 1: hot button topic. Absolutely because of the laws that are

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Speaker 1: changing to reverse a woman's a woman's right to choose

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Speaker 1: whether or not she wants to go through with a

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Speaker 1: full term pregnancy. Absolutely. Um, it's wild to me. It's

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Speaker 1: wild to me, um that this is even a conversation

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Speaker 1: that we're having now, Um, with real versus way having

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Speaker 1: been overturned in some states, um men, particularly feeling like

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Speaker 1: they have the right to even dictate what a woman

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Speaker 1: does with the body. So this is not even going

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Speaker 1: to be like a pro choice pro life conversation, because

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Speaker 1: that's not something that we feel like we need to

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Speaker 1: discuss openly with people, because that's a personal decision. And

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Speaker 1: for full disclosure, I think everyone has the right to

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Speaker 1: be pro choice or pro life right for sure. I

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Speaker 1: honestly feel like, yes, we as people are allowed to

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Speaker 1: are should be allowed to not agree without spewing hate

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Speaker 1: at each other or not being given a title right. However,

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Speaker 1: I do feel like over arching with the decision of

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Speaker 1: whether you want to be pro choice or pro life

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Speaker 1: as a woman, and speaking for I feel like a

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Speaker 1: lot of women, we should just ultimately be given the

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Speaker 1: choice to do with our bodies what we want. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna agreement with that, and I would say that growing up,

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Speaker 1: I've always been like a pro life person, but as

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Speaker 1: we've experienced for childbirths, how could you be pro life

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Speaker 1: without considering the life of the mom, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So my perspective has definitely changed, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like having the choice is definitely the main, like

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Speaker 1: the main point that should be driven home because we're

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Speaker 1: at the point now where we're giving people the choice

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Speaker 1: to do whatever they want. You can choose your gender,

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Speaker 1: you can choose your sex, you can choose everything. But

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Speaker 1: now you're telling me that a woman doesn't have the

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Speaker 1: right to choose, even if they're raped, or even if

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Speaker 1: it could cause a woman her life for or cause

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Speaker 1: a woman to lose her life, she doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: choice to decide. I feel like that's unfair, a little

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Speaker 1: bit extreme, right, So yeah, um, Deval and I, in

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Speaker 1: the book, we detail what transpired at that particular point

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Speaker 1: in our life. Um, and in this episode, we didn't

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Speaker 1: really want to dive too much into the details of it,

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Speaker 1: because that's the whole point of the book, right, So

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Speaker 1: you can look at it and you can read it

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Speaker 1: and you can see, you know, a detailed explanation of

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Speaker 1: what he and I were feeling. And the great thing

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Speaker 1: about the book and the way it was written is

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Speaker 1: that it really gives particular points in our lives and

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Speaker 1: it gives both of our perspectives. Right. So, Deval and I,

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Speaker 1: when we were talking about this topic, he said something

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Speaker 1: that really just kind of it just reiterated to me

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Speaker 1: in that moment how much of a team and a

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Speaker 1: unit we are, And you said, you know, when we

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Speaker 1: discuss our abortion, and he never put it on just

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Speaker 1: me and said that time you had an abortion. It

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Speaker 1: was when we made the decision to have our abortion.

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Speaker 1: Because a lot of times I feel like you hear

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Speaker 1: these stories about women who sit with someone, you know,

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Speaker 1: procreate with someone, and then in turn feel very alone

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Speaker 1: because they feel like now the onus is just on

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Speaker 1: them to make a decision either way or the woman

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Speaker 1: feels like I'm going to make this decision solely without

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Speaker 1: necessarily considering or consulting how the father of this child

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Speaker 1: may feel. It is going to say that as well, right,

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Speaker 1: So it's it's very very two sided. So I appreciate

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Speaker 1: that to this day, and even in that moment um

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Speaker 1: you were very adamant about speaking about us as a

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Speaker 1: unit because this is a decision that we ultimately made together. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And that's and that's the whole point of we over me,

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Speaker 1: is that there is no decision that's just you. There's

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Speaker 1: no singular decision anymore. Um. I think that's important too,

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Speaker 1: because speaking on behalf of some men, you can't make

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Speaker 1: that decision on your own. If it's something we've done together,

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Speaker 1: so you can't say this is something we've done together,

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Speaker 1: but then the decision is ultimately mine. But I do

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Speaker 1: understand though, that it is your body. So we sat

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Speaker 1: down and we had a very very tough conversation. And

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Speaker 1: when you get into the book and you hear how

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Speaker 1: she felt and you hear how how I felt, you

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Speaker 1: can actually understand both arguments. But at this point it's

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Speaker 1: not about arguments, and it's not about being right. It's

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Speaker 1: about what's doing what's best for all three of us

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Speaker 1: in that moment um. I also feel like it was necessary,

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Speaker 1: so people may ask me why I wanted to discuss this,

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Speaker 1: and it's probably going to be like a bombshelf for

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Speaker 1: our families too, because no one really in our families

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Speaker 1: knew that this transpired, and in part because of the

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Speaker 1: point that we were in our life. Um, we were younger,

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Speaker 1: and it was a part of the ridicule that we

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Speaker 1: felt like we might have gotten the shame, the backlash. Um.

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Speaker 1: I think it was one of those things where we

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Speaker 1: also ultimately knew that we weren't conducting ourselves in the

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Speaker 1: most careful manner. Yeah, we weren't responsible, So it's almost

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Speaker 1: as if we were going to be getting the fingers

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Speaker 1: pointed at you like you should have done that. I

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Speaker 1: told you so. And it's easy for everything to be

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Speaker 1: or for everyone to be reactive in moments like that

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Speaker 1: where I felt like if we discussed this now, it

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Speaker 1: might prompt people to be more proactive about how they

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Speaker 1: are proceeding with their sexual life. I'm in agreement with you,

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Speaker 1: and that's why when it came time to have this

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Speaker 1: discussion and you wanted to share, it also wasn't a

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Speaker 1: thing where COIN was like, well, I'm sharing because it's

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Speaker 1: my body. It was always we in us. She asked

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Speaker 1: me how I felt, and I'm going to tell you

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Speaker 1: what made me feel comfortable. I can't say who, can't

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Speaker 1: say names because also I'm trying to respect people's privacy.

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Speaker 1: But I did speak to some members of my family.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say whether it was men or women.

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Speaker 1: And I said, I'm just gonna let you guys know

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Speaker 1: that Kadeina and I are choosing to speak on this

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Speaker 1: topic because this is what we experienced. And I had

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Speaker 1: a resounding, a resounding amount of family members that said

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Speaker 1: we've been there as well. Mm hmm. And I was like, what, wait, like,

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Speaker 1: what like you? Because I grew up in a Southern

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Speaker 1: Baptist family, and you know you hear like you don't

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Speaker 1: talk about sex in the Southern Baptist families, let alone

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Speaker 1: an abortion. And I remember the ridicule my brother and

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend at the time, who was seventeen, received from

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Speaker 1: having a child, And I felt like, just because of

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Speaker 1: the way my family was and the way we grew up,

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Speaker 1: that this couldn't have possibly have ever happened to anybody

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Speaker 1: else in my family. So to speak to the people

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Speaker 1: I spoke to a very as ages, different generations, and

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Speaker 1: hearing them say, sweetheart, we went through the same thing,

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Speaker 1: it was like yeah, But then it was also, why

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Speaker 1: didn't you guys speak to us about sex before we

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Speaker 1: got to this situation so we knew how to move responsibly.

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Speaker 1: So that made me feel like we now have a

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Speaker 1: responsibility to share our story. Hopefully it will save another

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Speaker 1: young couple from going through what we went through in

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Speaker 1: that moment, feeling the shame and the ridicule even leading

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Speaker 1: up to having the conversation about whether or not we

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Speaker 1: were going to go through it or not. Absolutely, and

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Speaker 1: I think I share the same sentiment in having a

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Speaker 1: very similar family structure or makeup where you know, my

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Speaker 1: mom's side particularly raised seven day event as my uncle's

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Speaker 1: a pastor, like my aunt is still very very active

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Speaker 1: in the church with her family, and there was just

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Speaker 1: no way a that sex was really discussed in entirety. Um,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that I just left to

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Speaker 1: kind of figure out on my own or kind of

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Speaker 1: lean on like an older cousin or friends who figure out.

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Speaker 1: And as we became parents too, we realized the value

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Speaker 1: and making sure that we now will have those candid

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Speaker 1: conversations with our children, of course in an age appropriate

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Speaker 1: way and a timely manner, like the conversations are naturally

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Speaker 1: going to progress into things that are a little bit

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Speaker 1: more detailed, and you know how how twos and the

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Speaker 1: what to watch out for is are going to be

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Speaker 1: that much more detailed as our boys get older. Um,

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Speaker 1: but it's also making sure, particularly as we raise four boys,

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Speaker 1: that they understand the female anatomy and how the woman's

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Speaker 1: body works and how their body works. And there's so

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Speaker 1: many different things that need to be unpacked, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't particularly feel comfortable having those conversations early on, so recently,

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Speaker 1: UM even had a conversation with my mom and she

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Speaker 1: and I have just had now in my I want

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Speaker 1: to say older age. She and I have developed a really,

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Speaker 1: really just a way better line of communication because I

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Speaker 1: think she understands now how out I in learning from

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Speaker 1: you how to be transparent communicate. UM. It's helped our

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Speaker 1: relationship so much more. And I think she in turn

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Speaker 1: feels comfortable speaking about a lot of things that she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have before. UM. And I can still see sometimes

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Speaker 1: discomfort in the way she approaches things, you know, but

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Speaker 1: it's better and she's making an effort and I love

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Speaker 1: that about where we are in our relationship. UM. And

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Speaker 1: I was speaking to her about, you know, a gripe

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Speaker 1: that I had with a family member and whatnot, and

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Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, why, why aren't conversations

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Speaker 1: just had, Like what is the what is the what

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Speaker 1: is the complexity around just mustering up the goal of

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Speaker 1: the strength to have the conversation that's uncomfortable and a

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Speaker 1: lot of times it's what is it? What do you think? Judgment?

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Speaker 1: Shame and judgment absolutely which is killing me in this

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Speaker 1: day and age, especially with social media. Right we told

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Speaker 1: about this before a young lady sent me email. Why

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Speaker 1: would you share this conversation with you and your son? Right?

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Speaker 1: What is the purpose of life? Is the purpose of

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Speaker 1: life to obtain as much materialistic things so you can

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Speaker 1: flaunt in front of everybody else. It's not the perfect

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Speaker 1: of life. No, that's not the perfect or to learn

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Speaker 1: as many things, as many ideas and then just hold

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Speaker 1: it to yourself. But you have the wealth of knowledge

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Speaker 1: quote unquote, and nobody else does. Right, is it just

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Speaker 1: the right not just material things, but to obtain as

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Speaker 1: much knowledge as possible to keep it to yourself, to

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Speaker 1: prove that you're smarter than everyone else. No, that's not

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Speaker 1: the purpose of life. The purpose of life is to

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Speaker 1: view the world in its entirety from as many different

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Speaker 1: perspectives as possible, so that you can obtain knowledge and

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Speaker 1: then share it so that the next generation can be

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Speaker 1: better than you like. To me, that's the whole purpose

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Speaker 1: of life. So when you go through something in your life,

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Speaker 1: it's not to keep it secret so that no one

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Speaker 1: can judge you. It's to share it so that the

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Speaker 1: hope is you help someone. And when you when you

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Speaker 1: say you're gonna help someone, you can't then dictate how

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Speaker 1: you're going to help them. For example, we're sharing about

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Speaker 1: our abortion. I'm not going to this saying I'm sharing

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Speaker 1: this story hoping that no one never gets an abortion. Ever, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I share this hoping that they

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Speaker 1: banned abortions because no, or I'm not sharing it hoping

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Speaker 1: that people will agree with our decision or not, or

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Speaker 1: then me or you potentially feeling like we're going to

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Speaker 1: be shamed a ridicule for sharing our story, or you know,

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Speaker 1: people saying, you know what, kid, I don't agree with

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Speaker 1: the fact that you had this abortion, so now therefore

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Speaker 1: I'm going to unfollow you because I don't believe in

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Speaker 1: that and I'm pro pro life, like that's something that

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Speaker 1: I've considered too. But then also in us realizing that

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Speaker 1: we're in a space where we choose to share, and

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Speaker 1: then y'all can take it or leave it. You know,

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Speaker 1: people are going to support regardless, and if that's a

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Speaker 1: choice that somebody decides to make because I'm being transparent,

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Speaker 1: then that's on them. And and to be honest, that's

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Speaker 1: the purpose of sharing, the purpose of sharing so someone

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Speaker 1: can listen to the story and then make an objective decision. Hopefully,

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Speaker 1: hopefully an objective decision about how they want to live

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Speaker 1: their life moving forward. That doesn't mean and the reason

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Speaker 1: why I say objective decision is because I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: be objective on the fact that I know everyone is

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Speaker 1: not going to agree with our decision one to have

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Speaker 1: one and then to share it. So we've already come

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Speaker 1: to terms with that, and I think people need to

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Speaker 1: understand what's the purpose. Part of the reason why I

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Speaker 1: chose to share this because I remember how I felt

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Speaker 1: as a young man going through that and not feeling

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Speaker 1: like I had anyone to talk to, because I felt

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Speaker 1: like I was the only one ever in life that

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Speaker 1: went through this, even though I knew it and I wasn't.

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was and I felt alone. And

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Speaker 1: I did also feel like, what if I was doing

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Speaker 1: something that was going to ultimately harm my girlfriend? If

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Speaker 1: I had more information from people would want through it,

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Speaker 1: I would know the right way to do things, see

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, And if I had more information, I

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Speaker 1: could have took the right precautions to not even be

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Speaker 1: in this predicament, which to me is why people should

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Speaker 1: share their stories so that the next generation doesn't even

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Speaker 1: have to have these conversations because we've taken the necessary

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Speaker 1: precautions to not be here. Yep. Absolutely So going back

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Speaker 1: to this conversation that I had recently with my mom,

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Speaker 1: I was asking about, like why is it? And you know,

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Speaker 1: like you said, probably shame, m probably fear of judgment. Um.

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Speaker 1: There's also apparently in prior generations to my generation, just

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Speaker 1: this idea of within my family. At least I can't

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Speaker 1: speak for everyone's family, but my mom pretty much said

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Speaker 1: like they're from an era where you just forget about things,

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Speaker 1: like you just you just hope things will blow over.

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Speaker 1: Let bygones be bygones, just you know, sweep it under

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Speaker 1: the rug and move on. And there's so much detriment

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Speaker 1: in that that mentality because nothing is ever resolved like

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Speaker 1: that root of the problem is never discussed, it's never unhashed,

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Speaker 1: and it's a complete and total disregard for how someone feels.

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Speaker 1: So my response to that is like, Okay, so no

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Speaker 1: one's going to take into account how I may feel

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Speaker 1: about it. You want to hear how I feel because

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Speaker 1: you just want to know how I may feel about something,

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Speaker 1: but you're not even going to then say, validate my

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Speaker 1: feelings or say, you know, you may have mistaken how

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Speaker 1: things transpired, and I just just hate that that's the

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Speaker 1: rhetoric around um some of my family dynamic, and that

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Speaker 1: in turn forced me to feel like I was very

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Speaker 1: alone in this situation aside from having you, because there

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Speaker 1: was just no way that I was going to be

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Speaker 1: able to speak to anyone about this. So you didn't

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Speaker 1: speak to anyone in your family, no women, no women

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Speaker 1: in my family about it other than an older cousin

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Speaker 1: who at that point was only maybe what to three

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Speaker 1: years older than me. So it's not even like I

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Speaker 1: was getting guidance from someone who necessarily had I think

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Speaker 1: she had gone through something similar. She might have had

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Speaker 1: one in her life too, But it's also too like,

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Speaker 1: you know, she's not in a adult per se, you know,

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Speaker 1: she's kind of like my peer, um almost like a

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Speaker 1: little older sister. But nobody who really could have pointed

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Speaker 1: me in the right direction, Like I could have caused

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Speaker 1: harm to myself not going to the right place, not

356
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Speaker 1: seeking out the right resources, not howing to heal after

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Speaker 1: it um mentally and emotionally, knowing how to deal with

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Speaker 1: something like that. Like that's a lot of things that

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00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 1: she wasn't even privy to or was able to help

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Speaker 1: me through. UM. Years later, I had divulged this to

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Speaker 1: one family member who I felt like I could just

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Speaker 1: trust and just you know, after the fact, you're just

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Speaker 1: like yo, like I went through this, and she she

364
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Speaker 1: said to me, like, I really wish in that moment

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Speaker 1: you would have felt comfortable coming to me. And her

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00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: relationship with me got stronger after the fact because as

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Speaker 1: she saw I was getting older and she kind of

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Speaker 1: realized I didn't have those outlets to be very transparent with.

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Speaker 1: I felt more comfortable over the years because she developed

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Speaker 1: a relationship with me where I felt comfortable enough to

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Speaker 1: do that. And I'm just hoping that you and I

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Speaker 1: can do that for generations to come. Like I feel

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Speaker 1: like my sister or your sister, our nieces, you know,

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Speaker 1: god children can come to us and say, man, you

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Speaker 1: know Aunt Kaine and Uncle Deval will never judge us

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00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: for the decisions that we make, or hopefully they can

377
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Speaker 1: feel comfortable having the conversations before they even make these decisions.

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Speaker 1: And those are just the things that we were lacking

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Speaker 1: in those moments. UM. So, yeah, it was one of

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00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 1: those things where we just felt very alone. But the

381
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: little support that we did have from someone in your corner,

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00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: my dad knew. Yeah, your dad didn't know. You're right,

383
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: your dad didn't know. I forgot about that, yeah, because

384
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 1: I needed the finances to let it happen. But also

385
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 1: I've always had a relationship with my father where he

386
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 1: never judged me, even though you never had the conversations

387
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: about sex. No, like like, here's here's the truth about

388
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Speaker 1: my parents. My parents were always very open with having conversations.

389
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Speaker 1: A lot of us not having conversations wasn't part because

390
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to start having those conversations. I

391
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 1: was a child, and you expect your parents to bring

392
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Speaker 1: some of these conversations to you because you're like, I'm

393
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: around that age. They should be talking to me. But

394
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 1: my parents never did. And what happened was my brother

395
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Speaker 1: ended up having a baby at seventeen and I was

396
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: actively having sex at fifty. So it was just like

397
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: you out there doing stuff, You're doing grown adults stuff,

398
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: and no one's there talking to you about it. But

399
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: when my back was against the wall, I could always

400
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: go to my pops, and my pops never judged me.

401
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 1: The first thing he always asked was How's I was, kay, like,

402
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 1: how is? How is? She? Like? What do you need?

403
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 1: He was always there to help me through the process.

404
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 1: And I'm looking to build that type of relationship with

405
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: my children because even though we felt alone, I never

406
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 1: really felt alone because I could run to my pops

407
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 1: and I knew that my pops. My pops is not

408
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: a judgmental person. Now, my pops is a deacon in

409
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 1: the church, and he grew up and he at the

410
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: time I was a young adult. So he also didn't

411
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 1: force his beliefs and thoughts and ideas on me. That's

412
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 1: very atypical of someone who was growing up in the church, right.

413
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: But he didn't say, well, you know, and scold me,

414
00:22:56,040 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: and he just said, okay, um, how is Condein? As

415
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: I told how how told him how he was, he

416
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: asked me, you know what the thought process was? I

417
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: told him about how I felt, and I also told

418
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: him that you and I didn't agree, and he was like,

419
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: do you want me to exclose disclose who wanted to

420
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 1: and who didn't want to? You want me to wait

421
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 1: for the book? Okay, well, okay, well we'll let you

422
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 1: guys wait for the for the book. Um, but Kadina

423
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: and I didn't agree on what we were going to do,

424
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: and we couldn't come to an agreement at all, so

425
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: ultimately the decision was made. But the thing that made

426
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 1: me feel good was that both of us were constantly

427
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: thinking about the other person at all times. It's the

428
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: wildest thing to me, Like, like, I remember thinking pros

429
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: and cons, pros and cons, but I just want my

430
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: baby to be okay. And then it was almost a

431
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 1: point where well, I remember saying this man, fucking whatever's

432
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 1: gonna make my baby okay, I'm doing it. Like all

433
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: my beliefs that went out the window, all my thoughts,

434
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: all my ideas, because you have all these ideas as

435
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: a man and as a person about how you're going

436
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 1: to handle this situation until you get into this situation

437
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 1: with someone you care about and then they start talking

438
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: to you about what they believe and then you like,

439
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: al right, well, whatever's gonna make you okay and make

440
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: you happy and and make and I just want you

441
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: to be okay. And that's what it came down to

442
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: to me, was like Cadeen has to be okay. Because

443
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: I also felt indebted to your parents, like we I

444
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: was responsible for you. Even though we were young at

445
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 1: the time, I was like this, I this is my responsibility.

446
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 1: And also I sat, I laid down with this woman

447
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: and we made adult decisions to do adult things. So

448
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: I have to now act as an adult and I

449
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: have to take care of this woman. So whatever's gonna

450
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: make her okay, I'm gonna rock with it. You know

451
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: what I realized by you've been just saying this early on.

452
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,679
Speaker 1: And this goes back to the miscommunication episode that we

453
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 1: have that you guys, I don't know if you will

454
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: have heard this yet by the time this ears, but

455
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 1: even in that miscommunication episode twenty years later, right having

456
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: a full blown argument, ultimately we were still worried about

457
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: what the other person was feeling in that moment. Like

458
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: with the Soul Training episode, it was just like, I

459
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 1: mean the Sole Train Awards and you going, even though

460
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: I didn't feel good, it's just like, but I want

461
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: him to go experience that, and you were just like, man,

462
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: I don't feel good, she's in Jamaica, but I'm gonna

463
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 1: be all right because you know, I want her to

464
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: have a good time. Like That's how we both fell

465
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 1: in those moments, and that was probably the earliest time

466
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 1: in our life. That was probably the earliest time in

467
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 1: our relationship where we were I know we always talk

468
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: about costantly communicating and the lack thereof sometimes especially on

469
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: my part, but we were really effective communicators when it

470
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: came down to that. I think we both gained a

471
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: level of maturity in that entire interaction that really made

472
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: me feel like, man, regardless of what I decided to

473
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: do here, he got my back. Facts. You know, when

474
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 1: when you guys read the details of what we were

475
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: going through during that time and what was going on,

476
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: and you hear how each of us were so concerned

477
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 1: about the other, especially during this moment of our life,

478
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, that's that's kind of mature for

479
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: two young kids. And it also made me realize, you know,

480
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 1: how we moved forward through this. I didn't say she

481
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 1: over me and you didn't say he over me. We

482
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: both said we over me, because there's a difference between

483
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: we over me and he over me. If you constantly

484
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: put your partner over you, you're oh, you're still isolating

485
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,959
Speaker 1: one singular person over the betterment of the group, and

486
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: after a while, that builds resentment. Right when we talked

487
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 1: about the the episode about miscommunicate. The biggest miscommunication was

488
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: that I was constantly putting you over me, and at

489
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: times you were putting me over you, and we weren't

490
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: expressing how we felt. And it wasn't until we were

491
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: able to say, oh, well, we both collectively want this,

492
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 1: so let's find out what's the best decision in the

493
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 1: what what decision is the best interests of both of

494
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: us and not just one of us. Yeah, even since

495
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 1: selecting the book title, we had to rework it a

496
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: couple of times. M We had some ideas in the

497
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 1: very beginning, some kind of preliminary ideas, you know, we

498
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: were thinking like, oh, you know, de valcating the Brooklyn

499
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 1: love story, like what would resonate with people who didn't

500
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: even know us, because if our book is gonna be

501
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: in bookstores and stuff like that, there will be people

502
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: that were going to be exposed to that may don't

503
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: even know who we are. And one title that kept

504
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 1: coming up for the two of us is You're All

505
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: I Need. And we really liked it because that's a

506
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: song that you play a lot. Yeah, and and it

507
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: was kind of reminiscent of just like us, right. Um,

508
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: But the feedback that we were getting from the publishers

509
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: and stuff. They were saying like, you know, you're all

510
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: I need. Puts the owner's just on one person. You know,

511
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: there's not like necessarily a togetherness or it's just saying

512
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: like you're all I need in order to be happy

513
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: or you're all I need to in order to thrive,

514
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: when we all know that that's not the case, Like

515
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: you have to find that internally. So we had to

516
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: rework the title a couple of times, and then finally

517
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:20,479
Speaker 1: Devout came up with over Me, and we were like, wow,

518
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: that's really stuck. And then it was trying to figure

519
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 1: out then the subtitle UM and I think in saying

520
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: the counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want for from

521
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 1: your relationship? Um, was that something you came up with?

522
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: Or was that the producer? I'm trying to know that

523
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: was that? Was that was something that the whole title was. Actually,

524
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: let me just pat myself well explain that to people,

525
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: because some people have been asking like, you know what,

526
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: like where'd you come up with that title? So I

527
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: came up with it because I feel like everything we discuss,

528
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to building a relationship, it's counterintuitive

529
00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: to what we've been hearing recently through social media. Social media,

530
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: what you hear a lot of is I have a list,

531
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: I want these things, I demand these things. I need

532
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: to find someone who can check the boxes on all

533
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 1: the stuff that I desire in my life. And there's

534
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 1: someone out there who will match all of the stuff

535
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: that I need. An I I was just like wro

536
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: wro whoa, whoa. Whether you're a woman or a man,

537
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if you're only concerned about yourself, you

538
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: can never exist fully in a relationship that's gonna serve

539
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: both parties. So I was like, realistically, our relationship is

540
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: extremely counterintuitive, right, because there's other parts of the book

541
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: where we became closer when my focus was no longer

542
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: on me, my focus was on you. For example, I

543
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,239
Speaker 1: gave you this analogy in the car the other day.

544
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: I said, you know, I realized that marriage is a

545
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: lot like philanthropy. Oh yes, this conversation we had. So

546
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: we'll be having these real end of conversations in the

547
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: car on the way to the gym and whatnot. We do.

548
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: That's how that's how we stay together. We laugh at

549
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: each other, we we bounce ideas, of each other. But

550
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: to be a philanthropist is to be to be empty,

551
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: and to be empty in the idea of everything is

552
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: about you, this is about someone else. So in order

553
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: to fully be a philanthropist, you have to have your

554
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: ship together at home. Right. You can't really help other

555
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: people unless you're fulfilled, right, And if you live in

556
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: abundance and you feel secure, then you can say I'm

557
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: in a position to help other people. I feel like

558
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: getting into a relationship is a lot like philanthropy because

559
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 1: in order to fully be in a relationship, you have

560
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: to have your home together. And what I mean your home,

561
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: I'm talking about your spirit, your soul, and the person

562
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: as an individual is looking to be of service to people.

563
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: I'm so fulfilled in who I am as an individual

564
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: that I can be of service to someone else. That's

565
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: counterintuitive to what we're saying in relationships. Relationships a lot

566
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: because most people are looking for someone to compleat them.

567
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 1: I need to find someone to fill the gaps in

568
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: the parts of the lives that I don't I'm not

569
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: good at. And then when a person misses a gap,

570
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, you're not good enough. You don't fulfill

571
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 1: that gap. Whereas to me, if you think about philanthropy,

572
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: you don't go out in the world saying I'm going

573
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: to help people and these people better fill the gaps

574
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: and want to help in them. It's like, no, I'm

575
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: fulfilled in my life and I want to help people.

576
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: But philanthropy is also a business, just like marriage is

577
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: a business. That's a fact, right, So you also have

578
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: to help people. But you can't help people unless you

579
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: have everything around you in place to help people without

580
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: expecting something in return. That's the biggest part for me.

581
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: It's the expecting something in return portion. My thing is

582
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: with philanthropy. For example, you're going out there to help, right,

583
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: so you help, you don't neate time, you don't eate resources,

584
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: and the feeling of fulfillment that you get is sometimes

585
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: not even tangible, right, It's not like I can it's

586
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: a material thing that I'm necessarily getting from this act

587
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: of kindness. It's just me feeling within my soul, within

588
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: my spirit that I'm doing a good deed to help

589
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 1: someone else. And marriages so much like that, Yeah, the

590
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 1: benefits to being married. Right in the business portion of it,

591
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 1: you build a business like for example, we did, We're benefiting, yes,

592
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: financially from the partnership that we have um but ultimately

593
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: when those things go awry, when the business ain't business

594
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 1: in when times are hard, when money is low, Like,

595
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: what's the one thing that's consistently consistently saved us over

596
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: the years was the feeling for each other. The feeling

597
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: and the love for each other that we have. And

598
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: I've always heard my mom say, like, love don't pay

599
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: the bills, right, but the love that we have is

600
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: enough to sustain us through the moments where the bills

601
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: might not be getting paid easily. But at least we

602
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: feel good knowing that we're in the spread together and

603
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: you're not alone. We'll think about this too. Even with philanthropy,

604
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: you don't just choose a random cause. You have to

605
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: have discernment about a cause that matters to make It's

606
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: the same thing with people when you're choosing to get married.

607
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: You don't just choose anybody. You have to have discernment

608
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 1: about a cause that means something that matters to you,

609
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: and and also use discernment to know that that person

610
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 1: it's also a philanthropist in their own right and they

611
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: want to be of service to you and to me.

612
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: I felt like speaking about the abortion and speaking about

613
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 1: the other topics because there were so many other topics

614
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: we spoke about in the book. It also allowed us

615
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: to show people how our spirits have always been to

616
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 1: serve the other person. You know what I'm saying, It's

617
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: never been about me, And in the moments where it's

618
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: been about me is where we've often gone astray. That's

619
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: what's so counterintuitive, right. So many people get married because

620
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: it's about me. What can I gain from being married?

621
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: As opposed to saying what can I offer someone else

622
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: as a spouse? And think about the moments over our

623
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: life where the focus was shifted to be about me.

624
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: Me like you in that moment was like, well I

625
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: need this, I need that. I'm gonna do this for me,

626
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: And I felt like, you know what, I need this,

627
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this for me. That's usually when things

628
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: fell apart for every reason, because the selfishness that occurred,

629
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 1: or the the lack of consideration for the other person,

630
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: or not even that. It's just saying, this is what

631
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: society has deemed normal to transpire in a relationship or

632
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 1: a marriage. This is what a husband or wife is

633
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: supposed to do. So let me just do this aimlessly

634
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 1: thinking I'm doing a good job because that's what everybody

635
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: said I should be doing. But it doesn't even serve

636
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: you in the way that you need to be served.

637
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 1: I think about how many people suffer in their marriages

638
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 1: for that reason, because they're so concerned about what you know,

639
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: the patriarchy says, You're so concerned about what the church says.

640
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 1: You're so concerned about what you know you've seen growing up.

641
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: That just does not suit your needs in that moment.

642
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: And this is what's crazy about speaking about the abortion.

643
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: Everything we just talked about being a service to each other,

644
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: right as taboo as abortions have been. Right. Facts and

645
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: stats from Trouble. Abortion is a common health intervention. It

646
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: is safe when carried out using a method recommended by

647
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: WHO w h U World Health Organization, appropriate to the

648
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: pregnancy duration and by someone with the necessary skills. Six

649
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 1: out of ten of all unintended pregnancies end in an

650
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 1: induced abortion. Six out of ten, three out of ten

651
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: of all pregnancies are terminated of women obtaining abortions and

652
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: mothers of American women will have an abortion. By as

653
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: common as abortions are, it baffles my mind that it

654
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 1: is so taboo to talk about, and then people wonder

655
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: why when we have these discussions about abortions. It's so

656
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:57,479
Speaker 1: radicalized and it's so polarizing because people don't just share

657
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: their experiences and what their thoughts are, and they can't

658
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: do it in this day and age without feeling judged, condemned,

659
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 1: in shame. You can't share nothing nowadays without like you

660
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: just have to know, Like if you're going to share something,

661
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: you're just gonna have to know that you're just going

662
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: to share it because you want to. And whatever feedback

663
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:19,800
Speaker 1: you get, however, people take it unsolicited advice, unsolicited comments.

664
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be what it is. It's just gonna

665
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 1: be what it is. So it's crazy with these kind

666
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: of statistics that that's where we are. And there's so

667
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: many things around women's health UM that are not that's

668
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: not discussed. It's not just abortion, this infertility that no

669
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,879
Speaker 1: one's talking about, the struggles with that UM fibroids, particularly

670
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: things that plague um African American or women from other

671
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 1: ethnicities other than white, things that are plaguing our community

672
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,879
Speaker 1: that we just don't talk about. And that's so much

673
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:56,359
Speaker 1: of the generational trickle down of not feeling comfortable having

674
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,479
Speaker 1: these conversations because of shame. UM. In part, why shout

675
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: out to myself Stir Sakari, who's an rn UM. She's

676
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: advancing her studies now and she's in uh in grad

677
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: school getting her masters and women's health because she sees

678
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 1: the deficit there um and how there's just a lack

679
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 1: of education and a lack of support around African American

680
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 1: women having that voice or having that presence um. You know,

681
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: just even when you go to the clinic or you

682
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: go to the doctor. It's like us, for example, now

683
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: are in the space where we're seeking out black doctors,

684
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 1: black dentists, black pediatrician, black you know, if we want

685
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: to make sure that when we walk into these rooms,

686
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 1: into these offices and we may potentially have a problem,

687
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 1: or you're just going for your physical or checkup, that's

688
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,800
Speaker 1: someone who looks like you, who may understand your particular

689
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 1: struggles UM and things that you may be predisposed to.

690
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 1: So I'm looking at some of these questions that Trouble presented.

691
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,319
Speaker 1: Some of these were not going to discuss because you're

692
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 1: in the book, and of course we want you guys

693
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: to purchase the book hard copy, definitely, because that will

694
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: help us get in the New York Times bestselling copy.

695
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 1: Let's put us on your mantle or something on the

696
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: bookshelf there. There are a couple of questions here that

697
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 1: I do want to answer. For example, did this decision

698
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: affect your relationship in any way? Yes, it did, and

699
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, it made us closer, which is

700
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: insane because we didn't agree. Necessarily, we didn't agree, and

701
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: we don't want to get too much into whose perspective

702
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: was what, But we didn't agree and we were able

703
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 1: to make make it through and come through stronger. And

704
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: that resonated with me because so many times relationships are

705
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: dismantled through tragedy, right or dismantled through a tough, stressful situation.

706
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: But in this situation, it made us a lot closer

707
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 1: because we learned that we we could trust each other,

708
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: we could rely on each other, and that we always

709
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: care about each other. You know, there was no point

710
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: during this whole time where there was an argument where

711
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 1: it was just like, well, I believe in and you're

712
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: not considering my feelings. I don't ever at any point

713
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,479
Speaker 1: feeling like you never consider my feelings, not one time,

714
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 1: not at all. And that was the earliest. You know,

715
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: we speak so much about being a service as someone.

716
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 1: That was the earliest moment where I think we did

717
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 1: ourselves a disservice by not acting in a careful manners.

718
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: So we were both doing ourselves a disservice as a

719
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: group collectively or as a couple collectively and as individuals.

720
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 1: But we did so much of a service to each

721
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: other by being able to really have such a adult

722
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 1: conversation at such a young age to figure out what

723
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 1: was going to make the most sense for us moving forward.

724
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, there's another question. It says, how does this

725
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: conversation run abortion affect you now? And do you think

726
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: there should be a political issue? Let me ask you,

727
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: as a woman, do you think abortion should be a

728
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: political absolutely not like there's just no there's there is

729
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: no like politics. And a woman's body and her right

730
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 1: to decide what happens to her body should never be

731
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: a political issue. What should be an issue that when

732
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: it comes to politics law all that is when instances

733
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,240
Speaker 1: like that happened and a woman is raped, for example,

734
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 1: and she's forced to now bring forth this child who

735
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 1: is conceived through rape, and then it's like, what measures

736
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 1: are going to be taken to, um, hold this person

737
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 1: accountable who raped her, and then you're potentially going to

738
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: give him rights to this child too at the same time,

739
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: like it's just so much, it's so convoluted to me

740
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: at this point, um that nothing when it comes to

741
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: a woman's body should ever be a part of a

742
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: political debate. It just it doesn't make any sense to me, Like,

743
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: like I just I don't even have much more to

744
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 1: say about it because I'm just it's just a hard

745
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: it's just a hard No, it's a hard note for me.

746
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,320
Speaker 1: It is a hard note for that's a medical decision

747
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: that should be made between a woman and her provider

748
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 1: and whoever the provider is. And doctors are shamed for

749
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,800
Speaker 1: it too, Like you just can't you can't be an O, B. G.

750
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: Y And that's walking around here saying, yeah, I do

751
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,240
Speaker 1: this at my clinic. Like when we when this happened

752
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 1: for us years ago, it might have been in a

753
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: time where that was something that was offered and it

754
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: was a little bit more accessible. Um. You know, now

755
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: you have places like planned parenthood and people have more

756
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: options to nowadays, UM, I feel like in having to

757
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: talk about things like this, there are other options, like

758
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: there's the Plan B pill now, which I don't think

759
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: was available when we were going through this. That wasn't

760
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 1: like an option now too. Um So there are different

761
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 1: routes that people continue to ensure that you know, before

762
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: this even becomes a situation where I need to seek

763
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: out a termination, I have these resources that I can

764
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: try ahead of time. UM. I don't think it should

765
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: be a political issue, and the conversation around it affecting

766
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: me now it just further reiterates to me that it's

767
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:31,720
Speaker 1: such a personal decision. It is really such a personal decision. Um.

768
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 1: But like I said early on in the conversation that

769
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 1: it's not just a personal decision for the woman. I

770
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 1: feel like the person who got you there or y'all

771
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: did this together. There should also be a conversation between

772
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: both of you what what should be done or what

773
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: the next steps will be taken. So, if you do

774
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 1: decide to go forward and have a baby, right, what

775
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 1: does that conversation look like between you and the father

776
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 1: of this child. Are you considering what he's also thinking

777
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: and feeling in this moment? You know, there's a lot

778
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 1: of different conversations needs to happen, because as much as

779
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: it's a woman's right to her body and the right

780
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 1: to her choice, she didn't get here alone. How did

781
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: you feel as a guy in this, Like you know

782
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 1: you're you said before, like pregnancy is not the thing

783
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: that you have to necessarily go through, right, so you

784
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: don't have to stop your life for anything. Really, um

785
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 1: so like in that moment as a man, or as

786
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: a young man where you conflicted it all with how

787
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: to even approach me in the conversation to say how

788
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: you really felt genuinely, it's interesting to hear to have

789
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: to answer that question now because I'm going to be

790
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: thirty nine this year, a father of four boys, so

791
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: my perspective has changed a lot um mainly because I've

792
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: also seen the effects that pregnancy has had on you,

793
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 1: you know, almost losing you twice, So that puts me

794
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: at fifty percent of the time when you were pregnant,

795
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: there was a chance that you could have no longer

796
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: been here. So these are things that I think people

797
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:14,359
Speaker 1: who are having opinions about abortions don't consider because a

798
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: lot of people have opinions without having real world experience.

799
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 1: For example, there's no way in the world a man

800
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:30,400
Speaker 1: that is pro life would say to her his wife,

801
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 1: not gonna will uncle who was raped, for example, you

802
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: have to have that baby, and your rapist is going

803
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: to have rights over the child that he forcibly put

804
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 1: into your body. So now you're not only being raped once,

805
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 1: you're being raped over and over and over again by

806
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: the state, because now the state is giving the rapist

807
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: more rights over your body than you know what I'm saying, Like,

808
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: if you really just think about that, there's no way

809
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: a sane person man becauld say that that's okay, young

810
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: devout before having kids, before seeing what pregnancy can do

811
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: to a woman's body. Was more along the lines of

812
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 1: pro life. We don't know what this life is going

813
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:16,320
Speaker 1: to be. Why how could we take this life away

814
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: before seeing what this could be? The next president of

815
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: the United States, you know, that was one of the

816
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 1: yea that was That was one of the things that

817
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I love her and she loves me,

818
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 1: and everything's gonna be fine, and yeah, you can figure

819
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 1: it out. Like it to me, it's hard to ask

820
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: people to have an objective idea of thought about this

821
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 1: because it is so like singular when it comes to

822
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: what decision needs to be made for what woman, which

823
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: is why it should be a personal decision based on

824
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 1: that circumstances. Casting a wide net over all women, saying

825
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 1: all women shouldn't be allowed to do something to me

826
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: seems like it doesn't make any sense. So as a man,

827
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: and I hate talking about this top topic because I

828
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 1: feel like men shouldn't even have an opinion on something

829
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 1: that's so personal to women. Because here's the thing. Men

830
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 1: would hate it if if women came up with a

831
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: law and said you have to get a sectomy by

832
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: this time. You know what I'm saying, I think about it.

833
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: Just think about that, if we're going to control all

834
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,919
Speaker 1: women's reproductive organs, imagine a council of women and said, well,

835
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 1: we're all gonna get together now and all men passed

836
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: the ages of thirty five, if you don't plan on

837
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: having children, you gotta go get a a sectomy. Think

838
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: about that, you know what I'm saying, Like like like,

839
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: think about that? Or what if a young man is

840
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:46,240
Speaker 1: as testicular cancer And I remember one of my teammates

841
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,120
Speaker 1: in college had testicular cancer and he had to remove

842
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 1: one of his are nuts, right, What if the rule

843
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: was you can't do that surgery because that would limit

844
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: your ability to reproduce, so you have to live with

845
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: the cancer and possibly die. Because that's what they're doing

846
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 1: to women now. Some women have to make a choice.

847
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: If I have this child, I could lose my life.

848
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 1: And now they're saying, well, you don't get a chance

849
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: to choose your life, or the fetus is life. You

850
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: have to go through it and see what happened topic

851
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 1: and it's going to rupture your whole flopen and you're dying,

852
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: which has happened in America. There have been young women

853
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: who have lost their life because they couldn't get abortions,

854
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: and they're like, that's just part for the course. Imagine

855
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: imagine a council of women telling man, hey, listen, I

856
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 1: know you got to sticular cancer and you don't plan

857
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: on using your balls, but because of reproductive health politics,

858
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 1: you can't get the surgery to remove it, and you

859
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 1: got to see what happens with the cancer. Men would

860
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:43,439
Speaker 1: go crazy, But it's the truth, though, Like I feel

861
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: like people need to understand that every situation is isolated

862
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: and different and it should be left up to the

863
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,760
Speaker 1: people who are making the decision. And when I say people,

864
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 1: it shouldn't just be left to the woman because two

865
00:46:54,840 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 1: people sat down and decided unless it was forced on

866
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,320
Speaker 1: the woman. If it's forced on the woman, she didn't

867
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 1: have a choice. So now since she didn't have a choice,

868
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: my man's you don't have a choice. You put something

869
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: in her body, she should decide. That's how I feel

870
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: about it, honestly. But I do also feel like speaking

871
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,359
Speaker 1: about abortions as a man is man splinting, and it's

872
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 1: highest level, and it's hard. Women are on the attack,

873
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 1: like it's it's ridiculous. It's hard to even watch. When

874
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: I watch some of the debates, I'm like, it's just

875
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: really a debate, really, But I do want to applaud

876
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: you because we need to go take a break. I

877
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: do want to applaud you for being brave enough to

878
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 1: say and this is what she said to me, babe.

879
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: I may get some scrutiny, I may lose some followers,

880
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: I may lose a following. I don't care. I don't care.

881
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 1: I wish I had someone to speak out on what

882
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 1: they were going through before I even got pregnant. So

883
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to do that. Absolutely. I just hope that

884
00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 1: I just hope that it can help somebody, because that's

885
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: the whole point of why we do what we do. UM,

886
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 1: And that's the whole point of us trying to be

887
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: vulnerable and transparent. So if this speaks to someone or

888
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 1: someone you know, share the episode, UM, and just have

889
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: the conversations early on, especially parents, like we're looking at

890
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: ourselves in a different lens now, you know, us at

891
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 1: that age versus us now so much more responsibility. We're

892
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 1: raising the next generation of children. Um, These conversations have

893
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 1: to be had. So let's take a quick break and

894
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: we're gonna come get into y'all's business a little bit

895
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,439
Speaker 1: with our listening letters. So let's go pay some bills

896
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: and come back, all right, y'all, And we're rolling right

897
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: into listener letters, all right. So y'all continuing to write

898
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: in So we love you for that. Thank you so

899
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: so so so much. Hi. Family, First, I want you

900
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: both to know how much of an inspiration you are

901
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: to the culture. Thank you, especially after speaking about what

902
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,879
Speaker 1: we spoke about. This is the reason why we do it, y'all,

903
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 1: So we love that. It's refreshing to see a couple

904
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 1: love and support one another the way you do. So

905
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 1: thank you for that example. Look at affirmations right out

906
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: of the back. Thank you. I'm a twenty nine year

907
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 1: old black woman and I am in love with my

908
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: best friend. He's twenty nine, sixty months older than me,

909
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 1: and we met freshman year in college. After the last

910
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: twelve years, we've been through so much together. Both went

911
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: to the military after college. He has two beautiful babies,

912
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 1: failed relationships, etcetera. And now we both find ourselves single

913
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: and loving on each other. Yes, the feelings same, mutual,

914
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,399
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure if he sees me the way

915
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 1: I see him. I'm a lover to the core, and

916
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: when I love, I love hard. He's everything to me.

917
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: He makes me feel like I can accomplish anything and

918
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:48,240
Speaker 1: everything and still be his feminine woman, which isn't something

919
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: that comes easy to me. The problem is he broke

920
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: things off with his son's mother around the middle of

921
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 1: two thousand twenty two, and ever since then, it's been

922
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: me and him. If I call, he's coming. If I

923
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 1: need him, he's there. It's just that I feel as

924
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:07,399
Speaker 1: though he only does it because he's lonely. We talked

925
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,280
Speaker 1: about a committed relationship before, but I don't feel secure

926
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 1: and how that conversation went, it seems like he wants

927
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,399
Speaker 1: to have me in this capacity and still be able

928
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 1: to mingle. I don't know what to do or how

929
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: to explain to him how I'm feeling, because at the

930
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 1: end of the day, I don't want to lose my

931
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: best friend. I love him and I know he loves me.

932
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 1: Should I tell him how deep my love really runs

933
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: for him? Or should I move on? Thanks in advance

934
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:44,720
Speaker 1: for me, tell me what it's going to you see yourself? Girls?

935
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 1: See yeah, I about to say, girl, I shot my

936
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: shot and look at me now, look at me now.

937
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 1: And this is before I even thought the vow was

938
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 1: going to be my best friend, my person, Like I

939
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 1: don't even know if there's a word to describe like

940
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 1: what you are to me, but you know, as close

941
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: as we can get it too, your my person. You're

942
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: my best friend, and I just feel like you need

943
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: to say how you feel because it also may be

944
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,840
Speaker 1: a thing too where he feels the same way and

945
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 1: he doesn't know what to say. It's like, how do

946
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: I get myself out of this friend zone situation? You know?

947
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: And sometimes people are purposely put in the friend zone

948
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: situation because they know for sure they don't want anything

949
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: more than that. But the fact that you two seem

950
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,439
Speaker 1: to have been kicking it for a long time, going

951
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: through things that are very similar. He's gone a straight

952
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:28,239
Speaker 1: he's been out there, he had the babies and all that,

953
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 1: and he's still there. He might just be waiting for

954
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: you to make the most is So I say, shoot

955
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: your shot, Steph Currie wish. That's what I was going

956
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:45,560
Speaker 1: to get to. He might be comfortable in that wet

957
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 1: Now you have a friend with benefits. Clearly their friends

958
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 1: with benefits. She didn't say that they were intimate, but

959
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: I'm getting intimacy here are you? I'm getting She said

960
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 1: love on each other. That's what I'm saying. That's what

961
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Specific That may be coword for she'd be

962
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: dropping that thing on him and now they'ncomfortable being that.

963
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: Now he may be comfortable being able to have his

964
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: cake and eat it too since he's mingling with other women,

965
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,919
Speaker 1: but still can get some consistency. But I feel like

966
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,399
Speaker 1: that's not working for you. So when you ask, should

967
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 1: I say something? Are you comfortable in this situation? No?

968
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 1: So since you're not comfortable, speak on it, because you

969
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 1: can't spend the rest of your life being a friend

970
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 1: with benefits. So if you're not comfortable, now, what's the

971
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,120
Speaker 1: worst that could happen? You're no longer friends because he

972
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable anyway. Girls. Half the battle is

973
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: trying to keep someone's attention. And you said that whenever

974
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 1: you call, he's coming, you know, whenever you ring, he's there,

975
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: So that in itself already shows that them other chicks

976
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: that he may be mingling with Clarton don't mean that

977
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,879
Speaker 1: much to him if he's leaving, you know, um, And

978
00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 1: he might have been coming out of these relationships, and

979
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 1: he called things off with his son's mother around the

980
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,280
Speaker 1: middle of it hasn't even been a year yet technically,

981
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: so he might be just kind of like seeing, you know,

982
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 1: enjoying himself being a little single for now, which is cool,

983
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 1: which is fine, and he's entitled to do that. And

984
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: then you know, if you express that and at least

985
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 1: you have some clarity. I just hate lack of clarity.

986
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:19,919
Speaker 1: And then it gives you the choice to decide whether

987
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: it's something you want to continue to nurture as a

988
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: friendship or if you feel like, man, this friendship may

989
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: be prohibiting me from then opening myself up to help

990
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: up to meeting someone else too, because you may not

991
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 1: want to be twenty nine and single forever. Right, So

992
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: if it's not gonna work out for y'all, as that

993
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: you might be able to then move forward saying all right, well,

994
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 1: he's just going to continue be my friend. So the

995
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 1: wireless question you can ask is should I have a

996
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,360
Speaker 1: conversation about it? If you're thinking about it, have a conversation.

997
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,399
Speaker 1: You know we're gonna tell you to have. There should

998
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 1: be no conversation that they'd be going on conversed, you

999
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, always have the conversation and

1000
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: be prepared for whatever response you get. Don't have the

1001
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 1: conversation expecting a certain in response, because then you're going

1002
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:05,120
Speaker 1: to be in for disappointment. Have the conversation and see

1003
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 1: where it goes. Absolutely good luck to you, since I

1004
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 1: hope it works out. Please hit me back and let

1005
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 1: me know like everything worked out, because you're not like

1006
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 1: a follow up. Number two. Hello, my name is Unice

1007
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 1: from New Jersey Becaudan and de Val. I'm a huge

1008
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:22,800
Speaker 1: fan of both of y'all and your podcast is awesome.

1009
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 1: Thank you, Unice. I've been with my boyfriend for a

1010
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: decade and we both agree that we don't want to

1011
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,800
Speaker 1: get married and have any children, and we are completely

1012
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 1: okay with that. Both sides of our family are not

1013
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: being accepted of our decision and it's making us not

1014
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,319
Speaker 1: want to be around them no more. What should we do?

1015
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 1: Ps I already pre ordered your book. Thank you so

1016
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 1: much for pre ordering our book. Thank you. This is

1017
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 1: very simple. Do not tailor make your relationship to anyone

1018
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:51,720
Speaker 1: else's expectations because you will fail. Period. You will always

1019
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 1: fail at being what other people want you to be

1020
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 1: because you can only be what you want to be.

1021
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 1: This is very simple. You both agree that you don't

1022
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 1: want to get I didn have kids, but you love

1023
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:02,839
Speaker 1: each other and want to be around each other. Do

1024
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: what makes you happy until it doesn't make you happy anymore, period.

1025
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: If it makes you happy to the end of time,

1026
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 1: stay that way. Don't let anybody else tell you that

1027
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: you have to get married or you have to have kids.

1028
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: That is not the case. Even us as a married

1029
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 1: couple who wrote a book called We Over Me about

1030
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: the advantages of being monogamous and married. Also believe that

1031
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: if two people agree that they don't want to be

1032
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 1: monogamous and be married and have kids should live in

1033
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,919
Speaker 1: their ultimate happiness. It's giving forced philanthropy. And nobody wants

1034
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: to be a forced philanthropist. Okay, nobody want to force

1035
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:36,480
Speaker 1: nobody to be of service to something that they don't

1036
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 1: want to be of service to. That's a sure fire

1037
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: way to be setting yourself up for a life of misery,

1038
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: do y'all. And if the family don't accept it, that's tough.

1039
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: They can make whatever decisions that they want, because half

1040
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:48,959
Speaker 1: the time those family members are living in misery as well,

1041
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 1: and they, you know, just want that for you as

1042
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,399
Speaker 1: well because they like the company. Don't do it, don't

1043
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 1: subscribe to it, period. And but but have the conversation

1044
00:55:58,600 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: with the family, like, yo, this is the last time

1045
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:02,879
Speaker 1: mom discussing this fact. This is what we want from

1046
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 1: my life. And it doesn't matter what you say, what

1047
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 1: you do, how you say, and how you do what

1048
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 1: we're gonna do what's in the best sages of ourselves.

1049
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:13,440
Speaker 1: Leave it alone, period, okay, point blank period. If you'd

1050
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: like to be featured as one of our listener letters,

1051
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:16,840
Speaker 1: Now this is something we're gonna force you all to do,

1052
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,359
Speaker 1: not just kid, We're going force you all to write

1053
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 1: to us because we want to hear from you. UM.

1054
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:23,919
Speaker 1: Email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com.

1055
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 1: And you don't have to be like unite and give

1056
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: your name. But what you do need to do is

1057
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: please purchase our book absolutely hard copy, prefer Blake. And

1058
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: that's D E A D A S S A D

1059
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. All Right,

1060
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 1: moment of truth time. So we're talking about UM. We

1061
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 1: over me from the pages of our book, UM, from

1062
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: the depths of our heart, being able to share this

1063
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 1: particular portion of our life with you guys. Ultimately, I

1064
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,279
Speaker 1: just hope it helps someone like that's my moment of truth. UM.

1065
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 1: I can't go back in the past and change a

1066
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 1: decision that was made. And I'd like to think that, UM,

1067
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 1: the struggles that I've had with the decision that I

1068
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 1: did make, UM, I was able to make peace with

1069
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 1: with myself, with you, with God. UM. For a long time,

1070
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 1: I struggled with the idea that I would be punished

1071
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 1: in perpetuity and I would never have children. One day, Yeah,

1072
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 1: I honestly felt like that was just it for me,

1073
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 1: and that decision was going to haunt me for the

1074
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 1: rest of my life in the worst way possible. And

1075
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: look how wrong I was, Look how wrong I was.

1076
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 1: And I know there's a lot of women who struggle

1077
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 1: with that. UM. I know someone in particular that said

1078
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 1: she had one at seventeen and she cannot have children

1079
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,439
Speaker 1: to this day and she feels like that's the reason why.

1080
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 1: It's a punishment and perpetuity for a decision that she

1081
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 1: made when she was a child. UM. So I just

1082
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 1: hope that this can help someone. And if you've ever

1083
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 1: been in that position, UM, and you require healing, because

1084
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 1: it does require healing. UM. I just hope that you

1085
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: if you don't have the support that you need, that

1086
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 1: you find it, UM, that you're able to overcome it,

1087
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 1: and that you're able to share and feel confident in

1088
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 1: sharing your story without shame and judgment, because it's necessary

1089
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 1: to have these conversation stions. Absolutely, my moment of truth

1090
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 1: is simple. The greatest gift you can give anyone is

1091
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 1: to inspire them to be better than they were yesterday.

1092
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 1: And through we over me, we are hoping to inspire

1093
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 1: as many people as we can to just be better

1094
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 1: humans so that the world can be a better place.

1095
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: That's a fact, all right, y'all. Be sure to follow

1096
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,919
Speaker 1: us on Patreon if you have not signed up yet

1097
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 1: and subscribed. We have so much good exclusive content for y'all.

1098
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 1: You're going to see the dead As Podcast live shows

1099
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 1: in its full entirety, extended episodes, extended clips where we

1100
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: have rehashes and we chat with the crew after each episode,

1101
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: extended stuff with the family. You'll see more of the boys,

1102
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 1: so be sure to sign up there. And if you're

1103
00:58:45,680 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 1: not following the podcast page yet, please do so on

1104
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 1: social media at dead As the Podcast and you can

1105
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: find me at Cadena. I am on Instagram and TikTok

1106
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: and I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

1107
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, sub subscribe, and go right

1108
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 1: now and purchase. We over meet a hard copy baby,

1109
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 1: I am manifesting New York Times bestseller. We need your help, love, y'all.

1110
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:11,960
Speaker 1: We appreciate you do that for us. We'll see you

1111
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 1: all next time. Peace. Oh who's coming on the book tour?

1112
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 1: Come on through. Oh that's right, we do have a

1113
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 1: book a little bit see him tell him dead Ass

1114
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

1115
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: is produced by the Nora Opinion and Triple Follow the

1116
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead as to Podcast and

1117
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: Never Miss a Thing