1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: Ya. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a 2 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,959 Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 9 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:57,279 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: for joining me for such an one forty nine of 12 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: the Therapy You for Black Girls Podcast. Today, I'm answering 13 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: a few of the questions y'all sit in related to 14 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: how your mental health is being impacted right now, and 15 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm really happy you're taking this opportunity to share how 16 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 1: you've been feeling and to extend these conversations with our community. 17 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: Remember that if you have a question that you'd like 18 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: to ask, you can share it with us at Therapy 19 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash CV support. Here's question No. One, 20 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 1: how do I allow myself the room to experience the 21 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: hurt from the complete disruption of my life, while also 22 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,319 Speaker 1: dealing with the guilt that my losses seemed to pale 23 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: in comparison to what is being experienced by health care professionals, 24 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: those who have lost loved ones or employment due to this. 25 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,400 Speaker 1: I give thanks to God daily for what I know 26 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: I've been blessed with, but I feel wrong for being 27 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: saddened by missing my normal life where normal will never 28 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: be the same for so many other people. Thank you 29 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: so much for this question. I have certainly seen similar 30 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: symptimistics spress related to feeling guilty about the disappointment and 31 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: sadness that people are experiencing related to the disruption in 32 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 1: their lives. And I'd invite you and anyone else who's 33 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: struggling in this way to consider that there are no 34 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,519 Speaker 1: grief Olympics. No medals are given for whose grief hurts 35 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 1: the most, or ways the most pain, sadness and disappointment 36 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: or things that we can all connect with. What do 37 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,959 Speaker 1: we really get out of judging others for the things 38 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: that pain them? I'd argue there's very little There is 39 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: enough space for us to hold both the disappointment and 40 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: sadness at the loss of what you thought your life 41 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: might be like right now, and the sadness related to 42 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: the loss of a loved one. A few things I'd 43 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: encourage you to do to give yourself the space to 44 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: work through this is one to journal about how you're feeling. 45 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: What did you think your life would look like right 46 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: now and what does it actually look like? How do 47 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: you feel about how those things have changed? And I 48 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 1: want you to consider if all of what you're telling 49 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: yourself about the situation is entirely true. It is true 50 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: that some things may look different than we expect it, 51 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: But is it true that these things must be abandoned forever. 52 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: Given the state of the world right now, it's very 53 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: easy to go with the worst case scenario. But I 54 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 1: wonder if there might be some areas of gray you've overlooked, 55 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: and that there are perhaps pieces of your vision that 56 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: can still be salvaged, or maybe there's a different route 57 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: to get there than you originally intended. Sometimes we're so 58 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: set on things looking one way we can't accept that 59 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: they might look like something else. And this is not 60 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: to say that you can't still grieve what you thought 61 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: it was, just that there might still be space for 62 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: a revisioning Two. I'd encourage you to talk to a 63 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: trusted person, whether that be a loved one or a therapist, 64 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: about how you're feeling and allow yourself to be further 65 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: validated in your pain. A lot of what I've seen 66 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: happening is that people are expressing their disappointments and sadness 67 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: about things online in places like Twitter or Instagram, and 68 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: those are not always the safest places with our deepest hurts. 69 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: It's very easy for things to be misinterpreted. People don't 70 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,239 Speaker 1: have a full context of who you are in your life. 71 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,840 Speaker 1: Intentions are really high right now as lots of us 72 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: are just generally anxious, and so it's easy to just 73 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,159 Speaker 1: yell at a stranger online. But that's not actually what 74 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: will be helpful for you. It's important for you to 75 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: be able to share your pain in a space where 76 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 1: someone else can help you to hold it. And finally, 77 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 1: I want you to practice more compassion and gentleness with 78 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 1: yourself and practice being more present with your thoughts and 79 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:56,160 Speaker 1: feelings as opposed to being in judgment of them. Our 80 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: thoughts and feelings give us valuable information, and sometimes we 81 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: get so caught up in making a value judgment about them, 82 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: we don't allow ourselves the space and time to fully 83 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,159 Speaker 1: experience them. So I want you to practice giving yourself 84 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,159 Speaker 1: the space to fully feel your feelings and to sit 85 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: with what they're trying to say to you as opposed 86 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 1: to what they mean about you. Thanks again for your question, 87 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: and I hope you continue to take ge care of yourself. 88 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: Question number two, how do I cope with feeling lonely 89 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 1: during this social distancing when on a regular I already 90 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: feel alone? So this is another question that has come 91 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: up for a few members of our community, so I'm 92 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: really glad that you asked it. So first, I hope 93 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: that you can hear that that you're not alone in 94 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 1: this experience. There are others struggling in very similar ways. Secondly, 95 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: I'm curious about your experiences of quote unquote feeling alone 96 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,919 Speaker 1: even before the social distancing started. I wonder if the 97 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: feeling alone is about not having anyone in your life 98 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: who you really feel connected you, or whether it's the 99 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 1: idea of feeling alone even though there are lots of 100 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: people you're maybe peripherally connected to. If it's the latter, 101 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,119 Speaker 1: then there may be some work to be done, either 102 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:15,039 Speaker 1: through processing on your own or with the therapist around 103 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: your experiences of relationships throughout your life. I wonder if 104 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:23,480 Speaker 1: there's more to dig into there. If, however, it's about 105 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,280 Speaker 1: not having found your people, so to speak, then I 106 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: encourage you to be as active as you can on 107 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: social media right now. Now. I know I may be 108 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: a little bit biased, but I really feel like the 109 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 1: community on our social media pages is one of the 110 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: best around. Sisters in our Facebook group and on our 111 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 1: Instagram page consistently show up for one another and support 112 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 1: one another, and I think it would be a great 113 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: way for you to at least begin connecting with others 114 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: who might have some same things in common. Even beyond 115 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,799 Speaker 1: our pages, there are groups on Facebook for just about 116 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 1: anything you can think of, TV shows, hobbies, musicians, so 117 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: you may want to start to search there to see 118 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: if you can find a group that interests you. Something 119 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,919 Speaker 1: else you might want to try is getting involved with 120 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 1: some kind of volunteer initiative. I've seen groups organizing to 121 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: do things like so mass read books to kids. So 122 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: if you find yourself with some extra time right now, 123 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: getting involved with volunteering might both allow you to help 124 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: someone else but also give you a better sense of 125 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,239 Speaker 1: purpose for your time, so that you're spending less time 126 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: thinking about being lone. I hope that helps take care 127 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: of yourself. And then question number three. I want to 128 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: be informed, but every time I even hear the words 129 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 1: coronavirus or COVID nineteen, I get super anxious and almost 130 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: have a meltdown. What are some coping mechanisms to deal 131 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: with what is happening in the real world and be 132 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 1: informed without being afraid? This is another great question, So 133 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: if you haven't already, then I'd encourage you to limit 134 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: the amount of news you're consuming on a regular basis. 135 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: At this point, the things you need to know are 136 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: to stay in your house as much as possible. If 137 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 1: you have to go out, bring wipes and hand sanitizers 138 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 1: to wipe down anything you might need to touch, and 139 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: what you need to do should you begin to experience 140 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: any symptoms that are consistent with COVID nineteen. Anything beyond 141 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: that might just be overwhelming for you, so you might 142 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: want to ask a friend or a loved one to 143 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: let you know if anything changes or if there's anything 144 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: new you need to know, and otherwise disengage with the 145 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: news for a while. I also want you to know 146 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: that it's totally normal to be afraid right now. Lots 147 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 1: of this feel scary and uncertain, and so being afraid 148 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: is a normal response to having this situation. So when 149 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: we're afraid of unknowns, the best thing for us to 150 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 1: do is to control the things that we actually can control, 151 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: like our news consumption, staying connected to our support system, 152 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: and putting ourselves on some type of a schedule. These 153 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: are the things that can help bring back some semblance 154 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: of a normalcy to your life. It's also important to 155 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: make sure that you're setting up boundaries with your support system. 156 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: It's not gonna be super helpful if when you do 157 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: spend time with your circle, all y'all do is talk 158 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: about the coronavirus. That's actually not helpful, so make sure 159 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:20,839 Speaker 1: you let them know that you prefer to discuss other 160 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: things during your time together. I'd also encourage you to 161 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: look into some meditation and mindful activities that might be 162 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: helpful for you. You can check out the Calm app. 163 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: You can search YouTube for mindfulness videos something that will 164 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: help you to practice censoring yourself and bringing down the 165 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: anxiety that you experience. Continue to take get care of yourself. 166 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 1: So those are our first set of quarantine questions. If 167 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 1: you have other things you'd offer as suggestions for these sisters, 168 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: please share with us on either Twitter or in your 169 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 1: Instagram stories using the hashtag tb G in session. If 170 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,959 Speaker 1: you have a question you'd like to ask about how 171 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: your mental health is being impacted by COVID nineteen, please 172 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: feel free to share it with us at Therapy for 173 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash c V support and we'll 174 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,319 Speaker 1: try to answer it either here on the podcast or 175 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: on our social media channels. So if you haven't already, 176 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: please connect with us there and turn on your notifications 177 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: so that you don't miss our posts. We're at Therapy 178 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: for Black Girls on both Instagram and Facebook, and Therapy 179 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 1: for the Number four be Girls on Twitter. Remember that 180 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: if you're looking for a therapist in your area, you 181 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: can check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black 182 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. Many of the therapists there 183 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 1: offer options to meet virtually, which is probably something many 184 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: of you're looking for right now. And if you are 185 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: looking to connect with other sisters and can use some 186 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: extra support, come on over and join us in the 187 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a deeper dive into 188 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. 189 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot 190 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 1: com slash y c C. Thank y'all so much for 191 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: joining me again this week. I look forward to continue 192 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: in this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care.