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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to this show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode of the show

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Speaker 1: as we, of course break down the Psychology of our twenties.

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Speaker 1: Before we get into it today, I want to let

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Speaker 1: you guys know that my latest line of notebooks, in

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Speaker 1: collaboration with the illustrator Rosy Pink, have launched and are

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Speaker 1: live now and ready for you guys to get your

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Speaker 1: hands on. A lot of love and care went into

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Speaker 1: designing and producing these beautiful companions to the podcast. If

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Speaker 1: you're somebody who likes journaling, who likes to take notes

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Speaker 1: while listening, who likes, I don't know, just a gratitude journal,

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Speaker 1: who likes to have a little planner, a little to

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Speaker 1: do list, whatever you need a notebook for, these ones

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Speaker 1: are adorable and definitely up there as being one of

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Speaker 1: my favorite things I've ever created. It's also an amazing

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Speaker 1: way to support the show and to support me as

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Speaker 1: a creator. So if you are even thinking about it,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much. And if you hit purchase, you

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Speaker 1: are my favorite person in the world. So, without further ado,

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Speaker 1: let's get into the show. Today, we are going to

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Speaker 1: be taking a look at one of our most primary

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Speaker 1: and significant emotions, and that is happiness. This huge concept,

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Speaker 1: if we can even call it that that sounds so

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Speaker 1: reductive to call a concept. It plays such an everyday,

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Speaker 1: valuable role in our life. And yet I realized that

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Speaker 1: I have never actually sat down and done an episode

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Speaker 1: on happiness. Even in two hundred episodes. It might come up,

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Speaker 1: but it has never had its time in the spotlight

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Speaker 1: all on its own. And today is that day when

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Speaker 1: we are going to give all of our attention and

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Speaker 1: focus to this primary, deep, important emotion. I think everybody

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Speaker 1: on this planet wants to be happier in some sense.

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Speaker 1: They want more contentment, they're striving for greater satisfaction in

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Speaker 1: some area of their life, more pleasant emotions, or they

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Speaker 1: are you know, they recognize that they are unhappy and

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Speaker 1: they're looking for some way out of their despair or

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Speaker 1: their emotional rut. And yet I don't think many of

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Speaker 1: us really know how to change that. We don't really

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Speaker 1: know what brings us joy or contentment. We kind of

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Speaker 1: spend a lot of our life at this baseline level,

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Speaker 1: this like fifty percent mark of not being onhappy but

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Speaker 1: not really excelling as a happy human. The other alternative

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Speaker 1: is that we spend a lot of time doing things

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Speaker 1: that we think will improve our life satisfaction, doing things

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Speaker 1: that we think bring temporary pleasure and temporary joy, but

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Speaker 1: which don't actually have that sustainable happiness factor behind them, right,

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Speaker 1: They don't actually improve our emotional state in the long term.

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about things like retail therapy, that's the first

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Speaker 1: one that always comes to mind, but other concepts or

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Speaker 1: other behaviors like binge drinking, emotional eating. Yes, we feel

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Speaker 1: better in the moment. Often we use these things to

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Speaker 1: self soothe, but I think that if we see happiness

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Speaker 1: as a scale, a lot of those activities that we

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Speaker 1: pursue to improve happiness really don't have a lasting effect.

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Speaker 1: On top of that, I also think that in our

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Speaker 1: minds for a lot of us, happiness is like important, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: but it's also seen as rather uncomplicated and very much

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Speaker 1: out of our control. When life is good, we are happy.

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Speaker 1: When bad things happen, we are not, And so we

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Speaker 1: really do tend to project our happiness and see it

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Speaker 1: as the responsibility of our circumstances, the responsibility of what

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Speaker 1: is happening around us, that is what has the biggest impact.

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Speaker 1: But actually that is not necessarily the case. There is

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Speaker 1: this model called the happiness pie which says something completely

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Speaker 1: differently so behavior geneticist psychologists. They actually attribute about fifty

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Speaker 1: percent of our happiness to genetics. So every single one

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Speaker 1: of us is born with what we call happiness set point,

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Speaker 1: a baseline level of happiness. This kind of relates to

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Speaker 1: the individual differences between being a pessimist and being an optimist.

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Speaker 1: When we are born, we are just naturally hardwired to

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Speaker 1: see the world as perhaps realistic, but more so either

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Speaker 1: a brighter or darker place than it actually is. So

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Speaker 1: fifty percent genetics, and then ten percent of our happiness

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Speaker 1: comes down to our life circumstances, which is shocking because

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Speaker 1: I think so often we blame our context and external

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Speaker 1: events for our emotional state when actually it really can

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Speaker 1: only tip the scale, not throw it off completely. I think,

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Speaker 1: of course, during intense moments of loss or grief, that

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Speaker 1: ten percent is really going to dominate. But on the

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Speaker 1: average day, our happiness really comes down to our mindset

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Speaker 1: and our outlook and our habits. And so we finally

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Speaker 1: arrive at that final slice of the pie, the forty

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Speaker 1: percent that we can actually attribute to our personal choices.

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Speaker 1: Forty percent of our happiness is dictated by us. Science

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Speaker 1: would say that it is within our control. And that's

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Speaker 1: what we're going to focus on today, that part of

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Speaker 1: the equation, and five ways that we can, you know,

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Speaker 1: scientifically improve our level of happiness. And I really wanted

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Speaker 1: to talk about tips that were actionable, accessible, simple, but

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Speaker 1: also inexpensive. Right, I'm not going to recommend some like

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Speaker 1: fifty dollars workout class or supplement, because it's kind of

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Speaker 1: ridiculous to think that only wealthy people would have access

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Speaker 1: to joy and peace. But I'm also not going to

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Speaker 1: give you like the basic tips that we all know.

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Speaker 1: You know, I think we all understand that when you

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Speaker 1: exercise and move more, when you get eight hours of sleep,

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Speaker 1: when you eat better, you are going to be happier.

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Speaker 1: That is pretty basic knowledge. But I want to go

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Speaker 1: a little bit deeper today. I want to really look

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Speaker 1: at some of the academia and the research about what

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Speaker 1: can really impact our happiness on an everyday level. What

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Speaker 1: are some of the secret habits of really really joyful,

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Speaker 1: happy content people. One final caveat. I know I've been

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Speaker 1: rambling for a while. These are not tips that are

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Speaker 1: going to, of course, cure you of your mental health concerns,

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Speaker 1: of your mental health symptoms or conditions. They are more

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Speaker 1: so additions to our life. They are techniques that can

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Speaker 1: elevate the work that we're already doing in therapy with

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Speaker 1: the help of medications. I just want to say that

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Speaker 1: loud and clear, this is not a replacement. These are

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Speaker 1: just bonuses. So without further ado, let's get into our

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Speaker 1: five evidence based ways to actually truly be happier. Let

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Speaker 1: us jump straight into it with my first tip, invest

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Speaker 1: as much time in your platonic relationships as your romantic ones,

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Speaker 1: if not more. I think that it is important that

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Speaker 1: if we are focusing on happiness, we need to firstly

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Speaker 1: focus on our social connections, and that requires us to

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Speaker 1: spend at least I would say, thirty minutes every day

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Speaker 1: day doing something that meaningfully connects you with another person

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Speaker 1: and that keeps you in touch even as life gets busy.

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Speaker 1: Even as the older we get, you know, the more

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Speaker 1: focus we become on our partners, or our romantic lives

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Speaker 1: or our marriages. Keep those platonic connections alive with those

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Speaker 1: people from your past and new friends as well, even

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Speaker 1: when it feels hard, even when it feels tedious, and

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Speaker 1: dare I say, even when it does sometimes let's admit

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Speaker 1: it feel like a bit of a chore. I think

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Speaker 1: we all go through these like social ruts where we

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Speaker 1: want to isolate, where we do feel withdrawn or you know,

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Speaker 1: just simply lonely. And the best thing that you can

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Speaker 1: do for your happiness is to find some way, any

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Speaker 1: way of getting back in touch with others. That is

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Speaker 1: one of the core needs that we have as humans.

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about some of the research behind why

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Speaker 1: this is so crude, sure, and why it's often neglected.

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Speaker 1: So possibly one of the most brilliant and significant studies

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Speaker 1: of all time provides so much evidence for why this

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Speaker 1: is such an important step in our happiness. So back

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Speaker 1: in nineteen thirty eight, that is almost ninety years ago now,

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Speaker 1: this huge team at Harvard University, they decided that they

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Speaker 1: wanted to track two hundred and sixty eight current sophomores

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Speaker 1: at the time, and they didn't just want to track

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Speaker 1: them for the you know, for the year, for the term.

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Speaker 1: They wanted to track them for the rest of their lives,

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Speaker 1: regularly checking in with them, regularly seeing how they were going,

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Speaker 1: to determine what parts of their lives, what factors were

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Speaker 1: determining whether one person was healthy and one person wasn't,

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Speaker 1: What events and characteristics meant that these men succeeded or failed,

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Speaker 1: what caused their early deaths or their long lives, what

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Speaker 1: made their marriages flourish versus fail, And also what it

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Speaker 1: was about these people's lives tracking them from when they

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Speaker 1: were nineteen till ninety and even past that what made

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Speaker 1: these people happy versus miserable. So this is now known

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Speaker 1: as the Grant Study. It is actually the longest longitudinal

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Speaker 1: study of all time. When I'm recording this right now

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty four, I think only about like eighteen

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Speaker 1: of the men are still alive. But the biggest finding

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Speaker 1: across all of those decades of observation and research was

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Speaker 1: that the one thing that determined happiness above all else

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Speaker 1: was positive social relationships, not money, not promotions or careers,

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Speaker 1: not material possessions, but friendship and love, and even deeper

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Speaker 1: than that, just genuine companionship and a warmth from relationships.

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Speaker 1: There is something really valuable in that that I think

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Speaker 1: we often forget. I think there is often this sense

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Speaker 1: of like friendships and you know, relationships are just there

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Speaker 1: to feel empty space, They are there to make me

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Speaker 1: feel less lonely. Always sometimes end up thinking that our

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Speaker 1: careers and material fulfillment is actually what determines our happiness.

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Speaker 1: And this is a bit of a wake up call

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Speaker 1: that no, if you are going to invest in anything

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Speaker 1: in your life, anything at all, that's going to ensure

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Speaker 1: that not only do you live longer, but you're happier.

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Speaker 1: It is those really meaningful, platonic friendships and relationships that

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Speaker 1: was like the pioneering study on this. There have of

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Speaker 1: course been so many follow up research projects that are

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Speaker 1: finding the exact same thing. Another example of this is

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Speaker 1: a more recent one and research has employed the use

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Speaker 1: of this app and it was called the Mappiness App,

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Speaker 1: and basically what they wanted to determine was when a

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Speaker 1: people happiest on an eleven point scale from no, oh

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Speaker 1: I'm not happy at all to I am extremely happy.

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Speaker 1: This app would send them little alerts to rank how

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Speaker 1: they were at that very point throughout their day, and

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Speaker 1: they had over three million submissions from nearly fifty thousand volunteers.

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Speaker 1: And what they found was that the point where people

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Speaker 1: are happiest is when they are with their friends. Amongst

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Speaker 1: everything else, that they were able to track when they

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Speaker 1: were with their partners, when they were with their parents,

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Speaker 1: when they were with their children, when they were at work,

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Speaker 1: when they were exercising, when they were with their friends

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Speaker 1: always came out on top. So applying this tip, here

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Speaker 1: are three things that we can do once a day,

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Speaker 1: find thirty minutes minimum to deepen your bond with someone. Literally,

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Speaker 1: it could be as easy as sending them tiktoks or

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Speaker 1: texting them, but if you really want to improve your chances,

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Speaker 1: here giving that long distance friend a call, or grabbing

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Speaker 1: lunch with a friend on your lunch break, going to

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Speaker 1: the gym together afterwards. You know, after work, those small

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Speaker 1: thirty minute like kind of points of contact are so

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Speaker 1: valuable in building up that relationship. Once a week you

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Speaker 1: need to be doing minimum at least a one to

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Speaker 1: two hour even longer, hopefully in depth catch up with

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Speaker 1: one of your friends where you actually have a deep,

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Speaker 1: meaningful conversation, You get vulnerable, you disclose, you laugh, and

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Speaker 1: more important, you make memories. And then it comes to

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Speaker 1: once a month. Once a month, become the host. Now,

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Speaker 1: if you have listened for a while, if you know

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Speaker 1: me in real life, you will know that. One of

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Speaker 1: my secrets too, I would say being an incredibly optimistic,

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Speaker 1: happy person and a present person as well is finding

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Speaker 1: ways to build community, not just for myself but also

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Speaker 1: for the people that I love. And I think hosting

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Speaker 1: events in your house, in your neighborhood small things is

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Speaker 1: an expression of that. When I stopped waiting for other

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Speaker 1: people to do or organize cool things and hopefully invite

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Speaker 1: me and just started being the person who literally just

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Speaker 1: did fun shit, my life got so much better. So

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Speaker 1: once a month, what I really would implore you to

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Speaker 1: do is to get together a big, random bunch of

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Speaker 1: people for like a friendship group pot luck, or a

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Speaker 1: movie night at somebody's house or you know, trivia brunch,

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Speaker 1: a run club. You be the organizer, you be the host,

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Speaker 1: You be the person around which community is built. I

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Speaker 1: think you know, reflecting on that, and why it makes

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Speaker 1: so much sense is that in this day and age,

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Speaker 1: we really lack some of the structures and activities that

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Speaker 1: used to bring us together. You know, in the past,

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Speaker 1: we used to have so many more places to operate

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Speaker 1: within a community, right We had community dances, we had

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Speaker 1: town squares, we had small village like place and spaces

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Speaker 1: where you were surrounded by people. A lot more people

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Speaker 1: went to church or were involved in religion. There was

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Speaker 1: a bigger focus on community essentially, and I think as

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Speaker 1: society has progressed and become more globalized but also a

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Speaker 1: lot more online, for example, we've lost a lot of

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Speaker 1: that and that disconnection really bleeds into other areas of

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Speaker 1: our lives. So deliberately making our way back to that,

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Speaker 1: making engagement a practice rather than something we passively fall into,

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Speaker 1: is so valuable. My second tip for today spend your

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Speaker 1: money better.

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Speaker 2: Now. This has nothing to do with budgeting or having

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Speaker 2: long term financial goals. It is actually about spending money

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Speaker 2: on others and on experiences. And trust me, I know

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Speaker 2: that in this kind of very materialistic society, this may

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Speaker 2: initially make you feel uncomfortable to hear me say that

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Speaker 2: the secret to happiness is to spend on other people

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Speaker 2: and not yourself. But there is a science here. If

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Speaker 2: you're aiming for happiness, if that is your goal, this

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Speaker 2: might just be the path to it. Money does make

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Speaker 2: us happier up to a point, though only up to

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Speaker 2: a point. So in a really famous study I think

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Speaker 2: we probably have all heard of it at some point,

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Speaker 2: and they actually revised it last year. Basically they wanted

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Speaker 2: to measure at what point does an extra dollar really

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Speaker 2: not do much for our happiness? At what point does

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Speaker 2: making more money not really move the need or when

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Speaker 2: it comes to how good we feel? And they recently

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Speaker 2: updated this for inflation and nowadays. What they say is

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Speaker 2: that once you're making around one hundred k a year

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Speaker 2: in US dollars, so do the conversion. If you live

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Speaker 2: outside of the US, more money doesn't really do much

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Speaker 2: to make you feel better, and it doesn't do much

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Speaker 2: to eliminate misery or sadness. Yes, you might be able to,

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Speaker 2: you know, buy objects and experiences that you value. You

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Speaker 2: definitely will have more freedom and independence and security, but

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Speaker 2: at that point there isn't much more that would provide

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Speaker 2: you with already that baseline, So if your happiness hasn't

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Speaker 2: already been influenced by that level of wealth, more money

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Speaker 2: isn't going to help you, but there's something else that will.

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Speaker 2: So a study by Harvard Business School and the University

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Speaker 2: of British Columbia, they found that once you've actually pulled

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Speaker 2: yourself out of poverty, so once you can actually afford

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Speaker 2: your basics, spending money on other people actually gives us

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Speaker 2: more joy than spending money on ourselves. So they found

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Speaker 2: that even a minimal amount can make a difference. It's

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Speaker 2: really interesting because I think that that power generosity has

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Speaker 2: been lost, but it is such ancient, ancient knowledge. I

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Speaker 2: think in almost every major religion, every major historical text,

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Speaker 2: you will find evidence that for a long time, when

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Speaker 2: you've known that doing good by other people makes us

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Speaker 2: feel better, I think it also has the effect of

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Speaker 2: turning the attention away from you and your problems for

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Speaker 2: a moment, and remembering what it is that you have

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Speaker 2: that others might not, that you could assist them by

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Speaker 2: giving to them. So use your money, devote some portion

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Speaker 2: of it to basically engaging in random acts of kindness.

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Speaker 2: Quite literally, I want you to budget it. In One

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Speaker 2: way that I do this is called good deed Sunday.

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Speaker 2: Every Sunday you practice essentially being generous you give back

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Speaker 2: in some way or another. It actually doesn't even need

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Speaker 2: to be that much. Could be that, you know, when

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Speaker 2: you go and do your weekly shop, you buy some

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Speaker 2: extra items for your local community pantry, or you ask

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Speaker 2: somebody doing it tough outside if you can buy them something,

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Speaker 2: If you can buy them a couple of items that

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Speaker 2: they really need, you could find a you know, random

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Speaker 2: GoFundMe and budget literally five ten fifteen dollars each week

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Speaker 2: to go towards this random act of giving back and kindness.

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Speaker 2: I know it feels kind of strange giving to others

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Speaker 2: for your own happiness rather than just because you feel

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Speaker 2: compelled to do so, but I actually think it's more

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Speaker 2: about adopting an attitude and a genuine lifestyle adversely, gratitude

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Speaker 2: for what you do have, and generosity by realizing that

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Speaker 2: there is so much that you could give to others

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Speaker 2: that you should essentially feel really privileged to already be

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Speaker 2: in possession of. And as I said, the studies repeatedly say,

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Speaker 2: you will feel better for it. You will feel so

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Speaker 2: much better giving that small portion of what you're making

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Speaker 2: to somebody else than using it to buy something that

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Speaker 2: you might not actually need. So a brief second layer

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Speaker 2: to this tip around spending your money better to promote

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Speaker 2: your happiness. If you're not spending that extra coinage on others,

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Speaker 2: if that's not really what you want to do with

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Speaker 2: your time and your money, that is okay. A study

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Speaker 2: by Cornell University found that you're actually better off purchasing

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Speaker 2: experiences than things because the joy and the satisfaction that

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Speaker 2: you get from an object is going to wane and

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Speaker 2: decline pretty quickly after purchasing. But the enjoyment of an experience,

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Speaker 2: it's like a nice wine. It gets better over time

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Speaker 2: as you age. Those memories do become more valuable, They

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Speaker 2: become an investment, they become an important asset. The other

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Speaker 2: thing that the researchers pointed out around this in this

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Speaker 2: study by Cornell was that your experiences are actually just

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Speaker 2: inherently less comparative. It's a lot harder to you know,

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Speaker 2: compare them to somebody else and feel like you're lacking

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Speaker 2: the same way that we can do with material objects.

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Speaker 2: And we also don't typically have buyers remorse when it

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Speaker 2: comes to memories. When it comes to experiences, because even

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Speaker 2: if they were terrible, they are still a story. So

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Speaker 2: if you want to spend your money better for your happiness,

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Speaker 2: give to others, and give to your memories rather than

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Speaker 2: to your kind of like material rather than to the

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Speaker 2: material side of things. So let's move on to our

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Speaker 2: third tip. Have one project, one thing that you are

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Speaker 2: actively trying to finish or accomplish or get better at.

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Speaker 2: I say this a lot on the podcast, so I'm

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Speaker 2: very sorry if I sound like a broken record at

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Speaker 2: this point, but I say it because it's important and

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Speaker 2: it's something that I believe in very deeply. Sometimes the

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Speaker 2: easiest thing to do isn't what's best for us. What's

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Speaker 2: best for us is the thing that requires a bit

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Speaker 2: more effort for a lot more gain. I think the

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Speaker 2: older we get, we do tend to become more passive

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Speaker 2: in our lives, especially during our free time, during our downtime,

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Speaker 2: because hours a long, life is exhausting, life is busy,

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Speaker 2: Everything just gets a bit harder. I think we have

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Speaker 2: all had that feeling at some point of just wanting

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Speaker 2: to take the path of least resistance through life, getting

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Speaker 2: home from work and just genuinely wanting to sit on

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Speaker 2: the couch and scroll. But when we were kids, when

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Speaker 2: we were teenagers, we often had the privilege of something

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Speaker 2: to work towards, something that actually gave us a sense

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Speaker 2: of drive and purpose. I think that we have lost

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Speaker 2: that a little bit now. And you know, everybody tries

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Speaker 2: to blame social media and technology. I'm going to actually

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Speaker 2: quickly jump on that bandwagon for a second. I think

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Speaker 2: with social media, if we're getting the same amount of

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Speaker 2: dopamine from saying other people do cool and rewarding stuff,

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Speaker 2: why would we need to do it ourselves? And the

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Speaker 2: reason why. The answer to that question is that we

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Speaker 2: need purpose. If we think about happiness as being made

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Speaker 2: up of four components, in my mind, they would be

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Speaker 2: joy and pleasure, connection, altruism and meaning doing something that

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Speaker 2: actually makes you feel like you are alive and contributing,

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Speaker 2: and just having a sense of purpose. So in twenty thirteen,

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Speaker 2: this group of researchers at UCLA they actually identified this

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Speaker 2: through some research they were doing on the two distinct

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Speaker 2: kinds of happiness. We have hedonic happiness and eudaemonic happiness.

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Speaker 2: Hopefully I'm pronounced that right. You demonic, Yeah, you demonic happiness.

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Speaker 2: There we go, correct me if I'm wrong. But hedonic

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Speaker 2: happiness comes from self gratification and pleasure seeking hedonic is

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Speaker 2: obviously relating to the idea of hedonism, prioritizing pleasure over

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Speaker 2: everything else. But you, demonic happiness comes from having a

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Speaker 2: deep sense of meaning and purpose in life, doing things

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Speaker 2: for others, but more so doing hard things that do

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Speaker 2: take time. Rather than getting all of your joy and

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Speaker 2: pleasure from instantly gratifying experiences, we tend to spend a

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Speaker 2: lot of time in hedonic happiness. We look to external

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Speaker 2: pleasures to make life enjoyable. Because you, demonic happiness is harder.

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Speaker 2: Simply put, it's just harder to obtain, but there are

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Speaker 2: so many benefits. So simply put, if you are in

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Speaker 2: a bit of an emotional rut right now, I think

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Speaker 2: creating meaning is an essential way to switch from adonic

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Speaker 2: happiness to eudonic happiness. Just have a little bit more

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Speaker 2: of that more sustainable form of joy in your life.

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Speaker 2: And we create that meaning by creating goals or things

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Speaker 2: that we can strive towards, because I think you know,

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Speaker 2: in that act of striving, we feel engaged and proactive, meaning,

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Speaker 2: we realize that we can do things to change our

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Speaker 2: lives and how we feel about it. Now, those goals

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Speaker 2: this big, very daunting idea of purpose. It doesn't have

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Speaker 2: to be as large or as scary as it sounds.

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Speaker 2: You just need to have something. And I prefer to

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Speaker 2: think about this as a project rather than thinking about

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Speaker 2: this huge mission that we all need to have. You

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Speaker 2: just need to have something. For some people. That is,

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Speaker 2: you know, running a marathon, perfect example, and also super timely,

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Speaker 2: because I think everybody I know right now seems to

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Speaker 2: be training for a marathon or some running event of

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Speaker 2: some sort. But you know, that's fabulous because you're working

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Speaker 2: towards something that is harder and bigger than yourself that

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Speaker 2: you actually can't achieve overnight. But I also have a

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Speaker 2: really good friend whose purposeful thing for the year is

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Speaker 2: hitting her fifty two book target on Goodreads. My dad,

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Speaker 2: for example, right now, is learning Japanese. You know that

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00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 2: is something that you progress towards. And for me, well,

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Speaker 2: it was finishing my book, but that has done so now.

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Speaker 2: It's kind of being consistent in the gym, right I

414
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Speaker 2: can't just like show up one day and you know,

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Speaker 2: hit all my prs and do everything perfectly. It is

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00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 2: once again the act of striving that is so so

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Speaker 2: meaningful in these situations. So just stop and pause with

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Speaker 2: me right now, and I want you to honestly ask yourself,

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Speaker 2: is there something in my life, anything that ischallenging me

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Speaker 2: or that I am working towards? Do I have a project?

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Speaker 2: Or when I finish work, when I finish uni, when

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00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 2: I say goodbye to all my friends? Is my only

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00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 2: function to scroll and consume? And is that really what

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Speaker 2: I was designed to do? Is that really how I

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Speaker 2: want to spend my life? Does it make me feel human?

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Speaker 2: Does it make you feel meaningful? You can still, of

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00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 2: course unwind in that way, but I just want to

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Speaker 2: encourage you to think about what else you are made

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Speaker 2: for and whether you actually would be happier if you

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Speaker 2: were putting time into something that you really had something

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Speaker 2: to show for it at the end of it all,

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Speaker 2: you really had something that you felt was important and

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Speaker 2: that you felt proud of. Alrighty, I have two more

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Speaker 2: tips for you, but firstly we are going to take

435
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 2: a small break and then we will be right back.

436
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,479
Speaker 2: Welcome back. I have two final tips for you today,

437
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 2: and the first one takes place outdoors. If you want

438
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 2: to be happier, if that is what you are striving towards,

439
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 2: and I'm assuming that it is because you are listening

440
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 2: to this episode. You need to rewild yourself. You need

441
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: to quite literally touch some grass, get your feet stuck

442
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 2: in the dirt, you know, experience or as you look

443
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 2: at the stars, take a dive in the ocean. Pretty

444
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 2: much anything that gets you connected with nature, our literal

445
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: you know, natural habitat can boost serotonin beyond even some

446
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 2: of the strongest antidepressants. Now again, not a cure for

447
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: serious mental health concerns. I am never going to sit

448
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 2: here and say go off your medication and like get outdoors,

449
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 2: because I think that is ludicrous, that is ridiculous, that

450
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 2: is unethical to even suggest. But it is an important addition.

451
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 2: I think we are so detached from nature in today's world.

452
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 2: We are so like you, caught up in concrete and

453
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 2: indoor environments that we have lost touch with what makes

454
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: us wild and what makes us as a species, what

455
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 2: makes us connected to the world around us. And when

456
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 2: researchers have deliberately intervened and essentially forced people to go

457
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 2: outdoors as part of studies, the impact on their overall happiness,

458
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: on their udontic happiness, on their joy, on their genuine

459
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 2: joy and love for life, the results and the impact

460
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: of that is just honestly so impressive. So I have

461
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: three examples for you to take away with you today,

462
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: three examples of how we can really activate this part

463
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,959
Speaker 2: of us that responds so well to nature. So in

464
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, there was a study on this and it

465
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 2: was run on a group of thirty eight Northern Californians,

466
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 2: so not a huge sample size, but just hear me out.

467
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 2: So these thirty eight Californians, sorry in Northern Californians, maybe

468
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: there is a distinction, I don't know. They were split

469
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: up into two groups. One group took a ninety minute

470
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 2: walk in nature every day and the other group did

471
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: that same walk in the city. At the end of

472
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: this study, have a guess who was having fewer negative thoughts.

473
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: Have a guess who had a better self esteem. Have

474
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 2: a guest who was reporting greater levels of happiness. It

475
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 2: was the people who were walking in the outdoors. The

476
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 2: urban walkers who were walking amongst the city did not

477
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: report the same significant amount of change when they kind

478
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: of controlled for the general serotonin in endorphin boost from exercise.

479
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 2: It was those who did it out in nature and

480
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 2: who were you know, actively rewilding themselves who really experienced

481
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 2: the most benefit. What's more, fMRI scans revealed less activity

482
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 2: in the brain region that plays a role in mood

483
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 2: disorders and negative thought patterns. These individuals had genuinely seen

484
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 2: their brains almost rewire to be more positive. So the

485
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 2: dirt example I gave before, you know it may have

486
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 2: sounded like a joke, me telling you to go out

487
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 2: and touch some dirt. You know, touch some dirt, and

488
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 2: they go willy nilly, you're happier, But there is actually

489
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 2: some evidence that the literal smell of mud of dirt

490
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 2: may lift your spirits. So what it comes down to

491
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,959
Speaker 2: is actually this harmless bacteria that exists in the soil.

492
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 2: It's called Myobacterium vacate. So if you want to give that,

493
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 2: you know, fancy Latin name a quick google, what you're

494
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 2: going to find is that when you smell dirt, that

495
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 2: smell that you can remember right now, really picture it

496
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 2: smelling that like that fresh soil. What you're actually spelling

497
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 2: and is that specific bacteria. And when it enters your

498
00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 2: olfactory center in your brain, it leases a whole wave

499
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 2: of euphoria and serotonin, so much so that in human

500
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 2: tests when cancer patients were administered this bacteria, They're moved,

501
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 2: despite their circumstances, despite this terrible, terrible disease, their outlook

502
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 2: greatly improved. It is like nature's antidepressant, this bacteria. It

503
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 2: is really you should google it. It has this strange impact

504
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 2: on our brain and how our neurons communicate. Even anecdotally,

505
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever met an unhappy person who

506
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 2: was gardening. I have never been miserable whilst repotting my plants,

507
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: or hiking, or taking my feet off and like squishing

508
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 2: them around in the mud. So one final study to

509
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,239
Speaker 2: convince you of the healing power of the outdoors and

510
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 2: why if you are prioritizing happiness, you should be prioritizing

511
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 2: quite literally your outdoor time is this study that was

512
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 2: focused on what eating outdoors can do for our well being,

513
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 2: and it turns out that it can do quite a bit.

514
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: One thing that I hear a lot, and I think

515
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 2: it's super understandable, is that you know, I just don't

516
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: have time for that, And that is actually so reasonable.

517
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 2: If you are working from eight am to six pm

518
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 2: and it's the middle of winter and the sun is

519
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 2: you know, not even coming up until you're at work,

520
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 2: not even setting until you're home. How are you possibly

521
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: meant to, you know, go play in the dirt or

522
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 2: frolic in the ocean. How are you meant to do that?

523
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 2: I understand, you know, it's really difficult for me to

524
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 2: sit here and you know, give you this advice when

525
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 2: we are like, there's just practicalities that prevent me from

526
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 2: doing this. So the simple solution is spending your lunch

527
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 2: break that thirty minutes or our lunch break that we

528
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 2: all legally get, eating outside, or eating somewhere with windows

529
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 2: to at least see some kind of nature. Do not

530
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 2: sit at your desk and eat, please and thank you.

531
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 2: Do not sit in the middle of a crowded food

532
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 2: hall with no natural light and expect, you know, to

533
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 2: see a difference. So in twenty thirteen, another study for

534
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 2: you guys and full of them today. These scientists from

535
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 2: the University of Sussex. They measured the happiness of these

536
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 2: this group of employees who ate lunch in different locations.

537
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: So the results showed that workers they were actually happiest

538
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 2: when they ate their lunch on the beach. Of course

539
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:30,919
Speaker 2: you're going to be happy doing that, but it's also

540
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 2: not reasonable that you can get from your offers to

541
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 2: the ocean so quickly, but even just getting outside in

542
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 2: the sun was a huge contributor to basically like staving

543
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 2: off misery. People who ate in parks, people who ate outdoors,

544
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 2: they had a more positive attitude about their jobs, about

545
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 2: their lives, about their connections than those who were eating

546
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 2: at a restaurant or sitting on their couch at home.

547
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 2: So if you want to be happy, even slightly, if

548
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 2: this is something you're consciously trying to do, prioritize your

549
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: outdoor time that one. You know, one change that you

550
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 2: can make is literally just sitting outside while you have

551
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: your lunch, something that you are already you know, it's

552
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 2: already factored in your day that you will have to

553
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 2: do this. I am going to finish up with my

554
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 2: most counterintuitive tip of this entire episode, one that you

555
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 2: will probably be surprised would show up in an episode

556
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 2: about happiness. Here it is you need to be sadder

557
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:42,280
Speaker 2: more often. And let me explain why we often think

558
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 2: of happiness as the absence of sadness, but it's actually

559
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,919
Speaker 2: a mastery of sadness. It is a recognition that shit

560
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 2: happens life sometimes hurts a lot, It is boring, It

561
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 2: can quite frankly be a little bit bland if we're

562
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 2: not searching for hedonistic pleasure at all times. But that

563
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile. And it also doesn't

564
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 2: mean that we suppress those feelings and adopt the delusion

565
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 2: that everything is fine and hope that it will be.

566
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 2: We need to give ourselves permission to wallow. We need

567
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 2: to be tender, we need to feel, We need to

568
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 2: watch that sad movie. We need to let ourselves be

569
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 2: open about our emotions. There is a brilliant Vice article

570
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,840
Speaker 2: about this back when Vice you know, it was actually good,

571
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 2: and it's called You'll be Happier if you let yourself

572
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 2: feel like crap, and I would really really recommend you

573
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 2: go and read it. We have such high standards when

574
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 2: it comes to our emotions like joy, like euphoria, like excitement,

575
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 2: like passion, like love. We of course want to feel

576
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 2: them all the time. That is so human to want

577
00:36:56,280 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 2: to feel amazing all the time, but it can create

578
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 2: a gap between expectation versus reality, and you know that

579
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,760
Speaker 2: actually results in us sometimes feeling less happy overall because

580
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,240
Speaker 2: we're disappointed that we can't feel happy all the time.

581
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 2: And I think, you know, we live in a time

582
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 2: when our culture is very obsessed with this idea of

583
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 2: constant happiness. And I know it is so ironic that

584
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 2: I am doing a whole episode devoted on this feeling

585
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 2: whilst I am saying that, But seriously, I do think

586
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 2: that maturing and developing and evolving is knowing that you

587
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 2: cannot be happy all the time. And this author to

588
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: Boor to Boor, that is their full name. She published

589
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 2: a study in twenty twenty three talking about how when

590
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 2: we as individuals rebrand sadness as valuable rather than as

591
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 2: something that we want to escape from. This transformation occurs

592
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: because the very expression of this emotion begins to normalize

593
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 2: it as part of our human can be, and instead

594
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 2: of only focusing on how it is maladaptive, how it

595
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 2: is unpleasant, how we want to avoid it, we think

596
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 2: about what it actually can give us. I think that

597
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 2: our ability to embrace our negative feelings provide so many benefits.

598
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 2: There have been so many papers on this, so much

599
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 2: evidence that people individuals like you and I, who accept

600
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 2: all of our emotions without judgment, we are less likely

601
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 2: to ruminate on you know, those hard times, we are

602
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 2: less likely to suppress mental experiences, you know, which typically

603
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 2: backfires to only amplify those experiences in the end. And

604
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 2: we are also less likely to experience meta emotional reactions,

605
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 2: which is feeling, you know, upset about being upset, feeling

606
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 2: even more unhappy about the fact that we are unhappy.

607
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: You know. There was this fabulous article. It's in the

608
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 2: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, and the authors put

609
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 2: it this way, when we accept, versus judge, our mental experiences,

610
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: we let those experience you know, experiences run there natural

611
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 2: and also relatively short lived course, rather than focusing on

612
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 2: them and exacerbating them. So that's my final tip. Express

613
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 2: your sadness. Find ways to communicate it to your friends,

614
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 2: find a home for it, find an expression for it,

615
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 2: find a way to sit with it even when it's uncomfortable.

616
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 2: And the research tells us that counterintuitively, it actually makes

617
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: us happier in the long term. Here are some quick

618
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 2: final notes for me on this. You don't have to

619
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 2: do all of these things, you know, that's a lot

620
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 2: of work. Just choose one or two of these tips

621
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 2: and implement them slowly, implement them over time, and just

622
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 2: notice whether something changes. You know, I'm not going to

623
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 2: choose which one you should do first. I think that

624
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 2: all five are really important, but whichever one resonates with

625
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 2: you most, that is the one that you should choose.

626
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 2: And I also want to say one more time, don't

627
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 2: forget the other core components of your wellbeing. I know

628
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 2: I said I wouldn't talk about exercise or eating well

629
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 2: or going to therapy, but you know, those are our foundations.

630
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 2: You can't really accept your sadness or have a project

631
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 2: or think that going outdoors is going to do as

632
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 2: much as getting those basics down pat will do in

633
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 2: the first place. So really I'm rooting for you these.

634
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 2: You know, with small changes comes big, big impact and

635
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 2: big results. And I just want you to remember the

636
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 2: happiness pie. When life feels overwhelming, you get to control

637
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 2: forty percent of it. That is all up to you

638
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 2: and your perception. So I'm sending a lot of love

639
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 2: and strength. If you enjoyed this episode, please feel free

640
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 2: to share it with somebody else might also benefit from it.

641
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,759
Speaker 2: Who you think might get something from this, And if

642
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 2: you do feel cool to do so, please leave a

643
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 2: review five stars. Of course it would really make my day.

644
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: It helps the show grow. It helps this information get

645
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 2: to more people and it just makes me really happy.

646
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along as well, so you know

647
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 2: when new episodes are coming out. If you have feedback

648
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:27,800
Speaker 2: an episode, suggestion, something to say, something to contribute, something

649
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 2: that you even disagree with, whatever it is, please feel

650
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Speaker 2: free to follow me and DM me at that Psychology

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Speaker 2: Podcast with all your questions, queries, concerns, inquiries, topic suggestions,

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Speaker 2: whatever it is. I would love to hear from you,

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Speaker 2: and as always, we will be back on Friday with

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Speaker 2: another episode