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Speaker 1: We don't go find our purpose. Find yourself and there's

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Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that great era saying

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's.

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Speaker 2: Because you have not yet to find you.

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Speaker 3: What's going on?

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Speaker 4: Emily A body here coming to you live from the

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Speaker 4: AG Studio. You are listening to another installment of Hurdle

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Speaker 4: Moment from Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast. Reconnect with everyone

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Speaker 4: from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs

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Speaker 4: about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between.

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Speaker 3: We all go through hurdles in life.

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Speaker 4: And my goal through these discussions is to empower you

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Speaker 4: to better navigate yours and move with intentions so that

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Speaker 4: you can stride towards your own big potential and of

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Speaker 4: course have some fun along the way. Today I am

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Speaker 4: sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Brian. She is a psychology expert,

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Speaker 4: a renowned life coach, and we are talking all about how.

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Speaker 3: To go after your big goals.

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Speaker 4: We discuss how to set smart goals and the important

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Speaker 4: step you need to take before you even put pen

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Speaker 4: to paper on concepting those goals, plus the nitty gritty

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Speaker 4: about the steps on the way how can you actually

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Speaker 4: succeed at going after the things that you want? How

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Speaker 4: should you be breaking it down to make your goals

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Speaker 4: a reality. I really appreciate so much of her wisdom

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Speaker 4: and perspective on this. I could listen to doctor Bryant

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Speaker 4: talk forever and I love her philosophy about the importance

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Speaker 4: of celebrating yourself along the way to going after what

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Speaker 4: you want.

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Speaker 3: And I also really loved her thoughts on.

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Speaker 4: Surrounding yourself with people that support you in whatever it

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Speaker 4: is that you're after. I know it's so so important

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Speaker 4: to fill up your own cups so that you can

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Speaker 4: give to others, and make sure the others that you

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Speaker 4: want to give to are supporting you and appreciate you.

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Speaker 4: Most importantly, in return, make sure you're following along with Hurdle.

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Speaker 3: Over at Hurdle Podcast.

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Speaker 4: I'm over at Emily Body and with that, let's get

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Speaker 4: to hurdling.

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Speaker 3: Today.

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Speaker 4: I am sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Brian. She's a

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Speaker 4: doctor of psychology and a life coach. How you do today,

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Speaker 4: I'm doing amazing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me on. I'm excited to be

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Speaker 1: here and I'm ready to give a give out some

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Speaker 1: tips and some tools on how folks cannot just you know, accomplish,

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Speaker 1: but set goals and for some people, believe it or not,

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of clients that come to session

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Speaker 1: and they say, I don't know what I want to do.

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Speaker 1: I don't know who I am, right, So it's more

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Speaker 1: than just like like, you got goals, set it, let's

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Speaker 1: go get it. It's also processing what goals do you want? Right?

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Speaker 1: It's okay to not know what you want. It's okay

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Speaker 1: to not have any goals because you're in that great

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Speaker 1: area space of like, I'm just figuring out right now,

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Speaker 1: and so my goal is to figure out what my

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Speaker 1: goals are. And I think people, especially women, need to

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Speaker 1: know that that is also a same space, and that

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Speaker 1: is also a space that's perfectly okay to be in

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Speaker 1: because you're in that blank plate two space where it's

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Speaker 1: needed for you to empty out right and then say

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Speaker 1: I emptied out everything I thought I wanted, all the

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Speaker 1: ideologies that I thought life would be as we all

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Speaker 1: think life's going to be this way, and we're going,

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Speaker 1: holy moly, that's not how it turned out. And then

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Speaker 1: just have someone that helps you pick your own brain,

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Speaker 1: process your heart space, and put it all out and

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Speaker 1: say I want this, I don't want this, let's create.

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Speaker 3: Wow, you're jumping right into it. I love this about you.

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Speaker 3: We're still getting to know each other.

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Speaker 4: I before we really dive straight into the tip offering

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Speaker 4: the tips and tricks that we're going to offer the

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Speaker 4: hurdlers today, give us a little bit of intel on

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Speaker 4: your background and how you got into this line of work.

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Speaker 4: When you were a little girl, did you think, hmm,

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Speaker 4: I want to be a psychologist, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, Okay, hurdlers And I love that, you know, I always,

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Speaker 1: since a little girl, have been big on making good decisions.

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Speaker 1: And it's something that my best friend brought to me,

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Speaker 1: brought to my attention again actually a couple of weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: I am dating, and so I get to cutting off

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Speaker 1: people when I'm dating, and she goes, you know what

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Speaker 1: it is, She goes, you are big on good decision making.

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Speaker 1: And she goes, You've always been like that since we've

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Speaker 1: been kids, because we've been best friend since we were like,

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Speaker 1: you know, fourteen, And I'm like, you know what, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're right, And so just as a kid, I've always

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Speaker 1: been big on good decision making right and good decision

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Speaker 1: making doesn't mean that you're always coming out the winner.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you're always coming out better than

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Speaker 1: someone else. It just means that you get the best

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Speaker 1: experience possible and that you are able to either leverage

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Speaker 1: that experience from your decision, leverage to go in the

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Speaker 1: direction you want to go in right talking about goals,

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Speaker 1: or you are able to obtain the intent of that decision.

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Speaker 1: And so again, my definition of good decision making based

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Speaker 1: on the results that I want to receive are going

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Speaker 1: to be different than anyone else's because the results that

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Speaker 1: we desire are different. And so for me, you know,

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Speaker 1: as a young ger, I just always been big on that,

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Speaker 1: and I went to school really first saying I'm going

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Speaker 1: to law school because I know I'd be really good.

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Speaker 1: I'm good with creating a narrative and telling a story

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Speaker 1: and people seeing it and really grabbing people their attention

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Speaker 1: and bringing them into my story and my narrative my world.

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Speaker 1: But am I really changing lives? Am I really saving lives?

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Speaker 1: Am I really having a legacy impact on people? And

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Speaker 1: not saying that attorneys can't have that right, but for

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Speaker 1: the level that I wanted to have the impact on

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Speaker 1: folks lives they didn't do it for me. And then

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Speaker 1: as soon as I went to that blank space, I

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Speaker 1: was saying, it's okay for us to be in, which

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Speaker 1: is actually the magical space, and we'll get into that.

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Speaker 1: That's where God was able to have my full attention.

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Speaker 1: He goes, Okay, you went blank on me. You emptied

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Speaker 1: out all of your broken ideologies and all of these

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Speaker 1: ideas you thought you'd have. Now I can really come

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Speaker 1: in and penetrate you. And so he started to show me

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Speaker 1: my broken pieces and I was like, oh. And then

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Speaker 1: he started to give me these different tools on how

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Speaker 1: to make peace from my broken pieces, and he goes, so,

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Speaker 1: you know, what's up. What do you want? And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want everybody who I come in contact with to

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Speaker 1: feel what I call God's peace. And they can call

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Speaker 1: it whatever they want, as long as the end goal

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Speaker 1: is peace. For me, it's God's peace. I want them

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Speaker 1: to have that in their world because we are all

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Speaker 1: broken in some way. And if we can have a

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Speaker 1: shift in perception, which is America I call America just

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Speaker 1: a shift in perception, we can take our broken pieces

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Speaker 1: which we perceive to be broken, and then we can

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Speaker 1: find the peace out of it, and I go, well,

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Speaker 1: I got to go into the field that makes sense

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Speaker 1: for me, and that would be the study of behavior

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Speaker 1: and people and help them understand their self and help

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Speaker 1: them have a shift of perception so that they can

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Speaker 1: see their world in a way that would create the

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Speaker 1: experience that they want for themselves first and then they

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Speaker 1: can give that to other people. And the beautiful thing

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Speaker 1: about that was that God gave me the experience of

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Speaker 1: seeing my brokenness and allowed me to create right the

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Speaker 1: experience I want for myself. And so that I am

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Speaker 1: my academic and now that stuff is pretty cool. But

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Speaker 1: I am qualified by my brokenness and my pain that

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Speaker 1: I fuse with other people. I am qualified by the

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Speaker 1: peace that I've brought and I was able to create

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Speaker 1: from that. And so I'm not just speaking from you know,

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Speaker 1: credentials and accolades. And don't get me wrong, I love

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Speaker 1: on pro education. I think it's amazing. But I do

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Speaker 1: find that my experiences and my brokenness and me having

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Speaker 1: to been there, and the empathy versus sympathy I can

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Speaker 1: give my clients is where we fuse and it's where

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Speaker 1: I tend to heal and help them the most. And

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Speaker 1: they say it, they say, doc, when you self disclosed

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Speaker 1: and you share your stories with us, which most therapists

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Speaker 1: and coaches don't. More therapists don't. Coaches do more, which

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Speaker 1: is what I am. They're like, that changes my life,

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Speaker 1: That makes me feel more more equal eye to eye

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Speaker 1: to you and lets me know that you're human and

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Speaker 1: I'm able to relate more. And that's that's that's what

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Speaker 1: I want. I want to say, look at me, I'm

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Speaker 1: all I'm kookie too, and you know I'm crazy too.

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Speaker 1: And some of my screws I left them over there somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I can't find that and I don't want to put

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Speaker 1: them on today. But I'm going to have the most

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Speaker 1: amazing fabul this day with some screws off. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's okay.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. And I think I mean what you're.

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Speaker 4: Talking about here, Modeling that behavior is so important to

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Speaker 4: cultivate that safe space. And I also love what you

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Speaker 4: were talking about when you talked about shifting that perspective

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Speaker 4: which will get us here, lead us into this conversation

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Speaker 4: about goal setting. You set it right off the bat,

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Speaker 4: right after I introduced you that a huge issue that

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Speaker 4: many have with goal setting is that in order to

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Speaker 4: set goals. You have to start first with knowing who

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Speaker 4: you are and what it is that you want and.

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Speaker 3: Not having judgment.

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Speaker 4: Maybe if you can't really articulate that all that well

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Speaker 4: right from the get go.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely and and that is the safe space. So the

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Speaker 1: safe space is exactly you know what I feel safe

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Speaker 1: enough to understand that I don't know who I am,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I want, and understand that not

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Speaker 1: everyone feels safe telling their buddies that, and then we

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Speaker 1: go further telling their you know, their coach or their therapist. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: that's where the safe haven is. I tell my clients

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Speaker 1: when you come in here, I have a commitment form

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Speaker 1: or an agreement forum that says that there's three commitments.

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Speaker 1: It's to be completely wide open and row right, to

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Speaker 1: be as honest as you can within your capacity so

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Speaker 1: we can only heal the truth, and to commit to

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Speaker 1: doing the work and just be authentic.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 1: And so I think it's more important for people to

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Speaker 1: understand that you don't have to know what freaking goals

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Speaker 1: you have and when you try to create them from

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Speaker 1: the space of I just have to have goals. I

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Speaker 1: just have to have something that I want to do.

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Speaker 1: I have to have these three goals and it just

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Speaker 1: has to be there before I can even do anything.

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Speaker 1: You create resistance. You're also standing on a foundation that's

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Speaker 1: not authentically you. And so what happens is you start

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Speaker 1: to process and create these goals, and what happened you

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Speaker 1: get bored because it's not you. And I always tell people,

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Speaker 1: we don't go find our purpose, find yourself, and there's

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Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that gray area saying

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's because

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Speaker 1: you have not yet to find you. So that means

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Speaker 1: what you need to do in that space is create

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Speaker 1: this relationship with you. But it has to be a

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Speaker 1: real relationship, like who are you really? Right? What really

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Speaker 1: do you like? I don't care if it's quirky, if

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Speaker 1: it's against your family values, if it's outside of your

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Speaker 1: friendship norm if it's outside of your community societal norms. No,

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Speaker 1: who are you? And really love that person and start

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Speaker 1: to create this unconditional love for who you are? And

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Speaker 1: I promise, like magic, I'm talking about God's speed as

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Speaker 1: you start to know who who you are and love

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Speaker 1: whatever the heck comes up as you're you know, as

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Speaker 1: you are consistently or should I say, paralleling shifting or

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Speaker 1: changing what you don't like about yourself. All of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you know what you love, You know who you want

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Speaker 1: to be, and then your goals are what gets you

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Speaker 1: to where you want to be and who you want

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Speaker 1: to be. Those things are easy to create once you

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Speaker 1: know who you are. But be okay with saying another

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Speaker 1: thing is I don't know. Another thing is you can

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Speaker 1: know who you are for forty years, okay, forty years.

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Speaker 1: This is who I've been, This is what I've stood on,

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Speaker 1: this is who I'm proud I have been proud to be.

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Speaker 1: And now I hit forty, forty five or fifty, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know who the hell I am because that

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Speaker 1: person I used to be I really don't want to

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Speaker 1: be anymore. I don't have any interest in any of

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Speaker 1: those things anymore. And so don't go into a dark space.

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Speaker 1: Don't go in, don't turn the lights off and go,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I don't know. And I'm fifty and

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Speaker 1: I should know, and I'm forty five, and all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden I had it all together and I don't

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Speaker 1: guess what Welcome to life is all going to fall

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Speaker 1: apart A few times if it hasn't already for you

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Speaker 1: and you just didn't know that's what was going on.

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Speaker 1: But let it fall apart. Be excited about the fall apart,

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Speaker 1: because then you get to create and build anything that

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Speaker 1: falls apart, you have the opportunity to build, and you

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Speaker 1: get to pick the material like a home that you

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Speaker 1: want to build with. You get to interior decorate your

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Speaker 1: insize of who you want to be again. Perception, how

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Speaker 1: do you perceive your breaking down? Are you perceiving it

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Speaker 1: as the ultimate opportunity to build up everything you've always wanted? Right?

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Speaker 1: Are you perceiving it as, oh my god, I'm falling

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Speaker 1: apart and I won't know where to go from here?

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Speaker 1: When the you know the former answer, which is really

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Speaker 1: the truth. We're creators and like anything, you got to

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Speaker 1: build down, but you have to tear apart. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: If you have a beautiful, huge home and you want

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Speaker 1: to do new flooring, you got to tear that wood up.

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Speaker 1: But when that wood is being torn up and you

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Speaker 1: know this beautiful flooring that you picked out is going

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Speaker 1: in there, this marble granite flooring, You're like, can we

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Speaker 1: tear this thing up quicker? You can't wait and that

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Speaker 1: should be and that shit, that is a better perspective

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Speaker 1: to have that will give you the best experience of

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Speaker 1: your world is like, oh, this thing has fallen apart.

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Speaker 1: That means I get to feield something.

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Speaker 4: I love the idea of the fact that you may

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Speaker 4: have a very strong sense of self for a while,

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Speaker 4: but something could happen to shake that and it's okay

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Speaker 4: to do a little bit of that self inquiry and

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Speaker 4: kind of come back to start as long as you

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Speaker 4: have that perspective that what lies ahead of you could

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Speaker 4: also be just as beautiful as what you knew before.

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Speaker 4: I also think it's really important here to establish that

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Speaker 4: oftentimes if we don't know ourselves holy or we're not

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Speaker 4: really understanding, you know, who it is that we are

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Speaker 4: when we walk out the door in the morning, it

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Speaker 4: can lead to us like establishing goals that actually have

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Speaker 4: nothing to do with our own personal interests. Something I

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Speaker 4: talked a lot about in the show a few years

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Speaker 4: back was that, in finding and learn arning a lot

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Speaker 4: about myself, got really comfortable and excited about solo travel, right.

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Speaker 4: And I think that when you hear someone else is

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Speaker 4: really excited about this thing, it's easy to get like

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Speaker 4: wrapped up in that, and I would have listeners of

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Speaker 4: the show that would go on their own solo travel

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Speaker 4: and I could tell by the way that they were

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Speaker 4: sending me constant photos of it, dming with me during dinner.

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Speaker 4: My question to them and my challenge at times, was, hey,

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Speaker 4: take this time to be with yourself, like ask yourself,

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Speaker 4: like what is it from.

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Speaker 3: This experience that you want? Who are you right now?

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Speaker 4: And value that time because don't do something just because

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Speaker 4: you saw that I did it. Do something because you

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Speaker 4: you want to do it.

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Speaker 1: That was such great advice. I am the Otis of seven,

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Speaker 1: and I always tell my my siblings, especially my brother Shane.

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Speaker 1: I say, you know, baby, we're living years apart. I say, baby, listen,

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Speaker 1: you know I have high expectations. We've came from the

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Speaker 1: inner city.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 1: I was the first to go to college, you know,

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Speaker 1: as far as generational and go all the way obviously

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Speaker 1: to the you know, my doctorate level. And my brother's

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Speaker 1: not into the education piece. He's more entrepreneurial and he

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Speaker 1: does his thing and he's killing it in his world.

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Speaker 1: But I say, I've always told you, you know, I

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Speaker 1: want you to use and look at me as my

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Speaker 1: drive and my work ethic and me being a powerhouse

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Speaker 1: and whatever else you see me. And I want you

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Speaker 1: to grab the things that you really love right implement

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Speaker 1: them into your world. If they work, keep them, if

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Speaker 1: they don't, rid them, and I won't be offended. I

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Speaker 1: want you to be a rock star, like you just said,

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Speaker 1: in your own authentic way. And I don't want you

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Speaker 1: to feel like you have to do as I do

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Speaker 1: for me to feel as though you admire me. I

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Speaker 1: want you to pick the things from me and take them,

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Speaker 1: and the things even advice I tell him that I

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Speaker 1: give you, if you don't agree with those respectfully, say sis,

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Speaker 1: I hear you, but I'm gonna go left. And I said,

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Speaker 1: I'm a roll with you left until the wills fall off.

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Speaker 1: And even if left doesn't get you your to the

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Speaker 1: end result and we have to go back to do

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Speaker 1: it the other way. I'm okay with that. But the

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Speaker 1: idea is, I want you to exercise your own, you know,

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Speaker 1: internal locus muscle. I want you to exercise your own

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Speaker 1: decision making muscle so that you do and you start

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Speaker 1: to create what makes you as a young man happy,

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Speaker 1: Because at the end of all of this stuff from

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Speaker 1: education to entrepreneurial, to this amazing podcast you have emily,

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Speaker 1: to anything else you could think. If it goes back

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Speaker 1: to what you said, there are more times where the

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Speaker 1: road will be you and you and you, and if

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Speaker 1: you can't create something that you you and you can

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Speaker 1: look at each other and say, listen, I we are

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Speaker 1: having the time of our life. You are going to

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Speaker 1: be a world of trouble. That's when the light went off.

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Speaker 1: Depression comes in, anxiety comes in, and unfortunately a lot

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Speaker 1: of people can't find the freaking light switch in the dark.

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Speaker 1: And for me, I'm going listen to my clients who

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Speaker 1: I invest everything I have into them, and again to

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Speaker 1: know my siblings and my brother I just I want

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Speaker 1: because I've learned to love myself unconditionally, I am able

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Speaker 1: to give them permission, not that they need my permission,

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Speaker 1: but I'm able to give them permission to choose a

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Speaker 1: blueprint that's unconditional for them, and I'm able to walk

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Speaker 1: that road side by side with them, and I'm able

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Speaker 1: to understand when they have to depart and do their

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Speaker 1: own thing. But you're one hundred percent right when I

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Speaker 1: learned that, you know, years ago as a young girl

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Speaker 1: that hey this road is kind of like I can

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Speaker 1: get lonely even when I'm a room full of a

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Speaker 1: room full of people, if I don't learn to create

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Speaker 1: a world and experience that really is beautiful for me,

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Speaker 1: me perfectly perfectly creating and custom for doctor Shyanne Bryant.

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Speaker 1: If I don't do that, this thing's gonna be really

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Speaker 1: really challenging. When I learned to do that, I am glowing,

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Speaker 1: and I am enjoy and I am in peace, whether

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Speaker 1: it's five hundred people in the room or it's just me,

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Speaker 1: because I've learned to fuse with the one person you

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Speaker 1: will never depart from, and that's yourself.

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Speaker 4: You're kind of like the flashlight in the dark room

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Speaker 4: for all of those people. Now, so we've established that

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Speaker 4: it's okay to maybe not know exactly who you are

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Speaker 4: and do some soul searching to figure that out. But

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Speaker 4: for those that can feel confident and where they are

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Speaker 4: who they are, we're talking about setting some goals.

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Speaker 3: Where does one even begin?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love that. I love that question because

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Speaker 1: I'm I always say words don't teach, experience does, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm like you, you know, I don't believe in

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Speaker 1: telling people what to do I believe in following up

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Speaker 1: with the how to write and then giving them the

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Speaker 1: experience because of how to give you experience and the

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Speaker 1: you know what to do just gives you obviously the

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Speaker 1: textual textbook you know tips on how to do it,

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Speaker 1: so how to do it again once you. Tip number

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Speaker 1: one is obviously to you know whatever it takes, take

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Speaker 1: a long walk, sit by yourself for thirty forty minutes.

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Speaker 1: I'm big on meditation, but the thing is to sit

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Speaker 1: with self. Let whatever comes up comes up. Don't judge yourself.

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Speaker 1: Get in contact with your emotions and what you feel

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Speaker 1: and what feels good and what doesn't feel good, which

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Speaker 1: is getting to know yourself. That is tip number one

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Speaker 1: for everything in life, especially for setting goals, because then

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Speaker 1: you get to know who you are and what you

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Speaker 1: like and what you want. And then the second thing

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Speaker 1: is you write out a whole list on a piece

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Speaker 1: of paper. On the left side, you write down all

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Speaker 1: the things that make you feel good, all the things

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Speaker 1: that make you happy. On the left side you tie

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Speaker 1: into that what it would take to obtain those things. Okay,

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Speaker 1: the left side of what it would take to obtain

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Speaker 1: those things. After you get that, you say Okay, so

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Speaker 1: from a scale of one to ten, how much enjoyment

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Speaker 1: would I find in doing what it would take? Okay,

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Speaker 1: the things that are eight and up you keep on there.

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Speaker 1: The things that are eight and below get rid of them.

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Speaker 1: The things that are eight and above you tie them

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Speaker 1: to what you associated, what you love to do, and

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Speaker 1: you start to create a goal as to what would

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Speaker 1: that goal be. What would that look like? For example,

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Speaker 1: for me with my practice, I said, okay, I did

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Speaker 1: Monday through Sunday when I first started out, and I'm going, yep,

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Speaker 1: i want money through Sunday. I love what I do,

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Speaker 1: I want to do this, And then it changed over

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Speaker 1: the years. I'm going, no, I want Friday through Sunday

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Speaker 1: as my day's off. Even though I love what I do,

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Speaker 1: I want those days off and you Friday so I

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Speaker 1: could do all my interviews, I can do all my

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Speaker 1: podcast my publications, and the weekends to have to myself

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Speaker 1: so I can have a well balanced life. But see

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Speaker 1: how we spoke earlier. For about ten years, Monday through

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Speaker 1: Sunday was something I freaking loved. I couldn't go a

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Speaker 1: day without my clients. I mean, I didn't do it

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Speaker 1: for the money. I literally loved interacting and fusing and

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Speaker 1: helping my clients and being in session. Ten years later,

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Speaker 1: you know, I changed as a person, as a woman.

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Speaker 1: I want it more me time. Now. There's going to

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Speaker 1: be times in the midst of doing your happy stuff

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Speaker 1: that you may want to take a break, or you

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Speaker 1: may feel like, Okay, this is becoming a little redundant

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Speaker 1: because I'm doing the same thing. Take a break, That's okay.

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Speaker 1: But how you know if it's something that ignites you

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Speaker 1: is when you take a break, you miss it like

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Speaker 1: you will your partner you're in love with, like you

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Speaker 1: will someone you're dating, and you know the relationship is

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Speaker 1: in a healthy space. You may say I need my

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Speaker 1: me time, but your meantime only last is so long

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Speaker 1: before you miss that person. So I want you to

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Speaker 1: think of your goals as a relationship because it is

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Speaker 1: with yourself saying do I miss my goals, Like when

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00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: I go on vacation, I miss my clients. I've had

435
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: clients say, doctor Brant, you're in Africa, like, seriously, we're

436
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 1: not going to do sessions. And my client actually wanted

437
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: to coach row and said, no, I refuse to even

438
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: do sessions with the work when you're on vacation because

439
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: you give us so much. And I was a little

440
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 1: not okay with that because I missed my clients, you know.

441
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: But I say that to say I want you to

442
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: pay attention to how you feel about the goals that

443
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: you're doing. Because at the end of the day, everything

444
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: that we want, I eat. The goals that we set

445
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: is ticket is what we want. It's only for us

446
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 1: to feel a certain way, and that's just real. We're

447
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: not doing anything for any other payoff but to feel

448
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: good or feel happy. And this is why I always

449
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 1: tell my clients, I say, we have one goal. You

450
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 1: have one goal, and that's to be happy. Because if

451
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,639
Speaker 1: your goal is to be happy all the time, and

452
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: happy doesn't mean you're out of ten all the time happy.

453
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: It can be you're out of six but you feel

454
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: really really good. You know you're out of seven, but

455
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 1: you feel super super balanced. You're not blasting with excitement,

456
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 1: but you're in extreme harmony and you feel so peaceful.

457
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 1: And this calmness is just giving you everything you need.

458
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 1: And so the key thing is to feel good about

459
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: your goals. Once you understand what makes you feel good,

460
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: then you start to ask yourself third tool and tip

461
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,360
Speaker 1: is what is my payoff for this? What is my payoff?

462
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,479
Speaker 1: For example, what is my payoff with me being in session,

463
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: with me being a doctor of psychology? My payoff is

464
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 1: not the fuduciary gain that I get. Is it good?

465
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,479
Speaker 1: Of course, everyone wants to live a good call of life,

466
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: at least I do. But my payoff for me is

467
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: when my clients have breakthroughs, when my clients tell me,

468
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,159
Speaker 1: do you change my life? My clients say, you know,

469
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: eight months ago, doctor Brant, you said, I'm going wow.

470
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 1: You remember eight months ago in our session what I said,

471
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 1: and I apply that, doctor Brant? You know what? You know?

472
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: I did those tips and tools and our marriage has changed.

473
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: What is your payoff? Right? And when your payoff is

474
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: something that lights you up, but even lightship to the

475
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: point where you feel emotional about it, that is a

476
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: goal for you. That is something that you should do

477
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 1: because that's that's going to recharge you as you are

478
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: putting out into whomoever whatever you're putting out to really quick,

479
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: and you want to make sure that you are not

480
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: recharging others while you are uncharging and depleting yourself, because

481
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: once you're on e you don't have anything else to give,

482
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 1: and guess what, you can't continue to work on those goals.

483
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 1: No matter what you do, it becomes extremely heavy, it

484
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: becomes extremely termocials, and it becomes rigorous for you to

485
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: be in it and listen. Forget the small goals right now.

486
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 5: The big goal, the overall goal that these little goals

487
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 5: are to you know, obtain or get you to, is happiness.

488
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 1: Are you freaking happy doing this? And if you're not,

489
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: don't be afraid of going it all the way.

490
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 4: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you

491
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492
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493
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494
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Speaker 4: life in last week's five Minute of Friday. But sometimes

495
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496
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497
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539
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 4: were saying about the fact that at one point a

540
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 4: goal can be good for you, and that doesn't mean

541
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 4: that you aren't or cannot go.

542
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 3: For a goal that might be a little bit bigger.

543
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like a great example of this

544
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 4: is when someone starts running, for example, and they set

545
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 4: a goal to run a mile. At that same time

546
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 4: they set a goal to run a marathon. Well, all

547
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 4: of the things on that list that would get them

548
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 4: to where they need to be to run the marathon

549
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 4: would feel completely bizarre and outlandish at that point, but

550
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 4: setting a goal to run one mile a couple of

551
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 4: days a week could be a process that that same

552
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 4: person would really enjoy.

553
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 3: Now that doesn't mean that there is never a marathon

554
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: in their life.

555
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 4: It just means that at that point, right then, right there,

556
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 4: they might find they may find a little bit more

557
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 4: enjoyment starting small, Which leads me into my next question

558
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 4: for you about kind of the sizes of our goals.

559
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 3: Right, we talked about a lot of small, little doables.

560
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 4: Would you say that there is a safe way to

561
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 4: set really big goals without setting really small goals or

562
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 4: how does someone even navigate something like that?

563
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 1: Totally? I think that it all depends on the person.

564
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: It all depends on how discipline a committed you've been

565
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: in the past to you know, completing your goals. I

566
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: think that for someone who you know just sets their

567
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: goals and they're very committed, they're very disciplined, they get

568
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: through them. Is someone who I would say, your only

569
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 1: problem is you're dreaming too small. Go big, go big,

570
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: go crazy, go big, go crazy. Stretch yourself. You have

571
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: the discipline, apply the discipline to the big goals as

572
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: you have been the small goals, and go big. Why

573
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,239
Speaker 1: are you going small now? For someone who and this

574
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: person is no you know, less or better than the

575
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: person the person I just described, But for someone who

576
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: just doesn't yet have the discipline, the obedience and that

577
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 1: commitment to you know, complete their goals, go small. Because

578
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: what happens is as we complete our goals, we become empowered.

579
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: And so the idea is, if you can empower yourself,

580
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: which is the belief in yourself to say I can

581
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: do this, you start to exercise your commitment muscle, your

582
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: discipline and obedience muscle. And the idea is to get

583
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: that muscle so big that it has muscle memories like

584
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: our real muscles do in our body, and you no

585
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: longer have to really exercise it. That muscle shows up

586
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: in both when it's time to go and when it's

587
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: game time. The muscle shows up, like you know, the

588
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: person like myself, I shouldn't go oriented in the senses.

589
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 1: I can create a huge goal and I just am

590
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: buried commit it and I go and kill it. But

591
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: I haven't always been that way right. When I would

592
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: say a teenage girl or in my first years of

593
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 1: undergrad college, I would create get certain classes or create

594
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: certain goals, and then I'd be like, if, ah, I

595
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: doing this no more? Right? Keyword though, Emily, I don't

596
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 1: feel like doing this. No more. Commitment is not a feeling.

597
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: Commitment is doing what you said you would do regards

598
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: of how you feel. That's when you know you're ready

599
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: for the big, big, big I call the big dog

600
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: goals or small dog goals and big dog goals. The

601
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: big dog goals say, no matter what I do, if

602
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 1: I create a goal, I'm committed and no matter what

603
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,479
Speaker 1: it takes, I'm getting to the finish line of that

604
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 1: marathon you just mentioned. Right, The small dog goals say,

605
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,959
Speaker 1: you know what, back to what you said, Emily, let

606
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: me start off with half a mile, let me start

607
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: off with maybe even a lap. Don't judge yourself. So

608
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:19,239
Speaker 1: what the point and idea is to complete that at

609
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: what you're setting. If you're in, if you're the small dog, right,

610
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: complete that what you're setting so you can be empowered

611
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: to do more, and do not compare yourself to others,

612
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: and don't judge yourself because Listen, you're building a muscle,

613
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: and just focus on the fact that as I build

614
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: this muscle, I get to graduate and become this big dog.

615
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: And when you're in the big dog failed, I'm telling you,

616
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: it's a world that is there's empowerment everywhere, and so

617
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: you're fused by everyone. It's just the truth. But it

618
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're a little dog in the sense

619
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: that you won't be able to even surpass some of

620
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,479
Speaker 1: the big dogs, because that's where the underdog comes in

621
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: at and you're like, oh, whoa, the underdog is now

622
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: winning super Bowls.

623
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 3: Right on that note of the journey.

624
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 4: Even for some of us who may feel a little

625
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 4: bit more comfortable being a big dog and dreaming big,

626
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 4: of course, there are the occasional hurdles that pop up

627
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 4: that are unexpected or ones that really knock us down

628
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 4: and perhaps prevent you from going after that initial big goal.

629
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 4: So what advice do you offer to individuals who do

630
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 4: come across these unexpected hurdles and how can they keep

631
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 4: or search for seek out that positive mindset that they're

632
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 4: going to need to get back up and stand on

633
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 4: their own two feet.

634
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: Get a coach. More than that, get an effective life

635
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 1: coach or a therapist who can do it. Get an

636
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 1: effective coach who can see your authenticity, who can see

637
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: inside of you some of the parts that you've turned off.

638
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: Because the idea of an effective coach is we go in,

639
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: we grab and sometimes you guys are uncomfortable with us

640
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: being in there, but it doesn't matter. That's our job.

641
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: And we pull out the beautiful stuff that you go, well,

642
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: that's not me, and we're like, yeah, look at this.

643
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: That is you. Wow, look at this. You can do it.

644
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: You've done it before you've even completed it. And guess what,

645
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: I got your back. I'm going to give you tools

646
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 1: to do it. Let's go. That's not what commitment is.

647
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: You can't stop when you don't feel good. That's how

648
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: you create that empowered, positive mindset that you're referring to.

649
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,720
Speaker 1: And I want to say for those who cannot afford

650
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 1: a coach, because my thing is it's a human right

651
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: for every single person who has air to have a

652
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 1: good quality of life. Okay, not everybody can afford a coach.

653
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be that coach that says,

654
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: get a coach you can't afford it. I don't know

655
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: you're just crap out of love. That's not true. You

656
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: can't afford a coach, right, or maybe you can and

657
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: you're still in that indecisive gray area mode. That's okay.

658
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 1: Celebrate yourself where you are, or go to YouTube and

659
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: go to YouTube is free and you watch. I have

660
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: a Doctor Bryant channel that you can watch many of

661
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: my videos. I am a fan of Abraham Hicks. I

662
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: watch her like crazy. She's like go to when I'm

663
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: feeling like one of my screws is lost, Bishop Tdjakes.

664
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: If you want to go to the more religious aspect

665
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 1: of it, if you want to go spiritual, it's Abraham Hicks.

666
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,879
Speaker 1: And when you go to YouTube you see many other

667
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: things that are there. Click on what works for you.

668
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 1: If it works for you, you allow it to penetrate

669
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: you until it no longer works. That means it can

670
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: work for five years, twenty years, five months. If you

671
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: have grown with that thing that works and outgrown it,

672
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:32,479
Speaker 1: starts to seek something else that you can that keeps

673
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 1: your mind somewhere. Listen, I've been doing this work for

674
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 1: thirteen years, and I've had a huge transition from my

675
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 1: broken pieces to pieces, probably about ten years ago. And

676
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: even in my ten years of work. And I do

677
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 1: work every day. Every morning I wake up, I meditate

678
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: first for twenty minutes, and then I get my coffee.

679
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: I do my evening or afternoon runs, whatever that looks like.

680
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: I see my clients. I do a lot of audio books.

681
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: I listen to my Abraham Hicks, my Tdjakes. My point

682
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: is I do an overwhelmingly amount of healthy work on myself.

683
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: Still now my work now isn't me getting anywhere? My

684
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: work now? Is me maintaining where I'm at because I

685
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: freaking love it here. It's peaceful, it's amazing, and guess

686
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: what I created it? So no matter where I go,

687
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 1: I bring that at which I need with me to

688
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 1: the party, to the boardroom, to the park, to the household,

689
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: wherever I'm at. But I still have to do my work,

690
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: and Emily, when I go a couple of days which

691
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: I usually don't but I try not to do without meditating,

692
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: or I don't do what is therapeutic for me, my

693
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,439
Speaker 1: three mile run multiple times a week. If I don't

694
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: get my me time to empty out the dumping of

695
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: what came in, I feel it and what does that

696
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: look like on me? I want to tell your listeners

697
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 1: because it looks very similar on them as well. I

698
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: get a little bit short tempered, I get a little antsy,

699
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 1: I get kind of fatigue. I start to feel fall brain,

700
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 1: I start to feel out of alignment, which means I'm

701
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 1: feeling discord within myself. How do you know when you're

702
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 1: in discord? Because you start to have resistant a little

703
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:13,280
Speaker 1: bit of combative engagements with people, whether it be your parents,

704
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: your friends, or the person outside. You can feel yourself

705
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: project onto people what the heck you're going through. And

706
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 1: when I feel myself get a little upset at the

707
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: person driving too slow, I go, mm hmm, it ain't them.

708
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:26,919
Speaker 1: Check yourself. You need a little more on me time.

709
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to go for that three mile run.

710
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to meditate, because you have meditated in

711
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: two days. It goes back to self. And when I

712
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 1: take accountability, I'm able to shift and make my road

713
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: and my experience what I want it to be. No

714
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 1: one has that control, and so be okay with that,

715
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: and make sure you're tapping in with self all the time,

716
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: and make sure you're doing daily not yearly, daily checking

717
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,800
Speaker 1: hey how I'm doing? You know, I say, hey, Hey, Shi,

718
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 1: Shai is my name, and hey, hay Shi, how you feeling?

719
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 1: You know, I don't feel like you smile and an

720
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: the inside and I go, okay, let me smile. But

721
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: I check in with me all day, Emily, Are you okay?

722
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: I am you sure? Do you need a break? I don't.

723
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 3: I love what you said just there.

724
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 4: And I think that also when it comes to these

725
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 4: hurdles that we might face, you reiterating that asking for

726
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 4: help is important. I remember, I think it was this

727
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 4: morning that I was watching the Today Show and there

728
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 4: was a segment on men's health and just the alarming

729
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 4: statistics that so many men don't even seek out like

730
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 4: a general care their primary care physician during the year

731
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 4: because it's almost as though they feel as though checking

732
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 4: in on their body is them doing too much or

733
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 4: needing that, you know, all of branch, when that's not

734
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 4: the truth at all. The same goes for our mental health,

735
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 4: and when, especially when we're talking about goal setting here,

736
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 4: is that it's just so integral at one point or

737
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 4: another when things aren't going your way, to say, hey,

738
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 4: like I need to do a debrief, I need to

739
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: dive into what's happening here, and just you know, have

740
00:38:59,320 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 4: some grace.

741
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 1: That entire process one hundred percent, you know, which you said,

742
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: is so powerful. There's power in asking for help, and

743
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: there's power in receiving that help. Okay, you want to

744
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: go fast, go alone, you want to go far, go

745
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: as a team. Be easy on yourself and allow yourself

746
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: to just feel. Another thing is you know, sometimes you

747
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 1: don't need to do anything. Sometimes you don't need to

748
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,240
Speaker 1: run that mile. Sometimes it's not time to set any goals.

749
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 1: It's time to do nothing at all and allow yourself

750
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: to be okay in that space. And when I say

751
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: do nothing, I'm not saying do nothing for months, to

752
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,280
Speaker 1: do nothing for weeks. I'm saying, give yourself the day,

753
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: if you may need the week to say, you know,

754
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do nothing but be in my pajamas. I'm

755
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: gonna drink my coffee, my tea, and I'm gonna sit

756
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: in my emotions and I'm going to really get in

757
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: contact and fuse with myself. That week can catapult you

758
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: five years ahead. That's where people don't understand. This is

759
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: not about who can work the hardest, who can kill

760
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: themselves with this work ethic that just drives them in

761
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 1: the ground. That's not a good quality of life. That's

762
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 1: imbalanced or unbalanced, and it's unhealthy. The idea is, you know,

763
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 1: how can I it's the law of non resistance. How

764
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,919
Speaker 1: can I do less and get more? That doesn't mean

765
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: you're cheating people what they get from you. That's not

766
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,879
Speaker 1: what it means, or even yourself. That means how can

767
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: I make my mind? How can I make my law

768
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: of attraction calibrate and work for me? Because we are

769
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 1: attracting things, we are not outfinding things. Finding is exhausting,

770
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: that's called doing. Attracting is empowering, that's called being. And

771
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: when you are just being, you will attract everything of

772
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 1: who you are, because we attract who we are despite

773
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: of who we think we are. So if you really

774
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 1: want to do an assessment and a measurement on what

775
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: the heck is going on with you inside internally, just

776
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 1: seek nothing, attract everything, and then look at it as

777
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 1: observer and go, oh, okay, so I'm attracting this, or

778
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 1: maybe argumentative people, or I'm attracting givers or I'm attracting takers,

779
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: And then you go, okay, that's what I am, and

780
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 1: don't deny it, just say that's what I am. Don't

781
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: beat yourself up and write it down on a piece

782
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 1: of paper and say, I don't want to be this,

783
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: but I do love being this. So let me calibrate different.

784
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: Let me take that out of my calibration and my

785
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: energetic whirlpool. Because all we're doing are these We're these

786
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: little you know, calibrators who attracts who we are. And

787
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: guess what we do. We throw out who we are,

788
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: so we attract and we project, and we see in

789
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: others who we are, not who they are. So start

790
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: to look at people. This is a good homework for

791
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: all of your hurdlers. Look at I want you to

792
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 1: take inventory, right, I want you to take a piece

793
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 1: of paper out and start to take five people in

794
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 1: your world, and I want you to write down what

795
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,879
Speaker 1: you see in them, and don't be biased good and bad,

796
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 1: because whatever you see in them is really what you

797
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 1: see in you. Because we see in others who we are,

798
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 1: not who they are. And write that down and then

799
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: look at it and take inventory and go, Okay, I'm

800
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: a little funky over here, I'm killing it over here,

801
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. And then just take that list,

802
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,240
Speaker 1: work on it. And I want you to create goals

803
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: from that list as to Okay, my goal is to

804
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 1: become more of these things that I really love. And

805
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: I don't want you to even focus on the things

806
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 1: that you don't because what we focus on magnifies. Don't

807
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 1: water the plant, we don't want to grow. Throw all

808
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: those things away that you don't like in the people

809
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: that you are around, because member, that's who you are,

810
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 1: not them. But then focus and make goals that say,

811
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to be more smiley, I'm going to be

812
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 1: more I'm going to be more compatible with people. I'm

813
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 1: going to be more of an EBB and flow with people.

814
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: When I have a difference in it opinion, I'm going

815
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,280
Speaker 1: to start to say, you know, you made a good point. However,

816
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: you know I think it would look better this way.

817
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: Know how to approach. If that's something on your list

818
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: that you find in someone else you like, that means

819
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: you got it too. And then celebrate yourself. You know

820
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: we will. You can't beat yourself down and build yourself

821
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: up at the same time. And I tell my clients,

822
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: so you got to choose one. So if you choose

823
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,919
Speaker 1: build yourself up, then let's celebrate ourselves. Let's celebrate when

824
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 1: we are bold enough and we love ourself enough Emily

825
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: to take a day or two or a week off,

826
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 1: that's something to be proud of. You know what. I

827
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 1: allow myself to take a couple of days off, and

828
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: I allow myself to be okay with it. Celebrate that,

829
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 1: and then the days when you know, I was totally

830
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: committed because I didn't feel like doing any of this,

831
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: but I did it all. And I deserve a glass

832
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: of wine tonight. I deserve to be in my pj's

833
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: and watch my show. Maybe I want to have a

834
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 1: two hour conversation with my girlfriend about absolutely nothing. I

835
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 1: deserve that. That is celebration, and for me, I deserve

836
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 1: to have a week in vacation like Emily does solo.

837
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 1: Then do that, embrace it, and be celebratory the entire

838
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 1: time that you're doing it. We have to learn to

839
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: feel good about ourselves, especially women and especially men who

840
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: are which statistically has proven men who don't not only

841
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: ask for help, but they don't open and not open

842
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: to receiving help. They have to start to celebrate that

843
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: vulnerable space of them asking for help right and then

844
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: receiving it and being grateful and okay with it and

845
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 1: not feeling less than our week because you receive something

846
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: that society or learned behavior taught you you should be

847
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 1: able to do on your own. That's not true.

848
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean you're leading us right into where

849
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 4: I wanted to kind of wind down our conversation today,

850
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: which is on this note of celebration and making the

851
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 4: time to recognize that work that you have done to

852
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 4: get to where you want to be.

853
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 3: So, what advice do you have for anyone who is in.

854
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,840
Speaker 4: This phase, right in this phase of completing their goal,

855
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 4: how do they proceed from there?

856
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 1: Totally? You know there's milestones in the middle of your goal,

857
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 1: and say your goal takes four steps, you should have

858
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: a plan that says, hey, on step number two, I'm

859
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: turning up on step number four, I'm going to celebrate

860
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: like crazy, and then celebrate in ways that recharge you,

861
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: that make you feel like a powerhouse, that make you

862
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: feel so loved. And the key thing to celebration is

863
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 1: to surround yourself with people who celebrate you too, not

864
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 1: just merely tolerate you. And you don't have to shift

865
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: who you are when you walk in the room. Be

866
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: a stirty Oaks, so that when you walk in the room,

867
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: the furniture comes to you, and that not from an

868
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: arrogant space. All that means, Emily is find folks that

869
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,760
Speaker 1: are compatible and conducive to you. Because if they're compatible

870
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: and conducive to you, guess what you're compatible conducive to them.

871
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: That's called alignment. We now got harmony. It doesn't matter

872
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: if you got too crazy people, to boring people, to

873
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 1: allow people introvert, to introvert to people. Find your tribe

874
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: and go there and celebrate there and talk about all

875
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 1: your goals and everything you're doing and how amazing it is.

876
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 1: And make sure that the number one person that you're

877
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 1: talking to and that you're having a relationship with and

878
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: that you are allowing to celebrate you as a person

879
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 1: you're never depart from. And that's yourself. And so everything

880
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 1: goes back to self. Learn how to feel really good

881
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 1: about everything you do, even when nobody's cheering for you,

882
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 1: even when nobody gets it and when they don't agree

883
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: with it. There is a really special balance that I

884
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: try to teach all the time, and people always go,

885
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: that's hard, doctor b I say, you have to learn

886
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: the balance of really really caring for people and about people.

887
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: But not giving the damn about how they feel about you.

888
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 1: Not an easy space to obtain. But once you're there, man,

889
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 1: you're in the money. You're in the money because then

890
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 1: you can say, you know, I love you, Emily, I

891
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: care about you, I got your back, You're my girl,

892
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 1: but you don't influence my value. And that would be

893
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: the healthiest, the epitome of a healthy friendship. But that's

894
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: also also the peak of emotional intelligence, which is a

895
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: whole other show.

896
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 4: It's another episode that will do next month. Maybe I

897
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 4: love the idea of harmony. I love the idea of

898
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 4: lifting one another up and surrounding yourself with people that

899
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 4: not only support you, but cheer you on. I know,

900
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 4: it's so so important and so many unbelievable takeaways in

901
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 4: today's episode, Doctor Brian, give the hurdler some information. Let

902
00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 4: them know how do they follow along with you? How

903
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 4: do they keep up with you? Give me the details.

904
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 1: So to find doctor b I'm on Instagram and Twitter

905
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 1: at Underscore doctor Bryant. My website is doctor Bryant dot

906
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 1: co and that's doctor Bryant dot CEO, not dot com.

907
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: And then on Facebook you just put in doctor Shane

908
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: Bryant and The cool thing is if you just google me,

909
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: doctor Shyan Bryant, my book Mental Detoks comes up number one,

910
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: and for some reason, the universe must have felt very

911
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 1: good about me. I come up number one on Google.

912
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 1: So try it out. And thanks for tuning. And I

913
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 1: really hope that y'all have taken away some tools and

914
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: some tips that you will apply to your life, because

915
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is, if you do the work,

916
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 1: it works.

917
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,319
Speaker 4: Do the work, it works. I'm over at Emily A

918
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 4: Badi and at Hurdle Podcasts. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you

919
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:49,919
Speaker 4: guys next time.