1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:01,280 Speaker 1: And you're here. 2 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 2: Thanks for choosing the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost Day 3 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 2: and Paranormal Podcast Network. Your quest for podcasts of the paranormal, supernatural, 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 2: and the unexplained ends here. They invite you to enjoy 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 2: all our shows we have on this network, and right now, 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 2: let's start with Chase of the Afterlife with Sandra Champlain. 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 3: Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,240 Speaker 3: opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions 9 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,480 Speaker 3: only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 3: to Coast AM employees of Premiere Networks, or their sponsors 11 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 3: and associates. We would like to encourage you to do 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 3: your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself. Hi, 13 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 3: I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been 14 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 3: on a journey to prove the existence of life after death. 15 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 3: On each episode, will discuss the reasons we now know 16 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 3: that our loved ones have survived physical death and so 17 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 3: will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. What if 18 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 3: I told you there was a grief therapy that could 19 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 3: greatly reduce the pain of your grief In only two 20 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 3: ninety minute reasonably priced sessions with a licensed therapist that 21 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,679 Speaker 3: you could do in person or you could do on zoom. 22 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 3: And what if I told you that seventy five percent 23 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:34,199 Speaker 3: of people here feel or see their deceased loved ones 24 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 3: during that process. Today you'll hear from award winning clinical 25 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 3: psychologist doctor Tom Nemi, whose innovative work has reached more 26 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 3: than fifty thousand people worldwide now believe it or not, 27 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 3: Doctor Tom first heard about induced after death communication therapy 28 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 3: on one of my earliest podcast episodes. He's the author 29 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 3: of the brand new book in spa Fired Life, Beautiful Death, 30 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 3: Healing Grief, Overcoming fear of death and living a Spiritual life. 31 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 3: His journey is fascinating and I know you'll love to 32 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 3: hear his words today. You can find out more on 33 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 3: his website, Healing Grief with IADC dot com. Here's doctor 34 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 3: Tom Neimi from Adelaide, Australia. 35 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 1: Thank you, Sandra. I've been so looking forward to this 36 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: and I've already said I'm a big fan. I've been 37 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: listening to your show for years and to now be 38 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: on your show is very exciting for me. I'm in 39 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 1: the Adelaide Hills of South Australia. That's where I live 40 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: and work. It's a lovely part of the world. So Sandra, 41 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: I was a curious child and I grew up had 42 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: a what I would call a reasonably normal kind of childhood. 43 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: People are very interested in the fact that I'm a triplet. 44 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: I have two brothers the same age. People find that 45 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: a little bit unusual, but it's normal for me life. 46 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: Growing up, I had a loving family. I was always 47 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: curious about the world around me, and I suppose that's 48 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: part of what led me down this path of thinking 49 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: about the afterlife and ending up as a psychologist and 50 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,399 Speaker 1: ending up as an IDC therapist, which we'll get into 51 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: a due course, But for me, one of the early 52 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: parts of me going down this path was I developed 53 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: a bit of a fear of death. I remember being 54 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: at seven or eight and I realized for the first 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: time that everyone dies, and this was a little bit 56 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: concerning to me. I was just still figuring out the world, 57 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: but it made me feel really nervous. I didn't know 58 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: what it meant. And one day I was talking to 59 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: my grandmother. I was very very close to my nana, 60 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: and I remember this distinctly. I was eight years old. 61 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: She was putting some washing into our washing machine, and 62 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: she would visit our house all the time, and her 63 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: thing was she'd always do the washing to help my 64 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 1: mum out. And I was contemplating death and I was 65 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: feeling anxious, so I said to Nana, Nana, what happens 66 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: when we die? And she got this kind of look 67 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: at her face, like, oh, okay. She sort of then 68 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: thought about it for a moment, and then she went 69 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: back to just putting the washing into the washing machine 70 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,279 Speaker 1: and she said, Tommy dear, it's just like going to sleep, 71 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: but you don't wake up. And this was Nana's attempt 72 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: to kind of comfort me. I suppose to just give 73 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: me a concise answer that my eight year old brain 74 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: could accept, but it didn't really comfort me. I thought, 75 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: what would that be like to go to sleep and 76 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: not wake up? And it just didn't fit right for me, 77 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: and I thought, well, does that mean everyone else I 78 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: know is just going to go to sleep and not 79 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: wake up? And what would that feel like? And it 80 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 1: really just made me more anxious, But it started me 81 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 1: asking more questions because I didn't intuitively feel that that 82 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: was the right answer. But over time, as I got older, 83 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: I would ask my parents to take me to metaphysical bookstores. 84 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: And this was pre the Internet and Amazon or whatever. 85 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: So I begged my mum to drive me to a 86 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: metaphysical bookstore so I could buy books and learn more. 87 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: And it was this gradual kind of awakening to different ideas, 88 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: different possibilities, even the idea that there is such a 89 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: thing as life after death, which I have to say 90 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 1: resonated with my soul on some level even as a child. 91 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: It also made me open to different experiences. So I 92 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,679 Speaker 1: remember falling asleep as a kid and feeling energy running 93 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,679 Speaker 1: through my body. I remember feeling comforted, almost like having 94 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: hands placed on my body, really comforting energy going into 95 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: my body as I fell asleep. I certainly wasn't one 96 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,559 Speaker 1: of these people. And I know you've had some guests 97 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: who say, well, I was born with great intuition or 98 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: I always was so connected to tell us I I 99 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,799 Speaker 1: feel like I'm a regular kind of person. But eventually 100 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: I developed a few experiences and a few little intuitions 101 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 1: that were evidence for me that there is life after death. 102 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,599 Speaker 1: And in fact, one of those was directly relating to 103 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: my manner. She took care of me, She was really 104 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: my best friend growing up. She was just a very 105 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: very special person in my life. But as I got older, 106 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 1: I realized our connection went beyond just a loving family connection. 107 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: I would get this feeling whenever something was wrong with her. 108 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: At first I had no idea what this meant. One 109 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: example was I was driving home from university I just 110 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: started studying psychology, and I had this incredible feeling that 111 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: I needed to go to Nana. I had seen her 112 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: fairly recently. She seemed fine, but it was like an itch, 113 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 1: do you have to scratch? I had to go to her. 114 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: And as I arrived at Nana's house, she greeted me cheerfully, 115 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: as she always did. I went inside and I thought, 116 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 1: I she seems fine. What was I worried about? But 117 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: when I sat down, I smelled gas. I smelled the 118 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 1: overwhelming odor of lots of gas in the room. And 119 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 1: she had turned on her guess Berno to cook something 120 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 1: and not lit it. And if I hadn't got there, 121 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,600 Speaker 1: I hate to think what would have happened. So some 122 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: of these early experiences of my otherwise regular childhood really 123 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: got me curious about what it all means. A few 124 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: of those intuitions were also just starting to get me 125 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: attuned to this possibility that there is an afterlife, there 126 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: is a spiritual world, and this is something that one 127 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: day I might want to pursue. And it's actually funny, Sandra, 128 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 1: because my spiritual thinking and beliefs were very personal to me, 129 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: and I kept them kind of a little to the side. 130 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: It wasn't something I would always talk to people about. 131 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: And I think many of your listeners might be in 132 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: the same boat, you know, for a long time, death 133 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: and the afterlife. Well, it's kind of still a taboo, 134 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: isn't it. It's something we don't often talk about. But 135 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 1: I ended up in psychology because my first choice of 136 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: profession didn't work out. I actually wanted to be a 137 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: racing driver, and I had a deal with my parents 138 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: that I was going to do my darndest to try 139 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: to be a professional racing driver, but if it didn't 140 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: work out, my plan be was I had to go 141 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: to university and I had to study something. This was 142 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: the deal I made with my parents, and I spent 143 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: a year after high school trying to find sponsorship, testing 144 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: race cars, really trying to have a good go of it. 145 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: And I know you've been a cook for race teams, 146 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: and you've done a lot of cheffing for race drivers 147 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: over the years, so it's a funny connection there. But unfortunately, 148 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: at the time, I was devastated my dream wasn't going 149 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: to come true. I didn't become a race car driver, 150 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 1: and that's what led me down the path of psychology. 151 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: So I studied psychology. I became a clinical psychologist, and 152 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: for many years I was doing what you'd call regular 153 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: psychological work. I was a therapist. I was helping people 154 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: with their anxiety and depression. Very interested in this side 155 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: of us that is spiritual in nature, but keeping that 156 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: kind of separate. All of that changed though. When I 157 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: was walking my dog, I was listening to an interview 158 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 1: with doctor Alan Botkin, and of course, doctor Alan Botkins, 159 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: many of your listeners may be aware, was the founder 160 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: of induced after death communication therapy, this amazing therapy that 161 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: was derived out of what is now a standard approach 162 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 1: to trauma called EMDR eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. When 163 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 1: I was doing my clinical training twenty years ago, people 164 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: thought EMDR was pretty weird. Oh, you move your eyes 165 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: back and forth and you feel better, and academics would 166 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: sometimes laugh at it a little bit, but it's now 167 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: the gold standard therapy for post traumatic stress disorder. It's 168 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 1: quite amazing. Well, Alan Bodkin I heard him talking about 169 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: being an early adopter of EMDR but working in a 170 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: Veterans Administration hospital with war veterans who were experiencing trauma. 171 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: But he adapted this standard EMDR protocol for dealing with 172 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: grief and loss because many of these traumas that these 173 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: veterans had been through involved loss. They involved death, either 174 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: combatants or their colleagues and comrades in a war zone. 175 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: And so he said, at the heart of these traumas 176 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: is loss, and he started focusing instead of just doing 177 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: aspects of the trauma that were fearful in the standard 178 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: kind of EMDR way, he would focus on sadness. And 179 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: he found that if he focused on sadness, the anger, 180 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 1: the fear of the guilt, all these other peripheral emotions 181 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 1: would just resolve, and it worked faster, it was more effective. 182 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: One day, he was doing this what he called core 183 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: focus to MDR with a patient and the patient spontaneously 184 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: reported that they saw the deceased person and they had 185 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 1: this really comforting message. And this patient who was hospitalized 186 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: because their post traumatic stress was so severe, recovered very 187 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: quickly and almost to a degree that doctor Botkin thought 188 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: was impossible. So when I heard you interviewing him, and 189 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: I subsequently read his book and I learned more about this. 190 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: I mean, at first it sounded too good to be true, 191 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: but this was the first time that my twin passions 192 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: of psychology when spirituality came together. I thought, well, if 193 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: this is true and it's not too good to be true, 194 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: and it can help people, then I simply must pursue this. 195 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: And so I thank you for that opportunity to learn 196 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: about that work because it was a pivotal turning point 197 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: in my life. I did my training in EMDR solely 198 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: for the purpose of hopefully becoming an IDC therapist. The 199 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: EMDR training was for people who are already registered mental 200 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:36,559 Speaker 1: health professionals. It's like a three day long weekend intensive 201 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: training to get the level one EMDR. So I did 202 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: that just prior to COVID because I knew it was 203 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: a prerequisite to doing IADC. And then I had to 204 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: put everyone pause. I actually had this turns out erroneous 205 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 1: belief that I would need to fly to the States 206 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: in order to be trained in IDC. I later learned 207 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: that wasn't true. But I was kind of biding my 208 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: time until I'd be able to fly and pursue this. 209 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: But then actually something happened that really spurred me along 210 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: and got me to kick in to gear and find 211 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: out that I could be trained online. I watched the 212 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: movie Life with Ghosts by Stephen Berkeley, featuring Jan Holden 213 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,680 Speaker 1: and Alan Botkin and Graham Maxi, and the fabulous documentary 214 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,839 Speaker 1: that I know you've had on your show before. When 215 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: I watched this, it was like it pushed a button 216 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: in me. He was like, no, I'm not going to 217 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,559 Speaker 1: wait any longer. If I have to fly to Chicago 218 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,959 Speaker 1: or fly to Chicago, I'll do whatever it takes. And 219 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: then and there I emailed Alan Botkin and I said 220 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: I'm ready, Please tell me how I can be trained. 221 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,080 Speaker 1: He wrote back and said he had just retired, but 222 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: I could train with Cessa Valdez in Michigan, who's one 223 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: of his IDC protegeatees. Only a month or so later, 224 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: I was trained. We did it over a couple of 225 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: days from Australia. We broke it up a little bit. 226 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: It's fairly intense, but then this was a certificate training 227 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 1: allowing me to start being an IADC practitioner. 228 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 3: We'll be right back with more. You're listening to Shades 229 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 3: of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast 230 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 3: AM Parinormal Podcast Network. Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. 231 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 3: I'm Sandra Champlain and we're here with clinical psychologist doctor 232 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 3: Tom Nemi, author of the book Inspired Life, Beautiful Death. 233 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 3: He was just saying that he completed his course in 234 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 3: IADC therapy, which stands for induced after death Communication. Let's continue. 235 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: This was really the turning point. This was when I 236 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: started to pursue it. I started to help people in 237 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: grief using the IDC therapy protocol. It's worth saying that 238 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: I didn't think this was that far fetched because I 239 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,839 Speaker 1: had actually had after death communications of my own. This 240 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: really ties into the relationship with Nana, because after Nana 241 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: passed away. She was eighty four when she died, and 242 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: it was sad, but she had had a full life. 243 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,720 Speaker 1: And you know, we were so close, my Nana and I. 244 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: She was really this unconditionally loving person. It didn't matter 245 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: when I was young how much I stuffed up or 246 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: what I did. She always just loved me and spoiled me, 247 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: and so I remember thinking, if there is something out there, 248 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: if there is life after death, surely I'm going to 249 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: hear from my Nana. Well, months went by and there 250 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: was nothing. It made me question things, is this actually real? 251 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 1: But then it was eighteen months or two years after 252 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: she had died, and one morning I was coming out 253 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: of sleep. It was definitely not a dream, but I 254 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: saw her, and I saw her in full color, high definition. 255 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: I don't know where I was. My eyes were closed, 256 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: but Nana was there, and she looked about sixty years old, 257 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: she was younger. She had her urban curls, her blue 258 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: eyes and this bright red lipstick on it, and she 259 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: was smiling at me, and I had this absolute feeling 260 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: of love wash over me. I still get tingles when 261 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: I talk about it. I felt she was there. I 262 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: knew she was there. It only lasted a moment. And 263 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: when I opened my eyes and I was in bed 264 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 1: and it was morning, there were tears soaking the pillow. 265 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 1: I didn't realize I was crying, but it was just 266 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: obviously such an emotional thing to see Nana, and I 267 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: mentally said to her nanny, you look so good, you 268 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 1: seem so well. And she didn't say anything back, she 269 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: was just smiling. But this was an incredibly healing thing. 270 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: I thought, Wow, she is okay. I knew she was 271 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 1: okay because it wasn't a dream. I felt her presence. 272 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: You know that feeling when there's someone in the room 273 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 1: and you feel their presence. It's not a image, it's 274 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: actually something happening, right and now. Actually I had a 275 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: couple more experiences with her at critical junctures things were 276 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: going on in my life, and she was there again. 277 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: And then it happened again when my mum's dad passed away, 278 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: my grandpa, the same thing. Coming out of sleep, I 279 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: saw him. He looked about thirty years old and again 280 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 1: incredibly comforting. It wasn't a dream. And it happened a 281 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: third time, Sandra, it happened when my mum's mom passed 282 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: away just a few years ago at the age of 283 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: one hundred and three. My nanny had an incredible life 284 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: of good health and good fortune, and I hope I 285 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: got some of those genes, but igin it. That time, 286 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: it was about a week after she passed away. I 287 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: saw her, and this time she hugged me. Some people 288 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: have ADC's and they hear things or they see things. 289 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: I actually felt her embrace and she was so happy. 290 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: She was like she wanted me to know she was 291 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: happy and well. And again, this was just the most 292 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 1: comforting thing. So when I started exploring induce staff to 293 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: death communication as a therapy, I didn't need to be 294 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 1: convinced that ADCs exist, and in fact, they're extremely common, 295 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: extremely common. The most conservative estimates are that about thirty 296 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 1: percent of people will have had an after death communication, 297 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 1: and there's some research that says it's much higher than that. 298 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 1: So I'd had this button pushed inside of me. I'd 299 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: seen life with ghost I knew ADC's were real, and 300 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: I thought, this is part of my purpose. I need 301 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: to now pursue this. So that was really the beginning 302 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 1: of me becoming a grief therapist. And if someone had 303 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: said to me fifteen years ago, oh, Tom, you're going 304 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 1: to end up a grief therapist, I'd say, jump in 305 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 1: the lake. There's no way that's going to happen. Because 306 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 1: the truth is I was a scaredy cat of grief. 307 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I could help grieving people. I 308 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,439 Speaker 1: felt helpless in the face of grief. So this is 309 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: a bit of a confession, really, because you think of therapists, 310 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: they've always got these tools to help their clients, right, 311 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: And if someone came to me with anxiety, if they 312 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 1: came to me with depression, I had tools. But when 313 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 1: people came to me and they're in deep grief, I 314 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 1: felt helpless. I was willing to sit with them, I 315 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: was willing to try to help them deal with their emotions, 316 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,360 Speaker 1: but I didn't think I could fix anything. I couldn't 317 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: make a substantive difference to their sadness. And this is 318 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: the breakthrough that IDC is, because it dramatically reduces people's 319 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,199 Speaker 1: sadness after somebody has died. I see it as a 320 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:31,880 Speaker 1: breakthrough in psychotherapy, in fact, because part of now becoming 321 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: a grief therapist, and I have other psychological work that 322 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: I do, But part of what led me down this 323 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: path is I wanted to contribute to the scientific acceptance 324 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 1: of IDC therapy. It would be too easy for mainstream 325 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 1: scientists to say this sounds weird or to be dismissive 326 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 1: of it because it seems different, but it's very healing 327 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: and very natural. In fact, I see it as an 328 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: ethical obligation. You know, if a health practitioner comes across 329 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,119 Speaker 1: something that can help people better than anything else to date, 330 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: we have a moral obligation to pursue that and to 331 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: disseminate that. So I, along with my colleague John Daniels 332 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: from Queensland here in Australia and I'm a visiting research 333 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,679 Speaker 1: fellow at the University of Adelaide, we conducted a controlled 334 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 1: trial of IDC therapy. I wanted to be able to 335 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: put forward some research evidence with scientific credibility into hopefully 336 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: what we'll publish it in a mainstream scientific journal, to 337 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:36,160 Speaker 1: help therapist realize, regardless of your beliefs about the afterlife, 338 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,679 Speaker 1: this is very likely to be healing for people in grief, 339 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: and we have an ethical obligation to make it available 340 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 1: to people. It's not suitable for everyone, but for those 341 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 1: for whom it is suitable, we really need to put 342 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: this to them as an option because a lot of 343 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 1: people can benefit. And we saw forty three people in 344 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: this study. We had a one month control baseline period, 345 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: so we measured their grief at time one, we didn't 346 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: do anything for a month, we measured it again and 347 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: then we gave them these two ninety minute sessions. So 348 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 1: the IDC therapy protocol is incredibly brief. Two ninety minute 349 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:15,199 Speaker 1: sessions is really the entirety of the intervention. And then 350 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 1: we measured their grief symptoms and their sadness a month later. Well, 351 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,199 Speaker 1: what we found was that over the baseline period their 352 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 1: grief didn't change. We gave them these two sessions, and 353 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:32,320 Speaker 1: then their sadness and their grief symptoms were significantly lower 354 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 1: a month later. And in fact, to put this into 355 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 1: terms that are kind of translating this science, we talk 356 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: about something called effect sizes in therapy research. It's like 357 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,439 Speaker 1: a degree of the strength of the impact. Well, we 358 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: affect sizes that reduction in grief symptoms, reduction in sadness 359 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: is greater than almost two times greater in some cases 360 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: then your typical psychological therapies like cognitive behavior therapy for 361 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: anxiety and depression, and they might be doing it in ten, 362 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: twelve twenty sessions. We're doing it in two. That's how 363 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: strong this is. So the world needs to know about it. 364 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,440 Speaker 3: That's incredible, and each and every one of us who 365 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,160 Speaker 3: has grieved the death of a loved one knows that 366 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 3: grief is the most painful thing that we go through. 367 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 3: I remember after my dad died, it felt like four 368 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 3: years before a dark cloud lifted from me. Even believing 369 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 3: in the afterlife, there's still sadness that you miss the person. Now, 370 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 3: you see, the therapy is not for everybody. Can you 371 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 3: just talk a little bit more about that, because I 372 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 3: know there's people that want to go see a medium. 373 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 3: This is way different. This is focusing on healing grief 374 00:21:55,440 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 3: and sadness and having a loved one come through. Shall 375 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 3: I say a side effect, something wonderful that happens, but 376 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 3: the main thrust really is for grief and sadness. 377 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: Correct, that's right, That's exactly right. And so we find 378 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: that this does affect people in different ways than seeing 379 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 1: a medium. Now, if people want to see mediums, that's 380 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: absolutely fine, and for some people that's going to be 381 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: very healing. But I think that IDC offers something different 382 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: and potentially more effective because what we do is target 383 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,119 Speaker 1: the sadness and literally where that emotion is stored in 384 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: the brain by having people feel their sadness. And the 385 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 1: reason it's not suitable perhaps for everybody, is because it 386 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: can be a very intense therapy. We help reduce sadness 387 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 1: by applying what we call bilateral stimulation. We stimulate both 388 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: hemispheres of the brain alternately, and we can do that 389 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: through eye movement, having somebody follow your fingers from left 390 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 1: to right, or tapping alternately their shoulders, or the therapist 391 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 1: can lean in and tap the person's hands alternately left, right, left, right. 392 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,200 Speaker 1: This is a healing mode that our brains have. It's 393 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: a very natural healing mode and one of the theories 394 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:19,360 Speaker 1: around how it works is that when we sleep, we 395 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,640 Speaker 1: go through a stage called rem rapid eye movement, where 396 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,679 Speaker 1: our eyes naturally dart back and forth, and this seems 397 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 1: to be associated with processing of stored emotion healing. It's 398 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why we feel better after we've slept. 399 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: It's not just that we're not tired anymore, so that 400 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: our brain has done this emotional processing work well. We 401 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: can put our brains into that healing state, that special 402 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: mode while we're awake by using bilateral stimulation. And what 403 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:53,440 Speaker 1: idic therapy does is it has people experience bilateral stimulation 404 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 1: while they're feeling the most strong sadness that they can access. 405 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 1: So we will say to people what is the most 406 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,359 Speaker 1: sad part of this person dying. And for some people 407 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,360 Speaker 1: it's a really intense traumatic memory. It might be when 408 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: I got the phone call that they'd died, or for somebody, 409 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 1: it might be when the coffin was lowered into the ground. Also, 410 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,400 Speaker 1: this sadness can be really general things I miss him 411 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: or she won't be there to see our daughter graduate, 412 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 1: or whatever the case may be. And we require people 413 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 1: to be willing to fully feel their emotions. We need 414 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: them to be able to step into that full burn 415 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: of that intensity, and then we apply this eye movement 416 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: or tapping, and it's by doing that through successive sets 417 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 1: of bilateral stimulation, might be one to two minutes at 418 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,359 Speaker 1: a time, we notice that the sadness gradually increases. And 419 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 1: as doctor Botkin says, once we start, we don't stop. 420 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 1: If you were driving through a dark tunnel and you 421 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: felt uncomfortable, you wouldn't stop your car and get out. 422 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,919 Speaker 1: You put your foot on the gas, right, And so 423 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,640 Speaker 1: we say to people, you've got to keep your foot 424 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,199 Speaker 1: on the gas. The therapist does the steering, but you've 425 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 1: got to put your foot on the gas. So it 426 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: is intense. It requires a willingness to feel that intensity 427 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: and an ability to really access those emotions. Now, this 428 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: is challenging sometimes because of course, grieving people spend every 429 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 1: day managing their emotions. They've got to go to work, 430 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: they go to the shops. They deal with trying to 431 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: function in their life, so they're used to pushing it 432 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 1: down or managing in some way. 433 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 3: It's time for a quick break and we'll be right back. 434 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 3: You'll discover some interesting stories from induced after death communication therapy. 435 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 3: You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio 436 00:25:39,280 --> 00:26:00,639 Speaker 3: and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network. Welcome back 437 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,720 Speaker 3: to Sheads of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain. Let's continue 438 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:10,440 Speaker 3: with doctor Tom Nemi and induced after death Communication therapy. 439 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: It is intense. It requires a willingness to feel that 440 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: intensity and an ability to really access those emotions. Now, 441 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,160 Speaker 1: this is challenging sometimes because of course, grieving people spend 442 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 1: every day managing their emotions. They've got to go to work, 443 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: they go to the shops. They deal with trying to 444 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,959 Speaker 1: function in their life, so they're used to pushing it 445 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: down or managing it in some way. But when we 446 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,600 Speaker 1: have a client sit in front of us in ITDC. 447 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: We say, I don't want you to manage it, I 448 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: don't want you to push it down. I want you 449 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: to feel it. So it can be quite an intense therapy, 450 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 1: and we always screen people to make sure that they're 451 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 1: willing to fully access it. And of course the good 452 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:55,439 Speaker 1: news is this is such a rapidly acting therapy that 453 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 1: we see people sadness no matter how intense it is, 454 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 1: even if they say it's ten out of ten and 455 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 1: they're very distressed, we see eventually that sadness reducing. People 456 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,880 Speaker 1: start saying I feel peaceful, I feel calm. I mean, 457 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: this is incredible. I wouldn't expect with any other therapy 458 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: to have a client on the start of their first 459 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,920 Speaker 1: appointment so distressed that it's ten out of ten in intensity, 460 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: and at the end of the second appointment say it's 461 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 1: zero or it's a one, or I'm feeling good. And 462 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: that's what we notice. That's why this is so remarkable. 463 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: And the cherry on top is maybe about three quarters 464 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: of people will say they perceive the presence of their 465 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,679 Speaker 1: loved one in some way, three quarters of the people, 466 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:39,360 Speaker 1: three quarters. 467 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 3: That's amazing. Do I need to see a therapist in 468 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 3: person or can any of this be done via zoom? 469 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: Well, this was precisely one of the research questions we 470 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,239 Speaker 1: had in our University of Adelaide's study. We did a 471 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 1: bunch of these sessions over zoom, we did a bunch 472 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: of them in person, and we analyze the data to 473 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,399 Speaker 1: see is there any difference. And the good news is 474 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: there was basically no difference. So people can tune in 475 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: from anywhere in the world literally over zoomed from the 476 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: comfort of their own home, and they can expect to 477 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:17,159 Speaker 1: have a very similar level of effectiveness as if you 478 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:18,360 Speaker 1: were in the room with the therapist. 479 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 3: That is beyond good news. And yes, you have a 480 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 3: moral responsibility to share this as far as you can, 481 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 3: and I will help you as best as I can. 482 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 3: Could you talk about some of the experiences people have. 483 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,919 Speaker 3: Do they literally feel the presence? Do they get a 484 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 3: visual sometimes hear a voice? Sometimes? What kind of things 485 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:40,160 Speaker 3: could happen? 486 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 1: This is the part that people are very intrigued about, 487 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 1: and it's fascinating. It's worth mentioning that if people are 488 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: in that quarter where they don't have an ADC, that's 489 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: not a problem. I mean, generally, our objective is to 490 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: reduce sadness, and it's well over ninety percent of people. 491 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 1: We're reducing sadness. So if people don't have an ADC, 492 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,360 Speaker 1: sometimes they'll be a bit disappointed. But I try to 493 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 1: downplay the likelihood of that because when people are yearning 494 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 1: for it and they're grasping for it and they're just 495 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 1: so focused on that, it gets in the way of 496 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: reducing the sadness. And I always say to people, our 497 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 1: job number one is to help you to feel better 498 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 1: and to feel less sad so that you can function 499 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 1: in your life, to give you some peace and acceptance. 500 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: And if we do that, we've succeeded. If you have 501 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: an ABC, it's a cherry on top, it's a bonus. 502 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: So we see a whole range of different experiences. It 503 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 1: can range from quite subtle to very elaborate and intense. 504 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: It can access a whole range of sensory modalities. For 505 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: some people it's visual. They'll say, I'm just seeing this 506 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: scene play out in my mind's eye. I've written about 507 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: nine of these case studies in my book. If people 508 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: want to read them in detail, so we go to 509 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 1: a lot of detail, and I've got permission from those 510 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 1: people to share their stories and I've given them pseudonyms. 511 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,240 Speaker 1: One client who are refer is Sheena. In the book, 512 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: her son had died. They thought it was probably from 513 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: a drug overdose. And there are a lot of traumas 514 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 1: that had happened in his life and her life, trying 515 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: to keep him safe from drugs and crime and all 516 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: sorts of things. But one of her questions was she 517 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: wanted to know is he alone or is he there 518 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 1: with other people? Is he loved? And she asked this 519 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 1: question at the point that her sadness was already reducing. 520 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: She was reporting that she felt an atmosphere change in 521 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: the room. She just spontaneously said, I'm feeling there's like 522 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,239 Speaker 1: an energy in the room. There's an atmosphere here. And 523 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: she said, I feel like someone's just tapped me on 524 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: the leg. I feel like someone just put the hand 525 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: on my shoulder. She was getting these sensory tactile phenomena, 526 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 1: which is not unusual, doesn't happen for everyone. And then 527 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: she asked that question, is he there with someone else? 528 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: Is he loved? Does he have company where he is? 529 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 1: She closed her eyes after we did some more bilateral stimulation, 530 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: and she saw a vision of her son quite clearly 531 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: on a grass verge, surrounded by other people. So his 532 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: best friend was there who had died, and she described 533 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: that he waved his arm around as if to say, look, 534 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: of course, I'm not alone. I've got all these people 535 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: with me. And she described this movement that he made. 536 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 1: But not only that, in that moment she saw the 537 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: dog who had died, the auntie had died. She said, 538 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,760 Speaker 1: I'm seeing all of these people who have passed, and 539 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 1: they're looking younger, and he's smiling at me. So, you know, 540 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: for her, this was her ADC and it was so reassuring. 541 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 1: It answered her question perfectly that he wasn't alone, and 542 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: he was loved and he was very content, and he 543 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 1: wanted her to know that. We see a whole range 544 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 1: of these experiences. I had one young lady whose grandmother 545 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 1: had passed, and she had almost every sensory experience you 546 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,760 Speaker 1: can imagine. She said, I feel like I've just been hugged. 547 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: She said, I can hear her, I can smell something, 548 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:02,320 Speaker 1: I can see her. This is not typical, but she 549 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: had all these different types of ADC elements very much 550 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: in her two sessions. So yeah, it's quite a range 551 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 1: of phenomena. That we observe and we don't impose any 552 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: interpretation on people. I always so, what does it mean 553 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,320 Speaker 1: to you that you just noticed this, And in particular, 554 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 1: how does it feel. IDC is a very emotion driven therapy, 555 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 1: and when people are having that experience, they say, I 556 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 1: feel incredible peace or incredible love, or I now feel 557 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: very accepting of this. That's part of why it's life changing. 558 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 1: It just adds to the therapeutic effect. 559 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 3: There is something tom to go from a belief to 560 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 3: a knowing. So to have that experience with your loved one, 561 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 3: you can start living your life again knowing that they're okay. 562 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: And that's what people say. They say, I was waking 563 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: up every day thinking, oh gosh, I'm still here, and 564 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: they didn't want to still be here. They were so 565 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,480 Speaker 1: struck down by their grief and sadness. To them saying 566 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: I wake up and I feel ready to get on 567 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,160 Speaker 1: with my day. And people say you look different, you 568 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 1: feel different, you sound different. They will literally say this 569 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 1: is life changing, or I've got my life back, or 570 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: I'm back to my old self. And for some people, 571 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 1: they have been stuck in grief for months and years 572 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: and it's almost like We've flicked a switch somehow and 573 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: they can now cope much better. It doesn't remove the 574 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: devastating fact that their loved one died, but that intense 575 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 1: sadness is markedly reduced. They feel more accepting, they feel 576 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: more at peace, and very often they report that they 577 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 1: feel an ongoing sense of connection with the person. So 578 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 1: in our research we ask people, you know, if you 579 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: had any ADCs since your therapy sessions, and a number 580 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 1: of people said, yes, I have, or I feel them 581 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 1: close to me, or I've been having more dreams of them, 582 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,480 Speaker 1: and yeah. It seems to just open a door for 583 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,240 Speaker 1: some people where they have that sense of an ongoing 584 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 1: presence and a continuing bond, which we know from grief 585 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: research is really healthy for people. It helps them adapt 586 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,080 Speaker 1: and it helps them be able to live and to 587 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: regain their quality of life. 588 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 3: Does this therapy tom, Is it specifically for someone who 589 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 3: has lost a loved one or I know people who 590 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 3: have been devastated by the breakup of a relationship or 591 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,479 Speaker 3: have been given a life threatening disease and are going 592 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 3: through that anticipatory grief. Can it help in other ways? 593 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:33,800 Speaker 3: If someone were to meet. 594 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 1: With you, I think it is likely to help them. 595 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 1: The difference is that when somebody is bereaved because of 596 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 1: a death, that's where there's that ADC component, that sense 597 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 1: of an after death communication. But I sense that the 598 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 1: method itself is very likely to be helpful for those 599 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: other things as well. And it's a great question because 600 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,760 Speaker 1: this is a field that warrants a lot more research. 601 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,920 Speaker 1: I know Jan Holden did a study at the University 602 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 1: of North Texas and that's in the documentary Life with Guys. 603 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: But I hope that it isn't just down to Jan 604 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 1: and me. I hope there's more researchers and more people 605 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: maybe seeking out grant funding and doing bigger studies, because 606 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: certainly the potential here is really significant. 607 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 3: Well, it's funny. I heard a story not too long 608 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,400 Speaker 3: ago about gentlemen listening to my podcast who did the 609 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 3: research and now he's got a book and now he's 610 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 3: helping people, and he's now being interviewed by me right now. 611 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 3: So we're going to trust that these words are going 612 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 3: to land to more people who will continue on with this, 613 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:40,239 Speaker 3: even some therapists who may not know that they can 614 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 3: learn this as well and make a difference with people. 615 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,799 Speaker 3: I love it. How can people best find out about it, 616 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,359 Speaker 3: talk a little bit about somebody would like to book 617 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,799 Speaker 3: a session with you. Isn't there a questionnaire that you 618 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,799 Speaker 3: have for people as well to make sure they're fit. 619 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:01,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, So I have a pre screening set of questions 620 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 1: on my website, Healing Grief with IADC dot com. And 621 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: I'm calling this my virtual private practice because it's the 622 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,239 Speaker 1: means through which I can reach people anywhere in the 623 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: world and facilitate these sessions over zoom. So if people 624 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,000 Speaker 1: go to that website, they can click on the pre 625 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 1: screening button and it will give them five or six 626 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,959 Speaker 1: questions that will help them figure out if they're likely 627 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,600 Speaker 1: to be a good fit or if the therapy is 628 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 1: likely to be a good fit for them. There's also 629 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: some information about what to expect and what's involved, so 630 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,640 Speaker 1: they're welcome to read through that, and then if they 631 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: think it is something they might like to proceed with, 632 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 1: they can book in a screening call, which is just 633 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 1: a twenty five minute chat over zoom where I would 634 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,319 Speaker 1: ask them some specific questions. It's absolutely free of charge. 635 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,799 Speaker 1: It's no obligation at all, but it's just to find 636 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: out if it's a good fit and we go through 637 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,280 Speaker 1: that set of screening questions in about twenty five minutes, 638 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: and then I can answer any questions a person has 639 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,360 Speaker 1: and they can figure out then if collectively we decide 640 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: if it's right for them and we can book it in. 641 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 1: So yeah, there's quite a bit of information out there. 642 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,960 Speaker 1: Don't forget. Alan Botkin wrote his fabulous book which was 643 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 1: now twenty years ago, interestingly enough, Induced after Death Communication. 644 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,640 Speaker 1: It's a great book. And of course there's nine detailed 645 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,240 Speaker 1: case studies in my book which will give people a 646 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 1: feel for what it looks like and feels like to 647 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:22,280 Speaker 1: be in a session. 648 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,239 Speaker 3: Tell us more about your book and what else we 649 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,960 Speaker 3: can find in it, because certainly there's got to be 650 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 3: some spiritual lessons or something that you've gleaned from all 651 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,120 Speaker 3: this investigation. 652 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,520 Speaker 1: There are, there are, So it's a funny book. I 653 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 1: think it's a bit of a cross genre thing. It's 654 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:43,680 Speaker 1: part memoir, it's part psychology, it's part spirituality. But aside 655 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 1: from my personal journey from being this cowardly grief therapist 656 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 1: who didn't want to deal with grief and felt helpless, 657 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,840 Speaker 1: to being someone who was really seeking out grieving clients 658 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,280 Speaker 1: and these really amazing case studies that people have given 659 00:37:58,280 --> 00:37:59,919 Speaker 1: me permission graciously to share. 660 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,719 Speaker 3: We'll be right back with some more empowering words from 661 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,480 Speaker 3: doctor Tom Nemi. You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife 662 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:21,880 Speaker 3: on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network. 663 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain 664 00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 3: and doctor Tom Nemi was just about to tell us 665 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:42,880 Speaker 3: about his book, Inspired Life, Beautiful Death, Healing Grief, overcoming 666 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 3: fear of death and living a spiritual life. 667 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 1: It's part memoir, it's part psychology, it's part spirituality. But 668 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:56,240 Speaker 1: aside from my personal journey from being this cowardly grief 669 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,280 Speaker 1: therapist who didn't want to deal with grief and felt 670 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,920 Speaker 1: helpless to being someone who really seeking out grieving clients 671 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,319 Speaker 1: and these really amazing case studies that people have given 672 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 1: me permission graciously to share. But there's also a lot 673 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,600 Speaker 1: of spiritual lessons because when we accept it as facts 674 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 1: that we don't die, and that there is a spiritual world, 675 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,400 Speaker 1: and that our bonds are not broken with death and 676 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:24,000 Speaker 1: we're still connected to our loved ones, there are implications 677 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,920 Speaker 1: of that for how we live. I spent a lot 678 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:31,160 Speaker 1: of time exploring the testimony of near death experiences and 679 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: learning more about the life review. I mean, this is 680 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 1: one of the most common features that we hear from 681 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,160 Speaker 1: near death experiences is that I saw this review of 682 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,240 Speaker 1: my life. But it's of course not just like watching 683 00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:48,239 Speaker 1: a movie. They feel their interactions with other people, they 684 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,560 Speaker 1: feel the consequences of their influence in their life. And 685 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,800 Speaker 1: when people come back from that, it's just this extraordinary 686 00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,239 Speaker 1: set of contrary beliefs about what matters. Because in our 687 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: physical world we're so caught up in status and achievement 688 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 1: and assets and money and celebrity. We've got this whole 689 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,279 Speaker 1: materialist world around us that tells us this is what 690 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,760 Speaker 1: you should judge yourself by. Well, none of that matters 691 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,439 Speaker 1: a dot in the afterlife. This is the lesson. None 692 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:22,160 Speaker 1: of that matters. What matters is did you love with 693 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 1: your life? For you an influence of kindness, and did 694 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,239 Speaker 1: you leave people better than you found them? See. The 695 00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 1: good news is that if anyone out there listening thinks 696 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: I want to be a spiritual person, but I don't 697 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:39,880 Speaker 1: know how, the good news is anyone can be spiritual 698 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,279 Speaker 1: in their life by thinking about their actions day to 699 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: day and their influence on others. For me, that's what 700 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,920 Speaker 1: spirituality is. Sure, you can do your meditations and you 701 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:53,080 Speaker 1: can do all other things, but real spirituality is about 702 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 1: our influence on others every day of the week. And 703 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 1: as soon as I heard about the life of you, 704 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,840 Speaker 1: and I read so many different accounts of it, I thought, 705 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: how can I apply this now? Because Okay, I accept 706 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,040 Speaker 1: that I'm going to have a life review when I die. 707 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,600 Speaker 1: I'm hoping that's a long way away. I can't bank 708 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: on that. But we could have this kind of calmic procrastination. Well, 709 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,279 Speaker 1: I guess I'll face that when the time comes. But 710 00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 1: I thought, how do we remember this reality day to day? 711 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:22,600 Speaker 1: And so I started doing something I call the day review, 712 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: not in the life review, the day review. And I 713 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,359 Speaker 1: do this every day. Occasionally I fall asleep if I'm 714 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,359 Speaker 1: really tired before I finish this, but I do it 715 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,279 Speaker 1: when I get into bed, and anyone can do this. 716 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,680 Speaker 1: It just takes a few minutes. A day review involves 717 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: thinking back on your day from the moment you got 718 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:43,120 Speaker 1: up to the moment you got into bed, and thinking 719 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,120 Speaker 1: about all of the main interactions you had with other people, 720 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 1: and just thinking did I act from a position of 721 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,960 Speaker 1: a loving intent, because we know intentions matter. It's not 722 00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,240 Speaker 1: just about how do you make someone feel, it's about 723 00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 1: your intention, It's about influence on somebody else. And the 724 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,320 Speaker 1: strangest thing happened because I didn't want to wait to 725 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,759 Speaker 1: the end of my life to figure out am I 726 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,239 Speaker 1: living in this way that the spiritual world is going 727 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:15,000 Speaker 1: to view as beneficial? But I started realizing there were 728 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,640 Speaker 1: a lot of times where I was impulsive, short tempered, 729 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,719 Speaker 1: didn't really consider the other person moment, so I would 730 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,239 Speaker 1: be selfish, and it brought this into full view. And 731 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:31,440 Speaker 1: then doing it regularly, something strange happened. I started thinking 732 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:35,239 Speaker 1: about my day review during the day, and so I 733 00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,560 Speaker 1: would be in the midst of an interaction with someone 734 00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,879 Speaker 1: and I'd have this moment where I'd think, just take 735 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:44,440 Speaker 1: a breath, or can your word this differently? Or what 736 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,640 Speaker 1: does your body language say? It made me be more 737 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,520 Speaker 1: present with other people. It made me be more thoughtful, 738 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:54,720 Speaker 1: It made me be more kind, and that is transformative 739 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,360 Speaker 1: because these are the things that we know the spiritual 740 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,719 Speaker 1: world is going to show us at the end of 741 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,960 Speaker 1: our life, So why not start now and live a 742 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,359 Speaker 1: spiritual life in this very practical everyday kind of way. 743 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:12,120 Speaker 3: Absolutely. How about showing kindness to yourself? Is that part 744 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:12,800 Speaker 3: of the review? 745 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:18,399 Speaker 1: Definitely? So you know, self compassion is part of being compassionate, 746 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,759 Speaker 1: and it's funny. In my other psychological work, I do 747 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,600 Speaker 1: a lot of work on the prevention of anxiety and depression. 748 00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 1: Our research in that area found that self compassion treating 749 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,359 Speaker 1: yourself kindly is one of the most protective things that 750 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,920 Speaker 1: you can do for your well being. It reduces your 751 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,359 Speaker 1: risk for anxiety and depression. And I'm absolutely certain that 752 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 1: for people in grief, treating themselves kindly is also going 753 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,640 Speaker 1: to help mitigate the distress from that grief and that 754 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,319 Speaker 1: judgment of why aren't I functioning at my best when 755 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,759 Speaker 1: I'm in grief? Why aren't I able to do X, 756 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:53,880 Speaker 1: Y or Z. Self compassion is absolutely critical, and I 757 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,040 Speaker 1: had to be kind to myself when I noticed myself 758 00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,920 Speaker 1: being impulsive and impatient. I had to say, well, hang on, 759 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,040 Speaker 1: I'm doing my best, and so it was a prompt 760 00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,120 Speaker 1: for me to apply self compassion there too. 761 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,880 Speaker 3: Those are good words. I know that there's thoughts in 762 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 3: our mind that we have about ourselves that we would 763 00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,279 Speaker 3: never voice to another person. I don't know why we're 764 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,280 Speaker 3: so tough aut ourselves. It's part of a human being 765 00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:21,360 Speaker 3: this So I think to have that day review in 766 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:25,000 Speaker 3: catching yourself in the act we human beings. I'm convinced 767 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,560 Speaker 3: we're doing the best we can with what we've got, 768 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,840 Speaker 3: and to spend our day thinking oh I should have 769 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:33,800 Speaker 3: done that, or having the guilt or having the fear 770 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,000 Speaker 3: to catch ourselves like, we're doing the best we can 771 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:38,560 Speaker 3: and we're not alone. 772 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,279 Speaker 1: If you catch yeah, and if you catch yourself in 773 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:44,360 Speaker 1: that moment of harsh self judgment, as I think we 774 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,600 Speaker 1: both have from time to time, we're both happy to 775 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 1: fess up to. That is to now be able to say, well, 776 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:53,279 Speaker 1: if that was my dearest friend who had just said 777 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,160 Speaker 1: that about themselves, if that was someone I'm really close to, 778 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,799 Speaker 1: who was judging themselves harshly and deriding themselves, what would 779 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 1: I say to them and what would I do that 780 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,759 Speaker 1: actually helps them? If we can apply that kindness to ourselves, 781 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:07,879 Speaker 1: that self compassion in action. 782 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,360 Speaker 3: Thank you for that. Tom. I happen to notice on 783 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,920 Speaker 3: your website you have another book, Apples for the Mind, 784 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:19,000 Speaker 3: creating emotional balance, peak performance and lifelong well being. 785 00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,720 Speaker 1: Can you tell us what that is? Sure? That book 786 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:25,759 Speaker 1: came out of my work in preventive psychology and developing 787 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,160 Speaker 1: a program. We call it the Healthy Minds Program, and 788 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,880 Speaker 1: we run that in schools around Australia and we go 789 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:34,600 Speaker 1: into companies where we teach people the psychological skills that 790 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,239 Speaker 1: help you to have a healthy emotional life. And in 791 00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,239 Speaker 1: fact we prove that you can prevent the onset of 792 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:44,000 Speaker 1: symptoms of anxiety and depression, you can reduce risk for 793 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,400 Speaker 1: eating disorders, and you can do it by teaching people 794 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,320 Speaker 1: these psychological skills of how to have a healthy mind. 795 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:52,600 Speaker 1: And so I put a lot of that into my 796 00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,440 Speaker 1: first book, which came out about six years ago, and 797 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,439 Speaker 1: that's kind of a personal development book talking about these 798 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,240 Speaker 1: psychological skills. 799 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,520 Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you and the work that you've 800 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:06,520 Speaker 3: done and that you will continue to do speaking engagements. 801 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,880 Speaker 3: I know you are open for interviews. Are you speaking anywhere? 802 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,400 Speaker 3: I believe there's an IM's which is our friends at 803 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:17,320 Speaker 3: International Association for Near Death Studies coming up in Chicago 804 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:18,680 Speaker 3: in twenty twenty five. 805 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:23,400 Speaker 1: Correct, there is, And I'm absolutely thrilled that I'll be 806 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:28,960 Speaker 1: presenting at the Chicago IONS conference in late August. Thrilled 807 00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 1: to have been invited to be part of a panel 808 00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:35,520 Speaker 1: presentation with Professor Jan Holden and Graham Maxi, who I 809 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,320 Speaker 1: think you've had on your show as well, and doctor 810 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:41,120 Speaker 1: Noel Saint Jermain Sair as well, who is a co 811 00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:45,640 Speaker 1: executive director of IDC. So I was just really so 812 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,880 Speaker 1: humbled and excited when I got invited to be on 813 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,360 Speaker 1: that panel and present my research and be part of 814 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,960 Speaker 1: that discussion. So yes, I'll be in Chicago in late August, 815 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:54,919 Speaker 1: and I can't wait. 816 00:46:55,760 --> 00:47:01,280 Speaker 3: Incredible conferences the folks at IMS puts on Iams dot 817 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:05,120 Speaker 3: org is their website. Even if you don't attend a conference, 818 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,440 Speaker 3: they have so many things, and if you're interested in 819 00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:12,280 Speaker 3: near death experiences, they have a treasure trove of thousands 820 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,960 Speaker 3: of experiences you can read. They have chapters all over 821 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,760 Speaker 3: the world, and you can join these days by zoom. 822 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:22,439 Speaker 3: Very very good people. I know you'll really enjoy that, Tom. 823 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,440 Speaker 3: What else would you like to share with our time 824 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,960 Speaker 3: together or is there any closing words? What do we 825 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:28,759 Speaker 3: need to hear? 826 00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:32,360 Speaker 1: What else we could go on forever we could? I 827 00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,880 Speaker 1: think just a couple of things that came out from 828 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:39,279 Speaker 1: my studies and research and my own personal journey through 829 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,200 Speaker 1: all of this is the dying is beautiful. And that 830 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,520 Speaker 1: sounds like a strange thing to say, but I've read 831 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,560 Speaker 1: so many NDE testimonies, and that's the title of a 832 00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,400 Speaker 1: chapter in my book. Part of the distress of grief 833 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,840 Speaker 1: is those questions where are they and what happened and 834 00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,360 Speaker 1: what did they experience? But we now have this enormous 835 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:02,080 Speaker 1: body of evidence from near death experience. We can collectively 836 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:06,960 Speaker 1: take all these different anecdotal accounts and regarded as scientific evidence, 837 00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:10,759 Speaker 1: because if everybody's reporting this stuff, it's valid and it's 838 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,120 Speaker 1: worth paying attention to. So just the fact that dying 839 00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,439 Speaker 1: generally is not distressing, that's not what people report. When 840 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,160 Speaker 1: people die suddenly, they often say, well, I left my 841 00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:24,120 Speaker 1: body before the accident or whatever may have happened. And 842 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,440 Speaker 1: sometimes when people are resuscitated and they talk about their 843 00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:31,360 Speaker 1: near death experiences, they're annoyed. They didn't necessarily want to 844 00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:34,000 Speaker 1: come back because they felt so good. And so these 845 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:38,200 Speaker 1: are some really comforting lessons, really comforting realizations for people 846 00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:41,560 Speaker 1: who are in grief. And so I've just feel so 847 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:46,120 Speaker 1: lucky and grateful to have been directed down this path 848 00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,680 Speaker 1: to meet you and learn about Alan Botkin and hear 849 00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,200 Speaker 1: about all of these amazing things that so many people 850 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,200 Speaker 1: are doing, and to then gain these insights that have 851 00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,680 Speaker 1: brought me a lot of comfort, and I think can 852 00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,839 Speaker 1: bring a lot of other people comfort as well. So 853 00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,000 Speaker 1: there's a lot of good. It's about the reality of 854 00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,800 Speaker 1: life after death, the fact that we can heal grief, 855 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,080 Speaker 1: and we're not just healing it a little bit. People 856 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,759 Speaker 1: are feeling a lot better after IDC therapy, and I'm 857 00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,799 Speaker 1: just so excited about what the future holds because there's 858 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,839 Speaker 1: lots more work to be done and certainly I'm going 859 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:21,200 Speaker 1: to keep doing it. So I really appreciate you letting 860 00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,920 Speaker 1: me share that story with everybody, And yeah, there'll be 861 00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:25,480 Speaker 1: exciting things to come, no doubt. 862 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,840 Speaker 3: I'm so excited for you and for the world. I 863 00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:33,120 Speaker 3: tell you, I said it before grief. I would never 864 00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:37,359 Speaker 3: wish it on anyone. It's horrible, but the more we love, 865 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,800 Speaker 3: the more pain there is. And so on one respect, 866 00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,239 Speaker 3: you say, I really have a big capacity for love 867 00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,240 Speaker 3: based on how I'm feeling, and I do think part 868 00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,839 Speaker 3: of being human, the biggest parts are learning how to love, 869 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,080 Speaker 3: to forgive, and being of service to others. So we're 870 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,319 Speaker 3: like minded in that way. Tom, thank you so much 871 00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:57,520 Speaker 3: for being our guest today. 872 00:49:58,239 --> 00:49:59,880 Speaker 1: It's been an amazing pleasure. 873 00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:03,319 Speaker 3: Thank you, Sandra, and I loved it as well. Don't 874 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:08,280 Speaker 3: forget to visit Tom's website, Healing Grief with ia DC 875 00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:13,520 Speaker 3: dot com. And while you're on the internet, come visit 876 00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:17,279 Speaker 3: me at We Don'tdie dot com. Be sure to enter 877 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:21,120 Speaker 3: your name and email address at the bottom of the page, 878 00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:26,799 Speaker 3: and I've got some wonderful surprises for you there. I'm 879 00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:30,239 Speaker 3: Sandra Champlain and from the bottom of my heart, thank 880 00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,799 Speaker 3: you for listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the 881 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:39,120 Speaker 3: iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast am Paranormal Podcast Network. 882 00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:48,919 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast 883 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,959 Speaker 2: Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out 884 00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,239 Speaker 2: all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going 885 00:50:55,280 --> 00:51:02,120 Speaker 2: to iHeartRadio dot com.