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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that wants to take the idea

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Speaker 1: of Elf on the Shelf and make it more of

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Speaker 1: a party, with a new product called Men with Ken

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Speaker 1: in a Den, where a Ken doll is hanging out

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Speaker 1: with two random dudes down in your basement.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I kind of like it. You can leave him

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Speaker 2: there all the way through March.

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Speaker 1: He is perfectly entertained thanks to Laser Stories, the segment

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, justic

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a laser and those

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Speaker 1: other kenemies just don't. This first Laser Stories out of California,

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Speaker 1: a burglar was walking around a neighborhood at night looking

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Speaker 1: for a quick score when he decided he was not

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Speaker 1: going to enter a residence. Instead, he decided he was

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Speaker 1: going to break into a church with an axe steal

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Speaker 1: from a church collection plate. Oh it's gonna be empty.

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Speaker 2: Big stack of money on those.

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Speaker 1: Well, the thing is the pastor was nearby, heard the

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Speaker 1: alarm and he immediately ran to confront the intruder. Now,

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Speaker 1: normally you'd give the edge to the bad guy with

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Speaker 1: the giant axe, but the pastor was a man named

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Speaker 1: Nick Neves, and he has a background in kickboxing, jiu jitsu,

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Speaker 1: and other MMn so after a few spin kicks, an

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Speaker 1: elbow strike, and an armbar, Nick was able to grapple

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Speaker 1: with the guy for about fifteen minutes without doing much

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Speaker 1: actual harm to him, until the authorities arrived. Jesus in

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Speaker 1: church service. Ye, the burglar was arrested and told the

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Speaker 1: cops quote looks like I chose the wrong church to

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Speaker 1: break into.

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Speaker 2: I don't think ye meant as a joke. I think

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Speaker 2: he was just being serious.

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Speaker 1: But afterwards a police spokesperson said, if you're a thief

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Speaker 1: who's considering robbing a church, you're probably more worried about

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Speaker 1: the man upstairs than the pastor. But some pastors are

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Speaker 1: just as bad ass, so we encourage you to think

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Speaker 1: twice before robbing Christ.

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Speaker 2: That was a very long statement. I'm gonna forget it though.

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Speaker 2: The next laser showys out of.

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Speaker 1: New York, Turkey, Trott and Albany, got interrupted on Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: when a bunch of deer came charging through and knocked

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Speaker 1: over several women running in it. But one of the

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Speaker 1: ladies was a little older, so of course the local

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Speaker 1: news ran with the story using the headline Grandma really

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Speaker 1: did get run.

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Speaker 2: Over by a reindeer. Oh my god, anything for cheap views.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I support it. We're talking about it. If

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Speaker 2: you want to see it and laugh.

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Speaker 1: We put up a clip on our int the stories

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Speaker 1: of when the deer comes stampeding through the runners.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but I do want to see it.

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Speaker 1: Everybody wants to see it. I mean, it's just crazy

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Speaker 1: that it even happened. So go check it out at

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Speaker 1: Brook and Jeffrey the.

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Speaker 2: Deer just like defending the wild Turkeys of the world.

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Speaker 1: Like, hey, yeah, for sure, this next laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Florida. Yay. Disney's Haunted Mansion might be a

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Speaker 1: little more haunted than usual right now. I say that

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Speaker 1: because Disney World had to temporarily shut down its Haunted

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Speaker 1: Mansion ride over the weekend after a guest scattered their

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Speaker 1: loved one's ashes on it. So I know this for

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Speaker 1: the future.

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Speaker 2: It's a small world maybe though.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah. It's not clear how long the ride was

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Speaker 1: down for, but everyone on it had to be evacuated.

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Speaker 2: Get did they in the air?

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Speaker 1: They must be I think they have security cameras all

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Speaker 1: over the ride.

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Speaker 2: They must see it.

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Speaker 1: An employee posted about it on Reddit, saying it's a

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Speaker 1: dumb thing to do because ultimately the person's ashes will

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Speaker 1: just end up in the trash.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, my dad says that we could. He wants

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Speaker 2: to be flushed down the toilet when.

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Speaker 1: He he says he spends a lot of time there, the.

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Speaker 2: Specific one on his home toilet, his happy place.

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Speaker 1: His exact quote was, your loved one's ashes are going

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Speaker 1: to be vacuumed up into a bucket with mouth droppings

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Speaker 1: and thrown into the garbage. But they'll they'll have a

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Speaker 1: moment in the Haunted Manton and that's what they wanted.

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Speaker 2: Wait, and they're gonna end up in a Disney garbage

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Speaker 2: can and.

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Speaker 1: It's probably Mickey mouse dropping, wyeah, but they're admitting that

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Speaker 1: they have mice on the right.

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Speaker 2: That's not great decades ago. It's Florida is everywhere. It's

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Speaker 2: just moist out there anyway.

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Speaker 1: They also said it was definitely caught on video, so

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Speaker 1: the person is likely going to be banned from all

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Speaker 1: Disney parks forever until someone else spreads their ashes on

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Speaker 1: a ride too.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, that's a tough one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that hurts.

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, yeah, okay, always, I can fly to

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Speaker 2: Japan but all of them.

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Speaker 1: This next lazer stories out of New Year, New youth. Hey,

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Speaker 1: we're still a month away from twenty twenty five, but

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Speaker 1: if you've had a rough twenty twenty four, you may

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Speaker 1: already be dreaming about a fresh start.

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Speaker 2: In the new year. The thing is, what if twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty five is worse?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think I'm with it.

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Speaker 1: A blogger online noticed something interesting about the upcoming calendar

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Speaker 1: because it starts on a Wednesday. Yeah, so the first

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Speaker 1: three days would be Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

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Speaker 2: And on a calendar where the days of the week.

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Speaker 1: Gets shortened to just an initial, that means twenty twenty

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Speaker 1: five starts with wtfull.

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Speaker 2: Me that checks out.

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Speaker 1: Come on, guys, we're really reading into the post said

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Speaker 1: should we be worried that.

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Speaker 2: The new year begins with WTF? Yes, let's skip it.

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Speaker 1: And that post has accumulated twelve million views, no, three

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Speaker 1: hundred and forty four thousand likes, and one thousand, three

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Speaker 1: hundred comments in just three days.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, Well we just make up time anyway.

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Speaker 2: Can't we just go straight to twenty twenty six? I mean,

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Speaker 2: she has a boy.

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Speaker 1: The scariest comment was the person who noticed that the

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Speaker 1: last time that happened was twenty twenty.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't want to hear this.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I stopped going to the doctor, so the pandemic answer,

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Speaker 1: I got you already. Ha ha. We need to calm down, everybody.

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Speaker 1: We need to stay positive, okay, like this guy does. Okay,

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Speaker 1: because he actually turned his calendar upside down, so instead

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Speaker 1: of WTF, he's going with FTW for the wing.

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Speaker 2: That's the spirit humper. That means the laser stories is

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Speaker 2: over for the day. We're gonna do it again, same

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Speaker 2: time on Friday, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,