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Speaker 1: A media. Hey, motherfucky's and motherfuck ats. Wow, that's not

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Speaker 1: how I should introduce this anyway. Hello everybody, Robert here,

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Speaker 1: and this is our last week of what you might

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Speaker 1: call him rerun episodes. We are still on vacation here

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Speaker 1: at Cool Zone, having a great time. Actually not on vacation.

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Speaker 1: We were on vacation, but this is the week where

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Speaker 1: I have to write so that we can catch up

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Speaker 1: and have episodes for you all in the new year.

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Speaker 1: But you know, because I have one more week of

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Speaker 1: blessed relative freedom, here's another fucking rerun. Enjoy it. I

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Speaker 1: love you. Welcome back to Behind the Bastards. I'm Robert

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Speaker 1: Evans and this is part two of our episode on

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Speaker 1: Kaiservillehelm the second. Now, before we get into the episode,

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Speaker 1: because I think it's important that you know about the

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Speaker 1: bastardry being practiced by the host of this show, I

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Speaker 1: need to tell everyone that Jamie Loftus is dipping popcorn

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Speaker 1: into salad dressing. Okay, goddamn monster, I.

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Speaker 2: Got fucking Okay. First of all, yes, that is what

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Speaker 2: I'm doing.

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Speaker 3: Well, I got dragged the last time I was on

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Speaker 3: this show because I mentioned that I dipped bagels in

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Speaker 3: ketchup and there was a lot.

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Speaker 1: I said that was fine.

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Speaker 2: I'm okay with the popcorn dipping into dressing.

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Speaker 3: I am not okay with support you because I know

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Speaker 3: you have like taste buds that.

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Speaker 2: Need more I need I need. Yeah, oh right, yeah

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Speaker 2: I have not. I have poor people taste buds.

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Speaker 1: I hope, I hope, very desperately Jamie, that this makes

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Speaker 1: you less judgmental of the Kaiser, because I firmly believe

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Speaker 1: that the millions he got killed in the trenches of

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Speaker 1: Europe and you dipping your popcorn into salad dressing are

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Speaker 1: equivalent crimes.

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Speaker 3: They're okay, sir, I it's this.

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Speaker 1: Is your battle of the somme.

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Speaker 3: This is not ideal. I would prefer to dip popcorn

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Speaker 3: in soy sauce.

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Speaker 2: There's no soy sauce here. I go for salad dressing.

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Speaker 1: Dipping popcorn and soy sauce is your verdune.

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Speaker 2: Here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: I like to make dry food wet. I can't explain why.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure there's a very fucked up motivation behind it.

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Speaker 3: But when a food is dry, I'm like, let's moisten

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Speaker 3: this up. Let's see what.

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Speaker 1: Horrible good, horrible it's good, horrible.

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Speaker 2: I've never been so proud to be your friend, Jamie.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: It actually I feel bad because I'm sure the solad

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Speaker 3: dressing is stinky.

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Speaker 2: But no. But nevertheless, I'm ah, there you go, live

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Speaker 2: your truth? Baby? Does this make you uncomfortable?

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Speaker 1: I was just going to say, speaking of living your truth,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about what happens when a profoundly damaged young

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Speaker 1: man becomes the King of Germany and then gets a

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Speaker 1: chance to live his truth.

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Speaker 2: I've got his birth chart up. Well, let's figure this out.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 1: What does it say about people of his astrological sign well,

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Speaker 1: beaving the Imperial German military.

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Speaker 3: Well, here's the thing. I did his name chart, but

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Speaker 3: that's a little too complicated. What everyone needs to know

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Speaker 3: is he's an Aquarius and aquarian leaders you know, they're

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Speaker 3: positive traits. They're open minded, right, they're creative. He was

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Speaker 3: an artist, right, they're free spirited. Negative traits really bad

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Speaker 3: stuff across the board of fur leaders, impulsive, unpredictable, inconsistent, extreme,

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Speaker 3: and stubborn.

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Speaker 2: So you know it was Foetold.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't call him open minded in any way, but

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Speaker 1: a lot of that tracks that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'll get dragged more for invoking astrology

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Speaker 3: than i will for dipping popcorn and salad dressing.

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Speaker 1: I know they're both horrible crimes against humanity, you.

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Speaker 2: Know what, to each their own. I'm living a very

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Speaker 2: vile life over here now.

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Speaker 1: The Reich that kaiserville Heilm inherited had been built and

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Speaker 1: largely managed by Auto von Bismarck, and above all else,

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Speaker 1: Bismarck wanted peace. The system of alliances he crafted for

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Speaker 1: Germany were essentially again like I said that Era's version

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Speaker 1: of mutually assured distry production. Starting a war with Germany

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Speaker 1: would mean fighting with Russia too, and Russia controlled a

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Speaker 1: sixth of the planet's surface. This was a pretty good

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Speaker 1: system while it lasted. Bismarck was a monster, but not

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Speaker 1: a dumb man. Knew what he was doing. But Wilhelm

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Speaker 1: came to power with distinct and probably agonizing memories of

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Speaker 1: his father's marshal prowess and military victories. He had been

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Speaker 1: insecure his entire life because of his arm and the

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Speaker 1: complete lack of praise he received from Henspeter. Likewise, his

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Speaker 1: wife and Bismarck had succeeded in inculcating a deep antipathy

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Speaker 1: of his parents and of England in him. Kaiser Wilhelm

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Speaker 1: the second, A concise life, describes the mind sight All

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Speaker 1: of this resulted in once the young man came to

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Speaker 1: power and was given the world's most powerful land army. Quote.

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Speaker 1: Prince Wilhelm's mindset on the threshold of succeeding to the

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Speaker 1: throne was characterized by bellicose ambition and contempt for parliaments

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Speaker 1: and political parties, indeed for civilians in general. Britain must

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Speaker 1: be destroyed was his watchword, and he was already developing

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Speaker 1: a passion for the idea of a strong German navy.

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Speaker 1: But Harris too had to be destroyed, he railed. Wilhelm

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Speaker 1: was naturally very much in favor of war and hopes

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Speaker 1: it will break out soon. General walderc noted with Lee

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Speaker 1: on twenty fifth January eighteen eighty seven, under the latter's influence,

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Speaker 1: the Prince also advocated war with Russia. That young man

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Speaker 1: wants war with Russia and would like to draw his

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Speaker 1: swords straight away if he could. Chancellor Bismarck recorded with

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Speaker 1: Dismay in eighteen eighty eight, so.

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Speaker 3: And to be clear, he doesn't come to power until

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Speaker 3: he is nearly thirty years old.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, is that right?

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Speaker 2: So at this point where like this is no long term.

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Speaker 1: Tartenty nine, Yeah, yeah, he's not a lot anymore.

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Speaker 3: A juvenile young boy who wants to have sex with

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Speaker 3: his mother's hand. This is a grown ass, petty man.

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Speaker 1: Who wants to have sex with his who wants.

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Speaker 2: To have sex with his mother's hand, of course.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Now, Bismarck was also deeply concerned about the

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Speaker 1: young emperor's almost violent hatred of Jewish people. This was

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Speaker 1: the result of the influence of one Adolph von Stoker,

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Speaker 1: the court chaplain. Now. Stoker was a member of the

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Speaker 1: Christian Jinn's Socialist movement, an anti Semitic far right party

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Speaker 1: that also hated Catholics. Wilhelm's parents and grandmother had all

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Speaker 1: been disgusted by discrimination and had pushed to end it

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Speaker 1: in their country, But Wilhelm wanted to blaze a new,

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Speaker 1: much more racist path, and he was supported in this

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Speaker 1: by the Prussian officer corps, who were also thoroughly bigoted.

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Speaker 1: The Kaiser and his new allies wanted to keep the

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Speaker 1: German race pure, stop Jewish immigration, and remove Jews from

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Speaker 1: positions in schools in public office. Before his ascension, Bismarck

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Speaker 1: had rebuked the Prince for his support of anti Semitism.

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Speaker 1: This sparked a passive aggressive battle between the two men.

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Speaker 1: From vander Kiss's biography of Wilhelm, when Bismarck had articles

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Speaker 1: published in the official press taking the religious conservatives to

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Speaker 1: task for using Vilhelm, the latter wrote petulantly to Hinzpeter

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Speaker 1: that he did not deserve such treatment, as for the

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Speaker 1: Chancellor's sake, he had for years locked myself out of

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Speaker 1: my parents' house. And about the same time, Wilhelm drafted a

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Speaker 1: proclamation to the German princes which was to be published

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Speaker 1: in the event of his accession. Bismarck told him to

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Speaker 1: burn it. Sulking, Wilhelm replied that when he came to

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Speaker 1: the throne, he would have all Jewish influence over the press. Stopped.

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Speaker 1: Told that this would be a violation of the Constitution,

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Speaker 1: Wilhelm said grandly that they would have to get rid

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Speaker 1: of the constitution as well.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like someone we know, Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: If you look up Kaiser Wilhelm Donald Trump, there's like

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Speaker 1: a dozen different articles that different people have written about

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Speaker 1: similarities between the two men. I think, for one thing,

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Speaker 1: I think that's I don't entirely agree with that for

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Speaker 1: a number of reasons. One of them is that Wilhelm

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Speaker 1: is an infinitely more sympathetic figure than Donald Trump, right,

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Speaker 1: But there are some similarities, and that that would definitely

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Speaker 1: be one of them.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, there's a whole there's a whole goddamn New

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Speaker 3: Yorker article.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a ton of articles about the similarities between

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Speaker 1: the two men. Well, I'm again. Yeah. Vilhelm was fond

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Speaker 1: of making these sorts of grand threats and pronouncements, like

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Speaker 1: the one he made against Russia and England. Fortunately, they

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Speaker 1: rarely resulted in anything. He was easy to talk down,

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Speaker 1: and he was liable to balk at the last minute

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Speaker 1: from acting on any of his rhetoric, but the rhetoric

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Speaker 1: itself had a damaging effect on international relations. Wilhelm deeply

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Speaker 1: worried the rest of Europe when he made this pronouncement

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Speaker 1: to the people of Germany after taking the crown. We

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Speaker 1: were born to each other, I and the army, we

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Speaker 1: were born for each other and will cleave indissolubly to

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Speaker 1: each other. Whether it be the will of God to

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Speaker 1: send us to calm or storm, you will soon swear

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Speaker 1: fealty and submission to me. And I promise ever to

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Speaker 1: bear in mind from the world above, the eyes of

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Speaker 1: my forefathers looked down on me, and that I shall

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Speaker 1: one day have to stand accountable for them for the

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Speaker 1: glory and honor of the army.

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Speaker 2: Also, why can't you have sex with your mother's hand?

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Speaker 2: That should be legal? TTYL.

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Speaker 1: Wilhelm, now the Kaiser, had no real military experience and

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Speaker 1: no aptitude whatsoever for warfare, but he felt that he

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Speaker 1: had to portray himself as a mighty warlord, in part

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Speaker 1: because his father and grandfather had been mighty warlords. That

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Speaker 1: was kind of Prussia's whole deal. So to compensate for

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Speaker 1: being just a dude with a bad arm, Wilhelm collected

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Speaker 1: an absurd amount of military uniforms. His cousin, the Queen

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Speaker 1: of Romania, wrote that he changed his uniform several times

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Speaker 1: a day as a smart woman changes her gown. Now, Vanderkisser,

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Speaker 1: I know it's about to get embarrassing her, because Vanderkiss's

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Speaker 1: book goes into detail about just how extensive Wilhelm's wardrobe

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Speaker 1: really was. In addition to his much cherished foreign uniforms.

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Speaker 1: He had a full one for every Prussian regiment over

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Speaker 1: three hundred alone, to say nothing of those of Bavaria, Saxony,

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Speaker 1: and Wurtemberg, as well as naval and marine uniforms all

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Speaker 1: had their own individual badges, sashes, caps, helmets, epaulets, shoulder points, belts, swords, lences,

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Speaker 1: and firearms. The resulting wardrobe and armory had to be

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Speaker 1: housed in a hall containing huge wardrobes, with a cammerdiner

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Speaker 1: on duty from morning to night to select the shortest

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Speaker 1: possible notice any out that he might require. According to

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Speaker 1: Anne Topham, his daughter's governess, he cut a fine figure

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Speaker 1: in military dress, but in civilian clothes the effect was

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Speaker 1: completely lacking. Many German gentlemen lost much appearance when out

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Speaker 1: of uniform, but none to the extent that their emperor did.

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Speaker 1: He no longer had any shred of dignity, and curiously enough,

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Speaker 1: that charm of manner was also bereft of its influence

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Speaker 1: and merged into what was an offensive wearisome buffoonery. He

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Speaker 1: was wise, she added, not to appear before his subjects

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Speaker 1: except in uniform.

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Speaker 3: Oh God, I like, he's just like, how could I

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Speaker 3: possibly not be a War Hero look at all my

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Speaker 3: shirts like you're like, yeah, that's not how that works.

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Speaker 1: Pause, Pizza's here, so we're back. They received pizza in

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Speaker 1: the room and Jamie and I are talking about all

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Speaker 1: the articles comparing Kaiservillehelm to Trump, and one of the

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Speaker 1: things I noted is that like, nobody ever really defends

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Speaker 1: kaiserville Helm. One of my one of my weird hobbies

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Speaker 1: is I like to go on YouTube and I like

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Speaker 1: to find collections of imperial Prussian and Imperial British and

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Speaker 1: Imperial Russian, like court music, like military marches and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that, and I like to relive comments.

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Speaker 2: Very weird.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I like to read the comments because the

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Speaker 1: comments are filled with monarchists, with people who like desperately

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Speaker 1: want to return to monarchy in Europe, and they're all

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Speaker 1: the saddest, dumbest people in the entire world. And it's

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Speaker 1: it's I like to read their arguments between each other.

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Speaker 1: But nobody ever defends the Kaiser.

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Speaker 2: No, that's good, that's tical.

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Speaker 3: I mean, commenters will defend almost anything that's immat Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I like to go to the youtubes. It's like, oh

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Speaker 2: not the Okay, what am I saying?

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Speaker 3: Okay, where you're like looking for a specific song, and

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Speaker 3: so you search it on YouTube and then you accidentally

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Speaker 3: scroll down to the comments and it's like something that's

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Speaker 3: very depressing out of nowhere.

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Speaker 2: I forget what song I was looking at recently.

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Speaker 3: But the top comment was like, my husband died to

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Speaker 3: this song and it's nice that it's on YouTube dot

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Speaker 3: com and it was like a dance song.

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Speaker 2: But anyways, I love comments.

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Speaker 1: There's a story there.

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Speaker 2: Where's the Wilhelm Hive, where's the will Hive?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they are not buzzing because he was really bad

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Speaker 1: at his job, and even the dumbest people in the

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Speaker 1: world monarchists can recognize that. Now, as his reign began,

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Speaker 1: the Kaiser fell under the influence of a number of

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Speaker 1: bad apples. There's the anti Semite Stoker, who we already

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Speaker 1: talked about. There was also Count Alfred Voan Waldersey, the

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Speaker 1: deputy chief of the German General Staff. Now, he was

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Speaker 1: a rabidly pro war nutfuck who supported an immediate attack

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Speaker 1: against both France and Russia. Like this was his advice,

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Speaker 1: we just invade them both simultaneously, right now.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: When Bismarck heard about the growing friendship between the Kaiser

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Speaker 1: and Valderc. He is said to have cried, alas my

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Speaker 1: poor grandchildren. So Bismarck, being a smart guy, pretty instantly

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Speaker 1: realizes like, oh shit, this dude is going to plunge

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Speaker 1: the whole continent into a stupid, stupid war.

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Speaker 2: Boy, was he right?

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Speaker 1: He was not wrong. Like I said, Bismarck is a

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Speaker 1: very is a visionary. He's a man, but he's a

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Speaker 1: visionary and he clearly saw what was going to happen.

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Speaker 2: I hate when the bad people are smart as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're more effectively bad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean in Bismarck's defense, like he was just kind

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Speaker 1: of kind of associopath, but he wasn't bad. And like,

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Speaker 1: his goals weren't dominate Europe and put all the Jews

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Speaker 1: in camp. His goals were insured Germany a place of

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Speaker 1: prominence among nations and stop a massive European war. And

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Speaker 1: he did gross and manipulative things to ensure that. But

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Speaker 1: he wasn't trying to like make the world worse.

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Speaker 2: He wasn't doing chaos for chaos's sake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he wasn't like a yeah yeah, his goal

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Speaker 1: in the like he just wants things to not break

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Speaker 1: into a war and he wants Germany to be popular. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well he felt yeah, he definitely did, didn't succeed in

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Speaker 1: the long run. Now, Count Eulenberg, the Kaiser's best friend

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Speaker 1: and probable crush, also led to the Kaiser's break with Bismarck.

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Speaker 1: The Kaiser demanded that a Bismarck promote the Count to

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Speaker 1: the position of Prussian envoy in Munich, which was a

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Speaker 1: very important job. Now Bismarck balked at giving this job

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Speaker 1: to an inexperienced friend of the Kings. The conflict between

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Speaker 1: the two men very much embodied a greater conflict within

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Speaker 1: German governance. A large chunk of the country, including Bismarck,

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Speaker 1: wanted Germany to be a proper nation state with rules

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Speaker 1: and laws and checks and balances. They weren't democrats, and

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Speaker 1: I don't mean that like the American political since, I

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Speaker 1: mean like pro democracy, since at least not all of them.

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Speaker 1: But they didn't want an absolute monarchy where the Kaisers

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Speaker 1: will determined everything. The Kaiser, on the other hand, didn't

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Speaker 1: really see why other people should have a say and

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Speaker 1: how he ran Germany. Now, Bismarck warned the Kaiser that

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Speaker 1: filling government posts with his buddies would lead to a

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Speaker 1: situation wherein he couldn't actually trust any of his ministers

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Speaker 1: to give him good information because they'd all be toadies

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Speaker 1: at worst, or his friends at best, and in any case,

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Speaker 1: they wouldn't be trustworthy to actually speak the truth to

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Speaker 1: him when the truth needed speaking. The Kaiser ignored Bismarck,

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Speaker 1: and over the next few years the positions of the

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Speaker 1: ministers and the reich Chancellor. Bismarck's job were demoted to

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Speaker 1: what role calls royal lab Oh so yeah, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: Throughout eighteen eighty eight and eighteen eighty nine, Wilhelm and

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Speaker 1: Bismarck's relationship degraded. Things came to a head in eighteen

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Speaker 1: eighty nine when a bunch of miners in the Ruher

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Speaker 1: district went on strike for better working conditions. Now Here

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Speaker 1: Hinspeter had what you would actually say is a positive influence.

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Speaker 1: As odd as it sounds, Kaiser Wilhelm instantly sided with

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Speaker 1: the striking workers against their employers. This caused another rift

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Speaker 1: between him and Bismarck, because Bismarck's again a piece of

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Speaker 1: shit and a chance they didn't but yeah, the Chancellor

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Speaker 1: didn't give a fuck about the workers, and obviously cared

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Speaker 1: mostly about steel production and his friends who ran the companies.

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Speaker 1: But you know, the Kaiser stood for the working people,

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Speaker 1: and on May twelfth he charged into a meeting of

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Speaker 1: the Prussian Ministry of State and declared that Bismarck was

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Speaker 1: wrong for not acceding to their demands, and declared the

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Speaker 1: workers were his subjects whom he had to look after.

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Speaker 1: All right, yeah, this is like, yeah, this is good. Now.

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Speaker 1: Wilhelm got his way on the Ruher strike for their

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Speaker 1: frustrating the Reich Chancellor. In the summer of eighteen eighty nine,

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Speaker 1: he took his yacht out for his first cruise across

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Speaker 1: Scandinavian waters. This became a yearly tradition, one he kept

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Speaker 1: up for decades. On his first outing he brought walder

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Speaker 1: C and Ulenberg with him. The latter was at least

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Speaker 1: a sane person who didn't support wars of aggression with

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Speaker 1: the rest of the world, but valder C was a

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Speaker 1: racist nutfuck, and during their vacation he convinced the Kaiser

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Speaker 1: that Bismarck was jew ridden and had been conned into

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Speaker 1: giving control of the Reich's monetary policy to a bunch

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Speaker 1: of Jews.

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Speaker 2: Is his crush.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, his crush is a pretty reasonable guy. This

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Speaker 1: is that racist general who wants him to invade the

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Speaker 1: entire world.

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Speaker 2: The names are so confusing, Okay, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, sorry, there's a lot. Walder C is the

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Speaker 1: racist general. Yulenberg is his crush. Now, so Valderc convinces

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Speaker 1: the Kaiser that Bismarck had been conned into giving control

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Speaker 1: of the Reich's monetary policy to a bunch of Jews.

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Speaker 1: This was a lie, but reality had very little influence

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Speaker 1: on the Kaiser. Now, this month long annual cruise around

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Speaker 1: the coast of Norway became one of the kaisers favorite things.

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Speaker 1: And I have to read you Vanderkiss's description of it

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Speaker 1: because it sounds like the worst time you could have

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Speaker 1: on a boat. The annual Cruise, or nord lynd Rice,

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Speaker 1: with its exclusively male company, allowed him the Kaiser to

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Speaker 1: indulge in practical jokes and boyish tomfoolery, like applying a

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Speaker 1: foot to the backside of elderly aids. De camp engaged

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Speaker 1: in physical exercises. Its purpose was originally to give him

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Speaker 1: a month long break from court life, but in due

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Speaker 1: course his doctor decided it was counterproductive, as he was

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Speaker 1: physically and mentally upset by the long voyage, diet, and

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Speaker 1: exhaustion of various kinds, and it did him more harm

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Speaker 1: than good. His entourage soon tired of these cruises, bored,

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Speaker 1: if not repelled by the juvenile atmosphere and behavior of

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Speaker 1: the Kaiser and some of his officers who loathed every

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Speaker 1: childish prank and moment themselves, but were too sickophantic to

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Speaker 1: say so.

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Speaker 2: God, it sounds you're going.

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Speaker 3: It reminds me of like that documentary where Jim Carrey

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Speaker 3: goes Method, where you're like, oh, he's just a tyrant.

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Speaker 3: He's been waiting his whole life to get people trapped

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Speaker 3: in this, in this enclosed setting to be horrible cool.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad you did pranks on the set of his.

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Speaker 1: You want to? You want to? You want to go

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Speaker 1: on a month long prink cruise with the King Boy.

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Speaker 3: With the Yeah, with the King Boy who like has

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Speaker 3: a God, imagine just having a cruise with him and

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Speaker 3: all of his demons.

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Speaker 2: That's wild.

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Speaker 1: Oh guarantee you. He never didn't have an erection and

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Speaker 1: he never knew what it was for.

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Speaker 3: Well, he's just walking around with a full erection all

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Speaker 3: the time, Like.

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Speaker 2: Do you guys know what this is?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: Just kicking people in the butt. I think I was laughing.

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Speaker 2: Hard as a wrong kicking old people around what.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Well he is officially you know, well, I mean

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Speaker 3: he's just a bad he's a badman.

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Speaker 2: He's a creatively bad man in this case.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, really really punishing everyone around him in

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Speaker 3: very specific ways.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: In January of eighteen ninety, Wilhelm told his Crown Council

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Speaker 1: that he would celebrate his thirty first birthday with two

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Speaker 1: new proclamations, one to protect working people and limit their

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Speaker 1: labor hours, and another to call an international summit in

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Speaker 1: Berlin to improve labor conditions across the continent. So that's

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Speaker 1: pretty cool, right, yeah, all right, is labor crusader.

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Speaker 2: I'm very surprised that he is like gunning for labor

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Speaker 2: like this.

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Speaker 1: He well, you know, one of the good things about

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Speaker 1: Heinz Peters, he had taken him around to all these

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Speaker 1: factories and mines and stuff when he was a kid.

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Speaker 1: So the Kaiser had seen like how tough life was

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Speaker 1: for working people, and he wasn't He's not like a

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Speaker 1: sociopath or anything. He had empathy for these people, so

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Speaker 1: he did care about people. Like, he's not a monster.

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Speaker 1: He does monstrous things, but he's not a monster. Now,

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Speaker 1: Bismarck thought that the Kaiser's love of the working people

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Speaker 1: was super dumb. The two fought over this, and another

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Speaker 1: fight broke out in March of eighteen ninety when Bismarck

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Speaker 1: entered into negotiations with the leader of the Center Party.

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Speaker 1: He's like, Dinad, why do you care about the poors?

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Speaker 1: It's such a bad fuck there. Look they're the poors man.

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Speaker 2: Come on, of course, what the foot? What are you

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Speaker 2: going to get on it?

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Speaker 1: So Bismarck enters into negotiations with the leader of the

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Speaker 1: Center Party, a guy named Winthorst, and their goal is

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Speaker 1: to get rid of bigoted, anti Catholic legislation in Germany.

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Speaker 1: So again Bismarck is trying to fight against discrimination here.

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Speaker 1: So none of these sides are simple here, right, Bismarck

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Speaker 1: hates working people but also hates discrimination. The Kaiser fights

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Speaker 1: for the working man, but gets furious about removing this

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Speaker 1: anti Catholic legislation because he's a bigot.

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Speaker 2: So they're just like a stalemate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Now he's particularly pissed that this meeting between Bismarck

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Speaker 1: and the leader of the Center Party had been organized

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Speaker 1: by Bismarck's banker, who was a Jewish Man. Now, to

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Speaker 1: the Kaiser, this was confirmation that the Jews were secretly

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Speaker 1: running his empire via Bismarck.

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Speaker 2: God damn it okay.

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Speaker 1: Next, according to Kaiser Vilhelm the Second, a concise life,

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Speaker 1: early in the morning of fifteen March eighteen ninety, there

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Speaker 1: took place one of the most highly charged scenes ever

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Speaker 1: played out in Berlin's center of government. The Wilhelmstrasa Kaiser

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Speaker 1: Wilhelm the Second some of the seventy five year old

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Speaker 1: reich Chancellor from his bed and upbraided him for receiving Winthorst.

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Speaker 1: He went on to complain that Bismarck had dug out

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Speaker 1: a dusty old cabinet order of eighteen fifty two that

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Speaker 1: prevented the monarch from receiving ministers except in the presence

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Speaker 1: of the Minister President. He preemptorily demanded that the order

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Speaker 1: be rescinded, which Bismarck refused to do. Wilhelm later recounted

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Speaker 1: that Bismarck had become so violent towards him that he

433
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: was afraid the Chancellor would throw the inkstan at my head.

434
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: After this dramatic quarrel, walderse urged the Kaiser in the

435
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: presence of the chief of the military Cabinet, to sack

436
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: Bismarck forthwith the present state of affairs was quite untenable,

437
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 1: he argued, and moreover, the Chancellor was too closely allied

438
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 1: with the Jews. Bismarck first sent honk Is like military leader,

439
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 1: and then the chief of the civil Cabinet, Hermann von Luchannis,

440
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: to the Chancellor, ordering him to hand in his resignation,

441
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: which Bismarck finally did on eighteenth March eighteen ninety. If walderse,

442
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 1: as one can safely assume, expected to take Bismarck's place,

443
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 1: he was in for a bitter disappointment. That same evening,

444
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 1: Wilhelm the Second announced to the commanding generals assembled in

445
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: the berlinsh Lass that in order to remit and master

446
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 1: of the situation, he had to issue in order to

447
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: the Chancellor, insisting that he submit. So, the Kaiser accepted

448
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: Bismarck's letter of you know, he's retired his retirement and

449
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: made a guy named Kaprivy, who was a Lickspittle, you know,

450
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: the new chancellor, so he forces out the guy who

451
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: like the political cartoons in Europe at this time are

452
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: like show the Kaiser on a boat kicking Bismarck, the

453
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 1: pilot of the boat off of the ship, and that's

454
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: generally how this is seen. Germany has like jettison to

455
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 1: its pilot in favor of the dumbest monarch in Europe.

456
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 2: The man. What a choice?

457
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 1: What a choice? All right, it's not great, it's not great.

458
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 3: I mean, there's no winning scenario, but they did seem

459
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 3: to choose the losing er of the team.

460
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: They definitely chose the losingest scenario. Yeah, but you know

461
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: what's not the losing scenario, Jamie, tell me the products

462
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 1: and services that support this show.

463
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 2: Oh, it's true. I love each and everyone, especially the

464
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 2: dick Pills.

465
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: The dick Pills especially, And one of the Behind the

466
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: Bastards guarantees is that no more than seven percent of

467
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,160
Speaker 1: our sponsors contributed to the outbreak of hostilities in World

468
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: War One.

469
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 2: Wow.

470
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's a guarantee no other podcast will give you.

471
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 3: That's a little wiggle room. That's nice, that's nice.

472
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: Up to seven percent.

473
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll crunch those numbers and then cancel you later.

474
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: All right, here's some ANTSCS Now with Bismarck out Kaiser

475
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 1: Wilhelm was the unquestioned chief power in Germany, and this

476
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: was not a good thing. Phil Helm was bad at

477
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 1: every aspect of the job, particularly diplomacy, and he haven't

478
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 1: been for years.

479
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 2: It had been for years. It was not a shock

480
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 2: to anyone.

481
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,199
Speaker 1: Oh okay, yeah, Now, he was convinced that his relation

482
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: to the other crowned heads of Europe and his personal

483
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 1: charisma would allow him to negotiate well with other nations.

484
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: The orchard summarizes his talent for this part of the

485
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: job thusly quote. He called the diminutive King Victor Emmanuel

486
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: the third of Italy the dwarf. In front of the

487
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: king's own entourage, he called Prince later Czar Ferdinand of

488
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: Bulgaria Ferdinando Nasso on account of his beaky nose and

489
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: spread rumors that he was a hermaphrodite. Since Philhelm was

490
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: notably indiscreet, people always yeah, Since Wilhelm was notably indiscreet,

491
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: people always knew what he was saying behind their backs.

492
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: Ferdinand had his revenge after a visit to Germany in

493
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: nineteen oh nine, during which the Kaiser slapped him on

494
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 1: the bottom in public and then refused to apologize. Ferdinand

495
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: awarded a valuable arms contract that had been promised to

496
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 1: the Germans to a French company instead. One of the

497
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: many things that Wilhelm was convinced he was brilliant at,

498
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: despite all evidence to the contrary, was personal diplomacy, fixing

499
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 1: foreign policy through one on one meetings with other European

500
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 1: monarchs and statesmen. This is one of the reasons people

501
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: compare him to Trump a lot. In eighteen ninety he

502
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,439
Speaker 1: let lapse a long standing defensive agreement with Russia, the

503
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 1: German empires vast and some I'm threatening eastern neighbor. He

504
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: judged wrongly that Russia was so desperate for German goodwill

505
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 1: that he could keep it dangling. Instead, Russia immediately made

506
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: an alliance with Germany's western neighbor and enemy, France.

507
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 2: I don't like him single negotiation.

508
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: That's nasty, it's bad.

509
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 2: Wipe it.

510
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: Wilhelm decided he would charm and manipulate Zar Nicholas the Second,

511
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: a ninny and a whimperer, according to Wilhelm, fit only

512
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: to grow turnips into abandoning the alliance. In eighteen ninety seven,

513
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: Nicholas told Wilhelm to get lost. The German Russian alliance withered.

514
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 1: So he comes to power and within a couple of

515
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,479
Speaker 1: years scraps the alliance with Russia and Russia immediately allies

516
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 1: with France, which means that Germany is now surrounded on

517
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 1: both sides by enemies. So he went from Germany's entire

518
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: flank to the east being totally protected by a military ally,

519
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 1: to the nation being surrounded.

520
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: Jesus, he's so benefit.

521
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's crazy how I did like the speed at

522
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 3: which he's bad at it too, Like he's not even

523
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 3: a slow burn, Like, ah, I do something shitty everyone

524
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 3: Like he's just like expeditiously ruining everything.

525
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: No, he is a more stupid, faster guy, very much.

526
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 2: So, the worst kind of person.

527
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 1: Okay, Now, one good thing you can say for the

528
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 1: Kaiser is that he was better than most modern governance

529
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: that promoting gay people to positions of high authority. The

530
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: downside of this is that these guys were all his

531
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: friends and sycophants, and he almost certainly had no idea

532
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: they were gay. His best friend Yulenberg of course occupied

533
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: high positions in the Reich, but there were too many

534
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 1: rumors about him for him to be made chancellor. There

535
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: were a number of like they were like trials and

536
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: like news stories that would come out. So the Kaiser

537
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: promoted a dude named Bulah for the job. A letter

538
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: Bulou wrote in July eighteen ninety six shows that things

539
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 1: within the German government had degraded exactly the way Bismarck

540
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: predicted they would. Quote, I would be a different kind

541
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: of chancellor for my predecessors. Bismarck was a power in

542
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: his own right, a pepin a Richelieu, Caprivi and Hohenlow

543
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: regarded or regard themselves as the representatives of the government

544
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: into a certain extent of the parliament in relation to

545
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: his majesty. I would regard myself as the executive tool

546
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,439
Speaker 1: of his majesty, so to speak, his political chief of

547
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,120
Speaker 1: staff with me. Personal rule in the good sense would

548
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 1: really begin.

549
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 2: I'm picturing this as like an Instagram caption.

550
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Buloh would have been tweeting sycophantically about his

551
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: boss in this modern era. But he's like he comes

552
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: to power and immediately promises I'm going to do everything

553
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: the Kaiser says, and not represent the rest of the

554
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: government in any way. Like that's his promise. Wow, and

555
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: he thinks that's a good thing now s In an

556
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 1: eighteen ninety eight letter to his mother, Kaiser Wilhelm exalted

557
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 1: in his ability to gradually wear down the government of

558
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 1: Germany into acting as just an extension of his ego

559
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: forever and ever. He exulted in a letter to his

560
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: mother in eighteen ninety eight, there is only one real

561
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,719
Speaker 1: emperor in the world, and that is the German, regardless

562
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: of his person in qualities, but by right of a

563
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: thousand years tradition, and his chancellor has to obey.

564
00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 3: Oh God, leave your if nothing else, lee of your

565
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 3: poor mother alone.

566
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 1: Now Eulenberg, who'd put Bulo up for the job because

567
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: Ulenberg there were too many rumors about him being gay,

568
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,199
Speaker 1: wrote the new chancellor this advice for working under Kaiser Wilhelm.

569
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: And again I have to remind you this man loves Wilhelm.

570
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 2: Right well, I mean you.

571
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 1: Wilhelm the second takes everything personally. Only personal arguments make

572
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: any impression on him. He likes to give advice to others,

573
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 1: but is unwilling to take it himself. He cannot stand boredom, ponderous, stiff,

574
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: excessively thorough. People get on his nerves and cannot get

575
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,959
Speaker 1: anywhere with him. Wilhelm the second wants to shine and

576
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: decide everything himself. What he wants to do himself, unfortunately,

577
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: often goes wrong. He loves glory. He is ambitious and jealous.

578
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: To get him to accept an idea, one has to

579
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 1: pretend that the idea came from him. Never forget that

580
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: his majesty needs praise from time to time. He is

581
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: the sort of person who becomes sullen unless he has

582
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: given recognition from time to time by someone of importance.

583
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: You will always accomplish whatever you wish, so long as

584
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: you do not admit to express your appreciation. When his

585
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: majesty deserves it, he's grateful for it, like a good

586
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 1: clever child. If one remains silent when he deserves recognition,

587
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: he eventually seens malevolence in it. We too, will always

588
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: carefully observe the boundaries of flattery.

589
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,719
Speaker 2: I mean, who among us has not worked for someone

590
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: exactly like this?

591
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: Absolutely?

592
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was working for someone like this two weeks ago.

593
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hollywood is thirty percent people like this.

594
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: Thirty percent Wilhelm.

595
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh god, I mean, but the fact

596
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 3: that that's like one of his closest friends. He's like, yeah,

597
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 3: he's an absolute night. Mary's the worst person I know.

598
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 3: But also he's my closest friend, so.

599
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: You know, I love him.

600
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the health insurance is great, so put up. Yeah.

601
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: Now, wil Helm had a bad reputation for basically sighting

602
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: with whatever the last person he talked to had said.

603
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: Since a number of his generals were warmongering racists, this

604
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: was problematic. In eighteen ninety six, the Kaiser impulsively sent

605
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: a congratulatory telegram to Paul Krueger of the Transvaal Republic

606
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: South Africa for his victory over a British raiding party.

607
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: This is like in the Boer War period. Now, the

608
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: Boers are a Germanic people and there was great sympathy

609
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 1: for them within the Reich. But England was the world's

610
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: pre eminent naval power, and by sending this message, the

611
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: Kaiser provoked rage from a country he really needed to

612
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: keep on his side since he'd already alienated Russia. So

613
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: that's not a great move like reaching out to the

614
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: enemy of the greatest naval power. In the world being like,

615
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 1: good job killing some of their guys, Like it doesn't

616
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: play well in England.

617
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: Again, petty petty dumb, petty dumb.

618
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: Now, there were numerous other insults and slights like that.

619
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: He was the Kaiser for like twenty six years before

620
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: the war, and this shit happened constantly. I'm just gonna

621
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,719
Speaker 1: you know, I'm giving you a couple of examples, so

622
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: you know the sorts of shit he was up to.

623
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: Bit by bit, Wilhelm alienated basically all of Germany's allies.

624
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: His advisors and ministers, men like Bulou and Ulenberg, proved

625
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: unable to do anything but praise the Kaiser and hoped

626
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: to calm him down and reduce his impulsive swings. They

627
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: were often unsuccessful. In nineteen hundred, the Boxer rebellion in

628
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: China led to the capture of a number of Europeans,

629
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: including Germans, in the city of Peking. Most of Europe's

630
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 1: great powers dispatched soldiers to deal with the situation. The

631
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 1: Kaiser was late in doing so, and his men arrived

632
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: too late to participate in the fight. But before they left,

633
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: the Kaiser insisted on addressing them personally with a speech

634
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 1: that made him the laughing stock of Europe. It ended

635
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: like this, should you encounter the enemy, he will be defeated.

636
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: No quarter will be given, Prisoners will not be taken.

637
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: Whoever falls into your hands has forfeited, just as a

638
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 1: thousand years ago the Huns under their king Atilla made

639
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: a name for themselves, one that even today makes them

640
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: seem mighty in history and legend. May the name German

641
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: be affirmed by you win such a way in China

642
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: that no Chinese will ever again dare to look cross

643
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: eyed at a German. Now you've heard of like how

644
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: the Huns, like Germany were referred to as the Huns

645
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: in like World War I propaganda by the British and

646
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: the Americans and stuff.

647
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

648
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: This speech is why the Hun speech is what people

649
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: call it.

650
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 3: So they were just getting They were just like roasted

651
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 3: filim indirectly.

652
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: Exactly, but pretty directly.

653
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, I guess that's not even a subtweeen, because

654
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 3: like this is seen as really silly.

655
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: For one, thing like beating China in this period was

656
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: not something to brag about, Like the European powers had

657
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: machine guns and like modern battleships and military tactics, and

658
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: the Chinese military just did not, and so it wasn't

659
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: really a fight. Also, the Germans arrived too late to

660
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: participate in the fight, so this was both seen as

661
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 1: like a manchild pretending to be a warrior, but it

662
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: was also seen as deeply worrying by the crownheads of

663
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 1: Europe the other leaders of the European powers, because the

664
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: Kaiser had Europe's most powerful army, and it's not comforting

665
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: to hear him say this.

666
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 3: Shit.

667
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: It's like somebody with a huge gun collection talking about

668
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 1: how he could carry out a school shooting if he

669
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: wanted to. Oh, he'd be like, oh fuck, yeah, this

670
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: might this is a problem. Maybe I should call the police,

671
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: but of course there's no police to call on the Kaiser.

672
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 3: No, don't you love when someone's above the law, And therefore,

673
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 3: yeahs of people have to die, millions, but yeah, I'm sorry, yeah, millions.

674
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: The nation's worth okay. Now, speaking of the army, they

675
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: were the only ones who really gained in power during

676
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: Wilhelm's reign. He had a habit of promoting generals to

677
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: ministerial positions. He liked being surrounded and consulted by them.

678
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: His appointees included General Alfred von Schlieffen, a military tactician

679
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: who developed an elaborate plan for how Germany could beat

680
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 1: both Russia and France in a European war.

681
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 2: Wasn't it like a five year plan? It was? Or

682
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 2: what was the duration?

683
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: It was very quick. Happened in a matter of months.

684
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: So basically the idea was that you've got you're surrounded

685
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: now because Wilhelm fucked up and made Russia an enemy,

686
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: so Germany has to fight both Russia and France at

687
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: the same time. So Schleifen's idea was that the vast

688
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: majority of the Germans army, like two or three million men,

689
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: would invade and conquer Paris very quickly, and then you know,

690
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: a small chunk of the German army would hold off

691
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 1: the Russian army in the east until the rest of

692
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: the army could be read up and sent by rail

693
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 1: to go fight the Russians. The only way for them

694
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: to beat France quickly was to bypass France's fortresses and

695
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: like like defensive line on the German French border and

696
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 1: invade through Belgium. Now, this would necessitate Germany break like

697
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: basically Belgium's a neutral power. So this would like necessitate

698
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 1: Germany launch a war of aggression against a neutral power,

699
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: and Britain had an agreement with Belgium that they would

700
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: defend them from this sort of thing. So basically the

701
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: nature of the Schliefen Plan essentially guaranteed that Britain would

702
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: get involved in a war between France and Germany. Okay,

703
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,720
Speaker 1: so it's not a great plan. It's a very detailed

704
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: and elaborate plan, but it's not a good idea, and.

705
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 2: It's just like article.

706
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,840
Speaker 3: He's like, all right, here's what I want to do,

707
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 3: and everyone's like, well, at least he came up with

708
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:52,800
Speaker 3: a plan.

709
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: I mean, you could argue that it was the best

710
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 1: possible plan in the impossible situation that the Kaiser could

711
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 1: get German. No, no, no, But like, like, if you

712
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 1: have to try to beat Russia a sixth of the world,

713
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: and France, the second largest military power in Europe, simultaneously,

714
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: there's really no good way to do that. And in

715
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: Schliffen's defense, this actually came very close to working. Like

716
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: Germany almost won World War One very early on. They

717
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: didn't in everything else that happened.

718
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 2: Have you had a cumber Schleifen's defense.

719
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: In this way, it's more just pointing out, like I

720
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 1: think it's important to note how powerful the German army was.

721
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 1: The German army essentially on its own because Austria Hungary

722
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: was useless and their allies, the Italians, turned their backs

723
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: on them almost immediately. So Germany on their own conquered

724
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: a huge chunk of France, beat Russia, beat Romania, and

725
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: conquered the majority, like almost won a war against the

726
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: entire world. And that's the force that this guy inherits,

727
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: this like young man with anger problems. Yeah, so it's

728
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: it's less like a guy with a gun collection and

729
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: a guy with a new collection, like he's he that's

730
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 1: the power of the army that he gets as birthright right,

731
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: which maybe means you shouldn't get armies by birthright.

732
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: Now there's something to think about. Yeah, hold on a second.

733
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So it's a bad it's a bad idea.

734
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: So basically, this Schleefen plan means that by the necessity,

735
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:30,320
Speaker 1: there would be no defensive wars for Germany under the Kaiser.

736
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: So another general close to the Kaiser was helm With

737
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 1: von Moltke. Moltke was one of the relatively few people

738
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: who was brave enough to criticize Kaiservillehelm to his face.

739
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 1: The cause of his ire in the first caise was

740
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: the annual German war games, particularly the fact that every

741
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 1: year they were arranged so that the Kaiser would win

742
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: no matter what he did. Von Moltke was convinced that

743
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 1: the next European war would be an enormous, bloody affair

744
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: consisting of millions of men in entire nations at arms.

745
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: He did not think set piece war games like Germany,

746
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: we're adequately preparing her for this sort of conflict. And

747
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 1: I'm going to quote a passage now from von Moltke's memoires,

748
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: and this is him talking to the Kaiser. And when

749
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: I now look at the strategic war game plans which

750
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 1: are put before your Majesty year after year, regularly ending

751
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: with the taking prisoner of enemy armies consisting of five

752
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: or six hundred thousand men, and that too after only

753
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,240
Speaker 1: a few days of operations, I cannot avoid the feeling

754
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 1: that this in no way meets the conditions of war.

755
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: I cannot engage in such wargames. Your Majesty knows yourself

756
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: that the army is led by you regularly encircle the enemy,

757
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,280
Speaker 1: and in this way allegedly in the war with one blow.

758
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 1: In my opinion, these results can only be brought about

759
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: by forcefully distorting circumstances in such a way that the

760
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 1: basic principle that the wargames should be a study for

761
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: real war and should take into account all the friction

762
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: and obstacles that arise in war is not met. This

763
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 1: kind of wargame, in which to a certain extent your

764
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: Majesty's enemy is at your mercy with his hands tied

765
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: from the outset, must give rise to false ideas which

766
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: can only be pernicious when war comes. But in my

767
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: view this is not the worst part of it. I

768
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: hold it to be even more disturbing that the distorted

769
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 1: wargames have the effect of destroying their interest. For the

770
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: wide circle of officers involved, everybody has the feeling that

771
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what you do. A higher destiny controls

772
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: the business and brings it one way or another to

773
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: the desired conclusion. Your Majesty will have noticed that it

774
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: becomes increasingly difficult to find officers who want to exercise

775
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 1: command against you. This is because everyone says, I'll only

776
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: be wiped off the map. However, what I complain about most,

777
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: and what I must say to your majesty, is that

778
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 1: because of all this, the officer's confidence in their supreme

779
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: commander is severely shaken. The officers say that the Kaiser

780
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: is much too clever not to notice how everything is arranged,

781
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: and that he shall turn out to win, so that

782
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 1: must be the way he wants it. Now. The Kaiser

783
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: expressed shocked to Moltka that things had been arranged this way,

784
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: and claimed to have no idea that the wargames he

785
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: took part in every year were rigged.

786
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 2: I honestly believe that.

787
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he's just diluted.

788
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that he.

789
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 3: I mean, it's like, given his upbringing and the fact

790
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 3: that just no one has ever pointed anything out to

791
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 3: him in his entire life, it tracks that he's like,

792
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,919
Speaker 3: wait a second, I'm not fucking the coolest person that's ever.

793
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: I'm not the best military leader in.

794
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 3: History, especially at this point where he's been in charge

795
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 3: for so long too, like known as negdam in decades.

796
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, not since Henspeter.

797
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly.

798
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that a great thing.

799
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 2: Now.

800
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: From an early age, Wilhelm the Second had been obsessed

801
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: with warships like most boys, but unlike most boys, he

802
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,439
Speaker 1: came up to own a nation and he was able

803
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: to indulge in his obsession with naval boats. This quickly

804
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 1: became a problem. See England's thing was being the best

805
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: at having a navy. Since they were a tiny country

806
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: with a very tiny army, the Royal Navy was really

807
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: the only thing that ensured Great Britain's safety. Germany was

808
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: the unquestioned military master of Europe, and the only reason

809
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 1: that Britain didn't worry more was that they had naval supremacy.

810
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 1: But in eighteen ninety seven, Wilhelm made an admiral named

811
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: Alfred von Turpetz the Secretary of the Navy. Now, his

812
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: reasons for this were simple. Turpets was good at praising

813
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: the Kaiser and making him feel included in naval decisions.

814
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: Turpets had realized on their first meeting that the Kaiser

815
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: quote did not live in the real world, and had

816
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 1: discovered that he could very easily manipulate the Emperor by

817
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 1: painting a lurid picture of a gallant and unstoppable high

818
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: seas fleet. In eighteen ninety seven, the year after the

819
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:24,240
Speaker 1: Kaiser's disastrous Krueger Telegram, where he praised people for killing

820
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 1: British soldiers. Germany passed its first naval bill, announcing a

821
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: massive expansion of the fleet, coming a year after the

822
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 1: Kaiser praised one of Britain's enemies for defeating her soldiers.

823
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: This was not seen as a friendly move.

824
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 2: All right.

825
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:43,280
Speaker 1: According to John Setier, a professor at the University of Virginia,

826
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: quote the Kaiser often indignantly denied that Germany was challenging

827
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: Britain's domination of the seas, but there is clear evidence

828
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 1: that this was in fact the aim of Admiral Alfred

829
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,919
Speaker 1: von Turpetz, who he had made Secretary of the Navy

830
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,280
Speaker 1: in eighteen ninety seven. When in nineteen oh four Britain

831
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: settled its outstanding disputes with France, the Kaiser, at Beulou's suggestion,

832
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 1: went to Tangier the following year to challenge France's position

833
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: in Morocco by announcing German support from Iroccan independence. His

834
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 1: hopes of thereby showing that Britain was of no value

835
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: as an ally to France were disappointed at the nineteen

836
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: oh six Algiers conference, in which the Germans were forced

837
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,439
Speaker 1: to accept French predominance over Morocco. In nineteen oh eight,

838
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: William caused great excitement in Germany by giving, after a

839
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: visit to England, a tactless interview to the Daily Telegraph,

840
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:24,760
Speaker 1: telling his interviewer that large sections of the German people

841
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,720
Speaker 1: were anti English. He had sent the text beforehand to Bulah,

842
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: who had probably neglected to read it, and who defended

843
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: his master very lamely in the Reichstag. This led Wilhelm

844
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 1: to play a less prominent role in public affairs, and,

845
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 1: feeling that he had been betrayed by Buloh, he replaced

846
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: him with theovald On Bethman. Holwig Bethmann's attempts to reach

847
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 1: agreement with Britain failed because Britain would not promise neutrality

848
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: in a war between Germany and France unless Germany would

849
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: limit its fleet. This, the Kaiser, interprets, refused to do.

850
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 3: So.

851
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 1: There's a chance to stop Britain from coming in against

852
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: Germany and World War One, but he has to not

853
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: build a shitload of boats. And the Kaiser really wants

854
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 1: a sh shitload of toy boats.

855
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 2: I mean, and he's one and again you can track

856
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 2: that way. The fuck bag. Yes, man loves his boats.

857
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: He loves his fucking boats.

858
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 2: Jesus.

859
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: Now, that Moroccan crisis that was talked about in the

860
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: quote above very nearly resulted in World War One breaking

861
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 1: out in nineteen oh six, and in that case, the

862
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 1: Kaiser and everyone were lucky that cooler heads were able

863
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: to pull Europe's fat out of the fire. But the

864
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: fact that things had gotten that close was evidence that

865
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: the Kaiser's utter lack of competent ministers and gut focused

866
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: foreign policy was basically the world's deadliest game of dice.

867
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: The series of bad decisions that would lead the world

868
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 1: into blood soaked calamity started in nineteen oh nine, when

869
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: Austria Hungary announced the formal annexation of Bosnia and Herzegovina.

870
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: These provinces had been administered by Vienna since eighteen seventy eight,

871
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,879
Speaker 1: but they were formerly part of the Ottoman Empire. When

872
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 1: the Young terp Rebellion swept the Ottoman Empire and imposed

873
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: a constitution on the Sultan, Austria Hungary saw it as

874
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: a chance to write what they saw as a historical wrong.

875
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 1: Now the Ottoman Empire was allied with Germany, and that

876
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: alliance was one of Wilhelm's very few successes, but the

877
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: Kaiser was unhappy with the Young Turk Revolution because the

878
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: constitution they forced on the Sultan was made an imitation

879
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: of Great Britain, and Wilhelm took offense to this, backing

880
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: Austria Hungary in This was an odd decision, especially given

881
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 1: the fact that one of Wilhelm's later schemes was to

882
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,240
Speaker 1: try and win the Muslim world over to his banner.

883
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 1: And we're going to talk about that. But before we

884
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: talk about how Kaiser Wilhelm tried to win over the Muslims,

885
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: let's talk about how these products and services are going

886
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: to try to win over your dollars.

887
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 2: A smooth transitions usual, Robert.

888
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe my best. Yeah, products, we're back.

889
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:49,439
Speaker 2: Huh.

890
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: Now we're talking about Kaiser Wilhelm's attempt to make all

891
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 1: the Muslims love him. That may seem weird, but there's

892
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: logic behind it. See, the British Empire ruled a huge

893
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:01,439
Speaker 1: chunk of the Muslim world. French Empire did as well,

894
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,760
Speaker 1: and most of those Muslims were unhappy with this fact.

895
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 1: If Wilhelm could earn their loyalty, he thought it would

896
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: provide him with another weapon to use against England. Friendship

897
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: with the Ottomans also helped counter Germany's isolation, which was

898
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: only a thing because Wilhelm sucked at diplomacy. In nineteen

899
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: oh five, he said, this and the present very tense circumstances,

900
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: when we stand almost alone in the face of great

901
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 1: coalitions which are being formed against us, our last trump

902
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 1: card is Islam and the Mohammadan world. So Wilhelm saw

903
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: the young Turks and their Anglo friendliness as an attack

904
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 1: on his hard won courtship of their empire, so he

905
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: threw them under the bus to support Austria Hungary's ambitions.

906
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: This trend of supporting Austria Hungary, regardless of what it did,

907
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: would prove to be all of Europe's undoing, As Rolls

908
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 1: Biography notes, from then onwards, Kaiser Wilhelm ardently supported his

909
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: allies initiative, and as usual overshot the mark in his

910
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 1: martial enthusiasm, and the possibility of war between Austria Hungary

911
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 1: and Serbia loomed, he exclaimed, if only it would start.

912
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: He was fully aware of the danger that your he

913
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 1: could be drawn into a war against France and Russia.

914
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 1: By a Bulkan conflict. Thirteen years earlier, on November eighteen

915
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: ninety five, Philhelm the Second had assured the Austro Hungarian ambassador,

916
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: Count Ledislaw Vaughan. I'm not going to try to pronounce

917
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 1: this fucker's name. The Austria Hungarian ambassador quite plainly that

918
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: he would stand at Austria Hungary's side with all the

919
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: forces at my disposal, without any further inquiry as to

920
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: whether there's any cause for war that exists in our

921
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: accordance with our Treaty of Alliance, Your all highest Sovereign

922
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: Franz Joseph, may be quite sure that if at any

923
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 1: moment the position of Austro Hungarian monarchy is at issue,

924
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: my entire fighting forces will be immediately and unconditionally at

925
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: his disposal. So the Kaiser gives Austria Hungary a blank

926
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,399
Speaker 1: check to do whatever they want, and it's this would

927
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: wind up probably being the key mistake most responsible for

928
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 1: plunging Europe into the First World War.

929
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, seems to be the popular opinion.

930
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. When Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated by a

931
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 1: Serbian partisan in the summer of nineteen fourteen, it made

932
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 1: Austria's war against Serbia inevitable. Russia was bound to come

933
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 1: to Serbia's defense, and the Kaiser had repeatedly promised loudly

934
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 1: and publicly to back Austria Hungary in any such war. Now,

935
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: there'd been another Balkan crisis in nineteen twelve and thirteen

936
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: that had almost led Europe off a cliff into war,

937
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: but again cooler heads had talked things down this time. However,

938
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: in nineteen fourteen, there were fewer cooler heads available. For

939
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,280
Speaker 1: one thing, the Kaiser's best friend, Julenberg was no longer

940
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,959
Speaker 1: in the picture. A complex blackmail plot, orchestrated in part

941
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: by pro war elements in the German government, had been

942
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 1: executed against Ulenberg. The chief cause for this was Ulenberg's pacifism.

943
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: Once he was out of the picture, the Kaiser had

944
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,279
Speaker 1: no friends close to him who actually cared about him

945
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: as a human being. Ulenberg was a lickpittle, but he

946
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 1: was a lixpittle who legitimately had Whilhelm's best interests at

947
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: heart and didn't want a war.

948
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 2: Sorry, can you unpack the term lickspittle?

949
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a sickophant. He's somebody who just is going

950
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,399
Speaker 1: to praise the leader and not going to question them

951
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: too much.

952
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 2: Is that your word or is that someone else?

953
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, no, no, that's a common word.

954
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I learned.

955
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: It from the I learned it from the Simpsons.

956
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 2: Says oh, okay, well fine.

957
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: Now with Yulenberg gone, the Kaiser's next best friend was

958
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: Prince max Egon of Baden, who was closely related to

959
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: the Emperor of Austria Hungary, which of course had drawn

960
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 1: the Kaiser close to the Austrian royal family, which made

961
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 1: him make more and more dumb promises. I'm simplifying things

962
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: here by quite a lot because we only have so

963
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 1: much time. But I think this paints the essential picture

964
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 1: of what went on to bring Veilhelm to a point

965
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 1: where he was willing to make these bad, bad, bad calls.

966
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 3: I mean, it is kind of remarkable just hearing it

967
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,800
Speaker 3: all out in order, Like how long a massive conflict

968
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 3: was avoided? Like that's yeah, there's been there's so many

969
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 3: close scrapes before something actually starts.

970
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 1: Yep, yep, yep. And yeah, there were a lot of

971
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,399
Speaker 1: other things going on. One of them was cold, ugly math.

972
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: The German general staff had this fabulous plan cooked up

973
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 1: by Schleief and to win a two front war in Europe,

974
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 1: and they'd kept careful tabs on both the Russian and

975
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: French armies, and they had calculated that nineteen fourteen was

976
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: basically the best year possible for them to have a

977
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: war like this if it was inevitable, which they thought

978
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 1: it was because both nations had started revamping their field armies.

979
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: So this exact sequence of events that led to the

980
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 1: outbreak of hostilities in World War One is too long

981
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: a story to fit in at the end of an episode,

982
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:17,720
Speaker 1: and Heiser Wilhelm's exact level of blame is heavily debated

983
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,720
Speaker 1: to this day. Rolfe's book paints him as an eager

984
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: belligerent wringing his hands in anticipation. He was not excited

985
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: for war precisely, but he was excited for a major

986
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 1: diplomatic victory that would humble Russia and Britain without a

987
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 1: shot being fired fighting. Yeah, exactly. He understood flightding might result,

988
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: and he was willing to take that risk, but he

989
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: didn't want it to come to that. He attempted to

990
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 1: mediate between Austria and Serbia and was briefly optimistic of

991
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,320
Speaker 1: peace once the Serbians yielded to most of Austria's demands,

992
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: but then his ally decided to go to war anyway,

993
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 1: and the Kaiser backed him. Still now, Vanderkiss's biography paints

994
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: a more reticent picture of Wilhelm. His belligerent words and

995
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: threats of violence were the same sort of impulsive passing

996
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 1: fancies that had steered him his entire life. He was

997
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 1: a rich kid with poor impulse control, but he ultimately

998
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 1: didn't want war, and when it came, he was horribly

999
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: anxious over the whole affair. Writing years later, Beulah recalled

1000
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: no German and above all, no English pacifist was filled

1001
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: with a profounder or more honest love of peace than

1002
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: was William the Second. It was his own and our

1003
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 1: misfortune that his words and his gestures never coincided with

1004
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 1: his real attitude in the manner when he boasted or

1005
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 1: even threatened people in words, it was often because he

1006
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 1: wanted to allay his own timidity. I think that's right. Yeah,

1007
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: Like he's an awkward, sad, insecure kid who winds up

1008
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: boasting and threatening because he doesn't he's fundamentally insecure, and

1009
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: because he's a crowned head of a nation it helps

1010
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: lead to war.

1011
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 3: I feel like, Yeah, that does seem like kind of

1012
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 3: the story of World War One in a lot of ways,

1013
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 3: where it's like the you know, the social conflicts are

1014
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 3: generally directing stuff, but then the fucked up inbred leaders.

1015
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: Are you able to be manipulated accordingly?

1016
00:49:59,280 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1017
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 1: You know. There was a big debate and has been

1018
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 1: for it still continues as to who is responsible for

1019
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 1: World War One. The nation of Germany was forced to

1020
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,439
Speaker 1: take responsibility in the Treaty of Versailles, which was not fair.

1021
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 1: Germany and the Kaiser are not mostly responsible for World

1022
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: War One because there's so much blame to be shared

1023
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,720
Speaker 1: by different nations. But you could make a strong case

1024
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 1: that the single individual with the largest share of the

1025
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 1: blame is Kaiservillehelm the second you can make that case.

1026
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, and it was like he was It

1027
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 3: feels like his whole life is setting him up to

1028
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 3: do this level to fuck up.

1029
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

1030
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 2: You can see it coming from so far away. It's infuriating.

1031
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now, once war was joined, the Kaiser was hopeful

1032
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: that it would be a short, relatively bloodless affair and

1033
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: would leave the overall map of Europe relatively unchanged. He's

1034
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 1: not a Hitler type guy. He doesn't want to conquer France,

1035
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,720
Speaker 1: and he doesn't want to own and hold Belgium forever.

1036
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: He wants to move through Belgium and then eventually leave.

1037
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 1: He wants to beat France in a war and then

1038
00:50:57,760 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 1: sign a treaty with them, take a little bit more

1039
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 1: of their life and maybe, but he wants France to

1040
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: still exist. He doesn't really want to destroy England as

1041
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: a nation. He doesn't want to conquer. He doesn't want

1042
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,359
Speaker 1: to conquer the entire world, you know.

1043
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 2: No, he just wants to suck his mom.

1044
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: He wants to fuck his mom, and he wants to

1045
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: be seen as a military hero.

1046
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 2: I mean, don't we all in a way?

1047
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: Yeah now? Yeah, we all in a way do yeah. Now.

1048
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: Wilhelm believed he'd be able to arrange peace when it

1049
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 1: was necessary at basically any point, by just working things

1050
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 1: out one on one with his royal cousins. He noted

1051
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: that mere democracies could never make a peace conference work

1052
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 1: because war was a royal sport to be indulged in

1053
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: by hereditary monarchs and concluded at their will. This was

1054
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 1: part of the idea about war at the time, which

1055
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,400
Speaker 1: was that war between kings never is that bad because

1056
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 1: kings are all friends at the end, and you know,

1057
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: our soldiers will kill each other for a while. But

1058
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: I don't want you to lose your crown. I don't

1059
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 1: want things to be that bad for you. We're just

1060
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 1: having a spat and you know, once this is concluded satisfactorily,

1061
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: we can go back to being friends. This is Bill

1062
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: Help's idea at the start of this.

1063
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, well because he's yeah, because he's like talking with

1064
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 3: his cousins, like exactly, it's like being yeah, with just

1065
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 3: no awareness for the fact that there is a rest

1066
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 3: of the world.

1067
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 2: Of this effects.

1068
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this is not how things worked out. And

1069
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 1: World War One was instant no, no, no, like a

1070
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 1: quarter of a million Germans die in the first week

1071
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,359
Speaker 1: of fighting, Like it's like hundreds of thousands of people

1072
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: are dead as soon as the fighting starts. Yeah, and

1073
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: the Kaiser, you know, as the situation grows more serious,

1074
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 1: the Kaiser is very quickly sidelined by his generals. He

1075
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: actually had almost no role in the conduct of the

1076
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 1: war throughout the vast majority of it. It was basically ceremonial.

1077
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 1: You know, he'd address factory workers and soldiers, and he

1078
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 1: spent a lot of his time on vacations at his farm.

1079
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: Germany increasingly became a military dictatorship, and by the end

1080
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: of it the Kaiser was as much of a figurehead

1081
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: as the King of England. And of course, when the

1082
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: war ended in yeah, when the war ended in German

1083
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:04,240
Speaker 1: defeat in seventeen million deaths, Wilhelm the Second was forced

1084
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 1: to abdicate and flee the country. He spent the rest

1085
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: of his life in Dorn in the Netherlands, living the

1086
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,760
Speaker 1: quiet life of a country gentleman in a global pariah,

1087
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 1: until his death in nineteen forty one from being old

1088
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 1: as shit in the end, I think the best epitaph

1089
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 1: for this man was written by journalist Charles Lowe, a

1090
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 1: foreign correspondent for The Times. He called Wilhelm quote the

1091
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 1: chief creator of the war spirit which he found it

1092
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 1: impossible to exercise or resist, and was thus, so to say,

1093
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 1: devoured by his own offspring. For at the last moment,

1094
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 1: when shrinking from the results of his own creative handiwork,

1095
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: he allowed the sword, in his own phrase, to be

1096
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: thrust into his hand, which was just as much as

1097
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 1: if he had drawn it of his own accord, thus

1098
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 1: proving himself to be a weak willed and criminal ruler,

1099
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: the most nefarious of his kind whoever sat upon a throne.

1100
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 3: There it is that hand comparison again. I'm sorry, you

1101
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:52,839
Speaker 3: hate to see it.

1102
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 2: You hate to see it.

1103
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: The hand is all comes back to the fucking hands.

1104
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 2: Oh, always back to hands with this guy.

1105
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,640
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, what what a coward that was set up

1106
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 3: to be of a fucking loser that would cost millions

1107
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:06,720
Speaker 3: of people their lives.

1108
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:12,320
Speaker 1: Yep, yep, yep. And that's why monarchists are the dumbest

1109
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: people in the world.

1110
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're horrible in there, and I and I hate that.

1111
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 3: There's usually an end to feel kind of bad for them,

1112
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 3: because you're like, oh, you're well, why would you not

1113
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 3: be horrible?

1114
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:25,919
Speaker 2: Why? Oh would be good?

1115
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: Monarchs like monarchs themselves? Like I absolutely you have to

1116
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: have sympathy for a guy like phil Helm because like,

1117
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 1: fuck man, there's no good ending to this story, right,

1118
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: But like the people who want to go back to

1119
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,759
Speaker 1: having a monarchy, I baffles me.

1120
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 2: I can't figure out. I'm like, do you just like tabloids, like.

1121
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: Where you like fancy costumes? That's what this shit's about

1122
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 1: I mean, like.

1123
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 3: You can still have that. There's a lot of people

1124
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 3: that will wear a lot of fancy. You should just

1125
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 3: start watching drag Race. If you're a marcust just start

1126
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 3: watching drag Race.

1127
00:54:56,800 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 2: You'll get You'll get what you want. And so are you.

1128
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 1: I got sorry?

1129
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 3: No, no, I guess that's the end of my call

1130
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: to action for the monarchists.

1131
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:11,880
Speaker 1: Has your level of sympathy or feeling about Kaiservillehelm changed

1132
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 1: it all over the course of these episodes.

1133
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:19,399
Speaker 3: I honestly my sympathy for him went up, Like I knew,

1134
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 3: I knew, I knew that everyone, you know, all all

1135
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 3: the monarchy like that were involved in the beginning of

1136
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 3: World War One were dumb as rocks.

1137
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,800
Speaker 1: You know, but dumb as a bag of dead horses.

1138
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 3: But the but the specificity of yeah, like how how

1139
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,439
Speaker 3: that how they even got that far?

1140
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 2: Is Oh, it just sucks. It sucks.

1141
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 3: I you know, he just wanted to his mom to

1142
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 3: be in love with him.

1143
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,759
Speaker 1: He just wanted to fuck his mom's hand and get

1144
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 1: a medal.

1145
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 3: I feel for her, and I feel for Germany and that, yeah,

1146
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 3: God that I'm feeling. I'm not feeling as like indignant

1147
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:05,920
Speaker 3: and angry as I usually am at the end of this.

1148
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 2: I'm just feeling empty.

1149
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 3: I feel like a husk, Robert, Yeah, absolute husk right now.

1150
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: I watched an interesting movie on Netflix last night called

1151
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 1: The Exception, which is based on a book called The

1152
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 1: Kaiser's Last Kiss, and it's it's a fictional story about

1153
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 1: a German SS officer who is the head of Wilhelm's

1154
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: bodyguard when Germany conquers the country where he's staying at

1155
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 1: the start of the Second World War. And it's also

1156
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 1: about this like British spy and it's the The movie

1157
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 1: is more sympathetic towards Wilhelm than I think the book is.

1158
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,919
Speaker 1: The I wrote the book like it has a very

1159
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:45,839
Speaker 1: deep knowledge of the man. So really it's a fun

1160
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 1: It's an interesting book that I think gives a good

1161
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: a very fair like accounting of the man's personality and

1162
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,879
Speaker 1: doesn't make him into a demon or a good guy. Okay,

1163
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,359
Speaker 1: he's just like. One of the phrases that it says

1164
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 1: about him is that he was half genius and half child. Yeah,

1165
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 1: and says he's there's another.

1166
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 2: Do we feel he was a genius in any way?

1167
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 3: Is that?

1168
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,279
Speaker 2: Is that? Do we give him that?

1169
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 1: I don't.

1170
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 2: I didn't see that. I didn't see it. Yeah, I

1171
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 2: didn't see it.

1172
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 1: There were some parts like his his understanding of labor

1173
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 1: rights and like the like that sort of thing, like

1174
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: he was really good about certain things throughout his reign,

1175
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 1: but he was on the whole not a good leader,

1176
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: but he was he was in Like the point this

1177
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 1: guy's making is that the things about him that he

1178
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: wasn't smart about led him to make a lot of

1179
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 1: his worst decisions.

1180
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 2: Like that mustache, Like I mean mustache.

1181
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you're full of yes men, you know, when

1182
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 3: you're surrounded by yes men who won't tell you you're dumbest shit,

1183
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,520
Speaker 3: you end up with that mustache and that life.

1184
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's there's there's a lot of good

1185
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 1: quotes in that book. I I'm reading the book right

1186
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: now and it's fun. So maybe check that out if

1187
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: you want more Kaiser Vilhelm in your life. That's a

1188
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: hard he if you'll pardon the phrase, he drew a

1189
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:13,440
Speaker 1: rough hand in life.

1190
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 2: Oh don't say, don't mention hands in front of him.

1191
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 1: He loses it and then he played that hand for shit.

1192
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 3: O god, and then he's just like shaking his operational

1193
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 3: fist at the sky.

1194
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 2: You hate to see it.

1195
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 1: He might be the worst at a job that anyone's

1196
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 1: ever been. Yeah, like really really bad.

1197
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:39,120
Speaker 2: Why you shouldn't just be given the most consequential.

1198
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 1: Jobs, not a job that should have existed.

1199
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 2: Nope, certainly not.

1200
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 1: And you get the feeling. If he'd been a ceremonial

1201
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 1: monarch like the King of England is today, he'd have

1202
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 1: been great at it. He loved marching around and wearing uniforms.

1203
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 3: Outfits an Instagram monarch.

1204
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, he would have been very happy if he'd never

1205
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 1: had to make a real decision.

1206
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 3: He if he was just posting fit checks every day,

1207
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 3: like he would be happy as a little clam.

1208
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,360
Speaker 1: First posting about the Russian Army.

1209
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 3: Fine about his mom, Yeah, just another pick of me

1210
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 3: and mamah. Yeah no, but uh, you know, you know, monarchists,

1211
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 3: you're idiots, You're dumb, You're unnoticed, dumb.

1212
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:25,920
Speaker 2: See you in the comments section.

1213
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:30,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna really bring the monarchist listeners to behind

1214
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 1: the bastards out of the.

1215
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:33,040
Speaker 2: Words for folks.

1216
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 3: Me.

1217
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's one of those things. I had this opinion

1218
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:40,480
Speaker 1: before I started doing this research that kings were basically

1219
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 1: the same as dictators, and I don't feel that way anymore,

1220
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 1: in part because of all this reading about how hopelessly

1221
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 1: everyone watched this guy slouch towards being in power and

1222
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: couldn't stop it, which like a dictator sees his power

1223
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 1: generally and like there's not really a question about it,

1224
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:00,960
Speaker 1: like they take the pow and even if everyone, like

1225
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 1: a lot of people know they're bad at it, like

1226
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,040
Speaker 1: they take it. Whereas with this everyone's like, yeah, this

1227
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 1: guy's going to be a disaster, too bad, there's nothing

1228
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:09,000
Speaker 1: to do about it, right.

1229
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 3: That's the thing is it seems like if he had

1230
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 3: had been if he had been given a way out

1231
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 3: or that wouldn't have resulted in eternal shame upon him

1232
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 3: and his family, he absolutely would have taken it.

1233
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 1: If he could still have been the Kaiser, but not

1234
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 1: have had to make maybe I don't know, maybe a prince.

1235
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 2: He just wanted to be a fashion king.

1236
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think he want He wanted to be

1237
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: a military power too though, and like I don't think

1238
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 1: he wanted to in that. I don't think it was

1239
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 1: inherently a military kind of guy, but because his whole

1240
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: family had raised him to believe that it's shameful to

1241
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 1: be a Prussian and not be a great warrior. Yeah, like, yeah,

1242
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 1: it's fucked, man, it's a bummer of a story.

1243
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:52,640
Speaker 3: It's it's definitely fucked. I hate that. I feel for him,

1244
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 3: but I.

1245
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 1: Don't it kind of can't. It doesn't mean he didn't

1246
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:58,919
Speaker 1: get millions of people killed and isn't a piece of shit,

1247
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:02,160
Speaker 1: But like it also means that, like, well, fuck you.

1248
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 1: You plug anybody into that job with that kind of upbringing,

1249
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:08,200
Speaker 1: how how does it end? Well?

1250
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 2: How does it appear?

1251
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's as I blame society, Robert, I.

1252
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 1: Blame very specific assholes, not society in general. I blame.

1253
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 2: We live in a society. That's my whole point.

1254
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 1: I blame George Hinspeter, Queen Victoria, uhh, the Empress Augusta,

1255
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 1: and a couple of other terrible assholes, and some bad,

1256
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 1: bad doctors.

1257
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:40,640
Speaker 3: I blame the doctor's own. I blame the arm stretcher.

1258
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 3: Whoever made that that. They really have a lot to

1259
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,800
Speaker 3: answer for, all right, And it didn't work, first of all,

1260
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,840
Speaker 3: and second of all, it was deeply humiliating, and and

1261
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:54,120
Speaker 3: and you can sort of trace the death of many

1262
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 3: people to the humiliation from the arms stretcher.

1263
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 1: So by an arm stretcher. By the way, this podcast

1264
01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 1: is supported by an arm stretcher.

1265
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 2: I came on for an arm stretcher right now.

1266
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,160
Speaker 1: Oh, your child, the Prince of Prussia is his arm

1267
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 1: gimp stretched out of course? Good lord, oh boy, yeah

1268
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:20,000
Speaker 1: he is. You do have to you can't really understand him,

1269
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 1: nless you understand that he was also a disabled man

1270
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:27,920
Speaker 1: who was abused by a bigoted medical establishment.

1271
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 2: Right bye bye.

1272
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and and there was like no option or ability

1273
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 3: for him to be accepted as he was.

1274
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 2: It's yeah, it sucks. It fucking sucks.

1275
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:41,440
Speaker 1: You know what doesn't suck? Jamie what your pluggables?

1276
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 2: That's well wait and see, no kidding, they're great.

1277
01:02:46,560 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 3: You can follow me on Twitter at Jamie christ or

1278
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 3: no at Jamie Loftus help.

1279
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 1: Uh.

1280
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,080
Speaker 3: You can listen to I'm releasing a short form podcast

1281
01:02:55,120 --> 01:02:58,640
Speaker 3: called My Year in MENSA. That's about my horrible year

1282
01:02:58,720 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 3: in the MENSA organization.

1283
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 1: So excited.

1284
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: I'm very Robert your voice is in it.

1285
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:05,480
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1286
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 3: I was editing it in just yesterday. It comes out

1287
01:03:07,720 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 3: on Thanksgiving. It's a full blown nightmare. I hope people

1288
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 3: listen to it. And yeah, then you can listen to

1289
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 3: the Bechdel Cast every Thursday, and that's and those are

1290
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 3: my plugies.

1291
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 1: Listen to the Bechdel Cast, Listen to My Year in Mensa,

1292
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:24,880
Speaker 1: which is Jamie's year in Mensa, not my year.

1293
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: Not your year. But you know you could if you

1294
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:29,560
Speaker 2: wanted to, But yeah.

1295
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 1: I know.

1296
01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 3: No.

1297
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 1: I could not find us on the internet at behind

1298
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:36,960
Speaker 1: the Bastards dot com or we'll level the sources for this.

1299
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 1: Find us on Twitter and Instagram at bastards pod and

1300
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 1: find some room in your heart to buy a next

1301
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 1: stretching machine for the young infant child in your life

1302
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 1: today and be sure they grow up just like the Kaiser.

1303
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 3: I gotta go get a stretch in right now, right

1304
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 3: after I write my mom the scariest letter I've ever.

1305
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:57,400
Speaker 1: Wrote in my life. Everybody write your mom's about their sexy,

1306
01:03:57,480 --> 01:03:58,200
Speaker 1: sexy hands.

1307
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 3: Everyone writing about their mom's hands. No shame, Just don't

1308
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:04,320
Speaker 3: hit send. It's so shameful.

1309
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 1: It's that shame.

1310
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:08,880
Speaker 3: Robert is pro shaming people horny for their mom's hands.

1311
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:10,480
Speaker 2: I'm a little more open minded.

1312
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 1: That's the fucking episode.

1313
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 2: Bye. Behind the Bastards is a production of cool Zone Media.

1314
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:22,400
Speaker 2: For more from cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia

1315
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 2: dot com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app,

1316
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,280
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.