WEBVTT - The Utburd 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:03.880 Twelve Ghosts is a production of I Heart three D 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:07.680 audio and Grim and Mild from Aaron Bankie Headphones. Recommended 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:24.360 listener discretion advised. I have heard the plaintive wailing through 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.080 the winter nights for as long as I've had memories. 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.360 As the days grow shorter and the nights creep in 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:47.600 with their bitter edge, my parents grow uneasy. Their eyes 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:51.920 become shadowed, and faces grow lean and hard. They eat 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:53.960 less than They only speak to one another when they 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:57.360 think I am not listening. I know, without being told 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:05.759 that it is starting again. Father carves fresh runs into 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.760 the doorway and around each of the window cells. As 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:12.240 the winter dies and spring comes, those runes are sanded 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:15.240 away as if they had never existed at all. Just 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:18.400 this morning, my father was replacing the wood frame at 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:20.560 the door, and he did not answer me when I 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.880 asked why. As soon as I set about my chores, 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:26.760 out came his boot knife, and I knew the ruins 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:31.839 would be there again. Whatever they're intent, those ruins, those 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:35.560 wards were not meant to be seen by the visitors. 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.959 We have few and far between. When the weather is kinder. 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.440 Every year, my mother bakes little cakes of oat honey 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.560 goat's blood and acorn flour, and places a cup of 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:49.360 wine outside on the windows ledge as soon as the 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:53.920 first winter moon rises. This has always seemed like a 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.960 strange excess, for wine and honey in our house were 0:01:57.000 --> 0:02:00.520 so very scarce and reserved only for the longest night 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:04.920 and name days. The meaning behind these traditions kept at 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.240 me enough that I asked about it once years ago 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:10.600 and received only a brisk backhand from my father for 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:13.640 the effort. Had spent the rest of the day nursing 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.680 a bloodied lip and ringing ear, and had not asked 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:23.280 again lest I received a similar answer. This night started 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:26.800 as if by rope we had ourselves tucked inside well 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:30.959 before sunset, my father brusque and restless, my mother setting 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:32.920 about the stew simmering in the hearth as if it 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:37.720 were the only thing that mattered. My parents, however, did 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.880 not eat supper and did not seem to care at 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.800 all that I only picked at mine. I knew that 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.840 at any other time I would be chided for wasting food, 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:49.840 but tonight it seemed to matter not. My mother ushered 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:51.639 me up into the loft for bed, gave me a 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:54.519 quick kiss on the cheek, her lips dry and nearly 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:58.560 feverish against my skin. Her good night was a soft 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:03.040 note murmured against my in They did not even feign 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:05.840 that they would be going to sleep. I heard their 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:09.360 quiet shuffling beneath the sleeping loft, caught the rich scent 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.800 to the father's pipe, and knew that they were in 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.359 their well worn chairs, staring at the door as they 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:20.800 always did. That first night, the whaling started, as I 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:24.120 knew it would, an awful sound, like a baby that 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:27.000 would never tire, that had known a misery that was 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.520 so deep and wide it would fill the sea and 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:34.680 drown everything it touched. On and on it went, peaks 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.280 and valleys of an inhuman cry that buried itself down 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:42.160 into my marrow, leaving me shimmering, feeling ill at ease, 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.880 and afraid to close my eyes, though somehow eventually I did. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:50.240 My dreams were filled with a twisted blue white face 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:54.920 and escaping toothless mouth, and a sound like trees crashing 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:58.880 me together. Through it all the whaling on and on, 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:02.920 I thought, in my restlessness that I heard my mother 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:09.160 sobbing quietly, but I could not be sure. There were 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:13.440 strange heavy footsteps outside, as if something larger than a 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:17.960 bare lumbered through the forest, paced alongside the house, but 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:21.839 did not deign to come any closer. I huddled beneath 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:24.679 my furs and my mother's well woven quilts, and waited 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:29.320 for silence that never came. When I opened my eyes again, 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:32.839 the fire in the hearth had burned itself to embers, 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.960 and I could hear the quiet snoring of my father. 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:40.039 I crept from the loft on bare feet, imagining myself 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:44.000 to be the smallest of mice, nimble and invisible to 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.120 the rest of the house. I ignored the chill that 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.479 had risen with the fires dying, tried my best to 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:52.680 keep my breathing even and my feet away from boards 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:56.880 I knew would creak under my weight. Father slept in 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.960 his chair, an arm around my mother, who had slid 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:03.080 it against him, nearly in his lap. It was not 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:06.560 a common sight, the two of them so close. I 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:10.040 felt a surge of worry for them, and more than 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.520 a little pity, and set about pulling on my boots, 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:17.279 my overship, my coat. I wanted them to awake, to 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:20.240 at least a handful of my chores finished, and perhaps 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:23.640 even the table set for a small breakfast, anything to 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.760 give relief, to get them to notice that I was 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:31.760 an able child and willing to do my part. I 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:34.640 took the little oil lantern from the tabletop and pulled 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:38.280 open the door, inching it slowly open as quiet as 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.640 I could, and slipped out into the snow. It was 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.640 still quite dark, though dawn would be breaking soon enough. 0:05:45.279 --> 0:05:48.240 I paid little mind to my steps, and almost immediately 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.960 I heard a crack from beneath my boot. I staggered back, 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:53.800 reaching out for the dwarf ring with one hand and 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:56.480 holding the lantern out to get a better view. Mother 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:58.800 had left the wine in the window still last night, 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:01.560 as she always did. This was the first time I 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:04.520 had ever seen the cup upon the ground. Wine colored 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.320 the snow a deep crimson, and splashed across the door 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.360 as well as if some one had thrown the cup 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:12.440 against the door in a rage. In the low flickering 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.560 light from my lantern, I could see that letters have 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:17.240 been carved into the door, letters not born of my 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:21.200 father's hand. I cannot hold back the unbecoming whimper that 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:23.640 bubbles out of me as I traced them with my 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:28.560 shaking fingers. Something terrible and angry had left its mark here. 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:33.039 My trance is shattered when father staggers out of the door, 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:37.839 jerking it inward away from me. I stand there, wide 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:44.520 eyed and numb mouth, refusing to form any intelligent sentence. Child, 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.360 What on earth are you doing out this early? We've 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:51.440 told my name, I finally gasped, pointing at the door 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.560 and nearly dropping my lantern. It has carved my name 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:58.359 upon the door. Though I had no idea what it was, 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:03.040 over and over into the letters had screwed over themselves. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:05.880 I had never in my life seen so much obvious 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:09.680 rage displayed in written words. It was as if the 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.400 thing had created something the very opposite of the warding 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:18.680 ruins my family had carved. I knew, without knowing why, 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:23.080 that whatever had done this was not a person. I 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.000 knew also that it was certainly what had been howling 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:29.000 in the night, and what our offerings and folk spells 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:33.160 had been trying to keep away. They had failed at 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:38.560 long last, and that meant something else entirely. My father 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:40.640 grabbed my arm and pulled me into the house. He 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:44.760 slammed the door behind us both. My mother was still 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.280 blinking away sleep as my father lit into me, voice 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:52.640 like acid. This foolish child, This foolish, damn child was 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:56.520 nearly stolen away. How stupid are you risking everything for 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.720 some silly jaunt about in the dark. I was not, 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:04.080 I yelled back, shocking myself. I was not stolen, and 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:08.040 I was not going about on some dalliance. You were 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:10.680 both so upset. I thought I must make myself useful 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.720 early as I could, to perhaps bring some levity into 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:18.600 this awful dark house. Every winter is the same. This 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:22.040 cloud fills your hearts, and you were miles away, and 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.800 I do my best to ignore the strangeness and the 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:29.680 awful nights. But no more I cannot. Your wards are 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:33.360 not working anymore. And whatever it is you've been trying 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:38.160 to scare away, it's leaving markings of its own. There 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:42.160 are tears running hot down my cheeks, and any other 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:45.400 time I would be shamed by them. Now I was 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:49.160 too afraid and too angry. It too much to care. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.680 I winced as he stepped forward, expecting to be struck, 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:56.600 but instead he growled, you will not go out in 0:08:56.679 --> 0:09:02.480 the dark. Your mother cannot endure another loss. Another, I asked, 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:07.160 bring my eyes to my father's face. Both he and 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:09.760 my mother looked startled, and before he can tell me 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:15.679 to quiet, I ask again another another loss. This is 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:19.600 the end of it. You will mind be silent, and 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:22.319 when the sun rises, you will set about your work. 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:25.480 When it sets, you will keep yourself indoors, and that 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:27.280 will be the way of it until the days are 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:30.720 longer and the snow melts. We have done all we 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.920 can to make a refuge, and I will not have 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:39.640 your carelessness erasing the work. I stared at his angry, 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:45.600 twisted face and could see unacknowledged grief there. It was 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:50.960 not what I expected. I tried once more, but my 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:57.600 father gave an angry snarl and turned away. I avoided 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:00.520 him the rest of the day, the difficult task in 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.800 a house so small. As soon as the sun broke 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.480 through the trees, I busied myself out of doors, caring 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.840 for the animals and the small stable, searching our modest 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:13.920 cellar for the roots and dried mushrooms my mother requested, 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:19.160 gathering firewood, and even doing my mother's washing. She was 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:23.079 upset as well, but not so loud and violent as father. 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:29.240 She spent the day aimless, staring into nothing, and mending 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:35.079 a shirt that did not need mending. It was late 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.520 in the afternoon, and I had just come from the cellar, 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:41.120 my arms full of the roots and mushrooms my mother 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:45.040 had requested when I heard my father's voice loud and violent, 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:47.960 too much to keep the damn thing away. If it 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:50.320 weren't from me for these things I do, you would 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:53.560 be long dead. It will never give up all that 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.920 cursed wailing. This morning we wake to that stupid child out, 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.640 my home befouled, and the offer being scattered, And yet 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:06.160 you wanted named out loud. Shall we tempt it to enter? 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.840 Will you not be happy until you have lost your life? Truly, 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:15.000 you have done well enough. Husband. It was you who 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:18.120 carried out the deed. It was you who insisted, told 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:20.720 me my little one was too frail to see the spring, 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:24.240 told me that my time and grief and love were 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:28.240 wasted a sickly child that would soon die anyway, As 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:32.680 if those hours of labor were nothing to me. Do 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.120 remember that I did not want to cast my child 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:41.280 out into the snow. Yes, husband, it is your hands 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.480 that carved those runs, But it was your hands that 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:49.000 did the burying as well. You stand here talking about 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:52.080 my life in jeopardy, as if these wards do not 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:56.040 protect you as well. And by the gods, how are 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:59.920 you not more concerned that it's named our child? How 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.160 everything I had thought possible, I had not dreamed of this, 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:08.360 or I never you would never have what? Instead, Let 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:11.520 the damned babe die slow and muling at your teeth 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:15.680 all the pieces for months, and sit about unable to 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.480 work for twice as long, or you would never have 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.840 had any touch you again, lest you burn another useless 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:27.880 curd and take our food and keep us beggars. There 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:32.559 was a cruelty in his tone that filled me with vicious, 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:37.319 foolish bravery. I ran from my corner and threw open 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:40.319 the door, arms still loaded with my satchel of dried 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:44.360 fungus and root vegetables. How dare you be so cruel 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.920 to her? I shouted, throwing myself between my father, who 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:52.560 was looming like an angry bear over mother, and she 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.640 had backed into a corner nearest our hearth, a wooden 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:59.080 spoon clutched in her white knuckled grip. I swung my 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:02.240 satchel at him, unable to comprehend in that moment just 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:06.280 how stupid the action would have been in any normal circumstance. 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.439 It caught him in the arm as he reached for 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:11.960 my wrist, and he yelled, snatching the bag from my 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:17.160 grip and throwing it angrily to the wall overhead. Your stupid, 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.760 worthless child, I should have locked the door against you 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.520 and let the damn creature take you. Perhaps then it 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:27.680 would be satisfied and we would know some peace out 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:31.800 my mother howled, pulling herself to her feet. You will 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.000 not take another child from me. What sort of man 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.840 have you become? What a cowardly thing to say to 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:43.120 your only surviving child, A simpering dog and an oat bird. 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:47.360 Oh how proud my ancestors must be of my get 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:53.480 he responded, his face ugly and reddened in anger. With 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.880 those words and the gasp from my mother in response, 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.679 he turned upon his heel and charged out of the house, 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.600 the very walls shaking with the force of the door 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:10.240 slamming behind him. I watched him through the snow. I 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.960 saw him turn the corner, and knew from the sound 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:15.240 of the cellar door he was searching for his rifle, 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.839 and would most likely go out into the wood to hunt, 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:21.880 as he had many times when his temper had gone 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:27.680 too high. Very well, I thought, still full of righteous anger, 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:32.280 Bring home a rabbit or two, and be useful. That 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:36.120 was a silly thing standing between us. You know your 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:40.440 father has a bear's temper, my mother finally said, Collecting 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:43.200 the turnips that had rolled from my satchel across the floor, 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.800 he said about cutting them and a few onions we 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:50.200 had hanging by the hearth, and tossed them with snow melt, 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.600 mushrooms and a handful of dried herbs into the large 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:58.840 iron pot hanging above the harth fire. It was a 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:02.880 silly thing, him screaming at you about things you cannot control, 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:09.960 I replied darkly. A child, I finally asked, looking sideways 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:13.040 and feeling braver without my father there to reprimand me 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:17.880 all the reasons for this awful traditional I hadn't thought 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:24.160 a baby would be would be? Why, oh, little one, 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:28.000 if only your elder sister had stayed just that in 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:32.120 her death. She did not, And whilst it was not 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.720 me that left her there in the forest, I could 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:38.000 have tried hard to prevent it. Not a day passes 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.880 that I do not wish I had been stronger. That 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:43.800 perhaps this terror is my own making, and I am 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:48.120 simply reaping the seeds of what I sowed, in my weakness. 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.760 What the same thing have happened to me had I 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:57.800 been born sickly? I asked softly, Would he have left 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:01.600 me out in the cold as well? I could not 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:05.560 bear to let that happen again. Do you truly think 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:12.320 you could have stopped him I before today? Perhaps? No. 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.240 I do not want us to live this way. I 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:20.320 am so tired of the wailing of saving for months 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.560 for the luxuries, not for you nor I, but to 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:29.080 offer up to the undying the footsteps every winter it comes, 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.760 and it will do so forever until it is satisfied. 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:39.280 Why does it? What does she want? I asked quietly. 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:45.680 The thing she has become. She wants rest, a proper 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.400 burial and a proper grave. Only I do not know 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.480 where she was left. And your father claims that upon 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.080 his attempt in spring defined the body to give it 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:58.960 that rest, it was gone, carried off by animals. There 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.960 are no bones to bear rry. It is a restless 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.760 thing now. That wood bird that would have been your sister. 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.959 I had thought what it wanted was my life, and 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.679 I had nearly come to peace with that. But it 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.320 has carved your name on the door, and I cannot 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:18.760 allow it to take you, my only surviving child. I 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:22.840 will not stand by again. She reached out for me, 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.879 and I stepped forward and into a near crushing embrace. 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:32.760 We both sobbed. She stroked my hair, the idea of 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:36.920 my mother gone, as distant as she often was, it 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:40.600 was unbearable. I did not want to be left alone 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.520 with my father, the man who had called me worthless. 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:49.119 I was so upset I very nearly missed the faint 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:58.520 cry from outside. It came again and again, the scream 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:01.479 followed by the crashing of trees falling in the forest. 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:09.080 Father once more, and a terrible crashing, too loud to 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:12.439 be anything natural, that walked the forest, as though something 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:16.280 heavier than stone had rolled through the stand of trees 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:23.960 that bordered our homestead. An ominous sound. Don't my mother 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:26.879 rasped when I slipped from her and made for the door. 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:32.280 The gods above do not open that door. It is 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:37.880 nearly dark. Father needs help. He is of war and cruel, 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:42.600 but I am not, and I cannot just ignore him. 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:44.960 Angry as I was, he was still my father, and 0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:48.439 I was better than he. I did not leave my 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:53.159 family alone in the snow. Nearly has come and gone, child, 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.399 and you cannot help him now the gods below and 0:18:56.440 --> 0:19:03.040 above have left him. Another scream, and something heavy was 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:08.560 thrown against the door. I cried out, hands to my mouth, 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:13.440 do not open that door, my mother screamed, reaching from 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.879 my shoulders, pulling me back from the shuddering wood. We 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:22.280 stood pressed against the far wall, shivering for hours, too 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:30.040 afraid to move. Something large and dark lurked outside, and 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:33.960 sometimes its shape could be seen through the window. It 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.239 did not try to enter after that first rush at 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:40.800 the door, though it did wail and scratch. The noise 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:44.160 became like a storm, rising and falling through the night, 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:50.640 shaking the windows. I grew too afraid to look. When 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:53.399 the sun lit the window, I struggled to my feet 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:57.080 and took a few halting steps to the door. Mother 0:19:57.119 --> 0:19:59.520 made a sound as if to stop me, but she didn't, 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:02.479 and so I kept on, pulling open the door and 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:07.679 peering out into the early dawn. Father's head lay on 0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:11.840 its right cheek, soaked him blood there in front of 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:17.639 the door, the stump where his neck had been with 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:23.800 a jagged and wet but frozen A pool of frosted 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:26.960 blood spread across the little walkway, I had myself dug 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:30.240 out that morning before, after the discovery of the wine 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:34.800 and the cup. We're still. As I took a shaking 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:40.119 step around the terrible sight, I saw his body, or 0:20:40.240 --> 0:20:44.399 rather the torn stump of his neck, as if something 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:47.719 had planted him like a tree into the earth yards 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:50.800 from the house, and then plucked his head like a 0:20:50.920 --> 0:20:55.679 fruit and tossed it carelessly aside. I slumped to my knees, 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.879 ignoring the immediate bite of freezing snow as it soaked 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:04.400 through my pants and chilled my skin and ute bird. Indeed, 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:08.280 and it had done precisely what those stories over fires 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:12.200 had said, forced my father into the earth with its 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:15.399 awful weight, as it had not gotten what it wanted 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:19.440 from him, and never could. I knew that his death 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.240 would not be enough. It was not my father's name 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:25.280 that had been written, after all, and murder was no 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:28.760 end of this curse. There was nobody to bury, no 0:21:28.960 --> 0:21:36.439 sacred ground it wanted. Instead in exchange, Father had simply 0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:38.800 made the foolish choice to get between the thing and 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:45.320 its quarry. I had never felt so small and so unprepared. 0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:51.000 I stood there, paralyzed with a dread I had not known. 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:54.360 I was capable of viewing, staring at the desecrated remnants 0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:58.560 of my father. My mother's grip around my arm was 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:02.159 like iron and pulled me from the snowy path, dragging 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:08.800 me back towards shelter. Your foolish child, she murmured. I 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:12.400 told you, I told you. Nothing left by the outward 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:17.160 is anything you need lay eyes on. It wants me, 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:21.240 I rasped, and I felt as though the cold could 0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:26.400 never be driven from my bones. And no, little one, 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:31.560 silly bird, my mother chastised, The thing does not want you. 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:36.360 It's me. It seeks you are simply it was my name, 0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:41.440 my name on the door. It seeks to harm us both, 0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:44.440 my little one, But it's me who agreed to let 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:49.520 her freeze, is it not. You must promise me to 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:53.480 stay inside this night, no matter what you hear, no 0:22:53.560 --> 0:22:58.960 matter what you may see, you must stay inside. I 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:03.639 cannot lose you. What are you going to do? I 0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:07.960 asked her. She did not answer, but instead busied herself 0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:10.800 over the fire with breakfast. For the rest of the day, 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:13.879 my mother stayed silent, and she would not let me 0:23:13.920 --> 0:23:20.800 tend to the animals that she did herself. I ceered 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:24.760 through the window curious and watched as she walked a 0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:27.920 wide circle around the torn stump of my father's neck. 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.520 I could not, for the life of me find his 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.640 head through my narrow view, and I was not bold 0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:35.800 enough to ask her about it. When she finally returned 0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:40.840 to me, we sat in the early evening, drinking Valerian 0:23:40.920 --> 0:23:45.840 root tea and picking out a stew I normally loved tonight, however, 0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:52.120 it was wood, pulp and soil on my tongue. I ate, steady, 0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:56.679 silent as the sun slipped away. Betrayal I felt I 0:23:56.680 --> 0:23:59.840 could not forgive, as shadows grew long and a pit 0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:07.800 opened wide and heavy within me. She's here, I whispered, breathless, 0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:12.680 though I had not heard the cries no child, not yet. 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:17.120 My mother paced by the door, but she will be. 0:24:18.000 --> 0:24:20.640 I need you to promise me, no matter what happens 0:24:20.680 --> 0:24:23.119 this night, no matter what you see, you do as 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:26.440 I tell you to do. She shifted her gaze from 0:24:26.440 --> 0:24:29.720 the door to me, and beneath the weight of that stare, 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:34.800 I could not help but gift a slow nod. Mother. 0:24:35.880 --> 0:24:37.960 I have always thought that I obeyed you well enough, 0:24:38.640 --> 0:24:41.879 no matter what Father thought. I started, and she shook 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:46.520 her head you must obey me exactly this night, little one, 0:24:47.119 --> 0:24:49.880 or you will not live to see another for me. 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:54.520 You must promise that you will see dawn. I nodded 0:24:54.560 --> 0:25:02.160 again and sat back in my chair. A piercing while 0:25:02.640 --> 0:25:09.960 broke the quiet. The thing sounded hungry, ancient, and hollow. 0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:15.600 Worst of all, as the heavy footsteps brought it ever closer, 0:25:15.640 --> 0:25:22.280 it sounded alluring. I wanted to go outside in a 0:25:22.280 --> 0:25:26.399 way that I had not before. It began howling my 0:25:26.560 --> 0:25:31.520 name syllables, twisted, dragged through the soil and snow. I 0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:35.399 found myself standing, walking towards the door, with a little 0:25:35.440 --> 0:25:40.360 anguish cry falling from my lips. No, my mother was there, 0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:44.040 grabbing my shoulders and forcing me into a chair. Do 0:25:44.280 --> 0:25:48.960 not listen. But I could not help it. I could 0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:53.639 not resist. The very foundation of our little cottage was 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:56.119 shaking with a wailing, and I could not tell my 0:25:56.240 --> 0:26:02.480 mother's cries from those outside it. Before the door, arms outstretched, 0:26:03.119 --> 0:26:06.000 taking one step and then another out into the snow, 0:26:10.240 --> 0:26:13.720 the horrible thing stood there in the dark of the night, 0:26:14.680 --> 0:26:19.280 the trees blotted out for its monstrous size. I could 0:26:19.320 --> 0:26:21.919 not even glimpse its head. I could not see the 0:26:21.960 --> 0:26:26.040 mouth that burst those cries. I took a step forward, 0:26:26.200 --> 0:26:34.399 ignoring my mother's scream, and then Dame brilliant, red and black, 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:37.520 and I felt to my knees, splintered wood from my 0:26:37.600 --> 0:26:41.560 favorite chair raining down around me. My mother had struck 0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:45.240 me down. Before I could protest. She was there, wrapped 0:26:45.280 --> 0:26:49.040 in her shawl, loaming in her own way, sturdy and 0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:59.760 warm and firm, You damned foul thing. My mother stood 0:26:59.760 --> 0:27:02.640 betweing us, a candle held high in her hand, glaring 0:27:02.720 --> 0:27:06.359 up in the amorphous, angry face and its cold black eyes. 0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:08.679 I wish then that I had not looked, for the 0:27:08.680 --> 0:27:12.280 weight of that gaze took residence somewhere in me forever. 0:27:13.680 --> 0:27:17.399 You've hunted us for years. We've given everything we could. 0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:21.120