1 00:00:00,550 --> 00:00:04,070 Speaker 1: Alright guys, welcome into another Rewind episode of Disgraceland. This 2 00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:06,529 Speaker 1: one is on Lil Peep. I don't think we've ever 3 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:11,200 Speaker 1: rewound this one. It was released way back in 2021. 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: March 9th, 2021. Titled Lil Peep, a new hip-hop and 5 00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:19,220 Speaker 1: emo fusion. Trap beats, tender lyrics, too much Xanax, and 6 00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:24,030 Speaker 1: a still mysterious overdose. The circumstances around Lil Peep's death 7 00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:27,050 Speaker 1: are dark, disturbing, and yes, a little mysterious as well. 8 00:00:27,690 --> 00:00:31,090 Speaker 1: Lil Peep hasn't really been in the news. His passing, again, 9 00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:35,700 Speaker 1: five years ago now, going on six. And you know, 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,900 Speaker 1: an artist that, what I identified with Lil Peep was 11 00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:42,140 Speaker 1: his connection to emo music, because I'm obviously connected to 12 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:45,860 Speaker 1: emo in some ways. More that second generation emo from 13 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: the 1990s, not so much the 2000s, 2010s emo. But 14 00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:55,750 Speaker 1: this gave us an opportunity in telling Lil Peep's story 15 00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:58,310 Speaker 1: to sort of get into the origins of that genre 16 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: of music. Something I was really into at the time 17 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: and happy to bring to you guys. This is a 18 00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:09,500 Speaker 1: crazy story. What an artist, what an individual, gone way 19 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:15,030 Speaker 1: too soon. I hope you guys enjoy this. Hit me up, 617-906-6638. 20 00:01:15,590 --> 00:01:17,790 Speaker 1: Voicemail and text after you hear it and let me 21 00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:18,270 Speaker 1: know what you think. 22 00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:20,010 Speaker 2: All right, here we go. Lil Peep. 23 00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:35,140 Speaker 1: Disgraceland is a production of Double Elvis. The stories about 24 00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:38,809 Speaker 1: Lil Peep are insane. He died at the age of 21, 25 00:01:38,810 --> 00:01:43,910 Speaker 1: the victim of an overdose that's still mysterious. He sometimes 26 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:47,810 Speaker 1: suffered from crippling anxiety and depression, but bared his soul 27 00:01:48,070 --> 00:01:51,090 Speaker 1: on stage and online to millions of fans who felt 28 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:55,820 Speaker 1: a deep, empathetic connection to him. He self-medicated daily with 29 00:01:55,860 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 1: a pharmacy-sized array of street-procured prescription meds and illicit drugs. 30 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: He was a once-in-a-generation type voice, poised to become one 31 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:08,619 Speaker 1: of the mainstream's biggest success stories, but whose life was 32 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 1: senselessly cut short. And of course, he made great music. 33 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,580 Speaker 1: Unlike that music you heard at the top of the show, 34 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,389 Speaker 1: that wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from 35 00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:26,470 Speaker 1: my Mellotron called Coke Straw Sazzo MK1. I played you 36 00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:29,510 Speaker 1: that loop because I can't afford the rights to Rockstar 37 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: by Post Malone. And why would I play you that 38 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:36,930 Speaker 1: specific slice of savage nudie suit cheese, could I afford it? 39 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: Because that was the number one song in America on 40 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:46,169 Speaker 1: November 15th, 2017. And that was the day Lil Peep 41 00:02:46,230 --> 00:02:49,989 Speaker 1: made his final Instagram post. An eerie post filled with 42 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:54,270 Speaker 1: anxiety and depression and foreshadowing his death that would come 43 00:02:54,790 --> 00:03:00,350 Speaker 1: only a few short hours later. On this episode, crippling anxiety, 44 00:03:00,610 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 1: DIY emo grime, too much Xanax, and Lil Peep. 45 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,990 Speaker 2: I'm Jake Brennan, and this is Disgrace. 46 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,300 Speaker 1: Given how close it was to showtime, some friends grabbed 47 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: video of him passed out in the back of the 48 00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: tour bus for their Insta stories as a joke. Little 49 00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:44,870 Speaker 1: did the friends know, Lil Peep wasn't passed out. 50 00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:46,250 Speaker 2: He was dead. 51 00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:51,490 Speaker 1: The news was hard to contain. From Peep's road crew 52 00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:55,210 Speaker 1: to friends and show openers, various members of Gothboy Click, 53 00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:59,290 Speaker 1: to fans packed inside the Rock Nightclub in Tucson, Arizona, 54 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:02,970 Speaker 1: impatiently awaiting for their beloved Lil Peep to hit the stage. 55 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:08,230 Speaker 1: But nobody wanted to admit to themselves or to the 56 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:12,350 Speaker 1: fans that it was real. Gothboy Click group member Horsehead 57 00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,430 Speaker 1: went on stage, likely he was in shock, and performed 58 00:04:15,490 --> 00:04:19,250 Speaker 1: a couple songs to keep the restless fans entertained. But 59 00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:22,470 Speaker 1: the energy was getting rowdy, frustrated, and footage of the 60 00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:25,500 Speaker 1: unconscious peep on his tour bus was already making the 61 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: rounds on social media. People began to wander outside to 62 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,830 Speaker 1: see what was really going on. Inside the tour bus, 63 00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:36,050 Speaker 1: Peep's tour manager was on the phone with 911 while 64 00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,210 Speaker 1: members of the row crew lay Peep out on the 65 00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: ground and administered CPR. Nothing. Through the windows, they could 66 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 1: see the crowd gathering, holding up phones, desperate to get 67 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,419 Speaker 1: a glimpse inside. The dispatcher on the 911 call insisted 68 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:55,089 Speaker 1: the EMTs were on their way. Outside, waves of fans 69 00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:57,490 Speaker 1: crushed up against the sides of the bus. The bus 70 00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:00,310 Speaker 1: began to rock, and then the paramedics arrived, the lights, 71 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:03,470 Speaker 1: the sirens on full blast. They added to the growing 72 00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:05,750 Speaker 1: chaos of the scene by forcing their way through the 73 00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:09,630 Speaker 1: agitated crowd gathered outside the bus. The arrival of the 74 00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:14,289 Speaker 1: paramedics and their ambulance made it real. Fans started crying, wailing, 75 00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:17,890 Speaker 1: people yelled, people talked shit, fights broke out, quick flash 76 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,169 Speaker 1: street brawls that no one bothered to break up. The 77 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:24,290 Speaker 1: paramedics reached the door to the bus, climbed up inside. 78 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: Not too long after, out came Lil' Pete. 79 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 2: On his back, on a gurney. And the crowd lost 80 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:35,620 Speaker 2: their shit. Pandemonium. 81 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,860 Speaker 1: They rocked the bus some more. They trashed the parking lot, 82 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:45,409 Speaker 1: raged in the streets. Their boy was dead. Lil Peep's 83 00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:48,830 Speaker 1: connection with fans, his very real empathy as an artist, 84 00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:52,790 Speaker 1: combined with his undeniable charisma and talent, proved that it 85 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:55,670 Speaker 1: was not just music journalism hyperbole to say that he 86 00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:58,790 Speaker 1: was on his way to becoming his generation's Kurt Cobain. 87 00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:02,609 Speaker 1: He truly was. From a young age in Long Beach, 88 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:06,950 Speaker 1: New York, Lil Peep, born Gustav Elijah R., was obsessed 89 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:11,029 Speaker 1: with music. He wasn't like most kids. Despite his obvious 90 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,830 Speaker 1: good looks and easygoing nature, he did not fit in. 91 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 1: So he turned inward. He got lost in the music. 92 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:22,419 Speaker 1: Pop punk, Blink-182, Green Day, Good Charlotte, Emo, Mineral, and Jawbreaker. 93 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:27,860 Speaker 1: Classics like Oasis, Nirvana, The Beatles, and of course, hip-hop. Kanye, Kanye, 94 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:33,010 Speaker 1: and more Kanye. It all sounded great, especially stoned. Everything 95 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:36,130 Speaker 1: sounded better while high. The beats were better, the screams 96 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:39,070 Speaker 1: more guttural, and the melodies, even from the most melancholic 97 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:46,750 Speaker 1: emo troubadours, were somehow even more sad. I always hated 98 00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:50,690 Speaker 1: the term emo, as in emo music, because, well, all 99 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:54,349 Speaker 1: music is emo, right? Isn't all music emotional? To me, 100 00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:57,350 Speaker 1: Slayer is just as emotional as Sunny Day Real Estate. 101 00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:00,750 Speaker 1: It's just clearly a different type of emotion being expressed. 102 00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: But regardless, the term emo took root as an easy 103 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,620 Speaker 1: way for hardcore kids to describe a particular type of 104 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: hardcore music that sprung from Washington, D.C., with Ian McKay's 105 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:17,090 Speaker 1: post-minor threat pre-Fugazi outfit Embrace and future Fugazi member Guy 106 00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:21,090 Speaker 1: Pachado's band Rites of Spring. After those bands, a younger 107 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:24,230 Speaker 1: crop of hardcore kids traded in their Jordans and Champion 108 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:28,380 Speaker 1: sweatshirts for Chuck Taylors and Argyle sweaters, augmented their power 109 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: chords with fifth notes, and started singing about. 110 00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:36,650 Speaker 2: Girls. As my six-year-old would say. Ew. 111 00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:41,710 Speaker 1: Singing about girls any time after, gee, I don't know, 112 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: the year 1855 doesn't sound like anything groundbreaking, but trust me, 113 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,300 Speaker 1: in Cambridge, Massachusetts, upstairs at the Middle East in 1996, 114 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,900 Speaker 1: in the middle of what had become somewhat of a 115 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:57,060 Speaker 1: closed-minded scene, the hardcore scene, singing about love, be it lost, found, whatever, 116 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,170 Speaker 1: it was damn near revolutionary. I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. 117 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: Bands like J.June, Texas is the Reason, Piebald, Promise Ring, 118 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,300 Speaker 1: and Rye Coalition were building off of what Embrace and 119 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,580 Speaker 1: Rites of Spring had started a decade earlier and laying 120 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: the groundwork for the coming 2000s emo explosion with bands 121 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: like Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, and Panic at the 122 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: Disco actually conquering mainstream charts. Which was how emo found 123 00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:28,550 Speaker 1: its way to Lil Peep in suburban New York. As 124 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:31,970 Speaker 1: a young, alienated son of divorced parents, he was taken 125 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: by it. And as emo was a close cousin of hardcore, 126 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:38,059 Speaker 1: it was imbued with the same DIY spirit, and this 127 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: spirit was not lost on Lil Peep in 2014. But 128 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: instead of Kinko's copied fanzines and mail-order distro networks, Lil 129 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,700 Speaker 1: Peep used the tools available to him and began uploading 130 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:52,500 Speaker 1: the tracks he was breaking off in his childhood bedroom 131 00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:56,850 Speaker 1: to SoundCloud and promoting them on Instagram. An audience quickly developed. 132 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,420 Speaker 1: The music he created made his new fans feel less alone, 133 00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:03,130 Speaker 1: just as the act of making the music made Peep 134 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:05,949 Speaker 1: feel like less of a small-town freak. It was a 135 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:09,510 Speaker 1: genuine connection, a strong bond that helped him cope with 136 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,809 Speaker 1: the world outside his bedroom walls and with his own anxiety. 137 00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:20,170 Speaker 1: The morning ritual wrenched his nerves. Peep's teenage alienation, his 138 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:24,110 Speaker 1: low self-esteem, his extreme anxiety about what his fellow students 139 00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: and what his teachers thought of him was... So intense 140 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: that most mornings before school, he'd find himself in his 141 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:37,189 Speaker 1: bathroom vomiting violently. The weed helped. It calmed him down. 142 00:09:37,670 --> 00:09:39,830 Speaker 1: And so did the Xanax, and of course, so did 143 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:43,630 Speaker 1: the music. But no amount of self-medicating and sad melodies 144 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:47,059 Speaker 1: could really curb the anxiety. If Pete was going to 145 00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: truly deal, he needed an outer shell. 146 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: A strong sense of self. Armor. 147 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:56,290 Speaker 1: So he got a face tattoo. At the age of 17. 148 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,290 Speaker 1: a broken heart underneath his left eye. 149 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 2: It was official. as if it wasn't before. 150 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,980 Speaker 1: To most of his teachers, to most locals in Long Beach, 151 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,540 Speaker 1: New York, Gus R., who is now going by the 152 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,950 Speaker 1: hip-hop name Lil Peep, was lost to them. And for 153 00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:13,930 Speaker 1: Lil Peep, with a growing online fan base for his 154 00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:17,350 Speaker 1: unique meld of hip-hop and emo, it was clear as day. 155 00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:20,179 Speaker 1: At the age of 17, it was time for him 156 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: to get lost, to head west, manifest destiny. It was 157 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,260 Speaker 1: a depressed section of Tucson, but in this particular neighborhood, 158 00:10:53,340 --> 00:10:54,330 Speaker 1: residents still. 159 00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:54,850 Speaker 2: Had their pride. 160 00:10:55,390 --> 00:10:58,490 Speaker 1: The rumors about what went on in that house were unsettling. 161 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,970 Speaker 1: At first, it was believed that it was an illegal 162 00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:02,730 Speaker 1: tattoo parlor, but after. 163 00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:04,690 Speaker 2: Time, a darker rumor set in. 164 00:11:05,870 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: Kids and transient-looking young adults didn't spend the only money 165 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:12,339 Speaker 1: they had on body ache. These visitors to the house 166 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:15,979 Speaker 1: looked desperate, not to mention haggard beyond compare. 167 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 2: And that smell, what's up with that smell? 168 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,729 Speaker 1: It bled out of the house at night, and by morning, 169 00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:24,890 Speaker 1: the whole street was covered in that rotting chemical stench, 170 00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:27,910 Speaker 1: like someone took the worst parts of a hospital smell 171 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,830 Speaker 1: and tried dousing it in vinegar. The trash was piling 172 00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:35,790 Speaker 1: up outside. The windows were blackened mostly with dark curtains. 173 00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:39,069 Speaker 1: Some were even painted black. It had been months since 174 00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:42,530 Speaker 1: the house's owners had been seen, but still, visitors came 175 00:11:42,590 --> 00:11:46,250 Speaker 1: and went at all hours. Someone called the cops, and 176 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,740 Speaker 1: the cops were not stupid. They rolled up with the 177 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:53,050 Speaker 1: fire department It was late, past midnight, early morning hours. 178 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: As the first cruiser made its way down the street, 179 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,340 Speaker 1: a young man in the front yard on his cell 180 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,980 Speaker 1: phone took note and then sprinted into the house. The 181 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: cop floored it. Through the house's front yard window, what 182 00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,780 Speaker 1: little light was visible through the crack in the curtain 183 00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:11,490 Speaker 1: quickly went out. That first cop on the scene slowly 184 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:15,090 Speaker 1: got out of his cruiser. The smell was overpowering. He 185 00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:18,030 Speaker 1: wondered where the hell the fire department He took his 186 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,910 Speaker 1: binoculars and peered through them. 187 00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,530 Speaker 2: Across the front yard, trying to steal a glimpse into 188 00:12:22,570 --> 00:12:24,690 Speaker 2: the house. Blackness. 189 00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:28,150 Speaker 1: He could neither see nor hear anything. There was only 190 00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:33,170 Speaker 1: that smell. If fear had a scent, this was it. There, 191 00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,310 Speaker 1: through the crack in the window, he spied a small 192 00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:37,010 Speaker 1: flash of light, and then. 193 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,730 Speaker 1: The CDC estimates that there are over 1,000 meth lab-related 194 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:52,970 Speaker 1: quote-unquote incidents per year. Incidents ranging in intensity from full-on 195 00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:56,350 Speaker 1: explosions like this one to milder events where a crazed 196 00:12:56,429 --> 00:12:59,350 Speaker 1: meth head gets sloppy and merely lights his face on fire. 197 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:04,140 Speaker 1: This explosion was big, but not completely destructive. The house 198 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,319 Speaker 1: was salvaged, structurally at least. It would require extensive renovations 199 00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:10,900 Speaker 1: for it to be truly inhabitable again, but the squatters 200 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,820 Speaker 1: didn't care. so long as the four walls and ceiling 201 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,089 Speaker 1: were there and the windows could be boarded up at least. 202 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,990 Speaker 1: So after a while, they moved in. The squatters weren't 203 00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:23,730 Speaker 1: your typical homeless. They were young kids, teenagers, and young adults. 204 00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:26,390 Speaker 1: Not at all hippies, but living off the grid in 205 00:13:26,429 --> 00:13:28,790 Speaker 1: their own way. At one time, they would have been 206 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:31,599 Speaker 1: referred to as crosspunks, but in 2016, that moniker wouldn't do. 207 00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:37,540 Speaker 1: These kids weren't motivated by blast beats and revolutionary politics. 208 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: For them, it was trap beats and sad sing-alongs, not 209 00:13:41,059 --> 00:13:46,610 Speaker 1: to mention drugs. Not meth, per se, but weed, coke, Xanax, perks, ecstasy, 210 00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:50,370 Speaker 1: most pharmaceuticals you can name. And their sense of fashion 211 00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:54,179 Speaker 1: was similar to Krust Punk's, though. Tight, ripped jeans and t-shirts, 212 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: handmade patches, safety pinned on everywhere, tattered plaids with suspenders, leathers, denim, 213 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 1: all dirty, filthy actually, tattered, dyed hair, dreads, shaved heads, 214 00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:04,260 Speaker 1: and of course. 215 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:05,579 Speaker 2: Face tattoos. 216 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 1: The mangy pitbull on a rope as an accessory was 217 00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: replaced by the odd piece of ostentatious jewelry, procured God 218 00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:15,870 Speaker 1: knows how, likely via theft or by preying on mommy 219 00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:19,970 Speaker 1: and daddy's generosity and better judgment. A not-so-subtle nod to 220 00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:24,940 Speaker 1: their love of hip-hop. Lil Peep had found his people. 221 00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: The blown-out husk of a meth house had no stage. 222 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,510 Speaker 1: He performed in the middle of the crowd, and they 223 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,470 Speaker 1: danced on the dirt floor, piled layers of band stickers 224 00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:38,270 Speaker 1: on the scorched walls. And when Peep performed his latest track, 225 00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: Beamer Boy, which had just dropped, everybody sang along, all 226 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,180 Speaker 1: around him, drowning out the site's shitty little P.A., And 227 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:51,020 Speaker 1: these kids, this new generation of punk-slash-emo-slash-hip-hop-style kids, had coalesced 228 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:53,770 Speaker 1: through this new hybrid of music they loved, and they 229 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:56,770 Speaker 1: were all united among the meth house ruins by him, 230 00:14:57,190 --> 00:15:01,490 Speaker 1: by his music. The experience in Tucson compelled Lil Peep. 231 00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:04,930 Speaker 1: Further west, an L.A. rapper named Jay Green was at 232 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,430 Speaker 1: the show. Peep had already met him over the internet. 233 00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:10,220 Speaker 1: On an invite to collaborate with him, Peep set out 234 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:14,990 Speaker 1: for Los Angeles. The collaboration with Jay Green called Schema 235 00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:18,479 Speaker 1: Posse lasted a few months, but Pete bounced around LA, 236 00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:21,020 Speaker 1: left the group, and wound up crashing in a barren 237 00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:25,100 Speaker 1: loft in downtown LA's Skid Row. The loft was a 238 00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: squalid warehouse space with a rotating crew of squatters crashing 239 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: on couches and floors, beds for the regulars stashed in corners. 240 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: Tense cities reeking of human piss and shit stretched down 241 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,100 Speaker 1: the strip in both directions right outside the door. And 242 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,660 Speaker 1: to the folks back home who remembered him as Gus... 243 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,260 Speaker 1: Lil Peep may as well have been homeless. But inside 244 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: the loft, it was a creative hothouse, a sardine can 245 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,530 Speaker 1: of artists collaborating on track after track, performing shows in 246 00:15:53,550 --> 00:15:57,030 Speaker 1: the warehouse, going all the time and going hard. These 247 00:15:57,070 --> 00:15:59,990 Speaker 1: were Peep's people too, so much like the kids. 248 00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:00,750 Speaker 2: At the Tucson show. 249 00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:04,150 Speaker 1: Even as he was blowing up as a solo act, 250 00:16:04,450 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: Peep joined up with a group of like-minded rappers and producers, 251 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,550 Speaker 1: a hive known as Goth Boy Click. Together, they formed 252 00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:17,530 Speaker 1: a Wu-Tang Clan type of collective for the SoundCloud age. Coldheart, Doves, Fishnark, Horsehead, 253 00:16:17,630 --> 00:16:22,580 Speaker 1: JP Dream Thug, Lil Tracy, Mac Ned, Wiccaface, Springs Eternal, Yawns, 254 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: and Lil Peep. Lil Peep's mixtape, Crybaby, featuring Gothboy Click, 255 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:28,740 Speaker 1: or the GBC as it. 256 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,140 Speaker 2: Was called, was blowing up. 257 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:33,550 Speaker 1: SoundCloud rap had officially made an end run around the 258 00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:38,850 Speaker 1: traditional record industry. fueling constant underground collaboration and single releases 259 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:43,330 Speaker 1: from young emerging artists non-stop. The industry was racing to 260 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,930 Speaker 1: catch up, and Peep was getting legit management and label interests. 261 00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:52,350 Speaker 1: Gothboy Click was drafting in his wake. But the reek 262 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,690 Speaker 1: of the human waste from the windows never let up. 263 00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,930 Speaker 2: Everyone in the loft shared a bathroom. 264 00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,810 Speaker 1: The inability to find a moment's peace and quiet to 265 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:03,220 Speaker 1: himself in the creative hive built up the pressure. He 266 00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: felt like he was being pulled in two directions at once, 267 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,980 Speaker 1: into outer space and stardom and crashing hard down to Earth. 268 00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 1: Alone at night on his mattress in the corner, listening 269 00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:19,500 Speaker 1: to bombs fight outside, Peep read letters from his grandpa, 270 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,880 Speaker 1: who he called Packack. Packack had always been his real 271 00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:26,050 Speaker 1: father figure, not like his birth dad, who abandoned him 272 00:17:26,109 --> 00:17:29,490 Speaker 1: during junior high, right when any boy enters his hard years. 273 00:17:30,369 --> 00:17:33,010 Speaker 1: Packack was a warm soul and a man of letters, 274 00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:35,430 Speaker 1: and when he wrote to Peep, it brought him strength 275 00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:38,130 Speaker 1: and comfort. But Peep didn't know what to do now. 276 00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:41,609 Speaker 1: Packack and his mother had always raised Peep to believe 277 00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:45,090 Speaker 1: deeply in equality and respect for all people. And in 278 00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,650 Speaker 1: his own way, Peep was trying to honor those values 279 00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:51,629 Speaker 1: with his lifestyle and creative choices, living communally and sticking 280 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,700 Speaker 1: with Goth Boy Click even as his own stardom eclipsed them. 281 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,939 Speaker 1: But Peep had new managers in his ear, telling him 282 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,450 Speaker 1: he should strike out on his own. He wondered if 283 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,490 Speaker 1: he'd still be forced to wake up to the smell 284 00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:04,610 Speaker 1: of human shit if he struck out on his own. 285 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: Everything was muddled, everything was happening way too fast, but somehow, 286 00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 1: not fast enough. Torn between loyalty to his underground friends 287 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:18,899 Speaker 1: versus reaching his creative and financial potential, Peep would go nocturnal, 288 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,490 Speaker 1: rip bowl after bowl of weed, pop Xannies, and sit 289 00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:25,250 Speaker 1: with a pit of insecurity and anxiety in his gut. 290 00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:27,889 Speaker 1: He felt guilty at the thought of letting anyone down. 291 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,750 Speaker 1: Some people swear by the healing power of getting tattooed, 292 00:18:36,369 --> 00:18:39,590 Speaker 1: and I'm one of them. Despite the discomfort, getting tattooed 293 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,550 Speaker 1: can be oddly soothing. There's something that happens after you 294 00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:45,490 Speaker 1: settle into the pain of a gazillion tiny needles piercing 295 00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: into your skin. That pain, that sound, your body's pain-killing 296 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,139 Speaker 1: endorphins barreling through your bloodstream and attack. You feel, in 297 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:59,290 Speaker 1: a word, high. But in the best possible way, chilled out, 298 00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:04,929 Speaker 1: without the chemical mindfuck or physical sickness. There is, of course, 299 00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:08,230 Speaker 1: an emotional aspect to getting tattooed as well. It goes 300 00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:11,750 Speaker 1: without saying, but is worth mentioning, that for centuries, tattoos 301 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:16,470 Speaker 1: have marked significant moments in their beholders' lives. Emotional inflection points, 302 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:20,510 Speaker 1: deaths to get over, births to celebrate, drunken nights in Tijuana. 303 00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:24,450 Speaker 2: You get the point. Lil Peep was. 304 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,660 Speaker 1: 20 miles north of Tijuana at the moment, in San Diego, 305 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:31,820 Speaker 1: in a cop's garage. The cop was tattooing Peep, illegally, 306 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 1: again on his face. If the broken heart tattoo he 307 00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: had inked on his mug three years ago didn't do 308 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,180 Speaker 1: the trick, then this one definitely would. 309 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 2: It was huge. 310 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,510 Speaker 1: It cut across the entire right side of his upper face, 311 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,169 Speaker 1: in cursive, the word, crybaby. 312 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,970 Speaker 2: It said a lot of things. Crybaby. 313 00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:53,139 Speaker 1: Being his breakout mixtape. The tattoo said that he was 314 00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:56,219 Speaker 1: committed to his music. The tattoo also said he was 315 00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:56,919 Speaker 1: a different. 316 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 2: Kind of rapper, emotional, and unafraid to let anyone know. 317 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:04,020 Speaker 1: And perhaps most importantly, the massive tattoo across his face 318 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:06,700 Speaker 1: said to the straight world, to the parents, the teachers, 319 00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: the cops, present company excluded, of course, and perhaps even 320 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 1: to the members of GBC, that tattoo said one very 321 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:18,380 Speaker 1: important thing for Lil Peep. It said, fuck off. 322 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 2: We'll be right back after this word, word, word. 323 00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: The back piece tattoo was an even more explicit declaration 324 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 1: than the crybaby piece on his face. If we're not 325 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:41,500 Speaker 1: conscious or extremely lucky or blessed, inevitably, we all suffer 326 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 1: in this world. And if we're fortunate, we find ways 327 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:48,140 Speaker 1: to deal. Dealing was not Lil Peep's strong suit. His 328 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,889 Speaker 1: new back tattoo would be his way of dealing. It 329 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,830 Speaker 1: would also be his answer to every guidance counselor, coach, 330 00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:55,810 Speaker 1: or doubter who ever asked him what he wanted to 331 00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:59,430 Speaker 1: do with his life. The pressures of his growing career, 332 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,300 Speaker 1: what to do, who to do it with, when to 333 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,179 Speaker 1: do it, where to go, who to take care of, 334 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 1: who to care about. For a 20-year-old kid with a 335 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: fast-growing celebrity and bank account, who came from a solid 336 00:21:09,380 --> 00:21:12,780 Speaker 1: working-slash-middle-class family, who is now in the position to take 337 00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: care of his friends, if not his family, all of 338 00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,939 Speaker 1: it was way too much for him. Especially when coupled 339 00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:21,550 Speaker 1: with his anxiety disorder and depression. not to mention while 340 00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:26,530 Speaker 1: he was self-medicating, ingesting a steady diet of back-alley antidepressants, blow, 341 00:21:26,609 --> 00:21:31,949 Speaker 1: and weed in massive quantities around the clock. But as usual, 342 00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:34,790 Speaker 1: there was solace in the soothing buzz of the gun. 343 00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:39,490 Speaker 1: Exit life, in massive Old English lettering across the upper 344 00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:42,889 Speaker 1: third of his back, and in big, bold, black, as 345 00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:45,739 Speaker 1: if to make no mistake, he was not long for 346 00:21:45,780 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 1: this world. Not with these pressures. Not with this pain. 347 00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,390 Speaker 1: Kurt Cobain wasn't long for this world either. He made 348 00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:59,910 Speaker 1: his exit in the most dramatic of fashions. A shotgun 349 00:21:59,930 --> 00:22:02,590 Speaker 1: blast to the face ripped on black tar heroin at 350 00:22:02,630 --> 00:22:04,950 Speaker 1: the height of his career in the cold confines of 351 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:09,149 Speaker 1: his garage. His suicide note, emissive on the pain, depression, 352 00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:11,490 Speaker 1: and cruelty of fame suffered at the hands of a 353 00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:17,070 Speaker 1: tortured artist. A once-in-a-generation tortured artist, he apologized for going 354 00:22:17,090 --> 00:22:20,130 Speaker 1: through the motions on stage and not feeling passion for 355 00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:24,510 Speaker 1: music anymore. Lil Peep didn't have much to apologize for, 356 00:22:24,869 --> 00:22:26,890 Speaker 1: and he didn't really know how to say no either. 357 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 1: I'm talking about a lot more than the Nancy Reagan 358 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,979 Speaker 1: just say no to drugs thing here, though that was 359 00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:34,300 Speaker 1: definitely a problem too, we'll get to that in a minute. 360 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 1: But Peep also had trouble saying no to the needs 361 00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: of his boys in Gothboy Click, and he had trouble 362 00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,090 Speaker 1: saying no to the growing number of fans who saw 363 00:22:42,109 --> 00:22:44,570 Speaker 1: his pain expressed plainly in his songs and in 180x180 364 00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:51,859 Speaker 1: pixels of raw imagery on Instagram. Peep was so raw, 365 00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:55,120 Speaker 1: so real, so vulnerable, and gave so much of himself 366 00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:58,780 Speaker 1: to his art that his fanbase developed this strange sense 367 00:22:58,820 --> 00:23:01,360 Speaker 1: of entitlement where they felt he owed it to them 368 00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:05,060 Speaker 1: at all times to be Peep, the drugged-out, sad, hellboy 369 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 1: crybaby that he embodied in his music. When he played 370 00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:11,449 Speaker 1: live now, they showered him with not only praise but 371 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:15,870 Speaker 1: with drugs, constantly heaving bags of pills, coke, weed, whatever 372 00:23:15,890 --> 00:23:19,860 Speaker 1: onto the stage during his sets. Like most rock stars, 373 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: he was swarmed post-show by fans who wanted to touch him, 374 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: fuck him, get him fucked up, do whatever, except unlike 375 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 1: most rock stars, Peep wasn't surrounded by protectors and handlers. 376 00:23:30,770 --> 00:23:34,050 Speaker 1: Aside from an outnumbered tour manager and road crew, Peep's 377 00:23:34,130 --> 00:23:38,990 Speaker 1: entourage consisted mainly of professional partiers. Gothboy Click, who traveled 378 00:23:39,030 --> 00:23:41,910 Speaker 1: with him, opened for him, collaborated with him during his set, 379 00:23:42,150 --> 00:23:45,650 Speaker 1: and went for it after the show. Not to be outdone, 380 00:23:46,020 --> 00:23:49,960 Speaker 1: Peep went harder than his boys. It was clear to 381 00:23:50,060 --> 00:23:52,350 Speaker 1: anyone with a responsible bone in their body that little 382 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,450 Speaker 1: Peep was living on borrowed time under the current circumstances, 383 00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:58,669 Speaker 1: and Peep knew it too. Unable to say no, to 384 00:23:58,710 --> 00:24:01,510 Speaker 1: disconnect from his friends, who he felt an obligation to 385 00:24:01,570 --> 00:24:03,350 Speaker 1: share the growing wealth and fame with. 386 00:24:03,830 --> 00:24:06,210 Speaker 2: Management stepped in and shipped him off to London. 387 00:24:07,220 --> 00:24:09,260 Speaker 1: Put him up in a nice apartment, connected him with 388 00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: artists like Bexy and I Love Makonnen to begin working 389 00:24:12,580 --> 00:24:15,820 Speaker 1: on new, poppier tracks like I've Been Waiting, and to 390 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: generally get him the fuck away. 391 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 2: From Gothboy Click before they. 392 00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:23,490 Speaker 1: All accidentally obliterated themselves with Oxys, Roxys, and whatever else 393 00:24:23,550 --> 00:24:28,470 Speaker 1: they were ingesting by the fistful. Once in Europe, Peep 394 00:24:28,490 --> 00:24:31,710 Speaker 1: committed to becoming the stadium-filling star he was born to be. 395 00:24:32,230 --> 00:24:35,190 Speaker 1: His managers didn't want the Kurt Cobain ending. They wanted 396 00:24:35,210 --> 00:24:37,740 Speaker 1: the David Bowie ending. The one where the musician is 397 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,840 Speaker 1: so gifted, so charismatic, and in possession of the kind 398 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,330 Speaker 1: of talent that can meld numerous seemingly disparate influences into 399 00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:47,180 Speaker 1: one unique style, and then also give voice to a 400 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,430 Speaker 1: generation of kids at the same time. They wanted that 401 00:24:50,510 --> 00:24:53,209 Speaker 1: kind of talent, and they knew it could go two ways. 402 00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:56,410 Speaker 1: It could crack like Cobain or thrive, becoming a living, 403 00:24:56,450 --> 00:24:59,970 Speaker 1: breathing icon with a full career of constant cultural relevance 404 00:25:00,050 --> 00:25:04,470 Speaker 1: like Bowie. Naturally, management chose the Bowie option behind door 405 00:25:04,530 --> 00:25:08,260 Speaker 1: number two. From London, Peep was sent on tour. Shows 406 00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:11,859 Speaker 1: in Russia, Berlin, and Paris sold out. Thousands of kids 407 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:14,220 Speaker 1: showed up to sing every word of every Peep song 408 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: back at him, full-throated, without being primed by any radio 409 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: or mainstream press support. From there, it was off to 410 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,640 Speaker 1: Fashion Week in Paris, and the Men's Spring Summer Show 411 00:25:23,660 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: in Milan, and the full pop star makeover was in effect. Gucci, Balmain, 412 00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 1: runways with Luc Savard from Marcelo Berlin in Vlon, Cartier 413 00:25:32,550 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: Ice around his neck, The paparazzi and the photographers from Vogue, Elle, 414 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,890 Speaker 1: and Harper's snapping pics. Video crew following him around, journalists 415 00:25:40,950 --> 00:25:44,430 Speaker 1: hounding him. Blow-up pieces in GQ and V Magazine with 416 00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:52,570 Speaker 1: renowned Peruvian photographer Mario Testino behind the lens. It was silly, sure, 417 00:25:52,790 --> 00:25:55,260 Speaker 1: he knew that as he waited his turn backstage to 418 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,820 Speaker 1: catwalk the runway mugging for the cameras. But damn if 419 00:25:58,859 --> 00:26:01,860 Speaker 1: it didn't feel good. He knew he was destined for this, 420 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,290 Speaker 1: this type of stardom. the kind that leaves a permanent mark, 421 00:26:05,550 --> 00:26:07,710 Speaker 1: the kind that has a way of not washing off. 422 00:26:08,470 --> 00:26:11,719 Speaker 1: Cobain had it, Bowie too, and Lil Peep, now with 423 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,679 Speaker 1: his European pop star metamorphosis near complete, was about to 424 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,679 Speaker 1: head back to his home country, spread his new wings, 425 00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:20,510 Speaker 1: and prove that he had it too. 426 00:26:39,190 --> 00:26:40,429 Speaker 2: In the dream, whether it. 427 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:44,630 Speaker 1: Was a sleeping dream or waking, he could hardly tell anymore. Regardless, 428 00:26:44,750 --> 00:26:48,929 Speaker 1: there was never enough. Never enough pills, never enough attention, 429 00:26:49,270 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 1: never enough he could do for his management. Never enough 430 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,220 Speaker 1: love from his dad. Never enough letters from his grandpa. 431 00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:58,490 Speaker 1: Never enough time with his mom or his brother. Never 432 00:26:58,530 --> 00:27:01,210 Speaker 1: enough for his fans. Never enough energy to respond to 433 00:27:01,230 --> 00:27:03,570 Speaker 1: all of them on his socials. There was never enough 434 00:27:03,590 --> 00:27:06,330 Speaker 1: he could do for his boys, for Gothboy Click. Never 435 00:27:06,390 --> 00:27:10,540 Speaker 1: enough he could give them. Never enough money. And as always, 436 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,899 Speaker 1: in the dream, there was never enough ink in the 437 00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:17,939 Speaker 1: tattoo gun. In the dream, the gun always ran dry 438 00:27:17,980 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: before completing the massive exit life piece on his back. 439 00:27:21,790 --> 00:27:25,970 Speaker 1: And holy shit did that thing look ridiculous. A small 440 00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,619 Speaker 1: thing to be anxious about, but a catch-all stressor for 441 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,780 Speaker 1: the various pressures banging down on his chest and spinning 442 00:27:31,820 --> 00:27:37,460 Speaker 1: him out. As usual, the drugs weren't helping his anxiety. 443 00:27:38,070 --> 00:27:41,210 Speaker 1: He was taking way more than usual. More coke, more. 444 00:27:41,109 --> 00:27:42,970 Speaker 2: Xanax, and more ecstasy. 445 00:27:44,550 --> 00:27:47,070 Speaker 1: He was back in the States, and Gothboy Click was 446 00:27:47,130 --> 00:27:50,390 Speaker 1: back in the mix. He'd brought along several members as openers, 447 00:27:50,430 --> 00:27:52,690 Speaker 1: and the various others linked up with the tour for 448 00:27:52,710 --> 00:27:55,140 Speaker 1: varied shows all over the U.S. leg where they would 449 00:27:55,180 --> 00:28:00,379 Speaker 1: join in. Exposure enough for everybody. Tour was a blur 450 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: to that point. His schedule was upside down. He'd wake 451 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: up every day about 30 minutes before showtime, go straight 452 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,909 Speaker 1: to the stage, crush for thousands of fans, then party 453 00:28:09,950 --> 00:28:13,350 Speaker 1: backstage until the venue threw him and his GBC crew out. 454 00:28:13,910 --> 00:28:16,290 Speaker 1: From there, they'd bring the party to the bus. More drink, 455 00:28:16,369 --> 00:28:20,389 Speaker 1: more drugs, lots of coke, lots of downers, ketamine. And 456 00:28:20,430 --> 00:28:22,810 Speaker 1: they'd go hard all night while the bus made its 457 00:28:22,869 --> 00:28:25,060 Speaker 1: way to the next venue. If there was ever a 458 00:28:25,140 --> 00:28:28,420 Speaker 1: hotel involved, Peep didn't fuck with it. There was comfort 459 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: and familiarity in the bus. He could get stoned as 460 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,580 Speaker 1: fuck and pass out sometime after the sun came up. Self-contained, 461 00:28:35,619 --> 00:28:37,770 Speaker 1: there would be no struggle to find his way anywhere. 462 00:28:38,130 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: He was already there, wasted, but there. He'd wake up 463 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 1: wherever he passed out on the bus the night before, 464 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: smack some life into his cheeks, blast a rail, or 465 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,360 Speaker 1: take whatever the beginning of his day called for to 466 00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,100 Speaker 1: get him going and follow his tour manager escort to 467 00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 1: the stage. The lights would go dim, the crowd would roar, 468 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,500 Speaker 1: he'd feel the natural burst of adrenaline press up from 469 00:28:59,540 --> 00:29:03,020 Speaker 1: within him, push his anxiety away from the surface, pump 470 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 1: his blood, and he'd then burst onto the stage, delivering 471 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: 90 minutes of prescriptive gospel to his drugged-out, anxious congregations. 472 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,460 Speaker 1: They were his, he was theirs, and the communion was real. 473 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 1: But today was different. He was well awake upon arrival 474 00:29:20,980 --> 00:29:25,570 Speaker 1: in Tucson, Arizona on November 15th, 2017. And despite his 475 00:29:25,610 --> 00:29:28,450 Speaker 1: head being a mess and his anxiety starting to peak, 476 00:29:28,810 --> 00:29:30,630 Speaker 1: he decided to meet up with a couple of fans 477 00:29:30,670 --> 00:29:33,610 Speaker 1: who had DM'd him. They wanted to get him high. 478 00:29:34,050 --> 00:29:36,610 Speaker 1: Of course they did. All of his fans did. And 479 00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: Peep wanted to get high himself, show himself to be 480 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,220 Speaker 1: a comedy. To give his fans the version of himself 481 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 1: that they wanted to see. That they'd grown to love. 482 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,500 Speaker 1: That they felt in some strange way they were owed 483 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,290 Speaker 1: a piece of. Online he was so real. He breathed 484 00:29:51,350 --> 00:29:54,270 Speaker 1: life into their own anxious existence with his art so 485 00:29:54,310 --> 00:29:56,190 Speaker 1: the least they could do would be to set him up. 486 00:29:56,570 --> 00:29:59,070 Speaker 2: Get him high. Make him feel good. Return the favor. 487 00:30:02,770 --> 00:30:05,650 Speaker 1: Despite whatever his management felt, or what the press or 488 00:30:05,690 --> 00:30:09,310 Speaker 1: the fashion photographers in Milan believed, Lil Peep believed he 489 00:30:09,330 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: was an equal to his fans. At least he felt 490 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: an obligation to be. The gold-studded Balmain jacket fit well, 491 00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:18,100 Speaker 1: and the ice around his neck made him feel like 492 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,300 Speaker 1: he'd arrived. But more often than not, especially in the 493 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 1: company of his boys and goth boy clique, Lil Peep 494 00:30:24,180 --> 00:30:28,469 Speaker 1: couldn't truck with the aloof pop star image. Raised by 495 00:30:28,510 --> 00:30:32,540 Speaker 1: a self-proclaimed anti-capitalist mom and grandfather who was a Harvard 496 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,340 Speaker 1: historian and had extensively studied labor movements in Latin America, 497 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,620 Speaker 1: and who stepped in for his dad who'd split, Lil 498 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: Peep had socialist ideals coursing through his blood. He believed 499 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,130 Speaker 1: in equality over all else, which is why he went 500 00:30:47,170 --> 00:30:49,630 Speaker 1: to great lengths to spread the love and fruits of 501 00:30:49,670 --> 00:30:53,340 Speaker 1: his fame around Gothboy Clay. on occasion paying rent for 502 00:30:53,380 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: some of his boys, keeping them fed, wasted, blowing them 503 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,620 Speaker 1: up under his spotlight on stage, and taking them on tour. 504 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: But the grind of it all was too much, especially 505 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,479 Speaker 1: on this day. He posted on Instagram the day before, 506 00:31:08,620 --> 00:31:12,450 Speaker 1: November 14th, how he was feeling. I just want to 507 00:31:12,490 --> 00:31:15,670 Speaker 1: be everybody's everything. I want too much from people, but 508 00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:18,090 Speaker 1: then I don't want anything from them at the same time, 509 00:31:18,170 --> 00:31:20,690 Speaker 1: feel me? I don't let people help me, but I 510 00:31:20,730 --> 00:31:22,930 Speaker 1: need help, but not when I have my pills, but 511 00:31:23,010 --> 00:31:26,850 Speaker 1: that's temporary. One day maybe, I won't die young. 512 00:31:26,590 --> 00:31:28,850 Speaker 2: And I'll be happy. What is happy? 513 00:31:29,310 --> 00:31:32,010 Speaker 1: I always have happiness for like 10 seconds and then 514 00:31:32,050 --> 00:31:32,570 Speaker 1: it's gone. 515 00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:34,670 Speaker 2: I'm getting so tired of this. 516 00:31:38,090 --> 00:31:40,790 Speaker 1: He and his two new friends, his fans, headed to 517 00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:43,740 Speaker 1: the bus to get They went up the steps into 518 00:31:43,780 --> 00:31:47,550 Speaker 1: the grimy tour bus, littered with ashes and coke-dusted mirrors 519 00:31:47,610 --> 00:31:50,989 Speaker 1: between the makeshift bunks for Goth Boy Clint. Peep was 520 00:31:51,030 --> 00:31:52,730 Speaker 1: handed a Xanax, and he took it. 521 00:31:53,450 --> 00:31:57,630 Speaker 2: Soon after, he passed out. His new friends kept partying. 522 00:31:57,770 --> 00:32:01,570 Speaker 1: He could hear them, faintly, laughing, fucking around, texting their 523 00:32:01,610 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 1: friends and posting on their socials about getting wasted with 524 00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:07,959 Speaker 1: the one and only little Peep. It was out cold, 525 00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:10,540 Speaker 1: or so they thought, but Peep could still hear them, 526 00:32:10,980 --> 00:32:11,770 Speaker 1: at least a little bit. 527 00:32:12,810 --> 00:32:14,090 Speaker 2: The dream was intruding. 528 00:32:14,530 --> 00:32:16,510 Speaker 1: He could hear the sound of the tattoo gun again, 529 00:32:16,830 --> 00:32:19,530 Speaker 1: getting louder, drowning them out, filling. 530 00:32:19,330 --> 00:32:21,950 Speaker 2: Out the remaining letters on his back. Exit. 531 00:32:22,370 --> 00:32:22,650 Speaker 1: Life. 532 00:32:23,750 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 2: The exit letters had been done for some time. It 533 00:32:26,260 --> 00:32:27,220 Speaker 2: was the life. 534 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 1: Part that needed to be fully blacked out. The buzz 535 00:32:30,540 --> 00:32:32,620 Speaker 1: grew louder, the pain more blissful. 536 00:32:33,060 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 2: He was losing them now. 537 00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:38,590 Speaker 1: Their voices were all but completely faded. And so was 538 00:32:38,620 --> 00:32:43,630 Speaker 1: the pressure too, falling off, fading away. No more stressors. 539 00:32:44,170 --> 00:32:46,470 Speaker 1: He was losing it all. It was the only way 540 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:51,000 Speaker 1: for him to win. The buzz grew louder, steadier, strong. 541 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: It filled in the remaining bits of life with black, 542 00:32:54,460 --> 00:33:02,310 Speaker 1: and Lil Peep made his final exit. Sometime after, Lil 543 00:33:02,350 --> 00:33:05,810 Speaker 1: Peep had completely lost consciousness, a victim of the extremely 544 00:33:05,870 --> 00:33:10,110 Speaker 1: powerful fentanyl drug that had laced the Xanax he had taken. Bexie, 545 00:33:10,220 --> 00:33:13,210 Speaker 1: one of Peep's collaborators from the UK, walked into the 546 00:33:13,250 --> 00:33:16,250 Speaker 1: back of the bus, saw Peep passed out so close 547 00:33:16,270 --> 00:33:18,610 Speaker 1: to showtime, and swears. 548 00:33:18,190 --> 00:33:19,170 Speaker 2: He heard him snoring. 549 00:33:19,710 --> 00:33:22,830 Speaker 1: Instead of checking on him more closely, he instead busted 550 00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:25,110 Speaker 1: out his camera and made an Insta story of his 551 00:33:25,210 --> 00:33:29,140 Speaker 1: friend in a joking way. Lil Peep's presence, even while 552 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:33,080 Speaker 1: prone on the couch, lit up tiny screens all across Instagram. 553 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:38,910 Speaker 1: Little did anyone know, Lil P was dead. 554 00:33:39,290 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 2: Such a disgrace. 555 00:33:40,600 --> 00:34:02,890 Speaker 1: I'm Jake Brennan, and this is Disgraceland. Disgraceland was created 556 00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:06,050 Speaker 1: by yours truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. 557 00:34:06,430 --> 00:34:08,669 Speaker 1: Credits for this episode can be found on the show 558 00:34:08,730 --> 00:34:13,190 Speaker 1: notes page at disgracelandpod.com. If you're listening as a Disgraceland 559 00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:15,830 Speaker 1: All Access member, thank you for supporting the show. 560 00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 2: We really appreciate it. 561 00:34:17,450 --> 00:34:19,629 Speaker 1: And if not, you can become a member right now 562 00:34:19,690 --> 00:34:23,090 Speaker 1: by going to disgracelandpod.com slash membership. 563 00:34:23,730 --> 00:34:27,890 Speaker 3: Members can listen to every episode of Disgraceland ad-free. Plus, 564 00:34:27,930 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 3: you'll get one brand new exclusive episode every month. Weekly 565 00:34:32,020 --> 00:34:35,839 Speaker 3: unscripted bonus episodes, special audio collections, and early access to 566 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:42,030 Speaker 3: merchandise and events. Visit DisgracelandPod.com slash membership for details. Rate 567 00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:44,690 Speaker 3: and review the show and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, 568 00:34:44,790 --> 00:34:49,390 Speaker 3: and Facebook at DisgracelandPod. And on YouTube at YouTube.com slash 569 00:34:49,610 --> 00:34:50,910 Speaker 3: at DisgracelandPod. 570 00:34:51,910 --> 00:34:52,549 Speaker 2: Rock and roll up. 571 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: He's a bad, bad man. 572 00:34:56,180 --> 00:34:58,980 Speaker 2: All right, guys. 573 00:34:59,020 --> 00:35:01,899 Speaker 1: That was a Little Peep episode of Disgraceland released way 574 00:35:01,940 --> 00:35:05,319 Speaker 1: back in 2021. Curious to know what you guys think 575 00:35:05,340 --> 00:35:09,029 Speaker 1: of Little Peep as an artist. Curious as well what 576 00:35:09,050 --> 00:35:10,010 Speaker 1: you think of this episode. 577 00:35:10,030 --> 00:35:10,390 Speaker 2: 617-906-6638. 578 00:35:10,510 --> 00:35:15,450 Speaker 1: Voicemail and text. Got a new episode on Quincy Jones 579 00:35:15,489 --> 00:35:16,350 Speaker 1: coming in the feed next. 580 00:35:16,790 --> 00:35:18,970 Speaker 2: Get at me. Talk to you soon. Later, Discos.