WEBVTT - CC Sabathia's Comeback Story 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:12.879 Welcome back everyone to another episode of Stories with My Man. 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:14.960 Donnie has always Donnie love you man. How are you 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:17.360 doing today? Doing well? Man? Good to see her face, 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:22.480 Black wise man super excited about our guests today. Somebody 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.400 you guys may know very well. One of the greatest 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:28.960 pictures that I've seen watching baseball since I was a kid. 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:33.839 Six time All Star World Series Champion, Cy Young Award winner, 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:39.919 ALCS MVP one wins, leader in MLB twice over two 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:43.440 hundred and fifty wins. Please welcome the great CC Sabathia 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:47.320 to the show. CC welcome, man. Appreciate y'all. What's going on, fellas? 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.239 Not too much man, blessed, blessed to have you here. 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.440 So I just want to dive right into your story. Man. 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:53.320 We love to start was with what was it like 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:55.480 growing up for you know, you from the Bay Man, 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:58.080 So tell us what it was like. Yeah, now, growing 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.720 up I grew up in in val California. Grew up 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:04.720 in a Bay Area big Raiders fan, big like Bay 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:06.679 Area sports fan period. You know, I grew up at 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:12.080 AI's fan Raiders Warriors at the time. But where I 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:14.399 grew up in Valel was a big baseball town. Like, 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:16.840 you know, it's the Inner City, it's the hood. But 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:20.520 like everybody where I grew up played baseball. I love baseball. 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.520 All our dads were baseball coaches and you know, involved 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:27.560 in the little leagues and around, and it just made 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.520 me fall in love with the game. We played other sports. 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.840 I played football, I played basketball, played soccer growing up, 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:35.479 but baseball was just always my love. I just always 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.360 felt good playing it. Always, like felt like I had 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:40.240 a high baseball IQ. Like I knew where to throw 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.520 the ball to, which bases and the situations and stuff 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.360 like that. So it just was always came natural to me, 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.040 and there was something I always loved to do. We 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:51.800 love to ask because we've looked back into our lives 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:55.200 and seen instances and events from our childhood that have 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.880 shaped our perspectives and how we thought about life going forward. 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:01.080 Were there any instances that were may be painful or 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:04.000 shocking to you, or things that may have altered your 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:08.400 mindset going forward as a child that you had to overcome. Yeah, 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.320 I mean I think it's you know, obviously, growing up 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:13.040 in inner City, there's always a lot of different challenges. Um, 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:15.400 you know, my parents were young when they had me, 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.080 trying to figure things out. So I spent a lot 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:20.799 of time with my grandparents house. Um. You know, I 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.720 went to school, Um, in my elementary school, I went 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:27.000 to school from my grandparents' house. UM. So I did 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.840 a lot of things over there. UM, spent the night there, 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.360 a lot of nights and different things. But you know, 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.280 for me, I had, um, you know, two uncles that 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.359 lived in that house that were on drugs and from 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:41.640 a young age, you know, UM, I could see you know, 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:43.280 the different things them coming in and out of the 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:47.600 house at night. UM, different you know, scenarios and situations 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:49.480 that I probably shouldn't have been in as a young kid. 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.240 That kind of you know, shaped and hardened me. And 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:57.840 but it but it really, honestly, like being up up 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:01.240 close and personally to to that at such a young age, 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:03.720 you know, made me made me understand that I didn't 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:05.200 want to do that, you know what I'm saying. Like, 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:07.920 I feel like every time I had, you know, these 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.320 these situations put in front of me as a young child, 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:14.400 whether it was the drugs or you know, different things 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.800 with gang members and stuff like that. UM, I was 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:18.800 always able to see the other side of the and 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:22.120 be like, nah, I don't want to be in that life. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:23.880 You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't want to 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:25.600 be in jail, I don't want to be in the streets. 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:28.480 I don't want to be in a noose type of situations. 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:31.000 So let me just stay over here with my little 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.000 friend group and stick to my sports. So I was 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:38.280 always able to see, I guess, a better way. If 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.520 that makes sense. No, it makes a ton of sense. 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:43.480 And I feel like in order to keep that perspective 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.760 of seeing further down the road, having a greater vision 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:48.480 for your life, there had to have been people pretty 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:50.400 early on that we're helping you and guide you in 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:51.920 that direction. To who are some of the people that 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.720 you would consider like your teachers or your mentors that 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:58.080 really impacted you in a positive way. Yeah, it was. 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:01.560 I mean my dad obviously, um, you know, being a 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.440 baseball coach, um, and and and putting the glove you 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:08.040 know in my career, I guess, and you know, really 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:10.520 you know, putting the love of sports um in me. 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:15.160 My grandmother um for sure. Um. You know, she was 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:18.720 always a huge advocate of mine. And you know, just 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:22.320 anything that I did, whether you know, school sports, whatever, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.839 she was always you know there and super supportive of me. 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:30.159 Um and my high school baseball coach. I think if 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.360 I hadn't had a chance to meet him Abe Hobs 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:34.280 when I was fourteen years old, I think my life 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.600 would be a lot different. Um. You know, he was 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:39.720 the one that that really taught me about what it 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.720 was to be a professional. Um, you know what I 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:45.760 had to look forward to, you know after high school. 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:48.320 UM and just kind of really shaped me and moded 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:50.320 me into being a man. I have to say one 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:53.080 more person, uh, the director by Boys and Coach Club, 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:56.520 mister Fillmore Graham. He uh, he took a huge interest 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:58.159 in liking it to me when I was a young kid. 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:00.000 Went to the Boys and Girls Club from the time 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:03.279 time I was I think five until I was fifteen. 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:05.840 So for ten years, every day after school I went 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:07.480 to the Boys and Girls Club until I started playing 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.120 high school sports. UM, and I was there every day 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:11.919 with mister Graham and he maybe he was the impact 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:13.919 on my life. I really love that man, because it 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.400 really does take a village to get to where we 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.680 want to go. But at the same time, I feel like, 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.040 you know, with the way that you were ultimately thrust 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:22.400 into the majors I feel like you were one of 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:24.880 the youngest players in the majors when you first got there, Like, 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:28.160 what was it like trying to cope with such pressure 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.280 and uh, you know, success so early on in your life, Like, 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.400 what was it like going through that? Yeah, it was, 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.960 it was, it was. It was weird to be honest 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.200 to being the youngest guy in the big leagues at 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:43.480 the time. Um, you know, I was. I was twenty 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.720 when I got called up. Twenty six years old at 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:48.560 the time felt super old to me, being twenty years old, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:53.200 you know. Um, so it was. It was. It was 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.719 really tough dealing with that. And I think for me, 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:59.640 the that's when the drinking really started for me was 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.920 my earlier in my career, my first couple of years. Um, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.360 I was, I was too young a getting the club, honestly, 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:08.200 So like if I got snuck into the club, guys 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.760 would just like stink me drinks to the bathroom and 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.680 I would suck down like six or seven long eyelid 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:16.400 in the bathroom stall, and that's how I got Like, 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:18.640 that's that's how I would have to drink because I 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.040 couldn't carry a drink around the club, so I just 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:24.640 that's how I really started my binge drinking and the 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:28.039 alcohol dependency really took a turn. I think when I 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:31.679 became professional in my early part of my career. CEC 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.479 a great to connect with you, man, It's an honor 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.400 to have you on the show. I'm a next baseball guy. 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.920 Definitely didn't make it near near as far as you did, 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.479 but I was. It's interesting. I was just h with 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.719 Mike Hampton a couple of days ago and just talking 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:47.520 to him and saying, man, you gave it such a 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:50.440 solid run. You know, to be able to pitch for 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:53.039 that long, and for you and for him to to 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.720 just carve hitters up for that long, it's so rare, 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:58.800 and it's it's really cool to have you on here 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.400 in the timing and the synchrony cities. Just to give 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:05.039 our listeners some context, Darren and I are virtual. Um. 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:07.919 Some big changes have happened in the last couple of days, 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:10.200 and I know we were I've been trying to get 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.600 you on for a little bit. And at the time, 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:16.679 you mean a Raiders fan, Darren was playing the Raiders. 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:19.440 It's just not the case anymore. You're sitting here wearing 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.000 a Yankee shirt and Darren's now going to be playing 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.600 in New York. So it's uh, everything is in perfect 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:31.160 timing right absolutely, And you know, Darren's a Georgia Tech guy. 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.880 I have a freshman, My oldest son is a freshman 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:36.720 at Georgia Tech right now. So he's playing baseball at 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.240 Tech and enjoying, uh, Downtown, I'm never gonna get this 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.280 kid to move back, bro. Like he loves downtown Atlanta. 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.880 He loves the campus. Whether it's over, He's never coming home. 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.080 Believe you see, I've heard you say before how and 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.520 I love that you say. You say this, This line 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.040 of the end of the story doesn't mean anything if 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:58.360 you don't know everything that came before that. I mean, 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.320 our podcast is called comeback Story. That's why we start 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:03.960 off all of our podcasts asking tell us what it 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:07.480 was like growing up. And I'm I'm familiar with your 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.920 story in your background and even going back, if we 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.680 could sit childhood a little bit longer and just talk 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:15.680 about well first, just talk about the grapefruit tree, because 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:19.640 I think that's really significant. Yeah. No, so, uh, and 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:23.840 my grandmother's backyard we had like we had everything. Like 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:28.320 my grandparents came from Mississippi. They migrated to California. So 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.840 in our backyard, it was a full farm. Basically, we 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:36.200 had chickens, we had, I mean everything, We had our 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.480 own produce. We had our own plum tree, lemon tree, 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.440 all these different trees. And right the right by the 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.640 back door was this huge grapefruit tree. The first thing 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:47.199 you've seen when you came out our backyard was this 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:51.080 huge grapefruit tree and it and it kind of covered 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.960 the front part of the backyard, and it would be 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.080 grape fruits that would fall down off the tree all 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.600 the time, and I would grab the ones that fell 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:03.040 down and get a folding chair and put it probably 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.120 like it'll probably be like forty feet at the time, 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:08.240 and I would pick him up and throw the grape 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:10.280 fruits through the back of the folding chair. And that's 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:13.840 really how I started like pitching and throwing, was those 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:17.520 grape fruits and my grandmother's back. And then I know 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:20.240 your parents divorced at twelve, and I remember you saying 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:24.160 how your dad was never too tired to to play catch, 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.280 but at some point during the divorce, your dad then 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:30.000 was out of the picture. Correct. So yeah, so my 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.200 parents divorced when I was twelve years old and I 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:35.840 went from having my dad pretty much every day around 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.679 to play catch, to hit ground balls, to go shoot 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:41.840 jumpers with too. Now you know, I'm not seeing him 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.560 as much, and uh, you know, he was dealing with 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:50.960 his own, um you know, drug dependency problems at the time, 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:52.880 and I had no idea, you know what I mean. 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:55.240 So you know, um, I had no idea what he 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:58.040 was going through. The one thing that I feel like 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:00.320 my mom did, which was huge that me and my 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:03.840 father's relationship together, was she never bad mouthed him. She never, 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:06.120 you know, once if he was you know, coming to 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:08.120 pick me up for the weekend and couldn't couldn't make 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:11.360 it or whatever, she never ever once you know, made 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.680 a bad comment about him. And that made me never 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.920 have ill will towards him. So whenever, you know, he 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:21.440 got clean and I you know, I got drafted, you know, 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:25.280 in nineteen ninety eight, I was seventeen. Um, that's kind 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.719 of when we reconnected. Um it was I have to 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.320 give my mom a lot of credit for that because 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.079 I had no animosity towards him, because she never had 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.040 said a bad word about him. She would always just say, 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:36.720 you know, he's trying, he's got different things going on, 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.800 give him a break. And I'm thankful that she was 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:43.440 that way because it allowed me and my father to 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.400 have a relationship, you know, the five years after I 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.440 got drafted until he passed away. Yeah, that is such 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.920 an important lesson if you're a listener and you're going 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:57.200 through a divorce or walking through a relationships. As a coach, 0:10:57.240 --> 0:10:59.679 I have coaching clients that will often be going through 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:03.400 a change like that, And I'm so I'm so grateful 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:05.280 for my parents because they did the same thing. They 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:07.960 made the best out of what could have been a 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:12.000 bad situation and no one was talking bad about each other. 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:14.480 Where you know, you'll get a lot of that projection 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:16.880 and confusing as a child. So the fact that your 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:20.480 mom did that is so so huge. Yeah, it is. 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.960 And and it allowed me to have a relationship with 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.120 my dad. It allowed me to forgive him on my 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.480 own terms, you know, and not have their mess get 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:31.720 in the way of our relationship. You know. So I'm 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.280 very thankful for her that, you know, I was that 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:35.800 she was able to do that for me, and I 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.160 was able to reconnect with him because you know, after 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.280 I got drafted, Um, you know, me and him became 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:43.600 you know, thickest thieves. Again, we were tight. He was 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.600 coming out all the time. My first two years in 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.200 the big leagues. He lived with me in Amber, you know, 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.640 the whole summer, so um, you know, we had a 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.920 chance to really reconnect and m kind of get back 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.920 to where we were when I was a child. Knowing that, 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:01.640 knowing your story, worry about that. I'm just thinking about 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:05.200 how much that helped you have your own perception of 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:08.959 your dad, where your mom wasn't like projecting things on, 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.160 so you had this belief because I've heard you say like, yeah, 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.319 my dad was, my dad was in rehab my dad was, 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.640 my dad had to HIV and I never you know, 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:19.960 maybe he wasn't there, but I never saw him for that. 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:21.880 I was just happy to have a dad around. Where 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.240 if your mom was in there chiming in, I think 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:28.760 you might have a different attitude in relationship with him. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.280 And even with the you know, with the with the 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.480 drug use. You know, she never really made that clear 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.600 to me either. So the first time I went to 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.880 go see my dad in the rehab acility, I had 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.320 no idea it was a rehab acility. Me and Amber 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:43.800 walk out of the rehab place, and my dad couldn't 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.280 leave the door, and he was like, I just I 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.000 could just walk you out to the door. And then 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:51.000 I got to turn around and we walk out. I 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:54.360 hadn't thought nothing of it. And me and Amber get 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.679 to the car and Amber goes, how long has your 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.079 dad been a rehab I'm like, what are you talking about? Rehab? 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.600 She was like, Cze, that's a rehab facility. We just 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.760 left right there. So, like I was oblivious to all 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:06.360 of it, you know what I'm saying, Like I had 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:10.240 no clue of what was going on. And but for 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.680 the better to be honest, because I think if had 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.880 I've been worried about any of that stuff, or had 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:18.520 had any of that ill will in my heart, maybe 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:20.319 I don't have a chance to get to the big 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.240 leagues at nineteen twenty years old and have all the 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.240 success and have all these different things going on if 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:28.000 I'm you know, consciously worried about and thinking about what 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.320 my dad has going on. Yeah, I mean I could 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.400 see all that. How much of that could be a 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:35.200 weight as you try to elevate, you know what I'm saying, 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.680 Like the struggles I had early in my career where 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:40.160 I wasn't performing the way that I would have liked to. 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.800 It was the mental weights. There was nothing really physically 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:44.719 that was holding me back. You know. I feel like 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.360 I had the gifts and I was, you know, progressing 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:49.080 in that way, but it was all the mental and 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:53.520 emotional and the spiritual things that were just having me 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:56.080 feeling chained up. Man. And it's, uh, you know, such 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.800 a really good perspective. Staying on your dad. I reading 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:04.240 your Players Tribune essay. You said something about and it 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.760 kind of touches on mental health and me and Donnie 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:09.280 are always on that. And you talked about how the 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.240 day you made your first All Star team, your dad 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.120 was pronounced with six months to live. I believe it 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:20.080 was six weeks to live six week cancer. Yeah, yes, 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:24.280 six weeks to live. And you talked about how I 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:27.200 can't think good things will happen without something bad going 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:29.760 alongside with it, and it's hard to have faith in 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.400 the good things lasting. Like, what was it like dealing 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:34.480 with that and trying to grow out of that mindset? 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.040 You know what? I still deal with that. I still 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:41.960 have to let myself be happy in the moment, you 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.000 know what I'm saying, and not think something's coming on 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:48.160 the other side, you know, whether it's I mean just 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.400 small things, you know what I'm saying, whether it's like 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.200 you know, watching my son hit a home run, then 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:55.400 I'm always thinking about the flip side, or like you know, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:59.160 I'm always thinking, you know, just because that's been that's 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:03.040 been my experience. Every time something good happens in my life, 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:06.760 there's something that's that's probably bad, that's coming around the corner. 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.440 Um And and that that story that you just said 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:14.320 was the perfect example. Um you know, two thousand and three. 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.640 Um Amber gets pregnant in January two thousand and three. 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.800 Um So we're having our first kid. This is my 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:24.360 third year in the league. My dad is living with 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.520 us at the time. UM So I'm having a great 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:31.800 first half. My dad goes back to California in May 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.520 to get checked up, just to have like a checkup. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.120 My dad had had got diagnosed with HIV in nineteen 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.080 ninety nine, so he was going back just to have 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:42.520 a checkup. Um he hadn't been feeling that well. Um 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.040 So he was going for like two months from June 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.880 and July. UM So I'm pitching great, I get a 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:52.280 I get the Sunday before the All Star Game, I 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.720 get called into the office, the manager's office, Eric Wedge, 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:58.920 and he's like, you know, hey, um, you've been having 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.400 a great year. You know, this is this is I'm 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:03.040 excited to tell you that you're going to the All 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:06.320 Star Game. This is the first of many you know, 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:08.920 blah blah blah whatever. You know, all the stories. So 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:12.400 we're all excited everything. And as literally as I'm walking 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.600 out of his office, my cell phone rings, like this 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:16.920 is back in the day too, like you had the 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:20.400 old Nokia flip cell phones, Like my cell phone rings 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.960 and this is my mom. And she was like, hey, 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:24.880 did you hear the news? And I'm like, yeah, I'm 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.640 going to the All Star Game. Can't wait. We're going 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.360 to Chicago, Like this is gonna be so much fun. 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.520 And she was like, no, your dad's in the hospital 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.240 and they're giving him six weeks to live, like his 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:37.560 cancers progressed, and I think you may need to come home. 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:41.040 So I'm like damn, Like this is like I'm literally 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:43.800 walking back to my I'm walking back I hadn't even 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:46.440 told Ambryet, Like I'm walking back to my locker to process, 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.400 like I just made the All Star Team and then 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.400 my mom telling me my dad has six weeks, had 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:55.120 six weeks to live. So we ended up me and 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.440 Amber flying back to California. I get back to California, 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:01.560 I get into the hospital room that is, and he's like, 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.400 what are you doing here? He's like, you just made 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:06.760 the All Star Game. Me and him watch the home 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.919 run derby together and he just begged me to go 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.800 to Chicago to play in the game. So I got 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.080 on the first thing. I got on the first thing, 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:18.200 smoking the next morning, made it to Chicago like during 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:20.840 BP time and the day of the All Star Game, 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.160 and didn't get the pitch. But that was my first 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:26.119 All Star Game experience. You know, as you go on 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:30.560 from there in your career. Talked about the times that 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.399 build up to October twenty fifteen where he talked about 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:35.919 you're drinking and how you were, you know, in the 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.320 in the bathroom as a young dude, like can you 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:42.119 take us through progressing through drinking? And then you know 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:45.080 how you know how the story goes for alcoholics. It's 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.479 like it eventually it turns on you. You know, it 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:49.879 eases your anxiety for a bit, but then after a while, 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:53.080 you know the literature talks about you, there's a time 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:56.159 where you can't imagine life with or without alcohol, and 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.280 it's just like this place of you know, like demoralization. 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:00.679 Can you tell us what it was like building up 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:02.760 to that time in October when you were in that 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.359 hotel room in Baltimore. Yeah, I mean, I mean, but 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:07.840 you know, going like like like Donnie said, you know, 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:09.600 they can't tell the end of the story without telling 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.680 the whole story. I think I knew that I was 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.720 an alcoholic at fourteen years old. I knew the very 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.280 first time I drank that this was not gonna be 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.560 good for me. The first time I ever drank, I 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.520 was fourteen, and it was about three months after my 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.919 grandfather had passed away, and me and my cousin was 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:29.280 just at his house, was sleeping over. I was sleeping 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.359 over at his house and he had a pint of 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:35.080 Bumpy Face m Gin Secrets Gin and I took a 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.359 sip of it, and I was like, you know, this nasty, 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.119 But then I liked the way it made me feel. 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:43.080 So then I just like I like my bench drinking. 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:46.879 I just I just guzzled it, like I took like 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.720 four big guzzles of it, and I was like, drunk 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.640 is drunk is could be? And I knew that this 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.399 is gonna be I knew it was gonna be a problem. 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.879 And I always I didn't necessarily so much like to 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.320 like the taste of alcohol, but I like being drunk, 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:05.200 you know what I'm saying, Like because I'm I feel 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:07.119 like I'm a shy guy. I don't talk a lot. 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:09.240 And when I was younger, it was even worse. And 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:12.080 then the more I drank, the more I feel like 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:15.440 my personality would show up. And you know, I feel 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.600 like I was more social when I was drinking. So 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:22.080 I knew that this was eventually gonna be a problem. 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:26.119 But but it started day one, fourteen. And then you know, 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:28.960 I drank all the way through high school, minor leagues, 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:30.720 and like I said, you know, being the youngest in 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:32.800 the big leagues, you know, you end up being in 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:35.919