Speaker 1: Welcome to the show, my show, your show.
Speaker 2: It's a girl, Amada and you're listening to exactly Amada.
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Speaker 2: podcast and clicking on exactly Amada. With that being said,
Speaker 2: today's topic is stop winning Simo. Today's topic it hits
Speaker 2: home combre because I am personally going through this experience
Speaker 2: grandparents overstepping parents with their own traditional ways of raising children.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Were you raised by your wiliita
Speaker 1: or your wiliito or did you ever.
Speaker 2: Have unai I'm a teaching there was always in you know,
Speaker 2: in your in your house or they always had an
Speaker 2: opinion about how you were being raised or what your
Speaker 2: mom should do or shouldn't do, or maybe are you
Speaker 2: a mother or a father that is raising your children,
Speaker 2: and your mother or father is always all up in
Speaker 2: the mix, all up in your business on how you
Speaker 2: should raise your kids. Bueno. Today, we're exactly talking about
Speaker 2: a lot of the common things that happen in those
Speaker 2: challenging situations with your grandparents, well with their grandparents meaning
Speaker 2: your parents, and their own personal traditions of how you
Speaker 2: should raise your kids. And in many occasions you don't
Speaker 2: want to disrespect them because obviously, you know, they raised you,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure they did a good job raising you.
Speaker 1: But these days you may have your.
Speaker 2: Own ways, your own perspective, your own different opinions on
Speaker 2: how children should be raised and the things that you
Speaker 2: shouldn't shouldn't do. Some parents, you know, we obviously appreciate
Speaker 2: their wisdom and the support of the grandparents. You know,
Speaker 2: grandparents come in with a lot of good gonsejos tips.
Speaker 1: They have a lot of.
Speaker 2: Great advice on the things that you should do for
Speaker 2: your kids. You're not the bilau and the chicken soup,
Speaker 2: you know, and that's the samyla and all the you know,
Speaker 2: all the traditional things of our culture. However, just because
Speaker 2: you raised me, it doesn't necessarily mean, I may want
Speaker 2: to raise my children the same way, and I know
Speaker 2: it can be very frustrating, and you can feel annoyed,
Speaker 2: and you can, in many occasions even feel offended that they're,
Speaker 2: you know, interfering, and not only that interfering, but again
Speaker 2: on top of that, they be criticizing you. They be
Speaker 2: criticizing the way that you raise your kids, that you
Speaker 2: don't know what you're doing that and there are days
Speaker 2: they used to do it like this, that you're not
Speaker 2: a good parent, you're not a good mother, you're not
Speaker 2: a good father, because they would have never done that,
Speaker 2: they would have never tolerated.
Speaker 1: This or that.
Speaker 2: It's it's a lot of pressure because you don't want
Speaker 2: them to feel rejected your parents, you know, the grandparents.
Speaker 1: You don't want them to feel rejected.
Speaker 2: You don't want them to feel ignored, and nonetheless, you
Speaker 2: don't want them to feel disrespected.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense when me and Mama lolo?
Speaker 2: But I mean, and you guys already know that, But
Speaker 2: just because you raised me some type of way doesn't
Speaker 2: mean I want to raise my kids that same way. However,
Speaker 2: I've been very open minded because I believe that my
Speaker 2: mom is also a very open minded person. She is older,
Speaker 2: but she lets herself be guided by this generation as well,
Speaker 2: understanding the times have changed and there's many things that
Speaker 2: you know that she tells me that I take advice
Speaker 2: and I try it because why not, especially being a
Speaker 2: first time parent. In many occasions, you don't you know,
Speaker 2: you don't necessarily know what you're doing. And I've had
Speaker 2: my mom be like, you know, if the if the
Speaker 2: babies are what and now, then put them butter in
Speaker 2: their feet. I'm like, what, yeah, yeah, yeah, that always
Speaker 2: worked for that always worked for you. And that's the
Speaker 2: traditional thing when they're acting, you know they're when they're
Speaker 2: acting in Kietas, you just put butter on their feet. Uh, okay,
Speaker 2: all the babies having bad drinks, put a glass of
Speaker 2: water under the bed, sure, all the baby And it's like, okay, listen,
Speaker 2: I may not want to do that, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I understand that those are the traditions, but
Speaker 2: I may not want to do that, But at the
Speaker 2: same time, I feel like I don't want to miss
Speaker 2: out on those special traditional moments.
Speaker 1: Then that goes from one generation to the next, because I'm.
Speaker 2: Sure that my grandmother did that to her and now
Speaker 2: she's passing it on to me, and I may not
Speaker 2: believe in it, but it's still a traditional thing that
Speaker 2: maybe if you don't just look at it from the
Speaker 2: perspective of okay, this may not actually work. It may
Speaker 2: have come from a place of ignorance back in the days.
Speaker 2: Maybe it does work in save you know, but maybe
Speaker 2: it's a traditional thing that it really makes her feel important,
Speaker 2: that it really makes her feel like she's really doing
Speaker 2: something for me and my kids, that she she is
Speaker 2: bringing her culture into our households and she's teaching them
Speaker 2: something I don't know. I try to be open minded
Speaker 2: and be like, okay, d let's do it, you know.
Speaker 2: But then at the same time, sometimes it's like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I may not want to do those things,
Speaker 2: and how do you tell them? You know, you're kind
Speaker 2: of disrespecting me as a mother and the things that
Speaker 2: I want to do with my kids by you somewhat
Speaker 2: forcing your parenting as a grandmother to my kids.
Speaker 1: Am I wrong for that?
Speaker 2: And then on top of that, the most common areas
Speaker 2: of disagreement when it comes to our grandparents trying to
Speaker 2: somewhat parent our children is the discipline, right, the way
Speaker 2: that they want to discipline. Our kids may not be
Speaker 2: the same way that me. We may want to. Like
Speaker 2: I said before, I remember my mom, you know, was
Speaker 2: really rough and tough with me growing up, but now
Speaker 2: she wants to be all soft and tender and gentle
Speaker 2: with my girls.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you were really tough on me.
Speaker 2: I want to be tough with my girls because back
Speaker 2: in the days, life was hard and now it's harder,
Speaker 2: not because of financial part, but because of the way
Speaker 2: that society has changed. So therefore, having two little girls,
Speaker 2: I have to teach them how to be a tough cooking.
Speaker 2: I want them to be young, I want them to
Speaker 2: be fine, and I want them to live their childhood.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, they have to understand, like, yo,
Speaker 2: you're not always going to get your ways. No, it's
Speaker 2: not like yet it ay, thank God, just give it
Speaker 2: to her.
Speaker 1: She wants to cook.
Speaker 2: You just know, you know what, sometimes you can get
Speaker 2: what you want. So the disciplinary area is one of
Speaker 2: the big things food, you know. I have always been
Speaker 2: a big believer into like I want my girls to
Speaker 2: have vegetables. I want my girls to, you know, eat
Speaker 2: a certain type of way. In my perfect world, my
Speaker 2: girls will be eating fruits and vegetables and no meat.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaker 2: I am far from being vegan, but I really didn't
Speaker 2: want my girls, you know, the beginning of their life,
Speaker 2: to to be eating any type of meat, not even
Speaker 2: chicken or anything. And that was just my way of thought,
Speaker 2: me understanding that, you know, all the hormones that chicken
Speaker 2: has and all the you know, the unhealthy stuff that
Speaker 2: may come with with you know, eating those things at
Speaker 2: such an early age, knowing that their bodies is not
Speaker 2: prepared for it. I didn't want them doing that, but
Speaker 2: my mom felt, oh, no, they need to eat it
Speaker 2: because of the protein. Because of this, you can get
Speaker 2: proteins from beans, you can get prote for many other things.
Speaker 2: And they're so small. I want them to learn to
Speaker 2: enjoy fruits and vegetables because they're gonna naturally gravitate to it.
Speaker 2: They're gonna naturally gravitate to French fries and pizza and
Speaker 2: hot dogs and all those things. All kids love chicken
Speaker 2: nuggets and all those things. But the hard part is
Speaker 2: teaching them how to eat the broccoli and the spinach
Speaker 2: and all the healthy things. And my mom has her vision.
Speaker 2: You know the baby should be eating lotre gobe because
Speaker 2: we're Dominican Blad and Osalami.
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't want to disrespect her.
Speaker 2: I don't want her feel bad, but those are part
Speaker 2: of the things that I'm like, maybe now you're overstepping
Speaker 2: your boundaries because I have my vision of what I
Speaker 2: want my kids to eat.
Speaker 1: You know, the screen time.
Speaker 2: I don't want them to watch as much TV, and
Speaker 2: I know it can be stressful to hear them screaming
Speaker 2: and crying all day and it's so much easier to
Speaker 2: just put Miss Rachel or Cocomela or whatever it may be,
Speaker 2: and then they're just gonna be quiet. Yeah, But at
Speaker 2: the same time, I don't want my kids to become like,
Speaker 2: you know, just like TV zombies, where they're stuck watching
Speaker 2: TV all day or on an iPad or on a
Speaker 2: phone and if you don't give it to them, they
Speaker 2: go crazy.
Speaker 1: And she's like, I know, so nan Yah, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter their kids.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't mind letting them watch it,
Speaker 2: but there should be a limit of what is too much.
Speaker 2: If it's one o'clock in the morning and you're still
Speaker 2: watching TV, am I wrong for feeling bad and saying
Speaker 2: this is too much, No, but they want to watch it.
Speaker 2: So since when are you supposed to let kids do
Speaker 2: whatever they want? Am I missing something?
Speaker 1: Manners? I would say no.
Speaker 2: My mom does a great job, you know, helping me,
Speaker 2: and my father is well teaching them manners, you know,
Speaker 2: the thank you, the glasses and all those things.
Speaker 1: So I don't have issues with that.
Speaker 2: Personally.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that there's you know, people out.
Speaker 2: There that your parents are out here watching your kids
Speaker 2: be mad, disrespectful, be mad, rude, and just because they
Speaker 2: don't want the kids to feel bad, they don't say
Speaker 2: anything as grandparents if you want to overstep your boundaries,
Speaker 2: if you're overstepping your boundaries for the best of them
Speaker 2: as far as their behavior, please don't let your grandkids
Speaker 2: be disrespectful and wild and rude out here in these streets,
Speaker 2: like we see these kids in the supermarket throwing them
Speaker 2: tantrums in the floors and you know, taking food and
Speaker 2: opening bags and just being rude and disrespectful everywhere they go.
Speaker 2: If you're going to overstep your boundaries to stop that,
Speaker 2: please be my guest. But then at the same time,
Speaker 2: every parent has their own ways of how they want
Speaker 2: to raise your kids, because I also know parents where
Speaker 2: they're like, just let them be free, let them express themselves.
Speaker 2: You know, if she did a tantrum and she threw
Speaker 2: all the groceries on the floor, she's just expressing her anger.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something. We don't believe in that.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't believe in that. I believe in. I believe
Speaker 2: in the time out.
Speaker 1: I believe in taking things away.
Speaker 2: I believe in. But I believe in that laser eye.
Speaker 2: You know, that look that your parents used to give you,
Speaker 2: like if you dare to move that. I believe in
Speaker 2: all of that, but in that just like, let.
Speaker 1: Them be free, let them express them And.
Speaker 2: For those parents that I like that. And I'm sorry
Speaker 2: if it sounds like I'm mocking you. Maybe your parents
Speaker 2: might be overstepping their boundaries to you because they might
Speaker 2: be trying to get them checked safety. You know, the
Speaker 2: first safety purposes.
Speaker 1: I know that.
Speaker 2: You know, some parents believe in I'm not letting my
Speaker 2: kids out the house, I'm not letting my kids go
Speaker 2: to the playground. I'm not letting my kids do this.
Speaker 2: I don't want my kids to do that. And if
Speaker 2: that is something that you want to be respected in
Speaker 2: your household.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: Put that assle In many occasions they don't respect that,
Speaker 2: you know, and I get that. And between that and media,
Speaker 2: I not at least tell out a geese.
Speaker 1: Now there's a long list.
Speaker 2: Of all the things that a lot of grandparents do,
Speaker 2: overstepping boundaries, you know what I mean? The time to
Speaker 2: go to sleep, the places that they should go, so
Speaker 2: the clothes that they should wear. In many occasions, I
Speaker 2: want to put my daughter something and here goes my
Speaker 2: mom with the mean so I don't like that.
Speaker 1: I don't want them wearing that, ma'am. Ma'am, have you
Speaker 1: forgotten that you've already raised me and I am grown.
Speaker 1: If I want to put my daughter a pink dress
Speaker 1: and you don't want pink because you want yellow, when
Speaker 1: do they realize that now you're overstepping a little bit
Speaker 1: your boundary. I want you to love them, and I
Speaker 1: want you to feel appreciated, and I want you tolo.
Speaker 1: But can I have this moment as a mother? Can
Speaker 1: I have this moment where I want to see my kids?
Speaker 2: And even as a father, I'm sure that you know
Speaker 2: there's some grandfathers out there that when the father says
Speaker 2: my kid is playing football and you want your grandkids
Speaker 2: playing soccer.
Speaker 1: That may be an issue too.
Speaker 2: Ask parents, Ask grandparents, do you know when you're overstepping
Speaker 2: your boundaries? If you didn't know, please listen to this
Speaker 2: podcast and share it and send it to them so
Speaker 2: that they hear it from me and they don't thinks
Speaker 2: you you might.
Speaker 1: Be overstepping your boundaries.
Speaker 2: Here was the smallest little thing that my mother and
Speaker 2: I we didn't have an issue.
Speaker 1: Tell me if if you've ever gone through something like this.
Speaker 1: We didn't have an issue, but.
Speaker 2: We did discuss it, and even discussing it made me
Speaker 2: feel weird.
Speaker 1: Why should we be having this discussion here?
Speaker 2: It goes, so, my girls hear me calling my mom
Speaker 2: mommy all the time, right, kids don't know any better.
Speaker 2: So they started calling my mom mommy, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: that's your abuela, I am your mommy, I am your mother,
Speaker 2: it's me, you know.
Speaker 1: And then she was like, Hannah, just let her.
Speaker 2: It's okay.
Speaker 1: You know, they can call you mom, and they can
Speaker 1: call me mommy or something like this.
Speaker 2: Wait wait, wait, wait, I know that in the Latino
Speaker 2: community and in our culture, we've had many you know,
Speaker 2: you know it happens where you call your abuela me, ma,
Speaker 2: mama or whatever it may be, and then you call
Speaker 2: your mom mom or mother or whatever it is, or
Speaker 2: you call them by their names and you kind of
Speaker 2: somewhat share the same title. I don't know if you
Speaker 2: knew how much that bothered me for a second.
Speaker 1: Now, I was told, you know what your mother is.
Speaker 2: Raising part of the raising your girls, and if it
Speaker 2: makes you feel good, and it's what you know, don't
Speaker 2: take your personal or you're always going to be their mother,
Speaker 2: d da da. But then I had a conversation with
Speaker 2: her when I was like, do you remember how special
Speaker 2: it felt for you when I called you mom or
Speaker 2: mam for the first time and the excitement that you had.
Speaker 2: This is my turn now, you know, as a woman,
Speaker 2: Now is my opportunity to experience just the name. As
Speaker 2: a parent, you become so excited when your kid says
Speaker 2: Papa or dad dad for the first time.
Speaker 1: That is like your title, that is your name.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, And I'm not saying it's
Speaker 2: not okay for them to call their grandparents that, but
Speaker 2: can they call you ala auelo, you know, grandmama, whatever
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 1: But can I have that? Am I wrong for that?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I felt really bad for two seconds when I told
Speaker 2: her because I saw her face change, and I was like,
Speaker 2: it's not that I'm jealous, but okay, I'm jealous, you know,
Speaker 2: I feel a little some type of way. There have
Speaker 2: been found surveys that say that when parents that have
Speaker 2: asked their grandparents right the child's grandparents to be more
Speaker 2: consistent with parenting choices, seventeen percent have said that the
Speaker 2: grandparents refuse their request, meaning like, if they have asked
Speaker 2: their parents, y'all don't do this. Seventeen percent of them
Speaker 2: have been like, Nah, we're gonna stick to what I said,
Speaker 2: and this is what it is?
Speaker 1: Is that terrible? I also want to know something.
Speaker 2: Give me your opinion, But if your parents are also
Speaker 2: helping raise your children, should they have the rights to,
Speaker 2: you know, give their perspective, their point and their opinion
Speaker 2: and their you know, ways of how to raise their
Speaker 2: kids or just because they are helping assisting doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that they have the rights to make those decisions. A
Speaker 2: lot of grandparents just want to stick to the way
Speaker 2: that they believe and they're not willing to be flexible.
Speaker 2: Some of the reasons for these conflicts are generational differences,
Speaker 2: cultural differences, personal preferences, and we have to be understanding
Speaker 2: and flexible of if someone gave birth to someone and
Speaker 2: they want to raise them a certain type of way,
Speaker 2: if even religiously.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2: And I do my best to not get myself involved
Speaker 2: in religion, but it is very important when it comes
Speaker 2: to the Latino household. Your parents may have been Catholic,
Speaker 2: You may want to be Christian. You may want to
Speaker 2: take your child to a different church. As a matter
Speaker 2: of fact, your family may have been super religious and you,
Speaker 2: as a parent may not be may not want to
Speaker 2: take your child to your church every Sunday, may not
Speaker 2: want to do those things.
Speaker 1: Even it's so crazy.
Speaker 2: Even the religious part of raising your kids and your
Speaker 2: grand and the grandparents and your parents being involved, that
Speaker 2: can be an issue.
Speaker 1: Generational differences.
Speaker 2: Times have changed, miha, We no longer do this, We
Speaker 2: now do it this way. You know that can be
Speaker 2: an issue, and not only an issue amongst you guys
Speaker 2: you knows as your your parents or whatever your closest
Speaker 2: family members, but it can be an issue that spreads
Speaker 2: throughout the family. Like now you have your mother calling
Speaker 2: your aunt, and now your aunt is telling the cousins,
Speaker 2: and now everybody is looking at you crazy for having
Speaker 2: your own opinion on how you want to raise your kids. Yo,
Speaker 2: isn't that crazy? I never knew or expected those things.
Speaker 2: Like then they also want to know King and mamatich
Speaker 2: the grandmothers are the grandfathers?
Speaker 1: Are there any grandfathers out there? Kauzumb being medio.
Speaker 2: They always really have an opinion, maybe on the father
Speaker 2: or like, you don't know what you're doing.
Speaker 1: You're not raising your son right, You're not raising your
Speaker 1: daughter right. That's not how you do it. Da da
Speaker 1: da da da.
Speaker 2: You know, I know a lot of parents that want
Speaker 2: to do in this generation gentle parenting, gentle parenting.
Speaker 1: Know, Miamu, you don't.
Speaker 2: Do it this way. Let's sit down and have a conversation.
Speaker 2: Tell me how you feel when we have a lot
Speaker 2: of grandparents that back in the days be like, hey,
Speaker 2: look a that's the fact.
Speaker 1: Don't changkolate asso.
Speaker 2: What she's missing is for you to get that chang
Speaker 2: glad and throw it from one side to the other
Speaker 2: and be he right in the head or you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, what you're missing is to take her
Speaker 2: to Puerto Rico, take her to dr take her to
Speaker 2: wherever you know the the naga, and then you bring
Speaker 2: them back to the States. Everybody has their own ways
Speaker 2: of how you're supposed to raise your kid. But have
Speaker 2: you ever been in that situation or you've heard it
Speaker 2: or you've seen it where you're like, Okay, I don't
Speaker 2: want to raise my kid that way. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Grandparents may have different views on topics like discipline, education, nutrition,
Speaker 2: the sleeping habits based on their own upbringing experiences and values.
Speaker 2: And I respect that, you know, because we also have
Speaker 2: to respect our elders. We have to respect those who
Speaker 2: raised us. We have to respect those that came before us.
Speaker 2: And just because we have technology and just because we
Speaker 2: feel that we know better, doesn't mean that all their
Speaker 2: life experience has to go down the drain. Because they do.
Speaker 2: They may know what they're talking about. You know, it
Speaker 2: did work back then, why would it not work now?
Speaker 2: But I also feel that a lot of grandparents have
Speaker 2: to be a little bit more flexible and understand the
Speaker 2: times have changed that you you know, just because you
Speaker 2: raised me doesn't mean that I am going to mimic
Speaker 2: the way that you raised me with my children. There's
Speaker 2: many things that a lot of grandparents feel that you
Speaker 2: did right that may have not been right.
Speaker 1: You have to be able to admit when you were wrong.
Speaker 2: And just because you're older and because you deserve respect
Speaker 2: because of your age and what you may have done
Speaker 2: for us as your children, doesn't mean that we as
Speaker 2: your children shouldn't be also respected and respect. You know,
Speaker 2: our values, our morals, our principles, and our vision and
Speaker 2: perspective of life.
Speaker 1: Am I wrong? Let me know and exactly I'm out
Speaker 1: on YouTube?
Speaker 2: I also am even seeing little sensitive you know, and
Speaker 2: it's not that little, but looking sensitive topics like this.
Speaker 2: We have in this generation that we have children that
Speaker 2: are choosing their sexuality, that are choosing and when I
Speaker 2: say children, I mean even if you're a teenager, right,
Speaker 2: they are choosing their sexual preference or how they want
Speaker 2: to dress, or how they want to feel, or the
Speaker 2: color of their hair. Now we have, you know, even
Speaker 2: boys that feel comfortable painting their nails and it doesn't
Speaker 2: mean it they maybe it's just a way of expressing
Speaker 2: your arts or how or your emotions or whatever it
Speaker 2: may be, even from the music that they listen to
Speaker 2: all these other things. We're so caught up in this
Speaker 2: conversation talking about how, you know, the grandparents make a
Speaker 2: us feel as parents, that we haven't stopped to think
Speaker 2: about how it affects the children's.
Speaker 1: Views on us. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2: You know, how do you think your kids look at
Speaker 2: you when they see that your mother, your father, you're
Speaker 2: a parents. Now you know you are the parent of
Speaker 2: this child, But they see that your mother or your
Speaker 2: father are bossing you around like you're a little kid.
Speaker 2: That when you say something, your word, your opinion is
Speaker 2: not respected in that household. How is that child supposed
Speaker 2: to respect you? How is that kid supposed to view
Speaker 2: you when you say something in your household? That is
Speaker 2: what is going to be done, period point blank.
Speaker 1: But here comes.
Speaker 2: Ali and says, I know that is do whatever you want,
Speaker 2: you know, do whatever you want, don't worry, don't listen
Speaker 2: to them. In what light does that put you? And
Speaker 2: I'm saying this for the grandparents that are listening, and
Speaker 2: I'm saying this for the mother and the father that
Speaker 2: are going through it or that have gone through it.
Speaker 1: And I'm also saying this for.
Speaker 2: The kid who knows where I'm coming from because you
Speaker 2: see your mother or your father fighting with your grandparents
Speaker 2: all the time about them. Guys, if you're going to
Speaker 2: have a you know, a discussion, can you please do
Speaker 2: that not in front of the kids. What you don't
Speaker 2: want is your grandchild to see you disrespecting their parents,
Speaker 2: because it's disrespectful when they have said something and they
Speaker 2: have stepped their authority and here comes you feeling like
Speaker 2: you gotta do what I say because I am your mother.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no no. In that moment and in
Speaker 1: that place, you need to understand and know your role.
Speaker 2: You know, you still play the mother or father, you
Speaker 2: know role, but now as a grandparent, you have moved
Speaker 2: on to a different stage, a different category.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: You have to respect that space in that household. If
Speaker 2: you want to have this conversation privately over the phone,
Speaker 2: if you want to pull them outside to the back
Speaker 2: mea miha, even seen my mom do it. I mean,
Speaker 2: I think that you're being too tough on the kids,
Speaker 2: or when you spank them, you spank them too hard,
Speaker 2: or I think that you should do this, or da
Speaker 2: da da da da da. You'll do that privately. You
Speaker 2: never want to have those conversations in front of the kids. Hey, listen,
Speaker 2: those things It may seem insignificant, but those things even
Speaker 2: affect at the long run, the relationship that they have
Speaker 2: with even their spouse later on in life, because they'll
Speaker 2: be like, well, I never you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Nobody respecting my parents, So why I got to respect you?
Speaker 2: Like all those things that you may feel that it's insignificant,
Speaker 2: does affect the way that your kids are being raised anyways,
Speaker 2: think about it and if you feel some type of
Speaker 2: way and you haven't taken action, how did I woke
Speaker 2: and have that conversation today with your mother your father
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, hey man, you gotta respect me
Speaker 2: when I say something to my kids.
Speaker 1: This is what it is.
Speaker 2: You can't come over here, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: breaking my authority. That's not how this works over here.
Speaker 2: So what can parents and grandparents do to avoid or
Speaker 2: resolve these conflicts?
Speaker 1: You got any tips, any advice?
Speaker 2: Let me know. Well, I honestly think that communication is
Speaker 2: so key, you know, communicating having a clear understanding, because
Speaker 2: it's not just communicating, it's trying to understand the other
Speaker 2: person's perspective and point of view of you being respectful.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Let's be respectful of their point.
Speaker 2: It's not just about okay, I want to talk on this. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: listen to why they're saying what they're saying, because they
Speaker 2: might actually have a point.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: So let's figure out ways to have private conversations to understand.
Speaker 2: Why is it that you feel that overstepping my boundaries
Speaker 2: is okay? What is it that you're trying to teach
Speaker 2: me as a parent? Am I doing something wrong? Why
Speaker 2: do you think I'm doing something wrong? How can I
Speaker 2: learn from your past experiences?
Speaker 1: You know? Why are you?
Speaker 2: All? The why? Questions are important because at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, you don't want to have bad vibes
Speaker 2: in your family. Nonetheless with your parents, you know, because
Speaker 2: whatever it is, I'm sure they're not trying to have
Speaker 2: ill tensions behind it, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Parents and grandparents should talk very often, especially if they
Speaker 2: are involved in the role of raising your children. If
Speaker 2: you're dropping off your kids to the grandma's house, to
Speaker 2: the wallit those houses or whatever, and then they have
Speaker 2: a way of raising them at.
Speaker 1: You can't feel some type of way because you are
Speaker 1: allowing them to.
Speaker 2: A certain extent to participate in the way that they're
Speaker 2: being raised. So those conversations of roles, of boundaries and
Speaker 2: expectations should be had at some point, if not consistently.
Speaker 2: So that's a great way of avoiding, you know, judgment,
Speaker 2: accusations and all types of you know, just saying I
Speaker 2: feel this type of way.
Speaker 1: I need you to help me.
Speaker 2: Because even that word is important. I need you to
Speaker 2: help me understand. I need you to help me do better.
Speaker 2: I need you to and just also saying even before
Speaker 2: you start with the way that you feel, I appreciate
Speaker 2: what you're doing.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your intentions.
Speaker 2: I you know, before you hit them BOMBASO go to
Speaker 2: the positive. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to
Speaker 2: do this. However, it makes me feel this way and
Speaker 2: I need you to please or I need you to
Speaker 2: please help me do this for X and Y reasons.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense.
Speaker 2: It's just it's just the way you present your feelings.
Speaker 2: It's important because you don't want to make them feel
Speaker 2: bad because, like I said, I'm sure they don't mean
Speaker 2: it with bad intentions. Compromising is important, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like, you know what, maybe I should be
Speaker 2: a little bit flexible. Maybe I'm being too stiff, Maybe
Speaker 2: I'm expecting too much. Maybe over you know, analyze yourself
Speaker 2: a little bit too when you feel that they're overstepping
Speaker 2: the boundaries. Why are they doing it? Is it maybe
Speaker 2: that you're not doing something right realistically? As much as
Speaker 2: you think that you're a perfect parent, maybe you really are.
Speaker 2: You know, you could do better, and that's okay to admit, Like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I probably should do better. I probably
Speaker 2: am not necessarily, you know, necessarily handling the situation. The
Speaker 2: best way parents and grandparents should try to find a
Speaker 2: middle ground and work, you know, work together as a
Speaker 2: team because you guys are a family at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, and the most important thing is you
Speaker 2: should respect each other's authority.
Speaker 1: Respect is key.
Speaker 2: Never feel now that because you are a parent, that
Speaker 2: you are gonna that it's okay to just disrespect now
Speaker 2: your parents. Is is never that deep right? You never
Speaker 2: want to do that because then later on you'll end
Speaker 2: up regretting it. And in many occasions you'll see your
Speaker 2: parents being like I told, I told you singa early
Speaker 2: look what happened. I told you to handle it this week,
Speaker 2: and look what happened now, and most likely you already
Speaker 2: know they'll end up being right. So let's not get
Speaker 2: to the space of being disrespectful. Also, I think it's
Speaker 2: important to.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, focus on the children.
Speaker 2: Focus on the kids.
Speaker 1: No matter what it is that you guys are trying
Speaker 1: to accomplish, you're trying to accomplish it for the best
Speaker 1: well being of that child.
Speaker 2: Of those children, whatever it is that they're teaching them,
Speaker 2: not teaching them, or maybe they're doing it out of
Speaker 2: love and it comes off the wrong way or whatever,
Speaker 2: remember that you're doing this because you're trying to be
Speaker 2: as loving, as providing, as caring for that child. Don't
Speaker 2: let your ego, your pride, your vision of life interfere
Speaker 2: the goal and the purpose, which is to raise those
Speaker 2: kids in a space of love, appreciation, and care and respect.
Speaker 2: Let's find a solution to the problem. Anyways, I thought
Speaker 2: that this conversation was important and it was an important
Speaker 2: conversation to have. And like I said, if you have
Speaker 2: any family members, if you're going through it, if you
Speaker 2: know anyone who's going through it, please feel free to
Speaker 2: share this podcast with them because it's important for us
Speaker 2: to have these conversations. We can't just avoid.
Speaker 1: Them because then later on and turns into worse things.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about it. We're a family. If you're a family,
Speaker 2: you should be able to have an open conversation feeling
Speaker 2: like you're being judged. That's not what this is about
Speaker 2: at the end of the day. It's about coming together
Speaker 2: for the well being of the family. Anyways, thank you
Speaker 2: so much again for listening to Exactly Amada. Thank you
Speaker 2: for being part of this podcast because I do it
Speaker 2: with so much love and appreciation, and I talk about
Speaker 2: all my personal life experiences with you because I'm sure
Speaker 2: that there's somebody out there that that this episode can
Speaker 2: connect with.
Speaker 1: There's somebody out there that has gone through it or
Speaker 1: that is going through it.
Speaker 2: And if that's your case, thank you for being part
Speaker 2: of this amazing podcast because I do this for you
Speaker 2: every single time. Make sure to find me on YouTube
Speaker 2: and catch my show by searching for Michael through that
Speaker 2: podcast on YouTube and clicking on Exactly Amata Binge watch Binge,
Speaker 2: listen and check out all my episodes because I'm sure
Speaker 2: you will learn something from it every time. I do
Speaker 2: these episodes, I release when we have guests, I learn,
Speaker 2: I share, and this is really what it's about. At
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you guys are my exactly
Speaker 2: Amada family, and guys, you already know this is a
Speaker 2: protection of Iheartsmichael through that podcast work. For more podcasts
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Speaker 1: Don't Forget, Don't vergain to follow.
Speaker 2: Me on Instagram at Amara ra a l n Amara
Speaker 2: lagra a l N. I am so grateful for you guys,
Speaker 2: and thank you for listening to Exactly Ama.