1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Hey, Dad, I knew you 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:17,760 Speaker 1: were going to do that. We stored off good. I 4 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: am literally two weeks away from being forty and you 5 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:22,799 Speaker 1: still call me the same nickname you've called me. My 6 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: whole life comes out yep. Well, you know what's interesting 7 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: I was thinking about. I was prepping for this podcast, 8 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: and I mean I literally I do two podcasts a week, 9 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 1: which is what there's fifty something weeks in a fifty 10 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: two weeks in a year. How many weeks or in 11 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: a year fifty four? You're right, you're right, You're right. 12 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: So I mean, give or take a few because we 13 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: do holidays and stuff. But I do about a hundred 14 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: podcasts a year, and every now and again, when I 15 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: sit down to prep a podcast, I can't fully, like 16 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: fully put together my thoughts, like what kind of questions 17 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: I want to ask or things like that. And I've 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: really started to kind of lean into that when it happens, 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,320 Speaker 1: because it just turns out usually I'm supposed to get 20 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: out of the way and just have a conversation, and 21 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: so I sort of felt like that's maybe what we 22 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: should do today, so I don't have a ton of 23 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 1: like outlined questions, and you actually asked me, You were like, well, 24 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: what do I need to prepare? And I was like, 25 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: I don't think this is something that we prepare. It's 26 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: sort of like you just tell your story and I 27 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: ask questions as it comes. But the reason I even 28 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: thought about this podcast was because obviously, like, I talk 29 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: a lot about my healing journey, and so the listeners 30 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: are very familiar with that and like my story and 31 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: you've given me permission to talk about the fact that 32 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: I grew up in an alcoholic home, and um, so 33 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: I do. And I think that that's, you know, it's 34 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: an important part of my story. It's kind of shaped 35 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: some of the things that I've worked through as an adult. 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: But it's weird to talk about too, because it's it's 37 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: a very different life. Like I feel like I've had 38 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: experience of having two different dads in some capacities, you know, 39 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: And so I sort of wanted to just give the 40 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: listeners the idea of how it is now, and um, 41 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 1: you know, that's a big part of the way people 42 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 1: tell their stories is what it was, like, what happened 43 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: and how it is now. So maybe if you would 44 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 1: sort of guide us through that part of your story 45 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: and then we'll see what comes up. Now, what where 46 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: would you would you like to because my story is 47 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: basically two parts or three like you just described, it 48 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: is basically pre pre recovery from alcoholism. I was an 49 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: alcoholic looking back on it, but I didn't know I was, 50 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: you know, um, and then I got into recovery. So 51 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: that's what happened. And then and then the last um 52 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: over thirty one years have been a totally different life, 53 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, So what would you like for me 54 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: to start at the beginning? I I didn't understand. Yeah, 55 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: I think so, I mean because I think a lot 56 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: of it. You know, I was really young, and you 57 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: got sober when I was eight, and so like, I 58 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: remember it ish, but I think there's a lot that 59 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: I probably don't know. And so like, what was it? 60 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: Like you said, you didn't even realize you were an alcoholic. No, 61 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that an alcoholic at all. And that's 62 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: not that unusual. I mean I was the last enough. 63 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: I was the last enough, you know, I mean I 64 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 1: was so when I did finally agree to get help, 65 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: I was like thinking everybody would be shocked. Actually thought 66 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: I'd get turned down, Kelly. I actually thought I was thinking, oh, 67 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: certainly these people, you know, I'm I'm so important, they'll 68 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: turn me away. You know they didn't. You know, that's 69 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: that was my my view. So keep in mind when 70 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: I give you this is my view. You know, like 71 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 1: if your mom was actually sitting next to me, she's 72 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 1: listening to me tell my story before, and it's not 73 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 1: real surprising that she sees it a little bit different 74 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: in some cases, a lot different, you know, but I've 75 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: tried to listen to her. So and I'm I'm really 76 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: interested in here in your side. You know. Um, we've 77 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: talked about some of it, you know. Um and uh, 78 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: but I think this would be a good chance for 79 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: you because I had put Okay, so I'll give you 80 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: some back on you know, this is like the first 81 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 1: time ever told my story, you know, like you said, 82 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: tell your story, okay. So, and I usually try to 83 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 1: start with my history, and you know that's like a 84 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: little about an hour long deal. But you know, I 85 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: had put you know, at the beginning, I kind of 86 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,039 Speaker 1: had an outline that I normally do just to kind 87 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,919 Speaker 1: of remember because again, I've been in recovery for thirty 88 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: one years, so you know, I'm older, you know, and 89 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 1: I don't remember some of the details at times, or 90 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 1: there's some important parts that I leave out, and um, 91 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: so I do it just to remind myself and whatever 92 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 1: ends up coming out is the story of the day. 93 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 1: But I had put on here at the top, you know, 94 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: let Kelly explain what it was like, you know, because 95 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: I've never heard you say, I've heard I see I 96 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: heard your mom story, you know, and I had to 97 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 1: admit it's true. And it's never fun, you know, but 98 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: for me, but it's true, and it's something that's important 99 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 1: for me to never forget, you know, what it was 100 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 1: like for those around me, because because another thing that 101 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 1: is just popped in my mind that that is so 102 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: was so true to me when I finally did get 103 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,559 Speaker 1: in recovery and looking back everything that I know about 104 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: my pre recovery life, I couldn't see it until I 105 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: was looking back. I was in recovery looking back, I 106 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,160 Speaker 1: could never see it when I was drinking, you know, 107 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:36,039 Speaker 1: I just couldn't see it. And so, um, I what 108 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: what I really didn't see was that I did it 109 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: definitely affect other people's life. You know, I thought I 110 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: was just affecting my life. And I was a great 111 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: dad in my view, you know, because I gave y'all stuff, 112 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: you know, like and that's that's really not what you needed. 113 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: But that's what I knew at the time. And you know, 114 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: so in all I'm saying is I had a different perception. 115 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: And in recovery, you know, part of the big deal 116 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 1: is learning what's real. You know, we're learning the real meat, 117 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: you know, like because because it's full I was in 118 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: full flight from reality. You know, what I really thought 119 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 1: about myself was just not true. You know. It didn't 120 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: mean that I'm just just a serial killer or horrible person. 121 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: It just meant that I really, I really didn't understand, 122 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: you know, what was really going on and how other 123 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: people were affected, and especially you and your mind, you know. 124 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: And then Zachary, you know, he was your brother. You know, 125 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: he was like in his first two years, you know, 126 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 1: um so he was affected then, you know, on the 127 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,719 Speaker 1: disease side. You know that the the untreated disease side. 128 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that I haven't been working on recovery 129 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 1: every day since, but um so, anyway, just a little 130 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: background that you know, you know, you I don't know, 131 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,359 Speaker 1: you may never heard this part, but you obviously know 132 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: my parents, you know, they were your grandparents. And so 133 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,279 Speaker 1: so where I was born in street Port, Louisiana'm gonna 134 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: try to kind of go through it a little bit 135 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: quicker than normal, but give you some background. And so 136 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: we lived in street Port, Louisiana. And the reason I 137 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: bring that up is is North Louisiana and South Louisiana 138 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: is like two different worlds, you know, especially back then 139 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: it was like Bible belt versus let the Good Times role, 140 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: you know, Louisiana. So so my parents, our background was 141 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: North Louisiana, you know, like and my mom worked in 142 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: the church. Your grandmother, you know, like you knew that, 143 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: and she did that even um, you know, probably when 144 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: you were aware of that, maybe when you were she 145 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: made not unad I'm saying, is my mom at that time? 146 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,679 Speaker 1: My mom was a teetotaller, you know, so I really 147 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 1: resented that, but I didn't really know. So when we 148 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: were in fourth grade, we moved to South Louisiana, and 149 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: I was like, um, it was a totally different culture. 150 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: And some of my new friends and I met, their 151 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: parents would allow you to drink with them, you know, 152 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: and it's like and they had kegs of beer at 153 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: their birthday parties and stuff, and and my parents were 154 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: horrified by all that. I mean, I'm just saying. My 155 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: mom was a teetotler at that time. My dad, I 156 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 1: think he had, you know, maybe drank when we were younger, 157 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: but get stopped because my mom was like, you know, 158 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: you just said a good example for your kids and stuff. 159 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: So um, so we didn't, you know, we I didn't had. 160 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: I was kind of resentful that my parents weren't like 161 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 1: in my judgment, again, this is my judgment. It's not 162 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: meaning it's true. My judgment was that everybody else's parents 163 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: were having fun and you know, and we didn't do 164 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: that in my house. And so man, I at first opportunity, 165 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: you know, I did, but you know, so I didn't 166 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: really like the taste of alcohol, you know, the first 167 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: couple of times, and so I didn't have a very 168 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: positive impression of it. You know. But but when I 169 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: was a freshman in high school, you know, my your 170 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 1: grandmother and my mom had always said, you know, never 171 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: drink alcohol or riding fast cars, you know, like and 172 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: that was the things, you know. She would always she 173 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: tried her best. God blesses, she tried her best. And 174 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: I would like, okay, Mom, I want you know, I 175 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 1: was just and uh, first opportunity the neighborhood. A little 176 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: bad guys and they're souped up car pulled up and said, hey, 177 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: you want to go for a ride. And I'm like, 178 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: I didn't stop and say no. My mother said never 179 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: to do, and I was like yeah, and I jumped in. 180 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: I wanted to be belong you know. And uh, I 181 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 1: got in their car and they peeled out. You know, 182 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: we were driving real fast, and or they were driving 183 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 1: real fast. I was in the vaccine. They handed me 184 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:16,199 Speaker 1: a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine, and I 185 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: don't even know if they still make that, but man, 186 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: I was so, here's the here's the bad guys, the 187 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: big guys that I wanted to be like. They handed 188 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: me a bottle, and so I'm thinking in my mind, 189 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 1: this is gonna taste terrible, this is gonna be horrible. 190 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: And I opened it and I took a sip and 191 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, this is good, you know, 192 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: and I basically drank the whole bottle, got so drunk. 193 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 1: I went home, threw up, and you know, my mother 194 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: is just going, oh my god, just trying to get 195 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: bake up my dad, and it's just just chaos, chaos 196 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 1: in the family. You know that I'm creating my first 197 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: time ever to drink, and I wanted to just you know, 198 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: all I can think of is, uh, when can I 199 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: do it again? You know, I'm getting getting in trouble 200 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: and my Mom's going, what's gonna happen with most time? 201 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: You're that kind of thing. Anyway, long story short in 202 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: high school is I could have gotten if I went 203 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: hung with those guys. Some some some of the guys 204 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: I grew up with got in trouble early, went to 205 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: like the juvenile detention, and I was very you know, 206 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: susceptible to that. There was a coach in this high 207 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: school that took interest in me, and um really saved 208 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: me from myself and that you know, he got me 209 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: really involved in sports and that kept me out of trouble. 210 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: And you know, and and when I the only reason 211 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: I bring up the sports thing is a lot of 212 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: people learned a lot of good and you were big 213 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: in sports and you learned a lot of good lifelong 214 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: lessons from that, and you know, there are those lessons 215 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: to be learned. And it wasn't anything my coach has 216 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: taught me, but what I picked up, you know what, 217 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: and this is in recovery looking back at my life. 218 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: There were there were character defects or traits in my 219 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 1: that I exhibited early on that you normally associate with 220 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 1: an alcoholic, you know. And one was that I just 221 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: figured the rules weren't for me really, and I was special, 222 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 1: you know, and and to a point where I just didn't, Yeah, 223 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: the rules are for other people, you know, and uh, 224 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,440 Speaker 1: that kind of thing, and and and they were. That's 225 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 1: not what anybody tried to you know. I've looked at 226 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: it looking back, and I really don't think anybody ever 227 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: told me that. I think that's just what I picked up. 228 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 1: You know. I don't think I can point a finger 229 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: at anybody else. That's just the kind of things that 230 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: that um I noticed about myself when I look back. 231 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: And another thing was like I always would go and 232 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: I really my values were distorted. Like in Lafayette, you know, 233 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: in high school, we could go to a it was 234 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 1: like a drive in like the Sonic, but it wasn't 235 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: that it was a family owned business and and we 236 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 1: could go in the in the kids that worked there, 237 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: you know, it was their families that owned it, and 238 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: you know, they were our friends and they would service beer, 239 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: so we could drink like that every you know, weekend 240 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 1: at high school. And I just remember seeing like some 241 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: of the older guys and they would be flat ashing money, 242 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: you know. So I was going, that's what I want 243 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: to be, you know. I mean, I just wanted to 244 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: be like that. And um, so that was my values 245 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: growing up and and and I ended up doing you know, 246 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: and I completely give the credit to this coach that 247 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,959 Speaker 1: was just could just bring it out in me. He 248 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: somehow he's somehow tapped into that defiant type of personality 249 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 1: I had and channeled it in the right way. And 250 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,199 Speaker 1: I think there's a big message, you know, of recovery 251 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: and there for me, and that there's a there's a 252 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 1: strong little person and it's it's getting that will channel 253 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 1: in the right direction. That that seems to be the 254 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,839 Speaker 1: best idea because because before recovery, my mind just kind 255 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: of drifted off. And um, but he was very inspirational 256 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: and big at at any success I had, and and 257 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: ended up getting a scholarship you know, um uh at 258 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: um when I graduated from high school. But you know, 259 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: during high school, after that weekend, if you know, almost 260 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: every week in I was um going to that drive 261 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,959 Speaker 1: in that we're talking about in drinking, you know that 262 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: I look forward to looking back on it. That's a 263 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: big sign of alcoholis or that that obsession that I 264 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: thought everybody had. That's my perception. I thought everybody was 265 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 1: looking forward to the drink like I did, you know, 266 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 1: But but that's really not true. Not everybody does. And 267 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,559 Speaker 1: and one of the things that surprised me when I 268 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: grew up, when I sobered up, was that one of 269 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 1: my best friends growing up, you know, like he was 270 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 1: with me every step of the way, but he didn't 271 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,439 Speaker 1: have that obsession, you know. And and and that's that 272 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: was hard to accept that that I was actually different, 273 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: you know, and that I did look forward to it, 274 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: you know. That's that's a big part of it. Is 275 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: it's the two the two part deal of where you 276 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: have that obsession of the mind that being non alcohol 277 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: doesn't have, and then and then you have the the 278 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: what the what's called the allergy, which is even harder 279 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: to understand but basically what it means is once you start, 280 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,559 Speaker 1: it becomes almost impossible to start stop. I mean, you 281 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: really there's something biologically different, you know. And I didn't 282 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: see either one of those. I never had the perception 283 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: that I was any different than anybody else. But so 284 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: I was a weekend drinker in high school, you know, 285 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: got a scholarship to play football at L s U. 286 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 1: And that was like a lifetime dream for me. And um, 287 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 1: another thing I've noticed about myself is I'm a really 288 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: good starter. You know, this is this is personality defects 289 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 1: that I've had to deal with in recovery and in 290 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: that um my self sabotager. You know, like, so I 291 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: had achieved this deal and in a certain amount of 292 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 1: success and and had we should pause. That's a huge 293 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: deal in Louisiana. Like that's the biggest deal to go 294 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: to play football at L s U and you've got 295 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: a scholarship to be a quarterback. That was That's I'm 296 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 1: sure it was like I was on the top of 297 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: the world at eighteen years old. I was on I 298 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: was pretty much of a legend at eighteen, you know, 299 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: and you know, I mean is it's took my ego. 300 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: And there's the big you know, the big you were 301 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: with alcoholics is that inflated ego and that you know, 302 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: that little success I had just really um inflated my ego. 303 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I love I could hear people talking about me, 304 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: you know, and I just like I didn't hear and 305 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: that was so it was all you know, it was 306 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: all an ego thing, and I ate up every bit 307 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: of it. But but I really didn't um have any 308 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: clue with the challenge that I just just gotten involved 309 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: and you just got myself into. So again it's it's 310 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: looking back, I can see this self sabotage things starting. 311 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: So when I got there, I mean they had rules 312 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 1: and I was in college, I was like, you can't 313 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 1: have rules, and they wanted me to have a curfew 314 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 1: and I had to break the rules. I had to 315 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 1: sneak out after curfew, you know, and that kind of thing, 316 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: and and and my drinking really took off, you know, 317 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:47,160 Speaker 1: because my mom was not there. You know, your grandmother 318 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: could no longer. You know, she did her best. I'm 319 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: just giving her credit. You know, she did her best, 320 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: but it I just couldn't seem to you know, to uh, 321 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: the answer that tune. So anyway, my drinking took off 322 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: and also um picked up. I started smoking weed you 323 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: know too, and that became a big part of my story. Actually, 324 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: it just it just helped me get to the bottom 325 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: earlier in my opinion, you know. And looking back on it, 326 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: for me, it's alcohols. So I knew I was doing something. 327 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: I could tell. This is a difference for me and 328 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: I qualified for either U group, either an alcoholic or 329 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: a drug addict or both. Um, I believe I'm both, 330 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: but my primary recovery has to be with alcohol for me, 331 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: because it's so much more subtle than drugs. Right. I 332 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: knew I was doing something wrong with drugs. I knew 333 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 1: I was doing something wrong with drugs. But um, oh, 334 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: and what I missed, uh telling you was that when 335 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: I was eighteen, right before I left to go to school, 336 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: I had a spiritual awakening in a church in in Lafayette, Louisiana. 337 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: And it was looking back on it was the real thing. 338 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: It was really a spiritual awaking. I didn't drink for like, 339 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: I stopped drinking come letely for like two weeks, I 340 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 1: mean two years. That was huge. I mean, but I'm 341 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,400 Speaker 1: just giving you my story, you know, because that's part 342 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: of it, you know, like and and so I was 343 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 1: impressed with myself. You know, I didn't drink it my 344 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: senior prom, you know, I mean that, you know in 345 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: laugh yet But so anyway, so so that was But 346 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,479 Speaker 1: but I look at like, I don't think it was 347 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: I was any different from me. Else. What I did 348 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 1: was pick up the first drink. That was what I 349 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: can see in my life now, which I never ever 350 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 1: dreamed that was an issue at all back then. You know, 351 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: I always thought I could social drink. That was my 352 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: big deal. You know. I knew at times I needed 353 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: to stop the drugs. That's not you know, that's not 354 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,439 Speaker 1: a good thing. But uh, and I think it helped 355 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: play a direct part in things not going well for me. 356 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 1: You know, I mean when you in school, I mean 357 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: going to going to class and in smoking weed before. 358 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: That's really not a good way to make you know. 359 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: I mean, my grades were just really really on the 360 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: tank until I met your mom. That's the story that 361 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: pick up here lately. Um, Thank god for her. My 362 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: parents were very impressed with how my grades picked up 363 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: when I started dating her. But anyway, so I went 364 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: to l s U. Long story short, I didn't do 365 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 1: my best. I mean, and and that doesn't mean anything 366 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: would have been different, but I wasn't getting the playing 367 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: time and people were passing me up, and I got 368 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 1: mad at him. I didn't see my part in any 369 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 1: of that. And you know, I just was gonna get 370 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,199 Speaker 1: back at him, so I quit, you know, and I 371 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: was I was going to go somewhere else. So I 372 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,719 Speaker 1: went somewhere else, and they just loved me because I 373 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 1: was somebody from L s U, you know. And and 374 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,439 Speaker 1: my roommate came to and he was from L s U. 375 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: And you know, we were like just the fair hair boys, 376 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 1: and and he did fine. But you know, by the 377 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: time long story short, by the time that I left 378 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: that school three years later, I was like, you know, 379 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: he's got a bad attitude. Don't hang around with him, 380 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,159 Speaker 1: you know. So we can see some clear when you 381 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 1: when you look for alcoholic you know, personalities or defects 382 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 1: in my development of character, um which my which ironically 383 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,400 Speaker 1: my mother used to always talk about, you know, She's 384 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: like to say, that's good for character building. I'm like, 385 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 1: I don't want any character, you know. And I was like, 386 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to try a shitty car to build 387 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: more character, dad, I know. And I was like, I'm 388 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: just telling you that because my mother told me that. 389 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 1: I don'n't want any either, you know. But anyway, I 390 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 1: hate it, but it's it's it is squired to grow spiritually, 391 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: you know, So anyway, so I try to go with it. 392 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 1: But anyway, that's the best thing about that whole deal 393 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: was I not only stopped drinking, but I met your 394 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,680 Speaker 1: mom and that was so so about a four year 395 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: period at the end of that and you were born 396 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: during that period. When you were born, I wasn't drinking, 397 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,959 Speaker 1: you know, for for four years. I had no clue 398 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: I stopped drinking because you know that I was an 399 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: alcoholic or alcoholism had anything to do with it, you know. 400 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,440 Speaker 1: I had no clue at that time that that was 401 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: an issue. Uh, because I stopped drinking, you know, And 402 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 1: and I really deep inside wanted to be like my 403 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 1: mom wanted me to be, you know. I mean, I 404 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,919 Speaker 1: really wanted to be a decent Christian dad or whatever. 405 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 1: And we were. We ended up being like that. I mean, Kelly, 406 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: when you were young a little like there was people 407 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 1: that would say to your mom, y'all have like the 408 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,880 Speaker 1: perfect little family, you know, and and and that it 409 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 1: was until I was out of town on a business trip. Um, 410 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: after four years of not drinking, I had the perfect 411 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: little life, you know. I had a good job and 412 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: and and you and your mom and it's like, uh, 413 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 1: I don't remember exactly what set it off, but I 414 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: bought some beer and took it back to my hotel room. 415 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 1: I was by myself, drinking by myself, and got totally 416 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 1: drunk and didn't think anything of it. Especially what didn't 417 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: hit me is you're by yourself. You know, you're drinking 418 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: by yourself. That didn't even that went right over my head. 419 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,119 Speaker 1: I didn't think of it that at all. You know, 420 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: I'm just giving you the progression of what's going on there. 421 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: So not drinking for four years years, I mean, I um, 422 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 1: I just didn't think, how can anybody have a problem 423 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: that doesn't drink and so and so. I don't remember 424 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: how long it took me, but but for me, drinking 425 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: or drugs, one always leads me back to the other. 426 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: You know. That's what I didn't see until I was 427 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: in recovery, is that hold on, You're not just you 428 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: don't need to just get rid of the drugs, you know, 429 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,840 Speaker 1: I never did. For me. Actually, alcohol was the most 430 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: subtle of the two because I really just wanted to 431 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: be a social drinker, you know. I really just wanted 432 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: to fit in, you know. And actually when I was 433 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 1: just drinking, I did fit in and I felt very 434 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: good about myself. I mean I was hanging around you know, 435 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,639 Speaker 1: church people doing that. I mean I felt okay, you know, 436 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,199 Speaker 1: but but I never could stay like that. That was 437 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: my my big deal and and so, um, it just 438 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: it was really you know, the irony is, so I 439 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 1: left college. I was really kind of you know, uh 440 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: mad at a world basically disappointed, you know, very very 441 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 1: um underachieving career you know in college. But so so 442 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,800 Speaker 1: it rather than stop and say, okay, let me see 443 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,920 Speaker 1: what's going on with me, you know, can I can 444 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: I correct anything? And I just threw myself into work. 445 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 1: I mean, at the time I started working, Uh, I 446 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: fell into a job that was very, very busy, you know. 447 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: So I just worked all the time, you know, and 448 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: I kind of could work as much as I wanted. 449 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: So I just worked all the time and that started 450 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 1: going well. And then um, I started working for a guy. 451 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 1: This was really interesting. Um that after I started drinking, 452 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 1: I did not see how, you know, I just would 453 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,679 Speaker 1: start with people after work and stuff, going to drinks, 454 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: and in my judgment, there was nothing wrong, you know. 455 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,479 Speaker 1: And and I mean, I don't even know if at 456 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 1: that point your mom thought that anything was wrong. But 457 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,360 Speaker 1: but when it started out, it seemed like we were 458 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,679 Speaker 1: just like everybody else and we had the perfect little family. 459 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 1: But but but I can't hang with that, you know. 460 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: And so I'm I'm sure I started, you know, uh, 461 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 1: somehow smoking weed again or whatever and kind of mixing 462 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,959 Speaker 1: it and and that just you know, And and for 463 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 1: y'all's part, the reason I wanted to kind of hear 464 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: from you is, um, what your mom would tell me is, 465 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: y'all never knew what to expect, you know, when when 466 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 1: I would come home, is he just drinking or is 467 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: he doing you know, is he drinking and smoking weed 468 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: or or is he not going to be doing anything either? 469 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 1: You know, So there's there's these options that you just 470 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 1: didn't know. So, you know, the chaos of of living 471 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: with somebody that you never know how they're gonna show up. 472 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 1: And and and you were always like my biggest cheerleader regardless, 473 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: you know, I mean from the beginning. I'd come in 474 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 1: and it's like if I just laugh at this, this 475 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 1: was I mean the classic. You'd run up to me 476 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: and you climb up me like I was some tree 477 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: or something Europe, and you grab onto me. And one 478 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,680 Speaker 1: time you grab my things and you're like, mom, daddy's 479 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: drinking beard again. God heard you said, Daddy, And you 480 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,919 Speaker 1: would pointed that he's taking it air it again, you 481 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: know what? Because I can smell it. I don't know, 482 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 1: but you knew it. So you knew you know. I mean, 483 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: that's what I guess you could sense it. But um, anyway, 484 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: that so I didn't work out. So so the bottom 485 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: line is my work. I was working for a guy. 486 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 1: This is what's so ironic about it. I was working 487 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 1: for a guy that had this huge contract, you know, 488 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: with a huge oil company at the fourth largest in 489 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 1: the world at the time. And he was like, uh, 490 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,959 Speaker 1: just making tounch of money. But he had he had 491 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,920 Speaker 1: gotten to where he would show up at the office 492 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: and lead by nine and go drink every day and 493 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: we would, you know, we would make fun of him. 494 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: You know, he had built up this big thing and 495 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,440 Speaker 1: he was about to lose it. He ended up losing 496 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: it to me. They ended up, you know, kind of 497 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,400 Speaker 1: giving me the deal. So I was thirty something years 498 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 1: old and I had this business, and I was thriving 499 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,200 Speaker 1: and had people working for me that were older than me. 500 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,360 Speaker 1: And in my judgment, I was like this boy, wonder 501 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 1: you know. I mean, I was like, that's what I 502 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 1: viewed myself as. Um. I don't think anybody working with 503 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: me did, you know, But but I viewed that, you know. 504 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: And it's that exaggerated sense of you know, self and 505 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: ego and and that kind of deal. Um. Obviously I 506 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: was doing pretty good, you know. Um So in my eyes, 507 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,359 Speaker 1: it wasn't affecting my job. I'm looking back at I 508 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,880 Speaker 1: could have done better without it, you know. But but 509 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 1: but I the reason that was more of my values 510 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,120 Speaker 1: were that was what was important. It was definitely affecting 511 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 1: the time. I would use that as an excuse to 512 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 1: stay away from home, you know, give them what they need, 513 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: but don't show up. That was one of my big deals, 514 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: you know. And um that was um so I couldn't 515 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: see it, but it was definitely affecting my relationship with y'all, 516 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: especially your mom, you know. And and it was a school. 517 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: It was one of the it was I can't remember 518 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: the name of it. Maybe Children's community school that you 519 00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: went to, is no one, Yeah, that you were going 520 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: to that mom taught at. And and there was a 521 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: drug and alcohol uh counselor that came to speak and 522 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: showed a film or something I think showed a film, 523 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: and um, your teacher was a was a a spouse 524 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: of a recovering alcoholic, you know, and so she was 525 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 1: in recovery and um she uh it was like your teacher, 526 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: you know. And Mom, she started crying during that because 527 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: I was coming home every I was a daily drinker, 528 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: you know. I mean I was definitely gonna be drinking 529 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: every day. But I went I was a businessman, you know, 530 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: it was my job to take that. I just knew 531 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,360 Speaker 1: my you know, whole success depending on me being able 532 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: to take people out drinking and partying, you know, and 533 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 1: that was my job, you know. So I was, um 534 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: that I just knew it was necessary, you know, and 535 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 1: that I needed to do it, and that was just work, 536 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 1: you know, and to me. But anyway, it was definitely 537 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,639 Speaker 1: affecting your mom, you know, and she started, you know, 538 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,120 Speaker 1: going to a counselor and trying to get me to go, 539 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,360 Speaker 1: and oh man, it just was you know it. That's 540 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: when trouble started. You know, my story is when my 541 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: wife got to recovery. It ruined my life. So really 542 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 1: that that was the way I fear did it, honestly, 543 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 1: and that just got more and more attension. We ended 544 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: up going to marital counsel This is funny. You know 545 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: it was marital counseling. Yeah, okay, I'm just saying, yeah, 546 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,640 Speaker 1: uh that it was marital conscious about after a month 547 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: into it, like Ron and I Ron, your mom came 548 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 1: with me the first time, and then he was just 549 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 1: he just wanted me to come back. I talked to 550 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: I just love talking about myself. I was just talking, talking, talking, 551 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,480 Speaker 1: you know, and and and at some point, it was 552 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 1: weeks into it, I said, she doesn't have to come. 553 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: He goes, no, no, no no, let's let's just talk about you. 554 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,960 Speaker 1: I didn't know, man, they all knew, you know. And 555 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: so anyway, I guess it's a miracle that I talked 556 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 1: to him. And um, so that kept going on, and 557 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 1: I would always get mad. I go like, talking to 558 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,080 Speaker 1: the counselor, I said, well, she thinks, you know, she's 559 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 1: going to this stuff, thinking like telling everybody, and that 560 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: said I would, I would, I would say, like she 561 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 1: was telling everybody. I mean, I was really blowing my anenemity. 562 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: But you know I was worried about her telling everybody, 563 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 1: but um, following off bar stools will blow your anonymity, 564 00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: you know, pretty pretty, And I didn't really need to 565 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: blame you, but I was your mom. I was like, 566 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: your mom, you know you're telling everybody. I got so 567 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 1: mad at her, and um so, anyway, at one point, 568 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: he goes the councilor goes, uh, well, I said, she 569 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,680 Speaker 1: thinks I'm an alcoholic? What do you think? And he wouldn't. 570 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 1: He would not, you know, he would not diagnose me 571 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,640 Speaker 1: as an alcoholic at all time. He just said, let's 572 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: just let's just keep telling my She goes, because let 573 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: me ask, let me make a suggestion. She said, why 574 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: we're doing this, you know, why don't you just stop 575 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: drinking while we're doing this? And I was like, what, 576 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: you know, he goes, what she just stopped? Think? I'm 577 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 1: going like I was going stop drinking? I said, for 578 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 1: how long? I didn't realize I just flunked the test 579 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: right there. I mean, here's I'm having marital trouble. Actually, 580 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 1: your mom and I were legally separated, you know. We 581 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 1: ended up there, We ended up y'all living in Baton 582 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 1: Rouge of me and Lafayette, you know, I mean, it 583 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: ended up being in severely affecting my family life. And 584 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, how long you know that was what was 585 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: important to me? You know how long? And and looking back, Kelly, 586 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: it broke my heart the first time in recovery. And 587 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,240 Speaker 1: it was early on, at some point when I could 588 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: look back and see things clearly, that I realized that 589 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: alcohol was the most important thing to me, you know. 590 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 1: I mean if that I never if you would have 591 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 1: told me that, I wouldn't have believed it. It broke 592 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: my own heart when I realized that. I just thought 593 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: that nobody could be forgiven for that, you know, like, 594 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,800 Speaker 1: how could you be that selfish? But that's the truth, 595 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: you know. I mean I had to start there. I 596 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 1: had to realize that I had basically ruined my family 597 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: life because I valued alcohol more, you know, And that 598 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 1: was hard to see. I didn't that was clueless about 599 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 1: that until I stopped drinking long enough to look back 600 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: and see that, Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing, 601 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,200 Speaker 1: you know, so so I flunked that test. When I 602 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 1: was talking a guy, you know, that was big red flag. 603 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: He wants to know he's losing his family. He wants 604 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,480 Speaker 1: to know how long, you know, I mean most non 605 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:16,719 Speaker 1: alcoholics would say, okay, that's what I do, whatever it takes. Exactly. 606 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: It's like if you're not if you're not in our pot, 607 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: so what yeah, you know I've had like your mom 608 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: when I when I saw it, I was like, ohs 609 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 1: too a big deal. You know, it's just not that 610 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,959 Speaker 1: big of a deal to her. That's That's what I 611 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:34,480 Speaker 1: didn't understand, is that I'm bodily mentally different, you know 612 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,959 Speaker 1: than a nonalcoholic. You know that that's that it's not 613 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 1: my fault, but it is my responsibility. You know. It's 614 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: like that is um, that is the facts. But I 615 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,320 Speaker 1: didn't know that first. So anyway, I'm still going through 616 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: this guy. It gets to be around Thanksgiving of nineteen. 617 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 1: Several things started happening. But one was y'all were living 618 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,520 Speaker 1: in Baton Rouge. If you remember, can you remember any 619 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 1: of that? Okay, all that, so I would, but I 620 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 1: would so I would come over all the time, you know, 621 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 1: and Um, and it's like your mom was going to 622 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: therapy and or recovery group, you know, for for family 623 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 1: members about alcoholics, and you know, so she was getting 624 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 1: all this new you know, this good information about the 625 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: disease and how it was going. And Um, I went 626 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 1: to seeing you know, my work life made me believe 627 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,240 Speaker 1: I wasn't an alcoholic. My exercise, you know, and I was. 628 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 1: I've always worked out and stayed in shape, and I 629 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 1: would run in road races, you know, and so so 630 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: I'm kind of getting to the end. Several things happened 631 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: at the same time. But but there was a road 632 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: race I think it was in New Orleans. I went 633 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,520 Speaker 1: to running it and I had stopped by the way 634 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: for two weeks, you know, the over two weeks thinking 635 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,360 Speaker 1: I'm the only person in America not drinking. Why am 636 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 1: I doing this? You know, That's what it felt like 637 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 1: to me. And Um, I went to that race and 638 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 1: I was going rob you know, I just quit for 639 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: two weeks. And after the race, at the finish line, 640 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 1: somebody handed me a beer because they have kegs of 641 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: beer at the finish line. It's like nine in the morning. Well, I, 642 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,560 Speaker 1: you know, proceeded to drink the way I normally drank, 643 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: and I got really drunk, and I drove to Baton 644 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: Rouge on the way you know, back, and stopped at 645 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 1: y'all's house, and um, your mom was just like, that 646 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,520 Speaker 1: was it? You know, she had been talking in this 647 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 1: council of looking back on it. I mean, she can 648 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 1: tell you this story much better than live it in 649 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 1: her in her recovery, she had been told that at 650 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: some point, you know, she's probably gonna have to pick 651 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: her and y'all over me, you know, and it's and 652 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: and that was that was the lowest point. I can't 653 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: even tell you. It was right before Thanksgiving because she 654 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 1: what she said was, you know, I stood up drunk 655 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: and I'm just thinking everybody's gonna be happy to see me, 656 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: and she's just like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. 657 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: This is what really stunned me. She just goes because 658 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: we had a lot of heated arguments about me being 659 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,800 Speaker 1: an alcoholic, whether or whether I was or not. And 660 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: know I never I always fought back. I always told 661 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 1: her how many reasons why I gave her all the 662 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 1: reasons why I wasn't an alcoholic. You know, look how 663 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: important I am you know, in my mind, that's what 664 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 1: I thought. And Um, I just had pressure on me. 665 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: That's why. I just had a lot of pressure, you know. 666 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 1: So um, that's why I drink, you know, like I do. 667 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 1: And but I showed up and at the wrong time, 668 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,400 Speaker 1: you know, and I've been drinking. She's just like, um, 669 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: because you don't have to stop. I just can't be 670 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,680 Speaker 1: around you anymore. And then the wait what and then 671 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 1: she goes, Okay, let's go Crystal shopping for the kids. 672 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 1: It was like Thanksgiving herself and we went shopping together. 673 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: We saw these friends and I was like, I'm sitting 674 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:44,239 Speaker 1: there going, man, she just dumped me. You know, I'm 675 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: going this is my life. I said, what. What was 676 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: so weird, Kelly is that she wasn't fighting me anymore. 677 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: She really didn't want to response, if you follow what 678 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying. She didn't. She was not waiting for me 679 00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: to say, oh okay or you know, let's she just said, 680 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,400 Speaker 1: do what you wanna do. That stunned me when she 681 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: wasn't gonna fight with me anymore. And it really is 682 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: only a point, you know, looking back on, like the 683 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,839 Speaker 1: alcoholic has to hit bottom, so do the people around him. 684 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 1: You know, like, that's that's what I or her. You 685 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 1: know I've noticed, um is that your mom just had 686 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 1: to get where you need to get. And the main reason, 687 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if you ever know the story, is 688 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,920 Speaker 1: because she the a therapist had told her, if you 689 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,239 Speaker 1: stay around him, you're gonna set your daughter up for 690 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: a lag time of pain. Yeah, and that was true. 691 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,480 Speaker 1: And it's like, man, that's hurts so bad when I 692 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,960 Speaker 1: heard that, but it was true. And I used to 693 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: get so mad at your mom and I hated her 694 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: for doing that, but I loved her the most after 695 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 1: I wasbered up, I mean, because I knew it that 696 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: takes so much to do that. But she really just 697 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,120 Speaker 1: got to a point in my judgment to where the 698 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: best thing you can do is take care of yourself 699 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,840 Speaker 1: around a person. If you have a family or a 700 00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:01,000 Speaker 1: love loved one who's who's drinking like that, the best 701 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,080 Speaker 1: thing you can do is take care of yourself. Because 702 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,759 Speaker 1: if if I could fight somebody, I did, you know, 703 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's what was normal for me. That's 704 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 1: that was um what uh it. It always kept me 705 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,839 Speaker 1: from looking at myself. But she didn't care. You know, 706 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 1: here Bill doing whatever, so I had to look at myself, 707 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,359 Speaker 1: you know, and so that was just like this, oh, 708 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,920 Speaker 1: it was this hole. It was really just deflating, and 709 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 1: I of course drawback to Lafayette, got really drunk. This 710 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,520 Speaker 1: was the night before Thanksgiving. Woke up Thanksgiving morning. They 711 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: didn't have Starbucks that back then, I don't think. Or 712 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: they had the one in Seattle, but not not all 713 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: over you know, the place like they do now. And 714 00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,759 Speaker 1: there was a Kettle restaurant. I was going to your 715 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 1: grandparents house for Thanksgiving, and you know, I needed to 716 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,240 Speaker 1: kind of sober up to get presentable because I really 717 00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: had a hangover. And I walked into the Kettle restaurant 718 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,840 Speaker 1: and nobody is at the at any restaurant on Thanksgiving morning, 719 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: everybody's with their family, you know. And I walk in 720 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: and I'm this guy. I'm thinking, you know, I mean, 721 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: I always wore a tie. I was like, you know, 722 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 1: Mr businessman and stuff. And I walk in and it's 723 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:12,239 Speaker 1: just me, and there's these three guys sitting up at 724 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: the bar. I'm in a booth and they're drinking coffee 725 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 1: and I noticed one of his hands starts taking They 726 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 1: were like these what I call low bottom alcoholics. They 727 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: were street guys, you know, and I recognized one of them, 728 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,000 Speaker 1: you know, the guy sitting in the middle, I've recognized him. 729 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: I had grown up with his kids. He had two 730 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,439 Speaker 1: little kids, you know. I mean he had two kids. 731 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,920 Speaker 1: I was in between them in school, so you know, 732 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 1: they both had blond hair, and it's like I had 733 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 1: grown up with them. I knew what it was like 734 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: when your dad showed up at a baseball game or 735 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,840 Speaker 1: or an auditorium, you know, something some program at school drunk. 736 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,440 Speaker 1: I could see it in their eyes. I had, you know, 737 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,319 Speaker 1: I had grown up with them, you know, and their 738 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 1: mom had to be the breadwinner of the family, that 739 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 1: kind of thing. You know. It's like, and this guy, 740 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,720 Speaker 1: he did what I used to do for a living. 741 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:02,920 Speaker 1: I mean it was like you know the Christmas Carol, 742 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: that movie It's your Mom used to always say the 743 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 1: guy that I worked for, that I inherit his business, 744 00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:09,839 Speaker 1: you know, like she'd always say, you're just like him. 745 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: And I get so mad because I was young and strong. 746 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,239 Speaker 1: I was thirty three years old, you know, it's like, 747 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 1: and um, and so that I saw that guy and 748 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 1: it just hit me. I said, the only difference in 749 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 1: me and him is twenty five years, you know, because 750 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: because I had two little ones, you know, and it's 751 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: like I could see y'all. You know, it's like I'll go, 752 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,520 Speaker 1: oh my god, that's what I'm gonna do to my children. 753 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,560 Speaker 1: I couldn't see that at all before that day. So 754 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,879 Speaker 1: that to me, and I got friends to this day 755 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,759 Speaker 1: that called me up around Thanksgiving safe and they say, remember, like, 756 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 1: it's very important that I remember. It's still there by 757 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,359 Speaker 1: the way, you know it. I don't know if it's 758 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 1: still open. We passed by this last time we went 759 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,800 Speaker 1: to laugh yet, but anyway, so so that was really 760 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,239 Speaker 1: I don't know, it was one of those I call 761 00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:59,440 Speaker 1: it God things, you know that for some reason, why 762 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: eyes I could see that, I could see my future, 763 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,320 Speaker 1: you know, and I've got thirty one years today, and 764 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,840 Speaker 1: I know what I would be like, you know, if that, 765 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 1: if that turning point hadn't come, you know. And so 766 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,919 Speaker 1: the miracle is I went. It was a Monday after that, 767 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:19,520 Speaker 1: I went to see that counselor again. And what happened was, now, 768 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,080 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it was Wednesday that I saw him, but 769 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 1: I started on money. I said, I'm just gonna stop 770 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,520 Speaker 1: drinking again, you know, quit for two weeks, have just 771 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: a weekend of drinking, uh, you know, and and my 772 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 1: judgment is actually more than a little weekend. But it's 773 00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,680 Speaker 1: like I was gonna stop again that Monday, and when 774 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,799 Speaker 1: five o'clock came, it's like somebody turned the light on. 775 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 1: It's like, oh man, I could I really could use 776 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,319 Speaker 1: beer or something. And but I didn't. I didn't drink 777 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,840 Speaker 1: for two days. And I went back to him on 778 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 1: the next day, Wednesday, and I'm talking. I'm sitting in 779 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,239 Speaker 1: his office and he was, walk, how are you doing. 780 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,680 Speaker 1: It's a great guy, save my life, really, you know, 781 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,920 Speaker 1: just a wonderful guy. And I was sitting across him 782 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,920 Speaker 1: and he goes, he goes, well, how are you you know? 783 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 1: How you doing? How's it going? And I said, uh, well, 784 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,239 Speaker 1: this is weird, you know, I said, you remember when 785 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 1: you told me the stuff I stopped? You know, I 786 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 1: didn't do it. I didn't drink. I was I was 787 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: running for I was training for a race anyway, you know. 788 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: And I didn't drink, you know, for two weeks. I said. 789 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: But but Monday, when I tried to do that stop again, 790 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,840 Speaker 1: it really um, I said, it was really hard. And 791 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,959 Speaker 1: then Tuesday it was really hard again, and he looked 792 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,440 Speaker 1: at me. He goes, well, a lot of alcoholics can 793 00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 1: stop drinking for like six months. When he said those words, 794 00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,719 Speaker 1: I have been fighting so hard to prove that I 795 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 1: was not an alcoholic, he said, but not many alcoholics 796 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 1: can stay sober without a recovery program. Why don't you go? 797 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 1: And I'm like, he was including me in that statement, 798 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: you know, and it just I can't tell you. I 799 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 1: was so shocked that he was. But I also felt 800 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 1: like a guy who had been holding onto the side 801 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,840 Speaker 1: of a cliff fighting to hold on, and I couldn't anymore. 802 00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,560 Speaker 1: I just fell off backwards and I was free falling, 803 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 1: you know. Um, And I said, you know, he goes, 804 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,879 Speaker 1: you know, why don't you Why don't you do that? 805 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:16,200 Speaker 1: You know? And and and the miracle is uh. After 806 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,360 Speaker 1: I left his office, I went and called my buddy. 807 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 1: I went, you know where Lafond's restaurant is. I met 808 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,680 Speaker 1: one of my best drinking buddies. I restaurant. I don't 809 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 1: know if you remember Mr Peter, my buddy. Okay, So, 810 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 1: so I was sitting across and I still laugh about this, 811 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,160 Speaker 1: but so I said, I'm going in. I'm yeah, I'm 812 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,880 Speaker 1: doing it and uh, he's sitting across me. I'm just 813 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,280 Speaker 1: pouring him down and it's not even affected me anymore. 814 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,959 Speaker 1: It's yeahah, yeah, yeah, I was it. I was going 815 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: into treatment. I was going I didn't actually go to treatment, 816 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,000 Speaker 1: but I went to get help. I was going to 817 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 1: get help, you know. And I made a decision I'm 818 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,160 Speaker 1: gonna do it no matter what. And so get dropped. 819 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:57,640 Speaker 1: That's what Inn't that what you do? Like? It was 820 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,360 Speaker 1: a good I thought that was normal on you know, 821 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,239 Speaker 1: it's like so I was like one I called my 822 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 1: buddy and we sat there. I said, Pete, this is it, 823 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 1: and he looked at me. I said, this is it. 824 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: I'm going in. This is like November twenty eight of 825 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:18,040 Speaker 1: n you know, and um he goes, he looked at me, goes, well, 826 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 1: I got a grandmother who's and you know, who's a 827 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,799 Speaker 1: recovered alcoholic, and um, you don't crave it, do you. 828 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,879 Speaker 1: He looked at me like that in his mouth, he goes, 829 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,680 Speaker 1: you don't crave it, do you? And I was like, stop, Pete, 830 00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:33,319 Speaker 1: don't confuse me. I don't I'm going this is it, 831 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,239 Speaker 1: So let's do it, you know, And and uh, I 832 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,960 Speaker 1: was like, you know, the miracle ist. I woke up 833 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 1: the next day and and drove to Baton Rouge and 834 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,279 Speaker 1: and did it. You know. I joined the club, you know, 835 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,360 Speaker 1: and I was like, I asked for help, you know, 836 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,760 Speaker 1: and it's like and I joined in with some guys 837 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:54,880 Speaker 1: that can help me. Um, and I got so lucky 838 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,560 Speaker 1: that day. Well, let me give you the mindset. I'm 839 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,279 Speaker 1: driving there, and before I left, I told you Mom, 840 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,520 Speaker 1: I said I'm gonna do it. You know. I didn't 841 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:05,880 Speaker 1: go get drunk with her. I just told her. I 842 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,880 Speaker 1: said I'm gonna do it, you know. And I was like, 843 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,520 Speaker 1: give me a chance, you know, I'm gonna do it. 844 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,799 Speaker 1: And I said, I'm doing this. I said, but I 845 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 1: don't know why I want to live. You know, I'm 846 00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,880 Speaker 1: thirty three. Why would you want to live if you 847 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,200 Speaker 1: can't drink? You know, I'm sitting here. I'm losing my family. 848 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: You know. I had the best family, the most beautiful 849 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 1: little family, you know, the best thing that anybody could have. 850 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,960 Speaker 1: And I'm giving that up for alcohol. Oh I could 851 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,160 Speaker 1: think about, is I can't ever drink again. You know 852 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 1: That's what I thought. You know, that wouldn't surprise any alcoholic. 853 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,839 Speaker 1: You know what I mean that that's just that every 854 00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,440 Speaker 1: time I've ready told that story, they're all, you know, 855 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,000 Speaker 1: we're not in their head. Yeah, and you know, so, 856 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,759 Speaker 1: uh that was my mentality or my uh my view 857 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,560 Speaker 1: of life when I was driving that long fifty miles, 858 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: you know, so that nobody would know that I was, 859 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:54,000 Speaker 1: you know, getting help for my alcoholism. And I found 860 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 1: out later that I'm the only one who was surprised 861 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,320 Speaker 1: I was getting help for alcoholism, you know, but I 862 00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 1: thought it was all a secret, you know, except for 863 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,719 Speaker 1: the ones your mom was telling. You know. That's I 864 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,759 Speaker 1: kind of would blame her, but that was all her 865 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,600 Speaker 1: fault and in my judgment. But so I went. And 866 00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,720 Speaker 1: when I got there, you know, and met these these 867 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,720 Speaker 1: men and women who were in recovery, I was expecting 868 00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:18,440 Speaker 1: people living under a bridge, and they were like very 869 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:25,680 Speaker 1: very you know, professional, um, nice looking, well dressed people, 870 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,839 Speaker 1: you know, confidence they were like, um, they were just 871 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,200 Speaker 1: you know, speaking. When they started talking, I was like, 872 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,480 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, where have these people been, you know, 873 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,880 Speaker 1: And that all happened and and and looking back, and 874 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,239 Speaker 1: I tell you that was just so lucky because I've 875 00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,440 Speaker 1: had so many friends that go in and and and 876 00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:47,080 Speaker 1: think I'm not like them. You know, that's the worst 877 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,160 Speaker 1: thing that you can do as a person teetering. You 878 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,080 Speaker 1: asked me earlier. We'll get to that later, whenever you 879 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:55,120 Speaker 1: want to about the turning point or the big you know, 880 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,880 Speaker 1: change or event that happened to set your soul free, 881 00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,799 Speaker 1: it's all that. It's that huge turning point. That was 882 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:07,680 Speaker 1: the most positive, consequential decision I've ever made in my life. 883 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,600 Speaker 1: You know. Uh, Prior to that, you would have asked me, 884 00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 1: what's the best thing that never happened you. I have 885 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: just said, I married your mom, I had you know, 886 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,240 Speaker 1: we had you, and then we had Zachary, and those 887 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,759 Speaker 1: are the best things that I've ever happened to me. 888 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,080 Speaker 1: But if I don't have sobriety, I'm not gonna have 889 00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:24,560 Speaker 1: any of those things, you know. So if I wouldn't 890 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,120 Speaker 1: have sobered up, I know you wouldn't be in my life, 891 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,839 Speaker 1: you know, and I know your brother wouldn't be, and 892 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,719 Speaker 1: I definitely know you wouldn't have been. You know, It's 893 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,719 Speaker 1: like I would have missed it all, you know, it's 894 00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 1: like in um that is uh, that was a turning point, 895 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,680 Speaker 1: that was a huge tournament and all I did was 896 00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,080 Speaker 1: keep keep moving forward. You know. It's a spiritual program 897 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,799 Speaker 1: of action. It's a spiritual workout program. And I could 898 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,840 Speaker 1: identify with that because I had been working out physically, 899 00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:52,839 Speaker 1: and that's what that's consort. Tony said, you're in good 900 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:56,719 Speaker 1: shape physically, but spiritually, you know, you're bankrupt. You've got 901 00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:01,160 Speaker 1: nothing there, you know, And um, and I realized it's 902 00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,120 Speaker 1: a lifetime deal, but I only have to deal with 903 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: it today, you know, because I my first thought was, 904 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,720 Speaker 1: you know, how am I gonna drink at my daughter's wedding? 905 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,520 Speaker 1: Your age? You know that that's the stuff that we see. 906 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:16,040 Speaker 1: I'm lucky for you we live across that bridge. I 907 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 1: was just one like, yeah, I haven't been timpted in 908 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,919 Speaker 1: that way yet, you know, so you shouldn't even been worried. 909 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,360 Speaker 1: But yeah, that's what I'm saying. It just you know, 910 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 1: I'm so fortunate that, um, that that turn happened, and 911 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:31,839 Speaker 1: that I liked them, you know that that I look 912 00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,200 Speaker 1: at that that was all grace and then a lot 913 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:35,760 Speaker 1: the rest of it's all a whole lot of effort 914 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,320 Speaker 1: on my part, you know. And that that's true. And 915 00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,480 Speaker 1: there was an old guy I used to know. He 916 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,600 Speaker 1: used to. He used to introduce himself, and he'd say, 917 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,040 Speaker 1: by the grace of God, and a whole lot of 918 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:49,040 Speaker 1: effort on my part. You know, I'm sober, and so 919 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,919 Speaker 1: I got that that, you know, could all all your 920 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,959 Speaker 1: I mean, we know what the problem is. Now here's 921 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,719 Speaker 1: the solution, you know, And and that takes a lot 922 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,719 Speaker 1: of effort. But but not after the effort even that 923 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,480 Speaker 1: drinking took. Because to wrap up my drinking story, um, 924 00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:09,320 Speaker 1: which qualified me for recovery is that in the beginning, 925 00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 1: alcohol gave me wings to fly, and then it took 926 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,880 Speaker 1: away the sky. And it's never gonna be good for 927 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:18,160 Speaker 1: me again, you know, going back, once I crossed the line, 928 00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,080 Speaker 1: it's not gonna be good. It's not gonna be like 929 00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,399 Speaker 1: it was when I was a teenager and just thought 930 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,640 Speaker 1: the world changed and became wonderful when I drank, you know. 931 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,000 Speaker 1: But that's been my experience. That's what I've heard from 932 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:34,479 Speaker 1: others and and learned, um. And then in every other 933 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,439 Speaker 1: area of my life has just been so much better 934 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,720 Speaker 1: because uh said, here's the problem. You know that again, 935 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,440 Speaker 1: if you would have asked me for a list of 936 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,440 Speaker 1: what I didn't want to be alcoholic, would have been 937 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:51,480 Speaker 1: number one, you know, I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean 938 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,799 Speaker 1: I just felt like alcoholics, are you kidding me? You know, 939 00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,319 Speaker 1: it's just who, you know, what do you have to 940 00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,640 Speaker 1: live for? That's the place to look at those. I 941 00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:01,480 Speaker 1: knew one guy in recovery, and I was just like, 942 00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,480 Speaker 1: why how is he so happy? You know, It's like, 943 00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,759 Speaker 1: how can he be enjoying life? You know, It's like 944 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,359 Speaker 1: and now I go, here's the miracle for me? Kell 945 00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:12,040 Speaker 1: about recovery is I? Like I told you, I just 946 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,120 Speaker 1: wanted to die. Literally that was my mindset. Why what's 947 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,840 Speaker 1: the use of living? And you know the real reason 948 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,920 Speaker 1: was I had stopped drinking in the past. I just 949 00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,680 Speaker 1: didn't like being sober. I never liked it, you know. 950 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,399 Speaker 1: Once I started drinking and felt that, I always wanted 951 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:27,480 Speaker 1: to and I always did go back to it, you know, 952 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,880 Speaker 1: but I like, you know, there's tools and recovery that 953 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:34,440 Speaker 1: can help me like being sober. Yeah, I like it, man, 954 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:36,880 Speaker 1: I really do. I prefer to be. And I remember this, 955 00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,800 Speaker 1: you know, so many people have helped me so many ways. 956 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:43,040 Speaker 1: But I remember this lady you know in Baton Rouge, 957 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,960 Speaker 1: you know, just you know, telling me I can't imagine 958 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,120 Speaker 1: I was thinking I was so deprived, you know, like, oh, 959 00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:52,719 Speaker 1: everybody's a party and you know, I'm young guy and 960 00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 1: just me and you people, you know, and that kind 961 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,479 Speaker 1: of thing. And this lady goes, he goes. I can't 962 00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,800 Speaker 1: think of anything more boring than dream being on people 963 00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,759 Speaker 1: that are drinking. And I'm going like what wait, wait, 964 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm missing out. You know that's not and and and 965 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,520 Speaker 1: now I was just like, you know, if you want 966 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,200 Speaker 1: to drink, it's your business. If you want to help stopping, 967 00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,319 Speaker 1: I can help you with that. You know. That's and 968 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,759 Speaker 1: that that's another part of our recovery is is not 969 00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 1: everybody's like me, you know, and and and and part 970 00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:21,080 Speaker 1: of the base of my recovery is to realize that 971 00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:24,719 Speaker 1: this is the program I need and it's not for everybody, 972 00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,879 Speaker 1: and it's perfect okay for other people to drink. And 973 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,799 Speaker 1: but if anybody ever wants help stop and I can 974 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,719 Speaker 1: do this. I can share my story if you know, 975 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,399 Speaker 1: they want to hear it. And um if not, uh, 976 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:39,720 Speaker 1: I know that there is a way to life being sober. 977 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,400 Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I'd prefer it. I've had from my life. 978 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,799 Speaker 1: I definitely would prefer it almost all the time. You 979 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,879 Speaker 1: know there's there's sometimes I feel a little left out 980 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:51,080 Speaker 1: or whatever, but that doesn't last. I mean, it's not 981 00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,399 Speaker 1: it would never be worked it For me, this life 982 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,279 Speaker 1: has just been so good. And as you know, when 983 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,359 Speaker 1: I after a year, I got to come back and 984 00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:00,719 Speaker 1: live with y'all, you know, and and in my view, 985 00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,480 Speaker 1: I was you know, I used to share that with people. 986 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,719 Speaker 1: I'd say, I'm getting back with my family, and they 987 00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:08,120 Speaker 1: would say, like, well, your wife is taking you back. 988 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:11,320 Speaker 1: There's a difference, you know, and it's like, that's what happened, 989 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,280 Speaker 1: you know, if your mom let me have a chance, 990 00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:18,640 Speaker 1: and um and uh, next August will have forty two years, 991 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,160 Speaker 1: will be married forty two years, not in a row. 992 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:27,880 Speaker 1: Always clarify that forty two cumulative years of marriage, you know. 993 00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:34,480 Speaker 1: So anyway, that's kind of my story pumping you if 994 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:40,000 Speaker 1: you can get something out of that. Well, you did 995 00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:43,279 Speaker 1: actually just piece together so much for me, Like I've 996 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,919 Speaker 1: heard bits and pieces of all of that, I think, 997 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,520 Speaker 1: but I don't know that I've ever heard it back 998 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:52,439 Speaker 1: to back to back. And the interesting thing about when 999 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,799 Speaker 1: you asked me, like what it was like for me, 1000 00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,960 Speaker 1: you know, it's like even when I've been in therapy. Um, 1001 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,080 Speaker 1: there's parts of my childhood I just like don't remember, 1002 00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,239 Speaker 1: and so I don't know if I've like blocked it 1003 00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,520 Speaker 1: out or what it is about that. You know, maybe 1004 00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,440 Speaker 1: I was too young and so kind of hearing some 1005 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:12,640 Speaker 1: of that, even what you said about when I would 1006 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,080 Speaker 1: tell Mom that you had a beard or whatever because 1007 00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:17,759 Speaker 1: you've been drinking beer. But the weird thing is, I mean, 1008 00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:21,160 Speaker 1: it's funny, but it's also like I have had a 1009 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,480 Speaker 1: trigger too, when like I've had boyfriends come home and 1010 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:28,080 Speaker 1: they've been drinking beer and the smell it's like a 1011 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:31,160 Speaker 1: flashback moment for me, and it always makes me sick 1012 00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,200 Speaker 1: in my stomach. So it's really interesting because that must 1013 00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,920 Speaker 1: have had a big impact on me, and I didn't know. 1014 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:41,880 Speaker 1: The things I do remember, um are like I do 1015 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,360 Speaker 1: remember hearing like the click of a beer can is 1016 00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:46,960 Speaker 1: very familiar to me, and I would be in bed 1017 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,680 Speaker 1: but I heard it, and I remember you and Mom 1018 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:54,120 Speaker 1: arguing like about do you have to drink tonight? And 1019 00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:58,440 Speaker 1: I was probably like five, but I remember, Um, I 1020 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,080 Speaker 1: remember us being at like New Zach festivals a lot. 1021 00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,759 Speaker 1: I don't know, or maybe it was like just festivals 1022 00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,400 Speaker 1: and laugh yette, but like there's always was just alcohol 1023 00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:09,359 Speaker 1: and that was like, it's weird because, as you said, 1024 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:13,320 Speaker 1: in South Louisiana, that's like a part of life. And um, 1025 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,600 Speaker 1: so there's a part of me growing up that that 1026 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,839 Speaker 1: was like really familiar and I was I liked it, 1027 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:21,799 Speaker 1: you know, because it was what I knew. Um. But 1028 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,919 Speaker 1: now like looking back, I can be like, yeah, there 1029 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,200 Speaker 1: there was a lot of activities that probably revolved around alcohol, 1030 00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:31,480 Speaker 1: you know or whatever it was. Um, But listening to 1031 00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:34,799 Speaker 1: you and mom's dynamic is the thing that really just 1032 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,719 Speaker 1: stuck out to me the most because it's what I've 1033 00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:40,680 Speaker 1: repeated so many times. I mean, it's just like that 1034 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,439 Speaker 1: therapists nailed it when they said, uh, you know, like 1035 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,400 Speaker 1: that your daughter's gonna affected. I think I still you know, 1036 00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,960 Speaker 1: I still was. And again it's like I wanna when 1037 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:53,239 Speaker 1: I think about listeners hearing this, like you and I 1038 00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,120 Speaker 1: have talked about this in upset where I think we 1039 00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:58,600 Speaker 1: know there's not like I don't sit here and blame 1040 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:00,880 Speaker 1: you for the troubles I've had an adult or in 1041 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,200 Speaker 1: relationships or anything like that. I have to look at 1042 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,600 Speaker 1: it or else I can't change it. But it is 1043 00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:11,360 Speaker 1: my responsibility now and so I take that and um, 1044 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:15,560 Speaker 1: but yeah, definitely I've repeated it. You know, it makes 1045 00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:21,240 Speaker 1: me a little emotional. Mm hmm. Yeah, I was remembered 1046 00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,279 Speaker 1: one last thing. I was thinking. You know, you were 1047 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,120 Speaker 1: always my little cheerleader one way or the other. When 1048 00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:30,239 Speaker 1: I sobered up, you were so proud of me. And 1049 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:31,920 Speaker 1: I go to live with y'all too, you know, but 1050 00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:33,759 Speaker 1: like when I got my six months chip, you know, 1051 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,680 Speaker 1: like amid chip to indicate I got six months, and 1052 00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,399 Speaker 1: you know, I came and showed it to y'all and 1053 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,960 Speaker 1: and it's like, um, you ran around the neighborhood, you know, 1054 00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,279 Speaker 1: so proud. Just tell everybody my daddy got a six 1055 00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:54,680 Speaker 1: month chip, and talk about again again. My my nan 1056 00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: amity was broken when I fell off barstools or you know, 1057 00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,719 Speaker 1: bump into the ran in the car, into the trash 1058 00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:03,839 Speaker 1: can or whatever coming home. You know, it's like, uh, 1059 00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,920 Speaker 1: nobody did that to me. But that was so cute, 1060 00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, just like I mean, somehow we got through it, 1061 00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,560 Speaker 1: and and and the other thing is, uh, so I 1062 00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:15,160 Speaker 1: can validate your growing up. So I stopped drinking. My 1063 00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:19,400 Speaker 1: recovery started when you were eight. You actually and your 1064 00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,120 Speaker 1: mom and I were talking about this. It's like, um, 1065 00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,600 Speaker 1: you know, the alcoholic When you start drinking, you don't 1066 00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:27,600 Speaker 1: grow emotionally, you know. And so despite me thinking I 1067 00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,040 Speaker 1: was so mr important and all that stuff, I was 1068 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:34,600 Speaker 1: really a child. I was very childless, immature, and um, 1069 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,239 Speaker 1: you know, so I had to grow up with y'all, 1070 00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:38,520 Speaker 1: you know, I had to grow and one thing, like 1071 00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:41,480 Speaker 1: one of them again, my friends, you know, like they 1072 00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:43,880 Speaker 1: would go like, hey, don't be afraid to be authentic 1073 00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,520 Speaker 1: and then you use that word. At the time, there 1074 00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:48,080 Speaker 1: was like, don't be afraid to let your children see 1075 00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,640 Speaker 1: you struggle, you know, don't don't lie to them, just 1076 00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,240 Speaker 1: to let them know I'm struggling. And I made a mistake, 1077 00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:55,960 Speaker 1: you know, and and and we gotta we got a 1078 00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,400 Speaker 1: way to do that as part of our program is 1079 00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,399 Speaker 1: to you know, clean up the messes we make now, 1080 00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,239 Speaker 1: you know, and but do that in front of him, 1081 00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:08,440 Speaker 1: don't hide it, you know. And that was huge for me, uh, 1082 00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,440 Speaker 1: to make mistakes. And Mom and I were laughing because 1083 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,919 Speaker 1: you know, it was hard growing up being a grown man, 1084 00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:16,799 Speaker 1: growing up with you and you were probably in most 1085 00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:19,680 Speaker 1: cases more and I remember you saying this, you know 1086 00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:21,680 Speaker 1: that I was more like a friend than our brother, 1087 00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:25,760 Speaker 1: than a you know, a dad. Uh you know. Uh, 1088 00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,600 Speaker 1: that's the truth. You know. It's like I had to 1089 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,200 Speaker 1: grow up with you. And I remember one time, you know, 1090 00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:33,800 Speaker 1: you had it. You're you know, throwing a little tantum 1091 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:38,080 Speaker 1: or whatever, like like thirteen year old kids. Dude. It's like, 1092 00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,239 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you had quite a strong old young lady. 1093 00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:43,000 Speaker 1: But you know, um, but your mom had to DISSI one, 1094 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:46,239 Speaker 1: you know. So anyway, Uh, I just remember saying to 1095 00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,120 Speaker 1: your mom and said, look, she does it too, you know, 1096 00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:50,600 Speaker 1: and you want to look at me, And she goes, 1097 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,680 Speaker 1: it's age appropriate. She's thirteen, it's age appropriate for her 1098 00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:56,960 Speaker 1: to do it. And I was, you know, I was going, oh, 1099 00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,239 Speaker 1: I was looking, you know. So I mean I had 1100 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,880 Speaker 1: to grow up with y'all, you know, and um, that 1101 00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,920 Speaker 1: is what it is. But that's the truth, you know. 1102 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:12,239 Speaker 1: And and it's one thing probably the best medicine, you know, 1103 00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,200 Speaker 1: and it talks about that, and in the recovery literature 1104 00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,960 Speaker 1: for alcoholics is you know, the mess the capacity to 1105 00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,960 Speaker 1: be honest. And I did not know I was living 1106 00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,319 Speaker 1: a lot when I came in, you know. But it's 1107 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,319 Speaker 1: been a process. It's not an event. It's a daily deal. 1108 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:31,400 Speaker 1: You know, it's a daily workout, you know, uh, spiritual 1109 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:34,160 Speaker 1: program for me that has to be just as important 1110 00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,680 Speaker 1: as my physical one, because uh, I'm as you know, 1111 00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,000 Speaker 1: you've lived with me. You know, we make mistakes as 1112 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:43,839 Speaker 1: we go along. We gotta you know, not brush them 1113 00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,399 Speaker 1: under the rug, you know, just be willing to look 1114 00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,120 Speaker 1: at it. And some of them are hard to look at. 1115 00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,279 Speaker 1: I remember this conversation came up at twenty two years 1116 00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:54,080 Speaker 1: that I had been you know, in my view, a 1117 00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,560 Speaker 1: great father for twenty two years, you know, and and 1118 00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:58,919 Speaker 1: you were going through some stuff in your recovery and 1119 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,359 Speaker 1: you needed to talk about stuff. So um. You know, 1120 00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:06,239 Speaker 1: I've had people tell me both ways on that no, 1121 00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:07,600 Speaker 1: you made a manage you don't have to make and 1122 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:09,719 Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, I never really have made 1123 00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:12,759 Speaker 1: direct amends to Kelly. I tried to be different, you know. 1124 00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,200 Speaker 1: I went to I went to child raising classes at 1125 00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:17,800 Speaker 1: this at this therapist clinic. You know. I mean I 1126 00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:20,840 Speaker 1: did everything my mentors told me to do, you know, 1127 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:22,600 Speaker 1: but I had a long way to go. You know. 1128 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:27,280 Speaker 1: It's like, um, but anyway that you know, I had 1129 00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:28,600 Speaker 1: and I had to learn a lot of stuff with you. 1130 00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:32,200 Speaker 1: But that was big for me, and that I needed 1131 00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:36,920 Speaker 1: to validate what you went through, you know, because I think, um, 1132 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:38,960 Speaker 1: you know, family members love each other and so we 1133 00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,440 Speaker 1: don't you know sometimes and I didn't want to go 1134 00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:43,839 Speaker 1: back to that, you know, in my judgment. I've been 1135 00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,319 Speaker 1: different for twenty two years at the time, you know, 1136 00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,400 Speaker 1: but I knew it was important anyway, and and I 1137 00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:51,480 Speaker 1: don't you know, I guess that's why part of our 1138 00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:53,919 Speaker 1: recovery is to just to talk about what it was like, 1139 00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:57,600 Speaker 1: you know, just to remember and and uh, you know 1140 00:56:57,719 --> 00:56:59,560 Speaker 1: that I don't want to go back there and that. 1141 00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:03,320 Speaker 1: But I'm also very capable and on a regular basis 1142 00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:05,880 Speaker 1: make mistakes, you know, as I go along, and and 1143 00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,800 Speaker 1: there's ways to try to clean those up, you know, yeah, 1144 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,279 Speaker 1: if I can when they happened, rather than letting them 1145 00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,480 Speaker 1: linger and that kind of thing. So it's great tools 1146 00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,960 Speaker 1: for living. But it's not like, uh, we're the perfect 1147 00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:22,000 Speaker 1: little family, you know. But actually the thing, the couple 1148 00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:25,040 Speaker 1: of notes that I did make was, um, you know, 1149 00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:29,200 Speaker 1: like when my life did fall apart a decade ago, 1150 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:32,560 Speaker 1: like when I hit my first I think real bottom. Um, 1151 00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,400 Speaker 1: you mom were the first people I called. I will 1152 00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:37,720 Speaker 1: never forget it. It It was like I waited until the 1153 00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,280 Speaker 1: clock took six o'clock because I had been up all 1154 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:44,280 Speaker 1: night and I didn't I didn't I didn't know what 1155 00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,840 Speaker 1: to do necessarily, but I knew exactly where to go 1156 00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:51,200 Speaker 1: because I had seen you guys do it. And so 1157 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,200 Speaker 1: that though I look back or I tell my friends 1158 00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:58,360 Speaker 1: that story, even my recovery friends, and there in all 1159 00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,800 Speaker 1: all the time, just like what a if that is? 1160 00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:04,280 Speaker 1: And I probably took it for granted for a long time. 1161 00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,640 Speaker 1: But even but as I'm getting like older and more 1162 00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:09,000 Speaker 1: into this, I'm realizing it is a true gift that 1163 00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,480 Speaker 1: I've been modeled. Like I think we are what we 1164 00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:15,120 Speaker 1: see and so no, I didn't have the perfect childhood 1165 00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,920 Speaker 1: or whatever, but nobody does. And so the greatest gift 1166 00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,760 Speaker 1: that you guys gave me was the gift of owning 1167 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:27,200 Speaker 1: your mistakes, doing the work to make it right and 1168 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,760 Speaker 1: do something different, and to to always know that like, 1169 00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,560 Speaker 1: no matter what happens, there are places to go and 1170 00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:37,360 Speaker 1: people to help, and like unconditional love that's out there 1171 00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:41,760 Speaker 1: and um and it's yeah, it's just like it's there 1172 00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,280 Speaker 1: for you if you want it. And so those are 1173 00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,000 Speaker 1: the things that you guys gave me and like I 1174 00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,600 Speaker 1: said to this was a gift just now because I can, 1175 00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,440 Speaker 1: like I don't look at the stuff in the story 1176 00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:55,280 Speaker 1: that's maybe not like stuff you're product or whatever and 1177 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,480 Speaker 1: go like, oh my dad sucked. I'm like very much like, 1178 00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:03,000 Speaker 1: oh that makes sense, no wonder I've like like I 1179 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,800 Speaker 1: was your biggest cheerleader. Well you know, jigs out. That's 1180 00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:09,960 Speaker 1: what I do in relationships too, like the biggest cheerleader 1181 00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:13,600 Speaker 1: for people who don't deserve it necessarily, and so that's mine. 1182 00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:15,640 Speaker 1: It's like what you said, the people around you have 1183 00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,200 Speaker 1: to hit a bottom too, Like that is very true. 1184 00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:23,640 Speaker 1: And it's hard, especially when someone you love is you know, 1185 00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:27,400 Speaker 1: destructive or like hurting themselves or hurting you, like you 1186 00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,840 Speaker 1: just want to help. If you're wired the way that 1187 00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,960 Speaker 1: I'm wired, and I think Mom's wired, it's just like 1188 00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,800 Speaker 1: it's the hardest thing to put down, Like I have 1189 00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,240 Speaker 1: to walk away from them, and I feel so cruel, 1190 00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:42,080 Speaker 1: you know, but it's ground grateful that you've told me 1191 00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,040 Speaker 1: that's the most loving thing to do. It's helped me 1192 00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:48,320 Speaker 1: in so many scenarios. Yeah, it's interesting that you bring 1193 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:52,840 Speaker 1: up that call because I remember, you know, as a parent, well, 1194 00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,720 Speaker 1: you know, in recovery, I get to be a parent. 1195 00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:58,600 Speaker 1: I'm certain I wouldn't have been available or if I'm 1196 00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:00,640 Speaker 1: may be dead, you know, because because your mom has 1197 01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:05,960 Speaker 1: friends who's uh x is don't have the same story 1198 01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:09,080 Speaker 1: I have, you know, and it's and it's so anyway, 1199 01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:11,800 Speaker 1: I remember that call coming in and I can't tell 1200 01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:14,400 Speaker 1: you at six am in the morning, when you see 1201 01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:18,880 Speaker 1: your daughter's name pop up on your phone, that's not 1202 01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:22,880 Speaker 1: a good feeling. No, I mean I knew something wasn't good, 1203 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:28,640 Speaker 1: but I was so glad you called. Yeah, that's you 1204 01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:31,360 Speaker 1: could call me, you know. I was like, that's and 1205 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:38,200 Speaker 1: I bragged about that that's what we do. Other people 1206 01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,080 Speaker 1: might not think that's a big deal. That's a big 1207 01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:45,360 Speaker 1: deal deal, you know my kind. I didn't want to 1208 01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:47,680 Speaker 1: be my kind at all. But I remember the first 1209 01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:52,360 Speaker 1: time I ever said that our kind, I'm like, that's 1210 01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:55,720 Speaker 1: your kind, that's not my kind. Well, it's not a 1211 01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:57,360 Speaker 1: club you ever are, like, you know what, I want 1212 01:00:57,360 --> 01:01:01,800 Speaker 1: to know, the last house on the block. Nobody wants 1213 01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:05,120 Speaker 1: to join it, you know. But but I am our kind. 1214 01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:07,680 Speaker 1: And that's a big deal. If your daughter calls you, 1215 01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:10,280 Speaker 1: you know, on that when she needs help because because 1216 01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:12,000 Speaker 1: you you wouldn't have been able to rely on me 1217 01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,760 Speaker 1: if I was still alive. You know, it's like there's 1218 01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,360 Speaker 1: a there's a good chance. I mean, you know, mine's 1219 01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:20,240 Speaker 1: got some friends like their stories are totally different, you know, 1220 01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,640 Speaker 1: and that's a sad deal. I Mean, what's weird to 1221 01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,280 Speaker 1: me is I've had so many and I've told you 1222 01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:29,080 Speaker 1: some of these through the years, and you may or 1223 01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:30,920 Speaker 1: may not remember. When we're living in a Baton Rouge, 1224 01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:34,320 Speaker 1: there's some high profile folks, you know, that are affected 1225 01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:37,280 Speaker 1: by alcoholism. And I never ceased to be amazed at 1226 01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:40,160 Speaker 1: the people I run into, you know. But but but 1227 01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,720 Speaker 1: we're all the same, you know. I Mean I used gonna, 1228 01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:47,880 Speaker 1: you know to meet with others alcoholics downtown Baton Rouge, 1229 01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:50,440 Speaker 1: and you had businessmen and you had people out the streets, 1230 01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:55,040 Speaker 1: and really for those times together, that one hour spent together, 1231 01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:57,280 Speaker 1: there's no difference, you know. I mean that's why you 1232 01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,520 Speaker 1: see people nodding their heads both in the streets and 1233 01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:01,720 Speaker 1: from the big is this thing we got this stuff, 1234 01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,240 Speaker 1: you know, this stuff amongst us, that's you know, this 1235 01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:08,160 Speaker 1: thing among us, it's it's you know, it's the common problem. 1236 01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:10,080 Speaker 1: But we have a solution for it. And I'm so 1237 01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:12,760 Speaker 1: grateful because there's been so many people I can honestly say, 1238 01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,920 Speaker 1: you know, this coming from somebody who was too important, 1239 01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,080 Speaker 1: you know, to be an alcoholic. Literally, I thought I 1240 01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:23,040 Speaker 1: was too important. You know. Um, there's been of the 1241 01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:26,120 Speaker 1: people I've seen die of alcoholism. Most of them are 1242 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,040 Speaker 1: more educated than I am, most of them are smarter 1243 01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,120 Speaker 1: than I am, and most of them have more money 1244 01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:32,200 Speaker 1: than me. You know, all things that used to make 1245 01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:33,960 Speaker 1: a lot of mean a lot to me. You know, 1246 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:38,480 Speaker 1: it's like that is, uh, that doesn't matter. You know, 1247 01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:41,280 Speaker 1: this thing that perfect little family in a lot of 1248 01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,280 Speaker 1: cases doesn't exist. You know. It's like there's people that 1249 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,000 Speaker 1: talking about your mom always talks about judging your outs, 1250 01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:51,480 Speaker 1: your other people's outside, about your insides or I'm not 1251 01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:57,000 Speaker 1: sure the right comparing. I comp Yeah, that's what I do. 1252 01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:59,640 Speaker 1: And you know that's I'm just telling you. When that 1253 01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:02,520 Speaker 1: call came, I knew it was not good, but I 1254 01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,360 Speaker 1: was so grateful. That's kind of the it's kind of 1255 01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:08,000 Speaker 1: the paradox of this whole deal. I was so grateful 1256 01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:11,560 Speaker 1: that you would call me, and I just I did. 1257 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:16,240 Speaker 1: I told I had talked to people since that time, um, 1258 01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:18,920 Speaker 1: that are new to recovery and stuff. I said, you know, 1259 01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:20,880 Speaker 1: and I know, and when I always hold in on 1260 01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:22,960 Speaker 1: when when I see they have kids, because I said, 1261 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,240 Speaker 1: you know, I wouldn't be a part of my children's life, 1262 01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,040 Speaker 1: you know. And now when we talk all the time, 1263 01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,200 Speaker 1: you know. And and my daughter called me when she 1264 01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,480 Speaker 1: was out of his low spots so I can get 1265 01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:35,640 Speaker 1: to you know. I said, that's amazing, because I'm quite 1266 01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:40,640 Speaker 1: certain if I was alive, you would hate me. Well. 1267 01:03:40,680 --> 01:03:43,440 Speaker 1: The other reason I even thought to do this podcast 1268 01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:46,080 Speaker 1: in the first place was, UM, I had posted a 1269 01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:49,000 Speaker 1: while back, I told you about this on my Instagram, 1270 01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:52,640 Speaker 1: and I was giving people what you give me every day, 1271 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:56,640 Speaker 1: which is, um, what to focus on on a hard time, 1272 01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,120 Speaker 1: which is the sun came up. And I said, my 1273 01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,840 Speaker 1: dad text me every morning and says, the sun came up. 1274 01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:06,080 Speaker 1: And it's just like this amazing way to start my 1275 01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:09,600 Speaker 1: day to remember no matter what I'm going through, and 1276 01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:11,720 Speaker 1: I've been going through a hard time that we started 1277 01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:13,360 Speaker 1: this probably it was like eight months ago and I 1278 01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:15,200 Speaker 1: was in a pretty dark place and so you just 1279 01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:18,080 Speaker 1: started texting me every morning and you say that, and 1280 01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:22,200 Speaker 1: it was like something about that consistency from my dad 1281 01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:26,720 Speaker 1: as like a foundation. Um. The listeners would be like, 1282 01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:31,800 Speaker 1: they're so emotional, they're used to it from me, But 1283 01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:35,080 Speaker 1: it's like that was something I began to rely on 1284 01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,800 Speaker 1: and like it really did help me in my healing 1285 01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:41,520 Speaker 1: process to remember, you know, kind of the safety in 1286 01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:43,800 Speaker 1: that and what it feels like. And so then I 1287 01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,040 Speaker 1: could go about my day and take the next right 1288 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:48,400 Speaker 1: step and do all the things and also just have 1289 01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:51,080 Speaker 1: the hope, like the sun came up, and it's another 1290 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:55,360 Speaker 1: gift of your sobriety is that one that we have 1291 01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,840 Speaker 1: the relationship that we have now, but to that you know, 1292 01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,760 Speaker 1: you can show for me and that way emotionally, I 1293 01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:04,160 Speaker 1: think a lot of my friends who even their dads 1294 01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,480 Speaker 1: maybe aren't alcoholics, so they're like, I'm just shocked your 1295 01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:09,680 Speaker 1: dad can be so emotionally vulnerable about stuff like that, 1296 01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,000 Speaker 1: like that you can talk to your dad about that. 1297 01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:16,840 Speaker 1: That's crazy, um, And it's just so great. It's it's 1298 01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:19,520 Speaker 1: truly such a gift. And so that was another thing 1299 01:05:19,560 --> 01:05:21,560 Speaker 1: that I had thought, was like, Oh, it's because I'm 1300 01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,120 Speaker 1: sitting here telling the story and I'm like, yeah, I 1301 01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,200 Speaker 1: grew up an alcoholict home, but I'm like yeah, but 1302 01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:27,439 Speaker 1: now my dad texts me every day and says, hey, 1303 01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:29,800 Speaker 1: the sun came up, like smell the roses. What are 1304 01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:31,880 Speaker 1: you gonna get out and do today? Or you know whatever, 1305 01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:35,920 Speaker 1: and so it looks a lot different. So with that said, 1306 01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:40,040 Speaker 1: what does life look like now? What life looks like now? 1307 01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:43,920 Speaker 1: You mean like today or in the second half of recovery, 1308 01:05:43,960 --> 01:05:47,640 Speaker 1: I mean, all of it great. I mean, well, I'm 1309 01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:49,920 Speaker 1: I'm retired. If I want to be. I do some 1310 01:05:49,920 --> 01:05:54,440 Speaker 1: some side work from time to time, but um, I'm retired, 1311 01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,240 Speaker 1: which is miraculous. You know, that's that probably wouldn't have 1312 01:05:57,240 --> 01:06:00,080 Speaker 1: been able to happen either, you know. I mean, you know, 1313 01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:04,040 Speaker 1: I must have somehow learned to stop self destructing, you know, 1314 01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,680 Speaker 1: and I find that, you know, just to make sure 1315 01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm full disclosure, I found self sabotaging habits. I've had 1316 01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:13,440 Speaker 1: to deal with that in recovery, you know, like I mean, 1317 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,000 Speaker 1: after I made this thing, I'm gonna get help for this. 1318 01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,480 Speaker 1: It's not the end, you know, just right off into 1319 01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:21,640 Speaker 1: the sunset. It's not. When you become aware of those 1320 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:26,480 Speaker 1: habits and those those reactions and those involuntary responses to 1321 01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:33,680 Speaker 1: things that you know, um, they can change your life. UM, 1322 01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:36,680 Speaker 1: sorry about that, you know that was on um but anyway, 1323 01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:41,320 Speaker 1: Uh that UM kind of got thrown off. Can you 1324 01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:47,400 Speaker 1: delete this? You were just saying like that you it's 1325 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,480 Speaker 1: not like you get in recovery and right off into 1326 01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:53,600 Speaker 1: the sunset. It's just like I mean, also, I had 1327 01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:57,520 Speaker 1: this this um perception maybe of getting help that like 1328 01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:01,040 Speaker 1: life was supposed to get easy then, and like life 1329 01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,560 Speaker 1: still happens, life on life's terms, right, Like It's like 1330 01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:06,640 Speaker 1: life still happens, and the human condition is painful. It 1331 01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:10,320 Speaker 1: just is. I have found tools that helped me deal 1332 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,520 Speaker 1: with it in relationships, you know, even including going to 1333 01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:15,919 Speaker 1: have with you that helped me get through the hard 1334 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:20,240 Speaker 1: times that have been gifts because of of the nature 1335 01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:23,200 Speaker 1: of this kind of stuff. Does that put you back 1336 01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,200 Speaker 1: on track to what you thought? Yeah? So well, I 1337 01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:28,240 Speaker 1: mean I can just say that nothing that you get 1338 01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:32,160 Speaker 1: from me is original. If it's good, it's not original 1339 01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:35,000 Speaker 1: from me. It comes from somebody. And there's there's so 1340 01:07:35,040 --> 01:07:39,560 Speaker 1: many people that I owe such a debt of gratitude too. 1341 01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:42,120 Speaker 1: And I've heard that gratitude is an action, you know, 1342 01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,360 Speaker 1: and I try to pass it on if anybody wants to. 1343 01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,160 Speaker 1: And now you invited me to do that. Let's make 1344 01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:50,120 Speaker 1: that clear if somebody's listening, because I was. I started 1345 01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:53,440 Speaker 1: texting you with encouragement when you had COVID this last 1346 01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:57,920 Speaker 1: time because it was Christmas and I knew to try 1347 01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,760 Speaker 1: to mind my own business when I'm supposed to also, 1348 01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:03,120 Speaker 1: you know. But it's like, um, and you got over 1349 01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:05,200 Speaker 1: COVID and you're by yourself to the hall of just 1350 01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:09,640 Speaker 1: a very down experience for anybody, you know. And so 1351 01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:12,040 Speaker 1: that's what and and then and then you asked me 1352 01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:14,000 Speaker 1: after that. I remember maybe I stopped something, said, hey, 1353 01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,080 Speaker 1: you keep doing that. You know what all I'm saying 1354 01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:20,320 Speaker 1: is when somebody asks you, if somebody wants me to 1355 01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:22,439 Speaker 1: be you know, I like to pass along. But it's all, 1356 01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:26,519 Speaker 1: you know, Honestly, I had nothing when I got to 1357 01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:30,960 Speaker 1: the to recovery. I had absolutely nothing but disease, you know. 1358 01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,160 Speaker 1: But but the ways and he told me, you know, 1359 01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:34,679 Speaker 1: they said, if you don't know what to do, Champ, 1360 01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:38,559 Speaker 1: just do the opposite, through the opposite of what comes 1361 01:08:38,680 --> 01:08:41,200 Speaker 1: natural to you, because you know that's what got you 1362 01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:43,240 Speaker 1: where you are. You know, you need to you need 1363 01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:45,280 Speaker 1: to learn a different way life. And it is and 1364 01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:48,320 Speaker 1: so if it's if if I ever pass along something 1365 01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:50,400 Speaker 1: that it's really mean, if I'm just trying to be 1366 01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:53,000 Speaker 1: honest and give credit where it's due. It did not 1367 01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:55,920 Speaker 1: come from me. It comes from so many people who 1368 01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,920 Speaker 1: will never be on a podcast or any kind of 1369 01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:02,280 Speaker 1: you know, get any kind of recognition for anything, but 1370 01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:05,960 Speaker 1: they have just changed so many lives just by being 1371 01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:11,240 Speaker 1: authentic and being willing to, you know, to pass along 1372 01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:13,639 Speaker 1: what they've learned and what I The main thing I've 1373 01:09:13,680 --> 01:09:16,600 Speaker 1: learned is nothing's wasted, you know, And and nothing in 1374 01:09:16,680 --> 01:09:19,639 Speaker 1: recovery is this perfect game. You know, there's a there's 1375 01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:22,639 Speaker 1: a particular action I can take when I make mistakes. 1376 01:09:22,680 --> 01:09:26,320 Speaker 1: It assumes you make mistakes, you know, there's steps, there's 1377 01:09:26,360 --> 01:09:30,720 Speaker 1: there's there's there's specific you know, exercises to do. When 1378 01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,880 Speaker 1: I find myself that I've made a mistake. The first 1379 01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:34,960 Speaker 1: is to recognize that I've made a mistake, because I 1380 01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:37,840 Speaker 1: went through my life not recognizing any mistakes, you know. 1381 01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:41,559 Speaker 1: So it's just it's just a better way of life. 1382 01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,400 Speaker 1: And and and I never have to beat myself up. 1383 01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:46,720 Speaker 1: That's I don't know about you, but me, one of 1384 01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:51,480 Speaker 1: my biggest flaws is that I just think I'm irredeemable. 1385 01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:54,439 Speaker 1: When I first found out that I had hurt my family, 1386 01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:58,200 Speaker 1: you and your mom and your brother so bad and 1387 01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:01,599 Speaker 1: and put alcohol before y'all, I want to just crawling 1388 01:10:01,600 --> 01:10:03,599 Speaker 1: a hole and die. I thought I was just my 1389 01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,840 Speaker 1: life was over and everything, and they didn't let me. 1390 01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:08,280 Speaker 1: The people that helped me didn't wouldn't let me stay there. 1391 01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:10,479 Speaker 1: They're like, get off the cross, but we need the 1392 01:10:10,479 --> 01:10:13,439 Speaker 1: would Let's go you can, Let's clean up what you can, 1393 01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:15,639 Speaker 1: and then let's leave that in the past and learn 1394 01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:18,439 Speaker 1: from it and share it with somebody else. And I 1395 01:10:18,479 --> 01:10:20,760 Speaker 1: had a lady, actually, I've had people share with me 1396 01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:23,559 Speaker 1: stories that about there. Just one of this lady, you know, 1397 01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,360 Speaker 1: her son had a birth defect because she was drinking 1398 01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:29,000 Speaker 1: while pregnant, you know. And it's like and she said, 1399 01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:31,200 Speaker 1: every day I wake up and I do I see 1400 01:10:31,439 --> 01:10:33,400 Speaker 1: the damage that I've done. And she said, what I've 1401 01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,960 Speaker 1: learned is the best thing I can do about that 1402 01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,719 Speaker 1: is to stay sober today, you know. And and that 1403 01:10:38,960 --> 01:10:41,320 Speaker 1: is the solution, you know, Like, I don't be beating 1404 01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:44,720 Speaker 1: yourself up and and just learn that's it's amazing. It's 1405 01:10:44,720 --> 01:10:48,080 Speaker 1: taking me. I don't know whether it's serenity or senility. 1406 01:10:48,680 --> 01:10:53,000 Speaker 1: Just turned sixty five, as you knew. But it's like 1407 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:55,960 Speaker 1: I made the mistake of commenting on a picture that 1408 01:10:56,080 --> 01:10:57,800 Speaker 1: he had. My mom said this begin when my dad 1409 01:10:57,840 --> 01:11:01,360 Speaker 1: turned sixty five. Look how cute you guys are? He said, Oh, 1410 01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:11,720 Speaker 1: we're were cute. Cute stage we've made. Anyway, all I've 1411 01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:13,960 Speaker 1: ever asked to do is learn. You know, that's that's 1412 01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:17,320 Speaker 1: pretty amazing. And again that maybe that's just age. Who knows, 1413 01:11:17,400 --> 01:11:21,120 Speaker 1: but um, it's there's no need to spend to waste. Wait, 1414 01:11:21,200 --> 01:11:22,599 Speaker 1: I don't have to go to time out. I don't 1415 01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:25,599 Speaker 1: have to go to punish you know, go to punished work, 1416 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:28,240 Speaker 1: or go be a you know, sitting time out, go 1417 01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:31,240 Speaker 1: to jail whatever, Thank God, because I drink um. But 1418 01:11:31,479 --> 01:11:34,519 Speaker 1: I can just learn from mistakes, I said, and and 1419 01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:36,719 Speaker 1: and and I know I'll have a chance to pass 1420 01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:39,400 Speaker 1: those along like so many people have passed along with 1421 01:11:39,439 --> 01:11:42,479 Speaker 1: their experience with me. You know, there's nothing better. What 1422 01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:45,000 Speaker 1: the big key for me in recovery, Kelly, from the 1423 01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:48,080 Speaker 1: very beginning is I knew that they knew. They weren't 1424 01:11:48,320 --> 01:11:51,519 Speaker 1: looking down on me, they weren't preaching to me. You know, 1425 01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:54,160 Speaker 1: God bless everybody who doesn't you know who can afford 1426 01:11:54,240 --> 01:11:56,160 Speaker 1: to do it. I'm just saying for us, I needed 1427 01:11:56,200 --> 01:12:00,400 Speaker 1: somebody who understood, you know, and and they understood and 1428 01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:04,519 Speaker 1: and I got that connection immediately, and that has been 1429 01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,840 Speaker 1: so fortunate. The rest of it I've had to work for, 1430 01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:10,960 Speaker 1: you know, including and promptly admitting your your mom, you know, 1431 01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:14,400 Speaker 1: admitting when I'm wrong. Your mom, you know, tends to 1432 01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:21,000 Speaker 1: remind well how long it's properly? You know. I I've 1433 01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:22,960 Speaker 1: never learning something in a in a in a group. 1434 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:25,439 Speaker 1: It was like, you know, you may be right that statement, 1435 01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:27,760 Speaker 1: you know, when your house is saying something. So I 1436 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,880 Speaker 1: think your mom had used it on me about ten times. 1437 01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:32,080 Speaker 1: But it's like and I knew she knew. I knew 1438 01:12:32,160 --> 01:12:33,840 Speaker 1: that she didn't think I was right, but she just 1439 01:12:33,880 --> 01:12:35,720 Speaker 1: said that. So I tried it on her one time. 1440 01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:39,160 Speaker 1: She goes, I am right. It doesn't work, so dang, 1441 01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:41,320 Speaker 1: she is right. You know, where where's the book I 1442 01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:44,320 Speaker 1: need to That trick is just is when you to 1443 01:12:44,439 --> 01:12:47,719 Speaker 1: avoid an argument. Maybe that's not I need to happen. 1444 01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:50,080 Speaker 1: You're like, oh, you may be right, because everybody has 1445 01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:56,040 Speaker 1: their opinion right supposed to use it when they're actually wrong. 1446 01:12:56,120 --> 01:12:57,760 Speaker 1: But you know your mom was right, and I was like, 1447 01:12:57,800 --> 01:12:59,439 Speaker 1: I thought it was my big chance. And you know, 1448 01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:05,040 Speaker 1: Stefar Well, I've told you before we talked that the 1449 01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:08,400 Speaker 1: theme for this month on the podcast is set Yourself Free, 1450 01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:12,080 Speaker 1: which I did not know. This was such a like 1451 01:13:12,240 --> 01:13:15,840 Speaker 1: higher power moment or universe whatever you want to call it. God, 1452 01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:19,200 Speaker 1: I lost the piece of paper that I wrote all 1453 01:13:19,240 --> 01:13:21,880 Speaker 1: these themes down on, and Chip keeps telling me like, 1454 01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:23,680 Speaker 1: can you type them up in a spreadsheet? And I'm like, 1455 01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:25,880 Speaker 1: I don't do spreadsheets. That's not really way my brain work. 1456 01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:29,519 Speaker 1: So although maybe no I should. I have this like 1457 01:13:29,640 --> 01:13:32,200 Speaker 1: old envelope that I've written everything down on in like 1458 01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:36,280 Speaker 1: scribbled Notes's about sums me up. But anyway, I've found 1459 01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:39,120 Speaker 1: it today. It's been missing for like a month, and 1460 01:13:39,160 --> 01:13:42,120 Speaker 1: I found it and it said June set Yourself Free. 1461 01:13:42,160 --> 01:13:44,640 Speaker 1: And I was like, what are the odds that I 1462 01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:48,120 Speaker 1: had scheduled this with you during this month of set 1463 01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:51,360 Speaker 1: yourself Free? Because to me, this whole story is a 1464 01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:54,360 Speaker 1: version of that. So I was gonna ask you, do 1465 01:13:54,479 --> 01:13:58,360 Speaker 1: you how do you feel like that applies to your life? 1466 01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:02,320 Speaker 1: Like there is there a moment or um a thing 1467 01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:04,519 Speaker 1: that you could say like you feel has been the 1468 01:14:04,560 --> 01:14:08,760 Speaker 1: moment that you set yourself free. I you know, you 1469 01:14:08,800 --> 01:14:10,400 Speaker 1: had given me a heads up on that part of 1470 01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:13,519 Speaker 1: the phone call, and and you know, I have to 1471 01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:16,160 Speaker 1: go back to the turning point, Kelly, because nothing, none 1472 01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:19,800 Speaker 1: of this would have been happening. But I remember when 1473 01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:22,120 Speaker 1: the when, when I was talking go back to that counselor, 1474 01:14:22,479 --> 01:14:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, saying alcoholics can't you know when I when 1475 01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:26,439 Speaker 1: I when it dawned on me and I fell off 1476 01:14:26,439 --> 01:14:30,160 Speaker 1: the cliff backwards. I remember saying something to him like, 1477 01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:34,760 Speaker 1: I feel so stupid because I've been talking to him 1478 01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:37,439 Speaker 1: from nine months. Man, I've been paying this guy nine 1479 01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:40,760 Speaker 1: He's a wonderful guy. I didn't looking back on it. 1480 01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:43,439 Speaker 1: His job once he recognized I'm an alcoholic was to 1481 01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:46,439 Speaker 1: slowly break down my defenses because if he would have 1482 01:14:46,560 --> 01:14:49,840 Speaker 1: given me a full assault, I would have run, you know, 1483 01:14:50,200 --> 01:14:52,720 Speaker 1: but he did his job perfectly. He did it, he 1484 01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:55,680 Speaker 1: would he saved my life. But but so so I 1485 01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:59,240 Speaker 1: was when it dawned on me that you know, I 1486 01:14:59,280 --> 01:15:02,160 Speaker 1: was just going said, oh my gosh, I feel like 1487 01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:05,599 Speaker 1: I've traveled all over the world. Just across the street. 1488 01:15:05,680 --> 01:15:07,880 Speaker 1: All I had to do is crossed the street and 1489 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,120 Speaker 1: once again he goes, but you're across, and I can 1490 01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:13,960 Speaker 1: remember him leaning for and said, you're across. Don't beat 1491 01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:16,360 Speaker 1: yourself up. You made it across the street that so 1492 01:15:16,439 --> 01:15:18,960 Speaker 1: many people don't and they don't you know. It's like, 1493 01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:21,800 Speaker 1: I mean, it's that was the turning point, and that's 1494 01:15:21,840 --> 01:15:24,680 Speaker 1: what's given me a chance at freedom going forward in 1495 01:15:24,760 --> 01:15:27,120 Speaker 1: every area of my life. You know. It's like that's 1496 01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:33,559 Speaker 1: there's a I've gotten, I've inherited that day. At that moment, 1497 01:15:34,320 --> 01:15:38,439 Speaker 1: uh freedom, you know, a new life was given to me. 1498 01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:40,360 Speaker 1: But it had to start with that. I can't tell 1499 01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:43,519 Speaker 1: you how important that is because keep in mind that 1500 01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:49,559 Speaker 1: was um November, right after Thanksgiving. You know what happens 1501 01:15:49,640 --> 01:15:53,120 Speaker 1: during between Thanksgiving Christmas? It's party time, you know. And 1502 01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:56,200 Speaker 1: I had this huge party every year from my business 1503 01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,080 Speaker 1: that I thought everybody in the South wanted to go 1504 01:15:58,160 --> 01:16:00,840 Speaker 1: to and how are they going to get by without me? 1505 01:16:00,920 --> 01:16:02,880 Speaker 1: You know that kind of thing. And I was like, 1506 01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:07,120 Speaker 1: can I just wait until January? You know? And your 1507 01:16:07,120 --> 01:16:11,920 Speaker 1: mom is like not with me, And I'm so glad that, 1508 01:16:11,960 --> 01:16:14,000 Speaker 1: you know. I mean, she wasn't going back. She had 1509 01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:16,439 Speaker 1: made the turn and she was in her life. She 1510 01:16:16,520 --> 01:16:18,120 Speaker 1: knew she you know, she got to the point where 1511 01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:19,799 Speaker 1: she was gonna die and she was trying to protect 1512 01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:22,160 Speaker 1: you all, you know. So it's like, um, thank god 1513 01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:25,040 Speaker 1: she didn't wear it, because I see that, Kelly, as 1514 01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:27,479 Speaker 1: just a little window. You know. I've seen so many, 1515 01:16:27,560 --> 01:16:32,360 Speaker 1: like I said, smart, intelligent, successful, good people dive this 1516 01:16:32,479 --> 01:16:36,000 Speaker 1: disease and they didn't make that window. When the window 1517 01:16:36,040 --> 01:16:38,960 Speaker 1: opens up, somebody's gotta push you in, and you gotta 1518 01:16:38,960 --> 01:16:41,479 Speaker 1: push something somehow, you gotta go through, and I shudder, 1519 01:16:42,120 --> 01:16:44,160 Speaker 1: you know. And I'm glad my friends called me and say, 1520 01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,080 Speaker 1: remember the cattle, you know, because I don't need to 1521 01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,680 Speaker 1: forget that. I need to remember that that is my 1522 01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:52,439 Speaker 1: big turning point and that it was not gonna get 1523 01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:54,679 Speaker 1: better for me. You know, I had passed the good 1524 01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:58,880 Speaker 1: times that I needed to be in recovery to have 1525 01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:00,599 Speaker 1: a life. And I have had a life, and I've 1526 01:17:00,640 --> 01:17:03,639 Speaker 1: had a great life. So it's enabled me to do 1527 01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:07,439 Speaker 1: so many other things, not the least of which is 1528 01:17:07,439 --> 01:17:09,960 Speaker 1: to have a relationship with you, because that is what 1529 01:17:10,479 --> 01:17:15,720 Speaker 1: goes first, and alcoholism it destroys relationships first. And that 1530 01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:18,000 Speaker 1: was my experience anyway, and that's what I've heard so 1531 01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:20,920 Speaker 1: many people. That's the same story. You know, it's like 1532 01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:22,519 Speaker 1: the same story you hear it again. It's like you 1533 01:17:22,600 --> 01:17:24,920 Speaker 1: think we'd get tired of hearing this story, but it's 1534 01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:27,880 Speaker 1: it never makes me tired, you know, it makes me 1535 01:17:28,439 --> 01:17:31,960 Speaker 1: because I'm free, and I'm so appreciate the new life 1536 01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:34,040 Speaker 1: I've been given that I was gonna miss, man, I 1537 01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:36,840 Speaker 1: was gonna miss it, you know, there's no question about it. 1538 01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:39,360 Speaker 1: And I look back all the time and think about 1539 01:17:39,960 --> 01:17:41,920 Speaker 1: what that would have been like, you know, and like 1540 01:17:41,960 --> 01:17:45,559 Speaker 1: you said, life is not always um, you know better Roses. 1541 01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:49,599 Speaker 1: There's some definite difficulties, you know, Um turning sixty five, 1542 01:17:50,880 --> 01:17:52,760 Speaker 1: there's something that just go through you get to the 1543 01:17:52,800 --> 01:17:56,200 Speaker 1: cute stage. You know. It's like that you said, I've 1544 01:17:56,200 --> 01:18:01,200 Speaker 1: got my Medicare card. Well, I'm glad that you walked 1545 01:18:01,240 --> 01:18:02,920 Speaker 1: to the other side of the street and that we 1546 01:18:02,960 --> 01:18:05,439 Speaker 1: can have their relationship that we have now. I'm grateful 1547 01:18:05,439 --> 01:18:10,200 Speaker 1: for it every day every morning. Um, And I'm glad 1548 01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:12,439 Speaker 1: that you did this podcast with me. See, I knew 1549 01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:14,160 Speaker 1: I just needed to get out of the way. You know, 1550 01:18:14,280 --> 01:18:16,719 Speaker 1: you didn't ask me why I called you bunking. That's 1551 01:18:16,760 --> 01:18:19,040 Speaker 1: that's one thing you didn't ask me. Why did you 1552 01:18:19,160 --> 01:18:22,160 Speaker 1: wait I don't know long sort you. I think this 1553 01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:24,200 Speaker 1: has come up before, but I don't know if you remember. 1554 01:18:24,479 --> 01:18:27,720 Speaker 1: Like I was on a summer job that that that 1555 01:18:28,439 --> 01:18:30,120 Speaker 1: oh you know, so it was a summer job that 1556 01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:32,680 Speaker 1: makes you not want to m leave college and make 1557 01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:34,200 Speaker 1: sure you get a degree, you know, because it's one 1558 01:18:34,200 --> 01:18:36,160 Speaker 1: of those bad jobs. But I was working with a 1559 01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:39,400 Speaker 1: man who was that was gonna be his life, you know, 1560 01:18:39,439 --> 01:18:41,439 Speaker 1: for the rest of his life. And you would think 1561 01:18:41,479 --> 01:18:43,040 Speaker 1: and have a bad age and stuff, but he was 1562 01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:45,519 Speaker 1: just the happiest guy. And his wife used to come 1563 01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:48,759 Speaker 1: pick him up every day. And they were young people. 1564 01:18:48,760 --> 01:18:50,720 Speaker 1: They were they were not you know, my age something. 1565 01:18:50,760 --> 01:18:53,280 Speaker 1: They were like probably your age and it's like or younger, 1566 01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:55,160 Speaker 1: and they were young people. But she, his wife would 1567 01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:57,040 Speaker 1: pick him up and then had a little girl, like 1568 01:18:57,080 --> 01:19:00,400 Speaker 1: about four or five years old, and she loved him 1569 01:19:00,439 --> 01:19:03,800 Speaker 1: so much. There I've never seen a little family that 1570 01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:06,160 Speaker 1: loved each other as much as them. And he used 1571 01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:09,919 Speaker 1: to call her punking. I never knew that story. When 1572 01:19:09,960 --> 01:19:12,120 Speaker 1: I have a daughter, I'm gonna call her Punking. And 1573 01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:15,000 Speaker 1: when you were born, you were crying and they handed 1574 01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:17,479 Speaker 1: you to me and you stopped crying, you know, and 1575 01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:24,720 Speaker 1: we started calling your punking right then it's yeah, just 1576 01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:28,519 Speaker 1: like hell, it's always I know I'm in trouble when 1577 01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:32,679 Speaker 1: you guys call me Kelly. Actually, whoa whoa whoa Elly 1578 01:19:32,840 --> 01:19:38,160 Speaker 1: Nicole yea double name is a big, big one. Well, Dad, 1579 01:19:38,240 --> 01:19:41,040 Speaker 1: thank you for sharing your story with all my listeners 1580 01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:43,280 Speaker 1: and with me. It did help me to piece some 1581 01:19:43,400 --> 01:19:46,040 Speaker 1: things together for myself as well. That we're really helpful, 1582 01:19:46,160 --> 01:19:49,800 Speaker 1: so I needed that, Dad, hopefully. Yeah, that's good. Thanks 1583 01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:52,840 Speaker 1: for having me. This was fun. Good, I'm glad. Well, 1584 01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:54,920 Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening. And you can always hit 1585 01:19:54,960 --> 01:19:58,160 Speaker 1: me up with any questions at velvet Edge on instat 1586 01:19:58,479 --> 01:20:01,759 Speaker 1: or Kelly at velvets edgehot Calm, and I'll put links 1587 01:20:01,800 --> 01:20:04,960 Speaker 1: to some interesting articles. I actually found a Burnet Brown 1588 01:20:05,080 --> 01:20:07,920 Speaker 1: article that basically said, a lot of the stuff you said, 1589 01:20:07,920 --> 01:20:11,559 Speaker 1: you know, she's sober. I didn't realize that, but yeah, 1590 01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,400 Speaker 1: it kind of makes a lot of her stuff makes 1591 01:20:13,439 --> 01:20:17,120 Speaker 1: sense when you see I mean, and I'm just saying 1592 01:20:17,200 --> 01:20:20,479 Speaker 1: like only because alcoholics, you know, usually look down on 1593 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,960 Speaker 1: or whatever. It's like some of the I can always 1594 01:20:23,040 --> 01:20:25,000 Speaker 1: kind of tell when somebody starts talking it's the death 1595 01:20:25,280 --> 01:20:27,519 Speaker 1: anybody who's been through a lot of pain on either 1596 01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:30,920 Speaker 1: side of alcoholism. You know, it's very painful, but but 1597 01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:34,640 Speaker 1: it also causes, if I guess, if all out too 1598 01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:37,479 Speaker 1: tremendous growth, you know, I mean, I just you can 1599 01:20:37,479 --> 01:20:41,439 Speaker 1: tell in somebody's voice the death you know they're they're sharing, 1600 01:20:41,560 --> 01:20:43,639 Speaker 1: you know, if they if they have been on either 1601 01:20:43,720 --> 01:20:48,160 Speaker 1: side of this deal. So um again, Oh my, remember 1602 01:20:48,200 --> 01:20:50,519 Speaker 1: I told you my misfortune. So I heard somebody else 1603 01:20:50,520 --> 01:20:53,600 Speaker 1: say my misfortune has become my good fortune, and that 1604 01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:55,840 Speaker 1: is so true. I thought my life was over and 1605 01:20:55,880 --> 01:20:57,840 Speaker 1: it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So 1606 01:20:58,600 --> 01:21:03,280 Speaker 1: thank you for having me on fucking well, thanks for 1607 01:21:03,320 --> 01:21:05,519 Speaker 1: being here, and thank you guys for listening. Thanks for 1608 01:21:05,560 --> 01:21:08,519 Speaker 1: listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where 1609 01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:11,439 Speaker 1: we believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge. 1610 01:21:11,680 --> 01:21:16,040 Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. 1611 01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:18,760 Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.