WEBVTT - The Process of Therapy 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:05.600 Commitment is inherent in any genuinely loving relationship. Anyone who 0:00:05.680 --> 0:00:09.240 is truly concerned for the spiritual growth of another knows 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:14.040 consciously or instinctively that he or she can significantly foster 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:19.119 that growth through a relationship of constancy. M Scott heck 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:34.239 Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott, Connie, 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:38.800 and for the last time this season, what's been better 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:42.800 since you listened to the previous episode? In fact, I 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:45.760 want to ask you what has been better since you 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.040 listened to this whole season. It is my greatest hope 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:53.320 that listening to this season and this family and these 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.920 questions through this process has made a difference in your life. 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.040 I want you to spend some time reflecting on what 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:04.640 those differences been. This week's episode highlights the final session 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:09.319 with Freddie, Jay and David. The conversation highlights the power 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.600 of forgiveness and the impact it can have on personal 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:16.920 growth and relationships. Each family member shared their thoughts on 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:19.720 how the process of therapy impacted them over the last 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:22.800 few months. They all agree there is more work to 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:25.800 be done and know that healing is not finite and 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.960 it doesn't look the same for everyone. The commitment vulnerability 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:39.200 and bravery of this family were absolutely inspiring. Jay, Now 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:42.280 that we're all here and this was at one time 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:45.760 something that would have been hard to imagine. What do 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.680 you hope is the outcome of a conversation like this? 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:51.400 Are you sure or not? 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.559 Pus my on a firing squad with at a blind 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.800 fon Freddy? 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:01.760 What do I would like the outcome to be? 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:04.880 I guess it's the same every time, just a better 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:08.320 understanding of ourselves and a better understanding of each other 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:11.480 and learning how we can help one another. 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:16.800 Okay, all right, David, Freddie, what about you? 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:17.080 Guys? 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:18.680 Like, what do you what do you hope is the 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:19.400 outcome of it? 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:24.320 Well, personally, I hope that we can have a better 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:26.680 insight on the things that we want to achieve in 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.239 life together and separately. 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:31.440 David, what about you? What do you what do you 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:32.840 hope we get achieved today? 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:35.680 I mean, I think I'm pretty much on the same 0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:38.040 page as everybody else, you know, a little bit more 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:46.200 insight understanding, you know, certain things that's going on. I 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.720 always look forward to the sessions, always walk away like 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:54.080 you know, that was a good session and a broader 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.160 mind shift of a little bit more than what it's 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:59.359 going on right now. So I'm ready to dive in 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:00.360 see what's going on. 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:03.799 So, I mean, I think the first question I have 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:09.639 is all three of you have made progress in this 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:19.720 process that blows me away to be honest with you. Now, 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:22.800 let's imagine this is the last time we ever speak, 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:28.320 like after today, we can never speak again. What progress 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.839 do you hope do each of you hope will continue 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:35.480 to happen in spite of no longer being allowed to 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:37.480 speak to me ever, which isn't the case, by the way, 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.480 but let's pretend for a moment you cannot call me 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:43.200 ever and I cannot call you. What progress do you 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.920 each hope you will continue to make even though we 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:46.960 can no longer speak. 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:54.000 I think staying the course and continue, you know, with 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:58.800 the communication part. I think over the last couple of months, 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:02.520 communication has been a little better than it has than 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:03.680 it was before. 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:05.640 Uh h. 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:11.160 I feel like, you know, still with some work in progress, 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:16.120 but me personally, you know, taking on a. 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:21.800 Little bit more than usual, maybe you know, focusing on 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:23.479 what I really want. 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:28.479 To do a little bit more is uh. I think 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.719 that's what I want to I feel like that's what 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.039 I'm gonna continue to keep doing after I walk away 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:34.359 from this? 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:39.400 How would how would how would Freddie and Jay know 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:43.120 that you've continued doing those things? Like what would be 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:47.240 assigned to Jay specifically, but even Freddie? How would they 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:53.600 notice that continuing communication has continued to improve, You've continued 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:55.440 on this path, Like what would they notice that would 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.119 tell them, you know what, David is continued on that path? 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:01.200 Well, I don't know about fucks. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:06.760 I don't know, man, Like you know, Jay's probably around 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:07.560 me the molds and. 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:09.599 Mm hmm. 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:13.360 I just feel like, you know, probably through like conversations 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:17.520 or actions or just you know. That's why that I 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:19.880 think that's what she'd be able to see. But I 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:27.760 don't know like that that I can't like, yes, I 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:31.240 want people to notice or whatever, but if they don't, like, 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.159 I'm still gonna keep pushing, like you know what I'm saying. 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:36.600 So I don't know where that's gonna come from, you know, 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:39.520 but when it when it is, when it's when it's 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.280 out there. Though I do I do hear it from 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:47.719 Jay like I do hear it, like if she sees 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:50.599 it or if I say something, I do hear it, like, 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:52.239 good job, keep doing it. 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.200 Yeah, but what are those things as you keep pushing? 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.640 You use the phrase like I'm gonna keep pushing. How 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.200 would you she know that you're continuing to push? What 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:04.880 would she see that would say, you know what, I 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:06.719 know he's not doing this just for me, and I 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.800 know he's not doing it just so that I noticed, 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:11.760 but I couldn't help but notice X, Y or Z 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:15.279 thing that is evidence that he is continuing to push himself. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:16.680 Like how would she notice that? 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:21.080 Well, well, one of the things that I'm really just 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:24.760 been diving in on. You know, she would definitely hear, 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.320 like because even now, you know, jumping in and out 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:31.120 of car, I got certain radio stations on, like listening 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:35.000 to certain stuff and you know, certain conversations on the 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:39.159 phone that's changing, or me on the laptop and something 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.520 else is open, you know what. 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:43.080 I'm saying, So like their. 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:47.520 Behavior is changing and the language and conversations are changing 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:51.560 because of what I'm focused on right now. So I 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:56.920 think that's how Jay would know, because she's gonna see like, yo, 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:00.680 like he love the Buckeyes, he love it nine ers old, 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:05.600 but like he talked about this twenty four to seven, 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.400 Like you know, he's locked in on it, So I 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:11.640 think that's I think those would be definitely some of 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:16.800 the telltale signs of how she would recognize that that 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:17.760 things are changing. 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:22.360 Thank you, David. And how about Freddy and Jay? How 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.920 would you notice that you were continuing the progress that 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:27.080 you've made through this process. 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:32.920 I guess that I would be continually trying to focus 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:36.240 on creating more positive. 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:40.680 Habits in my life, so focusing on the good stuff. 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.960 And you know, when people ask me how I'm doing, 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:50.040 I have something positive to say, and I'm actively trying 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:56.000 to see joy. 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.040 In the day to day. 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.240 In the life. 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:04.760 So trying to. 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:09.920 Just try to, you know, just try to focus on 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:15.040 the things that are really you know, small but still exceptional. 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:17.320 And I think that's what I would do. 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.600 How do you think David would notice that you were 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.720 doing that? Jake? What would be a sign to David, 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:24.960 someone who says he's close enough to you that he 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:26.440 would see it, Like, what would be a clue to 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.120 him that you were doing these things? 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:34.280 Maybe I would be more engaged in small talk. 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:40.480 I really don't like small talk, but probably because we, 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:42.600 you know, see each other every day, talk to each 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:46.760 other every day, sometimes we can kind of get lost 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.360 in that, So I think, you know, just sharing with 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.640 him a little bit more about the you know, the 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:58.240 good things that are going on and just expressing, you know, 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:01.360 the things that I noticed that that I'm doing or 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:04.839 that he's doing, and just bringing those things up in 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:08.200 conversation or sharing with him ways that I am focusing 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:15.640 on positive things. I think like things like that as 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:21.000 far as like exercising. If I hopefully when I start 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:29.200 more actively exercising, he'll see that, he'll probably just see 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:32.800 me smile a little bit more and just share that 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.960 happiness with him. 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.240 Do you think he likes that when you smile and 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:38.160 share the happiness with. 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:41.600 Yeah, everybody does. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:47.000 Everybody? Okay, cool? Thank you, Jay and Freddie? 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:47.600 What about you? 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.000 How would you know that you were continuing the progress 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:52.160 that you've made through this process? 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:55.600 Each and every day you expect things that of a 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:57.560 person and you just take it for granted and you 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:01.000 lose focus on it about saying that, how thankful for 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:03.560 you are? You know what I'm saying of like just 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.680 coming home to a nice hot meal. You know, you 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:08.040 take those things for granted. When you take things for granted, 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:12.800 you forget to give the appreciation back for someone you know, 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:15.559 sitting there with a hostile because I feel like my 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:19.080 life has excelled in a place where I never expected 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.959 for it to be, you know, my friends, with my family. 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.360 I still have a lot of setbacks in my life, 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:27.960 but I don't I don't like let it weigh me down, 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:30.320 you know what I mean. I don't try to like 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:34.880 I don't well and that little pity potty, you know 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:37.200 what I mean, saying well, better, it's gonna get better. 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:41.400 So I make the little initiative to increase the forth 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.480 to improve, you know what I mean. So I really 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:47.400 want things to be better. It seemed like one one 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.439 week it seems like it's going well, and then then 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.079 that everything just seemed like. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:52.760 This caves in. 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:55.200 I'm like, oh, how mercy, you know what I mean. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.600 We got hit rock bottom, you know, you know, to 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.920 get back on thread. So I'd be like, yo, lord, 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:04.640 you know, do your thing, man. Put put the spirit 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.800 into some chokers man, you know, because like I don't 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:09.360 think i'll be here. I don't be here that long. 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:16.440 Like like it's funny because, uh, when my mother was alive, 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:19.560 she's gonna have you, oh, massage your feet all the time. 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:21.679 And I used to, you know, I used to do 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:24.040 it because she her feet used to have the you know, 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.760 tingling and all that. I massage your feet all the time, right, 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.240 So one time she asked me a massage, and figureuse, 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:30.880 I wanted to go outside. I want to go do something. 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.400 I only know exactly what it was. But I didn't 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.560 do it right. So when I came home, she was 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:39.200 at the hospital and she died the next day. No 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:41.800 only thing I regret that I did massage your feet 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:46.839 that night. I still hold that. I still hold that, uh, 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:52.320 that that feeling aside. I mean, like, dang, why you 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:53.080 didn't do that? 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:53.360 Man? 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:53.720 You know? 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.360 And it just I don't even know what made me 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:59.439 think about that, but I can feel the thrills running 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:01.720 through my body, Like, hey, Dad, can I. 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:02.360 Ask you a question. 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.840 Do you think your mother is looking down on you 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:07.320 and saying, dang, I wish you would have massaged my 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.160 feet that night, Or do you think she's looking down 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.800 on you and saying, Wow, I'm so proud of him 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:15.280 and how far he's come. 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.840 Mm hmm, Well, I think she's extremely proud of me 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.480 that too. And I don't think jee thinking bemembering about 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:31.520 her feet, you know what I mean? That you hold personally, uh, yourself. 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.160 That's kind of like be agging at you, you know 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.000 what I mean. But I think she didn't even think 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:37.960 about no feet. 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:42.040 You know, on that. 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:45.920 That's funny because I think Jay Jay is highlighting something, 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:50.079 and Jay, I'm starting to wonder if maybe you should 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:55.480 be a psychotherapist at some point. She's highlighting something that 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:57.720 I want to I want to mention all three of you, 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:03.360 Like Freddie, you are one of the most incredible men 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:10.320 I've ever met. And what makes me say that is 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:14.680 there have been times in your life when you did 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:21.520 not make the right decisions for your family, and here 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:26.680 you are this entire time that I've known you. It's 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.240 all been so about I want to reconnect with my 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:37.360 kids and my family, and you have followed through on 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.880 that up to an including participating in this conversation and 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:48.800 conversations like this and getting clean and contacting your kids 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.480 and the way that you have It's one of the 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:57.280 most admirable things I've ever known. And I think what 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:03.560 Jay is pointing out is if you continue to focus 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:07.760 on the one thing you regret, like not rubbing your 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:13.120 mother's feet that day, instead of noticing all of the 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:18.280 wonderful traits about you that leads to a negative place. 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:21.640 So my question for you, and by the way, I'm 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.840 going to ask each of you a similar question, But 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.960 what do you think would happened to your life? Freddie 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:31.680 if you spend more time noticing all of the things 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:35.760 that are evidence that you're a wonderful human instead of 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.000 mistakes and problems and flaws. 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:49.640 Jesus Christ. Wow, if I can eliminate all those things 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:55.040 and just go through life each and every day without 0:14:55.320 --> 0:15:05.280 those uh barriers or things that would create chaos in 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:08.880 my life. But that's it's not it's not a real 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:13.360 concept because like I don't I don't dwell on the 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:20.000 fact that, uh I didn't do that. But at the 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:23.360 same time, I say to myself, like like Jay said, 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:29.640 she's uh, she's so proud of me as on my accomplishments. Uh, 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:31.120 it's not something. 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.560 That that's wish I had done it, you know what 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:35.440 I mean, I would have felt I don't know if 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:39.640 it made me feel uh bad about not doing it 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:43.720 in the sense where it made a difference, you know, in. 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.320 Her life of my life because because like I said 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:49.240 to it Ja, I don't even think she even remember 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.000 I didn't even do a fee, you know what I mean. 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:56.480 But uh, it's just the fact that I think, Uh, 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.880 like you said, some things in life you just you 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.400 hold on too. You know, no need, no reason to 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:03.240 hold on to that. 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.520 So you know, so Freddy in it Throughout the course 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:10.360 of a normal day, do you spend more time thinking? 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.400 And I have no idea to answer this question. I'm 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.760 just I want to check in on something more time 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:23.000 thinking about mistakes you've made or the accomplishments you've achieved. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:29.840 Oh of course, Uh. I think about the better achievements 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.360 in my life and the things that I can't improve on. 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.400 I don't dwell on the things that that I made 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:39.040 mistakes off. I can't. I can't change them with change 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:40.640 them at all, you know what I mean. I could 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:44.400 try to better and make it, make a better situation 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.640 out of today, I don't. I don't live in the past. 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:48.440 That you know. I don't. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:53.400 I did what I've done in it and I got 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:55.440 to live with it. But I don't let it eat 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:57.640 me up inside. You know what I mean. I'm trying 0:16:57.640 --> 0:17:02.400 to well out, you know what I mean. I advanced 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.119 so far, so I ain't gonna let those things keep me, 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.199 hold of me, hold me, hold me, hold of me, 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.400 because I've never succeeded. I never I've never accompissed anything 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.479 in life. If I keep doing on the things that 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.360 I mean. 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:15.800 I think that's true. Ready, how do you do that? 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:19.000 How do you manage to realize? Like I just got 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.080 to focus on on these things, like, how do you 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:23.440 how do you manage to do that? 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.160 Well, it's it's kind of simple, you know what I mean? 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.840 Because like, uh, at one time in my life, I 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:35.000 thought I never reached twenty five, you know what I mean? 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:38.320 When I uh, that was the age of twenty five. Uh, 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:43.639 I thought that was astounding of accomplishment because like the 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:45.399 way my life was going, I ain't the thing I 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:48.000 was going to establish that age. Now I'm like, I'm 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.000 gonna be sixty five in a minute, you know what 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:51.359 I mean. 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:52.760 So I don't. 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:57.040 I don't done that almost you know, double that already. 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:01.480 So now, like they said the ladies at the end 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:06.000 of the tunnel, you know, I don't see it as 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.119 at the end no more. You know what I'm saying. 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:13.760 It's right there, it is in my grass, what I mean. So, uh, 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:21.679 if when I went up tomorrow, God's willing, and I 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.800 got a plan on doing a few things, and you know, 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:29.120 you know, I'm hoping that this why my presence would 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:32.080 put a joyful smaller people's faces. 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:35.040 You know what I mean, right, David? I would ask 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.560 a similar question to you. You are also one of 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:42.399 the most incredible people I've ever met. I consider it 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.919 to be such a privilege to have gotten to know you. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:49.640 The things that you have done in your life. If 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.199 you look at some of the things just from a 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:56.960 likelihood standpoint, like if I met you your fresh your 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.320 first day of school, your freshman year in high school, 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:02.640 the chances you would have achieved all of the things 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:06.920 you achieved were literally zero, but yet you achieved them anyway. 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:10.720 What happens to your life when you remember that you've 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:15.800 literally been like a superhero at certain points in your life. 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:18.800 I don't know that you think about that often enough, 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:23.040 And I find myself wondering when David remembers he's damn 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:27.960 near a literal living superhero. What happens to David's life 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:30.120 and the way he views himself? What do you think 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:31.240 about that, David? 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:35.080 No, I do think about that, Like you know, I 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:38.040 think I think about it more now is because the 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:41.400 way I'm shifting to mind shift that I'm having because 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:45.440 I know, like you know, when times in the past 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:48.399 and sometimes you could go on to pass and build 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:51.080 from it because it was a good space. Past don't 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:54.600 always got to be negative things, right, So there's been 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:58.440 times when you know, back up against the wall or 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.840 somebody say you couldn't do something, or something seemed that 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:05.720 it was impossible of obtaining, and you know, and you 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:08.520 got to think back, what made you grab it? Because 0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:12.880 you got there and what did you do? So what 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.960 would happen? Was it more disciplined on this way, was 0:20:16.000 --> 0:20:20.040 it more concentration on this or you know, whatever it was, 0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:22.479 it got you to that point. And then now like 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.399 you could take some of that, some of those same 0:20:25.800 --> 0:20:28.360 type of techniques and apply. 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:32.480 It to other other things, you know, and and it 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:33.920 would help. 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:38.360 And it helps, and it does because like I'm grabbing 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:43.000 some of them techniques and pushing it towards other things. 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:45.720 Is just you know, now you got to push them. 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:50.359 You got to push them techniques around your entire life 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:53.199 now because it's not just you when it was in 0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:57.199 the past. So that's that's the challenging part. How can 0:20:57.240 --> 0:20:58.920 I fit this into everything. 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:00.280 You know. 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:02.560 That's why I said, you know, the better version of 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:07.400 David the more you know, the staying positive every day, 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:10.399 even when it's if it's a hiccup, you know, you 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.200 gotta rebound. Like I said before, you know, one of 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:16.280 the things my coaches always said is don't worry about 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:21.080 the last play. Concentrate on the next one. You know, 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.240 we can review that play when the game is over. 0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:26.760 It right, and and that makes sense, So you can't 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:29.560 worry about the stuff that just happened, right, because it's 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:32.560 gonna mess up everything else that's in front of you. 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.560 Everything else is gonna mess it up. Like one negative thing. 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:41.080 One negative thing can be very bad, and it can, 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:43.480 you know, probably destroy your day. 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:47.960 But let's let's think about it. What what what? What 0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:48.200 was it? 0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:53.280 And all the positive other things that can happen, you know, 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:55.880 by just rebounding and putting that one to the side 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:58.440 and maybe revisiting it a later day when you're when 0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:01.720 you're in a better mind state, then you can handle 0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:04.159 that negative thing a little bit better and it's not 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:06.280 as bad as it was when it hits you Monday 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:07.760 and you're looking at it on Thursday. 0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:09.760 If it can wait that long or later on in 0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:14.000 the day. But I feel like, you know, with a positive. 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:21.480 Outlook, in a positive mind, you can accomplish the things 0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:24.359 that you think are impossible because it has been done. 0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:27.679 Especially for me, it has been done, so I know 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:28.639 it could be done again. 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:35.440 What happens to your life as you continue to remember 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:39.800 that day, Because I really mean what I said, I 0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:43.719 think you're an incredible man, and I would say I 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:48.080 think there were times when you forgot that. So what 0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:50.399 happened to your life when you remember, like, I'm pretty 0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:55.520 good at doing impossible things, like I'm pretty good at 0:22:55.720 --> 0:23:00.879 being an absolute incredible human and accomplishing incredible thing. What 0:23:01.000 --> 0:23:04.800 happens to your life when you're in that space, David? 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:10.280 I mean, when you're in this, when you're it's just 0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:19.000 a it's just a whole aura, a feeling of accomplishment, 0:23:19.119 --> 0:23:22.600 no matter what it is, it's just it's just a 0:23:22.640 --> 0:23:23.320 different feeling. 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:24.440 It's a good feeling. 0:23:25.560 --> 0:23:32.360 It's a natural high and it's a good feeling. I'm 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:36.240 being honest with you, it is absolutely and you know, 0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:39.600 and people me, I want that feeling a lot, and 0:23:39.680 --> 0:23:42.840 people want that feeling, you know what I'm saying, So 0:23:43.160 --> 0:23:47.520 you know, and it's not something that you're just gonna 0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:49.640 just like it's take hard work to get to that 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:54.679 level of feeling, that level that that level whatever it 0:23:54.800 --> 0:23:58.000 is that you're on that you are trying to get to. 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:01.719 Everybody path is differ for everybody. Thing is different, but 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:09.680 that level that feeling, who, yeah, it tastes good. 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:16.520 And and and the thing David like, having that feeling 0:24:16.720 --> 0:24:19.639 interesting doesn't make life any easier. Like, it's not like 0:24:19.720 --> 0:24:23.280 life stop throwing curveballs at you or anything, but it 0:24:23.400 --> 0:24:25.800 just seems that you're able to handle them better. Is 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:27.360 that Is that right? 0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:27.800 You think? 0:24:28.920 --> 0:24:30.879 Yeah, because a lot of times when you get to 0:24:30.960 --> 0:24:38.000 that when whatever, like it's sometimes and most of the time, right, 0:24:38.359 --> 0:24:40.600 if it's something and you get to the top of 0:24:40.680 --> 0:24:43.119 it or whatever, right, you're gonna have some challenges. You're 0:24:43.119 --> 0:24:46.399 gonna have some outsiders. You're gonna have this right, but 0:24:46.880 --> 0:24:48.760 you're gonna you're gonna bail it, Like you said, you're 0:24:48.760 --> 0:24:50.960 gonna beil and handle it differently because you know what 0:24:51.040 --> 0:24:54.960 it took to get there. So you knew what it 0:24:55.000 --> 0:24:57.080 took to get there. You're gonna bail and handle it. 0:24:57.080 --> 0:24:59.000 You're gonna be able, your skin gonna be a little tougher. 0:24:59.080 --> 0:24:59.960 Your mind gonna be. 0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:02.119 You know, you're gonna be. 0:25:02.240 --> 0:25:04.439 To handle whatever is coming out. You're gonna keep on 0:25:04.560 --> 0:25:08.160 going because you want to be up there. You want 0:25:08.160 --> 0:25:12.040 to be at that space within yourself. That's where you 0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:15.200 want to be at because that's your space. That's how you. 0:25:15.200 --> 0:25:17.760 You know, you focus at that space, you maneuver at 0:25:17.760 --> 0:25:20.400 that space. That's a better version of you at that space, 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:23.679 and you can handle a lot of things at that space. 0:25:23.800 --> 0:25:26.520 Not saying that everything is peaches and cream like an 0:25:26.560 --> 0:25:29.880 apple pie, but when it's not like that, because you're 0:25:29.920 --> 0:25:32.879 already in that mindset and that thinking, you're able to 0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:33.520 handle it. 0:25:34.119 --> 0:25:40.720 Thank you, David. We'll be right back with more family therapy. 0:25:44.680 --> 0:25:48.400 And Jay, you were an incredible woman, And I don't 0:25:48.440 --> 0:25:52.120 know if I've ever met a woman quite like you before. 0:25:52.320 --> 0:25:56.000 Like we've been meeting now for all these weeks, and 0:25:56.119 --> 0:25:58.399 it seems like every time we met, I learned something 0:25:58.440 --> 0:26:01.480 new that was amazing about you that you didn't tell 0:26:01.520 --> 0:26:07.679 me previously. Like I learned about your military experience. I 0:26:07.800 --> 0:26:11.159 learned about your multiple degrees and the programs that you 0:26:11.240 --> 0:26:15.400 graduated from. I learned about your investment properties and your 0:26:15.480 --> 0:26:19.840 dreams and your wishes, and I admire like that is 0:26:19.920 --> 0:26:24.480 just an inspiration to me when I hear it. And 0:26:24.560 --> 0:26:27.320 I don't think I've ever met a person who more 0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:30.800 than you needed to look in the mirror and see greatness. 0:26:32.440 --> 0:26:34.840 How how do you think would make a difference in 0:26:34.880 --> 0:26:38.480 your life if you learned? And again, Jay, and having 0:26:38.520 --> 0:26:41.439 said that, I'm not saying you're perfect, as I'm not 0:26:41.440 --> 0:26:44.560 saying anyone is perfect, But what different would it make 0:26:44.600 --> 0:26:47.359 in your life? You just developed the habit to just 0:26:47.400 --> 0:26:50.240 see greatness when you looked at yourself, when you like 0:26:50.840 --> 0:26:57.280 analyzed yourself instead of flaws, problems, blah blah blah. 0:26:57.359 --> 0:27:00.760 I think I would create the life that I truly 0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:04.800 want and believe that I can do it. I have 0:27:04.960 --> 0:27:10.520 achieved a lot of things, but I haven't absolutely I 0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:14.480 haven't achieved mastering myself yet, and I don't. 0:27:14.480 --> 0:27:15.680 I don't know if anyone. 0:27:15.400 --> 0:27:20.880 Ever really truly fully masters themselves. But I do think 0:27:21.119 --> 0:27:27.120 I could be better at it. I think that there 0:27:27.119 --> 0:27:31.359 are things that I want that, to be honest, like, 0:27:31.400 --> 0:27:32.560 I'm afraid to do them. 0:27:33.119 --> 0:27:34.960 I don't be at you are afraid to do it? 0:27:35.240 --> 0:27:37.840 How can you be afraid to do something you got 0:27:37.920 --> 0:27:41.000 so far in life already, because. 0:27:42.320 --> 0:27:47.639 So there's the moves that I make. Are they're ris scared. 0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:50.680 Yeah, Like I don't want to work at my job. 0:27:51.359 --> 0:27:55.679 I know I could shift gears and find something that 0:27:55.720 --> 0:27:59.960 I enjoy, but I'm scared, so I don't do it. 0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:03.800 But if I focused more on what I could do, 0:28:04.800 --> 0:28:10.040 then then I would do those things, versus just saying, well, 0:28:10.080 --> 0:28:12.760 this is what I got, so it's safe. 0:28:12.800 --> 0:28:18.119 So let me keep it. I really don't enjoy spending 0:28:18.280 --> 0:28:20.640 forty hours a week staring at a computer. I feel 0:28:20.680 --> 0:28:25.840 like that is such a waste of my energy and 0:28:25.920 --> 0:28:26.480 my time. 0:28:27.600 --> 0:28:35.159 But the income is solid and I need it. So 0:28:35.200 --> 0:28:38.040 there's like those more personal choices, like I can make 0:28:38.040 --> 0:28:41.760 a business still happen because it's external, you know, it's 0:28:41.760 --> 0:28:46.720 more of an external thing. But when it comes to 0:28:47.120 --> 0:28:51.560 the lifestyle that I truly want, I don't. 0:28:51.360 --> 0:28:52.480 I don't know that. 0:28:54.920 --> 0:28:56.760 I mean, I've taken steps, but I don't know that 0:28:56.800 --> 0:28:59.000 I've taken as many steps. 0:28:58.720 --> 0:29:01.400 As I could to true achieved that lifestyle. 0:29:03.280 --> 0:29:05.240 But if I focused on the good stuff, and if 0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:09.040 I focused on what I could do with the confidence 0:29:09.160 --> 0:29:13.080 of you've done so much already, then I would make 0:29:13.120 --> 0:29:14.040 different moves. 0:29:17.120 --> 0:29:17.280 You know. 0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:20.880 And it's interesting that you say that, Jay, because you 0:29:21.040 --> 0:29:26.040 have accomplished so much, and I don't think you've given 0:29:26.080 --> 0:29:31.840 yourself credit right to the to the degree to which 0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:36.160 you've accomplished. It's almost like you just kind of like, 0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:38.800 ho hum it. And I'm like, wait a minute, that's 0:29:38.800 --> 0:29:41.880 not a whole hum accomplishment Like that that thing, that 0:29:41.880 --> 0:29:44.760 that degree you got, or that that achievement you had 0:29:44.760 --> 0:29:47.440 in the military, or that business thing that you achieved, 0:29:47.520 --> 0:29:50.440 or or even the level of jobs you got. Those 0:29:50.480 --> 0:29:54.520 aren't whole hum accomplishments. And it's like you've done all 0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:57.320 these great things but given yourself very little credit for them. 0:29:59.000 --> 0:30:02.120 And I I just wonder what happens when Jay starts 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:05.640 giving herself credit for her brilliance, for her magic, for 0:30:05.720 --> 0:30:11.720 her strength, for her fortitude resilience, Like what happens when 0:30:11.720 --> 0:30:14.240 you start truly giving yourself credit for who you are? 0:30:15.160 --> 0:30:20.960 Yeah? I would I want unstick myself. I wouldn't. I 0:30:21.000 --> 0:30:21.920 wouldn't feel stuck. 0:30:22.840 --> 0:30:25.080 And I'm not telling you you know tomorrow I want 0:30:25.120 --> 0:30:27.120 you to quit your job because like, who knows, I 0:30:27.120 --> 0:30:27.880 don't know what you would do. 0:30:28.040 --> 0:30:29.680 No, I'll make decisions like that. 0:30:29.840 --> 0:30:34.880 Yeah, but what would you what would be the first thing, Jay, 0:30:34.920 --> 0:30:36.880 What do you think would be the first like even 0:30:37.680 --> 0:30:42.160 micro step you might take when you start realizing, like 0:30:42.200 --> 0:30:45.080 I'm going to give myself credit for the amazing person 0:30:45.160 --> 0:30:48.840 that I am and the amazing things that I've achieved. 0:30:50.560 --> 0:30:52.640 Yeah, I mean it would. Part of it would be 0:30:52.680 --> 0:30:54.480 looking for a different job. Part of it would be 0:30:54.480 --> 0:31:00.080 that part of it would be instead of focus on 0:31:00.200 --> 0:31:04.000 what I can't what I used to do physically, I 0:31:04.000 --> 0:31:06.680 would just be like, Okay, let me, I'm gonna go 0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:09.440 for this walk. I'm gonna go for this. Like I 0:31:09.480 --> 0:31:11.680 saw somebody running the other day and I was like, damn, I. 0:31:11.640 --> 0:31:12.160 Used to run. 0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:16.840 I used to do that, you know what I mean. 0:31:16.960 --> 0:31:20.040 So I would probably, you know, be like, well, man, 0:31:20.280 --> 0:31:21.320 maybe I can't do. 0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:25.640 Forty push ups in two minutes anymore, but I could 0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:26.280 do ten. 0:31:26.640 --> 0:31:28.200 You know what I mean, Like, so let me do that. 0:31:28.480 --> 0:31:28.719 You know. 0:31:28.840 --> 0:31:31.520 I would just focus on what I could do and 0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:34.560 do it instead of just knocking it off like it's 0:31:34.560 --> 0:31:36.080 not as good as what I used to do. So 0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:37.960 I ain't even gonna you know what I mean, Like 0:31:38.000 --> 0:31:40.960 I would, I would just do what I can until 0:31:40.960 --> 0:31:42.920 I get to the point of where I want to 0:31:42.920 --> 0:31:44.600 be Jay. 0:31:44.680 --> 0:31:50.040 I love that. H I love that Jay. Now Jay, 0:31:50.200 --> 0:31:54.760 perhaps me personally getting to know you, I've learned a 0:31:54.760 --> 0:31:57.160 lot about you and some of your accomplishments. But I'm 0:31:57.280 --> 0:32:01.240 I can't, I can't lie. I do have a favorite 0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:07.960 accomplishment of yours. My favorite accomplishment of yours is the 0:32:07.960 --> 0:32:10.840 way you have forgiven your father. I don't know if 0:32:10.840 --> 0:32:14.320 I told you that was my favorite, but I think 0:32:14.360 --> 0:32:17.320 I've told you that I admired it. To me, I 0:32:17.360 --> 0:32:19.560 think that's the one thing that speaks the most to 0:32:20.280 --> 0:32:23.320 who you are. I just want you to say, like, 0:32:23.440 --> 0:32:27.280 how did you do that? And what does it mean 0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:29.959 to you to see the way your father is doing 0:32:30.000 --> 0:32:31.720 things now? What does it mean to you to see 0:32:31.720 --> 0:32:33.240 the way Freddie is doing things now? 0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:38.520 I just, I guess I just focused on I just 0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:40.160 allow him to be who he was. 0:32:42.560 --> 0:32:46.280 Without the expectations of who I wanted him to be. 0:32:47.560 --> 0:32:49.520 But how did you do that? How did you shift 0:32:49.560 --> 0:32:52.120 your focus from what I was angry with him about 0:32:52.280 --> 0:32:55.720 or what I was missing within him? How did you 0:32:55.760 --> 0:32:57.560 shift your focus to I'm going to allow him to 0:32:57.600 --> 0:33:00.560 be who he is without having any exces Like, how 0:33:00.600 --> 0:33:01.280 did you do that? 0:33:02.200 --> 0:33:02.360 Well? 0:33:02.400 --> 0:33:04.160 I don't know that I ever really held a lot 0:33:04.160 --> 0:33:05.440 of anger towards him. 0:33:06.320 --> 0:33:07.080 So how did you do that? 0:33:11.720 --> 0:33:16.000 Because I realized that he dealt with addiction, and I 0:33:16.040 --> 0:33:17.000 don't see. 0:33:18.600 --> 0:33:24.120 Addiction as a flaw. I see it more as a disease. 0:33:25.760 --> 0:33:29.200 And I felt like if I was, if I was sick, 0:33:29.240 --> 0:33:31.040 I wouldn't want someone to hold that against me. 0:33:31.840 --> 0:33:35.680 So I just I don't know. 0:33:35.720 --> 0:33:37.880 I just I just said, you know, if this is 0:33:38.240 --> 0:33:43.160 his challenge, then that's his challenge, you know, and it's 0:33:43.240 --> 0:33:45.600 hope hopefully one day he would overcome, and he did, 0:33:46.400 --> 0:33:52.920 so I just I just didn't hold it against him. 0:33:53.000 --> 0:33:55.640 So going back to the theme of like, I'm not 0:33:55.680 --> 0:33:59.360 sure Jay gives herself credit for things. Do you ever 0:33:59.440 --> 0:34:02.000 realize how how rare that is and what a gift 0:34:02.080 --> 0:34:05.480 that is that you've given to Freddy can say. 0:34:05.520 --> 0:34:12.400 Give a much stop, But I do think it is 0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:15.960 a gift, I agree, not just to him, but to 0:34:16.000 --> 0:34:17.040 myself as well. 0:34:17.560 --> 0:34:19.759 And not just to him, and not just to yourself, 0:34:20.120 --> 0:34:23.080 but like to your kids and to David. And you 0:34:23.080 --> 0:34:25.600 know what I mean, like because you did this, your 0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:28.600 kids have a relationship with their grandfather because you did this, 0:34:29.480 --> 0:34:33.160 Like have you ever sat back and realized that that 0:34:33.239 --> 0:34:35.759 was such a massive gift and probably played a role 0:34:35.800 --> 0:34:36.560 in saving. 0:34:36.280 --> 0:34:40.600 His life absolutely, because like when the whole world don't 0:34:40.600 --> 0:34:42.840 believe in you and you just got one person that 0:34:42.920 --> 0:34:46.839 still does, that's all you need, you know what I mean, 0:34:47.040 --> 0:34:50.200 You could you could cipher off for that and restore 0:34:50.239 --> 0:34:51.000 your life. 0:34:51.040 --> 0:34:51.440 You know what I mean. 0:34:52.200 --> 0:34:57.960 I don't think anybody like uh I ever thought that 0:34:58.960 --> 0:35:00.279 I was wont to get out of the round that 0:35:00.360 --> 0:35:01.920 I was, you know what I mean. And every time 0:35:01.960 --> 0:35:04.439 I talked to Daylan, she gave me that. That's that's 0:35:04.480 --> 0:35:07.520 such encouragement. That gives me the strength. 0:35:07.600 --> 0:35:07.799 You know what. 0:35:07.800 --> 0:35:10.440 It's like they say some people got the foresight, got 0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:14.239 that special eye. They could see all the goodness in 0:35:14.280 --> 0:35:17.400 you and not all the bad and the evil in you. 0:35:17.920 --> 0:35:21.400 And the person she could look at somebody and she 0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:25.160 can see all the goodness that's inside the person and 0:35:25.200 --> 0:35:29.040 not she or even the outside the person, you know 0:35:29.080 --> 0:35:31.680 what I mean. So, uh, that's the gift I think 0:35:31.719 --> 0:35:34.040 she really has that she not aware of it. Like 0:35:34.080 --> 0:35:38.880 you said, most people don't get themselves the credit that 0:35:38.920 --> 0:35:41.920 they are doing, you know what I mean, Because you 0:35:42.360 --> 0:35:45.160 are a brief person. You have achieved and I'm very 0:35:45.200 --> 0:35:48.000 proud of you know, some don't believe the other day 0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:51.120 I was I was telling one of my coworkers. I 0:35:51.160 --> 0:35:53.959 was like, he was talking about he got a little 0:35:53.960 --> 0:35:55.920 son and he's like when five years old. He was 0:35:55.960 --> 0:35:58.080 talking about the first baby steps and all that kind 0:35:58.080 --> 0:36:00.359 of stuff. I was telling her, like, aw some them out. 0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:04.760 She went to Africa and talked about how to read 0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:06.520 and you know, things like that. 0:36:07.320 --> 0:36:08.839 And then I teach kids how to read. 0:36:09.080 --> 0:36:12.240 But I did start an organization that that collected books 0:36:12.239 --> 0:36:14.600 and sent them to libraries in Africa. 0:36:17.840 --> 0:36:22.319 That's that's that's but that's what dads do, though, That's 0:36:22.360 --> 0:36:24.200 what dad do. You gotta let them be great. 0:36:25.400 --> 0:36:26.920 My father used to do the same thing. 0:36:27.600 --> 0:36:28.960 You just proved my point. 0:36:30.040 --> 0:36:31.560 I know, I know I did. 0:36:33.280 --> 0:36:37.279 I had no idea that Jay had started an organization 0:36:37.440 --> 0:36:40.560 that sent books the African libraries. Some kids had access 0:36:40.600 --> 0:36:43.319 to books. Every time I talk to this woman, I 0:36:43.400 --> 0:36:50.200 learned something new about something that she has achieved. But Freddy, 0:36:51.560 --> 0:36:56.080 you said something a second ago that was really important. 0:36:56.400 --> 0:37:01.239 You said that when you're in a difficult situation, when 0:37:01.239 --> 0:37:03.440 you have that one person that believes in you, you 0:37:03.480 --> 0:37:06.120 can like siphon off that I think is what you said. 0:37:06.880 --> 0:37:09.040 Have you ever have you ever told Jay that she 0:37:09.200 --> 0:37:13.120 was that one person that you always knew was looking 0:37:13.120 --> 0:37:14.960 at you in a positive way like him? Have you 0:37:14.960 --> 0:37:16.839 ever let her know that and let her know what 0:37:16.880 --> 0:37:17.799 that meant to you? 0:37:19.400 --> 0:37:21.680 Actually, I don't. I don't believe I have, But this 0:37:21.800 --> 0:37:24.680 is a great opportunity to do so. And I believe 0:37:24.719 --> 0:37:32.000 that my whole life. You know, everybody uh needs that 0:37:32.000 --> 0:37:36.680 that that's certain individual or have have that certain individual 0:37:36.719 --> 0:37:40.560 in their corner where no matter what they've done in life, 0:37:41.080 --> 0:37:44.520 they still believe in you know what I mean? And Jay, 0:37:44.520 --> 0:37:46.279 you have been that person for me, you know what 0:37:46.280 --> 0:37:50.400 I mean. Besides, she's been a treminous woman for me, 0:37:50.640 --> 0:37:53.880 Like like I'm I'm not too good with women, like 0:37:54.080 --> 0:38:00.160 my my track record with like relationships, it's not that 0:38:00.600 --> 0:38:03.520 not that well, but different as made me more of 0:38:03.560 --> 0:38:05.439 a man than I've ever been, you know what I mean. 0:38:07.000 --> 0:38:09.239 She encouraged me just like Jay Lous. You know what 0:38:09.280 --> 0:38:12.520 I'm saying. She gives me that in the strength that 0:38:12.760 --> 0:38:15.200 and I think I don't have she gives to me, 0:38:15.360 --> 0:38:17.600 you know what I mean. And you got two or 0:38:17.640 --> 0:38:20.560 three women like that in your life, You're going with 0:38:20.600 --> 0:38:21.240 you the world. 0:38:21.320 --> 0:38:21.520 Man. 0:38:22.400 --> 0:38:23.320 Yeah, she's dope. 0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:28.600 One thing I'm happy and I really enjoyed seeing. 0:38:29.440 --> 0:38:33.600 I love family. I come from a large family. I'm 0:38:33.600 --> 0:38:37.000 close to a lot of my family, and you know, 0:38:37.080 --> 0:38:40.120 I don't have my dad here, my mom's is gone. 0:38:40.440 --> 0:38:44.480 I like Pops from day one. He's been my guy, 0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:49.120 straight up. Ain't nothing changed about me. Ain't nothing. I've 0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:51.960 been the same cat since I met Possible. And I'm 0:38:52.040 --> 0:38:55.239 happy that Jalen got a relationship with him, Like I'm 0:38:55.280 --> 0:38:58.759 being honest with me, him had serious talks. We can 0:38:58.880 --> 0:39:03.279 laugh together, we can have great conversations and stuff, and 0:39:03.320 --> 0:39:05.440 I like that. And I love the way he is 0:39:05.440 --> 0:39:08.800 with my boys. Because my kids, I got. 0:39:08.600 --> 0:39:12.360 Three, two of them haven't met my dad. 0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:15.680 So I love the relationship that he is that he 0:39:15.800 --> 0:39:20.279 has with is in easy and you know, and what 0:39:20.400 --> 0:39:22.680 was And when I look at him and I look 0:39:22.760 --> 0:39:26.400 at my pops, a lot of the same similarities, hard 0:39:26.480 --> 0:39:32.360 lives came over that you know, became great people, you 0:39:32.400 --> 0:39:34.480 know what I'm saying, and kept moving forward. 0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:39.439 So I understand him, and uh, and I get it right. 0:39:39.520 --> 0:39:40.280 And it ain't. 0:39:40.120 --> 0:39:42.719 Easy and I let and I done told him that though. 0:39:42.800 --> 0:39:45.319 But that's one thing I like, and I and and 0:39:45.320 --> 0:39:46.920 and I and I see that, and I let him 0:39:46.920 --> 0:39:49.279 take their own course. I don't push it in our 0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.600 implore on that to be able to still have a 0:39:51.640 --> 0:39:53.799 relationship because and and it's good. 0:39:53.800 --> 0:39:54.560 It's a good thing. 0:39:54.960 --> 0:39:57.200 And I look back and I see it, and you know, 0:39:57.360 --> 0:39:59.239 I just wanted to say that because it is too 0:39:59.400 --> 0:40:00.440 And Pops. 0:40:00.000 --> 0:40:01.520 I just wanted to give you a clue. It was like, 0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:04.640 you're my guy, right. I don't know if I ever 0:40:04.719 --> 0:40:05.920 told you that, But. 0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:13.240 It's such a powerful thing that Jay did that facilitated 0:40:13.320 --> 0:40:18.600 all these other changes. Such a powerful thing that and Freddie, 0:40:18.600 --> 0:40:20.640 I'm so glad that you would even voice that because 0:40:20.640 --> 0:40:24.080 now she gets to hear it like I. Actually I 0:40:24.200 --> 0:40:27.879 contributed to how he transformed his life. That's a real, 0:40:27.960 --> 0:40:29.000 real powerful thing. 0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:33.839 It's really interesting to hear both of their perspectives on that, 0:40:33.880 --> 0:40:36.399 because I actually never really thought about it too much. 0:40:36.480 --> 0:40:38.919 But I guess the beauty of. 0:40:38.840 --> 0:40:42.279 It is that when you don't I guess, when you 0:40:42.280 --> 0:40:46.000 don't hold on to resentment and anger, you're opening the 0:40:46.040 --> 0:40:48.520 door for blessings that you don't even realize you're opening 0:40:48.520 --> 0:40:49.760 the door for damn. 0:40:49.840 --> 0:40:50.640 Yeah. 0:40:50.719 --> 0:40:53.000 So I'm happy that you know, I was able to 0:40:53.000 --> 0:40:58.080 do that because it is so many people that just 0:40:58.120 --> 0:41:02.279 they're so angry, They're so angry about what could have been, 0:41:02.440 --> 0:41:05.759 what should have been, Why isn't it this way or 0:41:05.760 --> 0:41:07.600 why it has to be that way? And at the 0:41:07.680 --> 0:41:09.640 end of the day, if you can have someone in 0:41:09.640 --> 0:41:12.560 your life, you know, if they're not toxic towards you, 0:41:14.000 --> 0:41:16.520 but they but they may not be exactly what you 0:41:16.560 --> 0:41:21.440 want them to be, but the relationship can allow certain 0:41:21.480 --> 0:41:25.560 things to manifest that even if it's not specifically for you, 0:41:26.840 --> 0:41:29.239 it can be a blessing for other people around you. 0:41:29.640 --> 0:41:32.719 And I think that is a really good example of it. 0:41:33.920 --> 0:41:37.759 To that point, Jay, I agree with every word you 0:41:37.840 --> 0:41:40.080 just said, and I want to add one more thing. 0:41:41.040 --> 0:41:45.080 Your father said one of your abilities is you can 0:41:45.160 --> 0:41:49.760 see goodness in people even when they're doing evil things. 0:41:49.840 --> 0:41:53.239 I think is what Freddie said. What do you think 0:41:53.280 --> 0:41:56.640 about him saying you have that trait? You have that ability. 0:41:57.840 --> 0:41:59.719 I actually realize that as a trait that I have. 0:42:01.480 --> 0:42:01.959 I'm good. 0:42:03.200 --> 0:42:07.839 I mean, I'm happy he noticed it too, But I 0:42:07.880 --> 0:42:09.040 really do try to. 0:42:09.120 --> 0:42:10.520 Let people be who they are. 0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:15.360 My challenge, my personal challenge with that is creating the 0:42:15.400 --> 0:42:21.799 boundaries around myself so that any negative traits don't have 0:42:21.800 --> 0:42:25.560 a negative impact on me. But for the most part, 0:42:25.680 --> 0:42:27.080 and I think I get that from my mother. 0:42:27.680 --> 0:42:29.640 She just she's the type of person. 0:42:29.719 --> 0:42:31.840 She just gonna let you be who you are, like 0:42:31.880 --> 0:42:36.399 whoever you are, you know, rock out, And I guess 0:42:36.440 --> 0:42:36.880 I get. 0:42:36.719 --> 0:42:37.160 It from her. 0:42:37.239 --> 0:42:39.520 And I think it is a good trait to have. 0:42:40.040 --> 0:42:42.120 But you also have to be careful with that trait. 0:42:42.360 --> 0:42:46.960 You know, there's there's things that people can bring to 0:42:47.000 --> 0:42:48.719 the table that might not be good for you. So 0:42:49.480 --> 0:42:51.560 I think I have a better balance at that than 0:42:51.560 --> 0:42:52.120 she does. 0:42:53.000 --> 0:42:55.359 But yeah, I do. 0:42:55.440 --> 0:42:59.160 I do realize that that's a pretty incredible trait to have. 0:42:59.280 --> 0:43:02.880 Jack, Yeah, I'm pretty awesome. 0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:09.400 No, don't you? 0:43:09.480 --> 0:43:09.759 Did it? 0:43:11.480 --> 0:43:13.600 Like I kind of want you looking in the mirror 0:43:13.640 --> 0:43:16.200 every day and be like, yeah, I'm pretty awesome. I 0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:18.120 want you to give you. 0:43:17.520 --> 0:43:19.360 You should you are awesome. 0:43:19.920 --> 0:43:23.799 Yes, I want you to give that same grace that 0:43:23.840 --> 0:43:30.120 you so eloquently gave to others, including your father, to yourselfself. 0:43:31.040 --> 0:43:33.399 What if you use that superhero treat on you? 0:43:36.040 --> 0:43:37.879 Yeah, David tells me all the time, it's so hard 0:43:37.920 --> 0:43:41.360 on myself, But he's right, and you're right. 0:43:43.920 --> 0:43:49.879 She's very hard on herself. Jay is like she got it. 0:43:51.040 --> 0:43:54.520 She and I see it sometimes and I don't hear 0:43:54.600 --> 0:43:57.720 her speak to me, and sometimes like I don't say nothing. 0:43:58.160 --> 0:44:01.839 I let her bring it out of herself because how 0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:04.719 awesome she is and how smart she is is just 0:44:04.880 --> 0:44:08.120 some things with my skill set that I see and 0:44:08.160 --> 0:44:10.040 I'm like, yo, she gotta bring it out herself. I 0:44:10.040 --> 0:44:12.200 can't say it, like you know what I'm saying. And 0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:16.160 she's very tough on herself, Like she's very very tough, 0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:18.400 and it's nothing wrong with being tough on yourself, but 0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:20.400 sometimes I feel like, yo, you're being a little bit 0:44:20.440 --> 0:44:26.000 too hard on yourself, like for real, like yo, that's fly, 0:44:26.760 --> 0:44:29.959 Like yeah, take them like I told you. I said 0:44:29.960 --> 0:44:33.040 this to my sister, right, I said this, right, And 0:44:33.080 --> 0:44:35.439 I have said this before to people out on train 0:44:35.520 --> 0:44:37.759 or whatever, and somebody does said this to me. You 0:44:37.920 --> 0:44:42.120 gotta employ yourself for the small accomplishments and small goals 0:44:42.160 --> 0:44:43.200 and the baby steps. 0:44:43.640 --> 0:44:47.200 Give yourself that high five, like hell yeah, like and 0:44:47.280 --> 0:44:50.520 I say that like yes, like sometimes I get myself 0:44:50.520 --> 0:44:52.440 to high five. I don't care. 0:44:52.520 --> 0:44:55.759 I don't need it to be exactly hitting on all cylinders. 0:44:56.160 --> 0:44:58.279 But it was a small accomplishment so it can hit 0:44:58.360 --> 0:45:01.360 on all cylinders. So you high five yourself and keep moving, 0:45:02.040 --> 0:45:03.440 and keep moving, keep moving. 0:45:03.719 --> 0:45:09.160 I love the idea of all of you celebrating, like 0:45:09.280 --> 0:45:14.800 giving yourselves high fives, because for each of you it's different, 0:45:15.600 --> 0:45:18.040 but I have a similar experience with all of you. 0:45:18.800 --> 0:45:21.160 Jay's a bit more extreme because every time I talk 0:45:21.239 --> 0:45:23.120 to those women, I learned something new about something great 0:45:23.120 --> 0:45:26.880 she does. But all three of you I have that 0:45:26.960 --> 0:45:30.319 same experience. Like I don't know that these people give 0:45:30.360 --> 0:45:35.080 themselves enough credit for just how how wonderful the things 0:45:35.160 --> 0:45:40.560 that they have done are, including participating in this project, like, Freddie, 0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:44.480 have you have you thought about like this? These are 0:45:44.520 --> 0:45:47.000 the kind of things I think about, Freddie? Have you 0:45:47.080 --> 0:45:51.279 thought about how many how many men are going to 0:45:51.440 --> 0:45:57.239 watch you as an example of how to fix wrongs 0:45:57.400 --> 0:46:00.960 that they've done in their path? Have you thought about that, Freddy? 0:46:02.120 --> 0:46:04.680 How many men will be inspired, not all to be 0:46:04.800 --> 0:46:08.200 like you know what if that guy could contact his son, 0:46:08.680 --> 0:46:10.960 if that guy could reconnect with his dark man, I 0:46:10.960 --> 0:46:12.319 can do it too. Have you thought about that? 0:46:12.400 --> 0:46:13.600 Freddy? 0:46:14.280 --> 0:46:20.000 Noah, absolutely haven't uh like this? This this program has 0:46:20.040 --> 0:46:22.759 done uh great insight on my own life. You know 0:46:22.800 --> 0:46:26.719 what I mean. I feel that most most black men 0:46:26.800 --> 0:46:30.680 don't do there, you know what I mean, out of 0:46:30.840 --> 0:46:32.480 it's out of the round, you know what I mean. 0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:35.920 We were strong, we dominate, were gonna we could handle it, 0:46:36.120 --> 0:46:39.360 you know what I mean. All of us need you know, 0:46:39.560 --> 0:46:42.560 a therapeutical program, you know, so so we could dig 0:46:42.640 --> 0:46:46.040 deep within and with and without, you know what I mean. 0:46:46.280 --> 0:46:49.720 So if you you don't do that in your life, 0:46:50.520 --> 0:46:51.640 you're gonna be stagnated. 0:46:51.680 --> 0:46:54.160 You're always gonna be like bewildered you, You're always gonna 0:46:54.160 --> 0:46:54.680 be hurting. 0:46:54.880 --> 0:46:55.439 You know what I'm saying. 0:46:55.440 --> 0:46:56.439 You gott you can, you can. 0:46:57.080 --> 0:47:00.560 You gotta dig and find yourself man, and like and 0:47:00.600 --> 0:47:04.040 some things like through this this process, I didn't know 0:47:04.080 --> 0:47:11.279 about that insight to encourage Its almost like it's a 0:47:12.200 --> 0:47:14.440 it's a way way off your chest, you might say, 0:47:14.640 --> 0:47:16.520 off your shoulders, you know what I mean. This just 0:47:16.640 --> 0:47:19.960 to know those those little details, you know what I mean, 0:47:20.360 --> 0:47:22.440 that's amount of encouragement. 0:47:22.520 --> 0:47:25.839 Some people will never be able to achieve by being 0:47:26.360 --> 0:47:30.560 watch you, you know what I mean, and not just 0:47:30.719 --> 0:47:35.040 getting the time out to say, well let me try therapy. 0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:39.480 Yeah, I think the stronger you become, right, and the 0:47:39.800 --> 0:47:43.120 and the more that you're trying to go down that 0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:47.080 path of greatness and mind shift, the more you do 0:47:47.160 --> 0:47:49.640 need to talk to somebody because that's when more, that's 0:47:49.640 --> 0:47:51.399 when a lot of the challenge is gonna come. 0:47:51.760 --> 0:47:54.080 I think that's absolutely true. And David, what about you? 0:47:54.120 --> 0:47:57.560 Have you thought about the like the impact you're gonna 0:47:57.600 --> 0:48:02.400 have on people as they watch a man be vulnerable 0:48:03.080 --> 0:48:08.760 and like reclaim his strength and his confidence. I admire 0:48:08.840 --> 0:48:11.840 you so much, David for the way you are pursuing 0:48:11.920 --> 0:48:16.759 your confidence and your strength and the father you are 0:48:16.840 --> 0:48:22.360 for your boys. Do you have you thought about the 0:48:22.400 --> 0:48:24.760 way you're going to be inspiring men to stay connected 0:48:24.760 --> 0:48:25.640 to their families. 0:48:26.560 --> 0:48:27.080 I think so. 0:48:27.440 --> 0:48:29.680 I think the one thing that Pop said is like, 0:48:29.840 --> 0:48:32.799 you know, and and it's definitely true, Like you know, 0:48:32.920 --> 0:48:37.240 especially in our community, Like you know, guys where I'm from, 0:48:37.480 --> 0:48:40.239 the way I was brought up, and you know, the 0:48:40.239 --> 0:48:47.000 things out and reach on the sports level are sometimes 0:48:48.000 --> 0:48:51.879 misperceived to be vulnerable sometimes. Right, doesn't mean that you're 0:48:51.880 --> 0:48:55.439 a punk or you're weak of anything like that, Right, 0:48:55.719 --> 0:48:59.080 just that you're a man, right, you bleed, you human? 0:48:59.840 --> 0:49:02.399 Right that you can't be a tough guy all the time, right, 0:49:02.480 --> 0:49:04.080 You know what I'm saying. You can't be hard all 0:49:04.120 --> 0:49:07.319 the time. You know, especially if you got children too, right, 0:49:07.480 --> 0:49:10.360 because one thing like yeah big bad. 0:49:10.239 --> 0:49:11.040 This and this and that. 0:49:11.480 --> 0:49:14.080 But I still gotta be I still gotta show some 0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:17.799 softness to my kids. And that's not a bad way 0:49:18.040 --> 0:49:21.040 because you gotta have them, you gotta you gotta let 0:49:21.040 --> 0:49:24.040 them be able to adjust. You can't be angry all 0:49:24.040 --> 0:49:27.320 the time, can't live like that way. No, you gotta 0:49:27.480 --> 0:49:31.600 you gotta be happy. So I think it's gonna some 0:49:31.719 --> 0:49:34.640 of the things that already that are already accomplished in 0:49:34.680 --> 0:49:38.319 the impact that some people know. And I saw what 0:49:38.400 --> 0:49:40.440 it had on their lives. Some of the people I 0:49:40.520 --> 0:49:43.600 talk to on an everyday basis or a client, I 0:49:43.680 --> 0:49:46.080 mean meet and I can impact them with that little 0:49:46.080 --> 0:49:50.919 bit here, having somebody here and go and hear these 0:49:50.960 --> 0:49:54.000 sessions and see, Yeah, I think it's. 0:49:53.840 --> 0:49:55.200 Gonna take it to another level. 0:49:56.840 --> 0:50:00.440 Maybe the right person hear it and reach out, and 0:50:00.680 --> 0:50:02.960 you know, maybe they need a person they need to 0:50:03.000 --> 0:50:05.040 talk to. Because I got a lot of people I 0:50:05.120 --> 0:50:06.960 know and I know they got stuff going on. They 0:50:07.000 --> 0:50:10.520 need to talk to somebody. Because now my conversation is different. 0:50:10.680 --> 0:50:13.560 I'm hitting them with some of your questions, like you know, 0:50:14.200 --> 0:50:16.840 trying to get you know, like I'm in sales, so 0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:18.520 you know, open ended questions. 0:50:18.840 --> 0:50:19.560 So I know that. 0:50:20.880 --> 0:50:23.480 So I know, right, trying to get like you know, 0:50:23.600 --> 0:50:26.759 because I feel like to teach one, each one, each one, 0:50:26.760 --> 0:50:29.279 teach on whatever which way you go, right, I can't 0:50:29.280 --> 0:50:32.040 hold all the information for myself. So if I feel 0:50:32.040 --> 0:50:34.799 like if I care about that person and I you know, 0:50:35.200 --> 0:50:37.400 and it's what I'm talking about my like my crew, 0:50:37.760 --> 0:50:39.959 and I look at him like a brother or something like. 0:50:39.880 --> 0:50:43.040 That, Yeah, I yo, what's up man? What's going on? 0:50:43.320 --> 0:50:43.800 Yeah? 0:50:44.280 --> 0:50:47.799 Right, maybe he need to hear me vent or talk, 0:50:47.960 --> 0:50:50.399 or maybe he got some something for me, or maybe 0:50:50.400 --> 0:50:53.000 I got something for him. Though, but I think more 0:50:53.040 --> 0:50:56.479 of that needs to happen. And it wasn't happening a lot, 0:50:56.640 --> 0:51:00.320 and where are you know. Some of it is wrinkle 0:51:00.440 --> 0:51:02.719 down and we're building our ways out of it. 0:51:02.760 --> 0:51:04.640 But you know, I think we need more of that. 0:51:05.280 --> 0:51:15.400 Stay tuned for my final thoughts after this. Well, I 0:51:15.520 --> 0:51:18.880 just have one more suggestion I'm going to make to 0:51:18.960 --> 0:51:25.920 you all, and that is to keep noticing greatness within 0:51:25.960 --> 0:51:31.000 yourselves and each other. Now having said that, I think 0:51:31.000 --> 0:51:33.839 the most appropriate way to wrap all of this up 0:51:33.960 --> 0:51:37.680 is to give each of you a final word to say. 0:51:38.320 --> 0:51:40.800 I think you guys are are far more important in 0:51:40.880 --> 0:51:43.840 this process. You guys are the stars. This is a 0:51:43.880 --> 0:51:47.239 process about you. So I'm going to just take a 0:51:47.280 --> 0:51:49.640 step back and let you guys say the final words 0:51:50.120 --> 0:51:53.719 of this series. So I'll start with Jay, what are 0:51:53.760 --> 0:51:55.160 the final words you'd like to share? 0:51:56.160 --> 0:51:58.600 I think I'll first to say thank you to you 0:51:59.200 --> 0:52:01.040 for guiding student process. 0:52:01.280 --> 0:52:02.200 I appreciate you. 0:52:03.400 --> 0:52:05.319 I know there was a time where I was like, 0:52:05.400 --> 0:52:08.279 I don't know if I'm feeling this, but you kind 0:52:08.280 --> 0:52:11.759 of made sure that you kind of took the time 0:52:11.800 --> 0:52:16.000 to explain things and I was able to see the 0:52:16.040 --> 0:52:16.680 bigger picture. 0:52:16.960 --> 0:52:18.160 So thank you for that. 0:52:18.960 --> 0:52:21.399 Thank you to my father, thank you to David for 0:52:21.480 --> 0:52:24.160 going through this process with me. I've definitely learned a 0:52:24.200 --> 0:52:26.759 lot about the two of you, and I'm thankful to 0:52:26.840 --> 0:52:29.440 have you in my life. And I think you're both 0:52:29.560 --> 0:52:34.959 very amazing individuals, amazing men, and I'm really thankful. 0:52:34.640 --> 0:52:35.920 For you too. 0:52:36.080 --> 0:52:38.239 And I'll just say that, you know, for the people 0:52:38.239 --> 0:52:43.600 who are listening, like it is okay to not be okay, 0:52:44.840 --> 0:52:48.439 and no matter what you've achieved, no matter what you've accomplished, 0:52:49.040 --> 0:52:52.359 that doesn't. 0:52:50.840 --> 0:52:54.440 Guarantee that your mental health is being cared for. It. 0:52:54.920 --> 0:52:57.239 You can get all the degrees you want, you can 0:52:57.400 --> 0:52:58.600 be in the military. 0:52:58.200 --> 0:52:59.280 You could do all whatever. 0:53:00.239 --> 0:53:02.760 You could be a CEO with Fortune five hundred company, 0:53:02.800 --> 0:53:05.839 and you still need to take the time to care 0:53:05.920 --> 0:53:09.520 for yourself. And what that care looks like is not 0:53:09.600 --> 0:53:12.480 what people always put out there. You know, maybe it 0:53:12.520 --> 0:53:15.480 is therapy, maybe it is something else, but you have 0:53:15.560 --> 0:53:17.919 to take care of yourself because you're You're the only 0:53:17.960 --> 0:53:20.799 self that you have and you're not gonna get another one, 0:53:21.239 --> 0:53:24.600 so you might as well, you know, might as well, 0:53:24.719 --> 0:53:28.080 you know, hung you down and really ask yourself what 0:53:28.160 --> 0:53:31.719 do you need and be you know, be truthful with yourself. 0:53:32.200 --> 0:53:35.440 Like whoever's going to judge, let them judge. But at 0:53:35.440 --> 0:53:38.120 the end of the day, if you can be a 0:53:38.120 --> 0:53:41.120 better version of yourself, then you should try to achieve, 0:53:41.200 --> 0:53:41.480 you know. 0:53:41.760 --> 0:53:42.399 Strive for that. 0:53:42.800 --> 0:53:45.520 I think there's so many challenges, but I have a 0:53:45.520 --> 0:53:48.480 special place in my heart for veterans, and I know, 0:53:48.760 --> 0:53:54.280 like that transition from being in the military to becoming 0:53:54.320 --> 0:53:59.120 a civilian can be really difficult, but you know, here's 0:53:59.160 --> 0:54:03.080 the opportunity for you to not have beings so structured 0:54:03.120 --> 0:54:05.000 and defined for you, and you get to define the 0:54:05.040 --> 0:54:08.440 life that you want for you and and get to 0:54:08.480 --> 0:54:11.200 move towards that. So I just want to get my 0:54:11.280 --> 0:54:14.680 veterans a shout out and and just say, you know, 0:54:14.719 --> 0:54:15.319 you got this. 0:54:15.480 --> 0:54:17.319 You can. You can make the life that you want. 0:54:17.920 --> 0:54:21.839 And especially oh in the moms, you know you're gonna lose. 0:54:21.880 --> 0:54:24.839 You might lose yourself, you really might, but you can 0:54:24.840 --> 0:54:30.360 always find yourself again. And and God is so good, 0:54:31.080 --> 0:54:32.759 So even when you forgot who you. 0:54:32.719 --> 0:54:33.960 Are, he hasn't. 0:54:34.400 --> 0:54:36.640 So just just remember that, and you know, just keep 0:54:36.680 --> 0:54:37.320 pushing forward. 0:54:39.360 --> 0:54:46.080 Jay, Thank you. 0:54:45.800 --> 0:54:46.280 The world. 0:54:46.360 --> 0:54:51.440 You know, Freddie? What about you? How would you? What 0:54:51.680 --> 0:54:54.160 final words would you like to leave? Leave people with? 0:54:55.239 --> 0:54:57.120 Is the thing you've been losing all your life? You 0:54:57.160 --> 0:55:00.800 gotta get put yourself off the ground. Don't you realize 0:55:00.840 --> 0:55:04.239 you you're winning because you're still pushing you know. 0:55:04.239 --> 0:55:04.600 What I mean? 0:55:04.640 --> 0:55:07.200 You're still pushing that little in you're not pushing. Well, 0:55:07.440 --> 0:55:10.120 let's keep pushing that a little Michae who in You're 0:55:10.120 --> 0:55:12.439 gonna get there? You don't get there. 0:55:14.040 --> 0:55:19.200 I love that, you know. I think sometimes we get 0:55:19.200 --> 0:55:24.680 fully wrapped up in winning is a measurement of the outcome. 0:55:25.760 --> 0:55:29.080 But Freddie, what you just said, I wholehearted to believe 0:55:29.400 --> 0:55:31.880 you're winning just because you're still pushing like you're winning 0:55:31.880 --> 0:55:33.960 because you're in the game. The outcome is in the 0:55:33.960 --> 0:55:36.440 measurement of winning or not. The fact that you're still 0:55:37.200 --> 0:55:40.440 in the game pushing is the is the measurement, right, David, 0:55:40.600 --> 0:55:43.600 What are your final thoughts after going through this? 0:55:44.680 --> 0:55:48.840 I really enjoyed is these uh this journey. 0:55:49.239 --> 0:55:51.520 Out of all the sessions I've probably done had in 0:55:51.560 --> 0:55:54.640 my life, this is probably this is the best. 0:55:54.360 --> 0:55:55.240 One I've had. 0:55:55.800 --> 0:55:59.680 Learned a lot, learned some things about Jay which was 0:55:59.760 --> 0:56:03.120 all so thank you for having us do this. And 0:56:03.200 --> 0:56:07.640 you know, I'm hoping that and I know it will 0:56:07.920 --> 0:56:11.960 help some people that's listening. That's gonna take some good 0:56:12.000 --> 0:56:16.840 things out of this. Keep the faith, right, whoever you 0:56:17.560 --> 0:56:21.759 higher power is, you know, reach out. The pain is 0:56:21.800 --> 0:56:25.640 definitely gonna be over. Is only a temporary thing, all right. 0:56:25.920 --> 0:56:26.160 You know? 0:56:26.239 --> 0:56:29.239 I read my book during this journey and one thing 0:56:29.360 --> 0:56:32.080 my God David said is like listen to pain. I 0:56:32.120 --> 0:56:35.520 look forward to it because it makes most people quick. 0:56:35.600 --> 0:56:37.640 But when you push through it, it's a good thing. 0:56:37.680 --> 0:56:40.200 On the other side, and that's one thing. Like you know, 0:56:40.640 --> 0:56:42.680 I think that I got out of this because it's 0:56:42.680 --> 0:56:45.239 been a lot of pain though, but I'm seeing the 0:56:45.320 --> 0:56:47.480 good on the other side, and I hope some people 0:56:47.520 --> 0:56:48.960 see that too, And that's it. 0:56:49.800 --> 0:56:50.239 That's it. 0:56:50.840 --> 0:56:53.799 I love it, you know, all three of you. I 0:56:53.840 --> 0:56:55.640 think that is the best way to end this. So 0:56:56.160 --> 0:56:57.960 all I'm going to say is thank you. 0:56:58.600 --> 0:56:59.600 I thank all you guys. 0:57:00.239 --> 0:57:02.920 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 0:57:03.120 --> 0:57:03.520 I love you. 0:57:04.160 --> 0:57:07.880 I love you too, love you too, too too. 0:57:18.480 --> 0:57:22.720 I think my greatest thought as I think back on 0:57:23.600 --> 0:57:26.720 working with this families about this season, is what a 0:57:26.760 --> 0:57:30.080 tremendous honor it was to be in a position where 0:57:30.080 --> 0:57:32.640 I could meet and help this family. I've been doing 0:57:32.680 --> 0:57:34.720 a lot of therapy for a lot of years. I've 0:57:34.720 --> 0:57:39.560 been practicing for over fifteen years, nearly twenty, and there 0:57:39.560 --> 0:57:41.800 have been times in my clinical work where I just 0:57:41.920 --> 0:57:46.320 wish the world could see how impactful therapy could be, 0:57:46.680 --> 0:57:48.720 in the hopes that if people could see how impactful 0:57:48.760 --> 0:57:52.560 therapy could be, they'd be much more likely to seek therapy, 0:57:53.280 --> 0:57:57.280 address their mental health issues and address the issues going 0:57:57.280 --> 0:58:00.440 on in their own families. I never thought that I 0:58:00.440 --> 0:58:02.320 would be in a position to be able to do that, 0:58:02.680 --> 0:58:06.760 and that doesn't happen without a family as courageous and 0:58:06.840 --> 0:58:14.680 vulnerable and authentic and real and loving as this family. Now, 0:58:14.720 --> 0:58:18.480 I say loving because you've got to love someone in 0:58:18.640 --> 0:58:22.280 order to stick to the process. And when it was hard, 0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:27.160 when it was difficult, when it was challenging, this family 0:58:27.200 --> 0:58:29.640 loved each other enough that they stuck to the process. 0:58:30.280 --> 0:58:34.120 Now I don't know long term what's going to happen 0:58:34.160 --> 0:58:37.360 with this family, like I don't know anything could happen, 0:58:37.680 --> 0:58:40.000 but I do know the small window they gave us 0:58:40.040 --> 0:58:43.840 into their life has changed my life and potentially changed 0:58:43.880 --> 0:58:47.200 the lives of millions of people listening. So the biggest 0:58:47.200 --> 0:58:48.760 thing I want to say to this family is thank you. 0:58:49.280 --> 0:58:52.760 I'm so grateful to have been in this position, and 0:58:53.920 --> 0:58:57.120 I can't wait to hear how things transpire within this family. 0:58:57.880 --> 0:59:01.120 And I can't wait to see the ripple effect that 0:59:01.280 --> 0:59:04.360 participating in this season will make for all of the 0:59:04.400 --> 0:59:08.920 many listeners. Once again, it's important to ask yourself different 0:59:09.000 --> 0:59:13.080 questions while you're on your healing journey. So with each episode, 0:59:13.160 --> 0:59:14.800 we like to end with a question that keeps you 0:59:14.880 --> 0:59:18.920 thinking and growing and processing so that you yourself improve 0:59:19.000 --> 0:59:23.920 your own mental health and unleash your inner superhero. This week, 0:59:23.960 --> 0:59:26.600 I want you to ask yourself, who is the person 0:59:26.600 --> 0:59:30.600 in your life that you admire most, What traits do 0:59:30.640 --> 0:59:34.520 they possess that cause you to admire them? And if 0:59:34.600 --> 0:59:37.320 those traits began to show up in a bigger way 0:59:37.320 --> 0:59:40.240 in your life, how would you notice it. Thank you 0:59:40.280 --> 0:59:44.880 for listening. Major announcement. We have a bonus episode coming 0:59:45.040 --> 0:59:47.680 next week where you're going to be listening to me 0:59:47.840 --> 0:59:51.400 give you some guided questions. It'll be like you receiving 0:59:51.480 --> 0:59:55.360 therapy while you're sitting in your home, listening on your phone, 0:59:55.440 --> 0:59:58.040 listening in your car. It's going to be a great episode, 0:59:58.040 --> 1:00:02.560 so stay tuned. This is not just a podcast that 1:00:02.640 --> 1:00:05.560 I want you to consume and be entertained by. I 1:00:05.640 --> 1:00:08.200 actually want you to be inspired. I want you to 1:00:08.240 --> 1:00:11.720 be impacted by this, and in fact, we can't help 1:00:11.760 --> 1:00:15.040 but be impacted by the content we consume. So what 1:00:15.080 --> 1:00:16.880 I would like for you to do is come on 1:00:16.920 --> 1:00:19.960 this healing journey with us. Come on this journey of 1:00:20.200 --> 1:00:24.360 change rediscovery with us. And the way to do that 1:00:24.560 --> 1:00:27.680 is to just pay attention to the things going on 1:00:27.760 --> 1:00:31.520 in your life. As a consequence of listening to this podcast. 1:00:31.720 --> 1:00:34.320 Pay attention to things in your life shifting in a 1:00:34.360 --> 1:00:38.240 more desirable way. Pay attention to your desirable outcome becoming 1:00:38.280 --> 1:00:42.480 your reality. Pay attention to evidence of your success, your resilience, 1:00:42.640 --> 1:00:45.520 and your strength. And let us know in the comments 1:00:45.800 --> 1:00:48.520 what you're noticing in your life as a result of 1:00:48.600 --> 1:00:51.240 listening to this podcast and as a result of paying 1:00:51.280 --> 1:00:54.400 attention to these things. I would love to hear from 1:00:54.440 --> 1:00:58.000 you about your healing journey, your family and your feedback. 1:00:58.200 --> 1:01:00.400 Leave a review, send a DM and next with me 1:01:00.440 --> 1:01:03.160 on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send 1:01:03.160 --> 1:01:05.439 me a text message to nine seven two four two 1:01:05.480 --> 1:01:09.120 six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production 1:01:09.280 --> 1:01:13.000 of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network. Special thanks 1:01:13.000 --> 1:01:16.240 to our assistant Glendale Sefe. It's produced by Jack Queish 1:01:16.320 --> 1:01:20.400 Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. S Bisham. For more 1:01:20.480 --> 1:01:23.880 podcasts from The Black Effects, visit the iHeartRadio app or 1:01:23.880 --> 1:01:27.800 wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented 1:01:27.880 --> 1:01:30.640 on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and 1:01:30.680 --> 1:01:33.320 informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for 1:01:33.400 --> 1:01:36.480 personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not constitute 1:01:36.480 --> 1:01:39.400 a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with 1:01:39.440 --> 1:01:42.520 your healthcare provider or health team, or any specific concerns 1:01:42.640 --> 1:01:43.520 or questions you may have.