Speaker 1: Commitment is inherent in any genuinely loving relationship. Anyone who
Speaker 1: is truly concerned for the spiritual growth of another knows
Speaker 1: consciously or instinctively that he or she can significantly foster
Speaker 1: that growth through a relationship of constancy. M Scott heck
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott, Connie,
Speaker 1: and for the last time this season, what's been better
Speaker 1: since you listened to the previous episode? In fact, I
Speaker 1: want to ask you what has been better since you
Speaker 1: listened to this whole season. It is my greatest hope
Speaker 1: that listening to this season and this family and these
Speaker 1: questions through this process has made a difference in your life.
Speaker 1: I want you to spend some time reflecting on what
Speaker 1: those differences been. This week's episode highlights the final session
Speaker 1: with Freddie, Jay and David. The conversation highlights the power
Speaker 1: of forgiveness and the impact it can have on personal
Speaker 1: growth and relationships. Each family member shared their thoughts on
Speaker 1: how the process of therapy impacted them over the last
Speaker 1: few months. They all agree there is more work to
Speaker 1: be done and know that healing is not finite and
Speaker 1: it doesn't look the same for everyone. The commitment vulnerability
Speaker 1: and bravery of this family were absolutely inspiring. Jay, Now
Speaker 1: that we're all here and this was at one time
Speaker 1: something that would have been hard to imagine. What do
Speaker 1: you hope is the outcome of a conversation like this?
Speaker 2: Are you sure or not?
Speaker 3: Pus my on a firing squad with at a blind
Speaker 3: fon Freddy?
Speaker 4: What do I would like the outcome to be?
Speaker 5: I guess it's the same every time, just a better
Speaker 5: understanding of ourselves and a better understanding of each other
Speaker 5: and learning how we can help one another.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, David, Freddie, what about you?
Speaker 2: Guys?
Speaker 1: Like, what do you what do you hope is the
Speaker 1: outcome of it?
Speaker 3: Well, personally, I hope that we can have a better
Speaker 3: insight on the things that we want to achieve in
Speaker 3: life together and separately.
Speaker 1: David, what about you? What do you what do you
Speaker 1: hope we get achieved today?
Speaker 6: I mean, I think I'm pretty much on the same
Speaker 6: page as everybody else, you know, a little bit more
Speaker 6: insight understanding, you know, certain things that's going on. I
Speaker 6: always look forward to the sessions, always walk away like
Speaker 6: you know, that was a good session and a broader
Speaker 6: mind shift of a little bit more than what it's
Speaker 6: going on right now. So I'm ready to dive in
Speaker 6: see what's going on.
Speaker 1: So, I mean, I think the first question I have
Speaker 1: is all three of you have made progress in this
Speaker 1: process that blows me away to be honest with you. Now,
Speaker 1: let's imagine this is the last time we ever speak,
Speaker 1: like after today, we can never speak again. What progress
Speaker 1: do you hope do each of you hope will continue
Speaker 1: to happen in spite of no longer being allowed to
Speaker 1: speak to me ever, which isn't the case, by the way,
Speaker 1: but let's pretend for a moment you cannot call me
Speaker 1: ever and I cannot call you. What progress do you
Speaker 1: each hope you will continue to make even though we
Speaker 1: can no longer speak.
Speaker 6: I think staying the course and continue, you know, with
Speaker 6: the communication part. I think over the last couple of months,
Speaker 6: communication has been a little better than it has than
Speaker 6: it was before.
Speaker 2: Uh h.
Speaker 6: I feel like, you know, still with some work in progress,
Speaker 6: but me personally, you know, taking on a.
Speaker 2: Little bit more than usual, maybe you know, focusing on
Speaker 2: what I really want.
Speaker 6: To do a little bit more is uh. I think
Speaker 6: that's what I want to I feel like that's what
Speaker 6: I'm gonna continue to keep doing after I walk away
Speaker 6: from this?
Speaker 1: How would how would how would Freddie and Jay know
Speaker 1: that you've continued doing those things? Like what would be
Speaker 1: assigned to Jay specifically, but even Freddie? How would they
Speaker 1: notice that continuing communication has continued to improve, You've continued
Speaker 1: on this path, Like what would they notice that would
Speaker 1: tell them, you know what, David is continued on that path?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know about fucks.
Speaker 6: I don't know, man, Like you know, Jay's probably around
Speaker 6: me the molds and.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 6: I just feel like, you know, probably through like conversations
Speaker 6: or actions or just you know. That's why that I
Speaker 6: think that's what she'd be able to see. But I
Speaker 6: don't know like that that I can't like, yes, I
Speaker 6: want people to notice or whatever, but if they don't, like,
Speaker 6: I'm still gonna keep pushing, like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: So I don't know where that's gonna come from, you know,
Speaker 6: but when it when it is, when it's when it's
Speaker 6: out there. Though I do I do hear it from
Speaker 6: Jay like I do hear it, like if she sees
Speaker 6: it or if I say something, I do hear it, like,
Speaker 6: good job, keep doing it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what are those things as you keep pushing?
Speaker 1: You use the phrase like I'm gonna keep pushing. How
Speaker 1: would you she know that you're continuing to push? What
Speaker 1: would she see that would say, you know what, I
Speaker 1: know he's not doing this just for me, and I
Speaker 1: know he's not doing it just so that I noticed,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't help but notice X, Y or Z
Speaker 1: thing that is evidence that he is continuing to push himself.
Speaker 1: Like how would she notice that?
Speaker 6: Well, well, one of the things that I'm really just
Speaker 6: been diving in on. You know, she would definitely hear,
Speaker 6: like because even now, you know, jumping in and out
Speaker 6: of car, I got certain radio stations on, like listening
Speaker 6: to certain stuff and you know, certain conversations on the
Speaker 6: phone that's changing, or me on the laptop and something
Speaker 6: else is open, you know what.
Speaker 2: I'm saying, So like their.
Speaker 6: Behavior is changing and the language and conversations are changing
Speaker 6: because of what I'm focused on right now. So I
Speaker 6: think that's how Jay would know, because she's gonna see like, yo,
Speaker 6: like he love the Buckeyes, he love it nine ers old,
Speaker 6: but like he talked about this twenty four to seven,
Speaker 6: Like you know, he's locked in on it, So I
Speaker 6: think that's I think those would be definitely some of
Speaker 6: the telltale signs of how she would recognize that that
Speaker 6: things are changing.
Speaker 1: Thank you, David. And how about Freddy and Jay? How
Speaker 1: would you notice that you were continuing the progress that
Speaker 1: you've made through this process.
Speaker 5: I guess that I would be continually trying to focus
Speaker 5: on creating more positive.
Speaker 4: Habits in my life, so focusing on the good stuff.
Speaker 5: And you know, when people ask me how I'm doing,
Speaker 5: I have something positive to say, and I'm actively trying
Speaker 5: to see joy.
Speaker 4: In the day to day.
Speaker 2: In the life.
Speaker 4: So trying to.
Speaker 5: Just try to, you know, just try to focus on
Speaker 5: the things that are really you know, small but still exceptional.
Speaker 4: And I think that's what I would do.
Speaker 1: How do you think David would notice that you were
Speaker 1: doing that? Jake? What would be a sign to David,
Speaker 1: someone who says he's close enough to you that he
Speaker 1: would see it, Like, what would be a clue to
Speaker 1: him that you were doing these things?
Speaker 4: Maybe I would be more engaged in small talk.
Speaker 5: I really don't like small talk, but probably because we,
Speaker 5: you know, see each other every day, talk to each
Speaker 5: other every day, sometimes we can kind of get lost
Speaker 5: in that, So I think, you know, just sharing with
Speaker 5: him a little bit more about the you know, the
Speaker 5: good things that are going on and just expressing, you know,
Speaker 5: the things that I noticed that that I'm doing or
Speaker 5: that he's doing, and just bringing those things up in
Speaker 5: conversation or sharing with him ways that I am focusing
Speaker 5: on positive things. I think like things like that as
Speaker 5: far as like exercising. If I hopefully when I start
Speaker 5: more actively exercising, he'll see that, he'll probably just see
Speaker 5: me smile a little bit more and just share that
Speaker 5: happiness with him.
Speaker 1: Do you think he likes that when you smile and
Speaker 1: share the happiness with.
Speaker 4: Yeah, everybody does.
Speaker 1: Everybody? Okay, cool? Thank you, Jay and Freddie?
Speaker 2: What about you?
Speaker 1: How would you know that you were continuing the progress
Speaker 1: that you've made through this process?
Speaker 3: Each and every day you expect things that of a
Speaker 3: person and you just take it for granted and you
Speaker 3: lose focus on it about saying that, how thankful for
Speaker 3: you are? You know what I'm saying of like just
Speaker 3: coming home to a nice hot meal. You know, you
Speaker 3: take those things for granted. When you take things for granted,
Speaker 3: you forget to give the appreciation back for someone you know,
Speaker 3: sitting there with a hostile because I feel like my
Speaker 3: life has excelled in a place where I never expected
Speaker 3: for it to be, you know, my friends, with my family.
Speaker 3: I still have a lot of setbacks in my life,
Speaker 3: but I don't I don't like let it weigh me down,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I don't try to like
Speaker 3: I don't well and that little pity potty, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, saying well, better, it's gonna get better.
Speaker 3: So I make the little initiative to increase the forth
Speaker 3: to improve, you know what I mean. So I really
Speaker 3: want things to be better. It seemed like one one
Speaker 3: week it seems like it's going well, and then then
Speaker 3: that everything just seemed like.
Speaker 2: This caves in.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, how mercy, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: We got hit rock bottom, you know, you know, to
Speaker 3: get back on thread. So I'd be like, yo, lord,
Speaker 3: you know, do your thing, man. Put put the spirit
Speaker 3: into some chokers man, you know, because like I don't
Speaker 3: think i'll be here. I don't be here that long.
Speaker 3: Like like it's funny because, uh, when my mother was alive,
Speaker 3: she's gonna have you, oh, massage your feet all the time.
Speaker 3: And I used to, you know, I used to do
Speaker 3: it because she her feet used to have the you know,
Speaker 3: tingling and all that. I massage your feet all the time, right,
Speaker 3: So one time she asked me a massage, and figureuse,
Speaker 3: I wanted to go outside. I want to go do something.
Speaker 3: I only know exactly what it was. But I didn't
Speaker 3: do it right. So when I came home, she was
Speaker 3: at the hospital and she died the next day. No
Speaker 3: only thing I regret that I did massage your feet
Speaker 3: that night. I still hold that. I still hold that, uh,
Speaker 3: that that feeling aside. I mean, like, dang, why you
Speaker 3: didn't do that?
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 7: You know?
Speaker 3: And it just I don't even know what made me
Speaker 3: think about that, but I can feel the thrills running
Speaker 3: through my body, Like, hey, Dad, can I.
Speaker 4: Ask you a question.
Speaker 5: Do you think your mother is looking down on you
Speaker 5: and saying, dang, I wish you would have massaged my
Speaker 5: feet that night, Or do you think she's looking down
Speaker 5: on you and saying, Wow, I'm so proud of him
Speaker 5: and how far he's come.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, Well, I think she's extremely proud of me
Speaker 3: that too. And I don't think jee thinking bemembering about
Speaker 3: her feet, you know what I mean? That you hold personally, uh, yourself.
Speaker 3: That's kind of like be agging at you, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. But I think she didn't even think
Speaker 3: about no feet.
Speaker 4: You know, on that.
Speaker 1: That's funny because I think Jay Jay is highlighting something,
Speaker 1: and Jay, I'm starting to wonder if maybe you should
Speaker 1: be a psychotherapist at some point. She's highlighting something that
Speaker 1: I want to I want to mention all three of you,
Speaker 1: Like Freddie, you are one of the most incredible men
Speaker 1: I've ever met. And what makes me say that is
Speaker 1: there have been times in your life when you did
Speaker 1: not make the right decisions for your family, and here
Speaker 1: you are this entire time that I've known you. It's
Speaker 1: all been so about I want to reconnect with my
Speaker 1: kids and my family, and you have followed through on
Speaker 1: that up to an including participating in this conversation and
Speaker 1: conversations like this and getting clean and contacting your kids
Speaker 1: and the way that you have It's one of the
Speaker 1: most admirable things I've ever known. And I think what
Speaker 1: Jay is pointing out is if you continue to focus
Speaker 1: on the one thing you regret, like not rubbing your
Speaker 1: mother's feet that day, instead of noticing all of the
Speaker 1: wonderful traits about you that leads to a negative place.
Speaker 1: So my question for you, and by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask each of you a similar question, But
Speaker 1: what do you think would happened to your life? Freddie
Speaker 1: if you spend more time noticing all of the things
Speaker 1: that are evidence that you're a wonderful human instead of
Speaker 1: mistakes and problems and flaws.
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ. Wow, if I can eliminate all those things
Speaker 3: and just go through life each and every day without
Speaker 3: those uh barriers or things that would create chaos in
Speaker 3: my life. But that's it's not it's not a real
Speaker 3: concept because like I don't I don't dwell on the
Speaker 3: fact that, uh I didn't do that. But at the
Speaker 3: same time, I say to myself, like like Jay said,
Speaker 3: she's uh, she's so proud of me as on my accomplishments. Uh,
Speaker 3: it's not something.
Speaker 7: That that's wish I had done it, you know what
Speaker 7: I mean, I would have felt I don't know if
Speaker 7: it made me feel uh bad about not doing it
Speaker 7: in the sense where it made a difference, you know, in.
Speaker 3: Her life of my life because because like I said
Speaker 3: to it Ja, I don't even think she even remember
Speaker 3: I didn't even do a fee, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: But uh, it's just the fact that I think, Uh,
Speaker 3: like you said, some things in life you just you
Speaker 3: hold on too. You know, no need, no reason to
Speaker 3: hold on to that.
Speaker 1: So you know, so Freddy in it Throughout the course
Speaker 1: of a normal day, do you spend more time thinking?
Speaker 1: And I have no idea to answer this question. I'm
Speaker 1: just I want to check in on something more time
Speaker 1: thinking about mistakes you've made or the accomplishments you've achieved.
Speaker 3: Oh of course, Uh. I think about the better achievements
Speaker 3: in my life and the things that I can't improve on.
Speaker 3: I don't dwell on the things that that I made
Speaker 3: mistakes off. I can't. I can't change them with change
Speaker 3: them at all, you know what I mean. I could
Speaker 3: try to better and make it, make a better situation
Speaker 3: out of today, I don't. I don't live in the past.
Speaker 2: That you know. I don't.
Speaker 3: I did what I've done in it and I got
Speaker 3: to live with it. But I don't let it eat
Speaker 3: me up inside. You know what I mean. I'm trying
Speaker 3: to well out, you know what I mean. I advanced
Speaker 3: so far, so I ain't gonna let those things keep me,
Speaker 3: hold of me, hold me, hold me, hold of me,
Speaker 3: because I've never succeeded. I never I've never accompissed anything
Speaker 3: in life. If I keep doing on the things that
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 1: I think that's true. Ready, how do you do that?
Speaker 1: How do you manage to realize? Like I just got
Speaker 1: to focus on on these things, like, how do you
Speaker 1: how do you manage to do that?
Speaker 3: Well, it's it's kind of simple, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Because like, uh, at one time in my life, I
Speaker 3: thought I never reached twenty five, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: When I uh, that was the age of twenty five. Uh,
Speaker 3: I thought that was astounding of accomplishment because like the
Speaker 3: way my life was going, I ain't the thing I
Speaker 3: was going to establish that age. Now I'm like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be sixty five in a minute, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 2: So I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't done that almost you know, double that already.
Speaker 3: So now, like they said the ladies at the end
Speaker 3: of the tunnel, you know, I don't see it as
Speaker 3: at the end no more. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: It's right there, it is in my grass, what I mean. So, uh,
Speaker 3: if when I went up tomorrow, God's willing, and I
Speaker 3: got a plan on doing a few things, and you know,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm hoping that this why my presence would
Speaker 3: put a joyful smaller people's faces.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, right, David? I would ask
Speaker 1: a similar question to you. You are also one of
Speaker 1: the most incredible people I've ever met. I consider it
Speaker 1: to be such a privilege to have gotten to know you.
Speaker 1: The things that you have done in your life. If
Speaker 1: you look at some of the things just from a
Speaker 1: likelihood standpoint, like if I met you your fresh your
Speaker 1: first day of school, your freshman year in high school,
Speaker 1: the chances you would have achieved all of the things
Speaker 1: you achieved were literally zero, but yet you achieved them anyway.
Speaker 1: What happens to your life when you remember that you've
Speaker 1: literally been like a superhero at certain points in your life.
Speaker 1: I don't know that you think about that often enough,
Speaker 1: And I find myself wondering when David remembers he's damn
Speaker 1: near a literal living superhero. What happens to David's life
Speaker 1: and the way he views himself? What do you think
Speaker 1: about that, David?
Speaker 6: No, I do think about that, Like you know, I
Speaker 6: think I think about it more now is because the
Speaker 6: way I'm shifting to mind shift that I'm having because
Speaker 6: I know, like you know, when times in the past
Speaker 6: and sometimes you could go on to pass and build
Speaker 6: from it because it was a good space. Past don't
Speaker 6: always got to be negative things, right, So there's been
Speaker 6: times when you know, back up against the wall or
Speaker 6: somebody say you couldn't do something, or something seemed that
Speaker 6: it was impossible of obtaining, and you know, and you
Speaker 6: got to think back, what made you grab it? Because
Speaker 6: you got there and what did you do? So what
Speaker 6: would happen? Was it more disciplined on this way, was
Speaker 6: it more concentration on this or you know, whatever it was,
Speaker 6: it got you to that point. And then now like
Speaker 6: you could take some of that, some of those same
Speaker 6: type of techniques and apply.
Speaker 2: It to other other things, you know, and and it
Speaker 2: would help.
Speaker 6: And it helps, and it does because like I'm grabbing
Speaker 6: some of them techniques and pushing it towards other things.
Speaker 6: Is just you know, now you got to push them.
Speaker 6: You got to push them techniques around your entire life
Speaker 6: now because it's not just you when it was in
Speaker 6: the past. So that's that's the challenging part. How can
Speaker 6: I fit this into everything.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 6: That's why I said, you know, the better version of
Speaker 6: David the more you know, the staying positive every day,
Speaker 6: even when it's if it's a hiccup, you know, you
Speaker 6: gotta rebound. Like I said before, you know, one of
Speaker 6: the things my coaches always said is don't worry about
Speaker 6: the last play. Concentrate on the next one. You know,
Speaker 6: we can review that play when the game is over.
Speaker 6: It right, and and that makes sense, So you can't
Speaker 6: worry about the stuff that just happened, right, because it's
Speaker 6: gonna mess up everything else that's in front of you.
Speaker 6: Everything else is gonna mess it up. Like one negative thing.
Speaker 6: One negative thing can be very bad, and it can,
Speaker 6: you know, probably destroy your day.
Speaker 2: But let's let's think about it. What what what? What
Speaker 2: was it?
Speaker 6: And all the positive other things that can happen, you know,
Speaker 6: by just rebounding and putting that one to the side
Speaker 6: and maybe revisiting it a later day when you're when
Speaker 6: you're in a better mind state, then you can handle
Speaker 6: that negative thing a little bit better and it's not
Speaker 6: as bad as it was when it hits you Monday
Speaker 6: and you're looking at it on Thursday.
Speaker 2: If it can wait that long or later on in
Speaker 2: the day. But I feel like, you know, with a positive.
Speaker 6: Outlook, in a positive mind, you can accomplish the things
Speaker 6: that you think are impossible because it has been done.
Speaker 6: Especially for me, it has been done, so I know
Speaker 6: it could be done again.
Speaker 1: What happens to your life as you continue to remember
Speaker 1: that day, Because I really mean what I said, I
Speaker 1: think you're an incredible man, and I would say I
Speaker 1: think there were times when you forgot that. So what
Speaker 1: happened to your life when you remember, like, I'm pretty
Speaker 1: good at doing impossible things, like I'm pretty good at
Speaker 1: being an absolute incredible human and accomplishing incredible thing. What
Speaker 1: happens to your life when you're in that space, David?
Speaker 6: I mean, when you're in this, when you're it's just
Speaker 6: a it's just a whole aura, a feeling of accomplishment,
Speaker 6: no matter what it is, it's just it's just a
Speaker 6: different feeling.
Speaker 2: It's a good feeling.
Speaker 6: It's a natural high and it's a good feeling. I'm
Speaker 6: being honest with you, it is absolutely and you know,
Speaker 6: and people me, I want that feeling a lot, and
Speaker 6: people want that feeling, you know what I'm saying, So
Speaker 6: you know, and it's not something that you're just gonna
Speaker 6: just like it's take hard work to get to that
Speaker 6: level of feeling, that level that that level whatever it
Speaker 6: is that you're on that you are trying to get to.
Speaker 6: Everybody path is differ for everybody. Thing is different, but
Speaker 6: that level that feeling, who, yeah, it tastes good.
Speaker 1: And and and the thing David like, having that feeling
Speaker 1: interesting doesn't make life any easier. Like, it's not like
Speaker 1: life stop throwing curveballs at you or anything, but it
Speaker 1: just seems that you're able to handle them better. Is
Speaker 1: that Is that right?
Speaker 2: You think?
Speaker 6: Yeah, because a lot of times when you get to
Speaker 6: that when whatever, like it's sometimes and most of the time, right,
Speaker 6: if it's something and you get to the top of
Speaker 6: it or whatever, right, you're gonna have some challenges. You're
Speaker 6: gonna have some outsiders. You're gonna have this right, but
Speaker 6: you're gonna you're gonna bail it, Like you said, you're
Speaker 6: gonna beil and handle it differently because you know what
Speaker 6: it took to get there. So you knew what it
Speaker 6: took to get there. You're gonna bail and handle it.
Speaker 6: You're gonna be able, your skin gonna be a little tougher.
Speaker 6: Your mind gonna be.
Speaker 2: You know, you're gonna be.
Speaker 6: To handle whatever is coming out. You're gonna keep on
Speaker 6: going because you want to be up there. You want
Speaker 6: to be at that space within yourself. That's where you
Speaker 6: want to be at because that's your space. That's how you.
Speaker 6: You know, you focus at that space, you maneuver at
Speaker 6: that space. That's a better version of you at that space,
Speaker 6: and you can handle a lot of things at that space.
Speaker 6: Not saying that everything is peaches and cream like an
Speaker 6: apple pie, but when it's not like that, because you're
Speaker 6: already in that mindset and that thinking, you're able to
Speaker 6: handle it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, David. We'll be right back with more family therapy.
Speaker 1: And Jay, you were an incredible woman, And I don't
Speaker 1: know if I've ever met a woman quite like you before.
Speaker 1: Like we've been meeting now for all these weeks, and
Speaker 1: it seems like every time we met, I learned something
Speaker 1: new that was amazing about you that you didn't tell
Speaker 1: me previously. Like I learned about your military experience. I
Speaker 1: learned about your multiple degrees and the programs that you
Speaker 1: graduated from. I learned about your investment properties and your
Speaker 1: dreams and your wishes, and I admire like that is
Speaker 1: just an inspiration to me when I hear it. And
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever met a person who more
Speaker 1: than you needed to look in the mirror and see greatness.
Speaker 1: How how do you think would make a difference in
Speaker 1: your life if you learned? And again, Jay, and having
Speaker 1: said that, I'm not saying you're perfect, as I'm not
Speaker 1: saying anyone is perfect, But what different would it make
Speaker 1: in your life? You just developed the habit to just
Speaker 1: see greatness when you looked at yourself, when you like
Speaker 1: analyzed yourself instead of flaws, problems, blah blah blah.
Speaker 5: I think I would create the life that I truly
Speaker 5: want and believe that I can do it. I have
Speaker 5: achieved a lot of things, but I haven't absolutely I
Speaker 5: haven't achieved mastering myself yet, and I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't know if anyone.
Speaker 5: Ever really truly fully masters themselves. But I do think
Speaker 5: I could be better at it. I think that there
Speaker 5: are things that I want that, to be honest, like,
Speaker 5: I'm afraid to do them.
Speaker 3: I don't be at you are afraid to do it?
Speaker 3: How can you be afraid to do something you got
Speaker 3: so far in life already, because.
Speaker 4: So there's the moves that I make. Are they're ris scared.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I don't want to work at my job.
Speaker 5: I know I could shift gears and find something that
Speaker 5: I enjoy, but I'm scared, so I don't do it.
Speaker 5: But if I focused more on what I could do,
Speaker 5: then then I would do those things, versus just saying, well,
Speaker 5: this is what I got, so it's safe.
Speaker 4: So let me keep it. I really don't enjoy spending
Speaker 4: forty hours a week staring at a computer. I feel
Speaker 4: like that is such a waste of my energy and
Speaker 4: my time.
Speaker 5: But the income is solid and I need it. So
Speaker 5: there's like those more personal choices, like I can make
Speaker 5: a business still happen because it's external, you know, it's
Speaker 5: more of an external thing. But when it comes to
Speaker 5: the lifestyle that I truly want, I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't know that.
Speaker 5: I mean, I've taken steps, but I don't know that
Speaker 5: I've taken as many steps.
Speaker 4: As I could to true achieved that lifestyle.
Speaker 5: But if I focused on the good stuff, and if
Speaker 5: I focused on what I could do with the confidence
Speaker 5: of you've done so much already, then I would make
Speaker 5: different moves.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting that you say that, Jay, because you
Speaker 1: have accomplished so much, and I don't think you've given
Speaker 1: yourself credit right to the to the degree to which
Speaker 1: you've accomplished. It's almost like you just kind of like,
Speaker 1: ho hum it. And I'm like, wait a minute, that's
Speaker 1: not a whole hum accomplishment Like that that thing, that
Speaker 1: that degree you got, or that that achievement you had
Speaker 1: in the military, or that business thing that you achieved,
Speaker 1: or or even the level of jobs you got. Those
Speaker 1: aren't whole hum accomplishments. And it's like you've done all
Speaker 1: these great things but given yourself very little credit for them.
Speaker 1: And I I just wonder what happens when Jay starts
Speaker 1: giving herself credit for her brilliance, for her magic, for
Speaker 1: her strength, for her fortitude resilience, Like what happens when
Speaker 1: you start truly giving yourself credit for who you are?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I would I want unstick myself. I wouldn't. I
Speaker 4: wouldn't feel stuck.
Speaker 1: And I'm not telling you you know tomorrow I want
Speaker 1: you to quit your job because like, who knows, I
Speaker 1: don't know what you would do.
Speaker 4: No, I'll make decisions like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what would you what would be the first thing, Jay,
Speaker 1: What do you think would be the first like even
Speaker 1: micro step you might take when you start realizing, like
Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself credit for the amazing person
Speaker 1: that I am and the amazing things that I've achieved.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it would. Part of it would be
Speaker 5: looking for a different job. Part of it would be
Speaker 5: that part of it would be instead of focus on
Speaker 5: what I can't what I used to do physically, I
Speaker 5: would just be like, Okay, let me, I'm gonna go
Speaker 5: for this walk. I'm gonna go for this. Like I
Speaker 5: saw somebody running the other day and I was like, damn, I.
Speaker 2: Used to run.
Speaker 4: I used to do that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: So I would probably, you know, be like, well, man,
Speaker 4: maybe I can't do.
Speaker 5: Forty push ups in two minutes anymore, but I could
Speaker 5: do ten.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean, Like, so let me do that.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 5: I would just focus on what I could do and
Speaker 5: do it instead of just knocking it off like it's
Speaker 5: not as good as what I used to do. So
Speaker 5: I ain't even gonna you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 5: I would, I would just do what I can until
Speaker 5: I get to the point of where I want to
Speaker 5: be Jay.
Speaker 1: I love that. H I love that Jay. Now Jay,
Speaker 1: perhaps me personally getting to know you, I've learned a
Speaker 1: lot about you and some of your accomplishments. But I'm
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't lie. I do have a favorite
Speaker 1: accomplishment of yours. My favorite accomplishment of yours is the
Speaker 1: way you have forgiven your father. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I told you that was my favorite, but I think
Speaker 1: I've told you that I admired it. To me, I
Speaker 1: think that's the one thing that speaks the most to
Speaker 1: who you are. I just want you to say, like,
Speaker 1: how did you do that? And what does it mean
Speaker 1: to you to see the way your father is doing
Speaker 1: things now? What does it mean to you to see
Speaker 1: the way Freddie is doing things now?
Speaker 4: I just, I guess I just focused on I just
Speaker 4: allow him to be who he was.
Speaker 5: Without the expectations of who I wanted him to be.
Speaker 1: But how did you do that? How did you shift
Speaker 1: your focus from what I was angry with him about
Speaker 1: or what I was missing within him? How did you
Speaker 1: shift your focus to I'm going to allow him to
Speaker 1: be who he is without having any exces Like, how
Speaker 1: did you do that?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 5: I don't know that I ever really held a lot
Speaker 5: of anger towards him.
Speaker 1: So how did you do that?
Speaker 5: Because I realized that he dealt with addiction, and I
Speaker 5: don't see.
Speaker 4: Addiction as a flaw. I see it more as a disease.
Speaker 5: And I felt like if I was, if I was sick,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't want someone to hold that against me.
Speaker 6: So I just I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just I just said, you know, if this is
Speaker 5: his challenge, then that's his challenge, you know, and it's
Speaker 5: hope hopefully one day he would overcome, and he did,
Speaker 5: so I just I just didn't hold it against him.
Speaker 1: So going back to the theme of like, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure Jay gives herself credit for things. Do you ever
Speaker 1: realize how how rare that is and what a gift
Speaker 1: that is that you've given to Freddy can say.
Speaker 5: Give a much stop, But I do think it is
Speaker 5: a gift, I agree, not just to him, but to
Speaker 5: myself as well.
Speaker 1: And not just to him, and not just to yourself,
Speaker 1: but like to your kids and to David. And you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like because you did this, your
Speaker 1: kids have a relationship with their grandfather because you did this,
Speaker 1: Like have you ever sat back and realized that that
Speaker 1: was such a massive gift and probably played a role
Speaker 1: in saving.
Speaker 3: His life absolutely, because like when the whole world don't
Speaker 3: believe in you and you just got one person that
Speaker 3: still does, that's all you need, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: You could you could cipher off for that and restore
Speaker 3: your life.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I don't think anybody like uh I ever thought that
Speaker 3: I was wont to get out of the round that
Speaker 3: I was, you know what I mean. And every time
Speaker 3: I talked to Daylan, she gave me that. That's that's
Speaker 3: such encouragement. That gives me the strength.
Speaker 4: You know what.
Speaker 3: It's like they say some people got the foresight, got
Speaker 3: that special eye. They could see all the goodness in
Speaker 3: you and not all the bad and the evil in you.
Speaker 3: And the person she could look at somebody and she
Speaker 3: can see all the goodness that's inside the person and
Speaker 3: not she or even the outside the person, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. So, uh, that's the gift I think
Speaker 3: she really has that she not aware of it. Like
Speaker 3: you said, most people don't get themselves the credit that
Speaker 3: they are doing, you know what I mean, Because you
Speaker 3: are a brief person. You have achieved and I'm very
Speaker 3: proud of you know, some don't believe the other day
Speaker 3: I was I was telling one of my coworkers. I
Speaker 3: was like, he was talking about he got a little
Speaker 3: son and he's like when five years old. He was
Speaker 3: talking about the first baby steps and all that kind
Speaker 3: of stuff. I was telling her, like, aw some them out.
Speaker 3: She went to Africa and talked about how to read
Speaker 3: and you know, things like that.
Speaker 4: And then I teach kids how to read.
Speaker 5: But I did start an organization that that collected books
Speaker 5: and sent them to libraries in Africa.
Speaker 6: That's that's that's but that's what dads do, though, That's
Speaker 6: what dad do. You gotta let them be great.
Speaker 2: My father used to do the same thing.
Speaker 1: You just proved my point.
Speaker 4: I know, I know I did.
Speaker 1: I had no idea that Jay had started an organization
Speaker 1: that sent books the African libraries. Some kids had access
Speaker 1: to books. Every time I talk to this woman, I
Speaker 1: learned something new about something that she has achieved. But Freddy,
Speaker 1: you said something a second ago that was really important.
Speaker 1: You said that when you're in a difficult situation, when
Speaker 1: you have that one person that believes in you, you
Speaker 1: can like siphon off that I think is what you said.
Speaker 1: Have you ever have you ever told Jay that she
Speaker 1: was that one person that you always knew was looking
Speaker 1: at you in a positive way like him? Have you
Speaker 1: ever let her know that and let her know what
Speaker 1: that meant to you?
Speaker 3: Actually, I don't. I don't believe I have, But this
Speaker 3: is a great opportunity to do so. And I believe
Speaker 3: that my whole life. You know, everybody uh needs that
Speaker 3: that that's certain individual or have have that certain individual
Speaker 3: in their corner where no matter what they've done in life,
Speaker 3: they still believe in you know what I mean? And Jay,
Speaker 3: you have been that person for me, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. Besides, she's been a treminous woman for me,
Speaker 3: Like like I'm I'm not too good with women, like
Speaker 3: my my track record with like relationships, it's not that
Speaker 3: not that well, but different as made me more of
Speaker 3: a man than I've ever been, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: She encouraged me just like Jay Lous. You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying. She gives me that in the strength that
Speaker 3: and I think I don't have she gives to me,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And you got two or
Speaker 3: three women like that in your life, You're going with
Speaker 3: you the world.
Speaker 8: Man.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's dope.
Speaker 2: One thing I'm happy and I really enjoyed seeing.
Speaker 6: I love family. I come from a large family. I'm
Speaker 6: close to a lot of my family, and you know,
Speaker 6: I don't have my dad here, my mom's is gone.
Speaker 6: I like Pops from day one. He's been my guy,
Speaker 6: straight up. Ain't nothing changed about me. Ain't nothing. I've
Speaker 6: been the same cat since I met Possible. And I'm
Speaker 6: happy that Jalen got a relationship with him, Like I'm
Speaker 6: being honest with me, him had serious talks. We can
Speaker 6: laugh together, we can have great conversations and stuff, and
Speaker 6: I like that. And I love the way he is
Speaker 6: with my boys. Because my kids, I got.
Speaker 2: Three, two of them haven't met my dad.
Speaker 6: So I love the relationship that he is that he
Speaker 6: has with is in easy and you know, and what
Speaker 6: was And when I look at him and I look
Speaker 6: at my pops, a lot of the same similarities, hard
Speaker 6: lives came over that you know, became great people, you
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, and kept moving forward.
Speaker 2: So I understand him, and uh, and I get it right.
Speaker 2: And it ain't.
Speaker 6: Easy and I let and I done told him that though.
Speaker 6: But that's one thing I like, and I and and
Speaker 6: and I and I see that, and I let him
Speaker 6: take their own course. I don't push it in our
Speaker 6: implore on that to be able to still have a
Speaker 6: relationship because and and it's good.
Speaker 2: It's a good thing.
Speaker 6: And I look back and I see it, and you know,
Speaker 6: I just wanted to say that because it is too
Speaker 6: And Pops.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to give you a clue. It was like,
Speaker 2: you're my guy, right. I don't know if I ever
Speaker 2: told you that, But.
Speaker 1: It's such a powerful thing that Jay did that facilitated
Speaker 1: all these other changes. Such a powerful thing that and Freddie,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you would even voice that because
Speaker 1: now she gets to hear it like I. Actually I
Speaker 1: contributed to how he transformed his life. That's a real,
Speaker 1: real powerful thing.
Speaker 5: It's really interesting to hear both of their perspectives on that,
Speaker 5: because I actually never really thought about it too much.
Speaker 4: But I guess the beauty of.
Speaker 5: It is that when you don't I guess, when you
Speaker 5: don't hold on to resentment and anger, you're opening the
Speaker 5: door for blessings that you don't even realize you're opening
Speaker 5: the door for damn.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So I'm happy that you know, I was able to
Speaker 5: do that because it is so many people that just
Speaker 5: they're so angry, They're so angry about what could have been,
Speaker 5: what should have been, Why isn't it this way or
Speaker 5: why it has to be that way? And at the
Speaker 5: end of the day, if you can have someone in
Speaker 5: your life, you know, if they're not toxic towards you,
Speaker 5: but they but they may not be exactly what you
Speaker 5: want them to be, but the relationship can allow certain
Speaker 5: things to manifest that even if it's not specifically for you,
Speaker 5: it can be a blessing for other people around you.
Speaker 5: And I think that is a really good example of it.
Speaker 1: To that point, Jay, I agree with every word you
Speaker 1: just said, and I want to add one more thing.
Speaker 1: Your father said one of your abilities is you can
Speaker 1: see goodness in people even when they're doing evil things.
Speaker 1: I think is what Freddie said. What do you think
Speaker 1: about him saying you have that trait? You have that ability.
Speaker 4: I actually realize that as a trait that I have.
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm happy he noticed it too, But I
Speaker 5: really do try to.
Speaker 4: Let people be who they are.
Speaker 5: My challenge, my personal challenge with that is creating the
Speaker 5: boundaries around myself so that any negative traits don't have
Speaker 5: a negative impact on me. But for the most part,
Speaker 5: and I think I get that from my mother.
Speaker 4: She just she's the type of person.
Speaker 5: She just gonna let you be who you are, like
Speaker 5: whoever you are, you know, rock out, And I guess
Speaker 5: I get.
Speaker 4: It from her.
Speaker 5: And I think it is a good trait to have.
Speaker 5: But you also have to be careful with that trait.
Speaker 5: You know, there's there's things that people can bring to
Speaker 5: the table that might not be good for you. So
Speaker 5: I think I have a better balance at that than
Speaker 5: she does.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I do.
Speaker 1: I do realize that that's a pretty incredible trait to have.
Speaker 4: Jack, Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
Speaker 1: No, don't you?
Speaker 3: Did it?
Speaker 1: Like I kind of want you looking in the mirror
Speaker 1: every day and be like, yeah, I'm pretty awesome. I
Speaker 1: want you to give you.
Speaker 2: You should you are awesome.
Speaker 1: Yes, I want you to give that same grace that
Speaker 1: you so eloquently gave to others, including your father, to yourselfself.
Speaker 1: What if you use that superhero treat on you?
Speaker 5: Yeah, David tells me all the time, it's so hard
Speaker 5: on myself, But he's right, and you're right.
Speaker 2: She's very hard on herself. Jay is like she got it.
Speaker 6: She and I see it sometimes and I don't hear
Speaker 6: her speak to me, and sometimes like I don't say nothing.
Speaker 6: I let her bring it out of herself because how
Speaker 6: awesome she is and how smart she is is just
Speaker 6: some things with my skill set that I see and
Speaker 6: I'm like, yo, she gotta bring it out herself. I
Speaker 6: can't say it, like you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 6: she's very tough on herself, Like she's very very tough,
Speaker 6: and it's nothing wrong with being tough on yourself, but
Speaker 6: sometimes I feel like, yo, you're being a little bit
Speaker 6: too hard on yourself, like for real, like yo, that's fly,
Speaker 6: Like yeah, take them like I told you. I said
Speaker 6: this to my sister, right, I said this, right, And
Speaker 6: I have said this before to people out on train
Speaker 6: or whatever, and somebody does said this to me. You
Speaker 6: gotta employ yourself for the small accomplishments and small goals
Speaker 6: and the baby steps.
Speaker 2: Give yourself that high five, like hell yeah, like and
Speaker 2: I say that like yes, like sometimes I get myself
Speaker 2: to high five. I don't care.
Speaker 6: I don't need it to be exactly hitting on all cylinders.
Speaker 6: But it was a small accomplishment so it can hit
Speaker 6: on all cylinders. So you high five yourself and keep moving,
Speaker 6: and keep moving, keep moving.
Speaker 1: I love the idea of all of you celebrating, like
Speaker 1: giving yourselves high fives, because for each of you it's different,
Speaker 1: but I have a similar experience with all of you.
Speaker 1: Jay's a bit more extreme because every time I talk
Speaker 1: to those women, I learned something new about something great
Speaker 1: she does. But all three of you I have that
Speaker 1: same experience. Like I don't know that these people give
Speaker 1: themselves enough credit for just how how wonderful the things
Speaker 1: that they have done are, including participating in this project, like, Freddie,
Speaker 1: have you have you thought about like this? These are
Speaker 1: the kind of things I think about, Freddie? Have you
Speaker 1: thought about how many how many men are going to
Speaker 1: watch you as an example of how to fix wrongs
Speaker 1: that they've done in their path? Have you thought about that, Freddy?
Speaker 1: How many men will be inspired, not all to be
Speaker 1: like you know what if that guy could contact his son,
Speaker 1: if that guy could reconnect with his dark man, I
Speaker 1: can do it too. Have you thought about that?
Speaker 2: Freddy?
Speaker 3: Noah, absolutely haven't uh like this? This this program has
Speaker 3: done uh great insight on my own life. You know
Speaker 3: what I mean. I feel that most most black men
Speaker 3: don't do there, you know what I mean, out of
Speaker 3: it's out of the round, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: We were strong, we dominate, were gonna we could handle it,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. All of us need you know,
Speaker 3: a therapeutical program, you know, so so we could dig
Speaker 3: deep within and with and without, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: So if you you don't do that in your life,
Speaker 3: you're gonna be stagnated.
Speaker 8: You're always gonna be like bewildered you, You're always gonna
Speaker 8: be hurting.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You gott you can, you can.
Speaker 8: You gotta dig and find yourself man, and like and
Speaker 8: some things like through this this process, I didn't know
Speaker 8: about that insight to encourage Its almost like it's a
Speaker 8: it's a way way off your chest, you might say,
Speaker 8: off your shoulders, you know what I mean. This just
Speaker 8: to know those those little details, you know what I mean,
Speaker 8: that's amount of encouragement.
Speaker 9: Some people will never be able to achieve by being
Speaker 9: watch you, you know what I mean, and not just
Speaker 9: getting the time out to say, well let me try therapy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think the stronger you become, right, and the
Speaker 6: and the more that you're trying to go down that
Speaker 6: path of greatness and mind shift, the more you do
Speaker 6: need to talk to somebody because that's when more, that's
Speaker 6: when a lot of the challenge is gonna come.
Speaker 1: I think that's absolutely true. And David, what about you?
Speaker 1: Have you thought about the like the impact you're gonna
Speaker 1: have on people as they watch a man be vulnerable
Speaker 1: and like reclaim his strength and his confidence. I admire
Speaker 1: you so much, David for the way you are pursuing
Speaker 1: your confidence and your strength and the father you are
Speaker 1: for your boys. Do you have you thought about the
Speaker 1: way you're going to be inspiring men to stay connected
Speaker 1: to their families.
Speaker 2: I think so.
Speaker 6: I think the one thing that Pop said is like,
Speaker 6: you know, and and it's definitely true, Like you know,
Speaker 6: especially in our community, Like you know, guys where I'm from,
Speaker 6: the way I was brought up, and you know, the
Speaker 6: things out and reach on the sports level are sometimes
Speaker 6: misperceived to be vulnerable sometimes. Right, doesn't mean that you're
Speaker 6: a punk or you're weak of anything like that, Right,
Speaker 6: just that you're a man, right, you bleed, you human?
Speaker 6: Right that you can't be a tough guy all the time, right,
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying. You can't be hard all
Speaker 6: the time. You know, especially if you got children too, right,
Speaker 6: because one thing like yeah big bad.
Speaker 2: This and this and that.
Speaker 6: But I still gotta be I still gotta show some
Speaker 6: softness to my kids. And that's not a bad way
Speaker 6: because you gotta have them, you gotta you gotta let
Speaker 6: them be able to adjust. You can't be angry all
Speaker 6: the time, can't live like that way. No, you gotta
Speaker 6: you gotta be happy. So I think it's gonna some
Speaker 6: of the things that already that are already accomplished in
Speaker 6: the impact that some people know. And I saw what
Speaker 6: it had on their lives. Some of the people I
Speaker 6: talk to on an everyday basis or a client, I
Speaker 6: mean meet and I can impact them with that little
Speaker 6: bit here, having somebody here and go and hear these
Speaker 6: sessions and see, Yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 2: Gonna take it to another level.
Speaker 6: Maybe the right person hear it and reach out, and
Speaker 6: you know, maybe they need a person they need to
Speaker 6: talk to. Because I got a lot of people I
Speaker 6: know and I know they got stuff going on. They
Speaker 6: need to talk to somebody. Because now my conversation is different.
Speaker 6: I'm hitting them with some of your questions, like you know,
Speaker 6: trying to get you know, like I'm in sales, so
Speaker 6: you know, open ended questions.
Speaker 2: So I know that.
Speaker 6: So I know, right, trying to get like you know,
Speaker 6: because I feel like to teach one, each one, each one,
Speaker 6: teach on whatever which way you go, right, I can't
Speaker 6: hold all the information for myself. So if I feel
Speaker 6: like if I care about that person and I you know,
Speaker 6: and it's what I'm talking about my like my crew,
Speaker 6: and I look at him like a brother or something like.
Speaker 2: That, Yeah, I yo, what's up man? What's going on?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Right, maybe he need to hear me vent or talk,
Speaker 6: or maybe he got some something for me, or maybe
Speaker 6: I got something for him. Though, but I think more
Speaker 6: of that needs to happen. And it wasn't happening a lot,
Speaker 6: and where are you know. Some of it is wrinkle
Speaker 6: down and we're building our ways out of it.
Speaker 2: But you know, I think we need more of that.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned for my final thoughts after this. Well, I
Speaker 1: just have one more suggestion I'm going to make to
Speaker 1: you all, and that is to keep noticing greatness within
Speaker 1: yourselves and each other. Now having said that, I think
Speaker 1: the most appropriate way to wrap all of this up
Speaker 1: is to give each of you a final word to say.
Speaker 1: I think you guys are are far more important in
Speaker 1: this process. You guys are the stars. This is a
Speaker 1: process about you. So I'm going to just take a
Speaker 1: step back and let you guys say the final words
Speaker 1: of this series. So I'll start with Jay, what are
Speaker 1: the final words you'd like to share?
Speaker 5: I think I'll first to say thank you to you
Speaker 5: for guiding student process.
Speaker 4: I appreciate you.
Speaker 5: I know there was a time where I was like,
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'm feeling this, but you kind
Speaker 5: of made sure that you kind of took the time
Speaker 5: to explain things and I was able to see the
Speaker 5: bigger picture.
Speaker 4: So thank you for that.
Speaker 5: Thank you to my father, thank you to David for
Speaker 5: going through this process with me. I've definitely learned a
Speaker 5: lot about the two of you, and I'm thankful to
Speaker 5: have you in my life. And I think you're both
Speaker 5: very amazing individuals, amazing men, and I'm really thankful.
Speaker 4: For you too.
Speaker 5: And I'll just say that, you know, for the people
Speaker 5: who are listening, like it is okay to not be okay,
Speaker 5: and no matter what you've achieved, no matter what you've accomplished,
Speaker 5: that doesn't.
Speaker 4: Guarantee that your mental health is being cared for. It.
Speaker 5: You can get all the degrees you want, you can
Speaker 5: be in the military.
Speaker 4: You could do all whatever.
Speaker 5: You could be a CEO with Fortune five hundred company,
Speaker 5: and you still need to take the time to care
Speaker 5: for yourself. And what that care looks like is not
Speaker 5: what people always put out there. You know, maybe it
Speaker 5: is therapy, maybe it is something else, but you have
Speaker 5: to take care of yourself because you're You're the only
Speaker 5: self that you have and you're not gonna get another one,
Speaker 5: so you might as well, you know, might as well,
Speaker 5: you know, hung you down and really ask yourself what
Speaker 5: do you need and be you know, be truthful with yourself.
Speaker 5: Like whoever's going to judge, let them judge. But at
Speaker 5: the end of the day, if you can be a
Speaker 5: better version of yourself, then you should try to achieve,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 4: Strive for that.
Speaker 5: I think there's so many challenges, but I have a
Speaker 5: special place in my heart for veterans, and I know,
Speaker 5: like that transition from being in the military to becoming
Speaker 5: a civilian can be really difficult, but you know, here's
Speaker 5: the opportunity for you to not have beings so structured
Speaker 5: and defined for you, and you get to define the
Speaker 5: life that you want for you and and get to
Speaker 5: move towards that. So I just want to get my
Speaker 5: veterans a shout out and and just say, you know,
Speaker 5: you got this.
Speaker 4: You can. You can make the life that you want.
Speaker 4: And especially oh in the moms, you know you're gonna lose.
Speaker 5: You might lose yourself, you really might, but you can
Speaker 5: always find yourself again. And and God is so good,
Speaker 5: So even when you forgot who you.
Speaker 2: Are, he hasn't.
Speaker 4: So just just remember that, and you know, just keep
Speaker 4: pushing forward.
Speaker 1: Jay, Thank you.
Speaker 4: The world.
Speaker 1: You know, Freddie? What about you? How would you? What
Speaker 1: final words would you like to leave? Leave people with?
Speaker 3: Is the thing you've been losing all your life? You
Speaker 3: gotta get put yourself off the ground. Don't you realize
Speaker 3: you you're winning because you're still pushing you know.
Speaker 2: What I mean?
Speaker 3: You're still pushing that little in you're not pushing. Well,
Speaker 3: let's keep pushing that a little Michae who in You're
Speaker 3: gonna get there? You don't get there.
Speaker 1: I love that, you know. I think sometimes we get
Speaker 1: fully wrapped up in winning is a measurement of the outcome.
Speaker 1: But Freddie, what you just said, I wholehearted to believe
Speaker 1: you're winning just because you're still pushing like you're winning
Speaker 1: because you're in the game. The outcome is in the
Speaker 1: measurement of winning or not. The fact that you're still
Speaker 1: in the game pushing is the is the measurement, right, David,
Speaker 1: What are your final thoughts after going through this?
Speaker 2: I really enjoyed is these uh this journey.
Speaker 6: Out of all the sessions I've probably done had in
Speaker 6: my life, this is probably this is the best.
Speaker 2: One I've had.
Speaker 6: Learned a lot, learned some things about Jay which was
Speaker 6: all so thank you for having us do this. And
Speaker 6: you know, I'm hoping that and I know it will
Speaker 6: help some people that's listening. That's gonna take some good
Speaker 6: things out of this. Keep the faith, right, whoever you
Speaker 6: higher power is, you know, reach out. The pain is
Speaker 6: definitely gonna be over. Is only a temporary thing, all right.
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 6: I read my book during this journey and one thing
Speaker 6: my God David said is like listen to pain. I
Speaker 6: look forward to it because it makes most people quick.
Speaker 6: But when you push through it, it's a good thing.
Speaker 6: On the other side, and that's one thing. Like you know,
Speaker 6: I think that I got out of this because it's
Speaker 6: been a lot of pain though, but I'm seeing the
Speaker 6: good on the other side, and I hope some people
Speaker 6: see that too, And that's it.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: I love it, you know, all three of you. I
Speaker 1: think that is the best way to end this. So
Speaker 1: all I'm going to say is thank you.
Speaker 3: I thank all you guys.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 5: I love you too, love you too, too too.
Speaker 1: I think my greatest thought as I think back on
Speaker 1: working with this families about this season, is what a
Speaker 1: tremendous honor it was to be in a position where
Speaker 1: I could meet and help this family. I've been doing
Speaker 1: a lot of therapy for a lot of years. I've
Speaker 1: been practicing for over fifteen years, nearly twenty, and there
Speaker 1: have been times in my clinical work where I just
Speaker 1: wish the world could see how impactful therapy could be,
Speaker 1: in the hopes that if people could see how impactful
Speaker 1: therapy could be, they'd be much more likely to seek therapy,
Speaker 1: address their mental health issues and address the issues going
Speaker 1: on in their own families. I never thought that I
Speaker 1: would be in a position to be able to do that,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't happen without a family as courageous and
Speaker 1: vulnerable and authentic and real and loving as this family. Now,
Speaker 1: I say loving because you've got to love someone in
Speaker 1: order to stick to the process. And when it was hard,
Speaker 1: when it was difficult, when it was challenging, this family
Speaker 1: loved each other enough that they stuck to the process.
Speaker 1: Now I don't know long term what's going to happen
Speaker 1: with this family, like I don't know anything could happen,
Speaker 1: but I do know the small window they gave us
Speaker 1: into their life has changed my life and potentially changed
Speaker 1: the lives of millions of people listening. So the biggest
Speaker 1: thing I want to say to this family is thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to have been in this position, and
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear how things transpire within this family.
Speaker 1: And I can't wait to see the ripple effect that
Speaker 1: participating in this season will make for all of the
Speaker 1: many listeners. Once again, it's important to ask yourself different
Speaker 1: questions while you're on your healing journey. So with each episode,
Speaker 1: we like to end with a question that keeps you
Speaker 1: thinking and growing and processing so that you yourself improve
Speaker 1: your own mental health and unleash your inner superhero. This week,
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, who is the person
Speaker 1: in your life that you admire most, What traits do
Speaker 1: they possess that cause you to admire them? And if
Speaker 1: those traits began to show up in a bigger way
Speaker 1: in your life, how would you notice it. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening. Major announcement. We have a bonus episode coming
Speaker 1: next week where you're going to be listening to me
Speaker 1: give you some guided questions. It'll be like you receiving
Speaker 1: therapy while you're sitting in your home, listening on your phone,
Speaker 1: listening in your car. It's going to be a great episode,
Speaker 1: so stay tuned. This is not just a podcast that
Speaker 1: I want you to consume and be entertained by. I
Speaker 1: actually want you to be inspired. I want you to
Speaker 1: be impacted by this, and in fact, we can't help
Speaker 1: but be impacted by the content we consume. So what
Speaker 1: I would like for you to do is come on
Speaker 1: this healing journey with us. Come on this journey of
Speaker 1: change rediscovery with us. And the way to do that
Speaker 1: is to just pay attention to the things going on
Speaker 1: in your life. As a consequence of listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: Pay attention to things in your life shifting in a
Speaker 1: more desirable way. Pay attention to your desirable outcome becoming
Speaker 1: your reality. Pay attention to evidence of your success, your resilience,
Speaker 1: and your strength. And let us know in the comments
Speaker 1: what you're noticing in your life as a result of
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast and as a result of paying
Speaker 1: attention to these things. I would love to hear from
Speaker 1: you about your healing journey, your family and your feedback.
Speaker 1: Leave a review, send a DM and next with me
Speaker 1: on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send
Speaker 1: me a text message to nine seven two four two
Speaker 1: six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network. Special thanks
Speaker 1: to our assistant Glendale Sefe. It's produced by Jack Queish
Speaker 1: Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. S Bisham. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from The Black Effects, visit the iHeartRadio app or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented
Speaker 1: on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and
Speaker 1: informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for
Speaker 1: personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not constitute
Speaker 1: a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with
Speaker 1: your healthcare provider or health team, or any specific concerns
Speaker 1: or questions you may have.