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Speaker 1: Commitment is inherent in any genuinely loving relationship. Anyone who

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Speaker 1: is truly concerned for the spiritual growth of another knows

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Speaker 1: consciously or instinctively that he or she can significantly foster

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Speaker 1: that growth through a relationship of constancy. M Scott heck

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott, Connie,

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Speaker 1: and for the last time this season, what's been better

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Speaker 1: since you listened to the previous episode? In fact, I

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Speaker 1: want to ask you what has been better since you

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Speaker 1: listened to this whole season. It is my greatest hope

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Speaker 1: that listening to this season and this family and these

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Speaker 1: questions through this process has made a difference in your life.

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Speaker 1: I want you to spend some time reflecting on what

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Speaker 1: those differences been. This week's episode highlights the final session

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Speaker 1: with Freddie, Jay and David. The conversation highlights the power

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Speaker 1: of forgiveness and the impact it can have on personal

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Speaker 1: growth and relationships. Each family member shared their thoughts on

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Speaker 1: how the process of therapy impacted them over the last

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Speaker 1: few months. They all agree there is more work to

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Speaker 1: be done and know that healing is not finite and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't look the same for everyone. The commitment vulnerability

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Speaker 1: and bravery of this family were absolutely inspiring. Jay, Now

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Speaker 1: that we're all here and this was at one time

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Speaker 1: something that would have been hard to imagine. What do

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Speaker 1: you hope is the outcome of a conversation like this?

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Speaker 2: Are you sure or not?

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Speaker 3: Pus my on a firing squad with at a blind

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Speaker 3: fon Freddy?

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Speaker 4: What do I would like the outcome to be?

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Speaker 5: I guess it's the same every time, just a better

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Speaker 5: understanding of ourselves and a better understanding of each other

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Speaker 5: and learning how we can help one another.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, David, Freddie, what about you?

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Speaker 2: Guys?

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Speaker 1: Like, what do you what do you hope is the

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Speaker 1: outcome of it?

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Speaker 3: Well, personally, I hope that we can have a better

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Speaker 3: insight on the things that we want to achieve in

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Speaker 3: life together and separately.

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Speaker 1: David, what about you? What do you what do you

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Speaker 1: hope we get achieved today?

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Speaker 6: I mean, I think I'm pretty much on the same

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Speaker 6: page as everybody else, you know, a little bit more

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Speaker 6: insight understanding, you know, certain things that's going on. I

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Speaker 6: always look forward to the sessions, always walk away like

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Speaker 6: you know, that was a good session and a broader

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Speaker 6: mind shift of a little bit more than what it's

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Speaker 6: going on right now. So I'm ready to dive in

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Speaker 6: see what's going on.

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Speaker 1: So, I mean, I think the first question I have

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Speaker 1: is all three of you have made progress in this

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Speaker 1: process that blows me away to be honest with you. Now,

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Speaker 1: let's imagine this is the last time we ever speak,

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Speaker 1: like after today, we can never speak again. What progress

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Speaker 1: do you hope do each of you hope will continue

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Speaker 1: to happen in spite of no longer being allowed to

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Speaker 1: speak to me ever, which isn't the case, by the way,

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Speaker 1: but let's pretend for a moment you cannot call me

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Speaker 1: ever and I cannot call you. What progress do you

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Speaker 1: each hope you will continue to make even though we

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Speaker 1: can no longer speak.

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Speaker 6: I think staying the course and continue, you know, with

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Speaker 6: the communication part. I think over the last couple of months,

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Speaker 6: communication has been a little better than it has than

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Speaker 6: it was before.

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Speaker 2: Uh h.

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Speaker 6: I feel like, you know, still with some work in progress,

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Speaker 6: but me personally, you know, taking on a.

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Speaker 2: Little bit more than usual, maybe you know, focusing on

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Speaker 2: what I really want.

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Speaker 6: To do a little bit more is uh. I think

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Speaker 6: that's what I want to I feel like that's what

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna continue to keep doing after I walk away

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Speaker 6: from this?

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Speaker 1: How would how would how would Freddie and Jay know

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Speaker 1: that you've continued doing those things? Like what would be

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Speaker 1: assigned to Jay specifically, but even Freddie? How would they

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Speaker 1: notice that continuing communication has continued to improve, You've continued

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Speaker 1: on this path, Like what would they notice that would

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Speaker 1: tell them, you know what, David is continued on that path?

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't know about fucks.

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Speaker 6: I don't know, man, Like you know, Jay's probably around

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Speaker 6: me the molds and.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 6: I just feel like, you know, probably through like conversations

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Speaker 6: or actions or just you know. That's why that I

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Speaker 6: think that's what she'd be able to see. But I

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Speaker 6: don't know like that that I can't like, yes, I

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Speaker 6: want people to notice or whatever, but if they don't, like,

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Speaker 6: I'm still gonna keep pushing, like you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 6: So I don't know where that's gonna come from, you know,

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Speaker 6: but when it when it is, when it's when it's

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Speaker 6: out there. Though I do I do hear it from

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Speaker 6: Jay like I do hear it, like if she sees

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Speaker 6: it or if I say something, I do hear it, like,

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Speaker 6: good job, keep doing it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but what are those things as you keep pushing?

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Speaker 1: You use the phrase like I'm gonna keep pushing. How

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Speaker 1: would you she know that you're continuing to push? What

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Speaker 1: would she see that would say, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: know he's not doing this just for me, and I

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Speaker 1: know he's not doing it just so that I noticed,

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Speaker 1: but I couldn't help but notice X, Y or Z

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Speaker 1: thing that is evidence that he is continuing to push himself.

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Speaker 1: Like how would she notice that?

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Speaker 6: Well, well, one of the things that I'm really just

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Speaker 6: been diving in on. You know, she would definitely hear,

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Speaker 6: like because even now, you know, jumping in and out

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Speaker 6: of car, I got certain radio stations on, like listening

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Speaker 6: to certain stuff and you know, certain conversations on the

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Speaker 6: phone that's changing, or me on the laptop and something

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Speaker 6: else is open, you know what.

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Speaker 2: I'm saying, So like their.

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Speaker 6: Behavior is changing and the language and conversations are changing

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Speaker 6: because of what I'm focused on right now. So I

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Speaker 6: think that's how Jay would know, because she's gonna see like, yo,

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Speaker 6: like he love the Buckeyes, he love it nine ers old,

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Speaker 6: but like he talked about this twenty four to seven,

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Speaker 6: Like you know, he's locked in on it, So I

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Speaker 6: think that's I think those would be definitely some of

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Speaker 6: the telltale signs of how she would recognize that that

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Speaker 6: things are changing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, David. And how about Freddy and Jay? How

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Speaker 1: would you notice that you were continuing the progress that

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Speaker 1: you've made through this process.

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Speaker 5: I guess that I would be continually trying to focus

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Speaker 5: on creating more positive.

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Speaker 4: Habits in my life, so focusing on the good stuff.

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Speaker 5: And you know, when people ask me how I'm doing,

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Speaker 5: I have something positive to say, and I'm actively trying

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Speaker 5: to see joy.

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Speaker 4: In the day to day.

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Speaker 2: In the life.

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Speaker 4: So trying to.

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Speaker 5: Just try to, you know, just try to focus on

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Speaker 5: the things that are really you know, small but still exceptional.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's what I would do.

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Speaker 1: How do you think David would notice that you were

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Speaker 1: doing that? Jake? What would be a sign to David,

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Speaker 1: someone who says he's close enough to you that he

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Speaker 1: would see it, Like, what would be a clue to

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Speaker 1: him that you were doing these things?

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Speaker 4: Maybe I would be more engaged in small talk.

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Speaker 5: I really don't like small talk, but probably because we,

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Speaker 5: you know, see each other every day, talk to each

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Speaker 5: other every day, sometimes we can kind of get lost

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Speaker 5: in that, So I think, you know, just sharing with

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Speaker 5: him a little bit more about the you know, the

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Speaker 5: good things that are going on and just expressing, you know,

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Speaker 5: the things that I noticed that that I'm doing or

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Speaker 5: that he's doing, and just bringing those things up in

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Speaker 5: conversation or sharing with him ways that I am focusing

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Speaker 5: on positive things. I think like things like that as

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Speaker 5: far as like exercising. If I hopefully when I start

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Speaker 5: more actively exercising, he'll see that, he'll probably just see

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Speaker 5: me smile a little bit more and just share that

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Speaker 5: happiness with him.

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Speaker 1: Do you think he likes that when you smile and

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Speaker 1: share the happiness with.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, everybody does.

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Speaker 1: Everybody? Okay, cool? Thank you, Jay and Freddie?

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Speaker 2: What about you?

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Speaker 1: How would you know that you were continuing the progress

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Speaker 1: that you've made through this process?

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Speaker 3: Each and every day you expect things that of a

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Speaker 3: person and you just take it for granted and you

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Speaker 3: lose focus on it about saying that, how thankful for

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Speaker 3: you are? You know what I'm saying of like just

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Speaker 3: coming home to a nice hot meal. You know, you

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Speaker 3: take those things for granted. When you take things for granted,

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Speaker 3: you forget to give the appreciation back for someone you know,

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Speaker 3: sitting there with a hostile because I feel like my

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Speaker 3: life has excelled in a place where I never expected

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Speaker 3: for it to be, you know, my friends, with my family.

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Speaker 3: I still have a lot of setbacks in my life,

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Speaker 3: but I don't I don't like let it weigh me down,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I don't try to like

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Speaker 3: I don't well and that little pity potty, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, saying well, better, it's gonna get better.

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Speaker 3: So I make the little initiative to increase the forth

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Speaker 3: to improve, you know what I mean. So I really

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Speaker 3: want things to be better. It seemed like one one

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Speaker 3: week it seems like it's going well, and then then

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Speaker 3: that everything just seemed like.

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Speaker 2: This caves in.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, how mercy, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: We got hit rock bottom, you know, you know, to

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Speaker 3: get back on thread. So I'd be like, yo, lord,

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Speaker 3: you know, do your thing, man. Put put the spirit

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Speaker 3: into some chokers man, you know, because like I don't

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Speaker 3: think i'll be here. I don't be here that long.

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Speaker 3: Like like it's funny because, uh, when my mother was alive,

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Speaker 3: she's gonna have you, oh, massage your feet all the time.

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Speaker 3: And I used to, you know, I used to do

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Speaker 3: it because she her feet used to have the you know,

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Speaker 3: tingling and all that. I massage your feet all the time, right,

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Speaker 3: So one time she asked me a massage, and figureuse,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to go outside. I want to go do something.

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Speaker 3: I only know exactly what it was. But I didn't

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Speaker 3: do it right. So when I came home, she was

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Speaker 3: at the hospital and she died the next day. No

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Speaker 3: only thing I regret that I did massage your feet

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Speaker 3: that night. I still hold that. I still hold that, uh,

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Speaker 3: that that feeling aside. I mean, like, dang, why you

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Speaker 3: didn't do that?

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Speaker 5: Man?

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Speaker 7: You know?

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Speaker 3: And it just I don't even know what made me

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Speaker 3: think about that, but I can feel the thrills running

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Speaker 3: through my body, Like, hey, Dad, can I.

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Speaker 4: Ask you a question.

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Speaker 5: Do you think your mother is looking down on you

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Speaker 5: and saying, dang, I wish you would have massaged my

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Speaker 5: feet that night, Or do you think she's looking down

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Speaker 5: on you and saying, Wow, I'm so proud of him

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Speaker 5: and how far he's come.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm, Well, I think she's extremely proud of me

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Speaker 3: that too. And I don't think jee thinking bemembering about

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Speaker 3: her feet, you know what I mean? That you hold personally, uh, yourself.

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Speaker 3: That's kind of like be agging at you, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean. But I think she didn't even think

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Speaker 3: about no feet.

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Speaker 4: You know, on that.

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Speaker 1: That's funny because I think Jay Jay is highlighting something,

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Speaker 1: and Jay, I'm starting to wonder if maybe you should

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Speaker 1: be a psychotherapist at some point. She's highlighting something that

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Speaker 1: I want to I want to mention all three of you,

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Speaker 1: Like Freddie, you are one of the most incredible men

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Speaker 1: I've ever met. And what makes me say that is

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Speaker 1: there have been times in your life when you did

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Speaker 1: not make the right decisions for your family, and here

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Speaker 1: you are this entire time that I've known you. It's

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Speaker 1: all been so about I want to reconnect with my

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Speaker 1: kids and my family, and you have followed through on

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Speaker 1: that up to an including participating in this conversation and

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Speaker 1: conversations like this and getting clean and contacting your kids

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Speaker 1: and the way that you have It's one of the

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Speaker 1: most admirable things I've ever known. And I think what

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Speaker 1: Jay is pointing out is if you continue to focus

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Speaker 1: on the one thing you regret, like not rubbing your

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Speaker 1: mother's feet that day, instead of noticing all of the

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Speaker 1: wonderful traits about you that leads to a negative place.

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Speaker 1: So my question for you, and by the way, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to ask each of you a similar question, But

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Speaker 1: what do you think would happened to your life? Freddie

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Speaker 1: if you spend more time noticing all of the things

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Speaker 1: that are evidence that you're a wonderful human instead of

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Speaker 1: mistakes and problems and flaws.

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Speaker 3: Jesus Christ. Wow, if I can eliminate all those things

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Speaker 3: and just go through life each and every day without

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Speaker 3: those uh barriers or things that would create chaos in

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Speaker 3: my life. But that's it's not it's not a real

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Speaker 3: concept because like I don't I don't dwell on the

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Speaker 3: fact that, uh I didn't do that. But at the

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Speaker 3: same time, I say to myself, like like Jay said,

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Speaker 3: she's uh, she's so proud of me as on my accomplishments. Uh,

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Speaker 3: it's not something.

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Speaker 7: That that's wish I had done it, you know what

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Speaker 7: I mean, I would have felt I don't know if

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Speaker 7: it made me feel uh bad about not doing it

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Speaker 7: in the sense where it made a difference, you know, in.

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Speaker 3: Her life of my life because because like I said

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Speaker 3: to it Ja, I don't even think she even remember

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Speaker 3: I didn't even do a fee, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: But uh, it's just the fact that I think, Uh,

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Speaker 3: like you said, some things in life you just you

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Speaker 3: hold on too. You know, no need, no reason to

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Speaker 3: hold on to that.

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Speaker 1: So you know, so Freddy in it Throughout the course

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Speaker 1: of a normal day, do you spend more time thinking?

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Speaker 1: And I have no idea to answer this question. I'm

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Speaker 1: just I want to check in on something more time

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Speaker 1: thinking about mistakes you've made or the accomplishments you've achieved.

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Speaker 3: Oh of course, Uh. I think about the better achievements

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Speaker 3: in my life and the things that I can't improve on.

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Speaker 3: I don't dwell on the things that that I made

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Speaker 3: mistakes off. I can't. I can't change them with change

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Speaker 3: them at all, you know what I mean. I could

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Speaker 3: try to better and make it, make a better situation

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Speaker 3: out of today, I don't. I don't live in the past.

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Speaker 2: That you know. I don't.

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Speaker 3: I did what I've done in it and I got

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Speaker 3: to live with it. But I don't let it eat

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Speaker 3: me up inside. You know what I mean. I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to well out, you know what I mean. I advanced

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Speaker 3: so far, so I ain't gonna let those things keep me,

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Speaker 3: hold of me, hold me, hold me, hold of me,

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Speaker 3: because I've never succeeded. I never I've never accompissed anything

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Speaker 3: in life. If I keep doing on the things that

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 1: I think that's true. Ready, how do you do that?

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Speaker 1: How do you manage to realize? Like I just got

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Speaker 1: to focus on on these things, like, how do you

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Speaker 1: how do you manage to do that?

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Speaker 3: Well, it's it's kind of simple, you know what I mean?

295
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Speaker 3: Because like, uh, at one time in my life, I

296
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Speaker 3: thought I never reached twenty five, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: When I uh, that was the age of twenty five. Uh,

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Speaker 3: I thought that was astounding of accomplishment because like the

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Speaker 3: way my life was going, I ain't the thing I

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Speaker 3: was going to establish that age. Now I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna be sixty five in a minute, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 2: So I don't.

304
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Speaker 3: I don't done that almost you know, double that already.

305
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Speaker 3: So now, like they said the ladies at the end

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Speaker 3: of the tunnel, you know, I don't see it as

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Speaker 3: at the end no more. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: It's right there, it is in my grass, what I mean. So, uh,

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Speaker 3: if when I went up tomorrow, God's willing, and I

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Speaker 3: got a plan on doing a few things, and you know,

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm hoping that this why my presence would

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Speaker 3: put a joyful smaller people's faces.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean, right, David? I would ask

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Speaker 1: a similar question to you. You are also one of

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Speaker 1: the most incredible people I've ever met. I consider it

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Speaker 1: to be such a privilege to have gotten to know you.

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Speaker 1: The things that you have done in your life. If

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Speaker 1: you look at some of the things just from a

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Speaker 1: likelihood standpoint, like if I met you your fresh your

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Speaker 1: first day of school, your freshman year in high school,

321
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Speaker 1: the chances you would have achieved all of the things

322
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Speaker 1: you achieved were literally zero, but yet you achieved them anyway.

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Speaker 1: What happens to your life when you remember that you've

324
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Speaker 1: literally been like a superhero at certain points in your life.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that you think about that often enough,

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Speaker 1: And I find myself wondering when David remembers he's damn

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Speaker 1: near a literal living superhero. What happens to David's life

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Speaker 1: and the way he views himself? What do you think

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Speaker 1: about that, David?

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Speaker 6: No, I do think about that, Like you know, I

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Speaker 6: think I think about it more now is because the

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Speaker 6: way I'm shifting to mind shift that I'm having because

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Speaker 6: I know, like you know, when times in the past

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Speaker 6: and sometimes you could go on to pass and build

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Speaker 6: from it because it was a good space. Past don't

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Speaker 6: always got to be negative things, right, So there's been

337
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Speaker 6: times when you know, back up against the wall or

338
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Speaker 6: somebody say you couldn't do something, or something seemed that

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00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 6: it was impossible of obtaining, and you know, and you

340
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 6: got to think back, what made you grab it? Because

341
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,880
Speaker 6: you got there and what did you do? So what

342
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 6: would happen? Was it more disciplined on this way, was

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00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 6: it more concentration on this or you know, whatever it was,

344
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,479
Speaker 6: it got you to that point. And then now like

345
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 6: you could take some of that, some of those same

346
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 6: type of techniques and apply.

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Speaker 2: It to other other things, you know, and and it

348
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Speaker 2: would help.

349
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Speaker 6: And it helps, and it does because like I'm grabbing

350
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 6: some of them techniques and pushing it towards other things.

351
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 6: Is just you know, now you got to push them.

352
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:50,359
Speaker 6: You got to push them techniques around your entire life

353
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,199
Speaker 6: now because it's not just you when it was in

354
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Speaker 6: the past. So that's that's the challenging part. How can

355
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 6: I fit this into everything.

356
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Speaker 2: You know.

357
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Speaker 6: That's why I said, you know, the better version of

358
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:07,400
Speaker 6: David the more you know, the staying positive every day,

359
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 6: even when it's if it's a hiccup, you know, you

360
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 6: gotta rebound. Like I said before, you know, one of

361
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 6: the things my coaches always said is don't worry about

362
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 6: the last play. Concentrate on the next one. You know,

363
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 6: we can review that play when the game is over.

364
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 6: It right, and and that makes sense, So you can't

365
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 6: worry about the stuff that just happened, right, because it's

366
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 6: gonna mess up everything else that's in front of you.

367
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 6: Everything else is gonna mess it up. Like one negative thing.

368
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 6: One negative thing can be very bad, and it can,

369
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Speaker 6: you know, probably destroy your day.

370
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 2: But let's let's think about it. What what what? What

371
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 2: was it?

372
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 6: And all the positive other things that can happen, you know,

373
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,880
Speaker 6: by just rebounding and putting that one to the side

374
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 6: and maybe revisiting it a later day when you're when

375
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 6: you're in a better mind state, then you can handle

376
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 6: that negative thing a little bit better and it's not

377
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 6: as bad as it was when it hits you Monday

378
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 6: and you're looking at it on Thursday.

379
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: If it can wait that long or later on in

380
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 2: the day. But I feel like, you know, with a positive.

381
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 6: Outlook, in a positive mind, you can accomplish the things

382
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,359
Speaker 6: that you think are impossible because it has been done.

383
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 6: Especially for me, it has been done, so I know

384
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 6: it could be done again.

385
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 1: What happens to your life as you continue to remember

386
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 1: that day, Because I really mean what I said, I

387
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,719
Speaker 1: think you're an incredible man, and I would say I

388
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 1: think there were times when you forgot that. So what

389
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 1: happened to your life when you remember, like, I'm pretty

390
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: good at doing impossible things, like I'm pretty good at

391
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 1: being an absolute incredible human and accomplishing incredible thing. What

392
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 1: happens to your life when you're in that space, David?

393
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 6: I mean, when you're in this, when you're it's just

394
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 6: a it's just a whole aura, a feeling of accomplishment,

395
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 6: no matter what it is, it's just it's just a

396
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 6: different feeling.

397
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 2: It's a good feeling.

398
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:32,360
Speaker 6: It's a natural high and it's a good feeling. I'm

399
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 6: being honest with you, it is absolutely and you know,

400
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 6: and people me, I want that feeling a lot, and

401
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 6: people want that feeling, you know what I'm saying, So

402
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 6: you know, and it's not something that you're just gonna

403
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 6: just like it's take hard work to get to that

404
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 6: level of feeling, that level that that level whatever it

405
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 6: is that you're on that you are trying to get to.

406
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,719
Speaker 6: Everybody path is differ for everybody. Thing is different, but

407
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 6: that level that feeling, who, yeah, it tastes good.

408
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: And and and the thing David like, having that feeling

409
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: interesting doesn't make life any easier. Like, it's not like

410
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: life stop throwing curveballs at you or anything, but it

411
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: just seems that you're able to handle them better. Is

412
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,360
Speaker 1: that Is that right?

413
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: You think?

414
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 6: Yeah, because a lot of times when you get to

415
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 6: that when whatever, like it's sometimes and most of the time, right,

416
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 6: if it's something and you get to the top of

417
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 6: it or whatever, right, you're gonna have some challenges. You're

418
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 6: gonna have some outsiders. You're gonna have this right, but

419
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 6: you're gonna you're gonna bail it, Like you said, you're

420
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 6: gonna beil and handle it differently because you know what

421
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 6: it took to get there. So you knew what it

422
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 6: took to get there. You're gonna bail and handle it.

423
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 6: You're gonna be able, your skin gonna be a little tougher.

424
00:24:59,080 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 6: Your mind gonna be.

425
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 2: You know, you're gonna be.

426
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 6: To handle whatever is coming out. You're gonna keep on

427
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 6: going because you want to be up there. You want

428
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 6: to be at that space within yourself. That's where you

429
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 6: want to be at because that's your space. That's how you.

430
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 6: You know, you focus at that space, you maneuver at

431
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 6: that space. That's a better version of you at that space,

432
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 6: and you can handle a lot of things at that space.

433
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 6: Not saying that everything is peaches and cream like an

434
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 6: apple pie, but when it's not like that, because you're

435
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 6: already in that mindset and that thinking, you're able to

436
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 6: handle it.

437
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 1: Thank you, David. We'll be right back with more family therapy.

438
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: And Jay, you were an incredible woman, And I don't

439
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 1: know if I've ever met a woman quite like you before.

440
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: Like we've been meeting now for all these weeks, and

441
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: it seems like every time we met, I learned something

442
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: new that was amazing about you that you didn't tell

443
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 1: me previously. Like I learned about your military experience. I

444
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: learned about your multiple degrees and the programs that you

445
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 1: graduated from. I learned about your investment properties and your

446
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: dreams and your wishes, and I admire like that is

447
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: just an inspiration to me when I hear it. And

448
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever met a person who more

449
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: than you needed to look in the mirror and see greatness.

450
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: How how do you think would make a difference in

451
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: your life if you learned? And again, Jay, and having

452
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 1: said that, I'm not saying you're perfect, as I'm not

453
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: saying anyone is perfect, But what different would it make

454
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 1: in your life? You just developed the habit to just

455
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 1: see greatness when you looked at yourself, when you like

456
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: analyzed yourself instead of flaws, problems, blah blah blah.

457
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 5: I think I would create the life that I truly

458
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 5: want and believe that I can do it. I have

459
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 5: achieved a lot of things, but I haven't absolutely I

460
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 5: haven't achieved mastering myself yet, and I don't.

461
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 4: I don't know if anyone.

462
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 5: Ever really truly fully masters themselves. But I do think

463
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 5: I could be better at it. I think that there

464
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 5: are things that I want that, to be honest, like,

465
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 5: I'm afraid to do them.

466
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 3: I don't be at you are afraid to do it?

467
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 3: How can you be afraid to do something you got

468
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: so far in life already, because.

469
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 4: So there's the moves that I make. Are they're ris scared.

470
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I don't want to work at my job.

471
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,679
Speaker 5: I know I could shift gears and find something that

472
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 5: I enjoy, but I'm scared, so I don't do it.

473
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 5: But if I focused more on what I could do,

474
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 5: then then I would do those things, versus just saying, well,

475
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 5: this is what I got, so it's safe.

476
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 4: So let me keep it. I really don't enjoy spending

477
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 4: forty hours a week staring at a computer. I feel

478
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 4: like that is such a waste of my energy and

479
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 4: my time.

480
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 5: But the income is solid and I need it. So

481
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 5: there's like those more personal choices, like I can make

482
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 5: a business still happen because it's external, you know, it's

483
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 5: more of an external thing. But when it comes to

484
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 5: the lifestyle that I truly want, I don't.

485
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 4: I don't know that.

486
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 5: I mean, I've taken steps, but I don't know that

487
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 5: I've taken as many steps.

488
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 4: As I could to true achieved that lifestyle.

489
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 5: But if I focused on the good stuff, and if

490
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 5: I focused on what I could do with the confidence

491
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 5: of you've done so much already, then I would make

492
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 5: different moves.

493
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: You know.

494
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: And it's interesting that you say that, Jay, because you

495
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: have accomplished so much, and I don't think you've given

496
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: yourself credit right to the to the degree to which

497
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: you've accomplished. It's almost like you just kind of like,

498
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: ho hum it. And I'm like, wait a minute, that's

499
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: not a whole hum accomplishment Like that that thing, that

500
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: that degree you got, or that that achievement you had

501
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: in the military, or that business thing that you achieved,

502
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: or or even the level of jobs you got. Those

503
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: aren't whole hum accomplishments. And it's like you've done all

504
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: these great things but given yourself very little credit for them.

505
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: And I I just wonder what happens when Jay starts

506
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 1: giving herself credit for her brilliance, for her magic, for

507
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: her strength, for her fortitude resilience, Like what happens when

508
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: you start truly giving yourself credit for who you are?

509
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 4: Yeah? I would I want unstick myself. I wouldn't. I

510
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 4: wouldn't feel stuck.

511
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: And I'm not telling you you know tomorrow I want

512
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: you to quit your job because like, who knows, I

513
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: don't know what you would do.

514
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 4: No, I'll make decisions like that.

515
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what would you what would be the first thing, Jay,

516
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: What do you think would be the first like even

517
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: micro step you might take when you start realizing, like

518
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself credit for the amazing person

519
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: that I am and the amazing things that I've achieved.

520
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it would. Part of it would be

521
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 5: looking for a different job. Part of it would be

522
00:30:54,480 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 5: that part of it would be instead of focus on

523
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 5: what I can't what I used to do physically, I

524
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 5: would just be like, Okay, let me, I'm gonna go

525
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 5: for this walk. I'm gonna go for this. Like I

526
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 5: saw somebody running the other day and I was like, damn, I.

527
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: Used to run.

528
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 4: I used to do that, you know what I mean.

529
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 4: So I would probably, you know, be like, well, man,

530
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 4: maybe I can't do.

531
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 5: Forty push ups in two minutes anymore, but I could

532
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 5: do ten.

533
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 4: You know what I mean, Like, so let me do that.

534
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:28,719
Speaker 2: You know.

535
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 5: I would just focus on what I could do and

536
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 5: do it instead of just knocking it off like it's

537
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 5: not as good as what I used to do. So

538
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 5: I ain't even gonna you know what I mean, Like

539
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 5: I would, I would just do what I can until

540
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 5: I get to the point of where I want to

541
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 5: be Jay.

542
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: I love that. H I love that Jay. Now Jay,

543
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: perhaps me personally getting to know you, I've learned a

544
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: lot about you and some of your accomplishments. But I'm

545
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't lie. I do have a favorite

546
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: accomplishment of yours. My favorite accomplishment of yours is the

547
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: way you have forgiven your father. I don't know if

548
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: I told you that was my favorite, but I think

549
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: I've told you that I admired it. To me, I

550
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: think that's the one thing that speaks the most to

551
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: who you are. I just want you to say, like,

552
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: how did you do that? And what does it mean

553
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,959
Speaker 1: to you to see the way your father is doing

554
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: things now? What does it mean to you to see

555
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: the way Freddie is doing things now?

556
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 4: I just, I guess I just focused on I just

557
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 4: allow him to be who he was.

558
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 5: Without the expectations of who I wanted him to be.

559
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: But how did you do that? How did you shift

560
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: your focus from what I was angry with him about

561
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: or what I was missing within him? How did you

562
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: shift your focus to I'm going to allow him to

563
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: be who he is without having any exces Like, how

564
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 1: did you do that?

565
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 4: Well?

566
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 5: I don't know that I ever really held a lot

567
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 5: of anger towards him.

568
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: So how did you do that?

569
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 5: Because I realized that he dealt with addiction, and I

570
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 5: don't see.

571
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 4: Addiction as a flaw. I see it more as a disease.

572
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 5: And I felt like if I was, if I was sick,

573
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 5: I wouldn't want someone to hold that against me.

574
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 6: So I just I don't know.

575
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 5: I just I just said, you know, if this is

576
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 5: his challenge, then that's his challenge, you know, and it's

577
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 5: hope hopefully one day he would overcome, and he did,

578
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 5: so I just I just didn't hold it against him.

579
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: So going back to the theme of like, I'm not

580
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: sure Jay gives herself credit for things. Do you ever

581
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: realize how how rare that is and what a gift

582
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: that is that you've given to Freddy can say.

583
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 5: Give a much stop, But I do think it is

584
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 5: a gift, I agree, not just to him, but to

585
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 5: myself as well.

586
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: And not just to him, and not just to yourself,

587
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: but like to your kids and to David. And you

588
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like because you did this, your

589
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: kids have a relationship with their grandfather because you did this,

590
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: Like have you ever sat back and realized that that

591
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: was such a massive gift and probably played a role

592
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: in saving.

593
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 3: His life absolutely, because like when the whole world don't

594
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 3: believe in you and you just got one person that

595
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,839
Speaker 3: still does, that's all you need, you know what I mean,

596
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 3: You could you could cipher off for that and restore

597
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 3: your life.

598
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

599
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 3: I don't think anybody like uh I ever thought that

600
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 3: I was wont to get out of the round that

601
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 3: I was, you know what I mean. And every time

602
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,439
Speaker 3: I talked to Daylan, she gave me that. That's that's

603
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 3: such encouragement. That gives me the strength.

604
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 4: You know what.

605
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 3: It's like they say some people got the foresight, got

606
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 3: that special eye. They could see all the goodness in

607
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 3: you and not all the bad and the evil in you.

608
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 3: And the person she could look at somebody and she

609
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 3: can see all the goodness that's inside the person and

610
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 3: not she or even the outside the person, you know

611
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 3: what I mean. So, uh, that's the gift I think

612
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 3: she really has that she not aware of it. Like

613
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 3: you said, most people don't get themselves the credit that

614
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 3: they are doing, you know what I mean, Because you

615
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 3: are a brief person. You have achieved and I'm very

616
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 3: proud of you know, some don't believe the other day

617
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: I was I was telling one of my coworkers. I

618
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,959
Speaker 3: was like, he was talking about he got a little

619
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 3: son and he's like when five years old. He was

620
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 3: talking about the first baby steps and all that kind

621
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 3: of stuff. I was telling her, like, aw some them out.

622
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,760
Speaker 3: She went to Africa and talked about how to read

623
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 3: and you know, things like that.

624
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:08,839
Speaker 4: And then I teach kids how to read.

625
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,240
Speaker 5: But I did start an organization that that collected books

626
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 5: and sent them to libraries in Africa.

627
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 6: That's that's that's but that's what dads do, though, That's

628
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 6: what dad do. You gotta let them be great.

629
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 2: My father used to do the same thing.

630
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: You just proved my point.

631
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 4: I know, I know I did.

632
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 1: I had no idea that Jay had started an organization

633
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: that sent books the African libraries. Some kids had access

634
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: to books. Every time I talk to this woman, I

635
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: learned something new about something that she has achieved. But Freddy,

636
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: you said something a second ago that was really important.

637
00:36:56,400 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: You said that when you're in a difficult situation, when

638
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: you have that one person that believes in you, you

639
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: can like siphon off that I think is what you said.

640
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: Have you ever have you ever told Jay that she

641
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: was that one person that you always knew was looking

642
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 1: at you in a positive way like him? Have you

643
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,839
Speaker 1: ever let her know that and let her know what

644
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: that meant to you?

645
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 3: Actually, I don't. I don't believe I have, But this

646
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 3: is a great opportunity to do so. And I believe

647
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 3: that my whole life. You know, everybody uh needs that

648
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: that that's certain individual or have have that certain individual

649
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 3: in their corner where no matter what they've done in life,

650
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 3: they still believe in you know what I mean? And Jay,

651
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 3: you have been that person for me, you know what

652
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 3: I mean. Besides, she's been a treminous woman for me,

653
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 3: Like like I'm I'm not too good with women, like

654
00:37:54,080 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 3: my my track record with like relationships, it's not that

655
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 3: not that well, but different as made me more of

656
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,439
Speaker 3: a man than I've ever been, you know what I mean.

657
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 3: She encouraged me just like Jay Lous. You know what

658
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 3: I'm saying. She gives me that in the strength that

659
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 3: and I think I don't have she gives to me,

660
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And you got two or

661
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 3: three women like that in your life, You're going with

662
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:21,240
Speaker 3: you the world.

663
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 8: Man.

664
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's dope.

665
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 2: One thing I'm happy and I really enjoyed seeing.

666
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 6: I love family. I come from a large family. I'm

667
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 6: close to a lot of my family, and you know,

668
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 6: I don't have my dad here, my mom's is gone.

669
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 6: I like Pops from day one. He's been my guy,

670
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 6: straight up. Ain't nothing changed about me. Ain't nothing. I've

671
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 6: been the same cat since I met Possible. And I'm

672
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 6: happy that Jalen got a relationship with him, Like I'm

673
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 6: being honest with me, him had serious talks. We can

674
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 6: laugh together, we can have great conversations and stuff, and

675
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 6: I like that. And I love the way he is

676
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,800
Speaker 6: with my boys. Because my kids, I got.

677
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 2: Three, two of them haven't met my dad.

678
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 6: So I love the relationship that he is that he

679
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 6: has with is in easy and you know, and what

680
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 6: was And when I look at him and I look

681
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 6: at my pops, a lot of the same similarities, hard

682
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 6: lives came over that you know, became great people, you

683
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, and kept moving forward.

684
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:39,439
Speaker 2: So I understand him, and uh, and I get it right.

685
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:40,280
Speaker 2: And it ain't.

686
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 6: Easy and I let and I done told him that though.

687
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 6: But that's one thing I like, and I and and

688
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 6: and I and I see that, and I let him

689
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 6: take their own course. I don't push it in our

690
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 6: implore on that to be able to still have a

691
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 6: relationship because and and it's good.

692
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 2: It's a good thing.

693
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 6: And I look back and I see it, and you know,

694
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 6: I just wanted to say that because it is too

695
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 6: And Pops.

696
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: I just wanted to give you a clue. It was like,

697
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 2: you're my guy, right. I don't know if I ever

698
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: told you that, But.

699
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 1: It's such a powerful thing that Jay did that facilitated

700
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: all these other changes. Such a powerful thing that and Freddie,

701
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you would even voice that because

702
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: now she gets to hear it like I. Actually I

703
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 1: contributed to how he transformed his life. That's a real,

704
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: real powerful thing.

705
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,839
Speaker 5: It's really interesting to hear both of their perspectives on that,

706
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,399
Speaker 5: because I actually never really thought about it too much.

707
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 4: But I guess the beauty of.

708
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 5: It is that when you don't I guess, when you

709
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 5: don't hold on to resentment and anger, you're opening the

710
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 5: door for blessings that you don't even realize you're opening

711
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 5: the door for damn.

712
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

713
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 5: So I'm happy that you know, I was able to

714
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 5: do that because it is so many people that just

715
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 5: they're so angry, They're so angry about what could have been,

716
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,759
Speaker 5: what should have been, Why isn't it this way or

717
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 5: why it has to be that way? And at the

718
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 5: end of the day, if you can have someone in

719
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 5: your life, you know, if they're not toxic towards you,

720
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 5: but they but they may not be exactly what you

721
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 5: want them to be, but the relationship can allow certain

722
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 5: things to manifest that even if it's not specifically for you,

723
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 5: it can be a blessing for other people around you.

724
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 5: And I think that is a really good example of it.

725
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: To that point, Jay, I agree with every word you

726
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 1: just said, and I want to add one more thing.

727
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 1: Your father said one of your abilities is you can

728
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:49,760
Speaker 1: see goodness in people even when they're doing evil things.

729
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: I think is what Freddie said. What do you think

730
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: about him saying you have that trait? You have that ability.

731
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 4: I actually realize that as a trait that I have.

732
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:01,959
Speaker 4: I'm good.

733
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm happy he noticed it too, But I

734
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 5: really do try to.

735
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 4: Let people be who they are.

736
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 5: My challenge, my personal challenge with that is creating the

737
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 5: boundaries around myself so that any negative traits don't have

738
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 5: a negative impact on me. But for the most part,

739
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 5: and I think I get that from my mother.

740
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 4: She just she's the type of person.

741
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 5: She just gonna let you be who you are, like

742
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:36,399
Speaker 5: whoever you are, you know, rock out, And I guess

743
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 5: I get.

744
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 4: It from her.

745
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 5: And I think it is a good trait to have.

746
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 5: But you also have to be careful with that trait.

747
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 5: You know, there's there's things that people can bring to

748
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 5: the table that might not be good for you. So

749
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 5: I think I have a better balance at that than

750
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 5: she does.

751
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,359
Speaker 4: But yeah, I do.

752
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: I do realize that that's a pretty incredible trait to have.

753
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 4: Jack, Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.

754
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 1: No, don't you?

755
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 3: Did it?

756
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: Like I kind of want you looking in the mirror

757
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: every day and be like, yeah, I'm pretty awesome. I

758
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: want you to give you.

759
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 2: You should you are awesome.

760
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 1: Yes, I want you to give that same grace that

761
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: you so eloquently gave to others, including your father, to yourselfself.

762
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,399
Speaker 1: What if you use that superhero treat on you?

763
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:37,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, David tells me all the time, it's so hard

764
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 5: on myself, But he's right, and you're right.

765
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 2: She's very hard on herself. Jay is like she got it.

766
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 6: She and I see it sometimes and I don't hear

767
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,720
Speaker 6: her speak to me, and sometimes like I don't say nothing.

768
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 6: I let her bring it out of herself because how

769
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 6: awesome she is and how smart she is is just

770
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 6: some things with my skill set that I see and

771
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 6: I'm like, yo, she gotta bring it out herself. I

772
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 6: can't say it, like you know what I'm saying. And

773
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 6: she's very tough on herself, Like she's very very tough,

774
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 6: and it's nothing wrong with being tough on yourself, but

775
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,400
Speaker 6: sometimes I feel like, yo, you're being a little bit

776
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 6: too hard on yourself, like for real, like yo, that's fly,

777
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:29,959
Speaker 6: Like yeah, take them like I told you. I said

778
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 6: this to my sister, right, I said this, right, And

779
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,439
Speaker 6: I have said this before to people out on train

780
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 6: or whatever, and somebody does said this to me. You

781
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 6: gotta employ yourself for the small accomplishments and small goals

782
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 6: and the baby steps.

783
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 2: Give yourself that high five, like hell yeah, like and

784
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 2: I say that like yes, like sometimes I get myself

785
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 2: to high five. I don't care.

786
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 6: I don't need it to be exactly hitting on all cylinders.

787
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 6: But it was a small accomplishment so it can hit

788
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 6: on all cylinders. So you high five yourself and keep moving,

789
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 6: and keep moving, keep moving.

790
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: I love the idea of all of you celebrating, like

791
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 1: giving yourselves high fives, because for each of you it's different,

792
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: but I have a similar experience with all of you.

793
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: Jay's a bit more extreme because every time I talk

794
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: to those women, I learned something new about something great

795
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: she does. But all three of you I have that

796
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 1: same experience. Like I don't know that these people give

797
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: themselves enough credit for just how how wonderful the things

798
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: that they have done are, including participating in this project, like, Freddie,

799
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: have you have you thought about like this? These are

800
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: the kind of things I think about, Freddie? Have you

801
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: thought about how many how many men are going to

802
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 1: watch you as an example of how to fix wrongs

803
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: that they've done in their path? Have you thought about that, Freddy?

804
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: How many men will be inspired, not all to be

805
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 1: like you know what if that guy could contact his son,

806
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: if that guy could reconnect with his dark man, I

807
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 1: can do it too. Have you thought about that?

808
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 2: Freddy?

809
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 3: Noah, absolutely haven't uh like this? This this program has

810
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 3: done uh great insight on my own life. You know

811
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 3: what I mean. I feel that most most black men

812
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 3: don't do there, you know what I mean, out of

813
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 3: it's out of the round, you know what I mean.

814
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 3: We were strong, we dominate, were gonna we could handle it,

815
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. All of us need you know,

816
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 3: a therapeutical program, you know, so so we could dig

817
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 3: deep within and with and without, you know what I mean.

818
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,720
Speaker 3: So if you you don't do that in your life,

819
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 3: you're gonna be stagnated.

820
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 8: You're always gonna be like bewildered you, You're always gonna

821
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 8: be hurting.

822
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:55,439
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

823
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,439
Speaker 1: You gott you can, you can.

824
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 8: You gotta dig and find yourself man, and like and

825
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 8: some things like through this this process, I didn't know

826
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:11,279
Speaker 8: about that insight to encourage Its almost like it's a

827
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 8: it's a way way off your chest, you might say,

828
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 8: off your shoulders, you know what I mean. This just

829
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 8: to know those those little details, you know what I mean,

830
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 8: that's amount of encouragement.

831
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 9: Some people will never be able to achieve by being

832
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 9: watch you, you know what I mean, and not just

833
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 9: getting the time out to say, well let me try therapy.

834
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think the stronger you become, right, and the

835
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 6: and the more that you're trying to go down that

836
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 6: path of greatness and mind shift, the more you do

837
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 6: need to talk to somebody because that's when more, that's

838
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 6: when a lot of the challenge is gonna come.

839
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: I think that's absolutely true. And David, what about you?

840
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: Have you thought about the like the impact you're gonna

841
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 1: have on people as they watch a man be vulnerable

842
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: and like reclaim his strength and his confidence. I admire

843
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: you so much, David for the way you are pursuing

844
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: your confidence and your strength and the father you are

845
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 1: for your boys. Do you have you thought about the

846
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 1: way you're going to be inspiring men to stay connected

847
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: to their families.

848
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 2: I think so.

849
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 6: I think the one thing that Pop said is like,

850
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 6: you know, and and it's definitely true, Like you know,

851
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:37,240
Speaker 6: especially in our community, Like you know, guys where I'm from,

852
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 6: the way I was brought up, and you know, the

853
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 6: things out and reach on the sports level are sometimes

854
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,879
Speaker 6: misperceived to be vulnerable sometimes. Right, doesn't mean that you're

855
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:55,439
Speaker 6: a punk or you're weak of anything like that, Right,

856
00:48:55,719 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 6: just that you're a man, right, you bleed, you human?

857
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 6: Right that you can't be a tough guy all the time, right,

858
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying. You can't be hard all

859
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 6: the time. You know, especially if you got children too, right,

860
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,360
Speaker 6: because one thing like yeah big bad.

861
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 2: This and this and that.

862
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 6: But I still gotta be I still gotta show some

863
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:17,799
Speaker 6: softness to my kids. And that's not a bad way

864
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 6: because you gotta have them, you gotta you gotta let

865
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 6: them be able to adjust. You can't be angry all

866
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 6: the time, can't live like that way. No, you gotta

867
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 6: you gotta be happy. So I think it's gonna some

868
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 6: of the things that already that are already accomplished in

869
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 6: the impact that some people know. And I saw what

870
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 6: it had on their lives. Some of the people I

871
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 6: talk to on an everyday basis or a client, I

872
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 6: mean meet and I can impact them with that little

873
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 6: bit here, having somebody here and go and hear these

874
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 6: sessions and see, Yeah, I think it's.

875
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 2: Gonna take it to another level.

876
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 6: Maybe the right person hear it and reach out, and

877
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 6: you know, maybe they need a person they need to

878
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 6: talk to. Because I got a lot of people I

879
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 6: know and I know they got stuff going on. They

880
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 6: need to talk to somebody. Because now my conversation is different.

881
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 6: I'm hitting them with some of your questions, like you know,

882
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 6: trying to get you know, like I'm in sales, so

883
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 6: you know, open ended questions.

884
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 2: So I know that.

885
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 6: So I know, right, trying to get like you know,

886
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 6: because I feel like to teach one, each one, each one,

887
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 6: teach on whatever which way you go, right, I can't

888
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 6: hold all the information for myself. So if I feel

889
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 6: like if I care about that person and I you know,

890
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 6: and it's what I'm talking about my like my crew,

891
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:39,959
Speaker 6: and I look at him like a brother or something like.

892
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: That, Yeah, I yo, what's up man? What's going on?

893
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 1: Yeah?

894
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 6: Right, maybe he need to hear me vent or talk,

895
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 6: or maybe he got some something for me, or maybe

896
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 6: I got something for him. Though, but I think more

897
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,479
Speaker 6: of that needs to happen. And it wasn't happening a lot,

898
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,320
Speaker 6: and where are you know. Some of it is wrinkle

899
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 6: down and we're building our ways out of it.

900
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 2: But you know, I think we need more of that.

901
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: Stay tuned for my final thoughts after this. Well, I

902
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 1: just have one more suggestion I'm going to make to

903
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: you all, and that is to keep noticing greatness within

904
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: yourselves and each other. Now having said that, I think

905
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,839
Speaker 1: the most appropriate way to wrap all of this up

906
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: is to give each of you a final word to say.

907
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,800
Speaker 1: I think you guys are are far more important in

908
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: this process. You guys are the stars. This is a

909
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: process about you. So I'm going to just take a

910
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: step back and let you guys say the final words

911
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 1: of this series. So I'll start with Jay, what are

912
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: the final words you'd like to share?

913
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 5: I think I'll first to say thank you to you

914
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 5: for guiding student process.

915
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 4: I appreciate you.

916
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 5: I know there was a time where I was like,

917
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'm feeling this, but you kind

918
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 5: of made sure that you kind of took the time

919
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 5: to explain things and I was able to see the

920
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 5: bigger picture.

921
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 4: So thank you for that.

922
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,399
Speaker 5: Thank you to my father, thank you to David for

923
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 5: going through this process with me. I've definitely learned a

924
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 5: lot about the two of you, and I'm thankful to

925
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,440
Speaker 5: have you in my life. And I think you're both

926
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:34,959
Speaker 5: very amazing individuals, amazing men, and I'm really thankful.

927
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 4: For you too.

928
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 5: And I'll just say that, you know, for the people

929
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 5: who are listening, like it is okay to not be okay,

930
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,439
Speaker 5: and no matter what you've achieved, no matter what you've accomplished,

931
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 5: that doesn't.

932
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 4: Guarantee that your mental health is being cared for. It.

933
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 5: You can get all the degrees you want, you can

934
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 5: be in the military.

935
00:52:58,200 --> 00:52:59,280
Speaker 4: You could do all whatever.

936
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,760
Speaker 5: You could be a CEO with Fortune five hundred company,

937
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,839
Speaker 5: and you still need to take the time to care

938
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 5: for yourself. And what that care looks like is not

939
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 5: what people always put out there. You know, maybe it

940
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 5: is therapy, maybe it is something else, but you have

941
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,919
Speaker 5: to take care of yourself because you're You're the only

942
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 5: self that you have and you're not gonna get another one,

943
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 5: so you might as well, you know, might as well,

944
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 5: you know, hung you down and really ask yourself what

945
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 5: do you need and be you know, be truthful with yourself.

946
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,440
Speaker 5: Like whoever's going to judge, let them judge. But at

947
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,120
Speaker 5: the end of the day, if you can be a

948
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 5: better version of yourself, then you should try to achieve,

949
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 5: you know.

950
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:42,399
Speaker 4: Strive for that.

951
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 5: I think there's so many challenges, but I have a

952
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 5: special place in my heart for veterans, and I know,

953
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:54,280
Speaker 5: like that transition from being in the military to becoming

954
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 5: a civilian can be really difficult, but you know, here's

955
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 5: the opportunity for you to not have beings so structured

956
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 5: and defined for you, and you get to define the

957
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 5: life that you want for you and and get to

958
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 5: move towards that. So I just want to get my

959
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 5: veterans a shout out and and just say, you know,

960
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 5: you got this.

961
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 4: You can. You can make the life that you want.

962
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 4: And especially oh in the moms, you know you're gonna lose.

963
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 5: You might lose yourself, you really might, but you can

964
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 5: always find yourself again. And and God is so good,

965
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 5: So even when you forgot who you.

966
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 2: Are, he hasn't.

967
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 4: So just just remember that, and you know, just keep

968
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:37,320
Speaker 4: pushing forward.

969
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 1: Jay, Thank you.

970
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:46,280
Speaker 4: The world.

971
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: You know, Freddie? What about you? How would you? What

972
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 1: final words would you like to leave? Leave people with?

973
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 3: Is the thing you've been losing all your life? You

974
00:54:57,160 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 3: gotta get put yourself off the ground. Don't you realize

975
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 3: you you're winning because you're still pushing you know.

976
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 2: What I mean?

977
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 3: You're still pushing that little in you're not pushing. Well,

978
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 3: let's keep pushing that a little Michae who in You're

979
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,439
Speaker 3: gonna get there? You don't get there.

980
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 1: I love that, you know. I think sometimes we get

981
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: fully wrapped up in winning is a measurement of the outcome.

982
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 1: But Freddie, what you just said, I wholehearted to believe

983
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 1: you're winning just because you're still pushing like you're winning

984
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: because you're in the game. The outcome is in the

985
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 1: measurement of winning or not. The fact that you're still

986
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:40,440
Speaker 1: in the game pushing is the is the measurement, right, David,

987
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: What are your final thoughts after going through this?

988
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 2: I really enjoyed is these uh this journey.

989
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 6: Out of all the sessions I've probably done had in

990
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 6: my life, this is probably this is the best.

991
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:55,240
Speaker 2: One I've had.

992
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 6: Learned a lot, learned some things about Jay which was

993
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 6: all so thank you for having us do this. And

994
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 6: you know, I'm hoping that and I know it will

995
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 6: help some people that's listening. That's gonna take some good

996
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:16,840
Speaker 6: things out of this. Keep the faith, right, whoever you

997
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 6: higher power is, you know, reach out. The pain is

998
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 6: definitely gonna be over. Is only a temporary thing, all right.

999
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 2: You know?

1000
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 6: I read my book during this journey and one thing

1001
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 6: my God David said is like listen to pain. I

1002
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 6: look forward to it because it makes most people quick.

1003
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 6: But when you push through it, it's a good thing.

1004
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 6: On the other side, and that's one thing. Like you know,

1005
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 6: I think that I got out of this because it's

1006
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 6: been a lot of pain though, but I'm seeing the

1007
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 6: good on the other side, and I hope some people

1008
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 6: see that too, And that's it.

1009
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 2: That's it.

1010
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 1: I love it, you know, all three of you. I

1011
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 1: think that is the best way to end this. So

1012
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 1: all I'm going to say is thank you.

1013
00:56:58,600 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 3: I thank all you guys.

1014
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1015
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 2: I love you.

1016
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:07,880
Speaker 5: I love you too, love you too, too too.

1017
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 1: I think my greatest thought as I think back on

1018
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 1: working with this families about this season, is what a

1019
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: tremendous honor it was to be in a position where

1020
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:32,640
Speaker 1: I could meet and help this family. I've been doing

1021
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: a lot of therapy for a lot of years. I've

1022
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: been practicing for over fifteen years, nearly twenty, and there

1023
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: have been times in my clinical work where I just

1024
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 1: wish the world could see how impactful therapy could be,

1025
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 1: in the hopes that if people could see how impactful

1026
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 1: therapy could be, they'd be much more likely to seek therapy,

1027
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: address their mental health issues and address the issues going

1028
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,440
Speaker 1: on in their own families. I never thought that I

1029
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: would be in a position to be able to do that,

1030
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: and that doesn't happen without a family as courageous and

1031
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: vulnerable and authentic and real and loving as this family. Now,

1032
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 1: I say loving because you've got to love someone in

1033
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 1: order to stick to the process. And when it was hard,

1034
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 1: when it was difficult, when it was challenging, this family

1035
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 1: loved each other enough that they stuck to the process.

1036
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: Now I don't know long term what's going to happen

1037
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 1: with this family, like I don't know anything could happen,

1038
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 1: but I do know the small window they gave us

1039
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: into their life has changed my life and potentially changed

1040
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 1: the lives of millions of people listening. So the biggest

1041
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 1: thing I want to say to this family is thank you.

1042
00:58:49,280 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to have been in this position, and

1043
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear how things transpire within this family.

1044
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 1: And I can't wait to see the ripple effect that

1045
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 1: participating in this season will make for all of the

1046
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: many listeners. Once again, it's important to ask yourself different

1047
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: questions while you're on your healing journey. So with each episode,

1048
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 1: we like to end with a question that keeps you

1049
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 1: thinking and growing and processing so that you yourself improve

1050
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: your own mental health and unleash your inner superhero. This week,

1051
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, who is the person

1052
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 1: in your life that you admire most, What traits do

1053
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 1: they possess that cause you to admire them? And if

1054
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: those traits began to show up in a bigger way

1055
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 1: in your life, how would you notice it. Thank you

1056
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 1: for listening. Major announcement. We have a bonus episode coming

1057
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 1: next week where you're going to be listening to me

1058
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 1: give you some guided questions. It'll be like you receiving

1059
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 1: therapy while you're sitting in your home, listening on your phone,

1060
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 1: listening in your car. It's going to be a great episode,

1061
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:02,560
Speaker 1: so stay tuned. This is not just a podcast that

1062
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 1: I want you to consume and be entertained by. I

1063
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: actually want you to be inspired. I want you to

1064
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 1: be impacted by this, and in fact, we can't help

1065
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: but be impacted by the content we consume. So what

1066
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 1: I would like for you to do is come on

1067
01:00:16,920 --> 01:00:19,960
Speaker 1: this healing journey with us. Come on this journey of

1068
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 1: change rediscovery with us. And the way to do that

1069
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,680
Speaker 1: is to just pay attention to the things going on

1070
01:00:27,760 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 1: in your life. As a consequence of listening to this podcast.

1071
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 1: Pay attention to things in your life shifting in a

1072
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 1: more desirable way. Pay attention to your desirable outcome becoming

1073
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:42,480
Speaker 1: your reality. Pay attention to evidence of your success, your resilience,

1074
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 1: and your strength. And let us know in the comments

1075
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 1: what you're noticing in your life as a result of

1076
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast and as a result of paying

1077
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 1: attention to these things. I would love to hear from

1078
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 1: you about your healing journey, your family and your feedback.

1079
01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 1: Leave a review, send a DM and next with me

1080
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 1: on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send

1081
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:05,439
Speaker 1: me a text message to nine seven two four two

1082
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 1: six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production

1083
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network. Special thanks

1084
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 1: to our assistant Glendale Sefe. It's produced by Jack Queish

1085
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 1: Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. S Bisham. For more

1086
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:23,880
Speaker 1: podcasts from The Black Effects, visit the iHeartRadio app or

1087
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented

1088
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 1: on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and

1089
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 1: informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for

1090
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 1: personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not constitute

1091
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with

1092
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 1: your healthcare provider or health team, or any specific concerns

1093
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: or questions you may have.