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Speaker 1: The Friend Show is on.

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Speaker 2: It's stay or go the ways the same way about

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Speaker 2: vacation spots. Someone texted that too, like, that's terrible when

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Speaker 2: you say this, this happened to my mom. My mom

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Speaker 2: was like, my dream trip is x y Z no joke.

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Speaker 2: Her best friend took the trip with her. Yep, wow, yeah,

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Speaker 2: she took her entire family on the exec trip that

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Speaker 2: my mom specified was her dream trip and then didn't

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Speaker 2: invite her to come a home doing that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, not that this woman had any obligation to

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Speaker 2: invite my mom, but it's like you could have or

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Speaker 2: paid for her whatever she You could have at least said,

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Speaker 2: wan't you this is your dream trip, we're planning it.

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Speaker 2: But I got the inspiration from you. Why don't you

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Speaker 2: join us? You know, pay your own way or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you join us?

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Speaker 1: Your mom gave her that idea.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, So it's the same thing. It was

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Speaker 2: a very very similar thing where it's like, well, wait minute,

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Speaker 2: that was that's my dream. Why are you doing it?

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Speaker 2: I told you about him? I Rebecca, good morning.

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Speaker 3: Good morning, How are you good?

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Speaker 1: Thanks? How are you guys doing? Do great?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for being part of the show. Since therego. It's

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Speaker 2: kind of like group therapy here. You you've been married

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Speaker 2: to this man. I don't know for how long. I'm

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Speaker 2: not even sure if that's relevant, but you're you're a

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Speaker 2: married woman and you're having an issue within your relationships.

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Speaker 1: So what's going on?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks so much. So here's the thing. My husband

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Speaker 3: and I have been married ten years, and we've got

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Speaker 3: two kids, and he's he's been working downtown for quite

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Speaker 3: a while, and of course, with the kids and their

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Speaker 3: activities and all, you know, keeps them away from.

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Speaker 1: A lot of that.

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Speaker 3: So you know, he's started to look at the idea

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Speaker 3: of maybe getting a place downtown for the nights when

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Speaker 3: he needs to stay in because the community's gotten really long.

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Speaker 3: It's over an hour each way, and it's just you know,

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Speaker 3: takes a lot out of him. But it's expensive and

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Speaker 3: all of those things. So you know, it's something we

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Speaker 3: really can't consider moving right now because the kids are

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Speaker 3: in school and that's just not really a feasible option.

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Speaker 3: And you know, he's doing well enough, we're in good shape.

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Speaker 3: We could really afford to either buy or rent another place.

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Speaker 3: But the only thing that's kind of you know, it

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Speaker 3: all sounds great but you know, with things going on

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Speaker 3: these days, all of a sudden, I had this, you know,

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Speaker 3: question that came up in my mind. I'm wondering, is

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Speaker 3: this a red flag? Is something else going on?

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Speaker 1: Is it normally?

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Speaker 3: Is what people are doing now because they can.

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Speaker 2: So this dude's you know, spending what ten plus hours

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Speaker 2: a week going back and forth that partly alone, going

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Speaker 2: back and forth from the suburbs wherever you live, to

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Speaker 2: the city to work. And so this guy, he's like, look,

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to not do that every day and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to stay downtown sometimes not Is he start

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Speaker 2: trying to do this like Monday through Friday or is

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Speaker 2: he just saying like certain days because this is I've

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Speaker 2: heard of this happening. You know.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it just you know, something comes up, it's a

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Speaker 3: there's a deadline, or there's a client meeting, and something

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Speaker 3: runs over. By the time he gets home, he wouldn't

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Speaker 3: even see the kids.

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Speaker 4: So you know, it's.

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Speaker 3: Reasonable that you know, it's his time and his it's

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Speaker 3: wear and tear on him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and well yeah, I know of I actually know

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Speaker 2: of a guy who used to do this. He lived

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Speaker 2: in New York and so every day whatever that process

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Speaker 2: was like was it was too much, so he would

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Speaker 2: you know. I think it was like Tuesday through Thursday.

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Speaker 2: He would stay in the city in like a studio

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Speaker 2: and he had all of his clothes there and he

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Speaker 2: could work out, he could do whatever he day, and

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Speaker 2: then he worked, you know, most of the time, because

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Speaker 2: the guy was working like seven am to seven pm.

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Speaker 2: So the idea, I mean, even if he did go home,

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Speaker 2: to your point, he wouldn't see his kids, he wouldn't

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Speaker 2: be there for very long, and then you have chear

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Speaker 2: around to do it again.

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Speaker 1: So he would work.

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Speaker 2: I think it was Mondays and Fridays from home, and

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Speaker 2: then Tuesday through Thursday he lived in this apartment and

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Speaker 2: then you go back for so I don't I mean,

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Speaker 2: it's efficient. I get that. I feel for people. I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful for people who sit in drave it because you

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Speaker 2: have to listen to us. But I feel for people

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Speaker 2: who that is a component of their day, you know,

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Speaker 2: because it's like you all day and then in my

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Speaker 2: mind I'd be thinking and then whatever time I have

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Speaker 2: to deal with all that, and then I'd wake up

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Speaker 2: in the morning I have to deal with all that.

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Speaker 2: So I don't people are texting immediately it's a red flag.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure that inherently it's a red flag. Now

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Speaker 2: I have to ask the question, Rebecca, is there anything

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Speaker 2: else going on? Do you have any other reason if

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Speaker 2: he hadn't come to you and said I want to

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Speaker 2: live in the city during the week, would you have

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Speaker 2: any other reason to suspect that he was up to something?

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Speaker 3: No, I don't really think so. I mean, he used

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Speaker 3: to travel a lot for work before we had kids,

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Speaker 3: so I know what that kind of time away is

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Speaker 3: like too. So you know, it's it's kind of just,

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Speaker 3: you know, you hear things in the minute. You sort

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Speaker 3: of say, you know, to a friend, Oh, you know,

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Speaker 3: John's thinking maybe we should get a place in the city.

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Speaker 3: And then I, you know, we and the kids and

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Speaker 3: I can go in and all of that, and you know,

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Speaker 3: I saw an eyebrow goal office ask why. So you know,

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Speaker 3: it's just I don't know why somebody else would even

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Speaker 3: plant that seed. But you know, all of a sudden,

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Speaker 3: there's some more information to be because I guess.

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Speaker 2: If it went from Okay, I'm gonna stay down there

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Speaker 2: a couple couple nights a week, so then I'm staying

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Speaker 2: down there for a whole week and all I got

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Speaker 2: to say it for the weekend too.

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Speaker 1: You know, if it if it turns into that, which

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Speaker 1: it will, Yes, it will. What we don't know.

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Speaker 2: I'm a conspiracy theorist here, and I don't know that

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Speaker 2: it necessarily does. I Look, if he's got money like

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Speaker 2: that and you guys are doing that, well, I could

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Speaker 2: see it every now and again, like, Okay, so the

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Speaker 2: guy he's got working, maybe a work dinner or something,

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Speaker 2: and then he doesn't want to drive all the way home,

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Speaker 2: Like if you got the money like that and he's

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Speaker 2: and he's that successful that I don't necessarily think this

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Speaker 2: is a red flag in and of itself, Kiki, How

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Speaker 2: would this be any different than somebody who's on the

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Speaker 2: road two or three days a week for their for

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Speaker 2: their job, which is very common.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but he's not on the road.

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Speaker 1: He's not on the road.

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Speaker 5: And if you have this much money and income, then

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Speaker 5: move your family closer to your job. But she just

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Speaker 5: said that school. They don't want to move the kids. Well,

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Speaker 5: get another job or sit in traffic. I feel like

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Speaker 5: letting him stay out of his home is a big

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Speaker 5: flag because it starts with okay, he's gonna spend the night.

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Speaker 5: The next thing, you know, the door dash lady's getting

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Speaker 5: invited in.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yes, a person as a person who doesn't leave

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Speaker 2: his home and is hoping that one day the DoorDash

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Speaker 2: lady is going to be my wife, because that's the

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Speaker 2: only way I'm going to meet somebody. It hasn't happened

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Speaker 2: yet in a lot of years and a lot of orders. Okay,

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Speaker 2: Look what if they just they established boundaries and then

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Speaker 2: if he violates the boundaries, well then I think they

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Speaker 2: have to revisit there.

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Speaker 5: No, I don't like it.

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Speaker 1: Prolena, you a married one, Yes, I sure am. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Well he goes to the quote unquote firehouse, he has

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Speaker 1: to sleep there. He has no choice. You'll save it lives, right.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But I don't know what if we found out

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Speaker 2: a choice. There's any number of things. I'm picking up

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Speaker 2: a shift.

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Speaker 1: And he's not. I don't know for sure, all kinds

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Speaker 1: of variables.

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Speaker 6: I don't think that this is a cheating situation. I

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Speaker 6: don't think he's gonna have a whole other family. I

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Speaker 6: just I just see it as the mental load is

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Speaker 6: gonna fall way more unrepected. I don't know if you

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Speaker 6: work Rebecca, But I see it as like, Okay, it's

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Speaker 6: not a vacation, but it's a vacation if dad gets

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Speaker 6: to be away for whatever Monday through Friday or money

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Speaker 6: through Thursday. Because at the end of the day, yes,

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Speaker 6: he doesn't see the kids, he gets home too late,

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Speaker 6: but there's still things to do at home. We do

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Speaker 6: dish's laundry, all these things, and everything's gonna fall in.

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Speaker 1: Rebecca.

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Speaker 2: You know I've heard that argument before all, but it's real,

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Speaker 2: that's real. Okay, Well, i'll finish my thought anyway.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I hear that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I also you're not giving and this is

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Speaker 2: a different conversation. I don't think you're giving the man

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Speaker 2: or the woman on the other side of that argument

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Speaker 2: any credit when you say that, because you're assuming, let's

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Speaker 2: say this guy has the best intentions Oka, And let's

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Speaker 2: say this guy really does feel that the commute is

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Speaker 2: affecting his life negatively. He doesn't get to see his kids' heirs,

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Speaker 2: he wants to spend a couple of nights a week,

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Speaker 2: and the thing is that a vacation. Maybe, but you're

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Speaker 2: assuming that that dude doesn't want anything to do with

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Speaker 2: his family and doesn't want to be at practice and

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Speaker 2: doesn't want to pick the kids up from school. And

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Speaker 2: I know a lot of folks that wish they had

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Speaker 2: that opportunity on act they don't. So I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's fair to say that a parent who's not at

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Speaker 2: home doing the parenting job every day is just off

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Speaker 2: willy nilly, have a great old time, because I think

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Speaker 2: there are men and women out there who wish that

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Speaker 2: they could be doing one hundred percent if you give

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Speaker 2: that work, and they don't get to do it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, and no, I'm not discrediting anything he's doing because

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Speaker 6: he's making a sacrifice too. Parenting is sacrifice. It's a

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Speaker 6: lot of sacrifices, whether you're at home, you're working, whatever,

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Speaker 6: it's all sacrifice. But what I'm saying is that there's

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Speaker 6: still more to do than just you know, drop off

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Speaker 6: the kids whatever, which she's already missing that, and I'm

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Speaker 6: sure it's hurting him.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure it bothers him.

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Speaker 6: Like he's a father, I'm sure he wants to see

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Speaker 6: his kids go to practice and dribble the ball and

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Speaker 6: do all these things. I'm sure he wants to see that,

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Speaker 6: but he can't as of right now. With his job situation,

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Speaker 6: he can't do that. He can't be there, but he

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Speaker 6: still needs to come home at night and still be

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Speaker 6: a husband still, you know, be a part of this household,

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Speaker 6: because I do believe even though he works full time,

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Speaker 6: he works a lot, he saw us to contribute to

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Speaker 6: the home.

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Speaker 2: Reckon, let me take some phocos on this and thank

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Speaker 2: you for calling. Have the radio wanting good luck?

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Speaker 7: Thank you?

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Speaker 1: Five one three five, check that phone. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: no he's not. I I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Like I have a friend who's a pilot, and he's

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Speaker 2: been a pilot his whole life and for twenty something

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Speaker 2: years it's been an issue in his relationship because it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: I have to drive the kid to school every day

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Speaker 2: while you're in you know, santrope or whatever. And he's like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I am in santrope because I fly

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Speaker 2: for a gazillionaire who wants to be in santrope. But

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Speaker 2: I also don't get to sleep in my own bed.

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Speaker 2: You're not here, My kids aren't here.

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Speaker 1: You know. Do you want me to sit in my

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Speaker 1: room for a week and cry?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: But but like yet I'm sending you, you know, the

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Speaker 2: life that we're living is provided by this job. So

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Speaker 2: you're right, I didn't have to sit in the pickup

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Speaker 2: line today, and I didn't have to go get groceries.

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Speaker 2: But what is the alternative, right, because you know, he's

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Speaker 2: married to a lovely woman, but like there's no income

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Speaker 2: coming from that side, and he's not discrediting. That's the

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Speaker 2: biggest thing for me is he doesn't discredit how hard

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Speaker 2: her life is.

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Speaker 1: Either exactly, that's a good man. Exactly a good man.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly the opposite of what you were just complaining about. No,

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Speaker 2: I'm not He is not discrediting what she does. So

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Speaker 2: why does she get to discredit what he does simply

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Speaker 2: because they might at times wish that the roles were reversed.

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Speaker 6: I don't think that Rebecca, our caller, is discrediting her husband.

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Speaker 6: I just think that she, in my opinion, would prefer

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Speaker 6: her husband to come home at night. I know it's

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Speaker 6: hard on the commune, is a pain in the ass,

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Speaker 6: it is.

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Speaker 1: I don't think Rebecca is.

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Speaker 2: I think the argument that he can't stay in the

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Speaker 2: city because he's not doing anything at home and she

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Speaker 2: has to do all of that is discrediting. Potentially what

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Speaker 2: he's doing to provide for the family. Is well, they're

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Speaker 2: both making sacrifices.

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Speaker 8: That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: They're sacrifices.

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Speaker 6: But I still think he needs to come home at

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Speaker 6: the end of the night. He doesn't live in a

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Speaker 6: different city that's different, then he really can't come home.

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Speaker 1: Hey Lindsey, Yeah, Hi, Lindsay, good morning. Hey, what'd you

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Speaker 1: want to say?

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Speaker 8: So, I don't think it's a Doe situation. I think

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Speaker 8: it's just paunicasion. He had this job obviously before they

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Speaker 8: had kids. They knew what it did care so he

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Speaker 8: knew he was going to be leaving early homely, but

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Speaker 8: me having three children and my husband leaving before, like,

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Speaker 8: he was gone at five o'clock this morning and no

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Speaker 8: one has seen him since yesterday morning.

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Speaker 4: Just because it works.

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Speaker 8: But if he doesn't come home and kids his kids

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Speaker 8: and while they're sleeping and get in bed with me

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Speaker 8: because I myself am trying baby, it would be it

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Speaker 8: would be a problem. But yeah, he he you know,

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Speaker 8: he provides, he brings all the money, she does all

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Speaker 8: the stuff. But he, you know, should know that he

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Speaker 8: should be coming home every night, regardless of the drive.

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Speaker 8: It's not like he's in a different state. He should

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Speaker 8: be coming home, whether it's to pick up a little

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Speaker 8: bit as na and do whatever he needs to do.

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Speaker 8: But you're a family, You're a unit. You come home

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Speaker 8: and you you start your day in the morning off

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Speaker 8: from home, and you come home at night to home

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Speaker 8: to your family, whether they're sleeping or not.

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Speaker 1: Fair enough. Thank you, Lindsey.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Have a good daybody, Yes, thank you you too. Hi Phil,

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Speaker 1: Good morning Phil. How you doing.

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Speaker 4: I'm good? How are you guys?

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Speaker 1: Hey, I'm doing great. If you just tuned in.

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Speaker 2: This woman is concerned or or once to know if

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Speaker 2: she should be concerned because her husband of a long time,

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Speaker 2: who's been making at least an hour drive each way

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Speaker 2: to and from work, has decided that he wants to

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Speaker 2: get an apartment or something closer to work so that

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Speaker 2: he's not making that drive every single day because it's

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Speaker 2: wearing him out and he thinks he's having a negative

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Speaker 2: effect on his life. He doesn't get to see his

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Speaker 2: family on those days anyway. And so the debate is

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Speaker 2: is this good or a bad idea? What do you think?

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Speaker 4: So I've been doing this for fifteen years. I have

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Speaker 4: an apartment up in the city. But my home is

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Speaker 4: three hours away, so the commute is that's not possible.

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Speaker 4: But we have four kids, we've been married for twenty

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Speaker 4: nine years and it works. But because of the distance,

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Speaker 4: it's impossible. Now given their circumstances with him only being

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Speaker 4: an hour away, and if they can afford rent or

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Speaker 4: buying in the city, my suggestion would be for him

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Speaker 4: to contract a black car service that he could call

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Speaker 4: when he's ready to come home, because then he's not

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Speaker 4: doing the driving. Then he can work the drive in

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Speaker 4: and he can work the drive out, but then he's

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Speaker 4: home every night with with his kids. You know, the

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Speaker 4: problem that we see nowadays is everybody says you have

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Speaker 4: to have a work life balance, and that means you

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Speaker 4: balance life around work, and that's that's wrong. You should

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Speaker 4: have a life work balance where you balance work around

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Speaker 4: life because those kids are going to be grown up

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Speaker 4: and out of the house much faster than any time

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Speaker 4: he's going to spend griping about the commute back and forth.

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Speaker 4: If they've got the money and it's only an hour,

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Speaker 4: If it was three hours, I would say, yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 4: But if it's only an hour, he should contract a

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Speaker 4: black car service that can pick him up and deliver

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Speaker 4: him back and forth every single day, because there's cars

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Speaker 4: out there that will do that. But additionally, in my industry,

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Speaker 4: I've seen a lot of guys try this, and what

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Speaker 4: happens is they gain an independence on their own and

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Speaker 4: they start creating a life on their own outside of

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Speaker 4: the life they should be having with their family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's an issue. Obviously, that would be a serious issue.

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Speaker 4: When it gets dangerous. But given the fact that he's

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Speaker 4: only an hour away, I would say that to save

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Speaker 4: I mean not only to be there for his wife,

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Speaker 4: but to be there for his family and to live

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Speaker 4: like we work to live, we don't live to work,

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Speaker 4: And so he needs to prioritize it, and he needs

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Speaker 4: to put the money into hiring someone to pick him

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Speaker 4: up at his house and take the load off of

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Speaker 4: him driving, drive him into the city, and when he's

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Speaker 4: done on a late night, have someone drive him home.

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Speaker 4: But you know what, he's going to be at home

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Speaker 4: at night, and he's going to be at home in

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Speaker 4: the morning and his kids will at least know he

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Speaker 4: was present.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Phil, that's a good idea. Thanks man. Have

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Speaker 1: a good day, a life coach. It feels good. I'm tired.

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Speaker 2: I just my issue is if the argument is that

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Speaker 2: he's going he's going to cheat, or he's going to

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Speaker 2: disconnect her, he's going to do all these bad things.

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Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think that's the reason not to do this,

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Speaker 2: because if you're in a relationship and you trust the

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Speaker 2: person that you're we talk about this all the time.

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Speaker 2: It's like, just because he has a place in the

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Speaker 2: city does not mean that he's to someone's point on

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Speaker 2: he wants to stab in cabin someone texted, It's not

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Speaker 2: necessarily And if they can establish boundaries again, you know,

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Speaker 2: ground rules on this, Hey, once a week, okay, twice

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Speaker 2: a week maybe under these circumstances for these things. If

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Speaker 2: they can come up with that on their own and

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Speaker 2: then they can stick to it, then I don't think

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Speaker 2: this is inherently a problem. But if maybe it goes

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Speaker 2: outside those lines and then maybe she has to reel

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Speaker 2: it back in, I don't know. But just for the

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Speaker 2: argument for everybody going, well, he's not at home at night,

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Speaker 2: then he's not this, and he's not that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, that's not fair. Hey, Misty, Hey, I

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Speaker 1: missed you. Good morning, Good morning, how are you guys?

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Speaker 2: Hey?

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Speaker 1: Great? What'd you want to say?

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Speaker 7: So, Okay, my husband and I we've been together for

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Speaker 7: twenty years.

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Speaker 9: We have a beautiful little seventeen year old almost eighteen

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Speaker 9: year old, and he's been a truck driver for the past, oh,

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Speaker 9: I don't know, fifteen years or so, and you know,

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Speaker 9: he is rarely.

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Speaker 7: Home during the week and everything. Do I automatically assume

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Speaker 7: he's cheating.

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Speaker 8: Absolutely not, because I mean you.

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Speaker 7: Have to have like that trust. He does come home

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Speaker 7: once in a while when he can, you know, pops

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Speaker 7: in each shower, sleeps a little bit, whatever he can do.

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Speaker 7: But on the weekend he's always there, taking care of

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Speaker 7: things that have to be done around the house and

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Speaker 7: taking care of his family.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, he does feel.

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Speaker 7: Bad sometimes that you know, he can't be around and

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Speaker 7: he can't be like involved in like a lot of

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Speaker 7: her stuff because you know, now that she's growing up

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Speaker 7: and she's not the college and everything, it's a little

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Speaker 7: bit harder. But the man is busting it is behind

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Speaker 7: working in everything to provide for our family. And now

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Speaker 7: one single time have we thought or have I even

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Speaker 7: thought that he's cheating. Now, if he's going to, well,

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Speaker 7: good luck to him, because God only knows what could happen.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, people are people have much more creative ways

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Speaker 2: to chieve than to say, you know, to announce they're

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Speaker 2: getting an apartment to stay in the city, if that's

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Speaker 2: the concern.

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Speaker 9: Exactly, And I mean, mind's.

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Speaker 1: A so I mean he's got a bed right there

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Speaker 1: in the cab right how convenient.

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Speaker 7: Exactly, But like I said, he does come home when

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Speaker 7: he can, and I mean he's always providing and everything

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Speaker 7: for us and stuff, and I mean he's still taking

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Speaker 7: care of stuff.

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Speaker 4: Around the house.

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Speaker 7: So I mean it's just I mean, you can't automatically

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Speaker 7: assume that you know they're going to cheat on you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, miss, have a great day.

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Speaker 7: Thank you you as well.

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Speaker 1: Glad you call a problem solve boom here you go

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Speaker 1: think compared, that's no idea. It is the thief of joy.

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Speaker 10: So like we should never whether it be at work,

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Speaker 10: comparing who works harder, whether it be in your relationship.

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Speaker 10: Until you walk in someone choose, you just don't know.

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Speaker 10: And so why are we going down that slipper? Like

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Speaker 10: what where's the respect for people? And how you know,

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Speaker 10: I don't know what your day is like, but we

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Speaker 10: we both have to do things to contribute so I

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Speaker 10: don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a slippery slope.

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Speaker 2: The Entertainment Report is next. You have to drake in

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Speaker 2: two minutes. It's The Fresh Show. We're commercial free.