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Speaker 1: Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid

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Speaker 1: down his life for us, and we ought to lay

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Speaker 1: down our lives for the brethren. First John three sixteen. Lord,

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Speaker 1: help me comprehend the kind of love that is willing

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Speaker 1: to lay its life down for another. I know your

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Speaker 1: death on the cross paid the price for my sins,

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Speaker 1: but the reality of that sacrifice is unimaginable. I feel

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Speaker 1: like a selfish child when I get upset things don't

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Speaker 1: work out the way I want them to. I am

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Speaker 1: concerned more about being the center of attention than honoring

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Speaker 1: and making others a success in your kingdom. Jealousy rises

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Speaker 1: in my heart when others are exalted and I see

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Speaker 1: how limited my love is. Show me how to lay

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Speaker 1: down my life for others. Help me recognize your kingdom

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Speaker 1: rewards humility and loving kindness. Amen. Thank you for listening

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Speaker 1: to today's daily prayer for more inspiration and an incredible

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Speaker 1: message from our feature pastor stay tuned to pray dot

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Speaker 1: COM's Sunday service.

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Speaker 2: Hey Aaron, Welcome to Love and Truth Network. We are

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Speaker 2: excited to engage with each of you and our Prey

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Speaker 2: dot Com audience. Whether you're checking out our content for

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Speaker 2: the very first time, or you're a regular on our channel.

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Speaker 2: It's our goal to bless, challenge, and equip local churches

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Speaker 2: and christ followers across the United States and beyond. Through

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Speaker 2: discussion based interviews, you'll engage with challenging and often avoided

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Speaker 2: topics within the church, particularly related to God's design for sexuality,

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Speaker 2: vulnerable and authentic relationships, and biblical identity. This week's broadcast

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Speaker 2: begins right now. Well, hey there, hello, friends, Welcome to

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Speaker 2: this Sunday message on pray dot com. It's February fifteenth,

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Speaker 2: the day after Valentine's Day, and I want to meet

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Speaker 2: you exactly where you are right now. More importantly, Jesus

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Speaker 2: wants to meet you where you're at. For many people,

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Speaker 2: yesterday felt like salt in an open wound. Social media

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Speaker 2: feeds full of flowers, sweet expressions of love, even proposals,

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Speaker 2: while your inbox remained pretty empty. Maybe you're married, but

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Speaker 2: the disconnect between you and your spouse felt wider yesterday

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Speaker 2: than ever as you watch other couples celebrate what feels

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Speaker 2: absent in your own home. Maybe you're even a pastor

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Speaker 2: or ministry leader who spent yesterday encouraging others about love

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Speaker 2: while privately wondering why your own heart and your own

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Speaker 2: marriage still feels so hollow. Or maybe Valentine's Day was

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Speaker 2: beautiful for you, but today's reality actually settles back in

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Speaker 2: because even the best romantic moments can't fill that deeper

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Speaker 2: ache we all carry for connection, belonging, and purpose. Wherever

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Speaker 2: that lands you today, I want to remind you that

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Speaker 2: God sees it, He sees you. He's not embarrassed by

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Speaker 2: or chiding you for your loneliness. He's not distant from

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Speaker 2: your disappointment, and He's not going to leave you alone

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Speaker 2: or abandon you in your loneliness. But before we dive

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Speaker 2: into that deeper hope, let me tell you something that

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Speaker 2: most people have never heard about Valentine's Day, because the

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Speaker 2: real story can change everything about how we understand love, sacrifice,

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Speaker 2: and what our hearts are truly longing for. The tradition

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Speaker 2: handed down to us from more than two thousand years

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Speaker 2: ago reveals that Valentine's Day isn't rooted in romance or

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Speaker 2: sexual passion. It certainly isn't rooted in diamond's jewelry or

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Speaker 2: Hallmark reading cards. Rather, it commemorates a real man, a

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Speaker 2: Christian leader, named Valentinus, who lived in Rome during the

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Speaker 2: third century under Emperor Claudius the Second around AD two

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Speaker 2: sixty nine seventy. As legend would tell us, Claudius was

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Speaker 2: facing military pressures across the Empire. He needed more soldiers,

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Speaker 2: and he had become convinced that young men fought harder

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Speaker 2: and more ruthlessly if they weren't distracted by wives and

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Speaker 2: children back home. So he issued a pretty brutal edict.

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Speaker 2: No more marriages for men of military age. No weddings,

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Speaker 2: no new families, no covenant commitments that might divide a

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Speaker 2: soldier's loyalty. The Empire came first, at all costs. Valentine

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Speaker 2: looked at that decree and saw something deeper than political

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Speaker 2: or military strategy. He saw an assault on God's very

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Speaker 2: design for human flourishing. Marriage wasn't just a nice cultural tradition.

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Speaker 2: It was a holy covenant that reflected Christ's love for

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Speaker 2: his church. It was part of how God ordered creation

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Speaker 2: for companionship, intimacy, procreation, and reflecting his image in relationship.

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Speaker 2: So Valentinus made a choice that would cost him everything.

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Speaker 2: He refused to comply. Night after night, he kept performing

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Speaker 2: weddings secretly in homes under the cover of darkness, joining

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Speaker 2: Christian couples in the name of Christ, blessing what God

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Speaker 2: had ordained, defying government authority and favor of Christ. When

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Speaker 2: the Roman authorities discovered him, he was arrested and brought

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Speaker 2: before Claudius himself. Historical accounts tell us the emperor personally

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Speaker 2: tried to persuade him to renounce Jesus and offer sacrifice

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Speaker 2: to the Roman gods. Not only did Valentinus refuse, he

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Speaker 2: used the opportunity to witness boldly about the love of

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Speaker 2: Christ to the most powerful man in the empire. Furious,

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Speaker 2: Claudius ordered him beaten with clubs and stones. When that

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Speaker 2: torture didn't actually kill him, they beheaded him on February fourteenth.

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Speaker 2: That's the origin of this day, not candle at dinners

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Speaker 2: or romantic getaways. Rather ultimate love for Jesus Christ, Displaying

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Speaker 2: sacrifice and faithfulness under crushing pressure, Valentinus laid down his

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Speaker 2: life rather than betray God's design for covenant marriage. It

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Speaker 2: perfectly echoes but John taught in John chapter fifteen, verse thirteen,

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Speaker 2: Greater love has no one than this, that one lays

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Speaker 2: down his life for his friends. Valentinus didn't just teach

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Speaker 2: about sacrificial love. He lived it to the death. Eras

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Speaker 2: and romantic love are certainly powerful and blessed expressions of

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Speaker 2: our heart when directed according to God's ccbath elusive design

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Speaker 2: for one man and one woman in covenant marriage. But

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Speaker 2: what we see in the account of Valentinis is his

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Speaker 2: fervent love for God and his unwavering love for those

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Speaker 2: who came to him who desire to obey God's design

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Speaker 2: for sexual union only within the context of marriage. Valentinis

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Speaker 2: embodied unconditional love for God agape, but he also expressed

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Speaker 2: a deep and sacrificial brotherly love for those caught in

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Speaker 2: the plight of the government's edict filey Oh Love. Growing

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Speaker 2: up for me, my family certainly didn't look picture perfect

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Speaker 2: from the outside, but like all families, we appeared far

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Speaker 2: better than we actually were. Faithful church attendance, Bible versus

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Speaker 2: on the fridge, youth group involvement. But inside our home

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Speaker 2: were deep relational fractures that were never addressed. My dad's burilling,

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Speaker 2: anger and harsh methods of discipline, emotional distance, secrets that

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Speaker 2: created isolation and feelings of walking on eggshells. Early sexualization

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Speaker 2: in my own life through the abusive older neighborhood boys

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Speaker 2: and their dad's freely available hardcore porn. Long before my

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Speaker 2: teenage years at und dressed, pain and shame had turned inward.

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Speaker 2: I began experiencing same sex attraction, deep self hatred and

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Speaker 2: confusion about my identity that I felt I could never

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Speaker 2: speak with anyone about. I was desperate for connection, for belonging,

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Speaker 2: for someone to see me and not walk away, but

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Speaker 2: I was terrified that no one could love me or

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Speaker 2: care about what I was going through. I chased that

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Speaker 2: legitimate longing for connection into all the wrong places, sexual

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Speaker 2: encounters with other boys, secret relationships, pornography, trying to prove

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Speaker 2: I was enough through performance and people pleasing. Every time

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Speaker 2: I thought I'd found real connection, it slipped through my

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Speaker 2: fingers and left me more isolated than before. Even after

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Speaker 2: surrending my life to Christ in my early thirties, a

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Speaker 2: genuine conversion and beginning to serve in ministry, the journey

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Speaker 2: toward wholeness wasn't a straight line, not at all. There

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Speaker 2: were victories and setbacks, breakthroughs and relapses, But through it

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Speaker 2: all God kept pursuing me with a love far costlier

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Speaker 2: than Valentine's cards could express that pursuit what I want

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Speaker 2: to talk with you about today, because the saying God

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Speaker 2: who pursued me is actually pursuing you, not with cheap sentimentality,

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Speaker 2: but with the kind of sacrificial covenant love that Valentinis

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Speaker 2: died defending. Here's where we're going together in our Sunday teaching.

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about God's original blueprint, what he

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Speaker 2: designed from the beginning for love connection and human flourishing,

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Speaker 2: what the fracture is, and how sin distorts and isolates,

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Speaker 2: creating the loneliness that we all feel. I want to

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Speaker 2: share a few stories of real testimonies of God setting

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Speaker 2: the lonely in family. Also, I want to talk about

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Speaker 2: practical steps, concrete, costly actions we can take starting today.

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Speaker 2: And then a word to leaders how pastors and ministry

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Speaker 2: leaders can create genuine community for the isolated. And then

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Speaker 2: finally we'll have an invitation, a closing call to let

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Speaker 2: God set us in families the way he desires. My

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Speaker 2: prayer is that by the end of this message you'll

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Speaker 2: feel both deeply seen in your loneliness and gently challenged

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Speaker 2: to stop settling for confits and start living the sacrificial

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Speaker 2: love that Valentinous modeled. This isn't just about temporarily feeling better.

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Speaker 2: It's about joining God in the work of setting the

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Speaker 2: loneli in families, starting with your own heart, extending to

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Speaker 2: your relationships, and rippling out into the communities God has

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Speaker 2: placed you in. Let's go back to the beginning Genesis

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Speaker 2: chapter one and two. Picture this. God has spent five

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Speaker 2: days creating light, separating waters, forming land, filling the earth

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Speaker 2: with plants and animals. At each step he declares it

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Speaker 2: is good. Then he forms man from the dust and

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Speaker 2: breathes into him the breath of life. Everything is perfect

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Speaker 2: Christine environment, unbroken fellowship with God, meaningful work, meaningful purpose.

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Speaker 2: And then God says something that should stop us in

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Speaker 2: our tracks. It is not good for the man to

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Speaker 2: be alone. Genesis chapter two, verse eighteen. Think about that

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Speaker 2: for a moment, everything else in creation was pronounced good.

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Speaker 2: The first not good was a loneness, even in paradise,

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Speaker 2: even with perfect communion with God. Think about that, even

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Speaker 2: in perfect communion with God, human beings were designed for

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Speaker 2: companionship with one another. So God puts Adam into a

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Speaker 2: deep sleep, takes one of his ribs, and fashions Eve.

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Speaker 2: When he brings her to Adam, Listen to his response, This,

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Speaker 2: at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of

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Speaker 2: my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was

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Speaker 2: taken out of man. Genesis chapter two, verse twenty three.

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Speaker 2: The Hebrew here conveys explosive joy. At last, this is

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Speaker 2: what I've been waiting for without even knowing it. This

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Speaker 2: is the companion who completes the design. For this reason,

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Speaker 2: the text continues, a man shall leave his father and

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Speaker 2: his mother and be joined to his wife, and they

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Speaker 2: shall become one flesh. Genesis chapter two, verse twenty four.

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Speaker 2: This is God's blueprint covenant marriage between a man and woman,

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Speaker 2: creating a new family unit that reflects his own nature.

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Speaker 2: Is trinity, distinct persons in perfect unity. This union is

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Speaker 2: meant to encompass deep emotional intimacy, physical intimacy within covenant,

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Speaker 2: mutual help and support, the capacity to create new life,

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Speaker 2: and a picture of Christ's relationship with his church. That's

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Speaker 2: why Valentinus was willing to die rather than like Claudius

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Speaker 2: the Second, destroy marriage. He understood that when you attack

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Speaker 2: God's design from marriage and family, you're not just changing

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Speaker 2: social policy. You're tearing at the fabric of creation itself.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward to the New Testament and we see this

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Speaker 2: design elevated even higher. Ephesians chapter five, verses twenty five

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Speaker 2: through thirty three gives us the stunning model husbands, love

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Speaker 2: your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and

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Speaker 2: gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her,

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Speaker 2: having cleansed her by the washing of water, with the word,

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Speaker 2: that he might present to himself the Church in all

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Speaker 2: her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

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Speaker 2: but that she would be holy and blameless. The phrase

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Speaker 2: gave himself up is sacrificial language, literally handed over to

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Speaker 2: suffering and death. That's the standard for husbands. Think about that.

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Speaker 2: That is a standard for husbands, not Hollywood style romance,

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Speaker 2: Not intense and passionate feelings that come and go, the crucifixion,

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Speaker 2: love that chooses the good of the other over self protection.

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Speaker 2: Wives are called to be subject to their own husbands,

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Speaker 2: as to the Lord verse twenty two, not because women

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Speaker 2: are less valuable, not at all, but because in this

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Speaker 2: covenant dance, where husbands are offering genuine sacrificial love, God

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Speaker 2: has designed husbands to be the primary initiator and wives

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Speaker 2: to be the primary responders who correspond to him. Going

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Speaker 2: back to Genesis chapter two, verse eighteen, creating a beautiful

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Speaker 2: picture of the church's response to the sacrificial and loving

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Speaker 2: leadership of Christ. This isn't about gender roles as much

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Speaker 2: as it's about the gospel. Marriage at its best is

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Speaker 2: a living drama of how Christ loves his people and

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Speaker 2: how his people respond to that love. Now, before any

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Speaker 2: single person feels excluded from this conversation, let me speak

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Speaker 2: directly to you, as ones who may be especially grateful

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Speaker 2: to cross off February fourteen on your calendar for another year.

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Speaker 2: Paul writes in First Corinthians chapter seven, verses seven through eight.

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Speaker 2: Yet I wish that all men were even as I

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Speaker 2: myself am. However, each man has his own gifts from God,

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Speaker 2: one in this manner, another in that. But I say

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Speaker 2: to the unmarried and to widows, that is good for

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Speaker 2: them if they remain even as I am. Singleness is

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Speaker 2: called a gift, and I get it. It's often regarded

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Speaker 2: as a gift that we want to return for an

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Speaker 2: actual relationship. But it's neither a consolation prize or a

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Speaker 2: waiting room for marriage. But a distinct calling with unique

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Speaker 2: opportunities for undivided devotion to the Lord. Jesus himself was single. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: he lived fully human, fully connected to the Father and

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Speaker 2: to friends, without needing a spouse to complete him.

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Speaker 1: But and this is.

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Speaker 2: Crucial, Paul never envisions lifelong isolation. In Mark chapter ten,

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Speaker 2: verses twenty nine through thirty, Jesus promises that those who

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Speaker 2: leave family for the gospel's sake will receive one hundred

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Speaker 2: times as much now in the present age houses and

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Speaker 2: brothers and sisters and mothers and children. The Family of

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Speaker 2: God is meant to be a real family for singles,

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Speaker 2: not just a nice metaphor, but brothers and sisters and

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Speaker 2: spiritual parents and children who provide the connection, support and

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Speaker 2: belonging every human heart was made for. Again, we were

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Speaker 2: not meant to be alone. I also love the way

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Speaker 2: that Mark captures the relationship of Jesus with his newly

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Speaker 2: called disciples in Mark chapter three, verse fourteen, and he

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Speaker 2: appointed twelve so that they would be with him, and

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Speaker 2: that he could send them out to preach. Notice what

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Speaker 2: comes first. He chose the twelve so that they would

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Speaker 2: be with him. I love that language. Before he sends

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Speaker 2: them out before they're equipped to do anything. They need

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Speaker 2: to be together and they need to be with him.

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Speaker 2: It's such a deeply relational context. Now, one of the

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Speaker 2: most practical insights I've learned about building connection comes from

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Speaker 2: relationship researcher John Gottman's work on emotional bids. And of

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Speaker 2: course this applies to marriage, but it applies to all

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Speaker 2: of our relationships, friendships, parents to children and children to parents,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. And so in this concept of emotional bids,

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Speaker 2: a bid is anything from one person to connect with another.

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Speaker 2: It's a text message, perhaps a question, even a sigh,

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Speaker 2: a look across the room, sharing something that happened in

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Speaker 2: your day. Gottman found that in thriving relationships, partners respond

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Speaker 2: positively to these bids about eighty six percent of the time,

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Speaker 2: or more. In relationships headed toward breakdown, it drops below

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Speaker 2: thirty three percent. And again, this idea of bids is

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Speaker 2: just somebody sharing a sigh, a simple thing that it's

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Speaker 2: an opportunity for the other person in the room or

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Speaker 2: in the house or wherever they are to inquire or

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Speaker 2: to take interest in what is being expressed. It's a

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Speaker 2: way for there to be a moment of bonding, and

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Speaker 2: those moments, of course, will happen over thousands of times

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Speaker 2: in a year, in a decade, in someone's lifetime, and

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Speaker 2: the more that they happen, the more bonding they are.

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Speaker 2: Whether it's in friendships, whether it's in parental to child relationships,

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Speaker 2: and certainly within the context of marriage. Now, turning toward

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Speaker 2: bids is a small daily act of sacrificial love. It's

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Speaker 2: putting down your phone when you're tired to listen to

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Speaker 2: your teenager story. It's responding to your friend's text even

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Speaker 2: when you don't feel like it. It's making eye contact

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Speaker 2: with a coworker who seems lonely, or the spouse who's

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Speaker 2: trying to connect with you. It's saying, I see you

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Speaker 2: trying to reach me, and I'm here. I'm responding. That's

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Speaker 2: the love of Valentinus lived out in ordinary moments, faithful, costly,

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Speaker 2: choosing connection over convenience. And think for a moment about

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Speaker 2: the last few days. What bids have come your way

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Speaker 2: that you turned away from. What would it look like

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Speaker 2: to choose to turn toward and respond to these opportunities today,

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Speaker 2: rather than allowing your busyness, irritation or isolation to keep

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Speaker 2: you from those simple but meaningful connections. And I think

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Speaker 2: so many times these bids happen in our lives, and

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Speaker 2: we ignore them so often that we are kind of

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Speaker 2: tone deaf to them even happening around us. And yet

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Speaker 2: from Gotman's work, they are critical for us to respond

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Speaker 2: to and to build bridges and moments of connection with

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Speaker 2: the people in our lives that are important to us. Now,

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Speaker 2: let's be honest what we're up against. The culture around

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Speaker 2: us has largely abandoned God's designed and replaced it with

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Speaker 2: counterfeits that promise connection but deliver isolation and even enslavement

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Speaker 2: to sin. Hookup culture says you can have physical intimacy

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Speaker 2: without emotional commitment or consequences. Porn promises sexual satisfaction without

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Speaker 2: the vulnerability of real relationships. Social media creates the illusion

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Speaker 2: of connection while keeping us separated by screens. Follow your

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Speaker 2: Heart philosophy says commitments can be discarded. The result epidemic loneliness,

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Speaker 2: record rates of anxiety and depression. People sleeping in the

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Speaker 2: same bed that living in worlds apart emotionally or bodies

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Speaker 2: intertwined in the pursuit of sexual gratification while souls are defiled,

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Speaker 2: and hearts are hardened by the practice, and sexual partners

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Speaker 2: become mere objects of personal lust. Singles often feeling like

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Speaker 2: they're half a person waiting to be completed. Families fractured

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Speaker 2: by affairs, addiction, and the inability to fight for each

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Speaker 2: other when things get hard. We've traded the costly, patient

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Speaker 2: work of covenant love for the instant gratification of consumer love,

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Speaker 2: and we're all starving for what we were actually made for,

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Speaker 2: genuine relationship. Now, I didn't say it would be easy.

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Speaker 2: Growth and transformation are usually hard work, but I can't

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Speaker 2: even begin to tell you how worthwhile the pain and

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Speaker 2: the struggle are to become who God actually created you

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Speaker 2: to be. Affairs and emotional infidelity. Your marriage felt dead

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Speaker 2: and someone else's attention brought you back to life. The

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Speaker 2: affair might be over, but the damage to trust seems irreparable.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe you've never physically crossed a line, but you've

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Speaker 2: checked out emotionally and are investing your heart somewhere other

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Speaker 2: than your spouse. Chronic loneliness and marriage. You sleep next

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Speaker 2: to someone every night but feel completely unknown. You stop

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Speaker 2: making bids because the rejection hurts too much. You've given

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Speaker 2: up on intimacy and settled for coexistence. The loneliness inside

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Speaker 2: marriage can feel worse than being single, because at least

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Speaker 2: single people can hope for connection. You feel stuck. I've

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Speaker 2: often said to people before marriage, it is always better

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Speaker 2: to be single wishing you were married, than to be

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Speaker 2: married wishing you were single. Pastoral isolation. You're the one

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Speaker 2: everyone comes to for help, but you have nowhere to

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Speaker 2: take your own struggles. Your marriage is under pressure from

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Speaker 2: ministry demands, your kids are acting out, You're wrestling with doubt,

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Speaker 2: burn out, your own sexual temptations, but admitting any of

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Speaker 2: it feels like it would destroy your ministry and disappoint

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Speaker 2: everyone who looks up to you. Identity confusion, whether around sexuality,

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Speaker 2: gender calling, or just basic sense of self. You feel unmoored.

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Speaker 2: Past trauma has left you disconnected from your own desires

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Speaker 2: and instincts. You are living someone else's expectations rather than

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Speaker 2: discovering who God made you to be friends. If you

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Speaker 2: recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, you need to

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Speaker 2: know you are not too broken for God's love. These

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Speaker 2: struggles don't disqualify you from His family. They're exactly why

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Speaker 2: Jesus came in the first place. Scripture doesn't sugarcoat the

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Speaker 2: human condition. Jeremiah chapter seventeen, verse nine says the heart

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Speaker 2: is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick

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Speaker 2: who can understand it? And Romans three, verse twenty three

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Speaker 2: says all have sinned and falls short of the glory

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Speaker 2: of God. We're not basically good people who occasionally mess up.

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Speaker 2: We're fundamentally broken and sinful people in need of complete renovation.

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Speaker 2: But that diagnosis leads to the most beautiful news ever announced.

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Speaker 2: But God demonstrates his own love toward us in that

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Speaker 2: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Paul

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Speaker 2: writes that to us in Romans chapter five, verse eight,

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Speaker 2: and also in One Peter chapter two, verse twenty four.

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Speaker 2: Peter writes this, he himself bore our sins in his

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Speaker 2: body on the cross, so that we might die to

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Speaker 2: sin and live to righteousness. For by his wounds you

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Speaker 2: were healed. Jesus didn't die for abstract sin. He carried

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Speaker 2: the specific shame of every wound we've ever endured. He

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Speaker 2: was stripped naked so we could be clothed with dignity.

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Speaker 2: He was mocked and rejected so we could be accepted

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Speaker 2: and beloved. He was forsaken by the Father so we

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Speaker 2: could never be forsaken. His wounds heal ours, not instantly

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Speaker 2: or magically, but progressively as we bring our brokenness to

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Speaker 2: him and into safe community. The cross means your worst day,

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Speaker 2: your deepest shame, your most humiliating failure, has been absorbed

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Speaker 2: and transformed. There is no pit so deep that His

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Speaker 2: love isn't deeper still. I want to illustrate what I'm

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Speaker 2: talking about here by sharing several stories with you. Names

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Speaker 2: have been changed and details have been shifted to protect privacy,

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Speaker 2: but what I really want you to hear is the

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Speaker 2: fact that God is still at work to transform lives.

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Speaker 2: These stories are all about Him and how He uses

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Speaker 2: willing members of his body to minister in simple but

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Speaker 2: powerful ways to those who are in desperate need. I

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Speaker 2: was one of those who lived for years in desperate need,

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Speaker 2: one who tried to keep all my sins and struggles

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Speaker 2: between me and God alone. This was an absolute recipe

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Speaker 2: for disaster, isolation, and intense loneliness, further fueling my sin

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Speaker 2: and addiction. You can learn more about our lives and

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Speaker 2: stories and our ministry by visiting ww dot Loveandtruthnetwork dot com.

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Speaker 2: Melissa and I have had countless conversations and many coaching

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Speaker 2: counseling sessions with men and women over the last twenty

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Speaker 2: plus years. We've seen God work in powerful ways and

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Speaker 2: the lives of people surrendered to him. We have especially

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Speaker 2: seen breakthrough freedom and maturity occur over time when men

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Speaker 2: and women choose to get involved in vulnerable and genuine

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Speaker 2: community with other Christ followers and of course, with great grief.

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Speaker 2: We have also seen some pull back from God from

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Speaker 2: his community and choose to return to patterns of behavior,

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Speaker 2: or get involved with someone who doesn't love Jesus but

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Speaker 2: feels right and intense emotional connection, filling up all of

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Speaker 2: their emptiness and loneliness, and they choose to wander off

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Speaker 2: into sin and rebellion. Solomon writes in Proverbs chapter eighteen,

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Speaker 2: verse one, he who separates himself seeks his own desire.

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Speaker 2: He quarrels against all sound wisdom. Not everyone walks out

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Speaker 2: the hard journey of self denial that Jesus calls us to.

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Speaker 2: In Luke nine, verse twenty three, we read this, if

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Speaker 2: anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself

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Speaker 2: and take up his cross daily and follow me. So

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Speaker 2: the first story that I want to share with you

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Speaker 2: is about a couple who decided to love radically and

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Speaker 2: be the home that Psalm sixty eight six talks about.

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Speaker 2: And here's their story. About a decade ago, God brought

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Speaker 2: a young man into our lives. His name is Alex,

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Speaker 2: who was carrying layers of trauma that had left him

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Speaker 2: suicidal and completely isolated. He'd experienced childhood sexual abuse, grown

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Speaker 2: up without a father, struggled with addiction, and was wrestling

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Speaker 2: with same sex attraction and gender confusion. He was in

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Speaker 2: his mid twenties but had never experienced safe and stable family.

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Speaker 2: My wife, Randa and I sensed the Lord speaking to us,

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Speaker 2: open your home, not for a short stay, but for

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Speaker 2: as long as it takes. We said yes to what

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Speaker 2: wound up being seven years of Alex living with our family,

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Speaker 2: seven years of an extra person at our dinner table,

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Speaker 2: in our routines, through raising teenagers and launching ministry. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't romantic or heroic. It was daily, ordinary, costly love.

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Speaker 2: There were seasons of incredible breakthrough late night conversations where

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Speaker 2: truth broke through decades of lies, moments of forgiveness that

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Speaker 2: set him free from bitterness, prayer times where God's love

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Speaker 2: became real in ways Alex had never experienced. There were

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Speaker 2: also seasons that felt like regression, old patterns resurfacing under stress,

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Speaker 2: boundaries being tested, times when we wondered if we were

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Speaker 2: actually helping or somehow slipping into enabling. And there were

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Speaker 2: times as the husband and father that I triggered his

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Speaker 2: familiar feelings and fears associated with men in general, and

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Speaker 2: the complete abandonment of his father in particular, over things

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Speaker 2: I didn't even understand could be hurtful. Alex would pull

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Speaker 2: back and withdraw into isolation, not always responding well to

430
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 2: my initiative to understand what he was feeling and how

431
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: I might have unintentionally said or done something that was

432
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 2: hurtful to him. But God was faithful. Slowly, patiently, Alex

433
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 2: began to heal. The trauma responses settled as he experienced safety.

434
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: The identity confusion clarified and diminished as he encountered his

435
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 2: identity as God's loved son. Yet even to this day,

436
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 2: he still experiences same sex attraction, but much of its

437
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 2: power is diminished. It no longer rules Alex. He has

438
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 2: the freedom to walk differently, not giving it power to

439
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 2: rule over his life. The isolation ended as he learned

440
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 2: to trust and be trusted in the context of family.

441
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: While this certainly doesn't happen for everyone, Today, Alex is

442
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 2: married to an incredible woman who loves Jesus and loves Alex.

443
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 2: Together they are raising children, serving their local church, and

444
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 2: Alex is walking in freedom he once thought was impossible.

445
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 2: More importantly, he's become someone who helps set other lonely

446
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 2: people in families, mentoring younger men, creating community for others

447
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: who feel isolated. That season of seven years cost us privacy,

448
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 2: emotional energy, resources. It cost Alex vulnerability and patience with

449
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 2: the slow process of healing, but we all gained immeasurably

450
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 2: more than we could have ever imagined. This was Psalm

451
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 2: sixty eight six, lived out in our imperfect, messy house.

452
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: God makes a home for the lonely. He leads out

453
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 2: the prisoners into prosperity. Only the rebellious dwell in a

454
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: parched land. Let me share another story with you. Sarah

455
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: was a successful professional, active in her church. It really

456
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 2: looked like she had everything altogether, but privately, she'd been

457
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 2: trapped in pornography addiction for over fifteen years. It started

458
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 2: in college, during a season of loneliness and academic stress.

459
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 2: What began as occasional escapes eventually became daily consumption. She'd

460
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 2: tried to quit dozens of times, made accountability promises to herself,

461
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 2: even prayed desperately for deliverance, but the shame cycle kept

462
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: her isolated, and the isolation kept driving her back to

463
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 2: false intimacy a porn When she finally joined a group,

464
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 2: it was out of desperation. The shame of anyone knowing

465
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 2: her sin struggle was intense, but her desperation for freedom

466
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: finally tip the scales. She was engaged to be married

467
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 2: and terrified that she'd never be free, that she'd damage

468
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 2: her future marriage with this secret addiction. Transformation didn't happen overnight.

469
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 2: The first few weeks of counseling and a support group

470
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: were mostly about learning to tell the truth, admitting the

471
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 2: full extent of the problem, naming the childhood wounds that

472
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 2: made fantasy feel safer than reality, understanding how trauma had

473
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 2: wired her brain for this kind of escape, and also

474
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 2: learning to confess her own sinful choices that empowered her addiction.

475
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: But in the safety of that group with women who

476
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 2: understood her struggle without judgment, she began to experience something

477
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 2: she had never ever known, being fully known and still loved.

478
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 2: The shame that had been the fuel of her addiction

479
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 2: began to dissolve as she brought it into the light.

480
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 2: Over several months, through scripture, memory, prayer, ministry, practical boundaries,

481
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 2: and the simple power of consistent community, God began rewiring

482
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 2: Sarah's hart. She learned to catch the emotional triggers that

483
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 2: drove her to porn and addressed them with truth instead

484
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: of fantasy. She discovered healthy ways to deal with stress, loneliness,

485
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 2: and sexual desire. While Sarah was able to break off

486
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 2: her dependency on chronic porn use over the months that

487
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 2: her initial counseling and in her healing group met, deeper

488
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 2: healing and learning to meet her God given needs and

489
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: healthy ways took many more months and even years. So

490
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 2: she was on the journey now, and she was growing.

491
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,479
Speaker 2: Through the support and growth she had been experiencing, Sarah

492
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 2: was able to face and press into one of the

493
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 2: hardest and scariest things she had done in her life.

494
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 2: Through some long pauses, tearful moments, and shaky voice, Sarah

495
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 2: explained to her fiance what she had been struggling with

496
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 2: for years. At first, the way Sarah was acting, Mark

497
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: was afraid she was going to break off their wedding

498
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 2: and relationship, but he waded through the pauses and tears

499
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: to hear what she needed to say. When he realized

500
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: she was pouring out a confession because he needed to

501
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: know this secret area of struggle before they got married,

502
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 2: he was able to assure her of his love and commitment.

503
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 2: He also shared with Sarah his own battle with porn

504
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 2: through his teen years and into his early twenties. Today,

505
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 2: several years later, said, Sarah and Mark aren't in a

506
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 2: perfect marriage, but they're in a pretty thriving marriage. Sarah

507
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 2: even leads a women's group at her church and regularly

508
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 2: mentors other women struggling with sexual sin and addiction. The

509
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 2: freedom she walks in isn't based on willpower. It's based

510
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: on having genuine community and being set into the family

511
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: of God where healing could really happen. Let me share

512
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 2: another story with you. Mike and Jennifer went to a

513
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 2: marriage intensive weekend about five years ago. They were on

514
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: the brink of divorce. They'd been married eighteen years, had

515
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 2: three kids, and hadn't had a meaningful conversation in months.

516
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 2: Mike was emotionally shut down, buried in work, and had

517
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 2: been having an emotional affair with a coworker. Jennifer was bitter, exhausted,

518
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 2: and had consulted a lawyer. They came to the intensive

519
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 2: as the last resort, mostly so they could say that

520
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: they tried everything before they divorced. What we discovered over

521
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 2: that weekend was a classic pattern. Early wounds had taught

522
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 2: Mike that emotional vulnerability was dangerous, so he had learned

523
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 2: to perform and achieve rather than connect. Jennifer had grown

524
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 2: up with a critical mother and learned to manage and

525
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 2: control to feel safe. Their early love had been real,

526
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 2: but neither had learned how to maintain intimacy through conflict, stress,

527
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,719
Speaker 2: and the ordinary challenges of raising a family. The emotional

528
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: affair really wasn't about the other woman. It was about

529
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: Mike finally feeling seen and appreciated by someone who didn't

530
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 2: know all of his failures. Jennifer's bitterness wasn't really about

531
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 2: Mike's specific sins. It was about years of accumulated disappointment

532
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 2: and feeling like she mattered less than his work and frankly,

533
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 2: everything else in his life. Over the course of that

534
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 2: weekend and the months that followed, God began doing reconstructive

535
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 2: surgery on their hearts and their marriage. At first resistant,

536
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 2: Mike slowly learned to grieve the father he had never

537
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: had and began to see how he had been trying

538
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 2: for years to earn love through high level performance. Just

539
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 2: like Mike, Jennifer's awareness and healing was initiated at the

540
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 2: marriage conference, but learning to receive love instead of constantly

541
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 2: trying to improve Mike into the husband she thought she needed.

542
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 2: It was a revelation and choice that unfolded over the

543
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: following months and years. Both of them screwed up and

544
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 2: fell back into familiar patterns, but they were warned of

545
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: the conferences would happen, and they could choose to acknowledge

546
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 2: where each of them misstepped and come back to a

547
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: place of working together for the sake of one another,

548
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 2: for their relationship and for their family. There was nothing

549
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: easy about this process. They started having weekly marriage meetings,

550
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: not to solve problems, but to just connect. They learned

551
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 2: to make emotional bids toward each other again and to

552
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 2: turn toward those bids instead of ignoring them or worse,

553
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 2: turning away. They got help for their individual wounds while

554
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 2: also fighting for their covenant together. Today, their marriage is

555
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 2: actually a testimony of God's resurrection power. Jennifer often jokes

556
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 2: as she's more in love with Mike now than she

557
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 2: was on their wedding day, because now she's in love

558
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 2: with who he actually is, not who she thought he

559
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 2: could become. Lastly, David was a thirty four year old

560
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 2: man who'd been struggling with same sex attractions since his

561
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 2: early teens. He'd grown up in a Christian home, but

562
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 2: had never felt safe to talk about his struggles. In college,

563
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 2: he'd acted out on those attractions and spent several years

564
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 2: in the gay community before returning to faith. For over

565
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 2: a decade, he'd been trying to live faithfully as a

566
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: celibate Christian, but the loneliness was crushing him. He'd been

567
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: told by well meaning church leaders to pray harder and

568
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 2: trust God, but no one seemed to understand the daily

569
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 2: battle he was facing or offer practical help. When David

570
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: joined one of the men's groups, he was skeptical that

571
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 2: anything would really change. He'd read all the books, tried therapy,

572
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 2: even gone through a residential program. He had never experienced

573
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 2: lasting freedom from porn or hookups, and he had never

574
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: found the deep male friendships that his heart was actually

575
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 2: longing for. He didn't believe it was possible without sex

576
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 2: being involved, and yet that ruined every budding friendship. What

577
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 2: happened over the next thirteen weeks and beyond was beautiful.

578
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 2: In a group of men who were dealing with their

579
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 2: own sexual brokenness, porn addiction, affairs, childhood abuse, David actually

580
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 2: found the brotherhood he'd been searching for his whole life.

581
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 2: These weren't perfect men, to be sure. They had a

582
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 2: lot of brokenness themsels, and most of them didn't know

583
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 2: anything about same sex attraction, and they certainly didn't know

584
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 2: what it was like to feel that way. But they

585
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 2: were honest men who could relate to the struggle of

586
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 2: sexual sin and relational brokenness, and they were glad that

587
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 2: David was a part of their group. As David worked

588
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 2: through the curriculum, he began to understand that same sex

589
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,720
Speaker 2: attractions were often his heart's attempt to meet legitimate needs

590
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 2: for male affection, friendship, and father love through sexualized connection.

591
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 2: The attractions weren't actually the primary problem. They were symptoms

592
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 2: pointing to deeper needs that could be met in healthy ways. Today,

593
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 2: David still experiences levels of same sex attraction, but it's

594
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,400
Speaker 2: diminished from what it was and it doesn't control his

595
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 2: life the way it once did. More importantly, he's found

596
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,800
Speaker 2: the male friendships that his heart was longing for all along,

597
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:49,839
Speaker 2: deep committed non sexual relationships with men who know his

598
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 2: story and love him regardless of his particular struggles. He's

599
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 2: become an effective group leader because he understands both the

600
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 2: struggle and the hope. Men trust him because he's been

601
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: through so much brokenness and found freedom in Christ with

602
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 2: his community. He doesn't promise that same sex attraction or

603
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 2: all desires for sexual sin will completely disappear, but he

604
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 2: demonstrates that it's possible to live in freedom, purpose, and

605
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: genuine community regardless of what attractions you may experience. So

606
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 2: what do all these stories have in common. Here's a

607
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 2: few things. Truth telling in safe community is absolutely essential.

608
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 2: Each person in these stories stopped hiding and started being

609
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: honest about their real struggles with people who could handle

610
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 2: the truth without being turned off, shocked, or judgmental. They

611
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: also developed a long term commitment to healing. None of

612
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 2: these transformations happened overnight. They required months and years of

613
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 2: patient work, setbacks, and breakthroughs in the midst of community

614
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 2: that stayed committed through the mess. Each of these stories

615
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 2: express the reality of addressing root issues, not just symptoms.

616
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 2: Instead of just trying to stop the unwanted behavior, each

617
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 2: person went deeper to understand what legitimate needs were being

618
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 2: met in illegitimate ways. Of course, symptoms do have to

619
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 2: be addressed too, but we will never find genuine or

620
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: lasting freedom until we address the underlying root issues as well.

621
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 2: Each of these had a scripture saturated renewal. God's word

622
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 2: became the source of new thinking patterns, replacing lies with truth,

623
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 2: shame with identity in Christ, each of the people represented

624
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 2: in these stories shifted from just receiving help to actually

625
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 2: giving it. At some point. Each person who experienced healing

626
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: eventually became someone who helped others heal as well. That's

627
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: how God's community and discipleship actually works. This isn't just

628
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 2: individual therapy. This is the Family of God functioning the

629
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 2: way it was meant to, setting the lonely in families

630
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,320
Speaker 2: and leading prisoners out of bondage. So let's talk about

631
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 2: some practical steps for godly community. How do we move

632
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 2: from understanding God's design to actually living it out. Here

633
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 2: are seven concrete, costly steps that can begin to reshape

634
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 2: your relationships and communities. Number one anchor daily and God's

635
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 2: pursuit doing love. Everything starts here. You have to be

636
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 2: convinced that you are loved with a love that costs

637
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,959
Speaker 2: God everything. This is a faith exercise. If you're trying

638
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 2: to build healthy community while still believing you're fundamentally defective

639
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 2: or unlovable, you'll create relationships based on performance and fear

640
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 2: rather than grace and truth. Start your mornings with Psalm

641
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 2: sixty eight six as a prayer of your heart. Father,

642
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 2: set the lonely in families to begin with me today.

643
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 2: Spend ten to fifteen minutes journaling where do I feel

644
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 2: isolated right now? What lies am I believing about my worth?

645
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: What fears are keeping me from reaching out or letting

646
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 2: others reach in. This isn't optional spiritual discipline, it's oxygen

647
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 2: for the soul. You can't give what you haven't received.

648
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 2: You can't create community if you're not first resting in

649
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 2: God's community with you. Number two, practice the bid inventory

650
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 2: exercise for the next week. Track the emotional bids coming

651
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 2: your way and how you're responding. Keep us simple. Log

652
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 2: Number one, who made a genuine bid toward me today?

653
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 2: Could be a spouse, a friend, a child, a coworker, etc.

654
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 2: Number two, what did it look like? It could have

655
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 2: been a question, a text, a gesture, a grunt, a

656
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 2: request for attention. Number three how did I respond? I

657
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: turned toward, I turned away, I ignored? And number four

658
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:27,320
Speaker 2: what prevented me from turning toward? Tiredness? Distraction, hurt, irritation.

659
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 2: Of course it goes without saying, but for the sake

660
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 2: of clarity, by bids, I am not talking about temptation

661
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 2: or seduction. These need to be rejected and ignored, and

662
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,280
Speaker 2: even confessed to a trusted brother or sister for prayer

663
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 2: and support. But genuine bids are healthy relational connection opportunities.

664
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 2: At the end of the week, rate yourself honestly. Then

665
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 2: pick one or two types of bids that you typically ignore.

666
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 2: Maybe your teenagers attempt to share about their day, or

667
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 2: your spouse reaching out for your hand, or a godly

668
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 2: friend you've been avoiding, and practice deliberately turning toward them.

669
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 2: Small acts compound into faithful love. This is Valentine love

670
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 2: in the trenches, choosing connection over convenience, presence over productivity.

671
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 2: And then number three on the practical side, find your

672
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 2: safe people and tell the truth James, Chapter five, verse sixteen.

673
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 2: Isn't a suggestion confess your sins to one another and

674
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 2: pray for each other that you might be healed. The

675
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,760
Speaker 2: healing power is in the naming and the praying together.

676
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 2: This means you need to identify one or two people

677
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 2: at least who can handle your real story without being scandalized,

678
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,240
Speaker 2: and then you need to tell them the truth about

679
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:40,240
Speaker 2: your struggle porn use, marital distance, unwanted attractions, anger, fear,

680
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: whatever you've been carrying alone. If you don't have those

681
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 2: people yet, here's how to find them. Look for people

682
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 2: who are honest about their own struggles rather than projecting perfection.

683
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 2: Start small, Share something true but not overwhelming, and see

684
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 2: how they respond. Consider joining a structured small group like

685
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 2: our thirteen week interhaling program or others that are out

686
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 2: there as well, where the environment is already set up

687
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 2: for honesty. Ask God specifically to bring people into your life.

688
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: Then be alert for his answers. And then finally, we

689
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 2: are big proponents of bands of brothers and bands of sisters,

690
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: a group of three or four others who grow in

691
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 2: love and godly commitment to one another over time. They

692
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 2: need to be meeting regularly, and there is often also

693
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 2: communication going on in between our in person meetings each

694
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,720
Speaker 2: week that helps bind that group together and help support

695
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 2: each other day by day as needed. The goal isn't

696
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 2: to dump your problems on everyone, is to have a

697
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,720
Speaker 2: few people who know your real story and are committed

698
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 2: to walking with you toward genuine healing. For those of

699
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 2: you listening who are married but struggling, your spouse may

700
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,800
Speaker 2: not be a safe person for the deepest level of confession,

701
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 2: at least not right now, especially if trust it's been broken.

702
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 2: You may need to work with a counselor or mentor

703
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 2: first to get stable enough to bring everything back to

704
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 2: your marriage again. Wisdom knows the different inst between confession

705
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 2: and dumping trauma. And then four, invest in structured healing resources.

706
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:10,240
Speaker 2: Don't try to heal in a vacuum. God uses tools, programs, books,

707
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: Christian counselors, and structured community to facilitate the work he

708
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: wants to do in your life. Our Inner Healing course

709
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 2: is specifically designed for sexual wholeness, marriage restoration, and identity renewal.

710
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 2: They're not therapy replacement, but they provide scripture saturated, group

711
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 2: based healing. Whether it's our resources or others, find something

712
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 2: that provides a biblical framework for understanding your struggle, practical

713
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 2: tools for creating new patterns, community with others on the

714
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 2: same journey, and long term support beyond the initial program.

715
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 2: Let me also just interject something here. I've mentioned Christian

716
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 2: counseling a moment ago. I just have to say that

717
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 2: there are plenty of Christian counselors that.

718
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 1: I believe do a lousy job of.

719
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:55,320
Speaker 2: Representing what is actually true, and so I just encourage people,

720
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 2: no matter what counselor you go to, no matter what

721
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 2: program you get involved in, it's important that we do

722
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 2: our own interview process in a sense and make sure

723
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 2: that those folks align with a biblical worldview framework. And

724
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 2: of course, one of the best ways of finding out

725
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 2: if there actually is a biblical worldview is to ask

726
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 2: about human sexuality, ask about LGBT issues, ask about sexuality

727
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 2: in general, and how that counselor believes what they believe

728
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 2: to be true about those things from a biblical perspective,

729
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 2: and if they're waffling on that, if they can't be

730
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: clear with you on those matters, I personally would move

731
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 2: on to somebody else who does have clarity around those

732
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 2: matters and I can trust that they are counseling me

733
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:41,439
Speaker 2: from a solid, anchored point in the truth of God's word.

734
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 2: The enemy wants you to believe you're the only ones

735
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 2: struggling with your particular issues, and you're not. Structured programs

736
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: can help you realize you're part of a much larger

737
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 2: community of people who understand and are also on their

738
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 2: journey to find freedom. Number five, create rhythms of intentional community.

739
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 2: Community doesn't happen accidentally. It has to be cultivated through

740
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 2: regular intentional rhythms. Here are some specific ideas for families.

741
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 2: Institute weekly marriage meetings if you're married, not to solve problems,

742
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 2: but to reconnect. Twenty minute meetings of sharing highs and

743
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,879
Speaker 2: lows from the week, expressing appreciation, and praying together. If

744
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 2: you have kids, create space for each child to share

745
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 2: individually with you each week without distractions. For singles, don't

746
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 2: wait for others to invite you take initiative to create community.

747
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 2: Host a weekly dinner for people from your church. Join

748
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 2: a small group and actually participate. Volunteer for something that

749
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 2: involves working alongside others regularly for everyone. Practice hospitality. Keep

750
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 2: your home open for people who need belonging. This doesn't

751
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 2: mean entertaining, It means sharing life. Let people see your mess,

752
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: eat simple food at your table, be part of just

753
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 2: a normal routine, and invite others to join you in that.

754
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 2: A great resource that highlights this is Rosaria Butterfield's book

755
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 2: The Gospel Comes with a House Key. I wish every

756
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 2: Christian would read that book and take it to heart. Now.

757
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 2: For men specifically, many men are starving for deep male

758
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 2: friendships but don't know how to create them. Start meeting

759
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 2: regularly with one or two other men for breakfast, have

760
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 2: a Bible study, do some activity that you all enjoy.

761
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 2: Share beyond surface level. And this could be hard, but

762
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 2: you have to do it if you're going to actually

763
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 2: form meaningful relationships. Share beyond, share beyond surface levels. Talk

764
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 2: about your marriages, your struggles, and your dreams. For women specifically,

765
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 2: while women are often better at emotional connection, the challenge

766
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 2: is often finding time for depth amid all the demands

767
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,320
Speaker 2: of life. It can also be a challenge for women

768
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 2: to choose to really trust each other. Schedule regular coffee dates,

769
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 2: walking meetings, or phone calls with friends where you go

770
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,879
Speaker 2: beyond logistics to share what's really happening in your heart.

771
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 2: And number six, learn to fight for your relationships. One

772
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 2: of the biggest lies our culture tells us is that

773
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 2: love should be easy, and if you have to work

774
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 2: at it, something's wrong. The truth is EXAs exactly the opposite.

775
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:06,760
Speaker 2: Every relationship worth having requires the ability to navigate conflict, disappointment,

776
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 2: and differences without walking away. This is especially crucial in marriage.

777
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 2: The research is clear couples who stay together long term

778
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,879
Speaker 2: aren't those who never fight. They're those who actually learn

779
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: to fight well. They've learned to address issues without attacking

780
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,919
Speaker 2: each other's character. They can disagree without demonizing, and they

781
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 2: forgive without pretending the hurt didn't happen. Now here's some

782
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 2: practical skills for fighting well. Use ie statements instead of

783
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 2: you statements. If you stop and think about it, when

784
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 2: you get into a fight with friends or with a spouse,

785
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 2: we are so apt to go to you statements and

786
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 2: put the blame essentially on the other person. Use I

787
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 2: statements instead of you statements, And so here's what that

788
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 2: might sound like. I feel disconnected when we don't talk

789
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 2: in the evenings, rather than you never want to spend

790
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 2: time with me. Those are very different ways of approaching

791
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 2: the conversation. Stay focused on the specific issue rather than

792
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 2: bringing up the past. Don't use words like always or never.

793
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 2: Take breaks when you're too emotional to be constructive. I

794
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 2: need twenty minutes to calm down. Then let's finish this conversation.

795
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 2: Always end with affirmation of your commitment. We're going to

796
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: work through this because our relationship matters more than this disagreement.

797
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 2: Seek to understand before seeking to be understood. Let me

798
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 2: say that again, seek to understand more than seeking to

799
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 2: be understood. In nearly every relationship dynamic, and in the

800
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 2: marriage dynamic, we so often have conflict. I'd say ninety

801
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 2: or more percent of the conflict is in each of

802
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 2: us wanting the other person to understand us, and our

803
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 2: perspective is rarely on really trying to understand the other person.

804
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 2: If we actually would shift our thinking in our perspective

805
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 2: to that, we would already be resolving many issues within

806
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: the marital conflict, Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

807
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 2: Ask questions, reflect back on what you're hearing. Look for

808
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 2: the legitimate need underneath the complaint. For friendships and family relationships,

809
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 2: the same principles apply. Don't ghost people when conflict arises.

810
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 2: Don't assume the worst motives. Don't use conflict as an

811
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 2: excuse to exit. Use it as an opportunity to go

812
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 2: deeper with that person. This is sacrificial love, staying in

813
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 2: the relationship and working through the hard stuff rather than

814
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 2: taking the easier path of walking away. Now, I want

815
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 2: to speak specifically here to pastors, elders, ministry leaders, and

816
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 2: those in Christian leadership. You face a unique form of

817
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 2: isolation that many people in your congregation do not understand.

818
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 2: You're the one everyone brings their problems to, But where

819
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 2: do you take yours. You're expected to have answers for

820
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 2: every situation, but what about when you're drowning in doubt?

821
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 2: Your family is under constant scrutiny, your marriage is under

822
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 2: pressure from ministry demands, and your kids are expected to

823
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 2: be examples for everyone else's kids. The pressure is intense,

824
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: and it often feels like you're living in a fishpole.

825
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 2: Many of you are wrestling privately with the same issues

826
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 2: your congregation members bring to you. Sexual temptation, maybe sexual

827
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 2: failure with pornography, marital problems, financial pressures, depression, even questions

828
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 2: about faith itself. But admitting any of it feels like

829
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 2: it would destroy your ministry and disappoint everybody who looks

830
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: up to you. The result is that some of the

831
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 2: loneliest people in the church are standing behind the pulpit

832
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 2: every Sunday. I want to say that again. The result

833
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 2: is that some of the loneliest people in church are

834
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 2: standing behind the pulpit every Sunday, and most of the

835
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: congregation is utterly clueless to that. Friends, this isn't what

836
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 2: God designed for our pastors and our ministries. Ministry was

837
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 2: never meant to be a performance where you pretend to

838
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 2: be perfect while helping others with their imperfections. It was

839
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 2: meant to be wounded healers walking with other wounded healers

840
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 2: together toward the Great Physician. That's what it's meant to be.

841
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,800
Speaker 2: Here's the challenge I want to put before every leader listening.

842
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 2: Are you building a church that feels like family to

843
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 2: the lonely or just another event to attend. Most churches

844
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,800
Speaker 2: are great at Sunday services and small group Bible studies,

845
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: but week at creating the kind of ongoing, messy, committed

846
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 2: community that actually heals isolation. We're good at preaching about love,

847
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 2: but not as good at creating structures where love can

848
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 2: be practically lived out. People show up to church week

849
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,320
Speaker 2: after week, making small talk in the lobby, singing about community,

850
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 2: then drive home to an empty house without anyone knowing

851
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 2: their real story. Singles feel like extra is in a

852
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 2: couple's focused, nuclear family focused ministry. People struggling with sexual

853
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 2: brokenness have no safe place to find help. Marriages are failing,

854
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 2: but couples are too ashamed to admit they need help

855
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 2: until it's too late. Meanwhile, we as leaders are just

856
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 2: as isolated, trying to create community for others while having

857
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 2: none ourselves. What if this year became the year we

858
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 2: stopped just talking about community and started to really engineer it.

859
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 2: What if we took seriously jesus promise in Mark Chapter ten,

860
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 2: verses twenty nine through thirty that those who you follow

861
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:03,799
Speaker 2: him will receive a hundred times as much houses and

862
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 2: brothers and sisters and mothers and children. What if we

863
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,360
Speaker 2: actually became family. Here's what it might look like. Practically,

864
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 2: train your leaders and people to recognize emotional bids and

865
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 2: respond well. Teach the congregation about the small ways people

866
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 2: reach for connection and how to turn toward them rather

867
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,239
Speaker 2: than away. At the same time, as we grow immature,

868
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 2: we need to press through our shame and fear of

869
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 2: even having emotional needs and learn to ask what we

870
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,919
Speaker 2: need from one another as brothers and sisters. Number two

871
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 2: creates systems for the isolated to be identified and included.

872
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 2: Don't wait for lonely people to speak up because they won't.

873
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: Train your greeters and small group leaders to notice who's

874
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 2: alone and take initiative to include them. Number three model

875
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 2: vulnerability from the pulpit. Not inappropriate oversharing, of course, but

876
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 2: honest acknowledgment that you don't have it all together, You

877
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 2: don't have it all figured out. You could even talk

878
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 2: about the fact that porn or another area of deep

879
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 2: strugg was a part of your journey at one time

880
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,240
Speaker 2: and talk about how God met you in that struggle.

881
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 2: Talk about the fact that you're still in process and

882
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 2: that you also need community. Number four use resources that

883
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 2: actually work, whether it's love, and truth network tools or others.

884
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 2: Find proven curricula for the specific issues that those in

885
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:21,760
Speaker 2: your care face, rather than trying to create everything from scratch.

886
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: The question is will it cost you? Absolutely? It will

887
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:29,840
Speaker 2: budget staff, time, emotional energy, stepping out of your comfort zone.

888
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 2: Some people won't like it when you start addressing real

889
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 2: issues instead of staying comfortable. Do it anyway. The lonely

890
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 2: in your congregation are waiting to be set in families,

891
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 2: and you have the opportunity to partner with God in

892
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:45,359
Speaker 2: that great work. Let me close this section with our

893
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 2: direct challenge to every ministry leader listening. What if you

894
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 2: chose to be a Valentinist in your context? What if

895
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 2: you are willing to risk comfort and reputation, even ministry security,

896
00:51:56,760 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 2: to defend and create God's design for covenant love and

897
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 2: authentic community. Valentinus risked everything because he believed marriage and

898
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:08,919
Speaker 2: family were worth defending. As Christians, we're called to risk

899
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 2: everything because we believe the family of God is worth creating,

900
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 2: not just in theory, but in the actual, messy, costly

901
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 2: practice of people knowing and being known. Stop waiting for permission,

902
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:25,240
Speaker 2: Stop making excuses about not having enough resources or staff,

903
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 2: Stop hiding behind professional distance. Start where you are with

904
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 2: what you have, and begin creating the kind of community

905
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 2: that your own heart actually longs for. Friends, We've covered

906
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 2: a lot of ground, so let me bring it all together.

907
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 2: God's original design was never isolation. It was covenant connection

908
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 2: that reflects his own nature as Trinity. Sin fractured that design,

909
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 2: leaving all of us with wounds that make vulnerability feel

910
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 2: dangerous and connection feel impossible. But Jesus stepped into those

911
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 2: wounds on the Cross, bore our shame and rejection and

912
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 2: made it possible for us to be truly known and

913
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:04,400
Speaker 2: truly loved. Let's stop minimizing and squandering his incredible sacrifice.

914
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 2: The Cross means your worst day, your deepest shame, your

915
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 2: most humiliating failure, has been absorbed and transformed. There is

916
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: no pit so deep that his love isn't deeper Still.

917
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 2: Now he invites us to partner with him in the

918
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 2: work of setting the loneli and families, starting with our

919
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 2: own hearts, extending to our relationships, and rippling out into

920
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 2: the communities He's placed us in. This isn't just about

921
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 2: feeling better, It's about joining God in the most beautiful

922
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 2: work in the universe. Creating spaces where people can be

923
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 2: known without being rejected, loved enough to not be left

924
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 2: in their sin, and healed without being shamed. If today's

925
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: message stirred something, hope, conviction, maybe a next step, don't

926
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 2: let it fade into just good feelings. Here's your practical challenge.

927
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 2: If you're not already subscribed in following us on the

928
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: Prey dot com app, please do pass along our information

929
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 2: and website to others. It's www dot Love and Truth

930
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 2: Network dot com. If you have a desire to support

931
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 2: our ministry to grow our reach and influence on topics

932
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 2: of relationships, community, sexuality, and Biblical identity, we would love

933
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 2: your partnership. You can support us through the Prey dot

934
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 2: com app or by visiting our website at www dot

935
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 2: Loveandtruthnetwork dot com slash. Donate now before you go to

936
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 2: sleep tonight. Reach out to one person, send the text,

937
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 2: make the call, write the email. Take one step toward

938
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,720
Speaker 2: the community you've been afraid to pursue, or one step

939
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 2: toward offering community to someone who needs it. This week,

940
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,120
Speaker 2: turn toward three bids that you normally turn away from.

941
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 2: Notice when people are reaching for connection and choose to

942
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 2: respond rather than stay distracted this month, find one resource,

943
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 2: whether it's our Love and Truth Network courses, a local

944
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 2: counselor a church small group, and take a concrete step

945
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 2: toward healing in community rather than trying to fix everything alone.

946
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 2: Aren't you tired of that? Does it even work? Of

947
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 2: course it doesn't. This year, commit to being a person

948
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 2: who sets lonely people in families rather than just someone

949
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:08,839
Speaker 2: who hopes to be set in a family yourself. If

950
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 2: you don't know where to start, head to Love Andtruthnetwork

951
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:15,319
Speaker 2: dot com. You'll find our weekly podcasts, testimonies, and lots

952
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:19,320
Speaker 2: of different resources specifically designed to walk you from isolation

953
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,439
Speaker 2: to authentic community. Reach out to us, you'll find people

954
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 2: who've walked this road and are committed to walking it

955
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 2: with others. You were loved with a love that paid

956
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 2: the ultimate price. Now go love someone that way today, sacrificially, faithfully,

957
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 2: like Jesus. The day after Valentine's Day doesn't have to

958
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 2: be a day of disappointment. It can be the day

959
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 2: you stop settling for cultural counterfeits and start building the

960
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 2: covenant love God designed you for. God sets the lonely

961
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 2: in families. He leads prisoners out with singing, let that

962
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:51,399
Speaker 2: be your story starting today. Thank you for joining us

963
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 2: on the Prey dot Com app and for this message

964
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 2: on February fifteenth. God bless you in the days, weeks,

965
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 2: and months ahead. A Prey dot come family, thank you

966
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 2: so much for joining us for this week's Love and

967
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 2: Truth Network broadcast on behalf of our team. I hope

968
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 2: this week's content has encouraged and stirred you up to

969
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 2: take action, committing to Jesus with greater surrender, as well

970
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:15,360
Speaker 2: as pursuing deeper life giving connections with a band of

971
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 2: brothers or band of sisters within the Family of God.

972
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 2: To engage with more of our content, find us at

973
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 2: Loveintruthnetwork dot com. Encourage your friends and family to tune

974
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 2: in to our Prey dot com channel and our website,

975
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 2: and we hope to see you back here again next week.