1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,680
Speaker 1: I refused to beat my mom because she went no

2
00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:05,960
Speaker 1: contact with me for over a decade. A little background.

3
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,440
Speaker 1: I mel thirty five and my parents divorced when I

4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,880
Speaker 1: was seventeen. My dad struggled without and drection, and my

5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,640
Speaker 1: mom eventually left me, which I totally understood and supported.

6
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,920
Speaker 1: Living with him was impossible. He was violent but verbally abusive,

7
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,680
Speaker 1: and he spent all over money on his habits. That

8
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,240
Speaker 1: was the last straw for my mom. By the way,

9
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,560
Speaker 1: this comes from Cold Reaction ninety five fifty four on

10
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,640
Speaker 1: the Best of Redditor Updates. Stub rereadit. So after the divorce,

11
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,199
Speaker 1: my dad spiraled. He nearly over and ended up in

12
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,560
Speaker 1: the ICU. I was living with my mom at the time,

13
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,720
Speaker 1: but I was scared that my dad would die, so

14
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,720
Speaker 1: I moved back with him and my uncle's family. My

15
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,600
Speaker 1: mom was disappointed, but let me make my choice. Losing

16
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,720
Speaker 1: my mom, most of his friends, and going broke nearly

17
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:59,360
Speaker 1: dying finally got through to my dad. It was hard

18
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,360
Speaker 1: to watch, but he actually turned things around. My uncle

19
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:08,199
Speaker 1: paid for everything rehab, therapy, medical bills, and after about

20
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,800
Speaker 1: five years, my dad was clean and somewhat healthy again.

21
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,280
Speaker 1: He even apologized to my mom, and she forgave him,

22
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,959
Speaker 1: though she told me later it was only for my

23
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,480
Speaker 1: sake so that they could be civil at future events

24
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,280
Speaker 1: like my graduation wedding. Over the years, I kept in

25
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,479
Speaker 1: contact with my mom regularly met with her. She had

26
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,720
Speaker 1: moved on and met a great guy who she eventually married.

27
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,080
Speaker 1: She was much happier and I was happy for her.

28
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,880
Speaker 1: I thought we had a pretty good relationship. That changed

29
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,040
Speaker 1: when I was twenty three. My mom asked me to

30
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,800
Speaker 1: come over and she told me she was still angry

31
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,679
Speaker 1: and disappointed that I chose my dad over her after

32
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,400
Speaker 1: the divorce. She said I was ungrateful for everything she

33
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,760
Speaker 1: went through. Putting up with my dad's crap, and even

34
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,640
Speaker 1: she hit me was something that pissed me off.

35
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:54,040
Speaker 2: Today.

36
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,640
Speaker 1: She told me she could see me becoming a and

37
00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,280
Speaker 1: drug addict like my dad because I stayed clo close

38
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,880
Speaker 1: to him. I was floored. I thought we had moved

39
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,560
Speaker 1: past it all, but apparently she had been harboring resentment

40
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,440
Speaker 1: for years. Then she said that she wanted to go

41
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,639
Speaker 1: no contact with me because being around me brought back

42
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,520
Speaker 1: too many bad memories of my dad. She said she

43
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,680
Speaker 1: had found peace and happiness and I was a reminder

44
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,840
Speaker 1: of all the pain she had been through. I didn't

45
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,760
Speaker 1: know what to say except okay. Later found out from

46
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,840
Speaker 1: a cousin on her side that her whole family was

47
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 1: pissed at me for staying with my dad back then,

48
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,720
Speaker 1: and they all went no contact with me for her sake,

49
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,320
Speaker 1: saying that I portrayed her. I haven't seen or heard

50
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,280
Speaker 1: from my mother since that day.

51
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:45,080
Speaker 3: A kid should not be held responsible for anything that

52
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,520
Speaker 3: happens after a divorce.

53
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,240
Speaker 1: Yes, fast forward to now. My dad passed away two

54
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,799
Speaker 1: years ago from a heart attack, a result of years

55
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,960
Speaker 1: of addiction. Despite being clean for over a decade, he

56
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,120
Speaker 1: had lingered medical exactions issues. I recently got married and

57
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,480
Speaker 1: my wife posts some pictures from the wedding on Facebook.

58
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,920
Speaker 1: My wife said a woman claiming to be a cousin

59
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,040
Speaker 1: contacted her. I looked at the message and it was

60
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,600
Speaker 1: a cousin from my mom's side, asking if it was

61
00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:14,920
Speaker 1: really me and the pictures with my full name. I

62
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,200
Speaker 1: told my wife to ignore it, but then I got

63
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,720
Speaker 1: a call from my uncle later that same day saying

64
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,160
Speaker 1: that my mom showed up at his house for context.

65
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,800
Speaker 1: The house where my uncle lives currently used to be

66
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,040
Speaker 1: the home where I grew up in with my parents.

67
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,720
Speaker 1: My uncle said she asked him to arrange a meeting

68
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,679
Speaker 1: between us, saying she wants to apologize to me face

69
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,080
Speaker 1: to face. He told me he could set it up

70
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,360
Speaker 1: if I want. Honestly, after all these years, I feel

71
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,520
Speaker 1: nothing for her except maybe slight resentment for thinking I

72
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,000
Speaker 1: would turn into an addict. I was going to say

73
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,840
Speaker 1: no right away, but my wife thinks it's a crappy

74
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,400
Speaker 1: shit thing to do, and I should at least hear

75
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,280
Speaker 1: her out and let her apologize and then go back

76
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 1: to never seeing her again if I want. She says,

77
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 1: despite what she did, she shield me from most of

78
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,680
Speaker 1: Dad's addictions going up. Now, I'm having second thoughts, am

79
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,880
Speaker 1: I on the A hole if I refuse to meet her.

80
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,160
Speaker 1: We've got some relevant comments and an update. Do you

81
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,119
Speaker 1: think he should hear out?

82
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,800
Speaker 3: I think he can, and I think if he decided

83
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,160
Speaker 3: not to, he would not be an a whole because

84
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,600
Speaker 3: he is completely entitled to ignore that because she probably

85
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,800
Speaker 3: wounded him in a really, really intense way. If he

86
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:25,240
Speaker 3: talks to the mom, I think, you know, hear her out,

87
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,599
Speaker 3: like I'm sure maybe she reflected and understands that she

88
00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,080
Speaker 3: majorly messed up. I also give him a lot of

89
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,240
Speaker 3: compassion and think that whatever he decides, he's not an

90
00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:35,680
Speaker 3: a hole.

91
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, commenter one, not the a hole. But I'm wondering

92
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,760
Speaker 1: if you were an only child, her reasoning might be

93
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,039
Speaker 1: that since you got married, you might as well be

94
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,800
Speaker 1: having kids, and she wants to be a grandmother. You

95
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,920
Speaker 1: might have to think about what her alternative motive might be.

96
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,720
Speaker 1: And this is what I came up with. Ohp. One

97
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,240
Speaker 1: of my reasonings is also this. She never cared before.

98
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:01,160
Speaker 1: That cousin probably told her about the wedding pictures, So

99
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 1: she's trying to become a grandmother now.

100
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,760
Speaker 3: Actually she wants a grand baby. And so just like Rumpel,

101
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,680
Speaker 3: still skin, she's gonna come in there, take it.

102
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,760
Speaker 1: You really never know what might happen.

103
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,440
Speaker 3: Hey, she lost him as a son, so now she's like,

104
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 3: screw it, I'll just take the baby.

105
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,200
Speaker 1: Come to two. Not the A hole. I think you're

106
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,359
Speaker 1: very kind to be there for your dad when he

107
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 1: needed you, even though he should have been the one

108
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,320
Speaker 1: taking care of you. It was really cruel of your

109
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,880
Speaker 1: mom to punish you for that kindness. And whether or

110
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,360
Speaker 1: not you want to hear her out is your decision.

111
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,960
Speaker 1: I do like your wife's attitude that you can hear

112
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,599
Speaker 1: your mom out and they decide if you want to

113
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,520
Speaker 1: forgive her or not. But what your mom did was

114
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,800
Speaker 1: crappy and would be understandable if you did not want

115
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,039
Speaker 1: to talk to her. Combra three, I agree with everything

116
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,320
Speaker 1: you say. Take in your take on the wife's attitude.

117
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,480
Speaker 1: I think she's pushing her own feelings, not supporting Opie

118
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,440
Speaker 1: with this. He doesn't owe his mother hearing her out

119
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,919
Speaker 1: so she feels less guilty. Upie. My wife is just

120
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,480
Speaker 1: looking out for me, so I don't have any regrets.

121
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if she will fully support me if

122
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,440
Speaker 1: I say I do not want to meet with her,

123
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 1: So watch.

124
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,000
Speaker 3: Pushing for this for the meeting. Yeah, for forgiveness, I

125
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 3: mean I feel like it makes sense. You know, like

126
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:13,920
Speaker 3: any family issues suck, so if there's a chance for remediation, we.

127
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:14,400
Speaker 2: Would love that.

128
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'll just say a little bit of this last

129
00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,200
Speaker 1: commenter here, not the ahole. You have to go with

130
00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,839
Speaker 1: your gut. It's been ten years and she has discovered

131
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,720
Speaker 1: that you didn't become an act and instead created a

132
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,760
Speaker 1: happy life. You're married, which means there could be grand

133
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,919
Speaker 1: kids in the future golden babies. But now we have

134
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,080
Speaker 1: an update of what he actually did. If you're not

135
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,240
Speaker 1: comfortable with it, don't do it. I would encourage you

136
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 1: to go out of your comfort zone.

137
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,919
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm all for healing. I'm all for family healing.

138
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,000
Speaker 1: It does sound like he's already moved on.

139
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,200
Speaker 3: Though, Yeah, but that will always be a hole no

140
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:48,240
Speaker 3: matter how much you move on. Realistically, that will always

141
00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 3: be a wound.

142
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,000
Speaker 1: I didn't expect the amount of comments I got. Thank

143
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,000
Speaker 1: you for everyone who waited in whether you agree with

144
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,880
Speaker 1: me or not, there's so many different perspectives of taken

145
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,600
Speaker 1: the time to think about everything. First, I want to

146
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,279
Speaker 1: talk to you about this. A few of you said

147
00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,720
Speaker 1: I abandoned my mom I went to live with my dad.

148
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,919
Speaker 1: It looks like that way when I think about it now. However,

149
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,680
Speaker 1: I feel I never invented her in any way. I

150
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,120
Speaker 1: loved my mom dearly and I loved my dad too.

151
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,600
Speaker 1: When she told me she was divorcing Dad, I helped

152
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,520
Speaker 1: her pack I left with her. As I thought at

153
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,080
Speaker 1: the time, Dad was the lost cause. I went back

154
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,560
Speaker 1: about seven months after the divorce, when Dad was fighting

155
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,360
Speaker 1: for his life. That was when he promised me he

156
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,440
Speaker 1: would make a change and get help. I chose to

157
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,400
Speaker 1: stay with him, and after getting permission from my mom,

158
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,400
Speaker 1: so we got permission from his mom to go. As

159
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 1: I said in my first post, she was disappointed but

160
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,360
Speaker 1: agreed Dad needed me. Even after I chose to stay

161
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,000
Speaker 1: with my dad and uncle, I always stayed in contact

162
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,400
Speaker 1: with her. My mom and dad lived about twenty minutes apart.

163
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 1: I made sure to see my mom regularly four to

164
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,160
Speaker 1: five times a week. At least I would talk to

165
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,760
Speaker 1: her every day. We went on trips together, eight meals together,

166
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,920
Speaker 1: hung out as much as we could.

167
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,200
Speaker 3: Doesn't sound like abandoning your mom to me.

168
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,440
Speaker 1: When she moved in with her new husband, who I

169
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: will call John, she always included me in her new

170
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,160
Speaker 1: family's life. John was good to me too. For all

171
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,960
Speaker 1: that time, there was not even one inclination of resentment

172
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,560
Speaker 1: Mom had for me. When she blinds outed me with

173
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 1: the decision to go no contact, I was completely shocked.

174
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,080
Speaker 1: She never expressed any anger or frustration stares me. We

175
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,559
Speaker 1: never argued, and she never showed she was upset about

176
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 1: my relationship with my dad. After she blocked me from everyone,

177
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,880
Speaker 1: I tried for a couple of years to reconnect, but

178
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,040
Speaker 1: eventually gave up. I moved out of the city. Sorry.

179
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,320
Speaker 1: I thought the dad the new husband was going to.

180
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,840
Speaker 3: Be like a problem, so this is just more confusion.

181
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,640
Speaker 1: More confusion. He kept trying to get out.

182
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,079
Speaker 3: And she wasn't responding.

183
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,760
Speaker 1: I honestly feel like John gave her an ultimatum. The

184
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,599
Speaker 1: new husband was like, Hey, it's either a hum or

185
00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:47,199
Speaker 1: me new family or meat.

186
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,240
Speaker 3: Don't do that. Also, shame on the mom, like that's

187
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:50,920
Speaker 3: your kid.

188
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,959
Speaker 1: Onto the update. A lot of you told me to

189
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,840
Speaker 1: meet with her foreclosure, while others said not to bother.

190
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,439
Speaker 1: After thinking about it for a while, I decided to

191
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,120
Speaker 1: meet with her and was going to tell my uncle

192
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 1: to set up a meeting with her. But before I

193
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,600
Speaker 1: could tell him, my uncle called me again. Three days

194
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 1: after my mom showed up at his house. He told

195
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,120
Speaker 1: me she came by again and gave him a letter

196
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,040
Speaker 1: for me. She apologized for bothering him, said that she

197
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't be coming by again. She didn't want to raise

198
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 1: my hopes as unnecessarily and hoped I would understand. After

199
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,440
Speaker 1: I read the letter, my uncle said she sounded very sincere.

200
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,760
Speaker 1: I asked my uncle to send me pictures of the letter.

201
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:31,480
Speaker 1: It's not that long, and I'll summarize the important bits.

202
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 2: What the heck.

203
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,520
Speaker 1: The letter was a mix of apologies and well wishes.

204
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 1: She wrote she was sorry for how she treated me

205
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 1: back then, especially saying I turn out to be luck

206
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,319
Speaker 1: my dad. She said she was going through some relationship

207
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,720
Speaker 1: issues with John and then seeing Dad getting better made

208
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,640
Speaker 1: her feel bitter because Dad never tried for her. She

209
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,600
Speaker 1: thought her second marriage was failing and everyone around here

210
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,640
Speaker 1: was happy while she was miserable. She said she listened

211
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,120
Speaker 1: to some bad advice and she regrets it. She regrets

212
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,920
Speaker 1: taking her all her anger out on me when she

213
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,640
Speaker 1: should have gotten help. She said she made up lies

214
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,319
Speaker 1: to her side of the family so that they would

215
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,480
Speaker 1: side with her. I do not know what these lives were.

216
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,280
Speaker 1: This is only what she wrote me. She said she

217
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,800
Speaker 1: got help a couple of years after she went no contact,

218
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,280
Speaker 1: but was too ashamed of reaching out to me. She

219
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,520
Speaker 1: saw the wedding pictures and is happy for me, wishing

220
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:31,359
Speaker 1: me the best in life. She wrote that while initially

221
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,960
Speaker 1: she wanted to meet me, after some reflection and with

222
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,400
Speaker 1: her family's advice, she realized it was for selfish reasons

223
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,280
Speaker 1: and for her sake only she apologized again and said

224
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,200
Speaker 1: it's better if we keep things the way they are.

225
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,120
Speaker 1: She entered the letter by saying she's happy and she

226
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,080
Speaker 1: doesn't want to jack up the past. She apologizes once

227
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,720
Speaker 1: more and wrote she won't contact me again for both

228
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,640
Speaker 1: our sakes, and asked me not to contact her as

229
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,960
Speaker 1: well and wish me a well life.

230
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,360
Speaker 3: I don't know how to feel about that.

231
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,520
Speaker 1: She kind of gave up.

232
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,400
Speaker 3: Because she's like, let's not drag up the past. But

233
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,040
Speaker 3: the past is you're his mother. You can't bury that part.

234
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,680
Speaker 1: That's so hard to give up on your kid like that.

235
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,079
Speaker 3: I just feel weird about it because she's like, Okay,

236
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,800
Speaker 3: I want to see you for selfish reasons, but you

237
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 3: know it's like probably best to keep it no contact,

238
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 3: But why not just try to mend things, Like if

239
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,080
Speaker 3: you got the help you needed and you're happy and

240
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,480
Speaker 3: you're happy for your son, why not have that conversation

241
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,880
Speaker 3: with him, Like, yeah, it might bring up some hurt,

242
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,280
Speaker 3: but y'all we need healing, We need healing.

243
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 1: I think it might be a way of her getting back.

244
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 3: Him, Like this is just more manipulation.

245
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,959
Speaker 1: Because dad never tried for her.

246
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,080
Speaker 3: And so now she's like I'm giving up, so.

247
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,000
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna try for you.

248
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,880
Speaker 3: This makes me sad. I think she's going about this

249
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,680
Speaker 3: in the wrong way.

250
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,240
Speaker 1: Maybe a little bit too primeful, like she is a shame,

251
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,000
Speaker 1: but she can't come in person and admit that.

252
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, what kind of help did she get? And

253
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,080
Speaker 3: why are they giving her the advice to just leave

254
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,640
Speaker 3: things as his? That's weird.

255
00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,360
Speaker 1: That is weird.

256
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,440
Speaker 3: I want to see what he thinks about the situation.

257
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,920
Speaker 1: So there's that. Honestly, it's probably the best outcome, and

258
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm at peace with it. I'm happy with my life

259
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,000
Speaker 1: and I'm glad my mom is happy with her life.

260
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,880
Speaker 1: Like she asked, I'm not going to contact her, but

261
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,800
Speaker 1: I will keep my door open if she wants to

262
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,520
Speaker 1: meet me in the future. I also realized how I

263
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,320
Speaker 1: was to hold onto my resentment for comment about me

264
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,760
Speaker 1: becoming an act. I also want to address the comments

265
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,000
Speaker 1: that said my wife was stepping over. My wife knows

266
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,920
Speaker 1: all my past and my mom. She is a kind

267
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,240
Speaker 1: soul who will see the best in people. Like I

268
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,800
Speaker 1: said in the in my first post, she was just

269
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,000
Speaker 1: looking out for me. She wanted me to have no regrets.

270
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,800
Speaker 1: She did apologize for saying it would be crappy not

271
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,640
Speaker 1: to meet my mom. But it's all good. We both

272
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,040
Speaker 1: know each other's boundaries. We communicate well. Right now we're

273
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,640
Speaker 1: planning our honeymoon and life's good. Thanks for all the

274
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,440
Speaker 1: supportive messages and comments. Truly appreciate it. Bye coming to

275
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 1: one in the good ending Opie. Yep, I'm happy with

276
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,600
Speaker 1: this and I'm moving on and I'm not gonna think

277
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,280
Speaker 1: about this anymore. Coming or two. No, she was just

278
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,800
Speaker 1: continuing to be selfish because she doesn't want to be uncomfortable.

279
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,119
Speaker 1: This was the best outcome. Comment or three. She apologized

280
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,360
Speaker 1: again and said it's better if we keep things the

281
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,280
Speaker 1: way they are. She ended the letter by saying she

282
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,200
Speaker 1: was happy and she doesn't want to drag up the past.

283
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,240
Speaker 1: She apologizes once more. It sounds like she was as

284
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,160
Speaker 1: self absorbed as ever. What a trashy woman. But you

285
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,280
Speaker 1: will be trashy if you join us every weekday at

286
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,800
Speaker 1: three PMPSD. Just tap her profile, do it?

287
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:23,560
Speaker 2: Is this the best?

288
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,000
Speaker 1: It's the easiest solution of my thoughts.

289
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,480
Speaker 3: It is, And I think this is a very mature

290
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,600
Speaker 3: kind man, because I think given all of the context,

291
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,559
Speaker 3: he could easily, you know, be way more upset than

292
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,400
Speaker 3: it appears that he is. He's like, you know, it's fine,

293
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,200
Speaker 3: what a kind and caring man. I'm conflicted because, you know,

294
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,600
Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of modern people are, like,

295
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,000
Speaker 3: you know, into boundaries and like things like that, and

296
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 3: I think boundaries are a good thing. But yeah, I

297
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,320
Speaker 3: don't know. I'm a little torn.

298
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,880
Speaker 1: If I'm honest, I think Mom should have stepped up

299
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,760
Speaker 1: and OP has the best approach.

300
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, if Op's happy because the ball's in

301
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,920
Speaker 3: her court, he has no obligation to reach out.

302
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,080
Speaker 1: The balls in her cork.

303
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,320
Speaker 3: I didn't cook all my parents' meals when they visited.

304
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,360
Speaker 3: Now they're complaining I starved them.

305
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,480
Speaker 2: How could you?

306
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,280
Speaker 3: How could you starve your parents? For context, I live

307
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,040
Speaker 3: with my fiance in a different country than my family.

308
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,240
Speaker 3: I haven't seen them in over a year. Because so

309
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,040
Speaker 3: my parents, sixty one female and sixty three male, offered

310
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,160
Speaker 3: to visit me, and I was beyond happy. They have

311
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,920
Speaker 3: very humble beginnings in a third world country and this

312
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,720
Speaker 3: was their first time making an international trip, so I

313
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,600
Speaker 3: tried to make sure everything was perfect and as smooth

314
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 3: as possible. By the way, this comes from you, pristine

315
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:44,040
Speaker 3: underscore Alfalfa Underscore sixty one nine on the r dash

316
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,760
Speaker 3: Okay storytime subreddit. They came and spent about a month

317
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,720
Speaker 3: in our house. They had their own bed, their own bathroom.

318
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,880
Speaker 3: I arranged for all their necessities, and even though we're

319
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,560
Speaker 3: not rich, my fiance and I tried to provide them

320
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,960
Speaker 3: with everything so they wouldn't have to spend their money

321
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,480
Speaker 3: here nice where the cur and see is five times

322
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,240
Speaker 3: their own. About our eating habits, my fiance and I

323
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,920
Speaker 3: have different schedules, different diets, et cetera, so we don't

324
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,320
Speaker 3: eat together. Whenever one of us is hungry, we go

325
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 3: to the kitchen and make ourselves a plate of food.

326
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,240
Speaker 3: We work from home. I explained this to my parents,

327
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,680
Speaker 3: and I also said the kitchen is yours, grab whatever

328
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,920
Speaker 3: you want and cook whenever you want.

329
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,760
Speaker 1: So that's the expectation.

330
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,240
Speaker 3: As time went on, we noticed my parents weren't eating much,

331
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,640
Speaker 3: so I asked them what they wanted from the grocery

332
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 3: store so I could buy it for them. They said

333
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,880
Speaker 3: everything was fine, that they were indeed eating while I

334
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,880
Speaker 3: was working. My mom is naturally peckish, so I thought

335
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 3: that was just how she ate. I haven't lived with

336
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,720
Speaker 3: my parents in over ten years, so I wouldn't know

337
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 3: for sure gotcham In any case, my fiance brought my

338
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,240
Speaker 3: dad to the grocery store with him and told my dad,

339
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:50,440
Speaker 3: grab whatever you want, and he only grabbed a few items. Anyway,

340
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 3: This went on for pretty much the whole month, and

341
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,560
Speaker 3: every time I asked, they said it was all fine.

342
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,320
Speaker 3: At some point I started taking them out for dinner

343
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,480
Speaker 3: every day after work, which quite literally broke the bank,

344
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,480
Speaker 3: but at least I could see them eating. They left

345
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,200
Speaker 3: a few days ago saying they loved their stay and

346
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:07,960
Speaker 3: that they had.

347
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,200
Speaker 1: A blast nice So everything's great. End of story.

348
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 3: End of story. So to my surprise, my sister, forty

349
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 3: year old female called me today, ripping me a new

350
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 3: saying that my parents told her that they had no

351
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 3: food to eat. There was food in the fridge that

352
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,240
Speaker 3: they couldn't eat because it belonged to us, and that

353
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,120
Speaker 3: they had to keep making trips to the convenience store

354
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:37,080
Speaker 3: to buy food for themselves, and that they spent a

355
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,480
Speaker 3: lot of money. I couldn't believe my ears. I'm feeling

356
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: totally blindsided by this. I thought they knew how to

357
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,120
Speaker 3: cook their own food and if there was something missing

358
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 3: that they would have told me to buy. I took

359
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 3: their word for it when they said everything was fine

360
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,040
Speaker 3: and that they were eating. My sister says I should

361
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,600
Speaker 3: have been more attentive to their needs and that I

362
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 3: acted like I didn't give a f So now I'm

363
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,520
Speaker 3: feeling bad thinking my parents were miserable and starving the

364
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,840
Speaker 3: whole time while I thought they were fine.

365
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:06,639
Speaker 1: What the heck? Why are they lying?

366
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 3: Why didn't they just say they needed food? I don't

367
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,080
Speaker 3: want to bring this up to my fiance. He will

368
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 3: be devastated. Oh yeah, he was genuinely trying the best

369
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,879
Speaker 3: he could to make my parents happy. Am I the

370
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 3: appul What more could I have done? My head is

371
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,600
Speaker 3: spinning right now, So sorry for the long text.

372
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 2: First of all, how are they that?

373
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

374
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,639
Speaker 3: How would you even consider that that's you?

375
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:36,800
Speaker 1: That is really, really crazy. I'm so freaking confused right now.

376
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 1: Why are they lying to You knew what was up.

377
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 1: You got to stay with them for a month. Yeah,

378
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,639
Speaker 1: you got free food, all you had to do was

379
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,120
Speaker 1: cook it. Yeah, and you knew they were busy doing

380
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 1: stuff and you were told up front, yo, this is

381
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,199
Speaker 1: how we do things. Yes, and they still took you

382
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,000
Speaker 1: out for dinners too. Yeah, what's up with this? Are

383
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 1: you bringing back all the times they weren't grateful? You're like,

384
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,280
Speaker 1: this is what it tastes like. Is that what you're doing?

385
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 3: That's weird. Okay, So here's some of the comments. Did

386
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 3: you see them go to the grocery store? Thanks for

387
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 3: reading this. Yes, the thing is my dad's smokes, so

388
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 3: I just thought he went to buy cigarettes. There's also

389
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,000
Speaker 3: a park nearby that my mom claimed she liked to

390
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 3: go for walks, so I just assumed that's what they

391
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 3: were doing. Comment her, I think you need to tell

392
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 3: them asap, say exactly what your sister said and ask them.

393
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 3: Why tell them? You ask them many time, Opie. I tried,

394
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,479
Speaker 3: but nobody answered my calls. So yeah, feels like a

395
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,400
Speaker 3: very lace to be right now.

396
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

397
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,440
Speaker 3: Other comment, so you all never had a cooked meal

398
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,639
Speaker 3: together at home in a month? OHP said, Yes, we

399
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 3: did have cooked meals together a few times, mostly on

400
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,879
Speaker 3: weekends when I had time to make something more elaborate.

401
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,400
Speaker 3: The biggest issue was during work days when there wasn't

402
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 3: much time for me to cook, especially lunch.

403
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,640
Speaker 1: At sandwich time.

404
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they're adults who I presume cook for them.

405
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,520
Speaker 3: I mean, actually maybe they do. I don't cook for

406
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,360
Speaker 3: themselves in their home country. That's the thing. I don't

407
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,960
Speaker 3: know anything about these parents. What is their situation back home,

408
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:05,840
Speaker 3: how do they function?

409
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,480
Speaker 1: What country are they in?

410
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 3: What are the cultural norms in this household?

411
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 2: I don't know.

412
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 3: Commentar, this popped in my head because you say your

413
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 3: parents are from another country. Is the food in your

414
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 3: home drastically different? Is cookwear different? The pots, pans, the oven?

415
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 2: Whatever?

416
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 3: Good question? Op said, No, not at all, It's pretty similar.

417
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,639
Speaker 3: And they did know how to use my range microwave,

418
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 3: and I even taught them how to use the air fryer.

419
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:32,520
Speaker 2: Okay, did you ask.

420
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 3: Them if they were eating? I did ask. They would

421
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 3: guarantee me that they ate XYZ sandwich, eggs, pasta, And

422
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 3: then they said they cleaned the kitchen before I could

423
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,160
Speaker 3: see it. They're just making things up. Then, Why would

424
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: you say all that and then complain about it later? Yeah,

425
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 3: they're the a hole. Oh yeah, there's no contention. The

426
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 3: pole is one hundred percent. They're the a hole. I'm

427
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:54,880
Speaker 3: the pole.

428
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 1: I am the pole.

429
00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 3: Op explains relationship dynamics to a downvoted commenter. I don't

430
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 3: believe we are from the same culture as the commenter

431
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 3: based on some of your replies. If they weren't on

432
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,400
Speaker 3: the same page as me, then it's not cultural where

433
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,400
Speaker 3: I am from. Family is family, and you can be yourself.

434
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:16,199
Speaker 3: There's no such thing as etiquette among parents and children.

435
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 3: I mentioned I felt blindsided by my sister's call because

436
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 3: I did feel everything was fine, and they reassured me

437
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 3: it was so.

438
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 2: No.

439
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 3: I don't know why they preferred junk food over the

440
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 3: groceries in the fridge and pantry.

441
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 1: They're by junk food.

442
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 3: They just chose to do that, and now they're complaining.

443
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 3: Ohpi said, this was the most helpful comment from Miss Shay.

444
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 3: My in laws are like this when they come to visit.

445
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 3: They are so out of sorts that even though we

446
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 3: take them to the store and everything is the same,

447
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,880
Speaker 3: cooking in our kitchen is complicated and they can't do it.

448
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 3: They get sick from the air here. They're hungry, but

449
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 3: don't want to be of a bother or a mess

450
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 3: with anything. The water is different and upsets their stomach,

451
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 3: et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. My husband would beat

452
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 3: himself up then would bend over backward, and now they're

453
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,360
Speaker 3: just at a breaking point because there are cultural barriers

454
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 3: and age related barriers we can't seem to get through

455
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 3: that have only increased with age. His sisters will call

456
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 3: us when they are here and tell us the same things.

457
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 3: We can take them to the store to get the

458
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 3: exact coffee they drink at home, and they will say no,

459
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 3: they like ours. Then call his sisters and say they

460
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 3: are getting sick because of our coffee. This may be

461
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 3: a challenge because they are so uncomfortable outside of their norm,

462
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,440
Speaker 3: whether it is out of the country, out of their home,

463
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 3: or their environment, that they lose the capacity to be

464
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 3: self sufficient. You should try and talk with them, but

465
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 3: keep in mind they may have some barriers and walls

466
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 3: built that they need to realize or can't realize, especially

467
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 3: if they are older and have not left their comfort

468
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 3: zone most of their life. He said, OMG, thank you

469
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 3: so much for this insight. I think you're absolutely correct.

470
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 3: My dad has a terrible habit of complaining about everything.

471
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 3: We took them to see literally one of the Wonders

472
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 3: of the world paid for a huge Airbnb and his

473
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 3: first comment was, oh, the clock on the wall is broken.

474
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,159
Speaker 3: I feel like there's nothing that I could do that

475
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 3: would be enough. He'll always have something bad to say. Yeah,

476
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 3: your comment helped me make sense of the situation, So

477
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 3: thanks again. Yeah, sounds like not their problem.

478
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 1: My gosh, I could not imagine my parents staying a

479
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 1: month with me a week a month, because they already

480
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,239
Speaker 1: have their way of life and they're already doing their

481
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: own things.

482
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:31,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

483
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 3: Update, same post. Thank you so much for all the replies.

484
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 3: I appreciate all insights. It was kind of funny to

485
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 3: see how invested some of you got over my family drama.

486
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 2: Lol.

487
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 3: So that made me feel less down. So I got

488
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 3: a hold of my mom, who is the most level

489
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 3: headed family member, and asked her what they said. So

490
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 3: my sister had such a strong reaction, Some of you

491
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 3: were correct. My sister did blow this out of proportion.

492
00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 3: But also my parents, particularly my dad, have a strong

493
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: feeling of inadequacy, which I knew of, but I never

494
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: thought I would become the focus of it. Essentially, she said,

495
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 3: my dad felt like he didn't deserve any of the

496
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 3: things we were doing for them, hence why he chose

497
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 3: junk food over the quality food we provided. My dad

498
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 3: has some self hatred that was present in my whole life.

499
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 3: He's overweight, he smokes, and he's also a functional Me

500
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 3: and my partner are fitness oriented people, so we paid

501
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 3: for a monthly gym subscription for both of them so

502
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 3: we could all go together.

503
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: Ah, that's cute.

504
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 3: They both said they wanted it. But my dad went

505
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 3: a few times only. I did notice he was smoking

506
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 3: a lot more than I remember, and he was also

507
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 3: buying beers every week. But I guess it was his

508
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 3: way of coping with whatever feelings that were triggered by

509
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 3: his first international trip. Yeah, apparently he never thought he

510
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 3: would go anywhere. See, this makes me so sad.

511
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 1: They just have emotions and insecurities they don't know how

512
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:57,439
Speaker 1: to deal with.

513
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 3: This is why everybody needs to go to therapy, especially

514
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 3: if you're gonna have kids.

515
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: If I was president, tax rydoffs on therapy and going

516
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: through the gym.

517
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, an exercise and that's so sad. Though my sister

518
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 3: heard all of this and thought that I did something

519
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 3: that made my dad feel this way, that I mistreated him,

520
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 3: or that I somehow caused this.

521
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 2: I don't know.

522
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 3: None of this is true. I was super happy to

523
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 3: have my parents here, and I'm not ashamed of them whatsoever.

524
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 3: I was proud to introduce my family to my American friends,

525
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 3: and everyone went above and beyond to make them feel welcome.

526
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 3: I did everything I could possibly think of. I'm not rich,

527
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,679
Speaker 3: but I'm prudent with my money, so I do have

528
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 3: a comfortable life. This doesn't mean I can stop working tomorrow.

529
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 3: I'm not a millionaire. But the issue is not with me.

530
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 3: It's with how my parents feel inside. It's almost like

531
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 3: I'm being punished for leaving poverty behind, and somehow they

532
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 3: chose to distance themselves like I'm an outsider. So it

533
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 3: wasn't about the food. It was about my dad and

534
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 3: his extreme inferiority complex that stopped him from enjoy his

535
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 3: time and connecting with me, my partner in my house

536
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 3: and my new reality. My mom did apologize on behalf

537
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: of my sister said she planned on talking to me

538
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: and regretted that she didn't because of how my sister

539
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,679
Speaker 3: brought this issue to me. I don't know how to

540
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 3: digest all of this, but yeah, I guess I have

541
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 3: some therapy sessions ahead of me anyway. Thanks for reading it.

542
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: Dang the parents took a step. They did it, took

543
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,439
Speaker 1: a step and realizing their insecurities and getting after it.

544
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: I can see because they're from a third world country,

545
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: like that could be a lot of stuff, a lot

546
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:33,959
Speaker 1: of emotions.

547
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 3: And I feel like, you know, I'm an immigrant child

548
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 3: and I have family members that are still in Mexico,

549
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 3: and you know, there is kind of this divide and

550
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 3: work again. I grew up low income in the US,

551
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 3: but compared to Mexico that's still like rich, you know.

552
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 3: And so I definitely feel that like kind of conflict

553
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 3: with my family back in Mexico, where like a lot

554
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 3: of them think that we're stuck up because we're from

555
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: the States and there's really nothing that I can really

556
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,640
Speaker 3: do about.

557
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: Just how life is, how it is boylife.

558
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I feel for this family. I mean,

559
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 3: it seems like it's overall a good, a happy ending.

560
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

561
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 3: No more lying, No more lying and self love is

562
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:13,399
Speaker 3: the answer.

563
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: Should I lower my daughter's standard expectations of living with

564
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: her step sister. Me and my ex wife divorced around

565
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: five years ago when she came out as a lesbian.

566
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: We are still really good friends, and we are both

567
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: confused about what happened here. By the way, this comes

568
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 1: from C. Treckel seventy sixty two on the Best of

569
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 1: Rhetor subreddit. So up around two years ago she got

570
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: married to Linda and her daughter, Mia, twelve female. My

571
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: daughter Annie is currently seventeen years old. I've worked hard

572
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: for the career I have and income and am not

573
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,919
Speaker 1: ashamed to want Annie to enjoy it, such as I

574
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: give her relatively large allowances. Annie grew up volunteering at

575
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,239
Speaker 1: our local shelter with me and her mom weekly, so

576
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: she isn't spoilt at all. So hope he's got some money.

577
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: Annie's her kid, She's not spoiled. She knows what's up

578
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: any emil are really close at first, but recently Mia

579
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 1: has been acting out about the lifestyle disrepencies between Annie

580
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 1: and the rest of my ex wife's household, like how

581
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 1: unfair it was that Annie gets to order food for

582
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: delivery whenever she wants, and now she has fancier electronics

583
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: and clothes than my ex and Linda can't afford for

584
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: her her biological father has passed. It has gotten to

585
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: the point that it started to affect her relationship with Annie.

586
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: Last week was the last straw when she said, I

587
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: wish my dad was alive so I will have the

588
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 1: same stuff Annie has. My ex wife scheduled a meeting

589
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: with me to talk about things. We pretty much seem

590
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 1: to be on the same page since we both have

591
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: no idea what to do. We are not comfortable with

592
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 1: lowing Annie's allowance since we were worried it would make

593
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: her resent me up. Nor are we comfortable with prohibiting

594
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: her from using her allowance at her mother's place, since

595
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 1: it might alienate her from her mother's house sold and

596
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: make her not want to be there. My understanding is

597
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 1: that Annie offers to share things she buys make up, food,

598
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: clothes with me, but not all the time. I don't

599
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with enforcing a sharing rule either, since my

600
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: therapist advised me that it usually breeds resentments. So it's like,

601
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: you know, I got Christmas, your friends get better stuff

602
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: than you, and you have to like live with it, like,

603
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: oh cool, you got your name on your shoes, I

604
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: got this cool jacket.

605
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 3: That's tough. Though they're like in the same household, then

606
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 3: they're siblings.

607
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: That is so tough because me is twelve and Annie's

608
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: like seventeen. She's about to be eighteen, so like another

609
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: year of this. It's hard to explain that to good.

610
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even know what to do in this situation.

611
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 3: This is a tough one.

612
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: However, Linda has been very upset with both me and

613
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: my ex wife and a lot of big feelings and

614
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: if my dad was alive kind of stuff, and it's

615
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: genuinely been harming her mental health. Linda acknowledged that it

616
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 1: was an unfair ask, but she asked me if I

617
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: could have a talk with Annie about maybe saving her

618
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: allowance and not spending so much in front of me

619
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: for her sake of creating a healthier and more harmonious household.

620
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: I told her, I understand where she's coming from, but

621
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable controlling my daughter's spendings that I

622
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: give her and she spends as she please. Am I

623
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: the a hole.

624
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 3: I can see both sides here. I think, on the

625
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 3: one hand, you know, yeah, like he's working hard to

626
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 3: provide for his daughter and he wants her to take

627
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 3: advantage of that, and that's great. And then on the

628
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 3: other hand, acknowledging the reality that this is like a

629
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 3: combined family and their complicated dynamics, and I think it's

630
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: also fair to consider how it's impacting her stepsister and

631
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: you know, act accordingly. But at the same time, it

632
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 3: doesn't mean there has to be strict rules about like

633
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 3: you can't spend this money. But maybe hey, just letting

634
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 3: you know your little sibling is feeling this way, just

635
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 3: want you to keep it in mind.

636
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: That and maybe even brainstorm.

637
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, like how can we navigate this.

638
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: She's seventeen, she's about to get into you know, adulthood,

639
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: and like realize that, Yeah, I think, like have a conversation,

640
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: brainstorm what do you think would be best? Mia feels

641
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: this way? Are there any ways you can reassure that

642
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: that sounds awesome?

643
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: Or you know, just like if you're gonna spend maybe

644
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 3: like don't show it so much, you know.

645
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 2: I don't know.

646
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: I just feel like, have a conversation with your kids. Communicate.

647
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 3: People always communicate.

648
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. A lot of these issues, I'm

649
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: just like, write a red a story your notes app

650
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: and then show it to them and then that should

651
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: help update. So, after thinking about it for a while,

652
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: I still don't think it's effective to enforce anything making

653
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: Annie share everything with Mia, or banning her from using

654
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: her allowance at her mother's place would just create resentment

655
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: towards Mia. Having her spend more time here is also

656
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: alienating her from her mother. However, I'm of the opinion

657
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: that there is more to parenting than just enforcing rules

658
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: and encouraging good qualities, even without a consequence attached. It

659
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: is also important for older kids. I will not enforce

660
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: Annie to do anything to pacify Mea or punish her,

661
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: but I decided it is perfectly fine, and I dare

662
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: say necessary for me to have a hearttheart with her

663
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 1: about the hurt she is unintentionally causing to MIA and

664
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: the potential future ramifications of that. I'm going to talk

665
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: to her and when she comes over tomorrow, and I'm

666
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: going to bring up the following points. The anolence I

667
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: give hurt is hers to spend as she pleases. This

668
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: has been and will remain in her right. However, spending

669
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: money on uber eats and clothes and other things in

670
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: front of MEA is upsetting her. Even both the fact

671
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: that she's a child who doesn't understand financial matters just

672
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: yet and that she only has one parent to provide

673
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: for her. MIA might eventually grow up to understand, or

674
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: she might not. Even if she understands later, the upset

675
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: caused in the meantime will be damaging to their relationship

676
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: and possibly to her relationship with Linda. Sometimes we do

677
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: things we don't want to do an unnecessarily fair or

678
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: just in the traditional sense, to protect relationships we value.

679
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: Sometimes better to be happy than the right. Doing this

680
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: does not necessarily mean you were a doormat. It is

681
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: an important part of living in a society. Granted, this

682
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: is only okay if sometimes done nor over every single

683
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: issue in a relationship, and ultimately it is up to

684
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: her and her alone to determine if that particular relationship

685
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: is worth it. I feel like what I'm doing is

686
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: a good balance between not enforcing on Annie's rights, but

687
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: also encouraging kindness and consideration letting her know about the

688
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: potential consequences of what she's doing as an older adult.

689
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: Please feel free to give me some more advice about

690
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: what I should include in the talk.

691
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 3: I think he handled that beautifully. Are people saying that

692
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 3: he's a doormat for having a conversation about consideration?

693
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: Here's one relevant commenter. They are a seventeen and a

694
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: twelve year old. They are not in the same place

695
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: in life. What if Annie had a part time job

696
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: and this was how she was making money, which she

697
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: still has to control her spending around me. That won't

698
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: that her feelings aren't her. Having a talk with Annie

699
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 1: but not outright forbidding her is a distinction without a difference.

700
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: It is also punishing Annie and coddling mea OPI I'm

701
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: not punishing her. We live in a society. Sometimes sacrifices

702
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: are necessary to avoid upsetting those you love and care about.

703
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 1: If and only if Annie cares enough, she deserves to

704
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: be told about the ratifications of her actions so there

705
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 1: are no surprises where she gets to regret later. If

706
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: she doesn't care enough, that's her own choice and her right.

707
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 1: The absolutism here is insane. Don't be a sith.

708
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,719
Speaker 3: Also, I disagree that this is coddling Mia me as

709
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 3: a child. She's twelve, she lost her dad, and she's

710
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 3: seeing her stepsister get everything she wants. I mean, we

711
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 3: can't expect children to have like fully logical, like emotional

712
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 3: intelligence and understand the context of why this is happening.

713
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 3: Like she's a child having.

714
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: A conversation about it is the biggest thing that is crazy.

715
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: I feel like he did the right thing here. You

716
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: did the right thing here. Communication. I'm also on board

717
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 1: of just brainstorming with Annie, what's the best things you

718
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: think you can do here, and talking with.

719
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 3: Her through that acknowledging that have consequences whether we like

720
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 3: them or not, and that's okay.

721
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: Also, my kids will never have uber eats. I do

722
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: not care. We're gonna learn how to go get home.

723
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 3: If you have an allowance, you're working for it.

724
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: You're working hard.

725
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 3: Sorry, future babies wherever you are in there.

726
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 2: So all my ovaries, you heard that, you heard that.

727
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 3: You gotta work for that.

728
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: Many that's it. Thank you for watching.

729
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 2: It's my father's seventieth birthday, but my wife isn't allowing

730
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: us to attend. That's your father's seventieth birthday. Special ones,

731
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 2: this is this most special birthday. We've been married for

732
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 2: twelve years now and it's generally been great. There has

733
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 2: been some odd behavior of my wife being controlling, not

734
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 2: liking people to visit, but despite this, she is typically positive,

735
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 2: driven and caring and has many good points. By the way,

736
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 2: this comes from seven to seven to seven. Access denied

737
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 2: on the r slash okay storytime separated it. So we

738
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 2: got married fairly quick and didn't have much of a

739
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: relationship before having kids. The first red flag was that

740
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 2: she lost it when going to attend my brother's wedding.

741
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 2: She said, you cannot go to the wedding, must choose

742
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 2: between me and the baby. Oh your family. Oh my goodness,

743
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 2: that's actually crazy. That's a really big readvent imediately. I

744
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 2: was shocked as this was about eighteen months after being married.

745
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 2: She was asking me to choose between my side of

746
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 2: the family and her over attending a wedding. There had

747
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: been zero conflicts and my brother helped us renovate much

748
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 2: of our house for free. That was just one sign.

749
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: After I started looking into narcissism. I was shocked to

750
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 2: find that she takes nearly every bag. I was shocked

751
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 2: to find a picture of her. It has been extremely

752
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 2: difficult also, as she's offended every person on my side

753
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 2: of the family many times. How does she do it?

754
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 2: No good, I don't love good. One of my brothers

755
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 2: and his wife wants nothing to do with us, and

756
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 2: now she's hurt. My older brother, who helped work on

757
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 2: the house over the past twelve years, there would be

758
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 2: something like twenty five individual events or circumstances such as

759
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 2: canceling events, sending abusive text messages critical of people, especially

760
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 2: family members, uncring mental sabotaging family events or gatherings, especially

761
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: last minute, lots of stuff that the wife is doing,

762
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 2: and he's so many how does she make time for it?

763
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 2: Sounds like a lot of work a lot. Some examples

764
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 2: can be my father had a seventieth birthday and booked

765
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: a kind of small resort.

766
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 4: An hour away. Kind of small resort. You booked a

767
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 4: resort resort sounds big? Yeah, I feel like a resort

768
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 4: can't be small.

769
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,240
Speaker 2: But anyway, my wife wasn't feeling one hundred percent, But honestly,

770
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 2: it wasn't that sick at all. She used that to

771
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 2: say none of us could attend the party, and not

772
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 2: even someone taking the kids along. I wasn't allowed to

773
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: go either. She defends it by saying she was sick

774
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,720
Speaker 2: and anyone who questions her behavior is selfish and not caring. Okay,

775
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 2: you poor thing, I don't know it. Tiny event, play

776
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 2: my tiny event. There are multiple stories just like this.

777
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 2: The most recent was that there was a combined birthday

778
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 2: organized with my brother's six year old daughter and our

779
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 2: daughter turning eight years old. My wife had a disagree

780
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: that week with my sister in law and wouldn't let

781
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 2: me attend my brother's fortieth birthday, which upset his wife.

782
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 2: Makes sense, Yeah, that makes sense. So when it came

783
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 2: to the combined birthday, the other sister in law wanted

784
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 2: to bring an additional cake for her baby turning one.

785
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 2: My wife said she wasn't asked about bringing the cake,

786
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 2: so she became furious and said none of us could

787
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,320
Speaker 2: now attend the birthday at tikas all because someone was

788
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,439
Speaker 2: bringing a cake. Girl, she just wants to add on

789
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 2: to the it's more cake, yeah, literally, and it's for

790
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 2: a one year old. Yeah, it's gonna get destroyed anyway.

791
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 2: What is this like, It's already a driven birthday. Bringing

792
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 2: a one year old likes a that's a good birthday,

793
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 2: that's a special one. So none of us can attend

794
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: the birthday at all, something that had been arranged for

795
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 2: months in advance. I was going to be in town

796
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 2: that day anyway, and our eight year old daughter and

797
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 2: smaller four year old sister ended up staying over at

798
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 2: my brother's where the party was going to be. My

799
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: wife called and asked what was going on that night.

800
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 2: When she found out that I was at my brother's

801
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 2: without her permission or not what she wanted, she was

802
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 2: furious and was went almost insane. Okay, this is crazy.

803
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 4: To have a conversation with your wife now, because it's

804
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 4: it's been too long. It's been too long to go

805
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 4: foot down and say like, hey, it seems like a

806
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 4: lot of my boundaries are being crossed. Yeah, like you're

807
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,280
Speaker 4: trying to like control a lot of my life. Yeah,

808
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 4: way too controlling. Yeah, maybe in a nicer way you

809
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:24,720
Speaker 4: could say that, but uh.

810
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, people generally take it well controlling, but something along

811
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: those lines.

812
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 4: It's that point across you you're saying like this isn't

813
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 4: this isn't working, Like maybe yeah, couple's counseling, right, because

814
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 4: the fact that you're calling her insane on a Reddit post, right,

815
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 4: it doesn't bode well.

816
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 2: It was already like a red flag. I feel it

817
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 2: when he said like our relationship has generally been good,

818
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,319
Speaker 2: Like I feel like that's as soon as I read

819
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 2: that as like, nah, I don't buy it. I don't

820
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 2: buy it. We lived three hours away. She demanded I

821
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 2: take the kids who were asleep away from the house,

822
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 2: or she would drive over and get them. The combined

823
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 2: party was meant to be the next day, so I thought, no,

824
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,880
Speaker 2: she's not always controlling me, So I'll stay at my

825
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 2: brothers and try and attend the party. You are so brave,

826
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 2: You're so grave.

827
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,919
Speaker 4: Possibly always making I can have I have free will

828
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 4: my brother.

829
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, you would think you'd be wrong. My other family

830
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 2: turned up, and not longer after, my wife arrived furious

831
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 2: and picked up the two girls without talking to anyone.

832
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 2: She left the party. She was so furious at me.

833
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 2: She was considering getting divorced over me going to my

834
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 2: own family's birthday. The fact that she's bringing this up now,

835
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:41,280
Speaker 2: like she's bringing up divorce. Yeah, like maybe you should

836
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 2: just let her run with that idea. It was like,

837
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 2: you know what, Yeah, okay, I guess she completely ruined

838
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: the whole weekend and everything that was planned. Yet she

839
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: still plays the victim, accusing the sister in law of

840
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 2: being deceptive having the kids stay over. I said it

841
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: was mostly my fault for bringing them there. I typically

842
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 2: have to keep ca contact with my family partially secret

843
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 2: from her. Oh my gosh, that's so sad I was

844
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 2: showing her a photo on my phone when she grabbed

845
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 2: it and went through the messages. That's this is just.

846
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 4: One red flag after another incredibly unhealthy marriage.

847
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 2: She found a message I forgot to delete to the

848
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,800
Speaker 2: sister in law saying I believe my wife can recover

849
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 2: from this type of behavior. My wife went mental again

850
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 2: and messaged the sister in law saying actual false information

851
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 2: about me, just to try to get the sister in

852
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 2: law to hate me. Why are you guys together? This

853
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 2: is so insane. Yeah, you guys divorce.

854
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 4: You guys should divorce because this is agree unhealthy and

855
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 4: it seems like neither of you like each other.

856
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, and this isn't the kind of stuff like you

857
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 2: could try to talk about it, but this isn't the

858
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 2: kind of stuff that someone was just gonna like fix

859
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 2: in themselves. So just like remove yourself. It's the best

860
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 2: thing to do. It sounds I help the kids too. Yeah,

861
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, the kids are gonna get environment crazy

862
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 2: like coping mechanisms learned from this. She also said a

863
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 2: very hurtful personal attacks towards the stern law. She put

864
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 2: a post on social media about walking on eggshells with

865
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 2: family members. My brother, the father of the daughter whose

866
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 2: birthday party she ruined, left a laugh emoji that's funny.

867
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 2: My wife then started a conversation on social media. He

868
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 2: said she always played the victim and needed help. She

869
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 2: couldn't take this and started saying very hurtful, offensive things

870
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 2: about their relationship and any struggles that they could be having.

871
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 2: Stop offending people. Just quit it, just like quit it.

872
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 2: Quit it, Leave people alone, Let them alone. The sister

873
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:32,400
Speaker 2: in law was very hurt by what she said, saying

874
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: to me, she's not even sure she could have anything

875
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 2: to do with my wife again. After all this, I

876
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 2: managed to get to talk to my wife. She says

877
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 2: she feels so free now that my family is mostly

878
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 2: offended and cut off. She feels free that the family

879
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 2: is offended. It's crazy, so unhealthy. Yeah, divorce your wife please.

880
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 2: I think she actually enjoys hurting me. Oh, that's actually

881
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: really sad. I took on a job two to three

882
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 2: hours away from where we lived before. She was very

883
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 2: keen to move where I wanted to keep looking at

884
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 2: for a job close by. I didn't realize this may

885
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 2: have been a strategy to isolate me more from the family. Ooh, true,

886
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 2: that's a good point. There are countless other things, but

887
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 2: that is a brief breakdown of a couple of scenarios

888
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 2: where she deeply hurt people. Brief of a long list

889
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 2: that was not They open up like one of those

890
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 2: little lists. I like, yes, here all the time she

891
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,399
Speaker 2: hurt people, and they're like, well, that's not that long,

892
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 2: and it drops and like rolls down the stairs. The

893
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 2: issue is she cannot see that she's ever made one

894
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 2: single mistake or admit to it. She will deflect, deny,

895
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 2: or use any method to deny it's anything to do

896
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 2: with her. After being in this relationship for so long,

897
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,720
Speaker 2: I just learned to have no life, no real friends,

898
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 2: and be controlled constantly without being fully aware. That is

899
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: like a big thing to realize after twelve years. You're like, wow,

900
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 2: like we'll just turn your world upside down. My goodness.

901
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 2: It is embarrassing and something I try to keep hidden.

902
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 2: Even just the other day, she went out out all day,

903
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 2: leaving me with the kids. I had a friend call

904
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 2: in for about an hour in the afternoon. She was

905
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 2: furious that I had someone over without her permission. We

906
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,800
Speaker 2: were having a jam together and playing music. She threatened

907
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 2: to smash all my guitars, saying that she hates me.

908
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 2: I do love her, don't I don't know, man, I

909
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 2: don't know. I do love her and believe that she

910
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 2: can recover from this behavior.

911
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 4: Okay, but I think it genuinely needs. I honestly think

912
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 4: that she genuinely needs like medication.

913
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 2: For sure. I think there was something going on.

914
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, this has got to be something because yeah, because also,

915
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 4: like OPI.

916
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 2: Like, what do you mean recover from this behavior? Like

917
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 2: do what do you? Well? I think he's says flying

918
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 2: that there is some sort of something wrong with him.

919
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 2: But that's the thing is that it keeps happening over

920
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,399
Speaker 2: and over, and so it's like changing. What would need

921
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 2: to happen for the recovery is for like you, Opie,

922
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 2: to not be like being treated this way, or for

923
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 2: it to not be affecting you. But it's just going

924
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 2: to keep affecting you if you're around her. Yeah, you know. So, Yeah,

925
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,919
Speaker 2: she does care about selective people, and we'll often cook

926
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 2: food or do volunteer jobs even clean for people, also

927
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 2: give money to someone in neat. She had a rough

928
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,399
Speaker 2: upbringing and an uncaring, unloving mother and a mostly absent father.

929
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 2: Who worked constantly. You know who else is working constantly

930
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 2: us because we're live every single day on YouTube and

931
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 2: three pm PSD. Just tap our profile and she can

932
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 2: join us, join us, join us. Yeah, but there's a

933
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 2: little bit more. But yeah, you need you need a.

934
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 4: Well, okay, one, if you think that there is something

935
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 4: medically or mentally wrong with your wife, yes, then you

936
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 4: need to tell her and say like, hey, yes, I

937
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 4: love you. Let's let's take you to a doctor. Let's

938
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,720
Speaker 4: get this checked out. Because I can't do this right too,

939
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,879
Speaker 4: if you're over that, you can't do that it divorce her.

940
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:45,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, is this going on too long?

941
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 3: Yeah?

942
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 2: And I think it's so hard too, And like you

943
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 2: like oh he is saying like like yeah, I love her,

944
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 2: and like these are the good things about her, but

945
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 2: like there's so many terrible things. Oh many works. Like

946
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 2: I get it, there's good things. You love it. You've

947
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 2: been with her for so long and have done so

948
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 2: much with her, like started this family, all this kind

949
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 2: of crazy stuff. But at a certain point, like you

950
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,760
Speaker 2: can't really It's it just seems like you can't really.

951
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if I can't say you

952
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: can't love someone because I don't know you, but like,

953
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: but it's it seems hard to like say that someone

954
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,799
Speaker 2: is a good person after you've just made a giant

955
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 2: list of how they're not, you know. And it also

956
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 2: like repeatedly called your wife crazy, which which seemingly kinda

957
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 2: is right. But if that's what you think about her,

958
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:32,800
Speaker 2: then why are you still married?

959
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 1: Right?

960
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 2: Like you kinda when you say that you love someone,

961
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 2: you gotta you gotta keep both good sides and bad

962
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 2: sides in mind. Seems like you love the good sides

963
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 2: but not so much the bad sides. However, those are

964
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 2: a part of the bad sides outweigh the good. Right,

965
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 2: But there is more. Let's see what happens. I'm not

966
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 2: sure what my options are. She's made it clear that

967
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 2: if I do something she doesn't like, she explodes and

968
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: punishes me in one way or another, which has often

969
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: been separating me from my family or hurting family so

970
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 2: that they don't don't want anything to do with us.

971
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 2: Any advice is appreciated, Okay, so not that much left

972
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 2: at the end there, But I've already given my advice. Yeah,

973
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 2: I think I think that you know what to do,

974
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,399
Speaker 2: you know what you must do? Yeah, like that really

975
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 2: seems like you knew what it is, you know, like

976
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 2: you you don't know what to do. But if you

977
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: do something she doesn't like, if you leave her, maybe

978
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 2: then she hurts people, and that's that's not good. You

979
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 2: don't want to be with someone who's gonna explode like that. No,

980
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 2: you didn't marry a bomb, you know knowingly exactly did

981
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 2: but like, but you shouldn't. Yeah, so you shouldn't have

982
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 2: to be married to one. Yeah, I think you know

983
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 2: what to do. Ope, it's okay to walk.

984
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 4: Away, yeah from that bomb which exploding and then you

985
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 4: put the sunglasses on.

986
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

987
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 4: But that is the end of that story. That's the end,

988
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 4: So we'll see you next time. My dad's behavior is unforgivable,

989
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,439
Speaker 4: so our family is cutting contact with him.

990
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 2: She gott to do what she got you do.

991
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 4: Also trigger warning for physical and child abuse. I am

992
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 4: twenty seven female, My husband is thirty four male, and

993
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 4: we have a nineteen month old girl.

994
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 2: Congrats.

995
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 4: We met eight years ago and have been married for

996
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 4: four years. My family is a very toxic one. It

997
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 4: was a long time.

998
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 2: For me to really see through their actions.

999
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 4: So to give a heads up, my dad is a

1000
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,280
Speaker 4: narcissist with anger issues.

1001
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 2: He used to hit us when he got angry for.

1002
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 4: Even minor things. Mostly my brother got more of the abuse.

1003
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 4: He stopped hitting us when my brother got bigger than him.

1004
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 4: And when once I got wasted as a teenager and

1005
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 4: I had also raised my hand in it. I remember

1006
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 4: the next day he told me that he didn't know

1007
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 4: that he had so much power, and since then he

1008
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 4: didn't raise his hands at me.

1009
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 2: That is wow, incredibly sad.

1010
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from normal Waltz nine seven

1011
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 4: eight on the Oak Story, tem subpured it, so he

1012
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 4: still talks very disgusting when he's mad, like telling my

1013
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 4: seven to eight year old sister that she's a little

1014
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 4: bee when she's misbehaving or doing something that wasn't really allowed.

1015
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 4: My dad's family is like really due faced and did

1016
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 4: some horrible things to my mom, like lying about my

1017
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:09,240
Speaker 4: mom to get me and my brother on my dad's side.

1018
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 4: My mom is working full time and my dad's now

1019
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 4: really just leaving for fun. My dad cheated on my

1020
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 4: mom when she was pregnant with my brother with her

1021
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 4: best friend. My mom had a very high risk pregnancy,

1022
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 4: so she had to be in bed rest.

1023
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 2: For the third trimester.

1024
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 4: After that, he cheated on my mom with this woman

1025
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 4: for a very long time, and after that with previous

1026
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 4: other women. He made me meet these so called women

1027
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,879
Speaker 4: multiple times when I was little, and even a few

1028
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 4: years ago that I didn't know about the cheating till

1029
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 4: a few years ago.

1030
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: Wow. Wow.

1031
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 4: We mostly spent time with Dad, his mother, or my

1032
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 4: mom's parents, our grandparents. My mom was mostly unavailable in

1033
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 4: my childhood. She was working, even in the weekends. Now

1034
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 4: we've talked about it, that it's her way of feeling

1035
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 4: important and that she has control in something. Dad is

1036
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 4: never on her side. He speaks bad about her all

1037
00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 4: the time to anyone, and even in public he will

1038
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,760
Speaker 4: call her names. My mom, on the other half, always

1039
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 4: takes a side and says things like, you know how

1040
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 4: he is, but he's your father after all, and he

1041
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 4: would do everything for you terrible.

1042
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:11,839
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I don't know if you would

1043
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 2: do everything.

1044
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, after I got to know about how my father

1045
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 4: was really in his world, he's like the perfect man

1046
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 4: and Mom is not that pretty or good for him,

1047
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 4: and she doesn't give him the spicy sleep life that

1048
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 4: was promised for him. He plays victim all the time.

1049
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 4: He and his family literally made a lie about my

1050
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 4: mom that she had been cheating on my dad and

1051
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 4: my sister's from another man.

1052
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 2: Oh your family, man, she's crazy.

1053
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,480
Speaker 4: My brother and sister still live with them. My brother's

1054
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 4: twenty five, and he never had a girlfriend or even

1055
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,360
Speaker 4: kissed a girl. My sister is eleven years old. But

1056
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 4: sometimes she tells me very weird things and acts not

1057
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 4: so normal, Like their puppy passed away, and she told

1058
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 4: me with a smile on her face but acted like

1059
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 4: she was sad. Or she told me that she and

1060
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 4: her friend were writing their schoolmate's names up like in

1061
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 4: death note, but sadly none of them had passed yet.

1062
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 4: Oh well, okay, so something is wrong with his child. Yeah,

1063
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 4: but clearly because yeah, our upbringing. Yeah, clearly you have

1064
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:14,320
Speaker 4: like this, you know, terrible, terrible dad who is probably

1065
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 4: you know, abusing, abusive, and then you have this mom

1066
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 4: who's kind of just like, oh.

1067
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 2: It's how he is, yeah, and it's okay, that's fine.

1068
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 4: I was trying to talk with her about what's wrong

1069
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,919
Speaker 4: with how she's acting, and trying to get my mom

1070
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 4: to send her to a psychologist because I think she

1071
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 4: is repressing her feelings and it's a way to get attention,

1072
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 4: and she has some trouble with understanding feelings. So now

1073
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:38,959
Speaker 4: back to us. My dad was behaving very badly around

1074
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 4: my husband from the very beginning. Things escalated pretty quickly.

1075
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 4: My husband didn't do anything wrong or wrong them in

1076
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 4: any way. It was just them being dissatisfied with the

1077
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 4: choice of who I love. My dad said things like

1078
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,879
Speaker 4: I should have Oh my god, I should have un

1079
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 4: alived you back then, or you have a mother and father.

1080
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 4: I could have made things how I wanted if I

1081
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 4: wanted to a lot of name calling and swearing and

1082
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 4: being a wiener.

1083
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 2: This is dark story, this is crazy. Yeah.

1084
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 4: We lost her second baby a few months ago, and

1085
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 4: it was the last straw that he got angry and

1086
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 4: wanted to hurt me with our angel baby. I was

1087
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 4: your baby, an angel if you don't believe.

1088
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 2: In God, oh, he said.

1089
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 4: So I cut ties with him and told my mother

1090
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,200
Speaker 4: that he's not going to see me or our baby

1091
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 4: anymore because I will not give him any more chances.

1092
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,240
Speaker 4: He had plenty and couldn't live with them. My husband

1093
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,840
Speaker 4: is sick of all of them. My mom too, because

1094
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 4: she never really stood up for me or now for

1095
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:35,320
Speaker 4: our baby, and we lost our baby. There was really

1096
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 4: so much stress because of my mom. And around that time,

1097
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 4: my husband asked her, don't cause op this much or

1098
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 4: don't cause me this much stress because I'm pregnant and

1099
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 4: he was afraid that something was bad would happen to me.

1100
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: Or our baby.

1101
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 4: My mom only shrugged and left, but didn't say she

1102
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 4: was sorry for behaving like that. I lost a lot

1103
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:55,320
Speaker 4: of people these months because I truly saw our family's

1104
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,240
Speaker 4: through face and how they didn't care about our loss.

1105
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,879
Speaker 4: Pausing really quick mm hmm. Yeah, you don't need any

1106
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 4: of these people in your lives. They've proven who they

1107
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 4: are time and time again.

1108
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 2: Hm.

1109
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 4: And also that they're terrible, terrible people. Yes, oh my goodness, yeah,

1110
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 4: you can absolutely cut them as get out of there.

1111
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:15,280
Speaker 2: I don't want to give.

1112
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 4: Up on my mom because I feel sorry for her too,

1113
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 4: but she is a narcissistic side too, and I feel

1114
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,280
Speaker 4: like things between me and my husband and our family

1115
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 4: may have more peace without anyone from my family.

1116
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 2: But also I.

1117
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 4: Feel really bad thinking like this, and I would love

1118
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 4: to have parents who are good people and don't cause

1119
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 4: stress all the time or do things that I have

1120
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 4: to feel like I need to crawl out of my skin.

1121
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 4: For example, they asked my father in law to work

1122
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 4: for them, you replace the roof for their house, and

1123
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 4: while he was there, they bought some little ducks but

1124
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 4: didn't give much attention to them, and something attacked them

1125
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 4: and from the bitemarks, they got infected passed away, and

1126
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 4: my father in law said that he should burn their corpses.

1127
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, this family suice. Your family sucks like

1128
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 2: actual like such path Yeah, like, do not talk to

1129
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 2: these people ever again? Yeah for real, Yeah, but.

1130
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:10,439
Speaker 4: You should talk to us enjoyed every weekdad three pm

1131
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,280
Speaker 4: PST on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok just tap her profiles.

1132
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 2: Happened and there is a little bit laugh to this.

1133
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 4: But oh my gosh, man oh man, cut all these

1134
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,839
Speaker 4: people off, yes, cut them off, get them, never talk

1135
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 4: to them again, because these people are terrifying.

1136
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, like there's nothing like, Yeah, that seems really hard

1137
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 2: to like finally come to the conclusion that your parents

1138
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 2: are like not not good, like not good, but I

1139
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 2: mean hopefully like you your partner. Yeah, life and that's

1140
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:43,399
Speaker 2: really important, right and it would does have kids or

1141
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 2: just future kids, future kids, Okay, yeah, because if you're

1142
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 2: if you've got future kids on the way, I want

1143
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:50,959
Speaker 2: them around. These people definitely would not want them raised

1144
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 2: to buy them. Not that like, you know, there's anything

1145
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,879
Speaker 2: wrong with you, but I'm sure it had its difficulties.

1146
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,240
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think that's totally understandable. Just leave, leave,

1147
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 2: leave leave.

1148
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,280
Speaker 4: My father in law said that it's illegal to burn

1149
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 4: the bodies and they should bury them because it's a

1150
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 4: very long time for ducks to burn, and replied, you

1151
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 4: can take turns. They only respect themselves and believe that

1152
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 4: everyone else is beneath them, even their own children, and

1153
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 4: that the only people with who they act matter more

1154
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,879
Speaker 4: than them are the ones with more power or more money.

1155
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:24,760
Speaker 2: I'm just really.

1156
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 4: Curious of what you guys are thinking and what I

1157
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 4: should do in this situation. Cut off your family, cut

1158
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 4: them off.

1159
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 2: Sounds like the best.

1160
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: I'm terrible.

1161
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,839
Speaker 4: Just leave, Just leave them, leave like that's just crazy. Yeah,

1162
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 4: I mean mistreated you all of your life, yes, and

1163
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 4: are mistreating their you know, young your younger siblings.

1164
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 2: Yes, And you don't want that, you know, to be.

1165
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 4: What your husband or you or your kids have to

1166
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 4: deal with for the rest of your life.

1167
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. Though that you went through that, that is

1168
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 2: a lot.

1169
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,799
Speaker 4: There is a lot too, but that is the end

1170
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 4: of that story. So we will see you next time.

1171
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 2: We are going through a divorce and my ex partner

1172
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:03,919
Speaker 2: is he's weaponizing our child, not the child, love the child,

1173
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 2: leave the children out of it. Just so you know. No,

1174
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:10,320
Speaker 2: I'm no quitter. So I tried the mature adult route.

1175
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 2: I suggested couple's counseling, like, hey, let's be adults here,

1176
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 2: maybe fix this. But even the counselor was like, yeah,

1177
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 2: something's fishy with this guy. Yeah, I can start. By

1178
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from and Delicious a D seven

1179
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 2: sixty five seven on the r slash. Okay, storytime separate.

1180
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 2: So picture of this Valentine's Day. You've cooked an nice dinner,

1181
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 2: even little candle feeling pretty good about things with Bam, No,

1182
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 2: he shoots you a, I can't do this anymore, right

1183
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 2: to your face, Valentine's Day. On Valentine's Day, he couldn't

1184
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 2: have waited a day. He didn't wait, come, could wait.

1185
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,879
Speaker 2: He just couldn't. He just couldn't do this anymore. Just

1186
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:49,839
Speaker 2: so he finished the meal and the wine. By the way,

1187
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 2: no warning, no build up, just drops the mic and

1188
00:55:53,480 --> 00:56:00,040
Speaker 2: it's done. Girl, I get you. Oh and here's the

1189
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 2: you're the problem. Of course you are classic. Move right,

1190
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 2: This gona suck classic. But wait, it gets better. A

1191
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 2: little while later, in a few months or so, you're

1192
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 2: sorting through your kid's clothes after he's visited his dad.

1193
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 2: And what do you find? Women's so nice underwear. No

1194
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 2: children's drawing. Oh, oh my goodness, it's between your child's clothes.

1195
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 2: Uh huh, because that's totally normal. When you call him out,

1196
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 2: he pulls the oldest trick in the book. It's all

1197
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 2: in your head. That is so crazy that people actually

1198
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 2: say that that is so crazy. How how like she's

1199
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:40,959
Speaker 2: holding it. She's holding it? Like seriously at this point,

1200
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 2: if you're wondering if you've accidentally wandered into some kind

1201
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 2: of psychological thriller where reality it just doesn't matter anymore.

1202
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:51,240
Speaker 2: Turns out what he was hiding was sixteen years younger

1203
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: was Turns out what he was hiding was a sixteen

1204
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:57,359
Speaker 2: years younger assistant of his. She went by the name

1205
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 2: of Fariba, not her real name, obviously, but you get

1206
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 2: the picture. A year or so after, what does he do.

1207
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 2: He texts me I'm moving houses next week, and Fariba,

1208
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 2: we'll be living there too. Don't they have kids? They

1209
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 2: have children, multiple great job man like roommates. Maybe they

1210
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,440
Speaker 2: even split the rent. I'm sure she was paying them

1211
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 2: because I have taken everything from him while he had nothing.

1212
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 2: I was wondering, does she know she's moving in to

1213
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 2: share a house and not be Oh, let's dive into

1214
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 2: this Fariba ride, shall we? So here we have the

1215
00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 2: poor girl? Or wait? Should I even call her? That?

1216
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 2: She's got her head on her shoulders? You mean to

1217
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,960
Speaker 2: tell me it never once crossed her or her family's

1218
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 2: mind that maybe, just maybe this guy's telling tall tales

1219
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 2: about me. I really like how op he's right? Oh

1220
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 2: he's Oh my god?

1221
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 4: Okay, lovely l let's get on this free borrow right?

1222
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 2: This was life, dude. I mean, let's face it. He

1223
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:54,720
Speaker 2: doesn't exactly have a fan club, no friends, no backup.

1224
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 2: It's just him running his mouth, spinning stories like some

1225
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 2: kind of Netflix original, and somehow they're all buying it.

1226
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 2: And the real kicker, she and her whole family have

1227
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 2: decided to take up a new hobby shaming me to

1228
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 2: my son. Oh oh yeah, shaming to your son, not

1229
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 2: to your son, the child. The child, Oh.

1230
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 4: My goodness, pretty about jail jail, jail, shame, talking all

1231
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 4: kinds of trash about a woman that they've never met.

1232
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,919
Speaker 2: It's like they've started let's trash talk a stranger book club.

1233
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,040
Speaker 2: But let's be real here, I should be calling him

1234
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 2: an arssist. But let's cut to the chase. He's just

1235
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 2: a lying sack of crap. I said it. The reason

1236
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 2: he found this new bright woman. He needed someone fresh

1237
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 2: to tell his lies too, because his old ones were

1238
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 2: unraveling too fast. Honestly, Yeah, probably.

1239
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean they're bad lies, bad lives. He just

1240
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,360
Speaker 4: needs to keep moving on to the next person.

1241
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just like ash. This one won't believe him anymore. Again,

1242
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 2: the best part he believes those lies himself. He's living

1243
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 2: in her house, driving her car, probably convinced that he's

1244
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 2: some sort of self made man. No crapsurelock. Now, for

1245
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 2: anyone reading this who knows exactly what kind of devil

1246
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,919
Speaker 2: I'm talking about, let me spill a little extra tea.

1247
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 2: The man doesn't even have a degree, despite what he claims. Yeah,

1248
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 2: he blew that money and never finished university. Oh wait,

1249
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 2: he pretended to be studying no house either. Oh but

1250
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 2: he's been telling people that he has won. That little

1251
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,360
Speaker 2: bombshell came out in mediation when he admitted that he

1252
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 2: has no properties and no savings. When I thought that

1253
00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 2: we were saving hm, meanwhile, more lies.

1254
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 1: More lies.

1255
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, I'm over here paying extra bills thinking that we

1256
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:39,120
Speaker 2: were saving up for a bigger house. But oh no,

1257
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 2: it's my fault. He lied to me, of course. Of course, sure.

1258
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 2: I hate this guy too, me too. It's a liar,

1259
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 2: silly little liar. He's a big fat liar. Balled your

1260
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 2: Mondy and the guy from Malcolm in the middle of

1261
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 2: that one, you know, So buckle up, we're gonna continue.

1262
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 2: So now the chaos. Suddenly I'm the public enemy number one.

1263
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 2: He's out here calling me a bad mother with while

1264
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:11,919
Speaker 2: his new girlfriend, sorry housemates, is somehow promoted to being

1265
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 2: a better mom to my own kid. Meanwhile, the parenting

1266
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 2: plan I initiated found the mediator for paid for. He

1267
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 2: refused to sign it because apparently I won't follow it.

1268
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 2: My god, I literally did everything. That's the part of

1269
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 2: signing it. That's crazy. I have to follow it. Yeah,

1270
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 2: the one I shelled out for just to put an

1271
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,040
Speaker 2: end to this and get it done with it makes

1272
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 2: no sense. Then I cannot take my own son on

1273
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 2: holidays home because apparently my mom will set the house

1274
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 2: on fire together with my son.

1275
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:46,919
Speaker 4: Something it they're just making up like lies about why

1276
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:48,480
Speaker 4: ops an the parent.

1277
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's a crazy thing to jump to. Raze like, no, oh,

1278
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 2: he can't because her mom is gonna light it on fire. Yeah,

1279
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 2: like what what he was? It's fine with me traveling

1280
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 2: home to see my family when we were together, but

1281
01:01:03,120 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 2: hold on, now, he's not. It's a script for a

1282
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 2: horror story, right. I could write a bloody essay, but

1283
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 2: I think you get the picture. Blood bloody essay, script

1284
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 2: for a horror story, story for a whole but I

1285
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 2: think you get the picture. Believe me. There is much

1286
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 2: much more. But I won't get into daily texts and

1287
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:29,000
Speaker 2: solicitor letters, manipulation of my son, my friend and family.

1288
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 2: I will continue with the craziest. So I request a

1289
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:35,440
Speaker 2: psychological report, and wouldn't you know, it comes back one

1290
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 2: hundred percent in my favor. There you go. Shock, He's

1291
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 2: not lighting any fires, not at all. It's shocking, I know,

1292
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 2: but of course he disagrees with it. The court appointed

1293
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 2: psychologist report is fabricated? Is it worth mentioning that I

1294
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 2: am waiting for nearly an entire year just to have

1295
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:55,840
Speaker 2: the psychologist report heard. That's a level of a bureaucratic

1296
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 2: nonsense that makes me wonder if they're holding hearings in

1297
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 2: slow motion saying he needs professional help. But well, let's

1298
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,040
Speaker 2: just say someone isn't dealing with reality quite the way

1299
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 2: the rest of us are. And just when I thought

1300
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 2: his circus couldn't get any wilder, I get the letter

1301
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:17,920
Speaker 2: dundund you know, you know if the one where his

1302
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 2: solicitor informs me of his big day, the wedding day

1303
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 2: married's getting married? No to Fabria, Fabria crazy and I

1304
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,760
Speaker 2: need to drop my son off at a hotel for

1305
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:32,440
Speaker 2: the wedding at ten am and pick him up around

1306
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 2: nine thirty pm when they are done partying. Oh and

1307
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:39,240
Speaker 2: did I mention it's my work day and his access weekend?

1308
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:44,640
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So it's his weekend have the kid? I think, right, Access? Yeah, yeah,

1309
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,360
Speaker 2: that's what Access weekend? I think. So yeah, so it's

1310
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 2: his weekend to even have a kid. But she has

1311
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:53,240
Speaker 2: to drop off and pick him up and stuff like this.

1312
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 2: One day ridiculous crazy and she's working too. She's working. Yeah, No,

1313
01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 2: not happening. At this point, I'm about one click away

1314
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 2: from asking my solicitor to send him a very polite substances?

1315
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,840
Speaker 2: Are your client on question? But should I? And the

1316
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:13,160
Speaker 2: grand prize winner of this entire circus is him? Why

1317
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 2: you ask? Well, turns out mister bright ideas went and

1318
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 2: got himself snipped. Yep, no more kiddos for him? Wow?

1319
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:24,920
Speaker 2: Oh boy, like that kind of snipped. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile,

1320
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 2: I'm sure a Fariba's got a vision board somewhere that

1321
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:32,040
Speaker 2: reads me to guy, move in, get married, have kids. Wait,

1322
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 2: hold on, what's the last part? Oh, bless their hearts.

1323
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:38,080
Speaker 2: She's probably already picking out baby names while he's over

1324
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:41,439
Speaker 2: here secretly hoping she doesn't google the V word. That's

1325
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:45,040
Speaker 2: crazy but Google? Does she know? Sext me? I know?

1326
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 2: I know? But like did she not know what it? Like?

1327
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 4: Was he like, yeah, just going into my my sexually

1328
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 4: doctor's appointment and she was like, oh that's nice.

1329
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 2: Well I think maybe he is thinking that he's just

1330
01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:57,920
Speaker 2: hiding it from her, yeah something, And then she is like,

1331
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 2: why am I not having a baby? What's coming the way?

1332
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 2: So what's gonna happen, No idea, But we are secretly,

1333
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 2: slash publicly hoping that you will join us every weekday

1334
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 2: and PSD just top our profile. We're live every single day.

1335
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 2: We're probably live right now on YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, just

1336
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 2: stop it bo it's oh my goodness. But yeah, there

1337
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 2: is there's a little bit more.

1338
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 4: I yeah, I honestly yeah.

1339
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 2: What else is there to say? What else is that? Well,

1340
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:40,000
Speaker 2: let's read what old pieces. Sharing this saga, this way

1341
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 2: a funny way is a little reminder that no matter

1342
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:45,000
Speaker 2: how insane things get, I'm sure mine will continue for

1343
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 2: another nine years. Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

1344
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:50,200
Speaker 2: It's either that or start throwing knives like it's a

1345
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 2: circus act. He counts the other optity, that is an option.

1346
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:56,160
Speaker 2: But hey, if you're in a similar boat, just know

1347
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 2: you're not alone. And if nothing else, we can laugh

1348
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 2: through the chaos together. And that is all op.

1349
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:03,400
Speaker 1: He wrote.

1350
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 2: I hope your chaos is solved. I hope so too.

1351
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 2: That's just so insane. You got a lot of chaos,

1352
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 2: and Fariba seems to be causing problems. Yeah. I hope

1353
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:17,600
Speaker 2: you get the legal support that you need too. And

1354
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 2: I hope that he just gets out of there there.

1355
01:05:21,240 --> 01:05:23,280
Speaker 2: I never want to see him, never want to see him.

1356
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story.