1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,360
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,880
Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast.

3
00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:08,360
Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

4
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,320
Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,440
Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and then

6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 1: we'll get into the episode.

7
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,200
Speaker 3: I told my husband that I don't want to work anymore.

8
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:20,720
Speaker 4: You gotta work.

9
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,400
Speaker 3: I am a twenty two year old woman and my

10
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,759
Speaker 3: husband a twenty three year old man. We met young seventeen,

11
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,800
Speaker 3: started dating young twenty to twenty one, and got married

12
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,400
Speaker 3: young twenty two. I was aware that as a young

13
00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:36,840
Speaker 3: couple we would experience some financial struggle, especially in this economy.

14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,120
Speaker 3: I was more than willing to go through that because

15
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,520
Speaker 3: I love my husband with all my heart and we

16
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,560
Speaker 3: make an awesome team. We've been married for about two months,

17
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,559
Speaker 3: and I'll be honest, it's been a little difficult, but

18
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,280
Speaker 3: not for the reasons that everyone told me it would be.

19
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,159
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Bandicoot twenty and if

20
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:52,440
Speaker 3: you want to see your own stories, go to the

21
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 3: r slash Okay story times up reread it. A little

22
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,360
Speaker 3: backstory on my husband. He came from a hapvy home

23
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,200
Speaker 3: where everyone is super close his parents make a lot

24
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,360
Speaker 3: of money enough that my mother in law doesn't have

25
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,840
Speaker 3: to work and hasn't worked in twenty years. She spends

26
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,160
Speaker 3: her days keeping the house tidy, cooking, running errands, and

27
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,480
Speaker 3: being a homemaker, which meant my husband and his siblings

28
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,160
Speaker 3: didn't do much around the house. They had chores, but

29
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,800
Speaker 3: never too many, since mother in law liked things done

30
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,319
Speaker 3: a certain way. Lonther in law also has mental health

31
00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:23,199
Speaker 3: issues that translate into physical health issues, which is why

32
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,120
Speaker 3: she doesn't work. So I note mother in law is

33
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,120
Speaker 3: an angel, and unlike some of the Reddit stories I've seen,

34
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,600
Speaker 3: I love her so much. My husband's goal is to

35
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,039
Speaker 3: someday make it so I don't have to work either,

36
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 3: though I have no idea when or if that'll actually happen.

37
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 3: I think he just got used to always having household

38
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,200
Speaker 3: things done for him, so he doesn't have certain habits

39
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:47,000
Speaker 3: he might have otherwise developed. So my husband also has ADHD,

40
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 3: which makes it even harder for him to remember things

41
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,000
Speaker 3: like cleaning, taking or picking up his meds, and remembering

42
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,880
Speaker 3: things I tell him I don't have ADHD, I don't think,

43
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,640
Speaker 3: but from what he shared, he struggled with it for

44
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,920
Speaker 3: over ten years and I really do feel for him.

45
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 3: I understand that a lot of this is out of

46
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,320
Speaker 3: his control, though I'll admit it's hard to fully put

47
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,240
Speaker 3: myself in his shoes. A little backstories on me growing up,

48
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,320
Speaker 3: Our family always struggled with money, and we all had

49
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,359
Speaker 3: complicated relationships with each other. That's another story. My parents

50
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,880
Speaker 3: probably tried to hide their struggles from me and my

51
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,400
Speaker 3: two siblings, but we could always tell we weren't below

52
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,480
Speaker 3: the property line. But there wasn't much we could do.

53
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,040
Speaker 3: My parents were strict about chores, with designated dish days,

54
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,800
Speaker 3: laundry days, cook nights, trash days, et cetera, and missing

55
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:36,000
Speaker 3: a day meant yelling, passive, aggressive messages, and finger pointing.

56
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,919
Speaker 3: It was chaotic, But now that I'm older and living

57
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 3: on my own, I'm grateful they taught me to always

58
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,720
Speaker 3: clean up after myself and that sometimes it's more important

59
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,800
Speaker 3: to keep peace than to be right. I moved into

60
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 3: our apartment first before we got married because of my

61
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,720
Speaker 3: less than favorable home situation. I've also been dealing with

62
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,919
Speaker 3: some serious mental and physical health issues severe depression, anxiety disorder,

63
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,239
Speaker 3: and possibly other things that aren't official diagnosed yet. Due

64
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,560
Speaker 3: to financial and insurance limits. I'm on medication and it's

65
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,880
Speaker 3: not the right one, and it seems to make things worse.

66
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 3: On top of that, about a year ago, I was

67
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 3: in a car accident that left me with the next

68
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,560
Speaker 3: brain backsprain, and moderate concussion. I can't work out long,

69
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:20,200
Speaker 3: we'll lift heavy things any. Migraines have gotten worse. I

70
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,760
Speaker 3: get dizzy spells multiple times a week. All of this

71
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,880
Speaker 3: was working full time and keeping up the home has

72
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,080
Speaker 3: unbelievably been hard. So here's where the main problem comes

73
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,079
Speaker 3: into play. My husband helps out sometimes, but only when

74
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,200
Speaker 3: I ask him to. Like I still have to remind

75
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,520
Speaker 3: him to take out the trash, load the dishwasher, fold

76
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,920
Speaker 3: his clothes, or clean up after himself. It's like I

77
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,200
Speaker 3: still have to carry the mental load of everything on

78
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,440
Speaker 3: my own while he only helps out a little bit.

79
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,840
Speaker 3: I brought this up to him several times, but he

80
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,120
Speaker 3: just says he understands my frustrations, but sometimes his brain

81
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,480
Speaker 3: just won't let him do a lot of things even

82
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,240
Speaker 3: if he really wants to, and that he just needs

83
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 3: help remembering. So I need to remind him and ask

84
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,560
Speaker 3: for help, and I'll do it. That's the thing I

85
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,640
Speaker 3: feel like I shouldn't have to ask him all the

86
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,880
Speaker 3: time to do these things.

87
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:04,520
Speaker 5: You shouldn't.

88
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,480
Speaker 4: He needs to figure out a way for him to

89
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,440
Speaker 4: remember to do these things, if that means like setting timers,

90
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,440
Speaker 4: making task lits, like I think for me, I find

91
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,960
Speaker 4: a lot of time like check checkbox lists or.

92
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 2: Through those chech parties and I'm like.

93
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,880
Speaker 4: Check check check check yay, and I'm like, I completed

94
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,200
Speaker 4: so much today, and those are really helpful. I don't

95
00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:25,359
Speaker 4: usually find trouble, like with motivating myself to clean, just

96
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,480
Speaker 4: because the motivation for.

97
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,800
Speaker 2: Me is like it's clean, yeah.

98
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,760
Speaker 4: But you know, other people I know with ADHD have that,

99
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,159
Speaker 4: you know, motivation issue. So it's finding ways to motivate

100
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,560
Speaker 4: self motivate rather than on someone else.

101
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,479
Speaker 3: I suggested setting reminders on his phone or writing it

102
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,080
Speaker 3: on the fridge, but he said he's tired of all

103
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,520
Speaker 3: that before and it doesn't work for him. I told him,

104
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,200
Speaker 3: insanely hard for me to keep up with every single

105
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,800
Speaker 3: thing in my crazy life, but his life too. He

106
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,040
Speaker 3: just keeps saying that it seems like I had no

107
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,440
Speaker 3: idea what I was getting myself into when I married him,

108
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,200
Speaker 3: even though he's shown me the signs and he said that,

109
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,240
Speaker 3: and honestly might be right. We don't know everything. There

110
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 3: is no about a person, even when you're married to them.

111
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,360
Speaker 3: It's only when you move in together and fully merge

112
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,039
Speaker 3: lifestyles together that these things really come up. Oh, and

113
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,560
Speaker 3: I forgot to mention earlier. Our intimate life has not

114
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,960
Speaker 3: been that great lately. We both saved ourselves for the

115
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,640
Speaker 3: first time for each other after we got married, something

116
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,480
Speaker 3: we both wanted even before we met. But we've definitely

117
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,920
Speaker 3: not had a ton of makeout sessions in the back

118
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,279
Speaker 3: seat of my SUV, and it was really fun just

119
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,520
Speaker 3: getting to mess around and explore each other's hot to

120
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 3: use an interest in sweet spots. I knew our first

121
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,680
Speaker 3: times would be awkward, but honestly, it feels like we

122
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,760
Speaker 3: haven't even gotten there yet. Things usually start off fine,

123
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,560
Speaker 3: but once it's time to actually be intimate, his excitement fades,

124
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,120
Speaker 3: especially after putting on a Wiener wrapper. We've tried different

125
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 3: kinds along with other ideas, but nothing seems to work.

126
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,040
Speaker 3: I'm not on birth control right now. I've heard stories

127
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:54,400
Speaker 3: about it defecting hormones. With my mental health issues and medications,

128
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,000
Speaker 3: I'm just not sure what to do next. I've just

129
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 3: started seeing a new doctor, so hopefully we can talk

130
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,400
Speaker 3: about option soon. We both don't want kids, so going

131
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,280
Speaker 3: without protection is this something he feels comfortable with, which

132
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,400
Speaker 3: I completely agree. Another part that's been hard is how

133
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:12,120
Speaker 3: his once confident take the lead side seems to have faded.

134
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,239
Speaker 3: I'm the type who wants to feel in the moment

135
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,760
Speaker 3: without overthinking, but now he often asks, so, what did

136
00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,520
Speaker 3: you want to do now? Or what are you thinking?

137
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,320
Speaker 3: Questions that instantly take me out of it and make

138
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,839
Speaker 3: it hard to feel relaxed. I end up stuck on

139
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,040
Speaker 3: my own head. I feel like I'm always the one

140
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,320
Speaker 3: having to make decisions in our life, our schedule, our routine,

141
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,320
Speaker 3: what gets clean when and by who, what's for dinner,

142
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,919
Speaker 3: keeping track of how much electricity and water we use, groceries,

143
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,760
Speaker 3: contacting the leasing office when something needs to be fixed,

144
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,719
Speaker 3: and even being point of contact between him and his

145
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,039
Speaker 3: family and friends. To say at least I'm exhausted would

146
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,440
Speaker 3: be a huge understatement. I'm just trying my heartest to

147
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,080
Speaker 3: be empathetic of a situation, and it just feels like

148
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,919
Speaker 3: I have empathy and understanding for someone else in my

149
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,160
Speaker 3: life and don't feel the same in return. I am

150
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,720
Speaker 3: taking care of eighty percent of things while almost none

151
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,279
Speaker 3: of my needs or being met. Sometimes I wonder how

152
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,520
Speaker 3: much longer I can keep this up. I can't work

153
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,479
Speaker 3: full time and deal with everything else. But with the

154
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,520
Speaker 3: way the economy is set up right now, it'll take

155
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,720
Speaker 3: so long to get to a point where I don't

156
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 3: have to work. And with the job market right now,

157
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 3: I'm grateful I have a job. And with all of

158
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,280
Speaker 3: the other random expenses coming up, my anxiety about our

159
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,520
Speaker 3: future is also.

160
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:22,040
Speaker 2: Hard to deal with.

161
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,239
Speaker 3: It's so unbelievably hard keep up with two people's lives.

162
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,920
Speaker 3: I've also been the main one thinking of ways to

163
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,080
Speaker 3: make Sush save more money, including selling my car. We

164
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,680
Speaker 3: live five minutes from where I work, so I could

165
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 3: walk or bike there if I need to. I love

166
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,480
Speaker 3: my husband so freaking much. He's so kind, funny, loving, helpful,

167
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 3: and has been my best friend since we were seventeen.

168
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,320
Speaker 3: He's my everything. I just don't know what else to

169
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 3: do or how to fill right now. Hopefully I'll get

170
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,080
Speaker 3: some different options about my situation. Would I be the

171
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,720
Speaker 3: a whole for what? Opie?

172
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,880
Speaker 4: I mean, like, would you be the able for like

173
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,160
Speaker 4: talking to him about this? Because you need to and

174
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,240
Speaker 4: he needs to listen to you.

175
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,440
Speaker 5: It's not just oh, well you married me. You should

176
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,760
Speaker 5: have known he married you.

177
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,320
Speaker 4: He should have known you would have been.

178
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,400
Speaker 5: Upset by this behavior.

179
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:03,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

180
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,080
Speaker 3: Update, Hi everyone, Thank you all for the input the

181
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 3: advice you have all given me. It really does put

182
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,080
Speaker 3: things into perspective of a very small update. I say

183
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,800
Speaker 3: small because it doesn't change the situation very much in

184
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,160
Speaker 3: the grand scheme of things, but it does change the

185
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,720
Speaker 3: situation for me. I've talked to my husband let's just

186
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,480
Speaker 3: call him David, and he says that he's going to

187
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,160
Speaker 3: do better with helping me around our apartment. While he

188
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,880
Speaker 3: has said this time and time again, I decided to

189
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,520
Speaker 3: trust that he would since he kind of knows my circumstances.

190
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,120
Speaker 3: I've asked him to fold the laundry that I washed,

191
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,960
Speaker 3: and he did, but only about one fourth of it.

192
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,439
Speaker 3: The remainder of the clothes are still on the floor

193
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,560
Speaker 3: in bed. So I asked him to take the cardboard

194
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,079
Speaker 3: boxes that have been in our apartment for almost a

195
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,680
Speaker 3: week to the recycling, but they're still there in my closet.

196
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,280
Speaker 3: He said he only put them there temporarily because my

197
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,319
Speaker 3: sister came over and he wanted to get them out

198
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,160
Speaker 3: of the way, but they're still there almost a week later.

199
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,360
Speaker 3: I asked him to load the dishwasher last night, and

200
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,600
Speaker 3: he did, but he left several dishes in the sink

201
00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,040
Speaker 3: and on the counter. I asked him to clean the bathroom,

202
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,400
Speaker 3: but after he was done, the sink was still dirty

203
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,760
Speaker 3: and there were still products all over the calendar. I

204
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 3: didn't want to get to the point of thinking he

205
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,280
Speaker 3: would do this, but I'm worried that this has come

206
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,480
Speaker 3: to the point of weaponized incompetence. How is it possible

207
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,200
Speaker 3: that all of these things that I asked you to

208
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,280
Speaker 3: help me with are half done or done poorly. I

209
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,880
Speaker 3: decided to call his dad about a week and a

210
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,320
Speaker 3: half ago and see if this has always been a problem.

211
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,480
Speaker 3: Big mistake, But I was frustrated and his mom was asleep,

212
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,200
Speaker 3: so he was the only option at the time. I

213
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,400
Speaker 3: told him what I have been going through and how

214
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,000
Speaker 3: David hasn't been making it easier for me. Quite the opposite. Actually,

215
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,439
Speaker 3: he said, if these are the issues that you're having

216
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 3: too much in a marriage, honey, you've got it easy.

217
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,960
Speaker 3: Things could be way worse for y'all.

218
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,120
Speaker 2: Well, guess what people got always are gonna have problems.

219
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,600
Speaker 4: It's not the problem of Olympics. You're saying, Hey, I

220
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,640
Speaker 4: got this problem right now.

221
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,560
Speaker 3: I've responded, I understand that things could be worse, but

222
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,360
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean this isn't incredibly hard for me. I

223
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,280
Speaker 3: feel like I'm doing this all to myself. He began

224
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,800
Speaker 3: to tell me that since his wife clashed, David's mom

225
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,520
Speaker 3: was able to stop working, they haven't cleaned a bathroom

226
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,080
Speaker 3: or made a meal and almost twenty five years. I

227
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,440
Speaker 3: can't blame David for not doing or knowing how to

228
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,880
Speaker 3: do stuff around the house because he's never really had

229
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,319
Speaker 3: to do it.

230
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,400
Speaker 4: That's so embarrassing.

231
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,200
Speaker 3: Without thinking, I said, so, I'm supposed to be the

232
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,800
Speaker 3: one holding up our entire lives just because his parents

233
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,440
Speaker 3: could afford to do it. After I said that, he

234
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,600
Speaker 3: snapped to me, this is not about money. Don't you

235
00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,920
Speaker 3: ever throw my financial situation. I me like that, ever again?

236
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,320
Speaker 3: Do you understand me? I know that I shouldn't have

237
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,000
Speaker 3: said that or said anything without thinking about it first,

238
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,360
Speaker 3: but I have no idea why I would react this way.

239
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,080
Speaker 3: I immediately felt awful afterwards. He has used his insane

240
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,520
Speaker 3: amount of money to help us out of a hole

241
00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,480
Speaker 3: once or twice, but only because David asked him, not me.

242
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 3: I'm extremely appreciative of the help we've received from them,

243
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,440
Speaker 3: but because of how I grew up, I've always been

244
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,839
Speaker 3: reluctant to ask for help, especially with money. After he

245
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,360
Speaker 3: snapped me, I tried to apologize several times, but he

246
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,440
Speaker 3: didn't want to hear it. He then kept on about

247
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,640
Speaker 3: how David's ADHD makes it incredibly hard for him to

248
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,440
Speaker 3: make and keep up with new routines and actually see

249
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,240
Speaker 3: things that need to be done and actually do them.

250
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,400
Speaker 3: So not only has David done this, his parents has

251
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:05,600
Speaker 3: embedded this into his mom.

252
00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,200
Speaker 5: They're like, you have ADHD, you can't do anything.

253
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,160
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I just HADHD son, he can't do anything.

254
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,640
Speaker 3: That, coupled with the fact that his mom did almost

255
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,800
Speaker 3: everything for him, means it's going to be even harder.

256
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,000
Speaker 3: He said that there have been times where it has

257
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,920
Speaker 3: taken two to three years for new habits or routines

258
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,880
Speaker 3: to stick. He said, you know, I love you, kiddo,

259
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,719
Speaker 3: and I just gave a half hearted I love you too,

260
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,360
Speaker 3: So he just.

261
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,280
Speaker 5: Screamed at you and then I love you, kiddo.

262
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,560
Speaker 2: No, and that was on the phone call.

263
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,840
Speaker 3: I genuinely cannot describe how a long I felt and

264
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,400
Speaker 3: still feel. Knowing that any and everything I say either

265
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 3: goes into one ear and out the other, or gets

266
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,320
Speaker 3: flipped around into something much worse makes me feel awful.

267
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 3: It feels like I have no one to talk to

268
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,960
Speaker 3: about this, and I have no choice but to go

269
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,440
Speaker 3: through this alone. I have no idea what to do now.

270
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,199
Speaker 3: We can't afford couples counseling. I can't talk to his

271
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,680
Speaker 3: or my family in fear that they'll get the same

272
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,320
Speaker 3: reaction that I got from his dad.

273
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 5: Oh man, I cancel my fiance's birthday trip, but he

274
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,440
Speaker 5: can't let it go.

275
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,800
Speaker 2: Oh let go Hi.

276
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,680
Speaker 5: So I don't really know where to begin, So I

277
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,559
Speaker 5: guess I'll just give some context. I Mail twenty nine

278
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,080
Speaker 5: and my partner Mail twenty four have been together for

279
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,160
Speaker 5: four years. For a year of us dating, we were

280
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,880
Speaker 5: doing a long distance because we met through mutual friends

281
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,720
Speaker 5: over social media. I was from an island in Hawaii

282
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,320
Speaker 5: and my partner was from Colorado. By the way, this

283
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,040
Speaker 5: comes from Eero Sizumi and if you want to submit

284
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,120
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

285
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,199
Speaker 5: separate it, so when we met, he was the permit

286
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,200
Speaker 5: partner in every way possible. He was considerate, kind and

287
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,280
Speaker 5: always made time for me and put effort into our

288
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,800
Speaker 5: relationship in ways that I had never experienced before with

289
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,079
Speaker 5: another person. The distance was really hard for both of us,

290
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,160
Speaker 5: but we made it work. We called whenever we could, texted,

291
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,600
Speaker 5: and made plans for visits that I would take to

292
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,280
Speaker 5: go see him as often as our schedules would allow.

293
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,560
Speaker 5: I'm a very friend oriented person. I always have been,

294
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,839
Speaker 5: and when I met my partner really early on, I

295
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,280
Speaker 5: wanted him to meet my best friend from my childhood,

296
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,880
Speaker 5: and I wanted to meet his friends as well. I

297
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,160
Speaker 5: met his best friend and things went really well. I

298
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,440
Speaker 5: thought he was really cool, and from when I gathered

299
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,960
Speaker 5: he liked me too. I introduced my best friend from

300
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,720
Speaker 5: childhood to him, and they got along really well. My

301
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,240
Speaker 5: best friend even started inviting and playing video games with

302
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,319
Speaker 5: my partner, and they talked almost every day. Things were

303
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,160
Speaker 5: really great, and when time had passed, we had been

304
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,880
Speaker 5: dating for about a year when I decided I was

305
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,600
Speaker 5: going to move up to the Mainland and move in

306
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,000
Speaker 5: with him. When he and I moved in together, everything

307
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,400
Speaker 5: seemed to fall into place. From there, I was finally

308
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,880
Speaker 5: able to be with the person that I was in

309
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,480
Speaker 5: love with every day, and from what I assumed, we

310
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,560
Speaker 5: were better than ever together than when we were ever apart.

311
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,439
Speaker 5: Cut to three years forward. We had moved around a

312
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,000
Speaker 5: little bit since then gotten a cat together. For a

313
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,320
Speaker 5: relevant reference, he had a dog, and he got me

314
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,520
Speaker 5: a cat for my birthday, And finally we both landed

315
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,400
Speaker 5: decent paying jobs and found a solid apartment without worry.

316
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,200
Speaker 5: We got engaged for our three year anniversary and were

317
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,840
Speaker 5: spending the fourth year planning our wedding and getting everything

318
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,840
Speaker 5: as squared away as possible. And all this time that

319
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,320
Speaker 5: I was now with my partner on the mainland, my

320
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,640
Speaker 5: best friend visited whenever we could, whenever we could find

321
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,760
Speaker 5: the time, because not gonna lie for a good minute.

322
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,200
Speaker 5: Into me being settled on the Mainland, I was going

323
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,480
Speaker 5: through really bad homesickness, and my best friend, having a

324
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,040
Speaker 5: great job with flexible scheduling in mind, visited me whenever

325
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 5: he could and it helped me a lot during the

326
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,280
Speaker 5: initial transition of moving. Anytime my best friend visited, my

327
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,760
Speaker 5: fiance and him would play video games together and just

328
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,720
Speaker 5: talk and honestly It was really great seeing that because

329
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,240
Speaker 5: I have a really bad pass with exes mistreating me,

330
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 5: so my best friend has never really trusted anyone I've

331
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,360
Speaker 5: been with anyways. So my fiance's birthday was coming up,

332
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,360
Speaker 5: and maybe a few weeks prior to this, we had

333
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,280
Speaker 5: been trying to see if my best friend could fly

334
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,960
Speaker 5: down and visit because I wanted to go soup chopping

335
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 5: for my wedding and wanted my best man to be there.

336
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,640
Speaker 5: It was going to be a whole day with the

337
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,840
Speaker 5: three of us and my fiances. Oh yeah, he's been

338
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 5: calling him the fiance silly me. But my best friend

339
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,040
Speaker 5: unfortunately had a family emergency so he couldn't fly down.

340
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,920
Speaker 5: Me and my fiance were really bummed with that in mind.

341
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,520
Speaker 5: Since my fiance's birthday was coming up, I looked into

342
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,080
Speaker 5: both mine and his working schedules, got a hold of

343
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,720
Speaker 5: my best friend, and started planning an amazing plan that

344
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,920
Speaker 5: I had for him. I planned to pay for my

345
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,080
Speaker 5: best friend to come down as a surprise and for

346
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,880
Speaker 5: a day that I was supposed to work, but my

347
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,000
Speaker 5: fiance was off work, so I requested off so that

348
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,280
Speaker 5: I could pick up my best friend and then come

349
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,440
Speaker 5: back to the house with best friend in toe and

350
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,560
Speaker 5: flowers and surprise plane tickets for me, him and my

351
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,960
Speaker 5: best friend to all fly back home in Hawaii, UH

352
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,600
Speaker 5: together for a little birthday getaway. The day came, I

353
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 5: got ready around the time I usually get up for

354
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,600
Speaker 5: work and kissed my fiance goodbye. Nothing seemed out at

355
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,640
Speaker 5: the ordinary. He didn't seem like he was on to me.

356
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,720
Speaker 5: I'm usually really bad at keeping my mouth shut with surprises.

357
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 5: Then I left our apartment and picked up my best

358
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,440
Speaker 5: friend from the airport. For the next few hours, me

359
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,080
Speaker 5: and my best friend were running errands before we headed

360
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,160
Speaker 5: back to the house. I got my fiance's favorite flowers, snacks,

361
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 5: merch from a clothing brand he loves, shoes he'd been

362
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 5: for months, and printed out copies of our plane tickets

363
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 5: for the trip. By the time me and my best

364
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,480
Speaker 5: friend were done, we were making good time and started

365
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 5: heading back to mine and my fiance's apartment around the

366
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 5: time I get back from work. Once we got to

367
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,680
Speaker 5: the apartment, my best friend helped me set up a

368
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,200
Speaker 5: little gift basket for my fiance with everything I got,

369
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,440
Speaker 5: and then we headed into the apartment. When we got

370
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,400
Speaker 5: to the door, there were my fiance's best friend's shoes

371
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,560
Speaker 5: out our welcome map, which confused me because my fiance's

372
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 5: friend lived almost half an hour away and my fiance

373
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,840
Speaker 5: hardly ever got to see him. We walked in and

374
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 5: all of the window lines were down. Maybe they were

375
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 5: just taking a nap and they needed the sun to

376
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,400
Speaker 5: be jutted.

377
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 2: Yeah we do that.

378
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, right, I take NAIs with the goat all

379
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 6: the time, with the windows down and the doors locked

380
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 6: and uh no one on dood on to serve totally totally.

381
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,040
Speaker 2: Normal, just normal nap behavior.

382
00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:00,160
Speaker 5: Every light was off besides mine and my fiance's room light. Well,

383
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 5: a pit in my stomach drop because the entire vibe

384
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 5: was just entirely weird. But me and my best friend

385
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,360
Speaker 5: walked through the house and as soon as we hit

386
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 5: my room door, there it is my fiance and his

387
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 5: best friend effing in our bed.

388
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,199
Speaker 2: The entire process of them getting into the house, like

389
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,720
Speaker 2: the Jaws theme was playing. Yeah, literally, it's why is it, darget?

390
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 2: Why are their shoes there?

391
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:24,760
Speaker 5: Right?

392
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 2: Bomb? All the pines are closed right, Oh.

393
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 6: My gosh, this is why you don't let your significant

394
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 6: others play video games. This stuff happens true because of

395
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,640
Speaker 6: me and to come to play video games all the time,

396
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,480
Speaker 6: and he's saving me and always reviving me.

397
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 5: I have to you know, you're gonna develop feelings eventually.

398
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to like thank him back.

399
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,479
Speaker 5: My fiance and his best friend obviously saw us and

400
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,679
Speaker 5: immediately went into panic mode, scrambling on the ground for

401
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 5: their clothes and stumbling over their words. I dropped the

402
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,280
Speaker 5: gift basket I had in my hands, and I felt

403
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 5: everything in me fall right through the ground. I was floored.

404
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 5: I could not believe what I walked in on. My

405
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,600
Speaker 5: best friend didn't know exactly what to do. He just

406
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,360
Speaker 5: stepped forward behind me. Once he saw my fiance throw

407
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 5: his clothes on and try to walk up to me

408
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 5: to explain himself. I stepped back away from him, looked

409
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 5: at him, his best friend, and then the door, and

410
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,600
Speaker 5: just walked out of the apartment. My best friend stopped

411
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 5: my fiance from following me, and then he joined me

412
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,919
Speaker 5: in the car. I think I was in shock because

413
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 5: I just got in the car, sat in the driver's seat,

414
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,720
Speaker 5: and just stared forward into space crying. My best friend

415
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 5: suggested that we get a hotel room for the night.

416
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 5: We go there to rest and clear our heads, and

417
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 5: then tomorrow he would help me figure out what I

418
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,399
Speaker 5: wanted to do from there. I agreed that that was

419
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,879
Speaker 5: a good idea, and we did just that. I turned

420
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 5: my phone completely off for the night because I knew

421
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 5: for a fact that I didn't want to see whatever

422
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 5: attempt at talking to me my fiance was about to pull.

423
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 5: I wasn't sure what to do. I stayed up the

424
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,679
Speaker 5: entire night shooting crap with my best friend, just crying

425
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 5: to him like a lost puppy about what had happened.

426
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 5: My best friend, being the punt but person he is,

427
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 5: he just sat with me and listened to me e

428
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,880
Speaker 5: vent the whole time. The next morning, I woke up

429
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 5: still processing what had happened, But after getting some time

430
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 5: to think, I knew what I wanted to do. I

431
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,280
Speaker 5: turned my phone on, planning to text my fiance that

432
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 5: this was over, that cheating wasn't something I was going

433
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 5: to settle for. I didn't want an explanation. I didn't

434
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,199
Speaker 5: want to know when it started or how I was

435
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,200
Speaker 5: just done. But imagine being me when I finally turn

436
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,480
Speaker 5: on my phone to find one text for my fiance

437
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 5: and all it said was, so, when is our trip

438
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,560
Speaker 5: to Hawaii.

439
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 2: Wow, the utter audacity it takes to send that.

440
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 5: That is crazy.

441
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 6: That's wild.

442
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 5: I texted him back saying excuse me, and he texted

443
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,199
Speaker 5: me back repeating himself, asking when the trip was and

444
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 5: then saying that he saw the copies of the plane

445
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 5: tickets that I left behind at the apartment.

446
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. That's the other crazy part of that is

447
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,640
Speaker 2: that he didn't even know that the trip was happening

448
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 2: when he was having the affair in their bed, and

449
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 2: then randomly saw the ticket and texted that, Yeah, you're

450
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 2: actually next level uncool.

451
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 5: Brother m I looked at my phone feeling like I

452
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 5: was about to break in half. My fiance cheated on

453
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 5: me with his best friend. I stormed out of the

454
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 5: house after catching him, and all he cared about was

455
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 5: when the trip I paid for was safe to say

456
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 5: he wasn't going to go on an all expenses paid

457
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 5: trip to my home for his birthday. I texted him

458
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 5: back and told him that that trip was supposed to

459
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 5: be a surprise for his birthday and that obviously, because

460
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 5: of what happened, I wasn't going to take him on

461
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 5: that trip anymore. I snapped and told him that if

462
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 5: that's really all he cares about. Then he never cared

463
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 5: about me to begin with, given what he did and

464
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 5: I blocked him.

465
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 2: This may be the most audacious thing I have ever

466
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 2: heard that We've read that it's like crazy. After being

467
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: completely red handed, the yeah booty buttoner clothes off a

468
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 2: round of applause, going on, yeah, and uh, you're like, hey,

469
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 2: Hawaii Hawaii sounds cool? Yeah? Like who are you? Where

470
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 2: do they build you?

471
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 5: But there is a little bit more to the story.

472
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 5: Now I'm getting my phone and blown up by him.

473
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 5: His family, and his friends and his best friend that

474
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 5: he cheated on me with. All of them are saying

475
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 5: that I'm the a hole because I stormed out and

476
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 5: dinner didn't bother to try and work things out with

477
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 5: my fiance. Some of them are even going as far

478
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 5: as to say that I'm blowing this out of proportion

479
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 5: and that the fact that I wouldn't want to still

480
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 5: take my fiance on this trip is selfish of me

481
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 5: since my fiance has done so much for me.

482
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 2: What have you done? What have you done? What's the

483
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 2: last thing you did? Though? Yeah?

484
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 5: Was that?

485
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 2: What can we can we run back to the last

486
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 2: the latest thing that you did? Yeah? Oh you ruined everything?

487
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 2: Yeah you Oh you wound? Oh I'm sorry.

488
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 5: I cut you it. Peepe's out with your best friend.

489
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 5: I'm living out of a hotel right now and trying

490
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 5: to figure things out and getting all of this hate

491
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 5: from his side has been insane. It's been really messing

492
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 5: with my mental health and trying to figure something out

493
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,199
Speaker 5: in between all of this has been super hard. My

494
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 5: family and friend's best friend especially have been supportive through

495
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 5: all of this and have expressed the IVI want to

496
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 5: come back home. I can do that. I don't really

497
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 5: know where to go from here, but if anything happens,

498
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 5: I'll post an update if there's if there is one,

499
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 5: if there's one worth sharing. So am I the A hole?

500
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 5: And what do you think I should do? Olpi? You

501
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 5: know that you are not the A hole?

502
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 2: Yeah it's not like, ah, well, we already booked the tickets, right,

503
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 2: that's for like a I mean we had like kind

504
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 2: of an annoying fight about something. Yeah exactly, not that

505
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 2: that's something, not being you banging your best friend. Yeah, wow,

506
00:22:58,359 --> 00:22:59,880
Speaker 2: we're I'm buying you gift.

507
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 5: Yeah it's crazy exactly. I did this whole scheme to

508
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 5: surprise you and you sure did surprise me, but not

509
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 5: in the way that I would have liked.

510
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, hey, it's Sam.

511
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

512
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 1: bits of ads from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

513
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 2: My boyfriend refuses to propose to me. Now I want

514
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 2: to end it.

515
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 5: If you'd like been good to put a ring.

516
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 2: So I'm twenty five, twenty five female, and my twenty

517
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 2: five male boyfriend and I have been together for almost

518
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 2: five years this month. I was his first real girlfriend

519
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 2: and I have had a few boyfriends, but nothing super serious.

520
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 2: We were young when we met, but once we were together,

521
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 2: we never really fought or separated. By the way, this

522
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: comes from user no Scallion forty sixty nine, and if

523
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

524
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: Art Size show Cayse Storytime Separate It. So around two

525
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: and a half years in I moved out of my parents'

526
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 2: house for the first time into a apartment that puts

527
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 2: us about an hour away from each other. I moved

528
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 2: into this apartment because I've been searching for a house

529
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: to buy and even put an offer on one. My

530
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 2: boyfriend and I were looking together. He was planning on

531
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: moving in with me and paying some quote unquote rent,

532
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,880
Speaker 2: as the kids are calling it. After looking at probably

533
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 2: thirty different properties, he couldn't find a one he could

534
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,640
Speaker 2: live with. I was the only one going to put

535
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 2: down any money, and I was going to be the

536
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: sole owner and have a contract built up for him.

537
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 2: At this point, we agreed we wanted marriage together, so

538
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 2: I'm thinking we're all good. I'm gonna get the house first.

539
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 2: So he couldn't settle on a house, and I was

540
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 2: eager to buy the first decent one. I knew this

541
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 2: would be a temporary, little fixer and flip, but after

542
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 2: searching and us not agreeing, we chose to wait and

543
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 2: instead rent. We started looking, and again he can't find

544
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 2: anything he's okay with. I'm living with my verbally harmful parents,

545
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:48,199
Speaker 2: so I can't play. I gotta find a place, but

546
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 2: he wasn't ready. So I got a cheaper place that

547
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 2: was about an hour for my family, him and my job.

548
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 2: It was secluded, but I loved it. He would stay

549
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: over sometimes, but then he'd want me to bring my

550
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 2: dog and come stay at his parents' house. I paid

551
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 2: my own rent. I want to use all my money's worth.

552
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 2: I didn't mind like a weekend here or there, but

553
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:11,199
Speaker 2: he wanted equal time. I want a lot to be equal.

554
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 2: But his family doesn't like me, and they're very passive aggressive.

555
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 2: I was so uncomfortable when I went over there, and

556
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 2: he would know it, but felt like he couldn't say

557
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 2: anything because we were young adults and he was living

558
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 2: with his family. They're not very clean, like more than

559
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 2: just normal messy or dirtiness, and they think making fun

560
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 2: of each other is showing that you love each other.

561
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 2: His mom made fun of his brother's stretch marks in

562
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 2: front of the whole family and friends. She is codependent

563
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 2: and doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship with

564
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 2: her kids and their spouses, like always playing a game

565
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 2: with her granddaughter asking who she likes more, mem which

566
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 2: she forces us all to call her or mommy. I

567
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 2: would pass away if that were my kid. So I

568
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 2: don't trust really any of them. Why would I want

569
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 2: to spend time with them. I don't really even spend

570
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 2: time with my own family around this time because of

571
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 2: the way they treated me. So here I am living

572
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 2: off my savings that were meant for a house, just

573
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 2: blowing through money. I had no friends, no support near me,

574
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 2: and a boyfriend i'd see two or three times a

575
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 2: week because he's a carpenter and makes good money, but

576
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 2: has to be up early and drive far. At this time,

577
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 2: he was working about an hour to an hour and

578
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 2: a half away from his parents' home, so when he

579
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 2: did stay with me, he had to wake up at

580
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 2: like four am. Then he'd be home by three, and

581
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,479
Speaker 2: when I came home, he would be out cold if

582
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 2: I tried to wake him up. He turns into the

583
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 2: worst person, so mean, not physical or anything really bad,

584
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 2: but just a really witchish version of himself. He's the

585
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 2: sweetest man and so gentle. He cares about people and

586
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 2: is sensitive, but can't voice his feelings or vocalize thoughts well.

587
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: He says, it's hard to put it into words. And

588
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 2: we talked. We were always so calm and respectful that

589
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: we don't shout, and I trust him. But it was

590
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 2: also around this point he confessed he had a problem

591
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: with the cornography. He said he was just letting out stress,

592
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: but it became a pattern and he couldn't stop. He

593
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: really broke my heart because I look nothing like the

594
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 2: Instagram of models. I'm a fat gal, but I keep

595
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 2: really good care of myself. I dressed nice, smell nice,

596
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 2: all the nices. I'm active. We both like outdoor activities

597
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: like fishing and hiking. These women were not like me,

598
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 2: and it really destroyed my trust and love for myself.

599
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 2: I always thought people would look at us and think,

600
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 2: what the heck is he doing with her, which is

601
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 2: honestly a lot of projection, but it's still a thought.

602
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: After he deleted all social media he was using, and

603
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 2: we had lots of communication and even tried counseling together,

604
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 2: things were just still broken. We went on a trip

605
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 2: for his cousin's wedding and there he took a double

606
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 2: take on a really skinny, tall blonde with long hair

607
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 2: and was everything I wasn't.

608
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 5: Dude, No, not that one meme where the guy's like

609
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 5: looking back, Yeah, well he's with his girlfriend.

610
00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, and double take when not a how do you

611
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,160
Speaker 2: even do double takes when I was single? Dude?

612
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 6: That's wild.

613
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 2: If you're doing double takes with your girlfriend next to you,

614
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 2: that should just inform you, like, maybe I'm not fully

615
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 2: ready for a relationship with this person exactly. It's just

616
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 2: not a good fit or anything under this anything under

617
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 2: the sun. Yeah, Oh my god. We had been talking.

618
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,959
Speaker 2: When he did this, I was literally mid sentence and

619
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: he did it right in front of me. I dropped

620
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,760
Speaker 2: whatever was in my hands and left the store immediately.

621
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: He kept apologizing, and it just never really made me

622
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 2: feel better. He's a great man, he takes good care

623
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 2: of me, but during this time, we weren't having spicy

624
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 2: sleep very often or at all, and he was always

625
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: so tired and blacking out on the couch after work.

626
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 2: We didn't have any intimacy or spark, or really even

627
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 2: spend a lot of time together. At twenty two, I

628
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 2: thought we'd be doing it like rabbits. We were like

629
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: that once, but I'm sure it was just because it

630
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 2: was new and we were new. But things came to

631
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 2: a head. I started to really recognize my feelings for

632
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 2: women I wanted to explore, but a heteronormative, monogamous relationship

633
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 2: doesn't really leave room for that. I told him I

634
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 2: needed a month of no contact. It started New Year's Eve.

635
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 2: He chose to spend it with his friends and both

636
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: their families, and I spent it with a friend. I

637
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 2: talked to guys and tried to talk to women, while

638
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 2: also trying to figure out if I wanted this relationship.

639
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: It was not enough time for so much to happen.

640
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 2: I really thought after the month he'd think he had

641
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: done nothing wrong and wouldn't be able to communicate or

642
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 2: make amends and continue moving forward. But when we met

643
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 2: up again, he showed up in a tuxedo with flowers

644
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 2: and had sparkles in his eyes. He couldn't take his

645
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 2: eyes off me and was shaking. He was so nervous,

646
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: but so was I. I was going to break it

647
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 2: off depending on what he said, and I was prepared.

648
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 2: I maybe even had already grieved. But he apologized, He communicated,

649
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: it was like a dream. Told me how he wanted

650
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 2: to talk to me so bad but wanted to respect

651
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 2: my time, told me how he wanted to drive to

652
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 2: my house but didn't, told me how he wanted better,

653
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 2: and how he had been reading on how to do better.

654
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 2: He made me some jewelry and gave me letter. Yes,

655
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 2: it was some love bombing, but this kid doesn't have

656
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 2: a malicious bone. So he asked if he could stay

657
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 2: the night, but only if I was okay. He wanted

658
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 2: to move at my pace, and I let him, and

659
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 2: then he never left. He helped pay bills and moved

660
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 2: in unofficially because he only ever brought clothes, none of

661
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: his actual belongings. When my lease was up just a year,

662
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 2: we wanted to move closer for work and we were

663
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 2: going to rent, but then thought we should just move

664
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 2: in with his parents and save money. We ended up

665
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 2: renovating their basement to add a bathroom and kitchen sink.

666
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 2: I wanted to do it cheap as possible, just reused, recycled,

667
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: then his parents can update the fixtures to whatever they want.

668
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 2: But his parents never communicated like adults that their house

669
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 2: rules or expectations or anything. He felt pressure to do

670
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 2: the nice stuff for them, and they like taking advantage

671
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 2: of situations. We spent roughly ten thousand dollars, which is

672
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 2: what I spent in rent at my apartment. We lived

673
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 2: with them for almost two years, which was just drama,

674
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: pettiness and passive aggression from literal fifty year old. I've

675
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 2: seen kids communicate better. We saved no money, that's our fault,

676
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 2: and when we finally moved now I have debt. We

677
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 2: still weren't really having spicy sleep at his parents. I

678
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: cried a lot and always felt unwanted by his family.

679
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 2: He still couldn't stand up for me. He wanted to

680
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 2: keep the peace because they were doing us a favor.

681
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 2: That's not doing you a favor. We finally moved out

682
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 2: of their parents' house this past November and are in

683
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 2: our own rental. I now have about five thousand dollars

684
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 2: in credit card debt, and I am actively working on it,

685
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 2: but I'm not doing a good job. We're really open

686
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,479
Speaker 2: about finances and he's aware and okay with it. I

687
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 2: pay about forty percent of the bills while he pays

688
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: sixty percent, with it being somewhat proportional for our income.

689
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 2: When we first started dating, I told him he had

690
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 2: three years to propose, but now we're at five. We

691
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 2: have had a lot of lows and highs, but we

692
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: still love each other. My interest in women has grown,

693
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 2: but I still can't experiment. He no longer has a

694
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 2: problem with the cornos, but is still so tired all

695
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 2: the time. We think he needs a cepap machine.

696
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 5: Oh wow.

697
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: We still only have spicy sleep once a week or

698
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 2: once every other He very rarely does anything else. We're

699
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 2: kind of just roommates and I felt like that for

700
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 2: a while, but I would still lay my life down

701
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 2: for him. I love him, but my needs aren't always met.

702
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: I sometimes feel our energies are off, like I'm always

703
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 2: planning and running and executing plans, and he sits back

704
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 2: and just shows up. And he feels like I only

705
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: kiss him in order to have the spicy sleep. He

706
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 2: once told me he had a headache to get out

707
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 2: of it. I feel terrible, but I want to jump

708
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 2: his bones all the time, and he's dry as a desert.

709
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 2: I have bought some spicy equipment which we used used

710
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 2: in the past, and so much lingery and self care stuff,

711
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 2: but he doesn't really notice. I can't tell you the

712
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 2: last time he called me something other than pretty or

713
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 2: done anything romantic or surprise. We've both been pretty stressed

714
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: given the political climate, our jobs, money, and everything else,

715
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 2: but he doesn't feel like we are weathering together as

716
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: a front, but individually. At the same time, we both

717
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 2: clean and cook. Admittedly he doesn't clean more, just dishes,

718
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 2: but I do all the purchasing and planning. We feel off.

719
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 2: I always thought the man i'd mary would be on fire,

720
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 2: could barely wait to be with me. I thought he'd

721
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 2: long for me and have an unwavering desire. We don't

722
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 2: dance or play. We don't share intimate thoughts, feelings, or secrets.

723
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: We don't read together or talk about anything all that deep.

724
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 2: It's pretty casual, routine, funny, ha ha ha. Our last

725
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 2: anniversary was at a picnic table at a local park

726
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: with bandanas, barbecue takeout.

727
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 7: You're twenty five, it's okay to break up and go

728
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 7: out and find someone else.

729
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, you've got plenty of time because if.

730
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 7: You're coming home and your partner's not you know, encouraging you,

731
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 7: Like Angie and I were always like encouraging each other

732
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 7: to like, you know, be awesome, do what we want

733
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 7: to do, and that, Yeah, if that's not there and

734
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 7: you're just like always drained or.

735
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 5: Just like because really, all a relationship is is hanging out.

736
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 5: You're just hanging out with each other. That's like, really,

737
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 5: that's what it is. You get to hang out and

738
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 5: then you get to you know, have certain intimacy that

739
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 5: you want, and you get to love each other and

740
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 5: all that kind of stuff. But at the end of

741
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 5: the day, you're just spending time together, you know. And

742
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 5: it sounds like they don't even like hanging out with

743
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:26,439
Speaker 5: each other.

744
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 2: I begged him for months to plan something special, but

745
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 2: there were no flowers, no thought, no intention put into it.

746
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 2: Literally take out at a park. Grateful, I promise, I promise.

747
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 2: I am a grateful You don't have to be. You

748
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 2: can't be upset. Yeah, granted, I told him a cute

749
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 2: picnic and even sent a Pinterest board. But I'm just

750
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: frustrated because that's not a cute picnic. It's two friends

751
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 2: eating barbecue at a table. Yeah, I'm just frustrated. I

752
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,760
Speaker 2: want to be married. I love him, but I also

753
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: feel like he is wrong for me. Like all the

754
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,760
Speaker 2: things that make me feel special, he doesn't do wait

755
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 2: what he is very acts of service oriented, So dishes

756
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 2: are folding laundry, but it's like household stuff, nothing unique

757
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 2: or special or romantic. Okay, So clearly the solution is

758
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 2: leave this man and experiment with women. Honestly, because you've

759
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 2: brought it up multiple times that it's something you really

760
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 2: want to explore and see if he's a thing for you. Yeah,

761
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 2: now you feel like you can't do it.

762
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 5: Time perfect, time.

763
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 2: You got nothing but time. Now after you leave this guy.

764
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 2: I really appreciate that he pays our rent and his

765
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 2: bills on time, and he is my best friend, truly,

766
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 2: but there is no romance. He will pinch a front airbag,

767
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: but no intimacy. We work in a lot of ways,

768
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 2: are you sure, but not in bed. And I hate

769
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 2: his family. I don't know what to do. I have

770
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 2: spicy needs I want to explore as well, but our

771
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 2: lives are so intertwined. I want marriage, I want a hot,

772
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 2: steamy hookup. I want to be desired. I want to

773
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 2: be stood up for and to be a priority. Please help,

774
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 2: want to ruin my life, but there's so much to

775
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 2: unpack here. See ooh it's such a oh man, if

776
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,760
Speaker 2: your life would become so much better.

777
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, be hard for a little bit, but that's all.

778
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: It's crazy that you said all this stuff that you

779
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 2: want that you can't get right now unless you do

780
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 2: the thing where you break up. But you're also equating

781
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 2: that to ruining your life. So close again, given how

782
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 2: the dating pool is, being a blue dot in a

783
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: sea of red makes it very hard for me to

784
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 2: hope there will be other like minded, well intentioned people nearby.

785
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 2: That's a defeatist attitude. And the end of that story.

786
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 5: Oh pee, oh pee, it's just not right girl. You

787
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 5: know that, you know that it doesn't feel right. It

788
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,839
Speaker 5: you're looking for the bare minimum of cleaning up after

789
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 5: himself and like doing household chores to keep you to stay.

790
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,720
Speaker 5: But you know that it's just not right. He just doesn't.

791
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 5: You guys just aren't clicking. You gotta click. If you're

792
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 5: feeling this way five years in and you're trying to

793
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 5: you might spend the rest of your life together, because

794
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 5: that's that's the option. Spend the rest of your life

795
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:03,959
Speaker 5: together or breakup Right.

796
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 2: Now, that seems like the path OPE wants to be

797
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 2: on of lies. Yeah, it's like I want to be married.

798
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 2: So it's like that's Ope's really waiting to spend the

799
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: rest of their life with this partner and there is

800
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 2: just not reciprocated in any way, shape or form.

801
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I found multiple signs that my boyfriend cheated, but

802
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 5: he keeps denying it.

803
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 2: Are they like signs that say I cheated on them?

804
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 5: So this started Wednesday morning and I still haven't gotten

805
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 5: a straight answer or even any real acknowledgment. I thirty female,

806
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 5: have been dating my boyfriend, let's call him Dave, thirty

807
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 5: one male for two years. By the way, this comes

808
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 5: from Kueasy Spring forty thirty nine, and if you want

809
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

810
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 5: Okay storytime. Supreadit. So that morning I found a hair

811
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:54,919
Speaker 5: clip clipped to his dresser. Not mine, definitely not mine.

812
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 5: I have blonde, straight, wavy hair, and this hair was

813
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 5: dark and coarse. The clip had product on it. I

814
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,280
Speaker 5: don't wear that kind. I didn't bring it. I don't

815
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,760
Speaker 5: wear cream or gel products. I have never seen it before.

816
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 5: So I asked him, who's this this? His response yours,

817
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 5: with an angry tone. I said no. Then I guessed

818
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 5: maybe it belonged to his friend's girlfriend, who had been

819
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 5: over a long time ago. We'll call her Emily. I

820
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 5: even offered a text and asked her, and he went silent.

821
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 5: Then I followed up again and told him that it

822
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 5: wasn't hers and still got no real response, just I

823
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 5: don't know, and that was it. I asked for space

824
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 5: because I was confused and felt like this was really shady.

825
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 5: Since then, not a single word, total radio silence. He

826
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 5: didn't try to check in, didn't offer any theories, didn't

827
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 5: defend himself, didn't say he'd look into it. Nothing, dude.

828
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 5: I even called him. I was stranded and needed a

829
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 5: ride and he refused to pick me up what he

830
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 5: acted pissed off, like I was punishing him. He eventually

831
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 5: told me that i'd this and to get f out

832
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,760
Speaker 5: and shut the f up because he didn't do anything wrong.

833
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 5: His one defense via text after I left and said

834
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 5: I'm not letting this go was that it's not in

835
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 5: his character to do this. He doesn't have the time

836
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 5: or energy. Oh and this is the second time this

837
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 5: exact thing has happened. In October, I found a random

838
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 5: pair of panties, same deal, silence, denial, no explanation. I

839
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 5: chose to believe him. Then after we did a session

840
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,319
Speaker 5: with my therapist, and now this just feels like deja vous,

841
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 5: with even less effort on his part to clear things up.

842
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 5: It's been seventy two hours. If he were innocent, wouldn't

843
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 5: he want to clear it up? Wouldn't he say something

844
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 5: right now? And just feels like he's avoiding it until

845
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 5: I either drop it or break up with him, And honestly,

846
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 5: I'm not sure which one he wants more So Reddit,

847
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 5: is this hair claw innocent or am I the a

848
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,919
Speaker 5: hole for being upset that he hasn't addressed this at all?

849
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 5: Or Is it fair to give someone a few days

850
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 5: of silence when they are processing? There isn't edits processing

851
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 5: or hiding. Yeah, yeah, I don't think you need to

852
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 5: process this if someone's accusing you of cheating, when there's

853
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 5: like literal evidence like this, Yeah, I don't think there's

854
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 5: much to like process. But anyway, we've gotten EDI's You're amazing. Thanks, right,

855
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 5: dang you guys. Okay, I feel like a dumb butt,

856
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 5: but I will say I literally called the therapist on

857
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 5: speaker when I found the panties, and she asked me

858
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 5: three questions. One, what does your gut say? It said nothing, Well,

859
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 5: no weird vibes or clues about cheating. Two has he

860
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 5: been acting suspiciously or weird? No? Three, you've forgiven it

861
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 5: more with less evidence. So if you didn't feel it

862
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 5: in your gut and nothing is off, so do you

863
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 5: want to hang your hat on this gray area? And

864
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 5: I ultimately decided no. I literally couldn't believe it, so

865
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 5: I didn't. After I saw a few dozens he's cheating comments,

866
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 5: I told him that he needed to move out. He

867
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 5: has a gaming room with a bed with a bed

868
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 5: in my house. That's why he was telling me to

869
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 5: get the f out. It was his room. Both of

870
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 5: my cameras were unplugged by him, and one was disabled

871
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 5: because he changed the Wi Fi. He said that I'm

872
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 5: pathetic he has no idea where the clip came from

873
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 5: and would tell me if he did, and genuinely thought

874
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 5: that I'd just accept that, say I trust you and

875
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 5: let it go. He said that I must have borrowed

876
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 5: it for my friend when I went out on Tuesday.

877
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 5: I did not, and she doesn't have that hair type.

878
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 5: When I brought this up eight short months after the panties,

879
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 5: he said I had nothing to do with either. I

880
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 5: guess I'm genuinely a dumbbut and gullible. Thanks guys, pray

881
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,839
Speaker 5: for me if there is an edit to the edit.

882
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 5: The people who said that they'd react if I accused

883
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 5: them if and they were innocent. His lack of trying

884
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 5: to figure out where these two items came from, or

885
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 5: even just the clip this time, and Adam in denial

886
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 5: just saying he'd never do that, is messing with me.

887
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 5: He's starting to pack up, but I'm wondering if I'm

888
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 5: looking past something the whole reason I've even made this post.

889
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 5: Does this make anything make more sense. Should I have

890
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 5: taken this response and let it go. Am I losing it?

891
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 5: Trying to still find a way to believe it could

892
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 5: be innocent? His original defense, And I'm saying this as

893
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 5: clearly as I can. I didn't cheat, not now, not ever,

894
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 5: on everything I love, including you. I swear that no

895
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 5: one else has been here in my bed or in

896
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 5: this house with me like that. I don't have the

897
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 5: energy for it, and more importantly, I wouldn't do that

898
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 5: to you. I spend all my free time gaming. And

899
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 5: the only reasonable time that you that that could have

900
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 5: happened is yesterday when you were gone all day and

901
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 5: you saw the state of me when you got here, greasy, unshowered,

902
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 5: and not exactly in a state where i'd hang out

903
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 5: with someone. I don't know how I can prove this

904
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 5: to you, but I will. You've got nothing to worry about,

905
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 5: promise that on God. And you're the last person I'd

906
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 5: try to sneak having someone hereby. You're too intelligent and

907
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 5: hypervigilant and in touch with your intuition and observe it

908
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 5: and all other things. You'd feel it and know it

909
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 5: even if there was no evidence, and I'd have and

910
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 5: I have an unbearingly overwhelming guilty conscience, so I couldn't

911
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 5: lie to you, just not.

912
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 2: Me, Yeah, sure, yeah, And then and then it's I'm sorry,

913
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 2: you might as well have just put And by the way,

914
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 2: they just passed a law where it's illegal for me

915
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 2: to lie, which means I would never do it, which

916
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,720
Speaker 2: means I've never done it. Yeah, so actually you owe

917
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 2: me dinner.

918
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 5: But my reply, I really just need some space and

919
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 5: time to think. I can't think of anyone who is

920
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 5: in our circle and has that texture and curl of hair.

921
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 5: That clip wasn't there when I tried turning your light

922
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 5: on just the other day. I also looked for baseball

923
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 5: caps in your dresser the day I wore the bucket hat.

924
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 5: It wasn't then either. So I just am having a

925
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 5: hard time wrapping my head around what's happened here. There

926
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 5: is an update. I've barely slept since the most recent incident.

927
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 5: This morning, at seven thirty am, he came into my

928
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 5: room and apologized tearfully. He said he was sorry for

929
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,839
Speaker 5: being so angry, and explained that his explosive reactions come

930
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 5: from deeper trauma. He was bullied in seventh grade for

931
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 5: something he didn't do again in ninth grade, by the

932
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 5: entire school and later by nurses at his job when

933
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 5: someone lied about one of his patients and he ended

934
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 5: up being bullied. That environment too.

935
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: Saw us immediately saw some a victim. You can't actually

936
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 2: do this. I'm a victim and you're wrong or even

937
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 2: saying business.

938
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 5: This man is thirty and he's saying, I'm sorry for

939
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 5: yelling at you, telling you to get the of your home.

940
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 5: It's just my room. Yeah, it's because I was bullied

941
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 5: when I was in seventh grade.

942
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got bullied as a child, so that's I can't. Yeah.

943
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 5: He's like, let me just look for any sort of

944
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 5: reason that this woman can be sorry for me right now,

945
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 5: and let's bring that up and then she'll probably forgive

946
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 5: me that way.

947
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 2: Probably she's so pathetic. Just leave, just leave, just own

948
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 2: up to it and say, yeah, I did that. So

949
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 2: this is probably not gonna work. Huh.

950
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 5: He said his anger is rooted in that same feeling

951
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 5: being quote punished for something he didn't do. He admitted

952
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 5: that he can't prove he didn't cheat, but said if

953
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 5: I checked his gaming activity from that day, it would

954
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 5: show that he was online for nearly sixteen hours. He said,

955
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 5: I'd know if something happened that I would smell the sheets.

956
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 5: I reminded him that the last time this happened, right

957
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 5: before my grandma's funeral, he hadn't changed the sheets then either.

958
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 5: His response, we weren't dating. I replied, my point is

959
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 5: you're capable, and he said it's different now. As for

960
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 5: the cameras being down conveniently during the time I was gone,

961
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 5: and both items appeared. He said the Wi Fi modem

962
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,799
Speaker 5: was changed because he was setting up the soundbar and

963
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 5: didn't realize it disconnected the security system.

964
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 2: That's like a worse line than being like, oh I heard.

965
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 2: I looked it up and there was like a solar

966
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,439
Speaker 2: flare that happened, and I think it just knocked out

967
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: the Wi Fi in our.

968
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 5: House, our house when you were gone. Yeah, just yesterday

969
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 5: when you were gone. And then suddenly, oh my gosh,

970
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 5: these magical items disappeared.

971
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

972
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,359
Speaker 5: I don't know whose they are. They just appeared here.

973
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 5: I told him again, he's asking me to let go

974
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 5: of all logic and just believe him despite past situations,

975
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:53,240
Speaker 5: ship behavior, conflicting stories, and too many coincidences. I said,

976
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 5: you're asking me to close my eyes and pretend I

977
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 5: didn't see what I found. He said he's reached out

978
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 5: to a counselor he used to see, which I had

979
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 5: asked him to do earlier in the conversation, because his

980
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,800
Speaker 5: anger response is not normal. I told him, I still

981
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 5: need more time to think. I can't let the clip

982
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 5: and panties go. I literally watch crime shows for fun.

983
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 5: I need evidence to believe someone's innocent when logic and

984
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 5: context suggest otherwise. I'm not trying to punish him by

985
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 5: still having him move out, but I can't just silence

986
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 5: my instincts either. So yeah, that's where I'm at, still

987
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 5: being gas lit, loll. I was really starting to question

988
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,919
Speaker 5: myself because he ignored me for so long and didn't

989
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 5: address any direct questions, et cetera. Then my second thought

990
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 5: is the way he reacted should be a deal breaker

991
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 5: in itself, regardless of his trauma. And that is absolutely true.

992
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 2: Gress oh my yes, yes, oh my god.

993
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 5: And that I think pissed me off the most out

994
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,360
Speaker 5: of all this crap, cheating and everything that pissed me

995
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 5: off the most, that pissed me on the most. He's

996
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 5: coming to you crying and apologizing not for like I

997
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,839
Speaker 5: don't know, him ruining your trust or something like that,

998
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 5: or like, you know, trying to see you know, wimy,

999
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 5: why don't she trust me?

1000
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: Like?

1001
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 5: Can we work on this? He came in crying.

1002
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 2: So, oh, I'm just a little baby.

1003
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 5: And I'm sorry I yelled at you, which is such

1004
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 5: such crappy behavior. She's right, that is something to leave

1005
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 5: all in itself, even if he didn't cheat. And he's like, oh, you.

1006
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 8: Have to forgive me because I was only crying because

1007
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 8: when you said that, I uh, like when you said

1008
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 8: this and this, I felt like I was being punished

1009
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 8: and all these people were punishing me in the past.

1010
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 5: But she knows, she she knows, she knows.

1011
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1012
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1013
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1014
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 5: Our baby's skin turned different. Now my husband is accusing

1015
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 5: me of cheating different how he twenty six female and

1016
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 5: my significant other twenty nine Maile just had our first baby.

1017
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,240
Speaker 5: We are we are over the moon when we discovered

1018
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 5: the pregnancy and we were both really excited to have

1019
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 5: a child together. We want or wanted to get married

1020
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 5: next year. And everything was going great. We were happy.

1021
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,839
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from a wrong raised baby throw.

1022
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 5: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

1023
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay story time sepreaded. So we both

1024
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 5: look very white, pale skin, blue eyes, brown and blonde hair. However,

1025
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 5: my great great grandpa was black, and some of his

1026
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 5: features have popped up here and there in our family

1027
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 5: kinky hair, darker skin, and more black looking facial characteristics.

1028
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,799
Speaker 5: My significant other knows this and has seen some of

1029
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 5: my adults and uncles and cousins who have these features. I, however,

1030
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 5: don't have any myself, and neither does my mom. Our

1031
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 5: daughter was born five days ago, and I guess she

1032
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 5: just got all the dormant jeans in me because she's

1033
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 5: really dark skinned compared to us, with really curly hair.

1034
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 5: I think she's adorable. But my significant other flipped. He

1035
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 5: accused me of cheating, that the baby couldn't possibly be his.

1036
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 5: I've never given him a reason to suspect me of infidelity,

1037
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 5: and I've certainly never cheated. We argued about it. I

1038
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 5: pointed at all my cousins and other relatives who have

1039
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 5: black features, but he absolutely refused to listen and said

1040
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 5: our daughter looked too black for that to be a

1041
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 5: plausible explanation. He stormed out of the hospital, sent me

1042
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 5: a text an hour later that we were over, and

1043
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 5: when I got home from the hospital the next day,

1044
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,280
Speaker 5: he wasn't there and most of his personal belongings were gone.

1045
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 5: I tried to reach him, but he didn't answer my

1046
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 5: texts or calls until three days later, when he told

1047
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 5: me that he demanded a paternity test to prove that

1048
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 5: I was a liar, and if I refuse, I'll never

1049
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 5: see him again. I'm completely broken down and hurt over this.

1050
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 5: For our entire relationship, He's been so sweet and rational.

1051
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 5: This is completely unlike him. If he'd just calmly asked

1052
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 5: for our paternity test to begin with, I would have

1053
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 5: been hurt, but I guess I could understand the concerns.

1054
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 5: Our daughter looks nothing like him. But I don't think

1055
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,320
Speaker 5: our relationship can survive this. Even when I proved to

1056
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 5: him I wasn't lying. Should I go through the test

1057
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 5: or just cut my losses here and raise her alone?

1058
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 5: And there is an edit to I decided to get

1059
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 5: the test done. I'll update you all when I get

1060
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 5: the results. I'm still angry, but I guess I I

1061
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 5: understand him a bit better now there are some relevant

1062
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 5: comments f racism. Throwaway says, that's your decision to make. However,

1063
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 5: in your situation, I would do the paternity test either way.

1064
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 5: If you decide to leave him, it's a nice big

1065
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,879
Speaker 5: f you to him, and if you decide to stay,

1066
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 5: he gets his peace of mind. It's a win win situation. Really,

1067
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 5: I'd be hurt as f if my significant other accused

1068
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:25,280
Speaker 5: me of cheating, even though I've never shown any signs fit. However,

1069
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 5: I don't know how i'd react if I had a

1070
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 5: white girlfriend and the baby came out black. This is

1071
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 5: probably a one in a million type of situations, so

1072
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 5: I really can't say anything else about it.

1073
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 4: It's not it's not a one in a million type

1074
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 4: situations like baby's not black has like it's seemingly like

1075
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 4: more affrocentric features because Ope's family does exactly.

1076
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 5: It's like, this isn't just a situation where like the

1077
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 5: whole family is white all like that. You know, sure

1078
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 5: I would, I would raise some eyebrows at that, but but.

1079
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 4: Like this, wait, let's look at Ope's and hire a

1080
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:03,399
Speaker 4: family and be like right, oh yeah, I can see

1081
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,839
Speaker 4: where those features. It's like, you know, being like having

1082
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 4: to like you're married to a person that has completely

1083
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 4: straight hair, and you all say straight hair, but your

1084
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:14,760
Speaker 4: entire family is curly hair, right, and then your kid

1085
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 4: has curly hair and the husband's are how does.

1086
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 5: The kid off curly hair right? Or like red hair

1087
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 5: or something like that and the parents don't have red hair.

1088
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 5: It's like Skip's generations. Guys, come on, let's do some

1089
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 5: We can just do a little haha about this and

1090
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 5: be like, oh wow, haha, Yeah, it doesn't look anything

1091
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:34,399
Speaker 5: like me, ah, but it's still my child. Blue Claw

1092
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 5: says that you're going to need a DNA test for

1093
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 5: child sport, so you may as well get one. Now

1094
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 5: what you choose to do about the relationship is up

1095
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:42,760
Speaker 5: to you, but you're going to need the child sport.

1096
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 5: Ope responds, Wow, I've been so caught up in this

1097
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 5: whole drama and taking care of the baby that I

1098
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 5: hadn't even thought about child support. You're right, I'll get

1099
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,320
Speaker 5: the test done, if only to make sure that the

1100
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 5: baby gets the best life possible. Burns Noticed says people

1101
00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 5: are surprisingly ignorant of how genetics work. Anyway, get the

1102
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 5: paternity tested just for his peace of mind, but understand

1103
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:07,879
Speaker 5: that your relationship is irreparably broken and that he may

1104
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 5: sadly never show your daughter the sort of love or

1105
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 5: affection a father should show his child. This is a

1106
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 5: heartbreaking situation. I feel most for the baby and you,

1107
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 5: of course, but that little girl is going to face

1108
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 5: a lot of challenges in life looking like a black

1109
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 5: child to white parents. Talk to your more black looking

1110
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 5: relatives about this, and do research on how to talk

1111
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 5: to your daughter about her ancestry and prepare her for

1112
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 5: some of the more stupid, bigoted, ridiculous things that people

1113
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 5: are bound to say. Opie responds, Yeah, I imagine things

1114
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 5: are gonna be hard for her, but at least she

1115
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 5: has a loving mom and a family who can relate

1116
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,240
Speaker 5: to her. I just hope my boyfriend or my ex

1117
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 5: I don't even know anymore will come around and treat

1118
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 5: her with the respect that he couldn't afford to give me.

1119
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 5: And Opie makes a comment on her family history. For

1120
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 5: generations back, my great grandpa and all her siblings look

1121
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 5: really black, my grandma less. So my mom's generation is

1122
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 5: the first to have completely white looking kids, and I

1123
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 5: don't think so my friends joke that my butt is

1124
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 5: so big that I must have inherited that. But I

1125
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 5: don't think big butts are an actual racial trait, just

1126
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 5: more of a stereotype. Plenty of white girls with big booties.

1127
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 5: And there is an update of five days later.

1128
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 4: Ooh ee, I'm happen that. I well, I think what

1129
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:21,760
Speaker 4: should happen? They stay divorced. They're like, they get divorced

1130
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 4: because this is not something that you can come back

1131
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 4: too easily or come back from easily. Yeah, and he

1132
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 4: finds out that this kid is his, and he's like

1133
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,920
Speaker 4: so overcome with guilt. Yeah, that he was like, I'm

1134
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 4: gonna raise this child properly.

1135
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, he would have to do so much effort to

1136
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:46,280
Speaker 5: to like earn my trust back after he just accused

1137
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 5: me of not trusting me, you know, to like make

1138
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:52,759
Speaker 5: me forgive him. He would have to do so much.

1139
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 4: I don't even know at this point. For me, I'm like,

1140
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 4: I'm not even like, oh I would forgive it. I

1141
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 4: just want him to parent his kid, right right, that's

1142
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 4: like ye ideal? Yeah, So updates five days later.

1143
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:06,520
Speaker 5: Hey, guys, First of all, I want to thank all

1144
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 5: the original commentars who helped me see my significant other

1145
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 5: side and calmed me down enough to take the test. Well,

1146
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 5: the results are in, and of course she is his.

1147
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 5: The whole process was absolutely ridiculous. I got an appointment

1148
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 5: with the doctor and texted significant other the time and location.

1149
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 5: He didn't answer, but showed up, and the entire time

1150
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,800
Speaker 5: he didn't say one word to me, and he didn't

1151
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 5: want to touch or even look at the baby and

1152
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 5: left as soon as they had taken a sample, despite

1153
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 5: the doctor asking him to stay so we could go

1154
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 5: over a few things. Once he left, I just broke down.

1155
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 5: And I must say the doctor was really nice, didn't

1156
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 5: judge me or accuse me of anything, just calm me,

1157
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:43,720
Speaker 5: went over how the test works and told me babies

1158
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 5: are often born darker than they actually end up being.

1159
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 5: Baby was an absolute champ, barely fussed when they drew

1160
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,280
Speaker 5: her blood. I got the results yesterday. I texted significant

1161
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:54,800
Speaker 5: other to the news and asked if he wanted to

1162
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,919
Speaker 5: come over and open it with me. After almost half

1163
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:01,399
Speaker 5: an hour, he finally responded, yes, he'd like to come over.

1164
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,919
Speaker 5: I'm thinking he either sent it while on his way

1165
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 5: or he's not staying very far away, because he was

1166
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 5: here in about fifteen minutes well, we opened it and

1167
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 5: read the positive test together. He turned white like a

1168
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 5: sheet and then just started bawling. I had to shush

1169
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 5: him because he was crying so loudly, And finally I

1170
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 5: got an explanation for his flipout. I mentioned in a

1171
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 5: comment on the old post that he was an only

1172
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 5: child to very old parents. His dad passed away a

1173
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 5: few years ago, and his mom lives alone a few

1174
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 5: hours drive from us. I haven't met her often, but

1175
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 5: she seems pleasant enough. Turns out, she hates me. She

1176
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 5: absolutely hates my guts and always has. I had no

1177
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 5: idea about this. She's always acted kind of snobby, sure,

1178
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 5: but I had no idea that she disliked me this much.

1179
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 5: When significant other called her to tell her the good

1180
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 5: news eight months back when we discovered the pregnancy, she

1181
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 5: started crying. And he never told me this, And as

1182
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 5: the months passed, she continued being super negative about the

1183
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 5: whole thing and saying that she doubted the baby was

1184
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:00,240
Speaker 5: actually his. I was below them. Poor people cheat because

1185
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 5: they were raised in ft up environment.

1186
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 2: What the F?

1187
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, he's okay, I'm I'm calling your in. I mean,

1188
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 4: I can see where this is going, Yeah, he's gonna

1189
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 4: tell her pee. Well, my mother, you know, she she

1190
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 4: spent months telling me that you would cheat on me.

1191
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 4: And then I saw the baby and the baby wasn't

1192
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 4: what I expected the baby to look like, and I just.

1193
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,359
Speaker 5: Snapped, I don't care.

1194
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:21,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1195
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 4: Sorry. If my family, if I had a family member

1196
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 4: who was going on and on and saying terrible things

1197
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 4: about my partner who I was having a child with.

1198
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:33,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd be like, uh, I'm not gonna talk to

1199
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 5: you anymore. Yeah, yeah, sorry, none of this makes me

1200
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 5: understand him, no, or maybe maybe I understand Yeah what

1201
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 5: he sayss it not at all.

1202
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 2: Not.

1203
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 4: I'd be like, oh, okay, So you listen to your

1204
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:48,839
Speaker 4: mother for months while she just spewed vitriol at me, right,

1205
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 4: and it didn't even stand up for me. Yeah, and

1206
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 4: then when you saw the baby, instead of talking to me,

1207
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 4: you believe your mom, right, you believe that I could

1208
00:56:58,560 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 4: possibly cheat on you.

1209
00:56:59,640 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 2: You can.

1210
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 4: I believe mommy every time, Come on, every time something

1211
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,479
Speaker 4: comes up about me. You're gonna believe mommy.

1212
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 5: Why you poor victim? You poor victim. And instead of

1213
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:09,919
Speaker 5: talking to me about this significant other, kept silent while

1214
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 5: constantly doubting me more and more. Baby being Black just

1215
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 5: put the final nail in the coffin that his mother

1216
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 5: was right and I was good for nothing, cheating witch.

1217
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 5: After telling me all of this, we just sat in

1218
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 5: silence for a while. Finally he asked if he could

1219
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 5: hold the baby. I was still angry as heck, but

1220
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 5: decided that holding her was his right. He's her father,

1221
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 5: after all. I went and got her from her crib,

1222
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 5: let him have her, and he started crying again, which

1223
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 5: scared her and she started crying too, so they were

1224
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 5: just sitting there bawling together for a while. Finally he stopped,

1225
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 5: handed her back and asked if he could come home.

1226
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 5: I was kind of taken aback. I didn't expect him

1227
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 5: to just flat out ask that already. I laid out

1228
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 5: everything I said in the last thread, how insanely disrespectful

1229
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 5: and childish she had been, how he'd horribly broken my

1230
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 5: trust and hadn't talked to me about his mom's poisonous

1231
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 5: and ignorant comments, completely ignores me for three days, not

1232
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 5: telling me where he is or if he's even alive,

1233
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,439
Speaker 5: and then he just waltzes in and wants to start

1234
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 5: living here again. I told him if he ever wanted

1235
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 5: to have some inkling of a chance of mending the relationship,

1236
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 5: we had to go to couple's therapy asap. And from

1237
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 5: now on he will answer my calls and messages unless

1238
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 5: he has an emergency and can't. He will not be

1239
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:23,240
Speaker 5: staying here for a while. And finally, he needs to

1240
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:26,360
Speaker 5: tell his mom to bag the f off. And there

1241
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 5: is a little bit more into the story. I like

1242
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 5: that she's setting some boundary too. I would be so pissed.

1243
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 5: I would be so mad.

1244
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 4: Yes, dude, oh okay, I do appreciate that she's not

1245
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 4: letting him off easy. She's like, you're not staying here

1246
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 4: for a minute, and you have to put up all

1247
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 4: these boundaries with your mom.

1248
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 5: Yeah uh yeah, Like, no, this is what you did wrong,

1249
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 5: This is what you did draw, Like the entire past

1250
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 5: few days had been terrible and you need to fix that.

1251
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 4: And also I think he needs to do some like

1252
00:58:57,360 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 4: inner self work because he had a lot of thoughts

1253
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 4: on his baby daughter about her race and like how

1254
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 4: she looked, and I feel like you need to really

1255
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 4: really question your internal biases. Yeah, because you're about to

1256
00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 4: parent a child who does look darker than you. And

1257
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 4: there are like that comments said, there are going to

1258
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,800
Speaker 4: be people who question that, people who make comments about her.

1259
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 4: Do you know how to take care of her hair,

1260
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 4: because it seems she is curly hair.

1261
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 5: You know, like you have to be on top of this.

1262
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you already let.

1263
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 4: Your biases take you away from your newborn daughter. But

1264
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 4: there is a little bit more to the story. He

1265
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 4: immediately agreed and finally told me how sorry he was

1266
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 4: for this whole fiasco. I'm not sure if I can

1267
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: forgive him for this, but I'm gonna try. We had

1268
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 4: an amazing life before this, and I hope that with

1269
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 4: a lot of work.

1270
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 5: We can have it again. My significant other also finally

1271
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 5: told me that he was staying in a hostel, but

1272
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 5: it's not very expensive, so he can stay there for

1273
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 5: a while longer. The baby is doing great, considering how

1274
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:00,360
Speaker 5: many stress hormones she must have been drinking from me

1275
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:03,480
Speaker 5: these last few days. Her hair is falling out, but

1276
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 5: the doctor told me that it was normal and babies

1277
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 5: often lose most or all of the hair that they're

1278
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 5: born with. I'm hoping her new hair will grow and blonde.

1279
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 5: That would make her even cuter. Thank you all for

1280
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 5: your help on the last thread, and my mom agreed

1281
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 5: with many of you and thinks I'm absolutely nuts for

1282
01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 5: trying to work things out, but I think it'd be

1283
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 5: best for everyone if we at least give it a shot,

1284
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 5: especially the baby. And that is the end of that story.