Speaker 1: Don't answer the phone. Elvis Durand. Elvis Durand's phone tab.
Speaker 1: Here we go, a phone tab. An old friend coming
Speaker 1: to visit us again. Scary, Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Francis wants the phone tap her dad, Sydney. Sydney is
Speaker 2: retired and sits home all day, and when telemarketers call him,
Speaker 2: he doesn't hang up right away. Instead, he engages them
Speaker 2: in conversation and he messes with them. Oh no, so
Speaker 2: she thought this could make a great scenario for a
Speaker 2: phone tap using my Michael Oppenheimer character. Look, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm surprised people don't recognize this Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 1: God, but sometimes I don't like this guy. Here we go,
Speaker 1: Scary's phone tap. Oh yes, good morning. This is mister
Speaker 1: Michael Oppenheimer with Cockburn's port wine. How are you doing today, sir?
Speaker 3: I'm doing fine.
Speaker 1: How are you? Who you? My name is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 1: I know you well, you're getting to know me as
Speaker 1: we speak right now. Yeah, you're at a list of
Speaker 1: people to be called today about it? Yes?
Speaker 3: How can you get that list?
Speaker 1: We understand that you enjoy wine. The Cockburns family have
Speaker 1: vineyards for years where purveyors of fine port.
Speaker 3: She changed the name of your wine. It's allows your name, sir.
Speaker 1: I'm here to just sell it. I don't make those decisions.
Speaker 3: So smuckers did a great job with jelly Cockburn wine.
Speaker 1: You could look us up.
Speaker 3: I will look you up. Never heard of you.
Speaker 1: Cockburn's fine tawny port pairs beautifully with nuts. Holy you
Speaker 1: really are real.
Speaker 3: That's weird. I never heard of you.
Speaker 1: So anyway, we could have three bottles of your choice
Speaker 1: sent over to you.
Speaker 3: Free bottles.
Speaker 1: No, no, three bottles, that's bottle.
Speaker 3: Oh you said free. I'll take the free wine.
Speaker 1: For just sixty nine ninety nine. So it sounds like
Speaker 1: I'm not interested. So I'm not gonna well make somebody
Speaker 1: in your wine.
Speaker 3: I mean, even though you're online, I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: You're an online wine.
Speaker 3: I don't want to wine at you, but but please
Speaker 3: get off my line. I don't want to talk to
Speaker 3: you anymore.
Speaker 1: Don't you have any special occasions coming over?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm not in your family barbecue.
Speaker 3: Leave me alone.
Speaker 1: Okay, is it someone's birthday?
Speaker 3: Hang on you?
Speaker 1: Nothing is like giving the gift of cock.
Speaker 3: Don't you understand playing English? Hello?
Speaker 1: Guess. Good morning. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Cockburn's
Speaker 1: port wine.
Speaker 3: Michael, Michael, we've already spoken. I'm not interested in your
Speaker 3: didn't let me finish, sir, No, no, no, I don't. I'm
Speaker 3: not interested. I look you up online.
Speaker 1: Secret.
Speaker 3: Oh you're a real thing, even though the name sucks.
Speaker 3: Leave me alone, okay, stop calling me.
Speaker 1: The secret to Cockburn's great taste is in the seasoned
Speaker 1: wood from the barrels. Its story isn't.
Speaker 3: Wood in the barrel, you know what. Get yourself in
Speaker 3: the barrel and drown yourself in your conturnt rye dad,
Speaker 3: I don't want to pomp to you.
Speaker 1: Hello, good morning, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with.
Speaker 3: Cock I'm about to do something. Don't go, boy, okay,
Speaker 3: just doesn't.
Speaker 1: It makes the perfect party pairings. Your guests will swallow
Speaker 1: every drop. It's a pretty stiff drink.
Speaker 3: Just flushing the door, I had to see.
Speaker 1: Imagine the look on their faces when they open the
Speaker 1: door and you're standing there with the Cockburns in your hand.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine anything except.
Speaker 1: Punching you in the nose from its sleek, beautiful bottle.
Speaker 1: The second, the second.
Speaker 3: Boat boat white or red or bitch together and t
Speaker 3: is pink. I won't drink it. I don't care about
Speaker 3: the barrels. I don't care about the bottles or the labels.
Speaker 1: Your guests will want some more when.
Speaker 3: You're guess I don't have guests. Nobody comes to my home,
Speaker 3: Nobody calls me except you.
Speaker 1: Everyone around the table will be putting cockburns in their eyes.
Speaker 3: Shove it up your You don't even have the decency
Speaker 3: to have your number come across. I might call our ideas.
Speaker 1: Sixteen nine ninety nine. Just steal of a deal.
Speaker 3: This is this is that with your girlfriend while you're
Speaker 3: both drunk on your cockfront.
Speaker 1: Fly we do accept PayPal, sir, you.
Speaker 3: Do except PayPal. That's wonderful. Take your tap out on
Speaker 3: a date and get her drunk.
Speaker 1: Did you know that our wine has won awards?
Speaker 3: I don't give it.
Speaker 1: Raise your glass with me, pretend like you're holding a
Speaker 1: cockburns and take a sip with me.
Speaker 3: What did you do wrong in life? From the tone
Speaker 3: of your voice, you must be on mega doses of prozac.
Speaker 1: Can't you just taste these ripe grapes?
Speaker 3: You're calling me from a mental institution. You're in a
Speaker 3: straight jacket with a microphone around your head. This is
Speaker 3: all you can do with your life. You're an idiot.
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, you can return it.
Speaker 3: You don't call on ours and ask her for some
Speaker 3: more prozac.
Speaker 1: We'll get your money back.
Speaker 3: I'll put you to sleep, and you're just seen having
Speaker 3: this wonderful dream about calling people who don't exist. Do that, please,
Speaker 3: You'll save the world, sir.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you've already got a head started drinking.
Speaker 3: Hey, you know what, that's a great idea. Why don't
Speaker 3: you come over at your limousine and pick me up
Speaker 3: and drive me to drink. I don't want to hear
Speaker 3: it from you anymore, you pesthetic patient.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't have to hear much more of me
Speaker 1: because you've been phone tapped. Huh.
Speaker 2: My name is Scary Jones melvistran in the morning show,
Speaker 2: and your daughter Francis put us up to this.
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: We're a radio show, radio show. Yeah, driving me nuts
Speaker 1: with this life, yeah, Francis.
Speaker 2: Why because Francis knows that you like to mess with
Speaker 2: all the marketers when they call ardy Elvis Durant phone
Speaker 2: tall